September 30, 2025 • 53 mins
In this episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay, Dr. Jay Barnett sits down with pop soul artist MAJOR. for a powerful conversation on healing, personal growth, and self-awareness. MAJOR. opens up about navigating the complexities of relationships, the importance of balancing depth and breadth in communication, and the challenges of being misunderstood or labeled the “bad guy” during seasons of growth. The discussion emphasizes the role of authenticity, accountability, and emotional resilience in both music and life, offering listeners valuable insights into embracing vulnerability and finding strength through healing.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It feaks to the plan. This Charlamagne God here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Before we get into today's episode, we've got to celebrate
the Black Effect Podcast Network. It's turning five years old, man,
five years of powerful voices, unforgettable moments in the community
that keeps growing.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
This is the power of the platform. Now let's get
into it. Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a
production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome
back to another episode Just Heal with Doctor J and
I am your host, Doctor J. Listen. If you haven't
subscribed yet, click that link and subscribe and join our
(00:33):
healing community. We have so many great things planned, so
many great things that we want to invest into the
healing community. Coming soon, I'm going to be doing courses.
I'm going to be doing a live once a month,
pouring into the individuals that are wanting to continue their
healing journey. And as I often say, healing is a
journey and wholeness is the destination. But I don't want
(00:54):
to take up too much of your time because I
got another guest that's back for a second time. Oh
you gonna put that on Yes, I'm gonna put that
on camera.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Back for a second time unplaying because for some kind
of way, CJ don't know, and I'm not doing CJ
on the bro't y'all know that's my right hand man
for CJ. CJ called me and said, Bro, something happened
to Major's episode. We got the audio, Bro, but we
don't have the visual. So here we are again, back
in La recording our brother, gospel award winning artist, you
(01:28):
know him, for the most played wedding song of all times,
beyond Riven in the Sky.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
This is why I love you. Anyway, I know Stevie
wonder is his boy, is his mentor? Is his dude?
And Stevie, listen, I know you can hear me, but
I want you pay attention to what I'm saying. So
we respect you, Stevie. But Major do has the top
wedding song. Well, Stevie, to be fair, Uncle Stevie did
(01:55):
say I believe this would be the wedding love song
for years to come, and it is. He gave me
his blessing and Ribbing in the Sky clearly set the
mark absolutely, And so why I love you is just
trying to anyway, stop being humble. Anyway, Stevie, we reverew you,
We respect you. But right now, Major is the leading
wedding song. This is why I love you anyway. Welcome
(02:19):
to the healing community. My brother, my friend, and this
dude is just I don't have anything else to say.
We we are like dumb and dumber. I guess I'll
be dumb. Gotta be dumb, ladies and gentlemen. His brother
is here, the platinum soul singer, my mama's favorite hope dealer. Huh, mister,
(02:43):
this is why I love you and that new nude.
I set a prayer for you. We hear him, brother,
but the ain't for having me again. But you ain't
say no prayer for me. I did, Actually, I actually
do pray for you. You know that card. Let's start
this thing, so listen, we're back a second time again.
Y'all See the type of relationship me a Major had.
(03:04):
It is constant batter It is constant back and forth.
It is a brotherhood and a friendship that I greatly
appreciate that we have. So before we get into it,
I don't even talk about the project. I love to
open up every episode, which is, how are you feeling?
If you could just locate your feelings in this moment?
(03:27):
Who to be honest. Today I am grateful but also overwhelmed.
I'm preparing for a tour. I'm you know, thinking of
all the different areas that I can strengthen as it
(03:49):
relates to my career. I'm grateful for my wife. I'm
grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the many blessings
that have finally shown up in this season. You know,
I pray for you when number one since the last
time we talked, and it got me a Stellar nomination
(04:12):
our Performingly Stellar Awards, and it's a lot of really
cool stuff happening. But I think I'm a bit overwhelmed
with a lot that is happening and wanting to show
up well for all of it. So I'm gonna have
to start, you know, you know, living the hope that
I'm giving. You feel me that pace? Oh now you
(04:35):
tap it into my book? Yeah, absolutely, sewing pace. I
love that you were able to identify the oxymoranity or
I will say, or I would like to say, the
paradoxical of just life. Yeah, you know, I'm excited about something,
but I'm also concerned because a sense of overwhelming or
(04:59):
overwhelming it's just really a sense of concern right where
it's like, man, am I ready? Do I have what
it takes? Am I enough? I don't think it's the
same thing as some would say that it could be
synonymous to imposter syndrome, But I think the overwhelmness, overwhelming
feeling that you are sensing is really like, man, a
(05:20):
lot is happening at one time. Yeah, I definitely know
specific to right now. That's the thing, like, am I ready?
You know? Am I giving enough to meet the need
before I arrive at it? I have wrestled with imposter syndrome,
believe it or not, as bold as I move, I
(05:41):
have wrestled with imposter syndrome. And I think it's fair
to speak to that duality of life because that's literally
what life is. And like you said, you've mentioned in
your book. In my new project, The Hope Dealer Sessions,
I talk about that life is hope and healy, pain
and purpose, trial and triumph. You know, it's all of it.
(06:04):
It's storm and rain. But the gift of life is
that we're giving the opportunity to live, do all of it,
and still show up fully in all of it. It
may not be perfection, but show up nonetheless. He's graced
us the ability to weather it all. So, yeah, that's
where I'm at right now. No, And I like how
(06:24):
you expounded on that because I think when we think
about the duality of life, we often see it from
the vantage point letting go of something while holding on
to something else, right, And I think simultaneously, we're usually
trying to do them together. And what I like to
(06:48):
do is I have to do one and then allow
the other to follow. Yeah, and that's not saying that
they both don't coexist and they both are not held
in the same space because on one end, I know
exactly what you're feeling because I'm feeling the same way.
There are so many opportunities right now, man, that are
coming my way. There are so many things that I'm
(07:09):
having to read through, navigate, plan, prepare, then also focus
on being present in all of it. So I understand
that challenge as well. But what I'm learning major is
plan over here and then step back into this and
say where can I let go? Because what we're trying
(07:32):
to do and what caused us to feel overwhelming, is
that is carrying off. It's carried all at the same time.
So as you are processing that now and I'm watching
your brain turn. What could you pick up now? And
then what could you lay down? I know that I'm
kind of I wrestled. Okay, So my journey as a
(07:56):
recording artist has been different than the way I planned
it out. God is hilarious. But I've experienced some amazing
highs and amazing wins in my journey, but the way
that things have unfolded are different. So I've had to
(08:16):
take on some responsibilities as an independent artist who's mama
named of major that doesn't always allow me to fully
trust the team or the people that are there in
place to help support me, to fully trust that they're
(08:38):
going to execute at the level of my expectations. Yeah,
my expectations and my reputation of excellent output. I operate
at high level quality only that's how I was raised.
If it's going to be done, it's got to be right,
(08:58):
you know. And so yeah, and so so I think
when you ask, like what can I let go up?
I think maybe just trusting that if I gave the
re If I gave the I may clear the ask
or the need or the want, they will be handled.
(09:19):
It's the scheduling and stuff is going to be handled
I've just been let down a lot of times. I
think it's PTSD in a way, it is who Oh listen, brother,
when I tell you I overstand, overstand, I overstand because
you and I have had very unique careers and the
(09:42):
same with me, like my career did not. And again,
for one, let me just say this, this wasn't even
my career that I had in mind. I wanted to
play ball, so to be a therapist, a doctor in healthcare,
and to be a podcast holes like I remember you
telling me, like, bro, you got to do a podcasts
and I'm like, no, I don't. So to think about
(10:05):
the process of really comprehending all of it, because even
that's a challenge because now I am I wouldn't say force,
but I'm pressed to look at things that I never
thought that I would be looking at and put trust
in people that I never thought that I would have
(10:27):
to trust because I can't do it all. I can't
read the emails, I can't respond, I can't book the
skip the flight. I can't, you know, try to understand
all the accommodations that I need while also focusing on
the art and the skill that we have been gifted
with and that's honestly what we ultimately want. We want
(10:53):
to be able to just be the talent in the
space or just be the created in this space, and
allow the logistical pieces to be handled and handled well
by whoever's there. I know that some of my circumstances
(11:13):
have been where I've had to literally just do it myself. Yep,
you know, so so yeah, I just I just want
to make sure I want to I want to put
more into practice. I've kind of done it a better
job of it this particular year. Like I no longer
(11:36):
had a label. I'm I'm extremely independent, and so I've
had to employ my own you know, contractors like kind
of you know, get my own folks on board and
make up a team just based on my own network,
and they're great at what they do. It's just again,
(11:58):
I know what it feels like to be let down
thus people that say I got it, man, that disappointment. Man,
it's hard, bro. It's hard to your process that and
articularly when you are trusting it, trusting them with your thing.
