Plain Glass, Stained Glass with Pastor Chad Hovind 10/29/2025

Tom and Pastor Chad talk accountability and more.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We do it every single Wednesday.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
We get together with our buddy pastor Chad, the lead
pastor at the Horizon Community Church in Newtown, right on
the banks of the Little Miami River.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Good morning, sir, How are you today?

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Yeah, I'm doing great. How about yourself?

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Doing all right?

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Little rainy day, but had some wonderful crisp fall days
coming up to doesn't get night last couple of.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Weeks, absolutely, and it looks like we're gonna have some
good ones over the weekend after some rain today and
tomorrow and clearing up apparently tomorrow night. You know, in
the news a lot lately, and there was a big
story that's on going up in Waynesville, Ohio about a
man who's been an administrator there, a coach for forty
seven years, or an athletic director, and now all of

(00:44):
a sudden, people sort of I guess, for lack of
a better term, coming out of the woodwork some thirty
plus years later about inappropriate behavior. Whether it's true or not,
we don't know, but it is an ongoing big story
in Waynesville, and it brings to mind the role of
not only coaches but also parents. And you know, let's
start with parents because I heard a lengthy, uh what's

(01:09):
a word, a sermon for lack of a better term.
I think it was from Chip Ingram the other day
talking about, you know, structure in the household and closeness.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
So let's start with parents.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
It seems to me a lot of the parents that
I'm around right now, Chad Hoban want to be a
friend of their kids, can be friends of their young kids.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
Well, I guess it depends on how you define friendship.
I mean when I first had my kids, when I
were first born, my vision statement for my parenting was
a fifty year friendship with my kids. However, that doesn't
mean every stage you're accommodating to them or acting like
they are moral equal. But my goal is to raise
kids who would be you know, responsible adults, would have

(01:56):
the tools they need for that and have the emotional
closeness so that we would have a fifty year friendship.
So I'm not sure it's either or, But if you
define friendship as a lack of structure or lack of discipline,
that I'd say you're missing out. It was a study
in Minnesota years ago called the Minnesota Study, and they
rated on an X and y axis, what's needed for parenting,
for coaching, for mentoring, in any relationship, and that was

(02:19):
structure on the Y axis, and it was emotional closeness
on the X axis. And strangely, they found that parents
and coaches who had high emotional closeness I care about you,
I love you, I appreciate you, they had all emotional
closeness but no structure, no discipline, no calling to account,
no accountability. Strangely, the parents who had the most emotional

(02:43):
closeness but the least amount of structure, without any at all.
On the other side, they raised the most insecure kids,
which you think would be the opposite. Now, the other
contrast was those who had high discipline. I'm not listening
to your perspective. Your voice hasn't heard. I'm not trying
to understand the whole side, but just disciplined discipline, discipline.

(03:04):
I'm the authoritarian, I make the rules and you obey it.
Those parents raise the most rebellious children because they had
all that structure. But the minute that structure was gone, there,
out of there. And it's actually a little verse in
the Bible that says, where the law increases, send increases
even more. You've probably seen in your own life. You're
walking along on a path, suddenly you see a sign

(03:26):
that says stay off the grass. I wasn't even thinking
about stepping on the ground. Show that I see the sign,
I'm like, well, maybe I want to. So really the
key is not rules for rule's sake, But how do
you teach principles? I would say all the time, I
got a little inner rebel in me. I've never found
a rule I didn't want to break, but a principle

(03:47):
I don't want love. So part of coaching and part
of parenting is trying to teach this principle behind This
application is so important. It's important to your life. It's
going to serve you well. And so we want to
do is we want to combine emotional closeness and the
structure and discipline, because those who actually combine both of

(04:07):
those raise the most secure children. And same thing. In
a boss situation, you say, wow, my boss Ray loves me,
But man, this place is run an incompetent way. People
getting away with murder around here, and there's no accountability.
What you're calling for is some degree of structure increase.
Other times, you have a boss or situation where It's like, man,

(04:28):
you know this place is run well, but I think
I'm a cog in the wheel. No one cares about me,
No one asks about me, No one ever says anything
nice about my contribution except the once a year when
I do an annual review. So it's how do we
combine both those things? And I think if you are
a person who's been coached, you realize the benefit of coaching.
You know, whether your parent did well or coached well,

(04:48):
or the other side, you weren't coached well or you
weren't parented well. You felt the deficit of that. Man,
you know what I want to do better than what
was trusted to me. That's really what a coach does.
It creates a whole environm in a family, all environment
in an area of your company. Who can't control the
whole environment in your department, you see, I want to
coach people who can coach people to coach people. I

(05:12):
think I like a parenting. I want to coach my
kids so they end up being able to coach my grandkids,
so they can coach my great grandkids. It's a culture
of humility, it's a culture of teachability. I mean, I've
been a public speaker now for I don't know, forty
five years if you take the time back when I
was on stage and doing plays and stuff to be
a professional communicator, and every week I have six people

(05:35):
critique me because I watch my videos every single week,
because I want to be communicating and doing my best
work next week, next month, next year, not last week,
last month. But that requires humility. It's not well, you know,
I've got a covered bob. You know I've learned a lot,
but other people are going to see things I don't see.

