Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One o seven nine KBPI and your show time for
stupid stories.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Stop y'all, all stop.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yes you are stupid stories brought you by Comedy Works.
They got Matthew Prisard in town and he's gonna be
coming in about nine o'clock to hang out with us.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
All right, he's awesome. All right. Let's get to the
man in Utah. He got arrested last week at the
police say he fired around through another driver's windshield because
they're driving too slow. Oh the hell's wrong with people?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Man?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
You can't fire round through the windshield because they're driving
too slow. Man, just give him a bump with the
you know, in front of your car.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Much more polite.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Trying to figure out how it went through the windshield.
Shouldn't go through the back window. He's going too slow.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I mean maybe you got around him, maybe shot it
through the side windshield. I mean it's a little too much,
all right, this is just a little too much. Calm down, man.
According to a new survey, the thing people regret most
on their deathbeds is not spending enough time with people
that love, although I think the number one regret would
(01:08):
be actually like getting on the deathbed in the first place.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
What do you think was gonna happen?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Ohay?
Speaker 3 (01:18):
A man was.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Shot and killed after a dispute over a jukebox song
in a Mexican restaurant in Florida. Oh you played that
macarina one more time?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
That was the one. Huh Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Experts in you care trying to figure out how a
live toad ended up in a bag of salad from
a grocery store. Well, it's obvious somebody put it there.
That's why I'm ready to see the salad. Oh look
at that fresh greek. Oh my god, there's a frog
(01:54):
in there. I think they'd be awesome. Over eighty percent
of consumers aren't sure how to store pineapples once they
cut them open. Oh okay, I don't know who doesn't
need the whole pineapple.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
In one sitting.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, we don't have leftover pineapple at our house, all right.
So this is kind of funny and kind of sad
at the same time. So this happened. New information about
the wildfire here in Colorado accidentally started by a man
who was trying to cremate his dog. Sixty three year
(02:32):
old Brent Garber is accused of starting a bucktail fire
that ignited on August first. The Bucktail Fire became one
of the largest fires in the state this year. Multiple
acres of private property at least one building were damaged
during the fire, though no evacuations were issued. He's gonna
peer looks like next Wednesday in a plea hearing the
(02:56):
Mantras County Courthouse in that day of his arrest. Listen
to the stacey he was connected to the fire investigation
after they trace the ignition to a dugout where Garbat
tried to hold a small funeral for his dog Rocket.
Oh look, who who does the cremation for their own dog?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
That's something you leave to the professionals. I know it's
a little pricey, but.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
It was one hundred and fifty bucks or something? Is
it that I.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Want to say when Tweaks went down, I want to
say it was a little more than that, a couple
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Anyway, he was trying to hold a small funeral for
his dog Rocket. A rock was placed above the dugouts
entrance and it said October twenty seventeen to July twenty
twenty four, Rocket dog Rest in peace, Buddy inscribed on
the rock.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Oh Rocket, Uh?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It looks like the opidated legs that Garber had to
put his dog. Oh wow, So it looks like, according
to police, Rocket had to be put down due to
a municipal court order that was a result of a
fight that Rocket had with another dog. Oh okay, So
(04:30):
it looks like Garber had put his dog in a
pit with wood and lit the wood on fire. He
then threw it. He threw his spray can.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
On it for some reason like white paint.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, that's never good. Which obviously that explodes the right
when it exploded, it caught the tree. There's above the
pit on fire. Well that's what started fire. That tree
gets caught on fire. We'll get what. Everything around the
tree gets caught on fire because the amber and there
you go. What why would you dog can't anywhere? Um?
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Because dog loves spray painting thick he dog, you.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Know what he liked doing more evething, tagging trains, rock
at the graffiti dog right, hanging over passes, putting Paul
marks on overpasses, all living down out twenty five Please.
Officers the count uh say they spotted garbage riding atv
in the area after the fire started, and apparently not
(05:35):
long after it was reported he would start three felony counts.
He started three felony counts, faces two artis and charges
one second degree trespassing charge. The Bucktail fire is about
eighty five percent contained.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
As of yesterday. Let's still burning.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah, he's just.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Trying to put down old rocket. That's sad.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Oh you know what else is said this mom? Disneyland
resort the happiest place on earth, unless you're trying to
convince the well, the resort that you're your ten year
old is too. I love this woman too, because what
happens in any arrest, especially with females. I'm not saying
(06:22):
I'm not saying that you all, well, yeah I am.
I am saying that you guys always play this card.
So video of the woman getting arrested on TikTok making rounds.
This woman yelling obscenities to police, and what does she say?
You're hurting me? Oh, you're you're hurting me. Police are
just walking her out right, They're just they put a
(06:43):
handcuffs on her. Because this woman is trying to pass
off what looks to be like a kid. Can't be
more I don't know six, Nah, that kid's older than
six bro. That kid's at least that kid's eleven. That
kid is eleven eleven.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
She's definitely in some class of some sort.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The kids five foot This woman claims that they're both
under two. Your son's got a mustache, lady, he's six
foot one, two hundred and five pounds.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
He is not a toddler if they're old enough to
tell you they're two.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Right right?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
How old are you?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
You want the truth? Anyway, she said, you're hurting me
onlookers taking the dramatic scene. Yo, stop another angle of
the arress and makes it look even more upsetting because
the women's children are clinging to her. She's crying out
for help. Oh my kids, I'm being hurt. Anyway. She
(07:43):
was charged because she tried to pass children off as
to and under to get him in for free. Yeah,
that's not happening because the kid's like five foot three. UH.
Cop says she was arrested of trespassing and booked. Those
she got released on a say warning, you're HEARDing me.
