September 20, 2025 • 21 mins
Dating these days can be a daunting experience. The dating apps can be full of rejections, scammers, and people who aren't always being truthful about who they really are. It might seem a little old-fashioned, but there are matchmakers around Greater Boston who say they're successful at helping singles connect in a more truthful, intentional way. Jill Vandor, Executive Matchmaker and Founder of Allure Matchmaking, talks with Nichole about how to stay safe while dating, the inner work that's necessary, and the benefits of a matchmaker helping you find love.
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
From WBZ News Radio in Boston. This is New England Weekend.
Each and every week right here, we come together and
talk about all the topics important to you and the
place where you live. It is so good to have
you back with us this weekend. I'm Nicole Davis. Let's
talk about love, shall we, or rather how difficult it
can be to find it. Dating these days can be
(00:29):
nothing short of my numbing full of rejection. Generally, it
can make you want to throw your phone across the room.
The apps just keep trying to match you with people
who just don't get you. It's not to say that
finding love is impossible, so to speak. It is absolutely doable.
But the process has become pretty convoluted now that dating
apps and websites are seemingly the best way to go.
(00:51):
You might just be over it. You might have given
up and said forget it not happening. There is another option,
and it might sound a bit old fashioned, but matchmaking
is very much around and pretty successful at that. Jill
Van Dore is somebody who can confirm that first hand.
She is an executive matchmaker and she's the founder of
a Lore Matchmaking in Boston. She is here with us
(01:14):
now we're going to get all of our questions about
this tried and true alternative to modern dating answered. So, Jill,
it is great to have you on the show. Honestly,
just let's kick it off here. I am so curious
about this. How does one realize they want to be
a matchmaker?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Well, probably because I was such a meddler back in
grade school drew me into it. Basically, I've always been
somebody that's bringing people together in more capacity or not.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I had gone to college for business.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
And just always loved I was a people person, and
I fell into it. I actually was in a bad
relationship myself and ended up in California and left him
and needed a job, and low and behold, I started
at a dating service that's no longer around, but I
just kind of took to it like a deck to water,
(02:08):
and the rest.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Is kind of history from there.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And now I tell people I'm responsible for relationships, marriages, babies,
grand babies, oh this and second time around. But I'm
incredibly passionate about what I do, and I really I
live by the mantra that you know, one day somebody's
going to walk into your life and make you realize
why it didn't work with anyone else, And I'm just
(02:33):
here to help facilitate to get that, to get you there.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, sometimes you need that third party to kind of
nudge you along.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
People go to therapists for the third party. Sometimes I
go to matchmakers for the outside angle and the outside Look,
how is the world of matchmaking looking these days? And
we're going to talk about the dating apps and all
that stuff, but matchmaking to me seems very different than
it did. I don't know even twenty years ago.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
At this point, matchmaking is booming these days. When I
tell you, it's truly so.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You know, when I started doing this back twenty five
plus years ago, it wasn't what it was to Literally,
I would go to weddings that I had fixed the book,
and I would have to lie and say that I
just you know, was a friend of theirs, or people
would say that they you know, met and line at
the bank. Nobody even goes to the bank anymore. So
now I'm really aging myself. But the point is is
(03:24):
that nowadays it's just because of reality TV. You know,
a millionaire matchmate, all of these shows, the Bachelor of Bachelorette.
It's become mainstream and then coupled with the apps you
know as you know bad as the apps side, there
are a good side to the apps, and the apps
are a good stepping stone. It gets people out of
(03:45):
their comfort zone. It gets people to put their heart
on their sleeve and realize they have to get out there,
they have to do something. And so this is just
I try to explain. It's much like you could, you know,
go to a gym to try to get healthy or
lose weight, but if you really want to, you know,
up your game, you'd hire a personal trainer. So I'm
(04:07):
kind of like your personal trainer for your love life.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Is when it comes out to yeah, yeah, and helping
them become confident I think is important because dating, trying
to go dating. I tell people all the time these days,
I'm like, you couldn't pay me to date again, right,
because it's just the whole process, especially as you get older,
the rejection and the trying to like spif yourself up
to be somebody you may not be at the core.
