Best of Kevio

The boys miss Kevin so much that they assembled some audio of Kevin's best moments on air. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the downbeat on.So we were talking about it was a
basketball player's name they got banned forlife, Johntay Porter for gambling, I'm

(00:21):
tanking or fudge of numbers of hisown maybe over another from my rebounds was
four, I'm at three. Ishould probably uh fake an injury and get
out. Anyway, we were talkingabout how those things get flagged, like
who's monitoring that. I don't wantto use this guy's name, but he's

(00:42):
somebody that is very, very connectedto that world. And he says,
with the access I have, he'slike I said, he says, gaming
companies are on the cutting edge ofautomation and analysis. They have to prove
to Internet national banking standards that theyhave protections in place for anti money laundering

(01:04):
and anti terrorist financing. They likelyflag this immediately in the league, likely
took a while trying to understand thedata. Yeah, so they know.
Like even when I'm on Prize Picks, right, you go on there and
it's all slotted NBA, NHL,MLB, PGA, whatever, you can
pick what sport if you want toget into, and you click any of

(01:26):
those and the very first tab thatthen opens is popular, and it just
shows you, like the ten betsthat are most popular over the last half
hour hour. I mean it's partof the default of the site to show
you what people are betting on themost right now, and it's usually you
know, Yannis or Yoki, soit's usually just a big dog. I

(01:47):
mean, it's fun to bet Lucabecause I'm gonna be staring at Luka.
So yes, for them to findabnormalities in betting patterns for a Jontay Porter
I bet comes up almost live.Yeah, but now do they report it,
report that or then does the leaguecontact them and like, so we're

(02:07):
looking into this game and they cansend you a document. Yeah, they
contact the league and tell them,hey, this guy got flagged. You
might want to look into this,and then they just drag their feet doing
the investigation and yeah maybe yeah,because you've got to prove it. Well,
I don't know if it's their responsibilityto select abnormalities and draw attention to

(02:28):
them or not. I don't know. Yeah, because it doesn't really help
the betting companies for a player toget banned for life, does it.
I mean, if it's this guy, maybe it doesn't matter. Dude,
I'm And it all depends on limitstoo, Like if I don't, I
don't bet that much. You betten bucks, maybe twenty bucks on these

(02:50):
things. But yes, if abet comes in for twenty two thousand dollars
on John Taye Porter, that immediatelyding true. And in Vegas, they
know, they track these things.They if you're a successful better, they
will make it hard for you tomake bets in that casino and that family
of casinos. You know. SoI don't know, but because I'm like,

(03:12):
all right, will a huge nameplayer in the next decade get banned
or suspended? And I say yesin some sport because these dudes are all
bulletproof too, you know, theythink they are. That's what the message
of banning a Jontay Porter for lifehopefully will put off. But you still
think Otani's dirty in this, Yeah, I do too. I do.

(03:36):
I do too. And I thinkhe's just such a big name that it's
easier for the league to just takehim at his word and not dig any
deeper. I think because it doesn'thelp them at all. It hurts them
so much. Yes, it's gonnatake any boy. That's a hell of
a controversy and hard to cover up. It is like, if the league

(03:58):
knows that Otani actually does, yeah, that will come out, I think.
And all it takes is one bulldoginvestigator slash reporter or investigative reporter to
really dive into this thing, digdeep, get threatened, yeah, by
the shadowy figures, to expose whatreally happened, if in fact there is

(04:20):
a there there. Yeah. Butit's dangerous, man, it's dangerous for
if a league knows something like ifsomebody in the league knows that Otani's not
telling the truth, it's incredibly dangerousfor them to stand by his statements.
I have I haven't tracked that.I mean, it's funny how these stories

(04:40):
come and go. You Sey Love, Yeah, we almost forgot that the
eclipse happened. Yeah, But thelast I heard, I think is it
wasn't what the initial reports were thatthe interpreter was betting, you know,
one hundred thousand dollars per game.He may have gotten up to that amount
on a couple occasions, but hewas betting a lower number than that on
average, which does bring into likelihoodthe possibility that it was it was just

(05:05):
him betting, you know. Butif it was true that he was betting,
you know, over one hundred grandin a game. That's not him,
that's Otani knowing about it. ButI don't know. I mean,
I don't know. Well, thatis Otani's best friend all day, every
day they hang out, and you'retelling me, this guy's over here sweating
seat in hall against Saint John's,you know, and Otani's just unaware of

