April 22, 2025 • 31 mins
On the debut episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay, Dr. Jay Barnett sits down with special guest Laterras R. Whitfield for a powerful and honest conversation about healing, growth, and emotional awareness—especially for men. Together, they unpack the importance of vulnerability, self-reflection, and the journey toward forgiveness, both in relationships and within ourselves. From the weight of silence that many men carry to the need for safe spaces to express emotion, this episode shines a light on what it means to truly show up whole. With heartfelt stories and real insight, Dr. Jay and Laterras invite listeners to start doing the inner work and commit to the path of healing. Tune in and join the conversation in the socials below.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Keeps to the planet.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the
third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions Man,
DyB and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B
Money podcast, were taking Jay Valentine.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We got the Women of All.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Carrie Champion will be there with her next sports podcast
and the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced.
And of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the
Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses plus the food
truck court to keep you fed while you visit us.
All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap
in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect dot
(00:43):
Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Welcome to Jess Heal with Doctor J a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I am
doctor J. Barnett and welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J.
Powered by the Black Effect and I heart media. Listen
just here with doctor Jays of Space that false healing
for insightful and impactful conversations. That's going to bring healing
(01:09):
to help those navigate through whatever challenges that they have,
whether it's mentally, emotionally. And I believe mental health is
as spiritual as well, So I think this is going
to be a great opportunity for you to tune in
and to get a mental health sort of check up
where we're going to dive into some conversations that probably
(01:30):
going to evoke emotion and can I also say for
those that may be triggered by some of the things
that are shared, just wanting to give you that disclaimer
as well, because we're going to dive in. And I'm
excited for this podcast because it's been a long time coming.
My brother Charlemagne to God has been constantly asking me
(01:52):
for the past three years. Brother, you got to do
a podcast, and I wanted to, but I didn't think
that the timing was right. I think the time is perfect.
I'm no longer on tour the Just He'll Brow tour
three years, thirty six cities and eighteen thousand men. Also,
I encourage you to go grab that book just He'll
brow for a brother, uncle, nephew's son. It is a
(02:15):
powerful book for men to encourage healing and also to
encourage men to tap into their vulnerability to understand their
humanity as men. So today, man, listen, this episode is
special because I have my brother, my great friend. Many
of you know him as a love doctor, the relationship
(02:38):
Expert for his phenomenal and awesome podcast, Dear Future Wifey.
When I met Litari's we met through a mutual friend
who connected us and says, hey, you guys need to
have a conversation. We get to having a conversation, and
before we knew it, he said, listen, man, you got
to come on my podcast. And I went on this podcast.
(02:59):
He does it know this and he's hearing it for
the first time. He encouraged the jests He'll bro book
because he named the episode He'll bro Hell. And so
today I'm so excited to open up the jests here
with doctor Jay, with my brother La Terrace Whitfield man
a Dear Future Wifey. Listen, y'all, y'all give my brother a.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Hand man, Thank you king. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Man? Brother?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yes, brother, Man, it is an honor. This is an honor.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I've been telling you from day one you need to
be doing this, and so I'm happy to see you.
You know you're doing this. The world needs this.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Man. Listen, brother, it was something man, even when you
share that I should be doing it, it was I
think the season I was in, it was so much
going on and I didn't have capacity. I didn't have
the margin because I know the podcasts take a lot
of work.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
You're working in doctor's degree and everything.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
My doctor's degree, hopping on and off stages, man, and
and and going from city to city network for network.
And I'm just so excited man that this is really
a full surple mol circle because I was the first
guest on your show that I think went viral.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, it went viral August of twenty twenty and got
one hundred thousand views in that month, and I watched
my YouTube change from nine hundred and fifty subscribers to
ten thousand by the end of that month, and then
I grew another ten thousand the next month and now
I'm at like six hundred and seven thousand subscribers on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Wow. And brother, Like when I tell you man. I'm
so excited man, to have this conversation with you man
and to take this dive, because when I came to
you to have that conversation, we were both talking about
our past relationships, and I had no idea that the
episode would do what it did. I know, for me,
(04:46):
it was the first time that I was talking about
the relationship that I came out of right that was
very tumultuous. It was a relationship that I walked away
from and one day opened up my social media and
this individual is saying he did this to me, he
did that to me, and I'm like, none of that happened.
(05:06):
And I just remember the voice of God saying be quiet,
don't respond. And no one knew when I left Houston.
I lived in Houston for thirteen years, and when I
moved to Dallas. I came to Dallas because I was
doing my internship here, finishing up my mask as a
Marigan family therapist, and I didn't know anybody here but
(05:27):
my family. And I remember you reaching out to me
and a lady saying, I can't remember lady's name.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
She started jay shit me up the other day. She'll
be mad at us. That's gonna be that's gonna be
problem saw starling Jack.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, and man when we connected, man and we started
talking and we had all of these similarities, and it
was like, well in the same.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, because I felt like you were talking through me.
It's like I was some puppet and you were my
ventriloquist speaking my story. And so I was like, Okay, God,
I see why you have him on here, because again
God still had me silence in that season, not to share.
And so you begin to be the voice that I
needed to hear because I was being silent, and then
(06:12):
here you are sharing that story and it just resonated
with me.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Wow. You do you think Latario's and that's confident that
you say that I was a voice for you, right,
You think that a lot of men are in need
of someone to speak for them because absolutely, for themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Absolutely, because we've been so silenced. We've been silenced as
young boys. A boy can fall off a swing, fall
off a slide, hurt itself and the first thing that
don't you cry? You better shut up. Don't cry? He
like I man, and so you got to suck it up.
We're told to suck it up. And so when we've
been silenced for so long, even in our adolescence. It
(06:49):
starts forming the ideology that what we say don't matter,
our pain doesn't matter. We can't give language to our pain,
and so we just become silence. And so then we
hear another man and speak our hearts posture. Then we're like,
he's going through that too, because a man we don't
talk to each other about. I got hurt. And that's
what made that episode resonate. And they was like, hold on,
these are two black men sharing that they were hurt before.
