Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
This Mama Got Drama. We areback for another episode, and I'm so
excited number one, because it's beena while since we've been able to catch
up. But number two, wehave so much to catch up on.
First off, Lady Ray checking in. My co host Drina Gonzalez couldn't be
here today because she's taken her firstborn to his first dance, his first
dance. We're already at that stageand I'm like, I have so many
(00:25):
questions for her. I'm like,are you bringing him? Are you driving
them? Are they going to aco ed group? What type of dance
is this? So we'll get tothat in another episode and talk about that.
But we also have an exciting guestand that's adding to my level of
excitement right now. Because black Joyis being celebrated, and it's being celebrated
right in Oakland because of this youngwoman who now is about to be a
(00:48):
mama. There's another layer of excitement. Alicia Greenwell is our guest today on
This Mama Got Drama. What Up? RELISHA no, No, I'm gonna
bring my excitement down out because Iwas able to get an hour. You
have to give me some of thatenergy. I'm one. I'm like one
week out and I'm like, I'mtired. Okay, okay, and let's
(01:10):
let's go ahead and give them theinfo because we like to start the episode
off with something new that's going on, either with our kids, with our
babies, and that right there wasyour something new. You were a week
out from having your your baby,and that level hired. I'm gonna just
let you know, well, Iwas, well, I was expecting my
first Everyone kept saying sleep now,sleep now, and I was like,
(01:33):
I do morning radio. I knowwhat sleep deprivation is. And I was
I wasn't talking smack, I wastaking the wisdom, but I was just
saying, hey, I kind ofknow what sleep deprivation is. Then the
baby came and I was like,oh my god. At the doctor's office
this morning, they said to say, like, we know it seems cliche,
but it's real. But I thinkit's hard. It's hard to find
(01:53):
time to sleep because it feels somuch like almost a deadline is like how
so much I'd need to get doneright when comes? And then and then
the times I do normally sleep,you know, you don't sleep very comfortably,
so you make to sleep in airquotes, right, what does that
mean? It's like two hours hereand there something to wake up, and
(02:15):
I gotta reposition the bellow and thenget too well. Which actually, now
that I'm thinking about it and you'resaying, it is training for when she
comes, because you're gonna you're gonnabe getting up every few hours with her.
You're gonna be trying to figure outwhat she wants because she can't,
you know, use words and tellyou and so that that's a little bit
(02:36):
of training. But I mean,it's the one thing that I always took
was like, enjoy it all,even the discomfort I had won nurse who
I got really cool with because Iwas so pregnant and big and I couldn't
move. I would fall asleep onthe exam table because my exams were so
long. I'm like, you're rubbingmy belly with warm jelly, of course
(02:58):
warm in here. But she wouldtell me, remember these things and show
it to them when they get here, because this is all a part of
the journey, you know. AndI feel like that's something that you've already
been doing. You've been documenting littlebits. I mean I caught little posts
here and there of you sharing withthe world. What you're experiencing right now.
I mean, it's an amazing time. What other new things are you
(03:21):
experiencing that you were like, Ididn't know that was gonna be a thing,
you know. I don't think Irealized how important my physical independence was.
