Shoeless in a Fish Grill!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hey, imagine that, 2 Millennials.
Doing a podcast to avoid legalizing the.
Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true opinions.
Oh yeah, mostly true opinions. I am Cameron.
That is KDK Comedy. Hello.

(00:22):
How are you? You know, there's a lot of good
and a lot of bad. Mostly good though.
Yeah? Why don't you say?
Mostly good. Uh huh.
No. Yes, mostly good and also my
face has hives. Well.
So. Yeah, I mean, that's a good
place. Riddle me this.

(00:43):
That's the mostly bad opinion right there.
Here's the thing, I don't know how long I'll be this way.
But are you referring to the? You mean you as a person in
general? Or the the.
OK, OK. Got it.
Got it. I had an allergic reaction.

(01:04):
How many? How many days ago, honey.
On fucking. Friday was it on Friday.
Yes. God.
Count it. It's Monday, so I'm still like
this. Yeah, I've been.
Well, in in your defense, you, you know you have you had
peanuts 'cause you're allergic to peanuts, and that's but oh
wait, hang on. I'm not allergic to peanuts, and

(01:27):
I it wasn't about that. I tried a new makeup product,
but it was the second time I hadtried it, so I was confused as
to why it now betrayed me. I tried the tart Key Largo glow
drops. Definitely sounds like you just

(01:49):
made all of that up. I tried the glorious red apple
bomb. Whatever, it's just glowy serum
drops for your face to make you look sun kissed without the sun
damage and it's supposed to be nice and light whatever for the
summer blah blah blah de blah. I've used other products from

(02:11):
Tart before that I like and are fine on my skin.
Are you sure it wasn't like fart?
Like an like, you know what I mean?
Like an off brand, 'cause that everybody's about the dupes now.
No, it wasn't an off brand. Thank you for asking.
So I used that. And then I was like, oh, do I

(02:32):
have dry skin today? And I started itching.
And then I was like, did I get amosquito bite?
And then I was like, is there something wrong?
And then, Oh my God, if you hearrustling, it's the dog walking
across the microphone wire. We're we're laying in bed, to be
clear. We're laying in our bed because
our podcast office studio is notset up yet, but we are in our

(02:55):
new home. It sounds pretty good in here.
We persist. We continue.
The dog has sat now. Anyways, I tried the new drops.
I was like, oh do I have dry skin?
Oh, did a mosquito bite me? Oh, just kidding.
I think I have face hives. We went to a movie, so we went
to Whole Foods and got face wipes because we went to dinner

(03:17):
with my mom. My skin started itching and I
was like, weird. So we went to get face wipes so
I could take my makeup off before the movie, so I could
just let my skin breathe. And I was like, I don't know
what's going on with me. So I used a makeup wipe in the
car, took off my makeup, went into the movie fall guy.
Very good movie. It was really fun.

(03:37):
Highly recommend. We come out of the movie and you
go. I think you might need to take a
Benadryl. You go how do I it looks?
I feel better I think. How does it?
Look, I said. I think my eyes feel swollen.
It. Got so much worse during the
movie. It got so much worse, to the

(03:57):
point where my eyes were almost swollen shut and my face was
pulsating. You had these poor little slits
for eyes. And I had blotchy hives all over
my face that I've yet to leave. It was a.
Lot. They've just been at varying
degrees of severity through the last three days.
I've washed my face with only gentle cleanser.

(04:19):
I've put moisturizer on. I've put topical Benadryl.
I've put topical. What is it called?
The cortisone cream? I've been doped up on Benny's
every four to six hours. I've searched on TikTok for
extra hacks. I'm doing all the things,
people. I'm doing all of it.

(04:41):
And yet my face is still like this.
I look like a burn victim. You look a lot better today than
you have 100%. Are you just getting used to it?
No, I'm not. I'm not you.
You definitely look better today, but in general have.
You felt my face. It's indefinite in terms of.

(05:03):
I'm not. I'm not wearing makeup like I'm
not putting more shit on it. Your color looks a lot better
today. What did I look like yesterday?
It. Was you had like more redness
going on, you know it was more like blotchy and now today
you're not back to normal normalyet, but I think you're on the
the road to recovery. Have you ever had?

(05:26):
This. Level of reaction to something.
One time when I was like 10, I ate a ton of strawberries in a
row, like a carton if not more, and I got body hives.
FYI, that can happen to anybody.Yeah.
Did you know that? Like, even if you technically
don't have an allergy, everyone has a strawberry allergy?

