Kids Deserve A Better School System with Kenya Raymer

Kenya Raymer is a Guide, Influencer, my wife, and mother of our 5 year old daughter, Selah. She recently spent a year in the Metro Nashville Public School System working as an Advocacy Coach. You can follow Kenya on social media @Halfietruths.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Yeah, this is not live.It's completely recorded, broadcasting from one of
the top recording studios in all ofNashville, Gennessee. Yeah, that's not
true at all. I'm probably athome doing this. He's been called one
of the greatest thinkers of his time. Literally, no one has ever called
me that. I do kind ofagree with it, though, right right
right here, twenty seventeen, Wissippiinto the Nobel Peace Prize. That's just

(00:23):
a flat ali talking politics, community, race, religion, entertainment, sports,
and whatever the fuck else. TheWhite Podcast. Welcome into the Dollar
White Podcast. My guest today,very special guests. I'm a special guest
of all. This is the thirdtime you've been on. Now. My
wife, my beautiful, lovely wife, Kenny Raymer, thank you for being

(00:44):
here, Thanks for having me.We wanted to talk about your last year.
You took a job this year inthe school system, the public school
system here, and this isn't gonnabe a shit on public school thing at
all. This is I feel likethe things that we're going to talk about
today are pretty much blanket across theentire system, whether it's charter schools,
whether it's public schools, whether it'sprivate schools, whatever. There's a lot

(01:07):
of outdated things going on in theschool system that I just I remember you
would come home a lot and youwould be like, you would say something
like I can't believe that this isa thing, and I would, and
it would be something like snack time, right, like kids can't have snacks
unless it's snack time. If thefirst thought in my mind would be like,
well, if you give one kida snack, you got to give
all the kids a snack. Andthen you think, well, what's wrong

(01:30):
We've given all the kids a snack, Like if the kids are hungry,
they should be fed. So littlethings like that you picked up on the
entire year, and I wanted tohave you on to kind of talk about
that and then talk about what we'redoing about it and what other parents potentially
could do about it. So Idon't know really where to start with a
question or anything, but you yeah, I mean you you had a year

(01:53):
this year in the school system andhave a year and you know, I
would say, my observations really areabout the system in general. And I
don't know if outdated is necessarily theword, but it's like not intuitive if
you will, and I think whenpeople hear some of the things that we're
going to talk about today. Ithink it's hard to think outside of the

(02:14):
system until somebody like yourself comes alongand points it out and says, no,
this is fucked up, Like wekids deserve better than this system that
they're currently in. Yeah, well, I guess we could. Just you
want to start just how you gotthis job and how we ended up where
we are, because it was itwas random. It was very random.
We were our daughter, Sella,was having a problem going into school.

(02:37):
Yes, we were having a bigexperience with school refusal, which we can
talk a little bit about, butit's quite common, especially with neurodivergent children.
Is no neurodivergen. She is onthe spectrum and so it's common to
have school refusal. At the time, we didn't know that was what we
were experiencing with Sella. We werekind of thinking it was, you know,

(02:59):
to attachment, also anxiety, anew experience, and it's like her
first time going to a school thissize. We had done like a small
stint with a micro school and itdid not work out, and we had
prepped her really well. We did. She was going to Manasori in public
school here in Nashville. We haddone practice drop off. We talked about

(03:23):
the plan every day leading up toit. She was very excited. We
did all the little things we did. Every credit to you for knowing what
the little things were, because Ihad no idea. But he did all
the things that any psychologists would tellyou to do with a child who is
cautious, who is hesitant, whomaybe has attachment or anxiety issues or separation

(03:47):
issues, however we want to lookat it. But we did all the
things. Yes, she was hype, Yes, she was hype. She
was excited for her first day.And on that first day, and that
first day we drove up, shegot out of her best seat, popped
out the car, did big wavesback. It was a half day,
yes, and she disappeared into theschool and we thought, wow, like
that went really well. It wasamazing. And so all day we were

(04:11):
ship shows, like just straight anxious. Yeah, there was some anxiety there,
but it was also like, well, we haven't heard from anybody,
right, right, we hadn't heardfrom anybody. Come to find out later
on, we'll find out why.But you know, we got to pick
up and we were at the bottomof the hill. For a pickup in
carline, and the principle was downthere, and she even said to us,

(04:32):
she was like, I think itwas okay day. I haven't heard
anything about it. And I waslike, we were so hopeful, like
wow, this is so amazing.And sure enough we got up there and
they kept asking us her name,remember, and so we're telling them,
and now, like thinking back,it's probably like she was probably so like
worked up and in such a statethat she wasn't answering her name. She

(04:53):
wasn't answering her name for pickup,and so we had to pull over to
the side. And then as theybrought her out, she was like she
was she was a wreck. Shewas in chamble. She was screaming,
she was crying. She could barelylike even emit a sound. It was
like a silent cry. And shekept muttering over and over. My teacher
told me to be quiet. Myteacher told me to be quiet. My
teacher told me to I had tostop talking, and she just kept muttering

(05:15):
it over and over. I thinkyou did you get out of the I
got out of the car, gotout of the car. So so bade
car line rule number one that Igot out of the car. So that
just tells you already where this is. So I remember, I remember the
first thing that I heard for hersaying what she got in the car was
I had a bad day. Shewas screaming it. She was very hysterical,

(05:36):
but it was I had a badday. And then when we started
got her a little bit calm enoughto answer questions. Yes, she told
her that a teacher had told herthat she needed to be quiet, and
yes, And so in my firstthinking, we got her calm, and
I was thinking, well, yeah, you know, it does have to
be quiet in classrooms, and teachersalways are can make sure we quiet down.

(05:58):
And so my first my instat incis like this is normal. This
is normal. And I'm telling her, you know, teachers need it to
be quiet in the classroom so thateverybody can hear them talking. There's so
many kids, there's only one teacher, um and you know, going through
that whole spield with her, andalso like I'm like, this is a
learning experience. You know, she'snever had like this type of structure,

(06:19):
and she's a very sensitive kid.So if like a teacher is like sella
please quiet down, that very wellcould like hurt her feelings. And also
Monastoria is a quiet environment, soI'm sure they're like teaching that from day
one. Sell as a social kid, likes to talk. She is there,
she is there for the party.She's there for the party. Every
socializes, so you know, I'mgoing through the spiel with her, and

(06:41):
she was adamant. She was likeno, no, no, she was
so mad. She was pissed andshe was like no, I was crying.
I was crying and my teacher toldme to be quiet. And I
was like, wait, what,so I'm having her walk me through the
store. I'm like, so,you're crying. And then someone told you
to be quiet because you were crying, and she was like yes. And
she said that her best friend triedto hold her hand while she was crying,

(07:04):
and then the teacher told them thatthey could not hold hands, and
then the teacher told them they couldn'tsit by each other or stand next to
each other in line. And thenshe just continued to tell us throughout her
day, like how she cried thewhole day. Yeah, And I said,
well, what would happen when youcried? And then she said,
well, one teacher said, oh, are you still crying? Yeah,

(07:24):
and I was like, you wasit for me? I was like,
okay, so there's some bullies upin this bitch, because who who talk
shit to a kid who sees akid in distress and instead of helping supporting
them, pours gasoline on the cryingexpire? Oh you still crying? Yeah?
And I was like okay, I'mgoing up there. Yeah. And

(07:46):
so the next morning, credit tothe principle and the next morning we had
a beating. I sent an emailto the teacher and she forward it to
the principal and the vice principle andthey were like, please come the next
morning. And we were fully preparedto like pull her. We're like this
is this is not gonna work.I'm not gonna work. I walked in
there completely thinking we were walking outof there. You're looking for a new

(08:07):
school that day. Is to makea longer story short, it wasn't just
that one incident. Sellah walked usthrough the whole day, and there were
lots of incidents which she was notsupported, she was not cared for,
she was bullied. The situation wasinstigated rather than mitigating a lot of red
flags. So many red flags.So we get into this this meeting,
and it's actually going way better thanI ever thought. It really well.