(07:13):
In relationships, you never hear that, and when you do hear,
it becomes the red pill community where it's come from
a toxic standpoint.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, and that's so that's so profound because we don't
talk about the hurt that we experience in relationship because
it becomes and can feel very punitive. Yeah, so we
can feel as if I remember this, when I called
off my engagement years ago, it was mutual. We both
(07:43):
knew that this is not it for either one of us.
The moment that it got called off and I said
that the engagement got called off, we're not getting married.
The first thing people said to me, what did you do?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You do yep, because I don't believe a one was
gonna call it all. It has to be something wrong
with the man. Then you did something that provoked her
to call it off, and so, Jay, what did you do?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
And I think so I can exactly tell you what
I did for me in that relationship when I got engaged,
looking back and reflecting on my why it was not
a good reason part of me choosing her. That was
something in me that was trying to rescue my mom
(08:27):
through her. That's good because she had kids, and for me,
I was wanting to be to her kids what we are,
what I didn't have as a child. And so I
said to myself, if I can be this to her kids,
just maybe I could recapture, you know what I mean,
(08:49):
what me and my sister didn't get as kids. And
sometimes I think for us as men, if we're not careful,
we can choose from a deficit. But came so aware
I said, I don't think this is the right fit
for me, and then I communicated that to her and
she knew that it wasn't the right fit for her. However,
(09:11):
I said, why did you take the ring? And she said,
why would not? And this is when I realized that
as a man, better be not only sure, but you
better be aware not just who you're choosing, but why
you're choosing them.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
That's good, that's some good Steff reflection. And the reality is,
but how did you deal with the fact of you
being the person to blame and not taking the responsibility
of that.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I didn't deal with it well. For me. I felt
as if I was shrewdanized by her circle. Everyone wanted
to just kind of blame mean flight, Well, you call
this off, and you called it it off. You know,
how could you make this wrong choice and not giving
(10:04):
me grace for even having the decency. You know what,
I think we need to have a conversation, and I
think we also need to be honest with each other.
That part because I saw where God was taking me,
and I also knew that who she wanted to be
really wasn't attached to where I was going because and
(10:25):
what I mean by that is she.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Did not like the limelight. Oh okay, so we went.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
We went to a couple of my speaking engagements and
I was nowhere near where I am now, and I
remember her saying to me, we were waiting for these
women because at the time, I just released Letters to
a Young Queen, sold this book for young teens, and
I had all these women standing in line, and she
whispered in my ear. She said, how long are we
going to be down here with these books? She was like,
(10:57):
and I was like, huh. I said, I'm going to
stay out here to the book, and she said, you
know what, I'm just going to go to my wrong
and just let me know when you're done. And at
that moment we had a conversation and I said, like,
he's there issue with something. She's like, Jay, this is
just too much for me. And we laughed, like my
friends we laugh about her because man, she was just like,
(11:18):
this is just too much. I can't take this. And
when we had a conversation, she says, Jay, I just
want to go home and sit on my couch and
sit outside and just kind of have a regular life.
And I said to her, I don't think my life
is going to be regular. And she's told me she said,
(11:41):
I don't want to have to share you with the world.
And when she said that, I said, I think I
don't think this is going to work. Because even though
I wasn't where I was, Yeah, I saw where God
was taking And I think as a man, we have
to really be careful because part of choosing is also
(12:02):
understanding that I can't choose.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
For my today for my future. I have to choose
for my tomorrow. Yep.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
So when you think about where you are now, yeah,
we're both I mean, what less this five years ago?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Five years ago?
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Five years ago? We are known.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Across the world, across the world.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
What does it feel like now that you're on the
other side of the things that we talked about at
the beginning when you were kind of in that healing state.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
This is this quote that I said where I said,
that's one of my major viral video that just took off,
the one with the wig falling off and got a
half a billion views. And this girl I was dating
at the time, she asked me, said, how does it
feel to go viral like that? I said, it feels
empty to be seen by millions when you only want
(12:54):
to be seen by the one. And so, yes, I
have a million and a half followers across all social
media platforms. But I'm in this place where I'm like,
I still want marriage. I want I want the one
I want to say I do, I want to take
all the tools that I've learned having these conversations with
(13:16):
different people about what makes relationships work, what makes them fail,
how to show up sacrificially in a relationship. And I
want to put that work into practice.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
So do you feel that you've arrived at this place
of wholeness? And for those that are watching, when I
speak about wholeness, wholeness is not about perfection is it's
not about you know, perfecting anything. Really, it's just awareness.
It's lacking nothing. And I think the more aware that
(13:48):
we become as men, I think it allows us to
see some deeper depths of deficits within women. And do
you feel that it's become harder to date?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah? In these Dayton streets, I find a lot of
women that lack emotional availability. Yeah. And so I remember
Sarah Jackson was on my podcast one day and she
went viral on a clip where she talked about that
if women were honest, that uh, there's a different level
(14:23):
of responsibility that she has to have showing up for
a real one. And she says, if we're just honest,
a real one is really scary. And that's what I
would experience. And I was like, well, I'm I'm I'm
I'm heeled. Confusing, yeah, and man, it's this is a lot.
It would take a minute to impact everything as it
(14:45):
relates to that. But I found myself dating women with
intention A lot of people assume, because I have this
big platform that I'm really not interested in getting married.
You knew about a particular woman that I was dating
that I, you know, had plans of marrying her one
and I was intentional about it. And then she just
pulled the rug from up under me, saying that, listen,
(15:05):
I gotta go through therapy. I feel if I stay
with you, I'm gonna start destroying you. And I was like,
what what's going on? I said, I can rock with
you through this process. She was like, no, you gotta
let me go. And it broke me. Oh my god,
it broke me. That was in twenty twenty two, December
twenty twenty two, and then I had to like taking
it an introspective look at myself. I said, how is
(15:27):
it that, now I've gone through this healing, I'm intentional.
