November 20, 2023 • 46 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 215: Join me as I discuss this topic and more on this week's podcast!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You will not ever ever regret taking the time away
from your career and putting it into your baby boy.
(00:22):
What's up everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. I love
doing this because it's different than anything else I do
during the day. I don't prepare at all for what
I'm about to do. I'm answering your questions. In fact,
if you have a question for me, email me at
podcast at grangersmith dot com, and then I'll take these
(00:43):
walk through it randomly like we're just two friends talking
about something that you want to talk about. Could be
something deep about your family or a relationship or a job,
or it just could be something really simple. Either way,
email me once again podcast at grangersmith dot com. We'll
throw it in the queue and we'll get to it
(01:04):
like we're sitting around a campfire. We're gonna jump it
right into it right now. The first question comes from anonymous.
If you have a question for me that you want
to be anonymous, make sure you include that because you
know that I'll just roll right through it if not. Also,
my only request for you is well two requests really.
Don't send the same email twice, and don't make it
longer than about a phone length. It makes it much
(01:25):
easier to read and to sort through if it's about
if your issue is about a phone length. Okay. The
first one is from Anonymous, and it says, Hey Granger,
about a month ago, my husband and I got baptized
and joined a church that's not my parents' church. We
prayed about it for a long time and have peace
with this. This is the church for us. The churches
(01:47):
are very similar. We just felt more comfortable here. But
since we told our parents we're going to join there
and get baptized, the relationship is just ruined. It was
even so bad that my parents didn't even show up
at our baptism. They barely talk to us anymore, and
there's tension whenever we are together. It hurts me so much.
(02:09):
I don't understand how someone could be upset at us
that we found God and got baptized. How can we
try to get along with them or deal with this
hurt we've been We have tried talking with them, but
this hasn't helped. My dad thinks that their church is
the only church that's right and goes to heaven, but
that's not right either. Okay, Anonymous, thanks for the question
(02:33):
and I'm sorry that this is the boat that you're
in right now. You know, Jesus promised that he would come,
and that separates that families would separate in knowing him.
It's unfortunate that it happens this way in our earthly time,
(02:56):
that we see families split apart by this. But let's
dive into a little bit of what so we could
help understand the division. Let's dive into your question. And
I want to. I want to. I want to be
able to dissect this as much as I actually know
the situation, because I don't know the denominations, I don't
(03:19):
know the churches. I don't know if you got baptized before.
Now this is a second time where if you never
got baptized in why you never got baptized in your parents' church,
and and now you're there's a lot of unknowns here.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best dealing with
a lot of unknowns. The first thing I know is
(03:42):
your parents in your church. Your parents' church and your church.
Although you say they are similar, very similar, you say,
I don't think that that I don't think that's right.
I don't I don't think they can be very similar
and this happened. I think there's something more to it,
(04:04):
and I think that's going to cause my answer to
be a little iffy here, because I feel like if
they were very similar, if they were like minded churches,
they were very similar church, then your church would affirm
that the old church, and the old church would affirm
the new church and be like, oh, yeah, down the
street that so and so, Yeah, they are just like
we are. That's obviously not the case here. And your
(04:27):
parents are showing that, your parents not showing up at
your baptism. That's another thing. The question I have is
were you converted after you left your parents' church? Where
you converted later in life through the conversion, which, okay,
(04:49):
here we go something else. Let me just throw a
spike in this right now. There was a great book
called Conversion. It's a nine marks book. It's called Conversion.
It's a very short book and if anyone wants to
know more about conversion, becoming a Christian, what it means
to die and be reborn, this is a great, just
(05:10):
little book to jump into. So side note, throw a
spike in it. Take that for what you will. Conversion,
it's what it's called the Nine Marks book, And so
were you converted after you left your parents church? That's
another question I have. And then this whole they barely
talk to you anymore, and there's tension whenever you're together.
(05:32):
That's weird, And I'm putting that on the parents, regardless
of this church and what they believe, and regardless of
if they did not show up at the baptism, the
fact that they don't talk to you is weird, and
that's a strike against them. And then you say, I
don't understand how someone could be upset that we found
(05:53):
God and got baptized. You could if it was a
bad church, and if it was a weird if it's
a false church and a false baptism, then you could
be upset. But that still wouldn't account for the parents
not talking to you. So that's kind of like a
strike and either mark here, this is a difficult question
(06:15):
without me knowing anything else. And then you say, how
can we get along with them or deal with this hurt?
We've tried talking to them, but that hasn't helped to that.
I say, if you had a feeling this would happen,
was it necessary to leave the parents church to make
(06:39):
you feel more comfortable. That's the word you use. We
feel more comfortable at the other church, the new church.
Was that necessary with knowing that now you're going to
make your life uncomfortable because of the way your parents feel.
I mean surely that when you visited the new church,
your parents showed you like, hey, we don't with that,
(07:01):
and we're not going to talk to you anymore if
you do. Like, surely you had an idea that this
was coming, and yet you chose the new church because
you felt more comfortable and major a whole personal life uncomfortable.
That's weird. See, there's a lot of weirdness going on here.
And then the very last thing that you said was no,
the second yeah, last thing he said, my dad thinks
(07:24):
that their church is the only church that's right and
goes to heaven. But that's not right either. That's definitely
a strike on dad. And I will say each time
this is just a side note. You capitalized church with
a capital C, and there is only one capital C
church and that's that is the Church of God, and
(07:46):
that is every church you're talking about is a lower
case see. That is a community church, a local church.
So it's important to realize that too. Like Dad's right
that the capital C church is the only way to
go to heaven, Like he's about that, but he's not
talking in terms of capital C church. He's talking lower
case C. So there's a lot of unknowns here. And
(08:08):
because I don't know anything about this besides the fact
that it's weird, and there's besides the fact that I
know there are things that I don't know. Because of that,
I say, love them, because your parents they are your parents.
Love them, forgive them, pour into them, be selfless toward them,
don't judge them, regardless of if you feel all of
(08:31):
that coming at you, you feel judged, you feel not respected,
you feel not honored as kids. Regardless of that, forgive them,
love them, pour into them, continue to try to cultivate
a relationship, continue to have a good conversation about the
lower case C church. Hey, Dad, could we walk through
(08:52):
maybe some of the differences that you see. What are
the differences, Dad, that you see in this new church,
because we feel like it's very similar. What are the
differences you see in our church and your church? And
why do you think that this should bring tension to
our family? And why do you think that your church
is the only one that goes to heaven. And let's
try politely and nicely to pin him down on these
(09:15):
doctrinal issues, like let's get him to speak specifically about
here's what the Bible says, and here's what your church
is going against with what this Bible says. Right, your
Bible says this, and our church is going your church
is going against it, and our church over here is
affirming it. And here is a couple of links to
some YouTube sermons that our pastor did that affirms this,
(09:37):
and here's a couple of links to your church that
denies this. Let's get there, because if you can get there,
then you can go, wow, Dad, you were right here.
We come. We're coming to your church. Or maybe your
dad will go Okay, that's like a third tier issue,
you guys, I understand where you're coming from. Maybe just
(09:59):
maybe through prayer and through kindness and through you guys
just pouring into them because they are your parents, maybe
this could be resolved that way. Next question is from Jenna.
It says, Hey, Granger, I love the godly of ice
and wisdom that you bring to each and every question.
(10:19):
I'm sure I'm one of those questions that you probably
roll your eyes because you hear it a lot. Lol.
I'm thirty years old and desperately desired to be married
and have a family. I'm very active in my church,
but live in a very small town. I have tried
online dating, and all that that does is bring me anxiety.
I know that God is sovereign that he wants me
(10:40):
to be single. I know that God is sovereign, and
if he wants me to be single forever, then so
be it. I am constantly fighting this battle of knowing
that but still desiring a husband and kids. I guess
my question is how would you tell me to balance
being content in my stage of life has me in
(11:00):
while also being proactive and searching for a spouse. Also,
if you know any godly singing golden men, I'm not
opposed to long distance dating. Thank you for your podcasting
your time. I've never done anything like this before, so
it's a little awkward for me. Yee, okay, Jenna. If
you've never never emailed a podcast like this or ask
a question, ask a question, thank you. It's that's a
(11:22):
big step. Maybe we could start there if it was.
If this is something that you feel awkward, about and
uncomfortable because you've never been vulnerable enough to reach out
to someone like this and tell them, you know, kind
of throw your laundry, your dirty laundry out there. Hey,
maybe that's a good place to start being vulnerable. Admitting
that there is things that you don't know. That's always
(11:44):
a huge thing. Now, that's the thing I battle with,
you know. I want to always be able to keep
my ears open and to seek understanding, right because there
were the majority of things in this world I do
not know. I know a sliver of things. So that's great.