(08:31):
It went really well. And inthat meeting, though, the principle then
asked you, are you an academicor something like that, and you're like,
yes, I love school, blahblah blah. And I'm like,
all right, she's being modest.I was like, my wife has a
master's degree from the University of Chicago, and like the only person you would
tell everybody this, I tell noingthis, but yeah, you gonna asked,

(08:52):
if you're gonna ask that question,are you an academic? And you're
just like, yeah, blah blahblah, I'm an academic. I'm like,
no, no, no, no, she is a real academic,
Like she does a real academic.She does this so and so you know,
you know, I had to letthem know. Uh and and probably
what three minutes later, I thinkshe was talking about something and then she

(09:13):
comes back in. She was like, because I'm gonna offer you a job,
and I was like, what shouldthe fuck just happened here? Well,
because I was like, I wasvery upset, and I was like
in this situation, I was like, she described the day to me,
and at no point did she describeanyone getting down to her level, anyone
offering to hold her hand, anyoneoffering to breathe with her, anyone offering
to move her out of the classroomor move her body, anyone asking her

(09:37):
how she felt or what the feelingshe had, basically offering to co regulate
for her right. And so thenI'm going to help her, to help
her right. And so then Ibrought up the situation also of the bully
and who and who asked her whatshe's still crying? And we talked about
how teachers are humans and they havebad days, and I was like,
WHOA, I get it because I'ma parent and I I have baddors,

(10:01):
right, And I'm like, so, where's the repair? Because after bad
days, after bad moments, wehave repair in our homes. If I
get upset and frustrated and I yellor I take a tone that she does
not like I, then do getfrustrated. We do get frustrated obviously where
you're doing this twenty four seven Andwe're human and so I'm not expecting people

(10:22):
to not be frustrated with kids,But where's the repair? And so I'm
asking these things and I'm I'm puttingthe pressure on. I'm like, where
are these things happening in your building? In your classrooms with your adults?
And she was like, would youlike a job here doing these things?
Serving this role for these students andthe adults in the building. And then

(10:43):
you were taken blown away response yeah, because I was like, yes,
they're going to be disappointed here becausethere's no way you wanted a job.
There's no way you wanted a job. You love what you were doing beforehand.
Yes, there's no way you're takinga full time job. And you
said you would be interested. I'msaying I think about it. Yeah,
I'll sit here like, yeah,here, what happened? So, long

(11:05):
story short, she accepted the position. The position is a it's called an
advocacy coach in all schools within MMPs, the Metro Nashville Public School System,
with the exception they believe of twoschools who have a partnership for a regulating
position. So all schools within thedistrict have this role, and it's called
an advocacy coach and name is abit confusing, but if you think about

(11:26):
it, it's someone who coaches kidsto advocate for themselves in moments of distress.
Yes, and so what I thinkof it in my head is a
regulation coach. I was there tohelp people in the building. Now the
role is geared towards the students,but I went in there with if we

(11:46):
can regulate the adults, we havea better shot at keeping the kids regulated
longer. Yes, and I dowant to I want to back up for
one second, because there was atwo month gap between that conversation and you
starting the actual actually your first day. Yes, there's lots of thinking about
it time. But in that time, though, Sella shout out to the
vice principal at the school who tookSella jo Yes, we love you a

(12:09):
lot because doctor Jones took Selah inunder her wing. She did and became
her safe person. She did it. It was a month long school refusal,
yeah, that we endured, andthen doctor Jones got us through that.
And Sella would follow doctor Jones.She wouldn't go to class. She
was just with doctor Jones pretty muchall day. And slowly doctor Jones started
introducing her to people in the school. Mister Hector who we don't I mean

(12:31):
her names necessary, but two differentpeople in the school who would move on
to support her. Right, Andso the whole time Kenny and I are
sitting here like we just got toget her until your starting night, and
then by your starting date, shewas rocking that she was going in.
Everybody shout up Miss Kristen. Shoutout to miss Kristen, We'd love you,
Christen, out to miss Kristen anddoctor Jones. Because she started flourishing

(12:52):
the first week of September, andso then it was kind of even like
less of an incentive to work therebecause she was flourishing. Yes, but
you had already said yes, Soyou went already say yes, And it
wasn't just for her. The positionwasn't for her. I really was like,
I have been doing this work,this regulation work for the previous year
with adults. I have been teachingthree three three, which is how to

(13:15):
heal the physical and energetic body.And I would say every class, this
is what we need to be teachingin schools, this is what kids need
to be learning in schools, andthis is why you need to be careful
with what you say, because theuniverse that sys. So I was like
yes, because I really feel stronglyabout kids learning tools to regulate themselves,

(13:39):
like I don't know if enough peopleknow that regulation is not something that we
are born with the ability to regulateone's self. It is a skill that
we learn, and it's actually askill that can only be learned through a
process of coregulation, in which anotherperson who is regulated is there with you,

(14:00):
modeling and holding space for your processof regulation. And it literally does
not click until around the age oftwenty five when changes happen in the brain.
And so there are thousands of impressionsliterally needed for a human to learn
how to regulate through the process ofcoregulation. And we can see how generations

(14:24):
before us have not valued coregulation becausewe have a sea of adults who don't
know how to regulate. And youcan think of it in terms like this.
If you have a situation, sayyou're at work and your coworker really
pisses you off, and you arelike, I cannot believe this is even
happening to me. Your boss hasdone something outrageous, just like the audacity.

