July 24, 2023 • 47 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 198: I think it's a great thought experiment if you asked yourself this question...Join me as we discuss about this story and more on this week's podcast episode!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
If I only had one week left, who would I call?
What would I say? Where would I go? What would
I do? What would I eat? I think these are
really good questions to have. What's up, everybody, Welcome back
(00:29):
to the podcast Episode one. Thanks for being here and
watching and listening wherever you're coming from all of the
different platforms, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or Apple podcast
or iHeartRadio. Thank you for being here. I love to
do this and one of my favorite things of all
the things that I do, I answer your questions. Email
(00:49):
me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
any subject and we'll put it in the queue and
we'll pull them up randomly. I don't have any notes
or I'm not prepared for any of the questions, so
we'll just walk through it as I hear it for
the first time reacts to it, just like we're two friends. Okay,
first question, subject line here says, let's see family and
(01:14):
career happiness. Hey, grand your my name is Joe. I'm
from Farmington, Utah. First of all, I love the show.
Keep it up. I'm a second semester freshman in college.
I have no idea what I want to study in
in other words, I don't know what I want to
do with my life. I don't know what career to
aim for. My biggest goal in life is to have
(01:35):
a happy family. I want to make enough money for
them to be able to live comfortably. But I'm not
a money seeker by any means. Every interest of mine
would make me a happy worker, but it wouldn't earn
much money in the workforce, which should be my priority,
a happy, comfortable family or my own personal happiness. Thanks Joe,
(02:01):
all right, Joe, shout out to beautiful Utah. Thank you
for email. And brother, let's walk through this. I think
this is the old the old saying putting the cart
before the horse. You are you're asking me a question
on what to prioritize when one of the options hasn't
(02:25):
even happened. It's just completely hypothetical. So you're like, hey, Granger,
which of these should I choose? And one of them
doesn't exist. I'm gonna say, hey, Joe, it's gonna be
hard to it's gonna be hard to prioritize and make
decisions on things that don't exist. Yet I understand the ambition,
I understand the dream and the hope that one day,
(02:46):
Lord will and you will have a family. But first,
you don't know if that's going to happen. Second, and
most importantly, you don't know how they are going to
react to what you do for a living. They might
not need money or to be quote unquote comfortable, like
(03:07):
you're saying, maybe you find a wife that just loves
you for who you are and loves you because you're
happy with what you do, regardless of if it makes
money or not, regardless of if she can go to
Amazon and buy stuff all day long. Maybe she's just
like Joe, I just I love you. I know we
(03:27):
don't have a lot of money, but we have a
lot of love. And I love you and I love
that you're happy at what you do even though it
doesn't make a lot. I love you for what you do. Joe,
What if you found a woman like that? I hope
you do. By the way, but all this planning, all
this worrying, all this prioritizing for something that hasn't happened,
(03:49):
you don't know if you find a wife that says, Joe,
it's more important to me that you are happy doing
something you love instead of making a lot of money
for us, that we don't need. It's another thing to
say for your kids to be looking up to you, saying,
you know, dad never made a whole lot of money,
(04:11):
but he always loved what he did. He was always happy,
and that is more inspiring to me as a kid
than a dad that hates what he does. He just
does it because he's trying to make money so the
wife could go spend it. Does that make sense? Chase
after what you are passionate about right now, study in
(04:34):
your second semester of college. What you love right now.
That's going to make everything easier in the long run.
Next question says open heart surgery at twenty seven. Hey Granger,
starting my week out with your podcast has completely changed
(04:56):
my work week. It always gets me in a great
state of mind. Thank you for that. I'm twenty seven
years old. I'm a female from Iowa. I have open
heart surgery a week from tomorrow to replace my AORDA.
I am feeling very anxious and nervous, and I'm struggling
with those see you, laters, I'm gonna have to give
throughout the week. I'm constantly thinking about the worst case
(05:17):
scenario and it's starting to weigh extremely heavily. On me. Also,
my boss is pushing me really hard on a return
date to work. I am already unhappy at my job
and feel pressure to put this surgery off for them
to get through our busy season. How do you handle this?
I was raised to be loyal and work hard always,
(05:40):
but I'm struggling to put myself first here. Thanks for
all the content. You'll never understand how much it means
to me. God bless Morgan. All Right, Morgan, thank you
so much for being vulnerable and for the email. And
it's got to be very difficult for you a case.
Imagine going through open heart surgery, something so serious at
(06:05):
such a young age. So my heart goes out for
you with this, And I also can't imagine the see
you laters that you're gonna have to give what I
think is a gift just reading this once, not being
able to fully process what's going on here, But my
first reaction as I read it for the first time
(06:25):
here is that it's a gift for anyone to be
able to have a chance to think about their own
mortality in a way so much that you are you're
gonna say goodbyes to people like, Hey, I'm going into
(06:46):
surgery next week. I want to say goodbye, and I
don't want to make this awkward, but I want to
say goodbye because well it's an open heart surgery and
you know, anything could happen. Let me say that, not
a lot of people get that kind of opportunity. Not
(07:07):
a lot of people get a chance to evaluate their
own mortality, how fragile their life is. Not a lot
of people get that chance, and it is a gift
to see in the mirror your own fragility. I hope
you see it that way. I hope that you could
(07:29):
come to see it this way. I want to talk
about to the boss thing. This is crazy. It's crazy
for all of us listening and from the outside looking in,
it's crazy. You're going into an open heart surgery. You
got a lot going on, you got a lot on
your mind, and your boss is saying, hey, I really
(07:50):
need to know, so if I could plan ahead, or
really need to know when you're coming back. So you
don't like it, your boss is pushing you in a
weird way. I think this is a really good time
in my opinion too, because you asked what would you do?
I think this is a really good time. Morgan to
go to your boss and say, at this time in
(08:11):
my life, as much as I have appreciated the work,
I'm going to take some time off inevitably extended. I'm
not sure if I'm coming back. And I appreciate the
opportunity so much and everything that you have done for
me with this kind of platform that you've given me,
whatever the job is, But due to this medical condition
(08:37):
and this surgery, I don't know how soon I can
get back to work. I don't know how soon I'll
be back to feeling normal, or if pushing it too
hard at work might cause an extended recovery for me.
So all that being said, I think, out of respect
for you and our busy season, I would say, don't
(08:58):
expect me to come back. I think that's a really
good This is a really good time in your life
for a really good excuse to back away from something
that you don't like anyway, And during that time, I
would really encourage you, Morgan to dig in deep to
your own mortality. Be thinking during this week before the surgery,
(09:23):
not in some kind of weird, morbid, scary way, but
be thinking if I only had one week to live
on this earth. And of course you'll have this is
doctors are great, so there's nothing to worry about. But
I think it's a great thought experiment. If I only
had one week left, who would I call? What would
(09:45):
I say? Where would I go? What would I do?
What would I eat? I think these are really good
questions to have, and I hope you do that. I
hope you email back to and let us know how
this goes. Next question says subject line saved by narcissistic parent.
(10:10):
Saved but narcissistic parent. That's what it says. Hey, grand
I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm a believer in Christ
and I've been struggling with PTSD for the past year
from verbal and physical abuse from my mom. I need
to talk to her about the problems that I'm having
with her, but I'm super nervous and feel like I'll
(10:30):
shut down if I confront her. Any advice, Yeah, I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry, And my advice would be because I
think it's a legitimate concern. I think she's probably you
said she's narcissistic. She's probably someone that could shut you
down with a look or a talk, or a gesture
(10:53):
or body language. And you're not gonna be able to
to express yourself. She could shut you down. Okay, so
let's know that, and let's go into the situation differently.
One thing you need for your PTSD is you need
to forgive her. Now, I don't know how many times
(11:17):
I've said this in one hundred and ninety eight episodes
that forgiveness is not something you need to totally believe
inside you when you say it. The healing really starts
after you express it. And maybe more importantly, when you
(11:40):
forgive someone that is that does not matter how they
respond to the forgiveness, whether or not it worked or not.
