Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
He served at the Pentagon as an army jag. He
graduated from Notre Dame and has two law degrees from
Boston University and Georgetown University. He's been practicing law for
over thirty years. He's your family's personal attorney. It's time
for the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hello, and welcome to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney, and you have found a place
where we talk about a state planning, elder law, real
estate and business law. Now I want to tell you,
oh what does that mean? Almost forgot? Well, you can
always call us, of course six one, six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four if you have a question, comment,
(00:43):
or concern about practically anything, because I'm an expert in
practically everything. So you can talk about anything because I'm
an expert in everything. Just ask me. I'll let you
know anyway, six one six seven seven four two four
two four seven seven the four two four that's the
number to call to get answers to your questions. And
(01:08):
it's free, you know this week anyway, it's still free
as far as I know. The government shutdown has not
affected it. The FCC I guess is out. Oh does
that mean we can you know? I've often said that
the that this show, right is the show where the
bumper music is almost always better, almost always better than
(01:29):
the show itself, right, the intro music like that. And
come to think of it, the Federal Communications Commission, which
regulates the use of music and stuff like that and
radio and what have you, aren't they shut down. I
can't hardly believe they're an essential whatever. So if they're
(01:49):
shut down, does that mean does that mean I could
finally satisfy my audience by going to a one bumper
music format. Well, I don't know what the answer to
that question is, but I'll find out, and next week
you may be gratified to know that you don't have
to listen to me and we can play music, my
(02:10):
favorite music the whole time. I won't even well, we'll see.
I don't know if. I don't know if we can
do that. But if you'd like to vote for that option,
just give me a call at seven seven four twenty
four to twenty four. That's EERIC codes sixty one six
seven seven four twenty four twenty four and say stop
the punishment. I want to let's go that all music format.
(02:32):
I'd love to do that, Okay. In the meantime, however,
we better, I guess, stick to the straight and arrow,
which is a state planning, elder law, real estate, and
business law. So if you have a question, comment or
concern about wills, trust or probate. If you're wondering how
do we beat the high cost of long term care,
(02:52):
that's a good question, isn't it. You know, if you
wonder why the middle class is going broke, there's lots
of reasons. There's lots of reasons, but it's like one
of my favorite radio personalities another David says, you know,
when times are tough, you can beans and rice right.
I mean, you've always found a way, you middle class
Americans have always found a way to keep going right
(03:15):
and not to not to sacrifice what you've built up,
not to sacrifice your life savings. The difference, and this
is what we focus on. Right in case you didn't know,
in case you're new to the show, you didn't know.
I mean, what we're focused on is making sure you
don't go broke, That you don't go broke, that the
middle class and the one way you will go broke,
and it happens. You hate to say routinely, but it
(03:38):
is routine. The way you go broke, and usually there's
no hope for it is long term care. Long term
care is what makes people go broke, people who've lived
their whole lives. I mean, we've got people in the
eighties nineties and they come to us sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties,
you know which we might also call boomers, Okay, boomer right,
(03:59):
the boomers, that's us. We're finally going broke after lifetime
of saving, working, doing the good thing, none of which
is appreciated, mind you. And here we are, and now
I'm gonna go broke because why because you can't avoid it,
because you can't just say and I don't think I
don't want any of that long term care stuff. What
(04:19):
the hell are you going to be? You say no,
or if people say no on your behalf where you're going,
where you're going? Your kids aren't going to take you in.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Now.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I know you did that for your parents, But it's
a different deal the millennials. We have a different deal
with the millennials. The boomers have a different deal with
the millennials than the greatest generation had with the boomers. Okay,
with the greatest generation. With the boomers, idea was not
only going to take care of us boomers, You're gonna
(04:49):
take care of us the greatest generation, but you're also
going to be raising the millennials. And I guess maybe
what happened was the millennials saw that going on and
saying I don't want any part of that. I ain't
go to do that. It wasn't just you know, you
can't blame everything on the boomers. I mean, maybe they
made that observation. Who knows exactly how it came about,
(05:09):
but I'll tell you, in thirty five years of doing this,
the ethos, the fundamental assumptions about things have radically changed
in terms of who takes care of who. And I know,
I know you've got a daughter who's a nurse, and
oh my daughter, the nurse said she take us in.
Oh ah, yes, I'm sure yours will be the exception
(05:30):
to the rule. Yeah, yeah, I suppose it will happen.
But I don't know about you. But my my nurse
daughter daughter has two kids already babies, and I don't
see that happening. I just don't see it happening. No,
(05:51):
I know, and that's in addition to a lot more
unfiltered experience from non family member, and that was that's
a different deal. That's a different deal than it used
to be. And we can ignore that, or we can
deal with it. And I've been about dealing with it
now for three decades, and that's what the show is
(06:11):
all about. How do we deal with that? How do
we make sure that your plans for the future are
dare I say realistic as opposed to aspirational, which means
that you wish, I hope in a dream. You know,
my mother's used to say. My mother used to say,
only had one. My mother used to say, if wishes
and dreams were candies and creams, we'd all be a
(06:31):
lot fatter than we are right now. But that's people's
long term care plan. What we're trying to do here,
What we are doing, what we have been doing, is
substituting wishes and dreams with actual solid planning so that
you get what you are, what you are entitled to. Hey,
we're coming up on coming up on Thanksgiving. Did you
(06:53):
notice that we used to say We used to say,
I'm gonna give you some strategies in the next section
in the next session, next segment, because we're about out
of this one. But it used to be back in
the day, and I mean when I first started doing
this then twenty thirty years ago, that the fourth quarter
(07:13):
that we're in right now, the last towards the end
of the year, hardly anybody did anything. Hardly anybody did
any planning, and that has radically changed. It's almost now
the fourth quarter is one of our very busiest and
I think it's because I think I don't know for sure,
but my sense is with Christmas and Thanksgiving coming in
(07:35):
the fourth quarter, people finally start to say, hey, with
the family, gangs all here with the family finally comes together, right,
and it's a time for that kind of conversation a
little bit. It's just it's interesting. I mean, I'm open
to theories about why exactly it is, but we've gone
(07:57):
from a nobody does anything after Halloween that used to
that used to be the thing, you know, once the
candy comes out, nobody's going to do any estate planning.
Nobody's going to do it. And the same way with
the financial planning industry, the folks that we've worked with,
everybody's like, yeah, you know, once once it gets, you know,
past past Labor Day, things slow down, then past the
(08:18):
Halloween forget about it. But now that fourth quarter is
really uh, it's it's our biggest busiest, busiest quarter. And
I think the reason has a lot to do with
the fact that maybe people just aren't routinely thinking about
family throughout the year and they're not thinking about the
future so much, or maybe there's some there, Maybe there's
(08:42):
some oh you know, as we head to Thanksgiving and
anticipate that, anticipate Christmas, the holidays. That used to be
a reason for putting things off. See that's what people
used to do. It's like, oh, I'll do it when
the holidays are over, well to three months of holidays
between you know, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you know,
(09:03):
that's that's kind of how it went so now but nowadays,
as I say, more and more people are doing it.
Thanksgiving is a good time to take stock. And we'll
be talking about that in the next segment. You know, exactly,
you know, just give you some ideas. I mean, there
is no exact science, the law is exactly. I mean,
(09:23):
you can you can definitely plan ahead, you know, with
some high degree of confidence that it's going to do
what you think it's going to do if you do
it correctly. I mean most people, of course have a
wish and a promise, but it doesn't work, and who's
surprised by that. But if you do it the uncustomary way,
the untraditional way, non traditional, untraditional whatever, you know, if
(09:45):
you do it differently, then you can actually have a
high degree of confidence that your plan is going to work.