That's great that you've opened yourself up like this, and
(12:05):
I think you're in the right place. First of all,
thirty years old super young. You're super young. I know
the world wants to tell you that you're you're of
the right age to get married, Jenna, but there is
no you're not putting it off. It's not like it's
not like you're saying, I'm thirty and I'm putting it
off because I'm I just want to stay single. You're
(12:27):
not doing that. You're saying, look, I'm open for all options,
and I'm realizing that my biological clock is at a
good place. So there you go, but don't listen to
the world saying there is a deadline you need to
be on because you do not very active in church. Good,
you live in a very small town. Good. If you
tried online dating but that brings you anxiety. Good, I
(12:49):
totally agree. I could see that. And then you say this,
I know that God is sovereign and he wants me.
If he wants me to be single forever, then so
be it. Okay, But here you go, I am constantly
fighting this battle of knowing that but still desiring a
husband and kids. I get it. I get it because
you know why. Because you're human. You know that God
(13:11):
is sovereign. You know that he has a plan for you.
You know that he has a purpose for you. You
know that it's already written. You know you're walking in
it right now. But here's the big butt. You say,
but I still desire a husband and kids. I would
bring that to God. You could live in the Psalms
with this kind of thought. You could live and meditate
(13:33):
in the Psalms. I would go to Psalm one and
just start working my way down. There's one hundred and
fifty of them. It'll take you a long time, but
you could pray through the Psalms or pray through the Bible.
If y'all ever done that, it's a great way to
kind of cultivate your prayer life. Go through the Psalms.
We'll start there. You could do any of it. Start
there in the Psalms and read a few lines of
(13:54):
it and pray through it as though you're praying that
same prayer. Great exercise, and what you'll see is you'll
see the same attitude throughout the Psalms. You'll see God,
I know your sovereign, I know you were good. I
know you have a purpose. But also you know my heart.
You know I desire a husband and kids, And I
(14:14):
know that if I'm seeking you with all my heart,
if I'm delighting in you, you will give me the
desires of my heart. Not that He will give you
what you want, but he will give you the once.
He will cultivate new desires within you and start to
kind of suppress old desires. If you're seeking him. If
your prayer life is healthy, if you have a good
(14:36):
devotional reading time every morning with your Word, your personal
time in the Bible, you have no hidden, unrepentant sin
floating around, and you have wise counsel, which is your church.
You're in your church, you're involved in your church. At
that point, you start doing what you want because you
could be pretty sure that God is now guiding your desires.
You're delighting in him. He's giving you the desires of
(14:57):
your heart. That's what that means. So it sounds like
you're kind of in this world right now, and so
you're fighting against it, going I'm doing this, I want this,
and I'm not seeing anything from it. So this is
where I say, rest, be still and wait for the Lord.
(15:18):
Wait for the Lord. Be still, Rest in this God,
your sovereign God. I want a husband, I want a family,
I want kids. So for I will wait for you.
Right then, I will wait for you. I will rest
in this knowledge of your sovereignty, of your providence, of
(15:39):
your kingship. You are on the throne, and I will
take this desire that I have and know that it
has to be from you, because I'm seeking you, and
yet I don't have it yet. And so there's the tension.
Where the tension is between God is sovereign and I
have a desire. The tension in between that is wait
for the Lord. Right, That's what we do. It's not easy,
(16:03):
but this is where I say. You meditate through the Psalms,
pray through the Psalms, and you'll find the Psalmist over
and over again, waiting and resting, kind of suppressing that
anxiety and that stress went with the waiting. This is
what you do, and you will, I'm sure, have clarity
(16:25):
in this as time goes by and you continue this pattern, praying, resting, understanding, believing,
knowing who he is, knowing that he's good, knowing that
he's sovereign, resting in that, still attending church and going
through whatever activities you're doing in your local church, serving them,
serving others, serving your friends, and then boom, one day,
(16:49):
there he is the husband. There he suddenly appears. It's
crazy how that happens. But I see this happening with
you either way, by resting and waiting, I see either way,
either single or not. I see clarity in that in
your waiting. So if anyone wants to get a hold
(17:11):
of me, you're listening to the podcast right now, and
you think, man, I would love for Granger to shoot
me a text or send me a video message on
something else, on some other subject, maybe a little pick
me up. Maybe I wish Granger would give me a
happy birthday wish. Or my brother's a huge fan he
could use a happy birthday. Maybe with the holidays coming up,
you're thinking, what do I get my kid? What do
(17:33):
I get my nephew? What do I get my brother
or my wife? What do I What kind of present
do I get them? They already have what they need. Well,
how about a gift of cameo And what that is
is you got a cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
and you could find me on there and you just say, Hey, Granger,
I want you to send a message to my wife
and just say happy birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever you
(17:56):
want me to say. It's right there in the app
in the form. It's super easy. I get that notification
on my phone, I take it, do the selfie cam
and then send it right back to you. Super easy.
Cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. That's c ameo dot com.
Or you can look for me on the cameo app
Granger Smith. All right, Next question comes from anonymous and
(18:17):
it says, Hey, Granger, I recently met a woman I
feel very good in her presence. She appreciates every little
thing I do, and she's very energetic, thankful, and also
very direct. It seems we are soulmates. In our conversation,
I heard she is seven years older. In our conference,
let me read that again. In our conversations, I heard
(18:39):
she is seven years older. It's kind of an odd
way to say that. Now. I have some concerns that
this age difference, especially me as a younger man, could
lead into problems in a potential marriage. On the other hand,
many people say it can work perfectly if you are
really connected. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on
this topic. Man. Great question, and I was really taken
(19:01):
back by the way that you said in our conversations,
I heard she is seven years older. It's like, I
feel like you could have said, she told me she's
seven years older. She told me her birthday, and I
realized that was seven years older. But it's an interesting
way that you worded it in our conversations. I heard
as if you were passive in that situation, like you
(19:22):
didn't comment on that, you just let it kind of
go okay. Thanks for the email, and I appreciate your brother.
I'm assuming. Once again, this is another one of these
examples of me just not knowing the context here. But
I'm assuming let's say you are twenty five and she's
(19:44):
thirty two, or let's say you're twenty two and she's
thirty or twenty nine. Right, I see this. I feel
you Let me dive into something before I get into that,
before I get into the age difference. Let me let
(20:06):
me dive into this idea of soulmate, because you know,
you know on this podcast, reject that word soulmate. That's
a that's an old pagan idea that you have half
a soul and there is another half of your soul
out there and it combines and it creates one and
you your soul becomes one finally and they are your
(20:27):
soul mate. And that's just that's a false idea. It's
a it's a it's a it's it's this pagan idea
that is is blown away out of proportion. And you know,
hence we have Valentine's Day and this idea that keep
it choots this little arrow on two people and that
is the only way that it's going to happen. But
(20:48):
the problem with thinking that way is that, Okay, for instance,
this situation if we go, Okay, she's seven years older.
I'm twenty three and she's thirty and and I'm thinking
that by the time I'm forty and she's forty seven,
that's going to be a problem. But then you go,
oh no, but she's my soulmate. I've already declared, and
(21:09):
I told Grainger on the podcast that she is my soulmate.
And it becomes you see this problem where you feel
like you can't you can't pull away from that idea,
and so you have to get you have to get
married because she's my soulmate. Okay, So I would reject
that idea, okay, And as we move on into the
(21:30):
question itself, I think, if you're first of all, could
it work? Absolutely, I think it could be fantastic. You
hear these kind of stories, and typically you see it
the other way around. Typically you see the girl is
twenty three and the guy is thirty. When it comes
to a seven year difference, because of and just here's
(21:52):
my opinion inserting here, because of the intelligence level of
women is usually higher than a man at in the
stage of growth, and so you get that's why at teenagers,
when you have a fifteen year old teenager. She's just
not She usually is not going to relate to other
fifteen year old boys because she's on like a seventeen
or eighteen year old level of a boy. Right, that's normal.
(22:15):
We know this documented, but it's strange. It's stranger to
see it flipped where it's it's opposite. But that's not
to say that it can't work. I personally this is
you hear all these like stutters I'm giving you here
on this question because let me just give you my
personal opinion. I don't like this idea. I don't like
(22:39):
this idea for many reasons, and one I think the
good reason is it's still early right now. I'm assuming
you're not saying you love her yet, hopefully not. You're
hopefully not doing something like that. Please don't do that.