(14:48):
And instead of going for a walk, doing breathwork, moving your body,
drinking something slowly, doing these differenttypes of nervous system tapping, there's
all kinds of things that we cando to regulate the body. If your
go to it's to go to anotherhuman being, whether you call them on

(15:09):
the phone or you go to theirdesk, you close the door and you're
like, you are not going tobelieve what they did today, Or you
call up your mama, or youcall up your investie and you walk them
through the audacity that you just experience. You yourself just sought out a coregulation
space. You, yourself, areunable to regulate. Yet we expect kids

(15:31):
to be in situations of distress andcalm themselves down alone when adults cannot even
do it. So you can seeI'm trying to control myself because I get
very passionate about this. It makesme very very upset to see adults putting
this pressure and the onus to regulatethemselves on kids when it is our work

(15:56):
as adults in the community, inthe family, in the school, to
lead this process, to guide tomodel, to hold space for regulation to
happen. And let me tell you, it is not happening in your schools.
And I do not care if itis a public school, if it
is a private school, I'm sureit's happening with some teachers who are just

(16:21):
gems, And I'm not shitting onteachers, and I'm not shitting on public
schools. We wanted sell it tobe in the public school system, but
I am saying the system is notbuilt for it. Teachers are in classrooms
with too many kids. They havecurriculum forced down their throat in which they
do not have space to breathe,to be creative, to do the things

(16:41):
that brought them into the profession atall. They themselves are not regulated because
we are in a teacher crisis inmost spaces, they themselves are not regulated
because our government does not care abouttheir safety. And so in the back
of every person's mind who is awareof the gravity of a situation of being

(17:03):
in a school, is this asafe space? Meaning is someone going to
come in here and try to killus? And then if that happens,
what do I do next? Andit literally happened in Nashville. It really
happened in Nashville during the school year. And so my point is I'm not
shitting on teachers and saying teachers aren'tholding space for coregulation. I'm saying the
system is not built to support teachersto support students in the way that all

(17:30):
parties need to be supported for everyoneto be successful. And so part of
my work in the school was gettingteachers to buy into my role, which
is another thing that could be talkedabout, but me saying, hey,
I'm not trying to take over yourclass, and I'm not trying to say
that you're not doing something right.I'm saying, you have your hands full.

(17:51):
You have so much going on.So when you're walking down the hall
and a kid is melting down,let me support you. Let me support
you in supporting that child so youcan move on and do the things that
need to be done between hate andniven three because pickup is starting at two
fifteen, so between eight and two, and there's all these things that teachers
and staff have to get done inthis very short amount of time, and

(18:14):
it's just it's a pressure cooker.Yeah, everybody's is like running on empty.
Everyone is every surviving. Everybody isin survival survival mode, and when
you're in survival mode, you cannothold space to regulate someone else. If
you yourself are not regulated, youcannot hold space to regulate for someone else.
Their entire experience is going to betriggering for you, and you're going

(18:37):
to be reacting and or shutting down, which means like leaving your consciousness,
leaving your body to survive that moment. You know, it's an unfortunate situation.
And I will say, despite itbeing an unfortunate situation, I do
believe the system is working as designed. I agree with that system is not
designed to see us flourish. Theeducation system that is, it's not designed

(19:02):
to see us flourish. It's notespecially in areas where where you were in
North Nashville, North Nashville, andUm, not only is it not designed
for it, and like you said, it is designed against it. Um.
Every kid is different and they haveto fit. It's putting what is
it, the square into the circle, the square peg into a circle,
like exactly. And that's that's whatthe system concept of compliance over connection exactly.

(19:26):
And because there's so many students insuch a small space. Um,
and so this is in most schools, you know, students need to be
compliant. I mean when I firststarted working there, I heard that word
so many times. I was like, what in what is going on?
Like what are we talking about?Compliance? Like? And you'll hear it

(19:47):
over and over being used with staffneed to be compliant, students compliant or
non compliant. It's definitely a complianceover connection based model. Yes, and
students go there and their needs aren'tgetting met. They're not, and then
we expect them to learn and retaininformation in a space where their needs aren't

(20:07):
being met. And I remember,I keep bringing up the snack thing because
it was such kind of a momentfor me when when it clicked, and
I'm like, if I'm sitting atmy desk at work and I'm starving,
I'm not getting shit done. Andif I if I am, I'm not
doing it as well as I needto. And I'm as an adult,
I'm not going to sit there andbe hungry for too long. I'm gonna
get up and get myself some food. The food situation in schools is frustrating.

(20:32):
Why don't we offer extend that samecourtesy to kids. They can't function
and learn and sit there and dotheir work and retain information on an empty
stomach, just like I can't workor do almost anything on an empty stomach.
So like it's almost discriminatory. Theyare discriminatory practices against kids in schools.

(20:53):
And I remember growing up, myparents would always tell me like,
well, we're kids, our parentswith kids would to be seen in her
that shit is still here. It'smost definitely still here. This is a
beautiful example of how slow evolution istaking place within the school system. So
you remember when we were in school, and it's like, if you had
to go to the bathroom, itwas not as easy as just getting up

(21:17):
and going to the bathroom. Imean, you can't just get up in
the classroom. You have to askfor permission. There's a hall pass sits
and you probably get a limited amountof how many times you can go to
the bathroom. And then also ateacher can also say not right now.
So can you imagine having to goto the bathroom and then that your body

(21:37):
kicks in intuition says knock knock,knuck, Hey, you have to go
to the bathroom. And so thenyou express the need to go to the
bathroom, and then someone denies thatneed. And so as this happens over
time, we then start to shutdown our connection to our intuition and we
start to then hold it, whichgoes against our bodies, nature and wisdom.

(22:00):
Right, So we are now justnow in a place I feel like
in schools, I mean we werein school how long ago for me?
For me, it was not thatlong ago, just just a brief moment.
Yes, it's just not too longago at all. Right, So
think about when we were in school, and that's how going to the bathroom
was now. And I don't knowhow it is in most schools, but

(22:21):
like in the school that I wasin, they definitely have bathroom breaks where
the teacher encourages the students to goat this time, like after lunch,
in between recess, before naptime,these types of things. Right, But
children can and in monosory, Ido believe there is more room for autonomy
than there is maybe in a nonmonostori environment, right, which is why

(22:41):
we chose on a story, becausewe want to retain her autonomy, And
so kids can now get up andgo to the bathroom as needed, adhering
to that intuition and keeping that connectionto the body intact. So think about
that with food, though the bodysays I'm hungry, you're hungry, you
need more food, and then thechild expresses I'm hungry, I need more

(23:04):
food, and then they're told notnow, we can't eat now. We
eat an hour later or two hourslater, they come into school. You
know, around eight they have breakfastmost classrooms they're snack depends on when they
go to launch, so it's probablysomewhere between nine thirty and ten thirty.
And then lunch is also like thefucking Wild West. We expect kids to

(23:25):
eat in like seriously like seventeen totwenty minutes and freedom shit too, yes,
and we slowly condition them to overtimeignore cues to eat. And so
as an adult, I'm sure youcan already imagine, and I'm sure I
hope that people listening are starting todraw the connection between where you disconnected from

(23:48):
your body and its cues on whento eat and when to stop eating,
and developed issues with food. Hello, it started in schools. Yeah,
it started in schools when they whenwe say you can eat only at this
time for this amount of time,eating has to stop at this time.
It cannot resoom again until this time, despite what your needs are as a

