Presents Daphne Carr, Suicide Prevention Advocate

A Mother's Passionate Plea For Suicide Prevention In Honor Of Her Son, click here for more!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is Women We Love with avery special friend of ours. Our guest
today Daphne Carr, mother of two, educator, two time Emmy winning talk
show producer turned fundraiser to bring purpose, hope and joy to those touched by
the health epidemic of suicide. Daphne, welcome, Thank you, thank you
so much for having me. It'sso nice to see an old familiar face.
Yes, so we go way backand Ryan, you know Daphne Darlino,

(00:24):
Daphne. We used to get togetherweekly on the talk. Yes,
I would come in and do mytop talker segments which you would produce.
I would, I would. Youguys were amazing. I have a great
fun video of you asking me ifmy chair is okay because I'm so short.
You had to put pillows under mybutt and then and then whoever does

(00:45):
all the set props actually found achair and put an extra pad in it
for me. Thank you. Yes, and Daddy's like, Ellen, do
you like your chair? Yeah?Are you comfy? We have so many
good memories we knew each other,there had paths crossed. Yeah. And
now they're seniors. Yes, highschool I mean college college already? Yes,

(01:07):
yes, in college. How timeflies, it does, it does,
it does, and in that timeyour world was rocked. Yes,
yes, almost two years ago,your beautiful son Henry thought the world would
be better off without him in theworld. Yes, he did mistakenly as
yes as you can imagine. Yes, Henry was a very bright, fiery

(01:34):
light that burned very passionately and stronglyfor a while. And when he turned
fifteen bipolar was was not necessarily thediagnosis was so young, but but severe
depression and attempts that he did survive, and the third attempt was not was

(01:57):
not one. We we survived.So yes, struggled and at the same
time also beautifully created. And Iam so blessed at twenty one years old.
I have a catalog of his poetryand his music and his songwriting and
his dance, and he told storiesin all art forms. And now I

(02:23):
play them back, and I playthem back and I play them back again,
and it keeps him alive, Itabsolutely does, and all to help
others. You're doing so much fora national suicide prevention Daphne, Oh,
thank you. I feel it's mynew passion and purpose. You know you

(02:43):
mentioned I'm a fundraiser and there's nothere's no reason to do what I'm doing
unless you truly believe it and youknow it's going to help people. Yes,
And I think that there are somany people touched by suicide that and
shame and guilt and some other youknow, feelings and emotions around it really

(03:07):
prevent them from seeking comfort and support. But so many people are touched one
way or another by this awful healthpandemic. And so I hope that through
through doing this walk with the AmericanFoundation of Suicide Prevention and getting out here

(03:29):
and thank you so much for lettingme tell my story or Henry's story,
really, that that will be ableto together Henry and I will be able
to help and support. I don'tknow if if you know the answer to
this off the top of your head, but like, thinking back on it,
how long would you say that ittook you to get to a place
where you decided because of course everythingchanges, right as a mother, but

(03:53):
like when when you kind of lookedyourself in the mirror and said, no,
I'm going to use this for something. Yeah, that's a great question.
And sometimes I still look in themirror and I'm like, okay,
you can do this, Like Iam affirming this purpose because it is it
is every day you have to dothat. You have to wake up and

(04:13):
say that this is you're you're livingwith purpose and in and in celebration of
Henry. So it took me myfirst The first year was so much caretaking.
It was caretaking from my family.It was the producer in me from
our talk show days came out andit was producing his memorial, which took

(04:35):
me a couple of months. Andthe memorial itself was like the best show
I've ever produced. It was incredible. S it was we had people come
and do dances, they recreated hisdances, you know, people he had
worked with in the past. Itwas incredible. So that year was was
all about just just kind of puttinghim to rest in many ways. But

(05:01):
then the second year comes and mygoodness, you are just smack dab with
the reality that this is not goingto change. You know, there's no
there are no more celebrations, nomore people coming to the house, and
and now you're left with, Okay, this is my new reality, and

(05:21):
I have to choose. So thesecond year, I just I chose to
find find other sources of support,and it's it's incredible. It's a terrible
club to be a part of andthe most amazing club to seek support from.

(05:42):
So I absolutely hope that people dothey do find they go look and
find their local organizations that that aregrief support. And you have to walk
On October twenty feet are walking togetherto bring hope to those affected by suicide.
What would you say to other parents, siblings, because I'm sure that

(06:03):
you know, Look, you're allin it as a family and a lot
of families affected. What would yousay to those families after being going through
what you've gone through to give themhope? How can you help? What
can you say to a person?Yeah, I know that everybody's journey is

(06:24):
different, and I always Henry wouldsay from our favorite movie, just Float.
And in that movie, it wasa mother daughter talking to each other
through you know, their their challengesand hardships. The daughter and the mother
just had this vision of them floatingon a vacation looking at the fish and

(06:45):
it's some amazing Henry comes through withthat phrase just float, And so I
encourage everyone to just give themselves graceand float and let the waves wash over
you, let the waves bring youup into the sun. And shine,
you know, warmth and light onyou, but don't try. My suggestion

