Cereal is an Ick

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that. Two millennials doing a podcast
to avoid legalizing The Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true.
Opinions. Swear to God the cat every time.
Hello, most of your opinions, I'm camera.

(00:20):
That is Katie Kate comedy. Hi.
Sorry, the cat was just trying to interrupt the podcast as cats
too. Cats are weird, aren't they?
Yeah, every day when I'm on zoom.
That's what they do. Really thought that by this
point in time, unless we have two of them, we love them.
But I thought that by now I would have figured the cats out

(00:44):
and I they just get more complicated.
That's the truth. Keep you guessing.
They get more complicated. They get more needy the older
they get. Weirdly, they're not very
independent. They used to be our roommates.
Now there are like retired children is what they feel like.
Yeah, like they're not going to work anymore.
They've done, they're done with school and now they're just at

(01:06):
home all the time looking for something to do.
That's what cats are like after the age of like 3.
They just become your 60 year old uncle that never leaves.
You would think we would resonate more with that.
Yeah. Recently, that's been our vibe.
OK, I have so many things to talk about today.

(01:29):
OK, But I just have to start with something that's off the
top of my head. And I do have a Shark Tank
invention. I would run by you as well, but
I'm gonna start here. I was sharing with people at
work today one of the reasons we're thinking about moving,
which is our neighbors and theirloud children, if you listen to
the podcast. Yeah, if you've heard a single

(01:50):
episode of this podcast, we don't need to explain to.
You no. It is so beyond understandable
now at this. Point I'm surprised there isn't
a summons for my arrest based onall the threats on this podcast.
I know, but I shared with them what is happening on a daily

(02:10):
basis, which is on the weekends,the clock strikes 8, you just
hear screaming outside. On the weekdays, the clock
strikes 5 and you hear playing and screaming outside.
Now it's playing a problem, no. But when they're screaming like
bloody murder and all this stuffand this is what I'm telling
people. And if like like we said, if you
listen to the podcast, it's not new.
And the off leash dog and the wecan't pull out of our own

(02:32):
garage. Ever.
And the soccer ball that hits the door, the garage door, and
things like. That and sure, things hit garage
doors, but then it creates a giant booming sound and our dogs
go crazy and now we have dents in our garage.
So I share this and there was laughter, but not like, haha, I
get it. Laughter.
Laughter like that really bothers you.

(02:55):
Oh my God. And I was like I cannot be.
Walk a mile in our shoes, I. Cannot be the only person here
that has a problem with this, and they made me think like they
made me believe I was crazy. Have they ever lived near that?
Then they wouldn't get it. Yeah, they say, oh, that's just
part of living in near anybody. There's gonna be kids and
there's gonna be they. Not on this level.

(03:18):
Why? To be clear, we have lived in
plenty of places. We've also been alive before we
lived in this house, right? It's never been to this level.
Ever. In my life.
And it's pretty, I mean, it's kind of like clockwork now.
There was a long time where it was just annoying when it
happened, but now it happens on the hour every single day.

(03:40):
It's a lot to deal with. I just thought that was crazy.
They're like, oh, you're a crappy old man that you know,
they're gonna, they're gonna call the cops on you or you're
gonna be on the next door app. They're gonna show ring doorbell
footage of you freaking out. And I'm like, well, joke's on
you. They're gonna find ring doorbell
footage of my wife. We have we have doorbell

(04:01):
footage. We have so many and frankly,
like we'll post them, we don't even need the neighborhood to do
it. I yeah post them as a warning to
society. I whatever call me what you want
I that should be my intro for stand up shows as seen on.
Your. Doorbell.

(04:23):
Yeah, that's. Good as seen on the next door
app. That's good.
I like that. I just don't get I people will
label us frequently as like children, haters.
It's not that. It is that.
I don't think it is. Well, we don't want them.
We don't like when they exist with terrible parents who let
them wreak havoc. Sure, that's really what it is.

(04:47):
I don't know. I get labeled as a crabby old
man all the time. There's times when I think it's
true. I don't think it's true in this
case. No.
That's my point. I think we're self aware enough
to know when we're being old andcranky.
Yeah, I would like this just. Within reason.
We're just abiding by the unspoken rules of society.
Yeah. Oh wait, just kidding.

(05:08):
They're spoken rules of the HOA.Literal, actual rules, like so
many that are just broken all the time.
Which by that kind of leads me to think like maybe we should
just start breaking some rules. You know, always.
I've always been a rule follower.
Maybe it's time to be a rule breaker.
That's where my idea for pay season weed came in.

(05:30):
I think it's a good idea and also when the neighbors are out
there making noise. Yeah.
Or could just do it every day. Every day I'll set my same alarm
for 5:00 PM and go out. Yeah, might as well.
Battle it out. 5:00 AM Do it. When they get up to go to work
and leave and stuff. Give it a shot, all right?

(05:52):
Do you wanna hear my Shark Tank invention?
Please. Here's an idea.
I don't know why nobody has thought of this before, Haircut
mirror. What?

(06:14):
Hi, my name is Cameron. I'm a millennial.
I don't like getting haircuts. It costs a lot of money and also
I am indecisive about my style. I have a solution for you if you
choose to invest. It's called Haircut Mirror.
It's a mirror that you put up inBarber shops and salons across
the country. And when you're feeling

(06:36):
uninspired by your own style, you can look in it and it'll
show you with different haircuts.
That's. Pretty good.
And you can just pick one. You can slide through a bunch of
styles and then land on one and go.
This is the one I want. Because here's the thing.
When you go in, the Barber hatesit.
If you don't know what you want,you have to tell them.