(24:10):
body. So the way my worklooked in the school it was two faced.
In one that I had a spacein which teachers could bring to me
children students who were in a stateof disregulation, and we would use tools
in the room to regulate them andthen I would return them back to the
classroom. Another face of the workis kids are disregulated in the classroom and

(24:32):
I have to go to the space, so I'm making like call work.
Teachers would text me please come now. So and so is losing it right,
and I cannot even tell you.I mean, you know, we
used to feed those kids. Weused to buy crazy amount of snacks that
I would keep in my room allthe time, because seven out of ten

(24:52):
times I respond to a kid,they were just hungry, and I would
a lot of times there would besnack or food in the room that they
were requesting and being denied. Yedenied. Water too, yes, water
too, not just food, it'swater. Yes, we get a water
break and at so and so time, right, And I remember, you
know, going budding up against teachersa lot, being like do you have

(25:15):
a snack and they were like yes, but we go to lunch at this
time, and then if I givethem a snack, I have to give
everyone a snack. And in myhead, I'm thinking, you are denying
basic human rights. Yea, inthis moment, the system is designed to
deny children food, food, andwater when they need it. That is
a basic human right, and Ihave a fucking problem with that. Now

(25:37):
you should. And like I said, it's one of those things that you've
just been told so many times that'sjust the way it is, and you're
just like, that's just the wayit is, until somebody comes along and
says, no, well the wayit is is fucked up and we can't
do that. And then the otherlayer of it, I think is you
mentioned you know, we found outthis this past school year that the cells
on the autism spectrum and how manykids are going and buyingnost and have these

(26:02):
same issues as our daughter does,UM, but don't have the support that
they need. That goes to someparents who were too prideful sometimes to have
their kids UM evaluate assess the's evaluated, and it's mind blowing it is.
And then then you're denying a kidthat's possibly it's more vulnerable, yes,

(26:22):
food, water, bathroom, Andthen it just takes on a whole other
it's a whole other level. Yeah. So kids who are neurodivergent in general
disregulate more frequently than kids who areneurotypical, and the degree to which they
disregulate is what I would say wouldbe a bigger disregulation. I mean,
like, I don't want to tryto quantify. You know, it's this

(26:45):
regulation, but it's a big meltdownand it can last, it can last
longer, and it can be harderto bring them back, bring them back
to a state of regulation, whereasa kid who is neurotypical maybe will have
more resilience and maybe have more tools, can co regulate on their own a
little bit more than a neurodivergent personor child. So, and I'm in

(27:07):
the school and I'm in credit toyou too, because in Sela's case,
you've said that you thought that thiswas the case for a long time.
Yes, And you know, Ididn't think it was I thought I don't
know, I don't know what Ithought. I just now looking back at
it now, I'm like, allright, and for me, just looking
back at just like when she isupset and in the space of this regulation

(27:29):
and it's way more intense. It'sneurotypical, and it can last for a
long just a longer amount of timebefore she can she can come back.
Right, Yes, this is itsown podcast problem. Yeah, No,
it definitely is. Yeah, I'vealways known that Sella was nerd divergent.
You did neurodivergent, And I didn'tknow, like really what that meant.
I was just really fighting to supporther, Yeah, because no one believed

(27:52):
me. Yeah, I mean,we had taken her to the doctor,
we had asked I mean, herpediatricians fantastic and I asked her almost every
time we have a check up,do we think that she might be on
the spectrum? And it was always, you know, let's wait and see.
And that is the case a lotof times for girls who are social,
who make eye contact, which Sellahdoes. And so it was really

(28:15):
hard to get her diagnosed, andwe had to do it outside of the
system. We had to go toprivate route in order to get her a
diagnosis. So I think, I'min the school and I'm facing this situation
as a parent of a child who'sin the school, and we had lots
of meetings around getting Sella's needs met, and then also as an employee advocating

(28:36):
for all of these other kids whoyou're talking about, who I become the
space in between. So in publicschools, there are lots of services for
kids who are diagnosed and going throughthe services to get like an i EP,
an individualized education plan and have servicesto support them, whether it be

(28:57):
pt or OT or speech there therapyor written in breaks and all of the
things can happen and can be supported, but they need a diagnosis to do
that first. And a lot ofparents are resistant to the diagnosis space.
And so the kids who get services, they are supported by EE Exceptional Education,

(29:18):
right, so they're supported by EE. So then you have the kids
who are not diagnosed too, aredisregulating a disproportionate rate to the kids who
are, you know, neurotypical.And I was the catch for that space.
I was the net for that space. And so I'm seeing kids and
I'm like, these are undiagnosis andthey are not at the space in which

(29:41):
they can receive services yet, butthey need service. And I would say
you need support. I would sayeven worse than being in a space where
they need support is a lot oftimes are also being shut down, right,
They're being told like like like Solowas on the first day, like
oh you're still crying or And Ithink what it comes down to is we
live in a society in a culturethat we don't listen to kids, and

(30:02):
we weren't listening to when we werekids. And then we become adults who
are also who repeat the same shitthat the adults, because a lot of
adults moving through this world. Rightnow, you think you're fine, let
me tell you you're not. Andshe's right, you're fucking not. You're
suppressing a whole lot of emotions thatneed to come up and come out so
you can really experience life. Andyou're right because I was one of the

(30:26):
adults, and I can say that, and I think that the idea of
listening to a kid and then takingwhat they say seriously, not just passing
it off like oh, they're justthey just want this or they just want
that, they just want to dothis. It was just always what we
tell kids. It's like, oh, now he don't need that, he
just needs this. He just needconstantly. And that shit has to stop

(30:48):
because it carries over. So thenyou have kids that are possibly undiagnosed are
also being told in their own householdthe same shit that they're being told in
school that there's nothing wrong with them. There's it's wrong, right, I
didn't mean it to come out.That's okay, but it's okay. It's
good that we like say this andthen do the repair around it. Because
it's not that something's wrong with them, that they are experiencing the world in

(31:11):
a unique, in a different waythat needs support. Yes, And so
we're not saying that, oh,nothing's wrong with you, but we're saying
you don't need support. You don'tneed anything. You don't need anything.
What you're saying when you're telling meyour needs, that's not really what your
needs are. Right. I'm hereto tell you what your needs are,
right, which then grows a generationof people who don't know what they want,

(31:34):
who are can't make decisions by themselves. They give their power away,
they give it to someone else inmaking decisions. And I know that you
either are one of these people,or you know one of these people who
can't make a decision for self,and they give that power over to someone
else, whether they be a parent, or they be a pastor, or

(31:56):
whether they let the government decide,or or they someone else always knows better,
like should I do this or shouldI do that? Right? And
that's because you are disconnected as achild from knowing what's best. You're stripped
of that right. And it's notyour fault, it's not your fault.
You're stripped of that right it's societyrights the way we are. Yes,
you are stripped of that right.You are shamed for even having a need.