(23:00):
You're saying she's very direct. Of course she is. Because
she's seven years older. She sees life differently. That's a
big jump if you're twenty three and she's thirty. If
you are thirty and she's thirty seven, she sees life
differently because she's lived it longer in a time when
things have really changed. She looks at the world differently.
(23:21):
So that's why she's very direct. That's just a maturity thing.
That's not her necessarily. But here's why I don't like it.
I don't like it because you don't have these nostalgic
memories that you could draw on from your childhood. Because
seven years is pushing into a world where she doesn't
remember the same cartoons, she didn't play with the same toys.
(23:44):
Her parents might not be remotely the same age as
your parents. She has probably a lot more boyfriends than
you have had girlfriends. She might have some career that's
established way ahead of yours. There are potential problems down
the road. All of those can be resolved if you
(24:05):
love her and she loves you, and you are selfless
towards her and she's selfless towards you, of course that
could be resolved. But I just personally don't like it, man.
And I'm thinking for these people that say no, many
people you say are saying it could work out perfectly,
but you have the concerns. And that's my issue, brother,
(24:27):
That's my issue, is that you have the concern with
this age difference. And if you do now you say
as a younger man, see you say me as a
younger man could lead into problems in a potential marriage.
Why would you go into this knowing there's a potential problem.
I don't like that, man. I don't like it because
you brought it up and this is your idea, and
(24:48):
I think that that small idea, that tiny little that
tiny little bit of leaven, you know. I feel like
this is this is something that probably should be cut out.
That's my opinion. You don't have to do it if you, regardless,
don't move this relationship too fast. Don't start saying you
(25:11):
love her, don't start telling her all intimate things, because
you're still at a place right now where the heartbreak
is going to be minimal. So minimize the heartbreak by
kind of cutting this out early. That's my opinion. Take
it or leave it. Let's move on here to another question.
(25:31):
All right, next question comes from job and I think
that's how you say it, Joab Joe Abb one of
the two. It says, Hey, Grangeer, I hope this message
finds you well. I'm sixteen years old. I have a
sixteen year old friend who is in a relationship with
the man whose actions are causing her intense harm. My
(25:52):
friend has dated this young man twice She told me
that the first time she had sexually assaulted her, he
had sexually assaulted her, burned her with a lighter, pulled
her arm and hair, thrown knives at her, and slashed
her back with a knife. He was physically He is
physically abusive, emotionally manipulative, and engages in dangerous behaviors such
(26:14):
as substance abuse and criminal activity. So far, she's complained
to me about him yelling at her in public to
the point where pedestrians had to get involved. He is
a high school dropout with a history of incarceration, no job,
no future plans. My friend, on the other hand, holds
a job and is the sole breadwinner in their relationship.
(26:36):
She has even had to bail him out of jail
multiple times. Sadly, she's now following his path, getting involved
in substance abuse, drinking, partying, and skipping school. She used
to have plans of going to college and going into
the military, but since she started dating him, she seems
to have given up on those goals. All right, job,
(26:57):
appreciate the email, brother, and this could be great. A
great email for anyone else that's listening that might be
inside this kind of relationship. Right. So, and if your
girls out there or guys that are in a relationship
like this, hey, maybe this is this is an eye
opener for you as well. Let me dive into what
(27:18):
I think this means. First of all, man, the youth
so young. I have a sixteen year old friend who's
in a relationship with young man whose actions are causing
her immense harm. Sixteen that is just a few years
older than my daughter. I'm assuming, Joe ab that's what
I'm gonna call you. I'm assuming that you are about
(27:41):
the same age. I'm assuming you're sixteen, that's my guess. So,
assuming you're sixteen, And we'll start with this. If this
is happening and you see it, you need to get
involved with authorities or her parents, probably both, and then
your parents as well. This is not about keeping it
(28:04):
a secret or let's brush this under the rug. This
is a private thing. Let's keep it private. This is
nobody's business. No, when we're talking about sixteen year old
girl or any girl for that matter, she's sexually assaulted,
which is a felony. By the way, she has going
through physical, abusive, emotionally manipulative engagement danger or substance abuse,
(28:29):
criminal life, all this stuff. Let's call the cops, Let's
get them involved, Let's call the principle of the school.
Let's get this needs to happen. Okay, your parents, her parents,
as many people as you can get involved, the better.
And then that also takes the pressure off of you.
It takes the pinpoint away from you. Like if you
(28:49):
just call the cops and then it's on you, But
if you go to all these people, then it's on everyone.
And she can't just kind of pin or he can't
just pin one person to the person that let all
this cat out of the bag here. So the other issue,
and first of all, just take that. I could end
(29:10):
right there. I could just end the question right there.
But furthermore, I think you love this girl. That would
be my guess. I don't think. I don't think this
would be an issue if you didn't love this girl
really truly, and so if she was just a friend.
(29:32):
Sometimes after you've called the police, after you've dealt with
all this, this is when we walk away. We go
this is a friend that has now that is now gone.
I can only do so much. But she's in a
relationship now and it's now it's weird. Because I'm a guy,
and how much can I just sit here and try
to pull her back? Right? So that's when it gets
kind of weird. But I don't think that's the case.
(29:55):
I think she's more than a friend. I think you
love this girl. And and because you love this girl,
which is complicated because I also believe you're sixteen, So
because you're sixteen, she's sixteen, you're both under age. This
is weird. But my point is having coffee with her
(30:17):
and telling her your true intentions. I think it's about
time for that as well. It's like, Hey, I want
to have some coffee with you. I just want to
tell you that you're with that guy. And I've known
you for a long time, and I've seen your potential
and I've believed in you, and you've been so inspiring
(30:37):
to me. And to see you now give up your
college plans, to give up your plans about going into
the military, to see you now with these drugs and
alcohol and the party and the skipping school, it hurts
my heart. But let me tell you why it hurts
my heart, because I'm in love with you and you're
(31:00):
more than a friend. I care about you so much,
and this stuff bothers me because I truly want the
best for you. That's what I want, and to see
this hurts my heart because my heart is going after you.
I think if you told her that, I think if
you laid it out like that, you're then giving her
the option where's maybe she hasn't heard that before, maybe
(31:23):
she hasn't been truly loved by someone else, And you'd
have to be very careful with those kind of words
because you don't want to give your heart away or
or you don't want to bend her heart too much
at this But this is kind of calling for a
different conversation because she's getting sucked down this drain, So
you want to be the guy standing in the way
of the drain, and to do that, you might want
(31:45):
to tell her the way you really feel. If you do,
I'm just guessing this, but I think you feel more
about her than just a friend. You started this whole
email saying I have a friend. It's admirable to think
of a friend in this way, but I think there
might be more. So call the authorities, get everyone involved,
(32:07):
and after that, after everyone's involved, and after we've kind
of suppressed this situation, take her to coffee and tell
her how you really feel. Next question here, subject line
says family, and the email says, Hello Granger. My husband
and I recently welcomed a little baby boy into our life.
With my job, I was able to take twelve weeks
of maternity leave to take care of our little one.
(32:27):
I'm coming up to the end of the twelve weeks
and struggling on whether or not to continue working full
time or quit to become a stay at home mom.
I struggle because I love my career and the people
I work with, but I almost feel I should stay
home and raise a family. I'm scared of the unknown.
I just don't know what to do. Do you have
any advice? Did you say anonymous not I don't think
(32:52):
you did. The question comes from Jackie, and it's a
good one. Jackie, thank you so much for emailing and
congratulations on your little, beautiful baby boy. That's amazing. First
of all, it's amazing that you were able to take
the time off, the twelve weeks off, so that you
(33:13):
could now arrive at this new kind of decision, this
new kind of thought, which I think is just fantastic.
I've never been a mom. I don't know I don't
know what it is like to be a mom, but
I could speak in terms of being a parent, and
I could say this to you, Jackie, without reservation. You
(33:38):
will not ever ever regret taking the time away from
your career and putting it into your baby boy or
your toddler boy, or your kindergarten boy, or your elementary
school boy, or your middle school boy, or your college
age boy, or your boy that just got married or
(34:00):
the boy that's now married and has a baby on
the way. You will never ever regret taking time away
from that and putting it into a career. I said
that the other way around. You'll never ever regret taking
time away from your career and putting it into your family.
(34:21):
Your boy, Lord Willing, more kids, did you think about that,
because right now you're talking about this new baby boy.
But I mean, most likely, right Lord Willing, there's gonna
be another, a little girl, another little boy, and maybe
even another after that. I mean, I don't know if
you would just stop at one. And so the problem's
not gonna go away. It's gonna come back when you
(34:42):
have another child, and then you've got a two year
old or a three year old, and then you're bringing
another baby into the world, and you're thinking about then
going back into your career again. I get that you listen.