(05:28):
it. I don't know. Ithink at a minimum he knew, and
he's sitting in a room cheering fora basketball game. Maybe that he doesn't
have any action on. I don'tknow, but yes, I agree with
you, that is nearly impossible tocover up if there is an FBI investigation
ongoing. So I don't know.What are we doing? Oh, Kevio

(05:50):
time yep, he says the darnedestthings, Mikey Heavo says the darnedest things.
It's Kevin Turner. He's not withus. He's in Italy. He
text us this morning. He's onthe lake on Como, on a boat
tour, looking at Richard Branson andGeorge Clooney's villas in northern Italy. It
looks gorgeous and it's a well deservedvacation, but no Cavio with us today.

(06:13):
But he cracks us up. Man. We love Kevin. He is
kind of the glue that holds thisshow together, and he's generally an amazing
dude, and he has been fora very long time. You used to
work with Ben and Skin and Christinafor a long time. And Christina sent
me a volley of audio, someof which you may have heard before,
some of which you may have hearda lot, some of which you may
never have heard before. And wefigured, why not have a little fun

(06:34):
with our invisible friend Kevin Turner andplay a game called Kevin says the darnedest
thing. Now, I have itpreviewed. Most of these you sent me
these, and I've got them allset up to play. Yeah, I
got titles for them. So ifyou oh yeah, yeah, good idea,
I'm gonna plug in my computer,all right, I'll kind of call

(06:56):
for him, okay, and we'llsee. And I know again this one,
I'd have no reck him doing it. Just says rangers chance, yep.
And it's about five seconds and it'sdumb. But I played it twice
at home and then I was singingit for a damn day. Here you
go. Ranger, Rage, Ranger, ranger go. Now look the theme

(07:21):
for most of these. And ifyou're a regular listener you know this.
If you're a new listener, youdon't. I have to reset it because
it is the funniest part of allthese. And that one right there,
Kevin has narcolepsy. He takes apill in the mornings, and he reacts
oddly to certain things. My wholelife thought of narcolepsy as falling asleep.

(07:43):
Suddenly the dangers of driving where youcould fall asleep, could fall asleep at
any moment. I mean, that'slike the cartoon version of narcolepsy. A
different portion of it is that whenhe gets excited, he has what we
have labeled a joke stroke. Yep. What typically happens when he is holding
on to just a golden nugget ofhumor and he's anticipating the moment when he

(08:05):
gets to share it with us andinvariably the world, and he gets so
excited and nervous that by the endof the punchline you hear him a kind
of fade out at just this isme talking. His eyes kind of flutter,
his eyelids flutter, his mouth hegets a little shaky gape. Yeah,

(08:28):
and I've never seen anyone do it. I've never seen it, and
it applies to other things. I'vegolf with him. I saw him make
a two on a par four.He nearly drove the green and he had
like a seventy foot putt and hedrilled it. And I'm like, oh,
I watched the ball. I seeit going in the hole. I'm
like, oh my god. Ilook at Kevin and he is essentially sound
asleep on his feet. He's kindof holding his putter and his head is

(08:50):
down and then he kind of wakesup and he's like, all right,
yeah, Like it applies to differentaspects of life. I don't know when
and where exactly it shows up,but for our purposes, we see it
most days directly across the table fromus. Yep. So I'll ask you
to play that Ranger chant again andlisten to the end, because he knows
he's being funny, and he hehe has one of these. At the

(09:11):
end of this chant, Ranger Range, Ranger, Ranger, go like you
can hear it, start Rangel.He can't finish the word, and then
it's like a It's like an Olympicgymnast that just has a great routine,
flies off the parallel bars, spins, twists, sticks the landing but one

(09:31):
foot just again to cover off,and then they lay down and take a
napsy one more time. Ranger,Rage, Ranger, Ranger go. So
if you know him and you seethis in person, you know exactly what
happened, right, But most peopledon't. And I don't know if that
this is funny as it is though, I always translates to the listener.
So you wanted to really paint apicture of what we're seeing, And that's

(09:54):
because I can picture him doing that, and it's the funniest thing going on
in my life. I love itso much. So we'll be back to
some jokes strokes here in just asecond. Yeah, I play this one.
It's it's one of the greats.It's been in a lot of promos.
You've definitely heard this one before,but it's just the the wisdom and
odd claims of Kevin Turner National SeafoodBisk Day. You can holler at me

