April 22, 2025 • 30 mins
On the debut episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay, Dr. Jay Barnett sits down with special guest Laterras R. Whitfield for a powerful and honest conversation about healing, growth, and emotional awareness—especially for men. Together, they unpack the importance of vulnerability, self-reflection, and the journey toward forgiveness, both in relationships and within ourselves. From the weight of silence that many men carry to the need for safe spaces to express emotion, this episode shines a light on what it means to truly show up whole. With heartfelt stories and real insight, Dr. Jay and Laterras invite listeners to start doing the inner work and commit to the path of healing. Tune in and join the conversation in the socials below.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of
The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I am
doctor J. Barnett, and welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J.
Powered by The Black Effect and iHeart Media.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Just Heal with Doctor J is a space that false
healing for insightful and impactful conversations that's going to bring
healing to help those navigate through whatever challenges that they have,
whether it's mentally, emotionally. And I believe mental health is
spiritual as well, so I think this is going to
be a great opportunity for you to tune in and
(00:38):
to get a mental health sort of check up where
we're going to dive into some conversations that probably going
to evoke emotion and can I also say for those
that may be triggered by some of the things that
are shared, just wanting to give you that disclaimer as well,
because we're going to dive in. And I'm excited for
(00:59):
this post because it's been a long time coming. My
brother Charlemagne to God has been constantly asking me for
the past three years. Brother, you gotta do a podcast,
and I wanted to, but I didn't think that the
timing was right. I think the timing is perfect. I'm
no longer on tour the Just He'll Brow tour three years,
thirty six cities and eighteen thousand men. Also, I encourage
(01:24):
you to go grab that book Just He'll Brow for
a brother, uncle, nephew's son. It is a powerful book
for men to encourage healing and also to encourage men
to tap into their vulnerability to understand their humanity as men.
So today, man, listen, this episode is special because I
(01:45):
have my brother, my great friend. Many of you know
him as a love doctor, the relationship expert for his
phenomenal and awesome podcast, Dear Future Wifey. When I met
Litari's met through a mutual friend who connected us and says, hey,
you guys need to have a conversation. We get to
(02:06):
having a conversation, and before we knew it, he said, listen, man,
you gotta come on my podcast. And I went on
this podcast. He doesn't know this and he's hearing it
for the first time. He encouraged the jests He'll bro
book because he named the episode He'll bro Hell. And
so today I'm so excited to open up the jests
(02:27):
here with doctor Jay with my brother laters Widfield Man
a dear future wifey. Listen, y'all, y'all give my brother.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
A hand man, Thank you King. What's going on? Man? Brother? Yes, brother, man,
it is an honor. This is an honor. You know.
I've been telling you from day one you need to
be doing this, and so I'm happy to see you.
You know you're doing this. The world needs this, man.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Listen, father, it was something man, even when you share
that I should be doing it, it was I think
the season I was in, it was so much going
on and I didn't have capacity. I didn't have the
margin because I know the podcasts take a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
We're working in doctor's degree and everything.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
My doctor's degree, hopping on and off stages, man, and
going from city to city, the network for network. And
I'm just so excited man, that this is really a
full surple moll circle. Because I was the first guest
on your show that I think entenviral.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, it went viral August of twenty twenty and got
one hundred thousand views in that month, and I watched
my YouTube change from nine hundred and fifty subscribers to
ten thousand by the end of that month, and then
I grew another ten thousand the next month, and now
I'm at like six hundred and seven thousand subscribers on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Wow, and brother, like, when I tell you, man, I'm
so excited man to have this conversation with you man
and to take this dive, because when I came to
you to have that conversation, we were both talking about
our past relationships and I had no idea that the
episode would do what it did. I know, for me,
(04:00):
it was the first time that I was talking about
the relationship that I came out of that was very tumultuous.
It was a relationship that I walked away from and
one day opened up my social media and this individual
is saying he did this to me, he did that
to me, and I'm like, none of that happened. And
(04:21):
I just remember the voice of God saying be quiet,
don't respond. And no one knew when I left Houston.
I lived in Houston for thirteen years and when I
moved to Dallas, I came to Dallas because I was
doing my internship here, finishing up my mask as a
marriagean family therapist, and I didn't know anybody here but
(04:42):
my family. And I remember you reaching out to me
and a lady saying I can't remember lady's name.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
She started Jay, shit me up the other day, she'll
be mad at us. That's it's gonna be a problem.
Saw starting Jay.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, and man when connected man and we started talking
and we had all of these similarities, and it was like,
were we in the same.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah, because I felt like you were talking through me.
It's like I was some puppet and you were my
ventriloquist speaking my story. And so I was like, Okay, God,
I see why you have him on here, because again,
God still had me silence in that season, not to share,
and so you begin to be the voice that I
needed to hear because I was being silent, and then
(05:26):
here you are sharing that story and it just resonated
with me.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Wow. Do you do you think Latario's and that's confident
that you say that that I was a voice for you, right?
You think that a lot of men are in need
of someone to speak for them because absolutely, for themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Absolutely, because we've been so silent. We've been silenced as
young boys. A boy can fall off a swing, fall
off of a slide, hurt itself and the first thing
that don't you cry? You better shut up. Don't cry?
He like, I so mad, and so you got to
suck it up. We're told to suck it up. And
so when we've been silenced for so long, even in
(06:02):
our adolescens, it starts forming the ideology that what we
say don't matter, our pain doesn't matter. We can't give
language to our pain, and so we just become silence.