I love that you love your career. That's fantastic. There
would not be a sacrifice to be a mama at
(35:04):
all if you said I hate my job anyway, I
just want to be a mama. But the beautiful thing
about being a mama is you're saying to the world.
You're saying, look, I love you and your shiny things
that you have to offer, and I love the way
it makes me feel to have this big career, and
I love the idea of being ambitious and building something
that's the American dream, right that we always talk about.
(35:26):
And so I'm putting that to the side. I'm giving
that up. I'm suppressing that so that I could do
something even better, a dream that's even greater, and that's
to be a mama. You will never regret that. Is
it gonna be easy. No, You're gonna have less money
in your house, You're gonna have that nagging feeling like
(35:46):
I feel less than the other women who are working
in this big career. I feel less than the better
version of myself that looks better physically that has the
fake eyelashes and the beautiful that I've now lost because
of these pregnancies. And my body isn't the way I
wanted it to be. If I was in that like
(36:08):
sleek business woman suit that I kind of picture in
my mind, I forget it all. Forget it all. That's
not life. That's a facade, that's Instagram. Being life is messy,
and being a mom and being messy in that is
so much more fulfilling. Look, this is coming from I
(36:31):
hate to bring it up that this is coming from
a family that lost a child. Put it in that perspective.
What if something happened to this boy? What if you
got it at some kind of illness and you're working
in your career, how much would you look back and
go I would give anything anything to have those days back,
(36:51):
the days I went back to the office to trade
them and take them back and pour them into my
little boy. But I don't have it now. What if
you're going to say, that'd be pretty pretty rough. Yeah,
what you're feeling is right. The struggle that you have
is right. But the sacrifice that I know you will
make for this little boy is the right thing to do.
(37:16):
I wasn't expecting this one that the subject gliance is
help and the email says, Hey, grand your my name
is Henry, I'm from Alberta, and my question is I
have a monitor and a PS four and I am
I am so addicted to playing f S two to
two f S twenty two. Everyone's like, Granger, you don't
know what that is. And I want to quit, Like
(37:40):
I don't. I'm trying to read this exactly like he
wrote it, and I want to quit. It seems like
I don't have the power to quit. Do you have
any advice to help me quit or what I should do?
Ask the Lord and pray? And I am a huge
fan of your podcast. Thank you for what you do.
First of all, Henry, you're playing so much PS four
that you have forgotten punctuation in your emails, and that
(38:05):
will eventually catch up with you. I'm kind of kidding,
but I'm kind of not kidding, because I think sometimes
you can play video games so much that you literally
forget how to type. But I'm thankful that you did
type this email for me. So let's walk through it practical.
Let's try to come up with a practical way for you. Brother,
(38:27):
to quit this. First of all, there's nothing inherently wrong
with playing PS four. I don't know what FS two
two is. I don't know what that means. I can't
even guess that. I don't know. I don't know what
(38:48):
f S two two is. But it doesn't matter. I
think that there's nothing inherently wrong with playing PS four,
playing video games. In fact, I do know people that
you that as a stress reliever. They put it like
a time on it, and they're like, hey man, I'm
gonna get on here for thirty minutes and just play
(39:09):
football or do whatever for thirty minutes, and it's a
good stress reliever. I know. I know people that have
been like that. That's just the way their brain works,
and that's kind of the way they unpack their brain.
You know, my brother Tyler has gone through periods in
his life when he's done that. But we need to
(39:29):
think of a practical way because you've realized, you've recognized
that you're addicted to it, and so what it sounds
like is this is not like thirty minutes of stress relief.
This has become this is what you do. You go
through this and you end up doing it for hours
and hours, and then you're starting to stay up too late,
and then you stay up too late playing these video games,
and it's causing you to then sleep late, and then
(39:50):
you're missing out on life because you're not being productive
during the day. Right, that's what I think you didn't say,
But that's what I think you mean. And that's the problem.
First of all, you live Alberta, and that is one
of the most beautiful places on the planet, and that
is not the place to be playing video games when
you could be out enjoying those incredible mountains. If you're
not close to the mountains, maybe you can get to
(40:12):
the mountains, because those mountains are some of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen on this planet Earth. But
if we want to think of practical ways to do this,
the one if you want to just kill it, then
you take the PS four tomorrow to the pawn shop.
(40:34):
I don't think you want to do that, but I
promise you if you do, it's going to end your
addiction pretty quick. So how bad do you want to quit?
Because you can take that thing to the pawn shop
tomorrow and you're done. I don't think that's what you're
asking me. I don't think that's what you want. But
I don't think that that's off the table. I think
that's a pretty good idea. So then let's move to
(40:58):
a second layer of practically stopping this addiction to playing
PS four. There are things I know I've seen this okay.
On your TV. For instance, if it's a smart TV,
most likely it has a timer on it, and you
(41:18):
could set the screen time monitor on the TV itself,
so you could say, at let me think of a
time you're probably playing late. So I'm going to say
at ten o'clock. Even that's late, that's late for me,
but we'll go with that. Say you usually play to
one am. At ten pm, your TV is going to
(41:40):
turn off. Now you could override that, and so it
depends on how heavy this addiction is. But if your
TV cuts off, do you have the integrity do you
have the willpower the self discipline to say, oh TV's off,
I'm done, ten pm, I'm cut off. You could do that.
(42:03):
There are also if your TV's on a smart TV,
there are devices you can get on Amazon that you
plug into the wall outlet and then you plug your
TV into that little nugget that you plugged into the
wall outlet, and that thing itself could be hooked up
to your smartphone or a timer on itself. They have
just analog ones that are just a timer, and it's
(42:24):
going to kill power to that TV at whatever time
you set. If you set it analog and you said
ten pm, it's going to kill power to the TV.
It's going to go off at ten pm. So there's that,
there's the smartphone idea where your smartphone's gonna remind you, hey,
no more screen time at ten pm. But all all
of those things are also going to rely on a
(42:44):
pretty pretty healthy self discipline, Henry, which I'm not sure
if you have. You have built this up, but that's
that's something that you build, by the way, that's something
that you grow. That's a strength that you will build,
just like a muscle. So self discipline. If you have
bad self discipline, that's something you could improve on slowly.
You could slowly build that and grow it like you
(43:07):
would a bicep. Right. But on top of all of
these things, all the suggestions I've given you, what we
need to do really on top of that is also
replace this with something else that becomes the new habit.
So you're replacing this old bad habit with a new
good one. And so how do we do that? Well,
(43:30):
we need to find something that is productive. This will
require you and I sitting in the truck driving on
a back road having a discussion. But let me just
throw some things out. We know reading is good. We
know reading is good, and reading could really help you.
You didn't even put a single bit of punctuation on
this email you sent. Reading could do well for you.
(43:53):
And so we would go into whatever FS twenty two is.
I'm not sure, but we could do whatever genre that
is and find some kind of action book that you
start reading that's like super easy to read, very entertaining,
and you go, Okay, when my TV cuts off at
ten pm, I pull out that action book. I pull
(44:15):
out this mystery book. I pull out the old Hardy
Boys book. If you all remember the Hardy Boys. It's
these two brothers that go out on these adventures and
they solve these mysteries and it could be really interesting.
And if you got hooked on one of those, then
you could be You could leave off chapter five, right,
You in chapter five, and you play your PS four
(44:35):
until ten pm, and then you go, man, all right,
I can't wait. I'm sad that I don't have to
get to start keep playing this ps. Four. But I
just remembered I'm on chapter six of this book that
I'm into. And so you go get your comfortable chair
and you get that book and you open up the
chapter six and you don't overdo it, but you read
(44:56):
just a little bit and you start cultivating a new love,
a new habit, breaking away from that other addiction. A
lot of ways to skin a rabbit here, but those
are some suggestions. And if you want to email me back, Henry,
if we can kind of follow up on this, I
would love to. It's these these This is why this
podcast is difficult to answer one question with one answer.
(45:20):
It's something we need to kind of walk through. But
if anyone has another question for me, email me podcast
at grangersmith dot com. Again, that's podcast at grangersmith dot com.
We'll throw it in the queue and we'll get to it.
I appreciate you guys so much, and we'll see you
next Monday. I want to leave you with a Bible
verse from Isaiah forty six to ten, and I love
(45:42):
this verse because it's it's reminding us of the sovereignty
of our God. Nothing slips past his hands. Everything is
within his providence. Let me read it for you Isaiah
forty six to ten, declaring the end, from the beginning,
and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, my
(46:03):
counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.