Yeah yeah, because my thing and my that's what it
(12:22):
is you're you're in trusting it's legit, like handing your
baby over to be cared for a four by multiple hands.
That's not an easy thing. Like we probably grew up
if you grew up somewhat similar, Like we couldn't just
go over anybody's house. You know. I have friends where
(12:45):
their parents were like, yeah, you can go, you can go,
you can go, you go. But my mom barely let
us spend the night over anybody's house. Yeah, you know
if there was a cousin, yeah, for the most part,
but for the outside of that, you were just no.
So imagine that's how it is. Like you You've got
(13:07):
your project and you got your vision, and you want
to make certain that you work as a team, but
you have to trust the hands and the mindset the
individuals that are part of it. So that's a daily
work that I have to work on, you know. You know, I,
(13:29):
like I said, I love excellence, bro. I'm not a
perfectionist by any means. You just like excellence. Oh man,
I think you would really be done. Man. What I
hear you saying is I want it done well. That's
the work. I want it done well. And I don't
think anything is wrong with that. Man. I think for
(13:50):
brothers like us who have this spirit of excellence, because
if I can't do it well, I don't want to
do it at all. That's it. I'm not doing it.
And I can remember, man, several things that I've said
no to because I know that I couldn't do it
well because of my limited capacity. And I'm always interested, man,
(14:12):
because I've gone through I had about three managers, had
about three managers for publicists. The publishers I have now
is amazing. The team that I have now is amazing.
But I think going through the difficult time is what
I was called in and the challenging decision that you
(14:34):
have to make when it doesn't work out well, when
you have to have the conversation that something that you
had an expectation for that wasn't done well, that's always
difficult for me because I've worked with mostly females that
operate in that space. For me, so my PTSD from
a long relationship or previous relationship that I had that
(14:58):
when I shared how I truly felt, it wasn't received well.
So even when I have gone to speak to and say, yo, man,
can we talk about this, dude, I'm shaking because what
happened is and women don't realize this. It's so for
a man that like us, who can really express ourselves
just because I can express our intelligence that can articulate,
(15:19):
and it doesn't make it easy, No, because it shocks
them because a lot of times they may appreciate it,
but there because it's not as commons, it hits harder
and it's like, no, but I'm just I'm just helping
you understand exactly what it is. So it leads no
world for you to think anything else. Yes, but yet
(15:40):
and still exactly it's a wow, man, bro. I literally
remember having to have a conversation with my managing and
I remember taking myself through break breath breaths, like just yeah.
And then here's the other part. It was on zoom.
I was even conscious of how my body lay, which
(16:00):
was oning zoom. I did not want to sit up
because I'm not saying this with her, but I said,
I didn't want her to think that there was going
to be this level of aggression. So even that was
just you know what, I think, it's a it's a
byproduct of it's the gift and the challenge of being
(16:23):
impaths because that's what we are. We don't like to
see people hurt. No, we don't like to see people suffer,
and sometimes it's us. We don't even like to see
our enemies hurt and suffer, long past them realizing that
they need to do better by us, but like we
(16:43):
still have a compassion for I think I know why
they're doing this, and it's like, it's not our job
to always figure that, oubum, It's not our job to
always feel responsible to making certain that people can what
it is that we give. That's a God work, that's
(17:06):
a God responsibility. And while empathy seemingly feels like a
God trait, we have to be careful not to move
into the realm of God identity or God in work
or God responsibility. That's it God responsibility to know all
things before we arrive there, because then it snatches us
(17:29):
out of the faith space that God is more delighted
by and God rewards. Because honestly, we know our hearts
are always in the right place. It is probably like
zero point zero zero two percent of the time our
heart may not be in the right place. And I'm
saying that only just because you know we're human. But
(17:51):
for the most part, our intentions are not to make
a person feel less than a person feel unworthy. Feel
bad or whatever. But at the end of the day,
we know we're building something and you cannot have a fractured,
(18:12):
broken or an incompetent help to be a part of
the building because that part that they're assigned to is
not going to be And it's critical, Yes, it's critical
because when you're building something, we have to build it well.
It's the only way that is going to be respected, appreciated,
(18:37):
revered and honor. Because I take what I do, Bro
so seriously as I know that you do. I don't
just put people together and put people on the couch.
So like we are inundated with emails all the time,
like hey, can we get this person on your podcast?
Can And everything from working with CJ to working with
(18:59):
my pupps is like everything. I have to sit with it.
I have to pray about it, and I have to
identify within my spirit. But what do you do when
you've identified it within your spirit and you have to
go to that person and and tell them no, and
tell them no. I have gotten better with just being honest,
(19:29):
I know. I also while I have language, I also
have a big bowie voice, which we do. That's so crazy, Bro,
that's so crazy. So so you gotta be double so
like so sometimes like when I say something, it sounds
so profound, and all I'm saying is I liked I
(19:49):
like to I would love some limon pepper wings, but
I would love some lemon pepper wings. Okay, okay, well
just and I'm like, no, I'm just I'm just saying it.
So I think that for me, that one and this
has literally helped me legit Holy Spirit speak to me,
(20:13):
and I have to trust that whatever comes out comes
out is what needs to and it honestly has surprised me.
I know that sometimes I had approached situations that I'm like, oh,
this is not gonna, and this is gonna. I could
tell you right now, I can be honest, I'm already
ready to I'm not on the defense, but I'm prepared
(20:35):
because just in case. And it's not that I'm going
to have rebuttaled, but it's like, all right, I'm going
to have to be prepared to take how they feel
about how I feel. And that's not fair and it's
not fair, man, that's not fair. And that is some
type of learned behavior from a trauma that has had
(20:58):
to have existed in childhood, even if not childhood in
our in years past, that was significant enough to keep
showing up, because what it does is it debilitates us,
and it stops us from our advancement and our progress,
and so our advancement in progress is slower because we
(21:22):
are so concerned on making sure people that have not
done the work, that are not willing to do the work,
or that people that are just missing it. We just
want to make sure they're good. And I don't think
that God intended for us to move that way. I
think about the scripture to love your neighbor as yourself,
(21:46):
and the operative word that we often miss is as.
The measure is dependent on how you extend to yourself
that love because you model that which you expect. And
so if I give it to if I show someone
(22:08):
how to respect me, I provide them if I respect me,
I provide someone the example of how I want to
be treated, how I want to be respected. And I
think some people wanted it, want to ride with us
the way that we're intending, but because we overthink it, yeah,
(22:28):
we don't give them an opportunity to be like, Okay,
so yeah I did it wrong, so let me fix it,
or yeah, this isn't working. Yeah, man, it's so good.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
That bro, that is so good. I think for me
the biggest lesson that I had to learn that my
mentor told me this. He said, because of God is
expanding you. Because when you think about expansion, you think
about with and then you think about elevation, you think
about the vertical. So you have this massive sort of
(22:59):
with right of just experiences and then there's this vertical
part that I'm having these experience, I'm gaining this insight,
but the vertical and the elevation also places me at
a different level. So as much as I have with,
I also have height. And sometimes with the height, it's
(23:21):
leveling yourself back down to the reach. Because I never
want to be seen as if I'm talking over somebody,
I am talking at someone. I want to make sure
that I can talk to them. And he said, and
he's explaining and breaking all this down to me, he said,
with all of that, what I'm saying is you're going
(23:42):
to have to get accustomed to being the bad guy.
There's what if it's worth. That's when we yes exactly
what it is. He said, you both so all I
saw are and it's funny because as you hear, you
(24:06):
hear like an ambulance, do you hear the or the
police car? They're going to get the bag. The thing is,
it's like I think, because we have been in our
journeys the victims of bad people, we want to be
(24:31):
the rescuers of anyone else's experience there and feel the
pain that just so happens to be a part of life.
And at the end of the day, as much as
we're just feeling responsible to have to save them from that,
we have to realize that when we move that way,
(24:52):
we start to interfere with the work of God. Now,
sometimes they need to feel a rejection, and sometimes the
reject has to come from a healthy mind, so they know, actually,
this rejection actually must be good for me. Bro. That
was a relation that just came for me too. Yo.
(25:13):
Oh man, Oh my god, I love Jesus Christ. Oh
my god, dude, a healthy rejection because a lot of
times we're often rejected by fractured people, so we just
take it as, oh, this is just horrible, But what
if it comes from like that, You know, that healthy
rebuke that they talk about biblically. Biblically, and we used
(25:35):
to be afraid to hear rebuke. But sometimes a rebuke
of no, that's not okay is the best thing to
course correct you, to say, okay, well let me fix
it this way. And as we've grown up, we have mentors.