(04:30):
And talk to me a little bit about what it's
like to date in twenty twenty five, And I guess
is it different for younger people versus older people these days.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It's different for everybody. You know.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
The thing is this is that it's not easy, especially
you know, depending on what the generation is. The younger
generation they don't get off their phone and so a
lot of times unfortunately the you know, millennial or not
even the millennials of twenty somethings now, they don't have
the social skills that where they can be out and
about and meeting other friends of friends and meeting people.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
You know, COVID made it that people work more, people
work remote than ever.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Now people are back into the offices, but still it
all creates this kind of situation where people are swiping
and swiping and they're pre judging and making a whole
story based.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
On something they by a photo and through lines on there.
So it's pretty disheartening in that respect.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well sure, I mean catfishing is a big thing as well.
I mean you never really know, like when you're going
out on a date with somebody through a matchmaker, it's
totally different because you know you're at least vetting somebody
before you go out on the apps. I mean, you
never know who you're getting into these dates with until
you actually show up.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, catfish is very very real, and also AI is
very real. It's actually added an additional layer of unfortunateness
to it. You know, I know there's a lot of
good with AI, but a lot of times you have
no idea who's on the other end of the keyboard.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
You don't know if this person is real or not.
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
You have to use safety, and so obviously by using
a matchmaker, it's going to be a lot safer because
all the matches are curated, they're done with intention, they're vetted,
they're checked out everything, so nobody is meeting blind or
anything like that. But it's still a matter of if
you're not working with a matchmaker and you're doing an app,
it doesn't matter how old you are or anything else.
(06:28):
You're putting yourself out there and not. You know, a
lot of times people get really excited, like, oh, this
person looks really great and then real or they might
they might be even real, and then they start corresponding
and then all of a sudden they drop off and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
You know, you get ghosted.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
And it is amazing because I will talk to people
of every age group and people you know, whether they're
in the you know, forty fifty sixties even, and they're like, well,
I would never treat something like that. I would never
go somebody. I would never do these things. And then
they do it because they don't. They're like they don't
know how to get out of it. And so they're like, well,
I know I should have, you know, not said I
(07:07):
wanted to go out with them again, and I should
have said this, or I should have said that, you know,
I was whatever it is, and they just life gets
along the way, squirrel, and then they do it.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, And the rejection, I mean, I was just talking
about that a short time ago. But talk to me
about what it's like when you are putting yourself out
there over and over again. What does that do to
somebody who's really and maybe they're out there dating for
the first time in twenty years, right, what is it
like dealing with that rejection until you find that one person.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
It's not good. I'm telling you. Mental health is very
real these days. And the thing is is that it
takes a lot for people to put themselves up there.
You know. Again, whether somebody is younger and maybe they're
not is outgoing, maybe they're a little bit more reserved
and so they're putting themselves out there and that rejection is.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Like really just like taking a spare to the heart.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Or as we get older, you know, maybe coming out
of a divorce or being a ware or a wareer
and you know, you're not used to dating, and you
get yourself out there and then to find out that,
you know, the rejection of it, and then you look
and you're being marginalized because you're getting older and you're
not being treated baily, and it's all like it's a lot.
(08:27):
So I think, you know, one of the benefits of
working with a matchmaker also is that you have that
person in your corner.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
You have the confidant, so you have.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
The safety obviously, but you have somebody that is going
to be able to, hey, bet the person, but you know,
be able to talk to the person after the date
to find out both sides of what what's happened moving forward,
so you're not left with any uncertainty because.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
That's what happened. You know.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I have worked with the most confident people and they
will come back and well, what did they say? You know,
I didn't hear from them yet, what's going on? And
like it's just one of these unknown things. And so
I think about it with the apps that if you
go on a day and you think you had a
wonderful date, even if you're fortunate enough to actually swipe
(09:16):
with somebody to.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Meet with them, you know, gets together, it's all real.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Everything you appears to be great, and then all of
a sudden, poof, they're disappearing. You're like, then you start
tacking guessing yourself and you start, you know, thinking, like
you know, it brings back all of these insecurities like
you might have had in grade school or something that
have never where you're this twent air confident individual that
all of a sudden you're second guessing things.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're human at the end of the day, and you
can be like this CEO or this executive or a
very powerful person in your career or in public life
or whatever, and it doesn't matter. All of us experience rejection.
I feel in a similar way because it all hurts
no matter who you are.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
It doesn't matter who you are, and you know, it
doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world,
or you're the most attractive person, or you're somebody that
is just a really good human being and nobody wants
to feel boundly. You're doing this so that you can
find somebody to help compliment your life, not publicate your
life and make it feel worse. So you know this,
(10:21):
you know, I try to help navigate with my clients
to you know, if they're going to be on the apps.
