Work For Your Prize

Welcome back! In this episode KT and Kayla discuss Kayla's missed opportunity to be on a reality TV show, KT's vacation to South Carolina and more. The ladies also talk about what their vices are and healthy ways they have learned to get through tough life situations.

Other topics include the difference between gaslighting and narcassism, polygamous relationships and Megan Thee Stallion being sued for sexual harassment. Enjoy!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The Petty Is Podcast. Welcome backto another episode of Petty I'm Kayla,
I'm Kati. How you doing?Have you thrown off? I'm having an
off week, I'm having an offlife. I'm having an off Everything is

(00:24):
just crazy right now. Alicia lookcute. Thank you. I think I
think my locks are getting longer andI'm able to have more fun styles,
Like I'm able to do like weirdthings now wait, I didn't even even
realize it, but think back towhen you first got them and how short
they were. Yeah, now they'rewow. I could do like a little
pineapple. I could do like yeah, I can have fun with it.

(00:45):
Isn't it crazy how fast your hairgrows when you don't do anything to it.
I mean because technically, like locks, you're not doing anything, but
you can see in real time thatis getting long. And I have been
trying to grow my hair for howmany years? It's the same length.
I'm telling you, off you lockit up, It'll just flourish. But
I'm really excited. Just fast forwardlike six months from now and like see
if it's like rostrap and I wantto die itt blonde and just have more

(01:07):
fun with it when it gets whosedto be. But I can see like
an auburn like you like the typeof situation, it'll be cute. Did
you have sound to you've petty?Yes, I did so. Hopefully my
brother or my mom doesn't listen tothis. But Sammy is in Houston,

(01:30):
Texas right now. He is havingthe time of his life. He got
a big boy job, like asa manager for the Houston Texans in their
stadium, and like he is livingit up. He's doing such a good
job. He's been getting recognized forhis hard work. And also though he's
in Houston, Texas, which Ididn't even know was like Tork City,

(01:51):
the home of the hotties, Megala, Stallion, Beyonce, but like Club
Central period right, so every daythere's something different to do. I feel
like it's more of a popping placeto be at on the scene in the
streets in LA. Just from whathe tells me, he's always doing something,
He's always getting invited, and he'ssuch a social person. He's like
always networking blah blah blah blah.So he goes out a lot, he

(02:14):
drinks a lot. So a lotof the times I'll get a eleven PM
call it's him at a club Kaylalast six shots. I'm like, bruh,
And I get it because I rememberI was at that stage of life
when I was twenty five, twentysix, twenty seven, when going out
was my priority to And then youwake up and go to work the next
day, like you just do it. But he goes a little bit too

(02:38):
hard, and so it's to thepoint where he's like hungover a lot.
Well, my mom of course willcall him and he's sick in bed,
throwing up, and he doesn't wantto tell her it's because I'm hungover,
so he'll say that I have foodpoisoning, right right, So my mom

(02:58):
is starting to get worried because nowthis is like the fourth fifth time that
he said that he's had food poisoning. She's googling food poisoning consistently, so
like different diseases have come up,like loopus, a bunch of autoimmune diseases,
and she's like, Samy, youneed to go to the doctors.
Like she is super worried, andI'm over here like oh my goodness,

(03:20):
oh my god, oh my gosh, like you are worrying her to death.
And I didn't say anything at first, and then I was talking to
my mom's day and she was justlike, I'm just so worried about your
brother, like you need to encouragehim to go to the doctors, Like
this could be serious. I said, Mom, Sammy is not sick.
He is hungover. Oh God,team snitch was okay, but listen,
my mom was so worried. Andas somebody who she has had cancer,

(03:45):
my dad has had cancer, Ihave lupus, something like that you can't
play about, and so of coursewe're always extra careful when it comes to
our health. So with her,you know, obsessing over this and trying
to figure out what it was wrongwith her son. Mind you, she
lives in Chicago, he's in Houston. She's worrying about Sammy and he just
had too many margaritas the night before. No I told her, I said,

(04:06):
Mom, please don't worry. Likeshe was really stressed in the way
where she was crying one time.I said, Mom, Sammy is not
sick, he's just hungover. Andshe was just like, this makes sense.
And I call it petty, callit snitching. But I wanted to
relieve my mom of that, likestress, I call it snitching. But
you had no choice. Your snitchedfor the right reasons. And moms,

(04:26):
Sammy, I mean, like Itold her, I was like, you
need to stop this. Stop tellingher every time like that you are hungover.
Just don't enter the phone like you'rereally worrying her. Yeah, you
know what, But to be abachelor making great money in a city like
Houston in your early twenties, midtwenties, whatever, he's doing it right,
that's just what's going to happen.Yeah, And moms are going to
stress and that's just a part ofit. But it's you know, those

(04:48):
are problems to be happy about it. Well, yeah, I mean I
told my mom that to us,said, Mom, don't worry. Sammy
is doing great out there. He'sthriving at work. He's made a lot
of friends. He might be partinga little bit too hard, but like
we are all through these seasons andI'm like, and I said, Mom,
don't worry. I got him likehe's and he's kind of even coming
out of that stage where it's likehe's tired of the party life. He
wants to settle down a fund ofwife he's convinced will fund his wife,

(05:11):
and Houston mean the endless so Ijust wanted to her to stop worring.
So whatever, sorry, Sammy.So one of my first episodes here,
when we first did Petty Ish,I was working at like dispensary and I
forgot about that era. That wasit. That was a time I burned
that bridge. I quit very unprofessionallybecause I just didn't get that fat.

(05:34):
But before I quit, it wasrumored that this dispensary was about to be
turned into a Hulu show. Iauditioned for the Hulu show and then I
quit, and wait who just airedon four twenty And I see like some
of my old coworkers there. Thebackground is the shop I used to work
at, and they have a JimmyKimmel produced You could have been famous.