I let my ya's be a's, my nose be nosed,
and then the relationship falls apart on that, and God
just began to encourage me and just say, hey, don't
give up on love. At the end of each one
of my episodes, I say and don't start, don't stop loving. Well,
in that mindset, we can get calloused hearts where we
(15:50):
experience heartbreak and be like, man, forget, I don't trust
these women, I don't trust my heart. I don't even
trust my own decision making. And so I just had
to always continue to reach, calibrate and say, you know,
God has my special someone out there, and just keep
choosing love.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I think that's so hard to encourage yourself and to
enter and back into the day because we're in our forties,
and when you're in your forties, there's an element I
feel that you've arrived, and not so much that you
are not willing to change. You've become very confident in
(16:25):
who you are, absolutely, and it's just hard to kind
of turn certain parts to be receptive of something that
may not be fully what you want. Because there are
people that are available, but are they available emotionally, mentally
and spiritually. Absolutely they're available to date, but are they
(16:46):
available in these areas that I think that has been
challenging even for me personally, because I've gone through that
even in just getting to know people, and particularly when
you're getting to know someone that you see on the
outside professionally that is put together, start pulling that curtain back. Start.
Then you begin to see behind the veil they're like, ooh,
(17:11):
this is not and it's not that they're bad person
or that they have something wrong. You realize that there
is a underdevelopment emotionally because they were so focused on
developing professionally that part.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
We're gonna take a moment of silence for that, right there,
Just a moment of silence. It's so real.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
It is so real, because so real.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Yeah, gosh, Yeah, I'm just gonna so let me ask
you this, and this is a question that I will
be asking all guests as it relates todaity, as it
relates to just life.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
How is your heart?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
When I tell you I'm in a good space, my
heart feels well. I celebrated my forty seventh birthday on
Marshall twenty ninth. Man, Yeah, a couple of days ago.
When I tell you, I just I just took the
day to just be reflective. I went and got a
manicure pedicure win and got me facial and everything and
I just said, I'm gonna take it as a self
(18:07):
care day and just reflect on what God has done.
So often I may find myself trying to accomplish the
next goal. And that day I said, I'm just going
to focus on a heart posture of gratitude and thank
God for all that He's done, you know, because all
that I didn't even expect him to do, all that
He's done in my life in the past five years,
(18:29):
I couldn't even imagine it, you know. And as I'm
sitting here, I said, God, You're You're awesome. It was
moments of brokenness, moments were I was laying on the
floor crying. This December were mark ten years since my divorce.
I didn't believe that I was a suitable mate for
my future wife. So I had to go do the
(18:50):
work in order to so I can look myself in
the mirror and be proud of what I seen, you know.
And now I'm at the state of my life. I like,
you know what, I'll be a great, great husband. But
it took work. I mean it took work. It took
a great deal of forgiveness, me forgiving myself. But because
I became everything I despised when I was married, and
so it was just it was just it's this place
(19:12):
was a moment of reflection and grand man.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You know, I want to I want to go back
to what you just said, because oftentimes men the very
thing that they hate and despise, they become absolutely and
I never be like my dad.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
I never do what my dad did. Yeah, never do
what my uncle did. And for the men out there,
I want you to know, when you become so hyper
focused on what you don't want to do, you end
up doing the very thing, because that's where your attention is.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Absolutely, That's what I aid. What I love is that
you shared.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Is that the forgiveness because oftentimes we think it's about
forgiving somebody who's hurt us, or someone who's costs pain
or trauma. The real work and forgiveness is forgiving yourself.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Absolutely, oh man, cause you gotta think. Jay. You know,
I grew up in church. When I got married, I
got married believing that there would be no expiration date
t forever, that I'll be married to death dewey part.
I felt like I was gonna be a faithful man
and honor my woman in every sense of the word.
And then here I am stepping outside of my marriage,
(20:21):
cheating on my wife. And it took me. I mean
when I say that hit me so hard. I was like,
oh my god. I was a dude that would always
reprimand my homeboys for cheating on their wives or whatever.
And I said, now I became everything that I despised
watching And like I said, there is no proof quote
unquote that my dad stepped outside on my stepped outside
(20:43):
my mom. I've never called him. I never did that,
but I know, and that's been just what it's always been.
And so I remember growing up and I kept saying,
I said, I'll never be like my dad. I'll never
be like my dad. I'm honor this woman when I
get married, I'm gonna honor her. I'm gonna be And
then I became everything like I said that I despise.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yeah, you know, but what you did is what I'm
hoping that this podcast do for all, not just men
and women. Give them the courage to pursue healing. Absolutely,
give them the courage to pursue rewriting a new story.
(21:24):
Oftentimes we keep the same pain, we have the same
sheet of paper, and we're writing the same story. Over
and over again, over and over and over again. And
what I love about what you did is you surrender
to the process. Absolutely the most difficult thing that I
believe for most men to do is to surrender, is
to let go of your will. And letting go of
(21:47):
your will is also relinquishing your ego. It's said, I
don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Absolutely, matter of fact, I don't have a clue. Do
you know, we don't have a manual on being a husband.
