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September 15, 2023 27 mins
Angie Martinez shares her journey through pregnancy, life and motherhood. This episode encourages mothers of color to find the right healthcare and support team during pregnancy and ways moms can overcome the challenges of managing motherhood, career, and life.
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Episode Transcript

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First and foremost, I appreciate youdoing this. I know you're very and
you know I have a lot ofthings going on, and I was just
telling you earlier my heart was gettingout of my chest. That is absolutely
nuts that you would be nervous.Why, I mean, why would I
know? What is the difference ofhow you talk to me in regular real
life versus how we're going to talkon podcasts. I know. I just
feel like you are like the interviewerof all interviewers, and it's just there's

a lot of pressure that comes withthat, is it though for other people
interviewing? Yes, but it shouldn'tbe. I'm the same person that talks
to you in the hallway in here, then I talk. That's the thing,
right, It's like to be thesame, not to there be no
separation. Yeah, but it feelsdifferent when you're on the other side of
guess Okay, fine, Yeah,So I'm just happy to be sitting here

with you. I'm happy to behere, yeah, and talking about mom
things. We're gonna talk about momthings. I know I never get to
talk about mom things. It's kindof fun money that you say that,
because I was trying to like domy research and google around and see if
I could find any interview with youtalking about mom things, and I couldn't
find anything. Oh I've done acouple of things, but uh no,
people just don't ask me about thatfor some reason. And then also,

I think I'm careful too about mykids and what I share, and but
it's fine, yeah, you know, you know, it's fine. Yeah,
I'm careful too. But I feellike one of the things that I'm
trying to get better at is beinga little bit more transparent about like my
stories and what I can share,which is what this podcast is all about.
So I'm all about that, youknow. Yeah. It came along

because you know, there's an issueand black and Latino communities when it comes
to women of color and our experienceswith like pregnancy and motherhood. And one
of the things that I wanted tomake sure that we created was a platform
of resources where moms can go getthe information and the resources that they need
so that they can learn how toself advocate for themselves. And it's a
heavy topic, what's going on withthe maternal health crisis. So when I

was thinking about like who I wantedto talk to, I was like,
I gotta lighten this up a littlebit because I wanted to be information resources,
but I wanted to be inspiration too, which is why I'm so happy
to talk to you today because Ithink and I hope that this conversation is
just gonna help people and women wholook like us right be inspired and that
that they can manage it all becauseyou have a lot. You're a media

mogul, right, You've you're you'redoing a lot of things, and you're
a mom, which is a superbusy, important job. Well, it's
weird because so I have I havetwo sons, one who I gave birth
to and then my bonus baby whowho lives with us and who I've been
taken care of and been in hislife since he's four. And so my

oldest, Nikko, he's already incollege. He's a junior in college.
And then my youngest is a seniorin high school, so next year he's
out. Yeah, it's a veryweird feeling to think there would be no
child in my house. And Idon't even I don't know if it's exciting
or terrifying or but it's like anew life because becoming a mother and having

to I mean, I'll be theirmother forever, but I don't know.
Something about your children not being inthe home, it's a shift in life
or a big one. It's different, and it's like all consuming when they're
there, and you know, it'slike you can't be out or do anything
without being mindful of these human beingsthat you were responsible for that are in

your home. You're still responsible forthem when they're out of the home,
But I don't know, there's somethinga little bit different about that. So
I'm kind of like wrapping my brainaround trying to figure out what that's going
to be. Like, well,I'll tell you, I just went through
it. I just did. Ijust dropped my baby off at college.
What three weeks ago. My sonwas already done with school and and it
is weird. So it's been likea month without her, like just not
being in the house. And eventhough teenagers for the most part, they

stay in their room and do theirown things. Different though, it's different,
Like the energy is different, youknow, and I s's it's bittersweet,
like I'm happy for her, butlike I felt like I would have
all this stuff to do and likeall these places to go, and I
would just feel my time. ButI don't know, it doesn't feel like
I thought it was gonna feel weird. I'm still adjusting. Yeah, I
get that. Yeah, I getthat, and I think it's gonna be

like that for a little while.It's all adjusting. When my someone first
went to school, I was Iwas like literally depressed. I know,
I talked about it, and Italked about that in a few interviews it
and I think people laugh about it. Oh ha ha, she said her
no, but I was like sad. I'm like, hello, no,
I'm really sad. I know it'sfunny. Oh my god, your kids
leaving? Are you gonna be fine? But I was like really sad because