Yes, I mean it's little thingslike just being able to like get
up out the chair by myself.But I stopped driving last week because it's
just so uncomfortable and I feel somekind of way, like so close to
the steering wheel, being able tojust be like, you know, I
(03:44):
actually feel like working out, youknow, and being able to just go
on. I don't think I thoughtI thought i'd enjoy that, Like I
don't want to work out, really, I don't want to drive. I
don't want to Like right, youdon't realize as a working men, an
independent working woman, that you havethe privilege of just moving the way you
want to move. You know,suddenly you can't get out the chair and
(04:09):
you're like, wait, what happened? Like how Yeah, So that's something
I've had to kind of like reconcileor come to terms with. The past
month has been because I got significantlybigger in the last month. So that's
been kind of tricky for me.And then you know physically too, it's
like I never imagined myself like afashion dver or notnyhing like that, like
(04:30):
two things in my closet, okay, and not only places, because I'm
like, I'm not about to showup their raggedy so right, right,
so let me just not go rightright, So you have it all these
dilommas in a matter of like acouple of seconds, and you're like,
yeah, it's fine, I'm gonnabe on my couch. They know I'm
here cooking literally, right. Andthen I have that added kind of complexity,
(04:55):
but both excitement and anxiety around planningBlack Joy Parade, which is the
week after I am due, allright, so that has a whole other
level of like deadline looming happening.Well, if I could just share,
like if I think it's a funnystory, I'm when you shared with me
that you're expecting so close to theday of Black Joy. First off,
(05:15):
I'm like, how amazing of agift is that that you get to celebrate
this black Joy around the parade?Right, I'm giving I just got goosemokes
my back. But it's like youtell me this, and I'm like,
wait a minute, we got toget everything in order because I was thinking
back to when I went into deliveryor in that period and I had to
have emergency delivery. Luckily I hadlaid things in a way that it was
(05:40):
taken care of. But you havegrown black Joy in a way that when
you email me back, I waslike, what was I thinking? She
was like, I have a parademanager. I have I have this person
in place, don't think And inmy mind, I was like, I
know this, but because I waslike, Sis, we gotta make sure.
I thought I had everything in placetoo. But it's nothn't like have
(06:05):
something real big come to make yourealize all the things you did about I
am the only one that does someof this stuff, and I just honestly,
it's just been sitting in my brainfor so many years that I've had
to delegate this way. I've neverhad to document this way. And it's
the same for any kind of projectyou work on, right right, you
(06:25):
work on it so much and it'syour passion and your dream and you don't
realize how much you hold inside ofyou about it until there's the moment when
you're like, oh, I mightnot be able to be there or run
it, and then you're kind offorced to share, trust, trust,
trust or care. Yeah you're right, you're right. But that's like the
it's a scary feeling, it's anexcited feeling, but that's like the moment
(06:49):
when And this is what this podcastis also about, is giving flowers and
saying you you've taken that vision fromyour brain and it's flowering, And this
is us giving you your flowers andsaying you've gotten to the point where now
you can delegate and you can trustand you can share, and you're growing
this thing that's now like provided somuch joy for so many people. This
(07:13):
parade is in Oakland, but it'stouching folks on the other coast. It's
touching folks and I talk about iton my show that airs like all throughout
the nation, and it's like,it's a really cool that I get to
talk about something like that, thatI can see the visual joy in people,
and and and that you're you're nowin that place where it's like you're
(07:36):
growing this other this other chapter,Like how dope is that? Yeah?
I've said this a few times thesepast few months but I think I've realized
how much Black Joy Parade is alsomy baby, my first baby, you
know. Yeah, And you werelike you said, you've been there since
day one when it was just anopinion maybe should we have right and now
(07:59):
to see it the seventh year,and it's just blossomed, but blossom in
the most beautiful way, and it'slike so many people are holding up the
pedals, you know, Yeah,but I don't. I think it took
me to be become pregnant to realizethat that I didn't have to, that
I was no longer holding it upmyself. Yeah, I didn't have to
because it did what it happened.People take ownership of it, and you
(08:24):
can trust those people and they careabout it just as much as I care
about it, And so I actuallyfeel really good about it. I hope
I can make it, I don't. You know. She decides to show
her face right right, so we'llsee, maybe I'll be there. Maybe
maybe it'll be the first one Imissed, and I'll have to watch the
live stream and then you'll see whatI was going through when I had my
baby. The one year when youguys went back out and we came out
(08:45):
of the pandemic, and I waslike, I want to be there there.