Forgiveness is on your part, not the other person. Otherwise
it's not forgiveness. You forgiving someone has nothing to do
with how they take it or if they accept it,
(12:01):
or if they say agreed or yes or whatever. That's
not forgiveness. Forgiveness is total grace on your part to
say I no longer hold you guilty. Right. You don't
have to believe it, but you can say it and
(12:22):
let let your heart catch up to that later. And
that's complicated, but there is such healing in forgiveness when
you just say it, and there's no strings attached to it.
It's like, Mom, I forgive you after all these years,
and you don't have to add things to it. You
(12:43):
don't have to say but or although, or even though
or however. You just say I forgive you and I
love you, not because of something you've done, but because
of who you are. You're my mom, and you all
will be, and I love you, and I just want
you to know, without strings attached, that I forgive you now.
(13:09):
Forgiving like that doesn't have to be trusting or giving
a second chance. It has nothing to do with giving
them a second chance. Forgiving is something for you, a
grace from you, a gift of grace from you that
then begins your healing. Mama, forgive you, and I love you,
(13:30):
and I just want to tell you that. Okay, So
that's not completely solving your problem. That's just solving the
content of your discussion, but not how you deliver it.
My suggestion would be, because she could shut you down
if because of who she is, I would suggest a letter.
(13:51):
I think that's a good thing, A good old fashioned
handwritten letter, not a text or a phone call, because
she shut you down in either one of those two things,
and email's weird. I'm talking old fashioned good letter. You
got a letter and you gotta pin and you write
(14:11):
this out and you say whatever you need to say.
But I want forgiveness to be part of it, and
I want I love you, Mom to be part of it.
And I want no caveats, no strings attached in it.
And then what you can do. You could deliver it.
You could hand deliver it. You can go to our
house and say, Mom, there's a lot of things i
(14:33):
want to say, and a lot of things that I've
wanted to say over the years, and I'm I'm dealing
with insecurities and I wanted to hand this to you
and just say I put everything in this letter. I'm
feeling vulnerable right now, so I put everything in this letter. Mom.
(14:55):
Look her in the eye. Mom, can you please read it?
Not right now, but when I leave, can you read it?
Thank you, and then you're out. That would be my
first option. I would suggest that first. My second option
would be delivering it where she doesn't see you. It's
not as cool and not as effective, but you could
(15:18):
just put it in her mailbox or something like that.
That's where I'm going. That's where I'm going with that.
That answer. Let's hit another one here, Subjecline says, boys work,
roles and advice. Hello, my two boys, Logan twelve and
(15:38):
land In ten, and their neighborhood friend Bentley ten came
up with an idea for a yard work company, a
VIP company. Actually, I initially gave them an eye roll,
thinking these kids don't even make their bed without a fight,
How the heck are they going to do a VIP
servius service? But like the awesome parent that I aspire
(15:59):
to be, I said, sure, go ahead, do it, and
do it well. I gave them a few pointers on
and off they went. They have helped neighbors dig a
small pond, gathered up sticks, overseeing a small burn pile,
and blown leaves. The neighbors have been pleased with their
(16:19):
work and have given them fair pay. And Doctor Pepper,
it sounds good and it is for the most part,
besides a few disagreements. What advice do you have for
them in regards to choosing and sticking to their roles
and responsibilities and also working through disagreements? My sons argue
over the management position. Go figure, And of course they
(16:41):
play more than they work. They are still just kids
just looking for tips on how to encourage them while
they still learn the value of hard work. Yeah, this
is great. It's a great email, and I'm happy for
you and your parenting. I love the sentence you wrote
where you said, being the awesome parent aspire to be.
(17:02):
That's that's humble. I like it. It's like it's like
admitting that you're not an awesome parent, but you want
to be so you'll you'll do things according to the
map that you've created. I like that. I like the
part where it says at the end they play more
(17:22):
than they work. I'm glad for that. I think it's
a good thing. I'm glad that these boys ten and
ten and twelve still have the ability to play and work.
I think I think learning that balance will be something
they continue through adolescents into manhood. They'll continue to learn
(17:42):
the difference between work and play and where those two
things come together. And I would want them now to
have a little bit more play. Your question is what
advice do you have in regards to choosing and sticking
to their roles and responsibilities. One thing I would recommend is, well,
(18:03):
first of all, make sure you manage your expectations about
how this is gonna go right, because if they wake
up next week and they're like, VIP service is done, Mom,
we're done. Manage your expectation so that you say, okay, okay,
I understand, and I'm I'm really pleased with the work
(18:24):
that you've done so far. Okay. Make sure that you're
not like, no, you start this, you're gonna finish it
and you gotta go all the way to the rest
of November or whatever it might be. Make sure that
that's not what it is. That's where it gets kind
of complicated. I would recommend that they pay for every
tool that they use. Now you can jumpstart them and maybe,
(18:48):
let's see, maybe you got them a rake, you know,
for the leaves. Maybe you got them like a propane
lder for the burn pile. I don't know what else.
But from now on, now that you've got them kickstarted
on this thing, from now on, I would say, let's
(19:10):
have them pay for the new tools that they need.
So if they go, hey, Mom, now they don't only
want us to rake leaves, they also want us to
trim the hedges. Soul, can you get us a hedge trimmer?
And it's like, no, no, I can't do that. You
can continue working and you could find out how much
the hedge trimmer cost down at the sporting at the
(19:31):
hardware store, and we'll find out how much that cost.
And now you know how much to work towards so
that you can get that. You guys could split it
three ways if you want. And then when you get
the hedge trimmer, that's going to open up new business.
Now you could advertise hedge trimming and then you'll make
up for that cost. Right, That's such an important lesson
to learn right off. So manage your expectations and then
(19:57):
let them buy things. If they mess things up, let
them pay for that too. The only thing I would
push them on is if they start a job at
one of the neighbor's house, they have to finish it.
You and Dad are not gonna come bail them out.
They're not gonna leave a half raked pile of leaves
in the yard and then you and Dad are gonna
go at nine pm and finish it up for them.
(20:18):
Be bad. We don't want to do that. So they're
gonna finish everything they start. Otherwise they're gonna call the
neighbors themselves, not you, and they're gonna say, mister and
missus Jones. We decides Logan and Landon and Bentley, and
we decided that we're gonna not continue the VIP service.
(20:40):
You know, just make sure that they're doing that. And
here's another thing. If they're having a disagreement about management position,
then tell them the manager of you three is the
one that has to make the phone call to the client.
(21:00):
You have to tell them that you're what time you're coming.
You have to be the one that tells them that
you're not going to finish or that you're not going
to come back next week. Who wants to be the
manager now also the manager if the other. If one
guy gets sick, you're doing double duty because you're the manager.
Who wants to be the manager? Now? Try to weed
(21:22):
them out with stuff like that. I think that will
help your disagreements and I think they'll find out, hey,
being a manager, maybe it's not as cool as I thought.
I love the story. I appreciate the email. We're going
to take a break and be right back. This podcast
is brought to you guys by Better Help. You know,
(21:42):
sometimes in life when we're faced with tough choices and
the path forward isn't easy and clear, like I'm going
to talk fully about in my new book Like a
River that comes out just in like a week August.
The first losing our little boy River at three years
old put us in a place that we could not
(22:03):
recover on our own. We tried everything, and therapy was
an important part of that journey. So, whether you're dealing
with decisions around career, relationships or anything else, therapy can
help you move forward with confidence. It can help you
unpack how to trust in order to make decisions to
continue forward. But I know what you're thinking, where do
(22:24):
I even go about finding a therapist? That sounds so daunting. Well,
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(22:46):
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If you want to get a whole of me personally,
maybe get a message from me a video message from me.
It's super easy at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
(23:07):
or on the Cameo app search for me Granger Smith.
I'll make a personalized video message right from my phone
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it might be. Let me do that for you at
cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Back to the podcast,
(23:32):
all right, Back to the podcast. Answering your questions, email
me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll throw
you in the queue here. Next question, subject line says
work and it says keep anonymous. Hey Granger, my name is.