(06:57):
I want this style with this cut.I want this much taken off.
They don't like just going. You can't go in there Willy
nilly. You have to kind of know, and I
get it. I would be pissed off too.
But there, up until this point hasn't been a solution.
There used to be, like if you went to a Great Clips or a
Fantastic Sam's, there would be a little book that you could
pick off of. But that's a stranger's head,

(07:18):
not yours. There needs to be some
ramifications for this, because how does it know how much hair
you currently have on your head?Is it just going to show every
person the same haircuts? I think it looks it.
It's AI studies your face and your current hair and your
current style, even the outfit you have on and you input your

(07:39):
age 'cause you also don't want asuper young haircut if you're in
your 50s. It just makes you look like a
poser. So the power of AI analyzes your
face, your style, your age and then it goes.
I found some haircuts for you based on other people that look
similar to you on the Internet and what works for them.

(07:59):
OK. Do you want to invest?
Yes, I would go in with another shark who has more expertise in
tech. I don't have that kind of time.
Like Mark Cuban or something. I need a commitment now.
Or Robert. You know, hard commitment.
You know what? I'm out now.
I'm gonna pull out of my own Shark Tank.
Don't you think that's a good idea though, 'cause I feel so

(08:20):
regularly uninspired by my hair.This came out of necessity for
you. It did but necessity all my
life. I think it needs a better name.
OK. And what do you think?
I think haircut mirror is a little uninspired itself.
OK. So I'm trying to think of a play

(08:42):
on words or like fresh cut, custom cut, cut for you.
Good. For you I don't.
Know. It's gotta be something clever.
You're right. Right haircut mirrors a little,
like well. It's a little crass, little
sharp sounding. Yeah, a little dull.

(09:04):
Needs to be kind of like something you'd see in Sharper
Image, not something you'd see on the Made On or made for TV
section. Yeah.
It has to be more like a in the style of, like a tonal.
Or slice it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or a peloton. How much would this cost?
It's free. It's free for because here's the
catch, It's free for Barber shops to put on their wall.

(09:28):
Kind of like a vending machine, right?
But I'm gonna run ads on it. Vending machines aren't free.
I think a lot of times they are,Are they not?
No. Like I'll own a vending machine.
I'll come to you and say I'll put a vending machine in your
laundromat, but you get 25% of the profits or something.
I think it's how it works. OK, Could be wrong.

(09:50):
I don't own vending machines. There's a lot of people on
Tiktok that do. It's a very trendy thing to do
now. But yeah, I'll just run ads for
like Barbasol shaving cream and stuff like that in the mirror
and then it's paid for and problem solved.
Everyone's happy. Customers are happy because
they're getting the haircuts andthe styles that they want and
they're feeling inspired and like feel good about themselves.

(10:14):
And you have to know there's like a learning curve because
the barbers have to be able to accomplish the.
Well, this they gotta get to getwith it.
Yeah, I mean, it could. Maybe there's a a little tab on
it where you pick your hairstyleand then you look at the tab and
then there's like 10 instructions for the Barber to

(10:36):
follow. Whoa.
Or maybe it's just a robot that does it.
I don't know. I don't want to.
I'm not looking to like replace human jobs, but seems like a
pretty doable one. Just, you know, it's like a
drive through car wash. You just ride your bike through
and it chops your hair. This could be a good royalty
deal. I think it could be.

(10:57):
I believe in this, Liz, I I don't have these inventions very
often, but I do feel like when they come across my brain,
they're pretty solid. It's just about taking the time
and the money to do it, which iswhat my, my competitors do.
And I don't. And see I I gotta just.
Do you're just giving this away for free now?
Someone's gonna poach the idea. They can't.

(11:19):
Copyright. Verbal, copyright.
Trademark me. I'll file the paperwork by the
time you hear. If you're listening to this
right now, paperwork has been filed.
It's called LegalZoom. It's over for you hoes.
Yeah. Anyway, I was pretty proud of
that one. That's pretty good.
We just need a better name and all investors and a business.
OK, we at Mostly True Opinions do have a question for you, the

(11:42):
listener, and it is a debacle that we have found ourselves in
and it happens every couple years.
And we're here again. You got a jury summons in the
mail months ago. We have put it off several
times. We deferred it.
What are we supposed to do? Are you supposed to go to a
website and fill in your information and actually go at

(12:04):
some point soon? Or do should I just expect them
to come to the house to arrest you?
Or do we just wait for them to mail another summons?
I this might be controversial. I've been on this earth 33
years. I've never been to jury duty.
What are you trying to brag about now?
Here's my trick. You get a summons in the mail.

(12:27):
You throw it in the trash. That's not how it works.
It is for me. OK, but you could literally have
a warrant out for your arrest. I don't.
Go I definitely don't cause think about it every time.
We do several things within a year that somebody needs to like
run a background check on me or run my credit or.

(12:48):
The one time I had to go, it's because I deferred it so many
times that someone was literallylike, you have to show up this
time. Who said that?
It said on the summons like. You got another thing in the
mail, right? Yeah, I never have.
OK, well, good for you. You've slept slipped through the
cracks. The state of California also

(13:08):
thought I was a female for 10 years.
Maybe they just have me labeled as a minor or something, I don't
know. OK.
Well, good for you. Well, I'm just asking if there's
actually a legal thing that we're supposed to do so you can
avoid jail time and arrest. Yeah.
Someone tell us. Or if we just throw your thing
in the trash and cross our fingers and wait to be.