And so then we hear another man speak our heart's posture,
then we're like, he's going through that too, because as
a man, we don't talk to each other about I
got hurt. And that's what made that episode resonate, and
(06:23):
they was like, hold on, these are two black men
sharing that they were hurt before in relationships, you never
hear that, and when you do hear, it becomes the
red pill community where it's come from a toxic standpoint.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Yeah, and that's so that's so profound because we don't
talk about the hurt that we experience in relationship because
it becomes and can feel very putative. Yeah, so we
can feel as if I remember this, when I called
off my engagement years ago, it was mutual. We both
(06:57):
knew that this is not it for either one of
us the moment that it got called off, and I
said that the engagement got called off with not getting married.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
The first thing people said to me, what did you
do you do? Because I don't believe a one was
gonna call it off. It has to be something wrong
with the man. Then you did something that provoked her
to call it off, and so, Jay, what did you do?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I think so I can exactly tell you what
I did for me in that relationship when I got engaged.
Looking back and reflecting on my why it was not
a good reason part of me choosing her, that was
something in me that was trying to rescue my mom
(07:41):
through her. That's good because she had kids, and for me,
I was wanting to be to her kids what we are,
what I didn't have as a as a child. And
so I said to myself, if I can be this
to her kids, just maybe I could recapture, you know
(08:03):
what I mean, what me and my sister didn't get
as kids. And sometimes I think for us as men,
if we're not careful, we can choose from a deficit.
But I became so aware I said, I don't think
this is the right fit for me, and then I
communicated that to her, and she knew that it wasn't
(08:23):
the right fit for her. However, I said, why did
you take the ring? And she said why would not?
And this is when I realized it as a man,
better be not only sure, but you better be aware
not just who you're choosing, but why you're choosing them.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
That's good, that's some good stuff reflection. And the reality is,
but how did you deal with the fact of you
being the person to blame and not taking the responsibility
of that.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I didn't deal with it well.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
For me.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I felt as if I was shrewdanized by her circle.
Everyone wanted to just kind of blame me and flight, Well,
you call this off, and and you called it it off.
You know, how could you make this wrong choice and
not giving me grace for even having the decency? You
(09:22):
know what, I think we need to have a conversation,
and I think we also need to be honest with
each other. That part, because I saw where God was
taking me, and I also knew that who she wanted
to be really wasn't attached to where I was going
because and what I mean by that is she did
(09:43):
not like the limelight. Oh okay, so we went to
a couple of my speaking engagements and I was nowhere
near where I am now, and I remember her saying
to me, we were waiting for these women because at
the time, I just released Letters to Young Queen sold
this book for young teens, and I had all these
(10:03):
women standing in line, and she whispered in my ear.
She's like, how long are we going to be down
here with these books? That she was like, and I
was like, huh. I said, I'm going to stay down
here to the book, and she said, you know what,
I'm just going to go to my wrong and just
let me know when you're done. Before and at that
moment we had a conversation and I said, like, he's
(10:25):
there an issue with something. She's like, Jay, this is
just too much for me. And we laughed, like my
friends we laugh about her because man, she was just like,
this is just too much. I can't take this. And
when we had a conversation, she says, Jay, I just
want to go home and sit on my couch and
sit outside and just kind of have a regular life.
(10:47):
And I said to her, I don't think my life
is going to be regular, and she's told me, she said,
I don't want to have to share you with the world.
And when she said that, I said, I think I
don't think this is gonna work because even though I
(11:09):
wasn't where I was, yeah, I saw where God was
taken absolutely, And I think as men, we have to
really be careful because part of choosing is also understanding
that I can't choose.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
For my today for my future.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I have to choose for my tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
So when you think about where you are now, we
are both I mean is.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Five years ago, five years ago, five years.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Ago we are known.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Across the world, across the world.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
What does it feel like now that you're on the
other side of the things that we talked about at
the beginning when you were kind of in that healing state.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
This is this quote that I said, where I said,
that's one of my major viral video that just took off,
the one with the wig falling off and got a
half a billion views. And this girl I was dating
at the time, she asked me, said, how does it
feel to go viral like that? I said, it feels
empty to be seen by millions when you only want
(12:08):
to be seen by the one. And so yes, I
have a million and a half followers across all social
media platforms. But I'm in this place where I'm like,
I still want marriage. I want I want the one
I want to say I do. I want to take
all the tools that I've learned having these conversations with
(12:31):
different people about what makes relationships work, what makes them fail,
how to show up sacrificially in a relationship, and I
want to put that work into practice.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So do you feel that you've arrived at this place
of wholeness? And for those that are watching, when I
speak about wholeness, wholeness is not about perfection. It's not
about you know, perfecting anything. Really, it's just awareness. It's
lacking nothing. And I think the more aware that we
(13:03):
become as men, I think it allows us to see
some deeper depths of deficits within women. Yeah. And do
you feel that it's become harder to date?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah? In these dayton streets, I find a lot of
women that lack emotional availability. Yeah. And so I remember
Sarah Jackson was on my podcast one day and she
went viral on a clip where she talked about that
if women were honest, that there's a different level of
(13:38):
responsibility that she has to have showing up for a
real one and she says, we're just honest. A real
one is really scary, and that's what I would experience.
And I was like, well, I'm I'm I'm heeled, confusing, yeah,
and man, it's this is a lot. It would take
a minute to impact everything as it las of that.
(14:00):
But I found myself dating women with intention. A lot
of people assume, because I have this big platform that
I'm really not interested in getting married. You knew about
a particular woman that I was dating that I, you know,
had plans of marrying her one day, and I was
intentional about it. And then she just pulled the rug
from up under me, saying that listen, I gotta go
through therapy. I feel if I stayed with you, I'm
(14:22):
gonna start destroying you. And I was like, what what's
going on? I said, I can rock with you through
this process. She was like, no, you gotta let me go.
And it broke me. Oh my god, it broke me.
That was in twenty twenty two, December twenty twenty two,
and then I had to like taking it an introspective
look at myself. I said, how is it that now
(14:43):
I've gone through this healing. I'm intentional. I let my
ya's be a's, my nose be nosed, and then the
relationship falls apart on that and God just began to
encourage me and just say, hey, don't give up on love.