it felt like my life was likeshifting, and I don't know, just
so, I was like, sixmonths before he left, I was so
sad. And then he left,and then he you know, and then
we're facetimeing all the time and talking. I'm like, oh, he's still
here. He's comes home, andyou know, it's like you realize you're
you're you're you're not losing your childwho you're just the living conditions are a

little different. It does shift.It is a big shift, but I
quickly realized everything was gonna it's fine. Yeah, but I was definitely went
through like this is very sad.Yeah, because they're your baby. They're
always your baby. What was itlike when you found out that you were
pregnant? Oh man, my father, I was pregnant. Who was unexpected?

Kind of you know, because youknow what you did to get pregnant.
Yeah, it's not that surprised,but it wasn't planned. And but
I was at a point in mylife I was kind of ready. I
had had some success. I wasin my third it was like thirties,
like young thirties. I don't know. I just felt ready. I don't
know, I didn't. It didn'tscare me so much. It was just
like, oh man, this iskind of nuts, I think. I

don't know. I always thought aboutwhen you have a child, you could
have a better perspective of the world. And I was always aware of that
even before I was a mother,Like, oh, when I have a
kid, I know I'm gonna seethe world different, I'm gonna have more
purpose more. I just knew that. I don't know why, but I
did. So when I got pregnant, I was excited because I thought,

oh, this is gonna be agreat adventure, and it was. You
know, there were scary things aboutit, and pregnancy was not my thing.
That's one thing they always tell you, Like nobody tells you. First
of all, I didn't know.I don't know if I was naive,
not well educated, I don't knowwhat. But I didn't really know the
process of giving birth, Like Ididn't know what a contraction was gonna feel

like, or what was exactly happeningto your body like I was. I
don't know if I just didn't care, so I never researched it, didn't
pay attention, and never consumed theinformation. But then when you become pregnant,
it's the most important information. SoI got all this information and I
remember remy Ma telling me, doyou know what a contraction is going to

feel like? And I was like, oh god, what, because it
was this big mystery of this.You know, it's the most painful thing
in the way, I don't knowwhat it is. And she definitely told
me, and she scared the hellout of me. But I was glad
she did because then when it happened, I was expecting it right. And
so people try to make it,Oh, childbirth is beautiful, and I
know it is. I hear thatfrom women who have easy one hour,

thirty minutes. The babies in theworld they did two pushes the babies out.
Yeah, not my my my experience. I was happy that Remy said
to me, She's like, didyou ever have a Charlie horse in your
leg? I was like, yes, it's horrible. She goes, well,
a contraction is like, that's happeningto your whole body. That's a
great analogy. It's a great Yeah. Nobody ever so she said this to

me, I have a big belly, I haven't throw choice. I'm like,
oh god, right, but itgave me some something. Okay,
this is what's happening. Your bodyis contracted. It's such a Charlie horse.
It's gonna go, it's gonna stop. He's gonna get through the other
side of it. But I didn'teven know that. So it was so
shocking when she said. I wasalways mad at her, like why would
you say that? That's horrible?But I was so happy she did because

then when it happened, I waswere prepared for it. Yeah. So
I had a tough pregnancy. Iwas nauseous for six months when I when
I say nause I'm throwing up everyday for like six months and everything that
happens from that. So then youbecome dehydrated, you be you're you know,
you're tearing up your throat, sothe blood coming out, you know,
like just that type of stuff.What's going on for me? And

I just I gave so much weight. My ankles were bigger than my thigh.
My ankles were like the same sizeas my thigh. It was like
too same thing. So pregnancy washard and then I had, you know,
the epidurals didn't work. They wantedme to try to have a I
said, all the women in myfamily don't dilate. Everybody has to have

a c section. Let's just schedulea c section. My doctor was like,
no, you'll heal faster, it'llbe better if you just have natural.
I say, okay, I'll try. You know, twenty hours of
labor later, guess what happens,and three epidurals because the first two didn't
work. Yeah, they'd tell meyou have to we have to give you
a c section because dilating. Butyou know what's interesting, I'm glad to

