August 21, 2023 • 50 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 202: This is where you'll either hurt the relationship in the future or not depending on you handle the situation. Join me as we discuss this topic and more on this week's podcast! Get your ticket today at DCXConference.com. Use code DCXGRANGER for 25% off.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What are you doing on my phone? Why are you
looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Well? What's up? Everybody? Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Thank you for being here and joining wherever you're watching
or coming from or listening from.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I love this platform talking, taking my time, going long form,
answering your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
That's what I do here.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll
pull it up in cute just like I have here,
and we'll randomly go through your questions. Now, there are
a lot, I'll be honest with you, there's a lot
that come in and I'm just not going to get
to them all, but I'm going to try. And I
believe this is episode two and two, is that right?
(01:00):
That is amazing. How the time has flown by with
these I can remember just yesterday. Yeah, this is too too.
I can remember just yesterday doing episode one hundred, it
seemed like. So that's a testament to you guys listening
and wanting more content and asking more questions and watching
(01:21):
the little clips at Paul makes it on social media,
which is why some of y'all even came here in
the first place. Email me your questions Granger Smith Podcast
at gmail dot com and it could be about anything.
We will dive into them here.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
First.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
One subject client says, love the content. I love your podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Thanks so much for.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All you do, man, and all the advice you give.
I just bought an old GMC truck and it's a looker,
I'll admit it. What do you think I.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Should do to deal with pride?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I've worked many summers for it and I have a
little pride about it. Please, if you don't mind, keep
me anonymous. It says from a seventeen year old country boy,
and then it has his name. I'll keep him anonymous.
That's funny. And first let me just say. First, let
(02:16):
me say, man, good on you for working. What did
you say many summers? You worked many summers for it,
and you have earned it, okay, And so that's a
great thing and no one should take that away from you.
You wanted a truck, and you worked many summers and
(02:37):
you bought it. You don't hear that story too often.
We live more in a world where you buy it
on credit right now and you hope to pay it
off down the road. So that's a great thing. Man
seventeen years old doing a great thing. And then you're
asking a good question. I'll be honest with you, that's
a good question. How do I deal with pride? Because
(02:57):
we understand that pride is a pretty devastating sin in
the Bible. In fact, I don't even I don't like you.
Won't hear me say I'm proud of you. It might
be going a little too far, but I don't even
say I'm proud of you to my kids, and I
I don't mind when other people say I'm proud of you, Granger,
(03:19):
but I think about it every time I hear it.
And now I'm gonna get in some of y'all's head.
But when you say I'm so proud of you, man,
I'm thinking, isn't pride of sin? No, Granger, it's not
not in that way. But no one can really fully
explain what that means. I tell my kids instead, I
say I'm amber and I both do this. I'm well
(03:40):
pleased with you. You know that that's what God says,
This is my son whom I'm well pleased. God the
Father says that to the son, this is my son
with whom I'm well pleased. So I kind of take
that and use that for Lincoln, Like, buddy, I'm so
pleased with you. I'm so encouraged by your behavior or
(04:00):
what you've done, what you've earned, how hard you're working,
what you have overcome. I'm so pleased with what you've done.
I try to avoid that word pride. I'm so proud
of you, man. I try to avoid that. And hey,
that's not like it's not like I'm telling you you're
wrong if you say that, this is just me in
my life. I try to avoid that word. And it's
(04:22):
interesting that that comes up in this question.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
To be.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
To be proud in this sense of your hard work
is not a problem. It can become a problem, one
hundred percent. That's why it's dangerous. It can become a
problem when you become prideful. If, for instance, your neighbor
pulls in the driveway with the same truck right and
his daddy bought it for him straight up, and it's
(04:52):
the same truck. In fact, it looks a little nicer
than yours, And he goes, man, don't you love my truck?
I love your truck. Don't you love my truck? And
you look at him pridefully, and you say, I earned
my truck. How did you get yours? Did Daddy buy
it for you? Because I earned this truck many years
(05:14):
and I deserve to have it in a way more
than you, is what you're thinking. And then pride starts
taking over, and it starts corrupting a friendship that was
fine before this conversation started. Right, That's why pride can
become a huge issue.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
It could be it.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Could be something that just divides people, divides friends and
families and yourself. So as funny as it did, I
even laughed at it when I read it. It's a
legit question. If you give this to God, though, I
would be careful because when you ask God for something,
when you ask God for patience, what does he give
(05:54):
you to teach you patience? What does he give you?
If God is going to teach you patience, He's going
to give you more and more and more that you
that becomes harder and harder to withstand. Life keeps coming
at you herd and you're waiting and waiting and waiting,
and guess what you're doing in the process learning patience.
(06:14):
It's not like he just zaps patience. You say, God,
show me love. He doesn't pour in all these people
in your life, that love you, He might take something away,
because by taking something away, you truly see what love, how.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Strong your love was or is.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
So if you ask God to take away pride, God
teach me not to be prideful, be careful, because through
that he humbles us. And humbling that word is another
word that's completely misused. In fact, my book Like a River,
(06:55):
this is an example. My book Like a River selling
really well, and somebody said, man, I bet, I bet
you are so proud and humbled by how well your
book is doing.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It must be so humbling.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Like No, that's a misuse of that word humbling my book.
Being humbled by my book would be that no one
bought it. I would be humbled that no one bought it.
I was prideful, I thought it was a good book.
No one bought it. Thus I am now humbled by this.
So if you ask God to protect you from pride,
(07:32):
he humbles you by.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Something happens to it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Maybe you literally out in your truck, is sitting at
your school parking lot and a tree branch falls right
and just destroys it.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Boom.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You walk out there, all those years of hard work destroyed.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
You were humbled completely.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Everything you thought you worked for and had and was
so pretty and shiny is now gone, and so's your pride.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
It's like, Hey, God, make sure that I don't have
any pride.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Be careful with that prayer.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I'm being facetious when I say be careful, because of
course it's a good prayer. But don't be surprised when
God answers in a way that you didn't expect. He
teaches us how to not be prideful by making us humble,
not in the way that we use that word in America.
You know what I'm talking about. It's a good question.
(08:29):
Thank you, country boy. Let's see next question, says dear Granger.
My name is Lisa. I'm not sure how to write this,
but I'll try. I'm exhausted, I'm lonely, I'm unhappy, I
have been for some years now. I want to change
my life, but I've always been scared of big changes.
A big change is what I need. I knew that,
(08:53):
but it's not the same and I don't do it.
Maybe you have some advice for me, maybe not to
be hon it. I would try nearly anything. I've always
liked your way that you see life in your family
and just being yourself. Thank you for always being there somewhere.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Best regards to Lisa.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Thank you Lisa the the bottom the bottom email part
portion of it is in German, so I'm wondering, Lisa,
if you were if you were German, or if you're
in Germany. Regardless, thank you for the question, and thanks
for thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me
with something, for being vulnerable with this. This, this is
(09:37):
something that's like I wish that you were closer to me.
So I wish we were actually having a conversation because
I would dig in a little bit to what you
mean by exhausted and lonely and unhappy for some years now.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
I would want to know what's going on, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like, let's get to the next level of this, you say, so,
I say that in a way to let you know.
I'm going to have to shoot in the dark completely
on this right, I'm just shooting arrows in the dark here.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
But you say, I want I want to.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Change my life, but have always been scared of big changes,
and a big change is what I need. Okay, shooting
in the dark here, a big change, top of my mind,
is moving. That's a big change, moving houses, moving jobs,
And it sounds like maybe that's what you're getting at.
(10:33):
Maybe maybe this is there was a relationship that didn't
work or lack of one, or a strange relationship that's
still kind of hanging on. Maybe there's some problems with family.
Maybe you need a new setting with this big change
that you're talking about. And so if just me, you're
(10:54):
asking me on the podcast, I'd say, what do you
do for work? Let's take that skill and let's take
a similar pay job, something that requires a similar skill,
and make a parallel jump in another town, maybe another state.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Probably most people do this in Florida.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Go to another state, find a parallel job, get an apartment.