I'm not telling people not to be, because listen, you
got to use every avenue, but you've got to use
safety first of all.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
You've got to use.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Common sense, and there's ways to do it so that
you can at the very least set yourself up for success,
so that you're not putting yourself out there because there's
a lot to it that and.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
You don't even realize that.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You know, a lot of times people decide, okay, today,
I'm going to put myself on the app, and I'm
you know, I'm putting my best foot board and they
sit down and they do it all and then all
of a sudden they're like, well, what pictures do I use?
And I don't even know, and then I choose the
wrong picture. And let me just tell you though, a
lot of times, unfortunately people do you know, pick a
(11:08):
lot of the wrong pictures because they don't know better.
And so then that causes insecurities. And it's not even
like it's a bad picture, they're just not using the
right pictures for the app. And then people, you know,
these apps stays two a lot of them. You can,
you know, put your preferences in and like wonderful people
will because it's a year or two out of their preference,
(11:31):
may never meet, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
So it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Look, you brought up a great point in that these
people are supposed to compliment your life. They're not supposed
to complete your life. And I feel that it's important
to mention that you need to be in the right
headspace to date as well, because you should not. In
my opinion, I've always found it's a bad idea to
do the rebound thing or you know, right after you
experience a terrible loss. Some people might think, I have
(11:57):
to go find somebody else. I mean outside of the
whole situation is important too, because you need to make
sure you're ready to deal with the barbs and everything.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Well, I think the thing is this is you do
you have to love yourself before you can you know,
love somebody else. But you also you can't even if
you love you yourself, you still can't expect somebody to
make your life complete.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
You have to be happy with who you are.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And it's a fine line because sometimes people wait too
long to get themselves back out there, and then sometimes
people do so much work on themselves that they're like, Okay,
I've done the work, I'm ready, I feel great, Let's
get out there and do it. And what ends up
happening is is that just because they've done the work
doesn't mean the person's going to be right there and available.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So then what happens is that then it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Starts this whole you know, Okay, well now I decided
just you know, I did everything, I did it right
and I got right and then they picks of it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And it doesn't even mean that they're pier is off it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
It just means that, unfortunately, some people who are on
there are not good people, and some people are not
real and some people have ill intentioned So you just
have to try your best to navigate it the best
way possible so that you're not putting yourself in harm's
way in any way.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, that ill intent scammers are everywhere these days. I
always say scammers are going to scam. They're always going
to find a way to try to get your money,
to try to get your identity. I mean, I feel
like the apps are rife with these scammers, right, It's unbelievad.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I mean, I am amazed. You know, when I'll speak
to somebody and they've got it all together and they're
like and then you know, they just wanted me to
send eight hundred.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Dollars, It's like, no, no, no dollars is.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
A substantial amount of money for somebody to be sending.
Why would you ever send anybody anybody like? It doesn't
it's illogical. But then sometimes people, you know, they are
out of vulnerable state and so they know how they're
really they're smart. They have a whole system down that
they're doing. So you know, I try to give good
(13:58):
tips and telling people to use safety and you know,
if you don't feel you know, you can always try
to do a FaceTime first with somebody or you know, Google,
you can figure out so much about somebody before you've
even met somebody. Anyways, you should let your friends know
that you know that you're going on a date. You
should do your homework. I would say, before you just
(14:21):
jump and then even when you meet them. I mean
I would meet them in a wellerked place. I would
meet them in a restaurant. I wouldn't suggest, you know,
I love going on a hike with somebody, but not.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
On a first date.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
No amazing that some people, you know, they just they
want to they want to have Listen, everybody deserves that
fine love and there is somebody out there for everybody.
I really I believe it wholeheartedly, or I wouldn't be
doing this. But I just think that you have to,
(14:56):
you know, be safe on what you're doing. And obviously
i'd say if you can work with a matchmaker, you should,
But even so, it's just a matter of it's not
just finding the right person, it's making sure that this
that by doing this, you're not making yourself feel badly,
because that's not the intent. I don't even believe that
was the intent initially when the apps came out, but
I think unfortunately that's kind of where the world has
(15:18):
come on it. So they actually I was reading an
article of Forbes and they had said something that like
seventy eight percent of online users they experience burnout. They
e the t they feel end up feeling awful you know,
and that's really really high. Now, I do know people
(15:40):
meet on them and have great success, So I'm not
saying not to do it. I'm just saying to you know,
don't get so excited so quickly until you find that
right person.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Sure, sure tell me about the business done of matchmaking.
