November 25, 2025 • 48 mins
In this powerful episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay Barnett, Dr. Jay engages in a deeply vulnerable and transformative conversation with Coach Davis, exploring the journey from trauma to healing, identity, and purpose. Hassan reflects on his challenging upbringing in Paterson, New Jersey, and how spiritual awakening, mentorship, and community played pivotal roles in rewriting his life story.
The dialogue dives into the emotional weight of generational trauma, the importance of rest, and the need to pause and confront one's truth. Coach Hasan emphasizes that love is not just an emotion, but a duty — a daily choice to show up with grace, compassion, and accountability. He shares how vulnerability became his strength, allowing him to unlearn survival mode and embrace authentic healing.
Together, Dr. Jay and Coach Hassan unpack the power of community, the importance of rewriting personal narratives, and the lifelong pursuit of mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor j a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
another episode with Just Hell with Doctor Jay and I
am your host, Doctor J. Barnett. Listen, before you get
into this episode, I want you to join our healing community,
Healing Hub, Healing circcle, whatever fits you. We are really
(00:21):
doing some amazing things here on the Just Hell Podcast.
What I love about this podcast is we have individuals
from all walks of life come to share their journey
through their mental health stories and through their emotional, spiritual, physical.
We get to cover all aspects pertaining to wellness. And
that's what I love about this podcast. So subscribe, like,
(00:44):
tell your friends, share, do all of those things, and
we're going to get right into it. So today I
have the honor of sitting with a great friend of mine.
Is a great brother, met many years ago, phenomenal trainer,
even more a phenomenal story. And so today we're going
to take the healing journey with our guests, Hassan Davis,
(01:07):
my good brother officiate. Long time happened all the time,
long time time. This is a long time coming. We
did a did a live together. I remember during the
Little Limit. Yeah, and at that time, CEJ I was
kind of flirting with my own show. At that time,
I did a live and I had like different people
get on and talk about, you know, managing the mental
(01:30):
health during the pandemic and all that stuff. Man. So
Assan was one of my guests, and we talk about
fitness and all things health and staying health and all
those things. Absolutely absolutely, man, Now we got got production
and all this. Man. Yeah, yeah, as supolks saying God
has been good.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Right, absolutely absolutely, man.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Listen, Before I started the episode, right, I asked every
guest this question. I don't ask how you doing, I
asked how you feeling. So how you feeling today.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Man, I'm feeling I'm feeling rested, feeling great. I feel good. Brother,
I feel good to be alive. Seriously, I mean that's
an understatement. Just one of my brothers just passed the
past last week. So it's just a great feeling just
to be alive and still continue to live in your purpose. Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, I love how you led with man. I feel rested, right, yeah,
because that's not the norm for a lot of men.
And when you think about rest for you and you
think about the word rested is what comes to your mind.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
It's more than sleep, you know about the grace of God.
I got the how can I say the blessings to
handle a lot of course, running the gym, running a
bodybuilding team, running a two more other businesses, running a family,
children who are very active in sports. It's just a
time to reorganize my thoughts, where I'm going wrong, at
(03:02):
where I can improve at. So it's more of you know,
I know women say it's me time. No, it's like
me time to just kind of reorganize everything and trying
to you know, fix problems or just deal with myself
so I can make whatever I'm doing better.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, And I love how you you said reorganized because
I think when you place it in that frame, that
doesn't mean that you're not organized. It just means that
you have to reorganize what was one set. Absolutely, And
I think we as men should really lean into that
space more reorganizing our lives, because sometimes we can get
(03:43):
on autopilot right right, And I feel like a lot
of men are on autopilot and they find themselves asleep
at the wheel because they haven't reorganized their life and
they haven't done anything different. And for you ASUD, you've
had to all always do things different, right, and I
(04:03):
know some of your story, but for you doing things different,
was that because of how you grew up that you
had to do things different. I know you was raised
in Jersey and and and if you can kind of
start there, and because you you had some moments that
were sort of like life changing moments that kind of
(04:24):
put you on a different path.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Absolutely, yeah, definitely had to do something differently. I'll be
dead in jail period. Period. It was gonna be one
or two. Okay. If I would have continued the way
I was going, it would have been probably life in prison. Dead.
When I look back at it, I always ask godw
what I mean? I got just a just just a
(04:47):
you know, I grew up single parent mom in the hood,
neighborhood of Patterson, New Jersey. I was a good kid
like everybody else, plays sports like you, football, basketball, baseball.
Story is that, you know, I had a full ride
in college, came home, threw it all the way to
hop in the drug game. You know, you just be
(05:08):
influenced by your neighborhood, your friends, and things that you see.
All my friends are either most likely you're dead, deported
back to Jamaica, charges and stuff like that, and I
look at some things that I was into and I
had to again look at my life and see where
I wanted to go or did you let me back up? Honestly,
(05:33):
a lot of my anger issues and stuff like that
became came because I didn't have a father in my life,
real talk, you know what I mean. So when you
really look back at it, a lot of them. You know,
I grew up kind of even though I mean I
played Junior Olympics, MVP, All Stars, everything, got the accolades
of sports. But I grew up angry. Jay. I was
(05:55):
really angry at my father. You get what I'm saying.
So even though I was a good and a lot
of things, I still had an attitude and cost me
a lot. Like I said, again, my own attitude through
a way of full scholarship, my own attitude could have
got me life in prison one time. Thank God, the
gun jam. So you know, I always ask God why,
(06:19):
and so a lot of that came from not having
a father in my life. My father was a hustler,
you know, That's all I knew of him. He was
a drug dealer. My mom, you know, at some point
in his life he got hooked at his own supply
crack cocaine. My mom was a beautiful black woman who
was a beautician, but unfortunately she got hooked on crack cocaine.
(06:43):
So I had had two parents on crack cocaine. So
I had to go live with my grandmother in the
crowded house. So you know, you always have that sense
of how can I say that emotion and aggravation, not
feeling wanted. You kind of get what I'm saying. Yeah,
and then I have to you know, at the point
in my life, I had to again reorganize myself and
(07:08):
say which way I wanted to go in life.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So when you think about having not one but both
parents addicts, right, what did that do to your confidence
as a child as a young black boy who desired
to have his father?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I mean it's low. I mean honestly, you ask yourself
like because you you know, when you grow up like that,
you don't have a lot of things as a young
as a young child coming to I'm talking about clothes,
you know, you might not have what the other so
you feel inadequate. You feel a certain type of way,
so you're willing at that very moment to do things
(07:54):
to get things. You get what I'm saying. And so
when I looked at especially my mom, you know, my
mom went from you know, I'm just going to just
keep it one thousand. My mom with him a you know,
from crack co came to prostitution. So when you know
I'm talking about at the age of eighteen nineteen, seeing this,
you get what I'm saying. So you got to understand
how that what that do to you as a young male,
(08:17):
seeing your own mom out there trying to get you know,
doing things to get high, and so you know, it
puts a lot in your mind, puts a lot of
stress on your mind. It's still your mom at the
end of the day. It's very traumatic, you know. You know, trauma,
you know is not always what you do to somebody's
something that happened to you. You get what I'm saying,
and so you know, it was very traumatic. You know.
(08:39):
So again that started to make me not wanting to
care about life, you know, go harder than the drug game,
becoming very even more wilder. And that was basically it.
You know, especially with my mom. You know, I really
didn't have a connection with my father. My father tried
to commit suicide in front of me. Oh, he owed,
(09:00):
eating from me, And at that point in life, I
didn't care. He died real tall, I was standing right
over him. I didn't even care he died, he owed,
he tried to took a bottle of pills, swallowed him,
try to kill himself in something his mother room, my grandmother.
I didn't care because there was no connection between me
and him. You get what I'm saying. So a lot
of my anger issues came was because of my own
(09:23):
father not being there.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
When you when you when you talk about you didn't care.
And I resonate with that story as well for my
stepfather on not him trying to take his life, but
me wanted to take his life right and not care
how it ended for me. When was the first time
that you realized that you had to do something different?
(09:47):
What was that moment where you said to yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I gotta change And I got it.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I got to heal from this pain, from this anger.
Because so many men, and you and I talk about
this a lot, just so many men don't wake up.
They never come to that epiphany or have that awakening
where it's like, you know what man, I gotta change.
(10:15):
What was that moment for you?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
I think it's always somebody coming to you and saying
or giving you guidance. It's up to you to take
the guidance or not. You know, even though I was
on the block and I was doing what I was doing,
I will always have people come up to me and say,
you know what, man, you don't belong out here. It's
something different about you, or you know. Sometimes you know,
the brothers of course from the nation would come around
(10:38):
the block and talk to the brothers and stuff like
that on the corner. And sometimes you can see who
will sit there in this list. I was one. I
was one of the ones that was just sit there
and listen. And so it was somebody who brought some
information to me that look that I saw that I
was really basically our own enemy to my own neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And so I had to, you know, checked myself. And
then I started going on the spiritual journey. Even though
I was doing what I was doing, a lot of people,
a lot of brothers on the block know I was
reading books. I started to read books. I started to
read things on spirituality and stuff like that. And so
when I was out there doing what I was doing,
your own conscious starts to eat at you. And so
(11:20):
I would say, about the age of nine, about twenty
years old, I just had that spiritual awakening.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
What was it like for you?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
It was, it was different. It was you gotta understand.
