April 29, 2025 • 33 mins
In this episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay, the conversation centers on the power and importance of male relationships, the emotional weight of life transitions, and the ongoing process of healing. Dr. Jay is joined by special guest Lawrence Adjah for an intimate and insightful dialogue about the need for emotional connection among men, especially during moments of personal transformation and uncertainty.
Together, they reflect on the strength found in vulnerability, the role of brotherhood in fostering emotional growth, and the importance of cultivating safe spaces for men to express themselves authentically. The episode underscores that healing isn’t a destination—it’s a continuous, intentional journey rooted in restoration, accountability, and the courage to embrace change. Tune in and join the conversation in the socials below.
Rate, subscribe, comment and share.
Follow Just Heal on IG
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Jesshill with Doctor J, a production of the
Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I'm Doctor Jay,
and welcome back to another episode of Jesshill with Doctor
J powered by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Listen.
I'm excited about this episode today and excited about my guest,
(00:21):
my friend, my brother and YO to the NOWPS have
my good brother Lawrence Ajab here today. Listen. This brother here,
his list of accolades, his list of achievements, and his titles.
Man really supersede who this brother is. But I think
(00:41):
he's one of the greatest facilitators and one of the
greatest communicators that I've ever witnessed on this side of heaven.
And I say this because I had a great opportunity
of traveling the country with Lawrence. We traverse this country
for three years, thirty six cities, eighteen thousand men with
the Just Here Bro tour Man. So I want to say, brother,
(01:03):
welcome to Just here, Man with with with with with me,
Doctor J. Man, I'm just so excited to have you
brother as a guest. Man and brother this I'm smiling
from in to here, brother, because you know what I'm
saying we still shoulder the shoulder on the stage man
for three years, and now the city shoulder to shoulder.
(01:23):
Man is awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Brother, Man, it is a great honor to be with you,
and I'm so grateful that you've been placed with blessed
with the space. But you talk about all of the
stages that we've been on. But you know, one of
the greatest things I remember about our relationship is how
it even started. I remember in that lobby in the
hotel and it was like one am, two am, and
(01:45):
we were just talking about life, and I said, Man,
beyond all that, I'm so grateful, man, So thank you
for my fan.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, man, brother, listen, I I you know I could
not do what we did for the past three years
without your mat rating ability and your ability to facilitate
these conversations with these men on the communications, on relationships,
on vulnerability, and then challenging these men to lock arms. Man.
(02:13):
You know, the one thing that I want viewers to
walk away with when they listen and when they watch
these episodes and these encounters as what I'm calling it,
is to see healing within a conversation and to experience
healing in the dialogue. When we met I had never
(02:34):
heard of you, and Hope sent me something. She says, Hey,
I think you should look up this brother, Lawrence Aji.
And the first thing I thought was, man, this is
one of the sharpest dude I've known. And you know,
for those who don't know, Lawrence went to Harvard, was
one of the first on Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg's your classmate.
And you talk a lot about digital loanliness and we'll
(02:56):
get into that, man, But just to who connect with
you as a brother man was something that was profound
because that's not something brothers do after the age of
thirty five.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Note at all. Man, It's interesting. I mean, I think
both of us kind of relate to this only son syndrome.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I got three sisters, and I think unconsciously what I
saw in my life. Parents came from Nigeria late seventies,
moved from Brooklyn, New York, to Piscattow in New Jersey.
You're coming up just trying to figure things out. And
as a family, I'm coming up in a household where
it's me, my dad, my sisters, and I are clothes.
But you know, as a young man, you kind of
have to make your own way, figured things out, make
(03:36):
your own way, so you ain't. But I think the
fact they'll become like a loner without even knowing it.
And I think, particularly when you get older, you have
more responsibilities. If you're blessed to have, you know, a family,
or if you're blessed to have a mission that has
you consume fully. You know, sometimes the limited time you
have left you just trying to sleep, you want to
(03:56):
find some sort of reclamation of Time's thing that you
often are thinking about is like, man, I don't want
to build with these brothers, because brothers, I all know,
we generally utilitarian, especially coming in your twenties. It's like,
it's not about women or money. This ain't important.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's not it's not. And when you think about brothers
being utilitarian and brothers only being one dimensional in most cases,
how important is it for men to diversify themselves in
the relational capacity? And I'm not talking about being in
relationship with or should I say a loving relationship, but
(04:36):
building platonic friendships and relationship with other men brothers.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
It's real. I mean, I think one of the gifts
of the work I'm able to do, I kind of
I love relationships. I was called to help people establish
and strengthen the most important relationships with God, with other people,
and with themselves, mind and body. I get the privilege,
like many you know ministers of the Gospel, to do funerals.
And the picture I have in is the distinctions in
(05:02):
contrast between so many of the funerals that I've done
and presided over. You see those funerals when it gets
to the remark section and you got lines out the door,
and each of them is telling a story about the
part of you they shared. Man, I remember when he
showed up, when such and such happened. Man, I remember,
oh man, we went and saw that fight. If you
(05:22):
share no part of yourself with anybody, at the end
of your life, there'll be nobody to tell your story.
And I think brothers often don't see the end of
the story in the middle of it, and I think
that's scary. I think the second thing I think that
affirms the speaker is I think brothers were really big
about legacy. I think, no matter what belief system, brothers
talk about leaving a legacy. Often you hear about generational
(05:45):
wealth and I want to pass things down. But one
of the greatest legacies is what do people think about
when your name, when your name comes up. And I
think just like the disciples werell around Jesus long enough
to write about him come on the gospels like they
they were around him long enough and intimate enough that
each of them got the Okay, Matthew, you're gonna do this,
and who gonna write about you? And so I think
(06:08):
brothers need to really think about, you know if particularly
around legacy, and that particularly around how you want this
story to end and what you want to give up yourself,
think about the end of the story. And so I
like to give that picture when as opposed to just
telling you it's valuable, I think brothers could resonate with
that picture in their minds.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And I'm going to tell you why that picture resonate
with me. I was in Philly at the top of
the year, at the end of last year when we
had a conversation about ending a tour, and I had
made a decision to not speak, not to take any engagement.
(06:45):
But I had committed to something before you know what
I'm saying, And so it's like, befo, all this is
at shut down, and the engagement that I had committed
to was in Philly. There was a church that was
doing in a event around faith and psychology, faith and
mental health. To your point about no one having anything
(07:10):
to say at the remark, A brother walks up to
me at the end of the event and he's just
in tears, crying, and I don't know what to do.