I mean me, Joe Schmo, well, Jane Schmoe. I suppose
if I am just like you know, this is not
the case right now. So if my boyfriend's listening, Hi,
But you know, if I was I, as Jane Schmoe,
wanted to find love and the apps are not working
for me and I'm just over it? What happens if
I contact you? How does that all work?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
So the first thing is we were have a preliminary
call to you, get to know you, find out what
you've been doing, what's been happening.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I want to make sure that this is going to
make sense for you, you know, find out you know,
your preferences, things that are important to you. From there,
if I feel like it's a good fit, then we
would then meet either in person or virtually, so that
we could peel it back further to find out more
about We find out about your past relationships, what's worked,
(16:43):
what hasn't find out? You know what you're looking for.
I want to make sure that you are in a
good head space and that you are realistic about what
you're looking for, and that I feel that I can
deliver on what you're looking for because explaining to people
a time that you know, I have a big you know, network,
(17:05):
have a very big network of people. But just because
you're coming to me and hanging me to be your
matchmaker doesn't mean that I can guarantee that you are
going to find love. I would love to and wish
that I could, but it's people. So I want to
make sure that people's expectations are realistic. I want to
make sure that they're doing this for the right intention,
they're in the right space, and so I do what
(17:27):
I can to set them up. You know my background,
I'm also you know, certified relationship coach, so that I
have you know so then assuming that it's a good
fit on both of our ends that then from there,
I make a profile about you and a blueprint of
what you're looking for, and then start my search from there.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Once I have your match, we contact you, tell you
all about the person.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
We tell you that you know how old it is,
what it looks like, does hobbies, interests, but I won't
support likely goals, values, interests, and the reasons not only
do we think that he.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Would like you, but you would like him, because.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
My whole goal on this is for you a not
to get dating fatigue and b for you to not
go on a bunch of first dates. That's not I
want you to go out with somebody with the intention
that this is going to be great, so that you
can go on a second date at the date and
you know, hopefully blossom into a healthy relationship from there.
(18:29):
So then once you both approve one another, we do everything.
We set up the time, the date, the place, literally,
you get dressed, have a wonderful time, and then after
the days over the next day you both.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Are going to call me back and give me the feedback.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So I'm going to find out you know, not only
what you thought of him, but what he thought of you,
and from there YouTube can schedule your own second date,
or we're happy to schedule the second date too, because
I found that a lot of times, even if whether
it's to me or an app or anything else, I've
touched so many people they've had a wonderful time and
(19:08):
they're excited and they want to go out again. And
then what happens is, you know, uh, my cab who
knows life gets in the way, and then they're like, oh, yeah,
we never got back together again. But you know, they
were really He was a great guy, she was a
lovely girl.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
We were so close.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
What happened? I can't get it, you know, so a
lot of times I'll say, listen, I get it, But
you know what, we're going to go ahead, We're going
to schedule the second date, and we have you know,
we have different options and different.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Ideas for people.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Because also it's a lot of pressure too, because even
if you meet somebody and you like somebody, and you're
somebody who's a little bit more reserved to have ideas
that things to do that aren't going to come across,
you know, to strange or creepy or anything like that, too,
you will make sure that you're setting the people up
for success. So and then we continue to follow and
(19:55):
then from there, you know, if that relationship doesn't work
out with that person, then we can continue to find
that somebody else and continue on to get you into
that relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
If people want to find out more about your work,
if they want to learn more about matchmaking in the
twenty first century, if they want to connect with you,
where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
They can check me out online it's a lure matchmaking.
My name's Jill vandor you can also do you can
find me online as well. But I've been doing this
twenty five years and literally, you know, the majority of
my clients end up in relationships and it's just simp
it's you know, I tell people I can't your cancer.
But love is really just is important and everybody deserves
(20:37):
to find love and just an easy and more dignified
way to do it. Really, my clients are amazing, just
to let you know, like, they are normal, they are attractive,
they can all date on their own.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
They just want a better, more, you know, dignified way.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
To meet somebody, and there's nothing wrong with that. These days,
we will take all the dignified ways to meet we
can get, so, you know, Jill, this has been wonderful.
Thank you so much for the education. I learned a lot,
and thank you so much for coming on and talking
with me about this.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
My pleasure. Mine's all me.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Sopertina all right, that's it for the show this week.