It's like one day you selling drugs, you getting money,
and then the next day you walk out out your
house and you got a suit and tie. They thought
I wasn't crazy in the hood. It my block thought
I had flipped the wig. I gave my scale away,
(11:52):
I gave my I split my drugs while I gave
all my drugs away because I wasn't doing I wasn't smoking.
The more I spent my money and have to my
arms my homeboy, so it looked at foreign. It looked weird.
It looked like I went crazy, honestly, but some understood.
Some made fun of me. But I knew I would.
(12:14):
I knew that if I continued and what I was
getting into, that I was gonna make it. As matter
of fact, God gave me a vision one night one
of my cup one of my family members came up
from South Carolina, and that it was going to make
a run to down South bring some drugs on them
on a Greyhound. I had a dream one night that
I was not going to make it back. Woh and
(12:39):
I paid attention to that dream. So it was God
just sending people, God just giving me vision. And I
had to recognize that because some people don't recognize it.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Oh man, I won't sit in there for a second.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah. Yeah, And I'm just grateful. And another thing is
too you know, I can't you know, I'm not gonna
say names. Rest in peace to one of my brothers.
I remember one time we was going to go make
a robbery. Man. We was going to make a robbery
in the white Jewish neighborhood. So I know I got caught.
I thought I probably still so real talk. So we
(13:16):
was at the bank about to go make a robbery.
For some reason, nobody came out the bank. You know,
people come in and out the bank, but this day
nobody was coming out the bank. So we got restless.
Saw a lady walking this town called Fairlawn, New Jersey.
It's predominantly Jewish. We did go, so I got out
the car to go rob the lady. As soon as
(13:38):
I'm about to rob her. A big voice in my
head came up and said, look to your left. I
looked to my left. It was a police officer sitting
right there. He never saw me. He was basically doing
something on his computer in his car. I saw it.
I turned around, I got back in the car. He
(13:59):
drove off. I keep on asking myself why at my
partner who was with me? He just died two years ago. Wow.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
So you know, so it seems like, man, there's been
this divine protection, and it.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Has when I look back at it. It has even
when I was doing things when I was young, because
even though my father was not in my life, he
was known, so a lot of dudes who grew up
in the neighborhood knew I was his son. So they
will always be like Enthrue ray boys son or Raymond something.
When I was doing something wrong, when I look back at,
(14:40):
I always had some type of protection around me. Jay,
either it was by way of a morning or somebody
coming to tell me something to help me change my
lifestyle because they saw something to me that was totally different.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
So you know, I'm thankful, man, I'm skiing.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I'm taking it all there.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Man, be right.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You know when when individuals, especially people that I know, right,
I've known you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I don't think we've got into that.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, we never got into that, right, But I can
feel the healing taking place even inside of me because
I think about how often we don't realize that we
are protected by unseen dangers. They don't know it, right,
And navigating your journey of healing, and navigating your journey
(15:30):
that you went on spiritually really place you under the
hands of angels in a sense, right, absolutely, right, because
it's like look to the left and right and here
comes a dream. Right. It's all of these sort of interventions, right,
meanings that are happening because there's something else on the
inside of you when you think about having this divine protection.
(15:59):
Navigating pat Us in New Jersey, which people don't realize.
If you come out of Patterson, it's rough. It's rough.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It's rough. It's small city about one hundred and seventy
thousand people seventeen square miles, but it's eighty percent hood.
So it's rough. I mean, you can't you know, unfortunately,
you know it just can't be a bunk and you
know you're gonna get your chin try. It's just one
of those track of cities. It's a nitty gritty type
of city. I graduated from the movie Lean On Me
(16:27):
High School Eastide High School. That is a real high school.
We had this sing that song every morning, so lean on.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Me was it was Joe the principal.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
When we saw Joe, Joe Clark had just left that
year when I went. So but I got a chance
to meet Joe one time when I was playing ball
in college. Give what I'm saying. So, but he was
a good He was a good dude. He was basically
what young men needed in a high school that sits
in the neighborhood like that. He was just he was
just a male role model, father figure that a lot
(17:00):
of us just didn't have. But yes, Pattison, New Jersey,
it's a very small, rough, rough city.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
You know when when you think about where you are
now today and we'll fast forward right, family man, and
and two if you can go back, if you could
just talk about how the nation right played a great
had or had a great impact and was very instrumental
to your self discovery.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Because I feel like that's what most men lack. Right, Absolutely,
I didn't look again, you know, I mean, your identity
growing up in the neighborhoods. Sometimes it's pension hustlers. You
get what I'm saying, And that's that's a false identity.
That's the identity that a lot of us who grow
up in certain areas and surroundings get accustomed to. And honestly,
(17:49):
that's what I was accustomed to. You know, your father,
your mom, your uncles all hustlers, gangsters around. Yes, but
sometimes that's what you want to inspire to be. And
so when I have my awakening, it was through the
teachings of the most Honorable Large Muhammad, through the automives,
little fire Khon, a lot of brothers to come on
the block and talk to us, and so I would
always gravitate to the teachers. And then one of my boys,
(18:12):
who I grew up with what I came up with,
he came one time. He had a Super Bowl time.
I couldn't believe it. So I said, then if he
can do it, I know I can. We still like
this to this very day. But through the teachings and
the nation, it gave me my identity under it made
me know who I am as a black man. You
give me what I'm saying, I'm not a pimp. I'm
(18:33):
not a hustle. I'm not a gangster. You know, I
have we have true real history as a people. You know,
we are rich mentally spiritually. So it gave me all
of that when I needed as a young man. That
helped me grow into the person that I'm still growing
into this very day. Yeah. So, and then I got
around other young black men or men period brothers who
(18:56):
had families. They was fathers, they was working, wasn't doing
the things that I used to do. They were on
the righteous path. And so again you know, you say,
if you show me five hustlers and you hanging with them,
you will be the six Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Talk.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And so with that being said, you showed me five
group of men who are working for something positive, and
you be and you start hanging with them, you would
be the sixth one work or worker for certain good
and positive and that's all it is, you know. And
the nation, to the minister, helped me change my life forever.
So I'm on forever grateful, forever grateful.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Did the nation have an impact on the husband the
type of husband that she became.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yes, yeah, because I ain't. But I ain't. I ain't
know nothing about no love my wife. Now, I was
supposed to marry her. She was one of the women.
She was one of the many women that I was
dating up when I was out in the world doing
what I was doing, and she was supposed to marry
me when I joined the nation, because she came with me.
(20:00):
She asked you one question over the phone, do you
love me? I said, I can get to I can
get to learn how to love you. I didn't know
what love was. She left me because of that very statement.
It came back nine years later. We've now we've been
together to this very day, seventeen years.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
It is my anniversary, so day university.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Happen to have a bird man seventeen years, seventeen years.
But yeah, so I didn't know how to love you, understand,
I didn't. I didn't know what love was. I didn't
come from that. I came from nothing but hardcore hardness,
no love again, both mama, both parents on drugs. I
don't know what love is. I just know the streets
right now, That's all I know.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Did you ever give your mom and dad said they
love me?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Never? Never? I never saw my mom says she I
knew she can say I do. I think I knew
she loved me. Yeah, of course you work, but I
never heard her say it. I never heard my father
say only till now to my adult of my adulthood years.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah, and when was the first time when you able
to connect with the not just the feeling, but the
emotion of love to even utter those words to your wife?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Do the minister? The minister really explained what love was
and what love is. He said, love is duty. Love
is not just mere words that you say. Love is
about you getting up and you proven, you prove yourself
that you love this person or you love What you
do is duty behind it. And so I have to
learn that. It took me almost two and a half years.
(21:42):
Even in the nation, when brother will say I love you,
I never said it back to them. I have to
grow into that. I have to learn through duty and
being around it more and more and seeing more black
showing love.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Because's not believe it or not. I realize for most
of us as men, right, we like I often hear says, well,
I don't know why he can't tell me you love me,
this and that, and it's so easy for them, but
they don't realize. Most men don't.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Hear that absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And then if we hear that, it's often you gotta
do something to get this absolutely right, it's far, it's feign,
It's very feign right. And it was your experience with
the brothers, like they were telling you that they love
you just because of who you were, not because you
did something well, just because.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Of who I was and what you was doing. And
you were doing the light the same thing and trying
to help clean up your community. So brother, I love
you just for doing but I didn't understand until again,
I had to be around it. You give what I'm saying.
And so once you around it more and more and more,
then you understand, you understand it better. And then from
that point then I understood what love, what I embraced it.
