November 3, 2022 • 37 mins
In this weeks episode of Let’s Be Real, Sammy Jaye talks with podcaster, actor, producer and editor Monica Padman about her new podcast Race to 35, her love of storytelling, having Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard as mentors and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
M Hey guys, it's Sammy Jay and welcome back to
my podcast Let's Be Real. And today I am so
thrilled because this week I got to chat with podcaster, actor, producer,
and editor Monica Padmin. I love this episode. We get
into some very interesting topics that we haven't explored yet
(00:20):
on this podcast, so I'm excited for you to check
it out. Enjoying. Hi Montica, and welcome to the Let's
Burial Podcast. Hi, thank you for having me. I am
so honored to have you. You are one of my
favorite podcasters and I genuinely look up to you so
much because your drive and just the way you're just
(00:42):
a go getter and it's really inspiring. Thank you, Thank you.
That's um, that's such a nice compliment. And I think one,
um that I can take amazing as you should, take
it as you should. So something that I want to
talk about is when did you first think, Okay, I
(01:03):
want to be in the entertainment industry in some way,
shape or form. I'm not sure what, but I want
to be in it. Well when I was. And I
sound like a broken record because I've talked about this lot,
but this is the truth. Um, Let's be real man. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Um.
When I was in eighth grade, I saw Good while
hunting for the first time. And then I also at
(01:25):
the same time was getting super into Friends, the TV
show Who Hasn't Had? If you haven't gotten super into Friends,
You've missed out on life, You've missed out on serotonin. Honestly,
you really have. And I'd encourage you to get into it.
It's a mental health fix, it really is. Um. But yes,
So I was super into those things, and they like
(01:46):
transported me. I was living in fantasy land all the
time after seeing that, of like, I want to be
in something like either of those things, Like I want
to be a part of what they're doing, which is
making other people feel like I feel. Um, And so
I just assumed that was acting because it's just the
(02:09):
first one, Like they're on the screen. Yeah, what else
is there. I didn't know anything about producers or directing
or anything. I just was like, Okay, I want so
I want to do that. So I want to be
an actor. And then in ninth grade I joined theater.
I did theater and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is right, this is the right fell that home. Yes,
(02:29):
I loved it. I mean I was terrified, but I
loved it. And it's so rare, like I'm scared of
everything basically too. And but it's I'm an anxious girly
yes exactly. I'm just like filled with butterflies absolutely all
the time, all the time. But it was it was
a weird thing to experience that anxiety but then have
it to be positive. That's how I feel with the podcast.
(02:53):
I know exactly what you're talking about. Like it's you're scared,
and then you come out on the other end you're like,
I'm better I'm better off for it, and I get
your creative energy. I just I did love it. So
it's like, Okay, well that's done, I'm doing that now
we know um. And so yeah, that was the first.
That was sort of the first iterational. So theater, what
(03:14):
was your favorite musical you put on or play? I
have to ask. I'm from a musical theater family too.
You are, well, you're gonna be mad at me then,
because I don't like musical I don't like musicals. I
like straight plays. And in high school, the best thing
we did and this was so informative for me as
(03:36):
a person. It was incredible. My senior year, our theater
class we wrote a play as a whole class, and
they were like these little vignettes, so sketches we wrote
basically sketches. We were paired and we like had these
different groups for these different sketches and we wrote them.
And then we put on this play and it was
about high school and it was like sort you know,
(03:56):
nods to our own high school and it was life changing.
It was so fun and it was so cathartic, and
it was um it sold, you know, no one came
to plays like at my school. It was like you
know football. It was in the South. It was like
plays never sold out where the musical theater kids were at.
(04:21):
So it was but it was three nights we um
put on that play and it sold out every night
and it was like a big deal and it was
a big deal. It's like have you seen the play?
And it was so cool to be a part of
that and the fact that we had written it like
your baby, it added a new layer of of ownership
(04:41):
that obviously in high school you never ever ever get.
I'm so grateful to my theater teacher. Her name was
Miss Vetter. Shout out the net better and um, she
was like, who would have thought to put a bunch
of high schoolers in charge of writing a play? And
she did and it was unbelievable. So from that experience,
(05:02):
was it the writing part or the collaboration of collaborating
with people around you? Because I've noticed I love collaboration.
It is there's nothing like it. There is nothing like it.
And I think when I was watching like Friends and
like in retrospect, watching Friends and watching good Will Hunting,
it was honestly that that I was drawn to more
than acting. I think I didn't know that, but now
(05:25):
seeing it from a bird's eye view, I can see
like like the Ben and Matt writing it, like that
whole story, and then the ensemble of friends, like that's
what I was drawn to. Is this like camaraderie within creativity?
I think? And so in yes, the collaboration piece, the
writing piece too. I mean I love writing, I always have,
(05:46):
but that felt so different, like words like dialogue, felt
so different than what I've been used to writing, and
it was just so fun, it was so eye opening.
I love experiences like that because they truly shape so much.
I think one of my favorite parts. And maybe It's
why I love like Parks and Wreck in the Office
and shows like that, is that there's always like through
(06:09):
elements that kind of overlay throughout that you'll pick up on.
You're like, oh, every time you watch you pick up
on something different. Yes, yes, I agree. So I want
to talk about armchair experts. Okay, so you came up
the format. You're the one that ish ish I can't
take all you know obviously obviously you can't take all
the credits, but I think, I think, But it's also
(06:32):
it just has so much of you in it, thank
and that's what's so special about it. And I was
wondering when you came up with when you're creating these podcasts,
what's the most unexpected lesson you've learned about yourself that
you didn't expect to going into it. That's a great question.
I think for me, the biggest that I've learned from
all of them, all the months we've done um, including
(06:55):
in majorly one that's about to come out on Fertility
about yes, is I am like, no holds bar, I'm
just like I am fine to just kind of spill
every single thing I'm thinking and feeling and going through.
I would not have expected that going in, and even
at the very beginning, I was hesitant and I talked
(07:17):
to DX about it. I was like, I don't know,
like this feels very vulnerable, and He's like, yeah, I
mean you don't have to, but it's going to be
better off for it, and not like not like oh,
it'll be a good show if you're like crying, but
just like authenticity is always what reads, it's the best. Yeah.
(07:41):
So I was like, all right, it's like my might
as well. Is it weird when people like know things
about you and they come up to you and you're like, wait,
how do you know that very particular random fact about me?
It's like did I share that? Yes. It's happened a
couple of times where I'm like, oh, yeah, I talked
about that and now and now people know. Um. But
(08:02):
it's were the times where I've been like, oh, I
need to be a little careful is when I talk
about other people. Not badly, of course, but like when
I'm talking about people in my life and I'm like, oh,
I was at this this with this person and then
they said this, I don't think about that, and I
made it any conversation though, you know, yeah, but I
(08:23):
tell you know, we tell stories about our lives and
our friends, and sometimes I'm like, Wow, they're a little
more private than me, So I need to be a
little bit more careful. I've been trying to immerse myself
in creativity as much as possible, because I've noticed that
that's when I'm just feeling most myself. I love that.