You know, we get thrusted in this position and we
take the greatest title that we'll ever have with no manual,
with no instructions. A lot of time we didn't see
it modeled by way of a father. Uh. And we're
thrust it in this position to care for one of
(22:16):
God's greatest assets, being a woman. And we have no no,
no manual, you know, and they'll just and we end
up causing destruction. Hold on, Miles Munroe said, this just
popped in my head. Males Munroe said, when the purpose
of a thing is unknown, abusive and yeah, and so
the goats, yeah, the do't. And so you married somebody
(22:36):
not even realizing the purpose of it. And you don't
realize that subconsciously and consciously you'll end up walking through
walking that person through abuse.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Absolutely. And the other part of that is the model
that we do have and seem very impossible, that part
because when the scripture says love your wife as Christ
loved the church, then little and we know that his
love is what unconditioned. Yeah, and it's very difficult when
(23:06):
you live in a world that is centered around conditions. Absolutely,
And I think the most difficult part for us as
men is being thrust into a role without understanding what
is required of us. You know, it was a year
eight of my mayriage, you're seven or eight where I
(23:27):
decided to even look up the etymology of the word husband.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I said, what is a husband? I said, we say this,
but what really is that? And I started researching and
husband comes from the Norse word husbonde, which means keeper
of the house, one who holds his house together. And
I said, well, well, I grew up in the black community.
Is normally the black woman that keeps the house together.
And I was like, hold on, I was supposed to
do that. Big Mama wasn't supposed to do that. And
(23:52):
so and so we've always we were just taught wrong
that the role of a husband is to be the householder.
And I said, wow, guy, I repent. I never knew
what that was. So how how am I operating in
a position that I don't even know the definition of,
but I'm expected to do that? And so it started
reshaping and I began to rethink about my position in
(24:14):
my role as this this val that I took at
being a husband. So it was it was very eye
opening for me.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And if we could do a deeper dive, not just
men as individuals, to understand what is required of us
when we take these roles, we take on these titles,
whether it's mom, whether it's dad, when we take on
these roles, uh, in these corporate entities, what is required?
I think everybody gets excited about the benefits, absolutely, but
(24:44):
when you started to think about, okay, what do you require?
All Right, we're gonna pay you six figures, but you
do know we're expecting you to be here all holidays.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Holy signed up for that, Like you.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Know you you're you know you're gonna have sex, I'm saying,
and you ain't got to repent for it, but you
do know you're required to love even when you don't
like him or her. Absolutely, And I think if we
can have more of these conversations that encourage healing, encourage
others to seek, and encourage others to take a deeper
(25:18):
dive into the origin of a thing. As you said,
you begin to research what is a husband? What is
a husband? So in closing one of the questions that
I think that it's so powerful when it comes to
this podcast and particularly just heal, is what is healing
(25:40):
to litarious?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Huh? What is healing to me? It's the courage to
face the things that I refuse to face in the past,
taking the bravery of it, uncovering what led to it,
how to process those feelings, how to work through those
(26:05):
things and show up again, not to live to die
another day, but to keep living another day.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Man, brother, did you rehearse that now?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I just came from me.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
It came from not CA's big yet, because you even
know I was gonna act that man. Listen, brother, that
that was beautiful. And I hope the listeners and those
that are watching really take that end and really digest
what he said. The courage to address the thing of
the past been running from listen. Healing is a journey
(26:40):
This quote is in my book Just He'll bro Healing
is a journey and wholeness is the destination. Healing, by
any stretch of imagination, is not easy. Going to therapy
is not easy. Getting a coach is not easy. Getting
a mentors not easy. Finding somebody who's smart than you
(27:00):
is not easy. Anytime that we have to level up,
it exposes a level of insecurity in us. But can
I tell you, if you're willing to let go of
your ego and be willing to let go of what
you had in mind healing, mentorship, being coached, whatever that healing,
(27:23):
whatever that modality, whatever that space looked like for you,
I believe that it would really set you free. And brother,
I just want to say this on camera and say
this publicly. Man, I am so proud of you, brother,
because what you did for me. I had no idea
that the podcast or that episode would do what it did.
(27:46):
I did for one, I didn't even really think much
about podcasts. You know, I'm just kind of like, you know,
he wants to talk about this. What you did for
me was you gave a voice to my pain. You
gave a voice to something that I didn't feel that
I could talk about because when I went through that breakup,
(28:09):
when I went through the pain of what she said
and this smear campaign that she went on, and even
God telling me don't talk about it. Man, it was
painful because see, it's one thing to deal with something
when you like, you know what I had to come, Yeah,
I said, I did, But when you have to deal
(28:30):
with something that you know that you didn't do, and
to sit on that information, I think for about a
year and a half. When I opened up, man, it
gave me a voice that I didn't know that I need.
And I didn't realize how many men that had had
experiences in relationships that they felt they couldn't talk about
(28:56):
because they would be villain, you know what, they would
be the villain yep. And what I had to learn, brother,
is that I'm okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Me too. And so God gave me that quote that's
in my studio on the wall that says, let your
character outlive their life. You told me, and I told
you that, and I was like, I was like, God,
I said, but they're saying this, and they're saying that,
and I need to get my story out there first.
He said, vengeance is mindset the Lord. So God will
silence your haters by success. He will silence your haters
(29:32):
by opening up doors and no man can shut and
shut doors that no man can open. And that's what God.
When we allow God and relinquish control, because I mean,
I'm a man, I like to control my universe, and
the God says, no, let me take that. Cast all
your cares on me because I care for you. The
minute that I began to do that, that's when God
began to explode my life. The minute that you decide
(29:52):
to do that in your life, God began to increase
your platform. God, that moment in twenty twenty has increased
your platform, had increase your influence in ways that you
and I could have never imagined that day that we
shot that episode in twenty twenty five years later, five
been the number of grace. God put his hand over
the situation and did something so powerfully that has transformed
(30:14):
lives all across the world. Only somebody like God can.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Do that, Only somebody like God. Man, And thank you, brother,
and I'm so proud of me, proud of you and
what God is doing in your life. Man, and just
thank you for being my first guests. Brother, there it is.
It's an no man, it's just I'm just amazed. Listen.
For those that are watching, listen, join this healing community
by subscribing to Just Heal, Doctor J. Just Heal, Doctor J.