Thanks again for joining us, and have a safe and
healthy weekend. Please join us again next week for another
edition of the show. I'm Nicole Davis from WBZ News
Radio on iHeartRadio.
From WBZ News Radio in Boston. This is New England Weekend.
Each and every week right here, we come together and
talk about all the topics important to you and the
place where you live. It is so good to have
you back with us this weekend. I'm Nicole Davis. Let's
talk about love, shall we, or rather how difficult it
can be to find it. Dating these days can be
(00:29):
nothing short of my numbing full of rejection. Generally, it
can make you want to throw your phone across the room.
The apps just keep trying to match you with people
who just don't get you. It's not to say that
finding love is impossible, so to speak. It is absolutely doable.
But the process has become pretty convoluted now that dating
apps and websites are seemingly the best way to go.
(00:51):
You might just be over it. You might have given
up and said forget it not happening. There is another option,
and it might sound a bit old fashioned, but matchmaking
is very much around and pretty successful at that. Jill
Van Dore is somebody who can confirm that first hand.
She is an executive matchmaker and she's the founder of
a Lore Matchmaking in Boston. She is here with us
(01:14):
now we're going to get all of our questions about
this tried and true alternative to modern dating answered. So, Jill,
it is great to have you on the show. Honestly,
just let's kick it off here. I am so curious
about this. How does one realize they want to be
a matchmaker?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Well, probably because I was such a meddler back in
grade school drew me into it. Basically, I've always been
somebody that's bringing people together in more capacity or not.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
I had gone to college for business.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
And just always loved I was a people person, and
I fell into it. I actually was in a bad
relationship myself and ended up in California and left him
and needed a job, and low and behold, I started
at a dating service that's no longer around, but I
just kind of took to it like a deck to water,
(02:08):
and the rest.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Is kind of history from there.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And now I tell people I'm responsible for relationships, marriages, babies,
grand babies, oh this and second time around. But I'm
incredibly passionate about what I do, and I really I
live by the mantra that you know, one day somebody's
going to walk into your life and make you realize
why it didn't work with anyone else, And I'm just
(02:33):
here to help facilitate to get that, to get you there.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, sometimes you need that third party to kind of
nudge you along.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
People go to therapists for the third party. Sometimes I
go to matchmakers for the outside angle and the outside Look,
how is the world of matchmaking looking these days? And
we're going to talk about the dating apps and all
that stuff, but matchmaking to me seems very different than
it did. I don't know even twenty years ago.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
At this point, matchmaking is booming these days. When I
tell you, it's truly so.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You know, when I started doing this back twenty five
plus years ago, it wasn't what it was to Literally,
I would go to weddings that I had fixed the book,
and I would have to lie and say that I
just you know, was a friend of theirs, or people
would say that they you know, met and line at
the bank. Nobody even goes to the bank anymore. So
now I'm really aging myself. But the point is is
(03:24):
that nowadays it's just because of reality TV. You know,
a millionaire matchmate, all of these shows, the Bachelor of Bachelorette.
It's become mainstream and then coupled with the apps you
know as you know bad as the apps side, there
are a good side to the apps, and the apps
are a good stepping stone. It gets people out of
(03:45):
their comfort zone. It gets people to put their heart
on their sleeve and realize they have to get out there,
they have to do something. And so this is just
I try to explain. It's much like you could, you know,
go to a gym to try to get healthy or
lose weight, but if you really want to, you know,
up your game, you'd hire a personal trainer. So I'm
(04:07):
kind of like your personal trainer for your love life.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Is when it comes out to yeah, yeah, and helping
them become confident I think is important because dating, trying
to go dating. I tell people all the time these days,
I'm like, you couldn't pay me to date again, right,
because it's just the whole process, especially as you get older,
the rejection and the trying to like spif yourself up
to be somebody you may not be at the core.
(04:30):
And talk to me a little bit about what it's
like to date in twenty twenty five, And I guess
is it different for younger people versus older people these days.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It's different for everybody. You know.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
The thing is this is that it's not easy, especially
you know, depending on what the generation is. The younger
generation they don't get off their phone and so a
lot of times unfortunately the you know, millennial or not
even the millennials of twenty somethings now, they don't have
the social skills that where they can be out and
about and meeting other friends of friends and meeting people.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
You know, COVID made it that people work more, people
work remote than ever.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Now people are back into the offices, but still it
all creates this kind of situation where people are swiping
and swiping and they're pre judging and making a whole
story based.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
On something they by a photo and through lines on there.