Yeah, but that's also giving youanother perspective, and that's what's really
cool about this. And you broughtup the point of like it took you
becoming pregnant having a baby to thinkabout it in a different light, Like
now you know you're gonna see itthrough her eyes. You're gonna see it
through how you want the next youknow, fortune babies to see it,
(09:07):
right. And then not only that, because if you do have to watch
it on the live stream, youmight see it in a way that you're
like, wait a minutely different.We I got some ideas for the live
stream, let's say different, No, completely different. I remember even the
first year, the third, thisis the fourth year we've done a life
live stream. The first year.I watched it later and I was like,
(09:28):
oh, I have so many ideas, and now you know, if
that happens, Yeah, I don'tcompletely the perspective of livestream, but just
the perspective of being a mother,I think is a yeah, different eyes
on the same hm hmm. Ithink we'll all kinds of things will happen,
you know, for sure, Andthat's the other part of it too,
is that, you know, blackJoy is such a multi generational concept
(09:54):
parade event. So for folks thatdon't know and you're living on a rock
somewhere, Black Joy Parade is thisexpression of you know, culture and happiness
and really just reclaiming your your joy. And I think you know, you
guys have done, you know,each year kind of just finding a new
way to like expand on that.It's it's a feat in itself, right.
(10:18):
I want to talk to music becausethat's what brings me a lot of
joy. Actually, the homie,the homie fam My fam DC had to
remind me he was like you,it was Lady Ray who made the connection.
And I'm DJ, and like,I just talked to you about his
Grammy nam the other day and I'mlike I seen him randomly walking down the
street the other day. I'm likegrams yesterday. Yeah. Now, DC
(10:41):
has been an incredible partner since dayone. Also, he hosts our main
stage. He brings so much positiveenergy and you're right, black Joy prayde
It isn't just for a certain typeof black person or like a certain age
group, right, It's right,family, It's like one of the only
places I know of that you cango and your grandma and your unborn children
(11:03):
can be at and it's fun foreverybody, right right, men, women,
people from the queer community like that. It's truly about all of our
expressions of black joy being accepted andloved and elevated. And DC has been
like a wonderful advocate for our workand a partner for sure. I mean,
what are what are some of theyou know, back to the idea
of music. I mean, heplays, he DJ's on the stage,
(11:26):
but you have artists that come.I mean, we've had a shanty there,
who, by the way, ishello expecting her first baby? She
needs to be on this. Mamagot drama somebody. But you know what,
what can we expect? I know, right around this time every year,
I'm always like, Okay, canI talk about a headliner? Can
I talk about who's gonna be there? Because in the past you've had guac
(11:46):
dad damn right there. I meanthe list is extensive. Yeah, so
so no, I cannot talk aboutthe headliner yet, m kill me.
They're like, we're not announcing timelast week. But I can say that
some of the things that we arevery excited about this year, so we
for the first time, are havinga black house music pop up area.
(12:07):
Okay, now, black house musichas always been good, a crucial,
but I don't know that it's reallygotten its love on the West Coast the
way it has on the East coast. Right, But we have a few
amazing DJs coming out to its wholearea and that's all it's going to be
is like black house music dance time. I'm really excited to just like create
(12:28):
a space specifically for that. Ninasoul Is that is the DJ that is
going to be featured there. She'sjust so dope. And another thing that
I'm excited about is we I guessthree years ago started a Black Joy Parade
choir. I co founder Amber Lester, she used to be choire young and
just doesn't belong to a church outhere, and was like, I just
(12:50):
missed choir. I missed you know, everyone knows that feeling right, right,
there's nothing like a choir to likelift your skiing right. Started from
actually acquired and was like, doesanyone want to be in my choir?