(08:43):
But burnout is real, and that is something that I
was wondering if you've ever experienced and if you have
any advice song, because I know a lot of people
that I can overwork themselves, and I feel like hustle
and grind culture is so emphasized right now and glorified
and it's not good to not take care of your
mental health and your social beings. I was wondering if
that's something that you've gone through a hundred I mean,
(09:07):
I don't know if I have advice, I need advice,
I don't. UM. My advice would be to make sure
because like in this job, in my job, um, I
could be working all the time. I could be because
I also edit our show, so and we have lots
of shows, and so at any moment, I could be
(09:30):
sitting down and working on one of those things. So
my advice that I've tried to implement and done well
is like I am going out to dinner with my
friend on Tuesday. I am going to go get a
drink with Jess on Monday. Like I plan in time,
(09:53):
recreational time, because if I don't, then I'll I'll work.
Like so your podcast, you have to live life to
be able to talk about it. Very true, very true.
But you have to like tell yourself, I I it's
okay to say yes to um things that feel quote
(10:14):
fun or extra, even though you have work to do.
It's really important for balance, even if it means I
mean for me, even if it means like okay, I
am going to say yes to this dinner date and
then maybe it means I go home and I'm up
late working, but it's still important to put that other
(10:35):
piece in exact for me. No, I it's it's something
that I find that's hard to prioritize. But I notice
what I don't the negative effects of it. Yes, it's
I mean, it is real when you're fully immersed in
work and work only it is it's too much like
I don't know, I don't know. We're built to be
that way. No, especially when you don't work at nine
(10:56):
to five and there's no hard cut off. You have
to create those boundaries yourself, and if you've a lot
to get done and it gets so blurred. Yes, I
literally that's funny that you brought it up. Yesterday or Sunday.
I like wrote out a calendar for the week because
I was like, that's what I do. I have to
write everything, yes, but I normally don't. I'm like, okay,
you know, I can figure it out. But I thought,
(11:18):
I really need to write out a schedule for the
week so I don't get super Otherwise I was just
like so overwhelmed. This week is going to be crazy
by the time. Yes, it helped, like it helped put
some structure to it and not feel like it's just
just like wait over you. Yeah, I've noticed. For me,
I feel so I'm going to forget something unless I
(11:39):
write it down. I have to like writing down my
to do list are the most calming part of my day,
and then checking them off is the most satisfying part.
It just hits different. It's really special. It's really something
about editing. What about it? Do you like it? Piecing together?
The story is it kind of replaying it back because
(12:01):
I know you can learn so much just from editing.
I've learned so much about people in general, a lot
about myself. Um yeah, because you can hear it objectively,
and you don't normally in life get to hear yourself objectively,
So it's kind of a privileged point of view. I
do like that, um. I like and I will shout
(12:24):
out my friend Emma, who also we've we've brought on
recently and she also helps with editing. So she goes
through first, and then I go through and I edit
for content. So she goes in now and she takes
out the ums and the likes, and you know, she
has some instructions on what to do, and then I
go in and I decide, like what stays, what goes.
(12:46):
I really like having a say in the end product
because it's a whole process. You know, we record and
then it's booking the guests. It's like, exactly, people don't
realize on the back end of it, Like it's so
time consuming and it's more than just the episode, so
much more. Yeah, you're right, it starts way before that. Yeah,
(13:08):
it's the it's the reach out, and then it's the
long time before we may schedule, reschedule this. Yeah, and
so by the time we get the edit, it feels
complete and I like and I like that, and I like,
I mean, really, it's my fingerprint, you know. I'm deciding
(13:29):
what says, what goes, How provocative do we want to be?
How provocative do we not want to be? I get
to make those decisions, and so it's feels rewarding. I
think I do think editing feeling and because it's just
so tedious. It is so tedious that when you complete it,
you do feel like you've really accomplished something. Oh it
feels like you just ran a marathon in a weird way.
(13:50):
You're like, yes, for your brain, for your brain. Absolutely,
that's what it's like. Yeah, Okay, we have to take
one quick break. But when we come back, I wanted
to Ivan and talk about your new podcast, Race the
thirty five, which I am so fascinated by. Also what
it's like working with Kristen and Dax and so much more.
We'll be right back and we're back. I'm very excited
(14:17):
to talk to you about this new podcast coming because
um so I have a new Betrios. You do, Okay,
you do, and I was told that seventeen to freeze
my eggs. I did not because another doctor told me
not to. But I understand the fact that this is
a conversation that has been brought up so early in
(14:41):
my life that I've had to deal with. I truly
am like so excited to get into this conversation with
you because it's so not discussed enough at all. I
mean it is in some ways, but I found that
it's normally spoken about so clinically, and that's really why
I wanted to do this. So, yes, we have the
a show. It's called Race to thirty five. Um, it's
(15:03):
under our armchair umbrella and the network work of the network.
Yeah that is, that is what it is. We just
call it an umbrella. Uh but yeah. So it's me
and Liz Plank. We co host and she's the best,
and we got to know each other really well, really quick.
You gotta if this is the topic. It was crazy.
(15:25):
It was crazy. We just got like jumped in the
deep end and did this together. We froze her exit
at the same time, and we followed that whole process
and so each episode, at the top of each episode
is us talking about how we're feeling talking about, you know,
the new thoughts and feelings. We've had the shots from
(15:46):
the night before, which we did together every night, and
and then the rest of the episode is us talking
to someone with an interesting fertility story or an expert
in the field, and it's I'm I I'm really proud
of It is so intimate, obviously, like it's our bodies.
(16:07):
It's no one. You know, you're not supposed to compare
or worry about the result. But at the end of
the day, there's a result. You get a number of eggs,
and so there's also this kind of pressure. There is
so much pressure that I already feel and I'm twenty yeah,
(16:28):
and it's crazy that you're ticking time like you gotta go,
and it's like, no, yes, yes, I know, I know,
you you deaf, you have time. Don't worry. There's so
many different women's issues that also coincide with it, like
it's all intertwined, oh for sure. And the thing is
(16:51):
that's funny is we walk around and we don't necessarily
know these things about our bodies unless there's a reason
to know. If there's a problem or you're in pain
or something, and you go seek out professional normally, like
at the very beginning of this process, what you do
is you go in, they give you a transmaginal ultrasound
(17:11):
and they look to see how many follicles you have.
It is so cool, It is so cool. It's magic.
I mean the fact that they can see inside you
and know how many follicles you have that will maybe
or maybe not trying to like mature intoath. I know,
(17:31):
it's fascinating, but you know that early first um and
that's kind of the maximount you'll have. And and it's
funny because you get that number and you start, you know,
in an our case, spiraling or thinking about that or
what does it mean? And is it scary? Is it not?
(17:54):
And it's funny because I was like, well, if I
hadn't frozen my eggs, I wouldn't. I would never know
that number, would never know that number, even though it exists.
It's so crazy. I would never know. And even if
if I got pregnant, like a lot of my friends
who have gotten pregnant naturally, they don't know how many
follicles they have. They just got pregnant. It's very interesting
to do it this way where you you know so
(18:17):
much maybe too much. Yeah, do you think you know
you knew too much information going into it? As a
fellow of anxious girly? Like, how does that affect the
connection between the two, because I don't know of how
I would do well knowing all of that? Well, is
there a sense of relief also having that information? I
think it depending on your personal situation, it can be. Um,
(18:42):
I think, I mean, if you're deciding to freeze your eggs,
you have to know that information. It's part of it.