(05:49):
What? Yeah, No.
Yeah. What do you mean?
It just you're gonna everybody on Earth can have a level of
strawberries. But if you go across a certain
point, everybody has a differentthreshold.
But if you cross a certain point, you have an allergic
reaction. Are you making this up?
No. I'm pretty sure that's.
What is it in strawberries? You sure That's science?

(06:12):
What is it in strawberries that so we shouldn't be eating them?
No, it's just not, you know, don't eat.
Berries are not meant to be Across the board.
Berries are like meant as like you have a few.
Well, I went too hard when I waslike 10.
Yeah. But yeah, I don't.
Think I've ever had. Strawberry stuff.
I just have never gone that hardagain.

(06:34):
I don't think I've ever had likea food related one.
Yeah. But definitely skin.
I don't remember exactly what I'm allergic to, which is
probably bad. That's bad.
But when you go to the doctor and they do like a skin test
where they put several differentthings in you.
Yeah, done that one time. And.
Had a few things, but nothing extreme.

(06:55):
But I've never had the level of reaction that you had, except
that I do get it like once and every four times that I drink
alcohol. But your eyes don't swell shut.
They feel like they're swollen. And then you return to normal in
like an hour. Yeah, it's a much faster
recovery. Here's the thing.

(07:16):
I still don't know which thing I'm allergic to inside of the
product. It could even be the container
it came in. Yeah, I don't know.
But didn't you look it up on Tiktok and there's people who
have the same reaction that you're having?
Yeah, there was like two other girls.

(07:37):
This is why people need Tiktok. But they say to do a patch test
anytime you try a new product and do a patch test on your hand
or on your wrist or whatever, which I could have done and
found out that I was allergic toit.
Sure, but now you will. This has never happened to you
before. So like, why would you?
You know, but now you will. I was living recklessly.

(08:00):
I do Just putting shit on my face.
I'm serious, though. This is why Tiktok needs to stay
around. Yeah, because it's very It comes
in handy when things like this happen.
I'm still posting on Tiktok, butof course when I start getting
more thousands of followers is when they it gets banned.
Yeah, very cool. It'll be OK though.

(08:21):
Whatever. So yeah, coming to you.
Thank God. Audio only today because you
wouldn't want to see this shit anyways.
I mean, they probably do kind ofwant to see it.
I posted it on my TikTok at KDK Comedy.
I posted a video of my skin on Day 2 because we the morning

(08:43):
after my allergic reaction. I was in a Benadryl coma and we
woke up and had to go move because we scheduled the movers
and the pod and everything and it was moving day so we moved
for like 16 hours and I had a swollen face.
It was so good. It was so great.
Doesn't it kind of seem like parfor the course at the moment?

(09:04):
I would have. It would have been too
suspicious if it went smoothly. I was going to say there had to
be something, and this was that was it.
There's always something. It's either like when we packed
it was raining. Another time that we moved, it
was like 120° outside. And then the pod wasn't big
enough this time and. Pod wasn't big enough.
The movers the first time suckedanyways.

(09:26):
This time the movers were great.We got unpacked, mostly in a day
and a half. We're still working on it.
Yeah, I mean everything is here,which I think is, you know, like
90% of the battle. It's just the unbacking phase.
That and why you know it. It would be ideal if neither of
us had to work for two weeks. Oh, we'd knock.

(09:48):
That shit out, it would be game over.
But having to work on top of it,that's just a factor when you're
an adult. Yeah.
I guess I could take, we could try taking sick days, but I feel
like it's a little obvious. Obvious and also sick days are
for vacation. Yeah, I think that says that
employee employee agreements. I do have to, I we've probably

(10:12):
talked about this before, but itevery time it strikes me over
the head when we move or help someone move.
I don't understand how people want that job.
I know that there's, you know, there's jobs for everyone and

(10:33):
somebody has to do the manual labor and some people are good
at it and some people that's, you know, an easier thing for
them to achieve in their life. And that's respectable.
I respect the hell out of it. Do you think if you OK?
I don't get it. Do you think I don't know how to
say this? Do you think if you were

(10:56):
stronger? Ouch.
I don't mean it like this bad, but.
No, go ahead. Go ahead.
Do you think If you weren't suchan idiot.
No. What is it?
What were you gonna say? Do you think if I was stronger?
No. Fill in the gaps.
I'm waiting. I can't.