And I have a colleague there who's a therapist, and
I said, hey, can you kind of console him? And
he said no, I want to talk to you. And
I said, okay, brother, And I knew I was at
(07:31):
capacity because I'm like, were coming off this tour, I
developed vertigo. Man, I had a lot going on in
my own life, and I was just really just trying
to get through the event. The brother said to me,
he said, my best friend died, and a week before
he died, he reached out to me, and I didn't
ask his call. He went to the funeral and he
(07:53):
said when he went to the funeral, there was only
one car behind the hears and it hit him that
his best friend had been so closed off that he
had developed no other relationship, which is why he was
calling on his friend before he passed, and him crying
(08:14):
was just like, man, I don't want to leave a
life or lead a life where no one is behind
the hearse he said, no one got up and said anything.
At the funeral, he said, it was just a handful
of people there. And I think men don't really process
(08:34):
not only what you're leaving behind, but what will people
say about you? Oh brother?
Speaker 2 (08:40):
That man, it hits me like even that visual of it. Man,
you know. I think usually the wake up call happens
during retirement, usually when brothers retire, their relationship retire because
they often don't realize how much of their relationship was
built around work. And then when they stopped working, Usually
as you undersease thetistically the decline goes, and that's usually
(09:02):
the first Oh my gosh, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And so I think you know some part of what
contributes to that, I think unconsciously, as many brothers don't
feel they have anything to offer. What I mean by
that is that I think, you know, sometimes being around
brothers could be a challenge unconsciously because you feel like
you all need to have you need to have your
stuff together. It's like when people like, oh, man, I
can't go to church, but I need to get my
(09:26):
life together and.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Not the reason you go to church like that.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Similarly, like when brothers is kind of like, you know,
they asking you about work, and it's asking you about this,
and if things aren't really solid, you feel like, man,
trying to be around these cats. I need to get
my stuff together. Yes, And sometimes I think the great
thing about friendships, really divinely orchestrated of friendships is man like,
they remind you that you're valuable just because you're you. You,
(09:50):
I mean brother, you and I man, we're part of
just a great group of brothers that come together to
intercede and pray every week, every week for the past
five years. And like, man like, there'll be weeks when
some of us will be all or we've missed a
couple things, and like we had a couple of weeks ago.
It was just a reminder, like, yo, man, you valuable. Bro.
This is the one place where you don't got to perform,
(10:12):
you know.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
And I'm glad that you brought that up, Lawrence, because
when I was on the call, we're part of a group,
a group of brothers who pray every Monday. We talk,
we discussed, we unpacked, we process and as Lauren was
sharing in the beginning we have this only son syndrome,
(10:34):
and being the only son and growing up with sisters,
I naturally retreat to just it being me because when
you're growing up in a house fuld of women, and
then when my parents divorced, it was just like, you know,
it was just them and then it was me. So
I kind of had to not just really figure it
out on my own. But you've learned how to be
(10:54):
alone in your own space because okay, I'm not really
part of the sisters and the close knit they had
with my mom though we were closed. So in moments
where I'm in battles, rather than reaching out, I retreat.
And when you guys said on the call last week,
(11:15):
we were on the call last week and the brother said, Jay,
this is the one space where we don't need anything
from you. You don't have to perform, you don't have
to provide insight, you don't have to share any perspective.
It was just to be. And it touched me, man,
(11:35):
because there's days I sit in this place, man, after
pouring on stage, and I don't know what to do,
and not because I don't have anything to do, but
it's where do you relegate certain things when you don't
have certain pockets to process from an emotional perspective. And
(11:57):
so what you guys have provided for me over the
years has been critical because it's been a piece that
I didn't realize I needed. Because I'm gonna tell you
when it really hit me when the tour stopped, because
I knew on the tour I was gonna see you
Joel Lamon, you know what I mean. And O'shawn. And
(12:21):
when the tour ended, and when Joel left, you got married,
you had a kid. So I felt this ripping and brother,
when I tell you, Lawrence, I mourned, bro because I
was like, man, I can't bug Lawrence, I can't call Joel,
can't call Lamon. And man, it was one of the
(12:42):
most difficult things. And so I found it easy to
retreat because once again I was in a space to
feel like, man, my friendship circle. Not that you guys
were gone, but the season has changed. And I don't
think men really take time enough to really process when
a season's change.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Brother, it is they don't. And I think I have
so much compassion as a brother, as a father, as
a husband, as a friend, man, because brothers are underwater. Man,
you know, I think brothers insistors in this time, but
like they're overwhelmed. A lot of people just like just
trying to figure it out. They're just trying to figure
it out, like, Man, I need to get my life together,
(13:25):
I need to get my money together, I need to
get my health together. And sometimes you do that Google
calendar is color it up and so but and so
I could definitely understand the challenge and the shifting of roles.
But I also, you know, think about this, man, the
reality is that it's going to take work. And you know,
people talking about quality of time, but there's a quantity
of time. One of the biggest things when you know,
(13:47):
I've had these one on ones in discipleship with brothers
and brothers that you know, we put brothers in cohorts
and man, there's a group of brothers even out of
Dallas that went to our joint and they got together
in cohorts, man, and they talk about man like sometimes
they were still grieving college because they felt that was
the last time they could have developed life changing relationships. Yes,
and so now they're in the stage of like, man,
(14:08):
all that work, all that time, I was easier. But
I think the reality is just like man in less
than five years, even us what that Monday called did.
When our brother lost his mother. We were there over
the casket brother and it was like we all went
to college, the type of relationship we have. And so
(14:30):
I think to your point changing of seasons, I think
there's a lot of people unconscious of realizing that they're
grieving those times, yeah, because they think that was the
last time, you know what I'm saying, they could have
done something good.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And I didn't realize I was grieving until I was
watching Joel's New Year's Evening, And what I meant was
what for me the grieving was. I didn't realize how
much it really. You know what I'm saying kind of
(15:02):
kind of ripped something out of me because in my mind,
I was like, man, you know, Joel is going, Do
I keep the tour going? And then here's the other part.
I knew that the tour needed to end because seasons
were changing, and I can feel that the season would
change because I also wanted you guys to experience that
(15:24):
new part of your life that you were moving into
and you didn't have to worry about catching a flight.
