The Opener: April 24, 2024

It's hump day and Mikey has a confession to share in 'Breakfast Boners'. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I played today with a ton ofgratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to do
this. I'm really glad I getto do it again tomorrow, and I'm
gonna remind myself I'm a dog andI'm ready for this moment. iHeartMedia,

(00:26):
Wolf Wolf, I'm a dog.I'm looking at a dirty dog right across
this table. Wow wow, AndI'm looking at a pretty lovely, friendly
dog. I don't know how todeal with her. Yeah, Now you're
a dog. J. J.Jackson's daty Baale's. My name is Mike
Siroy April Showers, bring money Flowers. Here on iHeartRadio. You're listening to

(00:50):
the Nasty Ass down Beat on Wednesday, April twenty fourth, twenty twenty four.
Oh the Wolf is here. ThreeDogs and a Wolf, one thousand.
Apologies for missing I guess yesterday.That's the only official one that we're
on the hook for. Everything elsewas on schedule as a Dingu and I

(01:12):
were off a couple of days,but big thanks to Pugs and Sybil and
friends for jumping in here and knockingout for the last couple of mornings.
They're great fun, show them hitthe vibe. Good folk, You're supposed
to be back yesterday. Yeah,what do you want me to do?

(01:34):
I mean, you can tell Isound crappy still, but boy, you
try to you pick a weird dayto take off. It's the day you
get back from Vegas to get doubtfrom from people. And even I was
like texting Zach are Pd. Youknow, I'm like, it felt like
I was fibbing and I know,I'm like, I'm not. But that's

(01:55):
a hard day to It's like theyafter the super Bowl. It's like,
oh my god, I'm just sick. Yeah. I bet those rare moments
when you have to convey information thatis so incredible that you feel like you're
lying right when you're one hundred percenttelling the truth. Yeah, how many

(02:15):
times does that happen? It's ait's a really strange feeling, like you
you have the sense that I amlying right now. I'm trying to think,
get over on somebody, but you'retelling the hundred percent truth. But
it's just so unbelievable. I thinkyou're putting yourselves in the listener or the
recipient shoes. You know. Yeah, I'm thinking if we just switched,

(02:36):
I would think okay, But theother I almost had a picture of like
my thermal you know, because I'mlike, in his head, he thinks
I'm still in Vegas extended went tothe Sunday Night fish Shoes. That's what
I thought. You, I know, I mean, you deemed it the
Flamingo flu the second I text you, because I'm a because I always want

(02:58):
to try to one up things whenit's the perfect joke. I was like
the Fremont Fleu. I was tryingto like think of something. I was
like, No, the Flamingo fluis absolutely perfect, and alliteration really works
when you get the first two lests. Yeah, no, no, dude,
it it's the right answer, becauseyeah, you'd only imagine our boss
seeing that text. It's like,sure, you're sick. Oh it's right

(03:20):
after four days in Vegas, huhand then the very next days yeah yeah,
four days, four total full daysoff from work. It's bad enough.
And I've had this happen to me. It happened to me one time
where I had a planned vacation.Didn't obviously have the connotation to what Vegas
brings to mind as to what avacation could look like. Very normal time

(03:46):
off. Probably stayed at home andI was sick. I got sick over
vacation and just could not make itback. I think it was up here.
I think, in fact, itmight have been the only sick day
that I've ever taken up here.And uh, even doing that, it's
just the fact that you've been offand you're supposed to come back and you
call in. It's like, dude, sure, you're just trying to stretch
this out. But then when youadd I was in Las Vegas for four

(04:10):
days, that really makes it insane. Nor I believe I was like us,
Kevin's gone, you know, soit's like we have to you know.
It's honestly, it's over set atthis point. But the stool needs
three legs, and it's harder withtwo. It's impossible with one, possible
with one. Unless you're Kevin Gray, right who You listen to his postgame

(04:31):
half hour of just one person goingon and doing it beautifully. It's an
impressive feed. It's something that Iwish that I could do, right.
I hope that I never have to. You had to do one segment by
yourself metallic blasted metallic? Yeah Idid. I did karaoke for an hour,
but it kind of put me ina strange position. Yeah, I'm

(04:54):
like, okay, so what arethe all alternatives here? And our boss
said, well, Danny, youcould cobble together something maybe called TC or
whatever. But we already had PUGSin place, and I know he loves
doing this, so it's like,well, let's get pugs first option.
If he and Sybil aren't available toslide in and do another day, then
y'all I'll put something together. Right. But it was very thankful that.