hear that your doctor was advocating foryou to have baby natural. She was
right, But just for me itworked out how it worked out, it
was statistically with us, right,they will schedule necessarian just because they can.
Filippa, Oh, that's what's happening. No, No, I had
an amazing gy and she's retired.Now. I wish she was still here.
I mean she's still here alive,thank god, but I wish she

was still delivering bringing babies into theworld because she would never she wouldn't anything.
It was almost she would terrify maybebecause nothing would go unchecked. Let's
just rule this out, rule thisout. I'm like, how many tests?
Like? She just was so thoroughand she would sit with me for
as long as I needed and giveme all the information. She just was
She was really amazing, and soher advice was right. Yeah. I

just you know, for me,I kind of knew in my own self.
I was like, I'm gonna windup having a C section. I
don't know why, I just knewthat. Internally. I felt like I
knew, and she was like,no, no, no, but we're
gonna still try. I was like, okay, And that's good that they
let you, and it's good thatyou had a positive experience in terms of
like people like pushing you towards youroptions. Yeah, right, because I

feel like there's a lot of doomand gloom, and we talk a lot
about that with different stories that weare on the podcast. But this is
good that it can go the wayit's supposed to go when you have people
around you or working in your favor. Right, So that, oh,
my gosh, gives me some hopethat there are out there that are doing
the right things. Yeah. Yeah, you have a good doctor. My
gosh. It's different experience. It'sa different experience. Yeah. Yeah,

So if you're not getting that,you should probably keep looking. It's the
same thing like with therapy. ButI always tell people, like some of
somebody be like I don't like therapy. I'm like, how many times have
you tried? I tried once.I didn't like it because she but I
was like, okay, But it'slike dating. You can't just go on
one date and be like a relationshipis not for me, Well, what
do you mean you only had onedate? Right? And it's the same
thing with like a therapist or adoctor. Sometimes you have to like find

your person, yeah, find somebodythat communicates with you the way you like
to be communicated and just has timefor you. Some people don't mind waiting
an hour in the waiting room,some people do. Like, everybody's life
is different, which your needs aredifferent. And if if your doctor is
not doesn't feel good for you,or it's not filling those needs, then

I highly recommend doing some research andtrying somebody else. It's fine, they'll
send the records over. It's fine, It'll keep going until you feel comfortable,
because it is important. Those areimportant things. So, yeah,
I was, you know, ittook by the way when mine retired.
It I had to run through acouple before I was like, she was
nice, but no, Yeah,I think I tried like three before I

found one that I liked. Afterthat, it's important to do the research.
Do you feel like or how hismotherhood helped your career? I always
talk about how like my career ismy career my life kind of the same.
Like if I'm not happy in myreal life, my career, it's
not it's not thriving, you know, I because I put a lot of

my own self, my real lifeself, into my career, so it
just kind of goes together. Yeah. So you know, having so having
a child and it changing me andmaking me, i don't know, just
more accountable, more responsible, morethoughtful. That that transfers into my real

life and my career life and andall that. And then now as your
kids change and your situation change,you change, you evolved and change too.
Now now it's like I have atwenty year old. It's just like
I can call him. I was, I had an idea for something the
other day, and I'm I cancall him and get his take on it.
And he's so smart and both ofthem, actually both of them Christian
til he's seventeen, and I rumby stuff by him too, because it's

nice seventeen and twenty it is likea great age. They're old enough to
like have real solid opinions that areworth hearing. Yea, it's not like
pacifying your kids just so the youknow what I mean. Like, I'm
like, my kids actually had agood idea. It's good to have that
love love. My son's twenty fourand like I call him and I'm like,
is this whack? Like would youdo? And he's very like and

they'll tell you the truth. Right, That's the great thing about that age.
Group. It is like they're like, mom, don't do that exactly
right. So it's good to havethat feedback. It's the same thing in
my house. They'll tell me orit's something they be like, Yo,
that's dope. Yeah, you shoulddefinitely do that. That's that's kind of
cool. So that's the evolution oflike having kind of older children. Yeah,
how do you balance all this stuff? Like motherhood? There's no balance.