(13:29):
Clear. We didn't get anything yet after
we got something, what, in November?
Yeah. And deferred it to February.
And then I had that written as areminder in my phone.
But when the reminder went off, I was like, cool past me.
What does this mean? What is, what does it mean that

(13:50):
I check on jury duty? How it's kind?
Of like a phone note. Maybe it meant like you should
watch it. No.
You don't think? We already.
Did I know? But past you doesn't know that
past you is the one that made the reminder.
She has no idea that we checked that off the box, checked that

(14:11):
off the list, check the box on the list, checked it off.
You're freaking my brain out. I'm sorry.
Yeah. If you know DM us, please DM me
at K to K comedy. We do know a lawyer particularly
well, our friend Courtney, but. I don't know if she deals with

(14:31):
jurors. Yeah, I don't think so.
I think that this is not her area of expertise.
One lawyer is not all lawyers. There's a lesson in that.
Yes. Is that James Joyce?
That was beautiful. I saw your tiktok today, by the
way of the hero moment you had at Trader Joe's.

(14:51):
It's raining. You returned your shopping cart,
so the guy asked for your number.
No 'cause he was like super impressed that you brought the
cart back. Right.
He like, saluted me. Basically he like, nod.
He did the one of those like real, meaningful nods.
Yeah, I mean, look, we've alwaysbeen team bring the cart back,
right? Yeah, but specifically when it's

(15:12):
raining, you're in the trenches.Yeah, 100%.
So it means more than you did itin the rain for.
Sure. No umbrella.
I'm just throwing this out there, though.
It does not count. I don't understand the people
who take the carts to the front of the store.
Like, you have to take it all the way.
What I mean by that is there's people who will take their cart

(15:35):
to the front curb of the store and leave it there.
That doesn't count. No, they still have to like, you
know, get it and put it and do the whole thing.
But wow, did you get an award oranything?
Are you impressed? I am.
No, I didn't get an award. That's why I posted about it, so
that people would know I'm better than them.

(15:57):
I love, I I love that. I love Trader Joe's.
There's something about the people that work there.
Yeah. They're all very nice, but they
ask me a lot of questions about me and I don't know that I'm
always ready to share that much about me.
Yeah, the guy today didn't ask me any questions and it felt

(16:19):
also weird like we were just. That would feel odd.
It it, it's like just a happy medium could be good.
Because you very much expect that going in there, right?
So then everyone else was getting talked to in my vicinity
and this guy wasn't talking to me.
And then I took that personally.And do you know what's funny

(16:41):
about Trader Joe's versus other grocery stores?
I feel like there's less employees, so you see the same
people working at the checkouts.And so now I have gotten to a
point at ours, the one by the house that I know who to avoid
the chattiest. Ones.
Yeah, well, there's the chatty ones and then there's the ones

(17:01):
who pretend like you brought a product to the register that
they've never seen before. And it's like you work here,
you've definitely, you know thatthis exists.
It's A and I'm already for the record, I'm already buying it.
You don't have to talk me into buying it.
Right and. Then there's the people who.
There's this one guy at ours. I forget his name, but he is

(17:25):
definitely 15 years younger thanme and calls me Bud every time.
No. And that one.
That one's I think the most, themost annoying that beats the
other ones out. Like I'd rather tell you my
entire weekend plans. I'd rather tell you how things
are going with my parents and mydog and my wife, and I'll tell

(17:49):
you my Social Security number ifit means I can avoid you calling
me bud if you're a member of Gen.
Z or frankly, anyone. Yeah.
I don't know why it rubs me the wrong way.
It's a big trigger for you. It's a massive trigger for me.
I think it always has been. I think the only the only person

(18:10):
who can call me Bud and I like accept it is my father.
I don't even think you accept it.
Then I think I do. I think I do, but it really oof.
It used to be that people would say, oh, what's new, boss?
And I used to hate that, but then I got over that.

(18:31):
You got over. Boss, I did, I think because bud
took its place and I cannot bro.I'm OK with bro.
It's not my thing, but I'm OK with it, boss.
Is worse. You think?
Buddy is. Worse, Bud is just a short
version of Buddy. I know, but for some reason.
I don't know if you knew that. Buddy seems more juvenile.

(18:54):
Yeah, it does. Like you're a littler.
It's kind of in the same wheelhouse.
Yes. It's kind of in the same
wheelhouse as somebody in their 30s calling one of their parents
daddy or mommy, you know what I mean?
It's like, why are you adding the extra syllables and the Y at
the end? That would I hate.

(19:15):
I hate it so much I. Cannot stand it.
I can't. I can't stand it.
And I know there's, I know there's people out there who
also, like, use that in their romantic lives.
Nope. Nope.
Nope. No way, Jose.
No way, Mommy. See.
I can't stand it. Also, you said it weird.

(19:37):
No, I didn't. Yeah.
How'd I say it? You you went Mommy.
That's. What were you going to?
Say there was a friend of ours that called their parent their
first name. Like what?
Their own parent. Referred to their own parent
while their parent was in the room, like to them and and
called their parent by their first name.

(19:59):
What? And I was like, what's
happening? Who was it?
Yeah, that's weird. That's weird.
Isn't it? I don't.
I've never called either of my parents by their first name.
That's so odd. I feel like I would get fired or

(20:19):
slapped. I don't know.
No, 100%. Fired from being a daughter.
That is a really funny TikTok rabbit hole that there's like
this, this trend where people will go in there, like high
schoolers will go up to their teachers and say their first
name like, hey, what's going on,Jennifer?
And then the teachers always, like, whip their heads, like,

(20:39):
excuse me, yeah, it's really funny, 'cause I I feel like the
teachers have the appropriate response.
Should we record my mom? Well, she might hear this, but.
I I'll say something about your mom, too.
I don't. I would feel uncomfortable.
A lot of people call their in laws by their first name.