And that's what, of course we recommend and maybe take
a little bit different perspective on conversations and whatnot around
around thank thanks Giving. It's one of those things where
(10:05):
what can I say you have to fortify yours? Well,
I'll leave that for the for the next segment. But
be thinking, you know, maybe this is the best part
of the year. Maybe this is the time in the
autumn of our lives, uh that you know to get
that planning done. Just be thinking about it because it
(10:26):
has been has been sort of a sea change that
we've seen over the over the years from something we
did like summertime. Summertime we used to be pretty busy.
Springtime is still very busy. But this last last quarter,
the fourth quarter, the you know fall in winter does
seem to be now the busiest time, and let's let's
(10:47):
talk about that a little bit in the next segment.
In the meantime, get on your phone seven seven four
two four two four. That's six one six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four. I'm David Carry, your family's
personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
This hour of the David Carrier Show is pro bono,
so call in now at seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now we got Thanksgiving. Oh you
can always call us six one six seven seven four
twenty four twenty four. That's sixty one six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four. Get your question, comment or
concern on the air, especially if it is you know,
(11:34):
Will's trust, probate, all that kind of stuff. Anyway, We've
got Thanksgiving coming up, Okay, And you're gonna be disappointed
if you think I have a magic, magic way of
talking to the kids about this stuff, because I don't.
I just got a call. I'm telling you sometimes I
got a call yesterday from one of my kids, right,
(11:56):
and it's like you know how you have a hard
time sort of talking to your kids sometimes about politics
or what have you. Right, Well, it was like that,
it was it was one of those and I won't
get into it anymore than to give you the flavor
of it, but it was like, you know, it's like,
are you still you know, I'm just calling to make
(12:19):
sure that you're not the horrible person I thought you
were because you don't have sympathy for all this horrible
stuff going on or something like that. And it was like, well,
you know, I have a little more nuanced view of
things perhaps, And it was like, oh my god, I mean,
then you're off to the races, right. So I mean
I'm just saying it. I'm like, what did you call for?
(12:43):
Did you call to have warm, fuzzy feelings or did
you just call to verify that I'm you know, the evil,
horrible person that you thought it was. And and of
course I always like to live up to expectations, right,
so now I'm not smart enough, but maybe you are.
You see. This is this is why, uh, this is
a This is definitely a situation of do what I say,
(13:05):
not what I do. Okay, And I guess what I'm
trying to do is acknowledge the acknowledge the difficulty of it.
The point is that come Thanksgiving that can be can be,
doesn't have to not be. Shift. As I said before,
there's been a shift from the last quarter of the year,
(13:26):
you know, fall and winter being oh nobody does planning
to it's one of the busiest seasons. We've got, very
busy season because at the major holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas,
maybe Halloween. I guess they're trying to make it that way.
You start thinking about family, you start thinking about those
sorts of things, and I guess Halloween. You know, it's
(13:46):
kind of an emphasis on death. Oh my goodness, death,
and maybe Halloween contributes to it. I was thinking it
was just Thanksgiving and Christmas and family, but you know,
I mean, maybe the Macaba aspect of Halloween helps. I
don't know. But the point is that nowadays, this is
a good time, this is a very popular time, more
than before for people to for people to be thinking
(14:10):
about the long term care and the state planning and
the whole planning aspect of it, I guess. And then
the question is how do you avoid doing what I
did yesterday, which is to get into the vortex of
X number of years of political disagreement and all the
rest of it. Now, I do have clients who think
(14:33):
that the way to do this is to explain everything
to their kids. Let me caution you that that is
not Maybe it'll work in your family, you know. I mean,
it's one of those things where you can't say, oh,
that never works, when maybe it did work once or twice. Okay,
out of the literally tens of thousands of interviews and
(14:56):
families we've been associated with over the years, you know,
maybe it could work. I mean, I'm not saying never
say never, right, but but not not typically. Okay, So
if you have in mind anything, but here are the
two things you can talk about. Okay. What you could
(15:18):
talk about would be who's going to be in charge
for a second?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Third?
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Okay, many many people think they would be an insult
to their older kids not to put them in age order,
And you can do that if you want. If you
really can't decide who's more responsible or who's more likely
to carry out your intention, then go ahead do age order.
Why not? I mean, what could it hurt if you
can't decide you're the one with the most information about
(15:46):
that and frankly, most people are not bashful about saying, Oh,
it ain't gonna be Timmy, It's got to be Tommy
or Esmerelda or whoever. You know what I mean, that's
up to you. And lots of times it's clear. But
if it isn't clear, then at Thanksgiving Christmas, it's not
a bad time to say, Hey, you know, we're thinking
(16:07):
of putting you in charge. Would you mind doing this?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Now?
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Let me caution you. An awful lot of people think
it's some great honor, some privilege or or what do
you want to say. They think it's a good thing
to be the trustee or the personal representative agent under
the power of attorney the patient advocate. Right, They think, oh,
I don't want to I don't want to put Tommy
(16:31):
instead of Timmy because then Timmy will feel left out,
or something like this. If Timmy had any idea what
bullet he was dodging by not being named as trustee,
Timmy would rise up and call you blessed. All right,
it's no fun doing any of this stuff, and you
already know that from you know, perhaps from going through
(16:53):
this with your parents. But you're not giving anybody an
extra cupcake. When you make them the trust ste what
you're doing is you're putting a target on their back.
So you better be sure that whoever it is that
you choose to do this be the product of thought.
Think about it, think about who should be doing it. Okay.
(17:15):
The second thing is as you go through, and it
shouldn't just be age order, because here's the test, all right,
if you've ever done this yourself, you know anybody, and
let me just share the you know, because I'm a
sharing kind of guy. Evidence of the country notwithstanding. Anyway,
the idea is you can get somebody to be trustee
(17:40):
the first time. So if somebody gets named as trustee
the first time, they get named nominated whatever chosen as
trust the agent, patient, advocate, what have you. They're happy
to do it, all right. They're happy to do it
because they feel the honor of it and the trust
and the faith and all the that good stuff. But
(18:02):
you'll never get them to do it a second time
because once they find out what's actually going on, what
they really have to do, it's like, oh my god,
I ain't doing that again. And probably ten percent of
the time that people are on their second go round,
it just shows you. Some people are some people are
super super nice, but most people will never do it
(18:22):
again after they've done the first time. So don't be thinking, oh,
if I don't put them in age order, if so
and so will feel bad because they're not named this
trustee that should play no role in your thought process
or in your procedure, in your discernment, whatever you want
to call it, your thought process to choosing who should
(18:44):
be in charge. Right. Remember, Eve did not go into
the garden looking for apples. What that means is temptation
rears its ugly head. Okay, and you do not want
to lead us not into temptation. Right, So, don't put
someone in charge of your estate if there's any doubt
about their ability to do it, their you know, their integrity,
(19:08):
everything else. It's a it's a very it can be
a very difficult thing. And and here's the deal. If
you don't have anyone in the family, uh in whom
you have that kind of confidence, we'll go with a
professional trustee. Yeah, they charge money, okay, but you're not
inviting embezzlement. Okay, you're not inviting a breach of trust.