(06:00):
I could have been a whusar.They have this huge billboard on Kuwinga that
I just saw like on my wayin. I'm just like, I'm really
so. It's called High Hopes andit actually is pretty good. It actually
looks like well and it's just aboutfollowing people around who work at dispensaries.
Well, no, it's just specificto that dispensary. Is that it's just
that dispensary and it's just like they'retrying to release the new flower by a

(06:25):
date. They gotta you know,go through the stresses of getting a product
out in time. Maybe coworkers tryingto sell their own butt on the side,
and it's like, oh, that'sconflict. Just like dramas like that.
They have, like, you know, potheads that work there. They
got to make sure their potheads aren'thigh as they're at work. So little
cute drama. It can be likeI auditioned. Actually, it's so funny

(06:47):
because remember when you got your nippleperiod or lack thereof last week when you
got your tattoo, uh huh.You were with some guy that I used
to work with at that dispensary,or his twin, and my sister was
texting me because the twin was there. It's like, okay, you guys
just work together at the dispensary.And I'm like, yeah, we applied
for some Hulu show and I toldhim the person auditioning us is also a

(07:08):
twin, so you could probably connectwith that person on that level, and
they did connect over the fact thatthey were both twins. He doesn't work
there any longer either, so he'snot on the show either. But Yeah,
it definitely happened, and it's ashow, so I I don't know
if that's petty, but I wasjust like wanted to see what it was
about, wanted to see and tobe quite honest, yes I could have
been a Hulu scar but I feellike I could have been what could have

(07:30):
been? I could have had abillboard. However, like I feel like
it's like, you know, yougot to be like a pothead and it's
like you've spoke and you blow itin bro, and it's like, that's
not my brand. That's not whatI want to be associated with. Although
I enjoy my Mary Jane, It'snot like I'm a pothead I nor do
I want to be portrayed as such. But I hope. So what's petty?
I binge watched it? Oh that'snot petty? I did? I

(07:54):
mean I he was hating the wholetopic. Even deserve to be on their
damn And I know that guy.I know that I have that guy's number.
I cursed that guy. Yeah,I love that craziness. Craziness.
But yeah, that's that's my pettything. Check out High Hopes petty things
our listener's done this week. Firstone is from this girl and Sherman Oak
said, I caught off my man'sdreads while he was sleeping because I saw

(08:16):
he was texting his ex. Ifyou want to see the video, go
hit up my TikTok. Hit thatfollow button while you're at it. Stop
it. One thing you don't dois touch, especially on dude's hair locks.
I feel like they care about theirhair. Yes they can when they
have locks, dreads, twists,whatever. They care more about it than

(08:37):
like women do. Sometimes that's awhole process in itself, you know what
I'm saying, Like, that's like, that's a time that took years,
that took maturing, That takes girlthat I would have been so mad,
And he's just texting like he didn'teven bang his X. You didn't even
know he's just texting her. Okay, Okay, I kind of like it,
though I kind of wouldn't do thesame thing. I would not.

(09:03):
This woman invited me out to eat. The bill was twenty dollars. I
offered to pay half, but shewanted me to take care of the whole
bill. When I asked her why, she said wait. Why she said
because she said wait. When Iasked her why, she said, because
she's the woman. So I paidfor what I ordered and I left.

(09:26):
Who's wrong? Who's right? Thiswoman invited me out to eat, So
if she invited him out to eatand then she think said she should be
I don't think that that's how thatworks, bab right. I think she
broke. Like I feel like,if you invite somebody, whether whatever gender
you are, you are responsible topay. And the least he offered to

(09:46):
pay half, but to say it'sbecause I'm a woman and you're a man,
it sounds like you couldn't afford togo to that place on your own,
so you got yourself a date ona place that you wanted to go
to and then expect him to payfor the whole thing. And I'm not
mad at her for order where helet or paying for what he ordered and
then left like and probably blocked her, because I would have I would have
done the exact same thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's twenty twenty four,

(10:07):
ladies, like, we're not goingto places and you know, scouting for
people to pay for our stuff.Yeah, we got doing at honestly,
Like, and I'm just too oldto go out for a free meal these
days. If I like like you, I'm down, but I'm not about
to waste my time making out whatyou're making up face for. I'm not

(10:28):
going out for you going out forfreeview, Okay, bitch, I was
like I was being a little shady. That's the fuck up. I hate
it here. But yeah, girl, I can't go out for just a
free meal like. I just can'tif I don't like her. I actually
got offered some guy I posted onmy close friends. I hope he doesn't
listen anyway. Oh I see.I saw that I got offered a vacation

(10:52):
like free of charge to spend theweekend. And I just and I said
go. You said go because he'slike, it's on me, But I'm
not going. I don't want to. I care about my peace so much.
Yes I love Vegas. Yes Ilove Arizona. We'd have I'd have
a great time there. But mycompany matters, and I don't think doing
your company. I'm not about tojust be like annoyed and irritated for a

(11:13):
weekend just so I could say,oh, yeah, I got I got
flued out, bitch. No,I think about that, and I'm like,
I think the idea of being fluedout is so appealing because you know,
the city girls have normalized all thesecelebrities, Oh, fly me out,
fly me out, and girls ofcourse would pick up their stuff in
a heartbeat to be flown out toCancun. And I think in reality,

(11:33):
I'm like, oh yeah, Iwould love that. But what I actually
want to be flued out? Becauseare you expected to have sex if you
are flued out? And sometimes that'swhat it seems like. It seems like
it's like that's the exchange. Ifly you out, I pay for everything
I have. You come to thisexotic city and you let me hit And
that's not happening with me. No, I mean I want to be fluent

(11:54):
out by a guy I actually like, like I would to get out by
somebody that I actually have something with, but not just by some random and
the like. So also it wasthis guy I was I was dealing with
for for some time, we stoppedtalking for a while. He just hit
me up recently like, hey,you know I miss you. We had
a lot of growing to do.I tried to give you time to grow

(12:16):
and whatever, whatever did he grow? That's what I'm so you think our
only issues was me? Like?Was I the only problem. I could
have I could have talked you downbetter. I could have talked to you
about your emotions better. Oh no, that's like, that's a definition of
manipulaty. I can't or what's theword. I don't even know what gaslighting?