(11:19):
Go ahead. No, you have to say it now.
No. I just mean.
Can't tee up to it and not do itif.
You. Why can't you say it?
No, 'cause I've already. I'm gonna be, I'm.
I'm just saying. No, you're not yet.
If couldn't you see in a certainlight if it wasn't your house

(11:44):
and you're not emotionally invested in the items being in
and out and it's like you're very like task completed
oriented person where you want to do something tactile, that's
then the task is completed. Like instant gratification.
Yes. So couldn't you see in a certain
light if if it wasn't your home and you don't care about the

(12:05):
items and you're just in and outin a couple hours and you
weren't throwing out your back by lifting stuff is what I mean
by stronger. I just mean cause the guy
literally he lifted like a wholedesk just over his head and we
were like what? These people are built

(12:26):
different. But go with me on this for a
second, OK? So I just I'm saying the answer
is was easier on you. No, 'cause I've reached the
physical acumen in my life that it's no longer like rewarding
because it's so easy for me to accomplish.
You know what I'm saying? Like I like a challenging thing
that I can overcome, not not lowhanging fruit.

(12:47):
OK. That aside, I've also noticed
that every time we've had moversrecently, none of them are
jacked. Yeah.
They're all very average. They're like thin dudes.
I think it's all in the cold. A lot short, too.
A lot of short, thin dudes. Well, yeah, because I think they
have like a low center of gravity.

(13:08):
I don't get it. The I would assume when there's
guys lifting full dressers over their heads that they would be
like pretty jacked, no? You were ready for beefcakes to
show up. I was.
That's what I signed up for and frankly I'm disappointed.
One guy was like a string bean, but I know he had core strength,

(13:32):
I think. So what?
What do we learn from this? Do you think that I'm scrawny?
No. And do you think that this is
one of those moments where, like, you're talking to somebody
and they're, they're like, yeah,let's throw aside your struggles
for a second. You know what you should do
instead is be a mover. That's what you're telling me?

(13:56):
No, I'm just. Dramatic pause.
Jeez. I'm just saying my face is
itching. I'm itching my face.
I'm just saying you were just talking shit on who would pick
that job, and I was. Like, oh, for the record, I was
not talking shit. I didn't say fuck people that
choose to be a mover. Well, now that's gonna be taken
out of context. I just don't.

(14:20):
I I It's hard for me to picture a world in where somebody's
like, yeah, but I, you know, I Ifully acknowledge this is not a
unaware stance. I fully acknowledge that a lot
of people have jobs that they don't enjoy.
But also, you know, I guess it'skind of like moving.
And weddings and death are the top three most stressful things.

(14:44):
And yet, some people choose to be movers, and they move every
day. And some people choose to be
funeral directors, and they dealwith death every day.
'Cause it's consistent. And some and some people choose
to be wedding planners as their job.
Which God? I'd kill myself.
God, I'd kill myself, Joe. I would too.

(15:05):
That's another job that I don't understand.
It's that movers teachers, I think we should.
Start the episode over. No, like you're you're miss.
This is not you're not understanding what I'm saying.
I am not saying fuck all the people that want to do these
things and you're idiots. That's not what I'm saying.

(15:26):
I'm saying I don't understand how you have the patience for
these things. A teacher.
I mean look at the stories in the news.
Watch TV. Children and kids and students
are assholes. Yeah.
Please watch this. There's a show called
Neighborhood Wars and Customer Wars where it's all footage of
people misbehaving and the police have to get involved.

(15:47):
Imagine being the cop that has to show up at somebody's front
door who's like threatening you with a hammer.
Yeah. I just it's unbelievable that
people can do it. A nightmare?
I don't get it. Hats off.
Truly. Hats off.
Yeah, See you're you're turning this on me.

(16:11):
No, I heard you. Start the episode over, she
says. By the way, we bought the house
and there's still something out front.
No, that's my Jude. OK, I didn't know what happened
to you was your Jude. I typed which was my Jude.

(16:32):
Well, I'm trying to look quicklywithout.
Maybe Reed. OK, I'll read.
Please wait. Something more exhilarating
happened. Tell me.
Thank God when we moved in we were eating pizza with my mom
upon unpacking and we heard squeaking.
Well, how would you describe it?I don't even know.

(16:54):
Kind of sounded like squeaky wheels.
Yeah. I 'cause it sounded like a trash
Cam was being wheeled to the. Street.
It definitely didn't sound like an animal.
No, not at all. So we go to investigate 'cause
I'm like, what the hell sound isthat?
And it sounds really close to us.
Turns out what may be horrifyingto some, exhilarating for us.