I mean, it's part of the whole deal. So I
get you know, It's not like, oh I wish I
didn't know, because that's like the point. The point is
to know how many you have for your insurance? But
do I wish I had not done it so that
(19:04):
I never knew? No, I'm glad, I'm I'm glad I
went through that process. What have you learned most about yourself?
I think, I mean, this is like such a bold
statement before, but now I'm I'm wishy washing on it.
During it, I will say, during it, I was like,
I definitely want to have kids, and which I did
(19:24):
not know before. I didn't I didn't feel like I'm
one of those people who has to have kids. You know,
some women are like four and they're like, I'm a mom, yes,
and they just know if they have like really strong
maternal instincts from early on, they know. I mean, I
think some of that is societal, like a lot of it.
(19:47):
But also I do I know these people, like I
do sense that some people are like, yeah, I'm I'm
meant to be a mom, And I never had that. Um. Also,
I mean, I have an and credible mother. She's so
good and so like, she's perfect, perfect for me. But
(20:07):
she wasn't like the most maternal mom, and so I
didn't also have that modeled. So I never was like
this is what I like, tiny baby in my arms
or whatever. Like she wasn't like looking at babies nearby
in the grocery store and like oh, like she didn't
do that, and so either do I. I don't do
that either. Um So I didn't know. I've always been
(20:31):
on the fence, but during the process was like, no
I do. Now that I'm out of it, I'm bad.
Like I don't know. It's hard to know when you're
on so many hormones. What's real? Tell me about it?
I had had got a birth control, or went on
birth control and it gave me cystic acne. That's really
funny that you say that, because I had really bad
(20:52):
cystic acne. The only thing that worked was birth control.
It's so interesting how it affects everyone so differently. Yeah,
I know, hormone crazy. They are crazy. I learned a
lot about hormones over this process. Well, we had do
you know Andrew Huberman the Huberman Lab podcast. I've heard
of it. It's a great podcast. Um. We had Andrew
(21:14):
on Armchair and then we had him on Race as well, Um,
to talk about hormones and name by the way, Yeah,
well Race against the Clock you know, hey, it's playing
on what we go through exactly. But yeah, he said,
when a male and a female have a baby together,
the man's testosterone actually drops. Isn't that crazy? And I
(21:39):
think it's because like, well, I mean there's lots of
there's lots of there's lots of theories, but like a
lot of you know, when people say like the dad bod,
a lot of that can come from a drop in testosterone.
Mm hmmm. It's interesting. There's a lot there's a lot
of little baby facts like that. No hormones of everything
(22:01):
much everything, and it's just something that we have to
deal with on a day to day. And then when
you're putting external hormones literally you're putting so many hormones
in your body in order to like make your eggs
grow times a good, like you want them huge, like
so much more than they How are your emotions? They
(22:22):
were surprisingly fine? Okay, that's so good. I was shocked
because I am so sensitive to hormonal change, like I
have pretty bad pian mass, like I feel it. I
feel hormonal change in extreme, very in tune with your body. Yes,
and um, so I was really like this is gone up,
(22:46):
this is gonna up. For yes, I was like, this
is going to be horrible, and then I actually was okay.
Liz had a little bit tougher over time. And again,
I'm about to start editing that shows, so I don't
really know until I'm in there, I don't know. I
might be crazy. And I just in the moment didn't
(23:07):
realize what a beautiful journal to look back on. I'm scared.
So you've been doing multiple podcasts, would you say podcasting
into your favorite type of media of storytelling as like
on the outside or to to create, to create yeah, yeah, okay,
I love it. I love it. It's so awesome. It
is so awesome. I feel like it's so intimate in
(23:29):
a way that lots of other mediums can't be. UM,
and you just get to tell tiny stories, like really
teeny tiny stories, and um, those to me are weirdly
the most universal ones. Do you have a favorite podcast
story you've told so far? Mm hmm. They're like, oh,
(23:52):
I got a great reaction, or it's just like, oh,
this is a good story. I know, that's a great question.
I mean, this isn't like a great reaction. But when
when so Dax had a relapse and we did an
episode on that, and that was, um, I think a
really important episode for us, and that was a really
(24:14):
important piece of his story that we had to tell,
and we did. We felt like obligated to tell our
listeners because we are very honest and it would be
so weird, like to to not talk about this kind
of very big thing going on and all of our
lives at that time, and we have a lot of
(24:34):
people who are listening who are sober, who are trying
to get sober, who are in recovery, and it felt
like it's such a disservice to them to not share
this part, like it's an important part. It is a
part of recovery. So it's it's the reality of it, Yes, exactly.
And um, so that I think is like the most
(24:57):
important story we have told on the show is that
very honest reality. Um. And then and then people got
to see like a rebound from from that, and it
was I think, I hope helpful if you have the
most memorable podcast guest you guys have had on that's
you've had so many incredible we have I mean for me,
(25:20):
Matt Damon, I mean, yeah, it was, it was an
actual dream. It was crazy. I mean I used to
like imagine that they would be it would be camping
in Georgia and I'd be like, maybe they're in the tent.
Like I really thought that. I was nuts. You manifested
that moment, I mean ten years or fifteen years later.
(25:43):
But yes, do you have any other manifestations you want
to put out there? And I do. I do a
lot of fantasizing. So I'm sitting here my day spent
in daydreaming. Yes, but you gotta shoot high, you do.
That's something I've realized a lot of people if I
listened to every person that told me that I couldn't
do what I've done, yeah, I wouldn't be doing any
of this. We wouldn't be having this conversation. We definitely wouldn't.
(26:05):
I totally agree. Like, it's funny because I think in general,
I'm a fairly practical person. I grew up in a
really practical household. But I have this really pie in
the sky um dream or re piece of me that
I'm grateful for, or yes, I would not be here. Yeah,
because I feel like, also if you, if we like
(26:26):
listen to everyone that says the probability of that happening
is so low, you shouldn't do it. It's like, no, yeah,
I'm still going to do it because it's for the
experience exactly. It's not about results, That's the thing. This
process something that I've realized that so many people, at
least people that I have no specifically creative A lot
of times they focus on the end product. They want
this to be what what success means? You know a
(26:49):
lot of the times it's commercial success, it's getting something in.
But I feel like the process the best part of
No one even appreciates it. It is and even with
this podcast with Brace to thirty five, I'm like, I said,
I'm about to start editing it and I I don't.
I don't want to because that is that's about result,
and I already did the process and that it's going
(27:13):
back to it. Yeah, and I like the process was
so interesting and illuminating and now I'm like, oh, now
I'm going into the like result phase of it, and
it doesn't feel as fun fulfilling any of it. Like
the process was the big win. Exactly. It's the journey
that you remember. It's not necessarily what people view of
(27:34):
it because at the end of the day, especially with podcasts,
and you put it out there, it's up to other
people's interpretation. Like this is a fun part, yes, exactly.
