November 4, 2025 • 66 mins
In this powerful episode of Just Heal with Dr. Jay, Dr. Jay sits down with Glenn Henry — widely known as Beleaf — for an authentic and heartfelt conversation on fatherhood, emotional healing, and the power of community. Together, they explore the emotional challenges men face when expressing vulnerability, the importance of self-fathering and emotional intelligence, and the role of healthy communication in building stronger relationships. Beleaf opens up about his personal journey toward growth and accountability, while Dr. J offers insight into how men can embrace change, heal generational wounds, and support one another through shared experiences. This episode serves as a moving reminder that healing begins with honesty, empathy, and brotherhood.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor J, a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
another episode Just Heal with Doctor J. And I'm your host,
Doctor J. Barnett. Listen. If you have been easdropping and
listening here and there trying to see what we're talking
about over here in the healing community, I will encourage
you to subscribe and listen and follow us on our
(00:22):
YouTube channel, Just Heal Doctor J. And you can also
listen audibly on Spotify, the Black Effect Network, iHeart Podcast,
or wherever you listen to your podcast. We're having an
amazing time over here in this healing community, having conversations
that are changing people perspective. I'm bringing real people with
real stories who are sharing their healing journey as you
(00:44):
are hearing me to continue to share my experience of
healing as well. So subscribe. All right, So today I'm
excited about our guests. This brother is no stranger. You know,
he's got over a million five I was on YouTube,
four hundred and some thousand on Instagram. I don't know
what he's doing over there Facebook, but I'm sure he's
(01:05):
doing a whole lot over there. This brother here is amazing.
I came to know his work by someone sending me
something about him sharing the story of him as a son,
and he was speaking about his mother. I believe in
the episode that someone sent to me. But I'm excited
to welcome my brother Glenn aka Belief and man, we
(01:28):
got so many people in common that I didn't even know,
Like all the people that we knew were locked there
and we hadn't coming. Man locked in. But I'm gonna
tell you how God works. So his team reached out
about having him on the show. I said, yes, we
just had to make it happen, and I went to
San Diego to retreat for about five six days. Y'all
know I go out there often. My therapist is out there,
(01:50):
so I love to go sit with her in person.
And I just so hit him up and chop it
up with him, and I was like, bro, where are
you from? And He's like, I'm from San Diego. I
was like what, And I'm like, I'm out here to
San Diego for like a week. And we met in
person men and had lunch and brother we locked in
and broke.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, man, we broke bread.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
We talked.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
It was a really deep discussion and it was like
we had to end because I had to go back home,
but I was like looking forward to talking again. Man.
So thank god so much for having me on the show.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Bro Absolutely, man, thank you for your work, Thank you
for what you're doing for us as men and as
a father. Yeah, man, And we'll get deep into how
you think, the ways in which you think, how you
process as a husband, as a father, as a son. Yeah.
And what I'm excited about is how you process as
(02:41):
a man. Yeah, because those other things are tyrants right.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Right, and some people will call them callings, right because
these are things that we don't necessarily know that we're
going to encounter as a man, but experiencing them through
the lens of like a healed man is different from
how you start. So we could break it down here,
you want to you know what I'm saying, Let's let's
get started. Let's get absolutely Okay. So I'm from Baltimore originally,
(03:08):
so I got to correct you.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So I'm a Baltimoreian.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, Baltimorean.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, he lives and live in say yea, well he's
a Baltimourian. Yeah, absolutely, So yeah, I've been I've been
out here for about twenty years now and really found
a lot of connection and like love while redefining family
for myself. Right, I grew up in a broken home.
(03:32):
Mom was sixteen, she had me. Dad moved away to California.
They had that joint custody thing. So I experienced half
of my life in Baltimore, well mostly nine months of
my life in Baltimore, and the summers was in California,
and going back and forth to different homes and two
different cultures because my dad lived you know, grew up Trenty, right, Trinidadian,
(03:56):
but he married white woman, you know what I'm saying,
So there was different from my mom, who was like,
you know, single parent, you know Section eight, you know
what I'm saying. So we had a totally different experience
going back and forth, just myself. But yeah, like I've
redefined family in my experience being a husband and a father,
(04:19):
you know what I'm saying. And so it's so interesting that,
you know, because I was also at nineteen, you know,
on the verge of committed suicide, you know what I mean.
I got to the point where I just kept messing
up every relationship and you know, I got kicked out
my grandma house. So when you get kicked out your
grandma house, it's a rat like your grandma don't want you,
don't nobody wants.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
You, you know, because Grandmama, grandmother got your back, and nobody
had your back.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Lee exactly. So I just was wilding out nineteen tripping,
and in called my father and just basically was saying
bye to him, really asking for permission to end it all,
you know, thinking that no one really cared, and I
wanted to know if he cared. I was just like,
it's a rabbit. I can't do this anymore. And he
was like, you know, if you could just try one
(05:05):
more chance to start over, and you can come sleep
out here on my floor and start over in CALLI
And so I accepted the invitation and I flew myself
out and I've been trucking every since.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Wow. Yeah, m hm. You know. September is suicide prevention month. Yeah,
And it's one of those months, unlike May, which is
mental health awareness. It's one of those months that any
(05:37):
conversation around suicide and not to say that it is
less relevant in May, which is mental health month. Yeah,
but in the month of September. There is a pause
that has to take place, which is almost like in
the Bible when it says the word sailor right, it's
that it's something that represents this sort of in time
(06:00):
of just solid stillness. And as you were sharing that,
you made that call when I was getting ready to
attempt for a second time, I was on a call
with my father. Wow. And I haven't shared this much,
(06:21):
but the conversation with he and I and along with
my mother triggered me to say, all right, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So when I hear you say that you call him
just to see if he cared. I stayed on the
phone with my father to see if he cared, because
normally it was just like all right, I don't want
to talk to him.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I think that is so interesting because it speaks
to the power of the relationship between a father and
a child. In our company, we have the Infinity Hands.
It's a forever looping continuation from a father's hands to
the child's hands. That's the logo for our company. I
believe in fatherhood. And the thing is like I thought
(07:07):
that when I turned eighteen, like my dad would stop
fathering me. He thought that too, and at nineteen, as
he's calling me back and saying, hey, you can start
over here. There was a level of shepherding that I
didn't know that he even had in him, and he
didn't know I required. So that was like my first
(07:29):
lesson in fatherhood was that like, oh, fatherhood is forever.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
It doesn't end at a certain place. And that spoke
to me as I became a dad. I was like, oh, oh,
these kids don't need to be cuddled until they're well
into their teens. I didn't know that. And black men
don't share that part. No, we don't. We don't know
(07:57):
that it's true. I think now it's becoming a little
bit more acceptable, But I don't think I've seen being
held as a part of my process as a you know,
forty year old man now. But I was even talking
to my wife about, you know, everybody around me. I'm
(08:17):
supposed to provide security for my employees, my kids, you right,
like everybody, I'm like, who was holding me? You know
what I'm saying. And so it came to a point
where I would she'd be like, hey, I need a hug,
and I rab my moms around a squeezer. You know
what I'm saying. And then she would go, Okay, now
your turn, and she makes me put my arms now,
and she tries so best to get our arms around
(08:38):
me and squeeze as tight as she can. And we
do group hubs hubs as a family now. And that
part is healing to my inner child, because if I
would have been held by my father early, I may
have never even had that thought that I wasn't good
enough or accepted or the things I was going through
wasn't normal.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You know, brother, when I tell you you are You're
in it. You're in the vain of what so many
of us as men need to hear, particularly black men,
because there is a element of life that you cannot
(09:21):
experience until you have been fathered. Well. Yeah, there is
a part of you that can't become until you truly
have been received well as a son.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I never forget this, man. I have talked about this.
I wasn't hugged a lot, and I have gone on
podcasts and talked about the studies and the articles and
the research that is centered around why boys need to
be hugged, why it's important for boys to develop the
emotional language for receiving and not just giving. Why is
(10:00):
it important for boys to understand the power of their
words of I need Yes, you know what I mean.
And I never forget. I hate to say x man,
because we had an experience man that was life changing
for the both of us. But Yeah, she was a
(10:21):
hugger and she loved a hug. She would always come in, Jay,
come on, give me a hug. Yeah, And she would
be like, come on, man, give me a hug, man.
And I'd be like, I'm like, man, I was like,
what is it with you in these hugs?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
And she's like, Jay, hugs allows you to feel, embrace, love,
connected and all these different things She's like, And I
was just like, yo, man, I just ain't. And one
day she hugged me and I felt something glad and
it scared the hell out of me to say more.
(10:57):
And when I felt it, I was like, what was that?
She said to Jay. That's connection. I felt like there
was this energy that was exchanging that you don't get insects,
and for these brothers to watch it, you don't get
this an exchanging bodily fluid. It's an exchange that your
(11:20):
energy has been synchronized into this person's care, this person's thoughts,
and this person's concern and this person's value system for
you because when she hugged me back, I felt like
everything had became.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Like wow, you say when she hugged you, everything became
light now, So here is my theory. The hard part
about that is that have you been able to find
a hug like that since?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No? What you go do that? Bro?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm trying to tell you, bro, why so sorry? Man,
I gotta challenge this because because my therapist was like,
have you talked to her?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Lady?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, Bro, I'm curious. So not Okay, I'm not trying
to spark up nothing. The channel YouTube channel subscribe right now.
I'm trying to let you know I'm not trying to
spark up nothing. But I understand that there is a
there is a way that I can feel cared for
that nobody else can make me feel.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
And here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
It's not and you're right, it's not sexual. You know,
even even when my children are hugged me, there's a
certain grip that I'm like, I needed that. So my
sister passed away in twenty twenty one, like seriously, jack
me up, Like I've never been the same since, mainly
because she was the only woman from my childhood that
loved me consistently.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Okay, so she dies twenty twenty one. I haven't felt
the hug since. I'm gonna promise you this, bro, uh snatario,
I can promise you this. At times, she would visit
me in my dreams and squeeze me in my dreams.
I long I get hugs in my dreams.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Bro, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So, even if y'all are exes or whatever, I think
there's something there to where that type of that type
of way that you have allowed yourself to be. Uh,
Like you're released in that hug, that ex hill. It's
hard to find that again. And it's hard to accept
that from other people.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Man, God, dude, why are you my business? Sorry? Man?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Sorry man, It's supposed to be about me.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Man, But this is what we're here for. We hear
in the day.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So, Bro, she's always said, come here a big guy.
And I recently just saw her parents. Yeah and uh
and we And it was crazy because my therapist is
always because of what we went through, my therapist is
(14:05):
always like, you know, when the last time we talked
to her, he checked on and this and that no,
man like we have agreed that what happened was very dramatic,
you know, and losing having a miscarriage, yes, child Like
we had this conversation. At the time, there was so
much transitioning in my life. Not that I wasn't there,
(14:29):
but I just didn't understand what was going on In
the way that I was there was also the only
way that I understood how to be there at that moment.
And when you talk about not feeling that, I consciously
try not to think about it because I don't. I've
(14:50):
never thought about like we talked about like rekindling and reconnecting,
but we have really gone our separate ways. She's pursuing
her career doing well and I'm doing my thing. And
the reason I say consciously because I don't know. I
don't want to live in this world where it's like
what could be and it's not and close the door
(15:13):
for someone else, Yeah, to provide that, but to answer
your point or your question. The way she embraced me
was different because she ended up having a conversation with
my sister and my baby sister says, she says, like,
what's wrong with Jay man, Jay don't. Like. She was like, man,
you got to understand what our brother went through. She's like,
(15:34):
he wasn't hub. He was doing the giving when our
parents divorced, he was doing the parenting, he was doing
the overseer, and he was doing the cooking. He was
big brother and a father figure to us. Yeah, so
there was no one there to embrace him, but he
was embracing us. And so when she said that, it
gave her a deeper understanding. And she says, Jay, I
(15:56):
get it, and mean personally, bro, Like at this age,
at forty three, I there's sometimes I'm just like, man,
I don't need sex. And I'm saying this because I'm
being transparently, because I want men to really expand their minds,
(16:16):
like because sometimes we're limited to just this sexual prowess
and just this oppression and just this this testationem that
we just gotta be all proud and looking for it
like that, ain't it. I still got the bark and
the dog and just this the you know, the testaeum,
which is that that grit that's that's not going anywhere.