(17:19):
There were two beefy fluffy raccoons on our bat.
We have like a retaining wall and they were skimpering across
the back retaining wall and it was so cute and I accidentally
scared them because I went out and went hello and then they

(17:40):
didn't want anything to do with me but I'm sad and I'm ready for
them to come back. And my mothers were.
Huge. I might set out food.
What do you mean? No, no, no, we're not doing
that. Our friend Courtney was telling
me that she sets out apple coresand stuff.
Yeah, that's a bad idea. I am going to be Snow White in
this home. OK, do you want the raccoons to

(18:02):
attack our dogs? Today the first thing I did was
put Hummingbird Nectar in the feeder.
That's different. I support that.
How is that different? It's wildlife.
How is it different? Raccoons with their thumbs.
Raccoons that have rabies attracting them towards the
house where we have animals. That they have rabies.

(18:23):
Because they all do. No, they not all raccoons have
rabies. Most of them do.
They're basically domesticated. I'm not saying we should shoot
them, but I think it's like the same concept is when we go to
the woods and like stay in a cabin, you don't leave your food
out 'cause it attracts bears, same type of thing, you know?

(18:43):
Except we put our food in the trash can and it did attract a
bear. And it was amazing.
No, it wasn't. Honey, this is what people wait
a lifetime to see. You're I'm telling you right now
you are alone on this. I I love that there's raccoons.
I love that they were on the wall.
I don't want them any closer. I.

(19:04):
Want them to become best friendswith the dogs.
OK, well that's never going to happen.
Mark my word. You really are Snow Whiting in
here, aren't you? Is that what you said, Snow
White? Well, I yeah.
And then, unfortunately, today Iwas sitting in the room and a
bird flew right at. I attracted the animals.

(19:24):
So, so well, a bird flew right into our big window.
This one? Yeah.
Did you did it punk? Yeah.
Did it? Was it OK?
I It flew away. It was a little crooked, though.
Yeah, that happens. So I don't know what to do.
We have to put decals on the window.

(19:45):
Once there's something like a curtain or a blind or something,
it'll be fine, you think. It's just the see through
element that they cause we don'thave the windows with the lines
in them, you know? Yeah, What are those called?
I don't know. I forgot they're called
upstairs. Yeah, but not upstairs.
And so they just see it as an extension of outside.

(20:06):
My parents had like an atrium. In their house where there was a
tree inside and it was awesome. Like it was so cool.
There's a freaking tree inside. How many birds died trying to
get to? Probably, and I'm not
exaggerating, 25 a year, it was like an every three days thing

(20:29):
where you'd just be in the housetalking and all of a sudden
you're. Boom.
And it was like, 'cause they were aiming for the tree, and
eventually they're like, OK, we feel bad, can't do it anymore.
Did they just cut the tree down?Yeah, they had it removed.
That's sad. And then the birds stopped.
They stopped doing it. Yeah 'cause it's like a trick.
They're like being pranked. Isn't that weird though?

(20:52):
Yeah. So raccoons, very exciting.
The house we're very excited about.
However, I'm not listen, it's this is just being real.
Like we're very happy and very grateful and very we can't wait
to show more of the house or talk about good things with the

(21:13):
house. It's just been a roller coaster
of a 72 hours. So we were unpacking.
It's Cinco de Mayo and we had a couple friends that insisted on
dropping by some tequila for us on Cinco de Mayo it.
Was very nice. Very sweet of them.
Of course when they drop by, I said.

(21:35):
OK, well, all we have is boxes. We literally have nothing to sit
on but come on in. See the house, whatever.
We're standing in the kitchen and one of our friends goes
there's water pouring from your ceiling.
Oh, hi. Oh, your ceiling's leaking.

(21:56):
And we turn around in the kitchen and it's a torrential
downpour in the kitchen ceiling.And I like, and I think I just
started yelling at the top of mylungs.
I was going. No, you did that.
But then you did your then you did your KD signature move.

(22:19):
You just started panic laughing.Yeah.
If you've ever watched Superstore Cheyenne, when she
gets nervous, she laughs. It's the exact same thing.
It sounds very similar, yeah, tothe point where you like, start
crying. Yeah.
And so it was just a mixture of laughing and running around the

(22:41):
house. 'Cause I was trying to find our
towel. And turns out there's a toilet
up here that like, you can just there's nothing in the toilet
and it clogs. Yeah.
And then on top of that, there'sa little like malfunctioning
part in the. The tank.
The tank. So it was like leaking water
into the already clogged toilet and eventually the toilet filled

(23:04):
up. To be clear, did we even pee in
it? Like, I don't think so.
I will admit it didn't help whenmy first instinct when I came up
here was to flush it, because then it just that's when it
really had Niagara falled. And then I was downstairs with
12 towels. I used every towel we have.