(22:48):
I didn't feel like it was.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
A punk thing.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Come on, you feel like your masculinity, felt like masculinity
was at state. You give what I'm saying, because unfortunately,
you just can't do that out. And then there in
the world, you know, in the neighborhood on the block,
you know what I mean. Your love is just a
dap up, that's it. You know what I'm saying, or
poon you can't show too many weak emotions. I mean,
so I had to relearn love and understand what love was.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
What was it like the first time that you experienced
being vulnerable?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I mean for me, I will say nervous, you know,
can you carry that? Was it with your wife or
was it in like what was it setting? I would say,
just Uh, it was two things. It was one of
what it was. One with therapy. I had a therapy session, uh,
and then another two was just probably with my wife,
(23:43):
you know, opening up to her. But one was the
therapy session. Brother. Honestly, that's the first time I ever
opened up like that. It was really about the you know,
not not to go backwards. My mom was murdered. So
my mom was murdered. My mom was stabbed about twenty
seven times, and then that left dead in the railroad
tracks over a situation where over cracked cocaine. So a
(24:06):
drug deal that went wrong. You know, the dude took
it out and my mom killed the left for dead.
But come to find out, she had nothing to do
with it, you get what I'm saying. So that traumatized
me because again I was close. I was very close
for my mom, even though she was drup addicted and
So I had to really get into that to let
(24:27):
that part of me, you know, kind of not just go,
but not hold me back. Get you know what I'm saying,
because now I be depressed about it. Every time I'm
ready to talk about my mother, you get you know
what I'm saying, like crying or tears come in my eyes.
I had to go to therapy for that.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Well, I mean even if you did, that's a real
grief them.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yes, that's traumatizing. Yeah, that's trying to hold when he
was twenty one one, twenty one years old, twenty one,
you know, it hit It hit me real hard, even
though I know it was you know, being out in
that world and a lifestyle could come with it, but
you never want you never don't think it's going to
actually happen to your loved one like that. So but yeah,
(25:10):
I was twenty one years old.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Jay, So you're sitting in therapy, and sure the therapist
kind of directed a question toward the experience that had happened,
or to the event kind.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Of the experience like kind of like basically like kind
of like what you're dealing with, like what are you
dealing with? And stick on that, And so we kind
of like hammered on that part because that was really
a big, you know part that I was dealing with,
you know, for my mom. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
So and that allows you to realize that you have
real feelings, right.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I opened up tears, tissue, all of that, and uh,
it's just opened another side of me, you know, instead
of keeping everything so tight, you know, bottled, and it
expressed me to let some things out.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And then you see your next ones with your wife
and do you feel that what happened at that point
allowed you to be open with her?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Or did you have to find a new way of
being you know what.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I'll be honest with you, Jay, This woman good. You
get what I mean by that. She's good. She is
what I need. I wouldn't be what I am today,
even with the businesses I happened, was not for her.
She's a man, you know, beautiful woman. So what I'm
(26:40):
hearing is you just felt safe. Yeah, she's safe and
like she ain't that type. She just you know, ride
or die. Need to talk to me, I'm all ears.
Let me give you a kiss hull after that, and
you want me to write some bath water after that?
You need something to eat? Bring my plates, brother, I'm good.
(27:01):
Like honestly, it's like with a woman like that, you know,
what can you not talk to her about?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Mm hmm CJ. This is a card tail moment. He's
a card tail moment. What can you not talk to her?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I'm good, solid, solid. You don't, by the grace of God,
she don't work, you know, I was, you know, got
to a point where you know, I fired her boss
and you know, and I say, even with that, she
was still good. But the love even got deeper, love
even got heavier. Really, you know, yeah, you know you
(27:39):
fire my boss, I don't have to go to work.
I can stay home and I could do what I want. Yeah,
you can do what you want. And so you know again, man,
love is duty and so.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Talk talk because I'm old to hear about this. Sorry,
Like you said, the love got deeper? How much deeper
could you?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Guys?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Go? Man?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Oh man, like, what did you learn?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
What did you discover more of? Because because what I
feel is just just since I've loved I think I've
been going from Houston now about almost five years, but
just to see the growth and not just in the business,
but even in just you. I can see it because
I've worked with enough couples. I can tell when a
man is loved with right. Right, I can tell when
(28:21):
a man is married but he's single and not single
like I asked for a single that he doesn't feel
connected to the union and vice versaal. But I can
feel that this is not just a marriage, right, this
is a covenant.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
It's a covenant. It's a covenant, bro, And so it's
it's good, Jay, you know what I work with. I work.
I trained some of the beautiful and baddest women you can.
You can imagine when you make people. Men come to
the gym and ask me how do I do it?
Like how you be around all these beautiful women? And
you don't step out? Because I got true love. I
(28:59):
got true love at home, man, So you gotta ask one.
So you gotta ask yourself the question if for five
minutes a pleasure word for destroying a whole covenant, a
whole family, you know something that, Yeah, it didn't happen overnight.
But I'm not gonna find her again, c J. So
(29:24):
the thing I'm not gonna find her again. I ain't
gonna find her again. So the thing is, she makes
my household run. I don't have to say not one word.
Only time when my boys get a little rowdy. I
raised my voice for my wife, for the house a lot.
You know, the woman is the cornerstone to the family,
and so I don't know if I'm going to find
a little cornerstone like her.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Let me ask you this.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Did she heal little her son through loving you? I
will say yes, uh and no to a degree. But
plays a big role in it, big time. She calms
me down. But still because they already know your athlete,
once an athlete, always an athlete. You still got that
(30:08):
aggress society. You get what I'm saying. It's like I
got that, So I still got that aggress society to it, yo,
you know, And she got to talk me down sometimes, Yah,
even though I'm spiritual.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Golly, God said, dog down, God said, I got grace
to my grace.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Do come to it right?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Sell that dog go.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Ball them to look like she's the one that balanced
me when I'm gong go you give what I'm saying,
and she's totally opposite of me. I mean, you know,
I'm here, she's not. She's down here.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
And I want to say something to that because and
I want to give those who watched this picture. We're
often looking for this that's.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Not marriage, you know it's not.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
It should be this right because having this does this right. Absolutely,
it brings it to balance. Right, we have to stop
looking for another us. I don't want another meeting.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I don't want another man.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I couldn't date another meting.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I couldn't at all. I just said another I cannot.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Thank God, my wife is the way she is. I
could not date or marry a woman. And I'm knocking
those type of women who's out there getting it. You know,
I love them to death. But at the end of
the day, for me, I couldn't marry another woman like
that who's like me. You get what I'm saying. It
won't work. You know, I need somebody to bring me down.
I need somebody to talk some sensing to me. Sometimes
(31:29):
I need somebody to give me a different picture other
than the go go go mo. So it helps me
to think and slow my ass down. Jay, So I
may even put everything into perspective by listening to the
other side. And I think, as men once, sometimes we
get caught up in our own ego and we don't
listen to the feminine side of us, which is she
(31:53):
is giving us another look at it from a different
golly point of view. You give what I'm saying, and
so I have to take my own self out and
listen to her. You know, she has saved me a
lot of times. She has talked sensence to me, a
lot of times. And so for that reason, like I said,
I'm not saying they're out They're not out there, but
I'm not gonna find another one like her.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
For the good brothers that it out there. Watch, I'm
gonna tell y'all this on this little break man. Listen,
find somebody that doesn't mirror you, but somebody that reflects
parts of you that you're not willing to look at.
Right and I won't to say that again, that reflects
(32:38):
parts of you that you're not willing to look at
because you her brother and son says, sometimes she has
to talk sentence and that doesn't mean that he doesn't
have sense, but it's to give you a different look,
a different picture, a different POV. Because what I love
about marriage and relationships is this fluidity of just differences
(33:01):
of where we come from, our experience, how we see
the world. Because I'm not trying to see the world
as she I'm hoping to see the world as we right, right, right,
And too many times we're trying to look at the
world from our own POV because it's like, no, it's
my story, it's my experience, right right. But what if
(33:22):
we had an opportunity because a son, when I think
about I'm gonna tell you all this. You guys couldn't
guess his age number one. This is how you know
a man is love will the negro looks thirty three?
How do your son, I'm fifty fifty? That's how you
know a negro is love well when he's age and
(33:44):
backwards skin like cocoa butters. I want to be loving
that way where I don't get older, I begin to
get younger.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Absolutely absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Find somebody that's going to help you age well.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Absolutely yeah. She keeps me stress frae. And let me
say this, no knock to my I've been married before, Jay,
and I know what it was to be stressful inside
of a relationship. You know, I divorced my ex and
I have to move on because at that time we
just wasn't for each other. That's all it was, you know,
it just wasn't for each other. It was just continued
(34:18):
bigger so bicker and arguing, and I didn't want that
amongst my children and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And so again the love.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Between the one and who said, asked me did I
love her? And I didn't? They came back around, so
it was meant to be.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Wow, Yeah, when it came back around. Were you ready?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Man? Was I I always loved I always say I said,
I loved it. I liked this as only you know.
She was. I always wanted to be were really always
wanted to be ware we were supposed to get married.
But again she left because I said what I said.
So let me ask you this, and I know the
folks in the car and listen this this, this is
(34:56):
what life is nuanced. Right.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
I feel like a lot of men at times that
I like what you said. I think a lot of
men are often not honest with their hearts. Right, I
sells right with their heart, right, that's true. So when
in your first marriage, did you always kind of have
a thought like about you know her my wife?
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Now? Of course, yes, I'm not gonna say a lot
about that. Did I act on the thought?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
No?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I didn't. Did not go outside my marriage or my ex.