(05:18):
I mean, by proxy, Ifelt great that whole time, perfectly.
I just got a free day off. I know, I know, because
you're sick, I'm texting you.It's like still feeling a little scratchy back
there, buddy. I think that'sthe first text I got yesterday morning,
like you're gonna need another day.I'm You're like, I could just tell
great, right, Well, whatever, we're back. We're strong, maybe

(05:45):
stronger than ever. Look at allnice tech messages welcoming us back. Carry's
asking about my bleach b hole forsome reason, that's not what we're uh,
that's not what we're out there doing. Did not we didn't turn our
back in a listener. Yeah,so we got this, man, We're
gonna knock it out today. Wegotta obviously. Man, it was a
late night last night as we wereall watching some Dallas Mavericks and get Her

(06:09):
Done huge. We had all morningto discuss that. At least a couple
of segments worth we'll jump in.It's funny because we haven't been on the
air since they started the first round, and I think that we'll spend all
of our MAVs talked today and probablynot even mention Game one as far as
like breaking it down and looking at, you know, certain aspects of that

(06:31):
game that were relevant at that time, because those things come quick. Man.
Yeah, and yeah, I knowwe're gonna discuss this at Lenk,
but you know they talk about theseas you know, game three coming up
on Friday. Man, so faryou could refer to these as rounds,
right, That's what it looks like. Yes, a big fight, and

(06:53):
it's fun. I do have onething from Las Vegas if you are curious,
nine am, I'm gonna well reviewyou the sphere. I spent two
magical nights basking in love and lightwith hippies across America in the sphere and
it was something but nine o'clock thismorning my brother Cash from certain to Siroch.

(07:15):
The certain Desrocho was going to comein here and join us. He
was there as well. God wantsyou stuff. We just want to review
it. Oh, I mean therewas there was wheelchairs, there were people
being dragged out. Who was it? We will tell you at nine madness.
But it was fun and we'll giveyou an honest I'll give you an
honest review of the sphere. Wellyou may not even have ever heard,

(07:36):
but nine o'clock will do that.But there's something Vegas related that I wanted
to talk about, and I figured, six oh seven am before Christina wakes
up, this is a this isa break I think it is a breakfast
boner. Any chance? Why not? Why? That's the real question?

(08:11):
Underutilized. Man, Yeah, thisis a breakfast bonus. It kind of
is. I guess you tell meafterwards. So one thing about Vegas.
I've traveled with Christina dozens and dozensof times. Man, we you know,
been together a while, but westill, I don't know how easier

(08:35):
way to say it. We're nota farting couple, you know what I
mean, Like, we don't dothat stuff. I think that's good.
I don't know it's up to you. Whatever you If you're a fighting couple,
cool, but we're not clarify thata little bit. I mean,
both of you clearly pass rectal gason a daily basis. You are human

(08:56):
beings. You just don't draw attentionto it. We try, I think,
Yeah, I don't try to makeher laugh with a huh hilarious fart.
No Dutch ovens in play Dutch ovensexactly like I don't. And I
don't think I've ever heard her doit, you know, And I don't
know when you know, she goesto the bathroom, all this stuff,
you know, like you just don't. We don't make a show of it.
I don't know, maybe because we'reunwed for now, who knows,

(09:22):
But we just don't do it.You know what happens with girls, And
there's YouTube evidence to show this wherethe girls will, oh, the build
up, the build up, likethey're hanging out with their man and they'll
have their phone on them, youknow, and they leave or whatever and
it's yeah, and they they're talkingto a friend or whatever, and it's
just like the it's basically the stepbrothers fart. Yeah, they've been saving

(09:46):
them up for the power hours thatthey're capable of thirty five seconds long,
loud, powerful, noxious, thirtyfive seconds look like whenever you're not around,
they're separate cake fart instrum, grandaccount. We're farting on a birthday
cake, just holding their lower intestineshostage for the duration of your meal together,
and then they just release it inone final blow. All right,

(10:09):
The loudest fart I've ever heard.When I was a kid, we were
on vacation and it was my momin a hotel room. In my memory
it was it was ten seconds ofjust pure base bass boost. I mean,
so, yes, I think you'reabsolutely right, but we don't do
that. You know, I'm kindof happy for it too. We don't

(10:33):
need to do that. Whatever ifyou do, and if you're married forever,
who cares, if you have akid, pull my finger, fine,
I'm with you, with you becausethere's certain and some people say,
oh, you guys are so uptight. There's some element to retaining a smidgeon
of mystery. Right, yes,And once you start doing that, it's