We didn't have to worry about pouring into men because
what we did for three years, let me tell y'all
some what we did for three years was something that
has never been done, that had never been a mental
health tour for black men, that had never been a
tour that for three hours of programming of pouring, and
(15:48):
then we get off stage and there's about ten brothers
that's waiting in line to speak to each of us
because each of us spoke to a part of them
that they wanted to take a deeper dive. So they're
trying to tell you fifty years of pain that they've
been trying to process within ten minutes. And I wanted
us to have a break from pouring and move into
(16:11):
a season of receiving. So can you talk about that, Lawrence,
Because you know since we met, you're married, you have
a beautiful baby boy. What is it like for you
now that you're not pouring as much and now you
get to receive from your son and your wife? What
(16:32):
is that like for you? Man?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Isn't it's man? It's not a body experience.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Man.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I think I've been looking forward to this day for
my entire life. Wow, you know, and I think the
love of some it's a different type of love when
someone is fully dependent upon you and the reality of wow,
you know, your heart doesn't divide, it expands. So my
capacity to love, like my capacity as somebody who is
(16:58):
loving has expanded. Looking at my wife vulnerably early in
the morning, nursing our son and then thinking about our
first date and holding hands.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Like it is.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Put it is, it is it is. You know when
people talk about like it's like this, like almost like
a he man thing come up, you know, like we
already were intense, but it's another level of mono maniacal,
like I'm gonna live and die for this. And so
I think it's just been a cloud nine experience of
the responsibility. And also I saw something that was amazing.
(17:32):
I think a lot of brothers need to hear this man,
because you know, we all are saying always say, iron
can't sharpen iron unless it right. Similarly, man, I saw
this brother getting praised. There's an older gentleman like you know,
and this other brother he just said it like, man,
you have your great father.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I love what you're doing in the world.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
And he's like, one of the things I'm so excited about.
You got three kids, You got three sons because I'm
excited that there are three more people that are just
like you in the world. And I think the responsibility
of raising some one up, in forming them to go
out into the world, man, it is. It is a
beautiful thing. But but I to your core of your question,
like going into new season, A lot of brothers and
(18:11):
I understand this thing. Man. It's like, I think you
understand this as we're former athletes, collegiate athletes, elite level,
your identity change and letting go of the identity before
and a lot of brothers are afraid of like, man
if I'm not that person, who am I?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:27):
And it's like, man, like I really believe in resurrection,
even as we're thinking about the season of life that
we're in, in the season of the year, I'm like, man, like,
can God not do a new thing in me? Is
like when that dies? Am I dead? And I think
brothers often have enough faith that they don't believe that
you know who, Like we always say like the barbershop
Hall of Famers, right, you know, like everybody was about
(18:47):
to go to the league in the barbershop. Like it's
like like, do you not believe that God can put
new dreams in you could accomplish news things in you.
And so in the same way that I was this
guy and now I'm stepping in this in no identity.
I'm excited because I'm like, this is why it's worth
turning the page in the book of my life, because
if I don't know what's ahead, it makes us exciting.
But if I already know the end, I need to
read the rest of this book.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Man, listen, brother, when I tell you this is why
this space and I believe that the timing of this
podcast and because this conversation is cathardic, and I want
people to walk away with knowing that you can reinvent,
(19:29):
you can start over. And then the other part that brothers,
I want brothers to really embrace is that starting over
doesn't mean you have to start from scratch. Man. Yeah,
you don't have to start from scratch. And it's okay
to die to who you were, to find life and
(19:50):
who you want to become. Because even in this space, brother,
I'll tell you, Charlamagne has been talking to me for
like three years, like, man, you got to do a podcast,
you gotta do a podcast, And I was It's like, man, bro,
I'm not a podcast person, I'm like, man, I don't
do it like I enjoy speaking. I'm not the talking,
you know what I mean. So even this space, I
don't know what is happening. There's an uncertainty of this space,
(20:15):
But as you said, there's an excitement as well, because
I don't know what the next page hold. And I
think if brothers can begin to embrace the uncertainty, because
we often want to be dismissive of uncertainty because there's
no control. But if you're willing to lean into the unknown,
(20:37):
and if your faith, if your faith is rested in him,
you know that even the unknown holds great things.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Oh brother, man, you know the they always say, man,
that there's nothing worse. The one thing I will make
your life really difficult is the belief that one day
it will not be the idea that it will never
be uncomfortable. And I think there's a reason when we'd
even talk about, Yeah, we love you and I we
love working out. We love it's just like you when
(21:07):
you plateau. It's like you plateau because your muscle's kind
of like I've seen this before. I already know what
you're about to do. You're about to do three sets
of six, seven, eight, Right, But when you actually confuse
it and when you do put a different stress on it,
that's where the growth happens. Yes, And I think there's
a beautiful book man by Ben Horowitz, who you know,
one of the leaders of the one of the largest
(21:28):
venture capital firms in the world. It's called The Hard
Thing About Hard Things. You got to accept your heart.
And I think it's like, no matter what path it
is like, oh man, the single is hard, oh man,
marriage is hard. Like no matter what path, you got
to choose your heart. And I think, to your point,
why don't you embrace the uncomfortable that's going to make
(21:50):
you more like the person God had it matter when
he made you.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
How did you embrace your heart?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I'm still embracing it, you know. I think. You know
one of my one of my brothers, he's man. He's
a marine, and we went to business school together. Man,
and he called me one day and he got five kids,
he's started a start up, you know all that. And
he was just like brother Man. He was like on
some Jocko willin Nick if y'all watch that. He was
just on some military he was just like brother Man.
I just I just accepted it as always gonna be hard.
(22:24):
And I think that day was a day it really
kind of broke up. And I think you kind of
know it, but you don't. And you know, this is
this thing hit me one day I was listening, I
was having a conversation with a loved one, and this
loved one, you know, I think many of us can
relate to this or know someone like this. When things
are very difficult. They got to go find a piece.
They leave like retreat is their way of finding peace.
(22:50):
And I said, you know, and I remember we're talking,
and I said, you know, is that real peace? It
sounds like a circumstantial piece, because you only have peace
of the circumstances dictate you have peace. But the real piece,
the one that allows you to pray in a prison
and sing, is a piece that does not require circumstances.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
To be okay, man. And so.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I think in that it was also affirmation to me.
I'm like, man, I don't want this fake freedom.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Man.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I think the freedom that I really want is I
can't control what happens. You know, we always say like
I don't know if God prescribed it, but I know
he permitted it. I can't control half of this stuff
that happened. But I do not want to live my
life with my chest being so heavy I can't get
off the bed because of the circumstances I can't control.
I want to be able to have a piece says,
(23:37):
no matter what happens, Rain sleeps, snow, a hail, I'm good.
And so I think that for me is when I
really started to embrace. Over the past like five ten years,
I'm just like, this is hard. Everything's hard. I've seen
it hard, but then I've seen the beauty on the
other side that I recognize that nothing is wasted, that
the fire could melt or the fire could refine nothing.