Now you're not doing this to be happier. I promise
you you will not find happiness there. But sometimes that
change could stir up something either a love for your
hometown maybe maybe a better understanding of the estranged relationship
you were in by having distance from it. Or you
(11:40):
could legitimately get to a new town, find a little church,
plug in, start meeting people, start diving into your hobbies,
create this community around you.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And it is the.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Change that you needed to get you unstuck. Surely that's
definitely possibility. If you don't want to go that far,
if you don't want to just move to another town
or job. I say this sometimes I would, I would
go all in on a hobby of some sort. And
(12:15):
I say the same thing to kids as they're going
into school, high school, college, and they don't know anybody
and they're lonely and they're not connected in any way.
I say, I say, if we had a conversation, to
be a lot easier, But I would say, search your mind,
what do you enjoy doing? It could be anything like
(12:37):
It could be knitting, It could be chess, It could
be horses, It could be collecting toy trains. I was
in this town in Pennsylvania the other day and I
saw a hobby shop with those little toy trains, and
there was all these people in there looking at these
little model trains, and they sold, they sold the little
miniature trees and the little miniature roads, and the grass,
(12:59):
the turf, and the little people and the figurines and
all the little cars in the street lights, and then
the trains and the mountains and the snow on the mountains,
and people are in there digging it like that's their hobby.
They love it. We as people need a community around
us that is like minded in those kind of things.
(13:21):
So what I mean, the point I'm making with the
miniature trains is that there is nothing that is that
is off limits that you could You could say, man,
I like something, but I don't know if anyone else does.
I promise you they do. There's a community for everything
that you like.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Maybe it's a band. I've seen a.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Lot of people with Ye Nation that have told me Granger,
I didn't have anybody in my life. I didn't have
any friends, I didn't have a relationship. I didn't fit
in in my school or my college or after that.
But I came to one of your concerts because I
liked your music. And I was standing there on the
front row, and I looked around and I saw other
(14:01):
people dressed like me, looking like me, liking the things
I like. And I thought for myself, right then, here's
my home, here's my family. Right this could be you
with a train collection or something of the sort.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
But you got to go all in.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
The thing not to do is stay home. Flip through Instagram,
see how much everyone else has an amazing life. See
how much your life sucks. Eat the same food, watch
the same thing, stay up late looking at Facebook, go
to sleep, wake up, go to work, see all the
people that you don't like at work. You're stuck that way.
You gotta get out, you gotta go. Okay, what do
(14:42):
I like?
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Where? Where is?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I'm gonna stop using the train collection. Okay, say let's
go to horses. I'm gonna go find me a horse
farm and ask if I could volunteer, or if there's
an equestrian group that I could join to get with
some other like minded people. You have to get out
and do it. Make the step, Make the step. I
(15:06):
gave you a lot of really good examples there. I always
do another question. We've got a time for another question here.
And I realized I forgot that you are probably in Germany.
And I don't know if model trains is the thing
in Germany, but I know nutcrackers are. I see, you
know that's where they That's where they come from. Half kidding,
(15:28):
next question, just going just flipping through an order here.
Subsequent says podcast question, Hey Granger, I have something that's
really been causing me distress recently, and was hoping you'd
be able to discuss it on an episode. I have
a sin that have been constantly dealing with and it's
seriously hurting me spiritually and with my assurance, it's been
(15:53):
making me worry that I'm not saved and it's causing
me a lot of heartache and worry. Is there any
guidance or help you could give me on this and
how I could know that I am saved when I'm
consistently struggling with the same sin. Thanks Josh, Josh, I
appreciate you, brother. Thank you so much for emailing and
(16:17):
it's not a very long email, but I could go
into some depth with this because I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I get what you're saying, and there's a couple. This
is multi layered.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I have a feeling you're probably talking about pornography because
that's very common, and I could be wrong, but I
would say, if I was going to bet, this would
be the sin that you're talking about, because it's hurting
you spiritually and you keep going back to it, and
pornography is a massive addiction worldwide. I was going to
(16:51):
say in this country, but worldwide. So that's one layer
and we could deal with that. But the other layer
is your assurance. Hang on a second, let me look
up I want to look up lyrics. This might be helpful.
(17:12):
Never Mind, I'm on my airplane mode, so I can't
do that. But I was gonna look up that song,
Blessed Assurance. Look it up for yourself, the song Doubled
Him Blessed assurance. Assurance is an interesting thing because if
you understand Christianity correctly, and if you are a believer,
then you have to understand that we are saved by
(17:35):
grace through faith. This is not your own doing. So
what that means is you're saved because you believe you're
saved because you're one of God's children, because He saved
you by his grace, not by the amount or lack
(17:58):
of sin in your life. Sin and the destruction of
sin and you battling against sin comes after your blessed
assurance of salvation. So after you're saved, you begin to
hate your sin. After you're saved, you begin to want
to destroy it. It begins to really bother you. You begin
(18:21):
to want to fight it off and do anything you
can to eradicate it from your life, because it now
feels like a disease that is corrupting you. That's what's
happened to you right now. It's called sanctification. Is this
flea that is on your body and is itching you
(18:43):
and biting you, and you flick it off and it
comes back and you flick it off again, and you're
wanting to get rid of the fleas.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's what sin is to you.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
After you have assurance, But your assurance doesn't come from
whether or not you're sinning or not. See, that's what
Romans five eight means. God demonstrates his love for us
that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
That's his love for us. He died for us to
(19:15):
save you from yourself from your sin while you were
a sinner. That doesn't say Christ came to die for you.
So long as you stop sinning. And if you don't
stop this sin, then you don't have salvation anymore. Your
assurance is gone.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Now, the caveat with that is if you are sinning,
you're living in sin and you don't care about it,
and you continue to live with it knowing it's there,
then you're probably not saved.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
That's the problem. So it is.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Also that's why James says that faith without works is dead,
meaning if you go on without good works, without caring
about your sin, it still lives with you and you
still commit this bad stuff, then you probably don't have
a saving faith, not because what you're doing affects it,
(20:14):
but because the salvation is not there yet. Right, So,
the works, the good works, the eradicating of sin is
a result of a saving faith that you did not do.
You were saved by grace. That is an unmerited gift.
Now we could walk through assurance of faith, We could
(20:37):
walk through we can go through truths of the Bible
and go if this is happening in your life, you're saved.
If this is happening in your life, you're saved. If
this is happening in your life, you are saved. You
have assurance, You have that blessed assurance. Like the song says,
it is not your own works, it is not your doing.
God is not grading you on a curve. God doesn't
(20:59):
have a checklist of a naughty list like Santa claus
good list and naughty list, and the more naughties you have,
you might not be saved. That is not the God
of the Bible. Can you imagine how ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
That would be.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
In fact, every other religion says that they're all grading
on a curve. They're as they don't know other God exists.
But in theory, all other gods and all our other
religions are grading on a curve. That's including the Catholic God.
That's including Catholicism, which is grading you on your works,
(21:38):
making sure you're doing all the right things, making sure
you're confessing to the priest enough times, making sure you're
going to Mass, you're doing you're paying your sacraments right,
and then you could do enough to go to purgatory.
It's not the God of the Bible, not just offended
(21:59):
but of people. But it's just the truth. And Josh,
when it comes to the sin itself, that is a
completely different conversation. But I've i have talked about this
a bunch on this podcast, and I'm assuming if it
is pornography, I would go to covenantiys dot com check
that out. It's good that you're wanting to eradicate this.
(22:22):
It would be bad if you were doing this and
covering it up and saying it's not that bad. It's
not that bad. I don't think it's that bad. It's
probably not a sin. I don't think it's bad. That
would be a sign to me that you don't have
that assurance.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I hope it does.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
All right, let's take a break. Be right back.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
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to your questions.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, welcome back.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Love to walk through whatever you
got going on, Just like we're sitting in a cab
of a truck and you say, man, can I run
something by? You got a question for you, let's talk
about it. This next question, subject CLIENTE says my relationship,
(26:26):
And before I read it, I want to remind everybody
it's helpful if you have a when you write your
question if it's about a phone link, because if it
gets longer than that, it's hard to keep up with
the reading. Okay, this next question is perfect, Hey Granger.