(10:56):
you. If you don't put thathorse back in the barn, then it
becomes a game. Then it becomesprobably one upsman, and then it comes
to starting your own YouTube channel documentingthe e don't need it, so anyway,
that's our status. Right, Soin Vegas, we have a room,
you know, beautiful whatever. Actuallyfine, we say the Harrows,

(11:20):
right, which casino wise is kindof old school though, right, old
school, but it's nothing special.But the room was perfect, it was
nice. But what they don't haveis and I don't know if this is
Vegas why because the last few tripsI think even Vegas or otherwise otherwise,
we don't have the powerful bathroom fananymore. You know, you should have,

(11:41):
especially a hotel industrial quality. Youknow, their toilets are strong,
like we're not going to go fixclogs and toilets every damn night of our
lives. You put you know,like if you go to a lobby,
you know, a lobby of ahotel, those are massive, powerful toilets.
They can do anything. And eventhe hotel rooms are pretty strong.
But there's usually a fan too,like a loud, strong fan. But

(12:03):
look, the point is this,My sweet Angel is sleeping, you know,
in her bed, and if you'restaying four days together, you're in
your hotel room, you're gonna haveto do a little bit of damage every
now and again. And I goin there and it is just an echo
chamber with no fan. I needsome cover fire, Danny. It is
silent in that room, and mysweet little angel sleeping, and I'm in

(12:26):
there doing a Neil Perk drum solo, and I'm like, you can hear
this, maybe in the next roomover, certainly in this room right here.
So then cover fire sink on,yep, maybe even shower on if
you need it, louder. That'swhat that's the secret. Okay, it's
the shower. Start the shower,waiting for it to warm up, do

(12:48):
damage, and then while you're inthe shower, it gives the dissipation time
necessary to clear you an all wrongdoing. Right, yeah, any evidence mean
while you're sweating, right, yeah, exactly, I've dying in the seat
in my new steam room that Ibuilt in the harrows. You just think,
go to the lobby, Okay,how about this for an over Yeah?

(13:09):
Okay, no, that's fair.That is fair. People a uncomfortable
Yeah, yeah, some slots Igot, I got a ticket I got
to turn in. But the sportsbooks about the clothes I gotta turn into
another winner of which there weren't toomany. But then how about this for
an overthink, start the shower,provide that cover fire, do your damage.

(13:31):
In my head, she still hearsthe flushing that is now six minutes
into what sounded like a shower,right, it's thereby what then you're just
toast anyway, you know, ormaybe she's asleep the whole time and never
hears a thing. What was so? What did you end up doing the
shower well? Or did you justokay? It also depends if I was

(13:52):
gonna get in the shower, like, hey, I'm gonna take a shower,
you know, freshen up whatever,then I do the shower trick shower
on, damage control in there,routing and tuton and then into the shower
and then like we said, butmiddle of the night, when it's dead,
silent, no TV on, there'snot Friends on or whatever crappy thing

(14:13):
is on every TV. I'll bethere for you. I love this episode
when they do the clap it's forfartsjust right. Yes, the office open

(14:41):
is way quieter and shorter than theFriends open, by the way, for
coverage, But middle of the night, right, no TV on, silent
in this room, dead least deathlysilent, and there is a chance that
she's asleep, and why would shecare she hears something? Whatever I mean
for humans, But in that case, I would just do the sink.
It doesn't provide that much noise,okay, And then how about the flush

(15:07):
it in time your loud moments towin the flush you know, to try
try to hide that too, andthen you run into the not getting at
all, and you got to dothe double flush, and then that's just
you might as well fight as well. Just left the door open, and
yes, no, I'll do five, turn on the fire alarm and just
let let the world know. Hitall the lights. Upsy daisy, what'd

(15:31):
you do? Well? I didall the things I just said, like,
I mean whatever I think. It'snot that yeah sink you just had
sink, Yeah, sink in themother night. And then shower if I
could mask it under a shower,and then I would take a shower,
which I didn't even need. Ohyou needed it out after that, miss
bad. There was nothing to abnormal. It's just sort of let buffet food.

(15:52):
I didn't go to one buffet,although I do love it was back
of the day, man, ohmy god. And I think they're fifty
bucks if you're lucky. These days, I think I looked up the either
the Lagier or the Venetia. TheVenetian buffet is up to like one hundred
bucks. Yeah, you you mightget lucky for for breakfast. The breakfast

(16:14):
might be a little lower. Yeah, maybe fifty or sixty Yeah for breaky,
Yeah, thirty nine if you're lucky. I got the nice, nicest
places. But no, I didn'tdo any buffet. So you woke up
in the middle of the night andone time were removed. One time I
did, like if we're dead asleepand then you know what, it's three
in the morning to evacuate, andshe is like a seal team six member.