(30:43):
We're going to be bringing healing conversations. We're going to
be bringing different guests, and I'm going to be bringing
people on the show that are really looking to heal,
people who are looking to excavate some things into the
that are going on in our lives and looking to
have a deeper, in depth conversation. And I'm looking forward
(31:03):
to you joining this healing community. Again. Thank you for
tuning in to Just Here with Doctor jpowered by The
Black Effect and iHeartMedia. Just Here with Doctor J a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. And you can follow
(31:24):
me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and
follow us on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Just Here, Doctor J.
Keeps to the planet.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the
third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions Man,
DyB and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B
Money podcast, were taking Jay Valentine.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We got the Women of All.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Carrie Champion will be there with her next sports podcast
and the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced.
And of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the
Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses plus the food
truck court to keep you fed while you visit us.
All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap
in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect dot
(00:43):
Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Welcome to Jess Heal with Doctor J a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hello, I am
doctor J. Barnett and welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J.
Powered by the Black Effect and I heart media. Listen
just here with doctor Jays of Space that false healing
for insightful and impactful conversations. That's going to bring healing
(01:09):
to help those navigate through whatever challenges that they have,
whether it's mentally, emotionally. And I believe mental health is
as spiritual as well, So I think this is going
to be a great opportunity for you to tune in
and to get a mental health sort of check up
where we're going to dive into some conversations that probably
(01:30):
going to evoke emotion and can I also say for
those that may be triggered by some of the things
that are shared, just wanting to give you that disclaimer
as well, because we're going to dive in. And I'm
excited for this podcast because it's been a long time coming.
My brother Charlemagne to God has been constantly asking me
(01:52):
for the past three years. Brother, you got to do
a podcast, and I wanted to, but I didn't think
that the timing was right. I think the time is perfect.
I'm no longer on tour the Just He'll Brow tour
three years, thirty six cities and eighteen thousand men. Also,
I encourage you to go grab that book just He'll
brow for a brother, uncle, nephew's son. It is a
(02:15):
powerful book for men to encourage healing and also to
encourage men to tap into their vulnerability to understand their
humanity as men. So today, man, listen, this episode is
special because I have my brother, my great friend. Many
of you know him as a love doctor, the relationship
(02:38):
Expert for his phenomenal and awesome podcast, Dear Future Wifey.
When I met Litari's we met through a mutual friend
who connected us and says, hey, you guys need to
have a conversation. We get to having a conversation, and
before we knew it, he said, listen, man, you got
to come on my podcast. And I went on this podcast.
(02:59):
He does it know this and he's hearing it for
the first time. He encouraged the jests He'll bro book
because he named the episode He'll bro Hell. And so
today I'm so excited to open up the jests here
with doctor Jay, with my brother La Terrace Whitfield man
a Dear Future Wifey. Listen, y'all, y'all give my brother a.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Hand man, Thank you king. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Man? Brother?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yes, brother, Man, it is an honor. This is an honor.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I've been telling you from day one you need to
be doing this, and so I'm happy to see you.
You know you're doing this. The world needs this.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Man. Listen, brother, it was something man, even when you
share that I should be doing it, it was I
think the season I was in, it was so much
going on and I didn't have capacity. I didn't have
the margin because I know the podcasts take a lot
of work.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
You're working in doctor's degree and everything.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
My doctor's degree, hopping on and off stages, man, and
and and going from city to city network for network.
And I'm just so excited man that this is really
a full surple mol circle because I was the first
guest on your show that I think went viral.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, it went viral August of twenty twenty and got
one hundred thousand views in that month, and I watched
my YouTube change from nine hundred and fifty subscribers to
ten thousand by the end of that month, and then
I grew another ten thousand the next month and now
I'm at like six hundred and seven thousand subscribers on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Wow. And brother, Like when I tell you man. I'm
so excited man, to have this conversation with you man
and to take this dive, because when I came to
you to have that conversation, we were both talking about
our past relationships, and I had no idea that the
episode would do what it did. I know, for me,
(04:46):
it was the first time that I was talking about
the relationship that I came out of right that was
very tumultuous. It was a relationship that I walked away
from and one day opened up my social media and
this individual is saying he did this to me, he
did that to me, and I'm like, none of that happened.
(05:06):
And I just remember the voice of God saying be quiet,
don't respond. And no one knew when I left Houston.
I lived in Houston for thirteen years, and when I
moved to Dallas. I came to Dallas because I was
doing my internship here, finishing up my mask as a
Marigan family therapist, and I didn't know anybody here but
(05:27):
my family. And I remember you reaching out to me
and a lady saying, I can't remember lady's name.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
She started jay shit me up the other day. She'll
be mad at us. That's gonna be that's gonna be
problem saw starling Jack.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, and man when we connected, man and we started
talking and we had all of these similarities, and it
was like, well in the same.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, because I felt like you were talking through me.
It's like I was some puppet and you were my
ventriloquist speaking my story. And so I was like, Okay, God,
I see why you have him on here, because again
God still had me silence in that season, not to share.
And so you begin to be the voice that I
needed to hear because I was being silent, and then
(06:12):
here you are sharing that story and it just resonated
with me.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Wow. You do you think Latario's and that's confident that
you say that I was a voice for you, right,
You think that a lot of men are in need
of someone to speak for them because absolutely, for themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Absolutely, because we've been so silenced. We've been silenced as
young boys. A boy can fall off a swing, fall
off a slide, hurt itself and the first thing that
don't you cry? You better shut up. Don't cry? He
like I man, and so you got to suck it up.
We're told to suck it up. And so when we've
been silenced for so long, even in our adolescence. It
(06:49):
starts forming the ideology that what we say don't matter,
our pain doesn't matter. We can't give language to our pain,
and so we just become silence. And so then we
hear another man and speak our hearts posture. Then we're like,
he's going through that too, because a man we don't
talk to each other about. I got hurt. And that's
what made that episode resonate. And they was like, hold on,
these are two black men sharing that they were hurt before.