Did not cheat on her with her or with my ex,
you know, but it was always something there between me
and her. But that that don't mean I didn't get
my marriage to try, because I did. It just wasn't
for me and her. You know, we just didn't We
just didn't have How can I say? It was just
(35:43):
wasn't cohesive. We didn't see eye to eye on things,
and so it just ain't worked for a lot of reasons.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yeah, but you know, I'm glad that you're sharing that
something because I have to tell people, especially when people
come in there, because they like that is this I said?
It's not black and white. No, No, there's much gray
in it. There's times that if men are honest, we
often choose right from a place that would not really Hey,
(36:12):
can I say this too also too.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
We was taught in the nations, like there's certain things
that were never taught in coming up to slavery, and
the science of mating is one. Science of mating is
one of the things that was held away from us
in this science was one of the sciences. The three sciences,
the science of business, the science of mathematics, and the
science of mating. You said, we why was the science
(36:36):
and maiding? Why? Because I knew I really wanted a
woman that was tall also to a certain bill to
produce certain athletes, boys for me and stuff like that.
And so my wife is that she's five or eleven.
Oh no, I wanted tall children. And so when they
preat Thoroughbreds, they just don't get any type of horse. No, listen,
(37:02):
you know you listen right, they get to they get
certain types of horses, horses, and they bring certain horses
for what you know, to race, to produce this bloodline
and stuff like that. So that's what I really wanted.
And my wife now was always that what I really
would want it and what I was really attracted.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
So so you know, the folks would be to come
is somebody gonna be in the come is trees talking
about he talked about made it and talking about we
ate horses this day. What you're saying a son, and
what I hear as men and Bishop always says to me,
it's in the choice.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
It's in the choice. Absolutely, it's in the choice. You're
not gonna see certain levels of how can I say
of hierarchy of like if you'll clean of England they're
not marrying now, they're marrying equivalent. Mm hmm. So the
(37:58):
meeting process is that King of Europe or Britain, or
the Queen of or the Queen of Ireland gets married.
It's a meeting process to keep the hierarchy of and
so it's the same thing they do with animals. And
so I knew for me what I really wanted and
what type of children I wanted. I wanted some athletes
because I was always an athlete. I wanted a certain
(38:21):
type of statue. I wanted to produce a tall family.
And so she was always kind of what I always wanted.
She was dark skinned, That's what I wanted to as well.
She was short haircut, That's what I wanted to as well.
So already had exactly what I wanted in my you know,
for myself and a woman. What I hear is you
(38:44):
chose based on your destiny facts. And I alten here
bit should say, you don't marry for you today. You
married for your tomorrow. You married for your tomorrow. Married
for my tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And believe it or not, beautiful children, they tall, they
play sports, and beautiful white toy is a maid. It
has been it's been a blessing man to watch your
journey and to see you be supported by your wife
in what you do in the industry that is all bodies,
always about bodies.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
It's always as always I call it.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
You said this a long time ago, this stuff would be.
You said, one guy was in the business because it
was a business of vanity. And I think you were yeh, yeah,
he said it was a business of vanity. Man, you're right,
you know, but you know.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
But that's just one entity of a relationship. You get
what I'm saying. It's all it's the mental. You get
what I'm saying. So got to be mental first. You know,
of course the physical, You're gonna be attracted to the physical.
But then now all of a sudden, past the physical,
I gotta be attracted to your mental.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Got to be attracted to your mind, your mind? What
is on in this in this camera? I would want
you to what would you say to brothers death have
not had their moment of awakening, have not been able
to really find their way? What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
I would say to you all out there, just keep
on stripping it regards what it is. If it's by
way of going to church, going to the moss, you know,
some type of spiritual teaching, keep on finding way, but
also to be around positive people. Honestly, that's going to
help you out a lot as a woman. You know,
(40:31):
I always say this, Men have to be patient. You
get what I'm saying. You've got to be patient with yourself.
You've got to be ready for a woman too. So
you just can't say I want a woman, You're not
ready for a woman, feel because you just might get
a woman you can, especially if you're looking for a
(40:53):
wife exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
So it's just a big you got You've got to
be ready for one.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Gotta be ready for a wife.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
And uh I would say that to them, you know
when as you were as you were talking and I
was thinking about the amount of men that haven't found
their way. Is that when you go on the healing journey,
you have to be willing to lean into what is
going to bring out of you. Because what is going
(41:22):
to bring out of you is also what you don't need,
but it's also what you do need to learn about
who you are not because most of the things that
are inside of us that have been planted there through
our upbringing and through our family. Some of that stuff. Man,
we don't need, but we're holding on to it, and
the moment that you're able to get it out, you
(41:44):
can say, listen, I know I'm not that because I
don't need that no more, especially for us as men,
because we're often wrestling with all of the dogma that
we have been given from our neighborhood. Man, you got
to have a bunch of women. Man, you got to
do a bunch of this. And Man, if you don't
get that bad today, and we don't hear men telling them,
(42:05):
you gotta evolved, brother, right right, You're gonna have to
make some changes right that if you really want to
move forward in life, you're going to have to turn
the pages in this book that you've been been reading through. Right,
And sometimes I think we don't realize how powerful a
change mind can be, man, until you change, That's true,
(42:27):
I would.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Say that very much. So. I look at I look
at old pictures versus when I was out in the street,
versus me looking like I'm I looked at like I
was theren there at forty years old, at twenty years old,
stressed out smoking weed every day, I was smoking eight
blunths a day.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
What eight once a.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Day I was getting high. I was killed high, carry
carry the gun smoking. I look at those pictures. I
look so aged and stressed out, life beating me down.
I looked about forty at twenty. I look about it,
and I look at me today fifty, looking like I'm
going out thirty. You give what I'm saying. So I
changed mind.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
You know, it brings me to that They heal it,
they heal it.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Now think about this. It brings me to the Scripture
where it says, let this mind being you the same
mind as what Christ Jesus ris Jesus. So what mind
do he have that God is telling you to be
had that same mind? You give what I'm saying. It's
the one of obedience. It's the want of obey, surrender.
You give what I'm saying. And I think you have
to surrender yourself, meaning the negative parts of yourself. And
(43:30):
you got to give God what is his. And I think,
to your point what you just said, we hold on
to a lot of bs. You give what I'm saying,
like I don't have to try to be hard no more.
I don't have to chase after ten to ten twenty
different women, no more. You give what I'm saying that
don't make me who I am. You know what makes
me who I am? It's responsibility. Taking care of my children.
(43:53):
You know, that's what makes me who I am. You know,
just being obedient to what needs to be done to
raise a family, to be a actual role model for
other people who look at me, and also to for
my children.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Man, brother, this has been amazing. I want to end
with this question, man, because we talk a lot about healing,
and I love to know what healing means for everyone.
What is healing for you? Or when you think about healing,
what does it meaning?
Speaker 2 (44:30):
A journey? It's a journey because regardless of whatever you
went through, whatever I went through, that healing doesn't happen overnight.
It's time. It takes time, you know. Also to my
healing is me giving myself to others, talking about my
(44:56):
testimony to help other people who are willing to listen
to me, to help them in their journey, even if
it's business, even if it's I want to be a
training coach, even if it's about what I'm going what
I'm going through in life, I'm ready to give up.
And that's why my hat says, no, I'll never settle.
(45:16):
And so that healing process works two ways. They got
to work with you introspecting yourself and also to you
willing to be giving yourself up to other people to
help them prosper, because you can't be selfish. We're all
here to be used. You're here to be used. I'm
here to be used for our guests. The main thing.
(45:39):
We're not here to be misused. And so the thing
is I'm here to be used there. I'm here to
be used for my gifts before I die. And so
a part of that is a part of the healing
process for me too as well, to see others who
maybe started at a level ground zero and see them
flourished to a level nine like I did. And so
(45:59):
a lot of that as a part of the healing
process with me is seeing people like myself start from
nothing and work their way up and then look at
them now. And that's a part of also to the
wings on the shirts about starting from here and soaring
to another height.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
Man, listen, my brother, you have just shared not only
a wealthy wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank
you for sharing even your experience of your pain and
the things that you navigated through and I love how
you share that not only is healing just a journey,
but it's also the pathway of how we give back
(46:40):
to others absolutely allow them to be healed through how
we share our stories. Right, And what I'm hoping today
is that Coach her Son has shared something that you
can take on your healing journey. And what I love
about what this platform does is you're hearing from people
from all walks of life. This is the best trainer
(47:01):
in Houston, me the best training. He ain't best de
best trainer. My brother's fifty years old. And listen, go
check his gym out and Missouri.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Is it in Missouri City now?
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (47:14):
Fifteen thousand square feet and.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Just opened up a brand new gym in Houston, Texas,
fifteen thousand square feet. I've watched his brother train in
a sweaty box. Now be training and it's fifteen thousand
square feet. Listen.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
Healing it's more than just addressing the trauma. Healing is
also rewriting the story. And I won't encourage you to
rewrite your own.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Story like my brother Hassan did because he could have
stayed where he was in Patterson, New Jersey, but he
allowed himself to go on a journey to discover who
God really had him to be, and now he's blessing
the world through getting people healthy or helping people make
better choice, absolutely more importantly, helping people have a better
(48:00):
all around mental health, because physical health is connected to
mental health, just sir, and so I encourage you go
follow my brother coaching son on social media. All this
handles all those things to be up on this link.