(16:40):
I don't know how, I don'tknow when. You never will.
It's one of the great mysteries oflife. It's amazing. What are you
all making a boo boo? Whendoes that happen? What does that happen?
Yeah? You going in the yard? What's happening? How do you
do this? Look, guys,it is a part of life. So
if you have to go, youhave to go. Like, I don't

(17:00):
think she would I think she wouldn'tsay anything like or make you feel some
kind of way you any other restaurant, No, she I know she wouldn't.
You could have died. Okay ifyou hold that, No, I
don't got to be maybe why yougot sick just retaining all the bacteria?

(17:21):
Do you need to make a poopoop? And then let's factor in that
you probably didn't bring your travel poopere bottle with you, did you know?
Then how do you what if?Oh? That just oh man,
you cover that up. I don'tknow what are they saying. I know
you're looking at the text thread.There's gotta be some advice out there,

(17:45):
No, not much. A lotof people say they don't fart in front
of their significant others, right yeah, which I mean if it slips out,
it slips out. I mean,it's not like saying you're going to
fart parade like no, no,you're you're like comparing farts like who could
fire hard? But it's just like, I mean, it's you've told me
that you you've guys been watching acomedy together and you have the laugh too.

(18:06):
Yeah, I laughed fun and thenwe just kind of saw it's just
silent for a second, and shedoesn't acknowledge it when my stomach muscle contraction
close calls yeah, and then thatbrings you to the whole different dynamic.

(18:27):
Yeah. Yeah. But at homeobviously there's you know, options galore,
But in this cacophonist hotel room,it's just and I think the last like
three hotels you went to didn't havea fan, That's what I'm saying.
So I don't know if if something'schanging. I think, I think,
why are they doing that? Idon't think there are any hotels anymore like

(18:47):
I think, like especially the newerhotels, I don't think there's any because
the last hotels I'm saying, actuallythere's no fans. Yeah, that's what
I'm saying. How do you ventilatethat room? No, I guess maybe
you don't, or maybe they're builta certain way where something I don't even
know, maybe there's more circulation orsomething, or if it's just straight cost
because this industrial fan system in everyhotel room, I mean times at by

(19:15):
thousands when you build a place orrebuild a place, I honestly thought that
was the reason they were installed.Because those things, compared to the one
you have at your house bathroom,they sound like a seven forty seven.
When you turn them on, theyare louder than God. And that's what
we need. Yeah, I thoughtthat was the reason that they put them

(19:37):
in there, because those walls arepaper thin. My god, if you
if you don't have your that weirdwindow under the window unit air conditioner blasting,
you can hear the lady walk thedamn housekeeping cart four doors down right.
Like those walls are paper thin,you can hear someone screwing who floors

(20:00):
away from you. Yeah, I'vejust looked it up. Why don't hotel
bathrooms have exhaust fans? Is there? I'm looking at this is changing.
I don't know. You know,there are some people claiming it. There's
a couple of Reddit articles about it, but I mean, I don't know.
Man. Well, you pop intoa day's in off of an interstate

(20:22):
though, and that thing is that'swhat I was counting on. Well,
I'm hoping for I don't know,more exciting Vegas stories. Yeah, just
like that one or two. Allright, I have something else that I
think now is the time for.Because Kevin, our buddy, is on

(20:44):
his way back, right, Ithink he's in the air right now.
I don't know how far he's madeit. He may still be over land.
I don't know if he's been overwater yet. Do you have the
thing he texted his flight information?Yeah, I hang it once, tracker
on while you do. I haveinspirational audio JJ that I'm gonna play,

(21:07):
and I think it has to beplayed now because either he's just on his
flight or he's just over land aboutto go over the Atlantic again. Look,
I'm not saying this is great American. He's got to be American,
right, Yeah? Yeah, butI paid forty bucks for it. You
paid forty bucks for what for this? I was supposed to get this before
he left, and I just gota couple of days ago. I got

(21:30):
Kevin a cameo from the Jardian's lady. Okay, I said it's too Cavio,
and I told her my friend isscared to fly over the ocean,
and he thinks she's playing it's gonnaend up in the Atlantic, and as
he's now on his way back,he still needs this inspiration. So look,
you're leaving it up to Deanna Cologne, the original singer and dancer from