Yeah that can gitly rebew because now that's not you
don't do that. No, and it's okay. It's a it's
a healthy rejection. It's a healthy rebuke. Oh man, that's
(25:59):
a book title. Yahm healthy rejection, healthy rejection. Because I'm
still come. I'm pretty dat. We're gonna all be okay,
we can go right listen. I'm gonna tell you why
(26:20):
that is so good. When you think about a healthy rejection,
it's not that this wasn't for me. This happened to me.
They did this, did they did that? It's I needed then. Yeah,
And what I'm telling people is you don't need a
(26:42):
different outcome. You need a different outlook that that will
change the world, because because the rejection for them, it
is always predicated or what they had in mind is
predicated on what they wanted, which is the outcome that
they desire. Yeah, because this rejection now means I can't
(27:04):
have the outcome, but perhaps the rejection is it's all
about the outlook of it that you intake information that
can feed and inform how you can move in the
next moment, bro, so that you can be ready for
the outcome you desire. So I got a story. While
you sit there, think while you sit there, story I can't.
(27:28):
Some years back met this lady. She had just come
out of a divorce and she had I think she
was married to a leader pastor some port administer. So anyway,
I think it's probably like maybe a year right after
the divorce and if we had some exchange and I said, hey,
(27:50):
you know, we'd love to take you out. And this
is just you know, go hang out talk. Oh okay,
so you just the minister to her this. I know.
I didn't want to finish it too, man, keep talking
the biggest what this dude? No, I didn't want to
minish to it. Man. She she listened. She she told
me that she just come out of the divorce. But
she said, hey, I'm open to yo some counsel, some therapy.
(28:14):
This woman wanted to get some something to eat and
I wanted to eat. Dude, let me feel this telling
the story keep going. So we go to eat. It's
good and we're sitting there talking and I'm like, man,
you know, she's a dope woman, got things going on.
But I also can feel that the divorce was over,
(28:36):
but it wasn't over for her, right. I felt that.
So one night we're on the phone and I said,
can I say something to you to y'all just talking
at night? Y'all talking at night? Bro doesn't mind? Am
I focusing on the wrong things? Yes, you're focused on
the things. I don't get me where I'm supposed to
be paying attention because all I hear is this lady
gets into the voice that she's not over. She wants
(28:57):
you to shoot think no, no, And now she's talking
to you at night. Carry on what I'm saying, dough.
I met the lady after she's going to divorce. I
don't know that. So we had exchange and she tells me, hey,
I was married and I've been divorced over a year.
That's how he went. That's what I'm sakay. So everybody's
(29:19):
watching listen because I know I'm not the only one.
It sounded like she was grand. She was. It was
it was no, you know, no a divorce. She finds
doctor J and she wants to have some counsel. He says,
let's get some snacks, you know, and so she wants
to eat, and then she wants to start from that night.
Now he clarified, and that's important. It's important for you
(29:43):
to clarify. Next time you tell this story. Start with
she had been through a divorce and time you allow
if you allowed me to fit tell the story and
stop interrupting it. I just wanted you to be set
up for greatness. I didn't want anybody to turn this off.
This man is a good man. He's a noble man. Continue.
(30:04):
So we're on the phone at night because we both
worked during the day. She's in education and I'm in
my field of work, so nighttime is the only time
that we can talk clown. So anyway, we have this conversation,
and my spirit was uneasy. And again we've only been
(30:30):
talking about three or four weeks. So I said to her,
I don't know what we should continue on. I said,
I don't think we should continue on, and she was like,
oh why not. I said, I just and I said
it has nothing to do with the divorce. I said,
I'm just I send in my spirit because I was
it wasn't. I was feeling convicted, but I can feel
(30:52):
the spirit saying she's not ready. So going back to
the healthy rejection through this session. So she said, okay, Jay,
I can respect that. I said, I just feel it
heaven in my spirit. And I said, I'm not trying
to spiritualize this because we just vibing. I said, but
I don't think we should. So a year goes by
(31:16):
years month, she hits me up one day she's moved
on and not moved on in another relationship. But let
me clarify. She was living in the same city that
I was in, but she had moved to another city.
She hit me up one day and she said thank you.
And she says, I want to say thank you for
(31:38):
handling my heart and for guarding my heart, because she says,
most people in that moment, even though it had been
a year, I was still dealing with the remnants of it.
And she said, now, when you shared that with me,
it did feel like I was being rejected. But as
(31:59):
I be in the process, God also showed me that
my heart was still wounded and it would have been
unfair to inner something with you, knowing that I was
still hurting from what I had gone through, and we
had a really great exchange, and it really blessed me, man,
because sometimes you may have to make a different, difficult
(32:23):
decision for something that you want because I was, you know,
interested in wanting to get to know her. But this
is why it's so critical that the year after her divorce,
yet it's ample time exactly, Guys, he's in the clear. Yeah, yeah, Lord,
(32:43):
please help me with this. Brother. So the point that
you're making is that healthy reject healthy rejection is a
part of life, and we have to understand, especially as impaths,
as ones that move caring greatly for other people and
how they perceive us and how they move and excel
(33:09):
in life. We have to understand that if our intentions
are right and pure, that God will facilitate how they
accept what we give. Because if we continue to overthink
(33:35):
I got to say it this way, I gotta do
it this, I don't want to say all this. I
don't want to do that, we sabotage an opportunity of honesty,
which is the ultimate gift of truth fully doing its work,
because we're robbing them of the opportunity to get everything
they need that they may be informed how to move
(33:56):
next that is so important, is so valuable, and I
think we are just arrived at some help for us
for how we're gonna move in future dealings. Like it's okay, Yeah,
it's okay, because I know on the flip there has
(34:19):
been some rejection for myself that I have to internalize differently,
that outlook piece that you said where I have to
internalize different Oh, this doesn't mean that I wasn't qualified.
It just wasn't my stuff. That wasn't for me. No, Okay,
(34:41):
I think yeah, because oftentimes we jump into the seat
of if I didn't get it, that means I wasn't
good enough. But that is not at all what it means.
Talk to them, it does not have to mean that,
And most of the time it does not mean that,
especially to the champion mind. To the people that put
in work. Yes, you not getting something does not mean
(35:05):
you are not qualified. Yeah, it simply means that ain't yours.
He don't work anything that doesn't belong that don't belong
to you. Bro, I just went through, and I wouldn't
say went through, but I just got rejected for something
for a TV show that called me back several times.
(35:26):
Came out and well, yeah, came out here, came out
here to LA several times. Film the producers love me,
Love Me. The text message that called, however, the network
said different. And when the guy text me, I was
in a meeting and he said text me, He's like, hey,
doctor J you got a moment. I know. I didn't
(35:47):
get it. Like god, I felt it in my spirit.
I said, I didn't get it. So when I called
him back, I said hey. He say hey, man, and
he was like, I was like, man, cut out the pleasantries. Yeah, listen, listen, listen.
I've big credit brother football team for so I know
how just go. And I literally said to him, I
was like, bro, twenty years ago when I got to
(36:08):
bring my playbook, yeat that hurt. I was like, this
right here and how I can handle this. So when
he says heay, the network wanted to go another way,
but I know that you want to be good. And
I said to him, I said, brother, it just wasn't
for me. Now here's the other side of it. Had
they chosen me, I would have been I would have
(36:31):
to be going for ten weeks immediately, and all the
things that I have coming up, I would have missed
out on it, and when happened, wouldn't been able to
do it. And honestly, because we give, there is a
(36:51):
godly expectation of us as believers to only live in
the present moment. That's it, It's the only thing that's real.
Depression is an emotional commitment to something that's already happened
that you can't change. Anxiety is an emotional commitment to
something that hasn't happened and may never happen, that you
(37:12):
can't do nothing about. The right now Matthew six point
thirty four, take no thought for tomorrow, for tomorrow will
take has enough, It will take care of yourself, and
today has enough concern of its own. That hour of
responsibility is to be in the right now. What ends
up happening is we try to elongate the right now
beyond what the right now is. Right now included me
(37:39):
a moment ago drinking that, but it's no longer to
right now now is its sitting on the table. But
because we remember the action of the moment, we try
to commit ourselves to that moment. But we don't understand
that life is ever evolving and new things happen along
the way. So yes, it's stuff then, but you don't
(38:02):
have to stay stuck and the pain of a sting
that already happened. Make yourself available for the revelation that
comes along with stayed present with as the present unfolds
before you, because you start getting new information that wait
(38:26):
a minute, if I hadn't gotten that, I would have
had to cancel all of this other stuff that I
was working on. I wouldn't have been able to do this. Oh,
I see what you're doing. You're working all of this
together for my good, for my good. And if you
(38:46):
got the whole Dealer sessions, which obviously you haven't fully
listened because you would have gotten that one for the wind,
that's one of the tracks. Yeah, but uh, you get
my voice, You get my point. It's literally like you
start living beyond the moment of that upset. You start
(39:09):
getting information that downloads to you that this is actually
a good thing. It ain't bad, and it ain't bad,
and I needed it and I needed it. I needed
it because you cannot change future behaviors without the new information.