I've seen brothers usually when you come across that you
(24:00):
really respect. Man, if you listen long enough, you hear
the fire, you see the smoke on their shoes, and
that's what you'll find them, man.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
And the smoke is the evidence that you endure. And
I think brothers need to realize that enduring is part
of standing in the fire. It's part of it. I
think so many times that brothers like man, I don't
(24:30):
want to be burned. But until you have the smoke
as evidence that you endure, then are you really ready
for the fire, Because we'll say, oh, man, I can
take it, bringing on, bringing off, But are you really
ready for the fire, Because if you're truly wanting to
be refined and you're trying to redefine yourself, man, you
(24:51):
have got to stand in that fire. So certain things
can be burned off. And when I'm talking about things
being burned off, that it may be burned off in
your therapy session, it may be burned off in your
mentor and set session. It may be burned off sitting
in service and the power of God hits you and
begins to break things off of you, and you begin
(25:13):
to become emotion and you feel like this inner work.
But I think if we can learn to just surrender,
that's the one word that comes to me as we're
having this conversation, because you said, I'm still learning to
embrace what my heart is. Do you ever get there.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
On this side of glory? I don't believe so, right
because I you know, I'll give a scripture reference and
I just think real life brothers man, like I think
up until the end, going to that cross Jesus, Like
I don't want this hard take this cup from me
and so if I think the picture of what it
means to be fully divine and fully human at that
stage with his call and mission, and was like, I
(25:55):
don't really want this. I think it'll be unrealistic for
any of us to believe that they're won't be moments
as healthy as we are, that we there will be
most were like, I don't want this, cup, you know
what I'm saying. But I do believe that. I do
believe we get better at accepting it when we realize.
You know, it's like, you know, even though I walk
through the darkest valley oft Finland, it's just through the
(26:16):
darkest valley, you know. And every time I keep saying
myself over life, getting through things, I think that builds
my capacity.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh factly it builds your capacity. Man. The more I overcome, man,
the more I'm ready to keep moving forward. Because if
we're honest the way God rewards you for winning one batteries,
here's the next one. I trust you, but I could
trust you. I could trust you with it. And what
I'm hoping out of this episode for the men and
(26:45):
women who've been watching, and you hear my brother Lawrence
so poignantly articulate you know, going through the fire you
hear him speaking about, you know what it's like to
embrace your heart. What I want you to realize is
that heart will always be here. And I think if
(27:07):
you learn to embrace what is hard, you have the
capacity to continue to expand in life, because anything that
you're trying to attain, anything or any level that you're
trying to go through, is going to require you overcome
that heart and that level of heart and that heart
would be different for all of us depending on where
(27:27):
you are in life. But I want you to know
that it's possible. One of the questions, Lawrence, that I
love to ask each guest is what is healing for you?
What does that mean? When you hear the word healing,
what does that mean for you?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Redemption or restoration?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
The question I think that I wrestle when I think
unconsciously every human being wrestles with is will I ever
get to meet the person God had in mind when
he made me? Will I ever get to see what
he looks like, what he feels like, what he did
in the world when God in vision and fashioned me
in my mother's womb? Will I ever get to meet
that person? And sometimes we forget the fall was a
(28:07):
cosmic fall. It wasn't just a fall of our behavior,
our bodies, the world, everything got messed up. And so
I think healing is restoration. It's like what that picture
of perfection wasn't eating. Healing is my body's being redeemed,
my relationship with my brother and sister and neighbors being redeemed.
(28:28):
Remember Genesis four, right after Genesis three was cainan able right,
So it destroyed that my mind which we called to
be transformed to be on that's being redeemed and being healed.
Healing is walking into our highest design, what God's ultimate
intention for was for every single thing in our life.
(28:49):
Healing is us walking closer to that vision that He
had in mind when he made us. Because I want
to meet that person that God had in mind, and
that person I pray is healthy. I pray that person
and that's healthy relationships. I pray that person is really
really clear about his mission and he honest it with everything.
And so I think healing truly is healing what was
broken in Genesis and what we are promised to look
(29:13):
forward to in Revelation.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Man, brother, listen, I got to hear this and see
this in the real time for the past three years.
Lawrence is gonna cook. He's gonna cook with salt and pepper.
He's gonna cook with some creole season and he gonna
cook with some garlic. He gonna cook. He gonna cook.
All I can't think of the season that they are Nigerian.
(29:36):
My brother in law is Nigerian, and uh, those different seasons.
I mean, he's gonna cook. But what I hope that
you taken away from what he just shared, what healing is,
is that redemption and that restoration. I think that's so
important because when you have experienced tremendous pain, you lose
(29:57):
hope of feeling that you will be redeemed, and most
of us lose hope about being restored because for something
to be restored, right, it also has to be renewed,
has to be made new again. And to be made
new again, you have to be willing to really just
let go of the old. So what I'm hoping is
(30:19):
that you let go of the old and allow yourself
to experience redemption and renewal in whatever way that you choose.
For some of you that may be through therapy, for
some of you that may be through your church group.
It may be through a Bible study, it may be
through a cohort where you are sort of trying to
expand and your emotional capacity, you're trying to expand in
(30:41):
your spiritual knowledge. But what I'm hoping that you take
the journey to allow yourself the opportunity to be redeeming,
to be restored through healing through what was broken. As
Lauren said, man, brother, I want to give you the
last words man before I close out, Man, because you
have just I mean I already knew what you was
going to do, and that's why I'm like, I gotta
(31:03):
have you on on this this this podcast, man, because brother,
you are what you are what healing looks like in
real time. And I mean that from the bottom of
my heart. Man, you your friendship healed me because I
never met you know, everybody talks about me saying good brother.
(31:24):
All it came from him when we first met, how
are you good brother? And that thing disarmed me. Not
that I showed up with an ego, but it disarmed
me in a way like this is a good brother
and your genuineness and authenticity. Man's just you really have
a heart for brothers. And brother, I just want to
(31:47):
say thank you because it's sometimes your words don't have
to be released, and how you think and how you
feel is released to how you behave and in your behavior. Man,
it was healing man from me.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Brother, brother, Man, I love you, I respect you, I
honor you, I thank God for you. I want you
to know that that comes from the bottom of my heart. Man,
You're a great brother. Thank you, man, and I'm my
encouragement for brothers and sisters. Listening is man. The quality
(32:24):
of your life is dependent upon the quality of your
relationships with God, with other people, and with yourself, mind
and body. If you want to have everything that God
had purposed you to experience in life, it starts with
your relationship with God. It extends to your relationship with
the people in your life, and then your relationship with yourself,
(32:47):
your mind, and your body. If you take steps with
intention in every area of that of your life, in
those areas, I promise you in faith, you will be
fulfilled and in the end and you'll say I have
no regrets. Thank you guys, so brother, thank you, thank
you for having me. Man, Thank you brother.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Listen. This is just heal with doctor J and I
want you to join this healing community by subscribing to
Just Heal Doctor J and stay tuned for the next
episode coming up, but listen. Healing is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Again, thank you, I am Doctor J. Barnett.