At the end of each one of my episodes, I say,
and don't start, don't stop loving. Well, in that mindset,
we can get calloused hearts where we experience heartbreak and
(15:06):
be like, man, I forget I don't trust these women,
I don't trust my heart. I don't even trust my
own decision making. And so I just had to always
continue to recalibrate and say, you know, God has my
special someone out there, and just keep choosing love.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I think that's so hard to encourage yourself and to
entering back into the day because we're in our forties,
and when you're in your forties, there's an element I
feel that you've arrived, and not so much that you
are not willing to change. You've become very confident in
(15:40):
who you are absolutely, and it's just hard to kind
of turn certain parts to be receptive of something that
may not be fully what you want. Because there are
people that are available, but are they available emotionally mentally
and spiritually. Absolutely they're available to but are they available
(16:01):
in these areas that I think that has been challenging,
even for me personally because I've gone through that even
in just getting to know people, and particularly when you're
getting to know someone that you see on the outside
professionally that is put.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Together, start pulling that curtain back, start, and then.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
You begin to see behind the veil like, ooh, this
is not and it's not that they're bad personally or
that they have something wrong. You realize that there is
a underdevelopment emotionally because they were so focused on developing professionally.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
We're gonna take a moment of silence for that, right there,
there's a moment of silence. It's so real. It is
so real, because so real. Yeah, gods, Yeah, I'm just gonna.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Let me ask you this, And this is a question
that I will be asking all guests as it relates todaity,
as it relates to just life. How is your heart?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
When I tell you I'm in a good space, my
heart feels well. I celebrated my forty seventh birthday on
Marsha twenty ninth. Man, Yeah, a couple of days ago.
When I tell you. I just I just took the
day to just be reflective. I went and got a manicure,
pedicure when it got me facial and everything, and I
just say, I'm gonna take it as a self care
(17:22):
day and just reflect on what God has done. So
often I may find myself trying to accomplish the next goal,
and that day, I said, I'm just going to focus
on a heart posture of gratitude and thank God for
all that He's done, you know, because all that I
didn't even expect him to do, all that He's done
(17:42):
in my life in the past five years, I couldn't
even imagine it, you know. And as I'm sitting here,
I said, God, You're awesome. It was moments of brokenness,
moments were I was laying on the floor crying. This
December were mark ten years since my divorce. I didn't
believe that I will a suitable mate for my future wife.
(18:03):
So I had to go do the work in order
to so I can look myself in the mirror and
be proud of what I've seen, you know. And now
I'm at the state of my life, I like, you
know what, I'll be a great, great husband. But it
took work. I mean it took work. It took a
great deal of forgiveness, me forgiving myself because I became
everything I despised when I was married, and so it
(18:24):
was just it was just it's this place was a
moment of reflection and grand man, you know, I want
to I want to go.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Back to what you just said, because oftentimes men the
very thing that they hate and despise they become. Absolutely man,
I never be like my dad. Absolutely, I never do
what my dad did. Ye, I'll never do what my
uncle did. And for the men out there, I want
you to know, when you become so hyper focused on
(18:52):
what you don't want to do, you end up doing
the very thing because that's where your attention is.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Absolutely, that's what I did.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
What I love is that you shared. Is that the
forgiveness because oftentimes we think it's about forgiving somebody who's
hurt us, or someone who's costs pain or trauma. The
real work and forgiveness is forgiving.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Your absolutely, oh man, cause you gotta think. Jay. You know,
I grew up in church. When I got married, I
got married believing that there would be no expiration date
to forever, that I'll be married to death Dewey part.
I felt like I was gonna be a faithful man
and honor my woman and every sense of the word.
And then here I am stepping outside of my marriage,
(19:36):
cheating on my wife. And it took me. I mean,
when I say that hit me so hard. I was like,
oh my god. I was a dude that would always
reprimand my homeboys for cheating on their wives or whatever.
And I said, now I became everything that I despised
watching and like I said, there is no proof quote
unquote that my dad stepped outside on my stepped outside
(19:57):
my mom. I've never called them, I never did that,
but I know, and that's been just what has always been.
And so I remember growing up and I kept saying,
I said, I'll never be like my dad. I'll never
be like my dad. I'm honor this woman when I
get married, I'm gonna honor her. I'm gonna be faithful.
And then I became everything like I said that I despise.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, you know, but what you did is what I'm
hoping that this podcast do for all, not just men
and women. Give them the courage to pursue healing. Absolutely,
give them the courage to pursue rewriting a new story.
(20:39):
Oftentimes we keep the same pain. We have the same
sheet of paper, and we're writing the same story over
and over again, over and over and over again. And
what I love about what you did is you surrender
to the process.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Absolute bit.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
The most difficult thing that I believe for most men
to do is to surrender, is to let go of
your will. Yeah, and letting go of your will is
also relinquishing your ego. It's said, I don't know what
I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Absolutely, matter of fact, I don't have a clue. Do
you know we don't have a manual on being a husband?
You know, we get thrusted in this position and we
take the greatest title that we'll ever have, with no manual,
with no instructions. A lot of time we didn't see
it modeled by way of a father.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And we're thrust it in this position to care for
one of God's greatest assets, being a woman. And we
have no no, no manual, you know, and we'll just
and we end up causing destruction. Hold on, Miles Munroe said,
this just popped in my head. Males Munroe said, when
the purpose of a thing is unknown abusive. Yeah, and
(21:48):
so the goats, yeah, the dot And so you married
somebody not even realizing the purpose of it, and you
don't realize that subconsciously and consciously you'll end up walking
through walking that person through abuse. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
And the other part of that is the model that
we do have and seem very impossible, that part because
when the scripture says love your wife as Christ loved
the churchurch and we know that his love is what unconditioned. Yeah,
(22:19):
And it's very difficult when you live in a world
that is centered around conditions. Absolutely, And I think the
most difficult part for us as men is being thrust
into a role without understanding what is required of us.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You know, this year eight of my mayriage, you're seven
or eight, where I decide to even look up the
etymology of the word husband. I said, what is a husband?