So it's pretty disheartening in that respect.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well sure, I mean catfishing is a big thing as well.
I mean you never really know, like when you're going
out on a date with somebody through a matchmaker, it's
totally different because you know you're at least vetting somebody
before you go out on the apps. I mean, you
never know who you're getting into these dates with until
you actually show up.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, catfish is very very real, and also AI is
very real. It's actually added an additional layer of unfortunateness
to it. You know, I know there's a lot of
good with AI, but a lot of times you have
no idea who's on the other end of the keyboard.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
You don't know if this person is real or not.
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
You have to use safety, and so obviously by using
a matchmaker, it's going to be a lot safer because
all the matches are curated, they're done with intention, they're vetted,
they're checked out everything, so nobody is meeting blind or
anything like that. But it's still a matter of if
you're not working with a matchmaker and you're doing an app,
it doesn't matter how old you are or anything else.
(06:28):
You're putting yourself out there and not. You know, a
lot of times people get really excited, like, oh, this
person looks really great and then real or they might
they might be even real, and then they start corresponding
and then all of a sudden they drop off and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
You know, you get ghosted.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
And it is amazing because I will talk to people
of every age group and people you know, whether they're
in the you know, forty fifty sixties even, and they're like, well,
I would never treat something like that. I would never
go somebody. I would never do these things. And then
they do it because they don't. They're like they don't
know how to get out of it. And so they're like, well,
I know I should have, you know, not said I
(07:07):
wanted to go out with them again, and I should
have said this, or I should have said that, you know,
I was whatever it is, and they just life gets
along the way, squirrel, and then they do it.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, And the rejection, I mean, I was just talking
about that a short time ago. But talk to me
about what it's like when you are putting yourself out
there over and over again. What does that do to
somebody who's really and maybe they're out there dating for
the first time in twenty years, right, what is it
like dealing with that rejection until you find that one person.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
It's not good. I'm telling you. Mental health is very
real these days. And the thing is is that it
takes a lot for people to put themselves up there.
You know. Again, whether somebody is younger and maybe they're
not is outgoing, maybe they're a little bit more reserved
and so they're putting themselves out there and that rejection is.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Like really just like taking a spare to the heart.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Or as we get older, you know, maybe coming out
of a divorce or being a ware or a wareer
and you know, you're not used to dating, and you
get yourself out there and then to find out that,
you know, the rejection of it, and then you look
and you're being marginalized because you're getting older and you're
not being treated baily, and it's all like it's a lot.
(08:27):
So I think, you know, one of the benefits of
working with a matchmaker also is that you have that
person in your corner.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
You have the confidant, so you have.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
The safety obviously, but you have somebody that is going
to be able to, hey, bet the person, but you know,
be able to talk to the person after the date
to find out both sides of what what's happened moving forward,
so you're not left with any uncertainty because.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
That's what happened. You know.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I have worked with the most confident people and they
will come back and well, what did they say? You know,
I didn't hear from them yet, what's going on? And
like it's just one of these unknown things. And so
I think about it with the apps that if you
go on a day and you think you had a
wonderful date, even if you're fortunate enough to actually swipe
(09:16):
with somebody to.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Meet with them, you know, gets together, it's all real.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Everything you appears to be great, and then all of
a sudden, poof, they're disappearing. You're like, then you start
tacking guessing yourself and you start, you know, thinking, like
you know, it brings back all of these insecurities like
you might have had in grade school or something that
have never where you're this twent air confident individual that
all of a sudden you're second guessing things.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
We're human at the end of the day, and you
can be like this CEO or this executive or a
very powerful person in your career or in public life
or whatever, and it doesn't matter. All of us experience rejection.
I feel in a similar way because it all hurts
no matter who you are.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
It doesn't matter who you are, and you know, it
doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world,
or you're the most attractive person, or you're somebody that
is just a really good human being and nobody wants
to feel boundly. You're doing this so that you can
find somebody to help compliment your life, not publicate your
life and make it feel worse. So you know this,
(10:21):
you know, I try to help navigate with my clients
to you know, if they're going to be on the apps.