See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could
help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little
like button and notification spell so that you never miss
(46:24):
anytime I upload a video. Yi
You will not ever ever regret taking the time away
from your career and putting it into your baby boy.
(00:22):
What's up everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. I love
doing this because it's different than anything else I do
during the day. I don't prepare at all for what
I'm about to do. I'm answering your questions. In fact,
if you have a question for me, email me at
podcast at grangersmith dot com, and then I'll take these
(00:43):
walk through it randomly like we're just two friends talking
about something that you want to talk about. Could be
something deep about your family or a relationship or a job,
or it just could be something really simple. Either way,
email me once again podcast at grangersmith dot com. We'll
throw it in the queue and we'll get to it
(01:04):
like we're sitting around a campfire. We're gonna jump it
right into it right now. The first question comes from anonymous.
If you have a question for me that you want
to be anonymous, make sure you include that because you
know that I'll just roll right through it if not. Also,
my only request for you is well two requests really.
Don't send the same email twice, and don't make it
longer than about a phone length. It makes it much
(01:25):
easier to read and to sort through if it's about
if your issue is about a phone length. Okay. The
first one is from Anonymous, and it says, Hey Granger,
about a month ago, my husband and I got baptized
and joined a church that's not my parents' church. We
prayed about it for a long time and have peace
with this. This is the church for us. The churches
(01:47):
are very similar. We just felt more comfortable here. But
since we told our parents we're going to join there
and get baptized, the relationship is just ruined. It was
even so bad that my parents didn't even show up
at our baptism. They barely talk to us anymore, and
there's tension whenever we are together. It hurts me so much.
(02:09):
I don't understand how someone could be upset at us
that we found God and got baptized. How can we
try to get along with them or deal with this
hurt we've been We have tried talking with them, but
this hasn't helped. My dad thinks that their church is
the only church that's right and goes to heaven, but
that's not right either. Okay, Anonymous, thanks for the question
(02:33):
and I'm sorry that this is the boat that you're
in right now. You know, Jesus promised that he would come,
and that separates that families would separate in knowing him.
It's unfortunate that it happens this way in our earthly time,
(02:56):
that we see families split apart by this. But let's
dive into a little bit of what so we could
help understand the division. Let's dive into your question. And
I want to. I want to. I want to be
able to dissect this as much as I actually know
the situation, because I don't know the denominations, I don't
(03:19):
know the churches. I don't know if you got baptized before.
Now this is a second time where if you never
got baptized in why you never got baptized in your parents' church,
and and now you're there's a lot of unknowns here.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best dealing with
a lot of unknowns. The first thing I know is
(03:42):
your parents in your church. Your parents' church and your church.
Although you say they are similar, very similar, you say,
I don't think that that I don't think that's right.
I don't I don't think they can be very similar
and this happened. I think there's something more to it,
(04:04):
and I think that's going to cause my answer to
be a little iffy here, because I feel like if
they were very similar, if they were like minded churches,
they were very similar church, then your church would affirm
that the old church, and the old church would affirm
the new church and be like, oh, yeah, down the
street that so and so, Yeah, they are just like
we are. That's obviously not the case here. And your
(04:27):
parents are showing that, your parents not showing up at
your baptism. That's another thing. The question I have is
were you converted after you left your parents' church? Where
you converted later in life through the conversion, which, okay,
(04:49):
here we go something else. Let me just throw a
spike in this right now. There was a great book
called Conversion. It's a nine marks book. It's called Conversion.
It's a very short book and if anyone wants to
know more about conversion, becoming a Christian, what it means
to die and be reborn, this is a great, just
(05:10):
little book to jump into. So side note, throw a
spike in it. Take that for what you will. Conversion,
it's what it's called the Nine Marks book, And so
were you converted after you left your parents church? That's
another question I have. And then this whole they barely
talk to you anymore, and there's tension whenever you're together.
(05:32):
That's weird, And I'm putting that on the parents, regardless
of this church and what they believe, and regardless of
if they did not show up at the baptism, the
fact that they don't talk to you is weird, and
that's a strike against them. And then you say, I
don't understand how someone could be upset that we found
(05:53):
God and got baptized. You could if it was a
bad church, and if it was a weird if it's
a false church and a false baptism, then you could
be upset. But that still wouldn't account for the parents
not talking to you. So that's kind of like a
strike and either mark here, this is a difficult question
(06:15):
without me knowing anything else. And then you say, how
can we get along with them or deal with this hurt?
We've tried talking to them, but that hasn't helped to that.
I say, if you had a feeling this would happen,
was it necessary to leave the parents church to make
(06:39):
you feel more comfortable. That's the word you use. We
feel more comfortable at the other church, the new church.
Was that necessary with knowing that now you're going to
make your life uncomfortable because of the way your parents feel.
I mean surely that when you visited the new church,
your parents showed you like, hey, we don't with that,
(07:01):
and we're not going to talk to you anymore if
you do. Like, surely you had an idea that this
was coming, and yet you chose the new church because
you felt more comfortable and major a whole personal life uncomfortable.
That's weird. See, there's a lot of weirdness going on here.
And then the very last thing that you said was no,
the second yeah, last thing he said, my dad thinks
(07:24):
that their church is the only church that's right and
goes to heaven. But that's not right either. That's definitely
a strike on dad. And I will say each time
this is just a side note. You capitalized church with
a capital C, and there is only one capital C
church and that's that is the Church of God, and
(07:46):
that is every church you're talking about is a lower
case see. That is a community church, a local church.
So it's important to realize that too. Like Dad's right
that the capital C church is the only way to
go to heaven, Like he's about that, but he's not
talking in terms of capital C church. He's talking lower
case C. So there's a lot of unknowns here. And
(08:08):
because I don't know anything about this besides the fact
that it's weird, and there's besides the fact that I
know there are things that I don't know. Because of that,
I say, love them, because your parents they are your parents.
Love them, forgive them, pour into them, be selfless toward them,
don't judge them, regardless of if you feel all of
(08:31):
that coming at you, you feel judged, you feel not respected,
you feel not honored as kids. Regardless of that, forgive them,
love them, pour into them, continue to try to cultivate
a relationship, continue to have a good conversation about the
lower case C church. Hey, Dad, could we walk through
(08:52):
maybe some of the differences that you see. What are
the differences, Dad, that you see in this new church,
because we feel like it's very similar. What are the
differences you see in our church and your church? And
why do you think that this should bring tension to
our family? And why do you think that your church
is the only one that goes to heaven. And let's
try politely and nicely to pin him down on these
(09:15):
doctrinal issues, like let's get him to speak specifically about
here's what the Bible says, and here's what your church
is going against with what this Bible says. Right, your
Bible says this, and our church is going your church
is going against it, and our church over here is
affirming it. And here is a couple of links to
some YouTube sermons that our pastor did that affirms this,
(09:37):
and here's a couple of links to your church that
denies this. Let's get there, because if you can get there,
then you can go, wow, Dad, you were right here.
We come. We're coming to your church. Or maybe your
dad will go Okay, that's like a third tier issue,
you guys, I understand where you're coming from. Maybe just
(09:59):
maybe through prayer and through kindness and through you guys
just pouring into them because they are your parents, maybe
this could be resolved that way. Next question is from Jenna.
It says, Hey, Granger, I love the godly of ice
and wisdom that you bring to each and every question.
(10:19):
I'm sure I'm one of those questions that you probably
roll your eyes because you hear it a lot. Lol.
I'm thirty years old and desperately desired to be married
and have a family. I'm very active in my church,
but live in a very small town. I have tried
online dating, and all that that does is bring me anxiety.
I know that God is sovereign that he wants me
(10:40):
to be single. I know that God is sovereign, and
if he wants me to be single forever, then so
be it. I am constantly fighting this battle of knowing
that but still desiring a husband and kids. I guess
my question is how would you tell me to balance
being content in my stage of life has me in
(11:00):
while also being proactive and searching for a spouse. Also,
if you know any godly singing golden men, I'm not
opposed to long distance dating. Thank you for your podcasting
your time. I've never done anything like this before, so
it's a little awkward for me. Yee, okay, Jenna. If
you've never never emailed a podcast like this or ask
a question, ask a question, thank you. It's that's a
(11:22):
big step. Maybe we could start there if it was.
If this is something that you feel awkward, about and
uncomfortable because you've never been vulnerable enough to reach out
to someone like this and tell them, you know, kind
of throw your laundry, your dirty laundry out there. Hey,
maybe that's a good place to start being vulnerable. Admitting
that there is things that you don't know. That's always
(11:44):
a huge thing. Now, that's the thing I battle with,
you know. I want to always be able to keep
my ears open and to seek understanding, right because there
were the majority of things in this world I do
not know. I know a sliver of things. So that's great.