(16:36):
But Bro, there's some days on this journey of ploying
and helping others I just want to be hugged, bro,
So I'm gonna say this this h I was, no,
I'm not gonna say that because I don't have to
deal with people's comments.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Later though, Yes, because I'm like, I gotta get it.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Though. Yeah, I'm gonna say this. I was on the
road one night. I was on the road speaking and
I called her and she asked. It was like two
in the morning, and Bro, I was just crying and
she's like, Jane, what's wrong? And I was just like, man,
I just and it wasn't that I missed her and
(17:23):
I did. She's like what what like? Cause she was like, dude,
what's going on? You calling me at two thirty one
in crime. I said I need a hug man, and
she was like okay. I said, no, I need a
hug from you, and she was like, dude, I'm like
two thousand miles away from you. I came up right now.
(17:44):
And she started crying because she had never felt that
from me. And she just talked to me and she said,
do you want to talk about what we went through?
And I said do you mind? She says no, Oh, listen,
and she beginning to hug me with a word yeah, yeah,
(18:04):
because some embraces may not happen physically, but our words
can embrace. And bro, I never forget that, and I'll
never forget There's some people, man, that you have experiences
with that you'll never forget because it changed a part
of you. And like now in a relationship, you know
what I mean, Like I don't like I'm not afraid
(18:26):
to hug anymore, and I mean even hugging my brothers
and yeah, you know what I mean, my sisters. Like
I was just very it was abnormal for me to
just be like openly hugged.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, how did you get to the point where you
were able to say I need a hug, because it
seems like that would have been a challenge for you
as well.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
It was right, I think, being at that place where
I needed one.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And you could communicate that's what you needed.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yes, because there was time that she would hug me
and I would feel better. But I was afraid to
say that I felt better from the hug, because sometimes
you don't know what you need until you get it.
But then when we had separated and were gone, and
(19:15):
I remember, like, you know, trying to move on to
date to other people, and I just and it was
just like, oh, they don't eat acts the hugs. Yeah,
because because now I had again this was new information
and then understanding what hugs does to our nervous system,
you know that connection, that that serotonin, like you need
that Yeah and uh and like today, man, I'm I'm
(19:39):
now like I'll call my mom and like hey, I'm
just come hang out with you, old girl and just
get a hug from me. You know. So it really
changed me.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Man, Yo, let me I'll tell you a quick story
about the four kids, the chocolate babies. Okay, so I
have three boys, one girl, the youngest. Three are very
good at communicating what they want, what they a Naya
my my daughter. She would just always ask can I
can I have love? And love could be anything from
(20:07):
a hug, a kiss, or cuddling or playing whatever game
she wants to play. UZI will follow his sister's footsteps.
He's the youngest. He'll come in and ask for a
hug sometimes, or he'll just you'll be sitting here doing something,
he'll climb all over you. My second oldest, he is
he's got a sensory thing where he he has he
(20:30):
has to like have a weighted blanket has to be
hugged all the time. So he'll come up and be like,
can I have a hug? Especially when he's going homeschool,
he'll get a math problem and be like, I need
a hug. Now, you know what I'm saying, because it's
difficult my oldest want to ask, and I was sitting
here trying to figure out. But he wants to be pursued.
You know what I'm saying, Like he wants to be chased.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And I'm oldest, right, so.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
You should know what I want is what he's saying
to me, right, And I'm not always gonna know that.
I can't read your mind. As a father, I think
that I'm in tune. But because i'm also you know,
a healing person, I'm also not thinking about you.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I'm trying to think about myself and what I need
as well, and trying to convince myself that I can
ask for what I need because I got my own stuff.
So I did this exercise, but them we went for
a run. We do like pe and stuff like that,
and I had them we all carry like these weighted
you know, there was like weight balls and strow up
and now stuff like that. It was five pounds, ten pounds,
and we went for a run, and I said, the
goal is to say you need help. So we're running
(21:35):
and every you know, two of them are carrying a
ball and one of them isn't and two of them aren't,
and I'm saying, hey, the only thing you need to
do is communicate, hey, I need help. So they have
to say I need help, so the other person to
take the weight. I was like, sometimes in life, you're
gonna need someone to help you carry your weight, right,
and I need you to be able to communicate that.
And so the fact that you were able to communicate
that is brilliant. A lot of our brothers don't know
(21:58):
how to say I just really need a hug big.
We just we get frustrated, or just say hey, I
really need to have sex. Like that is something that
you need to communicate. And I'm not saying you're always
gonna get it, but some of us, we spend our
time just being so frustrated that.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
It's not to cut you all. Yeah, do you think
a lot of merit mens struggled with saying to me?
Said absolutely?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I did for the longest time too, because my wife.
She was pregnant for like six years straight or something
like that. He was always pregnant. I was like, what
the heck is going on? And so she'd always had
people like either breastfeeding or people on her are needing
a hug. And I'm just watching these kids kind of
mall her, and I'm like, you know, I'll leave you alone.
You know what I'm saying. I won't bother you because
(22:38):
I can see the strain on your body. Your body
is going through many transitions, and you're always complaining about
your tire. And so I would have a hard time
asking for my own needs to be met, just because
I didn't communicate effectively, and it wasn't something that you know,
growing up in a very like sheltered Christianness Christian household,
(23:00):
sex was always like a no, no, you can't even
talk about it, and you know, keep your let's clothes,
don't do it, da da da da. And then when
you get married to kind of like, well have fun,
you know. And she didn't even know anything about it.
So on our wedding night, we were just looking at
each other and I was like, well, it's time to
take off your clothes now. It seems like why, Like
she was like didn't She was like, didn't know nothing
(23:22):
about anything, and so it was a very hard transition
for us to have like a healthy sex life. And
so even after all that, like six years of just
terrible sex, terrible sex, and you know this is admitted.
We talk about this on our podcast as well. But
we got to the point where she was like, hey,
we actually schedule sex, so no matter what is happening
(23:45):
into the three tides a week, you know what I'm saying,
Because she was like, hey, she came to a point
where we were having such a hard time. She was like,
I know, God has called you to serve men, and
I don't want to be a hindrance to that favor.
So I want to make sure that I'm at least
understanding my own body and not like like even having
(24:08):
you think about anything else. Wow, it was very mature
of her. Yeah, she's good people's man. So how did
you guys navigate out of the years of bad sex
like that?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
That? Was that a conversation that you initiated or something
that you both like came to this this this this
moment of just like awakening like hey, right, it's not
what it should be for us.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
So it comes to having like a good community, right.
So I was complaining to one of my homeboys. I
was like, look, man, I don't know how long I
can do this for, you know what I'm saying, Like,
in mind, we were absent before, like she was virgion,
I was absent of for like five years, and I'm
thinking like, guys, like, you know you're gonna hook me
up obviously, I'm just an idiot, like thinking that God
owes me a good sex, like because I was obedient,
(24:58):
you know what I'm saying. And so man, I'm sitting
here like yeah, this will be great, you know. And
then after like five six years, I'm like, oh man, lord,
I'm really having a hard time. I started lamenting, you
know what I mean, Like why would why would this
be a struggle? You know what I'm saying, Like I
just don't understand. I was very confused, very entitled, but
(25:20):
very confused. And I was lamenting to a friend of
mius just like, look, bro, like I don't know what's
going on. And so he talked to his wife and
then she called my wife, and it just turned out
my wife didn't know anything about her body and didn't
know that sex was supposed to be pleasurable for her
as well, right, And I was trying to explain it
to her, but she wouldn't listen to me because I'm
(25:42):
the guy trying to get into the door. You know
what I'm saying is She's like, I don't trust you, fool.
You're just trying to get me to you know what
I'm saying. You're just trying to put another baby in me.
I'm like, listen, I'm promising here, you know. And so
she ended up talking to a friend of hers who
sent her like a care package with like loub and
like all these like books and stuff like that that
helped cater and then like we would just read the books.
And she was like, I want to do a twenty
(26:04):
five day sex challenge, but we have sex every night.
And I was like, well, dang, that's a huge jump
from like barely doing it at all, and like it
was like eleven days in. I'm like, this is a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Like we doing a lot right now, you know what
I'm saying, you know what I'm saying. And she was
just like yeah, yeah, yeah, after the four kids.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
This is notices, this is after shot hum.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Or two shot them too. Yeah, that's so so she like.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
So that is when she started to like take ownership
of her of her like, oh, this is for me,
you know what I mean. And so we went from
like you know, cause I couldn't even say like, hey,
do you like this or does this feel good? Then
she's like, now put me up like this and do
this right here, and do this go this way. And
I'm like, now she's giving me direction. I'm like, perfect right,
(26:49):
because I'm naturally I want to please my woman, you
know what I'm saying. And so it was very difficult
at first, and then as soon as that switch, it
just was like consistent, you know. And there have been times,
you know, babies being born, super amount of stress at work,
you know, a lot of changing the home, us moving,
a lot of stuff like that where we kind of
fall off a little bit, but we always come back
(27:10):
to our schedule and we make it. We may happen.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Man, bro. When I listen to you, Glenn, my heart,
the little boy is smiling because I'm like, wow, man,
he is giving out these instructions and he's given out
this blueprint because most men must little boys that are
stuck emotionally. Yeah, most men that I talked to, most
(27:35):
men that I treated in therapy, they were all little
boys emotionally because they didn't get the understanding. So either
their understanding of sex was that it's only pleasurable for
the man, or is they are objectifying women, their women,
they're a white person whomever. It's just like, well, I
just got to get to this this, I just got
(27:57):
to conquer this quest, yeah and reach this ape and
it's done. And there isn't a level of understanding. Oh
where did you learn that? And how where did you learn? That?
Shows up in your relationships? And what I'm loving about
how you express how you are so deliberate, you and
(28:18):
your wife and you guys share your journey of marriage,
parenting so transparently. Man. That's what we need more of. Man.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, I think it's I think the reason why we
don't hear it is because it's kind of embarrassing, you
know what I'm saying, Like, it's kind of embarrassing to
be like, yoh, I struggle with sexual with my wife
for sex years and then you hear somebody you know
who may be on a little bit more shallow end
of the spectrum. Man, that's because he wasn't hitting it
right or that's because you know what I'm saying, And
(28:48):
it's like, all right, well that's fair for you to assume.
But I still have this person to shepherd, I still
have this heart to shepherd. I still have to be
an example. And so I think the the crazy thing
about it is that I used to like be so
upset about, like like why is this my story and
the way my wife has switched. I have more faith
(29:10):
that other things can change, Like I'm like I believe
in people different. Now I'm like, oh, anybody can change this,
you know what I mean? Like she has, she has,
and I know that even like right now, if we
have a disagreement, I know that, well, either she'll figure
it out or I'll figure it out. We'll be fine
because I've seen her do work. I've seen her like
(29:31):
believe something and be like I can't do this, I'm
scared of this and then step into it with confidence
like she's and she has like redefine how I see women,
you know what I mean, Like there there is you
know in my story, you know. Unfortunately, like my my
first opposition was my mother, you know what I'm saying,
(29:53):
Like she it was hard for me and her, and
it never got better, you know what I'm saying, Like
I work, like I worked really trying to heal and
like get over stuff quickly, and it just never got better.
So if my initial relationship with a woman's so tumultuous,
(30:14):
like how am I gonna accept my wife? Yes, you
know what I'm saying. So the things that was going
on with me and my mom was creeping up with
my wife where I'm like, oh, I don't trust women
at all, Like I had to.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
I had to say that, like I.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Don't trust women at all, you know, And I wasn't
expecting the amount of healing to take place. It just
happened like twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Wow, it's about a year ago. Then. Yeah, the shift
took place.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah, the shift took place because even though I couldn't
trust her, I still was called the server, so it
didn't matter. I wasn't gonna leave because I ain't trst her.
I just was like, well, I'm putting up. I'm protecting myself.
So I'm with you to serve you, but I won't
let you in too far because I got a wall up.
Now I've learned that I can't trust you. And once
she agreed and was like, oh you have you have
(31:03):
you actually have license not to trust me. I've done
some untrustworthy things over the course of our relationship. Like
we realized that if I don't begin to trust her,
then the only person, because God took the only other
person I trusted, right women as a child dumb person
that would have to deal with that is my daughter.