(33:30):
Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of the Black
Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. And you can follow me at King J.
Barnett on Instagram and x and follow us on YouTube.
Just Heal Doctor J.
Welcome to Jesshill with Doctor J, a production of the
Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I'm Doctor Jay,
and welcome back to another episode of Jesshill with Doctor
J powered by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Listen.
I'm excited about this episode today and excited about my guest,
(00:21):
my friend, my brother and YO to the NOWPS have
my good brother Lawrence Ajab here today. Listen. This brother here,
his list of accolades, his list of achievements, and his titles.
Man really supersede who this brother is. But I think
(00:41):
he's one of the greatest facilitators and one of the
greatest communicators that I've ever witnessed on this side of heaven.
And I say this because I had a great opportunity
of traveling the country with Lawrence. We traverse this country
for three years, thirty six cities, eighteen thousand men with
the Just Here Bro tour Man. So I want to say, brother,
(01:03):
welcome to Just here, Man with with with with with me,
Doctor J. Man, I'm just so excited to have you
brother as a guest. Man and brother this I'm smiling
from in to here, brother, because you know what I'm
saying we still shoulder the shoulder on the stage man
for three years, and now the city shoulder to shoulder.
(01:23):
Man is awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Brother, Man, it is a great honor to be with you,
and I'm so grateful that you've been placed with blessed
with the space. But you talk about all of the
stages that we've been on. But you know, one of
the greatest things I remember about our relationship is how
it even started. I remember in that lobby in the
hotel and it was like one am, two am, and
(01:45):
we were just talking about life, and I said, Man,
beyond all that, I'm so grateful, man, So thank you
for my fan.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, man, brother, listen, I I you know I could
not do what we did for the past three years
without your mat rating ability and your ability to facilitate
these conversations with these men on the communications, on relationships,
on vulnerability, and then challenging these men to lock arms. Man.
(02:13):
You know, the one thing that I want viewers to
walk away with when they listen and when they watch
these episodes and these encounters as what I'm calling it,
is to see healing within a conversation and to experience
healing in the dialogue. When we met I had never
(02:34):
heard of you, and Hope sent me something. She says, Hey,
I think you should look up this brother, Lawrence Aji.
And the first thing I thought was, man, this is
one of the sharpest dude I've known. And you know,
for those who don't know, Lawrence went to Harvard, was
one of the first on Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg's your classmate.
And you talk a lot about digital loanliness and we'll
(02:56):
get into that, man, But just to who connect with
you as a brother man was something that was profound
because that's not something brothers do after the age of
thirty five.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Note at all. Man, It's interesting. I mean, I think
both of us kind of relate to this only son syndrome.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I got three sisters, and I think unconsciously what I
saw in my life. Parents came from Nigeria late seventies,
moved from Brooklyn, New York, to Piscattow in New Jersey.
You're coming up just trying to figure things out. And
as a family, I'm coming up in a household where
it's me, my dad, my sisters, and I are clothes.
But you know, as a young man, you kind of
have to make your own way, figured things out, make
(03:36):
your own way, so you ain't. But I think the
fact they'll become like a loner without even knowing it.
And I think, particularly when you get older, you have
more responsibilities. If you're blessed to have, you know, a family,
or if you're blessed to have a mission that has
you consume fully. You know, sometimes the limited time you
have left you just trying to sleep, you want to
(03:56):
find some sort of reclamation of Time's thing that you
often are thinking about is like, man, I don't want
to build with these brothers, because brothers, I all know,
we generally utilitarian, especially coming in your twenties. It's like,
it's not about women or money. This ain't important.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's not it's not. And when you think about brothers
being utilitarian and brothers only being one dimensional in most cases,
how important is it for men to diversify themselves in
the relational capacity? And I'm not talking about being in
relationship with or should I say a loving relationship, but
(04:36):
building platonic friendships and relationship with other men brothers.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
It's real. I mean, I think one of the gifts
of the work I'm able to do, I kind of
I love relationships. I was called to help people establish
and strengthen the most important relationships with God, with other people,
and with themselves, mind and body. I get the privilege,
like many you know ministers of the Gospel, to do funerals.
And the picture I have in is the distinctions in
(05:02):
contrast between so many of the funerals that I've done
and presided over. You see those funerals when it gets
to the remark section and you got lines out the door,
and each of them is telling a story about the
part of you they shared. Man, I remember when he
showed up, when such and such happened. Man, I remember,
oh man, we went and saw that fight. If you
(05:22):
share no part of yourself with anybody, at the end
of your life, there'll be nobody to tell your story.
And I think brothers often don't see the end of
the story in the middle of it, and I think
that's scary. I think the second thing I think that
affirms the speaker is I think brothers were really big
about legacy. I think, no matter what belief system, brothers
talk about leaving a legacy. Often you hear about generational
(05:45):
wealth and I want to pass things down. But one
of the greatest legacies is what do people think about
when your name, when your name comes up. And I
think just like the disciples werell around Jesus long enough
to write about him come on the gospels like they
they were around him long enough and intimate enough that
each of them got the Okay, Matthew, you're gonna do this,
and who gonna write about you? And so I think
(06:08):
brothers need to really think about, you know if particularly
around legacy, and that particularly around how you want this
story to end and what you want to give up yourself,
think about the end of the story. And so I
like to give that picture when as opposed to just
telling you it's valuable, I think brothers could resonate with
that picture in their minds.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And I'm going to tell you why that picture resonate
with me. I was in Philly at the top of
the year, at the end of last year when we
had a conversation about ending a tour, and I had
made a decision to not speak, not to take any engagement.
(06:45):
But I had committed to something before you know what
I'm saying, And so it's like, befo, all this is
at shut down, and the engagement that I had committed
to was in Philly. There was a church that was
doing in a event around faith and psychology, faith and
mental health. To your point about no one having anything
(07:10):
to say at the remark, A brother walks up to
me at the end of the event and he's just
in tears, crying, and I don't know what to do.
And I have a colleague there who's a therapist, and
I said, hey, can you kind of console him? And
he said no, I want to talk to you. And
I said, okay, brother, And I knew I was at
(07:31):
capacity because I'm like, were coming off this tour, I
developed vertigo. Man, I had a lot going on in
my own life, and I was just really just trying
to get through the event. The brother said to me,
he said, my best friend died, and a week before
he died, he reached out to me, and I didn't
ask his call. He went to the funeral and he
(07:53):
said when he went to the funeral, there was only
one car behind the hears and it hit him that
his best friend had been so closed off that he
had developed no other relationship, which is why he was
calling on his friend before he passed, and him crying
(08:14):
was just like, man, I don't want to leave a
life or lead a life where no one is behind
the hearse he said, no one got up and said anything.