(19:30):
You're not fracturing the family further. Which you might very
well be doing if you put the wrong person in
charge of this stuff. I'm just saying you need to
be you need to be careful about that. And age
order is typically a very poor substitute for rational thought, judgment, discernment, uh,
(19:50):
and do and doing so in a calm and you know,
rational way. You've been listening to the David Carrier Show.
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
David's got the how too you're looking for. Just call
seven seven four twenty four twenty four. This is the
David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now is the time give us
a call. Sixty one six seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. That's six one six seven seven four twenty
four twenty four. We're talking about Thanksgiving coming up in
a couple of weeks there. Oh, by the way, I
shay Oh, I should mentioned first of all the phone
(20:34):
number sixty one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four.
That's six one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four. Also,
if you're one of the sixteen thousand blessed people who
receive our emails, check your email because we're doing friends
Giving on the twenty first, so that's not next week,
but the following week as friends Giving at at the office,
(20:58):
we're doing I'm smoking some turkey and we've got some
pull pork and whatnot, and it's going to be one
of those trivia things that we do, you know, like
the uh we had the ice cream social trivia, we
had the something else that we something that will be
wrapped trivia into so we like doing that. But anyway,
(21:19):
Friendsgiving that's coming up. So when you get the when
you get the email, and we only have room for
I don't know, fifty hundred people something like that, so
at the office, so when you get it, be sure
that you're one of the first to because it's a
first come, you know, like anything else we do, it's
first come, first surf. However, if you do miss out
on Friendsgiving, don't worry because we've already got the Christmas
(21:42):
thing is uh, we're planning that and that of course
is going to be at the Meyer Gardens as it
always is, once they get the Christmas trees out and
then uh, and that one that'll be uh, you know,
we got hundreds and hundreds coming to that one. So
don't you know, if you miss out on Friendsgiving, don't worry.
We have lots more room at our Christmas Christmas delio
(22:05):
there so our quarterly meeting for that. So put that
on your calendar. And that would be good thing Thanksgiving,
as I say, that's come out friendsgiving too. Nice thing
about friendsgiving. There's no family, you don't have to do
any cooking. You just kind of show up and be pleasant. Right,
answer a few trivia questions, get some prizes. That's right.
(22:28):
We have prizes direct.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Some people say where do you get such amazing, amazing prizes,
and you know, because there are fabulous things And the
answer is from the Meyer thrifty acre outlet over on Alpine.
That's where the stuff they couldn't sell them the stores.
That's what the that's what the prizes are. See. That's
in the interest of full transparency. If you wonder what
(22:54):
was going on there anyway, and I'm personally doing the
oh maybe and say that I'm personally doing the meal,
but anyway, I am so there it is six one, six, seven, seven,
twenty four twenty four. Okay, Now, question what should you
be discussing at Thanksgiving with your family about your estate
(23:16):
plan and the answer is nothing. Now that's different than
who's going to be in charge? Okay, the who's going
to be in charge? You got to find out because
if one of your kids was already trustee for somebody,
they will run away screaming and will not want to
do it again. That's a nine times out of ten prediction. If, however,
(23:37):
they've done it before I did a good job and
are happy to do it again, well grab that opportunity
with both hands. But the reason you the reason you
ask that kind of question is so that everybody knows.
You want everybody to know who to look to, who
to be in charge. I'm from eight eight kids in
my family, right, so, and everybody knew who was going
(23:58):
to be in charge, and everybody accepted it and there
was no issue and all the rest of it. But
it was handy to know who to ask if you
had a question about something, right you know what was
going on. So that was a that was a good idea.
That's a positive thing. There's a good reason to let
your family know who's going to be in charge, who
(24:18):
gets what. On the other hand, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't do it, and and put it in writing. I mean,
it's got to be in writing. See so many families,
so many families, and it's not it's not even the
siblings so much as the next generation, because the story
(24:39):
gets repeated, and nobody repeats the story without making it better. Okay,
So why did Uncle Ned get the farm? Oh he
cheated your dad Fred out of Ned cheated Fred out
of the farm, and then he had his friend the
appraiser give a low value on it. Plus those are
really friend's cattle, but Ned got them anyway. And you know,
(25:00):
maybe none of this stuff happened, okay, but you hear it.
And now the cousins are inflamed against against one another.
And that's really a bad legacy. That's a bad legacy
of discontent, dissension and et cetera. You don't want that,
So don't do that. Don't talk about right other than
(25:21):
who's in charge, because you want to check that out.
You want to make sure they're willing to do it.
You want to make sure everybody knows who to look to. Okay,
and then that way you don't get somebody doesn't want
to do it. Here's The biggest problem with somebody who
doesn't want to do it being in charge. Number one,
they won't resign. They'll sign up and they'll say, oh yeah, sure,
I'll do it, right, they'll agree to it in the moment,
(25:42):
but then they won't do anything and they won't resign,
and then you're stuck with years and years and years
and everybody getting sour about the whole thing. Right, So
don't do that. That's that, And who gets what if
you're doing anything anything but sharing share a like, right,
(26:06):
shut up about it. Don't say, Okay, the best plan
is the one that the kids don't know about till
after you're gone. And if it's sharing share like wonderful, fine,
don't tell them that either, all right, don't tell them
I got a plan. I got a plan, all right,
it's no big deal. And and if you're working with us, right,
(26:28):
you can throw in Oh and by the way, you know,
we thought about the whole long term care situation. We
actually thought about it. We actually did something to make
sure right that we're not going broke, right, So don't
worry about that either too often. Now, of course, there's
(26:49):
always a situation where the kids don't want to talk
about it. That's that's very common. Kids don't want to
talk about it anyway, but you do need to have
the conversation to the extent. Number one, you reassure them
that you were thinking about who gets what, and you're
also thinking about the whole long term care thing for you,
because that's getting to be more and more an issue
(27:11):
with the millennials seeing look at their parents and thinking
I don't want to do that, and they have friends
whose parents went broke. Okay, so if you share with
them the notion that, yeah, we got the long term
care thing handled and it wasn't long term care insurance,
and we weren't blind about it, we actually planned for it,
that can be a positive and be a very positive thing.
(27:32):
And who's in charge of stuff, you know, the lineup again,
very positive nothing, probably no problem with that. But but
if you're thinking about giving anybody more or less than
anybody else, you don't talk about that stuff. Do not
talk about it. You will not make it better. You
(27:52):
will there's nothing good. I've never seen anything good that
comes of that. With one exception. There exception where everybody
agreed that the kid who kept the dairy farm going,
you know, he deserved the farm, and his sister's got
the life insurance proceeds. But that's the only that was
(28:13):
a that was one of those one offs, you know,
talk about a saintly family, and they all understood what
was going on. They all wanted the farm to keep going,
and they were all successful otherwise, you know, there were
special circumstances in that case, very unusual case happened one time.
Everything else whenever you whenever you favor one person or
(28:33):
favor another person, right, whether it's giving them the cottage
or giving them ten percent more, anything like that, anything
like that, whenever you start doing that kind of thing, right,
shut up about it. My own dad did not take
my advice on that one. I mean, there's five boys
and three girls in my family, and he decided to
go fifty to fifty between the boys and the girls.
(28:56):
And I told them, I said, Dad, you know, whatever
you want, I'll write it up for you, okay, but
zip it, don't tell anybody. And then we had to
get together. It was all the boys, you know, my
brothers and my dad and we're all get together for
a weekend. And we weren't all together twenty minutes. But
Dad comes out with Oh I decided to do that.