(31:24):
My daughter would have to be the one that put
the broken little boy back together because we didn't do
the work. I didn't do the work or whatever the
situation is. And so once someone was able to say
that to my wife, and it was another woman, it
was another woman, right, an older woman who walks on
(31:45):
her truth and has a solid relationship with her husband,
was able to like help with emotional intelligence. She was like, well,
I'm not putting that on my daughter for nothing, you
know what I mean. We were able to really walk
through and work on healing and I could say, hey,
this is a part of the reason why why I
have trust issues here, and she was able to accept
it and not even take it personal because it wasn't personal.
(32:06):
It was my experience.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Bro, as you're sitting there talking, I'm just like I
think about the conversation CJ and I often because there
is a group of men that I feel are ready
to share their experience, but there is an apprehension because
(32:34):
I don't know how you're going to process the experience
that I'm going to share, for the fear that you
may internalize this and make it personal, make it about you.
And now I have to give up how I feel
about what I feel because I have to be concerned
about how you feel about what I share.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
Talking about that's how women feel? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I'm saying that there's a group of men that
are ready to share their experience, but they fear that.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Yes, absolutely, I was. I was talking to my dad
and I was just going talking to him about some things,
and I just was like, you know, there were things
that he vet my wife and I were experiencing, and
I was scared to say to her because I was
(33:22):
trying to protect her, right, And my homegirl goes, well,
what are you trying to protect her from? And I
was like, well, saying things that she might not like, right,
And then the homegirl goes, well, you only protect someone
if there's danger involved. Are you Is there danger involved, right,
I'm like, no, there's no danger, but I care for
(33:46):
her and I don't want her feelings to be hurt.
And that's when it was like, you know, sometimes feelings
have to get hurt so hearts don't get broken. Sometimes
you gotta sometimes you gotta hurt some feelings so hearts
don't get broken.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That's a card tier moment.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Once I realized that, I'm like, Okay, I have to
tell you the truth. I don't know if my fears
that I want to help you, but I think the
truth is gonna hurt you. But I'm not gonna sit
here and try to keep you from hurt, right, because
the truth is more important than that. So I explained.
I explained that to her. You helping somebody bro well,
(34:28):
and I'm gonna tell you this because it helped my dad.
He was sitting in my garage and we were talking
and I was like, are there things in your life
that you're scared to say to your wife because of
how she might accept it? He goes, yeah, because I
know that from him, because he's a very protective man.
If somebody walks into the house and don't speak to her,
he got a problem with her. So if he's trying
to protect her from someone who doesn't even need no harm,
(34:48):
of course he's going to try to protect her for yourself,
because we have also understood that men and our desires
are primal and inherently bad because there's natural we can't
control it, right, And so I know that's not true
because my son also has the nerve to fight me,
(35:10):
and that's not a bad thing. You know what I'm saying.
He's trying to get aggressing out and have fun. Those
are just natural things that we do.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
So I'm like, you know, what I do instinctually isn't
bad because you know, I'm a man or whatever, but
it should. I should be able to explain that to
you and you should be able to trust me. And
I think the hard part is this is the thing
that like, I think it's most profound, is that we
have to admit that we don't trust our partners with themselves.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
So if I say, right, so this comes like, you know,
my wife, you shouldn't know nothing about nothing. We get
into the car, I'm asking, I'm abstinate. We get into
the car, it's like, let's hold hands, I'm abstinate five
years nothing. I hold her hand, I get an erection
type of nikads are ection off of a handhold. Right,
(36:01):
So I'm feeling real like I'm like, what in the
heck is going on? My hormones is out there?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
I'm going crazy right now? Right, She's like, what's going on? Like,
let's get up in and I'm like, now, let me
chill for a second. You know what I'm say, Because
I ain't trying to walk around because we had a park.
I'm trying to walk around off the herd in the
freedom park, you know what I'm saying. So she's like,
I'm trying to tell her about my body and how
things react, but she don't trust me, right, So I
have to explain it to her slow. She gets it
eventually later on. You know what I'm saying. I tell her, Hey,
(36:30):
this relationship with my mother, I have to deal with
it like this. You but that's your mom. No, no, no,
I'm trust me. I have to deal with it like this.
No no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
So what does she do? She wants to heal the relationship,
so she she she invites my mom to come visit
out out of nowhere, and I have a I have
an external reaction, you know, breath gets shallow, start to
stress out, and she's like, all right, you know, maybe
I should I should trust you a little bit more.
(37:01):
It takes a while for us to trust our partners
with themselves. But I think as far as women are concerned,
I think, you know, they can do a better job
trusting their partners with themselves. Because if I say that's
not good for me, it's not good for me, you
know what I mean? Yeah, man, and that is that's
(37:25):
hard to accept. That's easy to accept from a man
to a woman. And I'm saying, hey, I want to
protect you, but I have.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
To tell you the truth.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
It's easy.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
It's easier for us to do with our kids.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
And my therapist was like, why don't you start treating
everybody like they're your kids? And that's when things got
a little sticky for me because I had to admit
that I was a better father than I wasn't anything else. Wow, Okay,
so I was a patient dad, but I wasn't a
(37:56):
patient husband. I wasn't a patient. I was a patient
with me. I could always encourage my children, I could
encourage myself. I had to realize that the heart, you
know what I'm saying, like the heart of who I
am as a father, like it can spread out to humanity,
like the rest of the world can be blessed by
what I've become to my children. Not to say that
(38:19):
I'm responsible for everybody's actions or I need to, you know,
shepherd the world, but when they come in contact, will
be there. Come into contact with a father. I can't
even see how when you and I interact, I feel
like you let your guard down. You're like, man, I'm
like when we first talked, it was like we were
talking like we've been friends for a while, right, because
(38:39):
there was a certain guard that's let down where I'm like, look, man,
we were extremely honest with each other. The first time
we met. It was like, yo, that's what I deal with,
and it was all right, here we go. You know
what I'm saying. But there is there is something important
about fathering yourself First, which is the book that I've
been working on for the past ten years. But father
yourself First. I realized that I was doing a better
(39:00):
job being a father to my children than actually fathering me,
like telling myself what to do encouraging myself and say, hey, man,
you're gonna be okay. You can get through this. You're
not gonna die because you fell and hurt yourself like
I because my mom would kicking the door, throw all
my books across a yelling screen, you know what I'm saying,
(39:23):
Like I still think people want to do that to me.
Now it's like, you're not gonna let nobody be that
to you, you know what I'm saying, Like you got
to relax. And so there's been this journey that I've
I've fallen in love with like dang man, Like I
really am a protector, Like I protect the people around me.
People people feel safe around me and my presence and
they can breathe slow and let their guard down, you
(39:44):
know what I'm saying. And I don't know if everybody
understands that value.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
You know, as you're talking, I'm taking myself down through
the journey as a teenager, who I was in my twenties,
who I was in my thirties, and who I'm becoming
in my forties.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
There's a quote that I often say, or statement that
I often make. I say, I say, mothers determine will
will determine what a child remembers. A father determines what
a child believes. Wow, And as you were, as you
(40:29):
were speaking and you were talking about fathering yourself, I
said to myself, that's what I've been doing and I
didn't even know it. Yeah, talking to myself in such
a way that I can begin believing differently beyond what happened,
(40:50):
changing the story, Yeah, rewriting the narrative, deconstructing thoughts about
myself that had developed from not having a consistent father
in my life to now having men who pour into
me consistently and having a mentorship, but also understanding that
(41:10):
my voice was always prominent. Yeah, Because even when I
didn't know that I was fathering, as you just explained it,
I was fathering myself from an unhealthy place, talking about
I'm not good enough and that I can't do this
because I didn't have that, I won't become this because
I'm not this and I'm not that. And the way
(41:31):
that you just expound on what you had to do
to yourself. Yeah, And this is why I love the
title father yourself first. And I'm hoping that men understand
that there may be a lot that you didn't have,
but there's a lot that you can give yourself. Yes,
you don't have to be what you at and you
don't have to be what you're at. Yeah, and bro,
(41:52):
you just broke something in me because it's what I've
been doing and I didn't know it.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Yeah, Bro, you've been fathering yourself. First, I need to
know what was the catalyst for the shift in that
inner voice? Like how did you change that?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
I think I was sitting in therapy once, Yeah, and
I realized that my therapist has said I shared something
that I like, well, this is what I was told
or this is you know what was said? And my
therapist said, well who said it? She said, let's go
back to who said it? Now look at the person
(42:31):
who said it. How do you view them today from
this lens rather than how you're building them from the
lens you had then. And when she said that, she says, now,
how is it that they still have some level of
authority in who you are today? From what they said? There?
You got to look at the source. And it challenged
(42:52):
me to begin to break the whole that I had
on what they said, because sometimes it's not that the
thing has a hold on you. You have a hold on
what was said, yes, and then you hold on to
what you believe about what they said. And that's what
drives your action and drives your beliefs and drives.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Your throne, and it becomes your identity.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
And it becomes your identity because now what is happening
your your neurological pathways are pushing the messages from what
you've heard. Yeah, so until you redirect and reframe and
reframe it. And I want to say this for people reframing.
When we do reframing and there, I'm never changing your story.
What I'm doing is I'm pulling you out of it
(43:36):
so you can see it different. So now the frame
has changed, which is what is reframing.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Okay, that's interesting, all right.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I didn't change your story. I just pulled you out
of it so you can see it differently. Because now
when you change position, if we were to go up
here and shoot from up there, the frame has to change. Yeah.
So it's no longer this close up shot where we
have a three camera where you got a wise shot
and then you have your individual shots. The frame has
(44:07):
changed because you change positions.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
I got a question about your work and when you
experience like when you're doing your therapy work with men,
I what is the percentage that are struggling? And I
don't know if you can even answer this because of
whatever hippopot I don't, But what is the percentage of
(44:33):
men that are struggling with like foundational like family issues?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Is it? Like?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Is that the majority of.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
The majority majority? Yeah? You, and you would be surprised
that a lot of it is what I just said.
It's where they learned it, it's where they heard it,
it's where they experience. Because if you don't heal, or
if you don't move beyond where it was said, who
(45:03):
said it, when, how it happened, where it happened, you
remain at that stage. Yeah. Yeah, And a lot of
men are stuck at that stage because no one gave
them permission to leave. No one gave them permission to graduate,
(45:25):
to move on. In fact, because no one said anything,
it reinforced that you sting it is probably the best thing. Yea.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
Yeah, that's where you belong.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
That's where you belong, So you don't graduate from it,
and now it becomes a part of who you are,
It becomes a part of what you believe. And when
it becomes a part of who you are and what
you believe is not a part of your function. So
the settings are all tailored and manufactured or according to
(46:05):
this event, this experience, this encounter, yeah, this person, this
time in your life. Yeah, and that's why this book, Yeah,
for men, it's critical.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
I think that this book comes in in six parts, right,
and it ends in like the fellowship in the community, right,
So it talks about family and extended family. Last chapter
is these are our people, So it's becoming expectations, legacy, engaging,
adventure and family.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
So the acronym is belief, of course, but it goes
through all these different stories. One of the questions in
the book is what would happen if we as fathers
considered our living room being the biggest stage we'll ever
stand on, like our children being our most impacted audience
(46:59):
that will ever be in from and then instead of
only applying that to them, it applies to the friends
in their community, the neighborhood. Yeah, you know what happens
then we actually we literally change society because if family
is the most important unit on earth, and a disconnection
(47:19):
the family leads to despair. Right, Fathers are the leaders
of the family. Right, So if we are able to
just for seconds, spend a little bit more time playing,
a little bit more time pursuing, a little bit more
time listening, trying to understand, trying to be captivated, just
showing interest, investigating where there is room to be invited
(47:44):
by your children. You always are getting invitations all the time,
all right, even in business, like you probably got six
different things you're supposed to do tonight, because you're not like,
you know what I'm saying, like, hey, you want to
come here? You want to come here, right, and if
you're Atlanta, it's a whole nother thing, right. And so
our children are sending us invitations all the time. And
I got a rule. I'll say no twice, and then
(48:05):
I have to say yes. I say no twice because
usually I'm busy, right, So I'll be like look in
a little bit, and they'll be like, oh da, can
you do it now? Yes? But after this and they
ask if they ask me one more time, I got
to do it right, So tomorrow I'll be playing Madden.