I'm not telling people not to be, because listen, you
got to use every avenue, but you've got to use
safety first of all.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
You've got to use.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Common sense, and there's ways to do it so that
you can at the very least set yourself up for success,
so that you're not putting yourself out there because there's
a lot to it that and.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
You don't even realize that.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You know, a lot of times people decide, okay, today,
I'm going to put myself on the app, and I'm
you know, I'm putting my best foot board and they
sit down and they do it all and then all
of a sudden they're like, well, what pictures do I use?
And I don't even know, and then I choose the
wrong picture. And let me just tell you though, a
lot of times, unfortunately people do you know, pick a
(11:08):
lot of the wrong pictures because they don't know better.
And so then that causes insecurities. And it's not even
like it's a bad picture, they're just not using the
right pictures for the app. And then people, you know,
these apps stays two a lot of them. You can,
you know, put your preferences in and like wonderful people
will because it's a year or two out of their preference,
(11:31):
may never meet, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
So it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Look, you brought up a great point in that these
people are supposed to compliment your life. They're not supposed
to complete your life. And I feel that it's important
to mention that you need to be in the right
headspace to date as well, because you should not. In
my opinion, I've always found it's a bad idea to
do the rebound thing or you know, right after you
experience a terrible loss. Some people might think, I have
(11:57):
to go find somebody else. I mean outside of the
whole situation is important too, because you need to make
sure you're ready to deal with the barbs and everything.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Well, I think the thing is this is you do
you have to love yourself before you can you know,
love somebody else. But you also you can't even if
you love you yourself, you still can't expect somebody to
make your life complete.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
You have to be happy with who you are.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And it's a fine line because sometimes people wait too
long to get themselves back out there, and then sometimes
people do so much work on themselves that they're like, Okay,
I've done the work, I'm ready, I feel great, Let's
get out there and do it. And what ends up
happening is is that just because they've done the work
doesn't mean the person's going to be right there and available.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So then what happens is that then it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Starts this whole you know, Okay, well now I decided
just you know, I did everything, I did it right
and I got right and then they picks of it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And it doesn't even mean that they're pier is off it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
It just means that, unfortunately, some people who are on
there are not good people, and some people are not
real and some people have ill intentioned So you just
have to try your best to navigate it the best
way possible so that you're not putting yourself in harm's
way in any way.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, that ill intent scammers are everywhere these days. I
always say scammers are going to scam. They're always going
to find a way to try to get your money,
to try to get your identity. I mean, I feel
like the apps are rife with these scammers, right, It's unbelievad.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I mean, I am amazed. You know, when I'll speak
to somebody and they've got it all together and they're
like and then you know, they just wanted me to
send eight hundred.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Dollars, It's like, no, no, no dollars is.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
A substantial amount of money for somebody to be sending.
Why would you ever send anybody anybody like? It doesn't
it's illogical. But then sometimes people, you know, they are
out of vulnerable state and so they know how they're
really they're smart. They have a whole system down that
they're doing. So you know, I try to give good
(13:58):
tips and telling people to use safety and you know,
if you don't feel you know, you can always try
to do a FaceTime first with somebody or you know, Google,
you can figure out so much about somebody before you've
even met somebody. Anyways, you should let your friends know
that you know that you're going on a date. You
should do your homework. I would say, before you just
(14:21):
jump and then even when you meet them. I mean
I would meet them in a wellerked place. I would
meet them in a restaurant. I wouldn't suggest, you know,
I love going on a hike with somebody, but not.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
On a first date.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
No amazing that some people, you know, they just they
want to they want to have Listen, everybody deserves that
fine love and there is somebody out there for everybody.
I really I believe it wholeheartedly, or I wouldn't be
doing this. But I just think that you have to,
(14:56):
you know, be safe on what you're doing. And obviously
i'd say if you can work with a matchmaker, you should,
But even so, it's just a matter of it's not
just finding the right person, it's making sure that this
that by doing this, you're not making yourself feel badly,
because that's not the intent. I don't even believe that
was the intent initially when the apps came out, but
I think unfortunately that's kind of where the world has
(15:18):
come on it. So they actually I was reading an
article of Forbes and they had said something that like
seventy eight percent of online users they experience burnout. They
e the t they feel end up feeling awful you know,
and that's really really high. Now, I do know people
(15:40):
meet on them and have great success, So I'm not
saying not to do it. I'm just saying to you know,
don't get so excited so quickly until you find that
right person.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Sure, sure tell me about the business done of matchmaking.