We have to take one more quick break, but when
we come back, I want to talk about the idea
of mentorship more and working with Kristen and Dax and
what that's meant for you and your career. Will be
(27:55):
right back. Okay, and we're back. Something else I want
to talk to you is about mentorship because I think
it's a really interesting topic that isn't talked about a lot,
but it is so helpful and got getting guidance from
someone that has been there before and truly wants to
(28:19):
support you. And I know you found that a lot
within Kristin and Dax and having that mentorship. What has
it been like being able to ask them for advice
but also being able to like, what have you learned?
What's been something you've soaked up that's kind of you've
been grained into you. Yeah, a lot from Kristen for sure,
because so much of that I think happened when I
(28:40):
was her assistant and then when I started doing projects
with her. She just handles herself in a way that
is very commendable and respectable. Like always, you know, she
does such a good job of looking out for people
(29:01):
under her and pulling them up. I think it's hard
to do because they're they're doing their job, they're in
a position that's helpful to you, like look me. I
mean I I worked for her, and she didn't have
to say, you know, it's okay for you to go
do this other thing, or it's okay for you to
(29:23):
expand your wings because that could be a threat to her.
There's so much competition un officially not real competition, but
I think it's what society puts on us like women
need to not stick together and compete, But if anything,
it's we should be doing the opposite because there's more
than enough room for everybody. Totally and absolutely. But I
don't even mean that per se, I mean more even
(29:43):
just practically, like, well, if this person goes and gets
this other job or goes and works on the podcast
and the podcast becomes big, will she have time? Ye? Me?
I mean, And that's the area is No, I didn't.
I had to leave that, and she knew that and
still put my needs above hers In that moment she
(30:04):
was like, well, Monica's career and future is more important
than her assisting me. Um, and that is hard to do.
That's really hard, really hard to put someone else's needs
above yours. And she does that a lot in life
in general and friendships and everything. So um, I do
(30:26):
try to think about that when I am just living
my life of that person is their own person and
not just there to help, not just there for me.
So I think that's that has been something that's really stuck.
I mean also just kindness. I mean, she's so nice
to everyone, she always is, and I think that has
(30:47):
has stuck, just like being being nice hard. It's it's fine,
just be nice, just choose that. You can choose that today. Um.
And then with Dax, definitely honest, I mean honesty piece
is never going anywhere, and it is I think new
Like I think it's from having met him. It's I
(31:11):
have never met anyone like that before who's just like
so blatantly honest and open and um but also like
open with his apologies and open like he's just he's
just very himself. And I think that has been grained.
And also I think a big thing that has changed
(31:32):
as I used to see things a lot more black
and white, and having him in my life has really
changed that. I mean, he's only see's gray. He doesn't
see any black and white ever, And sometimes I'm like, no, there,
sometimes it is black and white. I have to like
(31:53):
try to pull them back a little bit towards that.
But he's only seeing that. He has a lot of
compassion for people who maybe other people don't have compassion
for and that's really bled in Like I always am
looking for the flip side of the coin and that
that's all him. But I think that's one of the
(32:14):
reasons why it's it just works so well. Is because
there's that it's kind of like the opposites attracted way,
you know what I mean, and you get the balance
of both which is needed, you know, to balance each
other out, to push you out of your comfort zone
and to maybe reel and back in. Like I've been
trying to live more in the gray. So I understand
what you're talking about. It is hard, but you know
(32:37):
what twenties a new decade is, what I say, is
for putting ourselves out there, for being the gray area.
You're so advanced for twenty I mean when I was twenty, yeah,
I was definitely not thinking about the gray How would
you say doing this throughout this entire process, it's just
increased your empathy a bit, I think. So, I really
think so. And Kristen is also incredibly empathetic, So I
(32:59):
think just like full immersion in empathy for the past
eight years or so has has definitely had an impact
eight years, I think. So that's crazy. I think. So,
what would you tell your younger self? You could give
towenty year old Monica a little piece of advice about
knowing all you that you know now? I think I
(33:21):
would be circling back to what we talked about just
enjoy the ride because you never know where it's going
to go. And I mean, I think actually, to be
fair to myself, I think I did a pretty good
job of that. Like I was really aware even when
I was like working at soul Cycle and and also
writing for Smash and doing I had so many jobs
(33:43):
going on at once, but I knew that that was
still just a piece of my life that I had
to round out the rest of it. That like I
still needed to have fun and I needed to have
dinner parties, like you know, maybe it was just have
fun with my roommate. It was important to me that
the rest, even if this piece wasn't fully checked off,
(34:04):
that the rest was. I feel like you've done so
much and you've learned so many different halfs. You have
such an interesting perspective, and that you you know you've
done it from a bunch of different angles. Is there
is there aside? There is there a new aspect you
want to endeavor on that you haven't got upon yet. Um, Yeah,
(34:26):
I don't think I know what they are yet, but
love that. But I'm open, Like I'm just open to
doing new stuff or new um. Directing buckets actually that's
kind of the one thing I'm pretty sure I don't
want it to really, Yeah, I say that, and then
and then she's directing who We're just we'll play this
(34:49):
clip back exactly. Uh No, I mean I guess that. Yeah.
I can't rule it out. I won't rule anything out,
but I it's never ever been something that I've been
super drawn to. Um. I did like co direct this
commercial for Hello Bello, Dax and Christens Diaper Company, and
(35:10):
it was fun, but it's it's not it's not for me.
But you know what, knowing what you don't want to
do is just as important as knowing what you do
want to do. I think it's more important. I think
that's actually how you figure out what you want to do.
And I think not getting stuck in the idea, like
because you you know, you might start broadcast journalism and
(35:30):
like this is what I'm doing. I'm doing this, this
is what I want to do, and then you'd start
taking classes and you start doing and you're like, oh,
like I don't tell that that's exactly what's happened. Really, yeah,
but you have other stuff too, at least, so you
know I'm not stuck. I like to have options. Yeah,
but everyone has options, but they don't know that that
(35:51):
they think like, oh, now I'm pot committed, like I'm
I'm I'm taking these classes and I guess this is
the rest of my life. I don't like it, but
oh well, and you don't have to say, oh hell yeah,
there's always time for a pivot. I had a class
where literally every the theme was just hearing about people's
pivots and career essentially and how it changed and that
how what they thought they wanted to do, how it evolves,
(36:13):
and we need to like appreciate that instead of thinking
of change is a bad thing because I'm very I
don't do change very well. Yeah. Same, So it's very
hard for me. So I've been trying to embrace it,
which has been interesting. But we're going for it. Has
it has any positive come out of it? Yeah, I
will say I've lived more life, and I'd say I've
grown more in the past two months than I have
(36:35):
in a long time, and I love it. Yeah. No,
change is always hard, even when it's good. Yeah. Growing
pains are so real. Yeah they are. They are real.
But then you come out on the other side of
it and you've grown and you've learned, and then you
have the experience from it, and then you can talk
about it on a podcast exactly, exactly. Well, thank you
(37:00):
so much, Monica for taking the time to come on
my podcast. I look up to you and your work
ethic and your drive so much, so I just really
appreciate you taking the time. Thank you. I appreciate it
so much. This has been so fun. Thank you amazing.