That's great that you've opened yourself up like this, and
(12:05):
I think you're in the right place. First of all,
thirty years old super young. You're super young. I know
the world wants to tell you that you're you're of
the right age to get married, Jenna, but there is
no you're not putting it off. It's not like it's
not like you're saying, I'm thirty and I'm putting it
off because I'm I just want to stay single. You're
(12:27):
not doing that. You're saying, look, I'm open for all options,
and I'm realizing that my biological clock is at a
good place. So there you go, but don't listen to
the world saying there is a deadline you need to
be on because you do not very active in church. Good,
you live in a very small town. Good. If you
tried online dating but that brings you anxiety. Good, I
(12:49):
totally agree. I could see that. And then you say this,
I know that God is sovereign and he wants me.
If he wants me to be single forever, then so
be it. Okay, But here you go, I am constantly
fighting this battle of knowing that but still desiring a
husband and kids. I get it. I get it because
you know why. Because you're human. You know that God
(13:11):
is sovereign. You know that he has a plan for you.
You know that he has a purpose for you. You
know that it's already written. You know you're walking in
it right now. But here's the big butt. You say,
but I still desire a husband and kids. I would
bring that to God. You could live in the Psalms
with this kind of thought. You could live and meditate
(13:33):
in the Psalms. I would go to Psalm one and
just start working my way down. There's one hundred and
fifty of them. It'll take you a long time, but
you could pray through the Psalms or pray through the Bible.
If y'all ever done that, it's a great way to
kind of cultivate your prayer life. Go through the Psalms.
We'll start there. You could do any of it. Start
there in the Psalms and read a few lines of
(13:54):
it and pray through it as though you're praying that
same prayer. Great exercise, and what you'll see is you'll
see the same attitude throughout the Psalms. You'll see God,
I know your sovereign, I know you were good. I
know you have a purpose. But also you know my heart.
You know I desire a husband and kids, And I
(14:14):
know that if I'm seeking you with all my heart,
if I'm delighting in you, you will give me the
desires of my heart. Not that He will give you
what you want, but he will give you the once.
He will cultivate new desires within you and start to
kind of suppress old desires. If you're seeking him. If
your prayer life is healthy, if you have a good
(14:36):
devotional reading time every morning with your Word, your personal
time in the Bible, you have no hidden, unrepentant sin
floating around, and you have wise counsel, which is your church.
You're in your church, you're involved in your church. At
that point, you start doing what you want because you
could be pretty sure that God is now guiding your desires.
You're delighting in him. He's giving you the desires of
(14:57):
your heart. That's what that means. So it sounds like
you're kind of in this world right now, and so
you're fighting against it, going I'm doing this, I want this,
and I'm not seeing anything from it. So this is
where I say, rest, be still and wait for the Lord.
(15:18):
Wait for the Lord. Be still, Rest in this God,
your sovereign God. I want a husband, I want a family,
I want kids. So for I will wait for you.
Right then, I will wait for you. I will rest
in this knowledge of your sovereignty, of your providence, of
(15:39):
your kingship. You are on the throne, and I will
take this desire that I have and know that it
has to be from you, because I'm seeking you, and
yet I don't have it yet. And so there's the tension.
Where the tension is between God is sovereign and I
have a desire. The tension in between that is wait
for the Lord. Right, That's what we do. It's not easy,
(16:03):
but this is where I say. You meditate through the Psalms,
pray through the Psalms, and you'll find the Psalmist over
and over again, waiting and resting, kind of suppressing that
anxiety and that stress went with the waiting. This is
what you do, and you will, I'm sure, have clarity
(16:25):
in this as time goes by and you continue this pattern, praying, resting, understanding, believing,
knowing who he is, knowing that he's good, knowing that
he's sovereign, resting in that, still attending church and going
through whatever activities you're doing in your local church, serving them,
serving others, serving your friends, and then boom, one day,
(16:49):
there he is the husband. There he suddenly appears. It's
crazy how that happens. But I see this happening with
you either way, by resting and waiting, I see either way,
either single or not. I see clarity in that in
your waiting. So if anyone wants to get a hold
(17:11):
of me, you're listening to the podcast right now, and
you think, man, I would love for Granger to shoot
me a text or send me a video message on
something else, on some other subject, maybe a little pick
me up. Maybe I wish Granger would give me a
happy birthday wish. Or my brother's a huge fan he
could use a happy birthday. Maybe with the holidays coming up,
you're thinking, what do I get my kid? What do
(17:33):
I get my nephew? What do I get my brother
or my wife? What do I What kind of present
do I get them? They already have what they need. Well,
how about a gift of cameo And what that is
is you got a cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
and you could find me on there and you just say, Hey, Granger,
I want you to send a message to my wife
and just say happy birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever you
(17:56):
want me to say. It's right there in the app
in the form. It's super easy. I get that notification
on my phone, I take it, do the selfie cam
and then send it right back to you. Super easy.
Cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. That's c ameo dot com.
Or you can look for me on the cameo app
Granger Smith. All right, Next question comes from anonymous and
(18:17):
it says, Hey, Granger, I recently met a woman I
feel very good in her presence. She appreciates every little
thing I do, and she's very energetic, thankful, and also
very direct. It seems we are soulmates. In our conversation,
I heard she is seven years older. In our conference,
let me read that again. In our conversations, I heard
(18:39):
she is seven years older. It's kind of an odd
way to say that. Now. I have some concerns that
this age difference, especially me as a younger man, could
lead into problems in a potential marriage. On the other hand,
many people say it can work perfectly if you are
really connected. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on
this topic. Man. Great question, and I was really taken
(19:01):
back by the way that you said in our conversations,
I heard she is seven years older. It's like, I
feel like you could have said, she told me she's
seven years older. She told me her birthday, and I
realized that was seven years older. But it's an interesting
way that you worded it in our conversations. I heard
as if you were passive in that situation, like you
(19:22):
didn't comment on that, you just let it kind of
go okay. Thanks for the email, and I appreciate your brother.
I'm assuming. Once again, this is another one of these
examples of me just not knowing the context here. But
I'm assuming let's say you are twenty five and she's
(19:44):
thirty two, or let's say you're twenty two and she's
thirty or twenty nine. Right, I see this. I feel
you Let me dive into something before I get into that,
before I get into the age difference. Let me let
(20:06):
me dive into this idea of soulmate, because you know,
you know on this podcast, reject that word soulmate. That's
a that's an old pagan idea that you have half
a soul and there is another half of your soul
out there and it combines and it creates one and
you your soul becomes one finally and they are your
(20:27):
soul mate. And that's just that's a false idea. It's
a it's a it's a it's it's this pagan idea
that is is blown away out of proportion. And you know,
hence we have Valentine's Day and this idea that keep
it choots this little arrow on two people and that
is the only way that it's going to happen. But
(20:48):
the problem with thinking that way is that, Okay, for instance,
this situation if we go, Okay, she's seven years older.
I'm twenty three and she's thirty and and I'm thinking
that by the time I'm forty and she's forty seven,
that's going to be a problem. But then you go,
oh no, but she's my soulmate. I've already declared, and
(21:09):
I told Grainger on the podcast that she is my soulmate.
And it becomes you see this problem where you feel
like you can't you can't pull away from that idea,
and so you have to get you have to get
married because she's my soulmate. Okay, So I would reject
that idea, okay, And as we move on into the
(21:30):
question itself, I think, if you're first of all, could
it work? Absolutely, I think it could be fantastic. You
hear these kind of stories, and typically you see it
the other way around. Typically you see the girl is
twenty three and the guy is thirty. When it comes
to a seven year difference, because of and just here's
(21:52):
my opinion inserting here, because of the intelligence level of
women is usually higher than a man at in the
stage of growth, and so you get that's why at teenagers,
when you have a fifteen year old teenager. She's just
not She usually is not going to relate to other
fifteen year old boys because she's on like a seventeen
or eighteen year old level of a boy. Right, that's normal.
(22:15):
We know this documented, but it's strange. It's stranger to
see it flipped where it's it's opposite. But that's not
to say that it can't work. I personally this is
you hear all these like stutters I'm giving you here
on this question because let me just give you my
personal opinion. I don't like this idea. I don't like
(22:39):
this idea for many reasons, and one I think the
good reason is it's still early right now. I'm assuming
you're not saying you love her yet, hopefully not. You're
hopefully not doing something like that. Please don't do that.