My name is Seth. I'm seventeen years old. Last winter,
I stayed in a friend's house on the weekends because
(26:48):
they live two minutes away from the mountain that I
ski race for. His daughter ski races for an academy
at a different mountain, so I haven't met her until
I started staying in their basement, only talking through text.
An instant before that, I quickly fell in love and
told her I liked her a few weeks later. The
problem is now I don't feel the same way as
(27:10):
I did before because instead of wait, I jumped the gun.
Now I'm in a situation where I feel like I'm
being called to be single. But on the other half,
but the other half doesn't want to stop thinking about her,
the other half of your brain, I think, is what
you mean. We are Actually we aren't actually official yet,
(27:32):
just very serious friends, serious friends. Do you think I
should take a year to decide what to do or
start dating her and see where the Lord brings us?
I've been praying about this a lot, but I find
myself confused. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Seth, Seth,
Thanks bro. I am so curious about your life that
(27:56):
you you literally live on a mountain and race ski
skiing and this other girl is a skier on a
different mountain. What kind of life are you living?
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Man?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
This is like my dream when I was seventeen living
in Texas, I could only dream of living on a
mountain and skiing on a race team.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That's pretty amazing.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Listen, dude, don't do not over spiritualize this stuff. I
see this time and time again on these emails.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Stop stop over spiritualizing unspiritual things like this whole God
is calling me to be single? What you're seventeen? What
does that even mean? And then should I start dating
her and see where the Lord brings us. This is
(28:46):
just this is over spiritualizing a non spiritual situation, right,
And what I mean by that is we can't let
common sense get in the way of some mysticism, like
some mysterious will for our lives that God has that's
hidden and it's hard to find. But if we continue
(29:08):
on the path maybe that follow the bread crumbs, then
eventually this secret path will be revealed to us, and
then mystically will know what God's true intention was from
the beginning. It's like, no, no, no, you're a boy
seventeen and you started liking this girl and you told
(29:31):
her you liked her, and now you're having second thoughts.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
That's that's what this is.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
God calling you to be single. Just cross if I
was grading this paper, I just crossed that out. Should
I start dating her to see where the Lord brings us?
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Absolutely not? Why would you do that. You don't like
her anymore. It's like.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
It's like you thought God brought you to this girl
and then you now are having second thoughts and that's
your problem, not God's. But God really wants you with her,
So you need to fight through that, that idea that
you have that you don't like her and follow what
God intended is wrong and weird. Listen, I'm not, by
(30:24):
no means blaming you for this email. I see this
kind of stuff every day, not only on this podcast,
but just through regular conversation. People in twenty twenty three
are wanting to over spiritualize everything when God's will for
you and his call on your life is to be sanctified,
to love him, to love your neighbor, to take his
(30:48):
word to all nations, making disciples and teaching people to
obey the words of Jesus. That is his will for
your life. If you're doing if you're seeking him and
you're in his word, and you have a wise counsel
around you, and you have a good prayer life, at
that point, you're just following with whatever you want to
(31:12):
do because you are in the will of God at
that point, and God thereby gives you the desires of
the heart, including.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
A girl that you like or don't like.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
So you could clearly you could say easily, this would
be weird, so don't say it. But you could say
it's the will of God that I don't like this
girl anymore. You could say that if you were walking
in the spirit enough, you could be like I liked
her and now I don't, and that's definitely a sign
from God he reduced my passion for this girl. But
(31:48):
once again, why over spiritualize seventeen year old hormones?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's all this is?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I have. My question is this is it's weird to
me as I read the quest And what's so weird
is that you have a friend first of all, that's
old enough to have a daughter your age. And second
of all, he invites you to live in his basement
when he's got a daughter your age living in the
house above the basement. That's weird, Like, why is that happening?
(32:20):
I don't understand that I have a daughter, she's about
to be twelve. There ain't no way some kid around
her age is going to live anywhere on our property.
It doesn't matter how much I love him. And it's
nothing against you seth at all. In fact, I want
to go skiing with you one day. You could show
(32:41):
me it's a thing or two. There's nothing against you
that has everything to do with seventeen year old boy hormones.
I was once a seventeen year old boy. I ain't
putting me or you or anyone else around a girl.
That's our age when I'm that when I'm seventeen, right,
So that's a question for your friend. And why you
(33:02):
have a friend that has a seventeen year old daughter.
These these are all questions I have. Bottom line is,
don't over spiritualize. Don't bring God into this kind of
situation if you don't. If you this is totally normal
for you to like her and then be like, you
know what after I actually verbalized that and told her,
and she likes me too, I kind of think I
(33:24):
actually don't like her.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I remember doing that. It's okay. It just means you
don't like her. This is the learning.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
This is the big experiment leading up to your eventual wife.
This is you learning the dynamics of boy and girl
and how you interact, and what's it like to tell
one that you're attracted to them, and what's it like
to hear them be attracted back to you. That you're
calculating all this stuff. It's good you're learning, but don't
(33:53):
over spiritualize it. Next question, subject line interesting, says jealous,
and I know it. Hey Grangeer, my name is Amelia
and I'm a college student from Southern Illinois. I'm currently
in a relationship with a godly young man. We have
been together for over a year and a half and
plan on marriage after we finish our education. My boyfriend
(34:15):
does not post on social media anymore, but he still
has pictures from high school. Currently, he has pictures from
prom posted with another girl while they were just friends.
He still also has photos of his exes.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
On his phone.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I know that they do not mean anything to him,
he just doesn't take the time to delete them. And
it's just hard seeing him with other women. And I
would like to know if I have a right to
ask him to delete them because they bother me, or
if this is stepping too far being outside of marriage.
Sorry for the long message, thank you and God bless so.
(34:54):
First of all, that's actually a perfectly linked message. It's
less than the length of a phone Amelia, thank you
so much for that. And for the email. I think
it's a good email. I think it's a common thing.
I think it's called My friend Caleb kind of gave
it a word, and I don't know if he made
this up or if it's a thing. But retrospective jealousy
(35:18):
meaning you're jealous of things that happened in the past,
even though they are not relative at all to what's
happening in the present. And it's a real thing, and
it's normal for you to think that in some sense.
How you respond to it, that's when it could be abnormal.
(35:41):
So we'll walk through this. You have a relationship with
a godly young man and you're planning on marriage.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Okay, so far.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I don't think that this is like a problem in
the relationship. I don't think that this is something that
we can't fix. I don't think this is anything that
you should be guilty about yourself. Because you feel what
you feel, you know it's not You can't look at
yourself and go, I have a problem for feeling this way.
You can't blame yourself for a feeling. You can blame
(36:22):
yourself for acting on the feeling, but you can't blame
yourself for feeling.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
And I think it would be totally normal to have
a conversation about it to him, if you are cordial
and cool about it. So this is the hard part,
and this is where you will either cross the line
or not, and it's up to you, And this is
where you'll either hurt your relationship in the future or
(36:52):
not depending on how you deal with it right here,
and I think you'd be as vulnerable and is as
open and as accepting and forgiving of him. Here's the kicker,
regardless of what he says. Here's an example. You say,
(37:16):
talk to you about something, and I'm so embarrassed. I'm
so embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
But when I.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
See on your social media pictures of you with your
arm around another girl acting happy at prom, it just
I get jealous. And I feel so stupid for even
bringing that up. And I know that you just haven't
had time to delete them, and I know that you
(37:45):
were just friends at the time, and I know that
it doesn't mean anything to you, but I just I
just wanted to tell you. It's hard for me to
see it. And I know that there's pictures of your
axes on your phone, and I know that you just
haven't had the time to delete it. But okay, okay,
(38:07):
so I'll pause here, And now how he's how is
he going to react to this? Because he can say this,
He can say, what are you doing on my phone?