But don't forget to take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally,
(48:21):
all the things, because when your mental health is compromised,
you can find yourself very unstable mentally. And I want
to encourage you until next time. Healing is a journey
and wholeness is the destination. Take care of Just here
with Doctor J, a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
(48:42):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
x and follow us on YouTube. Just Heal, Doctor J.
Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor j a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
another episode with Just Hell with Doctor Jay and I
am your host, Doctor J. Barnett. Listen, before you get
into this episode, I want you to join our healing community,
Healing Hub, Healing circcle, whatever fits you. We are really
(00:21):
doing some amazing things here on the Just Hell Podcast.
What I love about this podcast is we have individuals
from all walks of life come to share their journey
through their mental health stories and through their emotional, spiritual, physical.
We get to cover all aspects pertaining to wellness. And
that's what I love about this podcast. So subscribe, like,
(00:44):
tell your friends, share, do all of those things, and
we're going to get right into it. So today I
have the honor of sitting with a great friend of mine.
Is a great brother, met many years ago, phenomenal trainer,
even more a phenomenal story. And so today we're going
to take the healing journey with our guests, Hassan Davis,
(01:07):
my good brother officiate. Long time happened all the time,
long time time. This is a long time coming. We
did a did a live together. I remember during the
Little Limit. Yeah, and at that time, CEJ I was
kind of flirting with my own show. At that time,
I did a live and I had like different people
get on and talk about, you know, managing the mental
(01:30):
health during the pandemic and all that stuff. Man. So
Assan was one of my guests, and we talk about
fitness and all things health and staying health and all
those things. Absolutely absolutely, man, Now we got got production
and all this. Man. Yeah, yeah, as supolks saying God
has been good.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Right, absolutely absolutely, man.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Listen, Before I started the episode, right, I asked every
guest this question. I don't ask how you doing, I
asked how you feeling. So how you feeling today.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Man, I'm feeling I'm feeling rested, feeling great. I feel good. Brother,
I feel good to be alive. Seriously, I mean that's
an understatement. Just one of my brothers just passed the
past last week. So it's just a great feeling just
to be alive and still continue to live in your purpose. Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, I love how you led with man. I feel rested, right, yeah,
because that's not the norm for a lot of men.
And when you think about rest for you and you
think about the word rested is what comes to your mind.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
It's more than sleep, you know about the grace of God.
I got the how can I say the blessings to
handle a lot of course, running the gym, running a
bodybuilding team, running a two more other businesses, running a family,
children who are very active in sports. It's just a
time to reorganize my thoughts, where I'm going wrong, at
(03:02):
where I can improve at. So it's more of you know,
I know women say it's me time. No, it's like
me time to just kind of reorganize everything and trying
to you know, fix problems or just deal with myself
so I can make whatever I'm doing better.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, And I love how you you said reorganized because
I think when you place it in that frame, that
doesn't mean that you're not organized. It just means that
you have to reorganize what was one set. Absolutely, And
I think we as men should really lean into that
space more reorganizing our lives, because sometimes we can get
(03:43):
on autopilot right right, And I feel like a lot
of men are on autopilot and they find themselves asleep
at the wheel because they haven't reorganized their life and
they haven't done anything different. And for you ASUD, you've
had to all always do things different, right, and I
(04:03):
know some of your story, but for you doing things different,
was that because of how you grew up that you
had to do things different. I know you was raised
in Jersey and and and if you can kind of
start there, and because you you had some moments that
were sort of like life changing moments that kind of
(04:24):
put you on a different path.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Absolutely, yeah, definitely had to do something differently. I'll be
dead in jail period. Period. It was gonna be one
or two. Okay. If I would have continued the way
I was going, it would have been probably life in prison. Dead.
When I look back at it, I always ask godw
what I mean? I got just a just just a
(04:47):
you know, I grew up single parent mom in the hood,
neighborhood of Patterson, New Jersey. I was a good kid
like everybody else, plays sports like you, football, basketball, baseball.
Story is that, you know, I had a full ride
in college, came home, threw it all the way to
hop in the drug game. You know, you just be
(05:08):
influenced by your neighborhood, your friends, and things that you see.
All my friends are either most likely you're dead, deported
back to Jamaica, charges and stuff like that, and I
look at some things that I was into and I
had to again look at my life and see where
I wanted to go or did you let me back up? Honestly,
(05:33):
a lot of my anger issues and stuff like that
became came because I didn't have a father in my life,
real talk, you know what I mean. So when you
really look back at it, a lot of them. You know,
I grew up kind of even though I mean I
played Junior Olympics, MVP, All Stars, everything, got the accolades
of sports. But I grew up angry. Jay. I was
(05:55):
really angry at my father. You get what I'm saying.
So even though I was a good and a lot
of things, I still had an attitude and cost me
a lot. Like I said, again, my own attitude through
a way of full scholarship, my own attitude could have
got me life in prison one time. Thank God, the
gun jam. So you know, I always ask God why,
(06:19):
and so a lot of that came from not having
a father in my life. My father was a hustler,
you know, That's all I knew of him. He was
a drug dealer. My mom, you know, at some point
in his life he got hooked at his own supply
crack cocaine. My mom was a beautiful black woman who
was a beautician, but unfortunately she got hooked on crack cocaine.
(06:43):
So I had had two parents on crack cocaine. So
I had to go live with my grandmother in the
crowded house. So you know, you always have that sense
of how can I say that emotion and aggravation, not
feeling wanted. You kind of get what I'm saying. Yeah,
and then I have to you know, at the point
in my life, I had to again reorganize myself and
(07:08):
say which way I wanted to go in life.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So when you think about having not one but both
parents addicts, right, what did that do to your confidence
as a child as a young black boy who desired
to have his father?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I mean it's low. I mean honestly, you ask yourself
like because you you know, when you grow up like that,
you don't have a lot of things as a young
as a young child coming to I'm talking about clothes,
you know, you might not have what the other so
you feel inadequate. You feel a certain type of way,
so you're willing at that very moment to do things
(07:54):
to get things. You get what I'm saying. And so
when I looked at especially my mom, you know, my
mom went from you know, I'm just going to just
keep it one thousand. My mom with him a you know,
from crack co came to prostitution. So when you know
I'm talking about at the age of eighteen nineteen, seeing this,
you get what I'm saying. So you got to understand
how that what that do to you as a young male,
(08:17):
seeing your own mom out there trying to get you know,
doing things to get high, and so you know, it
puts a lot in your mind, puts a lot of
stress on your mind. It's still your mom at the
end of the day. It's very traumatic, you know. You know, trauma,
you know is not always what you do to somebody's
something that happened to you. You get what I'm saying,
and so you know, it was very traumatic. You know.
(08:39):
So again that started to make me not wanting to
care about life, you know, go harder than the drug game,
becoming very even more wilder. And that was basically it.
You know, especially with my mom. You know, I really
didn't have a connection with my father. My father tried
to commit suicide in front of me. Oh, he owed,
(09:00):
eating from me, And at that point in life, I
didn't care. He died real tall, I was standing right
over him. I didn't even care he died, he owed,
he tried to took a bottle of pills, swallowed him,
try to kill himself in something his mother room, my grandmother.
I didn't care because there was no connection between me
and him. You get what I'm saying. So a lot
of my anger issues came was because of my own
(09:23):
father not being there.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
When you when you when you talk about you didn't care.
And I resonate with that story as well for my
stepfather on not him trying to take his life, but
me wanted to take his life right and not care
how it ended for me. When was the first time
that you realized that you had to do something different?
(09:47):
What was that moment where you said to yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I gotta change And I got it.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I got to heal from this pain, from this anger.
Because so many men, and you and I talk about
this a lot, just so many men don't wake up.
They never come to that epiphany or have that awakening
where it's like, you know what man, I gotta change.
(10:15):
What was that moment for you?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
I think it's always somebody coming to you and saying
or giving you guidance. It's up to you to take
the guidance or not. You know, even though I was
on the block and I was doing what I was doing,
I will always have people come up to me and say,
you know what, man, you don't belong out here. It's
something different about you, or you know. Sometimes you know,
the brothers of course from the nation would come around
(10:38):
the block and talk to the brothers and stuff like
that on the corner. And sometimes you can see who
will sit there in this list. I was one. I
was one of the ones that was just sit there
and listen. And so it was somebody who brought some
information to me that look that I saw that I
was really basically our own enemy to my own neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And so I had to, you know, checked myself. And
then I started going on the spiritual journey. Even though
I was doing what I was doing, a lot of people,
a lot of brothers on the block know I was
reading books. I started to read books. I started to
read things on spirituality and stuff like that. And so
when I was out there doing what I was doing,
your own conscious starts to eat at you. And so
(11:20):
I would say, about the age of nine, about twenty
years old, I just had that spiritual awakening.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
What was it like for you?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
It was, it was different. It was you gotta understand.
It's like one day you selling drugs, you getting money,
and then the next day you walk out out your
house and you got a suit and tie. They thought
I wasn't crazy in the hood. It my block thought
I had flipped the wig. I gave my scale away,
(11:52):
I gave my I split my drugs while I gave
all my drugs away because I wasn't doing I wasn't smoking.