(23:26):
And you know what's really greatabout an emergency in a place
you just moved into? And you're like, grab the
towels. You're like, where the fuck are
they? Where the towels?
Oh, man. But it had to happen at least.
Like, I'm just happy. I'm happy that it happened while
we were home. Sure.
And during the day it resolved very quickly.
Right, we did it. We turned.

(23:47):
God, you shut off the water valve.
I cleaned up all the leaking water and I put a bucket under
it and. The ceiling stopped leaking.
The ceiling stopped leaking. It was just a little
embarrassing that it was the first ever people besides us in
our home. And then?
What happens though when we do this?
Our ceiling just gave way, basically.
Every place we've lived, something like that has
happened. Yeah, the one and only time we

(24:10):
had your Co worker over for dinner, our dishwasher flooded.
And it like filled the kitchen. Yeah.
It was bad. There was no, like, casual
recovery. It was like, well, we're fucked.
No, to the point where it like it was so much that we just left
it there and finished dinner. Yeah, and then went and bought a

(24:31):
shop vac to get it out. The perils of homeownership.
So comes with the territory. Raccoons.
Ceiling leak hives on my face. What more could there be?
I have one for you. I yeah.

(24:51):
So we have we wanted to mount these two TV's that we have and
previously at our other place wemounted it ourselves and we did
it successfully, but it is very stressful.
At what cost? And in a place where I'm like we
both are very much on the same page of like we want everything
to be done nicely and I don't want to like drill into the wall

(25:15):
only to find out I wasn't supposed to drill there and the
whole thing. We want it just done right the
first time and if it cost $50.00for that to happen and not at
the cost of our soul or our marriage, then let's pay for
someone to do it. So I I found a guy on Task

(25:36):
Rabbit. Task Rabbit.
Really great for these things because there is it's not quite
like if you hire a handyman, a lot of handyman are good, but
they have like a a company that I work for that has a minimum
and so task rabbit's really good'cause you can hire somebody by
the hour to come do something simple like mount ATV or install
a shower curtain or whatever. So I found this guy, it was like

(26:00):
40 bucks an hour to have him come.
So I found this guy, it was like40 bucks an hour to have him
come and we already bought. We bought the mounts already so
all he had to come and do was just put them on the wall.
So he comes, he comes. I don't know what it is about
people. Like he said 7th between 7:30

(26:21):
and 8:00 was the arrival. He shows up at 7:20 and knocks
on the door. The dogs.
It's their first day at the house.
They lose their shit. And I'm like, OK, great.
It's exactly what I was hoping to avoid by scheduling him at a
specific time. If you show up early, just
comment the early part of the window at 7:30, sit in your car

(26:44):
for 10 minutes, and then knock on the door anyway so he gets
here early. Dogs go crazy.
You have to put them in the car.I come in, I'm talking to him
about where we want the TVs. I tried to put them in the
backyard, but then they started jumping at the glass and
scratching the thing because they're not used to strange

(27:04):
dudes. They're not used to this space.
They were all on edge to begin with.
I've been unpacking all day and they're like exhausted and
pissy. It was not the time to try to
train them to be good with a stranger task rabbit dude.
So then I was like, hey, we can't do the backyard, we can't
do inside the house. I'm going to put them in car
jail and I'm going to sit in thecar with them.

(27:26):
And I'm so happy that you did, because this guy started
mansplanting things to me the second that you walked out the
door and got in the car. I told him straight up, like, we
installed the TV's at our old place.
We I just, like would much rather have a professional like
you to come do it. Like trying to inflate his ego a

(27:48):
bit. And he was literally like
explaining to me what a television is, what he was
pointing out, what the sound baris and how to plug it in, where
the power cord on the TV plugs into the TV, how to put an HDMI
cable into the back of the TV. Did you say it at a point?

(28:11):
I know. Yeah.
I start going yeah, I don't know.
I I get all that and but and then he goes like three or four
times started talking about oh these swivel mounts you gotta
you know, I, I, I tell people all the time.
I tell them you don't get these don't get these.
And I go cool. That's great.
I had one of my old house. These are the ones we chose.