You gotta have the new information. That is what you
(39:29):
that is what variation by living by choosing yes to
be in the right now. Bro, there are so many
jewels in that statement alone, and I pray that the
person listening.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Lock in on, keep moving, get back in and get
back to it, get back up.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
M hm. Yes, you can feel it, feel what you feel. Yes,
it is real, but you will never ever heal if
you don't just get back in it. Yes, that's that's
that's good to me. Man, Man, listen, this is blessing me. Bro.
(40:25):
This new project, the Whole Dealing Session, so oversion, said
doctor J. Tiwler. People say, Whole Dealer Session is out
now please go listen to this man, woman, boy or girl. Yeah,
I think we all need more hope in this world
because hope deferred makes the heart sick. Yeah, that's what
(40:48):
the scripture says, hope deferred makes the heart sick. We
were listening and I started listening when you send over,
and I'm listening to the cadence of your voice, which
I loved, the cadence of how you are allowing the
words to flow. They don't feel forced, because I've listened
to a few albums where it's like spoken word and
(41:09):
it's just kind of feel like to get this, get this.
You're more speaking from receive this. Yeah, yes, that's it.
It's not get it, it's foresee and you cannot receive
with closed hands. So not only do you have to
open your ears for this new project, you got to
open your heart, open your mind, and then also open
(41:34):
your level of consciousness because sometimes we are operating from
this space that no longer serve us and we're unaware
about it. So when you think about this new project,
The Hope Builder Sessions, what places you had to go
to and retrieve hope to push this out? The whole
(42:00):
Billit Sessions is a motivational mixtape of spoken word and
music intended to amplify hope and love, life and culture.
I live this. I have benefited from these principles in
(42:26):
real life over the past forty years of living, but
more specifically as I received an unction by way of
and I actually talk about it at the end of
the project. The text message that I received from our
(42:47):
good brother Chadwick Boseman on April fourth, twenty twenty, where
he dared us to pray. He requested that we pray
collectively for the hope of the world world. He sent
it to a few of us, and he said, because
the pandemic has basically forced many of us to feel
(43:12):
as though we are in a sea of hopelessness. And
he said, the plague was asked why it had killed
so many. The plague responded, I only kill it. The
thousands that died died from the fear of me. Wow,
it's hope. Hope responds to fear. Because what hope does
(43:39):
is it not only commits to a better way and
to the promise of our maker, but it also provides
evidence that if I got through the last thing, I
can get through this one too. That's it. Brother. Every
(44:00):
storm runs out of rain. We can't name one that didn't.
That's why we talk about it. We talk about Katrina.
As devastating as Hurricane Katrina was, that was a storm
that still ran out of Rein you go back to
New Orleans, the party started back up because the storm
(44:23):
ran out of rain. And that's life. And that duality
that we talked about at the beginning, Rain, sunshine, thunder breeze,
it's all of it. And so these are literal collections
of understanding that I've had along the way. You remember
(44:45):
my major hope motivations and talks that you've encouraged me with,
and so I was just like, this is a compilation
of some experiences for the right now. It includes music,
you know, new songs and remakes the for the Wind
song that I Pray for You David Banners, you know,
(45:06):
featured on on the I Pray for You drum major remix,
and and these spoken words like get back, get back
in it. That's our favorite one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I love el. Yeah yeah, I'm proud of you, which
I am very proud of you. I really really am.
I really am. I'm very two black men. I know,
I know you are, and I appreciate that. The the
(45:30):
three Stays, that's a big one where it basically says
the three stays of life are stay excellent, stay consistent,
and stay ready. Yep, because when opportunity knocks, opportunities not
just looking around for you and waiting around for you
(45:50):
to get your stuff together. It's there to embrace the
person ready to go. So yeah, we were the whole
dealer sessions Get That No Regrets exactly to produce my
by my brother Josiah Bell. You know, we're coming out
of suicide Awareness Month and I want to get to
the heart of as many people as I can to
(46:12):
let them know that it ain't over. Yeah, if there's breath,
there's more. Brother, my best friends calling me now, Joe,
and I was, yeah, oh that's cool, that's cool. That
(46:34):
is a best friend. When you interrupt the podcast to
answer good guy. Yeah yeah, and yo, as the world
is watching what he's navigating through, God has allowed me
to walk with him to keep his whole. Uh, because
you a hope dealer, oh dealer on three one two three,
(46:57):
And this is that's why I answer the phone, because
I wanted him to experience your energy. Yeah, and what
God intended for me to even affirm, how is God?
God be good, Life be lifing, but God be goding.
And we have to make room for God to God.
Because when I tell you, when God God's man, it's
(47:19):
a good thing. It's a great thing. It slaps down
every accuser, it slaps down every offender, it slaps down
every hater. It handles it all and prepares a taping
in front of all of that. Man, thank you, yes, sir,
(47:40):
for what you did for help. And I say that,
bro from the bottom of my heart. And as we're closing,
it is just and you know, we talked about this
last time, but I think it's a great time to
to regurgitate what we shared and just to see what
God is doing in your life, man, to see the
problems of God to continue to Uh, let's just use
(48:02):
the word recap. Recap, Yeah, regurgitate because we said it.
H yeah, y'all see what I gotta do this. We
can't even have a serious look. I'm just offering more outlook,
it's all perspective recap. Yeah. It is a blessing to
(48:30):
see man, that because this project wasn't even out the
last time that we find no, No, I was working
on it. It's it's music that I wanted to go
on other projects. It's a mixtape. I was just like, yo,
I have an idea. I'm getting this out to the world,
you know, because you can't put everything when you have
a label, you can't put every song or whatever out.
(48:52):
And God was like, well, you don't have a laby,
Now let me show you what can be done. First perspective.
Because I kept moving, I was able to get the
new information to help me see, Oh, that wasn't that bad, no,
And you did it, yes, sir. And as we're closing
(49:13):
out September, as you know, September suicide prevention, money. And
what I want to share to you is the same
thing that I shared with my brother often is we're
made for this. We often don't feel that we're made
for the life that God has given us because what
we've experienced in this life that we have been blessed
(49:34):
to live. And me personally, I know what it's like
to live without hope. I know what it's like to
be in a place of hopelessness and to not feel
as if tomorrow will come. But I have the thought
that I didn't want to see tomorrow. Forget that it's
(49:57):
a coming. I didn't want to see it. And what
I'm encouraging you, I don't know where you are in
this season. I don't know what you're going through. I
don't know what you're experiencing. Major said something that was
so power. We often allow depression to take place in
our life for something that has already happened. Then he said,
(50:19):
we'll commit to anxiety for something that hasn't happened, and
I will encourage you that I cannot change what has happened.
We don't know what will. But you have the present
moment and if you can receive the hope in this
moment that my brother and I are sharing with you,
(50:40):
I am hoping that you would give yourself another opportunity
to keep going. We need you, brother, we need you, sister,
We need what God has placed in you. I'm telling
you you're not better off dead. That's the thought. Because
(51:01):
I thought that, and from that thought, I made two
attempts because I felt my family would be better off,
the world would be better off, but not knowing that
God said the world would be better because you stayed,
the world would be better because you chose to live.
(51:22):
Your family would be better because you made a decision
to keep moving. Because Major said this, the rain has
to end. And I know most of us that are
struggling with suicidal thoughts. We think that the pain won't
ever end, and we think ending our life will cause
(51:42):
the pain to end. But that is the beginning of
pain that you don't even know what those then taking
your pain to give it to the ones who care,
and there's always someone who does. That's so good. I
think a lot of people will be blessed by this episode,
(52:03):
So I'm thanking God in advance for it being so
Hope ain't never canceled. Jesus' name a man. Listen again.
Thank you guys for tuning in. This was a powerful, powerful,
powerful episode with my brother and friend. That's major, the
(52:25):
Hope Dealer himself new project, The Hope Dealer Session. Please
go grab it, please go support it. Listen to it.
Let it affirm you, let it builds you up. Let
it give you hope. Major talk to the good people.