(07:13):
In relationships, you never hear that, and when you do hear,
it becomes the red pill community where it's come from
a toxic standpoint.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, and that's so that's so profound because we don't
talk about the hurt that we experience in relationship because
it becomes and can feel very punitive. Yeah, so we
can feel as if I remember this, when I called
off my engagement years ago, it was mutual. We both
(07:43):
knew that this is not it for either one of us.
The moment that it got called off and I said
that the engagement got called off, we're not getting married.
The first thing people said to me, what did you do?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You do yep, because I don't believe a one was
gonna call it all. It has to be something wrong
with the man. Then you did something that provoked her
to call it off, and so, Jay, what did you do?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
And I think so I can exactly tell you what
I did for me in that relationship when I got engaged,
looking back and reflecting on my why it was not
a good reason part of me choosing her. That was
something in me that was trying to rescue my mom
(08:27):
through her. That's good because she had kids, and for me,
I was wanting to be to her kids what we are,
what I didn't have as a child. And so I
said to myself, if I can be this to her kids,
just maybe I could recapture, you know what I mean,
(08:49):
what me and my sister didn't get as kids. And
sometimes I think for us as men, if we're not careful,
we can choose from a deficit. But came so aware
I said, I don't think this is the right fit
for me, and then I communicated that to her and
she knew that it wasn't the right fit for her. However,
(09:11):
I said, why did you take the ring? And she said,
why would not? And this is when I realized that
as a man, better be not only sure, but you
better be aware not just who you're choosing, but why
you're choosing them.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
That's good, that's some good Steff reflection. And the reality is,
but how did you deal with the fact of you
being the person to blame and not taking the responsibility
of that.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I didn't deal with it well. For me. I felt
as if I was shrewdanized by her circle. Everyone wanted
to just kind of blame mean flight, Well, you call
this off, and you called it it off. You know,
how could you make this wrong choice and not giving
(10:04):
me grace for even having the decency. You know what,
I think we need to have a conversation, and I
think we also need to be honest with each other.
That part because I saw where God was taking me,
and I also knew that who she wanted to be
really wasn't attached to where I was going because and
(10:25):
what I mean by that is she.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Did not like the limelight. Oh okay, so we went.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
We went to a couple of my speaking engagements and
I was nowhere near where I am now, and I
remember her saying to me, we were waiting for these
women because at the time, I just released Letters to
a Young Queen, sold this book for young teens, and
I had all these women standing in line, and she
whispered in my ear. She said, how long are we
going to be down here with these books? She was like,
(10:57):
and I was like, huh. I said, I'm going to
stay out here to the book, and she said, you
know what, I'm just going to go to my wrong
and just let me know when you're done. And at
that moment we had a conversation and I said, like,
he's there issue with something. She's like, Jay, this is
just too much for me. And we laughed, like my
friends we laugh about her because man, she was just like,
(11:18):
this is just too much. I can't take this. And
when we had a conversation, she says, Jay, I just
want to go home and sit on my couch and
sit outside and just kind of have a regular life.
And I said to her, I don't think my life
is going to be regular. And she's told me she said,
(11:41):
I don't want to have to share you with the world.
And when she said that, I said, I think I
don't think this is going to work. Because even though
I wasn't where I was, Yeah, I saw where God
was taking And I think as a man, we have
to really be careful because part of choosing is also
(12:02):
understanding that I can't choose.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
For my today for my future. I have to choose
for my tomorrow. Yep.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
So when you think about where you are now, yeah,
we're both I mean, what less this five years ago?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Five years ago?
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Five years ago? We are known.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Across the world, across the world.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
What does it feel like now that you're on the
other side of the things that we talked about at
the beginning when you were kind of in that healing state.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
This is this quote that I said where I said,
that's one of my major viral video that just took off,
the one with the wig falling off and got a
half a billion views. And this girl I was dating
at the time, she asked me, said, how does it
feel to go viral like that? I said, it feels
empty to be seen by millions when you only want
(12:54):
to be seen by the one. And so, yes, I
have a million and a half followers across all social
media platforms. But I'm in this place where I'm like,
I still want marriage. I want I want the one
I want to say I do, I want to take
all the tools that I've learned having these conversations with
(13:16):
different people about what makes relationships work, what makes them fail,
how to show up sacrificially in a relationship. And I
want to put that work into practice.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
So do you feel that you've arrived at this place
of wholeness? And for those that are watching, when I
speak about wholeness, wholeness is not about perfection is it's
not about you know, perfecting anything. Really, it's just awareness.
It's lacking nothing. And I think the more aware that
(13:48):
we become as men, I think it allows us to
see some deeper depths of deficits within women. And do
you feel that it's become harder to date?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah? In these Dayton streets, I find a lot of
women that lack emotional availability. Yeah. And so I remember
Sarah Jackson was on my podcast one day and she
went viral on a clip where she talked about that
if women were honest, that uh, there's a different level
(14:23):
of responsibility that she has to have showing up for
a real one. And she says, if we're just honest,
a real one is really scary. And that's what I
would experience. And I was like, well, I'm I'm I'm
I'm heeled. Confusing, yeah, and man, it's this is a lot.
It would take a minute to impact everything as it
(14:45):
relates to that. But I found myself dating women with
intention A lot of people assume, because I have this
big platform that I'm really not interested in getting married.
You knew about a particular woman that I was dating
that I, you know, had plans of marrying her one
and I was intentional about it. And then she just
pulled the rug from up under me, saying that, listen,
(15:05):
I gotta go through therapy. I feel if I stay
with you, I'm gonna start destroying you. And I was like,
what what's going on? I said, I can rock with
you through this process. She was like, no, you gotta
let me go. And it broke me. Oh my god,
it broke me. That was in twenty twenty two, December
twenty twenty two, and then I had to like taking
it an introspective look at myself. I said, how is
(15:27):
it that, now I've gone through this healing, I'm intentional.