My daughter asked me that she could pay my fingernails.
I'm absolutely saying yes, you know what I mean, because
(48:28):
I don't want her, and I don't want them to
know me as someone that always put my work before
my relationships. It don't work. It doesn't work that way, right,
Like imagine if you invited God the Father into prayer,
he said, I'm gonna give you give me five minutes.
(48:50):
You know what I'm saying, Like, like.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (48:53):
Like we there's an invitation as fathers that we can accept,
and we're always being invited, and I think that's one
of the most important things. And then it goes to
thinking about or when's the last time you took yourself out.
What's the last time you actually invited yourself to go
do something. So when you was like, yo, let's go
to lunch, that was an invitation. I was like, man,
(49:14):
I told you. When we got in the car, I
was like, man, I didn't. I didn't did this and
this and this and this and this for all my
whole family, and then my wife's to do is put
something together for the kids. I cut hair, I'm got
kick it with jail for a little bit, you know
what I mean? That was an invitation for me, And
so I think there is a version of us as
men where we accept every invitation from the world right,
(49:36):
and we're always outside because you know, we got to
make sure we stay on the algorithm, you know. But
then there's another part where we completely deny every invitation
and serve our family only, and so we got to
find that middle ground.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Bro. The wisdom that you was sharing today, man, is
it's just so profound. The depths and the opulence of
it is so necessary because for the man that is
(50:11):
out there watching, I want to challenge you, and particularly
for men, because I'm going to speak to husbands, but
for the man that's not married, I want to challenge
you to accept an invitation for yourself to grow beyond
who you are today, an invitation to grow, to allow
(50:35):
yourself to hop on the Potter's wheel, to be made over,
to allow yourself to go through the pain of growing,
and to go through the pain of becoming. Because there's
a pain that comes with becoming, because it's stretching you.
That's why bones aches when kids are hitting puberty, because
(50:57):
our body is changing. But I want to challenge you
to accept that invitation. Man to the husband, to the father,
maybe your wife is inviting you into her domain, not
just her body, but her domain of how she lives
in her world because you can be married, but you
(51:19):
both have your own worlds, and yet you have your
worlds together. Accept that invitation to the brother who has children.
Maybe your children are inviting you just to sit with
them longer, just to put your phone down, just to
not take another call and not take another zoom, just
to forego an obligation, just to sit with them, because
(51:41):
as Glenn is sharing that that invitation to that stage
is where it really matters.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
And sometimes they run out. They don't get that. You
don't get an invite no more because they're busy. Them
kids are busy. Your wife got a new craft or
whatever she wants to do, or a new relationship that
she wants to you know, be girlfriends with or whatever.
I was talking to a buddy of money. He was
telling me, don't forsake your sacred circle. There's a group
(52:13):
of man in your life that you may you may
have aged out of or whatever, but they know you well.
Those people are important, like keep them around. You need
men in your life to catch you, you need men
to hold you, and you need people to uplift you.
It's like douggling. Yeah, right, And so I would definitely
ask some of you guys to get into a system
(52:34):
in the community, because I feel like that's what we're
really lacking.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
That's what we're lacking, man, That's why it's such as
that's why this epidemic of men being lonely and male
loneliness is growing. Yes, because there's no community.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
Yes, And I don't know. I know you're not going
on tour no time soon.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
I know you're not going on tour on time soon.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
But if there is a reason for you to bring
men together, I would love to be invited. Not just
because I'm like I want to be in a room,
but I do think that there's some people in life
that like they just need to listen and they need
to be heard, and I just want to be a
part of that movement, you know what I mean. As
(53:16):
far as met is concerned, I think it's really important.
So thank you so much man for this space. Bro,
You're creating a space where they can fall apart. And
you know what I'm saying, I'm trying to hold back
to this as I sit here, you know what I mean,
because it's comforting being in the presence of a therapist
and someone who is doing the work you know what
I'm saying, but I also know what you hope a
long for. So even as I like I listen to you,
(53:37):
I'm hoping for you right because all this obedience need
to go somewhere.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
It need to be shared with somebody understanding me.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
Listen, you understand me? Yes, yeah, it needs to man.
And when I have conversations like this with you, CJ.
You know, we we have this banter, man, and like
people are often like you know, especially like we're doing
the podcast, like I'll call out his name or say something.
But what CJ has given me is the opportunity to
(54:09):
be encouraged as a brother. Okay, me being the only
boy yep, and having to always be a brother. But
I'm encouraged as I am walking with a brother. Yes,
you know, CJ is like my right hand man, and
I'm encouraged from you as a brother who as a
(54:29):
friend watching your journey, I'm encouraged from his journey. CJ
has two kids and watching how he's balancing fatherhood and
a career, watching you balance fatherhood, a career and being
a husband, and also as we share being a father
all over again to me to yourself, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
(54:52):
it's encouraging to watch because it continues to expand my
capacity of understanding the constant nuances that we're going to
experience in this life if we're open to it.
Speaker 3 (55:12):
Yeah, I want to challenge you a long way. Okay,
you ain't gonna like this one though. What you got
gla So I don't even know if I can say this,
but whatever, Y'll set it out, cut it out. This
ain't working for the for the narrative. So I remember
we was in the car, we were walking back from lunch,
(55:33):
and you were saying, I need to find someone who
can hold all of me. Okay right, so he so
he goes, yeah, I really want to find someone who
can hold me, hold all of me. So then I go, Man,
that don't come standard, that don't come stop. That's not
(55:55):
something that you get just off of meeting somebody. You
have to build with someone to get them to be
able to hold you. And then at the beginning of
the podcast you talk about somebody.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Who has held you.
Speaker 3 (56:10):
So I'm just trying to figure out what the hell
going on we have?
Speaker 2 (56:16):
What's going on with you? What is happening, bro? What's
going on? What are you look at it growth?
Speaker 1 (56:23):
What are you.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
Looking for, like what are you because I'm thinking like, man,
if you have trained someone and taught them how to
hold you, you can't find that again. Not to say
that is the person, but how do we how do
we continue to build up that person in your life?
And how long does that learning process take?
Speaker 1 (56:45):
I think, And that's that's a great challenge and and man,
it's gotta I think I'm at the place now that
I'm open to building that. Yeah, as I am yet building.
I think in previous years, man, I just lacked the capacity. Yes,
(57:11):
you know, I was on tour, I was finishing school,
I was navigating, and when I was on a tour, man,
there was a lot of resentment that I had. Okay,
but I'll share. You know. We were on tour three years,
(57:31):
thirty three cities, eighteen thousand men. Yeah, yeah, and my
resentment and you and I talked about this, right, My
resentment was like, dang, they get a me and I
never got a meet. My resentment was like, man, they
getting poured into Yeah you know what I'm saying, like
(57:52):
they getting their cups field. Yeah, they'll sing yeah empty
and I'm empty.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
And I would try to date you know what I'm
saying and try to build. But it was so challenging
because it was hard to articulate that to somebody who
who met me at my apex or met me at
my You know what I'm saying, moment of elevating, Yes,
(58:23):
And I'm trying to understand where God has taken me
into while also understanding what I have to leave behind
because I'm mourning. You can't do this, Bishop Jakes Man,
He's been so pivotal at this point in my career.
And I remember we were talking one day, man, and
(58:44):
he said, you know, life never be the same, everything
gonna change. And I was like, man, Bishop, but you
know when I can get there? Man, I and he
were sitting like this talking. I'm like yelling for us
right here, and you know what I'm saying, And the
(59:05):
reality of it is like this voice is just like
he's like, stop looking for there.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
Yeah, you're gonna always be a rock.
Speaker 1 (59:13):
Yeah, you never get there. And and when you said
just now like building that person, I had to accept
that I won't get there. And I don't think they're
gonna come in ready. Yes, I think they don't. They're
(59:35):
not gonna come in ready, man. Coin So now. My
prayer is that the person has the capacity to hold
who I am now and build when we build, a
capacity to who I am becoming. Because what you just
shared about, Hey man, what you doing man, I've gotten
two words, two prophetic words, three days in a row. Okay,
(01:00:00):
this thing from me, man, she's just talking about other day.
It was this Friday Wednesday night. A brother called me
who said, I want to get behind you financially. I
need to. He said, I need you to do something
for about twenty thousand men. He said, I'm in my fifties.
(01:00:21):
I need to be remembered for what I poured into
those who are coming behind me. He's sick, you're coming
behind me. Yeah, and he said you're the one. He
kept saying you're the one, and bro, and again it's
like somebody else can hear that. They like, yeah, I'm here,
and I'm like, dude, I don't want that type of pressure.
I don't want the responsor. Yeah yeah, yeah, but God
(01:00:43):
is really shifting my mind. Like had you said this,
like yo, bro, whatever you're doing, I'd have been like
in my head, I look like I ain't doing nothing. Yeah.
When you said it, I'm like, Okay, it's a confirmation. Yeah,
build it absolutely, because the generals are leaving.
Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
So when you think about fatherhood, I think about Glenn.
When I think about manhood, I think about Jason Wilson.
You know what I'm saying. When I think about men's
and mental health, I come to mind, you know what
I mean. When I think about who's next, you know,
as its voice in the faith, I think about my
(01:01:26):
best friend, Joe, your pastor so all of these different things.
And so okay, how do we begin establishing which we
already have established a brand, but now how do we
begin establishing other men?
Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
Yeah, the ones coming behind us.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Exactly and appear mentorship. So I'm encouraged by what you shaid, bro,
and I accept the challenge man, and I'm in prayer
about that, you know, that whole relational thing, because I
know it's time and I don't feel rush. And I
also what is when I left Flantego, I did leave
what they with a sense of ease that I can
(01:02:08):
be patient and continue to build. I know that and
not feel haste and yeah, steal like I gotta get
it today, I'm not. I've realized the fathering and me
said to myself the other day. You're not running out
of time.
Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Praise God. That's good because that was the question I
asked you, was exactly, do you feel like you're missing something?
Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
Exactly? And I had to say to myself, you're not
missing nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:02:32):
Yeah, you a whole. Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Not having this doesn't mean that you are incomplete, right,
It just means that you don't have that now. But
that does not equate to you lacking because you have
everything that you need. And Bro, that thing just steal
because that conversation I sat with, what we talked about
and just really just just just chewed on that man,
(01:02:55):
and to glean from you was what's what was soul
of it? Man was necessary for me. Bro. So, brother,
I appreciate you, Mary, and I thank you Monard.
Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
Bro, thank you appreciation you.
Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Listen, you have just heard this powerful conversation on fatherhood,
understanding your spouse. You just heard a powerful conversation on
me sharing what hugs meant to me, us talking about
being hugs from your kids. You've heard us have a
dialogue that's centered around men becoming more than what we've seen.
(01:03:34):
And this brother Glenn has a heart for fathers. Yeah,
and because he has a heart for fathers means which
means he has a heart for sons. And many of
us as sons, are still longing to be father. And
maybe your father has transitioned. Maybe your father's still around
(01:03:54):
and there's no relationship with him. Maybe there is a
relationship with your father, but not the relationship that you desired.
But just maybe you have to father yourself. So I
want to say, go out and grab this brother's book,
Father yourself first. Give to you what you can give
(01:04:18):
to others, and you can't give to others until you
give it to yourself. This book by Glenn Henry, the
creator of belief in fatherhood Man. Follow this Brother on YouTube, Instagram, Spotify,
the podcast. I mean, this brother is a true creator,
true creator, And so I want to say thank you again,
(01:04:39):
Thank you, Bro. I speak blessings over your movement and
over your book, to everything you touch prosper Yes, that
your family is well, no sickness, no disease, That everything
that you believe in God for financially, contracts, partnerships, relationships,
and even the rel relationship with your father. Yes, I
(01:05:02):
thank God that He's put in you everything that you
need and you don't lack anything for if the season
has come for you to expand beyond your own imagination
and that God is going to give you the clarity,
He's going to give you the wisdom and the ingenuity
on how to accomplish it. Brother. So my prayer for you,
man is that you receive it all. Thank you because
(01:05:24):
you're well deserve it up man. Yeah, I appreciate you
so much, man, Thank you. This is this has been
healing for me. And anytime you call me up here
on coming immediately. Yes, sir, thank you, Bro. I love you,
Love you to bro. Listen, Guys, go click subscribe to
the Healing Community. As always, healing is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Until next time, take care of
(01:05:47):
yourself and be blessed. Just here over Doctor J, a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite show and you can follow
me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and
follow us on YouTube. Just here, doctor J.
Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor J, a production of
the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
another episode Just Heal with Doctor J. And I'm your host,
Doctor J. Barnett. Listen. If you have been easdropping and
listening here and there trying to see what we're talking
about over here in the healing community, I will encourage
you to subscribe and listen and follow us on our
(00:22):
YouTube channel, Just Heal Doctor J. And you can also
listen audibly on Spotify, the Black Effect Network, iHeart Podcast,
or wherever you listen to your podcast. We're having an
amazing time over here in this healing community, having conversations
that are changing people perspective. I'm bringing real people with
real stories who are sharing their healing journey as you
(00:44):
are hearing me to continue to share my experience of
healing as well. So subscribe. All right, So today I'm
excited about our guests. This brother is no stranger. You know,
he's got over a million five I was on YouTube,
four hundred and some thousand on Instagram. I don't know
what he's doing over there Facebook, but I'm sure he's
(01:05):
doing a whole lot over there. This brother here is amazing.
I came to know his work by someone sending me
something about him sharing the story of him as a son,
and he was speaking about his mother. I believe in
the episode that someone sent to me. But I'm excited
to welcome my brother Glenn aka Belief and man, we
(01:28):
got so many people in common that I didn't even know,
Like all the people that we knew were locked there
and we hadn't coming. Man locked in. But I'm gonna
tell you how God works. So his team reached out
about having him on the show. I said, yes, we
just had to make it happen, and I went to
San Diego to retreat for about five six days. Y'all
know I go out there often. My therapist is out there,
(01:50):
so I love to go sit with her in person.
And I just so hit him up and chop it
up with him, and I was like, bro, where are
you from? And He's like, I'm from San Diego. I
was like what, And I'm like, I'm out here to
San Diego for like a week. And we met in
person men and had lunch and brother we locked in
and broke.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, man, we broke bread.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
We talked.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
It was a really deep discussion and it was like
we had to end because I had to go back home,
but I was like looking forward to talking again. Man.
So thank god so much for having me on the show.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Bro Absolutely, man, thank you for your work, Thank you
for what you're doing for us as men and as
a father. Yeah, man, And we'll get deep into how
you think, the ways in which you think, how you
process as a husband, as a father, as a son. Yeah.
And what I'm excited about is how you process as
(02:41):
a man. Yeah, because those other things are tyrants right.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Right, and some people will call them callings, right because
these are things that we don't necessarily know that we're
going to encounter as a man, but experiencing them through
the lens of like a healed man is different from
how you start. So we could break it down here,
you want to you know what I'm saying, Let's let's
get started. Let's get absolutely Okay. So I'm from Baltimore originally,
(03:08):
so I got to correct you.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So I'm a Baltimoreian.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, Baltimorean.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, he lives and live in say yea, well he's
a Baltimourian. Yeah, absolutely, So yeah, I've been I've been
out here for about twenty years now and really found
a lot of connection and like love while redefining family
for myself. Right, I grew up in a broken home.
(03:32):
Mom was sixteen, she had me. Dad moved away to California.
They had that joint custody thing. So I experienced half
of my life in Baltimore, well mostly nine months of
my life in Baltimore, and the summers was in California,
and going back and forth to different homes and two
different cultures because my dad lived you know, grew up Trenty, right, Trinidadian,
(03:56):
but he married white woman, you know what I'm saying,
So there was different from my mom, who was like,
you know, single parent, you know Section eight, you know
what I'm saying. So we had a totally different experience
going back and forth, just myself. But yeah, like I've
redefined family in my experience being a husband and a father,
(04:19):
you know what I'm saying. And so it's so interesting that,
you know, because I was also at nineteen, you know,
on the verge of committed suicide, you know what I mean.
I got to the point where I just kept messing
up every relationship and you know, I got kicked out
my grandma house. So when you get kicked out your
grandma house, it's a rat like your grandma don't want you,
don't nobody wants.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
You, you know, because Grandmama, grandmother got your back, and nobody
had your back.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Lee exactly. So I just was wilding out nineteen tripping,
and in called my father and just basically was saying
bye to him, really asking for permission to end it all,
you know, thinking that no one really cared, and I
wanted to know if he cared. I was just like,
it's a rabbit. I can't do this anymore. And he
was like, you know, if you could just try one
(05:05):
more chance to start over, and you can come sleep
out here on my floor and start over in CALLI
And so I accepted the invitation and I flew myself
out and I've been trucking every since.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Wow. Yeah, m hm. You know. September is suicide prevention month. Yeah,
And it's one of those months, unlike May, which is
mental health awareness. It's one of those months that any
(05:37):
conversation around suicide and not to say that it is
less relevant in May, which is mental health month. Yeah,
but in the month of September. There is a pause
that has to take place, which is almost like in
the Bible when it says the word sailor right, it's
that it's something that represents this sort of in time
(06:00):
of just solid stillness. And as you were sharing that,
you made that call when I was getting ready to
attempt for a second time, I was on a call
with my father. Wow. And I haven't shared this much,
(06:21):
but the conversation with he and I and along with
my mother triggered me to say, all right, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So when I hear you say that you call him
just to see if he cared. I stayed on the
phone with my father to see if he cared, because
normally it was just like all right, I don't want
to talk to him.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I think that is so interesting because it speaks
to the power of the relationship between a father and
a child. In our company, we have the Infinity Hands.
It's a forever looping continuation from a father's hands to
the child's hands. That's the logo for our company. I
believe in fatherhood. And the thing is like I thought
(07:07):
that when I turned eighteen, like my dad would stop
fathering me. He thought that too, and at nineteen, as
he's calling me back and saying, hey, you can start
over here. There was a level of shepherding that I
didn't know that he even had in him, and he
didn't know I required. So that was like my first
(07:29):
lesson in fatherhood was that like, oh, fatherhood is forever.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
It doesn't end at a certain place. And that spoke
to me as I became a dad. I was like, oh, oh,
these kids don't need to be cuddled until they're well
into their teens. I didn't know that. And black men
don't share that part. No, we don't. We don't know
(07:57):
that it's true. I think now it's becoming a little
bit more acceptable, But I don't think I've seen being
held as a part of my process as a you know,
forty year old man now. But I was even talking
to my wife about, you know, everybody around me. I'm
(08:17):
supposed to provide security for my employees, my kids, you right,
like everybody, I'm like, who was holding me? You know
what I'm saying. And so it came to a point
where I would she'd be like, hey, I need a hug,
and I rab my moms around a squeezer. You know
what I'm saying. And then she would go, Okay, now
your turn, and she makes me put my arms now,
and she tries so best to get our arms around
(08:38):
me and squeeze as tight as she can. And we
do group hubs hubs as a family now. And that
part is healing to my inner child, because if I
would have been held by my father early, I may
have never even had that thought that I wasn't good
enough or accepted or the things I was going through
wasn't normal.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You know, brother, when I tell you you are You're
in it. You're in the vain of what so many
of us as men need to hear, particularly black men,
because there is a element of life that you cannot
(09:21):
experience until you have been fathered. Well. Yeah, there is
a part of you that can't become until you truly
have been received well as a son.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I never forget this, man. I have talked about this.
I wasn't hugged a lot, and I have gone on
podcasts and talked about the studies and the articles and
the research that is centered around why boys need to
be hugged, why it's important for boys to develop the
emotional language for receiving and not just giving. Why is
(10:00):
it important for boys to understand the power of their
words of I need Yes, you know what I mean.
And I never forget. I hate to say x man,
because we had an experience man that was life changing
for the both of us. But Yeah, she was a
(10:21):
hugger and she loved a hug. She would always come in, Jay,
come on, give me a hug. Yeah, And she would
be like, come on, man, give me a hug, man.
And I'd be like, I'm like, man, I was like,
what is it with you in these hugs?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
And she's like, Jay, hugs allows you to feel, embrace, love,
connected and all these different things She's like, And I
was just like, yo, man, I just ain't. And one
day she hugged me and I felt something glad and
it scared the hell out of me to say more.
(10:57):
And when I felt it, I was like, what was that?
She said to Jay. That's connection. I felt like there
was this energy that was exchanging that you don't get insects,
and for these brothers to watch it, you don't get
this an exchanging bodily fluid. It's an exchange that your
(11:20):
energy has been synchronized into this person's care, this person's thoughts,
and this person's concern and this person's value system for
you because when she hugged me back, I felt like
everything had became.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Like wow, you say when she hugged you, everything became
light now, So here is my theory. The hard part
about that is that have you been able to find
a hug like that since?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No? What you go do that? Bro?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm trying to tell you, bro, why so sorry? Man,
I gotta challenge this because because my therapist was like,
have you talked to her?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Lady?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, Bro, I'm curious. So not Okay, I'm not trying
to spark up nothing. The channel YouTube channel subscribe right now.
I'm trying to let you know I'm not trying to
spark up nothing. But I understand that there is a
there is a way that I can feel cared for
that nobody else can make me feel.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
And here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
It's not and you're right, it's not sexual. You know,
even even when my children are hugged me, there's a
certain grip that I'm like, I needed that. So my
sister passed away in twenty twenty one, like seriously, jack
me up, Like I've never been the same since, mainly
because she was the only woman from my childhood that
loved me consistently.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Okay, so she dies twenty twenty one. I haven't felt
the hug since. I'm gonna promise you this, bro, uh snatario,
I can promise you this. At times, she would visit
me in my dreams and squeeze me in my dreams.
I long I get hugs in my dreams.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Bro, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So, even if y'all are exes or whatever, I think
there's something there to where that type of that type
of way that you have allowed yourself to be. Uh,
Like you're released in that hug, that ex hill. It's
hard to find that again. And it's hard to accept
that from other people.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Man, God, dude, why are you my business? Sorry? Man?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Sorry man, It's supposed to be about me.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Man, But this is what we're here for. We hear
in the day.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So, Bro, she's always said, come here a big guy.
And I recently just saw her parents. Yeah and uh
and we And it was crazy because my therapist is
always because of what we went through, my therapist is
(14:05):
always like, you know, when the last time we talked
to her, he checked on and this and that no,
man like we have agreed that what happened was very dramatic,
you know, and losing having a miscarriage, yes, child Like
we had this conversation. At the time, there was so
much transitioning in my life. Not that I wasn't there,
(14:29):
but I just didn't understand what was going on In
the way that I was there was also the only
way that I understood how to be there at that moment.
And when you talk about not feeling that, I consciously
try not to think about it because I don't. I've
(14:50):
never thought about like we talked about like rekindling and reconnecting,
but we have really gone our separate ways. She's pursuing
her career doing well and I'm doing my thing. And
the reason I say consciously because I don't know. I
don't want to live in this world where it's like
what could be and it's not and close the door
(15:13):
for someone else, Yeah, to provide that, but to answer
your point or your question. The way she embraced me
was different because she ended up having a conversation with
my sister and my baby sister says, she says, like,
what's wrong with Jay man, Jay don't. Like. She was like, man,
you got to understand what our brother went through. She's like,
(15:34):
he wasn't hub. He was doing the giving when our
parents divorced, he was doing the parenting, he was doing
the overseer, and he was doing the cooking. He was
big brother and a father figure to us. Yeah, so
there was no one there to embrace him, but he
was embracing us. And so when she said that, it
gave her a deeper understanding. And she says, Jay, I
(15:56):
get it, and mean personally, bro, Like at this age,
at forty three, I there's sometimes I'm just like, man,
I don't need sex. And I'm saying this because I'm
being transparently, because I want men to really expand their minds,
(16:16):
like because sometimes we're limited to just this sexual prowess
and just this oppression and just this this testationem that
we just gotta be all proud and looking for it
like that, ain't it. I still got the bark and
the dog and just this the you know, the testaeum,
which is that that grit that's that's not going anywhere.