That's always so funny when it just said keep an eye,
I won't read it. Okay, It says I'm fifteen from Minnesota,
(23:55):
just recently moved to a new house and it's going good.
I got a job at a farm and I love
working on it. But work just takes up all my time.
I never have time to hang out with my friends
or family or this sweet girl that I like. I
just wanted to know what are some ways to help
me balance my time? All right, Anonymous, appreciate your emailing brother.
(24:17):
I don't know what's going on in this email because
I'm pretty sure you said fifteen. I know you said fifteen,
and it sounds like you're thirty five, because you're talking
about you just moved into a new house and it's
going good, and then you start talking about the job
and you don't have any time for friends or family
(24:40):
or your girl, and it sounds like you bought a
house and you're living in your house and you're like
playing bills and playing the mortgage. That's what it sounds like.
So that's why I'm a little confused. What's going on.
You're fifteen, I'm assuming I know certainly you're talking about
(25:01):
your living with your guardian or parents, right right, Okay?
Why are Why does it sound like you're paying for
the house? Let me just put it that a way.
Why does it sound like if you don't work, the
house goes away. Why is there so much pressure on
(25:21):
you working all of the time when you're fifteen. Fifteen
year olds should work, don't hear me wrong on that,
But fifteen year olds should not work so much that
they have no time for anything else in their life.
(25:42):
School is not even mentioned in this email, so you say,
I never have time to hang out with my friends
or family or a girl. That's a problem. So I can.
I could give you tips on balancing time and managing time,
but that's a conversation I would have with a thirty
year old, not a fifteen year old. That's different. I
(26:04):
could talk to you about your power list and coming
up with your schedule and making your you know, making
your checklist and what time you're waking up, and I
could talk to you about that, But that's silly because
we have a lot of other priorities. There's like three
priorities for you, in my opinion, three priorities that come
(26:27):
before working. Working at this point is making money so
that you could help out a little bit at the house.
I get it, so that you could maybe be saving
for a truck, I get it. And saving for a
few things that you like, some clothes, new pair of jeans,
(26:49):
a movie night with the sweet girl. You're talking about
that stuff. And if you're working more than that, then
we need to talk about why, and is this the
right job? And is the house too expensive? And is
everyone managing money okay that you're working so much? Those
(27:12):
kind of questions, those are the kind of questions I have. Yeah,
I would go there instead of ways to balance your
life besides telling you, hey, anonymous, if you don't fix
this now, you're gonna realize quickly you're only fifteen once.
If you neglect friends and parents and family and this girl,
(27:35):
if you neglect them for this job to make money,
that will go away, that will get spent, that will
get eaten up in some truck payment. If you do
that too much, you're gonna have serious problems in three,
four five years, because you're gonna look back and realize, oh, man,
I chewed up my teenage years and they're gone and
(27:55):
I don't have them back. And those were formative years
for me. Those were the years that I was learning
about life and girls and friendship and being social. These
were years and I was supposed to learn that, and
instead I didn't. I was stuck in my work. So
be very careful. You're only fifteen once. Be very careful
(28:18):
with how you use that time. Nice question. Subjecline says
failed marriages and says, hey, Granger, my name is David.
I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'm newly married. All my life
(28:39):
I've been surrounded by failed marriages, regardless if it's family, friends,
or whoever it may be. My dad passed away when
I was ten years old, so I really don't remember
how my parents' marriage was. What advice do you have
to give a newly wedded man? PS, My wife walked
down the aisle too. You're in it. We are huge fans.
(29:01):
Thanks for your time, David, David, I appreciate you, brother,
Thank you so much, and congratulations on the new marriage.
I'm happy for you, guys, and I'm very honored that
you used you're in it for for such a special
moment in your life. Thank you so much. I love
that to have that kind of connection. I typically when
(29:27):
I get a question like this, I pull out a
similar card each time to play right. It's like, OK,
if this was a card game, I'm pulling out this card.
If you're gonna genuinely just generally ask me advice for
a newly wedded man or couple or woman, I'm gonna
pull out the card and said that says be selfless.
(29:51):
Remember now, remind yourself now daily that is not just
you any It's not just about you. And when Jesus
says love your neighbor as yourself. I said this last week.
We have to assume when Jesus says love your neighbor
(30:13):
as yourself, not more than yourself, or love your neighbor
and some relation to yourself, it's very clear that he's
saying love your neighbor the same meaning. There is an
assumption that you already love yourself. It doesn't say learn
(30:36):
to love yourself and then then once you learn to
love yourself, then you could love your neighbors. That's what
the culture says, and kind of twist that all the time.
You hear weird stuff like that, get a learn. Remember
you have to learn to love yourself first, and then
when you loved yourself, you could love others. How many
(30:58):
times have y'all heard that twisted, weird cultural garbage. And
that's not what Jesus said, And that's not what you
know to believe, because you know, if you think about
it with your heart, you think about yourself, you think
who you are inherently, how you were born, your nature,
(31:20):
your human nature says, take care of myself. I'm hungry,
feed me, I'm thirsty, I need drink, I'm tired, need
to lay down like we're so primal. I have a headache.
I can't think until I have some aspirin. I got
a headache, oh man, got this ache and back today
(31:45):
I just oh, I got this crik in my neck
and every time I turn left, I just cannot stop
thinking about this crik in my neck. And I'll do
anything to relieve that. Or let's flip it. Man. Know
what I can go for tonight? Some steak? Oh man.
There's nothing like a good steak on a night like this,
(32:06):
or football games on huh. I can't wait. I've been
waiting for this game, this game, and this moment. I've
been wanting to see this particular game for like a year.
This is the rematch of last year's crazy game, and
this year it's primetime seven pm. And I've got my
couch ready, my TV ready, and I'm ready for no distractions,
(32:27):
ready to watch my game. This is what we do.
This is what humans do. We love ourselves. That's the default,
and so Jesus is saying, go against the default and
love your neighbor as yourself like that, like you do,
like when you get a headache, and you'd aspirin when
you want to watch the game, when that's what you want,
(32:48):
when that's what you need when you want that steak,
when you want to lay down, take all those things
that love you give. Yeah, just do that to others too.
It's not the default. It takes effort to do that.
It takes a big switch of the brain to go, oh,
I'm David, I'm newly wed. Now I've got a wife.
(33:08):
Now it's not just about me, and Jesus is saying,
and I'm saying now because I agree. I'm saying that
you don't have to go above and beyond for your wife.
You don't have to pour out superficial love. You don't
have to wake up and go, how am I going
to multiply this love over and over to my wife today?
(33:31):
Because you can't sustain that. All you all you need
to do is love her like you love yourself. That's it.
So watch her, think about her, think about when she's
whatever equivalent to that football game is to her. Make
(33:51):
sure you don't schedule anything. Then whatever that equivalent thing
is to your stake, your craving, cook it for one night,
whatever equivalent feeling that you get when you just want
to lay down and take a nap and close off
the world. You're so tired, make the bed for her,
(34:13):
turn down the blinds and the lights, make it nice,
and say, babe, you go to bed early to night.
You had a tough night last night. Go to bed
early to night. I'll take care of the dishes, I'll
take care of everything. So you're just you're not going
above and beyond. You're just you're giving her what you
would do, how you would treat yourself. That's just not revolutionary.
(34:36):
This is not brand new, groundbreaking information. But it's marriage saving.
It's marriage saving. And for all the people said this
last week too, for all the people that are thinking, hey,
one problem, I don't love myself. In fact, I hate myself,
(34:57):
I would say, I don't agree. I don't agree. Hating
is not the opposite of loving. Hating is a close brother.
It takes a lot of passion, a lot of energy,
a lot of attention to hate something. So if you're
hating yourself, that means you're pouring a lot of attention
on yourself. The only thing opposite of love is indifference.
(35:19):
I don't care, could care less. I don't care at all.