Why are you looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Hopefully he doesn't say that, but he can. How will
you react to that? Like will you. Will you get
(38:28):
mad and say, well, do you do? You should? I
not trust you if you're getting mad? Is you what
is you getting mad? Mean about our relationship? And do
you actually like that girl? Do you still talk to
that girl? Let me see your text messages? Have you
texted her?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
You're like, are you going to go there? You can?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
And your relationship is pretty cooked if you do that?
Or do you react when he says, why are you
looking at my phone?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
If you say.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You're right, I shouldn't like I said, I'm embarrassed and
I love you and that's why I'm fighting this jealousy?
Can you help me fight it? And you're right, I
shouldn't look at your phone. Do you have the restraint,
(39:20):
the mental restraint and discipline to look him in the
eye as he comes after you in a way because
he's going to be defensive. Maybe maybe he'll be defensive.
Do you have a way of just putting it back
on yourself and not pouring any on him? Because if
you do that, I can imagine you say.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You're right, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I would imagine If not right, then then in a
day or two he could very well come back and go.
You know, I've been thinking about that conversation, and I'm
sorry I reacted in a way of saying, why are
you looking at my phone? In fact, I thought more
about it and I went ahead and just deleted all
that stuff because you're right, we're planning on getting married
(40:01):
after college, and this wouldn't be right for me to
have it on the phone boom. I could easily see
it going that way, and I could easily see you
reacting in a bad way and ruining the chance at
that kind of redemption. That could very well happen. So
my question to you is which First of all, I
think it is appropriate to bring it up in a
(40:24):
very very protective way. But my question to you is
can you can you handle whatever his response to you
might be.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
It's interesting, right.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Think about this and be very careful with it, and
I think there is way, there is a way to
heal from it, and there's a way for you to
gain confidence, especially when you're married. When you're married, which
sounds like you're heading on that path, you're not gonna
worry about some old prom date that was his friend.
You're not gonna worry about some old girlfriend that doesn't
(41:05):
exist anymore, because why you have the ring on your finger,
so you have that confidence coming ahead, and so I
think that'll grow. That confidence will grow, and that retrospective
jealousy will slowly crumble. But be careful not to fuel
it any further. Be careful not to go through his
drawers or his shoe boxes in his closet and try
(41:28):
to seek it out, because it's easy to want to
feed that hunger. Jealousy becomes a hunger, and you're gonna
want to feed it. Like if I see it on
his phone, I wonder if there's more. I wonder if
there's something he's hiding from me. That's when it gets bad.
Try to restrain yourself from that. Here's another question. A
(41:55):
subject line says belonging to a not so healthy church,
and then it says in parentheses, do not read on
the podcast, So I will respect your wishes and pass
on this question. Next question says that I think I
(42:17):
can read. Subdecline says leaving a narcissistic alcoholic Hey Granger.
After thirteen years and one child later, I've decided to
leave my narcissistic alcoholic husband. In the beginning, the drinking
was recreational, and slowly turned into a bad habit.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Over the years.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Also, I've always wanted to be more involved in the
Word of God, and he has no interest. He is
now verbally abusive and occasionally physical. I've tried to get
him in therapy, but he refuses and leaves me no
choice but to leave. How do I get rid of
the guilt of getting divorced? I know this is the
(42:59):
right thing from me and my child, but I feel
guilty for divorcing. What are your thoughts on accepting that
this is okay and that God will not be disappointed
in this decision. I'd like to remain anonymous. Thanks Granger.
All right, great question. I'm so glad you asked it,
and I hope I hope you hear my heart in
my answer because I'm confident in my answer, and I
(43:22):
hope I hope you could hear me. First of all,
I'm so sorry that you're in this. No one deserves
to be in a physically or verbally abusive relationship with
a narcissistic alcoholic. You didn't say I do and say
(43:43):
your wedding vows to that that's not what you wanted
or expected. Hear me on this separation? Is inevitable and
should happen right now. Should happen. If authorities need to
get involved because of the physical abuse, then so be it.
(44:05):
Call them, do not hide from that. There are agencies
set up locally to help protect you and other women
that are physically abused.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Should not happen. Man, we should say.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Verbally as well emotionally, should not happen, and we need
to use the system that is in place to protect
you and your child from harm. Okay, make sure that
it's very clear. But what I want to say is
this separation is inevitable. You should separate. You should get
(44:41):
out of the house and or make him leave either one,
and make it clear that you're separating, not divorcing. Okay,
I'm helping protect you down the road because of your question.
You're worried about this guilt of divorce in your future.
So this is how we could help this. I promise separate,
(45:07):
but don't divorce. And then I want you to I
want you to seek out a local church, a good,
healthy local church.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
That is.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Has a congregation relatively sized to the amount of elders
that are leading the church. Right, so if there are
not enough elders and way too many people in the
congregation so that you don't have access to speaking with them.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Then that's not a good.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Enough church for you. You need to be able to
join a church where you could have one on one
conversations regularly with an elder. Then this is so interesting
because this is why I'm getting to this. I remember
when I was at HBC Capitol Hill Baptist Church with
Parker when he was interning there. My little brother and
(46:00):
I sat in on an elder meeting, and through their
elder meetings, they discuss things happening with their members, like divorce,
that's that's a thing, and your story would be a
story that they would bring up and the elders discuss it.
This is so good, this is so healthy. And I
(46:23):
heard I heard one of the elders say, when you're
a Christian, divorce is not a private matter. Oh that
hit That hit me, And I thought about this podcast,
and I thought about so many people in my life.
When you're a Christian, when you belong to the Body
of Christ, in the community of Christ, with other believers
(46:47):
in your community, divorce is not a private matter. Thank God,
thank God, you don't have to make these kind of decisions.
By yourself. You don't have to live with the guilt
of knowing that you step out of a relationship that
could have been fixed or mended or done another way.
(47:08):
So you bring this to your elders and you go,
here's the deal, and you lay it out all on
the table, and they help walk through this biblically with
you. You said yourself, I want to be more involved in
the Word of God. You said that, okay, So if
you do, if you truly do, then know that this
is set up. Your church is set up in a
way to help you as a community so that they
(47:31):
can go they can be with you and say, let's
walk through this together. So you don't have to do
this alone. You don't have to make these decisions alone.
You don't have to call the police on your husband alone.
You don't have to find a place to live alone.
You don't have to know what the next steps and
finding an attorney are alone. Will help you walk through
(47:52):
this with you and will help reconcile if there is
anything left to be reconciled in this relationship, if this
marriage could be saved in any way. They will help
you find if there's any chance of reconciling it biblically
so that if you do leave, if you do get divorced,
then you have confidence because you've been with this community
(48:16):
around you and women that have been speaking into your lives,
and men that have been speaking with the women around
you into your lives. With wise counsel, you'll have confidence
knowing I did get a divorce and I had wise
counsel help me with it, and so because of that,
I don't have any guilt. I don't have any shame
looking back. I know it was the right thing because
(48:38):
it wasn't just me that decided it. I had people
around me that helped me.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
That is huge for you, and I hope you hear this.
I really do. I don't know if you will, because
we have a tendency as humans to become reclusive and think.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
I don't want people to judge me. I don't want
my problems to be there adam embarrassed. I don't want
them to see that I actually had a part in
the bad marriage too. I actually am not perfect. I
messed up some too, and I don't want that to
come out. Isn't that such a sad thing that that's
the first thing we think of as humans instead of saying,
I'm going to do the right thing and share it
(49:18):
with other biblical families, biblically sound families that will love
me and care for me, and pour into me and
walk through this difficult season.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
And suffering with me. I am not alone.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That is the Church of Christ, and that is how
not the denomination. That is the Church of Christ himself.
As he pours in and Christ lives in the church,
He's using his people as vessels. He's using them as
people live out his command to love one another, to
love your neighbor as yourself. As they live out that
(49:55):
command of Christ, You're feeling his love through his people
and their wise counsel. Thank you for emailing all of all.