So this is the third year thatthey're performing on our main stage and they're
just so good now, like,yeah, and they are starting to sing
(13:11):
less traditional hymns, kind of moreremixes, more contemporary. I went to
their practice last week and was butcrying for two hours. Wow, it's
just gotten so good. And Ithink a lot of people miss them because
the parade is still going on atthat time, but they're definitely worth checking
out. Get to the parade early, see it, and then walk over
to the stages really quick. SoI'm really excited about that. And then
(13:33):
we have more bands in the paradethis year than we've ever had, you
know, you know this like whenwe first started again, parades aren't really
like a West Coast culture, right, It's like an East Coast thing,
and the really the only parades wereally know about out here, like Pride
parades. We have a lot ofPride parades, right or if we win
this Super Bowl, sorry through youknow those are the right right right having
(13:56):
a parade also this coming weekend afterTiners. But because of that, you
know, we sort of had tolike do a lot of aggressive outreach to
people groups we thought could be inthe parade, and so we didn't really
have any bands in the beginning.We didn't have a ton of like drumline
dancers, and this year it seemslike the message is out and people have
(14:18):
been reaching out to us. Sowe're really excited. We have a couple
of bands coming up from coming downfrom Sacramento, so it's gonna be really
good. So I'm excited about thelike, not necessarily the headliners, but
the live artistry. Yeah, thelive artistry and the smaller groups that beautiful
things but maybe don't necessarily get thekind of normally and and sometimes it's it's
(14:41):
that question of like do they getthe platform or are they Like I just
like making live music and jamming withmy people's and it's that feeling, right,
And I hear you about that.We may not have parades in the
way that they do on other coastsor whatever, but we have the energy
for them. And that's what yousaw and I'm happy that you saw that
in our and are bringing this andand you know, just to see the
(15:03):
growth of a choir in that amountof time, it's so crazy. There's
like forty people in the guire.I'm like, yeah, it's it's really
nuts. And like you said,it's like homegrown energy, you know,
right right. So I'm just excitedabout all the different types of music we
have, and like you said atthe top, like black Dry Creatus is
such a multi faceted, beautiful expression. So you don't come for one thing
(15:28):
like oh, I'm coming for hiphop, right, Oh I just want
to hear this or I just wantto see this. It's like the collection
of our our spirit is what makesit so beautiful, right right, And
it's not it's not a small thinglike you're moving through the city. I
mean, do you want to talka little bit about like the route and
what that kind of starts on fourteenthand Franklin, which you're familiar with Downtown
Oakland is like right downtown, andthen it travels about four or five blocks
(15:54):
to the twentieth and that's when thebeginning of the festival starts. And the
festival is about four to five blocksby four to five blocks, basically goes
up up Broadway and then towards thelake a few blocks and then in the
festival we have one to five activationspaces this year, so we have house
pop up I was mentioning, wehave Little Joy which is a kid space,
(16:17):
yeah, presented by Black Health,which is an incredible organization. If
you don't know about them. Theyjust provide resources for black mothers expecting and
brand new. So doula support differentkinds of advice, support groups, which
we know we all need. Inow know, right, I don't hate
four, but I now know it'sgoing to be a game changer for new
mothers. Then we have Black Vines, which is an area that is all
(16:41):
black owned wineries, so you cango and get get new favorite brands,
new favorite blends. Support them.That's a really hard business to be in,
yes, and so we love tosupport that space. We have Games
and Grooves, which is exactly soundslike a bunch of games, the turning
in and a dominoes tournament I thinkthis year. And we have to pause
(17:03):
just for saying because you threw Gamesand Grooves out there. First off,
the fact that you got the Gamesand Grooves spot as an activation and the
little Joy and all that you thoughtof everything, and you're like, you
know, games and gruves, andmost people were like, what that.
And then when you said, well, you told me there's a couple of
years back, we got the spadestable, we got the domino We y'all
(17:25):
throwing bones out there, our blackchess players. Yeah, we really were
like, Okay, if I wasover sixty and went to the YMCA for
fun, what would I want?You know what I mean? I was
if I was a mom of three, Right, they were like six if
I just needed a break. Right. But also, let's not let's not
(17:48):
act like our generation didn't get schooledback in the day at like Thanksgiving or
whatever get together and so you hadto learn how to count by five if
you don't want to get embarrassed byyour own grew up the worst when you
slow you like okay, and they'relike a somebody's calling you out, somebody
sitting there with a towel on theirforehand waiting for you to go. It's
(18:11):
pressure. But that's really good.We're really excited about that space every year
and then we have a new spirit, a spirit, new spirit sponsor this
year in Brown Foreman, which isif you know Jack Daniels, Herd or
Tequila, they're building out a wholekind of like flavor station. They'll be
Moosis, they'll be Margarita's, they'llbe Jack and Coke. So that's going
(18:33):
to be a new thing for us. You know, we've never had a
like such a robust spirit. Iguess alcohol program, so that'd be interesting,
you know. And but again,like you said, it's something for
everybody. If you really could justcome to block Joy Parade and drink cocktails
and listen to music allway, youwouldn't have to move one one little,
you know what I mean. Butyou could also come and have a beautiful
(18:55):
day with your babies and play andsee and explore and learn, and so
yeah, it's always such a beautifulday and I am this year. I'm
just excited to Yeah, or ifyou just want to dance about what end
of fifteen blocks worth of space andsee people that are smiling and in a
good feeling, in a good mood, because let's be real, we're we're
(19:18):
hit with a lot of non joy, shall we say, on a daily
basis, and we need that reminderthat there are still really cool things happening,
really kind people, really joyous eventsto be a part of, and
you need that that community time toget that, you know, reminder.