Yaiya
M Hey guys, it's Sammy Jay and welcome back to
my podcast Let's Be Real. And today I am so
thrilled because this week I got to chat with podcaster, actor, producer,
and editor Monica Padmin. I love this episode. We get
into some very interesting topics that we haven't explored yet
(00:20):
on this podcast, so I'm excited for you to check
it out. Enjoying. Hi Montica, and welcome to the Let's
Burial Podcast. Hi, thank you for having me. I am
so honored to have you. You are one of my
favorite podcasters and I genuinely look up to you so
much because your drive and just the way you're just
(00:42):
a go getter and it's really inspiring. Thank you, Thank you.
That's um, that's such a nice compliment. And I think one,
um that I can take amazing as you should, take
it as you should. So something that I want to
talk about is when did you first think, Okay, I
(01:03):
want to be in the entertainment industry in some way,
shape or form. I'm not sure what, but I want
to be in it. Well when I was. And I
sound like a broken record because I've talked about this lot,
but this is the truth. Um, Let's be real man. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Um.
When I was in eighth grade, I saw Good while
hunting for the first time. And then I also at
(01:25):
the same time was getting super into Friends, the TV
show Who Hasn't Had? If you haven't gotten super into Friends,
You've missed out on life, You've missed out on serotonin. Honestly,
you really have. And I'd encourage you to get into it.
It's a mental health fix, it really is. Um. But yes,
So I was super into those things, and they like
(01:46):
transported me. I was living in fantasy land all the
time after seeing that, of like, I want to be
in something like either of those things, Like I want
to be a part of what they're doing, which is
making other people feel like I feel. Um, And so
I just assumed that was acting because it's just the
(02:09):
first one, Like they're on the screen. Yeah, what else
is there. I didn't know anything about producers or directing
or anything. I just was like, Okay, I want so
I want to do that. So I want to be
an actor. And then in ninth grade I joined theater.
I did theater and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is right, this is the right fell that home. Yes,
(02:29):
I loved it. I mean I was terrified, but I
loved it. And it's so rare, like I'm scared of
everything basically too. And but it's I'm an anxious girly
yes exactly. I'm just like filled with butterflies absolutely all
the time, all the time. But it was it was
a weird thing to experience that anxiety but then have
it to be positive. That's how I feel with the podcast.
(02:53):
I know exactly what you're talking about. Like it's you're scared,
and then you come out on the other end you're like,
I'm better I'm better off for it, and I get
your creative energy. I just I did love it. So
it's like, Okay, well that's done, I'm doing that now
we know um. And so yeah, that was the first.
That was sort of the first iterational. So theater, what
(03:14):
was your favorite musical you put on or play? I
have to ask. I'm from a musical theater family too.
You are, well, you're gonna be mad at me then,
because I don't like musical I don't like musicals. I
like straight plays. And in high school, the best thing
we did and this was so informative for me as
(03:36):
a person. It was incredible. My senior year, our theater
class we wrote a play as a whole class, and
they were like these little vignettes, so sketches we wrote
basically sketches. We were paired and we like had these
different groups for these different sketches and we wrote them.
And then we put on this play and it was
about high school and it was like sort you know,
(03:56):
nods to our own high school and it was life changing.
It was so fun and it was so cathartic, and
it was um it sold, you know, no one came
to plays like at my school. It was like you
know football. It was in the South. It was like
plays never sold out where the musical theater kids were at.
(04:21):
So it was but it was three nights we um
put on that play and it sold out every night
and it was like a big deal and it was
a big deal. It's like have you seen the play?
And it was so cool to be a part of
that and the fact that we had written it like
your baby, it added a new layer of of ownership
(04:41):
that obviously in high school you never ever ever get.
I'm so grateful to my theater teacher. Her name was
Miss Vetter. Shout out the net better and um, she
was like, who would have thought to put a bunch
of high schoolers in charge of writing a play? And
she did and it was unbelievable. So from that experience,
(05:02):
was it the writing part or the collaboration of collaborating
with people around you? Because I've noticed I love collaboration.
It is there's nothing like it. There is nothing like it.
And I think when I was watching like Friends and
like in retrospect, watching Friends and watching good Will Hunting,
it was honestly that that I was drawn to more
than acting. I think I didn't know that, but now
(05:25):
seeing it from a bird's eye view, I can see
like like the Ben and Matt writing it, like that
whole story, and then the ensemble of friends, like that's
what I was drawn to. Is this like camaraderie within creativity?
I think? And so in yes, the collaboration piece, the
writing piece too. I mean I love writing, I always have,
(05:46):
but that felt so different, like words like dialogue, felt
so different than what I've been used to writing, and
it was just so fun, it was so eye opening.
I love experiences like that because they truly shape so much.
I think one of my favorite parts. And maybe It's
why I love like Parks and Wreck in the Office
and shows like that, is that there's always like through
(06:09):
elements that kind of overlay throughout that you'll pick up on.
You're like, oh, every time you watch you pick up
on something different. Yes, yes, I agree. So I want
to talk about armchair experts. Okay, so you came up
the format. You're the one that ish ish I can't
take all you know obviously obviously you can't take all
the credits, but I think, I think, But it's also
(06:32):
it just has so much of you in it, thank
and that's what's so special about it. And I was
wondering when you came up with when you're creating these podcasts,
what's the most unexpected lesson you've learned about yourself that
you didn't expect to going into it. That's a great question.
I think for me, the biggest that I've learned from
all of them, all the months we've done um, including
(06:55):
in majorly one that's about to come out on Fertility
about yes, is I am like, no holds bar, I'm
just like I am fine to just kind of spill
every single thing I'm thinking and feeling and going through.
I would not have expected that going in, and even
at the very beginning, I was hesitant and I talked
(07:17):
to DX about it. I was like, I don't know,
like this feels very vulnerable, and He's like, yeah, I
mean you don't have to, but it's going to be
better off for it, and not like not like oh,
it'll be a good show if you're like crying, but
just like authenticity is always what reads, it's the best. Yeah.
(07:41):
So I was like, all right, it's like my might
as well. Is it weird when people like know things
about you and they come up to you and you're like, wait,
how do you know that very particular random fact about me?
It's like did I share that? Yes. It's happened a
couple of times where I'm like, oh, yeah, I talked
about that and now and now people know. Um. But
(08:02):
it's were the times where I've been like, oh, I
need to be a little careful is when I talk
about other people. Not badly, of course, but like when
I'm talking about people in my life and I'm like, oh,
I was at this this with this person and then
they said this, I don't think about that, and I
made it any conversation though, you know, yeah, but I
(08:23):
tell you know, we tell stories about our lives and
our friends, and sometimes I'm like, Wow, they're a little
more private than me, So I need to be a
little bit more careful. I've been trying to immerse myself
in creativity as much as possible, because I've noticed that
that's when I'm just feeling most myself. I love that.