(21:00):
I would feel totally uncomfortable.
Saying Mary. Yes.
What do you call her? I don't.
That's the thing, and I thought about that recently.
You don't refer to her as anything.
When I talk to you, I say your mom and when I talk to other
people I say Katie's mom. But I don't.

(21:22):
And and I thought about like if I was in the store and needed to
get her attention and she's aisles away and I'm waving to
her because I found a checkout line.
We should get in this line. I don't know what I was
screaming. Isn't that dumb?
Help. Help Katie's mom and I know her
very well and we get along very well, but it love her to death.
Does it feel too formal? It does saying Mary.

(21:44):
Yeah, well, it feels not even formal.
It just feels disrespectful to me for some.
Reason I thought about that 'cause I texted your mom your
dad's name and I was like, this is weird.
Right. And I had cousins growing up
that would call my my parents instead of like Uncle Tim and
Aunt Cam. They would say Tim and Cam no.
And I was like, this is wrong. And I remember, I think I had a

(22:06):
conversation with my cousin whenI was, like, 11.
I'm like, this is wrong. We can't do that.
Yeah. Like, isn't that weird?
Yeah. But I guess it's in the same
wheelhouse as as, like, calling you by your first name.
That feels very formal. Too.
My parents used to call each other's parents.
Like mom and dad also. Yeah, but I don't like that.

(22:29):
Either I don't either. That also is very odd to me.
I don't like it that makes a sibling.
I don't like that's. Exactly.
Why? That's exactly why that gets
fucking weird. I don't like it either.
That's so true. Do.
Other people. Feel why is that a?
Why is that a common thing? We don't.

(22:50):
The goal when you get married isto not have the same dad.
Like that's really. That's a really weird tradition.
It's also weird whenever those parents are like, you get
married and they're like, you can call me mom.
And it's like, no, no, thank you.
I'm not going to. I'm sorry.

(23:11):
I'm all set. It's so odd, I know.
I just feel weird about. It you're just marinating in.
It yeah, I do. Speaking of Trader Joe's, I
thought this was hilarious and II was just talking to somebody
about like, when's when is the last time you had a bowl of

(23:33):
cereal? Oh.
God I I mean I my cereal dry. So I don't know what you know
this we've talked about it. I have mini weeds dry I've.
Cheered. Well, then, no, no.
Stop talking about it because I've heard it.
I want everybody else to know. What you've said, because we've

(23:54):
talked about milk on the pod, I'm just saying I it's like the
yogurt thing where like, you think it's weird that I eat
yogurt with a fork. We've talked about that.
You think it's weird that I eat cereal dry.
So I don't know. I can't even remember when I've
had a bowl of cereal Raisin brandry.
Really. Yeah.

(24:14):
I just eat it frosted, place dry.
I eat it all. Dry There's some cereals that
are OK to eat dry, like Cheerios.
Yes. Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini
Wheat Pops Life. Most of them.

(24:37):
Apple Jacks. Then there's cereals that are
not OK to eat. Dry Raisin bran, Lucky Charms.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's your opinion.
That is fact. OK, what I.
Think about it. Think about it.
And by the way. I do.
I've spent so much time thinkingabout it and I've never opted
for milk. I think The funny thing is that

(24:59):
when you say I eat it dry, what?What you what I picture is what
you probably did is just stick your hand in the box, right?
Yeah. What I picture is you pouring a
bowl and just spooning. Just dry cereal.
That's. Not what I do, OK?
I don't spoon with dry. Bowl.
I think you do, no, but I So what the reason I asked.

(25:22):
When did you have cereal? The last time I had it was about
three years ago at work for a Saint Patrick's Day Challenge.
I had to eat, try to eat a giantbowl of Lucky Charms, right?
News flash, it was with regular milk and Lucky Charms, which, I
don't know the last time you looked at it, full of effing
sugar. Yeah.

(25:44):
And it I couldn't even get. The whole challenge was here's a
massive bowl of it. Let's see how much you can eat,
right Like a like a mixing bowl full of it.
I couldn't finish a regular bowlof worth of it.
I had one bite and I started gagging.
It was so and I was like this iskind of upsetting because I feel

(26:05):
like I used to love this and nowI can't stand it.
But there's people who are our age that like, their go to, you
know, I'm feeling cozy tonight. I'm a little snacky.
They make themselves a bowl of cereal.
No. And that feels very foreign to
me. I know it's common, but it feels
very foreign to me. So I bring all this up because

(26:27):
Kellogg's, who makes a bunch of cereal, including Cornflakes,
the CEO was recently in some sort of interview and they asked
about like, what do you think oflike cost of living?
And it's really expensive to eatout there.
And his solution was people should eat cereal for dinner.

(26:48):
No. And it's like I don't think
that's the solution. Also, what do you think about
obesity and diabetes? And also, I don't know the last
time you had had it but Kellogg's CEO, but I think this
box of cereal is like $5 and it there's like barely any in

(27:08):
there. Right.
So get something else for $5 andhave it for dinner.
Like you should have it for dinner.
Of course he's going to say that, though.
But it made me think like. Because it'd be weirder if they
asked him a different if they asked him.
And then he was like, Oh yeah, people should just eat ramen.