(32:20):
I mean, how many times havewe told that Selah is manipulative?
Oh my god? Oh, she'sjust trying. She just doesn't want to
go. That's why she's upset.She just doesn't want to do this.
That's why she's upset. She justdoesn't want to do it. Yeah,
she's demanding, she's manipulative. Ican't even tell you how many times James
and I have been told that thisschool year. And I'm like, first
of all, kids are told thatbefore this school year. Yeah, before

(32:43):
the school year. Ye. Butkids are come into this world manipulative.
Hello, it's like their job toget you to meet their needs. That
is quite literally what they're doing untilthey learn how to meet the need themselves
through watching you or learning. Hello, this is the work you signed up
for as a parent. But again, another podcast. But m So,

(33:06):
it's not your fault as an adult, because as a kid, you were
told your needs are not real,then you are shamed for having them,
and then you were told to trustsomeone else over you. You're not scared,
Just go, You're not scared,do this. You're not hungry,
go outside and play, or you'renot hurt, don't cry exactly, you
know, I mean like negating theway people feel like turn after turn after

(33:31):
turn. And so then we growup to be adults and when someone hurts
our feelings, we say, that'sokay, my feelings aren't hurt, and
then we suppress that disappointment and thatbetrayal or whatever that hurt looks like.
Right, So that's the system overall. It's like the system that it's the
societal system that supports this shitty schoolsystem that is upheld by our conditioning,

(33:55):
and it needs to change. Itneeds to be broken down, it needs
to be rebuilt. Yes, Andthat is really literally. I don't want
to go into too many of thespecific things that went on during the school
years, okay, because I feellike parents are don't know the deal.
And let me tell you her,you don't know the deal. We would

(34:15):
not know the deal had I notworked in that school, we were not.
It's it's I always compare it tothey always tell you don't don't look
how sausage is made. Ye kenyasaw how the sausage was made. And
now I was disgusted. We arevegan now literally and metaphorically for this,
for this uh, for this instance. But yeah, so before I share

(34:35):
some of the things that I sawand heard an experience in the in the
school system this year, I dothink it's important to say that there are
so many teachers out there who arejust gems. Yes, agreed, agreed,
And I mean, and we survivedbecause because of the gems. Yes,
we survived, made it, Wemade a whole year. Our daughter
is better because of it, Likeshe's in a better place now because of

(34:58):
the gems that were in that school. Yeah, there are just so many
people in the school system who areamazing, and so we're not by any
means saying throw out everything, butthe system itself needs to be completely bulled
those down to be built back up. And I would argue that the gems
agree, Yeah, that the gemswithin the system who really are there and

(35:22):
doing the work and working to stayconnected to themselves so that they can stay
connected to the kids. And Iwould say that these people also would probably
agree that the system is not meetingour kids needs, not meeting our teachers
needs, not meeting the needs ofthe community. Because I mean, then
we can also talk about like whatreading levels are at across state or the

(35:45):
country and etc. Etc. Butduring this school year, I will say
that since there is a staff shortage, I mean I just was able to
see an organism in crisis. AndI think with the staff shortage that's different
than anything you are probably witnessed yourkids. Yeah, because now instead of
having a substitute teacher, which weused to have who would just play a
video or something like that, theynow have to separate kids. So like

(36:07):
fifteen kids from this class will goto another class, and fifteen will go
to another class, and then thatclass of thirty becomes a class of forty
five out of nowhere. Yes,so splitting of the classes will take place
in the morning if teachers are notout. Yes, So what happens is
your kid, You drop your kidoff at school and you think they're in
missus Smith's class having the most beautifulday, And what you don't know is

(36:30):
Miss Smith is not there, andyour kid is now in mister Howard's classroom
with thirty other kids other kids,and you have no idea about it unless
your kid tells you on the wayhome. And that is intentional because if
parents knew the way kids are beingshuffled around and split up and taken out

(36:51):
of routines and taken out of environmentsthat they know and around people teachers,
aids, etc. That they know, and being shifted two spaces that they
don't know, routines that are nottheir own, with people that they don't
know, maybe are meeting for thefirst time. I'm sure they'd maybe seen
them in the cafeteria or the libraryor the gym or something, but they
don't know them, right, Becauseif parents knew that, there would be

(37:15):
accountability agreed. So it is intentionallyso that you don't know that because a
call out and for those of youwho don't have kids in the school,
a call out is when admin doeslike a mass call and a call goes
to all the parents and a callout could be made or a teacher could
send a message to the class,to the class parents and saying I'm out
today and mister so and so willbe the sub etc. But it's not

(37:38):
that it's six kids going here andfive kids going there and before you know
it. I mean, there wouldbe days where the third graders we had
two third grade classrooms, I thinkeach about twenty some kids and they'd all
be with one teacher in one room. I mean, we were not that
far past COVID, right, Soit's like all of these kids in this
small room with one teacher, andsometimes the teachers, both third grade teachers

(38:01):
would be out and they'd be ina room with a pair of a pair
of professional or a teacher's aid.Not learning. Yeah, of course,
not doing shit. I feel likewhen we had subs when I was a
kid, we didn't do shit.Now we did not do shit. We
were right, I do think yourexperience. But we weren't forty kids to
a classroom either, and we weredoing We might have watched a movie,
but there were worksheets taking place,and there were or you know, I

(38:24):
mean something. But it was notas frequent. It was a lot.
It was very short staff. Imean I have seen kids closed in offices
because they were crying, and I'mtalking about pre K kids. I have
heard crying from the hallway and goneinto classrooms to see how I could be
of support and found kids clothes inoffices. Granted the office has windows so

(38:46):
there can be seen, but themessage being sent is you can cry alone
in there by yourself where you arenot a disturbance to the rest of the
space, with no support, justthe expectation that eventually, I guess cried
out out. That's what that's whatthe expectation. So I've seen kids isolated
for this regulation. I walked intoa teacher, a pre K teacher asleep

(39:09):
during naptime. So there was agroup of pre K kids who he was
in charge of, and he wasasleep, so most of the kids were
asleep and some kids were up,and our kid was screaming, crying on
her map, by herself. Andthat could have been anybody's kids, could
have been anybody's kids. I'm gratefulit was mine and I was able to
be there and support her. Andthat's my point is that like she's sitting
there, something could have been activelywrong. We could have been wrong with

(39:31):
her. And imagine that's your kidcrying alone in a room because the teacher
is asleep, and then to knowthat the repercussions for that he taught for
the rest of the year. Sothese are just some of the things,
and these are the big things.I mean, the daily things are the
way people are talking to kids.I mean, I was going to bring

(39:52):
that up. I was gonna like, we just shit taught kids in any
way, and it doesn't there's nooh God. But if there's no repercussion,
nothing at all. Yeah, repairno repercussions. Now, repair no
repercussions. You can talk to kidsand nobody wants to be talked to it
that way, whether you're a kidor adult. Any If you're an adult
and somebody talks to you the waysome people talk to kids in a school
system, you're gonna you can't talkto me, it becomes problematic. Yes,

(40:14):
And that's why adults wouldn't do it, because it becomes problematic. Right,
But there is no inherent respect givento kids. They're not respected because
they're humans and born with the rightto be respected and valued. Respect is
earned as you get older, andit comes with age, and I can
I will respect you as you dothis or it. Yes, it's conditional.