(08:43):
But burnout is real, and that is something that I
was wondering if you've ever experienced and if you have
any advice song, because I know a lot of people
that I can overwork themselves, and I feel like hustle
and grind culture is so emphasized right now and glorified
and it's not good to not take care of your
mental health and your social beings. I was wondering if
that's something that you've gone through a hundred I mean,
(09:07):
I don't know if I have advice, I need advice,
I don't. UM. My advice would be to make sure
because like in this job, in my job, um, I
could be working all the time. I could be because
I also edit our show, so and we have lots
of shows, and so at any moment, I could be
(09:30):
sitting down and working on one of those things. So
my advice that I've tried to implement and done well
is like I am going out to dinner with my
friend on Tuesday. I am going to go get a
drink with Jess on Monday. Like I plan in time,
(09:53):
recreational time, because if I don't, then I'll I'll work.
Like so your podcast, you have to live life to
be able to talk about it. Very true, very true.
But you have to like tell yourself, I I it's
okay to say yes to um things that feel quote
(10:14):
fun or extra, even though you have work to do.
It's really important for balance, even if it means I
mean for me, even if it means like okay, I
am going to say yes to this dinner date and
then maybe it means I go home and I'm up
late working, but it's still important to put that other
(10:35):
piece in exact for me. No, I it's it's something
that I find that's hard to prioritize. But I notice
what I don't the negative effects of it. Yes, it's
I mean, it is real when you're fully immersed in
work and work only it is it's too much like
I don't know, I don't know. We're built to be
that way. No, especially when you don't work at nine
(10:56):
to five and there's no hard cut off. You have
to create those boundaries yourself, and if you've a lot
to get done and it gets so blurred. Yes, I
literally that's funny that you brought it up. Yesterday or Sunday.
I like wrote out a calendar for the week because
I was like, that's what I do. I have to
write everything, yes, but I normally don't. I'm like, okay,
you know, I can figure it out. But I thought,
(11:18):
I really need to write out a schedule for the
week so I don't get super Otherwise I was just
like so overwhelmed. This week is going to be crazy
by the time. Yes, it helped, like it helped put
some structure to it and not feel like it's just
just like wait over you. Yeah, I've noticed. For me,
I feel so I'm going to forget something unless I
(11:39):
write it down. I have to like writing down my
to do list are the most calming part of my day,
and then checking them off is the most satisfying part.
It just hits different. It's really special. It's really something
about editing. What about it? Do you like it? Piecing together?
The story is it kind of replaying it back because
(12:01):
I know you can learn so much just from editing.
I've learned so much about people in general, a lot
about myself. Um yeah, because you can hear it objectively,
and you don't normally in life get to hear yourself objectively,
So it's kind of a privileged point of view. I
do like that, um. I like and I will shout
(12:24):
out my friend Emma, who also we've we've brought on
recently and she also helps with editing. So she goes
through first, and then I go through and I edit
for content. So she goes in now and she takes
out the ums and the likes, and you know, she
has some instructions on what to do, and then I
go in and I decide, like what stays, what goes.
(12:46):
I really like having a say in the end product
because it's a whole process. You know, we record and
then it's booking the guests. It's like, exactly, people don't
realize on the back end of it, Like it's so
time consuming and it's more than just the episode, so
much more. Yeah, you're right, it starts way before that. Yeah,
(13:08):
it's the it's the reach out, and then it's the
long time before we may schedule, reschedule this. Yeah, and
so by the time we get the edit, it feels
complete and I like and I like that, and I like,
I mean, really, it's my fingerprint, you know. I'm deciding
(13:29):
what says, what goes, How provocative do we want to be?
How provocative do we not want to be? I get
to make those decisions, and so it's feels rewarding. I
think I do think editing feeling and because it's just
so tedious. It is so tedious that when you complete it,
you do feel like you've really accomplished something. Oh it
feels like you just ran a marathon in a weird way.
(13:50):
You're like, yes, for your brain, for your brain. Absolutely,
that's what it's like. Yeah, Okay, we have to take
one quick break. But when we come back, I wanted
to Ivan and talk about your new podcast, Race the
thirty five, which I am so fascinated by. Also what
it's like working with Kristen and Dax and so much more.
We'll be right back and we're back. I'm very excited
(14:17):
to talk to you about this new podcast coming because
um so I have a new Betrios. You do, Okay,
you do, and I was told that seventeen to freeze
my eggs. I did not because another doctor told me
not to. But I understand the fact that this is
a conversation that has been brought up so early in
(14:41):
my life that I've had to deal with. I truly
am like so excited to get into this conversation with
you because it's so not discussed enough at all. I
mean it is in some ways, but I found that
it's normally spoken about so clinically, and that's really why
I wanted to do this. So, yes, we have the
a show. It's called Race to thirty five. Um, it's
(15:03):
under our armchair umbrella and the network work of the network.
Yeah that is, that is what it is. We just
call it an umbrella. Uh but yeah. So it's me
and Liz Plank. We co host and she's the best,
and we got to know each other really well, really quick.
You gotta if this is the topic. It was crazy.
(15:25):
It was crazy. We just got like jumped in the
deep end and did this together. We froze her exit
at the same time, and we followed that whole process
and so each episode, at the top of each episode
is us talking about how we're feeling talking about, you know,
the new thoughts and feelings. We've had the shots from
(15:46):
the night before, which we did together every night, and
and then the rest of the episode is us talking
to someone with an interesting fertility story or an expert
in the field, and it's I'm I I'm really proud
of It is so intimate, obviously, like it's our bodies.
(16:07):
It's no one. You know, you're not supposed to compare
or worry about the result. But at the end of
the day, there's a result. You get a number of eggs,
and so there's also this kind of pressure. There is
so much pressure that I already feel and I'm twenty yeah,
(16:28):
and it's crazy that you're ticking time like you gotta go,
and it's like, no, yes, yes, I know, I know,
you you deaf, you have time. Don't worry. There's so
many different women's issues that also coincide with it, like
it's all intertwined, oh for sure. And the thing is
(16:51):
that's funny is we walk around and we don't necessarily
know these things about our bodies unless there's a reason
to know. If there's a problem or you're in pain
or something, and you go seek out professional normally, like
at the very beginning of this process, what you do
is you go in, they give you a transmaginal ultrasound
(17:11):
and they look to see how many follicles you have.
It is so cool, It is so cool. It's magic.
I mean the fact that they can see inside you
and know how many follicles you have that will maybe
or maybe not trying to like mature intoath. I know,
(17:31):
it's fascinating, but you know that early first um and
that's kind of the maximount you'll have. And and it's
funny because you get that number and you start, you know,
in an our case, spiraling or thinking about that or
what does it mean? And is it scary? Is it not?
(17:54):
And it's funny because I was like, well, if I
hadn't frozen my eggs, I wouldn't. I would never know
that number, would never know that number, even though it exists.
It's so crazy. I would never know. And even if
if I got pregnant, like a lot of my friends
who have gotten pregnant naturally, they don't know how many
follicles they have. They just got pregnant. It's very interesting
to do it this way where you you know so
(18:17):
much maybe too much. Yeah, do you think you know
you knew too much information going into it? As a
fellow of anxious girly? Like, how does that affect the
connection between the two, because I don't know of how
I would do well knowing all of that? Well, is
there a sense of relief also having that information? I
think it depending on your personal situation, it can be. Um,
(18:42):
I think, I mean, if you're deciding to freeze your eggs,
you have to know that information. It's part of it.