(27:29):
Yeah, I don't know. It's like, well he's not
promoting his product then it'd be weird.
I just think it's. I don't know.
I'm not trying to judge too harshly that I find the older I
get, the more I judge. I think that's a common
characteristic amongst humanity.And this is a category I judge.
I think we talk often about how it weirds us out when people

(27:51):
have a glass of milk with something.
I think I kind of, if I was likestill in the dating scene and
the person that I was trying to court portable of cereal, I'd be
like, Nope, you know, Yeah, I don't know.
Is that too mean? No, I have read it's like an ick

(28:13):
or a red flag or beige flag or whatever.
I mean, yeah, if I had had higher standards, the guy that
used to pour pour himself, I guess it's not a liquid, but a
bowl of cottage cheese and ketchup and mix it and then eat

(28:33):
it. So it's just like red cottage
cheese in a bowl, Like I should have cut that off, right?
Away bloody vomit. I forgot about that.
So we don't all make the best choices and like I know you have
every now and then a tuna sandwich.

(28:56):
It's been a long time. They're far and few between.
Them. But you at least don't have tuna
at home. Not anymore.
I learned that lesson. I don't want our home to smell
like tuna. And that's difficult to not do
that whenever you have it. So you can have tuna out.
I think I also started eating tuna in different forms.
You know what I mean? Like when you go to like a sushi

(29:18):
restaurant. Yeah, and you have tuna.
Tuna. It really ruined the canned tuna
for me. Good.
And I think that that's probablythe way it should be.
That's fine. Like, yeah.
I shouldn't eat that and go, wow, the canned stuff's better.
Yeah, although that's kind of innow.
But didn't we see that on a show?
Shark Tank. Shark Tank.
It was. Can't they call it tin meats?

(29:40):
Tinned. Tinned.
Tinned meats. Fish Tinned fish is in.
Yeah, I'm good. Weird, I'm.
Good on that. No thank you.
They're serving tinned fish at restaurants sometimes now.
Why that's? They did like a tinned fish
event in LA at a restaurant. Why would they do?
That I hate this. It's like going to a restaurant

(30:00):
and ordering a Lean Cuisine. I think it's similar to like
when they do like Dollar Oyster Night or something, you know, I
don't. Know none of which I resonate
with. I don't.
I Yep. Oh, don't like that mad.
I'm making a whole list of things I don't like today.
OK. Call me bud.
Don't call me by my first name. Don't.

(30:23):
Don't feed me tuna in a can or fish in a can.
It's just not for me and all that.
I just, I don't know if I believe this and also if it's
true. Whatever.
This is a normal part of a relationship.
The Daily Mail is saying that Taylor Swift's getting a little
controlling with Travis Kelsey. What?
So. Also, is the Daily Mail even

(30:44):
reputable at this? Point really, It's definitely
tabloid. Sometimes they're right,
sometimes they're not. But most of the I don't.
I don't know. It's kind of like TMZ, OK, but
people, TMZ is usually right. That's the difference.
They're saying that she, well, #1 doesn't want him going to
like strip clubs and stuff, which I feel like that's pretty

(31:05):
reasonable. Also, it's more reasonable when
you're in the public eye becauseit can come off so wrong.
Yeah, that's. Yeah.
It's more so, like, I don't really care, but it's the
perception that we're not doing good or whatever.
Yeah, so there's that. And then there was in this
article slash report, slash, whatever, they said that she
gave him $500,000 to improve hiswardrobe and to like go shopping

(31:28):
with. And so I there's two things
here. Number one, I think it's a
pretty normal. No, I mean, it's.
Because he has his own money. That's what I was going to say.
He has plenty of money to go do this on his own.
Now if she was like, I I would love if you experimented and I
don't want you to have to pay for it.

(31:49):
So here you go. I, I don't know.
It's maybe a thing. But also I don't think it's that
egregious because I mean we've everybody goes through this.
We've had the conversation about, I put some bracelets on
that like you weren't a super fan of.
And I don't know, I think that'spretty normal for people to go,
hey, why don't you freshen up? You look good.

(32:12):
You could have more fun with your outfits and look better and
like, I don't know, but I feel like after the football season's
over, we're kind of settling into like a now everyone wants
them to fight and break up type of thing, you know, looking for
the cracks. Sure.
Didn't he just fly to Australia to see her shows?

(32:34):
Yeah, but that's another thing that's in there that she would
now requires him to FaceTime when they're not together so
that she can see who's he's with.
I don't believe that one. I mean, I believe that they
FaceTime. Yeah, but I don't think it's
like a. You must FaceTime me so I can
spy on you type of. Thing.

(32:54):
No, no, no. And then there was a video that
went viral where he played F marry kill and he chose to marry
Katy Perry, F Taylor Swift and kill Ariana Grande.
He played, so why did he even play?
This was like 10 years ago, a video that resurfaced of an
interview from when he did that dating show.

(33:16):
Did you? You heard about the dating show?
He did, right? No.
Chasing Kelsey, I think it was called.
Oh, I didn't know it was a dating show.
I think it was. So they pulled up a clip from 10
years ago. Yeah, so at least he didn't
choose to kill her. That's kind of what I said.

(33:36):
As long as you're not getting killed in that scenario, it is
not bad, right? Because.
Just like in pie. Snog.
What is it? Snog.
Mary Pie. On Love Island.
Love Island? No, it's always the crux of the
issue is do you choose your partner for Snog or Mary?
Right. And a lot of the girls think
Mary, but some of the girls are like, why would you want to kiss

(33:58):
someone else? You she's want to kiss me and
that either? Way like if yeah.
Oh, you don't want to kiss me? Like you know, that type of
thing. So fuck Mary Kill at least.
Also, she's friends with Katy Perry, right?
They took a photo together recently.
Yes, they had beef at one point.Didn't.
They. Yeah, but there was like an

(34:20):
olive branch and extended. And they're friends now, yeah.
I thought it was. Odd.
And Katy Perry was in her music video.
OK, whatever. He has good taste to that.
But do you see what I mean? Like, they're trying to this.
They're now at the phase where people are digging up old shit
and like, looking for anyway to break the news that they're not

(34:40):
doing well. Did he give reasons why he
wanted to kill Ariana Grande? No.
And he even play. I watched the video myself.
He's like, oh, come on. I don't know.
This is like, oh, I guess these are thin.
It's not like he was like, oh, this is easy.
I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna yeah, weirdly, I know
It was one of my friends who asked him that question, for it

(35:02):
was an old afterbuzz TV thing. Weird.
Yeah. And now she no longer does that
type of stuff. And I bet, like, what a weird
thing that must be. I'm no longer doing this
anymore. She's probably five or six years
removed. Yeah.
Now is when it blows up, yeah. Did she post it?