(08:03):
Oh every female ever arrested? All right, a lot of
vitamins see in the bananas. Oh yeah, apparently it looks
like uh unsuspecting employees of the German discount grocery chain
found millions of dollars worth of cocaine concealed within crates
(08:26):
carrying bananas. And it looks like they you know, you
see these boxes of bananas at grocery stores, and you'll
see that the box they have like layers stacked on
top of each other, all those kind of like half
circle deals. So they pack in pretty nice. But there's
two or three layers per box. Sure, so the first
(08:46):
layer bananas, the second layer cocaine. Baby, all cocaine. And
there's dude, there's a lot of it. Two hundred and
ten pounds of cocaine. Oh wow, about seven point eight
million dollars was down hidden and creates the bananas. You
can imagine this is some drug lord somewhere who is pissed.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Where are my bananas?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
You know, I'm gonna believe this boss dating it up
in the safe way.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Say what that is interesting to think? Did he get
a box of bananas delivered that didn't have cocaine in it?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah? Imagine the disappointment there. Imagine the thrill of the
people that buy him by the case. You know, oh
I got a high score or something odd to take
the case Holy moly, I think he might have a
monkey in there, right. I don't know, man, these are
the weirdest looking bananas I've ever seen. All Right, and
(09:45):
then lastly a will follow up. Remember y'all the government
when they dish out all this money, that's our money.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Your pain is your gain.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
So here we go.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
The federal government was mostly responsible for the nighttime collision
of Bobbing the snowmobiler who nearly died after hitting a
black Hawk helicopter that was parked on a Massachusetts trail. Now, wait,
the story reads like it's just out on a snowmobile trail.
It was on a damn fort, it was on a
(10:20):
military base, it was parked on an airfield. Like, come on,
I can't believe the judge sided with the stupid snowmobiler.
Like the judge Mark Mastriani. He blamed both parties for
the March twenty nineteen crash, and it is ruling on Monday,
but he said the government was sixty percent responsible for
(10:41):
parking the helicopter on a snowmobile trail. He criticized Jeff
Smith for not operating the snowmobile safely for uh speeding
like the dude was hauling ass was wearing tenant goggles
and was coming over and having a few beers. So, yeah,
maybe a couple outside factors. They're dumb, dumb who doesn't
(11:01):
see a helicopter?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Right, This is in the middle of the night, right, Yeah,
so you're wearing tinted glasses in the middle of the night.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
You're an idiot. And why are you flying so fast
that you can't stop in whatever comes your way? Right,
whether it's an animal or a freaking it's a helicopter.
It's not like you're traveling through a bunch of trees
and all of a sudden there's a helicopter parked in
a dense forest. No, it's a mother trucking football field.
(11:30):
The just the helicopter alone is sixty five feet, Like,
you're not parking that in dense vegetation.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Right, like at the end of a runway. Right, Yes, it's.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
A freaking sixty five foot helicopter. And I don't care
if it's black, I don't care if it's green, yellow.
You're gonna see a sixty five foot helicopter, especially if
you're on a snowmobile.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
So the lawyers ask for nine and a half million
dollars in damages, so they awarded him three million dollars.
Oh come on, yeah yeah. Smith's lawyers argue that the
crew of the black Hawk helicopter defin flew from New
York's Fort Drum uh for night training with negligent for
(12:20):
parking a camouflage sixty five foot aircraft on an on
an airfield?
Speaker 3 (12:27):
How irresponsible of them?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Uh? Where else am I supposed to park it? You moron? What?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
This is unreal?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And apparently that airfield also used by idiotic snowmobilers. The
court finds that the government breached his duty it's unreal,
breached his duty of care, and failing to take any
steps to protect against the obvious risk of a helicopter
parked on an airfield. I swear sometimes I read these things,
(13:03):
I'm like, wait a minute, how is this? How is
this passing the test? Like? Where else are am I
supposed to park it? The judge? The idiot?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Anyway, I think maybe maybe you're supposed to have some
like pool noodles that you get out with and you
just put pool noodles around it so somebody hits it,
they won't get so hurt.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Maybe a couple of signs excuse me, helicopter head, helicopter
one thousand feet, helicopter five hundred feet.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Like when they have the camera van for the police
officers on the side of the road, the same thing
they have to put the sign out that says camera ahead.
She said, chopper ahead.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
He wrote the helicopter was parking the area that was
not illuminated or marked in any way, in the middle
of a freaking snowmobile trail on an airfield. Who I
guess like anyway, he's the owner also of Albert Farms
Airfield and Worthingmen, accusing them both of giving permission to
(14:07):
snowma bilders to use the trail if they wanted to,
and also, you know, for the military to use it
because it's a military base. Well thanks man, you just
shut down the easy trail for all the snowmobuilders because
guess what, that airfield is not letting any snowmobills use
it now, No no way. So there you go. He
settled with the farm owner for an undisclosed sum, and
(14:31):
now he gets three million dollars of our tax dollars.
That's why I say, you know what, at this point,
let's just all find a fire truck in the head
button or something, jump out in front of it and
just survive. I mean, they're just selling out money like that. Man,
It's crazy. I'm like, wait, you were operating a snowmobile, bro,
(14:53):
you know, had had been drinking, holling ass, wearing dark
goggles like lift the goggles up right.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Everything you could have done wrong, you were doing wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I just find it fascinating that they're like, oh, you
know what, government does not do its part and uh
and illuminating the helicopter after it was shut down and
parked on an airfield.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
All right, anyway, there you go.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Stupid stores.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
See, that's why they call him that.