(29:17):
I guess what I'm doing, you know, and it's like
I'm dying. And of course, until he did it, share
and share. Like among all the kids, there were some
brothers who got pretty salty about the whole thing, especially
the ones who've been maintaining his house and cutting his
grass and raking the leaves and all the rest of it. Okay,
so if you're going to do things differently, that's fine,
(29:39):
we can do it. But zip it. Don't be talking
about this at Thanksgiving. You're ruin Thanksgiving and Christmas for
the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Don't do it.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I've been listening to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
David's perking and working and taking your calls. Now, this
is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, come back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. So let's kind of recap here.
It's not a bad idea at the Thanksgiving table to
talk about what talk about who should be in charge
of healthcare finances, et cetera. Okay, you'll find out who
really doesn't want to do it and that should not
(30:21):
be a brain dead situation. That should not be an
age order. Oh they're the oldest, so therefore they should
do it, and you should not be thinking, oh, it
won't be you know, they'll be offended if they don't
get chosen. Okay, nobody's offended when they don't get chosen.
Why well not if they understand what's really going on.
The only people get offended because they don't get chosen
(30:44):
people have never done it before, and they probably wouldn't
be a good choice anyway because they don't really understand
what they're getting into, all right. That happens a lot
these days, especially with the with the millennials. See, I
kind of think that boomers that we used we would
if we said we were going to do something right.
(31:06):
The fact that it turned out to be a lot
more difficult than we thought it was going to be
is not really an excuse, right. It's like, oh, so
it was harder than you thought. Well, too bad, you
signed up for it. You're stuck with it now, right
Whereas I think, and it's and I don't mean this negatively,
(31:27):
I think with the millennials there are a lot more
Oh wait a second, that wasn't the deal. You know,
I understood I was I was getting committed for this.
I didn't understand I was getting committed for that. And
so that's a change circumstance, and therefore I'm not going
to do this, that or the other thing. And and
(31:49):
it's it's one of those things. I think it makes sense.
I think the attitude makes a lot of sense if
you consider the differences between what we went through and
what the millennials went through. Okay, so boomers grew up
in a world where you could really we're working your
(32:10):
way through college, right, we're buying a first home where
a lot of things were actually possible to do. Okay,
I mean, think about what your first house cost, Think
about what your first automobile cost, think about what college
tuition used to be, and then think about what those
(32:31):
things are now. Right, And it's getting worse the more
we go down the line, because average you know, in
the last five years last administration, the age of home ownership,
first home ownership, the average age was thirty three. You know,
it's over forty. Now that's a lot. Think about that.
(32:54):
It's like seven years in five years. The average age
of the first time home buyer that's skyrocketed. Okay, And
now is that because uh, you know the same people
finally got around to buy in their house and the
younger ones aren't buying it. I don't I don't know
what the numbers mean exactly, but but that isn't that
a startling statistic. I mean, people getting married later, they're
(33:16):
having kids later, they're doing all the rest of the stuff,
because I think they're a lot more thoughtful, and you know,
and there's no easy answer to it. You know, it's
not a you can't judge people. I mean, here's here's
a important important thing. I think you can't judge people
based on your own experience that much.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
You know how they always when you growing up, they said, well,
put yourself in their shoes, you know, how would you
feel about it? And it's like that has never worked.
I don't know about you, but that has never worked
for me, you know, And well, yeah, I would do that.
And then if I no, no, they won't do that.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I mean it's like, you know, do unto others as
you would have them do unto you. Yeah, well, you know,
you know, if you're in the same generation, that kind
of works but if you go you know, if you
go outside, straight outside your frame of reference, right, you
find out that you know, yeah, I'd be happy if
I'd be happy if you treated me this way. You know,
(34:18):
I'd be glad the way I treat you. And it's like,
oh no, it's a tough And that's one of the
reasons it's so difficult to have these discussions, you know,
the politics of the day discussions, because what you think
is perfectly reasonable and you'd accept that that's the deal.
I'm fine with it, right, most somebody else, different frame
(34:39):
of reference, doesn't accept that as and that's why these
conversations can get so difficult, so so involved. But at
Thanksgiving it's your family. They're the ones who care more
about you than anybody else. You got to try to
have that. You've got to try to have that conversation.
But you also have to realize, right that there are
(35:01):
generational differences that what you think is obvious and moral
and everything else to them can appear can appear very different.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
One of the bizarre things to me is this idea.
You know that baby bo you did everything terrible and
you left us nothing. It's like, what do you mean
we left you nothing. Who do you think invented computers?
Who do you think built these cars? Who do you
think did all this stuff right? It wasn't the greatest generation.
They raised us, and we're the ones who did all
(35:32):
this right, all these things that you just take for granted,
that you just benefit from. But don't try telling a
millennial that, let alone a younger kid, that they just
take everything for granted. But then again, then again, so
did we, right? Everybody? You know, we all stand on
the shoulders of giants. We all do. Everybody does, every
(35:53):
generation does, stands on the shoulders of the people who
came before, who did amazing things that we just take
for granted. And the millennials and boomers and the X,
Y and Z and all the rest of those characters.
However that works out, I don't even know. That's just
part of it. I mean, it's always been. It's always
(36:15):
been kind of that way, right, And you tend to
understand what you're familiar with, but you don't understand quite
so much but someone else is familiar with, which is
why these conversations difficult to have but still necessary necessary
to have, right, So try not to, you know, try
not to get into it with the wet behind the years.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Oh, socially, I love New York. I love New York
now because everything's going to be free, including the bus rides. Like,
does anybody really believe that? The answer is yeah, there
really are people who actually believe that. Okay, and they
really believe that. You know, boomers were exploitive and all
the rest of it. But you know, to be fair,
(36:57):
to be fair, you look at their situation, right, what
does a new car cost forty thousand dollars? Fifty thousand dollars?
I don't know something like that. You buy a car,
you're in hock for the next five years at least,
you know, you don't pay it off in a year
or two. That's not how it works anymore. Right with that,
the houses are so expensive and everything is just certain,
(37:21):
I should say, certain things are way more expensive and unaffordable. Right,
Whereas what for us, for you and me? For us boomers,
you know, apologies to millennials may be listening, but you know,
to us, it's like, well, you just get another job,
or you just work harder. You do morauris, you take
the overtime and then you handle it. Well, it's a
(37:44):
lot more difficult. It's a lot more difficult than it
used to be, which is one of the reasons I
am so I don't know. I feel like we got
the mission here that you that the boomers not go
broken long term care paying for something you already paid
for once. Okay, you gave certain values to your kids,
please God cross our fingers, right that they did have
(38:06):
those values, right, But nowadays, unlike when we were growing up, nowadays,
the money, the money that you can leave to them
is you know, I always say, screw the kids, because
if you focus on your kids, you'll die, broke yourself
because you won't take care of yourself. But if we've
taken care of you, then I think it's more important
now than it ever has been for middle class people
(38:28):
to support that next generation because they're facing challenges we
did not face. Right. It's not medical expenses, housing expenses,
autumn all this stuff, education, It all costs more than
it ever did. Despite the fact that big screen TVs
are cheaper, everything else is more expensive. And that's why,
(38:50):
you know, keeping that promise the next generation is such
a great idea. Thanksgiving is not a bad time to
get the conversation about who should be in charge. Started,
but don't talk about anything else. Be disciplined. Thank you
you've been listening to The David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney.