(16:36):
But Bro, there's some days on this journey of ploying
and helping others I just want to be hugged, bro,
So I'm gonna say this this h I was, no,
I'm not gonna say that because I don't have to
deal with people's comments.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Later though, Yes, because I'm like, I gotta get it.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Though. Yeah, I'm gonna say this. I was on the
road one night. I was on the road speaking and
I called her and she asked. It was like two
in the morning, and Bro, I was just crying and
she's like, Jane, what's wrong? And I was just like, man,
I just and it wasn't that I missed her and
(17:23):
I did. She's like what what like? Cause she was like, dude,
what's going on? You calling me at two thirty one
in crime. I said I need a hug man, and
she was like okay. I said, no, I need a
hug from you, and she was like, dude, I'm like
two thousand miles away from you. I came up right now.
(17:44):
And she started crying because she had never felt that
from me. And she just talked to me and she said,
do you want to talk about what we went through?
And I said do you mind? She says no, Oh, listen,
and she beginning to hug me with a word yeah, yeah,
(18:04):
because some embraces may not happen physically, but our words
can embrace. And bro, I never forget that, and I'll
never forget There's some people, man, that you have experiences
with that you'll never forget because it changed a part
of you. And like now in a relationship, you know
what I mean, Like I don't like I'm not afraid
(18:26):
to hug anymore, and I mean even hugging my brothers
and yeah, you know what I mean, my sisters. Like
I was just very it was abnormal for me to
just be like openly hugged.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, how did you get to the point where you
were able to say I need a hug, because it
seems like that would have been a challenge for you
as well.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
It was right, I think, being at that place where
I needed one.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And you could communicate that's what you needed.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yes, because there was time that she would hug me
and I would feel better. But I was afraid to
say that I felt better from the hug, because sometimes
you don't know what you need until you get it.
But then when we had separated and were gone, and
(19:15):
I remember, like, you know, trying to move on to
date to other people, and I just and it was
just like, oh, they don't eat acts the hugs. Yeah,
because because now I had again this was new information
and then understanding what hugs does to our nervous system,
you know that connection, that that serotonin, like you need
that Yeah and uh and like today, man, I'm I'm
(19:39):
now like I'll call my mom and like hey, I'm
just come hang out with you, old girl and just
get a hug from me. You know. So it really
changed me.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Man, Yo, let me I'll tell you a quick story
about the four kids, the chocolate babies. Okay, so I
have three boys, one girl, the youngest. Three are very
good at communicating what they want, what they a Naya
my my daughter. She would just always ask can I
can I have love? And love could be anything from
(20:07):
a hug, a kiss, or cuddling or playing whatever game
she wants to play. UZI will follow his sister's footsteps.
He's the youngest. He'll come in and ask for a
hug sometimes, or he'll just you'll be sitting here doing something,
he'll climb all over you. My second oldest, he is
he's got a sensory thing where he he has he
(20:30):
has to like have a weighted blanket has to be
hugged all the time. So he'll come up and be like,
can I have a hug? Especially when he's going homeschool,
he'll get a math problem and be like, I need
a hug. Now, you know what I'm saying, because it's
difficult my oldest want to ask, and I was sitting
here trying to figure out. But he wants to be pursued.
You know what I'm saying, Like he wants to be chased.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And I'm oldest, right, so.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
You should know what I want is what he's saying
to me, right, And I'm not always gonna know that.
I can't read your mind. As a father, I think
that I'm in tune. But because i'm also you know,
a healing person, I'm also not thinking about you.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I'm trying to think about myself and what I need
as well, and trying to convince myself that I can
ask for what I need because I got my own stuff.
So I did this exercise, but them we went for
a run. We do like pe and stuff like that,
and I had them we all carry like these weighted
you know, there was like weight balls and strow up
and now stuff like that. It was five pounds, ten pounds,
and we went for a run, and I said, the
goal is to say you need help. So we're running
(21:35):
and every you know, two of them are carrying a
ball and one of them isn't and two of them aren't,
and I'm saying, hey, the only thing you need to
do is communicate, hey, I need help. So they have
to say I need help, so the other person to
take the weight. I was like, sometimes in life, you're
gonna need someone to help you carry your weight, right,
and I need you to be able to communicate that.
And so the fact that you were able to communicate
that is brilliant. A lot of our brothers don't know
(21:58):
how to say I just really need a hug big.
We just we get frustrated, or just say hey, I
really need to have sex. Like that is something that
you need to communicate. And I'm not saying you're always
gonna get it, but some of us, we spend our
time just being so frustrated that.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
It's not to cut you all. Yeah, do you think
a lot of merit mens struggled with saying to me?
Said absolutely?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I did for the longest time too, because my wife.
She was pregnant for like six years straight or something
like that. He was always pregnant. I was like, what
the heck is going on? And so she'd always had
people like either breastfeeding or people on her are needing
a hug. And I'm just watching these kids kind of
mall her, and I'm like, you know, I'll leave you alone.
You know what I'm saying. I won't bother you because
(22:38):
I can see the strain on your body. Your body
is going through many transitions, and you're always complaining about
your tire. And so I would have a hard time
asking for my own needs to be met, just because
I didn't communicate effectively, and it wasn't something that you know,
growing up in a very like sheltered Christianness Christian household,
(23:00):
sex was always like a no, no, you can't even
talk about it, and you know, keep your let's clothes,
don't do it, da da da da. And then when
you get married to kind of like, well have fun,
you know. And she didn't even know anything about it.
So on our wedding night, we were just looking at
each other and I was like, well, it's time to
take off your clothes now. It seems like why, Like
she was like didn't She was like, didn't know nothing
(23:22):
about anything, and so it was a very hard transition
for us to have like a healthy sex life. And
so even after all that, like six years of just
terrible sex, terrible sex, and you know this is admitted.
We talk about this on our podcast as well. But
we got to the point where she was like, hey,
we actually schedule sex, so no matter what is happening
(23:45):
into the three tides a week, you know what I'm saying,
Because she was like, hey, she came to a point
where we were having such a hard time. She was like,
I know, God has called you to serve men, and
I don't want to be a hindrance to that favor.
So I want to make sure that I'm at least
understanding my own body and not like like even having
(24:08):
you think about anything else. Wow, it was very mature
of her. Yeah, she's good people's man. So how did
you guys navigate out of the years of bad sex
like that?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
That? Was that a conversation that you initiated or something
that you both like came to this this this this
moment of just like awakening like hey, right, it's not
what it should be for us.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
So it comes to having like a good community, right.
So I was complaining to one of my homeboys. I
was like, look, man, I don't know how long I
can do this for, you know what I'm saying, Like,
in mind, we were absent before, like she was virgion,
I was absent of for like five years, and I'm
thinking like, guys, like, you know you're gonna hook me
up obviously, I'm just an idiot, like thinking that God
owes me a good sex, like because I was obedient,
(24:58):
you know what I'm saying. And so man, I'm sitting
here like yeah, this will be great, you know. And
then after like five six years, I'm like, oh man, lord,
I'm really having a hard time. I started lamenting, you
know what I mean, Like why would why would this
be a struggle? You know what I'm saying, Like I
just don't understand. I was very confused, very entitled, but
(25:20):
very confused. And I was lamenting to a friend of
mius just like, look, bro, like I don't know what's
going on. And so he talked to his wife and
then she called my wife, and it just turned out
my wife didn't know anything about her body and didn't
know that sex was supposed to be pleasurable for her
as well, right, And I was trying to explain it
to her, but she wouldn't listen to me because I'm
(25:42):
the guy trying to get into the door. You know
what I'm saying is She's like, I don't trust you, fool.
You're just trying to get me to you know what
I'm saying. You're just trying to put another baby in me.
I'm like, listen, I'm promising here, you know. And so
she ended up talking to a friend of hers who
sent her like a care package with like loub and
like all these like books and stuff like that that
helped cater and then like we would just read the books.
And she was like, I want to do a twenty
(26:04):
five day sex challenge, but we have sex every night.
And I was like, well, dang, that's a huge jump
from like barely doing it at all, and like it
was like eleven days in. I'm like, this is a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Like we doing a lot right now, you know what
I'm saying, you know what I'm saying. And she was
just like yeah, yeah, yeah, after the four kids.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
This is notices, this is after shot hum.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Or two shot them too. Yeah, that's so so she like.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
So that is when she started to like take ownership
of her of her like, oh, this is for me,
you know what I mean. And so we went from
like you know, cause I couldn't even say like, hey,
do you like this or does this feel good? Then
she's like, now put me up like this and do
this right here, and do this go this way. And
I'm like, now she's giving me direction. I'm like, perfect right,
(26:49):
because I'm naturally I want to please my woman, you
know what I'm saying. And so it was very difficult
at first, and then as soon as that switch, it
just was like consistent, you know. And there have been times,
you know, babies being born, super amount of stress at work,
you know, a lot of changing the home, us moving,
a lot of stuff like that where we kind of
fall off a little bit, but we always come back
(27:10):
to our schedule and we make it. We may happen.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Man, bro. When I listen to you, Glenn, my heart,
the little boy is smiling because I'm like, wow, man,
he is giving out these instructions and he's given out
this blueprint because most men must little boys that are
stuck emotionally. Yeah, most men that I talked to, most
(27:35):
men that I treated in therapy, they were all little
boys emotionally because they didn't get the understanding. So either
their understanding of sex was that it's only pleasurable for
the man, or is they are objectifying women, their women,
they're a white person whomever. It's just like, well, I
just got to get to this this, I just got
(27:57):
to conquer this quest, yeah and reach this ape and
it's done. And there isn't a level of understanding. Oh
where did you learn that? And how where did you learn? That?
Shows up in your relationships? And what I'm loving about
how you express how you are so deliberate, you and
(28:18):
your wife and you guys share your journey of marriage,
parenting so transparently. Man. That's what we need more of. Man.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, I think it's I think the reason why we
don't hear it is because it's kind of embarrassing, you
know what I'm saying, Like, it's kind of embarrassing to
be like, yoh, I struggle with sexual with my wife
for sex years and then you hear somebody you know
who may be on a little bit more shallow end
of the spectrum. Man, that's because he wasn't hitting it
right or that's because you know what I'm saying, And
(28:48):
it's like, all right, well that's fair for you to assume.
But I still have this person to shepherd, I still
have this heart to shepherd. I still have to be
an example. And so I think the the crazy thing
about it is that I used to like be so
upset about, like like why is this my story and
the way my wife has switched. I have more faith
(29:10):
that other things can change, Like I'm like I believe
in people different. Now I'm like, oh, anybody can change this,
you know what I mean? Like she has, she has,
and I know that even like right now, if we
have a disagreement, I know that, well, either she'll figure
it out or I'll figure it out. We'll be fine
because I've seen her do work. I've seen her like
(29:31):
believe something and be like I can't do this, I'm
scared of this and then step into it with confidence
like she's and she has like redefine how I see women,
you know what I mean, Like there there is you
know in my story, you know. Unfortunately, like my my
first opposition was my mother, you know what I'm saying,
(29:53):
Like she it was hard for me and her, and
it never got better, you know what I'm saying, Like
I work, like I worked really trying to heal and
like get over stuff quickly, and it just never got better.
So if my initial relationship with a woman's so tumultuous,
(30:14):
like how am I gonna accept my wife? Yes, you
know what I'm saying. So the things that was going
on with me and my mom was creeping up with
my wife where I'm like, oh, I don't trust women
at all, Like I had to.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
I had to say that, like I.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Don't trust women at all, you know, And I wasn't
expecting the amount of healing to take place. It just
happened like twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Wow, it's about a year ago. Then. Yeah, the shift
took place.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah, the shift took place because even though I couldn't
trust her, I still was called the server, so it
didn't matter. I wasn't gonna leave because I ain't trst her.
I just was like, well, I'm putting up. I'm protecting myself.
So I'm with you to serve you, but I won't
let you in too far because I got a wall up.
Now I've learned that I can't trust you. And once
she agreed and was like, oh you have you have
(31:03):
you actually have license not to trust me. I've done
some untrustworthy things over the course of our relationship. Like
we realized that if I don't begin to trust her,
then the only person, because God took the only other
person I trusted, right women as a child dumb person
that would have to deal with that is my daughter.
(31:24):
My daughter would have to be the one that put
the broken little boy back together because we didn't do
the work. I didn't do the work or whatever the
situation is. And so once someone was able to say
that to my wife, and it was another woman, it
was another woman, right, an older woman who walks on
(31:45):
her truth and has a solid relationship with her husband,
was able to like help with emotional intelligence. She was like, well,
I'm not putting that on my daughter for nothing, you
know what I mean. We were able to really walk
through and work on healing and I could say, hey,
this is a part of the reason why why I
have trust issues here, and she was able to accept
it and not even take it personal because it wasn't personal.