I hadn't even thought about it. Nobody's indifferent to themselves. Okay, lover.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Just like you love yourself, You'll be good.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Let's hit another one here. Subject line says fatherhood. Hey Granger,
my name is Cody from San Augustine, Texas. I'm twenty seven,
been a fan for the past ten to eleven years.
My question is do you have any tips for a
first time dad? My wife and I were expecting our
son in September, so i'd greatly appreciate to have some
(36:07):
advice from a favorite country singer. I already plan on
raising him around the church. Many blessings for Amber London,
Lincoln Maverick and yourself. All Right, Cody, thanks for emailing brother,
thank you for being a fan, and congratulations expecting a
son in September. And guess what that's My birthday is
(36:31):
in September two. So I'd love to tell first time
dads because we're so dads are so out of the
loop and out of control. We having a baby as
a dad is something that is just it's helpless because
(36:53):
we can't do anything. We can't we can't even help
our wives. It's hard to even provide comfort because a
lot of I don't even want it from us at least,
and what do we know about any of it, so
all we can do is sit there and stress out
about it. So don't take that. That's not the that's
(37:15):
not the advice I'm giving. My advice is this, you
say tips for a first time debt, Well, all you
gotta do it's super easy if you think about it.
All you have to do is stay one step ahead
of them. It can get daunting thinking about, man, I
gotta gotta got my son coming. Oh man, I gotta
(37:38):
get him a go kart. I gotta think about baseball.
Oh yeah, yeah, summer league baseball. I better get him
a glove. And then we're gonna have to think about
maybe moving closer to some kind of training for him,
because he's probably gonna want to be a pitcher in baseball.
And then oh yeah, I gotta make sure that he's
(37:59):
got a good bye. Every boy needs a good bike,
and so I should make sure that we get this
driveway paved because it's dirt and we're gonna need to
get that drive And like, your brain can go crazy
thinking about having a boy in your house for the
next eighteen years. But you don't have to think about that.
(38:21):
All you have to do is follow as he changes,
and he's gonna change quickly. You just gotta follow. And
the pattern that's already laid up before you is stay
one step ahead. For instance, right now you're a few
months from birth, right, well, all you gotta think about
right now is making your wife making helping her get
(38:42):
that nursery set up. And that's your only job right now.
It's your only goal. That's my only advice to you,
And your only goal is get this nursery set up right,
make it less work on your wife, make her not
need to worry about where the baby is gonna lay
its little babyhead. Okay, and then when the baby comes,
(39:05):
Now you got a certain amount of months before it's
gonna need to start taking a bottle, unless it's unless
it's only breastfair. If it's breastfeeding, that's one thing. But
if it's not breastfeeding, you got to learn how to
make the formula. That's easy. Learn that, and then you
got a few months until the baby is scooting around,
so then you got to kind of prepare the floor.
(39:26):
And then you got several months after that. Now the
baby's walking, so now you can baby proof the house then,
and then you got several months after that before the
baby is climbing, So then you got to watch the
chairs in the kitchen. So you're always just, Okay, what's
the next step, what's the what's the kid gonna be
doing six months from now? Okay, gotta make sure we
(39:46):
got to take care of these chairs and the kitchen
because this kid's gonna climb up on the kitchen table.
And if you're one step ahead, then you don't have
to worry about the next eighteen years. You could, you
could even do your research for each tiny stage, but
babies are laid out and they go down this timeline
that's so predictable. It's beautiful. It's great for parenting. We
(40:09):
don't have to worry about five years from now. We
don't have to worry about a toddler when they're an infant.
You don't have to worry about a teenager when they're
a kid, when they're an adolescent. So there you go.
Don't be thinking about what's he gonna drive? Is he
gonna get my truck? Am I gonna pass that down
to him? It's too much thinking. That's it. Another question
(40:38):
question here says in a slump, can use some advice,
Hey Grange, your my name is Lily I have written
the podcast before, but I could really use some advice.
I'm fourteen years old. I'm going into high school. I
have been homeschooled for seven years, but this year my
parents decided to do something different. I'm gonna go to
the school at the church that I have been attending.
I'm the type of person that finds comfort in having
(41:00):
control over things in my life, but lately I have
felt that I don't have control over anything. I know
that ultimately God is in control. I also know there
are some things that I have zero control over, but
I'm just not sure what to do. I feel like
I've been in a slump lately, and I'm struggling to
get out of it. So many things in my life
(41:20):
are changing, and I have always struggled with change. I've
never liked it. I'm praying that God will reveal the
answers to me, but I could really use some advice.
What would be something you would do in this situation?
Thank you so much, God, bless all right, Lily, thank
you so much for the question and for emailing and
being vulnerable and being fourteen and listening to a podcast
(41:42):
like this. I'm going to give you an answer that
would be different if I gave it to a thirty
year old or a forty year old or a twenty
year old. I'm going to give you a different answer
because you're a fourteen year old. It's nothing against you.
I just think I think the answer should change depending
on the decade you're living in. What I mean by
(42:02):
that is I love that you're praying. I love that
you're leaning into God's sovereignty and providence and you're kind
of unpacking that a little bit. That's good. I want
you to think about this. The community people around us
(42:27):
is what builds confidence. We don't build confidence by ourselves alone.
We build confidence in a community. So how do you
find a community if you're not part of one and
you need, desperately need it to build confidence to help
mitigate the change that's hitting you right now? This change
that's just all over you and you're like, oh, it's
(42:48):
icky change. I don't like it. I just want it
back to normal. I just want to be homeschooled again.
That was better. So how do you find the community.
Think about yourself and your passions, maybe not even passions,
just think about what you like. What do you like?
(43:09):
Do you like? Okay, gonna I'm gonna be stumped here
because you're a fourteen year old girl and I never
was a fourteen year old girl. Let me speak from me, okay,
me me me baseball cards or NFL football, aggie football,
(43:32):
baseball gloves, checkers cards, maybe check maybe maybe some kind
of skip bow or one of those card games. Movies,
certain kinds, a very specific kind of movie. So what
I'm doing this exercise, I want you to, first of all,
(43:53):
just go down this list. And if I were you,
I would get this list and I would write the
fourteen year old girl things, not the granger fourteen year
old things, write the lily things on a piece of paper,
write it out, and then try to make an order
of that. So it's like number one is this. I
love this. And I'm not talking about Jesus. I'm not
(44:13):
talking about mom and dad. I'm not talking about Grandma.
I'm talking about hobbies, games, interest, talents, that stuff. Maybe
it's drawing, maybe it's painting, maybe it's singing, maybe it's
playing an instrument. Make a list and try to order it,
and when you get that top three, seek out those
(44:37):
people that's your tribe. So say, say your first thing
is water painting. Love. You love to paint with watercolors, right,
Put it that way. You love it, that's your passion,
and you're pretty dang good at it too. So you
(44:57):
go to your school, this new school, and you find
someone anyone, a teacher, the principal, and and you say,
I want I want to get together with other people
that paint with water colors. And then guess what, guess what,
Whatever your top three list is, I promise you on
that list, you're gonna find a group might be one, two, three, five,
(45:20):
seven people that are like, man, I love painting with watercolors.
And you go, I have an idea. I think every
Monday night we meet at seven pm. We meet and
we have a prompt that we paint all six days,
and then on the seventh day, on Monday, we get
(45:41):
together at seven pm and we show each other the prompt.
So I'll come up with the prompt, and then next
week you come up with the prompt, some kind of
idea or line or title, and then we paint it
and we come together. And what you're doing without even
knowing it at that point, you're building community, camaraderie, friendships.
We need this. You're building confidence they're pouring into you,
(46:06):
you're pouring out to them. That's how you live. That's
how you survive. That's how you mitigate that change. That's
how it's not weird anymore. Now you're home, you have friends,
you have family. That's how you do it. I love
you guys. All y'all for emailing and as always, see
(46:28):
you next Monday. Gee, thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could
help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
like button and notification spell so that you never miss
anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
for me that you would like me to answer, email
(46:50):
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yie
If I only had one week left, who would I call?