(35:22):
I don't think so, cuz I think it's like a I've moved on from
that period of my life or maybe she doesn't want to contribute
to the noise or I don't know. Well, and I bet people aren't
even tagging her if they're just.
Tagging her? Yeah, cuz yeah, right, cuz it's
only they've probably not even seen the part of her in it.
Yeah, weird. Yeah.

(35:42):
Anyway, I feel, you know, we talked about in the podcast
probably a year ago how much youshould spend on Taylor Swift
tickets and whatever. And I feel like I've bought in.
I've fully bought in at this point.
Good. I'm like more.
Interested, but I'll take. It Well, I've always been a fan,
but I feel like lately I've beenmore kind of since the the Super

(36:04):
Bowl and everything around that.I've been kind of more in the
I'm cheering them on. I want them to get married good.
Just so they can say fuck you toeverybody.
Yeah, you know, well, even if they get it.
Doesn't matter. Even if they get married, then
it'll be Are they going to get divorced?
Are they going to have kids? Are they going to?
Are they spending enough time together?

(36:24):
Constant. No matter what people do,
there's always something. Constant.
Constant. Are you ready to Jude?
Are you fully prepared to Jude? I am, but I thought we had
another thing. OK, what you got?
Where? I forgot what?
What else do we need? The incident of the cleaning.

(36:49):
Right. Whatever.
No, no, I I just got I here's what happens when things are
like egregious and frustrate you.
I compartmentalize them as as Judge Judy moments.
Sure. You know what I mean?
Even though I know there's another thing, I just pack it
over into that area. So I mentioned we we mentioned

(37:14):
last week, I think that we were kind of like house hunting.
Yes, right. And we saw a few houses this
weekend. And also what happened was we
saw four houses and we kept looking over the fences and the
backyards to see if there were any children, neighbors, yeah.

(37:38):
And we saw a house that we really liked.
And we go in the backyard and we're looking over the fence and
there was a hoarder's amount of children toys.
And I said let's leave. You said you thought it looked
like I saw a dead body. I the way you reacted, I thought

(37:58):
that I was going to look over there and it would be one of
three things. A dead body, a hoarder, or like
a meth lab. Yeah, it was basically a hoarder
math lab of children's toys. Yeah, otherwise known as toys.
No, but you can't. Sure, I guess adults have toys.
What do you think you're like? Figurines are?

(38:24):
Ouch. I'm staring at them behind your
head. I got rid of a lot of those,
thank you very much. Sure.
Don't point the don't. Don't point it at me now.
All right, We'll stay focus anyways.
So that's been something we're trying to combat.
Whatever. I know children exist.
It doesn't mean I need to live with them up my butt.
So especially if they're the kind of kids that have 700, you

(38:48):
can't even see the grass becausethere's just a shit ton of it
means they basically live out there.
Oh yeah, 100%. So it would be constant, right?
And then they're just it's the same problem all over again.
Yeah, so that happened. We're seeing houses.
Our realtor came over because she's looking at our house and

(39:09):
how she can list it soon and photos and whatever.
So for the first time ever in our lives, we hired a cleaning
person crew because it was two people.
So crew, I guess, but not a big crew.
Two people. Yeah.
And I will have, you know, it might as well have been that we
were debating buying a private jet with how much we were like

(39:34):
should we do this? So we, I don't know, we've never
done this. I don't know if we can justify
the money, but it's like, it wasn't that expensive and it
saved us five hours of our lives.
Yeah. So we were like, OK, we'll have
the cleaning people come over the day before she gets here and
it'll be so great. And, like, she'll they'll

(39:55):
probably get in nooks and crannies we didn't even know
existed. We're going to come home and
it's going to be so amazing. We're going to be like, this
place is brand new. It smells amazing.
It looks amazing. It's sparkling like a level of
clean I couldn't even achieve onmy own energy.
Deep, deep. And there he we talked about it

(40:16):
last week on the Pod, I think, where he asked me what level is
your home at? From Immaculate to unlivable.
And I said a three 'cause I didn't really know, whatever.
So we said there's a regular clean and a deep clean.
We would like to pay for the deep clean.
Yeah, not a regular clean. Like get in there.

(40:36):
Get behind stuff. Get through stuff.
So 30 minutes before their arrival period it they were
supposed to arrive between 9:00 and 10:00 AM.
They called me at 8:30 and said can we push your appointment to
noon to one? I said I'm sorry, I'm awake,
about to leave the home with thetwo dogs.
We're like getting in the car and you're telling me now we're

(40:58):
pushing it three hours? You're trying to switch the plan
10 minutes before it happens. So then I was like, OK, I guess
I don't really have a choice cuzI still want this to be done for
tomorrow. So they say OK, we wait till
noon, we let them in, we put thedogs in the car, we leave.
We had dinner plans with my family so we didn't do a
walkthrough with them. When they left, our ring

(41:20):
doorbell verified that they leftat 4:30, so they arrived at
12:30 and left at 4:30. So that was 4 hours.
They had said a deep clean was like 5 or 6 hours, but I was
like OK, maybe our house wasn't as dirty as we thought or?
Maybe smaller than they thought or whatever.
So we get home at like 11:00 PM that night with the dogs and we

(41:40):
walk in and things slowly start unravelling.
There's grime in the shower. There's grime in the sink,
there's some grease on the stove.
The kitchen counters were dusty.Yeah, there was dust showing.
They didn't even, like, wipe thecounter.
Yeah, there was stuff like, theyclearly didn't vacuum.