(05:57):
Doesn't mean I always jump at all the feedback hundred percent,
but I want to be open to feedback. I want
to be open to other perspectives so that I can
be my best by having the proverb in the Bible
says iron sharpens iron, we need other people to sharpen
us unless we get dult.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
You know one word, and I've read that Minnesota study,
one word that seemed to creep into the conversation quite
a bit. That seemed to be, if not the most
important word in all of that. Now, I'm going to
talk specifically for a second and ask you about parenting
has to do with the word obedience and how you know, Look,

(06:37):
you're trying to raise your kids, and look, whether you're
a deeply spiritual person or not, is to get them
to understand. And this is where we see in society
so frequently now where either parents aren't doing it, parents
aren't around, and all of a sudden, kids just don't
understand the importance of obedience as they are growing up.

(07:00):
And then perhaps from a more spiritual standpoint than obedience
to how they live.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Is that fair? I think it's very fair.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
In fact, I always say, you don't break God's laws,
you discover them in the same way. It's not true
spiritual things, but you don't break the law of gravity.
You discover the law of gravity when you think a
step off of a building, And so the same way.
If a child doesn't learn that there is structure and
there's truth, and there are things that you need to
submit subordinate yourself too, then you're gonna be in trouble

(07:32):
because hey, I finally got rid of mom and dad. Well,
you still got a landlord. I've covered my landlord. Well,
I guess, but you still have roommates, you still have
a boss, you still have These are principles that apply
in every area of life. And if you think you
can circumvent reality like the hang glider can temporarily circumvent gravity,
but you're eventually going to go down. And so you

(07:53):
want to say, I'm teaching my children how to deal
with life. Part dealing with life is dealing with truth.
The part dealing with truth understanding I need to subordinate,
subordinate myself to the truth here. And so as a parent,
you want to teach first time obedience. Yes there's a
place for negotiation. Yes there's a place for appealing and
what we can talk about that too as a parent,

(08:14):
but we need to start with if dad or mom
tells you to do this, I want your first thing
you say is I'm going to do it. I'm going
to call you to first time obedience. Now, of course,
none of us are really good at that, and that's
why as a parent, you're a teacher. And I think
a lot of people think of themselves as you know,
generals or drill sergeants as parents, but the primary role

(08:34):
you want to see yourself as a teacher. So if
your child is not giving first time obedience, how can
I teach them that? How can I show what the
consequences that they don't but also lovingly teach what it
looks like. Then also say, now, when you're characterized by
first time obedience, there is a place to respectfully disagree,
but we don't teach that either. How what does it

(08:55):
look like to respectfully disagree? Well, after you say, dad,
I'll do it, it's okay. The next day an hour later
to come up and say can I talk to you
about something dead? Or even in the phrases we taught
our kids is can I appeal? Sometimes answer is no,
you can't, that's not on this one.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeap.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Other times it's yes, you can appeal. On this one,
I'm willing to listen. I'll give it a second listen.
And many times I came back and changed my mind.
I came back and apologized by the way I handled
it because I wanted to demonstrate to my kids not
only do I want them to be teachable, but I
want to be teachable, And so I think you can
combine both those things. The question you want to ask
yourself as a parent to coach a boss is am

(09:35):
I living an imitatable life? Like when people see how
I'm leading, how I'm acting, how I'm parenting with your kids,
say you know Dad's not perfect, but he owns it
when he's not. That's an imitatable life and that's what
a coach does.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
All right.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Before I let you go, though, I want to ask
you. You know, we get into vicious cycles, right, you know,
over and over. Okay, Let's I assume for a second
that you were a kid who didn't grow up with
a lot of these things. Maybe you didn't get a
lot of love, Maybe you didn't have a lot of structure.
How do you change that so when you become a
parent it's different.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
Well know, I just read a great story the other
day about the movie Maverick with Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson,
and mel Gibson kind of lost his temper on set
and and Jody took at this good chemistry. After you
saw Maverick, it was pretty cool. A little movie with
James Gardner and he gets all upset, and you know,
he comes back to the next shot and he knew
he'd stepped in it. And he bought her some flowers

(10:34):
and he wrote her a note and he said, I
was raised by a man who taught me to fight first,
but I'm trying to be a better man. I'm sorry
there's somebody who acknowledges I didn't come with all the
tools I needed, and certainly they'll give them to get
the whole train wreck of bad decisions. But he's trying
to make progress, and I think that's what you want
to do as a parent, to say it's not perfection.
I'm pursuing progress. And I tell you that grace goes

(10:57):
a long way. When you come back and your kids
for the first time in a long time here you say,
you know what, I could have handled that better. So like, oh,
my goodness, the klophone is going off and my dad's
answering it. The klupone is shrinking and my mom answered it.
Same thing you think with your kids. You're like, oh
my goodness, the son, the klophone has been ringing for
like six months. It's founding on your door. It's going

(11:19):
to be painful if you'll pick it up. So again,
you want to model the same thing. It's okay to
say I'm not good at this. Guys, you know I'm
not good at this. You watch me every day. But
I want to at least be better at this. And
you'd be amazed at the forgiveness and grace people give
each other when they realize you're at least trying to
aim in the right directions.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Great stuff as always, Pastor Chad Hoven. Can't thank you
enough for your time and hope you have a great
rest of your week and UH and thanks as always, sir,
great talking to you, sounds good talking Pastor Chad hole
and always great talking with him. Always incredible wisdom.