Everything you do balance is a liebalance it. I mean, I
don't know. Maybe so I don'twant to put that on anybody else.
Maybe somebody has it. I don'tknow anybody that hasn't. I think we
all have. Or we could havea good moment and be like, oh,
this was a great week. Isaw my kids. Yeah, me
and my kids went to the thing. Me and my partner did this.
I did this for work. Likesometimes we have a great week. Sometimes

we don't. Sometimes I'm like,oh God, I miss my kids,
or we haven't. I don't.I just need time, you know,
maybe the time was short, orthey've been at basketball practice or this and
I'm working. You know, youhave to just keeping It's like you're just
constantly fixing, yeah, and tryingto you know, sometimes your work needs

a little more attention, Sometimes yourfamily needs them a little more. Sometimes
you right now, I need attention, just telling Brittany I need a vacation
like tomorrow. So sometimes you needit and so you're constantly so I don't.
And the thing about me, Idon't. I don't beat myself up
if the balance is off. Well, I'm going to ask you, because
the balance is always going to beoff, it's always. I mean,

I don't. I try not tolet it linger too much. Like if
I know my balance is off interms of what I'm giving myself, and
I go too long, I'm gonnastart getting irritable because I know, I
know I have to fix something andI haven't fixed it. That will bother
me, right, But I dogive myself the like, okay to like.
It's not perfect. Nobody's perfect.There's no such thing as a perfect

balance in life in general, likein general, forever every day you're balanced?
How where? Who have you evermet anybody? Because I don't know.
No. I think a lot ofmoms have guilt that they build up
like I used to have like thata little bit, like especial when I
had to work a lot in thebeginning, and we didn't really have a
lot of money. It's like Ihad to sacrifice and work and I didn't

have a ton of time to doall the mommy things that I really wanted
to do and like so and Ihad help, thank God, But I
used to kind of struggle with thata lot. Yeah, we do that
to ourselves. We beat ourselves up, and we just did. At the
end of the thing, we're alldoing our best, and I do I
give myself a little. It givesme a little comfort to remind myself that,
you know, what we say toour kids isn't always the thing that

sticks for them. Sometimes it's justwith them watching us and how we move
around through our life and how wetreat ourselves, how we treat ourselves teaches
them how to treat themselves totally.So sometimes it's okay, Okay, I
missed the big sale. All right, it's gonna be fine. Yeah,
you know why, because you're good. I'm good. It's okay. Maybe

I'll try to make the next one, you know what I mean. Not
to say that I don't ever haveguilt, I definitely have. There's been
like some times I'll miss something orI'll be like we're coming in, I'm
late. I remember one time Iwas I was driving home my oldest ones
in high school and you had likea big basketball game and I was stuck
in an interview something. I wasso late, and then we was trying.
It was one of those days inwas the traffic was crazy and I

just had a full, like meltdown on the car. I don't know
what it was about that day whereI was like, I just want to
get the game. It was oneof those days when you're trying, everything's
going wrong, and then you're justfinally like okay, and then after you're
just like, I didn't make thegame. It's okay. And then sometimes
you work so hard to get tothe game, and then you get to
the game and they're like, oh, you were there. It's like,

you work so hard to do somethingdidn't You're beating yourself up for something that
doesn't really matter. A lot ofthe times we beat ourselves up for things
that are not the thing they're gonnaremember in ten years or twenty years.
Yeah, then they're gonna remember whowe are, They're gonna remember how we
love them. They're gonna remember theamazing things that we did show up for
them for, or that the experiencesthat we allowed to have, or or

the one time you told them thething that you know you don't even know.
Sometimes you don't even know what's gonnastick. So it doesn't really make
sense to beat yourself up over thesingle things. I think if there's a
pattern, then that's to be lookedat. Yeah, like if I never
if I always put you know,if I never i'm at my kids,
or I notice that when I don'tdo this it affects my kid in this

way, then there are adjustments tobe made. Sure you want to be
mindful. I'm not saying don't bemindful of what the needs are in your
family, but I just mean,like, don't beat yourself up over what
something that might not make matter exactlyone game, one bake sale. It's
not going to ruin your child,your child's you know, whole childhood.

