The Morning Dump 03-04-25

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I wanted to hit on some of these again, see
can because there were more of an that really exists?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Are these sports that have been combined?

Speaker 1 (00:23):
These really exist? Okay, so chess boxing competitors alternate between
rounds of chess and boxing check made or knockout wins.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
That's fantastic. That wouldn't make chess a little more interesting
to watch.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
Underwater ice hockey played upside down under a frozen lake
using a floating puck. Players hold their breath while maneuvering
under the ice with no oxygen tinks allowed. Yeah, no,
who the fuck came up with that?

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Somebody said, I got a great idea, we should do
this under the ice.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Extreme ironing Extreme it's where you take ironing boards to
places like skydiving, rock climbing, even underwater, to iron clothes
in extreme conditions.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
I think underwater ironing is ridiculous. You're never gonna get
that thing. Get the wrinkles out.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Volleyball soccer kung fu. That's called sipppoc tar tuck raw
Southeast Asian sport where players use their feet, head, knees
and chest to hit a ball over a net like volleyball,
but without using their hands. So kung fu, not like hitting,
but kung fu like the Arab aerodynamics of it.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Got it.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Horseball, basketball, rugby, and horseback riding. Okay, think of basketball
and rugby played on horseback teams pass a ball with
handles and try to score, and a hoop while galloping
at full speed.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Okay, that could be interesting to watch.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
I mean I've seen a polo match and been like,
this sucks. This is not fun to.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Watch exactly, So we ramp it up a little bit.
Throw in some rugby. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
I mean the magnitude of a horse is always impressive, right,
and they're when they run by you. I mean, it's crazy, right.
So when it was up close, it's cool. But when
it's on the far side, you're like, I don't know
what I'm watching. It's like it's not like Nascar where
they'll be back in a second, right, right. So I
never got into that. I never I never liked that.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
I found this. Remember when we talked about penis implants
and why someone like guinea one. Sure this is from
someone who got one and before and after measurements, Okay,
because I would think if you're going to do it,
there better be a visual difference. Absolutely all the time.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, that's thet you would think. That's the whole reason
to get a peni landplant. You don't like how small
your wiener is, so you damp it up a little bit.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
So this person, before they got their surgery flaccid, they
were three inches length, four inches in girth.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Damn, four inches flaccid and three inches long.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
I'm just being awesome, honest, I have no idea what
my girth is.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
That's a fucking like a tuna can. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Well no, uh, maybe I don't know.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
But essentially, no, essentially because if you think about it,
think about your two inch exhaust. Man, that's a big
ass fucking hole right there. So four inches around. My
hands can't even grasp that four inches around, and only.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
A coffee mug opening is between three and a half
and four inches, jam.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Right, exactly, that's how round a motherfucker is.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
A hockey puck is three inches.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, we've all know the size of a hockey puck.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
A CD DVD is four point seven okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, so listen, but you weren't giving in links.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
You got in girth. That's scary as fuck, right, Well,
hold on, because a rackt he was six inch in
length and six inches in girth.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Okay, that's good, even weird.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
So he got the Panuma XXL surgery and his post
surgery measurements flaccid, six inches in length, six inches in girth, okay,
and erect he was six point two inches in length.

(04:28):
Uh midshaft whatever that means, he's seven and a half
inches to eight and oh around the mid shaft, he
was seven and a half inches to eight inches in girth.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Damn that's a big o'plimpic.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Coc No shit, that is a goddamn club for real,
like a baby holding an apple.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Fuck that fuck that?

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Oh that can't be. I mean that is what is
he trying to do? Be a porn star?