(40:37):
Respect as a human being is conditional. Yes, it should not be.
It should not be. It isright conditional and is treated as such.
And seeing a group of kids walkdown a hallway in a public school
really is likened to a prison.They are single file line, they are
hands behind their back, they areeyes to the back of the head of

(41:00):
the person in front of them,and there's no talking. There's I know
this sounds dramatic, but there's nohumanity. Yeah, no, no,
I agree. I remember the firsttime I saw that with their hands behind
their back, I was like,what the fuck is this? Yeah?
This? Can we pick Selah updrama camp? Last week she said to
me, I love walking in thehalls here because we get to pretend to

(41:22):
be an animal and it's so funand we don't have to walk with our
hands behind our backs and be quiet. And I thought, that's so fucked
up. Yes, and five Andby the way, we took it an
NCT natural children's theater and there's notenough good. We could do a whole
podcast on singing their praises. Ifeel like because they get it, they
got everything from A to Z,and they were it was literally perfect to

(41:45):
get it. So it's like whenI was saying in the beginning, it's
like not necessarily outdated, but likenot intuitive. So it's intuitively we don't
talk to people in a certain way, right because we wouldn't want to be
talked to in that way. Intuitively, intuitively, we would feed other people
because we would want to be fed. Intuitively, we would support other people

(42:07):
in times of distress. We wouldn'tisolate them because we ourselves would want to
be supported. That's why I waslike, it's not so much that the
school system is outdated, it's thatit lacks humanity, makes a humanity,
and it lacks intuition and compassion,and it's designed to be that way,
and we never ask why, right, So, I mean I think the

(42:29):
answer the why is like, it'sthe compliance piece. We need them to
be compliant because schools were not developedto create educated thinkers. Schools were developed
to create workers, a working class, non thinking for themselves, working class.
I was talking about the why asto like, if a kid is
a quote unquote acting out right yeahyeah. Instead of saying, hey,

(42:53):
like what's wrong, they're just tolddon't do that, or you're going to
go to you're going to get detentionor out of school. To tell a
five year old that he is goingto go to jail acting like that?
Who says these things to five yearolds? I mean, I just feel
like the things that I saw inone year, and it wasn't even a

(43:15):
full year, because I, likeyou said, I started in October.
So less than a year could lastme a lifetime to be wary of putting
my child back in school business system. So instead you have taken things in
your own hands, let's say,in our own hands. But you're hitting
this up. So in your handsinstead you have decided we're pulling Cellah from

(43:37):
school, ye, and kind ofstarting our own school this year. This
is is a homeschool pod. Bloodyyeah. I hope it does. I
hope it takes roots. And Ihope that other parents who are in alignment
with our same values and mission andideas on how they want to live and

(44:00):
in the world and how the worldthat they want their kids to live in
and grow up in, follow suit. So I do hope that, yes,
this year, it's a it's asweet little pod. It's a little
home schoolweet little homeschool pod where wehire a teacher, we rent out a
space, and the hod Or Schoolis born, is born and dictated by

(44:22):
the community that governs it, theparents, the family, the community,
the kids, the kids. It'sthe kids in their family. We are
the ones who are shaping and moldingthe environment. And so for us,
it looks like it's part time becauseI'm also here to tell you that the
school day is too long. Allday is too long. I can tell

(44:44):
you every day, what did Iused to tell you. I remember,
even when you're having good days,I would check in on you. It
would be like twelve or one.You'd be like, no, this has
been the greatest day. The kidshave been great, everything is great.
And then like you would come homeand be like, from one, the
rest of the day was a shipshow. Let me tell you. At
one thirty, I would be like, I have to go from wherever I
am, I have to go backto my room because the elementary kids cannot

(45:09):
hang. Once they hit one thirty, this is when fights began to break
out. This is when kids wouldstart to melt down. And we're talking
like third, fourth, fifth graderswould start to melt down and they would
come to my room crying over thingsthat they would have been able to manage
earlier in the day. You know, kids, And this is this is
what I always was. She wasmug and me, she was looking at

(45:30):
me, she was looking at mesome kind of way. I'm telling you,
kids can manage mugging and looking atyou some kind of way. At
ten thirty, and they cannot manageit at one thirty because they are tapped,
they have been stretched to capacity withstimulation, and they are no longer
able to regulate for themselves. Sothe day is done at one thirty.

(45:51):
Kids are not learning anymore after thattime. They are in survival mode until
they get out, and quite frankly, all the adults in the building are
too. If you are in anyschool, you know any teacher, I
guarantee you your teacher, friends,or the people in your school that you
are working at you while are walkingpast each other at one thirty year going
almost there, almost three, it'sbest case scenario, almost Thursday, almost

(46:15):
Friday. We made it. Theseare the things that are being said as
you pass other adults because at onethirty ye're done too as an adult.
So our little homeschool pod is parttime. It's a nine to two concept,
four ish days a week. Threedays was three days mandatory, three
day on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdayfrom nine to two, with Fridays being

(46:37):
optional and Fridays are enrichment days.So those would be days that we would
do field trips, or they wouldbe days when we bring someone in to
do what would be considered like extracurricularin a mainstream or you know school system,
and it goes all year round withlarger breaks built in because let me
tell you, regulation, whether itbe throughout the day, throughout the week,

(47:00):
throughout the year, is about breaks, is about rest, is about
pouring into the regulation system, intothe nervous system, and so the more
you can be proactive, the lessyou have to be reactive. And so
our school year is year round,and it looks like every six weeks there

(47:21):
is a week break. So we'vebasically taken with the public school system crams
into I think ten weeks of breaksthroughout the year and then large summer break.
You know that included in that time, we've spaced out the ten weeks
throughout the school year. So itlooks like starting in September, kids we
go for six weeks, then wetake a week break off and that also

(47:43):
encourages families to travel and to explore, because if you're in the current public
school system, if your kid isout five days outside of that, like
they're sick, I mean, theybecome truant, and then you have to
answer to the courts. And sowhere is the time for your family to
continue to explore and expand together.It all has to happen in the summer,

(48:04):
which it costs one million dollars todo, no like. And it's
funny because even if you look atflight prices on school breaks, they're like
double yeah, those off weeks,Yeah, you will be able to travel
thus off weeks for a reasonable rate. Yes, and will also be able
to rest. We could travel forhalf of the week and rest for the
other half. We can explore moreof our regional area. There's lots of

(48:28):
potential with those breaks. So yeah, we go six weeks and then we
break for a week, and thathappens throughout the year, and then there's
the one full month of August augustus, so we would still go through July.
And this also helps kids because letme tell you your teachers and your
admin and your staff in your schoolwhat we go through after we have a

(48:52):
beautiful break that all the adults inthe building need. For example, we
got three weeks for Christmas this year. Let me tell you the adults we
go through that first week back whenkids are being reintroduced to the environment.
It is a shit show and everyoneneeds to cash app their teacher, their
admin, millions of dollars for survivingthat period of time because kids get out