(32:06):
It was my experience.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Bro, as you're sitting there talking, I'm just like I
think about the conversation CJ and I often because there
is a group of men that I feel are ready
to share their experience, but there is an apprehension because
(32:34):
I don't know how you're going to process the experience
that I'm going to share, for the fear that you
may internalize this and make it personal, make it about you.
And now I have to give up how I feel
about what I feel because I have to be concerned
about how you feel about what I share.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
Talking about that's how women feel? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I'm saying that there's a group of men that
are ready to share their experience, but they fear that.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Yes, absolutely, I was. I was talking to my dad
and I was just going talking to him about some things,
and I just was like, you know, there were things
that he vet my wife and I were experiencing, and
I was scared to say to her because I was
(33:22):
trying to protect her, right, And my homegirl goes, well,
what are you trying to protect her from? And I
was like, well, saying things that she might not like, right,
And then the homegirl goes, well, you only protect someone
if there's danger involved. Are you Is there danger involved, right,
I'm like, no, there's no danger, but I care for
(33:46):
her and I don't want her feelings to be hurt.
And that's when it was like, you know, sometimes feelings
have to get hurt so hearts don't get broken. Sometimes
you gotta sometimes you gotta hurt some feelings so hearts
don't get broken.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That's a card tier moment.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Once I realized that, I'm like, Okay, I have to
tell you the truth. I don't know if my fears
that I want to help you, but I think the
truth is gonna hurt you. But I'm not gonna sit
here and try to keep you from hurt, right, because
the truth is more important than that. So I explained.
I explained that to her. You helping somebody bro well,
(34:28):
and I'm gonna tell you this because it helped my dad.
He was sitting in my garage and we were talking
and I was like, are there things in your life
that you're scared to say to your wife because of
how she might accept it? He goes, yeah, because I
know that from him, because he's a very protective man.
If somebody walks into the house and don't speak to her,
he got a problem with her. So if he's trying
to protect her from someone who doesn't even need no harm,
(34:48):
of course he's going to try to protect her for yourself,
because we have also understood that men and our desires
are primal and inherently bad because there's natural we can't
control it, right, And so I know that's not true
because my son also has the nerve to fight me,
(35:10):
and that's not a bad thing. You know what I'm saying.
He's trying to get aggressing out and have fun. Those
are just natural things that we do.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
So I'm like, you know, what I do instinctually isn't
bad because you know, I'm a man or whatever, but
it should. I should be able to explain that to
you and you should be able to trust me. And
I think the hard part is this is the thing
that like, I think it's most profound, is that we
have to admit that we don't trust our partners with themselves.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
So if I say, right, so this comes like, you know,
my wife, you shouldn't know nothing about nothing. We get
into the car, I'm asking, I'm abstinate. We get into
the car, it's like, let's hold hands, I'm abstinate five
years nothing. I hold her hand, I get an erection
type of nikads are ection off of a handhold. Right,
(36:01):
So I'm feeling real like I'm like, what in the
heck is going on? My hormones is out there?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
I'm going crazy right now? Right, She's like, what's going on? Like,
let's get up in and I'm like, now, let me
chill for a second. You know what I'm say, Because
I ain't trying to walk around because we had a park.
I'm trying to walk around off the herd in the
freedom park, you know what I'm saying. So she's like,
I'm trying to tell her about my body and how
things react, but she don't trust me, right, So I
have to explain it to her slow. She gets it
eventually later on. You know what I'm saying. I tell her, Hey,
(36:30):
this relationship with my mother, I have to deal with
it like this. You but that's your mom. No, no, no,
I'm trust me. I have to deal with it like this.
No no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Right.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
So what does she do? She wants to heal the relationship,
so she she she invites my mom to come visit
out out of nowhere, and I have a I have
an external reaction, you know, breath gets shallow, start to
stress out, and she's like, all right, you know, maybe
I should I should trust you a little bit more.
(37:01):
It takes a while for us to trust our partners
with themselves. But I think as far as women are concerned,
I think, you know, they can do a better job
trusting their partners with themselves. Because if I say that's
not good for me, it's not good for me, you
know what I mean? Yeah, man, and that is that's
(37:25):
hard to accept. That's easy to accept from a man
to a woman. And I'm saying, hey, I want to
protect you, but I have.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
To tell you the truth.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
It's easy.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
It's easier for us to do with our kids.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
And my therapist was like, why don't you start treating
everybody like they're your kids? And that's when things got
a little sticky for me because I had to admit
that I was a better father than I wasn't anything else. Wow, Okay,
so I was a patient dad, but I wasn't a
(37:56):
patient husband. I wasn't a patient. I was a patient
with me. I could always encourage my children, I could
encourage myself. I had to realize that the heart, you
know what I'm saying, like the heart of who I
am as a father, like it can spread out to humanity,
like the rest of the world can be blessed by
what I've become to my children. Not to say that
(38:19):
I'm responsible for everybody's actions or I need to, you know,
shepherd the world, but when they come in contact, will
be there. Come into contact with a father. I can't
even see how when you and I interact, I feel
like you let your guard down. You're like, man, I'm
like when we first talked, it was like we were
talking like we've been friends for a while, right, because
(38:39):
there was a certain guard that's let down where I'm like, look, man,
we were extremely honest with each other. The first time
we met. It was like, yo, that's what I deal with,
and it was all right, here we go. You know
what I'm saying. But there is there is something important
about fathering yourself First, which is the book that I've
been working on for the past ten years. But father
yourself First. I realized that I was doing a better
(39:00):
job being a father to my children than actually fathering me,
like telling myself what to do encouraging myself and say, hey, man,
you're gonna be okay. You can get through this. You're
not gonna die because you fell and hurt yourself like
I because my mom would kicking the door, throw all
my books across a yelling screen, you know what I'm saying,
(39:23):
Like I still think people want to do that to me.
Now it's like, you're not gonna let nobody be that
to you, you know what I'm saying, Like you got
to relax. And so there's been this journey that I've
I've fallen in love with like dang man, Like I
really am a protector, Like I protect the people around me.
People people feel safe around me and my presence and
they can breathe slow and let their guard down, you
(39:44):
know what I'm saying. And I don't know if everybody
understands that value.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
You know, as you're talking, I'm taking myself down through
the journey as a teenager, who I was in my twenties,
who I was in my thirties, and who I'm becoming
in my forties.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
There's a quote that I often say, or statement that
I often make. I say, I say, mothers determine will
will determine what a child remembers. A father determines what
a child believes. Wow, And as you were, as you
(40:29):
were speaking and you were talking about fathering yourself, I
said to myself, that's what I've been doing and I
didn't even know it. Yeah, talking to myself in such
a way that I can begin believing differently beyond what happened,
(40:50):
changing the story, Yeah, rewriting the narrative, deconstructing thoughts about
myself that had developed from not having a consistent father
in my life to now having men who pour into
me consistently and having a mentorship, but also understanding that
(41:10):
my voice was always prominent. Yeah, Because even when I
didn't know that I was fathering, as you just explained it,
I was fathering myself from an unhealthy place, talking about
I'm not good enough and that I can't do this
because I didn't have that, I won't become this because
I'm not this and I'm not that. And the way
(41:31):
that you just expound on what you had to do
to yourself. Yeah, And this is why I love the
title father yourself first. And I'm hoping that men understand
that there may be a lot that you didn't have,
but there's a lot that you can give yourself. Yes,
you don't have to be what you at and you
don't have to be what you're at. Yeah, and bro,
(41:52):
you just broke something in me because it's what I've
been doing and I didn't know it.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Yeah, Bro, you've been fathering yourself. First, I need to
know what was the catalyst for the shift in that
inner voice? Like how did you change that?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
I think I was sitting in therapy once, Yeah, and
I realized that my therapist has said I shared something
that I like, well, this is what I was told
or this is you know what was said? And my
therapist said, well who said it? She said, let's go
back to who said it? Now look at the person
(42:31):
who said it. How do you view them today from
this lens rather than how you're building them from the
lens you had then. And when she said that, she says, now,
how is it that they still have some level of
authority in who you are today? From what they said? There?
You got to look at the source. And it challenged
(42:52):
me to begin to break the whole that I had
on what they said, because sometimes it's not that the
thing has a hold on you. You have a hold on
what was said, yes, and then you hold on to
what you believe about what they said. And that's what
drives your action and drives your beliefs and drives.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Your throne, and it becomes your identity.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
And it becomes your identity because now what is happening
your your neurological pathways are pushing the messages from what
you've heard. Yeah, so until you redirect and reframe and
reframe it. And I want to say this for people reframing.
When we do reframing and there, I'm never changing your story.
What I'm doing is I'm pulling you out of it
(43:36):
so you can see it different. So now the frame
has changed, which is what is reframing.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Okay, that's interesting, all right.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I didn't change your story. I just pulled you out
of it so you can see it differently. Because now
when you change position, if we were to go up
here and shoot from up there, the frame has to change. Yeah.
So it's no longer this close up shot where we
have a three camera where you got a wise shot
and then you have your individual shots. The frame has
(44:07):
changed because you change positions.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
I got a question about your work and when you
experience like when you're doing your therapy work with men,
I what is the percentage that are struggling? And I
don't know if you can even answer this because of
whatever hippopot I don't, But what is the percentage of
(44:33):
men that are struggling with like foundational like family issues?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Is it? Like?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Is that the majority of.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
The majority majority? Yeah? You, and you would be surprised
that a lot of it is what I just said.
It's where they learned it, it's where they heard it,
it's where they experience. Because if you don't heal, or
if you don't move beyond where it was said, who
(45:03):
said it, when, how it happened, where it happened, you
remain at that stage. Yeah. Yeah, And a lot of
men are stuck at that stage because no one gave
them permission to leave. No one gave them permission to graduate,
(45:25):
to move on. In fact, because no one said anything,
it reinforced that you sting it is probably the best thing. Yea.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
Yeah, that's where you belong.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
That's where you belong, So you don't graduate from it,
and now it becomes a part of who you are,
It becomes a part of what you believe. And when
it becomes a part of who you are and what
you believe is not a part of your function. So
the settings are all tailored and manufactured or according to
(46:05):
this event, this experience, this encounter, yeah, this person, this
time in your life. Yeah, and that's why this book, Yeah,
for men, it's critical.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
I think that this book comes in in six parts, right,
and it ends in like the fellowship in the community, right,
So it talks about family and extended family. Last chapter
is these are our people, So it's becoming expectations, legacy, engaging,
adventure and family.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
So the acronym is belief, of course, but it goes
through all these different stories. One of the questions in
the book is what would happen if we as fathers
considered our living room being the biggest stage we'll ever
stand on, like our children being our most impacted audience
(46:59):
that will ever be in from and then instead of
only applying that to them, it applies to the friends
in their community, the neighborhood. Yeah, you know what happens
then we actually we literally change society because if family
is the most important unit on earth, and a disconnection
(47:19):
the family leads to despair. Right, Fathers are the leaders
of the family. Right, So if we are able to
just for seconds, spend a little bit more time playing,
a little bit more time pursuing, a little bit more
time listening, trying to understand, trying to be captivated, just
showing interest, investigating where there is room to be invited
(47:44):
by your children. You always are getting invitations all the time,
all right, even in business, like you probably got six
different things you're supposed to do tonight, because you're not like,
you know what I'm saying, like, hey, you want to
come here? You want to come here, right, and if
you're Atlanta, it's a whole nother thing, right. And so
our children are sending us invitations all the time. And
I got a rule. I'll say no twice, and then
(48:05):
I have to say yes. I say no twice because
usually I'm busy, right, So I'll be like look in
a little bit, and they'll be like, oh da, can
you do it now? Yes? But after this and they
ask if they ask me one more time, I got
to do it right, So tomorrow I'll be playing Madden.
My daughter asked me that she could pay my fingernails.
I'm absolutely saying yes, you know what I mean, because
(48:28):
I don't want her, and I don't want them to
know me as someone that always put my work before
my relationships. It don't work. It doesn't work that way, right,
Like imagine if you invited God the Father into prayer,
he said, I'm gonna give you give me five minutes.