I let my ya's be a's, my nose be nosed,
and then the relationship falls apart on that, and God
just began to encourage me and just say, hey, don't
give up on love. At the end of each one
of my episodes, I say and don't start, don't stop loving. Well,
in that mindset, we can get calloused hearts where we
(15:50):
experience heartbreak and be like, man, forget, I don't trust
these women, I don't trust my heart. I don't even
trust my own decision making. And so I just had
to always continue to reach, calibrate and say, you know,
God has my special someone out there, and just keep
choosing love.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I think that's so hard to encourage yourself and to
enter and back into the day because we're in our forties,
and when you're in your forties, there's an element I
feel that you've arrived, and not so much that you
are not willing to change. You've become very confident in
(16:25):
who you are, absolutely, and it's just hard to kind
of turn certain parts to be receptive of something that
may not be fully what you want. Because there are
people that are available, but are they available emotionally, mentally
and spiritually. Absolutely they're available to date, but are they
(16:46):
available in these areas that I think that has been
challenging even for me personally, because I've gone through that
even in just getting to know people, and particularly when
you're getting to know someone that you see on the
outside professionally that is put together, start pulling that curtain back. Start.
Then you begin to see behind the veil they're like, ooh,
(17:11):
this is not and it's not that they're bad person
or that they have something wrong. You realize that there
is a underdevelopment emotionally because they were so focused on
developing professionally that part.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
We're gonna take a moment of silence for that, right there,
Just a moment of silence. It's so real.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
It is so real, because so real.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Yeah, gosh, Yeah, I'm just gonna so let me ask
you this, and this is a question that I will
be asking all guests as it relates todaity, as it
relates to just life.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
How is your heart?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
When I tell you I'm in a good space, my
heart feels well. I celebrated my forty seventh birthday on
Marshall twenty ninth. Man, Yeah, a couple of days ago.
When I tell you, I just I just took the
day to just be reflective. I went and got a
manicure pedicure win and got me facial and everything and
I just said, I'm gonna take it as a self
(18:07):
care day and just reflect on what God has done.
So often I may find myself trying to accomplish the
next goal. And that day I said, I'm just going
to focus on a heart posture of gratitude and thank
God for all that He's done, you know, because all
that I didn't even expect him to do, all that
He's done in my life in the past five years,
(18:29):
I couldn't even imagine it, you know. And as I'm
sitting here, I said, God, You're You're awesome. It was
moments of brokenness, moments were I was laying on the
floor crying. This December were mark ten years since my divorce.
I didn't believe that I was a suitable mate for
my future wife. So I had to go do the
(18:50):
work in order to so I can look myself in
the mirror and be proud of what I seen, you know.
And now I'm at the state of my life. I like,
you know what, I'll be a great, great husband. But
it took work. I mean it took work. It took
a great deal of forgiveness, me forgiving myself. But because
I became everything I despised when I was married, and
so it was just it was just it's this place
(19:12):
was a moment of reflection and grand man.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You know, I want to I want to go back
to what you just said, because oftentimes men the very
thing that they hate and despise, they become absolutely and
I never be like my dad.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
I never do what my dad did. Yeah, never do
what my uncle did. And for the men out there,
I want you to know, when you become so hyper
focused on what you don't want to do, you end
up doing the very thing, because that's where your attention is.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Absolutely, That's what I aid. What I love is that
you shared.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Is that the forgiveness because oftentimes we think it's about
forgiving somebody who's hurt us, or someone who's costs pain
or trauma. The real work and forgiveness is forgiving yourself.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Absolutely, oh man, cause you gotta think. Jay. You know,
I grew up in church. When I got married, I
got married believing that there would be no expiration date
t forever, that I'll be married to death dewey part.
I felt like I was gonna be a faithful man
and honor my woman in every sense of the word.
And then here I am stepping outside of my marriage,
(20:21):
cheating on my wife. And it took me. I mean
when I say that hit me so hard. I was like,
oh my god. I was a dude that would always
reprimand my homeboys for cheating on their wives or whatever.
And I said, now I became everything that I despised
watching And like I said, there is no proof quote
unquote that my dad stepped outside on my stepped outside
(20:43):
my mom. I've never called him. I never did that,
but I know, and that's been just what it's always been.
And so I remember growing up and I kept saying,
I said, I'll never be like my dad. I'll never
be like my dad. I'm honor this woman when I
get married, I'm gonna honor her. I'm gonna be And
then I became everything like I said that I despise.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yeah, you know, but what you did is what I'm
hoping that this podcast do for all, not just men
and women. Give them the courage to pursue healing. Absolutely,
give them the courage to pursue rewriting a new story.
(21:24):
Oftentimes we keep the same pain, we have the same
sheet of paper, and we're writing the same story. Over
and over again, over and over and over again. And
what I love about what you did is you surrender
to the process. Absolutely the most difficult thing that I
believe for most men to do is to surrender, is
to let go of your will. And letting go of
(21:47):
your will is also relinquishing your ego. It's said, I
don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Absolutely, matter of fact, I don't have a clue. Do
you know, we don't have a manual on being a husband.
You know, we get thrusted in this position and we
take the greatest title that we'll ever have with no manual,
with no instructions. A lot of time we didn't see
it modeled by way of a father. Uh. And we're
thrust it in this position to care for one of
(22:16):
God's greatest assets, being a woman. And we have no no,
no manual, you know, and they'll just and we end
up causing destruction. Hold on, Miles Munroe said, this just
popped in my head. Males Munroe said, when the purpose
of a thing is unknown, abusive and yeah, and so
the goats, yeah, the do't. And so you married somebody
(22:36):
not even realizing the purpose of it. And you don't
realize that subconsciously and consciously you'll end up walking through
walking that person through abuse.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Absolutely. And the other part of that is the model
that we do have and seem very impossible, that part
because when the scripture says love your wife as Christ
loved the church, then little and we know that his
love is what unconditioned. Yeah, and it's very difficult when
(23:06):
you live in a world that is centered around conditions. Absolutely,
And I think the most difficult part for us as
men is being thrust into a role without understanding what
is required of us. You know, it was a year
eight of my mayriage, you're seven or eight where I
(23:27):
decided to even look up the etymology of the word husband.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I said, what is a husband? I said, we say this,
but what really is that? And I started researching and
husband comes from the Norse word husbonde, which means keeper
of the house, one who holds his house together. And
I said, well, well, I grew up in the black community.