So I'm excited, and it doesn'tstop on the day of the event.
(19:41):
You guys, you know, aredoing things, whether it's art installations or
you know, getting together with otherorganizations and supporting what they're doing to uplift
the community. So, yes,it's Black History Month. Yes we're celebrating
Black Joy this month, but thisis year round. It doesn't stop.
You know, Hey, we getan extra day because it's a leapier this
(20:03):
year for Black History Month, butit doesn't stop. It keeps going,
and it's in for folks that aremaybe listening. You know, I'm mixed.
I'm very proud of all of myheritage. For people that are listening
that are like, I want tobe a part of this Black Joy some
way, come be a part ofit. You can come be a part
of it too. It's not youknow, it's not. If the vibe
(20:25):
isn't on some you have to bewhatever whatever to come through. So you're
not absolutely not. Yeah, wehave a whole week full of events,
to be honest, Black Joy Paradeends up being like the culmination of that
week. But there's so much.We have a bunch of brunches we're doing
on Saturday, we have cocktail crawls, there's an open mic on this coming
Monday. There's so much happening inthe town to kind of celebrate Black Joy
(20:51):
and really own this positivity because Ithink like you said, we're just yeah,
we're just beaten up every day byall the negativity. So you know
that, I'm super excited about that. And then yeah, it doesn't we
have it at the end of Februarybecause we want that energy to carry over
to march in April, May,June, July. Like we deserve to
(21:11):
be celebrated. We deserve beautiful things. And please come out, even if
you are in no way black.I'm also mixed. If you have no
trace of black. If you wantto celebrate our community, come out.
If you want to show your supportfor the work that we do, for
the small businesses that are working reallyhard, for the creative artists who put
us so much time and energy tothat right, come out and support you
(21:33):
know, it isn't that serious.Yeah, and it's free. Also,
Hey, that's that's always it.That's a nice little tidbit to drop on
there. But it's a big gymfor a lot of people. So that's
that's the that's the way you doit. Right there. Now, I
have to ask because I know we'rerunning out of time. I mean,
how we've talked about expecting the babyand what that's been like for the growth
(21:55):
and you know, how does itfeel being you're making that transition, You're
turning into a working mom in frontof our eyes, right literally, So
how do you are? You?Are you already kind of like figuring that
out. I mean it's it's ajob that you figure out as you go.
I think I'm you know, I'mforty. So I have a lot
(22:15):
of friends with kids. My sisteris also a little she has two kids.
And the thing I've learned the mostfrom them is that you cannot It's
the one thing in life you can'treally plan for. I can do everything.
I can prepare as much as possible. I can physically prepare, I
can mentally, I can read,I can buy things, of course,
(22:36):
by all the things, your housegets so fulled up. But I can't
really prepare because I don't know.And I'm trying to just take that and
stride to say, Okay, Ican do everything I can, but there's
going to be this giant unknown andjust becoming comfortable with that unknown. It's
like as a bona fide virgo typea like I'm like a list person,
(23:00):
you know, Yeah, I'm aleo. I'm right on that virgo hotel.
So I get it. I getit. Just being comfortable with the
unknown and just trying to embrace thatand I don't know, be calm.
Yeah, you know you're doing You'redoing it. You're doing it. You're
you're making you're making those moves andthose transitions as a tradition to what I
(23:22):
what I think is probably the mostunderappreciated group of people in the world is
working mothers. Hello, this iswhy I wanted to start this podcast.