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Probably feel better about bottle.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
So this is a standard tennis ball is eight inches
in girth, a medium sized orange, a can of soda,
a standard roll of toilet paper, a man's wrist, a right,
a small coffee mug handle. So like that bottle right there.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Which the vinegar Okay, yeah, yeah, I give her take.
Yeah yeah, that's a big difference.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
So he went from a water bottle right to a
vinegar bottle.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Like the big Yeah, that's massive. Can you hold these.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Up to your mouth and see you like.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
The Well, I couldn't. But no, I'm not a fucking
fun man. No, I do not know. Do not fuck me, Yeah,
don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
Don't fuck me either. This just shows like it doesn't
matter what you're born with. By the way, full you
can clearly.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Tell as impressed as gimpie ibartle that you're like, goddamn yeah,
even a water bottle I think is impressive.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yes, fuck damn you.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
That is a roll of cookie dough, for sure, but
maybe half a half a roll of cookie dough.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
But your points taken. Anything with that, Oh, you can
do all kinds of stuff with that.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
The vinegar bottle, I know it's gonna take two hands. Yeah,
so this is what they said. I felt okay about
my penis when I was a wreck, but was very
self conscious whenever I was naked and flaccid, and I
like to be naked a lot. Pre surgery, I always
found myself tugging on my penis, trying to get it
to chub up a bit so it wasn't too small.

(06:58):
God man. I went into the surgery knowing that the
purpose is not to increase erect length, but to increase
my flaccid length, which is what I really wanted.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Right, But you're going to get hard and it is
going to grow whether you like it or not, so you.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
Should have expected that.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, I want my flaccid length to be better, but
you know you're going to get a hard on at
some point in time.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
I had a procedure on a Saturday, and I worked
from home on Monday, went back on Tuesday, had my
drain removed. Oh my God, didn't miss any work after that.
I didn't need the painkillers.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
And now he's the most popular guy in the office
with the gals.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
The first two months were tough at night with nightmare erections.
I woke up every hour and a half to two hours.
The first month. When I did wake up, I would
immediately go to the bathroom and urinate. This helped relieve
the pressure so I could go back to sleep. I
urinated in a red solo cup standing at the toilet
the first couple months. This alleviate cleaning the little bit
of spray on the toilet that I had at first,

(08:05):
the stream corrected. It's that's something you don't think about though.
The second month got better over time. I wore the
euro rap I don't know what that is. Is that
a type of bandage?

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (08:22):
As prescribed, wearing the rapid night seem to add pressure
on the implant. After two months, I was able to
get into my favorite pair of jeans. You gotta buy
new pants now, Yeah, you have to.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Your big old hog ain't gonna fit in the same
old fucking blue jeans that you was wear before. Hog.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Try rhino right right. The question everyone asks about sex, Yes,
it's amazing. I haven't lost any sensation, and women really
love the extra girth. I do seem to last longer too,
and I love the confidence that comes with having a
large penis. I tend to have sex a lot. I'm
divorced and have sex with different women. I don't feel

(09:02):
the need to explain to them that I've had an implant.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
But they would be able to tell.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
But they would be able to tell I had one
if it was totally flaccid.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Why I do What I do is chub up a.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Little before they get their hands on it, and then
they can't tell.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
So like, when it's flaccid, it looks like fucking chewing gum?

Speaker 2 (09:24):
Maybe so? Maybe so?

Speaker 1 (09:27):
My full direction always was always ninety degrees, and that
hasn't changed. Condoms regular condoms do not cut it anymore.
Ordered the my one sixty four, and they're still what
the fuck is my one sixty four?

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Maybe they can see the scars when he's.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Custom fit condoms, Well, bothfucker custom fit condoms. How much
are they? Seventeen nine dollars? Oh, this one's the seventeen
ninety nine. Oh this is where a box of eighty Okay,
that makes sense. A box of eighty costs is seventy
six dollars.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Get them on Amazon. The new era of condoms. This
could change yourthing.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
So they're softer, advanced quality set, Sure, of course they are.
They have different sizes. You have a girth number like
people got to sleep number. What's your girth number? Yo?
Girth number anywhere from four point seven to nine plus.