The childhood is not ruined because youdidn't make the bake sale. It's fine.
Yeah, And I think our kidsknow what type of moms we are,
right because we set that pattern fromthe jump. Any nine times out
of ten, if you're the onethat's like obsessing over the bake sale,
you're probably a great mom. Yeah, you know what I mean. If
you're probably a grandmo even be obsessingthat much of the one stupid bake sale
that the kid probably doesn't even careabout the baby, then you're probably a

great mom. So give yourself abreak and you know, the hell with
the bake sale. What advice wouldyou give to mothers who are listening to
this podcast about like just if they'refinding themselves in a place of maybe not
feeling like they're a great mom andlike they don't maybe have a sense of
balance, or you know, maybethey're in the process of family planning and
they don't know weird career is goingto fit into their grand scope of like

when to have a baby? Like, what what advice would you give?
Oh man, it's so many layersthere. I think, Well, as
a mom, I think if you'refeeling like you're not the best mom,
then then change. Then the firstthe first thing you should do is ask
yourself why, Yeah, because youprobably know the answer. If you're feeling

that, it's because of something,So let's answer the why why do you
feel like that? And is thatsomething you can change? Because if you
can, then try. If youcan't, then why are you beating yourself
up about something you can't change?If you have to work two jobs or
three jobs, or you're a singlemom and you're trying to survive and you
can't change that right now, itis why are you beating dopet yourself up?

Just do the best you can.You can't quit your job and be
home. You can't. So ifwhatever's making you feel like that, I
would say, what is the why? And then can you change it?
And if you can, try alot of moms are just doing They just
trying to do their best, youknow what I'm saying. And I think
that's the thing. It's like,forget about what the ideal with the commercial

or the TV show you saw thatyou thought that's the perfect mom. This
none of that is real. Yeah, It's like to me, being a
good mom is like making space foryour kids to flourish, letting them feel
seen and loved. And you know, for me, I I like that
my kids could talk to me aboutanything. I always like I value that

and that. You know, peoplevalue different things about parenthood. You know,
some people are the parent differently.I like that my kids can tell
me anything the worst thing, andwe can sit down and dissect it,
like, well, why did youdo that? Well? What were you
thinking? Yeah, well, howdo you feel now? Because I can't
feel good right right? Like Ican I can have those type of conversations
with my kids. So to me, I have pride in that. I

feel like I created a space withmy kids where they can talk to me
about stuff. I hope they do. I'm sure there's things I don't know,
which is annoying, but I'm surethere's plenty that I don't know.
My mother didn't know about me.But we're all just trying to you know,
we're all just trying our best.And what was the other part of

that question? Sorry, the otherpart was just like if they're in the
family planning process, right, somaybe their career is like super busy and
they're thinking about like when is ita good time to have a baby.
When is it good? I feellike it's time. Anybody who's a mom
will tell you there's never a goodtime. It's never the perfect time.
It's not the perfect time ever,I mean never it's the perfect time.
Yeah, But I think that's avery I can't answer that in the broad

question because I think that decision isvery specific to the individual. You know
who you are. You could lookin that you take take a minute,
look in that mirror. Yeah,the baby's here today. How do you
feel? What are you gonna do? You know, I think everybody has.
That's a very specific question that onlythe person who's bringing a baby into
the world or caring for a babyfor the rest of their life can answer

that. You know that inside andsome some women may not ever want to
have a baby. And it's totallyokay, what do you mean, It's
totally okay. It's great if that'sif that's if that's your choice, it's
so great. I have friends likethat too, and they travel the world
and they do amazing things, andthat's cool. It's just a different lifestyle.

But if you do want to justknow that it's ever. This is
true and it is real. It'sso funny because I remember I've told this
story before, but I remember mykid was a baby and he was in
the crib and I would always checkto see if he was like still breathing.
I was so nervous. I waslike, because he breathed out,
you know, you look to seeif his heart is going. I was

like, I hate this, likeanxiety, the nerves that came up.
And then I I was like,okay, when does this stop? When
does this part of being a mom? And then when I had the realization
that it never goes away never,that was like I was almost angry at
everybody was like where it was remyon that one. She didn't she didn't
prepare me for that, Like wherewas anybody to tell me, Like,

you know, if you have ababy, there was a human being,
it's gonna be on the earth thatyou're gonna worry about more than you've ever
worried about yourself, and you're goingto It's a responsibility forever, forever.
It's just that's the one thing.So if you are considering it, just
know that and if that's okay,then you maybe already Yeah, you know,

the surroundings might not be perfect,but if you're ready, you're ready.
Yeah. I think everything is circumstantial, right, And we sometimes won't
move ahead with what we feel ledto do because we'll put a career first,
we'll put other things first, right, so we I don't think we
have to be in prison to thatand those choices, right, The timing
is the timing. Sometimes we don'tget to pick the timing, like I
certainly didn't pick the timing. Butmy son came when he needed to come.