I said, we say this, but what really is that?
And I started researching and husband comes from the Norse
word husbond day, which means keeper of the house, one
who holds his house together. And I said, well, we
(22:58):
all grew up in the black community. Is nor the
black woman that keeps the house together? And I was like,
hold on, I was supposed to do that. Big Mama
wasn't supposed to do that, and so and so we've
always we were just taught wrong that the role of
a husband is to be the householder. And I said, wow, God,
I repent. I never knew what that was. So how
am I operating in a position that I don't even
(23:19):
know the definition of, but I'm expected to do that?
And so it started reshaping and I began to rethink
about my position in my role as this this val
that I took in being a husband. So it was
very eye opening for me.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And if we could do a deeper dive, not just men,
as individuals, to understand what is required of us when
we take these roles, we take on these titles, whether
it's mom, whether it's dad, when we take on these
roles in these corporate entities, what is required. I think
(23:55):
everybody gets excited about the benefits, absolutely, but when you
started to think about, Okay, what do you require? All right,
we're gonna pay you six figures, but you do know
we're expecting you to be here all holidays.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Hold signed up for that.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Like you know, you you're you know you're gonna have sex,
you know what I'm saying, and you ain't gotta repent
for it, but you do know you're required to love
even when you don't like him or her absolutely. And
I think if we can have more of these conversations
that encourage healing, encourage others to seek, and encourage others
(24:32):
to take a deeper dive into the origin of a thing.
As you said, you begin to research what is a husband?
What is a husband? So in closing one of the
questions that I think that it's so powerful when it
comes to this podcast and particularly uh just heal is
(24:54):
what is healing to litarious?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
What is healing to you mean? It's the courage to
face the things that I refuse to face in the past,
taking the bravery of it, uncovering what led to it,
how to process those feelings, how to work through those
(25:20):
things and show up again, not to live to die
another day, but to keep living another day.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Man, brother, did you rehearse that? No, it just came from.
It came from came big because you even know I
was gonna act that man. Listen, brother, that that was beautiful.
And I hope the listeners and those that are watching
really take that end and really digest what he said,
the courage to address the theme of the past been
(25:51):
running from listen. Healing is a journey. This quote is
in my book Just He'll bro Healing is a journey,
and wholeness is the destination. Healing, by any stretch of imagination,
is not easy. Going to therapy is not easy. Getting
a coach is not easy. Getting a mentor is not easy.
(26:12):
Finding somebody who's smarter than you is not easy. Anytime
that we have to level up, it exposes a level
of insecurity in us. But can I tell you, if
you're willing to let go of your ego and be
willing to let go of what you had in mind healing, mentorship,
(26:35):
being coached, whatever that healing, whatever that modality, whatever that
space look like for you, I believe that it would
really set you free. And brother, I just want to
say this on camera and say this publicly. Man, I
am so proud of you, brother, because what you did
for me. I had no idea that the podcast or
(26:59):
that episode would do what it did. I did that
for one. I didn't even really think much about podcast.
You know, I'm just kind of like, you know, he
wants to talk about this. What you did for me
was you gave a voice to my pain. You gave
a voice to something that I didn't feel that I
(27:19):
could talk about because when I went through that breakup,
when I went through the pain of what she said
and this smear campaign that she went on, and even
God telling me don't talk about it, man, it was
painful because see, it's one thing to deal with something
(27:39):
when you like, you know what I had to come, Yeah,
I said, I did it, But when you have to
deal with something that you know that you didn't do,
and to sit on that information, I think for about
a year and a half. When I opened up, man,
it gave me a voice that I didn't know that
I know. And I didn't realize how many men that
(28:03):
had had experiences in relationships that they felt they couldn't
talk about because they would be villain.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
You villain now, they would be the villain. Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
And what I had to learn, brother, is that I'm
okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Me too. And so God gave me that quote that's
in my studio on the wall that says, let your
character outlive their life. You told me, and I told
you that, and I was like I was. Like God,
I said, but but but they're saying this, and they're
saying that, and I need to get my story out
there first. He said. Vengeance is mindset the Lord. So
God will silence your haters by success. He will silence
(28:45):
your haters by opening up doors and no man can
shut and shut doors that no man can open. And
that's what God. When we allow God and relinquish control,
because I mean, I'm a man, I like to control
my universe, and the God says, no, let me take that.
Cast all your cares on me because I care for you.
The minute that I began to do that, that's when
God began to explode my life. The minute that you
(29:06):
decide to do that in your life, God began to
increase your platform. God, that moment in twenty twenty has
increased your platform, has increased your influence in ways that
you and I could have never imagined that day that
we shot that episode in twenty twenty five years later,
five been the number of grace. God put his hand
over the situation and did something so powerfully that has
(29:28):
transformed lives all across the world. Only somebody like God
can do that.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Only somebody like God man, and thank you brother, and
I'm so proud of man, proud of you and what
God is doing in your life. Man. And just thank
you for being my first guest brother.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And third is it's an hoo man.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
It's just I'm just amazed.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
For those that are watching, listen, join this healing community
by subscribing to Just Heal Doctor J. Just Heal, Doctor J.
We're going to be bringing healing comer sation, We're going
to be bringing different guests, and I'm going to be
bringing people on the show that are really looking to heal,
people who are looking to excavate some things into the
(30:11):
that are going on in our lives and looking to
have a deeper, in depth conversation. And I'm looking forward
to you joining this healing community.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Again.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Thank you for tuning in to Just Here with Doctor J.