(28:32):
These are the ones I want to install.
I tell people, don't use them. Don't use them because they
bend. We liked ours.
Loved it. But I tell people, and these
ones, these ones that you got, they're not very wide.
They're not very wide. What does that mean?
I don't. Beats me.
And I try to ask him and he's like, it's just, you know, it's

(28:54):
could be a factor, could be a factor when we start hanging
them up, could be. And I'm like, OK, cool.
And then I have to remind him of, like, mounting the sound bar
to the one TV and he's like, Oh yeah, he clearly forgot, but he
pretended like it was part of the process.
So anyway, he's literally like panic measuring things to the

(29:18):
point where I had to stop him when he was in sewing the first
TV several times because he keptgoing like 56 and 50 over oh,
not 5658. OK, divide the what's 58 / 2.
That's phenomenon. That's a 20s 28.
No, there's no 2929. You put them all.
OK, What's half of that you're gonna put?
It's 6 inches above. OK, Is this where are you good
with this height? And I'm like, is that at the

(29:38):
height of the mount or the TV? Oh, well, let's say we add add 6
to it and we're gonna measure And I'm like, holy shit, there I
was inches away from going, you know what, Forget it.
Because I the whole point was tosave time and to have it done
quickly and professionally. And he was like, at one point he

(30:02):
measured the entire length of the wall and I was like, what?
And he's like I and he kept likegrabbing the TV mount and just
putting it on the wall randomly and just going like and like
putting on another section wall as if he was like testing what
part of the house he should evenput ATV.

(30:22):
And I'm like, I honed it in. I got it figured out.
And then he's like, I mean, do you, I don't know if you ever
lifted the TV before, but once we get this man on the wall,
you're going to have to be careful.
Like, be careful because when weflip it, you're going to have
to, you're going to put your hand here.
You're going to put your hand there.
And then we're going to flip it.We're going to turn it, and then
we're going to. And then we lift it and he goes
turn, turn, turn like the friends pivot, pivot, pivot.

(30:45):
I'm like, we're literally just walking six feet to put it on
the wall. Anyhow, while all this mania is
happening, he asked me what I dofor a living.
No. Did you lie?
I did not. I didn't.
And I should have. I should have.
I should have fucking lied. Rookie mistake.
I don't think that I'm like MVPVIP, most important person in

(31:09):
the world. I but I don't like talking about
this. I don't like personal details
with somebody I'm gonna see for 40 minutes and never see again.
I don't. Right, so you lie and you say
something boring. And This is why I'm bringing it
up, 'cause I have to come up with the narrative from now on
so that I can avoid this situation.
I don't know what I maybe I should say I own a moving

(31:30):
company, maybe that's my thing. But I just told him I just said.
'Cause you might get into White Library, then he's like, oh, I'm
actually moving next week, can Iget?
Info. So I just, I I said very basic
information. I said I work at Amazon Music.
You gotta say something like really generic, like sales.

(31:50):
Insurance sales. I'm a consultant, something like
that. Yeah, I'll do that next.
Time like really generic. Yeah, I say Amazon Music.
Then he proceeds as he's manically measuring everything
and doing a shit to tell me how bad of a company Amazon is and
starts like, you know, shitting on Jeff Bezos and how they do

(32:14):
all these wrong things. I'm like, this is weird because
yes, Amazon probably has its fair share of issues well
documented, but you're also in my house.
Right. And you're kind of holding me
captive while you shit on me, you know what I mean?
You're holding me down. Will you poop on my face?

(32:35):
So he goes on that whole rant, and then I'm like, wow.
OK, let's get through this and fucking get out of here.
Pause. I was just like, uh huh?
Yeah, I'm crazy, right? Uh, huh.
Yeah. Uh huh.
At one point, I didn't even knowwhat he was saying.
Pause. Little bit of silence, little
more measuring. Then he says, You know, I think

(32:58):
it's pretty cool you work in music.
No. I've been writing a musical
theater show. I.
Can't. And he says, no, I'm not joking,
he says. I go to New York because I I go
to New York once a month to rehearse and I'm thinking like,

(33:23):
what? Doesn't make any sense.
You don't go like you don't spread your rehearsals out the
course of a year. Like once every fucking four
weeks. Oh my God.
And then he said I was nominatedfor a Peabody, which is better
than a Grammy. OK.
That's like saying I was nominated for a People's Choice

(33:46):
award, which is definitely better than an Oscar.
It's apples and oranges. He said.
Better than a Grammy, he. Said.
I've been nominated for a Peabody, which is better than a
Grammy, but I didn't win. Did he say the name of the
musical? No, he didn't.
Do you have his name from Task Rabbit?