(49:16):
of their routine and there's just alot of um, I mean, the
ir readjustment. There's a lot ofreadjustment. I want to say, there's
a lot of vata in the air, which is like the energy of movement,
which people can't ground, they can'tmanage, and so they just basically
go completely disregulated. But there's alot of readjustment that needs to take place,
and it's very stressful for all partiesinvolved, especially your kids. And

(49:42):
so the more we can keep themin a routine, the better. Kids
thrive in routine. Kids thrive inknowing, you know what people people thrive
and routine, you know, peoplethrive with knowledge. People thrive and knowing
what's coming next and knowing what toexpect. People get very disregulated when the

(50:02):
unknown enters their psyche, their awareness, their world. And so when kids
who don't really have a concept oftime don't understand when are they going back
to school? Right? When isthis break over? You know? And
that's another thing we struggled with inschool too, the routine always changing because
staff was short, and also teacherswere disregulated, and so that's tough for

(50:23):
somebody like nerd divergent like Sella.But imagine a kid is undiagnosed. Yeah,
it Sella gets the support and shehad her mom there. Yeah,
if your kid is nerd divergent andnot diagnosed, it's a shit show.
Yeah, and they're not getting thesupport. Sometimes they're doing this at this
time. Sometimes nap is taking placein this room. Sometimes it's taking place
in this room. Sometimes it startsat this time, Sometimes it starts at

(50:45):
this time. I remember we hada meeting in which we were basically fighting
for Sella to have snacks when sheneeded to eat, and also that she
could nap in the same room atthe same time and the same naps,
And I remember them being like,wow, yeah, I could see how
that could be beneficial for her.And in my mind, I'm thinking,

(51:06):
they never even thought about it.You mean, wow, they never thought
about it, This is what I'msaying. Though it was like I had
never thought about it, you knowwhat I mean. It's just like so
many details that we are just taught. It's just the way, and when
things are just the way, wego on and we don't think about them,
and then that's how this becomes asystem. Yeah, that's why we're
here. It's time to change thesystem. It's actually time to burn this

(51:28):
ship to the ground. A lotof systems that are in place right now
need to be burnt to the groundin order for true change, true equity
to take place. Agree, wecan keep putting beautiful people who are change
agents in these spaces, but ifthey're not supported by the system, which
they're not going to be, thesystem itself won't change. So it's like,

(51:52):
shout out and kudos to all ofthe gems who work in these spaces
and who want to be I mean, that's why I took it. I
was like, no, I wantto be the change that I want to
see, right, Like this principle'scalling me to action. Yeah, you
know, and I'm not gonna shrinkat this call. I'm going to answer
it. And then I got inthinking I could really change some shit,

(52:12):
not for the whole system, butmaybe for this smallest And then I got
in there and was like, oh, it's not supposed to be changed.
It's not meant to be changed.This is how it is, and this
is how they want it to be. Yes, despite all of the lip
service that one would get the dailyins and out is that this is how
it's meant to be right. Theschool system is thriving and the people in

(52:37):
it are surviving. And so whatyou did was say, instead of changing
this system from the inside, we'regoing to create my own system. And
so I wanted to choose to talka little bit about the values of the
school that you're starting. What arethey? You have a whole power point
present. The values is that wewill even if we grow, we will

(53:00):
always be small. The benefit wouldbe that it's a smaller teacher to children
ratio. Your ten kids is whatyou ten is what we're shooting for.
So ten kids to one guide withthe intention that this helps the guide really
meet the student where they are.We will be family governed. I think

(53:21):
back to the situation in which theteacher was asleep, and I said to
the principle, I want to livein a world where if I walk into
a classroom and the teacher is asleep, I have the authority and the power
to be like, you know what, longer work here? Right? Because
this is my child. Yeah,as a parent, you want to have
that authority. As a parent,I want to have that authority because this
is my child. Yeah, Iam handing them over to you from these

(53:45):
hours, and I expect their safety, and if it's not being delivered upon,
I don't want to wait for anoutside source to validate whether or not
you know this is the person whomy kid should be taught by. I
want power in that. It ismy child and I'm giving power in every
aspect of her life except for thisone. And then you drew, You

(54:06):
drop them off somewhere and you haveno knowledge and no power. Yeah,
no knowledge, no power. Andso the value is that we will always
stay family governed, lead whatever thatis right, whatever that works first in
child, first child. Lad.So this in our school, our pod.
It's not a school yet, butour pod, our school, the

(54:27):
system we are creating. Right,children are not only seen and heard,
but they are valued. Like that'sintentional. We're listening to them, We're
acting upon their requests. We areembedding in them that we hear your voice,
use your voice, we support yourvoice, We hear your needs.
We'd like to help you meet them, show you how to meet them yourself.

(54:50):
Classrooms are multi age. We pulleda lot of values from Montosori because
I just think Montosori is such abeautiful concept in a beautiful way. So
it's the curriculum is monostory, playbased, project based, and so it's
the concept that children are leading andguiding what they're interested in, and it's
up to the guide to then createthe lesson based off those interests. Really,

(55:13):
this is hands on work, right, It's not sitting at a desk
and so being able to choose thecurriculum because a lot of teachers have curriculum
handed to them in so many mostYeah, I mean, I don't want
to say, I don't know,so I don't want to say, but
I would. It does seem likemost teachers are handed their curriculum. It
seems like most teachers get into thework because they have such great ideas and

(55:36):
how they want to educate, changethe world and teach kids, and then
they never get to use those beautiful, brilliant minds and they become bogged down
and like shut down. If you'renot If you're a creative person and you're
told not to be creative, aftera while, you're going to lose your
creativity because you're not you're not practicingit every day. Yeah, you're honing
you to lack and inspiration, andso the teacher will be able to create

(55:59):
their own curriculum. And then threeoutside breaks a day. So kids right
now get one outside break a day, and I don't think it's any more
than thirty minutes. And to ateacher. A lot of teachers credit,
a lot of them are getting themoutside more on beautiful days. And then
there are some teachers who take awayrecess as a means of control, punishment,

(56:20):
punishment. So three three outside breaks, because nature is necessary, movement
is necessary for regulation, for expansion, for retention of information. I think
the main thing is just kids thatare seen and heard. Yeah, because
that doesn't happen in public, private, charter, whatever it is. Most

(56:43):
schools function the way the school youwere at this year functions. It's trying
to get like I said, squaresquare pegs into circle round holes. Yeah,
So I mean that's that's what itis, and that's not what the
school you're creating is. It's not. Yeah, we're hoping to incur all
types of pegs. Yeah, adiverse a diverse group of pegs to live

(57:06):
out their lives in whatever way theysee fit. The value of sovereignty is,
yeah, the value of sovereignty isimportant in which kids have autonomy in
their life. If your kid needsa snack, they get to have a
snack, get to have water.Yeah, if your kid doesn't like math