Close es out, brother, don't give up. As the good
Reverend Jesse Jackson said almost every space he stepped, man,
(52:51):
keep hope alive, Keep hope alive, Keep hope alive. That's
not some fluffy cliche. Is a powerful moves to lock
in on that hope. Hope. It's a powerful thing, and
hope ain't ever canceled. Hope Dealer on three Jay one
(53:12):
two three Hope and remember heally is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Until next time, take care of yourself,
be blessed. This is all right. Camera cover just here
with Doctor j a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
(53:35):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
x and follow us on YouTube just here, Doctor J.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Thanks for listening and celebrating five years of the Black
Effect Podcast Network with us. Keep following because the next
five years are about to be even bigger
It feaks to the plan. This Charlamagne God here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Before we get into today's episode, we've got to celebrate
the Black Effect Podcast Network. It's turning five years old, man,
five years of powerful voices, unforgettable moments in the community
that keeps growing.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
This is the power of the platform. Now let's get
into it. Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a
production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome
back to another episode Just Heal with Doctor J and
I am your host, Doctor J. Listen. If you haven't
subscribed yet, click that link and subscribe and join our
(00:33):
healing community. We have so many great things planned, so
many great things that we want to invest into the
healing community. Coming soon, I'm going to be doing courses.
I'm going to be doing a live once a month,
pouring into the individuals that are wanting to continue their
healing journey. And as I often say, healing is a
journey and wholeness is the destination. But I don't want
(00:54):
to take up too much of your time because I
got another guest that's back for a second time. Oh
you gonna put that on Yes, I'm gonna put that
on camera.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Back for a second time unplaying because for some kind
of way, CJ don't know, and I'm not doing CJ
on the bro't y'all know that's my right hand man
for CJ. CJ called me and said, Bro, something happened
to Major's episode. We got the audio, Bro, but we
don't have the visual. So here we are again, back
in La recording our brother, gospel award winning artist, you
(01:28):
know him, for the most played wedding song of all times,
beyond Riven in the Sky.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
This is why I love you. Anyway, I know Stevie
wonder is his boy, is his mentor? Is his dude?
And Stevie, listen, I know you can hear me, but
I want you pay attention to what I'm saying. So
we respect you, Stevie. But Major do has the top
wedding song. Well, Stevie, to be fair, Uncle Stevie did
(01:55):
say I believe this would be the wedding love song
for years to come, and it is. He gave me
his blessing and Ribbing in the Sky clearly set the
mark absolutely, And so why I love you is just
trying to anyway, stop being humble. Anyway, Stevie, we reverew you,
We respect you. But right now, Major is the leading
wedding song. This is why I love you anyway. Welcome
(02:19):
to the healing community. My brother, my friend, and this
dude is just I don't have anything else to say.
We we are like dumb and dumber. I guess I'll
be dumb. Gotta be dumb, ladies and gentlemen. His brother
is here, the platinum soul singer, my mama's favorite hope dealer. Huh, mister,
(02:43):
this is why I love you and that new nude.
I set a prayer for you. We hear him, brother,
but the ain't for having me again. But you ain't
say no prayer for me. I did, Actually, I actually
do pray for you. You know that card. Let's start
this thing, so listen, we're back a second time again.
Y'all See the type of relationship me a Major had.
(03:04):
It is constant batter It is constant back and forth.
It is a brotherhood and a friendship that I greatly
appreciate that we have. So before we get into it,
I don't even talk about the project. I love to
open up every episode, which is, how are you feeling?
If you could just locate your feelings in this moment?
(03:27):
Who to be honest. Today I am grateful but also overwhelmed.
I'm preparing for a tour. I'm you know, thinking of
all the different areas that I can strengthen as it
(03:49):
relates to my career. I'm grateful for my wife. I'm
grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the many blessings
that have finally shown up in this season. You know,
I pray for you when number one since the last
time we talked, and it got me a Stellar nomination
(04:12):
our Performingly Stellar Awards, and it's a lot of really
cool stuff happening. But I think I'm a bit overwhelmed
with a lot that is happening and wanting to show
up well for all of it. So I'm gonna have
to start, you know, you know, living the hope that
I'm giving. You feel me that pace? Oh now you
(04:35):
tap it into my book? Yeah, absolutely, sewing pace. I
love that you were able to identify the oxymoranity or
I will say, or I would like to say, the
paradoxical of just life. Yeah, you know, I'm excited about something,
but I'm also concerned because a sense of overwhelming or
(04:59):
overwhelming it's just really a sense of concern right where
it's like, man, am I ready? Do I have what
it takes? Am I enough? I don't think it's the
same thing as some would say that it could be
synonymous to imposter syndrome, But I think the overwhelmness, overwhelming
feeling that you are sensing is really like, man, a
(05:20):
lot is happening at one time. Yeah, I definitely know
specific to right now. That's the thing, like, am I ready?
You know? Am I giving enough to meet the need
before I arrive at it? I have wrestled with imposter syndrome,
believe it or not, as bold as I move, I
(05:41):
have wrestled with imposter syndrome. And I think it's fair
to speak to that duality of life because that's literally
what life is. And like you said, you've mentioned in
your book. In my new project, The Hope Dealer Sessions,
I talk about that life is hope and healy, pain
and purpose, trial and triumph. You know, it's all of it.
(06:04):
It's storm and rain. But the gift of life is
that we're giving the opportunity to live, do all of it,
and still show up fully in all of it. It
may not be perfection, but show up nonetheless. He's graced
us the ability to weather it all. So, yeah, that's
where I'm at right now. No, And I like how
(06:24):
you expounded on that because I think when we think
about the duality of life, we often see it from
the vantage point letting go of something while holding on
to something else, right, And I think simultaneously, we're usually
trying to do them together. And what I like to
(06:48):
do is I have to do one and then allow
the other to follow. Yeah, and that's not saying that
they both don't coexist and they both are not held
in the same space because on one end, I know
exactly what you're feeling because I'm feeling the same way.
There are so many opportunities right now, man, that are
coming my way. There are so many things that I'm
(07:09):
having to read through, navigate, plan, prepare, then also focus
on being present in all of it. So I understand
that challenge as well. But what I'm learning major is
plan over here and then step back into this and
say where can I let go? Because what we're trying
(07:32):
to do and what caused us to feel overwhelming, is
that is carrying off. It's carried all at the same time.
So as you are processing that now and I'm watching
your brain turn. What could you pick up now? And
then what could you lay down? I know that I'm
kind of I wrestled. Okay, So my journey as a
(07:56):
recording artist has been different than the way I planned
it out. God is hilarious. But I've experienced some amazing
highs and amazing wins in my journey, but the way
that things have unfolded are different. So I've had to
(08:16):
take on some responsibilities as an independent artist who's mama
named of major that doesn't always allow me to fully
trust the team or the people that are there in
place to help support me, to fully trust that they're
(08:38):
going to execute at the level of my expectations. Yeah,
my expectations and my reputation of excellent output. I operate
at high level quality only that's how I was raised.
If it's going to be done, it's got to be right,
(08:58):
you know. And so yeah, and so so I think
when you ask, like what can I let go up?
I think maybe just trusting that if I gave the
re If I gave the I may clear the ask
or the need or the want, they will be handled.
(09:19):
It's the scheduling and stuff is going to be handled
I've just been let down a lot of times. I
think it's PTSD in a way, it is who Oh listen, brother,
when I tell you I overstand, overstand, I overstand because
you and I have had very unique careers and the
(09:42):
same with me, like my career did not. And again,
for one, let me just say this, this wasn't even
my career that I had in mind. I wanted to
play ball, so to be a therapist, a doctor in healthcare,
and to be a podcast holes like I remember you
telling me, like, bro, you got to do a podcasts
and I'm like, no, I don't. So to think about
(10:05):
the process of really comprehending all of it, because even
that's a challenge because now I am I wouldn't say force,
but I'm pressed to look at things that I never
thought that I would be looking at and put trust
in people that I never thought that I would have
(10:27):
to trust because I can't do it all. I can't
read the emails, I can't respond, I can't book the
skip the flight. I can't, you know, try to understand
all the accommodations that I need while also focusing on
the art and the skill that we have been gifted
with and that's honestly what we ultimately want. We want
(10:53):
to be able to just be the talent in the
space or just be the created in this space, and
allow the logistical pieces to be handled and handled well
by whoever's there. I know that some of my circumstances
(11:13):
have been where I've had to literally just do it myself. Yep,
you know, so so yeah, I just I just want
to make sure I want to I want to put
more into practice. I've kind of done it a better
job of it this particular year. Like I no longer
(11:36):
had a label. I'm I'm extremely independent, and so I've
had to employ my own you know, contractors like kind
of you know, get my own folks on board and
make up a team just based on my own network,
and they're great at what they do. It's just again,
(11:58):
I know what it feels like to be let down
thus people that say I got it, man, that disappointment. Man,
it's hard, bro. It's hard to your process that and
articularly when you are trusting it, trusting them with your thing.
Yeah yeah, because my thing and my that's what it
(12:22):
is you're you're in trusting it's legit, like handing your
baby over to be cared for a four by multiple hands.