(34:06):
Yes. Should we look him up
immediately? I.
I will. Yes, I can do that.
Because I have other informationto add to this.
OK. The first thing he said to me
before you arrived was why is your sold sign still out in the
front yard? Oh yeah.
And then he said you shouldn't work with that realtor anymore.
How long have you been living here?
And I said four days. And he said that's you could she

(34:29):
could get fined. You shouldn't work with her
anymore. I'm a realtor.
He is also, yeah. He said he's a realtor and he
writes musicals and he's a task rabbit.
And he's a handyman. He told me all these things.
He told you he's a realtor too. Yes, the best part, the best
part of all this was that as he's telling me his musical

(34:53):
theater shit, and he's definitely, you know, when
somebody's telling you a story, and this sounds so douchey to
say, but it's true, everybody experiences it.
Somebody's telling you a story and they're like loading it to
the point where they want you todesperately ask follow up
questions. Yeah, I wasn't.
You wouldn't. And he just kept, like, trying

(35:14):
to get me there. Oh my God.
So he just kept talking about musicals, about I've I'll look
it up or I'll try to, But he kept talking about the music,
and he's in the middle of sayinghow his show that'll be at 100
Person Theater is more impressive than a big Broadway
performance for whatever reason.And then I call.
You. And then all of a sudden he

(35:35):
goes, I hear a boom. And he goes, oh, you know, it's
better than a theater perform atboom.
I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding.
What? Honey, you didn't tell me any of
this. So he's literally like, oh, it's
100% theater, which is better, 'cause it's boom.
Yep, I'm bleeding. Oh my God, I'm like, what the

(35:57):
fuck? He nicked.
So he's over here. He mounted the mount onto the
wall and it was like sitting outand he's in the middle of
fucking talking about musical theater and how he won a Peabody
but didn't and he jacked his head on the corner of it.
Oh my God. And he's definitely concussed.
Yeah, he's not concussed. Honey, he's bleeding.

(36:17):
He probably will. Did he get blood on our wall?
No, I checked. I checked.
He like, hit it. And then he was like kind of.
And then he touched his head andhe's like, Yep, I'm bleeding.
And so I got him like a little paper towel thing.
And I was. Like, was there blood on the
paper towel? Huh.
Like how much was? He he put in his pocket.

(36:38):
He like, put it in his pocket after he dabbed.
Did he seem like worried? No, he was just powering
through. He kept going, kept going, kept
talking about theater. And then?
He got right back on track with the story.
Kept. Yeah.
Kept going with the story. And then we finished.
And then he gathered all the stuff and we went downstairs and

(36:59):
I literally was like, thank you so much.
And then he kept telling me about the musical theater.
And then I was like, that's great.
Yeah, well, have a good night. Then he was like, oh and by the
way, I know I said it earlier, but if that, you know, I'm a
realtor and so I know you guys just moved in here, but if you
know you have any needs, let me know.

(37:20):
And also I can come do shower rods and I can see that you need
blinds 'cause this house is not very private.
So if you need, I can do floating shelves too.
If you want to put a floating shelf here and I go, I'm all
set. Well, let me give you my number,
'cause it's like 10% less than if you use Task Rabbit.

(37:41):
And I'm like, I literally openedthe front door and I was like,
gotta go. And then he finally left.
Oh my God. Were you mean at the end?
I'm worried he's just like, standing outside.
No, I wasn't mean but like take a fucking hint and also I'm like
I'm not trying to be that guy but I'm you're literally time

(38:02):
based pay bye and you know what I mean so.
So if you're telling me about your musical theater, I'm paying
you to pitch me your thing. Ah, damn.
That's and it's. Just not.
And it's all about approach too,because like, it never bothers
me. I get hundreds of emails a week

(38:24):
from people like, hey, here's mynew album and like, you know,
never bothers me, 'cause it's incontext, it makes sense.
Yeah, I think, Oh my God, I'm just, I'm just blown away.
Because you said you're never gonna guess where this
conversation went. And for some reason I was like,

(38:44):
he asked you if you've ever beento a strip club, Like, I just
was like, how is this gonna tie into some shit we've talked
about, 'cause you were like, you're never gonna believe where
this conversation went. I I genuinely, absolutely never.
In a million years, gun to my head would have guessed musical
theater. Are you disappointed?