At the funeral, he said, it was just a handful
of people there. And I think men don't really process
(08:34):
not only what you're leaving behind, but what will people
say about you? Oh brother?
Speaker 2 (08:40):
That man, it hits me like even that visual of it. Man,
you know. I think usually the wake up call happens
during retirement, usually when brothers retire, their relationship retire because
they often don't realize how much of their relationship was
built around work. And then when they stopped working, Usually
as you undersease thetistically the decline goes, and that's usually
(09:02):
the first Oh my gosh, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And so I think you know some part of what
contributes to that, I think unconsciously, as many brothers don't
feel they have anything to offer. What I mean by
that is that I think, you know, sometimes being around
brothers could be a challenge unconsciously because you feel like
you all need to have you need to have your
stuff together. It's like when people like, oh, man, I
can't go to church, but I need to get my
(09:26):
life together and.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Not the reason you go to church like that.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Similarly, like when brothers is kind of like, you know,
they asking you about work, and it's asking you about this,
and if things aren't really solid, you feel like, man,
trying to be around these cats. I need to get
my stuff together. Yes, And sometimes I think the great
thing about friendships, really divinely orchestrated of friendships is man like,
they remind you that you're valuable just because you're you. You,
(09:50):
I mean brother, you and I man, we're part of
just a great group of brothers that come together to
intercede and pray every week, every week for the past
five years. And like, man like, there'll be weeks when
some of us will be all or we've missed a
couple things, and like we had a couple of weeks ago.
It was just a reminder, like, yo, man, you valuable. Bro.
This is the one place where you don't got to perform,
(10:12):
you know.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
And I'm glad that you brought that up, Lawrence, because
when I was on the call, we're part of a group,
a group of brothers who pray every Monday. We talk,
we discussed, we unpacked, we process and as Lauren was
sharing in the beginning we have this only son syndrome,
(10:34):
and being the only son and growing up with sisters,
I naturally retreat to just it being me because when
you're growing up in a house fuld of women, and
then when my parents divorced, it was just like, you know,
it was just them and then it was me. So
I kind of had to not just really figure it
out on my own. But you've learned how to be
(10:54):
alone in your own space because okay, I'm not really
part of the sisters and the close knit they had
with my mom though we were closed. So in moments
where I'm in battles, rather than reaching out, I retreat.
And when you guys said on the call last week,
(11:15):
we were on the call last week and the brother said, Jay,
this is the one space where we don't need anything
from you. You don't have to perform, you don't have
to provide insight, you don't have to share any perspective.
It was just to be. And it touched me, man,
(11:35):
because there's days I sit in this place, man, after
pouring on stage, and I don't know what to do,
and not because I don't have anything to do, but
it's where do you relegate certain things when you don't
have certain pockets to process from an emotional perspective. And
(11:57):
so what you guys have provided for me over the
years has been critical because it's been a piece that
I didn't realize I needed. Because I'm gonna tell you
when it really hit me when the tour stopped, because
I knew on the tour I was gonna see you
Joel Lamon, you know what I mean. And O'shawn. And
(12:21):
when the tour ended, and when Joel left, you got married,
you had a kid. So I felt this ripping and brother,
when I tell you, Lawrence, I mourned, bro because I
was like, man, I can't bug Lawrence, I can't call Joel,
can't call Lamon. And man, it was one of the
(12:42):
most difficult things. And so I found it easy to
retreat because once again I was in a space to
feel like, man, my friendship circle. Not that you guys
were gone, but the season has changed. And I don't
think men really take time enough to really process when
a season's change.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Brother, it is they don't. And I think I have
so much compassion as a brother, as a father, as
a husband, as a friend, man, because brothers are underwater. Man,
you know, I think brothers insistors in this time, but
like they're overwhelmed. A lot of people just like just
trying to figure it out. They're just trying to figure
it out, like, Man, I need to get my life together,
(13:25):
I need to get my money together, I need to
get my health together. And sometimes you do that Google
calendar is color it up and so but and so
I could definitely understand the challenge and the shifting of roles.
But I also, you know, think about this, man, the
reality is that it's going to take work. And you know,
people talking about quality of time, but there's a quantity
of time. One of the biggest things when you know,
(13:47):
I've had these one on ones in discipleship with brothers
and brothers that you know, we put brothers in cohorts
and man, there's a group of brothers even out of
Dallas that went to our joint and they got together
in cohorts, man, and they talk about man like sometimes
they were still grieving college because they felt that was
the last time they could have developed life changing relationships. Yes,
and so now they're in the stage of like, man,
(14:08):
all that work, all that time, I was easier. But
I think the reality is just like man in less
than five years, even us what that Monday called did.
When our brother lost his mother. We were there over
the casket brother and it was like we all went
to college, the type of relationship we have. And so
(14:30):
I think to your point changing of seasons, I think
there's a lot of people unconscious of realizing that they're
grieving those times, yeah, because they think that was the
last time, you know what I'm saying, they could have
done something good.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And I didn't realize I was grieving until I was
watching Joel's New Year's Evening, And what I meant was
what for me the grieving was. I didn't realize how
much it really. You know what I'm saying kind of
(15:02):
kind of ripped something out of me because in my mind,
I was like, man, you know, Joel is going, Do
I keep the tour going? And then here's the other part.
I knew that the tour needed to end because seasons
were changing, and I can feel that the season would
change because I also wanted you guys to experience that
(15:24):
new part of your life that you were moving into
and you didn't have to worry about catching a flight.
We didn't have to worry about pouring into men because
what we did for three years, let me tell y'all
some what we did for three years was something that
has never been done, that had never been a mental
health tour for black men, that had never been a
tour that for three hours of programming of pouring, and
(15:48):
then we get off stage and there's about ten brothers
that's waiting in line to speak to each of us
because each of us spoke to a part of them
that they wanted to take a deeper dive. So they're
trying to tell you fifty years of pain that they've
been trying to process within ten minutes. And I wanted
us to have a break from pouring and move into
(16:11):
a season of receiving. So can you talk about that, Lawrence,
Because you know since we met, you're married, you have
a beautiful baby boy. What is it like for you
now that you're not pouring as much and now you
get to receive from your son and your wife? What
(16:32):
is that like for you? Man?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Isn't it's man? It's not a body experience.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Man.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I think I've been looking forward to this day for
my entire life. Wow, you know, and I think the
love of some it's a different type of love when
someone is fully dependent upon you and the reality of wow,
you know, your heart doesn't divide, it expands. So my
capacity to love, like my capacity as somebody who is
(16:58):
loving has expanded. Looking at my wife vulnerably early in
the morning, nursing our son and then thinking about our
first date and holding hands.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Like it is.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Put it is, it is it is. You know when
people talk about like it's like this, like almost like
a he man thing come up, you know, like we
already were intense, but it's another level of mono maniacal,
like I'm gonna live and die for this. And so
I think it's just been a cloud nine experience of
the responsibility. And also I saw something that was amazing.