I mean, it's part of the whole deal. So I
get you know, It's not like, oh I wish I
didn't know, because that's like the point. The point is
to know how many you have for your insurance? But
do I wish I had not done it so that
(19:04):
I never knew? No, I'm glad, I'm I'm glad I
went through that process. What have you learned most about yourself?
I think, I mean, this is like such a bold
statement before, but now I'm I'm wishy washing on it.
During it, I will say, during it, I was like,
I definitely want to have kids, and which I did
(19:24):
not know before. I didn't I didn't feel like I'm
one of those people who has to have kids. You know,
some women are like four and they're like, I'm a mom, yes,
and they just know if they have like really strong
maternal instincts from early on, they know. I mean, I
think some of that is societal, like a lot of it.
(19:47):
But also I do I know these people, like I
do sense that some people are like, yeah, I'm I'm
meant to be a mom, And I never had that. Um. Also,
I mean, I have an and credible mother. She's so
good and so like, she's perfect, perfect for me. But
(20:07):
she wasn't like the most maternal mom, and so I
didn't also have that modeled. So I never was like
this is what I like, tiny baby in my arms
or whatever. Like she wasn't like looking at babies nearby
in the grocery store and like oh, like she didn't
do that, and so either do I. I don't do
that either. Um So I didn't know. I've always been
(20:31):
on the fence, but during the process was like, no
I do. Now that I'm out of it, I'm bad.
Like I don't know. It's hard to know when you're
on so many hormones. What's real? Tell me about it?
I had had got a birth control, or went on
birth control and it gave me cystic acne. That's really
funny that you say that, because I had really bad
(20:52):
cystic acne. The only thing that worked was birth control.
It's so interesting how it affects everyone so differently. Yeah,
I know, hormone crazy. They are crazy. I learned a
lot about hormones over this process. Well, we had do
you know Andrew Huberman the Huberman Lab podcast. I've heard
of it. It's a great podcast. Um. We had Andrew
(21:14):
on Armchair and then we had him on Race as well, Um,
to talk about hormones and name by the way, Yeah,
well Race against the Clock you know, hey, it's playing
on what we go through exactly. But yeah, he said,
when a male and a female have a baby together,
the man's testosterone actually drops. Isn't that crazy? And I
(21:39):
think it's because like, well, I mean there's lots of
there's lots of there's lots of theories, but like a
lot of you know, when people say like the dad bod,
a lot of that can come from a drop in testosterone.
Mm hmmm. It's interesting. There's a lot there's a lot
of little baby facts like that. No hormones of everything
(22:01):
much everything, and it's just something that we have to
deal with on a day to day. And then when
you're putting external hormones literally you're putting so many hormones
in your body in order to like make your eggs
grow times a good, like you want them huge, like
so much more than they How are your emotions? They
(22:22):
were surprisingly fine? Okay, that's so good. I was shocked
because I am so sensitive to hormonal change, like I
have pretty bad pian mass, like I feel it. I
feel hormonal change in extreme, very in tune with your body. Yes,
and um, so I was really like this is gone up,
(22:46):
this is gonna up. For yes, I was like, this
is going to be horrible, and then I actually was okay.
Liz had a little bit tougher over time. And again,
I'm about to start editing that shows, so I don't
really know until I'm in there, I don't know. I
might be crazy. And I just in the moment didn't
(23:07):
realize what a beautiful journal to look back on. I'm scared.
So you've been doing multiple podcasts, would you say podcasting
into your favorite type of media of storytelling as like
on the outside or to to create, to create yeah, yeah, okay,
I love it. I love it. It's so awesome. It
is so awesome. I feel like it's so intimate in
(23:29):
a way that lots of other mediums can't be. UM,
and you just get to tell tiny stories, like really
teeny tiny stories, and um, those to me are weirdly
the most universal ones. Do you have a favorite podcast
story you've told so far? Mm hmm. They're like, oh,
(23:52):
I got a great reaction, or it's just like, oh,
this is a good story. I know, that's a great question.
I mean, this isn't like a great reaction. But when
when so Dax had a relapse and we did an
episode on that, and that was, um, I think a
really important episode for us, and that was a really
(24:14):
important piece of his story that we had to tell,
and we did. We felt like obligated to tell our
listeners because we are very honest and it would be
so weird, like to to not talk about this kind
of very big thing going on and all of our
lives at that time, and we have a lot of
(24:34):
people who are listening who are sober, who are trying
to get sober, who are in recovery, and it felt
like it's such a disservice to them to not share
this part, like it's an important part. It is a
part of recovery. So it's it's the reality of it, Yes, exactly.
And um, so that I think is like the most
(24:57):
important story we have told on the show is that
very honest reality. Um. And then and then people got
to see like a rebound from from that, and it
was I think, I hope helpful if you have the
most memorable podcast guest you guys have had on that's
you've had so many incredible we have I mean for me,
(25:20):
Matt Damon, I mean, yeah, it was, it was an
actual dream. It was crazy. I mean I used to
like imagine that they would be it would be camping
in Georgia and I'd be like, maybe they're in the tent.
Like I really thought that. I was nuts. You manifested
that moment, I mean ten years or fifteen years later.
(25:43):
But yes, do you have any other manifestations you want
to put out there? And I do. I do a
lot of fantasizing. So I'm sitting here my day spent
in daydreaming. Yes, but you gotta shoot high, you do.
That's something I've realized a lot of people if I
listened to every person that told me that I couldn't
do what I've done, yeah, I wouldn't be doing any
of this. We wouldn't be having this conversation. We definitely wouldn't.
(26:05):
I totally agree. Like, it's funny because I think in general,
I'm a fairly practical person. I grew up in a
really practical household. But I have this really pie in
the sky um dream or re piece of me that
I'm grateful for, or yes, I would not be here. Yeah,
because I feel like, also if you, if we like
(26:26):
listen to everyone that says the probability of that happening
is so low, you shouldn't do it. It's like, no, yeah,
I'm still going to do it because it's for the
experience exactly. It's not about results, That's the thing. This
process something that I've realized that so many people, at
least people that I have no specifically creative A lot
of times they focus on the end product. They want
this to be what what success means? You know a
(26:49):
lot of the times it's commercial success, it's getting something in.
But I feel like the process the best part of
No one even appreciates it. It is and even with
this podcast with Brace to thirty five, I'm like, I said,
I'm about to start editing it and I I don't.
I don't want to because that is that's about result,
and I already did the process and that it's going
(27:13):
back to it. Yeah, and I like the process was
so interesting and illuminating and now I'm like, oh, now
I'm going into the like result phase of it, and
it doesn't feel as fun fulfilling any of it. Like
the process was the big win. Exactly. It's the journey
that you remember. It's not necessarily what people view of
(27:34):
it because at the end of the day, especially with podcasts,
and you put it out there, it's up to other
people's interpretation. Like this is a fun part, yes, exactly.