(10:16):
when it comes to bisks and chowders. Yeah, okay, I love trying
chowders. Okay, So we're gonnaholler at you. Let's bring this down,
like when we are going to ordersome when we when when when when
we have a question about bisk,when we have a craving, when do
we holler? When do you wantto be contacted? It's still it's still

(10:41):
gold. As funny as his lineis, this is the best of both
Jeff and specifically Julie. This isthis is Julie and Jeff shining. But
it's just more proof that Julie isone of the funniest people in the world
because she jumps on an immediate hangon, wait, just stuck and why
the hell holler me? And healso doesn't claim to be an expert on

(11:01):
either bisks or chowder. I thinkhe's saying, if you're going to have
some bisks or chowders, the unnecessary, horrible Boston accent on the word chowder
didn't that didn't need to happen.I think what he was saying is like,
I love a good bisk, Sonext time you guy, if you
guys are ever going out for abisk or a chowder, holler at me
so he can come along. Yeah, it's like, but holler at me

(11:24):
when it comes to biscus. Yeah, when it comes to it's implied.
Now that I've heard this again forthe one hundred and fiftieth time, I
hear it in a different way.He likes he likes a good chowder.
He loves a good bisk. They'redoing a story on it. He wants
them to know that he it's oneof his favorite soups. And if they
ever ever Yeah, but generally you'dholler at someone when you want information about

(11:48):
the thing you're hollering at. Iknow, but he is clarified that he's
not an expert on either, right, he just likes them and he wants
to be part of anything that hasto do with bisks and chowders. One
more time, please National Seafood BiskDay. You can holler at me when
it comes to bisks and chowders.Okay, he does with with a with
a bit of arrogance. Yes,yeah, like, oh is that day?

(12:11):
Uh huh, holler at me allright again? And just she wants
to know what he meant by thatNational Seafood Bisk Day. You can holler
at me when it comes to bisksand chowders. Yeah, okay, I
love trying chowders. Okay, sowe're going to holler at you. Let's
bring this downe like, when weare going to order some? When we

(12:35):
when? When? When when wehave a question about bisks? When we
have a craving? When do weholler? When do you want to be
contacted? They're both geniuses because theyimmediately asked the exact questions we're still asking
over a year later. Yeah,okay, when we're going to order some
when we want advice? And thenhe followed up with I like to try

(12:58):
bisks and chowder, right right,yeah, have it all. That's that's
the first thing that said after afterKT issues his claim about bists and showders,
Yeah yeah, and she says,okay, I love trying. Yeah
yeah, okay, amazing, Ilove that too. Every Bed and Skin

(13:18):
Show, which will air on thisvery station from ten to two, ends
with wisdom from Kevin Turner. Butyou may not have heard the origin of
said wisdom. Officials say a fightstarted that is between two groups of people.
I'm glad it's two groups of people, and like two groups of vegetables
are produce. It's your dairy versusyour fruit. All right, stop the

(13:45):
music, Christina I don't know anymore. It's changed so much as it at
Dan Pyramid. They changed things onas quick on this world. So enjoy
you every minute while you have it. The man we give up that was
Sometimes. I feel like Kevin seesthe picture clearly in his mind. In

(14:07):
his head, he sees the foodpyramid, he seems to he sees the
where the food groups go, likethe grains, the dairy, the meats,
and the vegetables and fruit and allthat. He knows what he's trying
to convey. He just has adifficult time describing to you what he sees
in a way that you can understand, because he completely understands. I can

(14:33):
never hear this enough. And Ilove how dismissive skin is. Skin is
just pretends to be so over himall the time. Officials say a fart
fight started, that is between twogroups of people. I'm glad it's two
groups of people, and like twogroups of vegetables are produced. It's your
dairy versus your fruit. All right, stop the music, Christina, I

(15:01):
don't know anymore. It's changed somuch as it at Dan Pyramid. They
changed things on as quick on thisworld. So enjoy your every minute while
you have it, man, wegive up. That was Kevin laughs at
the end, this maniacal laught abut just a meotic twist. I'm glad

(15:22):
it was humans like he set himselfup for that entire minute. Yeah,
of nonsense. It was a badjoke to start with, right, and
then he tried to try to realize, all right, I think we do
have a chunk of jokestrokers. Ithink this one falls into the category.
I don't even know what this audiois, but it's bad. Oscar Meyer
Wiener thing. Let's take a listen. Oscar Meyer. He's hiring twelve drivers

(15:43):
to drive their promotional vehicle around America. It's basically a pr firm on wheels
form in the form of a Wiener. Eighteen days of paid time off,
full health bennies, okay, andall hotel expenses covered. So navigating the
Wiener is a full time job,because I know a lot of women out
there would say that's a part timejob at best. That's Kevin Turner of

(16:07):
ninety seven point one, the freak, speaking of Wieners. Okay, I
didn't think that was a bad joke. No, just you know, we
didn't really help it much, didwe now, all right. This is
I think Julie reacting to his toseeing what we described earlier the narcoleptic joke
stroke, and her seeing it forthe very first time, she was shocked.