(17:32):
I think a lot of brothers need to hear this man,
because you know, we all are saying always say, iron
can't sharpen iron unless it right. Similarly, man, I saw
this brother getting praised. There's an older gentleman like you know,
and this other brother he just said it like, man,
you have your great father.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I love what you're doing in the world.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
And he's like, one of the things I'm so excited about.
You got three kids, You got three sons because I'm
excited that there are three more people that are just
like you in the world. And I think the responsibility
of raising some one up, in forming them to go
out into the world, man, it is. It is a
beautiful thing. But but I to your core of your question,
like going into new season, A lot of brothers and
(18:11):
I understand this thing. Man. It's like, I think you
understand this as we're former athletes, collegiate athletes, elite level,
your identity change and letting go of the identity before
and a lot of brothers are afraid of like, man
if I'm not that person, who am I?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:27):
And it's like, man, like I really believe in resurrection,
even as we're thinking about the season of life that
we're in, in the season of the year, I'm like, man, like,
can God not do a new thing in me? Is
like when that dies? Am I dead? And I think
brothers often have enough faith that they don't believe that
you know who, Like we always say like the barbershop
Hall of Famers, right, you know, like everybody was about
(18:47):
to go to the league in the barbershop. Like it's
like like, do you not believe that God can put
new dreams in you could accomplish news things in you.
And so in the same way that I was this
guy and now I'm stepping in this in no identity.
I'm excited because I'm like, this is why it's worth
turning the page in the book of my life, because
if I don't know what's ahead, it makes us exciting.
But if I already know the end, I need to
read the rest of this book.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Man, listen, brother, when I tell you this is why
this space and I believe that the timing of this
podcast and because this conversation is cathardic, and I want
people to walk away with knowing that you can reinvent,
(19:29):
you can start over. And then the other part that brothers,
I want brothers to really embrace is that starting over
doesn't mean you have to start from scratch. Man. Yeah,
you don't have to start from scratch. And it's okay
to die to who you were, to find life and
(19:50):
who you want to become. Because even in this space, brother,
I'll tell you, Charlamagne has been talking to me for
like three years, like, man, you got to do a podcast,
you gotta do a podcast, And I was It's like, man, bro,
I'm not a podcast person, I'm like, man, I don't
do it like I enjoy speaking. I'm not the talking,
you know what I mean. So even this space, I
don't know what is happening. There's an uncertainty of this space,
(20:15):
But as you said, there's an excitement as well, because
I don't know what the next page hold. And I
think if brothers can begin to embrace the uncertainty, because
we often want to be dismissive of uncertainty because there's
no control. But if you're willing to lean into the unknown,
(20:37):
and if your faith, if your faith is rested in him,
you know that even the unknown holds great things.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Oh brother, man, you know the they always say, man,
that there's nothing worse. The one thing I will make
your life really difficult is the belief that one day
it will not be the idea that it will never
be uncomfortable. And I think there's a reason when we'd
even talk about, Yeah, we love you and I we
love working out. We love it's just like you when
(21:07):
you plateau. It's like you plateau because your muscle's kind
of like I've seen this before. I already know what
you're about to do. You're about to do three sets
of six, seven, eight, Right, But when you actually confuse
it and when you do put a different stress on it,
that's where the growth happens. Yes, And I think there's
a beautiful book man by Ben Horowitz, who you know,
one of the leaders of the one of the largest
(21:28):
venture capital firms in the world. It's called The Hard
Thing About Hard Things. You got to accept your heart.
And I think it's like, no matter what path it
is like, oh man, the single is hard, oh man,
marriage is hard. Like no matter what path, you got
to choose your heart. And I think, to your point,
why don't you embrace the uncomfortable that's going to make
(21:50):
you more like the person God had it matter when
he made you.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
How did you embrace your heart?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I'm still embracing it, you know. I think. You know
one of my one of my brothers, he's man. He's
a marine, and we went to business school together. Man,
and he called me one day and he got five kids,
he's started a start up, you know all that. And
he was just like brother Man. He was like on
some Jocko willin Nick if y'all watch that. He was
just on some military he was just like brother Man.
I just I just accepted it as always gonna be hard.
(22:24):
And I think that day was a day it really
kind of broke up. And I think you kind of
know it, but you don't. And you know, this is
this thing hit me one day I was listening, I
was having a conversation with a loved one, and this
loved one, you know, I think many of us can
relate to this or know someone like this. When things
are very difficult. They got to go find a piece.
They leave like retreat is their way of finding peace.
(22:50):
And I said, you know, and I remember we're talking,
and I said, you know, is that real peace? It
sounds like a circumstantial piece, because you only have peace
of the circumstances dictate you have peace. But the real piece,
the one that allows you to pray in a prison
and sing, is a piece that does not require circumstances.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
To be okay, man. And so.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I think in that it was also affirmation to me.
I'm like, man, I don't want this fake freedom.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Man.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I think the freedom that I really want is I
can't control what happens. You know, we always say like
I don't know if God prescribed it, but I know
he permitted it. I can't control half of this stuff
that happened. But I do not want to live my
life with my chest being so heavy I can't get
off the bed because of the circumstances I can't control.
I want to be able to have a piece says,
(23:37):
no matter what happens, Rain sleeps, snow, a hail, I'm good.
And so I think that for me is when I
really started to embrace. Over the past like five ten years,
I'm just like, this is hard. Everything's hard. I've seen
it hard, but then I've seen the beauty on the
other side that I recognize that nothing is wasted, that
the fire could melt or the fire could refine nothing.
I've seen brothers usually when you come across that you
(24:00):
really respect. Man, if you listen long enough, you hear
the fire, you see the smoke on their shoes, and
that's what you'll find them, man.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
And the smoke is the evidence that you endure. And
I think brothers need to realize that enduring is part
of standing in the fire. It's part of it. I
think so many times that brothers like man, I don't
(24:30):
want to be burned. But until you have the smoke
as evidence that you endure, then are you really ready
for the fire, Because we'll say, oh, man, I can
take it, bringing on, bringing off, But are you really
ready for the fire, Because if you're truly wanting to
be refined and you're trying to redefine yourself, man, you
(24:51):
have got to stand in that fire. So certain things
can be burned off. And when I'm talking about things
being burned off, that it may be burned off in
your therapy session, it may be burned off in your
mentor and set session. It may be burned off sitting
in service and the power of God hits you and
begins to break things off of you, and you begin
(25:13):
to become emotion and you feel like this inner work.