(12:39):
Narcissist? You know. I thinkit's like poking the bear and then
when the bear reacts, you know, that's that's gaslighting. Like I'm making
you mad, I'm making you mad? Then were you act It's like,
oh, why you act like that? I didn't even do anything narcissist.
I ain't no psychologists. I justbe I just be playing like I don't
know, like the I actually readthis article recently about how we using these
psychological terms wrong a lot of thetime. Yeah, because I feel like

(13:01):
people be throwing out the word gaslighta lot, and I know I'd be
saying that every other word, noteven knowing if with the context. Okay,
so gaslight a type of lamp inwhich no way, urban dictionary kayla,
okays, okay, urban dictionary becauseGoogle, ain't it? Or psychological
gaslighting okay, because I need toknow. Okay, it's a form of

(13:22):
intimidation or psychological abuse when uh,sometimes called ambient abuse, when false information
is presented to the victim, makingthem doubt their own memory, perception,
and quite often their sanity. Theclassic example of gaslighting is to switch something
around on someone that you know they'resure to notice, but then deny knowing

(13:45):
anything about it, and to explainthat they must be imagining things when they
challenge these changes. Oh, I'vebeen gas lit. I've been gas lit,
oh so heavily, numerous times.Wow, I think everybody's a gaslight
in this world. Like, I'vebeen gas lits so many times, it's
ridiculous. It's like, am Icrazy? But I think, like narcissists

(14:05):
are different, and I think onlylike one percent or like one to four
percent of people are actually diagnosed narcissists. Okay, So a narcissist is an
inflated ego that think highly of oneselves. They believe they are so puperior
than others, lack empathy, uselies, and manipulate, manipulate tactics to
control. Narcissists tends to put someonedown to make them selves feel better.

(14:30):
So that's what he is. He'sputting you down to make you feel better
or get angry for no reason.And make people apologize to them. Narcissists
also like to fabricate facts to suittheir needs or justify their horrible actions.
So I feel like in this case, he wasn't gaslighting you. He's being
a narcissist because he was putting downyou, saying, oh, you need
to get your emotions in check.I couldn't had you that. No,
I do need to work on myemotions. But but he was narcissist.

(14:54):
He was a narcissistic gas lighter aswell. He was, Oh I do
so, my point being, I'mworking on my emotions. That's like here
were there? My point being,although we had this thing, he's like,
oh, I miss you. Iwant to come back. I want
to come see you in LA.Just let me know the weekend. It's
on me. I'll come out.And although we've had like you know,
we we dated before, I feellike you're not about to come back two
years later and think that we're aboutto pick up where we left, all

(15:16):
that you got to all over againand work and earn me again. If
that's so, if that's so muchyou desire, But yeah, I'm not
just accepting free things or free weekendor free like if you know you are
a prize and you have to workfor your prize. You can't just like
pick up and think, oh,it's just going to be here whenever it's
convenient for me. Like if youwant to retry this one more time,

(15:39):
okay, start from the bottom andwork your way, because it's not going
to be that part a ma partwhat you do this week. I feel
like life for me and this isa consistent theme and I don't know if
you can relate to this, butwhen it's time for me to make a
change, everything around me becomes uncomfortable, and no matter how much I try
to find comfort in the uncomfortability,God's like, no, girl, move

(16:03):
is time. It's time. AndI feel like that's just happening to me
in multiple aspects right now, whereit's just another evolution and a lot of
things are uncomfortable and a lot ofthings are not okay, and it's time
for me to make moves and changeswithin those things. And I hate it
like I hate change. I hatepushing myself through this fear. I hate
not knowing what the next chapter lookslike. But it's time for the next

(16:26):
chapter. And that's what continuous signsThis week and multiple weeks have just been
showing me at leading up to thispoint. So I've been doing things on
my part to get ready for thechange and prepare for the change. And
the change is coming. The changeis coming, but it's going to beautiful
on the other side. It's allgoing to be worth it. That's all
it is. It's all gruth.I think change is the only thing that

(16:47):
we're guaranteed. And every single changein my life has been beautiful, uncomfortable
at times, but always it alwaysworks out for me in the end,
So there is no growth with thatuncomfortability period. About you, how was
your week? It was good.I just did a bachelorette trip. I
left on last Thursday and got backMonday morning. Fun. It was a

(17:07):
lot of fun, and it wasa different bachelorette trip than I have been
on in a long time. Ifeel like I have been at least seven
weddings, and they all have beenlike when I was twenty four twenty five,
and we go and go and partyand drink and drink ourselves a death,
and it's like going strip clubs,and but this one was the first
one where we just like had apeaceful relaxing weekend. And I think also

(17:30):
because the majority of the girls aremarried and have at least one kid,
I was the only single person there. Yeah. So but it was that
feel where everyone's like, oh,what is my husband like? And my
husband does this? And what aboutyour boy? How's your daughter? Oh?
I hate that absolutely, and itwas. But the thing is,
I was worried about how I wouldfeel going into this space knowing that I

(17:53):
was the only single one out oflike ten girls. I cannot relate to
not one of them. I don'thave kids, kids, I'm not married,
like, I don't have a housethat these people have homes or some
gentries on her second home. Ican't relate to anything that you're going through.
And I thought that I would feelsome type of way. So I
was very very nervous, especially becauseI just got a relationship almost six months

(18:15):
ago and it's so it's still freshand so like hearing about other people's relationships
what I feel, envious, whatI feel, sad, what I feel
what? It triggered me so butwhen I surprisingly it didn't. They were
talking about their kids and diapers andno, my kids started crawling yesterday and
I bought a house and normally inthose situations, and like I have in

(18:38):
the past, I would feel behind, like I need to catch up to
them, Like I am not whereI'm supposed to be at this age because
all of my friends clearly are wayahead of me. But I don't know.
I think maybe because of the spacethat I'm in and the work that
I've been doing all myself these pastsix months, I didn't feel envious.

(18:59):
I didn't feel jealous, I didn'tfeel triggered. I felt like, that's
where you are, but that's notwhere I'm supposed to be right now.
I love that. I love thatso much. I think that that's a
real life testament in a real lifelike now. I was like, wow,
that I've grown. Look at that. I love when you can look
at a situation and see how yourpast out will react versus how you're reacting
now after all the work yourself.For me to say, oh, yes,

(19:21):
that work actually worked, I wouldhave cried beforehand. And I think
because we come from a majority ofus went to liberty. We went to
a school that emphasized, like theslogan was ringed by spring, they want
you to get married, they wantyou to leave liberty married. That was
the goal, and that was alot of people's goals straight out of college.
That for a lot of people waslike get married, have kids,
that's the goal. But for me, like I wanted to be on the

(19:45):
radio, I wanted to go tothe big city. I wanted the lights,
camera action. I wanted to seeif I can make something of myself.
And sometimes I had felt like shouldI have not chased the dream and
the career so hard? Because ifI hadn't, maybe I could have sustained
relationship. Because one of the manyreasons why my last relationship didn't work out
is because I was so career orientedand couldn't focus on that relationship. My