He served at the Pentagon as an army jag. He
graduated from Notre Dame and has two law degrees from
Boston University and Georgetown University. He's been practicing law for
over thirty years. He's your family's personal attorney. It's time
for the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hello, and welcome to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney, and you have found a place
where we talk about a state planning, elder law, real
estate and business law. Now I want to tell you,
oh what does that mean? Almost forgot? Well, you can
always call us, of course six one, six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four if you have a question, comment,
(00:43):
or concern about practically anything, because I'm an expert in
practically everything. So you can talk about anything because I'm
an expert in everything. Just ask me. I'll let you
know anyway, six one six seven seven four two four
two four seven seven the four two four that's the
number to call to get answers to your questions. And
(01:08):
it's free, you know this week anyway, it's still free
as far as I know. The government shutdown has not
affected it. The FCC I guess is out. Oh does
that mean we can you know? I've often said that
the that this show, right is the show where the
bumper music is almost always better, almost always better than
(01:29):
the show itself, right, the intro music like that. And
come to think of it, the Federal Communications Commission, which
regulates the use of music and stuff like that and
radio and what have you, aren't they shut down. I
can't hardly believe they're an essential whatever. So if they're
(01:49):
shut down, does that mean does that mean I could
finally satisfy my audience by going to a one bumper
music format. Well, I don't know what the answer to
that question is, but I'll find out, and next week
you may be gratified to know that you don't have
to listen to me and we can play music, my
(02:10):
favorite music the whole time. I won't even well, we'll see.
I don't know if. I don't know if we can
do that. But if you'd like to vote for that option,
just give me a call at seven seven four twenty
four to twenty four. That's EERIC codes sixty one six
seven seven four twenty four twenty four and say stop
the punishment. I want to let's go that all music format.
(02:32):
I'd love to do that, Okay. In the meantime, however,
we better, I guess, stick to the straight and arrow,
which is a state planning, elder law, real estate, and
business law. So if you have a question, comment or
concern about wills, trust or probate. If you're wondering how
do we beat the high cost of long term care,
(02:52):
that's a good question, isn't it. You know, if you
wonder why the middle class is going broke, there's lots
of reasons. There's lots of reasons, but it's like one
of my favorite radio personalities another David says, you know,
when times are tough, you can beans and rice right.
I mean, you've always found a way, you middle class
Americans have always found a way to keep going right
(03:15):
and not to not to sacrifice what you've built up,
not to sacrifice your life savings. The difference, and this
is what we focus on. Right in case you didn't know,
in case you're new to the show, you didn't know.
I mean, what we're focused on is making sure you
don't go broke, That you don't go broke, that the
middle class and the one way you will go broke,
and it happens. You hate to say routinely, but it
(03:38):
is routine. The way you go broke, and usually there's
no hope for it is long term care. Long term
care is what makes people go broke, people who've lived
their whole lives. I mean, we've got people in the
eighties nineties and they come to us sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties,
you know which we might also call boomers, Okay, boomer right,
(03:59):
the boomers, that's us. We're finally going broke after lifetime
of saving, working, doing the good thing, none of which
is appreciated, mind you. And here we are, and now
I'm gonna go broke because why because you can't avoid it,
because you can't just say and I don't think I
don't want any of that long term care stuff. What
(04:19):
the hell are you going to be? You say no,
or if people say no on your behalf where you're going,
where you're going? Your kids aren't going to take you in.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Now.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I know you did that for your parents, But it's
a different deal the millennials. We have a different deal
with the millennials. The boomers have a different deal with
the millennials than the greatest generation had with the boomers. Okay,
with the greatest generation. With the boomers, idea was not
only going to take care of us boomers, You're gonna
(04:49):
take care of us the greatest generation, but you're also
going to be raising the millennials. And I guess maybe
what happened was the millennials saw that going on and
saying I don't want any part of that. I ain't
go to do that. It wasn't just you know, you
can't blame everything on the boomers. I mean, maybe they
made that observation. Who knows exactly how it came about,
(05:09):
but I'll tell you, in thirty five years of doing this,
the ethos, the fundamental assumptions about things have radically changed
in terms of who takes care of who. And I know,
I know you've got a daughter who's a nurse, and
oh my daughter, the nurse said she take us in.
Oh ah, yes, I'm sure yours will be the exception
(05:30):
to the rule. Yeah, yeah, I suppose it will happen.
But I don't know about you. But my my nurse
daughter daughter has two kids already babies, and I don't
see that happening. I just don't see it happening. No,
(05:51):
I know, and that's in addition to a lot more
unfiltered experience from non family member, and that was that's
a different deal. That's a different deal than it used
to be. And we can ignore that, or we can
deal with it. And I've been about dealing with it
now for three decades, and that's what the show is
(06:11):
all about. How do we deal with that? How do
we make sure that your plans for the future are
dare I say realistic as opposed to aspirational, which means
that you wish, I hope in a dream. You know,
my mother's used to say. My mother used to say,
only had one. My mother used to say, if wishes
and dreams were candies and creams, we'd all be a
(06:31):
lot fatter than we are right now. But that's people's
long term care plan. What we're trying to do here,
What we are doing, what we have been doing, is
substituting wishes and dreams with actual solid planning so that
you get what you are, what you are entitled to. Hey,
we're coming up on coming up on Thanksgiving. Did you
(06:53):
notice that we used to say We used to say,
I'm gonna give you some strategies in the next section
in the next session, next segment, because we're about out
of this one. But it used to be back in
the day, and I mean when I first started doing
this then twenty thirty years ago, that the fourth quarter
(07:13):
that we're in right now, the last towards the end
of the year, hardly anybody did anything. Hardly anybody did
any planning, and that has radically changed. It's almost now
the fourth quarter is one of our very busiest and
I think it's because I think I don't know for sure,
but my sense is with Christmas and Thanksgiving coming in
(07:35):
the fourth quarter, people finally start to say, hey, with
the family, gangs all here with the family finally comes together, right,
and it's a time for that kind of conversation a
little bit. It's just it's interesting. I mean, I'm open
to theories about why exactly it is, but we've gone
(07:57):
from a nobody does anything after Halloween that used to
that used to be the thing, you know, once the
candy comes out, nobody's going to do any estate planning.
Nobody's going to do it. And the same way with
the financial planning industry, the folks that we've worked with,
everybody's like, yeah, you know, once once it gets, you know,
past past Labor Day, things slow down, then past the
(08:18):
Halloween forget about it. But now that fourth quarter is
really uh, it's it's our biggest busiest, busiest quarter. And
I think the reason has a lot to do with
the fact that maybe people just aren't routinely thinking about
family throughout the year and they're not thinking about the
future so much, or maybe there's some there, Maybe there's
(08:42):
some oh you know, as we head to Thanksgiving and
anticipate that, anticipate Christmas, the holidays. That used to be
a reason for putting things off. See that's what people
used to do. It's like, oh, I'll do it when
the holidays are over, well to three months of holidays
between you know, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you know,
(09:03):
that's that's kind of how it went so now but nowadays,
as I say, more and more people are doing it.
Thanksgiving is a good time to take stock. And we'll
be talking about that in the next segment. You know, exactly,
you know, just give you some ideas. I mean, there
is no exact science, the law is exactly. I mean,
(09:23):
you can you can definitely plan ahead, you know, with
some high degree of confidence that it's going to do
what you think it's going to do if you do
it correctly. I mean most people, of course have a
wish and a promise, but it doesn't work, and who's
surprised by that. But if you do it the uncustomary way,
the untraditional way, non traditional, untraditional whatever, you know, if
(09:45):
you do it differently, then you can actually have a
high degree of confidence that your plan is going to work.