Powered by The Black Effect and iHeartMedia. Just Here with
Doctor J a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
(30:42):
x and follow us on YouTube. Just Heal doctor j.
Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of
The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I am
doctor J. Barnett, and welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J.
Powered by The Black Effect and iHeart Media.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Just Heal with Doctor J is a space that false
healing for insightful and impactful conversations that's going to bring
healing to help those navigate through whatever challenges that they have,
whether it's mentally, emotionally. And I believe mental health is
spiritual as well, so I think this is going to
be a great opportunity for you to tune in and
(00:38):
to get a mental health sort of check up where
we're going to dive into some conversations that probably going
to evoke emotion and can I also say for those
that may be triggered by some of the things that
are shared, just wanting to give you that disclaimer as well,
because we're going to dive in. And I'm excited for
(00:59):
this post because it's been a long time coming. My
brother Charlemagne to God has been constantly asking me for
the past three years. Brother, you gotta do a podcast,
and I wanted to, but I didn't think that the
timing was right. I think the timing is perfect. I'm
no longer on tour the Just He'll Brow tour three years,
thirty six cities and eighteen thousand men. Also, I encourage
(01:24):
you to go grab that book Just He'll Brow for
a brother, uncle, nephew's son. It is a powerful book
for men to encourage healing and also to encourage men
to tap into their vulnerability to understand their humanity as men.
So today, man, listen, this episode is special because I
(01:45):
have my brother, my great friend. Many of you know
him as a love doctor, the relationship expert for his
phenomenal and awesome podcast, Dear Future Wifey. When I met
Litari's met through a mutual friend who connected us and says, hey,
you guys need to have a conversation. We get to
(02:06):
having a conversation, and before we knew it, he said, listen, man,
you gotta come on my podcast. And I went on
this podcast. He doesn't know this and he's hearing it
for the first time. He encouraged the jests He'll bro
book because he named the episode He'll bro Hell. And
so today I'm so excited to open up the jests
(02:27):
here with doctor Jay with my brother laters Widfield Man
a dear future wifey. Listen, y'all, y'all give my brother.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
A hand man, Thank you King. What's going on? Man? Brother? Yes, brother, man,
it is an honor. This is an honor. You know.
I've been telling you from day one you need to
be doing this, and so I'm happy to see you.
You know you're doing this. The world needs this, man.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Listen, father, it was something man, even when you share
that I should be doing it, it was I think
the season I was in, it was so much going
on and I didn't have capacity. I didn't have the
margin because I know the podcasts take a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
We're working in doctor's degree and everything.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
My doctor's degree, hopping on and off stages, man, and
going from city to city, the network for network. And
I'm just so excited man, that this is really a
full surple moll circle. Because I was the first guest
on your show that I think entenviral.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, it went viral August of twenty twenty and got
one hundred thousand views in that month, and I watched
my YouTube change from nine hundred and fifty subscribers to
ten thousand by the end of that month, and then
I grew another ten thousand the next month, and now
I'm at like six hundred and seven thousand subscribers on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Wow, and brother, like, when I tell you, man, I'm
so excited man to have this conversation with you man
and to take this dive, because when I came to
you to have that conversation, we were both talking about
our past relationships and I had no idea that the
episode would do what it did. I know, for me,
(04:00):
it was the first time that I was talking about
the relationship that I came out of that was very tumultuous.
It was a relationship that I walked away from and
one day opened up my social media and this individual
is saying he did this to me, he did that
to me, and I'm like, none of that happened. And
(04:21):
I just remember the voice of God saying be quiet,
don't respond. And no one knew when I left Houston.
I lived in Houston for thirteen years and when I
moved to Dallas, I came to Dallas because I was
doing my internship here, finishing up my mask as a
marriagean family therapist, and I didn't know anybody here but
(04:42):
my family. And I remember you reaching out to me
and a lady saying I can't remember lady's name.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
She started Jay, shit me up the other day, she'll
be mad at us. That's it's gonna be a problem.
Saw starting Jay.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, and man when connected man and we started talking
and we had all of these similarities, and it was like,
were we in the same.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah, because I felt like you were talking through me.
It's like I was some puppet and you were my
ventriloquist speaking my story. And so I was like, Okay, God,
I see why you have him on here, because again,
God still had me silence in that season, not to share,
and so you begin to be the voice that I
needed to hear because I was being silent, and then
(05:26):
here you are sharing that story and it just resonated
with me.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Wow. Do you do you think Latario's and that's confident
that you say that that I was a voice for you, right?
You think that a lot of men are in need
of someone to speak for them because absolutely, for themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Absolutely, because we've been so silent. We've been silenced as
young boys. A boy can fall off a swing, fall
off of a slide, hurt itself and the first thing
that don't you cry? You better shut up. Don't cry?
He like, I so mad, and so you got to
suck it up. We're told to suck it up. And
so when we've been silenced for so long, even in
(06:02):
our adolescens, it starts forming the ideology that what we
say don't matter, our pain doesn't matter. We can't give
language to our pain, and so we just become silence.
And so then we hear another man speak our heart's posture,
then we're like, he's going through that too, because as
a man, we don't talk to each other about I
got hurt. And that's what made that episode resonate, and
(06:23):
they was like, hold on, these are two black men
sharing that they were hurt before in relationships, you never
hear that, and when you do hear, it becomes the
red pill community where it's come from a toxic standpoint.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Yeah, and that's so that's so profound because we don't
talk about the hurt that we experience in relationship because
it becomes and can feel very putative. Yeah, so we
can feel as if I remember this, when I called
off my engagement years ago, it was mutual. We both
(06:57):
knew that this is not it for either one of
us the moment that it got called off, and I
said that the engagement got called off with not getting married.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
The first thing people said to me, what did you
do you do? Because I don't believe a one was
gonna call it off. It has to be something wrong
with the man. Then you did something that provoked her
to call it off, and so, Jay, what did you do?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I think so I can exactly tell you what
I did for me in that relationship when I got engaged.