I love that, you know.Yeah, for sure. It was
like God's way of being like youneed this right now, like this is
a blessing and it might not beperfect timing and ideal. Yeah, but
my son changed my life. Hedid, and I need I needed that,
especially where I was in that thatspace time. Yeah. And you
only have one life, and it'slike you have to just do whatever's gonna

give you the best life possible.And if it's and if children are not
part of that, then that's thenhave your best life no matter what.
Yeah, and if you are,if children are part of that, then
enjoy it, you know, becauseit's becomes like an extension of you.

It's like getting a new arm andnow you have three arms for the rest
of your life, four arms forever. Yeah. So that's your new life
and that's how you'll walk around theearth with your little I have. I
have three arms, four arms.I have four arms now, yeah,
and anxiety forever about them right foreverfor the rest of my life, which
is so annoying. It really is. And now I have at times too
because I have a Christian and Ihave Nico, So yeah, it's that

yeah, but it's worth it.It's so worthy. It's the best thing
ever, the best thing ever.Both of my kids are great. And
then also like for people who can'thave babies, I gotta tell you because
I have it, Like I said, I have a bonus on it is
such he is such a joy inmy life, you know what I'm saying.
Like if you can't, if yourbody doesn't can't make a baby,

that doesn't mean you're not you can'tbe a mother. And I can tell
you from experience that you could lovea child the same exact way as if
you burn them, if you havethem in other different ways, even like
I have my friend Adrian, Adrianbylan Well Holton. Now she had surrogate
to have a baby. When Itell you she was obsessed with her child,

it just doesn't matter. Yeah,we beat ourselves up about that too
sometimes. You know, I don'twant to tell her story because I'm sure
that's her story to tell, andI know she's told it in different ways,
but she didn't know how that processwas going to be. But if
you see her with her baby,she's the happiest I've ever seen her.
Yea, that is her baby.It doesn't matter. The baby's not going

to grow up and wonder who carriedme for the nine months? The nine
months doesn't matter. It's nine months. If you're lucky, you'll have a
full life of years years, years, years, years with the person who
will care for you and love you. And you know, just just I'm
just saying, there's other ways tobe a mother, Yeah, that are
equally as meaningful. Sure, youknow being a mother is just being a

mother, right, It's an instinct. I feel like that we've been blessed
with, right, And I justfeel it's about how you love on people,
how you care about people. Right. You could be a mother to
many people, right, that's sofunny. That was my tag at one
point in my Instagram It said motherto many things. I feel like I've
mothered plenty of people in this musicbusiness. And that's great. That's great,
you know so, but thank youfor this, Angie, like you

you're really good at this. Whatare you nervous about? I don't know.
Well, you're a big deal.You're really well that's very sweet.
But you're really good. Thank you. I like you're gonna make me cry.
Like that coming from you is like, oh you are because you do
it with purpose, so you canfeel the difference. It's not like you
showed up here with five questions,right, which is nothing wrong with that.
That's a different type of podcast.But but I could tell that this

is a meaningful work for you.So thank you, thank you, well
done. Thank you. I appreciateyou, and I hope all the women
that are listening to this conversation todaythey are blessed and they take away just
inspiration from you. I know thishas been a great conversation for me,
and hopefully you'll come back. Iwould love for you to come back whenever
you are, you know, chatand chop it up about motherhood. There's
so many things, there's so manytimes. Yes, you should do chapters

m about like topics. So ifyou have a topic that is in line,
then you just reach out and andwe'll tackle it. Thank you,
because there's plenty. There's lots forwhat we're both going into a whole nother
phase of mother which is a wholemother Oh my god, that's one we'll
have to do it too. Christianleaves the house and will be officially we'll
do the Empty Nesters Club. I'mgonna do the Empty Nesters Club with cocktails,

right, well, thank you forthis, Thank you again. Yes,
and you're listening to me Eternal oniHeartRadio. I am can you Gibson
sitting here with the legendary Angie Martinez. Thanks guys, right
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