(07:06):
is to try not to fight itand almost embrace it. Grief is love
and you. It wouldn't feel sodisruptive if that love wasn't so deep.
So in a way, it's avery complex and paradoxical thing. But the

(07:28):
grief is the thing you hold onto now because it's also the love,
and hopefully holding onto the grief inthat regard doesn't hold you back. It
actually gives you the momentum, theenergy, the purpose and hope to move
forward. And it's still you know, look it's still fresh. It's two
years. The first year you're you'rehonoring Henry. You're, like you said,

(07:49):
you're putting him to rest, butnow you're you're bringing him back to
life. Tell others. So thatis such a beautiful thing. Yeah,
I am. It is my lifecommitment and this, this group in particular,
the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention,I feel is the place where I

(08:11):
want to put my energy to keephim alive and to bring research and hope
and programming to schools, to youknow, to those who are grieving.
They do it all. They doit from the prevention side to also the
support side. And we are sofortunate that our national government and local governments

(08:37):
also are recognizing this as a mentalhealth crisis, and they are putting funds
and backing behind emergency call numbers andprograms in schools to identify when someone is
struggling. And let's can we talkabout that for a seconds. So all
that stuff that you're doing is outhere in the world to make that impact.

(08:58):
But what about inside the walls ofthe home as a mother who you
know, raise someone who did struggle, Like, what advice would you have
for somebody who's looking at their kidgoing there just don't seem to be adjusting
right or they're you know, they'rethey're clearly battling this thing. Yeah,
I would say, just talk andeven when those that door is closed and

(09:22):
you know, I know clearly eventwo different kids, very different teenagers,
but just keeping the lines of communicationopen. And and also there's no stigma
in in number one talking about suicide, are you ask the question, are
you do you want to harm yourself? Are you are you feeling so overwhelmed

(09:48):
uh that that you feel like youcan't go on anymore? Actually stated the
worst fear you have as a mother, put it out there and then and
then pick it up from there.Does that mean going to you know,
a mental health professional. Does thatmean going to the hospital right away?
And sometimes it does, it does. And I just say to talk,

(10:09):
talk, and find also someone inthe family too who can help be a
mentor support for that child, becausesometimes the last person that our kids want
to talk to is us, especiallyat these ages of adolescence where I believe
hormonally just all of it comes togetherlike a huge perfect storm and then comes

(10:31):
crashing. And so you know,find your support as a parents, your
support parents and or coaches or excellentpeople. And then and then also don't
be afraid to just confront it headon, talk about it. Yeah,
I know that you talk to Henrya lot. What do you say to

(10:52):
him over and over again? Italked to it. So I was walking
up here. I talked to himover and over and I just laughed and
I say, oh, you know, you you're gonna you're loving this.
I know you're loving this right now. Yeah, I know, great,
mom, thanks for putting my photoout in the world. And and you

(11:15):
know, and truly though I knowthat he is not in pain anymore,
yea, and was in pain forso long, so I don't I have
to admit, and it might Idon't know if it's come sounding strange,
but like there's a little bit ofa relief for me right now as he

(11:35):
struggled and I know that he's notin pain no more. I now have
to pick up the pain and andfigure out how to go on. And
so that's that's what we're doing,right We're changing changing this pain into something
beautiful. And I think that's whathe tried to do every day with his

(11:56):
pain. He tried to create somethingbeautiful. Yeah, and he did and
he did, and so I talkedto him and he comes to me in
a hummingbird and and he just Iknow he's here. Yeah yeah, Oh,
Daphnie, thank you. And howdo we get involved with the walk?
We're going to post everything up ohwonderful link. We know we have

(12:18):
Team Henry Forever your page and TeamHenry's and so we'll make sure we put
that up at afsp dot org slashl a walk. I'm so happy that
you bringing everyone together in the communitytoo to help each other. Thank you.
I well, you're helping as well. Bringing me out. So thank

(12:41):
you. I really appreciate it.Always here for you, We love you
all for our kids, right,we do everything for our kids. And
here he is your kid, yourbeautiful Henry, such a talented guy.
His music lives on forever. Thisis nostalgia. Henry Carr is grieving Austin

(13:03):
nostalgia following my mind is just apain for a minder which I was different,
normal and wiser. At this point, I'm tired of being a survivor.

(13:24):
Capture this. I'm walking in therain. Kill the music, set
the frame. Let's turn this intosomething beautiful. Is it loneliness or art?
Both can exist within my heart ator rather work like a machine.

(13:50):
Here comes the next part. Movedto anner state and I start talking like
I've only seen the sun, thinkthat I have one. I look at
all that I have done and can'thelp wondering how much has really changed and

(14:18):
what will always stay the same.My friends are leaving. I seem to

(14:50):
nerve, Stop retreating to my bedand to his Eppisome write something Brando,
live the life they couldn't get through. Maybe you're out watching from afar.

(15:11):
I'll make you proud of me.This hope is what I've got. If
that's all I have of you,I'll take it in the part