(20:07):
career came first, And so ifI hadn't have done that, would I
be in a different space in thespace that I want to be and which
is you know, married and havekids. I don't know. It's like
a battle with that all the time. I feel like all people who chase
their career are all women. Ishould say, you chase their career,
definitely do have that struggle if you'renot lucky enough to find your husband during

(20:29):
the chase. I feel as thoughI've met my husband I think if I
say, if I lived on theEast right now, I really do feel
like I'd be married with kids andI'd have the whole shit bang and it
would be like amazing. But Ithink I end up presenting him, maybe
resenting the kids because I didn't getto fulfill this and I left LA because
he just is, He's it andhe's all. And I just like,

(20:52):
I know what my husband looks like, and I know what I want out
of a husband, and I knowthat's him, and I know we have
this connection. I know we're amazingtogether. But but I know if I
go there and I do that andI create that life with him and I
have these kids, and I don'tgive myself what I came here for,
I know I'd resent all of itand I'd be like, what if what
if I would have stayed? Howbig had I been? Like? So
I just I keep in mind thatI didn't move here with the person in

(21:15):
mind. I didn't move here likeyou know, I moved here for myself.
I moved here for my career.So I got to see that through.
I gotta feel like close this chapterbefore I started new chapter or else.
Anything that like distracts me, ortakes me away from this is going
to take away from myself overall,my overall life force, and I just
that's just not worth the gamble.It's just not worth it. So powerful,
You and I are so alike inare and everybody is different. Some

(21:40):
people's goal is to be a stayat home mom. That's some people's the
gift that God gave them is liketo be that mom that and for me
and you, I feel like Godplaced it in our hearts to go after
that lights, camera action, thatbig career. Cha go into that big
city and that's okay. And soI had to come to the realization that
once timeline is different. So asI'm sitting here surrounded by all these women

(22:03):
talking about their homes that they've created, the family that they created, and
I'm the only one, literally theonly one that can't chime in, I
said to myself, it's not farfetched for you, Kayla, it's just
not your time. And you knowa lot of them were saying to me
too, like well, Kayla,like you know, I wish I had
got all that out too. Iwish I had got the chance to travel.

(22:26):
But I got married at twenty three. So I never got the chance
to travel and see Greece and goto Mexico and go here and here.
I never got the chance to exploreand find out my passion. And I
know some of them, the girlsthey said to me, like, Kayla,
I am so envious of you becauseyou know what you want to do
and you love what you do.One girl was like, I don't even
know what my passion is. AllI'm doing is, you know, taking

(22:48):
care of my kids. And II'm thirty some years old and I don't
know what I love to do.And I personally couldn't imagine that, you
know what I mean, because mycareer fulfills me so much. So I
was okay in that moment. Itwas it was, it was nice.
It was it was a nice feelingto not be upset like I thought I
would be. Yeah, I thinkthat I get that conversation too with a

(23:08):
lot of my married friends with thekids, like, oh, you know,
I live vicariously through you. Ilove your stories, like, oh
my god, because my life isso routine or so you know. And
not to say that they're not happy. They're absolutely happy and their lives are
fulfilled and where they are, butit's so routine, and I don't necessarily
get sad when I when I getaround my other friends, I just like,
if I'm around a bunch of marriedpeople with kids, I just sometimes
lose interest and like what they're talkingabout, I'm like, I just yeah,

(23:30):
so I just stay silent and yeah. It was so crazy because today
I was having a conversation with mymom and I was telling her about the
bacherette chip and I was telling herhow we didn't really party. We maybe
went out one night, but itwas like to an old people bar,
but majority of the time we spenton the beach for five hours. We
had like a little tent so Icould actually stay out there. But I

(23:51):
was reading, Like the whole timewe read, we talked, we drank
peinutcoladas. But that's what the Bachelorettewas. And I don't know, I
just felt there was just this firsttime in a long time where I didn't
have to be anywhere and I haveto think about anything or have an obligation.
It was the first time a longtime where I didn't have to give
of an interview or a hosting,or I had to do this, or
I have to do petty ish orI have to be on airs like I

(24:12):
have nowhere to be but right hereto just soak in this amazing weather,
put your feet in the sand.And it was I was relaying all this
to my mom and she was like, Kayla, like, you sound so
different, mind you. She hasnever said those words to me before.
She was like, you can tellthat you've changed just by the way where
you speak. And I was like, it was it took me aback.

(24:33):
And I know in myself that Ihave changed. I can see because I'm
with myself every day. But formy mom, someone who like I don't
know how to describe our relationship,and we're definitely getting closer. But for
her to say something like that andto see it, it was just it
meant so much to me, andit confirmed that I am where I'm supposed
to be. And I told her. I was like, Mom, like,

(24:55):
you know, I feel like I'mdoing everything I write this time coming
out of this breakup. I'm back. I'm not running to different vices to
fill the hole that's in my heart. I have, you know, sat
in my silence, sat in myisolation. I have picked up pilates,
I've started reading novels. Again,I have do my Mindset app every single
day, and I'm actually doing thework to work on myself. And so

(25:19):
I don't know, like that iswhat's gotten me through the hardest season of
my life. Is those three thingspilates my mindset app. God of course,
but then also reading, diving backinto reading. And so I don't
know what about you, like whathas gotten you through your hardest seasons?
Oh my God? First of all, Like, I think that everything you

(25:41):
said has just been so healing,and I think that that's the key right
there, Like whatever you need toheal, whatever you need to get back
to you. For me personally,just journaling, it's going out into nature
and just being with myself, whetherit's just going to the beach and you
know, sitting there and with myjournal and just writing how I feel and
just knowing that I am enough andI don't need anything or anybody else to

(26:03):
affirm that. I just know thatthat's what it is. Reading is a
huge part of it. I dolove more self. I don't want to
call it self help, but justI guess it is labeled self help and
just growth in knowledge type books andbiography. So I just yeah, reading,
journaling, being with myself, beingin nature. I think getting to

(26:25):
know myself and prioritizing myself was superimportant to me, and I actually use
those skills when I face adversity,whether it's a romantic breakup or a career
change or whatever the case is,I always am able to be like,
Okay, let me lean on thesevices that I've gained when I pick myself
up, which is my journal,in my reading, and just my manifestations