(23:00):
You're saying she's very direct. Of course she is. Because
she's seven years older. She sees life differently. That's a
big jump if you're twenty three and she's thirty. If
you are thirty and she's thirty seven, she sees life
differently because she's lived it longer in a time when
things have really changed. She looks at the world differently.
(23:21):
So that's why she's very direct. That's just a maturity thing.
That's not her necessarily. But here's why I don't like it.
I don't like it because you don't have these nostalgic
memories that you could draw on from your childhood. Because
seven years is pushing into a world where she doesn't
remember the same cartoons, she didn't play with the same toys.
(23:44):
Her parents might not be remotely the same age as
your parents. She has probably a lot more boyfriends than
you have had girlfriends. She might have some career that's
established way ahead of yours. There are potential problems down
the road. All of those can be resolved if you
(24:05):
love her and she loves you, and you are selfless
towards her and she's selfless towards you, of course that
could be resolved. But I just personally don't like it, man.
And I'm thinking for these people that say no, many
people you say are saying it could work out perfectly,
but you have the concerns. And that's my issue, brother,
(24:27):
That's my issue, is that you have the concern with
this age difference. And if you do now you say
as a younger man, see you say me as a
younger man could lead into problems in a potential marriage.
Why would you go into this knowing there's a potential problem.
I don't like that, man. I don't like it because
you brought it up and this is your idea, and
(24:48):
I think that that small idea, that tiny little that
tiny little bit of leaven, you know. I feel like
this is this is something that probably should be cut out.
That's my opinion. You don't have to do it if you, regardless,
don't move this relationship too fast. Don't start saying you
(25:11):
love her, don't start telling her all intimate things, because
you're still at a place right now where the heartbreak
is going to be minimal. So minimize the heartbreak by
kind of cutting this out early. That's my opinion. Take
it or leave it. Let's move on here to another question.
(25:31):
All right, next question comes from job and I think
that's how you say it, Joab Joe Abb one of
the two. It says, Hey, Grangeer, I hope this message
finds you well. I'm sixteen years old. I have a
sixteen year old friend who is in a relationship with
the man whose actions are causing her intense harm. My
(25:52):
friend has dated this young man twice She told me
that the first time she had sexually assaulted her, he
had sexually assaulted her, burned her with a lighter, pulled
her arm and hair, thrown knives at her, and slashed
her back with a knife. He was physically He is
physically abusive, emotionally manipulative, and engages in dangerous behaviors such
(26:14):
as substance abuse and criminal activity. So far, she's complained
to me about him yelling at her in public to
the point where pedestrians had to get involved. He is
a high school dropout with a history of incarceration, no job,
no future plans. My friend, on the other hand, holds
a job and is the sole breadwinner in their relationship.
(26:36):
She has even had to bail him out of jail
multiple times. Sadly, she's now following his path, getting involved
in substance abuse, drinking, partying, and skipping school. She used
to have plans of going to college and going into
the military, but since she started dating him, she seems
to have given up on those goals. All right, job,
(26:57):
appreciate the email, brother, and this could be great. A
great email for anyone else that's listening that might be
inside this kind of relationship. Right. So, and if your
girls out there or guys that are in a relationship
like this, hey, maybe this is this is an eye
opener for you as well. Let me dive into what
(27:18):
I think this means. First of all, man, the youth
so young. I have a sixteen year old friend who's
in a relationship with young man whose actions are causing
her immense harm. Sixteen that is just a few years
older than my daughter. I'm assuming, Joe ab that's what
I'm gonna call you. I'm assuming that you are about
(27:41):
the same age. I'm assuming you're sixteen, that's my guess. So,
assuming you're sixteen, And we'll start with this. If this
is happening and you see it, you need to get
involved with authorities or her parents, probably both, and then
your parents as well. This is not about keeping it
(28:04):
a secret or let's brush this under the rug. This
is a private thing. Let's keep it private. This is
nobody's business. No, when we're talking about sixteen year old
girl or any girl for that matter, she's sexually assaulted,
which is a felony. By the way, she has going
through physical, abusive, emotionally manipulative engagement danger or substance abuse,
(28:29):
criminal life, all this stuff. Let's call the cops, Let's
get them involved, Let's call the principle of the school.
Let's get this needs to happen. Okay, your parents, her parents,
as many people as you can get involved, the better.
And then that also takes the pressure off of you.
It takes the pinpoint away from you. Like if you
(28:49):
just call the cops and then it's on you, But
if you go to all these people, then it's on everyone.
And she can't just kind of pin or he can't
just pin one person to the person that let all
this cat out of the bag here. So the other issue,
and first of all, just take that. I could end
(29:10):
right there. I could just end the question right there.
But furthermore, I think you love this girl. That would
be my guess. I don't think. I don't think this
would be an issue if you didn't love this girl
really truly, and so if she was just a friend.
(29:32):
Sometimes after you've called the police, after you've dealt with
all this, this is when we walk away. We go
this is a friend that has now that is now gone.
I can only do so much. But she's in a
relationship now and it's now it's weird. Because I'm a guy,
and how much can I just sit here and try
to pull her back? Right? So that's when it gets
kind of weird. But I don't think that's the case.
(29:55):
I think she's more than a friend. I think you
love this girl. And and because you love this girl,
which is complicated because I also believe you're sixteen, So
because you're sixteen, she's sixteen, you're both under age. This
is weird. But my point is having coffee with her
(30:17):
and telling her your true intentions. I think it's about
time for that as well. It's like, Hey, I want
to have some coffee with you. I just want to
tell you that you're with that guy. And I've known
you for a long time, and I've seen your potential
and I've believed in you, and you've been so inspiring
(30:37):
to me. And to see you now give up your
college plans, to give up your plans about going into
the military, to see you now with these drugs and
alcohol and the party and the skipping school, it hurts
my heart. But let me tell you why it hurts
my heart, because I'm in love with you and you're
(31:00):
more than a friend. I care about you so much,
and this stuff bothers me because I truly want the
best for you. That's what I want, and to see
this hurts my heart because my heart is going after you.
I think if you told her that, I think if
you laid it out like that, you're then giving her
the option where's maybe she hasn't heard that before, maybe
(31:23):
she hasn't been truly loved by someone else, And you'd
have to be very careful with those kind of words
because you don't want to give your heart away or
or you don't want to bend her heart too much
at this But this is kind of calling for a
different conversation because she's getting sucked down this drain, So
you want to be the guy standing in the way
of the drain, and to do that, you might want
(31:45):
to tell her the way you really feel. If you do,
I'm just guessing this, but I think you feel more
about her than just a friend. You started this whole
email saying I have a friend. It's admirable to think
of a friend in this way, but I think there
might be more. So call the authorities, get everyone involved,
(32:07):
and after that, after everyone's involved, and after we've kind
of suppressed this situation, take her to coffee and tell
her how you really feel. Next question here, subject line
says family, and the email says, Hello Granger. My husband
and I recently welcomed a little baby boy into our life.
With my job, I was able to take twelve weeks
of maternity leave to take care of our little one.
(32:27):
I'm coming up to the end of the twelve weeks
and struggling on whether or not to continue working full
time or quit to become a stay at home mom.
I struggle because I love my career and the people
I work with, but I almost feel I should stay
home and raise a family. I'm scared of the unknown.
I just don't know what to do. Do you have
any advice? Did you say anonymous not I don't think
(32:52):
you did. The question comes from Jackie, and it's a
good one. Jackie, thank you so much for emailing and
congratulations on your little, beautiful baby boy. That's amazing. First
of all, it's amazing that you were able to take
the time off, the twelve weeks off, so that you
(33:13):
could now arrive at this new kind of decision, this
new kind of thought, which I think is just fantastic.
I've never been a mom. I don't know I don't
know what it is like to be a mom, but
I could speak in terms of being a parent, and
I could say this to you, Jackie, without reservation. You
(33:38):
will not ever ever regret taking the time away from
your career and putting it into your baby boy or
your toddler boy, or your kindergarten boy, or your elementary
school boy, or your middle school boy, or your college
age boy, or your boy that just got married or
(34:00):
the boy that's now married and has a baby on
the way. You will never ever regret taking time away
from that and putting it into a career. I said
that the other way around. You'll never ever regret taking
time away from your career and putting it into your family.
(34:21):
Your boy, Lord Willing, more kids, did you think about that,
because right now you're talking about this new baby boy.
But I mean, most likely, right Lord Willing, there's gonna
be another, a little girl, another little boy, and maybe
even another after that. I mean, I don't know if
you would just stop at one. And so the problem's
not gonna go away. It's gonna come back when you
(34:42):
have another child, and then you've got a two year
old or a three year old, and then you're bringing
another baby into the world, and you're thinking about then
going back into your career again. I get that you listen.