(42:02):
There was dust like I was like, what did they do?
It was at first. I think we walked in with like,
Oh my God, it's gonna be so great.
And then the longer we spent, wewere like, oh, oh, oh, there's
the oh, they didn't vacuum that rug.
Oh, they didn't do this. Oh, they didn't do that.
Each room we went in, we startedto be like, what?

(42:24):
What did they do? The only thing that I saw was
like the toilets looked good, but that doesn't take four
hours. No.
And there there was just layers of dust, still on a ton of
things. Then the weird fucking part that
I gaslit myself into being like,maybe this is normal.
They removed our six pillowcasesand put them in my hamper, but

(42:49):
didn't wash them or wash the bedding, 'cause then I was like,
maybe they were trying to wash them, Like maybe they're clean,
or maybe they're in. We couldn't find the
pillowcases. And what's funny is.
We went to check the washer and dryer.
And they weren't in there. It was so fucking.
Weird. And we've never done this
before. So at first we were like, oh,
maybe that's just the thing. Is that normal?
And then we asked a bunch of people and they're like, no,

(43:10):
that's that's weird. If they remove bedding, they
wash it and put it back. Right, so the fact that they
just took and the rest of the bedding was still on.
So they left our bedding on, took our pillowcases off and put
them in my hamper with dirty clothes.
So then we didn't have pillowcases.
It was fucking weird. It was an odd choice.
So then I'm heated at 11:00 PM and I sent an e-mail including a

(43:33):
Google Drive folder of photos ofall of the things that were not
done cuz you could clearly see them.
So you could see them in all thepictures so easily.
It was insane. So I had a Google Drive folder
and I said I, you know, this is our first time using your
business. You have great reviews online.
I'm, you know, you moved the arrival time by three hours and

(43:54):
then I come home. So I couldn't do a walkthrough
because of previous plans. Then I come home to all of this.
See folder below. And I was like, I'm deeply
disappointed. Like we were so excited.
And then we come home and I could have done better.
If I would have spent the five, the four hours doing it myself,
I would have probably done better.

(44:16):
Oh, easily. I was like, I don't know what
part, I don't know what part of this is what was a deep clean.
The only reason this isn't my Judge Judy moment of the week is
because justice has already beenserved.
They immediately got back to me the next morning and said we're
so sorry that they completely dropped the ball.
We got your e-mail, They texted me instead of call, instead of

(44:40):
emailing back, please let us send a different crew to your
home and we did not charge your card.
Right, which is thank God. All they can do is say they were
sorry, own up to the mistake, not charge me money, and offer
to make it better by sending another crew.
Is it a? And then I said thank you for

(45:03):
your response. I need to check with our
schedules to see when we can accommodate being out of the
house and with the dogs for thatmany hours coming up shortly.
Like I can't just poof and accommodate another appointment
right now. Right, it's inconvenient.
I'm. Working from home, the dogs are
here. Like we, you know, it's gonna be

(45:25):
an inconvenience, but that's allthey could have done is respond
that way. Yeah.
So justice has been served in the sense that I we reacted how,
you know, with reason. And then they also were like, oh
shit, sorry. I mean, thank God, because that
seems to be a rarity now. Yeah, most places you're like,

(45:46):
no, we didn't. Absolutely.
Everything we could have you're.The.
You didn't do this we well, you know, So they handled it well,
thankfully. Yeah, they could have been like,
well, you waived the right to a walkthrough.
Also a walkthrough is a weird just just do your job the first
time the right way. A walkthrough is weird.
I'm not going to come into my house no and look two grown

(46:08):
fucking adults in the eye and white glove.
Test my own counters and be likeyou didn't desk good enough.
Right, That's not the point. I'm not interested in teaching
someone a lesson. I'm not doing.
That paid for a service and would love for it to just.
You the thing that we paid for. Yeah, that's all.
But that's why they, I think they handled it well.
Yeah, it's inconvenient, but it'll be.

(46:30):
I think it'll be OK. It'll be fine because that would
have been the Jude. I would have gone on for like 20
minutes easily. I would have posted the
pictures. I probably would have done a
Yelp review. It is kind of funny though.
So this was the first time obviously that we tried this.
We'll try it again. The idea was to do it like a
couple times a year for like a deep deep like you were saying.

(46:50):
But I realized it was the first time that because we we let them
in the house and then we left the house and that was the first
time I've ever done anything like that, which sounds so dumb.
It sounds so basic, but I was like I just let 2 strangers into
my home and just drove off. How weird.
It is weird. You know, and like there's
hidden money in here and then they.

(47:12):
Took our pillowcases out. They took the pillowcases out.
What did they find in there? Did I hide money in there?
I don't remember, but it's just kind of funny like, oh, come on
in, we're going. Don't know who you are, don't
even know your name. They seem nice.
We're on the e-mail, but I don'tremember their names now.
But I mean, you know what I mean.