And that's what, of course we recommend and maybe take
a little bit different perspective on conversations and whatnot around
around thank thanks Giving. It's one of those things where
(10:05):
what can I say you have to fortify yours? Well,
I'll leave that for the for the next segment. But
be thinking, you know, maybe this is the best part
of the year. Maybe this is the time in the
autumn of our lives, uh that you know to get
that planning done. Just be thinking about it because it
(10:26):
has been has been sort of a sea change that
we've seen over the over the years from something we
did like summertime. Summertime we used to be pretty busy.
Springtime is still very busy. But this last last quarter,
the fourth quarter, the you know fall in winter does
seem to be now the busiest time, and let's let's
(10:47):
talk about that a little bit in the next segment.
In the meantime, get on your phone seven seven four
two four two four. That's six one six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four. I'm David Carry, your family's
personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
This hour of the David Carrier Show is pro bono,
so call in now at seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now we got Thanksgiving. Oh you
can always call us six one six seven seven four
twenty four twenty four. That's sixty one six seven seven
four twenty four twenty four. Get your question, comment or
concern on the air, especially if it is you know,
(11:34):
Will's trust, probate, all that kind of stuff. Anyway, We've
got Thanksgiving coming up, Okay, And you're gonna be disappointed
if you think I have a magic, magic way of
talking to the kids about this stuff, because I don't.
I just got a call. I'm telling you sometimes I
got a call yesterday from one of my kids, right,
(11:56):
and it's like you know how you have a hard
time sort of talking to your kids sometimes about politics
or what have you. Right, Well, it was like that,
it was it was one of those and I won't
get into it anymore than to give you the flavor
of it, but it was like, you know, it's like,
are you still you know, I'm just calling to make
(12:19):
sure that you're not the horrible person I thought you
were because you don't have sympathy for all this horrible
stuff going on or something like that. And it was like, well,
you know, I have a little more nuanced view of
things perhaps, And it was like, oh my god, I mean,
then you're off to the races, right. So I mean
I'm just saying it. I'm like, what did you call for?
(12:43):
Did you call to have warm, fuzzy feelings or did
you just call to verify that I'm you know, the evil,
horrible person that you thought it was. And and of
course I always like to live up to expectations, right,
so now I'm not smart enough, but maybe you are.
You see. This is this is why, uh, this is
a This is definitely a situation of do what I say,
(13:05):
not what I do. Okay, And I guess what I'm
trying to do is acknowledge the acknowledge the difficulty of it.
The point is that come Thanksgiving that can be can be,
doesn't have to not be. Shift. As I said before,
there's been a shift from the last quarter of the year,
(13:26):
you know, fall and winter being oh nobody does planning
to it's one of the busiest seasons. We've got, very
busy season because at the major holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas,
maybe Halloween. I guess they're trying to make it that way.
You start thinking about family, you start thinking about those
sorts of things, and I guess Halloween. You know, it's
(13:46):
kind of an emphasis on death. Oh my goodness, death,
and maybe Halloween contributes to it. I was thinking it
was just Thanksgiving and Christmas and family, but you know,
I mean, maybe the Macaba aspect of Halloween helps. I
don't know. But the point is that nowadays, this is
a good time, this is a very popular time, more
than before for people to for people to be thinking
(14:10):
about the long term care and the state planning and
the whole planning aspect of it, I guess. And then
the question is how do you avoid doing what I
did yesterday, which is to get into the vortex of
X number of years of political disagreement and all the
rest of it. Now, I do have clients who think
(14:33):
that the way to do this is to explain everything
to their kids. Let me caution you that that is
not Maybe it'll work in your family, you know. I mean,
it's one of those things where you can't say, oh,
that never works, when maybe it did work once or twice. Okay,
out of the literally tens of thousands of interviews and
(14:56):
families we've been associated with over the years, you know,
maybe it could work. I mean, I'm not saying never
say never, right, but but not not typically. Okay, So
if you have in mind anything, but here are the
two things you can talk about. Okay. What you could
(15:18):
talk about would be who's going to be in charge
for a second?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Third?
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Okay, many many people think they would be an insult
to their older kids not to put them in age order,
And you can do that if you want. If you
really can't decide who's more responsible or who's more likely
to carry out your intention, then go ahead do age order.
Why not? I mean, what could it hurt if you
can't decide you're the one with the most information about
(15:46):
that and frankly, most people are not bashful about saying, Oh,
it ain't gonna be Timmy, It's got to be Tommy
or Esmerelda or whoever. You know what I mean, that's
up to you. And lots of times it's clear. But
if it isn't clear, then at Thanksgiving Christmas, it's not
a bad time to say, Hey, you know, we're thinking
(16:07):
of putting you in charge. Would you mind doing this?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Now?
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Let me caution you. An awful lot of people think
it's some great honor, some privilege or or what do
you want to say. They think it's a good thing
to be the trustee or the personal representative agent under
the power of attorney the patient advocate. Right, They think, oh,
I don't want to I don't want to put Tommy
(16:31):
instead of Timmy because then Timmy will feel left out,
or something like this. If Timmy had any idea what
bullet he was dodging by not being named as trustee,
Timmy would rise up and call you blessed. All right,
it's no fun doing any of this stuff, and you
already know that from you know, perhaps from going through
(16:53):
this with your parents. But you're not giving anybody an
extra cupcake. When you make them the trust ste what
you're doing is you're putting a target on their back.
So you better be sure that whoever it is that
you choose to do this be the product of thought.
Think about it, think about who should be doing it. Okay.
(17:15):
The second thing is as you go through, and it
shouldn't just be age order, because here's the test, all right,
if you've ever done this yourself, you know anybody, and
let me just share the you know, because I'm a
sharing kind of guy. Evidence of the country notwithstanding. Anyway,
the idea is you can get somebody to be trustee
(17:40):
the first time. So if somebody gets named as trustee
the first time, they get named nominated whatever chosen as
trust the agent, patient, advocate, what have you. They're happy
to do it, all right. They're happy to do it
because they feel the honor of it and the trust
and the faith and all the that good stuff. But
(18:02):
you'll never get them to do it a second time
because once they find out what's actually going on, what
they really have to do, it's like, oh my god,
I ain't doing that again. And probably ten percent of
the time that people are on their second go round,
it just shows you. Some people are some people are
super super nice, but most people will never do it
(18:22):
again after they've done the first time. So don't be thinking, oh,
if I don't put them in age order, if so
and so will feel bad because they're not named this
trustee that should play no role in your thought process
or in your procedure, in your discernment, whatever you want
to call it, your thought process to choosing who should
(18:44):
be in charge. Right. Remember, Eve did not go into
the garden looking for apples. What that means is temptation
rears its ugly head. Okay, and you do not want
to lead us not into temptation. Right, So, don't put
someone in charge of your estate if there's any doubt
about their ability to do it, their you know, their integrity,
(19:08):
everything else. It's a it's a very it can be
a very difficult thing. And and here's the deal. If
you don't have anyone in the family, uh in whom
you have that kind of confidence, we'll go with a
professional trustee. Yeah, they charge money, okay, but you're not
inviting embezzlement. Okay, you're not inviting a breach of trust.