(10:28):
I think when they get the orders in they're like, God,
damn eight inches and growth. I want to shake his penis.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
I don't believe it's sent a picture.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Great Lord, they send you a measuring fit kit. Oh no,
you can download it. You can order a three count
sampler just to kind of see where you land on this.
Fuck me don't pick the wrong box first for real.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Well that's where the custom Fit app comes in to play.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Well, you don't use the mag so do you you
get the sampler? Do you try it with your partner?
And you're like, and then it's you know, like you
know when the elastic breaks out on your sock. Yeah,
like that, hold on, honey, that's not the right one.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
You got to sit there and try on all these
rubbers to find out which size fits best.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Okay, So they have a measuring thing and then you
print it off and I guess, hold it up to
your Oh no, it goes around your penis like a
snip bracelet like yeah, yeah, or like one of those
tailor's measuring tapes.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
Yeah, And then.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
It says that then there's a different one. There's like
the color size, and then there's the letters depending on
I guess what you're comfortable with. I don't think I
could do this with my wife. I don't think I
could measure my girth with my wife. I'd be so
insecure if it came back extra small for sure, which

(12:09):
is normal, Like they're starting with normal size. Yeah, oh god, fuck,
always something to fuck with your head, huh.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Right, Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
You can go with wider, which is a nice way
to say small, and then snug snug.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
I want a form fitting condom.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
You know they had custom condoms?

Speaker 2 (12:35):
Can be I did not know that. That is a
that is a new thing for me.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
What are their social media posts? Like? I love you
and your dick? Okay, but daddy, I don't love him.
Valentine's Day? Oh Jesus Christ. Happy measure of Penis Day
day is that February first.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Oh, we're already past it. Keep that in mind for
next year.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
You measure your hog Day.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Everybody, whip out your dicks and get to measure it.
Text in a mess and then the size of your waiter.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Hey babe, I really want to have sex tonight. I
stopped and bought some condoms. No worries. I have custom
fit ones. How that's a fuck it. That's gotta be
hot for a girl.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
To be like, no shit, you got custom made condoms?

Speaker 1 (13:22):
Yeah, it's got custom fit, not custom made like fucking
filigree right and flames down the side.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
I got them off of because.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You're a giant fucking Eagles fan.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Right right? Forty condoms?

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Oh wait, I'm saving my brock pretty.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
One, like, right, don't get the cowboys condoms. They'll fail
you every time. That's terrible.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
So they have true.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's funny because it's.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
They have so many different sizes wild, which makes sense.
We're all wonders, man.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, absolutely, not all waiters are created equal.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
It makes sense you would get a surgery like this
for your confidence, even though we're both astonished by his
fucking pre size. But that's what a lot of people do,
plastic surgery for us, just for confidence.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
That's the way you get breast augmentation.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Sometimes some people get the women's bodies are so odd
and the way they make close women so fucked up
that they get breast augmentations to make close fit them better.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
It makes sense.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
That makes good sense where you and I they don't
worry about my my fucking pants because my dick's big
or small, right, right, that's never been concerned. I've never
been like, these are kind of tight, but my fucking
dick feels just pressured.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
So we're we're sitting here talking about these custom fit
condoms for guys with big dicks, right, But what about
the guys with the micro pene, Dude, surely they have
the opposite end of that spectrum, right, you know what
I mean? Because I mean you got a guy that's
you know, maybe two inches rock hard and got like

(15:06):
maybe you know, maybe an engine girth.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
Sure, those regular.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Condoms aren't gonna fit on him, So maybe would you
use a finger condom? You know talking about or.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
That's funny like when you wear your finger. Yeah this,
they have this my condom. People have small ones too,
which would make which would make sense?

Speaker 2 (15:27):
Okay, yeah, you would think that they would.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
You gotta roll on board both directions. Yeah, hit custom
condoms and they have a click on it. It's like
a sane you get a quote with it, like.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Live long and prosper. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
No, they make sizes for everyone.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Okay, whoa how about that?