Thanks for emailing, And if you continue this, you continue
asking questions, I'll continue sitting here answering them. And I
love you guys, and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks
(50:17):
for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel, hit that little like button and notification
spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
If you have a question for me that you would
like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
(50:41):
Yig
What are you doing on my phone? Why are you
looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Well? What's up? Everybody? Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Thank you for being here and joining wherever you're watching
or coming from or listening from.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I love this platform talking, taking my time, going long form,
answering your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
That's what I do here.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll
pull it up in cute just like I have here,
and we'll randomly go through your questions. Now, there are
a lot, I'll be honest with you, there's a lot
that come in and I'm just not going to get
to them all, but I'm going to try. And I
believe this is episode two and two, is that right?
(01:00):
That is amazing. How the time has flown by with
these I can remember just yesterday. Yeah, this is too too.
I can remember just yesterday doing episode one hundred, it
seemed like. So that's a testament to you guys listening
and wanting more content and asking more questions and watching
(01:21):
the little clips at Paul makes it on social media,
which is why some of y'all even came here in
the first place. Email me your questions Granger Smith Podcast
at gmail dot com and it could be about anything.
We will dive into them here.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
First.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
One subject client says, love the content. I love your podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Thanks so much for.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All you do, man, and all the advice you give.
I just bought an old GMC truck and it's a looker,
I'll admit it. What do you think I.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Should do to deal with pride?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I've worked many summers for it and I have a
little pride about it. Please, if you don't mind, keep
me anonymous. It says from a seventeen year old country boy,
and then it has his name. I'll keep him anonymous.
That's funny. And first let me just say. First, let
(02:16):
me say, man, good on you for working. What did
you say many summers? You worked many summers for it,
and you have earned it, okay, And so that's a
great thing and no one should take that away from you.
You wanted a truck, and you worked many summers and
(02:37):
you bought it. You don't hear that story too often.
We live more in a world where you buy it
on credit right now and you hope to pay it
off down the road. So that's a great thing. Man
seventeen years old doing a great thing. And then you're
asking a good question. I'll be honest with you, that's
a good question. How do I deal with pride? Because
(02:57):
we understand that pride is a pretty devastating sin in
the Bible. In fact, I don't even I don't like you.
Won't hear me say I'm proud of you. It might
be going a little too far, but I don't even
say I'm proud of you to my kids, and I
I don't mind when other people say I'm proud of you, Granger,
(03:19):
but I think about it every time I hear it.
And now I'm gonna get in some of y'all's head.
But when you say I'm so proud of you, man,
I'm thinking, isn't pride of sin? No, Granger, it's not
not in that way. But no one can really fully
explain what that means. I tell my kids instead, I
say I'm amber and I both do this. I'm well
(03:40):
pleased with you. You know that that's what God says,
This is my son whom I'm well pleased. God the
Father says that to the son, this is my son
with whom I'm well pleased. So I kind of take
that and use that for Lincoln, Like, buddy, I'm so
pleased with you. I'm so encouraged by your behavior or
(04:00):
what you've done, what you've earned, how hard you're working,
what you have overcome. I'm so pleased with what you've done.
I try to avoid that word pride. I'm so proud
of you, man. I try to avoid that. And hey,
that's not like it's not like I'm telling you you're
wrong if you say that, this is just me in
my life. I try to avoid that word. And it's
(04:22):
interesting that that comes up in this question.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
To be.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
To be proud in this sense of your hard work
is not a problem. It can become a problem, one
hundred percent. That's why it's dangerous. It can become a
problem when you become prideful. If, for instance, your neighbor
pulls in the driveway with the same truck right and
his daddy bought it for him straight up, and it's
(04:52):
the same truck. In fact, it looks a little nicer
than yours, And he goes, man, don't you love my truck?
I love your truck. Don't you love my truck? And
you look at him pridefully, and you say, I earned
my truck. How did you get yours? Did Daddy buy
it for you? Because I earned this truck many years
(05:14):
and I deserve to have it in a way more
than you, is what you're thinking. And then pride starts
taking over, and it starts corrupting a friendship that was
fine before this conversation started. Right, That's why pride can
become a huge issue.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
It could be it.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Could be something that just divides people, divides friends and
families and yourself. So as funny as it did, I
even laughed at it when I read it. It's a
legit question. If you give this to God, though, I
would be careful because when you ask God for something,
when you ask God for patience, what does he give
(05:54):
you to teach you patience? What does he give you?
If God is going to teach you patience, He's going
to give you more and more and more that you
that becomes harder and harder to withstand. Life keeps coming
at you herd and you're waiting and waiting and waiting,
and guess what you're doing in the process learning patience.
(06:14):
It's not like he just zaps patience. You say, God,
show me love. He doesn't pour in all these people
in your life, that love you, He might take something away,
because by taking something away, you truly see what love, how.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Strong your love was or is.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
So if you ask God to take away pride, God
teach me not to be prideful, be careful, because through
that he humbles us. And humbling that word is another
word that's completely misused. In fact, my book Like a River,
(06:55):
this is an example. My book Like a River selling
really well, and somebody said, man, I bet, I bet
you are so proud and humbled by how well your
book is doing.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It must be so humbling.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Like No, that's a misuse of that word humbling my book.
Being humbled by my book would be that no one
bought it. I would be humbled that no one bought it.
I was prideful, I thought it was a good book.
No one bought it. Thus I am now humbled by this.
So if you ask God to protect you from pride,
(07:32):
he humbles you by.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Something happens to it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Maybe you literally out in your truck, is sitting at
your school parking lot and a tree branch falls right
and just destroys it.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Boom.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You walk out there, all those years of hard work destroyed.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
You were humbled completely.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Everything you thought you worked for and had and was
so pretty and shiny is now gone, and so's your pride.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
It's like, Hey, God, make sure that I don't have
any pride.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Be careful with that prayer.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I'm being facetious when I say be careful, because of
course it's a good prayer. But don't be surprised when
God answers in a way that you didn't expect. He
teaches us how to not be prideful by making us humble,
not in the way that we use that word in America.
You know what I'm talking about. It's a good question.
(08:29):
Thank you, country boy. Let's see next question, says dear Granger.
My name is Lisa. I'm not sure how to write this,
but I'll try. I'm exhausted, I'm lonely, I'm unhappy, I
have been for some years now. I want to change
my life, but I've always been scared of big changes.
A big change is what I need. I knew that,
(08:53):
but it's not the same and I don't do it.
Maybe you have some advice for me, maybe not to
be hon it. I would try nearly anything. I've always
liked your way that you see life in your family
and just being yourself. Thank you for always being there somewhere.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Best regards to Lisa.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Thank you Lisa the the bottom the bottom email part
portion of it is in German, so I'm wondering, Lisa,
if you were if you were German, or if you're
in Germany. Regardless, thank you for the question, and thanks
for thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me
with something, for being vulnerable with this. This, this is
(09:37):
something that's like I wish that you were closer to me.
So I wish we were actually having a conversation because
I would dig in a little bit to what you
mean by exhausted and lonely and unhappy for some years now.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
I would want to know what's going on, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like, let's get to the next level of this, you say, so,
I say that in a way to let you know.
I'm going to have to shoot in the dark completely
on this right, I'm just shooting arrows in the dark here.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
But you say, I want I want to.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Change my life, but have always been scared of big changes,
and a big change is what I need. Okay, shooting
in the dark here, a big change, top of my mind,
is moving. That's a big change, moving houses, moving jobs,
And it sounds like maybe that's what you're getting at.
(10:33):
Maybe maybe this is there was a relationship that didn't
work or lack of one, or a strange relationship that's
still kind of hanging on. Maybe there's some problems with family.
Maybe you need a new setting with this big change
that you're talking about. And so if just me, you're
(10:54):
asking me on the podcast, I'd say, what do you
do for work? Let's take that skill and let's take
a similar pay job, something that requires a similar skill,
and make a parallel jump in another town, maybe another state.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Probably most people do this in Florida.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Go to another state, find a parallel job, get an apartment.