What would I say? Where would I go? What would
I do? What would I eat? I think these are
really good questions to have. What's up, everybody, Welcome back
(00:29):
to the podcast Episode one. Thanks for being here and
watching and listening wherever you're coming from all of the
different platforms, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or Apple podcast
or iHeartRadio. Thank you for being here. I love to
do this and one of my favorite things of all
the things that I do, I answer your questions. Email
(00:49):
me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
any subject and we'll put it in the queue and
we'll pull them up randomly. I don't have any notes
or I'm not prepared for any of the questions, so
we'll just walk through it as I hear it for
the first time reacts to it, just like we're two friends. Okay,
first question, subject line here says, let's see family and
(01:14):
career happiness. Hey, grand your my name is Joe. I'm
from Farmington, Utah. First of all, I love the show.
Keep it up. I'm a second semester freshman in college.
I have no idea what I want to study in
in other words, I don't know what I want to
do with my life. I don't know what career to
aim for. My biggest goal in life is to have
(01:35):
a happy family. I want to make enough money for
them to be able to live comfortably. But I'm not
a money seeker by any means. Every interest of mine
would make me a happy worker, but it wouldn't earn
much money in the workforce, which should be my priority,
a happy, comfortable family or my own personal happiness. Thanks Joe,
(02:01):
all right, Joe, shout out to beautiful Utah. Thank you
for email. And brother, let's walk through this. I think
this is the old the old saying putting the cart
before the horse. You are you're asking me a question
on what to prioritize when one of the options hasn't
(02:25):
even happened. It's just completely hypothetical. So you're like, hey, Granger,
which of these should I choose? And one of them
doesn't exist. I'm gonna say, hey, Joe, it's gonna be
hard to it's gonna be hard to prioritize and make
decisions on things that don't exist. Yet I understand the ambition,
I understand the dream and the hope that one day,
(02:46):
Lord will and you will have a family. But first,
you don't know if that's going to happen. Second, and
most importantly, you don't know how they are going to
react to what you do for a living. They might
not need money or to be quote unquote comfortable, like
(03:07):
you're saying, maybe you find a wife that just loves
you for who you are and loves you because you're
happy with what you do, regardless of if it makes
money or not, regardless of if she can go to
Amazon and buy stuff all day long. Maybe she's just
like Joe, I just I love you. I know we
(03:27):
don't have a lot of money, but we have a
lot of love. And I love you and I love
that you're happy at what you do even though it
doesn't make a lot. I love you for what you do. Joe,
What if you found a woman like that? I hope
you do. By the way, but all this planning, all
this worrying, all this prioritizing for something that hasn't happened,
(03:49):
you don't know if you find a wife that says, Joe,
it's more important to me that you are happy doing
something you love instead of making a lot of money
for us, that we don't need. It's another thing to
say for your kids to be looking up to you, saying,
you know, dad never made a whole lot of money,
(04:11):
but he always loved what he did. He was always happy,
and that is more inspiring to me as a kid
than a dad that hates what he does. He just
does it because he's trying to make money so the
wife could go spend it. Does that make sense? Chase
after what you are passionate about right now, study in
(04:34):
your second semester of college. What you love right now.
That's going to make everything easier in the long run.
Next question says open heart surgery at twenty seven. Hey Granger,
starting my week out with your podcast has completely changed
(04:56):
my work week. It always gets me in a great
state of mind. Thank you for that. I'm twenty seven
years old. I'm a female from Iowa. I have open
heart surgery a week from tomorrow to replace my AORDA.
I am feeling very anxious and nervous, and I'm struggling
with those see you, laters, I'm gonna have to give
throughout the week. I'm constantly thinking about the worst case
(05:17):
scenario and it's starting to weigh extremely heavily. On me. Also,
my boss is pushing me really hard on a return
date to work. I am already unhappy at my job
and feel pressure to put this surgery off for them
to get through our busy season. How do you handle this?
I was raised to be loyal and work hard always,
(05:40):
but I'm struggling to put myself first here. Thanks for
all the content. You'll never understand how much it means
to me. God bless Morgan. All Right, Morgan, thank you
so much for being vulnerable and for the email. And
it's got to be very difficult for you a case.
Imagine going through open heart surgery, something so serious at
(06:05):
such a young age. So my heart goes out for
you with this, And I also can't imagine the see
you laters that you're gonna have to give what I
think is a gift just reading this once, not being
able to fully process what's going on here, But my
first reaction as I read it for the first time
(06:25):
here is that it's a gift for anyone to be
able to have a chance to think about their own
mortality in a way so much that you are you're
gonna say goodbyes to people like, Hey, I'm going into
(06:46):
surgery next week. I want to say goodbye, and I
don't want to make this awkward, but I want to
say goodbye because well it's an open heart surgery and
you know, anything could happen. Let me say that, not
a lot of people get that kind of opportunity. Not
(07:07):
a lot of people get a chance to evaluate their
own mortality, how fragile their life is. Not a lot
of people get that chance, and it is a gift
to see in the mirror your own fragility. I hope
you see it that way. I hope that you could
(07:29):
come to see it this way. I want to talk
about to the boss thing. This is crazy. It's crazy
for all of us listening and from the outside looking in,
it's crazy. You're going into an open heart surgery. You
got a lot going on, you got a lot on
your mind, and your boss is saying, hey, I really
(07:50):
need to know, so if I could plan ahead, or
really need to know when you're coming back. So you
don't like it, your boss is pushing you in a
weird way. I think this is a really good time
in my opinion too, because you asked what would you do?
I think this is a really good time. Morgan to
go to your boss and say, at this time in
(08:11):
my life, as much as I have appreciated the work,
I'm going to take some time off inevitably extended. I'm
not sure if I'm coming back. And I appreciate the
opportunity so much and everything that you have done for
me with this kind of platform that you've given me,
whatever the job is, But due to this medical condition
(08:37):
and this surgery, I don't know how soon I can
get back to work. I don't know how soon I'll
be back to feeling normal, or if pushing it too
hard at work might cause an extended recovery for me.
So all that being said, I think, out of respect
for you and our busy season, I would say, don't
(08:58):
expect me to come back. I think that's a really
good This is a really good time in your life
for a really good excuse to back away from something
that you don't like anyway, And during that time, I
would really encourage you, Morgan to dig in deep to
your own mortality. Be thinking during this week before the surgery,
(09:23):
not in some kind of weird, morbid, scary way, but
be thinking if I only had one week to live
on this earth. And of course you'll have this is
doctors are great, so there's nothing to worry about. But
I think it's a great thought experiment. If I only
had one week left, who would I call? What would
(09:45):
I say? Where would I go? What would I do?
What would I eat? I think these are really good
questions to have, and I hope you do that. I
hope you email back to and let us know how
this goes. Next question says subject line saved by narcissistic parent.
(10:10):
Saved but narcissistic parent. That's what it says. Hey, grand
I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm a believer in Christ
and I've been struggling with PTSD for the past year
from verbal and physical abuse from my mom. I need
to talk to her about the problems that I'm having
with her, but I'm super nervous and feel like I'll
(10:30):
shut down if I confront her. Any advice, Yeah, I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry, And my advice would be because I
think it's a legitimate concern. I think she's probably you
said she's narcissistic. She's probably someone that could shut you
down with a look or a talk, or a gesture
(10:53):
or body language. And you're not gonna be able to
to express yourself. She could shut you down. Okay, so
let's know that, and let's go into the situation differently.
One thing you need for your PTSD is you need
to forgive her. Now, I don't know how many times
(11:17):
I've said this in one hundred and ninety eight episodes
that forgiveness is not something you need to totally believe
inside you when you say it. The healing really starts
after you express it. And maybe more importantly, when you
(11:40):
forgive someone that is that does not matter how they
respond to the forgiveness, whether or not it worked or not.
Forgiveness is on your part, not the other person. Otherwise
it's not forgiveness. You forgiving someone has nothing to do
with how they take it or if they accept it,
(12:01):
or if they say agreed or yes or whatever. That's
not forgiveness. Forgiveness is total grace on your part to
say I no longer hold you guilty. Right. You don't
have to believe it, but you can say it and
(12:22):
let let your heart catch up to that later. And
that's complicated, but there is such healing in forgiveness when
you just say it, and there's no strings attached to it.