Speaker 1 (15:49):
I mean even then, maybe that's why they use the
code so like there's no judgment of like it doesn't
say extra extra.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Smart, right right.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
It would make sense though, that they have custom condoms.
I can't believe I didn't know that that was a
thing for sure. I mean it makes sense. We only
see what's in the store.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
You got your standard and then of course the magnums
have always been the ones for you know, the black
guys or whatever. You know. I don't even know if
those are right exactly. I just see him. I'm like here,
never mind. So that would make sense that that would
because those weren't always fit everybody. They're like bras, right,
women have different sized breasts, you know, different cups, different bras.

(16:33):
Makes it, it makes good sense.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
There's a guy in college that I was friends with,
and he would always buy of the magnums and leave
them laying around.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
His place.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yes, it's so funny. And I'm like, dude, why do
you have Why are you leaving your condoms out? He's like,
I don't use those. I'm like, what do you mean?
He goes, no, girl knows what condom I'm putting on.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
Wha, We'll wait a minute. Doesn't taste like a magnum.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I don't even know to have taste. It's weird you
do so Strawberry, No judgment, No judgment, man, I'm your friend,
no matter what.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Man, Listen, We've done it on the show and I've
done it outside of the show. Remember when I sorted
that condom of my nose and pulled it out of
my mouth. Yeah, that was a fun time. And then
somebody was like I bet you can't do it again.
And this was recent. This is like last year recent,
that's how recent that was. I was like, I bet
you I could pull out old condom out of the
fucking out of their purse and open it up, unrattled

(17:34):
it and pulled it out right. Yeah, it was a
hell of a bar trick. That was fun.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
You get a free tab or something.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, no, I didn't get anything free except from pulling
a con That's like a boxer getting in the streets, like,
what are you doing? Get paid? Right? Knowing that I
could still do, I still got it. I still got it.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
You're fucking seventy ye, still have to fucking pomp.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, yeah, never believe what I can do.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
God forbid, you don't do that trick with one of
these fucking my seventy two's God like pulling fucking scarves
out of their goddamn mouth at the end, you're fucking underwear.
You're like, that would be fucking funny, that would be
funny to do that trick. But keep some fucking underwear
in your mouth. So right, that's what magicians do. They

(18:40):
just you know, walk around with fucking scarves in their mouth.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Absolutely, just keep pulling and pulling and pulling, pulling. Next thing,
you know, it's a pair of spotted underwear. I think
it's great. I'm gonna work on that.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Can't be the great, that's right, Hire me for your
kids bombits, but our bachelorette party.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Right jesus, how about that? When I well things about
the show.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
When I started that, I had no idea We're gonna
venture into the custom condom world.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, no more.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
You know, imagine they calm want us to do endorsements, right,
I would do it.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
I just be like, hey, I got my size.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Right, not telling you fuckers what it is.

Speaker 3 (19:23):
Listen, I will tell you they had to make a
custom size just for me.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
What are you letting in here? Are you? Are you
a water bottle guy or a vinegar bottle guy?

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Oh you're a fucking vanilla bottle guy, right right, vanilla
extract guy.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Think more chapstick.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Hey, listen, Corbyn, we're really excited about the endorsement. Looking
for a great partnership. Can't wait for those social media videos.
It's gonna take a little longer to get your custom
condoms out to you, as we had to have them
specially made in Asia.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
A pediatric doctor in here.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Don't worry. Just send me the biggest ones you have.
I'll use those for social media. Yeah right, god damn. Okay,
all right, listen. Uh we've got some stuff coming up
with Lincoln Park. We can't share with you yet, but
we will.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
It's gonna be.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
A chance to hang out with us at the Lincoln
Park show. We'll explain those details soon. And uh yeah,
I think that's Is there anything else that I'm missing
that we've got to talk about. We've got your pub crawl.
We've got Crawl for Cancer coming.

Speaker 2 (20:33):
Up that is coming up in April. April fifth is
the day of the Cancer Crawl, and towards the end
of March, end of this month. Fuck end of this month,
we're gonna be putting our contrast together so you can
join our team or you just go to crawlans dot org.
Gonna make your own name team.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
All right, you guys, have a fantastic week, and we'll
talk to you soon.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
See yea, bye bye