That's not an easy thing. Like we probably grew up
if you grew up somewhat similar, Like we couldn't just
go over anybody's house. You know. I have friends where
(12:45):
their parents were like, yeah, you can go, you can go,
you can go, you go. But my mom barely let
us spend the night over anybody's house. Yeah, you know
if there was a cousin, yeah, for the most part,
but for the outside of that, you were just no.
So imagine that's how it is. Like you You've got
(13:07):
your project and you got your vision, and you want
to make certain that you work as a team, but
you have to trust the hands and the mindset the
individuals that are part of it. So that's a daily
work that I have to work on, you know. You know, I,
(13:29):
like I said, I love excellence, bro. I'm not a
perfectionist by any means. You just like excellence. Oh man,
I think you would really be done. Man. What I
hear you saying is I want it done well. That's
the work. I want it done well. And I don't
think anything is wrong with that. Man. I think for
(13:50):
brothers like us who have this spirit of excellence, because
if I can't do it well, I don't want to
do it at all. That's it. I'm not doing it.
And I can remember, man, several things that I've said
no to because I know that I couldn't do it
well because of my limited capacity. And I'm always interested, man,
(14:12):
because I've gone through I had about three managers, had
about three managers for publicists. The publishers I have now
is amazing. The team that I have now is amazing.
But I think going through the difficult time is what
I was called in and the challenging decision that you
(14:34):
have to make when it doesn't work out well, when
you have to have the conversation that something that you
had an expectation for that wasn't done well, that's always
difficult for me because I've worked with mostly females that
operate in that space. For me, so my PTSD from
a long relationship or previous relationship that I had that
(14:58):
when I shared how I truly felt, it wasn't received well.
So even when I have gone to speak to and say, yo, man,
can we talk about this, dude, I'm shaking because what
happened is and women don't realize this. It's so for
a man that like us, who can really express ourselves
just because I can express our intelligence that can articulate,
(15:19):
and it doesn't make it easy, No, because it shocks
them because a lot of times they may appreciate it,
but there because it's not as commons, it hits harder
and it's like, no, but I'm just I'm just helping
you understand exactly what it is. So it leads no
world for you to think anything else. Yes, but yet
(15:40):
and still exactly it's a wow, man, bro. I literally
remember having to have a conversation with my managing and
I remember taking myself through break breath breaths, like just yeah.
And then here's the other part. It was on zoom.
I was even conscious of how my body lay, which
(16:00):
was oning zoom. I did not want to sit up
because I'm not saying this with her, but I said,
I didn't want her to think that there was going
to be this level of aggression. So even that was
just you know what, I think, it's a it's a
byproduct of it's the gift and the challenge of being
(16:23):
impaths because that's what we are. We don't like to
see people hurt. No, we don't like to see people suffer,
and sometimes it's us. We don't even like to see
our enemies hurt and suffer, long past them realizing that
they need to do better by us, but like we
(16:43):
still have a compassion for I think I know why
they're doing this, and it's like, it's not our job
to always figure that, oubum, It's not our job to
always feel responsible to making certain that people can what
it is that we give. That's a God work, that's
(17:06):
a God responsibility. And while empathy seemingly feels like a
God trait, we have to be careful not to move
into the realm of God identity or God in work
or God responsibility. That's it God responsibility to know all
things before we arrive there, because then it snatches us
(17:29):
out of the faith space that God is more delighted
by and God rewards. Because honestly, we know our hearts
are always in the right place. It is probably like
zero point zero zero two percent of the time our
heart may not be in the right place. And I'm
saying that only just because you know we're human. But
(17:51):
for the most part, our intentions are not to make
a person feel less than a person feel unworthy. Feel
bad or whatever. But at the end of the day,
we know we're building something and you cannot have a fractured,
(18:12):
broken or an incompetent help to be a part of
the building because that part that they're assigned to is
not going to be And it's critical, Yes, it's critical
because when you're building something, we have to build it well.
It's the only way that is going to be respected, appreciated,
(18:37):
revered and honor. Because I take what I do, Bro
so seriously as I know that you do. I don't
just put people together and put people on the couch.
So like we are inundated with emails all the time,
like hey, can we get this person on your podcast?
Can And everything from working with CJ to working with
(18:59):
my pupps is like everything. I have to sit with it.
I have to pray about it, and I have to
identify within my spirit. But what do you do when
you've identified it within your spirit and you have to
go to that person and and tell them no, and
tell them no. I have gotten better with just being honest,
(19:29):
I know. I also while I have language, I also
have a big bowie voice, which we do. That's so crazy, Bro,
that's so crazy. So so you gotta be double so
like so sometimes like when I say something, it sounds
so profound, and all I'm saying is I liked I
(19:49):
like to I would love some limon pepper wings, but
I would love some lemon pepper wings. Okay, okay, well
just and I'm like, no, I'm just I'm just saying it.
So I think that for me, that one and this
has literally helped me legit Holy Spirit speak to me,
(20:13):
and I have to trust that whatever comes out comes
out is what needs to and it honestly has surprised me.
I know that sometimes I had approached situations that I'm like, oh,
this is not gonna, and this is gonna. I could
tell you right now, I can be honest, I'm already
ready to I'm not on the defense, but I'm prepared
(20:35):
because just in case. And it's not that I'm going
to have rebuttaled, but it's like, all right, I'm going
to have to be prepared to take how they feel
about how I feel. And that's not fair and it's
not fair, man, that's not fair. And that is some
type of learned behavior from a trauma that has had
(20:58):
to have existed in childhood, even if not childhood in
our in years past, that was significant enough to keep
showing up, because what it does is it debilitates us,
and it stops us from our advancement and our progress,
and so our advancement in progress is slower because we
(21:22):
are so concerned on making sure people that have not
done the work, that are not willing to do the work,
or that people that are just missing it. We just
want to make sure they're good. And I don't think
that God intended for us to move that way. I
think about the scripture to love your neighbor as yourself,
(21:46):
and the operative word that we often miss is as.
The measure is dependent on how you extend to yourself
that love because you model that which you expect. And
so if I give it to if I show someone
(22:08):
how to respect me, I provide them if I respect me,
I provide someone the example of how I want to
be treated, how I want to be respected. And I
think some people wanted it, want to ride with us
the way that we're intending, but because we overthink it, yeah,
(22:28):
we don't give them an opportunity to be like, Okay,
so yeah I did it wrong, so let me fix it,
or yeah, this isn't working. Yeah, man, it's so good.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
That bro, that is so good. I think for me
the biggest lesson that I had to learn that my
mentor told me this. He said, because of God is
expanding you. Because when you think about expansion, you think
about with and then you think about elevation, you think
about the vertical. So you have this massive sort of
(22:59):
with right of just experiences and then there's this vertical
part that I'm having these experience, I'm gaining this insight,
but the vertical and the elevation also places me at
a different level. So as much as I have with,
I also have height. And sometimes with the height, it's
(23:21):
leveling yourself back down to the reach. Because I never
want to be seen as if I'm talking over somebody,
I am talking at someone. I want to make sure
that I can talk to them. And he said, and
he's explaining and breaking all this down to me, he said,
with all of that, what I'm saying is you're going
(23:42):
to have to get accustomed to being the bad guy.
There's what if it's worth. That's when we yes exactly
what it is. He said, you both so all I
saw are and it's funny because as you hear, you
(24:06):
hear like an ambulance, do you hear the or the
police car? They're going to get the bag. The thing is,
it's like I think, because we have been in our
journeys the victims of bad people, we want to be
(24:31):
the rescuers of anyone else's experience there and feel the
pain that just so happens to be a part of life.
And at the end of the day, as much as
we're just feeling responsible to have to save them from that,
we have to realize that when we move that way,
(24:52):
we start to interfere with the work of God. Now,
sometimes they need to feel a rejection, and sometimes the
reject has to come from a healthy mind, so they know, actually,
this rejection actually must be good for me. Bro. That
was a relation that just came for me too. Yo.
(25:13):
Oh man, Oh my god, I love Jesus Christ. Oh
my god, dude, a healthy rejection because a lot of
times we're often rejected by fractured people, so we just
take it as, oh, this is just horrible, But what
if it comes from like that, You know, that healthy
rebuke that they talk about biblically. Biblically, and we used
(25:35):
to be afraid to hear rebuke. But sometimes a rebuke
of no, that's not okay is the best thing to
course correct you, to say, okay, well let me fix
it this way. And as we've grown up, we have mentors.
Yeah that can gitly rebew because now that's not you
don't do that. No, and it's okay. It's a it's
a healthy rejection. It's a healthy rebuke. Oh man, that's
(25:59):
a book title. Yahm healthy rejection, healthy rejection. Because I'm
still come. I'm pretty dat. We're gonna all be okay,
we can go right listen. I'm gonna tell you why
(26:20):
that is so good. When you think about a healthy rejection,
it's not that this wasn't for me. This happened to me.