Now you're not doing this to be happier. I promise
you you will not find happiness there. But sometimes that
change could stir up something either a love for your
hometown maybe maybe a better understanding of the estranged relationship
you were in by having distance from it. Or you
(11:40):
could legitimately get to a new town, find a little church,
plug in, start meeting people, start diving into your hobbies,
create this community around you.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And it is the.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Change that you needed to get you unstuck. Surely that's
definitely possibility. If you don't want to go that far,
if you don't want to just move to another town
or job. I say this sometimes I would, I would
go all in on a hobby of some sort. And
(12:15):
I say the same thing to kids as they're going
into school, high school, college, and they don't know anybody
and they're lonely and they're not connected in any way.
I say, I say, if we had a conversation, to
be a lot easier, But I would say, search your mind,
what do you enjoy doing? It could be anything like
(12:37):
It could be knitting, It could be chess, It could
be horses, It could be collecting toy trains. I was
in this town in Pennsylvania the other day and I
saw a hobby shop with those little toy trains, and
there was all these people in there looking at these
little model trains, and they sold, they sold the little
miniature trees and the little miniature roads, and the grass,
(12:59):
the turf, and the little people and the figurines and
all the little cars in the street lights, and then
the trains and the mountains and the snow on the mountains,
and people are in there digging it like that's their hobby.
They love it. We as people need a community around
us that is like minded in those kind of things.
(13:21):
So what I mean, the point I'm making with the
miniature trains is that there is nothing that is that
is off limits that you could You could say, man,
I like something, but I don't know if anyone else does.
I promise you they do. There's a community for everything
that you like.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Maybe it's a band. I've seen a.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Lot of people with Ye Nation that have told me Granger,
I didn't have anybody in my life. I didn't have
any friends, I didn't have a relationship. I didn't fit
in in my school or my college or after that.
But I came to one of your concerts because I
liked your music. And I was standing there on the
front row, and I looked around and I saw other
(14:01):
people dressed like me, looking like me, liking the things
I like. And I thought for myself, right then, here's
my home, here's my family. Right this could be you
with a train collection or something of the sort.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
But you got to go all in.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
The thing not to do is stay home. Flip through Instagram,
see how much everyone else has an amazing life. See
how much your life sucks. Eat the same food, watch
the same thing, stay up late looking at Facebook, go
to sleep, wake up, go to work, see all the
people that you don't like at work. You're stuck that way.
You gotta get out, you gotta go. Okay, what do
(14:42):
I like?
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Where? Where is?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I'm gonna stop using the train collection. Okay, say let's
go to horses. I'm gonna go find me a horse
farm and ask if I could volunteer, or if there's
an equestrian group that I could join to get with
some other like minded people. You have to get out
and do it. Make the step, Make the step. I
(15:06):
gave you a lot of really good examples there. I always
do another question. We've got a time for another question here.
And I realized I forgot that you are probably in Germany.
And I don't know if model trains is the thing
in Germany, but I know nutcrackers are. I see, you
know that's where they That's where they come from. Half kidding,
(15:28):
next question, just going just flipping through an order here.
Subsequent says podcast question, Hey Granger, I have something that's
really been causing me distress recently, and was hoping you'd
be able to discuss it on an episode. I have
a sin that have been constantly dealing with and it's
seriously hurting me spiritually and with my assurance, it's been
(15:53):
making me worry that I'm not saved and it's causing
me a lot of heartache and worry. Is there any
guidance or help you could give me on this and
how I could know that I am saved when I'm
consistently struggling with the same sin. Thanks Josh, Josh, I
appreciate you, brother. Thank you so much for emailing and
(16:17):
it's not a very long email, but I could go
into some depth with this because I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I get what you're saying, and there's a couple. This
is multi layered.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I have a feeling you're probably talking about pornography because
that's very common, and I could be wrong, but I
would say, if I was going to bet, this would
be the sin that you're talking about, because it's hurting
you spiritually and you keep going back to it, and
pornography is a massive addiction worldwide. I was going to
(16:51):
say in this country, but worldwide. So that's one layer
and we could deal with that. But the other layer
is your assurance. Hang on a second, let me look
up I want to look up lyrics. This might be helpful.
(17:12):
Never Mind, I'm on my airplane mode, so I can't
do that. But I was gonna look up that song,
Blessed Assurance. Look it up for yourself, the song Doubled
Him Blessed assurance. Assurance is an interesting thing because if
you understand Christianity correctly, and if you are a believer,
then you have to understand that we are saved by
(17:35):
grace through faith. This is not your own doing. So
what that means is you're saved because you believe you're
saved because you're one of God's children, because He saved
you by his grace, not by the amount or lack
(17:58):
of sin in your life. Sin and the destruction of
sin and you battling against sin comes after your blessed
assurance of salvation. So after you're saved, you begin to
hate your sin. After you're saved, you begin to want
to destroy it. It begins to really bother you. You begin
(18:21):
to want to fight it off and do anything you
can to eradicate it from your life, because it now
feels like a disease that is corrupting you. That's what's
happened to you right now. It's called sanctification. Is this
flea that is on your body and is itching you
(18:43):
and biting you, and you flick it off and it
comes back and you flick it off again, and you're
wanting to get rid of the fleas.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's what sin is to you.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
After you have assurance, But your assurance doesn't come from
whether or not you're sinning or not. See, that's what
Romans five eight means. God demonstrates his love for us
that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
That's his love for us. He died for us to
(19:15):
save you from yourself from your sin while you were
a sinner. That doesn't say Christ came to die for you.
So long as you stop sinning. And if you don't
stop this sin, then you don't have salvation anymore. Your
assurance is gone.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Now, the caveat with that is if you are sinning,
you're living in sin and you don't care about it,
and you continue to live with it knowing it's there,
then you're probably not saved.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
That's the problem. So it is.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Also that's why James says that faith without works is dead,
meaning if you go on without good works, without caring
about your sin, it still lives with you and you
still commit this bad stuff, then you probably don't have
a saving faith, not because what you're doing affects it,
(20:14):
but because the salvation is not there yet. Right, So,
the works, the good works, the eradicating of sin is
a result of a saving faith that you did not do.
You were saved by grace. That is an unmerited gift.
Now we could walk through assurance of faith, We could
(20:37):
walk through we can go through truths of the Bible
and go if this is happening in your life, you're saved.
If this is happening in your life, you're saved. If
this is happening in your life, you are saved. You
have assurance, You have that blessed assurance. Like the song says,
it is not your own works, it is not your doing.
God is not grading you on a curve. God doesn't
(20:59):
have a checklist of a naughty list like Santa claus
good list and naughty list, and the more naughties you have,
you might not be saved. That is not the God
of the Bible. Can you imagine how ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
That would be.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
In fact, every other religion says that they're all grading
on a curve. They're as they don't know other God exists.
But in theory, all other gods and all our other
religions are grading on a curve. That's including the Catholic God.
That's including Catholicism, which is grading you on your works,
(21:38):
making sure you're doing all the right things, making sure
you're confessing to the priest enough times, making sure you're
going to Mass, you're doing you're paying your sacraments right,
and then you could do enough to go to purgatory.
It's not the God of the Bible, not just offended
(21:59):
but of people. But it's just the truth. And Josh,
when it comes to the sin itself, that is a
completely different conversation. But I've i have talked about this
a bunch on this podcast, and I'm assuming if it
is pornography, I would go to covenantiys dot com check
that out. It's good that you're wanting to eradicate this.
(22:22):
It would be bad if you were doing this and
covering it up and saying it's not that bad. It's
not that bad. I don't think it's that bad. It's
probably not a sin. I don't think it's bad. That
would be a sign to me that you don't have
that assurance.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I hope it does.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
All right, let's take a break. Be right back.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
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(23:57):
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HLP dot com slash granger. Back to the podcast, Back
to your questions.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, welcome back.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Love to walk through whatever you
got going on, Just like we're sitting in a cab
of a truck and you say, man, can I run
something by? You got a question for you, let's talk
about it. This next question, subject CLIENTE says my relationship,
(26:26):
And before I read it, I want to remind everybody
it's helpful if you have a when you write your
question if it's about a phone link, because if it
gets longer than that, it's hard to keep up with
the reading. Okay, this next question is perfect, Hey Granger.