(26:45):
and my affirmations and going to sleepto affirmations every night too, so I'm
not just trying to convince my consciousmind, but also doing works in my
subconscious or my unconscious while I'm notactively working on it. I go to
sleep to affirmations like five out ofseven nights because I just need to really
believe that, you know what,Kayla, you have it all, You're
you're capable of having it all.You are amazing, You're grateful, and
everything is coming to you that youdeserve, and it's just it's really really

(27:07):
nice. I love that, andI think it's once you have that realization
that you were doing things differently,because like the old Kayla, I don't
know what your vices were but oldKayla was going out and partying and drinking
and dancing, dancing at the cluband different things like that. And also
I learned to be more silent.One of my vices is that the word
vices. Who was talking to everybodyand girl girl to any and everybody that

(27:32):
would listen. If I was goingthrough something, every one of my friends
was going to hear about it.And I am still like that a little
bit. But I'm also learning thatpeople can't always handle everything that you're done
big on to them, just likeI can't handle you know what I mean,
Or they have to be in aspace. Make sure your friends are
in the space to be able toreceive what you're putting on to them,
you know what I mean? Serious? And so before I would just trauma

(27:53):
dumb, but anybody that would listen, Okay, you're done listening to me
cry about this boyfriend? All right? Who's next? Who can I call
next? And like until I feltuntil I felt good enough about the situation
that I had talked it out somuch, and I think I have I
don't know when it switched, butit was definitely in the past year or
two where I have learned to keepit in my internally and process it myself

(28:15):
instead of speaking, because also lifeand deva is in the power of tongue,
So I'm giving life to it themore I speak about it to different
people, you know, and whereasin reality I can if I can just
keep it to myself, keep mydrama to myself, pray about it,
I feel like it can be handledand turned around more differently. I don't

(28:37):
know if that makes sense. No, it makes so much sense, and
I believe, and I think Ia thousand percent agree. I definitely had
that problem as well, where wheneverI was going through something or whenever I
had an opportunity, I just talktalk talk talk, talk, talk talk,
what's the best way to go aboutit? And I'm getting too many
voices in my head. And alsoyou're just never really one hundred percent sure.
I'm sure people love me and wantto see me win, but you
never know who really doesn't want tosee you win and who's actually praying for
your downfall. So I've learned tostop speaking on things, and I've noticed

(29:00):
when I stopped speaking on things,I get a lot further And I don't
like I just I don't talk aboutit. I like to be about it
now, And I think that that'sjust something I just started incorporating actually in
the last three months, because Ijust got to shut the fuck up and
start making things happen for myself.So I definitely, I definitely see that.
And then also, you made areally good point as far as trauma
something on people and making sure thatthey're in a space to receive. This

(29:22):
is a little bit different, butme and my best friend Kayla had a
little bit of a tiff a weekor two ago, and I kind of
like, let her know I'm feelingaway. I don't want to talk about
it, but here's what I'm Here'severything i'm feeling with. Here's everything i'm
feeling. You sit with that,you deal with that, and I'll talk
to you and I feel like talkingto you. And then I would text

(29:42):
her like, hey, girl,I still don't like talking. I'll call
you later. Hery girl, ISTI don't like talking. I'll let you
know what I do. So thenwhen I finally did call her, she
was like, bro, like Iunderstand you were going through whatever you were
going through and you fell you felt, but like you can't just talk to
me when you're ready to talk tome about it, don't just tell me
like, hey, I feel likethis, but I I don't want to
talk about it. So I justgot to sit with that and go through

(30:03):
that, even though we never fight. So now I'm mentally fucked up because
I can't even talk to you aboutit. And it just felt like you
just kind of left your emotions withme to deal with it for like a
week or two whenever I felt liketalking to her, and I was like,
oh, that really wasn't cool.But I just felt like my feelings
are the ones that are valid.I don't feel like talking. I need
to process. I'll talk to youand I feel like talking to you.
So I'm learning how to not traumadump on people and process within myself and
be ready to have like a fullblown, you know whatever, confrontation conversation

(30:26):
when that time is right. Notgoing into something until I have a full
blown conclusion and I'm also confident andsolidified in my decision, and then I'll
start to vocalize it because when youget too many voices and it's just yeah,
I love that you can to thatrealization and it's like it's a learning
process. And I think like we'rejust getting older, we're handling things differently
than we did when we were incollege. We have experienced life, experienced

(30:49):
things, We've been hurt by people, and so I'm proud of us the
way that we're you know, handlingthings and getting through this life. But
I don't know, I just Idon't I'm just I don't know if I'm
going through a mid life crisis,self awakening type of thing where I'm just
realizing so much or something. ButI don't know. I just I just
want to be the best version ofmyself. And I know that I'm preparing

(31:14):
myself to be and God is preparingme to be the best wife possible for
whenever that time period is. SoI need this time. We need this
time to go through and learn allthese things about relationships platonic and romantic,
you know what I mean. Evolutionisn't always pretty and smooth. And I
think again, it's not like justthe upwards like up down all around,

(31:34):
and it's also like what the heckis happening? This is awkward, this
is uncomfortable, this is weird,this is new, but it is so
much beauty in it. And I'mjust really proud of us. I kind
of want to just go back andlisten to our first episode Black Girl Magic,
and then listen to this one andjust see how far we've come with
w Who the hell were we backthen? Right? Oh my god,
we should actually do that, Ithink. So that'd be like, what

(31:56):
the fuck are we doing? Kayla? But speaking of relationships, do you
hear about Neo? Can I tellyou you said the biggest crush on Neo
in high school? But what's goingon in his ballhead? I know he
was a hat fish. I likedhis little hatfish. He was married to
this beautiful woman named Crystal. Theygot a divorce because he cheated. But
now he is he has two girlfriends. He is in what is it ali

(32:21):
polygamist relationship And he was caught byTMZ the other day strolling the streets with
his two girlfriends on each arm,and they were like, you know,
how do you feel about polygamy?Like do you believe that it should be
legalized? And he was like,yeah, absolutely, Like I feel like
people should do what they want todo, blase blah. And it just
really made me think that a lotof people actually think this way as well.