The more I spent my money and have to my
arms my homeboy, so it looked at foreign. It looked weird.
It looked like I went crazy, honestly, but some understood.
Some made fun of me. But I knew I would.
(12:14):
I knew that if I continued and what I was
getting into, that I was gonna make it. As matter
of fact, God gave me a vision one night one
of my cup one of my family members came up
from South Carolina, and that it was going to make
a run to down South bring some drugs on them
on a Greyhound. I had a dream one night that
I was not going to make it back. Woh and
(12:39):
I paid attention to that dream. So it was God
just sending people, God just giving me vision. And I
had to recognize that because some people don't recognize it.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Oh man, I won't sit in there for a second.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah. Yeah, And I'm just grateful. And another thing is
too you know, I can't you know, I'm not gonna
say names. Rest in peace to one of my brothers.
I remember one time we was going to go make
a robbery. Man. We was going to make a robbery
in the white Jewish neighborhood. So I know I got caught.
I thought I probably still so real talk. So we
(13:16):
was at the bank about to go make a robbery.
For some reason, nobody came out the bank. You know,
people come in and out the bank, but this day
nobody was coming out the bank. So we got restless.
Saw a lady walking this town called Fairlawn, New Jersey.
It's predominantly Jewish. We did go, so I got out
the car to go rob the lady. As soon as
(13:38):
I'm about to rob her. A big voice in my
head came up and said, look to your left. I
looked to my left. It was a police officer sitting
right there. He never saw me. He was basically doing
something on his computer in his car. I saw it.
I turned around, I got back in the car. He
(13:59):
drove off. I keep on asking myself why at my
partner who was with me? He just died two years ago. Wow.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
So you know, so it seems like, man, there's been
this divine protection, and it.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Has when I look back at it. It has even
when I was doing things when I was young, because
even though my father was not in my life, he
was known, so a lot of dudes who grew up
in the neighborhood knew I was his son. So they
will always be like Enthrue ray boys son or Raymond something.
When I was doing something wrong, when I look back at,
(14:40):
I always had some type of protection around me. Jay,
either it was by way of a morning or somebody
coming to tell me something to help me change my
lifestyle because they saw something to me that was totally different.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
So you know, I'm thankful, man, I'm skiing.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I'm taking it all there.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Man, be right.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You know when when individuals, especially people that I know, right,
I've known you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I don't think we've got into that.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, we never got into that, right, But I can
feel the healing taking place even inside of me because
I think about how often we don't realize that we
are protected by unseen dangers. They don't know it, right,
And navigating your journey of healing, and navigating your journey
(15:30):
that you went on spiritually really place you under the
hands of angels in a sense, right, absolutely, right, because
it's like look to the left and right and here
comes a dream. Right. It's all of these sort of interventions, right,
meanings that are happening because there's something else on the
inside of you when you think about having this divine protection.
(15:59):
Navigating pat Us in New Jersey, which people don't realize.
If you come out of Patterson, it's rough. It's rough.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It's rough. It's small city about one hundred and seventy
thousand people seventeen square miles, but it's eighty percent hood.
So it's rough. I mean, you can't you know, unfortunately,
you know it just can't be a bunk and you
know you're gonna get your chin try. It's just one
of those track of cities. It's a nitty gritty type
of city. I graduated from the movie Lean On Me
(16:27):
High School Eastide High School. That is a real high school.
We had this sing that song every morning, so lean on.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Me was it was Joe the principal.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
When we saw Joe, Joe Clark had just left that
year when I went. So but I got a chance
to meet Joe one time when I was playing ball
in college. Give what I'm saying. So, but he was
a good He was a good dude. He was basically
what young men needed in a high school that sits
in the neighborhood like that. He was just he was
just a male role model, father figure that a lot
(17:00):
of us just didn't have. But yes, Pattison, New Jersey,
it's a very small, rough, rough city.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
You know when when you think about where you are
now today and we'll fast forward right, family man, and
and two if you can go back, if you could
just talk about how the nation right played a great
had or had a great impact and was very instrumental
to your self discovery.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Because I feel like that's what most men lack. Right, Absolutely,
I didn't look again, you know, I mean, your identity
growing up in the neighborhoods. Sometimes it's pension hustlers. You
get what I'm saying, And that's that's a false identity.
That's the identity that a lot of us who grow
up in certain areas and surroundings get accustomed to. And honestly,
(17:49):
that's what I was accustomed to. You know, your father,
your mom, your uncles all hustlers, gangsters around. Yes, but
sometimes that's what you want to inspire to be. And
so when I have my awakening, it was through the
teachings of the most Honorable Large Muhammad, through the automives,
little fire Khon, a lot of brothers to come on
the block and talk to us, and so I would
always gravitate to the teachers. And then one of my boys,
(18:12):
who I grew up with what I came up with,
he came one time. He had a Super Bowl time.
I couldn't believe it. So I said, then if he
can do it, I know I can. We still like
this to this very day. But through the teachings and
the nation, it gave me my identity under it made
me know who I am as a black man. You
give me what I'm saying, I'm not a pimp. I'm
(18:33):
not a hustle. I'm not a gangster. You know, I
have we have true real history as a people. You know,
we are rich mentally spiritually. So it gave me all
of that when I needed as a young man. That
helped me grow into the person that I'm still growing
into this very day. Yeah. So, and then I got
around other young black men or men period brothers who
(18:56):
had families. They was fathers, they was working, wasn't doing
the things that I used to do. They were on
the righteous path. And so again you know, you say,
if you show me five hustlers and you hanging with them,
you will be the six Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Talk.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And so with that being said, you showed me five
group of men who are working for something positive, and
you be and you start hanging with them, you would
be the sixth one work or worker for certain good
and positive and that's all it is, you know. And
the nation, to the minister, helped me change my life forever.
So I'm on forever grateful, forever grateful.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Did the nation have an impact on the husband the
type of husband that she became.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yes, yeah, because I ain't. But I ain't. I ain't
know nothing about no love my wife. Now, I was
supposed to marry her. She was one of the women.
She was one of the many women that I was
dating up when I was out in the world doing
what I was doing, and she was supposed to marry
me when I joined the nation, because she came with me.
(20:00):
She asked you one question over the phone, do you
love me? I said, I can get to I can
get to learn how to love you. I didn't know
what love was. She left me because of that very statement.
It came back nine years later. We've now we've been
together to this very day, seventeen years.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
It is my anniversary, so day university.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Happen to have a bird man seventeen years, seventeen years.
But yeah, so I didn't know how to love you, understand,
I didn't. I didn't know what love was. I didn't
come from that. I came from nothing but hardcore hardness,
no love again, both mama, both parents on drugs. I
don't know what love is. I just know the streets
right now, That's all I know.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Did you ever give your mom and dad said they
love me?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Never? Never? I never saw my mom says she I
knew she can say I do. I think I knew
she loved me. Yeah, of course you work, but I
never heard her say it. I never heard my father
say only till now to my adult of my adulthood years.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah, and when was the first time when you able
to connect with the not just the feeling, but the
emotion of love to even utter those words to your wife?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Do the minister? The minister really explained what love was
and what love is. He said, love is duty. Love
is not just mere words that you say. Love is
about you getting up and you proven, you prove yourself
that you love this person or you love What you
do is duty behind it. And so I have to
learn that. It took me almost two and a half years.
(21:42):
Even in the nation, when brother will say I love you,
I never said it back to them. I have to
grow into that. I have to learn through duty and
being around it more and more and seeing more black
showing love.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Because's not believe it or not. I realize for most
of us as men, right, we like I often hear says, well,
I don't know why he can't tell me you love me,
this and that, and it's so easy for them, but
they don't realize. Most men don't.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Hear that absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And then if we hear that, it's often you gotta
do something to get this absolutely right, it's far, it's feign,
It's very feign right. And it was your experience with
the brothers, like they were telling you that they love
you just because of who you were, not because you
did something well, just because.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Of who I was and what you was doing. And
you were doing the light the same thing and trying
to help clean up your community. So brother, I love
you just for doing but I didn't understand until again,
I had to be around it. You give what I'm saying.
And so once you around it more and more and more,
then you understand, you understand it better. And then from
that point then I understood what love, what I embraced it.
(22:48):
I didn't feel like it was.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
A punk thing.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Come on, you feel like your masculinity, felt like masculinity
was at state. You give what I'm saying, because unfortunately,
you just can't do that out. And then there in
the world, you know, in the neighborhood on the block,
you know what I mean. Your love is just a
dap up, that's it. You know what I'm saying, or
poon you can't show too many weak emotions. I mean,
so I had to relearn love and understand what love was.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
What was it like the first time that you experienced
being vulnerable?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I mean for me, I will say nervous, you know,
can you carry that? Was it with your wife or
was it in like what was it setting? I would say,
just Uh, it was two things. It was one of
what it was. One with therapy. I had a therapy session, uh,
and then another two was just probably with my wife,
(23:43):
you know, opening up to her. But one was the
therapy session. Brother. Honestly, that's the first time I ever
opened up like that. It was really about the you know,
not not to go backwards. My mom was murdered. So
my mom was murdered. My mom was stabbed about twenty
seven times, and then that left dead in the railroad
tracks over a situation where over cracked cocaine. So a
(24:06):
drug deal that went wrong. You know, the dude took
it out and my mom killed the left for dead.