We have to take one more quick break, but when
we come back, I want to talk about the idea
of mentorship more and working with Kristen and Dax and
what that's meant for you and your career. Will be
(27:55):
right back. Okay, and we're back. Something else I want
to talk to you is about mentorship because I think
it's a really interesting topic that isn't talked about a lot,
but it is so helpful and got getting guidance from
someone that has been there before and truly wants to
(28:19):
support you. And I know you found that a lot
within Kristin and Dax and having that mentorship. What has
it been like being able to ask them for advice
but also being able to like, what have you learned?
What's been something you've soaked up that's kind of you've
been grained into you. Yeah, a lot from Kristen for sure,
because so much of that I think happened when I
(28:40):
was her assistant and then when I started doing projects
with her. She just handles herself in a way that
is very commendable and respectable. Like always, you know, she
does such a good job of looking out for people
(29:01):
under her and pulling them up. I think it's hard
to do because they're they're doing their job, they're in
a position that's helpful to you, like look me. I
mean I I worked for her, and she didn't have
to say, you know, it's okay for you to go
do this other thing, or it's okay for you to
(29:23):
expand your wings because that could be a threat to her.
There's so much competition un officially not real competition, but
I think it's what society puts on us like women
need to not stick together and compete, But if anything,
it's we should be doing the opposite because there's more
than enough room for everybody. Totally and absolutely. But I
don't even mean that per se, I mean more even
(29:43):
just practically, like, well, if this person goes and gets
this other job or goes and works on the podcast
and the podcast becomes big, will she have time? Ye? Me?
I mean, And that's the area is No, I didn't.
I had to leave that, and she knew that and
still put my needs above hers In that moment she
(30:04):
was like, well, Monica's career and future is more important
than her assisting me. Um, and that is hard to do.
That's really hard, really hard to put someone else's needs
above yours. And she does that a lot in life
in general and friendships and everything. So um, I do
(30:26):
try to think about that when I am just living
my life of that person is their own person and
not just there to help, not just there for me.
So I think that's that has been something that's really stuck.
I mean also just kindness. I mean, she's so nice
to everyone, she always is, and I think that has
(30:47):
has stuck, just like being being nice hard. It's it's fine,
just be nice, just choose that. You can choose that today. Um.
And then with Dax, definitely honest, I mean honesty piece
is never going anywhere, and it is I think new
Like I think it's from having met him. It's I
(31:11):
have never met anyone like that before who's just like
so blatantly honest and open and um but also like
open with his apologies and open like he's just he's
just very himself. And I think that has been grained.
And also I think a big thing that has changed
(31:32):
as I used to see things a lot more black
and white, and having him in my life has really
changed that. I mean, he's only see's gray. He doesn't
see any black and white ever, And sometimes I'm like, no, there,
sometimes it is black and white. I have to like
(31:53):
try to pull them back a little bit towards that.
But he's only seeing that. He has a lot of
compassion for people who maybe other people don't have compassion
for and that's really bled in Like I always am
looking for the flip side of the coin and that
that's all him. But I think that's one of the
(32:14):
reasons why it's it just works so well. Is because
there's that it's kind of like the opposites attracted way,
you know what I mean, and you get the balance
of both which is needed, you know, to balance each
other out, to push you out of your comfort zone
and to maybe reel and back in. Like I've been
trying to live more in the gray. So I understand
what you're talking about. It is hard, but you know
(32:37):
what twenties a new decade is, what I say, is
for putting ourselves out there, for being the gray area.
You're so advanced for twenty I mean when I was twenty, yeah,
I was definitely not thinking about the gray How would
you say doing this throughout this entire process, it's just
increased your empathy a bit, I think. So, I really
think so. And Kristen is also incredibly empathetic, So I
(32:59):
think just like full immersion in empathy for the past
eight years or so has has definitely had an impact
eight years, I think. So that's crazy. I think. So,
what would you tell your younger self? You could give
towenty year old Monica a little piece of advice about
knowing all you that you know now? I think I
(33:21):
would be circling back to what we talked about just
enjoy the ride because you never know where it's going
to go. And I mean, I think actually, to be
fair to myself, I think I did a pretty good
job of that. Like I was really aware even when
I was like working at soul Cycle and and also
writing for Smash and doing I had so many jobs
(33:43):
going on at once, but I knew that that was
still just a piece of my life that I had
to round out the rest of it. That like I
still needed to have fun and I needed to have
dinner parties, like you know, maybe it was just have
fun with my roommate. It was important to me that
the rest, even if this piece wasn't fully checked off,
(34:04):
that the rest was. I feel like you've done so
much and you've learned so many different halfs. You have
such an interesting perspective, and that you you know you've
done it from a bunch of different angles. Is there
is there aside? There is there a new aspect you
want to endeavor on that you haven't got upon yet. Um, Yeah,
(34:26):
I don't think I know what they are yet, but
love that. But I'm open, Like I'm just open to
doing new stuff or new um. Directing buckets actually that's
kind of the one thing I'm pretty sure I don't
want it to really, Yeah, I say that, and then
and then she's directing who We're just we'll play this
(34:49):
clip back exactly. Uh No, I mean I guess that. Yeah.
I can't rule it out. I won't rule anything out,
but I it's never ever been something that I've been
super drawn to. Um. I did like co direct this
commercial for Hello Bello, Dax and Christens Diaper Company, and
(35:10):
it was fun, but it's it's not it's not for me.
But you know what, knowing what you don't want to
do is just as important as knowing what you do
want to do. I think it's more important. I think
that's actually how you figure out what you want to do.
And I think not getting stuck in the idea, like
because you you know, you might start broadcast journalism and
(35:30):
like this is what I'm doing. I'm doing this, this
is what I want to do, and then you'd start
taking classes and you start doing and you're like, oh,
like I don't tell that that's exactly what's happened. Really, yeah,
but you have other stuff too, at least, so you
know I'm not stuck. I like to have options. Yeah,
but everyone has options, but they don't know that that
(35:51):
they think like, oh, now I'm pot committed, like I'm
I'm I'm taking these classes and I guess this is
the rest of my life. I don't like it, but
oh well, and you don't have to say, oh hell yeah,
there's always time for a pivot. I had a class
where literally every the theme was just hearing about people's
pivots and career essentially and how it changed and that
how what they thought they wanted to do, how it evolves,
(36:13):
and we need to like appreciate that instead of thinking
of change is a bad thing because I'm very I
don't do change very well. Yeah. Same, So it's very
hard for me. So I've been trying to embrace it,
which has been interesting. But we're going for it. Has
it has any positive come out of it? Yeah, I
will say I've lived more life, and I'd say I've
grown more in the past two months than I have
(36:35):
in a long time, and I love it. Yeah. No,
change is always hard, even when it's good. Yeah. Growing
pains are so real. Yeah they are. They are real.
But then you come out on the other side of
it and you've grown and you've learned, and then you
have the experience from it, and then you can talk
about it on a podcast exactly, exactly. Well, thank you
(37:00):
so much, Monica for taking the time to come on
my podcast. I look up to you and your work
ethic and your drive so much, so I just really
appreciate you taking the time. Thank you. I appreciate it
so much. This has been so fun. Thank you amazing.
Yaiya
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