They did this, did they did that? It's I needed then. Yeah,
And what I'm telling people is you don't need a
(26:42):
different outcome. You need a different outlook that that will
change the world, because because the rejection for them, it
is always predicated or what they had in mind is
predicated on what they wanted, which is the outcome that
they desire. Yeah, because this rejection now means I can't
(27:04):
have the outcome, but perhaps the rejection is it's all
about the outlook of it that you intake information that
can feed and inform how you can move in the
next moment, bro, so that you can be ready for
the outcome you desire. So I got a story. While
you sit there, think while you sit there, story I can't.
(27:28):
Some years back met this lady. She had just come
out of a divorce and she had I think she
was married to a leader pastor some port administer. So anyway,
I think it's probably like maybe a year right after
the divorce and if we had some exchange and I said, hey,
(27:50):
you know, we'd love to take you out. And this
is just you know, go hang out talk. Oh okay,
so you just the minister to her this. I know.
I didn't want to finish it too, man, keep talking
the biggest what this dude? No, I didn't want to
minish to it. Man. She she listened. She she told
me that she just come out of the divorce. But
she said, hey, I'm open to yo some counsel, some therapy.
(28:14):
This woman wanted to get some something to eat and
I wanted to eat. Dude, let me feel this telling
the story keep going. So we go to eat. It's
good and we're sitting there talking and I'm like, man,
you know, she's a dope woman, got things going on.
But I also can feel that the divorce was over,
(28:36):
but it wasn't over for her, right. I felt that.
So one night we're on the phone and I said,
can I say something to you to y'all just talking
at night? Y'all talking at night? Bro doesn't mind? Am
I focusing on the wrong things? Yes, you're focused on
the things. I don't get me where I'm supposed to
be paying attention because all I hear is this lady
gets into the voice that she's not over. She wants
(28:57):
you to shoot think no, no, And now she's talking
to you at night. Carry on what I'm saying, dough.
I met the lady after she's going to divorce. I
don't know that. So we had exchange and she tells me, hey,
I was married and I've been divorced over a year.
That's how he went. That's what I'm sakay. So everybody's
(29:19):
watching listen because I know I'm not the only one.
It sounded like she was grand. She was. It was
it was no, you know, no a divorce. She finds
doctor J and she wants to have some counsel. He says,
let's get some snacks, you know, and so she wants
to eat, and then she wants to start from that night.
Now he clarified, and that's important. It's important for you
(29:43):
to clarify. Next time you tell this story. Start with
she had been through a divorce and time you allow
if you allowed me to fit tell the story and
stop interrupting it. I just wanted you to be set
up for greatness. I didn't want anybody to turn this off.
This man is a good man. He's a noble man. Continue.
(30:04):
So we're on the phone at night because we both
worked during the day. She's in education and I'm in
my field of work, so nighttime is the only time
that we can talk clown. So anyway, we have this conversation,
and my spirit was uneasy. And again we've only been
(30:30):
talking about three or four weeks. So I said to her,
I don't know what we should continue on. I said,
I don't think we should continue on, and she was like,
oh why not. I said, I just and I said
it has nothing to do with the divorce. I said,
I'm just I send in my spirit because I was
it wasn't. I was feeling convicted, but I can feel
(30:52):
the spirit saying she's not ready. So going back to
the healthy rejection through this session. So she said, okay, Jay,
I can respect that. I said, I just feel it
heaven in my spirit. And I said, I'm not trying
to spiritualize this because we just vibing. I said, but
I don't think we should. So a year goes by
(31:16):
years month, she hits me up one day she's moved
on and not moved on in another relationship. But let
me clarify. She was living in the same city that
I was in, but she had moved to another city.
She hit me up one day and she said thank you.
And she says, I want to say thank you for
(31:38):
handling my heart and for guarding my heart, because she says,
most people in that moment, even though it had been
a year, I was still dealing with the remnants of it.
And she said, now, when you shared that with me,
it did feel like I was being rejected. But as
(31:59):
I be in the process, God also showed me that
my heart was still wounded and it would have been
unfair to inner something with you, knowing that I was
still hurting from what I had gone through, and we
had a really great exchange, and it really blessed me, man,
because sometimes you may have to make a different, difficult
(32:23):
decision for something that you want because I was, you know,
interested in wanting to get to know her. But this
is why it's so critical that the year after her divorce,
yet it's ample time exactly, Guys, he's in the clear. Yeah, yeah, Lord,
(32:43):
please help me with this. Brother. So the point that
you're making is that healthy reject healthy rejection is a
part of life, and we have to understand, especially as impaths,
as ones that move caring greatly for other people and
how they perceive us and how they move and excel
(33:09):
in life. We have to understand that if our intentions
are right and pure, that God will facilitate how they
accept what we give. Because if we continue to overthink
(33:35):
I got to say it this way, I gotta do
it this, I don't want to say all this. I
don't want to do that, we sabotage an opportunity of honesty,
which is the ultimate gift of truth fully doing its work,
because we're robbing them of the opportunity to get everything
they need that they may be informed how to move
(33:56):
next that is so important, is so valuable, and I
think we are just arrived at some help for us
for how we're gonna move in future dealings. Like it's okay, Yeah,
it's okay, because I know on the flip there has
(34:19):
been some rejection for myself that I have to internalize differently,
that outlook piece that you said where I have to
internalize different Oh, this doesn't mean that I wasn't qualified.
It just wasn't my stuff. That wasn't for me. No, Okay,
(34:41):
I think yeah, because oftentimes we jump into the seat
of if I didn't get it, that means I wasn't
good enough. But that is not at all what it means.
Talk to them, it does not have to mean that,
And most of the time it does not mean that,
especially to the champion mind. To the people that put
in work. Yes, you not getting something does not mean
(35:05):
you are not qualified. Yeah, it simply means that ain't yours.
He don't work anything that doesn't belong that don't belong
to you. Bro, I just went through, and I wouldn't
say went through, but I just got rejected for something
for a TV show that called me back several times.
(35:26):
Came out and well, yeah, came out here, came out
here to LA several times. Film the producers love me,
Love Me. The text message that called, however, the network
said different. And when the guy text me, I was
in a meeting and he said text me, He's like, hey,
doctor J you got a moment. I know. I didn't
(35:47):
get it. Like god, I felt it in my spirit.
I said, I didn't get it. So when I called
him back, I said hey. He say hey, man, and
he was like, I was like, man, cut out the pleasantries. Yeah, listen, listen, listen.
I've big credit brother football team for so I know
how just go. And I literally said to him, I
was like, bro, twenty years ago when I got to
(36:08):
bring my playbook, yeat that hurt. I was like, this
right here and how I can handle this. So when
he says heay, the network wanted to go another way,
but I know that you want to be good. And
I said to him, I said, brother, it just wasn't
for me. Now here's the other side of it. Had
they chosen me, I would have been I would have
(36:31):
to be going for ten weeks immediately, and all the
things that I have coming up, I would have missed
out on it, and when happened, wouldn't been able to
do it. And honestly, because we give, there is a
(36:51):
godly expectation of us as believers to only live in
the present moment. That's it, It's the only thing that's real.
Depression is an emotional commitment to something that's already happened
that you can't change. Anxiety is an emotional commitment to
something that hasn't happened and may never happen, that you
(37:12):
can't do nothing about. The right now Matthew six point
thirty four, take no thought for tomorrow, for tomorrow will
take has enough, It will take care of yourself, and
today has enough concern of its own. That hour of
responsibility is to be in the right now. What ends
up happening is we try to elongate the right now
beyond what the right now is. Right now included me
(37:39):
a moment ago drinking that, but it's no longer to
right now now is its sitting on the table. But
because we remember the action of the moment, we try
to commit ourselves to that moment. But we don't understand
that life is ever evolving and new things happen along
the way. So yes, it's stuff then, but you don't
(38:02):
have to stay stuck and the pain of a sting
that already happened. Make yourself available for the revelation that
comes along with stayed present with as the present unfolds
before you, because you start getting new information that wait
(38:26):
a minute, if I hadn't gotten that, I would have
had to cancel all of this other stuff that I
was working on. I wouldn't have been able to do this. Oh,
I see what you're doing. You're working all of this
together for my good, for my good. And if you
(38:46):
got the whole Dealer sessions, which obviously you haven't fully
listened because you would have gotten that one for the wind,
that's one of the tracks. Yeah, but uh, you get
my voice, You get my point. It's literally like you
start living beyond the moment of that upset. You start
(39:09):
getting information that downloads to you that this is actually
a good thing. It ain't bad, and it ain't bad,
and I needed it and I needed it. I needed
it because you cannot change future behaviors without the new information.