(19:30):
You're not fracturing the family further. Which you might very
well be doing if you put the wrong person in
charge of this stuff. I'm just saying you need to
be you need to be careful about that. And age
order is typically a very poor substitute for rational thought, judgment, discernment, uh,
(19:50):
and do and doing so in a calm and you know,
rational way. You've been listening to the David Carrier Show.
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
David's got the how too you're looking for. Just call
seven seven four twenty four twenty four. This is the
David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now is the time give us
a call. Sixty one six seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. That's six one six seven seven four twenty
four twenty four. We're talking about Thanksgiving coming up in
a couple of weeks there. Oh, by the way, I
shay Oh, I should mentioned first of all the phone
(20:34):
number sixty one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four.
That's six one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four. Also,
if you're one of the sixteen thousand blessed people who
receive our emails, check your email because we're doing friends
Giving on the twenty first, so that's not next week,
but the following week as friends Giving at at the office,
(20:58):
we're doing I'm smoking some turkey and we've got some
pull pork and whatnot, and it's going to be one
of those trivia things that we do, you know, like
the uh we had the ice cream social trivia, we
had the something else that we something that will be
wrapped trivia into so we like doing that. But anyway,
(21:19):
Friendsgiving that's coming up. So when you get the when
you get the email, and we only have room for
I don't know, fifty hundred people something like that, so
at the office, so when you get it, be sure
that you're one of the first to because it's a
first come, you know, like anything else we do, it's
first come, first surf. However, if you do miss out
on Friendsgiving, don't worry because we've already got the Christmas
(21:42):
thing is uh, we're planning that and that of course
is going to be at the Meyer Gardens as it
always is, once they get the Christmas trees out and
then uh, and that one that'll be uh, you know,
we got hundreds and hundreds coming to that one. So
don't you know, if you miss out on Friendsgiving, don't worry.
We have lots more room at our Christmas Christmas delio
(22:05):
there so our quarterly meeting for that. So put that
on your calendar. And that would be good thing Thanksgiving,
as I say, that's come out friendsgiving too. Nice thing
about friendsgiving. There's no family, you don't have to do
any cooking. You just kind of show up and be pleasant. Right,
answer a few trivia questions, get some prizes. That's right.
(22:28):
We have prizes direct.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Some people say where do you get such amazing, amazing prizes,
and you know, because there are fabulous things And the
answer is from the Meyer thrifty acre outlet over on Alpine.
That's where the stuff they couldn't sell them the stores.
That's what the that's what the prizes are. See. That's
in the interest of full transparency. If you wonder what
(22:54):
was going on there anyway, and I'm personally doing the
oh maybe and say that I'm personally doing the meal,
but anyway, I am so there it is six one, six, seven, seven,
twenty four twenty four. Okay, Now, question what should you
be discussing at Thanksgiving with your family about your estate
(23:16):
plan and the answer is nothing. Now that's different than
who's going to be in charge? Okay, the who's going
to be in charge? You got to find out because
if one of your kids was already trustee for somebody,
they will run away screaming and will not want to
do it again. That's a nine times out of ten prediction. If, however,
(23:37):
they've done it before I did a good job and
are happy to do it again, well grab that opportunity
with both hands. But the reason you the reason you
ask that kind of question is so that everybody knows.
You want everybody to know who to look to, who
to be in charge. I'm from eight eight kids in
my family, right, so, and everybody knew who was going
(23:58):
to be in charge, and everybody accepted it and there
was no issue and all the rest of it. But
it was handy to know who to ask if you
had a question about something, right you know what was
going on. So that was a that was a good idea.
That's a positive thing. There's a good reason to let
your family know who's going to be in charge, who
(24:18):
gets what. On the other hand, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't do it, and and put it in writing. I mean,
it's got to be in writing. See so many families,
so many families, and it's not it's not even the
siblings so much as the next generation, because the story
(24:39):
gets repeated, and nobody repeats the story without making it better. Okay,
So why did Uncle Ned get the farm? Oh he
cheated your dad Fred out of Ned cheated Fred out
of the farm, and then he had his friend the
appraiser give a low value on it. Plus those are
really friend's cattle, but Ned got them anyway. And you know,
(25:00):
maybe none of this stuff happened, okay, but you hear it.
And now the cousins are inflamed against against one another.
And that's really a bad legacy. That's a bad legacy
of discontent, dissension and et cetera. You don't want that,
So don't do that. Don't talk about right other than
(25:21):
who's in charge, because you want to check that out.
You want to make sure they're willing to do it.
You want to make sure everybody knows who to look to. Okay,
and then that way you don't get somebody doesn't want
to do it. Here's The biggest problem with somebody who
doesn't want to do it being in charge. Number one,
they won't resign. They'll sign up and they'll say, oh yeah, sure,
I'll do it, right, they'll agree to it in the moment,
(25:42):
but then they won't do anything and they won't resign,
and then you're stuck with years and years and years
and everybody getting sour about the whole thing. Right, So
don't do that. That's that, And who gets what if
you're doing anything anything but sharing share a like, right,
(26:06):
shut up about it. Don't say, Okay, the best plan
is the one that the kids don't know about till
after you're gone. And if it's sharing share like wonderful, fine,
don't tell them that either, all right, don't tell them
I got a plan. I got a plan, all right,
it's no big deal. And and if you're working with us, right,
(26:28):
you can throw in Oh and by the way, you know,
we thought about the whole long term care situation. We
actually thought about it. We actually did something to make
sure right that we're not going broke, right, So don't
worry about that either too often. Now, of course, there's
(26:49):
always a situation where the kids don't want to talk
about it. That's that's very common. Kids don't want to
talk about it anyway, but you do need to have
the conversation to the extent. Number one, you reassure them
that you were thinking about who gets what, and you're
also thinking about the whole long term care thing for you,
because that's getting to be more and more an issue
(27:11):
with the millennials seeing look at their parents and thinking
I don't want to do that, and they have friends
whose parents went broke. Okay, so if you share with
them the notion that, yeah, we got the long term
care thing handled and it wasn't long term care insurance,
and we weren't blind about it, we actually planned for it,
that can be a positive and be a very positive thing.
(27:32):
And who's in charge of stuff, you know, the lineup again,
very positive nothing, probably no problem with that. But but
if you're thinking about giving anybody more or less than
anybody else, you don't talk about that stuff. Do not
talk about it. You will not make it better. You
(27:52):
will there's nothing good. I've never seen anything good that
comes of that. With one exception. There exception where everybody
agreed that the kid who kept the dairy farm going,
you know, he deserved the farm, and his sister's got
the life insurance proceeds. But that's the only that was
(28:13):
a that was one of those one offs, you know,
talk about a saintly family, and they all understood what
was going on. They all wanted the farm to keep going,
and they were all successful otherwise, you know, there were
special circumstances in that case, very unusual case happened one time.
Everything else whenever you whenever you favor one person or
(28:33):
favor another person, right, whether it's giving them the cottage
or giving them ten percent more, anything like that, anything
like that, whenever you start doing that kind of thing, right,
shut up about it. My own dad did not take
my advice on that one. I mean, there's five boys
and three girls in my family, and he decided to
go fifty to fifty between the boys and the girls.
(28:56):
And I told them, I said, Dad, you know, whatever
you want, I'll write it up for you, okay, but
zip it, don't tell anybody. And then we had to
get together. It was all the boys, you know, my
brothers and my dad and we're all get together for
a weekend. And we weren't all together twenty minutes. But
Dad comes out with Oh I decided to do that.