(57:28):
but they like cars, they don'thave to do just the worksheet on math.
The guide can meet them at cars. And we have two red cars
over here, and we have threered cars over here. How many cars
do we have? And now thekids not doing math in their mind,
the kids playing with cars, right, And so when we have space for

(57:50):
teachers and guides to lead in thattype of way, I just feel like
the options for expansion are endless.So quick question. Say you're not Sella's
mom, You're the person over theschool, and I as Sella's father,
walk in with my daughter, okay, and you think, oh, what
a handsome man Sella's father's. I'msure it would be. There's there's probably

(58:12):
rules against that bad, It's fine, we can make exceptions. No,
and my child is visibly upset,Yes, is it okay for me to
stay there for a few minutes withher so she gets acclimated? Yes?
So this is another This is anotheraspect or value, I guess you could
say of the school in which weare wanting parents to be involved, and

(58:35):
so like Friday I was saying,would be like an enrichment day. We
want parents who have specialties to comein and share with the kids. Like
I could come in and do yoga, someone could come in and teach soccer,
someone could come in and teach cooking, or someone could come in and
do whatever it is that they love. Because kids don't care, they just
they love it because you love it, right, right. And then also

(58:55):
parents are welcome in the space tosupport the guide, especially with their child.
It's like, hey, my child'shaving a really rough day today,
Can I be here in the beginningand like ease them in. Yeah,
if that's what's like, going toregulate your child and send them on a
successful day, Yeah, we supportthat. We support you supporting your child.

(59:17):
When we were at NCT the Nationalthe National which should be National Children
the Nationale Children's Theater, we hadthat experience with them. We took Sella
to day camp and bearing in mindthat this has been a year in work
progress. So like we took Cellahlast summer and she could not separate,

(59:39):
she couldn't stay the whole day,and they were like that's okay. They
let us come in, tour thefacility, see the facility, see the
classroom, meet her teachers, meether teacher, do a little bit of
the activity that they were going todo in the classroom, and then watch
all the kids go in. Andshe still decided she could not do it,
and we were like, that's okay. And so this isn't one of

(01:00:00):
those other moments that I was talkingabout. It's like where a parent could
say, you're okay, trust me, you're safe here. I am not
like that, right. I wantSella to go in on her own trust
that she trusts she is safe there, because if not, she's going to
look to me to tell her herwhole life whether she can trust something right.

(01:00:21):
And so I want her to walkin on her own trust. And
yeah, that causes some problems sometimesbecause she's coming home with us a lot
instead of going to the program thatwe have signed her up for. And
so she came home with us thatday, and we tried throughout the year.
We did some week we signed herup for some weekend camps and some
weekend workshops and which we would goand expose her to the staff and the

(01:00:42):
building and etc. And like yousaid, this year, with some amazing
gems in our school building, wegot her to a place where we got
to day camp this year and littlehesitation, yeah, but went right in
the familiar person that we had afamiliar person yep, her safety person.
And this is like another thing thatyou know, I really like am grateful

(01:01:04):
NCT supporting is in which I feltlike constantly like a lunatic. But if
you have a child who is neurodivergent, creating a sensory plan for them is
something that's done in the community andit's wise. Creating like a safety plan
for them is something that's done inthe community and it's wise. And we're
not saying safe as in she wasn'tsafe in the school or people in the

(01:01:25):
school weren't safe. But safe inthe neurodivergent community means comfortable and known.
So there are safe foods, thereare safe clothes, you know what I
mean. So a safety plan aplan in which she is comfortable in thus
feels safe in, right, Andthey were basically like, we support your
safety planning. And you know,they never did. They were never like,

(01:01:45):
just leave her, she'll be fine. No, they never once said
that they were always like, allright, if you can be fine,
but okay, it's all right,yep, And if you decide to come
back later, we'll see you again. Then they were never liked just leave
her. The friday of drama camp. They schedule change. They schedule is
a little different, and they reachedout and it's like, hey, the

(01:02:06):
schedule is different, They're going tobe it's going to be a little bit
of a different situation today. Thisis our plan for Sella. We want
to check with you to make surethat you feel like this is a good
plan for her. And I literallycried because I have been gaslit all year.
At every turn, someone's like,you're her mama, you know what's
best. And I'm saying, thisis what's best. She needs to have

(01:02:29):
a snack at one thirty. Thisis what's best. If she could stay
with her safe person when she firstenters the room. This is what's best.
If she could nap in the sameplace at the same time, in
the same spot. Right, I'msaying, you get pushed back on all
this and everything. I get pushedback. Well, it's kind of hard
to say, Well, it makesit kind of hard to do a snack.
Well, this, this, andthis, this fucking gaslight the whole

(01:02:51):
year and then here is this programcalling me because this system has changed.
Whereas in school, classes would besplit and I would hear about it and
then go to the room or reachout to her par and be like,
what's the plan for Sella? Becausenever once I was I notified that the
plan was changing for my child duringthat day. So here's this small program
going, Hey, our plan haschanged for the day because on the last

(01:03:14):
day of campus is a little bitdifferent. And so we wanted to reach
out for you because the teacher andI talked and we created this plan for
Sella, and we want to knowif you think this is going to be
a good plan for her. AndI was just like, so I have
not been crazy all year. Youhave not. There are there is a
place, There are spaces that getit, that get it. And now

(01:03:34):
if Nationale Children's Theater you're listening,you could just create a school. Wow,
that would be amazing. But yes, to hear it validated and see
it working out in the wild wasjust like validation to me that everything that
I want for our child and allchildren, neurotypical, neurodivergent, all kids

(01:03:54):
need this type of environment in whichthey are truly seen, truly heard,
truly supported to be individuals, trulyset up for success, to thrive in,
not in a hustle culture. Rightlike truly be happy, but truly
be happy. Truly be happy.That's that's what we want as adults.
There's like this reclamation of the softlife happening, right. I'm as live

(01:04:17):
my best soft life. And thereason you have to reclaim that soft life
is because it was stripped away fromyou as a child. I want to
preserve her life, her soft life. I don't want her to have to
reclaim it in her thirties and herforties. I want her to have it.
I want all of these kids tohave the soft life. I want
them to know that softness exists.It's not just like how many times do

(01:04:39):
we hear the world is. It'sa tough world. It's a fire world.
You got to get Cella ready forthem. It's a rough world out
there. She's not in an army. She's five. She's five. Yea,
she is five. Time we havetime, we have time. Yeah,
she's she's five. So like Iwant to instill soft in these children.

(01:05:01):
The soft is already there. Iwant to instill in them the value
to keep it and to preserve it, and to seek out soft spaces,
and to seek out soft love andsoft people like who don't talk to you
in harsh tones. And I wantthat for all children. All children deserve
that. I love you, Thankyou for doing this. I'm so glad

(01:05:24):
that, like of all the peopleI could have created life with, it
was you. Thank you. Ialmost made it through without crying. I'm
super close, super close. Soyeah, as you've got a kid in
the natural area and you're interested inour school ideas or you feel like in
alignment, yes it up. Ilove you, Thank you for doing this.