Looking back and reflecting on my why it was not
a good reason part of me choosing her, that was
something in me that was trying to rescue my mom
(07:41):
through her. That's good because she had kids, and for me,
I was wanting to be to her kids what we are,
what I didn't have as a as a child. And
so I said to myself, if I can be this
to her kids, just maybe I could recapture, you know
(08:03):
what I mean, what me and my sister didn't get
as kids. And sometimes I think for us as men,
if we're not careful, we can choose from a deficit.
But I became so aware I said, I don't think
this is the right fit for me, and then I
communicated that to her, and she knew that it wasn't
(08:23):
the right fit for her. However, I said, why did
you take the ring? And she said why would not?
And this is when I realized it as a man,
better be not only sure, but you better be aware
not just who you're choosing, but why you're choosing them.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
That's good, that's some good stuff reflection. And the reality is,
but how did you deal with the fact of you
being the person to blame and not taking the responsibility
of that.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I didn't deal with it well.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
For me.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I felt as if I was shrewdanized by her circle.
Everyone wanted to just kind of blame me and flight, Well,
you call this off, and and you called it it off.
You know, how could you make this wrong choice and
not giving me grace for even having the decency? You
(09:22):
know what, I think we need to have a conversation,
and I think we also need to be honest with
each other. That part, because I saw where God was
taking me, and I also knew that who she wanted
to be really wasn't attached to where I was going
because and what I mean by that is she did
(09:43):
not like the limelight. Oh okay, so we went to
a couple of my speaking engagements and I was nowhere
near where I am now, and I remember her saying
to me, we were waiting for these women because at
the time, I just released Letters to Young Queen sold
this book for young teens, and I had all these
(10:03):
women standing in line, and she whispered in my ear.
She's like, how long are we going to be down
here with these books? That she was like, and I
was like, huh. I said, I'm going to stay down
here to the book, and she said, you know what,
I'm just going to go to my wrong and just
let me know when you're done. Before and at that
moment we had a conversation and I said, like, he's
(10:25):
there an issue with something. She's like, Jay, this is
just too much for me. And we laughed, like my
friends we laugh about her because man, she was just like,
this is just too much. I can't take this. And
when we had a conversation, she says, Jay, I just
want to go home and sit on my couch and
sit outside and just kind of have a regular life.
(10:47):
And I said to her, I don't think my life
is going to be regular, and she's told me, she said,
I don't want to have to share you with the world.
And when she said that, I said, I think I
don't think this is gonna work because even though I
(11:09):
wasn't where I was, yeah, I saw where God was
taken absolutely, And I think as men, we have to
really be careful because part of choosing is also understanding
that I can't choose.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
For my today for my future.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I have to choose for my tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
So when you think about where you are now, we
are both I mean is.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Five years ago, five years ago, five years.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Ago we are known.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Across the world, across the world.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
What does it feel like now that you're on the
other side of the things that we talked about at
the beginning when you were kind of in that healing state.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
This is this quote that I said, where I said,
that's one of my major viral video that just took off,
the one with the wig falling off and got a
half a billion views. And this girl I was dating
at the time, she asked me, said, how does it
feel to go viral like that? I said, it feels
empty to be seen by millions when you only want
(12:08):
to be seen by the one. And so yes, I
have a million and a half followers across all social
media platforms. But I'm in this place where I'm like,
I still want marriage. I want I want the one
I want to say I do. I want to take
all the tools that I've learned having these conversations with
(12:31):
different people about what makes relationships work, what makes them fail,
how to show up sacrificially in a relationship, and I
want to put that work into practice.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So do you feel that you've arrived at this place
of wholeness? And for those that are watching, when I
speak about wholeness, wholeness is not about perfection. It's not
about you know, perfecting anything. Really, it's just awareness. It's
lacking nothing. And I think the more aware that we
(13:03):
become as men, I think it allows us to see
some deeper depths of deficits within women. Yeah. And do
you feel that it's become harder to date?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah? In these dayton streets, I find a lot of
women that lack emotional availability. Yeah. And so I remember
Sarah Jackson was on my podcast one day and she
went viral on a clip where she talked about that
if women were honest, that there's a different level of
(13:38):
responsibility that she has to have showing up for a
real one and she says, we're just honest. A real
one is really scary, and that's what I would experience.
And I was like, well, I'm I'm I'm heeled, confusing, yeah,
and man, it's this is a lot. It would take
a minute to impact everything as it las of that.
(14:00):
But I found myself dating women with intention. A lot
of people assume, because I have this big platform that
I'm really not interested in getting married. You knew about
a particular woman that I was dating that I, you know,
had plans of marrying her one day, and I was
intentional about it. And then she just pulled the rug
from up under me, saying that listen, I gotta go
through therapy. I feel if I stayed with you, I'm
(14:22):
gonna start destroying you. And I was like, what what's
going on? I said, I can rock with you through
this process. She was like, no, you gotta let me go.
And it broke me. Oh my god, it broke me.
That was in twenty twenty two, December twenty twenty two,
and then I had to like taking it an introspective
look at myself. I said, how is it that now
(14:43):
I've gone through this healing. I'm intentional. I let my
ya's be a's, my nose be nosed, and then the
relationship falls apart on that and God just began to
encourage me and just say, hey, don't give up on love.