It's like, Mom, I forgive you after all these years,
and you don't have to add things to it. You
(12:43):
don't have to say but or although, or even though
or however. You just say I forgive you and I
love you, not because of something you've done, but because
of who you are. You're my mom, and you all
will be, and I love you, and I just want
you to know, without strings attached, that I forgive you now.
(13:09):
Forgiving like that doesn't have to be trusting or giving
a second chance. It has nothing to do with giving
them a second chance. Forgiving is something for you, a
grace from you, a gift of grace from you that
then begins your healing. Mama, forgive you, and I love you,
(13:30):
and I just want to tell you that. Okay, So
that's not completely solving your problem. That's just solving the
content of your discussion, but not how you deliver it.
My suggestion would be, because she could shut you down
if because of who she is, I would suggest a letter.
(13:51):
I think that's a good thing, A good old fashioned
handwritten letter, not a text or a phone call, because
she shut you down in either one of those two things,
and email's weird. I'm talking old fashioned good letter. You
got a letter and you gotta pin and you write
(14:11):
this out and you say whatever you need to say.
But I want forgiveness to be part of it, and
I want I love you, Mom to be part of it.
And I want no caveats, no strings attached in it.
And then what you can do. You could deliver it.
You could hand deliver it. You can go to our
house and say, Mom, there's a lot of things i
(14:33):
want to say, and a lot of things that I've
wanted to say over the years, and I'm I'm dealing
with insecurities and I wanted to hand this to you
and just say I put everything in this letter. I'm
feeling vulnerable right now, so I put everything in this letter. Mom.
(14:55):
Look her in the eye. Mom, can you please read it?
Not right now, but when I leave, can you read it?
Thank you, and then you're out. That would be my
first option. I would suggest that first. My second option
would be delivering it where she doesn't see you. It's
not as cool and not as effective, but you could
(15:18):
just put it in her mailbox or something like that.
That's where I'm going. That's where I'm going with that.
That answer. Let's hit another one here, Subjecline says, boys work,
roles and advice. Hello, my two boys, Logan twelve and
(15:38):
land In ten, and their neighborhood friend Bentley ten came
up with an idea for a yard work company, a
VIP company. Actually, I initially gave them an eye roll,
thinking these kids don't even make their bed without a fight,
How the heck are they going to do a VIP
servius service? But like the awesome parent that I aspire
(15:59):
to be, I said, sure, go ahead, do it, and
do it well. I gave them a few pointers on
and off they went. They have helped neighbors dig a
small pond, gathered up sticks, overseeing a small burn pile,
and blown leaves. The neighbors have been pleased with their
(16:19):
work and have given them fair pay. And Doctor Pepper,
it sounds good and it is for the most part,
besides a few disagreements. What advice do you have for
them in regards to choosing and sticking to their roles
and responsibilities and also working through disagreements? My sons argue
over the management position. Go figure, And of course they
(16:41):
play more than they work. They are still just kids
just looking for tips on how to encourage them while
they still learn the value of hard work. Yeah, this
is great. It's a great email, and I'm happy for
you and your parenting. I love the sentence you wrote
where you said, being the awesome parent aspire to be.
(17:02):
That's that's humble. I like it. It's like it's like
admitting that you're not an awesome parent, but you want
to be so you'll you'll do things according to the
map that you've created. I like that. I like the
part where it says at the end they play more
(17:22):
than they work. I'm glad for that. I think it's
a good thing. I'm glad that these boys ten and
ten and twelve still have the ability to play and work.
I think I think learning that balance will be something
they continue through adolescents into manhood. They'll continue to learn
(17:42):
the difference between work and play and where those two
things come together. And I would want them now to
have a little bit more play. Your question is what
advice do you have in regards to choosing and sticking
to their roles and responsibilities. One thing I would recommend is, well,
(18:03):
first of all, make sure you manage your expectations about
how this is gonna go right, because if they wake
up next week and they're like, VIP service is done, Mom,
we're done. Manage your expectation so that you say, okay, okay,
I understand, and I'm I'm really pleased with the work
(18:24):
that you've done so far. Okay. Make sure that you're
not like, no, you start this, you're gonna finish it
and you gotta go all the way to the rest
of November or whatever it might be. Make sure that
that's not what it is. That's where it gets kind
of complicated. I would recommend that they pay for every
tool that they use. Now you can jumpstart them and maybe,
(18:48):
let's see, maybe you got them a rake, you know,
for the leaves. Maybe you got them like a propane
lder for the burn pile. I don't know what else.
But from now on, now that you've got them kickstarted
on this thing, from now on, I would say, let's
(19:10):
have them pay for the new tools that they need.
So if they go, hey, Mom, now they don't only
want us to rake leaves, they also want us to
trim the hedges. Soul, can you get us a hedge trimmer?
And it's like, no, no, I can't do that. You
can continue working and you could find out how much
the hedge trimmer cost down at the sporting at the
(19:31):
hardware store, and we'll find out how much that cost.
And now you know how much to work towards so
that you can get that. You guys could split it
three ways if you want. And then when you get
the hedge trimmer, that's going to open up new business.
Now you could advertise hedge trimming and then you'll make
up for that cost. Right, That's such an important lesson
to learn right off. So manage your expectations and then
(19:57):
let them buy things. If they mess things up, let
them pay for that too. The only thing I would
push them on is if they start a job at
one of the neighbor's house, they have to finish it.
You and Dad are not gonna come bail them out.
They're not gonna leave a half raked pile of leaves
in the yard and then you and Dad are gonna
go at nine pm and finish it up for them.
(20:18):
Be bad. We don't want to do that. So they're
gonna finish everything they start. Otherwise they're gonna call the
neighbors themselves, not you, and they're gonna say, mister and
missus Jones. We decides Logan and Landon and Bentley, and
we decided that we're gonna not continue the VIP service.
(20:40):
You know, just make sure that they're doing that. And
here's another thing. If they're having a disagreement about management position,
then tell them the manager of you three is the
one that has to make the phone call to the client.
(21:00):
You have to tell them that you're what time you're coming.
You have to be the one that tells them that
you're not going to finish or that you're not going
to come back next week. Who wants to be the
manager now also the manager if the other. If one
guy gets sick, you're doing double duty because you're the manager.
Who wants to be the manager? Now? Try to weed
(21:22):
them out with stuff like that. I think that will
help your disagreements and I think they'll find out, hey,
being a manager, maybe it's not as cool as I thought.
I love the story. I appreciate the email. We're going
to take a break and be right back. This podcast
is brought to you guys by Better Help. You know,
(21:42):
sometimes in life when we're faced with tough choices and
the path forward isn't easy and clear, like I'm going
to talk fully about in my new book Like a
River that comes out just in like a week August.
The first losing our little boy River at three years
old put us in a place that we could not
(22:03):
recover on our own. We tried everything, and therapy was
an important part of that journey. So, whether you're dealing
with decisions around career, relationships or anything else, therapy can
help you move forward with confidence. It can help you
unpack how to trust in order to make decisions to
continue forward. But I know what you're thinking, where do
(22:24):
I even go about finding a therapist? That sounds so daunting. Well,
if you're thinking about trying to start therapy, give Better
Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible,
and suitable to your schedule. Just fill out a brief
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(22:46):
therapy be your map. With Better Help, visit better Help
dot com slash granger today and get ten percent off
your first month. That's Better Help HLP dot com slash granger.
If you want to get a whole of me personally,
maybe get a message from me a video message from me.
It's super easy at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
(23:07):
or on the Cameo app search for me Granger Smith.
I'll make a personalized video message right from my phone
to you or whoever you want and say whatever you
need me to say. Encouragement, happy birthday, happy anniversary, whatever
it might be. Let me do that for you at
cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Back to the podcast,
(23:32):
all right, Back to the podcast. Answering your questions, email
me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll throw
you in the queue here. Next question, subject line says
work and it says keep anonymous. Hey Granger, my name is.