(29:17):
I guess what I'm doing, you know, and it's like
I'm dying. And of course, until he did it, share
and share. Like among all the kids, there were some
brothers who got pretty salty about the whole thing, especially
the ones who've been maintaining his house and cutting his
grass and raking the leaves and all the rest of it. Okay,
so if you're going to do things differently, that's fine,
(29:39):
we can do it. But zip it. Don't be talking
about this at Thanksgiving. You're ruin Thanksgiving and Christmas for
the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Don't do it.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I've been listening to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
David's perking and working and taking your calls. Now, this
is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, come back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. So let's kind of recap here.
It's not a bad idea at the Thanksgiving table to
talk about what talk about who should be in charge
of healthcare finances, et cetera. Okay, you'll find out who
really doesn't want to do it and that should not
(30:21):
be a brain dead situation. That should not be an
age order. Oh they're the oldest, so therefore they should
do it, and you should not be thinking, oh, it
won't be you know, they'll be offended if they don't
get chosen. Okay, nobody's offended when they don't get chosen.
Why well not if they understand what's really going on.
The only people get offended because they don't get chosen
(30:44):
people have never done it before, and they probably wouldn't
be a good choice anyway because they don't really understand
what they're getting into, all right. That happens a lot
these days, especially with the with the millennials. See, I
kind of think that boomers that we used we would
if we said we were going to do something right.
(31:06):
The fact that it turned out to be a lot
more difficult than we thought it was going to be
is not really an excuse, right. It's like, oh, so
it was harder than you thought. Well, too bad, you
signed up for it. You're stuck with it now, right
Whereas I think, and it's and I don't mean this negatively,
(31:27):
I think with the millennials there are a lot more
Oh wait a second, that wasn't the deal. You know,
I understood I was I was getting committed for this.
I didn't understand I was getting committed for that. And
so that's a change circumstance, and therefore I'm not going
to do this, that or the other thing. And and
(31:49):
it's it's one of those things. I think it makes sense.
I think the attitude makes a lot of sense if
you consider the differences between what we went through and
what the millennials went through. Okay, so boomers grew up
in a world where you could really we're working your
(32:10):
way through college, right, we're buying a first home where
a lot of things were actually possible to do. Okay,
I mean, think about what your first house cost, Think
about what your first automobile cost, think about what college
tuition used to be, and then think about what those
(32:31):
things are now. Right, And it's getting worse the more
we go down the line, because average you know, in
the last five years last administration, the age of home ownership,
first home ownership, the average age was thirty three. You know,
it's over forty. Now that's a lot. Think about that.
(32:54):
It's like seven years in five years. The average age
of the first time home buyer that's skyrocketed. Okay, And
now is that because uh, you know the same people
finally got around to buy in their house and the
younger ones aren't buying it. I don't I don't know
what the numbers mean exactly, but but that isn't that
a startling statistic. I mean, people getting married later, they're
(33:16):
having kids later, they're doing all the rest of the stuff,
because I think they're a lot more thoughtful, and you know,
and there's no easy answer to it. You know, it's
not a you can't judge people. I mean, here's here's
a important important thing. I think you can't judge people
based on your own experience that much.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
You know how they always when you growing up, they said, well,
put yourself in their shoes, you know, how would you
feel about it? And it's like that has never worked.
I don't know about you, but that has never worked
for me, you know, And well, yeah, I would do that.
And then if I no, no, they won't do that.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I mean it's like, you know, do unto others as
you would have them do unto you. Yeah, well, you know,
you know, if you're in the same generation, that kind
of works but if you go you know, if you
go outside, straight outside your frame of reference, right, you
find out that you know, yeah, I'd be happy if
I'd be happy if you treated me this way. You know,
(34:18):
I'd be glad the way I treat you. And it's like,
oh no, it's a tough And that's one of the
reasons it's so difficult to have these discussions, you know,
the politics of the day discussions, because what you think
is perfectly reasonable and you'd accept that that's the deal.
I'm fine with it, right, most somebody else, different frame
(34:39):
of reference, doesn't accept that as and that's why these
conversations can get so difficult, so so involved. But at
Thanksgiving it's your family. They're the ones who care more
about you than anybody else. You got to try to
have that. You've got to try to have that conversation.
But you also have to realize, right that there are
(35:01):
generational differences that what you think is obvious and moral
and everything else to them can appear can appear very different.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
One of the bizarre things to me is this idea.
You know that baby bo you did everything terrible and
you left us nothing. It's like, what do you mean
we left you nothing. Who do you think invented computers?
Who do you think built these cars? Who do you
think did all this stuff right? It wasn't the greatest generation.
They raised us, and we're the ones who did all
(35:32):
this right, all these things that you just take for granted,
that you just benefit from. But don't try telling a
millennial that, let alone a younger kid, that they just
take everything for granted. But then again, then again, so
did we, right? Everybody? You know, we all stand on
the shoulders of giants. We all do. Everybody does, every
(35:53):
generation does, stands on the shoulders of the people who
came before, who did amazing things that we just take
for granted. And the millennials and boomers and the X,
Y and Z and all the rest of those characters.
However that works out, I don't even know. That's just
part of it. I mean, it's always been. It's always
(36:15):
been kind of that way, right, And you tend to
understand what you're familiar with, but you don't understand quite
so much but someone else is familiar with, which is
why these conversations difficult to have but still necessary necessary
to have, right, So try not to, you know, try
not to get into it with the wet behind the years.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Oh, socially, I love New York. I love New York
now because everything's going to be free, including the bus rides. Like,
does anybody really believe that? The answer is yeah, there
really are people who actually believe that. Okay, and they
really believe that. You know, boomers were exploitive and all
the rest of it. But you know, to be fair,
(36:57):
to be fair, you look at their situation, right, what
does a new car cost forty thousand dollars? Fifty thousand dollars?
I don't know something like that. You buy a car,
you're in hock for the next five years at least,
you know, you don't pay it off in a year
or two. That's not how it works anymore. Right with that,
the houses are so expensive and everything is just certain,
(37:21):
I should say, certain things are way more expensive and unaffordable. Right,
Whereas what for us, for you and me? For us boomers,
you know, apologies to millennials may be listening, but you know,
to us, it's like, well, you just get another job,
or you just work harder. You do morauris, you take
the overtime and then you handle it. Well, it's a
(37:44):
lot more difficult. It's a lot more difficult than it
used to be, which is one of the reasons I
am so I don't know. I feel like we got
the mission here that you that the boomers not go
broken long term care paying for something you already paid
for once. Okay, you gave certain values to your kids,
please God cross our fingers, right that they did have
(38:06):
those values, right, But nowadays, unlike when we were growing up, nowadays,
the money, the money that you can leave to them
is you know, I always say, screw the kids, because
if you focus on your kids, you'll die, broke yourself
because you won't take care of yourself. But if we've
taken care of you, then I think it's more important
now than it ever has been for middle class people
(38:28):
to support that next generation because they're facing challenges we
did not face. Right. It's not medical expenses, housing expenses,
autumn all this stuff, education, It all costs more than
it ever did. Despite the fact that big screen TVs
are cheaper, everything else is more expensive. And that's why,
(38:50):
you know, keeping that promise the next generation is such
a great idea. Thanksgiving is not a bad time to
get the conversation about who should be in charge. Started,
but don't talk about anything else. Be disciplined. Thank you
you've been listening to The David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney.
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