I mean me, Joe Schmo, well, Jane Schmoe. I suppose
if I am just like you know, this is not
the case right now. So if my boyfriend's listening, Hi,
But you know, if I was I, as Jane Schmoe,
wanted to find love and the apps are not working
for me and I'm just over it? What happens if
I contact you? How does that all work?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
So the first thing is we were have a preliminary
call to you, get to know you, find out what
you've been doing, what's been happening.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I want to make sure that this is going to
make sense for you, you know, find out you know,
your preferences, things that are important to you. From there,
if I feel like it's a good fit, then we
would then meet either in person or virtually, so that
we could peel it back further to find out more
about We find out about your past relationships, what's worked,
(16:43):
what hasn't find out? You know what you're looking for.
I want to make sure that you are in a
good head space and that you are realistic about what
you're looking for, and that I feel that I can
deliver on what you're looking for because explaining to people
a time that you know, I have a big you know, network,
(17:05):
have a very big network of people. But just because
you're coming to me and hanging me to be your
matchmaker doesn't mean that I can guarantee that you are
going to find love. I would love to and wish
that I could, but it's people. So I want to
make sure that people's expectations are realistic. I want to
make sure that they're doing this for the right intention,
they're in the right space, and so I do what
(17:27):
I can to set them up. You know my background,
I'm also you know, certified relationship coach, so that I
have you know so then assuming that it's a good
fit on both of our ends that then from there,
I make a profile about you and a blueprint of
what you're looking for, and then start my search from there.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Once I have your match, we contact you, tell you
all about the person.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
We tell you that you know how old it is,
what it looks like, does hobbies, interests, but I won't
support likely goals, values, interests, and the reasons not only
do we think that he.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Would like you, but you would like him, because.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
My whole goal on this is for you a not
to get dating fatigue and b for you to not
go on a bunch of first dates. That's not I
want you to go out with somebody with the intention
that this is going to be great, so that you
can go on a second date at the date and
you know, hopefully blossom into a healthy relationship from there.
(18:29):
So then once you both approve one another, we do everything.
We set up the time, the date, the place, literally,
you get dressed, have a wonderful time, and then after
the days over the next day you both.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Are going to call me back and give me the feedback.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So I'm going to find out you know, not only
what you thought of him, but what he thought of you,
and from there YouTube can schedule your own second date,
or we're happy to schedule the second date too, because
I found that a lot of times, even if whether
it's to me or an app or anything else, I've
touched so many people they've had a wonderful time and
(19:08):
they're excited and they want to go out again. And
then what happens is, you know, uh, my cab who
knows life gets in the way, and then they're like, oh, yeah,
we never got back together again. But you know, they
were really He was a great guy, she was a
lovely girl.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
We were so close.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
What happened? I can't get it, you know, so a
lot of times I'll say, listen, I get it, But
you know what, we're going to go ahead, We're going
to schedule the second date, and we have you know,
we have different options and different.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Ideas for people.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Because also it's a lot of pressure too, because even
if you meet somebody and you like somebody, and you're
somebody who's a little bit more reserved to have ideas
that things to do that aren't going to come across,
you know, to strange or creepy or anything like that, too,
you will make sure that you're setting the people up
for success. So and then we continue to follow and
(19:55):
then from there, you know, if that relationship doesn't work
out with that person, then we can continue to find
that somebody else and continue on to get you into
that relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
If people want to find out more about your work,
if they want to learn more about matchmaking in the
twenty first century, if they want to connect with you,
where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
They can check me out online it's a lure matchmaking.
My name's Jill vandor you can also do you can
find me online as well. But I've been doing this
twenty five years and literally, you know, the majority of
my clients end up in relationships and it's just simp
it's you know, I tell people I can't your cancer.
But love is really just is important and everybody deserves
(20:37):
to find love and just an easy and more dignified
way to do it. Really, my clients are amazing, just
to let you know, like, they are normal, they are attractive,
they can all date on their own.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
They just want a better, more, you know, dignified way.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
To meet somebody, and there's nothing wrong with that. These days,
we will take all the dignified ways to meet we
can get, so, you know, Jill, this has been wonderful.
Thank you so much for the education. I learned a lot,
and thank you so much for coming on and talking
with me about this.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
My pleasure. Mine's all me.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Sopertina all right, that's it for the show this week.
Thanks again for joining us, and have a safe and
healthy weekend. Please join us again next week for another
edition of the show. I'm Nicole Davis from WBZ News
Radio on iHeartRadio.
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