That's always so funny when it just said keep an eye,
I won't read it. Okay, It says I'm fifteen from Minnesota,
(23:55):
just recently moved to a new house and it's going good.
I got a job at a farm and I love
working on it. But work just takes up all my time.
I never have time to hang out with my friends
or family or this sweet girl that I like. I
just wanted to know what are some ways to help
me balance my time? All right, Anonymous, appreciate your emailing brother.
(24:17):
I don't know what's going on in this email because
I'm pretty sure you said fifteen. I know you said fifteen,
and it sounds like you're thirty five, because you're talking
about you just moved into a new house and it's
going good, and then you start talking about the job
and you don't have any time for friends or family
(24:40):
or your girl, and it sounds like you bought a
house and you're living in your house and you're like
playing bills and playing the mortgage. That's what it sounds like.
So that's why I'm a little confused. What's going on.
You're fifteen, I'm assuming I know certainly you're talking about
(25:01):
your living with your guardian or parents, right right, Okay?
Why are Why does it sound like you're paying for
the house? Let me just put it that a way.
Why does it sound like if you don't work, the
house goes away. Why is there so much pressure on
(25:21):
you working all of the time when you're fifteen. Fifteen
year olds should work, don't hear me wrong on that,
But fifteen year olds should not work so much that
they have no time for anything else in their life.
(25:42):
School is not even mentioned in this email, so you say,
I never have time to hang out with my friends
or family or a girl. That's a problem. So I can.
I could give you tips on balancing time and managing time,
but that's a conversation I would have with a thirty
year old, not a fifteen year old. That's different. I
(26:04):
could talk to you about your power list and coming
up with your schedule and making your you know, making
your checklist and what time you're waking up, and I
could talk to you about that, But that's silly because
we have a lot of other priorities. There's like three
priorities for you, in my opinion, three priorities that come
(26:27):
before working. Working at this point is making money so
that you could help out a little bit at the house.
I get it, so that you could maybe be saving
for a truck, I get it. And saving for a
few things that you like, some clothes, new pair of jeans,
(26:49):
a movie night with the sweet girl. You're talking about
that stuff. And if you're working more than that, then
we need to talk about why, and is this the
right job? And is the house too expensive? And is
everyone managing money okay that you're working so much? Those
(27:12):
kind of questions, those are the kind of questions I have. Yeah,
I would go there instead of ways to balance your
life besides telling you, hey, anonymous, if you don't fix
this now, you're gonna realize quickly you're only fifteen once.
If you neglect friends and parents and family and this girl,
(27:35):
if you neglect them for this job to make money,
that will go away, that will get spent, that will
get eaten up in some truck payment. If you do
that too much, you're gonna have serious problems in three,
four five years, because you're gonna look back and realize, oh, man,
I chewed up my teenage years and they're gone and
(27:55):
I don't have them back. And those were formative years
for me. Those were the years that I was learning
about life and girls and friendship and being social. These
were years and I was supposed to learn that, and
instead I didn't. I was stuck in my work. So
be very careful. You're only fifteen once. Be very careful
(28:18):
with how you use that time. Nice question. Subjecline says
failed marriages and says, hey, Granger, my name is David.
I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'm newly married. All my life
(28:39):
I've been surrounded by failed marriages, regardless if it's family, friends,
or whoever it may be. My dad passed away when
I was ten years old, so I really don't remember
how my parents' marriage was. What advice do you have
to give a newly wedded man? PS, My wife walked
down the aisle too. You're in it. We are huge fans.
(29:01):
Thanks for your time, David, David, I appreciate you, brother,
Thank you so much, and congratulations on the new marriage.
I'm happy for you, guys, and I'm very honored that
you used you're in it for for such a special
moment in your life. Thank you so much. I love
that to have that kind of connection. I typically when
(29:27):
I get a question like this, I pull out a
similar card each time to play right. It's like, OK,
if this was a card game, I'm pulling out this card.
If you're gonna genuinely just generally ask me advice for
a newly wedded man or couple or woman, I'm gonna
pull out the card and said that says be selfless.
(29:51):
Remember now, remind yourself now daily that is not just
you any It's not just about you. And when Jesus
says love your neighbor as yourself. I said this last week.
We have to assume when Jesus says love your neighbor
(30:13):
as yourself, not more than yourself, or love your neighbor
and some relation to yourself, it's very clear that he's
saying love your neighbor the same meaning. There is an
assumption that you already love yourself. It doesn't say learn
(30:36):
to love yourself and then then once you learn to
love yourself, then you could love your neighbors. That's what
the culture says, and kind of twist that all the time.
You hear weird stuff like that, get a learn. Remember
you have to learn to love yourself first, and then
when you loved yourself, you could love others. How many
(30:58):
times have y'all heard that twisted, weird cultural garbage. And
that's not what Jesus said, And that's not what you
know to believe, because you know, if you think about
it with your heart, you think about yourself, you think
who you are inherently, how you were born, your nature,
(31:20):
your human nature says, take care of myself. I'm hungry,
feed me, I'm thirsty, I need drink, I'm tired, need
to lay down like we're so primal. I have a headache.
I can't think until I have some aspirin. I got
a headache, oh man, got this ache and back today
(31:45):
I just oh, I got this crik in my neck
and every time I turn left, I just cannot stop
thinking about this crik in my neck. And I'll do
anything to relieve that. Or let's flip it. Man. Know
what I can go for tonight? Some steak? Oh man.
There's nothing like a good steak on a night like this,
(32:06):
or football games on huh. I can't wait. I've been
waiting for this game, this game, and this moment. I've
been wanting to see this particular game for like a year.
This is the rematch of last year's crazy game, and
this year it's primetime seven pm. And I've got my
couch ready, my TV ready, and I'm ready for no distractions,
(32:27):
ready to watch my game. This is what we do.
This is what humans do. We love ourselves. That's the default,
and so Jesus is saying, go against the default and
love your neighbor as yourself like that, like you do,
like when you get a headache, and you'd aspirin when
you want to watch the game, when that's what you want,
(32:48):
when that's what you need when you want that steak,
when you want to lay down, take all those things
that love you give. Yeah, just do that to others too.
It's not the default. It takes effort to do that.
It takes a big switch of the brain to go, oh,
I'm David, I'm newly wed. Now I've got a wife.
(33:08):
Now it's not just about me, and Jesus is saying,
and I'm saying now because I agree. I'm saying that
you don't have to go above and beyond for your wife.
You don't have to pour out superficial love. You don't
have to wake up and go, how am I going
to multiply this love over and over to my wife today?
(33:31):
Because you can't sustain that. All you all you need
to do is love her like you love yourself. That's it.
So watch her, think about her, think about when she's
whatever equivalent to that football game is to her. Make
(33:51):
sure you don't schedule anything. Then whatever that equivalent thing
is to your stake, your craving, cook it for one night,
whatever equivalent feeling that you get when you just want
to lay down and take a nap and close off
the world. You're so tired, make the bed for her,
(34:13):
turn down the blinds and the lights, make it nice,
and say, babe, you go to bed early to night.
You had a tough night last night. Go to bed
early to night. I'll take care of the dishes, I'll
take care of everything. So you're just you're not going
above and beyond. You're just you're giving her what you
would do, how you would treat yourself. That's just not revolutionary.
(34:36):
This is not brand new, groundbreaking information. But it's marriage saving.
It's marriage saving. And for all the people said this
last week too, for all the people that are thinking, hey,
one problem, I don't love myself. In fact, I hate myself,
(34:57):
I would say, I don't agree. I don't agree. Hating
is not the opposite of loving. Hating is a close brother.
It takes a lot of passion, a lot of energy,
a lot of attention to hate something. So if you're
hating yourself, that means you're pouring a lot of attention
on yourself. The only thing opposite of love is indifference.
(35:19):
I don't care, could care less. I don't care at all.