I love that you love your career. That's fantastic. There
would not be a sacrifice to be a mama at
(35:04):
all if you said I hate my job anyway, I
just want to be a mama. But the beautiful thing
about being a mama is you're saying to the world.
You're saying, look, I love you and your shiny things
that you have to offer, and I love the way
it makes me feel to have this big career, and
I love the idea of being ambitious and building something
that's the American dream, right that we always talk about.
(35:26):
And so I'm putting that to the side. I'm giving
that up. I'm suppressing that so that I could do
something even better, a dream that's even greater, and that's
to be a mama. You will never regret that. Is
it gonna be easy. No, You're gonna have less money
in your house, You're gonna have that nagging feeling like
(35:46):
I feel less than the other women who are working
in this big career. I feel less than the better
version of myself that looks better physically that has the
fake eyelashes and the beautiful that I've now lost because
of these pregnancies. And my body isn't the way I
wanted it to be. If I was in that like
(36:08):
sleek business woman suit that I kind of picture in
my mind, I forget it all. Forget it all. That's
not life. That's a facade, that's Instagram. Being life is messy,
and being a mom and being messy in that is
so much more fulfilling. Look, this is coming from I
(36:31):
hate to bring it up that this is coming from
a family that lost a child. Put it in that perspective.
What if something happened to this boy? What if you
got it at some kind of illness and you're working
in your career, how much would you look back and
go I would give anything anything to have those days back,
(36:51):
the days I went back to the office to trade
them and take them back and pour them into my
little boy. But I don't have it now. What if
you're going to say, that'd be pretty pretty rough. Yeah,
what you're feeling is right. The struggle that you have
is right. But the sacrifice that I know you will
make for this little boy is the right thing to do.
(37:16):
I wasn't expecting this one that the subject gliance is
help and the email says, Hey, grand your my name
is Henry, I'm from Alberta, and my question is I
have a monitor and a PS four and I am
I am so addicted to playing f S two to
two f S twenty two. Everyone's like, Granger, you don't
know what that is. And I want to quit, Like
(37:40):
I don't. I'm trying to read this exactly like he
wrote it, and I want to quit. It seems like
I don't have the power to quit. Do you have
any advice to help me quit or what I should do?
Ask the Lord and pray? And I am a huge
fan of your podcast. Thank you for what you do.
First of all, Henry, you're playing so much PS four
that you have forgotten punctuation in your emails, and that
(38:05):
will eventually catch up with you. I'm kind of kidding,
but I'm kind of not kidding, because I think sometimes
you can play video games so much that you literally
forget how to type. But I'm thankful that you did
type this email for me. So let's walk through it practical.
Let's try to come up with a practical way for you. Brother,
(38:27):
to quit this. First of all, there's nothing inherently wrong
with playing PS four. I don't know what FS two
two is. I don't know what that means. I can't
even guess that. I don't know. I don't know what
(38:48):
f S two two is. But it doesn't matter. I
think that there's nothing inherently wrong with playing PS four,
playing video games. In fact, I do know people that
you that as a stress reliever. They put it like
a time on it, and they're like, hey man, I'm
gonna get on here for thirty minutes and just play
(39:09):
football or do whatever for thirty minutes, and it's a
good stress reliever. I know. I know people that have
been like that. That's just the way their brain works,
and that's kind of the way they unpack their brain.
You know, my brother Tyler has gone through periods in
his life when he's done that. But we need to
(39:29):
think of a practical way because you've realized, you've recognized
that you're addicted to it, and so what it sounds
like is this is not like thirty minutes of stress relief.
This has become this is what you do. You go
through this and you end up doing it for hours
and hours, and then you're starting to stay up too late,
and then you stay up too late playing these video games,
and it's causing you to then sleep late, and then
(39:50):
you're missing out on life because you're not being productive
during the day. Right, that's what I think you didn't say,
But that's what I think you mean. And that's the problem.
First of all, you live Alberta, and that is one
of the most beautiful places on the planet, and that
is not the place to be playing video games when
you could be out enjoying those incredible mountains. If you're
not close to the mountains, maybe you can get to
(40:12):
the mountains, because those mountains are some of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen on this planet Earth. But
if we want to think of practical ways to do this,
the one if you want to just kill it, then
you take the PS four tomorrow to the pawn shop.
(40:34):
I don't think you want to do that, but I
promise you if you do, it's going to end your
addiction pretty quick. So how bad do you want to quit?
Because you can take that thing to the pawn shop
tomorrow and you're done. I don't think that's what you're
asking me. I don't think that's what you want. But
I don't think that that's off the table. I think
that's a pretty good idea. So then let's move to
(40:58):
a second layer of practically stopping this addiction to playing
PS four. There are things I know I've seen this okay.
On your TV. For instance, if it's a smart TV,
most likely it has a timer on it, and you
(41:18):
could set the screen time monitor on the TV itself,
so you could say, at let me think of a
time you're probably playing late. So I'm going to say
at ten o'clock. Even that's late, that's late for me,
but we'll go with that. Say you usually play to
one am. At ten pm, your TV is going to
(41:40):
turn off. Now you could override that, and so it
depends on how heavy this addiction is. But if your
TV cuts off, do you have the integrity do you
have the willpower the self discipline to say, oh TV's off,
I'm done, ten pm, I'm cut off. You could do that.
(42:03):
There are also if your TV's on a smart TV,
there are devices you can get on Amazon that you
plug into the wall outlet and then you plug your
TV into that little nugget that you plugged into the
wall outlet, and that thing itself could be hooked up
to your smartphone or a timer on itself. They have
just analog ones that are just a timer, and it's
(42:24):
going to kill power to that TV at whatever time
you set. If you set it analog and you said
ten pm, it's going to kill power to the TV.
It's going to go off at ten pm. So there's that,
there's the smartphone idea where your smartphone's gonna remind you, hey,
no more screen time at ten pm. But all all
of those things are also going to rely on a
(42:44):
pretty pretty healthy self discipline, Henry, which I'm not sure
if you have. You have built this up, but that's
that's something that you build, by the way, that's something
that you grow. That's a strength that you will build,
just like a muscle. So self discipline. If you have
bad self discipline, that's something you could improve on slowly.
You could slowly build that and grow it like you
(43:07):
would a bicep. Right. But on top of all of
these things, all the suggestions I've given you, what we
need to do really on top of that is also
replace this with something else that becomes the new habit.
So you're replacing this old bad habit with a new
good one. And so how do we do that? Well,
(43:30):
we need to find something that is productive. This will
require you and I sitting in the truck driving on
a back road having a discussion. But let me just
throw some things out. We know reading is good. We
know reading is good, and reading could really help you.
You didn't even put a single bit of punctuation on
this email you sent. Reading could do well for you.
(43:53):
And so we would go into whatever FS twenty two is.
I'm not sure, but we could do whatever genre that
is and find some kind of action book that you
start reading that's like super easy to read, very entertaining,
and you go, Okay, when my TV cuts off at
ten pm, I pull out that action book. I pull
(44:15):
out this mystery book. I pull out the old Hardy
Boys book. If you all remember the Hardy Boys. It's
these two brothers that go out on these adventures and
they solve these mysteries and it could be really interesting.
And if you got hooked on one of those, then
you could be You could leave off chapter five, right,
You in chapter five, and you play your PS four
(44:35):
until ten pm, and then you go, man, all right,
I can't wait. I'm sad that I don't have to
get to start keep playing this ps. Four. But I
just remembered I'm on chapter six of this book that
I'm into. And so you go get your comfortable chair
and you get that book and you open up the
chapter six and you don't overdo it, but you read
(44:56):
just a little bit and you start cultivating a new love,
a new habit, breaking away from that other addiction. A
lot of ways to skin a rabbit here, but those
are some suggestions. And if you want to email me back, Henry,
if we can kind of follow up on this, I
would love to. It's these these This is why this
podcast is difficult to answer one question with one answer.
(45:20):
It's something we need to kind of walk through. But
if anyone has another question for me, email me podcast
at grangersmith dot com. Again, that's podcast at grangersmith dot com.
We'll throw it in the queue and we'll get to it.
I appreciate you guys so much, and we'll see you
next Monday. I want to leave you with a Bible
verse from Isaiah forty six to ten, and I love
(45:42):
this verse because it's it's reminding us of the sovereignty
of our God. Nothing slips past his hands. Everything is
within his providence. Let me read it for you Isaiah
forty six to ten, declaring the end, from the beginning,
and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, my
(46:03):
counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.
See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could
help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
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Host
Granger Smith
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