(21:52):
the Jardians commercial that we all loveso much, to provide some inspiration to
Kevy so he doesn't croak on hisflight back. And here you go,
Deanna Cologne, the Jardians lady witha message for Kevin. Hey, what's
up there, buddy. Okay,I don't know how to exactly say.
Your name is a Kevo or aKivo or a key Viio, I don't

(22:14):
know, but whatever it is,I heard you're taking your first trip to
Europe. Dude, good for you. I hope you have a freaking ball
and your friend there, Mike askedme to sing you a song to reassure
you that you're not gonna die onthe plane. Dude, You're not gonna
die on the plane. Hey there, whatever your name is, because I
don't know how to say it,You're gonna take a trip to Europe and
you're gonna survive it. Don't youfreaking worry. You won't end up in

(22:38):
the ocean. You're gonna be okay, and you'll land and you're gonna have
a commotion. That sucked. ButI literally like maybe I should be a
rapper. I don't know should Ibe a rapper? Because I just like
literally split that off the top ofmy head. I really did. I
wish I knew how to really sayyour name, because then I could have
like really written some stuff. Doyou know what I'm saying? You know?
You? O Mike, what areyou doing over there? I mean

(23:00):
your friend? But dude, listen, I hope you have a freaking blast.
I hope you have a blast inEurope. I don't know exactly where
you're going, but make sure yougo to Italy. Have an absolute blast,
have so much fun. You gota great friend here and Mike,
Mike, I'm just kidding, you'rea good guy. Listen, have a
blast. Eat all the pasta,all the bread, the butter, the
wine, do it all. Havethe champagne, have all the desserts.

(23:21):
Go to every baker. I'm tellingyou, I mean, like, listen
to me, and thank you somuch for being a fan of the commercial.
Sending you so much love. Ihope you have a blast, and
I also hope you don't die onthe flight back home. Yeah, don't
don't die on the plane, Okay, and listen. If something goes wrong,
just cling to like you know,the chunky, Like find the chunky,
cause like you know what, wesurvive, all right, Love you

(23:47):
an American treasure. Deanna Cologne.Deanna bomb Chica Cologne as she's listed how
much of that run you not bad? That was the did you pay for
the minute? Dollar a minute?The Jardian's lady trying to sing Kevin a
song that he's not going to diein Atlanticotia. It just said Kevio and

(24:11):
I guess the vo Cavio. Shethought it could have been Cavio, which
is weird, and then it's bugme. I wrote Cavio like Mario,
which that's clarified it. I don'tknow, well, I got a flight
update on Yeah, dude, okay, so that music is not played by

(24:32):
the way, no connector. He'sgoing straight from Rome to df dub.
This is an eleven and a halfhour flight. Give me the flight number,
uh a A two thirty nine.Right at this moment, he has
probably been over the water for atleast a couple of hours. Okay,

(24:53):
it looks like he flew straight fromRome directly I guess northwest and went over
the entire country of France in Yeah, he's over Great Britain right now.
Right, Oh, he's past uhIreland is in his rearview mirror. If
this is accurate, So he isfull on just wide away mean, this

(25:21):
is what's in his future. Heis going over the exact place the Titanic
went down, Blue above, bluebelow. I mean, look at that,
Mike, I know. I meanthat's hours over water, pure water,
so pure water, ocean water,pure water, deep water. Oh
and look once he gets kind ofclose to North America, even when he

(25:48):
hits land, he's still kind ofstuck in a channel for a while gap
there. He's supposed to land attwo thirty six the FW time. Yep,
he's got eight nights. So he'sbeen in the air for about three
hours and it says he's arriving light. Yeah, it does say twenty minutes
later. So he did have alittle bit of a nightmare getting out of

(26:10):
here too. Yeah, we'll hearabout that. He missed the or they
delayed the hell out of his flightby four or five hours, and he
missed his next flight in Barcelona.But he made it. By all things
that I'm hearing, we didn't communicatetoo much, like I kind of leave
him alone, but he sent mea video of him in the pit of

(26:30):
the Dave Matthew Show having him last. We will have all the Keviot stories
you need when he gets back tomorrow, but it's just me and Danny.
Today hits JJ and we're gonna doa lot of maps. We'll get to
that and probably thirty five minutes orso in Sports at seven. But coming
up next it's the most important thingin the world, a big decision in
the USA that impacts workers us andvery likely you will kick that around.

(26:55):
Plus we have to replay one ofmy favorite Nanny songs that you may have
missed because I think we only playedit once. We'll do it all,
and we'll do it all next righthere. A ninety seven won the Freak