My name is Seth. I'm seventeen years old. Last winter,
I stayed in a friend's house on the weekends because
(26:48):
they live two minutes away from the mountain that I
ski race for. His daughter ski races for an academy
at a different mountain, so I haven't met her until
I started staying in their basement, only talking through text.
An instant before that, I quickly fell in love and
told her I liked her a few weeks later. The
problem is now I don't feel the same way as
(27:10):
I did before because instead of wait, I jumped the gun.
Now I'm in a situation where I feel like I'm
being called to be single. But on the other half,
but the other half doesn't want to stop thinking about her,
the other half of your brain, I think, is what
you mean. We are Actually we aren't actually official yet,
(27:32):
just very serious friends, serious friends. Do you think I
should take a year to decide what to do or
start dating her and see where the Lord brings us?
I've been praying about this a lot, but I find
myself confused. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Seth, Seth,
Thanks bro. I am so curious about your life that
(27:56):
you you literally live on a mountain and race ski
skiing and this other girl is a skier on a
different mountain. What kind of life are you living?
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Man?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
This is like my dream when I was seventeen living
in Texas, I could only dream of living on a
mountain and skiing on a race team.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That's pretty amazing.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Listen, dude, don't do not over spiritualize this stuff. I
see this time and time again on these emails.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Stop stop over spiritualizing unspiritual things like this whole God
is calling me to be single? What you're seventeen? What
does that even mean? And then should I start dating
her and see where the Lord brings us. This is
(28:46):
just this is over spiritualizing a non spiritual situation, right,
And what I mean by that is we can't let
common sense get in the way of some mysticism, like
some mysterious will for our lives that God has that's
hidden and it's hard to find. But if we continue
(29:08):
on the path maybe that follow the bread crumbs, then
eventually this secret path will be revealed to us, and
then mystically will know what God's true intention was from
the beginning. It's like, no, no, no, you're a boy
seventeen and you started liking this girl and you told
(29:31):
her you liked her, and now you're having second thoughts.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
That's that's what this is.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
God calling you to be single. Just cross if I
was grading this paper, I just crossed that out. Should
I start dating her to see where the Lord brings us?
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Absolutely not? Why would you do that. You don't like
her anymore. It's like.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
It's like you thought God brought you to this girl
and then you now are having second thoughts and that's
your problem, not God's. But God really wants you with her,
So you need to fight through that, that idea that
you have that you don't like her and follow what
God intended is wrong and weird. Listen, I'm not, by
(30:24):
no means blaming you for this email. I see this
kind of stuff every day, not only on this podcast,
but just through regular conversation. People in twenty twenty three
are wanting to over spiritualize everything when God's will for
you and his call on your life is to be sanctified,
to love him, to love your neighbor, to take his
(30:48):
word to all nations, making disciples and teaching people to
obey the words of Jesus. That is his will for
your life. If you're doing if you're seeking him and
you're in his word, and you have a wise counsel
around you, and you have a good prayer life, at
that point, you're just following with whatever you want to
(31:12):
do because you are in the will of God at
that point, and God thereby gives you the desires of
the heart, including.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
A girl that you like or don't like.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
So you could clearly you could say easily, this would
be weird, so don't say it. But you could say
it's the will of God that I don't like this
girl anymore. You could say that if you were walking
in the spirit enough, you could be like I liked
her and now I don't, and that's definitely a sign
from God he reduced my passion for this girl. But
(31:48):
once again, why over spiritualize seventeen year old hormones?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's all this is?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I have. My question is this is it's weird to
me as I read the quest And what's so weird
is that you have a friend first of all, that's
old enough to have a daughter your age. And second
of all, he invites you to live in his basement
when he's got a daughter your age living in the
house above the basement. That's weird, Like, why is that happening?
(32:20):
I don't understand that I have a daughter, she's about
to be twelve. There ain't no way some kid around
her age is going to live anywhere on our property.
It doesn't matter how much I love him. And it's
nothing against you seth at all. In fact, I want
to go skiing with you one day. You could show
(32:41):
me it's a thing or two. There's nothing against you
that has everything to do with seventeen year old boy hormones.
I was once a seventeen year old boy. I ain't
putting me or you or anyone else around a girl.
That's our age when I'm that when I'm seventeen, right,
So that's a question for your friend. And why you
(33:02):
have a friend that has a seventeen year old daughter.
These these are all questions I have. Bottom line is,
don't over spiritualize. Don't bring God into this kind of
situation if you don't. If you this is totally normal
for you to like her and then be like, you
know what after I actually verbalized that and told her,
and she likes me too, I kind of think I
(33:24):
actually don't like her.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I remember doing that. It's okay. It just means you
don't like her. This is the learning.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
This is the big experiment leading up to your eventual wife.
This is you learning the dynamics of boy and girl
and how you interact, and what's it like to tell
one that you're attracted to them, and what's it like
to hear them be attracted back to you. That you're
calculating all this stuff. It's good you're learning, but don't
(33:53):
over spiritualize it. Next question, subject line interesting, says jealous,
and I know it. Hey Grangeer, my name is Amelia
and I'm a college student from Southern Illinois. I'm currently
in a relationship with a godly young man. We have
been together for over a year and a half and
plan on marriage after we finish our education. My boyfriend
(34:15):
does not post on social media anymore, but he still
has pictures from high school. Currently, he has pictures from
prom posted with another girl while they were just friends.
He still also has photos of his exes.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
On his phone.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I know that they do not mean anything to him,
he just doesn't take the time to delete them. And
it's just hard seeing him with other women. And I
would like to know if I have a right to
ask him to delete them because they bother me, or
if this is stepping too far being outside of marriage.
Sorry for the long message, thank you and God bless so.
(34:54):
First of all, that's actually a perfectly linked message. It's
less than the length of a phone Amelia, thank you
so much for that. And for the email. I think
it's a good email. I think it's a common thing.
I think it's called My friend Caleb kind of gave
it a word, and I don't know if he made
this up or if it's a thing. But retrospective jealousy
(35:18):
meaning you're jealous of things that happened in the past,
even though they are not relative at all to what's
happening in the present. And it's a real thing, and
it's normal for you to think that in some sense.
How you respond to it, that's when it could be abnormal.
(35:41):
So we'll walk through this. You have a relationship with
a godly young man and you're planning on marriage.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Okay, so far.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I don't think that this is like a problem in
the relationship. I don't think that this is something that
we can't fix. I don't think this is anything that
you should be guilty about yourself. Because you feel what
you feel, you know it's not You can't look at
yourself and go, I have a problem for feeling this way.
You can't blame yourself for a feeling. You can blame
(36:22):
yourself for acting on the feeling, but you can't blame
yourself for feeling.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
And I think it would be totally normal to have
a conversation about it to him, if you are cordial
and cool about it. So this is the hard part,
and this is where you will either cross the line
or not, and it's up to you, And this is
where you'll either hurt your relationship in the future or
(36:52):
not depending on how you deal with it right here,
and I think you'd be as vulnerable and is as
open and as accepting and forgiving of him. Here's the kicker,
regardless of what he says. Here's an example. You say,
(37:16):
talk to you about something, and I'm so embarrassed. I'm
so embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
But when I.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
See on your social media pictures of you with your
arm around another girl acting happy at prom, it just
I get jealous. And I feel so stupid for even
bringing that up. And I know that you just haven't
had time to delete them, and I know that you
(37:45):
were just friends at the time, and I know that
it doesn't mean anything to you, but I just I
just wanted to tell you. It's hard for me to
see it. And I know that there's pictures of your
axes on your phone, and I know that you just
haven't had the time to delete it. But okay, okay,
(38:07):
so I'll pause here, And now how he's how is
he going to react to this? Because he can say this,
He can say, what are you doing on my phone?