But come to find out, she had nothing to do
with it, you get what I'm saying. So that traumatized
me because again I was close. I was very close
for my mom, even though she was drup addicted and
So I had to really get into that to let
(24:27):
that part of me, you know, kind of not just go,
but not hold me back. Get you know what I'm saying,
because now I be depressed about it. Every time I'm
ready to talk about my mother, you get you know
what I'm saying, like crying or tears come in my eyes.
I had to go to therapy for that.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Well, I mean even if you did, that's a real
grief them.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yes, that's traumatizing. Yeah, that's trying to hold when he
was twenty one one, twenty one years old, twenty one,
you know, it hit It hit me real hard, even
though I know it was you know, being out in
that world and a lifestyle could come with it, but
you never want you never don't think it's going to
actually happen to your loved one like that. So but yeah,
(25:10):
I was twenty one years old.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Jay, So you're sitting in therapy, and sure the therapist
kind of directed a question toward the experience that had happened,
or to the event kind.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Of the experience like kind of like basically like kind
of like what you're dealing with, like what are you
dealing with? And stick on that, And so we kind
of like hammered on that part because that was really
a big, you know part that I was dealing with,
you know, for my mom. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
So and that allows you to realize that you have
real feelings, right.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I opened up tears, tissue, all of that, and uh,
it's just opened another side of me, you know, instead
of keeping everything so tight, you know, bottled, and it
expressed me to let some things out.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And then you see your next ones with your wife
and do you feel that what happened at that point
allowed you to be open with her?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Or did you have to find a new way of
being you know what.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I'll be honest with you, Jay, This woman good. You
get what I mean by that. She's good. She is
what I need. I wouldn't be what I am today,
even with the businesses I happened, was not for her.
She's a man, you know, beautiful woman. So what I'm
(26:40):
hearing is you just felt safe. Yeah, she's safe and
like she ain't that type. She just you know, ride
or die. Need to talk to me, I'm all ears.
Let me give you a kiss hull after that, and
you want me to write some bath water after that?
You need something to eat? Bring my plates, brother, I'm good.
(27:01):
Like honestly, it's like with a woman like that, you know,
what can you not talk to her about?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Mm hmm CJ. This is a card tail moment. He's
a card tail moment. What can you not talk to her?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I'm good, solid, solid. You don't, by the grace of God,
she don't work, you know, I was, you know, got
to a point where you know, I fired her boss
and you know, and I say, even with that, she
was still good. But the love even got deeper, love
even got heavier. Really, you know, yeah, you know you
(27:39):
fire my boss, I don't have to go to work.
I can stay home and I could do what I want. Yeah,
you can do what you want. And so you know again, man,
love is duty and so.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Talk talk because I'm old to hear about this. Sorry,
Like you said, the love got deeper? How much deeper
could you?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Guys?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Go? Man?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Oh man, like, what did you learn?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
What did you discover more of? Because because what I
feel is just just since I've loved I think I've
been going from Houston now about almost five years, but
just to see the growth and not just in the business,
but even in just you. I can see it because
I've worked with enough couples. I can tell when a
man is loved with right. Right, I can tell when
(28:21):
a man is married but he's single and not single
like I asked for a single that he doesn't feel
connected to the union and vice versaal. But I can
feel that this is not just a marriage, right, this
is a covenant.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
It's a covenant. It's a covenant, bro, And so it's
it's good, Jay, you know what I work with. I work.
I trained some of the beautiful and baddest women you can.
You can imagine when you make people. Men come to
the gym and ask me how do I do it?
Like how you be around all these beautiful women? And
you don't step out? Because I got true love. I
(28:59):
got true love at home, man, So you gotta ask one.
So you gotta ask yourself the question if for five
minutes a pleasure word for destroying a whole covenant, a
whole family, you know something that, Yeah, it didn't happen overnight.
But I'm not gonna find her again, c J. So
(29:24):
the thing I'm not gonna find her again. I ain't
gonna find her again. So the thing is, she makes
my household run. I don't have to say not one word.
Only time when my boys get a little rowdy. I
raised my voice for my wife, for the house a lot.
You know, the woman is the cornerstone to the family,
and so I don't know if I'm going to find
a little cornerstone like her.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Let me ask you this.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Did she heal little her son through loving you? I
will say yes, uh and no to a degree. But
plays a big role in it, big time. She calms
me down. But still because they already know your athlete,
once an athlete, always an athlete. You still got that
(30:08):
aggress society. You get what I'm saying. It's like I
got that, So I still got that aggress society to it, yo,
you know, And she got to talk me down sometimes, Yah,
even though I'm spiritual.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Golly, God said, dog down, God said, I got grace
to my grace.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Do come to it right?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Sell that dog go.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Ball them to look like she's the one that balanced
me when I'm gong go you give what I'm saying,
and she's totally opposite of me. I mean, you know,
I'm here, she's not. She's down here.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
And I want to say something to that because and
I want to give those who watched this picture. We're
often looking for this that's.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Not marriage, you know it's not.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
It should be this right because having this does this right. Absolutely,
it brings it to balance. Right, we have to stop
looking for another us. I don't want another meeting.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I don't want another man.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I couldn't date another meting.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I couldn't at all. I just said another I cannot.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Thank God, my wife is the way she is. I
could not date or marry a woman. And I'm knocking
those type of women who's out there getting it. You know,
I love them to death. But at the end of
the day, for me, I couldn't marry another woman like
that who's like me. You get what I'm saying. It
won't work. You know, I need somebody to bring me down.
I need somebody to talk some sensing to me. Sometimes
(31:29):
I need somebody to give me a different picture other
than the go go go mo. So it helps me
to think and slow my ass down. Jay, So I
may even put everything into perspective by listening to the
other side. And I think, as men once, sometimes we
get caught up in our own ego and we don't
listen to the feminine side of us, which is she
(31:53):
is giving us another look at it from a different
golly point of view. You give what I'm saying, and
so I have to take my own self out and
listen to her. You know, she has saved me a
lot of times. She has talked sensence to me, a
lot of times. And so for that reason, like I said,
I'm not saying they're out They're not out there, but
I'm not gonna find another one like her.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
For the good brothers that it out there. Watch, I'm
gonna tell y'all this on this little break man. Listen,
find somebody that doesn't mirror you, but somebody that reflects
parts of you that you're not willing to look at.
Right and I won't to say that again, that reflects
(32:38):
parts of you that you're not willing to look at
because you her brother and son says, sometimes she has
to talk sentence and that doesn't mean that he doesn't
have sense, but it's to give you a different look,
a different picture, a different POV. Because what I love
about marriage and relationships is this fluidity of just differences
(33:01):
of where we come from, our experience, how we see
the world. Because I'm not trying to see the world
as she I'm hoping to see the world as we right, right, right,
And too many times we're trying to look at the
world from our own POV because it's like, no, it's
my story, it's my experience, right right. But what if
(33:22):
we had an opportunity because a son, when I think
about I'm gonna tell you all this. You guys couldn't
guess his age number one. This is how you know
a man is love will the negro looks thirty three?
How do your son, I'm fifty fifty? That's how you
know a negro is love well when he's age and
(33:44):
backwards skin like cocoa butters. I want to be loving
that way where I don't get older, I begin to
get younger.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Absolutely absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Find somebody that's going to help you age well.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Absolutely yeah. She keeps me stress frae. And let me
say this, no knock to my I've been married before, Jay,
and I know what it was to be stressful inside
of a relationship. You know, I divorced my ex and
I have to move on because at that time we
just wasn't for each other. That's all it was, you know,
it just wasn't for each other. It was just continued
(34:18):
bigger so bicker and arguing, and I didn't want that
amongst my children and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And so again the love.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Between the one and who said, asked me did I
love her? And I didn't? They came back around, so
it was meant to be.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Wow, Yeah, when it came back around. Were you ready?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Man? Was I I always loved I always say I said,
I loved it. I liked this as only you know.
She was. I always wanted to be were really always
wanted to be ware we were supposed to get married.
But again she left because I said what I said.
So let me ask you this, and I know the
folks in the car and listen this this, this is
(34:56):
what life is nuanced. Right.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
I feel like a lot of men at times that
I like what you said. I think a lot of
men are often not honest with their hearts. Right, I
sells right with their heart, right, that's true. So when
in your first marriage, did you always kind of have
a thought like about you know her my wife?
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Now? Of course, yes, I'm not gonna say a lot
about that. Did I act on the thought?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
No?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I didn't. Did not go outside my marriage or my ex.
Did not cheat on her with her or with my ex,
you know, but it was always something there between me
and her. But that that don't mean I didn't get
my marriage to try, because I did. It just wasn't
for me and her. You know, we just didn't We
just didn't have How can I say? It was just
(35:43):
wasn't cohesive. We didn't see eye to eye on things,
and so it just ain't worked for a lot of reasons.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yeah, but you know, I'm glad that you're sharing that
something because I have to tell people, especially when people
come in there, because they like that is this I said?