(32:45):
Like I've heard people talk about it'snot natural to have one woman or
one man. I do like thechallenging of the relationship structures. I don't
like people putting anybody in a boxand saying this is what relationships need to
be in this the only it needsto be, and this is how everybody
needs to live their life. Ido think that we do need more freedom
in relationships. If you are apolygamous person and you don't feel like you

(33:07):
want to be monogamous, and youcan find a person that is in agreeance
with that, I see nothing wrongwith that. Neo just doesn't have the
best track record when it comes torelationships, however. Like I don't know
if you heard about what happened withhis first wife, but I think that
it wasn't Crystal. No, Crystalwas his second wife. And this is
like after he was married to thefirst wife. I can't even remember her
name. I know she was oneanyway, but he made her or they

(33:30):
had a discussion, they had anagreement for her to get her tubes sided
because they were done having kids.They were just going to live their lives
together, and then he ended updivorcing her. I think cheating on her,
marrying Crystal, then having kids withCrystal, and it's like, oh
you so that leaves him like abad taste in my mouth. Now he
married Crystal and cheated on her,and now he's doing this polygamy shit.
So I think like he gives likethe polygamoust life style kind of a bad

(33:51):
name because it's like, this isthe kind of man that is a polygamist.
This is the kind of man thattakes advantage of women. It just
wants to date many women in butdoesn't really know how to treat one woman
when he has her. You knowwhat I'm saying. But I do think
that there are stand up guys thatare stand up girls that just want to
love multiple people. Wait, firstof all, I didn't know that he
cheated on his first wife with Crystal. I don't know if that he cheated
on her. I know that hemade her get it or they agreed to

(34:13):
get the tubes tied and they weredone having children. Then he divorced her
and married Crystal, had kids withYou lose them, how you get them?
Yeah? I mean again, Idon't I don't know if you cheat
it with Crystal. I can't confirmthat. I mean, I guess I
cand google it, but yeah,I do agree you do. How you
lose them is how you got them. But how do you feel about that

(34:34):
ligamous lifestyle? Well, I mean, I mean me personally, I could
never do it. I don't respectanybody who isn't sexually disciplined enough to be
with just one person. I've heardpeople say that they it's not natural for
what for a man to only wantto be able to have, you know,
desire one woman. It's just naturalfor men to be hunters and to

(34:57):
go after multiple women, so youknow, and we just have to accept
that. I don't agree. Ifyou again, if you can't be sexually
disciplined, then for me personally,I don't want you. What but what
if it's not about sex, Like, what if it's just about you can't
get your needs met in one woman? Emotional support? Maybe? And I'm

(35:21):
just playing devil's advocate. I cannever do it either. I'm way too
jealous, like are you fucking stupid? But just playing devil's advocate. And
I don't know if he was marriedto Monietta was her name. I don't
know if it was a long termgirlfriend or if they were married, but
even still he made her get hertubes tight and then married Crystal. But
yeah, so what if it's justlike, hey, I just feel like
you are amazing. I love youremotional support, I love your sex.

(35:45):
However, I don't really care foryour cooking and cleaning too much, and
I just want I just want totake this other girl who's gonna do the
cooking and cleaning part of my ofmy needs. And then also she loves
to read the kind of books I'veto read and loves to go to freaking
Dungeon and Dragons conventions with me.But that's all it is. But you
are my head wife, and Iwill I don't know. I just the

(36:07):
thing, are you ever going tofind all get all your needs met in
one person? And what if thepeople the person accepts that and they're like,
I'm not willing to sacrifice that.I just want to date multiple people.
Like I know, I'm not goingto have all my needs met in
one person, so I'm not goingto settle for one person. Well then
that's fine, you do you,but that doesn't mean they don't have sexual
control. That's just not the samething. Okay, then I retract that.

(36:29):
I mean because for some I guesswe got to separate the two.
For some people it's about the sex, that's true. It's like I can't
commit to one woman sexually because Ican't fight these urges to you know,
be with be attracted sexually to otherwomen. But yes, I guess there
are other people who are like,Okay, I can get my needs met
in a bunch of different people.And again the lifestyle, then that's cool.

(36:52):
And you find a woman that's okaywith that, then cool. But
I will There is a show calledwas It Couple to Threutle, So it's
like a couple that is into thepolygamous lifestyle and they're looking for their threatfle
And I think that there are likerules in structure within the polygamous like lifestyle,
like everybody's not just like a wildorgy with whoever you want it.

(37:13):
I think it's like rules where youknow, you don't mix and match and
you don't date more than one person, and it's like it's it's it's weird,
and majority of the time it's theman who's allowed to have multiple wives
and it's not the other way around. That's true. Why is that?
Well, that's true? I thinkthat that. You know, this world

(37:34):
is just patriarchal and women don't questionits. People watch this couple on TikTok,
it was like three of them.They were like TikTok famous and they
were like known as like the polygamistswhatever. And he said, he would
say all the time, like it'snatural for men to desire multiple women,
but it's not for the vice versa. It's not normal. Women need to

(37:59):
stay in their place as with oneperson. Yeah, he takes I can't.
I can't even start people who whoactually think like that. And you
know what, it's also really quiteinteresting the whole cuckold interest. And I
did interview a man that was acuckold. If you don't know, a
cuckold is somebody who has sex withyour partner in front of you because you

(38:21):
like to watch your partner get pleasedby another man. A lot of the
times the woman is the one havingsex with another man while the man watches.
And a lot of the times,according to a cuckold that we interviewed
or an escort, I should callhim, that's always the man too.
The man wants the woman to dothat. It's not the woman who wants
to be banged by multiple guys.It's always the man's fantasy to see his

(38:43):
woman in this or a lot ofthe time. I shouldn't say always,
we shouldn't generalize, but a lotof the time, why, Like,
it's not my thing, so Idon't really I mean, I like to
watch poornos about it, but Idon't, like I wouldn't do it.
So I don't want your woman tobe a polygamous relationship, be with anyone
other than you. But you liketo watch or have sex with others.