At the end of each one of my episodes, I say,
and don't start, don't stop loving. Well, in that mindset,
we can get calloused hearts where we experience heartbreak and
(15:06):
be like, man, I forget I don't trust these women,
I don't trust my heart. I don't even trust my
own decision making. And so I just had to always
continue to recalibrate and say, you know, God has my
special someone out there, and just keep choosing love.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I think that's so hard to encourage yourself and to
entering back into the day because we're in our forties,
and when you're in your forties, there's an element I
feel that you've arrived, and not so much that you
are not willing to change. You've become very confident in
(15:40):
who you are absolutely, and it's just hard to kind
of turn certain parts to be receptive of something that
may not be fully what you want. Because there are
people that are available, but are they available emotionally mentally
and spiritually. Absolutely they're available to but are they available
(16:01):
in these areas that I think that has been challenging,
even for me personally because I've gone through that even
in just getting to know people, and particularly when you're
getting to know someone that you see on the outside
professionally that is put.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Together, start pulling that curtain back, start, and then.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
You begin to see behind the veil like, ooh, this
is not and it's not that they're bad personally or
that they have something wrong. You realize that there is
a underdevelopment emotionally because they were so focused on developing professionally.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
We're gonna take a moment of silence for that, right there,
there's a moment of silence. It's so real. It is
so real, because so real. Yeah, gods, Yeah, I'm just gonna.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Let me ask you this, And this is a question
that I will be asking all guests as it relates todaity,
as it relates to just life. How is your heart?
Speaker 2 (17:01):
When I tell you I'm in a good space, my
heart feels well. I celebrated my forty seventh birthday on
Marsha twenty ninth. Man, Yeah, a couple of days ago.
When I tell you. I just I just took the
day to just be reflective. I went and got a manicure,
pedicure when it got me facial and everything, and I
just say, I'm gonna take it as a self care
(17:22):
day and just reflect on what God has done. So
often I may find myself trying to accomplish the next goal,
and that day, I said, I'm just going to focus
on a heart posture of gratitude and thank God for
all that He's done, you know, because all that I
didn't even expect him to do, all that He's done
(17:42):
in my life in the past five years, I couldn't
even imagine it, you know. And as I'm sitting here,
I said, God, You're awesome. It was moments of brokenness,
moments were I was laying on the floor crying. This
December were mark ten years since my divorce. I didn't
believe that I will a suitable mate for my future wife.
(18:03):
So I had to go do the work in order
to so I can look myself in the mirror and
be proud of what I've seen, you know. And now
I'm at the state of my life, I like, you
know what, I'll be a great, great husband. But it
took work. I mean it took work. It took a
great deal of forgiveness, me forgiving myself because I became
everything I despised when I was married, and so it
(18:24):
was just it was just it's this place was a
moment of reflection and grand man, you know, I want
to I want to go.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Back to what you just said, because oftentimes men the
very thing that they hate and despise they become. Absolutely man,
I never be like my dad. Absolutely, I never do
what my dad did. Ye, I'll never do what my
uncle did. And for the men out there, I want
you to know, when you become so hyper focused on
(18:52):
what you don't want to do, you end up doing
the very thing because that's where your attention is.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Absolutely, that's what I did.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
What I love is that you shared. Is that the
forgiveness because oftentimes we think it's about forgiving somebody who's
hurt us, or someone who's costs pain or trauma. The
real work and forgiveness is forgiving.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Your absolutely, oh man, cause you gotta think. Jay. You know,
I grew up in church. When I got married, I
got married believing that there would be no expiration date
to forever, that I'll be married to death Dewey part.
I felt like I was gonna be a faithful man
and honor my woman and every sense of the word.
And then here I am stepping outside of my marriage,
(19:36):
cheating on my wife. And it took me. I mean,
when I say that hit me so hard. I was like,
oh my god. I was a dude that would always
reprimand my homeboys for cheating on their wives or whatever.
And I said, now I became everything that I despised
watching and like I said, there is no proof quote
unquote that my dad stepped outside on my stepped outside
(19:57):
my mom. I've never called them, I never did that,
but I know, and that's been just what has always been.
And so I remember growing up and I kept saying,
I said, I'll never be like my dad. I'll never
be like my dad. I'm honor this woman when I
get married, I'm gonna honor her. I'm gonna be faithful.
And then I became everything like I said that I despise.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, you know, but what you did is what I'm
hoping that this podcast do for all, not just men
and women. Give them the courage to pursue healing. Absolutely,
give them the courage to pursue rewriting a new story.
(20:39):
Oftentimes we keep the same pain. We have the same
sheet of paper, and we're writing the same story over
and over again, over and over and over again. And
what I love about what you did is you surrender
to the process.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Absolute bit.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
The most difficult thing that I believe for most men
to do is to surrender, is to let go of
your will. Yeah, and letting go of your will is
also relinquishing your ego. It's said, I don't know what
I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Absolutely, matter of fact, I don't have a clue. Do
you know we don't have a manual on being a husband?
You know, we get thrusted in this position and we
take the greatest title that we'll ever have, with no manual,
with no instructions. A lot of time we didn't see
it modeled by way of a father.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And we're thrust it in this position to care for
one of God's greatest assets, being a woman. And we
have no no, no manual, you know, and we'll just
and we end up causing destruction. Hold on, Miles Munroe said,
this just popped in my head. Males Munroe said, when
the purpose of a thing is unknown abusive. Yeah, and
(21:48):
so the goats, yeah, the dot And so you married
somebody not even realizing the purpose of it, and you
don't realize that subconsciously and consciously you'll end up walking
through walking that person through abuse. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
And the other part of that is the model that
we do have and seem very impossible, that part because
when the scripture says love your wife as Christ loved
the churchurch and we know that his love is what unconditioned. Yeah,
(22:19):
And it's very difficult when you live in a world
that is centered around conditions. Absolutely, And I think the
most difficult part for us as men is being thrust
into a role without understanding what is required of us.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You know, this year eight of my mayriage, you're seven
or eight, where I decide to even look up the
etymology of the word husband. I said, what is a husband?