Why are you looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Hopefully he doesn't say that, but he can. How will
you react to that? Like will you. Will you get
(38:28):
mad and say, well, do you do? You should? I
not trust you if you're getting mad? Is you what
is you getting mad? Mean about our relationship? And do
you actually like that girl? Do you still talk to
that girl? Let me see your text messages? Have you
texted her?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
You're like, are you going to go there? You can?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
And your relationship is pretty cooked if you do that?
Or do you react when he says, why are you
looking at my phone?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
If you say.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You're right, I shouldn't like I said, I'm embarrassed and
I love you and that's why I'm fighting this jealousy?
Can you help me fight it? And you're right, I
shouldn't look at your phone. Do you have the restraint,
(39:20):
the mental restraint and discipline to look him in the
eye as he comes after you in a way because
he's going to be defensive. Maybe maybe he'll be defensive.
Do you have a way of just putting it back
on yourself and not pouring any on him? Because if
you do that, I can imagine you say.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You're right, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I would imagine If not right, then then in a
day or two he could very well come back and go.
You know, I've been thinking about that conversation, and I'm
sorry I reacted in a way of saying, why are
you looking at my phone? In fact, I thought more
about it and I went ahead and just deleted all
that stuff because you're right, we're planning on getting married
(40:01):
after college, and this wouldn't be right for me to
have it on the phone boom. I could easily see
it going that way, and I could easily see you
reacting in a bad way and ruining the chance at
that kind of redemption. That could very well happen. So
my question to you is which First of all, I
think it is appropriate to bring it up in a
(40:24):
very very protective way. But my question to you is
can you can you handle whatever his response to you
might be.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
It's interesting, right.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Think about this and be very careful with it, and
I think there is way, there is a way to
heal from it, and there's a way for you to
gain confidence, especially when you're married. When you're married, which
sounds like you're heading on that path, you're not gonna
worry about some old prom date that was his friend.
You're not gonna worry about some old girlfriend that doesn't
(41:05):
exist anymore, because why you have the ring on your finger,
so you have that confidence coming ahead, and so I
think that'll grow. That confidence will grow, and that retrospective
jealousy will slowly crumble. But be careful not to fuel
it any further. Be careful not to go through his
drawers or his shoe boxes in his closet and try
(41:28):
to seek it out, because it's easy to want to
feed that hunger. Jealousy becomes a hunger, and you're gonna
want to feed it. Like if I see it on
his phone, I wonder if there's more. I wonder if
there's something he's hiding from me. That's when it gets bad.
Try to restrain yourself from that. Here's another question. A
(41:55):
subject line says belonging to a not so healthy church,
and then it says in parentheses, do not read on
the podcast, So I will respect your wishes and pass
on this question. Next question says that I think I
(42:17):
can read. Subdecline says leaving a narcissistic alcoholic Hey Granger.
After thirteen years and one child later, I've decided to
leave my narcissistic alcoholic husband. In the beginning, the drinking
was recreational, and slowly turned into a bad habit.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Over the years.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Also, I've always wanted to be more involved in the
Word of God, and he has no interest. He is
now verbally abusive and occasionally physical. I've tried to get
him in therapy, but he refuses and leaves me no
choice but to leave. How do I get rid of
the guilt of getting divorced? I know this is the
(42:59):
right thing from me and my child, but I feel
guilty for divorcing. What are your thoughts on accepting that
this is okay and that God will not be disappointed
in this decision. I'd like to remain anonymous. Thanks Granger.
All right, great question. I'm so glad you asked it,
and I hope I hope you hear my heart in
my answer because I'm confident in my answer, and I
(43:22):
hope I hope you could hear me. First of all,
I'm so sorry that you're in this. No one deserves
to be in a physically or verbally abusive relationship with
a narcissistic alcoholic. You didn't say I do and say
(43:43):
your wedding vows to that that's not what you wanted
or expected. Hear me on this separation? Is inevitable and
should happen right now. Should happen. If authorities need to
get involved because of the physical abuse, then so be it.
(44:05):
Call them, do not hide from that. There are agencies
set up locally to help protect you and other women
that are physically abused.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Should not happen. Man, we should say.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Verbally as well emotionally, should not happen, and we need
to use the system that is in place to protect
you and your child from harm. Okay, make sure that
it's very clear. But what I want to say is
this separation is inevitable. You should separate. You should get
(44:41):
out of the house and or make him leave either one,
and make it clear that you're separating, not divorcing. Okay,
I'm helping protect you down the road because of your question.
You're worried about this guilt of divorce in your future.
So this is how we could help this. I promise separate,
(45:07):
but don't divorce. And then I want you to I
want you to seek out a local church, a good,
healthy local church.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
That is.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Has a congregation relatively sized to the amount of elders
that are leading the church. Right, so if there are
not enough elders and way too many people in the
congregation so that you don't have access to speaking with them.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Then that's not a good.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Enough church for you. You need to be able to
join a church where you could have one on one
conversations regularly with an elder. Then this is so interesting
because this is why I'm getting to this. I remember
when I was at HBC Capitol Hill Baptist Church with
Parker when he was interning there. My little brother and
(46:00):
I sat in on an elder meeting, and through their
elder meetings, they discuss things happening with their members, like divorce,
that's that's a thing, and your story would be a
story that they would bring up and the elders discuss it.
This is so good, this is so healthy. And I
(46:23):
heard I heard one of the elders say, when you're
a Christian, divorce is not a private matter. Oh that
hit That hit me, And I thought about this podcast,
and I thought about so many people in my life.
When you're a Christian, when you belong to the Body
of Christ, in the community of Christ, with other believers
(46:47):
in your community, divorce is not a private matter. Thank God,
thank God, you don't have to make these kind of decisions.
By yourself. You don't have to live with the guilt
of knowing that you step out of a relationship that
could have been fixed or mended or done another way.
(47:08):
So you bring this to your elders and you go,
here's the deal, and you lay it out all on
the table, and they help walk through this biblically with
you. You said yourself, I want to be more involved in
the Word of God. You said that, okay, So if
you do, if you truly do, then know that this
is set up. Your church is set up in a
way to help you as a community so that they
(47:31):
can go they can be with you and say, let's
walk through this together. So you don't have to do
this alone. You don't have to make these decisions alone.
You don't have to call the police on your husband alone.
You don't have to find a place to live alone.
You don't have to know what the next steps and
finding an attorney are alone. Will help you walk through
(47:52):
this with you and will help reconcile if there is
anything left to be reconciled in this relationship, if this
marriage could be saved in any way. They will help
you find if there's any chance of reconciling it biblically
so that if you do leave, if you do get divorced,
then you have confidence because you've been with this community
(48:16):
around you and women that have been speaking into your lives,
and men that have been speaking with the women around
you into your lives. With wise counsel, you'll have confidence
knowing I did get a divorce and I had wise
counsel help me with it, and so because of that,
I don't have any guilt. I don't have any shame
looking back. I know it was the right thing because
(48:38):
it wasn't just me that decided it. I had people
around me that helped me.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
That is huge for you, and I hope you hear this.
I really do. I don't know if you will, because
we have a tendency as humans to become reclusive and think.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
I don't want people to judge me. I don't want
my problems to be there adam embarrassed. I don't want
them to see that I actually had a part in
the bad marriage too. I actually am not perfect. I
messed up some too, and I don't want that to
come out. Isn't that such a sad thing that that's
the first thing we think of as humans instead of saying,
I'm going to do the right thing and share it
(49:18):
with other biblical families, biblically sound families that will love
me and care for me, and pour into me and
walk through this difficult season.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
And suffering with me. I am not alone.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That is the Church of Christ, and that is how
not the denomination. That is the Church of Christ himself.
As he pours in and Christ lives in the church,
He's using his people as vessels. He's using them as
people live out his command to love one another, to
love your neighbor as yourself. As they live out that
(49:55):
command of Christ, You're feeling his love through his people
and their wise counsel. Thank you for emailing all of all.
Thanks for emailing, And if you continue this, you continue
asking questions, I'll continue sitting here answering them. And I
love you guys, and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks
(50:17):
for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel, hit that little like button and notification
spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
If you have a question for me that you would
like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
(50:41):
Yig
Host
Granger Smith
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