(39:06):
Well, I don't know if thatrule applies to the cuckold. If he's
not, I don't know how yougot all those rules and applied it to
their relationship. But I just thinkmaybe it's like, oh, okay,
we're in a relationship and this isjust something we do every once in a
while, Like yo, how aboutwe're at the bar. I'm gonna get
this guy real quick for us,or you gonna get that guy for us,
and then okay. I mean,everybody has their kinks and their fantasies,
and I ain't judging. I mean, if that's what you like to

(39:28):
do, cool whatever, Yeah,I guess. I mean, there's rules
to it. There's rules to polygamy. I do think that you know,
we don't have to all follow thesame rules. It's just definitely not for
me. But I do have aquestion when it comes to like getting your
needs met. If you think thatyou found your man, you're perfect guy,
and he pleases you mentally, youhave fun with him spiritually, but

(39:51):
he doesn't do it for you sexually, or it could be something else he
does it, he's lacking in anotherarea. What do you do in that
situation? So I feel like,and that's so funny because I feel like
I was kind of in that situationa little bit before, where I felt
as though we had amazing connections butjust sexually just wasn't there. But I

(40:14):
think that that was me to anextent, like I just had to kind
of be patient and understand him andhim understand me, and we were able
to get there eventually, just becausethe mental connection, the verbal connection,
everything was so strong. So Ithink that you could always work on the
things that are lacking, especially ifyou're somebody that loves this person and they
love you and they want to pleaseyou and you want to please them.
It's like I'll get better at thator I'll work with that. Not that

(40:36):
I'm changing myself for you, butI can get better for you, that's
true. Yeah, So I thinkthere's always things you can work through,
unless it's like a micro penis orsomething. In that case you wouldn't be
my man anyway. So yeah,I agree. I mean I feel like
for me in past relationships, therewas things that you know, I wasn't
getting in certain areas, and youknow, you have the thought of like,
oh, well I can get thatsomewhere else, you know what I

(40:58):
mean. But I think it's allabout out, you know, weighing your
options, like you're prosing your conswhat's more important to you, and like
you said, you can work onthings, you know, and if both
parties are willing to work at thatone goal, then I absolutely think it's
possible. Yeah. And I thinka lot of the time sometimes if a
partner's just not meeting like one specificthing, and you're like, oh,
that's the one thing I'm missing,let me go find that somewhere else,

(41:21):
and I'll think somebody has everything thatmy partner has except for that with including
that one thing, I'm going tofind that. I think a lot of
the times when you leave looking forbetter, you don't you don't find it.
It's like, damn, now he'sthe one that got away, or
she's the one that got away becauseI was so hell bent on getting my
nipples looked at the right time.Like I don't know, I just ran.
But yeah, I totally agree.Okay, listen, Megan the Stallion.

(41:44):
Did you hear that she's getting sued? Megan cannot catch a break.
Listen if it's not one, Butlike she might be the common denominator she
met, her friends are leaving hereverything. It's like something's gotta give.
I agree that something's there, Like, I don't know what it is.
There, maybe some healing needed insome part of her, but she like

(42:07):
it's continuously like the target of people'slike I don't know, aggressions and beefs.
I feel bad for him. Yeah. So she's being sued by her
former cameraman for harassment. He saidthat she forced him to watch her have
sex with another woman in the car, so basically, you know, they
were it was like the driver MegaStallion, a woman and then the cameraman

(42:30):
they started doing the do in theand he just sat there uncomfortable. Later,
she told him don't ever repeat anythingthat you ever saw. You didn't
see it happening. Eventually, astime went by, she started using him
less and less for work, tothe point one day he was let go
by Rock Nation. So now thathe was let go, back in like
I guess December twenty twenty three,he's following this lawsuit. Everyone's like,

(42:53):
well, yeah, now that hewasn't gonna say anything until he got let
go, but now he got letgo, Now he's reaching da da da
da. Other people are saying thingslike, well, I mean he must
be gay, because if you don'twant to sit there and watch two women
have sex, something is wrong withyou. He needs to shut up and
just watch. So there's a lotof different opinions about this whole situation online.

(43:15):
For me personally, I if you'regonna scream believe women, you have
to believe scream believe men too,because men do get sexually harassed and assaulted
as well. I mean we learnedthat from what Terry Crews, and you
know, especially when it's like abig strong black man, everyone's like,
well, you're shut the back.God, like you a big black man

(43:37):
and you're gonna let yourself berated like, and people don't believe you know what
I mean, you're a black man. Watch these people, these women have
sex black man like you love that? Yeah, And so I think that
is completely like a double standard.It's completely fake. And so if he
felt like he was being sexually harassedthat moment and he was uncomfortable, he
is entitled to feel that way inthat moment. So I think it's just

(44:00):
gussing how some people are like justsit back and watch and enjoy, join
in, you know what I mean. So yeah, I mean I think
that he's right to file the lawsuit. I think that I agree with you
on a thousand per cent as faras like you need to just shut up
and watch like that is disgusting,he even say, because again, if
the roll was reverse, we wouldhave that man hung upside down by his
tonels like just shut up and takeit, Like, are you kidding me?

(44:22):
He's allowed to speak up and forcehis boundaries just like anybody else.
I do find it a little bitalarming that this, if this is true,
that the lawsuit came after he wasbeing used less and less. I
think when you do reach the levellike Megan, and you're making that money
and you're reaching that status, peopledo sue you. Biggie said it more
money, more problems. So Ido think that we can't immediately run to

(44:44):
everybody who's suing and trying to getmoney and trying to make it come up,
especially if it's true that he's beingused less and less. Clearly he
needs the money, he needs thatStallion money. What can I do to
get this Stallion money. I'm morelikely to believe that rather than he needs
to watch it. But if wehe says is true, and she was
like, you know, doing thatand making him uncomfortable, then yeah,

(45:06):
he has a right to sue.But if not, they leave Megan the
hell alone. Like, leave Meganthe hell alone. I will say that
she has been going through a lot, and this was she He said he
worked from her from twenty nineteen totwenty twenty three, so that was during
that whole period of time with theTory Lane's trial. She was going through
a lot. She admitted that shewas drinking to the point where she almost
didn't even want to be alive.She lost a lot of friends, like

(45:29):
she's come out and talked about herdark time, so obviously that was during
that dark time. So not thatthat's an excusable for treating people like crap,
because I'm sure like during that time, like she has made her mistakes
when it comes to relationships. Sobut you know, at the same time,
you have to be held accountable forthe things that you do. Yeah,
and so I feel like a lotof things that Megan thee Stallion has

(45:51):
done during her dark time dark daysare kind of catching up with her.
But that's just my opinion. Yeah, I mean, I mean, not
everybody is wrong about what they're sayingabout her. There's so many things that
have come out and not everybody iswrong. No that And you know,
you made a really good point.It's really hard if you're going through a
really dark time depression, alcoholism.And then also I just think there's never

(46:14):
any amount of healing or growth oryears that can pass to get over the
loss of both of your parents andhaving no family. So I just do
think that there's a little Megan insideof her that needs a lot of healing.
But I do agree with you thatthat doesn't necessarily excuse you treating people
badly. I do think that youneed work on yourself. You do need
grace and understanding. If you know, because if you can acknowledge that you