It's not black and white. No, No, there's much gray
in it. There's times that if men are honest, we
often choose right from a place that would not really Hey,
(36:12):
can I say this too also too.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
We was taught in the nations, like there's certain things
that were never taught in coming up to slavery, and
the science of mating is one. Science of mating is
one of the things that was held away from us
in this science was one of the sciences. The three sciences,
the science of business, the science of mathematics, and the
science of mating. You said, we why was the science
(36:36):
and maiding? Why? Because I knew I really wanted a
woman that was tall also to a certain bill to
produce certain athletes, boys for me and stuff like that.
And so my wife is that she's five or eleven.
Oh no, I wanted tall children. And so when they
preat Thoroughbreds, they just don't get any type of horse. No, listen,
(37:02):
you know you listen right, they get to they get
certain types of horses, horses, and they bring certain horses
for what you know, to race, to produce this bloodline
and stuff like that. So that's what I really wanted.
And my wife now was always that what I really
would want it and what I was really attracted.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
So so you know, the folks would be to come
is somebody gonna be in the come is trees talking
about he talked about made it and talking about we
ate horses this day. What you're saying a son, and
what I hear as men and Bishop always says to me,
it's in the choice.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
It's in the choice. Absolutely, it's in the choice. You're
not gonna see certain levels of how can I say
of hierarchy of like if you'll clean of England they're
not marrying now, they're marrying equivalent. Mm hmm. So the
(37:58):
meeting process is that King of Europe or Britain, or
the Queen of or the Queen of Ireland gets married.
It's a meeting process to keep the hierarchy of and
so it's the same thing they do with animals. And
so I knew for me what I really wanted and
what type of children I wanted. I wanted some athletes
because I was always an athlete. I wanted a certain
(38:21):
type of statue. I wanted to produce a tall family.
And so she was always kind of what I always wanted.
She was dark skinned, That's what I wanted to as well.
She was short haircut, That's what I wanted to as well.
So already had exactly what I wanted in my you know,
for myself and a woman. What I hear is you
(38:44):
chose based on your destiny facts. And I alten here
bit should say, you don't marry for you today. You
married for your tomorrow. You married for your tomorrow. Married
for my tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And believe it or not, beautiful children, they tall, they
play sports, and beautiful white toy is a maid. It
has been it's been a blessing man to watch your
journey and to see you be supported by your wife
in what you do in the industry that is all bodies,
always about bodies.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
It's always as always I call it.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
You said this a long time ago, this stuff would be.
You said, one guy was in the business because it
was a business of vanity. And I think you were yeh, yeah,
he said it was a business of vanity. Man, you're right,
you know, but you know.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
But that's just one entity of a relationship. You get
what I'm saying. It's all it's the mental. You get
what I'm saying. So got to be mental first. You know,
of course the physical, You're gonna be attracted to the physical.
But then now all of a sudden, past the physical,
I gotta be attracted to your mental.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Got to be attracted to your mind, your mind? What
is on in this in this camera? I would want
you to what would you say to brothers death have
not had their moment of awakening, have not been able
to really find their way? What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
I would say to you all out there, just keep
on stripping it regards what it is. If it's by
way of going to church, going to the moss, you know,
some type of spiritual teaching, keep on finding way, but
also to be around positive people. Honestly, that's going to
help you out a lot as a woman. You know,
(40:31):
I always say this, Men have to be patient. You
get what I'm saying. You've got to be patient with yourself.
You've got to be ready for a woman too. So
you just can't say I want a woman, You're not
ready for a woman, feel because you just might get
a woman you can, especially if you're looking for a
(40:53):
wife exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
So it's just a big you got You've got to
be ready for one.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Gotta be ready for a wife.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
And uh I would say that to them, you know
when as you were as you were talking and I
was thinking about the amount of men that haven't found
their way. Is that when you go on the healing journey,
you have to be willing to lean into what is
going to bring out of you. Because what is going
(41:22):
to bring out of you is also what you don't need,
but it's also what you do need to learn about
who you are not because most of the things that
are inside of us that have been planted there through
our upbringing and through our family. Some of that stuff. Man,
we don't need, but we're holding on to it, and
the moment that you're able to get it out, you
(41:44):
can say, listen, I know I'm not that because I
don't need that no more, especially for us as men,
because we're often wrestling with all of the dogma that
we have been given from our neighborhood. Man, you got
to have a bunch of women. Man, you got to
do a bunch of this. And Man, if you don't
get that bad today, and we don't hear men telling them,
(42:05):
you gotta evolved, brother, right right, You're gonna have to
make some changes right that if you really want to
move forward in life, you're going to have to turn
the pages in this book that you've been been reading through. Right,
And sometimes I think we don't realize how powerful a
change mind can be, man, until you change, That's true,
(42:27):
I would.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Say that very much. So. I look at I look
at old pictures versus when I was out in the street,
versus me looking like I'm I looked at like I
was theren there at forty years old, at twenty years old,
stressed out smoking weed every day, I was smoking eight
blunths a day.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
What eight once a.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Day I was getting high. I was killed high, carry
carry the gun smoking. I look at those pictures. I
look so aged and stressed out, life beating me down.
I looked about forty at twenty. I look about it,
and I look at me today fifty, looking like I'm
going out thirty. You give what I'm saying. So I
changed mind.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
You know, it brings me to that They heal it,
they heal it.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Now think about this. It brings me to the Scripture
where it says, let this mind being you the same
mind as what Christ Jesus ris Jesus. So what mind
do he have that God is telling you to be
had that same mind? You give what I'm saying. It's
the one of obedience. It's the want of obey, surrender.
You give what I'm saying. And I think you have
to surrender yourself, meaning the negative parts of yourself. And
(43:30):
you got to give God what is his. And I think,
to your point what you just said, we hold on
to a lot of bs. You give what I'm saying,
like I don't have to try to be hard no more.
I don't have to chase after ten to ten twenty
different women, no more. You give what I'm saying that
don't make me who I am. You know what makes
me who I am? It's responsibility. Taking care of my children.
(43:53):
You know, that's what makes me who I am. You know,
just being obedient to what needs to be done to
raise a family, to be a actual role model for
other people who look at me, and also to for
my children.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Man, brother, this has been amazing. I want to end
with this question, man, because we talk a lot about healing,
and I love to know what healing means for everyone.
What is healing for you? Or when you think about healing,
what does it meaning?
Speaker 2 (44:30):
A journey? It's a journey because regardless of whatever you
went through, whatever I went through, that healing doesn't happen overnight.
It's time. It takes time, you know. Also to my
healing is me giving myself to others, talking about my
(44:56):
testimony to help other people who are willing to listen
to me, to help them in their journey, even if
it's business, even if it's I want to be a
training coach, even if it's about what I'm going what
I'm going through in life, I'm ready to give up.
And that's why my hat says, no, I'll never settle.
(45:16):
And so that healing process works two ways. They got
to work with you introspecting yourself and also to you
willing to be giving yourself up to other people to
help them prosper, because you can't be selfish. We're all
here to be used. You're here to be used. I'm
here to be used for our guests. The main thing.
(45:39):
We're not here to be misused. And so the thing
is I'm here to be used there. I'm here to
be used for my gifts before I die. And so
a part of that is a part of the healing
process for me too as well, to see others who
maybe started at a level ground zero and see them
flourished to a level nine like I did. And so
(45:59):
a lot of that as a part of the healing
process with me is seeing people like myself start from
nothing and work their way up and then look at
them now. And that's a part of also to the
wings on the shirts about starting from here and soaring
to another height.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
Man, listen, my brother, you have just shared not only
a wealthy wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank
you for sharing even your experience of your pain and
the things that you navigated through and I love how
you share that not only is healing just a journey,
but it's also the pathway of how we give back
(46:40):
to others absolutely allow them to be healed through how
we share our stories. Right, And what I'm hoping today
is that Coach her Son has shared something that you
can take on your healing journey. And what I love
about what this platform does is you're hearing from people
from all walks of life. This is the best trainer
(47:01):
in Houston, me the best training. He ain't best de
best trainer. My brother's fifty years old. And listen, go
check his gym out and Missouri.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Is it in Missouri City now?
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (47:14):
Fifteen thousand square feet and.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Just opened up a brand new gym in Houston, Texas,
fifteen thousand square feet. I've watched his brother train in
a sweaty box. Now be training and it's fifteen thousand
square feet. Listen.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
Healing it's more than just addressing the trauma. Healing is
also rewriting the story. And I won't encourage you to
rewrite your own.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Story like my brother Hassan did because he could have
stayed where he was in Patterson, New Jersey, but he
allowed himself to go on a journey to discover who
God really had him to be, and now he's blessing
the world through getting people healthy or helping people make
better choice, absolutely more importantly, helping people have a better
(48:00):
all around mental health, because physical health is connected to
mental health, just sir, and so I encourage you go
follow my brother coaching son on social media. All this
handles all those things to be up on this link.
But don't forget to take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally,
(48:21):
all the things, because when your mental health is compromised,
you can find yourself very unstable mentally. And I want
to encourage you until next time. Healing is a journey
and wholeness is the destination. Take care of Just here
with Doctor J, a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
(48:42):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And you
can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
x and follow us on YouTube. Just Heal, Doctor J.
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