(47:32):
Yeah, don't really know them. Well, they cleaned our toilets.
But I like the trust system likethat, you know?
Sure. This would be a better place if
we just stuck to that. That's what I always say.
Well, if that wasn't your dude, what is your dude?
All right. Do you get it?
Listen to me very carefully. I know everything, and I want

(47:53):
you to stop talking. You're a moron.
So is your mother. You are an example of why people
should have to take tests beforethey're allowed to have
children. Do you get it?
You and I got hired to do a little like at home
advertisement shoot thing as a couple.
Yeah, like a little. Yeah, it's called user generated

(48:14):
content. UGC.
UGC and we did the we did it over a month ago originally.
And then they came back to us and said, hey, for a couple
extra bucks, would you do a couple additional shots 'cause
we need a couple more things, but they weren't going to give

(48:39):
us the same rate. It was just, oh, we need a
couple more things. We'll give you a couple, we'll
throw you a couple more bucks. I was like, sure, fine, sounds
good. Three weeks go by.
They haven't paid us for the original job and they haven't
sent me the new shots. So I was like, hi, hello, anyone

(49:01):
home? Can I get the new shots or get
paid for what we already did? Either would be OK.
Because the contract originally said we'll pay you within 14
days of receiving the video files.
Knock knock, motherfucker. It's been 21 days.
Where is the money? So I was like, hi, I either need

(49:21):
the new shots and or payment forthe work already done.
They're like, oh oh sorry. I was just on an international
flight and had family emergency whatever fucking version of pick
one lie he gave me like 3 lies in a row and then he's like it's
a small government agency so it's like hard to get the new

(49:43):
shots approved, but like I here,I'll send him over.
Now he sends eight shots over, one where we have to go on a
hike, the other where I have to,like, buy cucumbers like, no, I
said you're asking for a completely new shoot.
This isn't. Oh, I'll give you a couple extra

(50:05):
bucks. This is a completely new shoot
that's the same amount of time. And he was like, well, it's a
small agent government agency and we don't have a big budget.
And I'm giving up some of my payto pay you extra.
And I lost my fucking mind. I texted you and was like
sending you what I wanted to sayto him, which is like just

(50:27):
because it's come that's unprofessional.
I don't give a your fucking budget in the way you used it
the first time is none of my fucking concern.
I'm a stranger that you hired. I'm someone that you hired to do
a job. Then you didn't follow through
on your. Also, if you're a government
agency, maybe you should read your own contract because you

(50:50):
said as a government agency thatyou were gonna pay me in 14 days
and you were in violation of that, you fucking idiot.
You breached bitch. So then I called my agent.
I'm joking. And she sent over something that
was like, you need to pay her and if you expect the extra

(51:12):
shots like sent like whatever she laid the.
Line. Down.
And it was just so fucking frustrating because again, it
was a dude mansplaining to me. He was like, Oh well, only two
of the shots have dialogue, so it's not that much work.
And I was like, dialogue doesn'tmean anything.
We're still setting up a shot and doing it for you.

(51:34):
Yeah, it's not like we were memorizing complicated lines.
Oh, it's a small government agency, so you don't get how it
works. You don't get how it works, you
fucking idiot. I don't get how it works.
You don't get how it works. So then we sent a super formal
e-mail that was like, if you don't pay this, like, we're
taking you to arbitration, whatever.
I sent a formal invoice. I PayPal invoiced him and I said

(51:59):
I'm not giving you the extra shots till you pay in full.
And so he fucking paid in full. And then we sent over the extra
shots with a big fucking middle finger.
I was like, heavy weekend, here's your shit.
And he emailed back and was like, sorry it's been so hard.
Like it's been such a pain to get this project done.

(52:23):
Whatever. Like.
I don't care. I don't give a shit, bro.
Oh my God. I just thought of another Jude.
We'll have to save it for next. Week, OK.
The lender. That's what I told you to write
down. Oh my God.
OK. We'll do it next week.
We'll do it next week. We'll remember.
I have to, OK. Got to wrap this one up with a

(52:43):
bow. This week has been so
triggering. She says every week, at least
you said it at the end of the podcast, this time instead of
the beginning. Yeah, judgment to the plaintiff.
Take your extra shots and your failure to pay me and shove it
up your ass. Do.
You get it. All right.

(53:04):
And your dinky ass budget and your stupid little government
agency. If you can't just 'cause you
can't do your fucking job right is not my fucking problem.
Wow. And then he said he literally
goes oh sorry, after he sent me 4 paragraphs of being

(53:27):
unprofessional and being like I can't, We don't know.
We have the wrong shot. Stop talking.
Are you telling me to stop? Talking.
No, I'm talking to him. Uh huh.
Not you. After the four paragraphs he
goes sorry, hopping on another 14 hour flight.
What? I said go.
OK, then you can communicate with my agent via e-mail and you

(53:51):
can pay me before you get shit. Also, what'd you do a there and
back trip to Japan? I don't what?
Happened. What an idiot.
OK, how is it that we forgot the?
Well, you know, like you said, it's been a triggering week I.
Spent like 2 hours crying, whatever.

(54:15):
Again, something you say every week.
Hey. Shaming you for.
It next week, I'll save it for the.
Truth. It's the truth.
There's something else I was going to say.
I don't think I see the, you know, guy with the video.
Damn. Horse out of the barn.

(54:35):
Horse in the barn. Horse out of the barn.
Horse in the barn. That's supposed to make you
remember. I don't think it really does.
Well, I'll think of it by next week.
Until then, make sure you investin Haircut Mirror and let us
know if you have a cleaning person you recommend.

(54:55):
Yeah, and if pillowcase is off is a normal thing and there was
something else. But you know, I just rewind it.
Listen to the podcast, give us acouple extra numbers.
Love you. Bye.
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