You gotta have the new information. That is what you
(39:29):
that is what variation by living by choosing yes to
be in the right now. Bro, there are so many
jewels in that statement alone, and I pray that the
person listening.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Lock in on, keep moving, get back in and get
back to it, get back up.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
M hm. Yes, you can feel it, feel what you feel. Yes,
it is real, but you will never ever heal if
you don't just get back in it. Yes, that's that's
that's good to me. Man, Man, listen, this is blessing me. Bro.
(40:25):
This new project, the Whole Dealing Session, so oversion, said
doctor J. Tiwler. People say, Whole Dealer Session is out
now please go listen to this man, woman, boy or girl. Yeah,
I think we all need more hope in this world
because hope deferred makes the heart sick. Yeah, that's what
(40:48):
the scripture says, hope deferred makes the heart sick. We
were listening and I started listening when you send over,
and I'm listening to the cadence of your voice, which
I loved, the cadence of how you are allowing the
words to flow. They don't feel forced, because I've listened
to a few albums where it's like spoken word and
(41:09):
it's just kind of feel like to get this, get this.
You're more speaking from receive this. Yeah, yes, that's it.
It's not get it, it's foresee and you cannot receive
with closed hands. So not only do you have to
open your ears for this new project, you got to
open your heart, open your mind, and then also open
(41:34):
your level of consciousness because sometimes we are operating from
this space that no longer serve us and we're unaware
about it. So when you think about this new project,
The Hope Builder Sessions, what places you had to go
to and retrieve hope to push this out? The whole
(42:00):
Billit Sessions is a motivational mixtape of spoken word and
music intended to amplify hope and love, life and culture.
I live this. I have benefited from these principles in
(42:26):
real life over the past forty years of living, but
more specifically as I received an unction by way of
and I actually talk about it at the end of
the project. The text message that I received from our
(42:47):
good brother Chadwick Boseman on April fourth, twenty twenty, where
he dared us to pray. He requested that we pray
collectively for the hope of the world world. He sent
it to a few of us, and he said, because
the pandemic has basically forced many of us to feel
(43:12):
as though we are in a sea of hopelessness. And
he said, the plague was asked why it had killed
so many. The plague responded, I only kill it. The
thousands that died died from the fear of me. Wow,
it's hope. Hope responds to fear. Because what hope does
(43:39):
is it not only commits to a better way and
to the promise of our maker, but it also provides
evidence that if I got through the last thing, I
can get through this one too. That's it. Brother. Every
(44:00):
storm runs out of rain. We can't name one that didn't.
That's why we talk about it. We talk about Katrina.
As devastating as Hurricane Katrina was, that was a storm
that still ran out of Rein you go back to
New Orleans, the party started back up because the storm
(44:23):
ran out of rain. And that's life. And that duality
that we talked about at the beginning, Rain, sunshine, thunder breeze,
it's all of it. And so these are literal collections
of understanding that I've had along the way. You remember
(44:45):
my major hope motivations and talks that you've encouraged me with,
and so I was just like, this is a compilation
of some experiences for the right now. It includes music,
you know, new songs and remakes the for the Wind
song that I Pray for You David Banners, you know,
(45:06):
featured on on the I Pray for You drum major remix,
and and these spoken words like get back, get back
in it. That's our favorite one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I love el. Yeah yeah, I'm proud of you, which
I am very proud of you. I really really am.
I really am. I'm very two black men. I know,
I know you are, and I appreciate that. The the
(45:30):
three Stays, that's a big one where it basically says
the three stays of life are stay excellent, stay consistent,
and stay ready. Yep, because when opportunity knocks, opportunities not
just looking around for you and waiting around for you
(45:50):
to get your stuff together. It's there to embrace the
person ready to go. So yeah, we were the whole
dealer sessions Get That No Regrets exactly to produce my
by my brother Josiah Bell. You know, we're coming out
of suicide Awareness Month and I want to get to
the heart of as many people as I can to
(46:12):
let them know that it ain't over. Yeah, if there's breath,
there's more. Brother, my best friends calling me now, Joe,
and I was, yeah, oh that's cool, that's cool. That
(46:34):
is a best friend. When you interrupt the podcast to
answer good guy. Yeah yeah, and yo, as the world
is watching what he's navigating through, God has allowed me
to walk with him to keep his whole. Uh, because
you a hope dealer, oh dealer on three one two three,
(46:57):
And this is that's why I answer the phone, because
I wanted him to experience your energy. Yeah, and what
God intended for me to even affirm, how is God?
God be good, Life be lifing, but God be goding.
And we have to make room for God to God.
Because when I tell you, when God God's man, it's
(47:19):
a good thing. It's a great thing. It slaps down
every accuser, it slaps down every offender, it slaps down
every hater. It handles it all and prepares a taping
in front of all of that. Man, thank you, yes, sir,
(47:40):
for what you did for help. And I say that,
bro from the bottom of my heart. And as we're closing,
it is just and you know, we talked about this
last time, but I think it's a great time to
to regurgitate what we shared and just to see what
God is doing in your life, man, to see the
problems of God to continue to Uh, let's just use
(48:02):
the word recap. Recap, Yeah, regurgitate because we said it.
H yeah, y'all see what I gotta do this. We
can't even have a serious look. I'm just offering more outlook,
it's all perspective recap. Yeah. It is a blessing to
(48:30):
see man, that because this project wasn't even out the
last time that we find no, No, I was working
on it. It's it's music that I wanted to go
on other projects. It's a mixtape. I was just like, yo,
I have an idea. I'm getting this out to the world,
you know, because you can't put everything when you have
a label, you can't put every song or whatever out.
(48:52):
And God was like, well, you don't have a laby,
Now let me show you what can be done. First perspective.
Because I kept moving, I was able to get the
new information to help me see, Oh, that wasn't that bad, no,
And you did it, yes, sir. And as we're closing
(49:13):
out September, as you know, September suicide prevention, money. And
what I want to share to you is the same
thing that I shared with my brother often is we're
made for this. We often don't feel that we're made
for the life that God has given us because what
we've experienced in this life that we have been blessed
(49:34):
to live. And me personally, I know what it's like
to live without hope. I know what it's like to
be in a place of hopelessness and to not feel
as if tomorrow will come. But I have the thought
that I didn't want to see tomorrow. Forget that it's
(49:57):
a coming. I didn't want to see it. And what
I'm encouraging you, I don't know where you are in
this season. I don't know what you're going through. I
don't know what you're experiencing. Major said something that was
so power. We often allow depression to take place in
our life for something that has already happened. Then he said,
(50:19):
we'll commit to anxiety for something that hasn't happened, and
I will encourage you that I cannot change what has happened.
We don't know what will. But you have the present
moment and if you can receive the hope in this
moment that my brother and I are sharing with you,
(50:40):
I am hoping that you would give yourself another opportunity
to keep going. We need you, brother, we need you, sister,
We need what God has placed in you. I'm telling
you you're not better off dead. That's the thought. Because
(51:01):
I thought that, and from that thought, I made two
attempts because I felt my family would be better off,
the world would be better off, but not knowing that
God said the world would be better because you stayed,
the world would be better because you chose to live.
(51:22):
Your family would be better because you made a decision
to keep moving. Because Major said this, the rain has
to end. And I know most of us that are
struggling with suicidal thoughts. We think that the pain won't
ever end, and we think ending our life will cause
(51:42):
the pain to end. But that is the beginning of
pain that you don't even know what those then taking
your pain to give it to the ones who care,
and there's always someone who does. That's so good. I
think a lot of people will be blessed by this episode,
(52:03):
So I'm thanking God in advance for it being so
Hope ain't never canceled. Jesus' name a man. Listen again.
Thank you guys for tuning in. This was a powerful, powerful,
powerful episode with my brother and friend. That's major, the
(52:25):
Hope Dealer himself new project, The Hope Dealer Session. Please
go grab it, please go support it. Listen to it.
Let it affirm you, let it builds you up. Let
it give you hope. Major talk to the good people.
Close es out, brother, don't give up. As the good
Reverend Jesse Jackson said almost every space he stepped, man,
(52:51):
keep hope alive, Keep hope alive, Keep hope alive. That's
not some fluffy cliche. Is a powerful moves to lock
in on that hope. Hope. It's a powerful thing, and
hope ain't ever canceled. Hope Dealer on three Jay one
(53:12):
two three Hope and remember heally is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Until next time, take care of yourself,
be blessed. This is all right. Camera cover just here
with Doctor j a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
(53:35):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
x and follow us on YouTube just here, Doctor J.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Thanks for listening and celebrating five years of the Black
Effect Podcast Network with us. Keep following because the next
five years are about to be even bigger
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