I hadn't even thought about it. Nobody's indifferent to themselves. Okay, lover.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Just like you love yourself, You'll be good.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Let's hit another one here. Subject line says fatherhood. Hey Granger,
my name is Cody from San Augustine, Texas. I'm twenty seven,
been a fan for the past ten to eleven years.
My question is do you have any tips for a
first time dad? My wife and I were expecting our
son in September, so i'd greatly appreciate to have some
(36:07):
advice from a favorite country singer. I already plan on
raising him around the church. Many blessings for Amber London,
Lincoln Maverick and yourself. All Right, Cody, thanks for emailing brother,
thank you for being a fan, and congratulations expecting a
son in September. And guess what that's My birthday is
(36:31):
in September two. So I'd love to tell first time
dads because we're so dads are so out of the
loop and out of control. We having a baby as
a dad is something that is just it's helpless because
(36:53):
we can't do anything. We can't we can't even help
our wives. It's hard to even provide comfort because a
lot of I don't even want it from us at least,
and what do we know about any of it, so
all we can do is sit there and stress out
about it. So don't take that. That's not the that's
(37:15):
not the advice I'm giving. My advice is this, you
say tips for a first time debt, Well, all you
gotta do it's super easy if you think about it.
All you have to do is stay one step ahead
of them. It can get daunting thinking about, man, I
gotta gotta got my son coming. Oh man, I gotta
(37:38):
get him a go kart. I gotta think about baseball.
Oh yeah, yeah, summer league baseball. I better get him
a glove. And then we're gonna have to think about
maybe moving closer to some kind of training for him,
because he's probably gonna want to be a pitcher in baseball.
And then oh yeah, I gotta make sure that he's
(37:59):
got a good bye. Every boy needs a good bike,
and so I should make sure that we get this
driveway paved because it's dirt and we're gonna need to
get that drive And like, your brain can go crazy
thinking about having a boy in your house for the
next eighteen years. But you don't have to think about that.
(38:21):
All you have to do is follow as he changes,
and he's gonna change quickly. You just gotta follow. And
the pattern that's already laid up before you is stay
one step ahead. For instance, right now you're a few
months from birth, right, well, all you gotta think about
right now is making your wife making helping her get
(38:42):
that nursery set up. And that's your only job right now.
It's your only goal. That's my only advice to you,
And your only goal is get this nursery set up right,
make it less work on your wife, make her not
need to worry about where the baby is gonna lay
its little babyhead. Okay, and then when the baby comes,
(39:05):
Now you got a certain amount of months before it's
gonna need to start taking a bottle, unless it's unless
it's only breastfair. If it's breastfeeding, that's one thing. But
if it's not breastfeeding, you got to learn how to
make the formula. That's easy. Learn that, and then you
got a few months until the baby is scooting around,
so then you got to kind of prepare the floor.
(39:26):
And then you got several months after that. Now the
baby's walking, so now you can baby proof the house then,
and then you got several months after that before the
baby is climbing, So then you got to watch the
chairs in the kitchen. So you're always just, Okay, what's
the next step, what's the what's the kid gonna be
doing six months from now? Okay, gotta make sure we
(39:46):
got to take care of these chairs and the kitchen
because this kid's gonna climb up on the kitchen table.
And if you're one step ahead, then you don't have
to worry about the next eighteen years. You could, you
could even do your research for each tiny stage, but
babies are laid out and they go down this timeline
that's so predictable. It's beautiful. It's great for parenting. We
(40:09):
don't have to worry about five years from now. We
don't have to worry about a toddler when they're an infant.
You don't have to worry about a teenager when they're
a kid, when they're an adolescent. So there you go.
Don't be thinking about what's he gonna drive? Is he
gonna get my truck? Am I gonna pass that down
to him? It's too much thinking. That's it. Another question
(40:38):
question here says in a slump, can use some advice,
Hey Grange, your my name is Lily I have written
the podcast before, but I could really use some advice.
I'm fourteen years old. I'm going into high school. I
have been homeschooled for seven years, but this year my
parents decided to do something different. I'm gonna go to
the school at the church that I have been attending.
I'm the type of person that finds comfort in having
(41:00):
control over things in my life, but lately I have
felt that I don't have control over anything. I know
that ultimately God is in control. I also know there
are some things that I have zero control over, but
I'm just not sure what to do. I feel like
I've been in a slump lately, and I'm struggling to
get out of it. So many things in my life
(41:20):
are changing, and I have always struggled with change. I've
never liked it. I'm praying that God will reveal the
answers to me, but I could really use some advice.
What would be something you would do in this situation?
Thank you so much, God, bless all right, Lily, thank
you so much for the question and for emailing and
being vulnerable and being fourteen and listening to a podcast
(41:42):
like this. I'm going to give you an answer that
would be different if I gave it to a thirty
year old or a forty year old or a twenty
year old. I'm going to give you a different answer
because you're a fourteen year old. It's nothing against you.
I just think I think the answer should change depending
on the decade you're living in. What I mean by
(42:02):
that is I love that you're praying. I love that
you're leaning into God's sovereignty and providence and you're kind
of unpacking that a little bit. That's good. I want
you to think about this. The community people around us
(42:27):
is what builds confidence. We don't build confidence by ourselves alone.
We build confidence in a community. So how do you
find a community if you're not part of one and
you need, desperately need it to build confidence to help
mitigate the change that's hitting you right now? This change
that's just all over you and you're like, oh, it's
(42:48):
icky change. I don't like it. I just want it
back to normal. I just want to be homeschooled again.
That was better. So how do you find the community.
Think about yourself and your passions, maybe not even passions,
just think about what you like. What do you like?
(43:09):
Do you like? Okay, gonna I'm gonna be stumped here
because you're a fourteen year old girl and I never
was a fourteen year old girl. Let me speak from me, okay,
me me me baseball cards or NFL football, aggie football,
(43:32):
baseball gloves, checkers cards, maybe check maybe maybe some kind
of skip bow or one of those card games. Movies,
certain kinds, a very specific kind of movie. So what
I'm doing this exercise, I want you to, first of all,
(43:53):
just go down this list. And if I were you,
I would get this list and I would write the
fourteen year old girl things, not the granger fourteen year
old things, write the lily things on a piece of paper,
write it out, and then try to make an order
of that. So it's like number one is this. I
love this. And I'm not talking about Jesus. I'm not
(44:13):
talking about mom and dad. I'm not talking about Grandma.
I'm talking about hobbies, games, interest, talents, that stuff. Maybe
it's drawing, maybe it's painting, maybe it's singing, maybe it's
playing an instrument. Make a list and try to order it,
and when you get that top three, seek out those
(44:37):
people that's your tribe. So say, say your first thing
is water painting. Love. You love to paint with watercolors, right,
Put it that way. You love it, that's your passion,
and you're pretty dang good at it too. So you
(44:57):
go to your school, this new school, and you find
someone anyone, a teacher, the principal, and and you say,
I want I want to get together with other people
that paint with water colors. And then guess what, guess what,
Whatever your top three list is, I promise you on
that list, you're gonna find a group might be one, two, three, five,
(45:20):
seven people that are like, man, I love painting with watercolors.
And you go, I have an idea. I think every
Monday night we meet at seven pm. We meet and
we have a prompt that we paint all six days,
and then on the seventh day, on Monday, we get
(45:41):
together at seven pm and we show each other the prompt.
So I'll come up with the prompt, and then next
week you come up with the prompt, some kind of
idea or line or title, and then we paint it
and we come together. And what you're doing without even
knowing it at that point, you're building community, camaraderie, friendships.
We need this. You're building confidence they're pouring into you,
(46:06):
you're pouring out to them. That's how you live. That's
how you survive. That's how you mitigate that change. That's
how it's not weird anymore. Now you're home, you have friends,
you have family. That's how you do it. I love
you guys. All y'all for emailing and as always, see
(46:28):
you next Monday. Gee, thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could
help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
like button and notification spell so that you never miss
anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
for me that you would like me to answer, email
(46:50):
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yie
Host
Granger Smith
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