I said, we say this, but what really is that?
And I started researching and husband comes from the Norse
word husbond day, which means keeper of the house, one
who holds his house together. And I said, well, we
(22:58):
all grew up in the black community. Is nor the
black woman that keeps the house together? And I was like,
hold on, I was supposed to do that. Big Mama
wasn't supposed to do that, and so and so we've
always we were just taught wrong that the role of
a husband is to be the householder. And I said, wow, God,
I repent. I never knew what that was. So how
am I operating in a position that I don't even
(23:19):
know the definition of, but I'm expected to do that?
And so it started reshaping and I began to rethink
about my position in my role as this this val
that I took in being a husband. So it was
very eye opening for me.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And if we could do a deeper dive, not just men,
as individuals, to understand what is required of us when
we take these roles, we take on these titles, whether
it's mom, whether it's dad, when we take on these
roles in these corporate entities, what is required. I think
(23:55):
everybody gets excited about the benefits, absolutely, but when you
started to think about, Okay, what do you require? All right,
we're gonna pay you six figures, but you do know
we're expecting you to be here all holidays.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Hold signed up for that.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Like you know, you you're you know you're gonna have sex,
you know what I'm saying, and you ain't gotta repent
for it, but you do know you're required to love
even when you don't like him or her absolutely. And
I think if we can have more of these conversations
that encourage healing, encourage others to seek, and encourage others
(24:32):
to take a deeper dive into the origin of a thing.
As you said, you begin to research what is a husband?
What is a husband? So in closing one of the
questions that I think that it's so powerful when it
comes to this podcast and particularly uh just heal is
(24:54):
what is healing to litarious?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
What is healing to you mean? It's the courage to
face the things that I refuse to face in the past,
taking the bravery of it, uncovering what led to it,
how to process those feelings, how to work through those
(25:20):
things and show up again, not to live to die
another day, but to keep living another day.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Man, brother, did you rehearse that? No, it just came from.
It came from came big because you even know I
was gonna act that man. Listen, brother, that that was beautiful.
And I hope the listeners and those that are watching
really take that end and really digest what he said,
the courage to address the theme of the past been
(25:51):
running from listen. Healing is a journey. This quote is
in my book Just He'll bro Healing is a journey,
and wholeness is the destination. Healing, by any stretch of imagination,
is not easy. Going to therapy is not easy. Getting
a coach is not easy. Getting a mentor is not easy.
(26:12):
Finding somebody who's smarter than you is not easy. Anytime
that we have to level up, it exposes a level
of insecurity in us. But can I tell you, if
you're willing to let go of your ego and be
willing to let go of what you had in mind healing, mentorship,
(26:35):
being coached, whatever that healing, whatever that modality, whatever that
space look like for you, I believe that it would
really set you free. And brother, I just want to
say this on camera and say this publicly. Man, I
am so proud of you, brother, because what you did
for me. I had no idea that the podcast or
(26:59):
that episode would do what it did. I did that
for one. I didn't even really think much about podcast.
You know, I'm just kind of like, you know, he
wants to talk about this. What you did for me
was you gave a voice to my pain. You gave
a voice to something that I didn't feel that I
(27:19):
could talk about because when I went through that breakup,
when I went through the pain of what she said
and this smear campaign that she went on, and even
God telling me don't talk about it, man, it was
painful because see, it's one thing to deal with something
(27:39):
when you like, you know what I had to come, Yeah,
I said, I did it, But when you have to
deal with something that you know that you didn't do,
and to sit on that information, I think for about
a year and a half. When I opened up, man,
it gave me a voice that I didn't know that
I know. And I didn't realize how many men that
(28:03):
had had experiences in relationships that they felt they couldn't
talk about because they would be villain.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
You villain now, they would be the villain. Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
And what I had to learn, brother, is that I'm
okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Me too. And so God gave me that quote that's
in my studio on the wall that says, let your
character outlive their life. You told me, and I told
you that, and I was like I was. Like God,
I said, but but but they're saying this, and they're
saying that, and I need to get my story out
there first. He said. Vengeance is mindset the Lord. So
God will silence your haters by success. He will silence
(28:45):
your haters by opening up doors and no man can
shut and shut doors that no man can open. And
that's what God. When we allow God and relinquish control,
because I mean, I'm a man, I like to control
my universe, and the God says, no, let me take that.
Cast all your cares on me because I care for you.
The minute that I began to do that, that's when
God began to explode my life. The minute that you
(29:06):
decide to do that in your life, God began to
increase your platform. God, that moment in twenty twenty has
increased your platform, has increased your influence in ways that
you and I could have never imagined that day that
we shot that episode in twenty twenty five years later,
five been the number of grace. God put his hand
over the situation and did something so powerfully that has
(29:28):
transformed lives all across the world. Only somebody like God
can do that.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Only somebody like God man, and thank you brother, and
I'm so proud of man, proud of you and what
God is doing in your life. Man. And just thank
you for being my first guest brother.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And third is it's an hoo man.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
It's just I'm just amazed.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
For those that are watching, listen, join this healing community
by subscribing to Just Heal Doctor J. Just Heal, Doctor J.
We're going to be bringing healing comer sation, We're going
to be bringing different guests, and I'm going to be
bringing people on the show that are really looking to heal,
people who are looking to excavate some things into the
(30:11):
that are going on in our lives and looking to
have a deeper, in depth conversation. And I'm looking forward
to you joining this healing community.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Again.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Thank you for tuning in to Just Here with Doctor J.
Powered by The Black Effect and iHeartMedia. Just Here with
Doctor J a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
(30:42):
x and follow us on YouTube. Just Heal doctor j.
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