But I think if we can learn to just surrender,
that's the one word that comes to me as we're
having this conversation, because you said, I'm still learning to
embrace what my heart is. Do you ever get there.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
On this side of glory? I don't believe so, right
because I you know, I'll give a scripture reference and
I just think real life brothers man, like I think
up until the end, going to that cross Jesus, Like
I don't want this hard take this cup from me
and so if I think the picture of what it
means to be fully divine and fully human at that
stage with his call and mission, and was like, I
(25:55):
don't really want this. I think it'll be unrealistic for
any of us to believe that they're won't be moments
as healthy as we are, that we there will be
most were like, I don't want this, cup, you know
what I'm saying. But I do believe that. I do
believe we get better at accepting it when we realize.
You know, it's like, you know, even though I walk
through the darkest valley oft Finland, it's just through the
(26:16):
darkest valley, you know. And every time I keep saying
myself over life, getting through things, I think that builds
my capacity.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh factly it builds your capacity. Man. The more I overcome, man,
the more I'm ready to keep moving forward. Because if
we're honest the way God rewards you for winning one batteries,
here's the next one. I trust you, but I could
trust you. I could trust you with it. And what
I'm hoping out of this episode for the men and
(26:45):
women who've been watching, and you hear my brother Lawrence
so poignantly articulate you know, going through the fire you
hear him speaking about, you know what it's like to
embrace your heart. What I want you to realize is
that heart will always be here. And I think if
(27:07):
you learn to embrace what is hard, you have the
capacity to continue to expand in life, because anything that
you're trying to attain, anything or any level that you're
trying to go through, is going to require you overcome
that heart and that level of heart and that heart
would be different for all of us depending on where
(27:27):
you are in life. But I want you to know
that it's possible. One of the questions, Lawrence, that I
love to ask each guest is what is healing for you?
What does that mean? When you hear the word healing,
what does that mean for you?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Redemption or restoration?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
The question I think that I wrestle when I think
unconsciously every human being wrestles with is will I ever
get to meet the person God had in mind when
he made me? Will I ever get to see what
he looks like, what he feels like, what he did
in the world when God in vision and fashioned me
in my mother's womb? Will I ever get to meet
that person? And sometimes we forget the fall was a
(28:07):
cosmic fall. It wasn't just a fall of our behavior,
our bodies, the world, everything got messed up. And so
I think healing is restoration. It's like what that picture
of perfection wasn't eating. Healing is my body's being redeemed,
my relationship with my brother and sister and neighbors being redeemed.
(28:28):
Remember Genesis four, right after Genesis three was cainan able right,
So it destroyed that my mind which we called to
be transformed to be on that's being redeemed and being healed.
Healing is walking into our highest design, what God's ultimate
intention for was for every single thing in our life.
(28:49):
Healing is us walking closer to that vision that He
had in mind when he made us. Because I want
to meet that person that God had in mind, and
that person I pray is healthy. I pray that person
and that's healthy relationships. I pray that person is really
really clear about his mission and he honest it with everything.
And so I think healing truly is healing what was
broken in Genesis and what we are promised to look
(29:13):
forward to in Revelation.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Man, brother, listen, I got to hear this and see
this in the real time for the past three years.
Lawrence is gonna cook. He's gonna cook with salt and pepper.
He's gonna cook with some creole season and he gonna
cook with some garlic. He gonna cook. He gonna cook.
All I can't think of the season that they are Nigerian.
(29:36):
My brother in law is Nigerian, and uh, those different seasons.
I mean, he's gonna cook. But what I hope that
you taken away from what he just shared, what healing is,
is that redemption and that restoration. I think that's so
important because when you have experienced tremendous pain, you lose
(29:57):
hope of feeling that you will be redeemed, and most
of us lose hope about being restored because for something
to be restored, right, it also has to be renewed,
has to be made new again. And to be made
new again, you have to be willing to really just
let go of the old. So what I'm hoping is
(30:19):
that you let go of the old and allow yourself
to experience redemption and renewal in whatever way that you choose.
For some of you that may be through therapy, for
some of you that may be through your church group.
It may be through a Bible study, it may be
through a cohort where you are sort of trying to
expand and your emotional capacity, you're trying to expand in
(30:41):
your spiritual knowledge. But what I'm hoping that you take
the journey to allow yourself the opportunity to be redeeming,
to be restored through healing through what was broken. As
Lauren said, man, brother, I want to give you the
last words man before I close out, Man, because you
have just I mean I already knew what you was
going to do, and that's why I'm like, I gotta
(31:03):
have you on on this this this podcast, man, because brother,
you are what you are what healing looks like in
real time. And I mean that from the bottom of
my heart. Man, you your friendship healed me because I
never met you know, everybody talks about me saying good brother.
(31:24):
All it came from him when we first met, how
are you good brother? And that thing disarmed me. Not
that I showed up with an ego, but it disarmed
me in a way like this is a good brother
and your genuineness and authenticity. Man's just you really have
a heart for brothers. And brother, I just want to
(31:47):
say thank you because it's sometimes your words don't have
to be released, and how you think and how you
feel is released to how you behave and in your behavior. Man,
it was healing man from me.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Brother, brother, Man, I love you, I respect you, I
honor you, I thank God for you. I want you
to know that that comes from the bottom of my heart. Man,
You're a great brother. Thank you, man, and I'm my
encouragement for brothers and sisters. Listening is man. The quality
(32:24):
of your life is dependent upon the quality of your
relationships with God, with other people, and with yourself, mind
and body. If you want to have everything that God
had purposed you to experience in life, it starts with
your relationship with God. It extends to your relationship with
the people in your life, and then your relationship with yourself,
(32:47):
your mind, and your body. If you take steps with
intention in every area of that of your life, in
those areas, I promise you in faith, you will be
fulfilled and in the end and you'll say I have
no regrets. Thank you guys, so brother, thank you, thank
you for having me. Man, Thank you brother.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Listen. This is just heal with doctor J and I
want you to join this healing community by subscribing to
Just Heal Doctor J and stay tuned for the next
episode coming up, but listen. Healing is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Again, thank you, I am Doctor J. Barnett.
(33:30):
Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of the Black
Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. And you can follow me at King J.
Barnett on Instagram and x and follow us on YouTube.
Just Heal Doctor J.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com