Is normally the black woman that keeps the house together.
And I was like, hold on, I was supposed to
do that. Big Mama wasn't supposed to do that. And
(23:52):
so and so we've always we were just taught wrong
that the role of a husband is to be the householder.
And I said, wow, guy, I repent. I never knew
what that was. So how how am I operating in
a position that I don't even know the definition of,
but I'm expected to do that? And so it started
reshaping and I began to rethink about my position in
(24:14):
my role as this this val that I took at
being a husband. So it was it was very eye
opening for me.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And if we could do a deeper dive, not just
men as individuals, to understand what is required of us
when we take these roles, we take on these titles,
whether it's mom, whether it's dad, when we take on
these roles, uh, in these corporate entities, what is required?
I think everybody gets excited about the benefits, absolutely, but
(24:44):
when you started to think about, okay, what do you require?
All Right, we're gonna pay you six figures, but you
do know we're expecting you to be here all holidays.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Holy signed up for that, Like you.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Know you you're you know you're gonna have sex, I'm saying,
and you ain't got to repent for it, but you
do know you're required to love even when you don't
like him or her. Absolutely, And I think if we
can have more of these conversations that encourage healing, encourage
others to seek, and encourage others to take a deeper
(25:18):
dive into the origin of a thing. As you said,
you begin to research what is a husband? What is
a husband? So in closing one of the questions that
I think that it's so powerful when it comes to
this podcast and particularly just heal, is what is healing
(25:40):
to litarious?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Huh? What is healing to me? It's the courage to
face the things that I refuse to face in the past,
taking the bravery of it, uncovering what led to it,
how to process those feelings, how to work through those
(26:05):
things and show up again, not to live to die
another day, but to keep living another day.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Man, brother, did you rehearse that now?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I just came from me.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
It came from not CA's big yet, because you even
know I was gonna act that man. Listen, brother, that
that was beautiful. And I hope the listeners and those
that are watching really take that end and really digest
what he said. The courage to address the thing of
the past been running from listen. Healing is a journey
(26:40):
This quote is in my book Just He'll bro Healing
is a journey and wholeness is the destination. Healing, by
any stretch of imagination, is not easy. Going to therapy
is not easy. Getting a coach is not easy. Getting
a mentors not easy. Finding somebody who's smart than you
(27:00):
is not easy. Anytime that we have to level up,
it exposes a level of insecurity in us. But can
I tell you, if you're willing to let go of
your ego and be willing to let go of what
you had in mind healing, mentorship, being coached, whatever that healing,
(27:23):
whatever that modality, whatever that space looked like for you,
I believe that it would really set you free. And brother,
I just want to say this on camera and say
this publicly. Man, I am so proud of you, brother,
because what you did for me. I had no idea
that the podcast or that episode would do what it did.
(27:46):
I did for one, I didn't even really think much
about podcasts. You know, I'm just kind of like, you know,
he wants to talk about this. What you did for
me was you gave a voice to my pain. You
gave a voice to something that I didn't feel that
I could talk about because when I went through that breakup,
(28:09):
when I went through the pain of what she said
and this smear campaign that she went on, and even
God telling me don't talk about it. Man, it was
painful because see, it's one thing to deal with something
when you like, you know what I had to come, Yeah,
I said, I did, But when you have to deal
(28:30):
with something that you know that you didn't do, and
to sit on that information, I think for about a
year and a half. When I opened up, man, it
gave me a voice that I didn't know that I need.
And I didn't realize how many men that had had
experiences in relationships that they felt they couldn't talk about
(28:56):
because they would be villain, you know what, they would
be the villain yep. And what I had to learn, brother,
is that I'm okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Me too. And so God gave me that quote that's
in my studio on the wall that says, let your
character outlive their life. You told me, and I told
you that, and I was like, I was like, God,
I said, but they're saying this, and they're saying that,
and I need to get my story out there first.
He said, vengeance is mindset the Lord. So God will
silence your haters by success. He will silence your haters
(29:32):
by opening up doors and no man can shut and
shut doors that no man can open. And that's what God.
When we allow God and relinquish control, because I mean,
I'm a man, I like to control my universe, and
the God says, no, let me take that. Cast all
your cares on me because I care for you. The
minute that I began to do that, that's when God
began to explode my life. The minute that you decide
(29:52):
to do that in your life, God began to increase
your platform. God, that moment in twenty twenty has increased
your platform, had increase your influence in ways that you
and I could have never imagined that day that we
shot that episode in twenty twenty five years later, five
been the number of grace. God put his hand over
the situation and did something so powerfully that has transformed
(30:14):
lives all across the world. Only somebody like God can.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Do that, Only somebody like God. Man, And thank you, brother,
and I'm so proud of me, proud of you and
what God is doing in your life. Man, and just
thank you for being my first guests. Brother, there it is.
It's an no man, it's just I'm just amazed. Listen.
For those that are watching, listen, join this healing community
by subscribing to Just Heal, Doctor J. Just Heal, Doctor J.
(30:43):
We're going to be bringing healing conversations. We're going to
be bringing different guests, and I'm going to be bringing
people on the show that are really looking to heal,
people who are looking to excavate some things into the
that are going on in our lives and looking to
have a deeper, in depth conversation. And I'm looking forward
(31:03):
to you joining this healing community. Again. Thank you for
tuning in to Just Here with Doctor jpowered by The
Black Effect and iHeartMedia. Just Here with Doctor J a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. And you can follow
(31:24):
me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and
follow us on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Just Here, Doctor J.
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