(48:50):
You know what I'm saying, Like, like.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (48:53):
Like we there's an invitation as fathers that we can accept,
and we're always being invited, and I think that's one
of the most important things. And then it goes to
thinking about or when's the last time you took yourself out.
What's the last time you actually invited yourself to go
do something. So when you was like, yo, let's go
to lunch, that was an invitation. I was like, man,
(49:14):
I told you. When we got in the car, I
was like, man, I didn't. I didn't did this and
this and this and this and this for all my
whole family, and then my wife's to do is put
something together for the kids. I cut hair, I'm got
kick it with jail for a little bit, you know
what I mean? That was an invitation for me, And
so I think there is a version of us as
men where we accept every invitation from the world right,
(49:36):
and we're always outside because you know, we got to
make sure we stay on the algorithm, you know. But
then there's another part where we completely deny every invitation
and serve our family only, and so we got to
find that middle ground.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Bro. The wisdom that you was sharing today, man, is
it's just so profound. The depths and the opulence of
it is so necessary because for the man that is
(50:11):
out there watching, I want to challenge you, and particularly
for men, because I'm going to speak to husbands, but
for the man that's not married, I want to challenge
you to accept an invitation for yourself to grow beyond
who you are today, an invitation to grow, to allow
(50:35):
yourself to hop on the Potter's wheel, to be made over,
to allow yourself to go through the pain of growing,
and to go through the pain of becoming. Because there's
a pain that comes with becoming, because it's stretching you.
That's why bones aches when kids are hitting puberty, because
(50:57):
our body is changing. But I want to challenge you
to accept that invitation. Man to the husband, to the father,
maybe your wife is inviting you into her domain, not
just her body, but her domain of how she lives
in her world because you can be married, but you
(51:19):
both have your own worlds, and yet you have your
worlds together. Accept that invitation to the brother who has children.
Maybe your children are inviting you just to sit with
them longer, just to put your phone down, just to
not take another call and not take another zoom, just
to forego an obligation, just to sit with them, because
(51:41):
as Glenn is sharing that that invitation to that stage
is where it really matters.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
And sometimes they run out. They don't get that. You
don't get an invite no more because they're busy. Them
kids are busy. Your wife got a new craft or
whatever she wants to do, or a new relationship that
she wants to you know, be girlfriends with or whatever.
I was talking to a buddy of money. He was
telling me, don't forsake your sacred circle. There's a group
(52:13):
of man in your life that you may you may
have aged out of or whatever, but they know you well.
Those people are important, like keep them around. You need
men in your life to catch you, you need men
to hold you, and you need people to uplift you.
It's like douggling. Yeah, right, And so I would definitely
ask some of you guys to get into a system
(52:34):
in the community, because I feel like that's what we're
really lacking.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
That's what we're lacking, man, That's why it's such as
that's why this epidemic of men being lonely and male
loneliness is growing. Yes, because there's no community.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
Yes, And I don't know. I know you're not going
on tour no time soon.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
I know you're not going on tour on time soon.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
But if there is a reason for you to bring
men together, I would love to be invited. Not just
because I'm like I want to be in a room,
but I do think that there's some people in life
that like they just need to listen and they need
to be heard, and I just want to be a
part of that movement, you know what I mean. As
(53:16):
far as met is concerned, I think it's really important.
So thank you so much man for this space. Bro,
You're creating a space where they can fall apart. And
you know what I'm saying, I'm trying to hold back
to this as I sit here, you know what I mean,
because it's comforting being in the presence of a therapist
and someone who is doing the work you know what
I'm saying, but I also know what you hope a
long for. So even as I like I listen to you,
(53:37):
I'm hoping for you right because all this obedience need
to go somewhere.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
It need to be shared with somebody understanding me.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
Listen, you understand me? Yes, yeah, it needs to man.
And when I have conversations like this with you, CJ.
You know, we we have this banter, man, and like
people are often like you know, especially like we're doing
the podcast, like I'll call out his name or say something.
But what CJ has given me is the opportunity to
(54:09):
be encouraged as a brother. Okay, me being the only
boy yep, and having to always be a brother. But
I'm encouraged as I am walking with a brother. Yes,
you know, CJ is like my right hand man, and
I'm encouraged from you as a brother who as a
(54:29):
friend watching your journey, I'm encouraged from his journey. CJ
has two kids and watching how he's balancing fatherhood and
a career, watching you balance fatherhood, a career and being
a husband, and also as we share being a father
all over again to me to yourself, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
(54:52):
it's encouraging to watch because it continues to expand my
capacity of understanding the constant nuances that we're going to
experience in this life if we're open to it.
Speaker 3 (55:12):
Yeah, I want to challenge you a long way. Okay,
you ain't gonna like this one though. What you got
gla So I don't even know if I can say this,
but whatever, Y'll set it out, cut it out. This
ain't working for the for the narrative. So I remember
we was in the car, we were walking back from lunch,
(55:33):
and you were saying, I need to find someone who
can hold all of me. Okay right, so he so
he goes, yeah, I really want to find someone who
can hold me, hold all of me. So then I go, Man,
that don't come standard, that don't come stop. That's not
(55:55):
something that you get just off of meeting somebody. You
have to build with someone to get them to be
able to hold you. And then at the beginning of
the podcast you talk about somebody.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Who has held you.
Speaker 3 (56:10):
So I'm just trying to figure out what the hell
going on we have?
Speaker 2 (56:16):
What's going on with you? What is happening, bro? What's
going on? What are you look at it growth?
Speaker 1 (56:23):
What are you.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
Looking for, like what are you because I'm thinking like, man,
if you have trained someone and taught them how to
hold you, you can't find that again. Not to say
that is the person, but how do we how do
we continue to build up that person in your life?
And how long does that learning process take?
Speaker 1 (56:45):
I think, And that's that's a great challenge and and man,
it's gotta I think I'm at the place now that
I'm open to building that. Yeah, as I am yet building.
I think in previous years, man, I just lacked the capacity. Yes,
(57:11):
you know, I was on tour, I was finishing school,
I was navigating, and when I was on a tour, man,
there was a lot of resentment that I had. Okay,
but I'll share. You know. We were on tour three years,
(57:31):
thirty three cities, eighteen thousand men. Yeah, yeah, and my
resentment and you and I talked about this, right, My
resentment was like, dang, they get a me and I
never got a meet. My resentment was like, man, they
getting poured into Yeah you know what I'm saying, like
(57:52):
they getting their cups field. Yeah, they'll sing yeah empty
and I'm empty.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
And I would try to date you know what I'm
saying and try to build. But it was so challenging
because it was hard to articulate that to somebody who
who met me at my apex or met me at
my You know what I'm saying, moment of elevating, Yes,
(58:23):
And I'm trying to understand where God has taken me
into while also understanding what I have to leave behind
because I'm mourning. You can't do this, Bishop Jakes Man,
He's been so pivotal at this point in my career.
And I remember we were talking one day, man, and
(58:44):
he said, you know, life never be the same, everything
gonna change. And I was like, man, Bishop, but you
know when I can get there? Man, I and he
were sitting like this talking. I'm like yelling for us
right here, and you know what I'm saying, And the
(59:05):
reality of it is like this voice is just like
he's like, stop looking for there.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
Yeah, you're gonna always be a rock.
Speaker 1 (59:13):
Yeah, you never get there. And and when you said
just now like building that person, I had to accept
that I won't get there. And I don't think they're
gonna come in ready. Yes, I think they don't. They're
(59:35):
not gonna come in ready, man. Coin So now. My
prayer is that the person has the capacity to hold
who I am now and build when we build, a
capacity to who I am becoming. Because what you just
shared about, Hey man, what you doing man, I've gotten
two words, two prophetic words, three days in a row. Okay,
(01:00:00):
this thing from me, man, she's just talking about other day.
It was this Friday Wednesday night. A brother called me
who said, I want to get behind you financially. I
need to. He said, I need you to do something
for about twenty thousand men. He said, I'm in my fifties.
(01:00:21):
I need to be remembered for what I poured into
those who are coming behind me. He's sick, you're coming
behind me. Yeah, and he said you're the one. He
kept saying you're the one, and bro, and again it's
like somebody else can hear that. They like, yeah, I'm here,
and I'm like, dude, I don't want that type of pressure.
I don't want the responsor. Yeah yeah, yeah, but God
(01:00:43):
is really shifting my mind. Like had you said this,
like yo, bro, whatever you're doing, I'd have been like
in my head, I look like I ain't doing nothing. Yeah.
When you said it, I'm like, Okay, it's a confirmation. Yeah,
build it absolutely, because the generals are leaving.
Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
So when you think about fatherhood, I think about Glenn.
When I think about manhood, I think about Jason Wilson.
You know what I'm saying. When I think about men's
and mental health, I come to mind, you know what
I mean. When I think about who's next, you know,
as its voice in the faith, I think about my
(01:01:26):
best friend, Joe, your pastor so all of these different things.
And so okay, how do we begin establishing which we
already have established a brand, but now how do we
begin establishing other men?
Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
Yeah, the ones coming behind us.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Exactly and appear mentorship. So I'm encouraged by what you shaid, bro,
and I accept the challenge man, and I'm in prayer
about that, you know, that whole relational thing, because I
know it's time and I don't feel rush. And I
also what is when I left Flantego, I did leave
what they with a sense of ease that I can
(01:02:08):
be patient and continue to build. I know that and
not feel haste and yeah, steal like I gotta get
it today, I'm not. I've realized the fathering and me
said to myself the other day. You're not running out
of time.
Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Praise God. That's good because that was the question I
asked you, was exactly, do you feel like you're missing something?
Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
Exactly? And I had to say to myself, you're not
missing nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:02:32):
Yeah, you a whole. Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Not having this doesn't mean that you are incomplete, right,
It just means that you don't have that now. But
that does not equate to you lacking because you have
everything that you need. And Bro, that thing just steal
because that conversation I sat with, what we talked about
and just really just just just chewed on that man,
(01:02:55):
and to glean from you was what's what was soul
of it? Man was necessary for me. Bro. So, brother,
I appreciate you, Mary, and I thank you Monard.
Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
Bro, thank you appreciation you.
Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Listen, you have just heard this powerful conversation on fatherhood,
understanding your spouse. You just heard a powerful conversation on
me sharing what hugs meant to me, us talking about
being hugs from your kids. You've heard us have a
dialogue that's centered around men becoming more than what we've seen.
(01:03:34):
And this brother Glenn has a heart for fathers. Yeah,
and because he has a heart for fathers means which
means he has a heart for sons. And many of
us as sons, are still longing to be father. And
maybe your father has transitioned. Maybe your father's still around
(01:03:54):
and there's no relationship with him. Maybe there is a
relationship with your father, but not the relationship that you desired.
But just maybe you have to father yourself. So I
want to say, go out and grab this brother's book,
Father yourself first. Give to you what you can give
(01:04:18):
to others, and you can't give to others until you
give it to yourself. This book by Glenn Henry, the
creator of belief in fatherhood Man. Follow this Brother on YouTube, Instagram, Spotify,
the podcast. I mean, this brother is a true creator,
true creator, And so I want to say thank you again,
(01:04:39):
Thank you, Bro. I speak blessings over your movement and
over your book, to everything you touch prosper Yes, that
your family is well, no sickness, no disease, That everything
that you believe in God for financially, contracts, partnerships, relationships,
and even the rel relationship with your father. Yes, I
(01:05:02):
thank God that He's put in you everything that you
need and you don't lack anything for if the season
has come for you to expand beyond your own imagination
and that God is going to give you the clarity,
He's going to give you the wisdom and the ingenuity
on how to accomplish it. Brother. So my prayer for you,
man is that you receive it all. Thank you because
(01:05:24):
you're well deserve it up man. Yeah, I appreciate you
so much, man, Thank you. This is this has been
healing for me. And anytime you call me up here
on coming immediately. Yes, sir, thank you, Bro. I love you,
Love you to bro. Listen, Guys, go click subscribe to
the Healing Community. As always, healing is a journey and
wholeness is the destination. Until next time, take care of
(01:05:47):
yourself and be blessed. Just here over Doctor J, a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite show and you can follow
me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and
follow us on YouTube. Just here, doctor J.
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