(46:35):
weren't being your best self and youwere acted in an ugly way, then
I don't think that that's genuine towho your character is, because if it
was genuine to your character, wasyou whenever? I acknowledge it as a
bad time. So I just thinkshe needs grace in a little bit of
love. But I can agree withyou that if she's going through those ugly
times, likely her behavior was uglyas well. I mean, I can
relate more than anybody else, LikeI mean, not more than anybody else,
but like I went through. Italked about it so many times my

(46:57):
dark days after Sarah died, lostall my friends, and I didn't give
a fuck like I was. Iwas just give But during that time,
no one can tell me anything aboutmy actions, and that's how far gone
I was, and I created alot of chaos around me. So thankfully
now it's been like five six years, like I am on the other side
and I can recognize that though.But I did hurt a lot of people

(47:20):
during that time, and I reapedwhat I sold. I got the karma
I got, like you know whatI mean, I you lost the friends
I lost the friends I lost,like I suffered during in my career,
I got sick, you know whatI mean? My actions had consequences,
and so not saying that whatever happenedwith Megan thee stallion, like who knows
what really happened with the Tory Lanesituation. I don't. I don't even

(47:43):
like talking about that situation. Girl. You know, girl, what I
didn't say that she's doing. Ididn't. Don't we know he shot that
girl. There's a lot of speculationin we're about to take it back to
Brennan's twenty. No, I neversaid that he didn't shot I never said
that she didn't shoot her at all. You're just curious about like the action

(48:07):
cleaning up, Like what what canjustify it? Kayla, I don't understand.
No, I never said that shethat he didn't shoot her at all.
I'm saying the things that have happenedafterwards, fucking your best friend's man,
all that kind of things, likeokay, all right, all the
little things that she has done,I mean, they have consequences. That's
I'm excusing the Tory Lane situation.I don't even I don't even like talking

(48:28):
about that situation. That's just myopinion. You can believe what you want
to believe. I believe that thathe shot her, but I do think
that a lot of things did comeout after that. As far as Megan's
character being questionable, I agree.I agree with you to an extent.
I do think that your delivery wasfunny, but I do I do agree
with what you said. I getcome over now, I don't want to

(48:51):
talk about it. Who is yourpetty Award of the week going to my
dear? I'm gonna do Taylor Swiftfor her song thank You Amy. It
was directed at Kim Kardashian. Idon't know if you saw the title,
but the words kay, i andam were capitalized, so it spells Kim.
It was a did song to KimKardashian, just because you know of
their history, like she threw shadeand like subliminal saying like my mom is

(49:16):
a saintly woman, but she wishesthat she there was a time where she
wishes that you were dead. Andobviously her mom or saint is like Kim
Kardashian. Son's names. Now yourkid is gonna come home singing my songs
that we both know are about you. Oh snap, Yeah, there's a
there's a It's like a whole thing. But I thought that was very,

(49:37):
very, very shady. And thenit was funny because Kim Kardashian today posted
a picture with krly Klass, whois Taylor Swift's kind of like ex best
friend, and posted that on herstory and I was like, Oh,
Kim is being a little patty.Oh Kim's gonna come back. I don't
know. Kardashians don't play The Kardashiansaren't the ones to play with, but

(49:58):
I guess MS Swift is not either. Yes, I think that if Taylor
Swift ever got into a rat battle, the way her lyrics are, the
way she has such a lyricist,is such a poet about it, like
she would dominate any battle if itever came to like lyrically, go I
had to have a Taylor Swift.Damn Taylor, I'm gonna give mine to
Kesha. She changed her lyrics asyou know, wake up in the morning

(50:19):
feeling like Pee Diddy. Well,she's been performing that song lately, and
she changed the lyrics to this.Well that audio is awful, but yeah,
wake up in the morning screaming fuckp Diddy. And I think that
that is super Petty Ksha, Ilove it. Yeah, I'm gonna give

(50:44):
mine tail swift though, me too. This is good. I mean she
spelled her name in the song,So yeah, Petty Oltward of the Week
Boo Booms get into Petty mal Nowfrom Torrance. She writes, Hey,
Kayla and Kayla, I met aguy off a hinge a few weeks ago
and we hit it off right away. We've been seeing each other and we're
already sleeping together every time or intimate. He asked me to go down on

(51:05):
him every single time, but hedoes not do the same to me.
He does get me off, buthe never goes down there with his mouth.
Last night again he asked. Hejust told me to suck him,
And I know I don't have todo that, but why is it that
he's not doing the same to mewhen he straight up asked me to do

(51:30):
it to him. I haven't askedhim to do I haven't asked him to
do the same because I've never hadto ask guy to do it before.
They just do it on their own. When I bought it up to him,
he said he has OCD and henever liked to do it. He
doesn't like to smell blah blah blahblah. The whole time, I'm thinking
that he's trying to compare me toother women from his past. Is this
a deal breaker? I mean,you have to figure out if it's a

(51:52):
deal breaker for you, but that'ssomething that you can't live without, then
that's something that you have to decide. But I also feel like it's not
fair, you know what I mean? Like, if I'm doing this for
you, I want to get minetoo, So what's up? Yeah?
I also like, yeah, Idon't. You can't make somebody do something
they're uncomfortable doing, So like,yeah, I agree with Klef. You

(52:15):
gotta just decide if it's a dealbreaker for you. For example, if
a guy just continuously wants to do, like, I don't know, pee
on me or something that's not mything, I'm not going to allow that
to happen. So if that's whatyou need, to walk away, you
know, the walk away, Butyou can't make him, you know,
go down on you. So youwant that, top girl? If you
got that out? What you gotcoming up this week? Girl? I

(52:37):
got nothing but work. Really,I'm hosting this kickoff to Pride thing on
Saturday. Fun is that like arooftop bar? I think so that should
be interesting. I've never done somethinglike that, Like I've never hosted at
like a bar. I don't know. It's something that I've never done.
So I'm excited to do it.And that's not it basically it. Yeah,

(52:59):
I have I have a lot ofwork stuff coming up and a networking
thing coming up I'm really excited about. And the year of talking after the
fact. So it's a lot changingon happy just heurs up. Well,
thank you guys so much for listening. Ask at page podcast dot com.
If you need any advice, youcan follow me at Kayla Thomas Sport follow

(53:19):
me as t