(16:30):
Let's listen where it's like behind thescenes of them getting ready for a
half marathon or something, and they'rejust on a couch and they're one hundred
percent acting like a couple, andthey were talking about who's the pacer,
and she said something along the linesof, but what matters is that we'll
both be finishers on and he doesthe look of like that, just like

(16:55):
I didn't know she had a dinner, had a dinner. Oh my god,
Why did you die a little whenyou made that joke? That's the
narco stroke that I always think isa joke. But he insists that's real.
I'm good. Why she just whydid you die a little? Why

(17:18):
did you die a little when youmade that joke? So I love anyone's
first reaction to it, like seeingit for the first time. You couldn't
you couldn't describe what she saw anybetter than that, Why did you die
a little when you made that joke? Why did you die a little?
She got a mad almost. Ithink we have two more. Here's uh,

(17:41):
here's full cook and joke stroke.One of our comedians is leaving at
eight o'clock. Yes, I wouldsay, being forced to leave by management.
Yeah, for charity. For managementand charity, the two things you
hate the most. All right,now he needs one to get him cranked

(18:03):
fine ranked every morning I was theresomewhere clean the pipes a little bit.
Okay, now we're rolling the twothings you hate the most. God,
it's so good. So that wasat six two am. First thing,
this was us turning on our microphones. The two things you hate the most.
There's no better way to start yourday. No, And he's also

(18:26):
got the weird thing with the pillthat I think stops the joke strokes.
Uh huh. So we always tryto convince him not to take the pill,
but then we don't know what thehell's gonna happen, or he takes
it early and then it wears off, and then the joke strokes come back
at the nine o'clock hour. Yeah, it's amazing, all right, we
got last one. This one strokesout after a dandy prediction, is that
it okay? Number three Denise deBartolow, York will be caught on camera

(18:52):
in the owner's box eating one ofthe following three food items and ice cone,
a wing or cheese. It's rightout of the damn box. What
is her title? She's a coowner, Eddie de Bartilo's daughter. Boy,
she does look like she would takein some stadium food. What do

(19:15):
you mean you guess we all would? What a save? Kudos to you,
Dallas, observe her host of theYear. But that's the funniest thing
that's been said all week, becausewe all Okay, that is insightful,

(19:36):
brilliant, genius. I guess hesaw I didn't even know what she looked
like. I guess he googled apicture of the this owner. Yeah she
was not. He implied that she'sa big girl, and then saved it.
If we all love stadium food,boy, she does look like she
would take in some stadium food.What do you mean you guess? We

(20:00):
all? What? I'm incapable ofthat level of we all would? We
all would? Oh my god,that's brilliant. Yeah, what do you
mean you guess? We all?What the line was? Genius? He

(20:22):
passes out? What a saved toyou? Dallas? Observer Host of the
Year. But that's the funniest thingit's been, well, the funniest thing
I'd heard all day. He's afunny man. He's our little buddy,
and he's on a well deserved vacationin Italy right now. But I figured
we play some best of Kevin,because Kevin says the darnedest things. All
Right, it's a twenty eight inthe morning. Appreciate you listening. We're

(20:44):
going till ten o'clock when Ben's skintakeover. We have asked the downbeat.
Coming up at nine, we gota bunch of great questions. Let a
rip. As long as we're legallyallowed, We're gonna probably answer some some
questions you have. So if youwant to text him and you can do
that. We do have a tonalready, but that should be fun.
At nine o'clock we will play someof your talkbacks if you want to leave
one at Iheartradios app ninety seven wonthe freak little microphone at the bottom right

(21:06):
and say whatever you want. Thirtyseconds, JJ is going to compile and
we'll play them later. Coming upnext to his dingu and it is time
for the morning news. Yes,a bonus clip of KT Wheels Offness in
the mornings. Arrests have been madein the Toronto gold heist, and how
did the eclipse benefit these rock androll acts.