This is why we want to havethese conversations, This is why we want
to bring our stories to the forefrontbecause actually recently, this was probably a
few months ago, I saw amom live on you know, cable news,
(23:44):
and she was reporting from a schoolshooting, and she was so professional,
so professional, so on point,and then all of a sudden,
you see this kid come running up. It's her son, her son was
in that school in that shooting.And for like a split second, you
see her turn into mom, butyou see her snap back into working mom
because now she has to report forall the other moms whose kids may still
(24:08):
be in there. And the peoplethat were at the desk while she was
corresponding were so professional because they knewthat she probably needed a little extra support
to get through that one second ofembracing her kid, You're good. I
got to help these other people out, and she snapped back into it so
fast. In that moment, itreminded me why I started this podcast and
(24:29):
why we do this is because wehave to talk about these stories and give
moms their credit. They may notwork forty hours, eighty hours, one
hundred and twenty hours a week.They may work four hours. In those
four hours, they may be moreimpactful than someone who works twelve hour days,
and it's an important opportunity we haveto share that. And also for
(24:53):
other women who are like I havea vision, I want to do something,
I don't have the courage or Idon't know how to do it,
you're sharing how you did it andyour joy and they're like, Okay,
I might do one thing today tostart me on that path. So again,
giving you flowers, We're excited forblack Joy. I'm glad we were
(25:14):
finally able to have you on thepodcast, and the timing of it is
just so rhythmic. And and nowthe next step is when we can we
have you back when you have thebaby and we can hear how it's all
going a few months, girl,I'm gonna give you more than that.
I appreciate you saying a few months, but I'm like, we probably need
(25:36):
at least a good eight to ny. I mean, we should talk about
have a whole podcast about the failureof the maternity leave system in America,
because you know, yeah, yeah, it's so crazy to be like,
oh and then I have to beback right, which is interesting, Which
is interesting because when I went in, which is not too long ago from
(25:59):
where you're at now, my kidsare not that much further. But it's
like the mom's Drina being one ofthem was like, the difference between how
it grew for me was such amonumental. It was only, I want
to say, like a two tofour week difference, but that two to
four week difference is so monumental tous. That is like half the half
(26:21):
a baby's life at that point.Hello, I'm like, you guys had
to go back to work in howmany weeks? In six weeks? I
I My stitches weren't even I couldn'teven imagine. Yeah, so I think
we're making strides, Alicia, onyour to your point, we're making strides.
They might be you know, babysteps. I'm not even trying to
be funny, but they are babysteps. And they were doing it for
(26:44):
the next generation because some people didn'teven get maternity leave. They had their
baby right there on the on theon the rice field whatever I'm talking about.
My elders on the Filipino side hadtheir baby on the rice field and
they just kept picking rice and thenthe baby got you know, yeah,
not to get graphic, but sonow we're here where we can actually take
time with our baby, enjoy thattime, Enjoy that moment where you guys
(27:07):
get to sleep together and take littlenaps together. All that is just man,
it's a gift. It's a gift. I can't wait to meet my
bestie. You just look at yourbelly like you have no idea. Like
every time I get a little,you know, a little feeling, I'm
like, oh, I love it. I love my relationship with my mother,
(27:33):
and I'm like, oh, itwas it was so fun until it
wasn't those few years where you're likeI hate this woman, your hormonal and
you're a teenager. I keep remindingmy little future baby, Yes we're going
to be best friends. So you'relike, you are and you got,
you're gonna get and like. Butlike best friends, you might have disagreements,
(27:57):
but because we've laid these gun ownfoundational things that no matter if we're
angry at each other, I stilllove you. No matter if you don't
want to look at me or seeme, I still love you. That's
all they need to know. Andwhen it's time or when they need that
help in that pivotal moment, you'regonna be the one that they come to
and can help guide them through thethrough the tough ones. So I'm excited
(28:19):
to hear about it. Woosah,Brie, let me bring my excitement down
because we need to create a calmenvironment. I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm messing up. I'm supposed tobe in Doulas's status right now.
Alicia, thank you so much forcoming on with us. We are,
you know, just happy to sharein the growth. And I think the
(28:41):
word is that it happy should havebe enjoyed right there, because it's such
a joyous time. Yay