(39:05):
I no, I'm just astounded. Did he make any comments about
the House like? Not really.
Just no. Not, not particularly.
Just the mount that you got was fucking wrong and you're an
idiot and the oh. And then the car.
Is worthless. This is the other thing that was
really bugging me. And I it's like, it's so stupid,

(39:25):
but we bought the kind of TV mount.
They're like 30 bucks on Amazon.They do the full like.
I'm sorry, on what? Website.
Yeah, Amazon. Oh my God.
Yeah, keep. In I know shit on my face, they
go side to side, they tilt up and down, but then they also
technically rotate so like you could.
The TV could be. Rotated, yeah.

(39:48):
Damn. He was explaining that concept
to me. Oh my God.
And he put a level on top of theTV and he's like turn, he's like
going poo poo poo and trying to level it out to like turn it.
And I go, yeah, I. I can worry about that is the
mount level. I'll I'll like rotate the TV and

(40:09):
tilt it and whatever and like, as long as it's on the wall, all
good. Well, well you know if you push
up on the left side, it's gonna make the right side go down.
So you have to so when at sea, watch.
And then he did it and it like it was like at 45°.
Oh my God. And I'm like, I get dude, I
understand the concept. Oh my God.

(40:29):
Please, for the love of God. And then during that, I'm just
laughing because then knowing the other half of what I was
doing, because I was in the car,bitching.
I was in the car bitching about,well, 'cause I was trying to

(40:53):
order stuff on Target from the car.
I was trying to figure out what to go get us for dinner from the
car and the dog sitting with thedogs.
So you're my only lifeline. So I'm just texting you.
And then so I finally figured out this is my half of the
story. Are you done with your half?
Sorry. Yeah.
I just have context to add. When you get like partially

(41:14):
through that. No, go ahead.
OK, so I decide that while I'm waiting, since I have to have
the dogs in the car, that I willgo pick us up dinner.
So I put in an order for the what is it called, something
Fish grill. Yeah.
California Fish Grill. Whatever.

(41:36):
It's 15 minutes from the house, and I put in an order and they
close at 9:00. It's 8:30, so I'm like, great,
I'll get there at 8:45, pick it up.
So I go. I park and then I called you in
tears, laughing my fucking ass off.
I almost pissed my pants in the 'cause I got there 15 minutes

(42:00):
park and realized that I never had shoes on.
I did not have shoes on because I just ran out to the car with
the dogs to get them out of the way from this guy and I had not
put shoes on. I was just in the home, ran out
with the dogs. So I called you crying,

(42:22):
laughing, couldn't even get words out because I was like,
how do I pick up this food? It's not curbside, it's go in
and pick it up at the counter. I don't understand how you got
there before you. Realized.
Because if I am driving with like sandals or or, you know, my
foot out of a shoe, it's. Been a long day.

(42:43):
I can't unnotice it. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot. It's just surprising.
Yeah, I know. I've never done this before.
It's it was surprising to me, all of us.
So I'm crying, laughing because I can't leave and go get shoes
and come back because they're closing at 9 and our food is

(43:06):
already ready. So they're closing right now.
I can't. I don't have time to go get
shoes and come back. Yeah.
And I have the dog, so I can't go buy shoes.
And and I only have 15 minutes, none of it.
I had to, I had to make game point decisions.
And there was families eating inthis California fish grill and

(43:27):
there was people in line still ordering at the fish grill.
And I was like, there's so many people and I'm in socks and
they're not matching socks because we moved.
Not like I wear matching socks anyways, but we moved and I just
picked whatever I could out-of-the-box.
They're also both my socks. No, I just realized.

(43:50):
That no, they're not. Yeah, they so are.
These are mine. No, they're not putting some of
these. There's only two the champion.
1. No, that's mine.
Some of these are mine. There's only two socks.
OK, well. That's good shit.

(44:13):
OK, so anyways. So yeah, you're hiding your feet
now like you're. So then I'm standing at the
parking lot crying because I'm just standing in my socks and
I'm about to pee myself and I have the dog.
So I wanted to run and run out. So I and my greatest fear was I

(44:36):
go in and it's not ready. So I waited a couple more
minutes. I kept crying, laughing.
I was like, I don't think I can do this.
And I then I was like, no, I gotta do this.
So I bucked up. I waited till there was no line.
Like I waited till people been were done ordering and then I
waited a couple minutes past theorder time to make sure it was

(44:58):
done. And then I walk in and there's
this guy sweeping and he comes behind the counter to help me.
And this family of four that waseating by the door for sure
clocked me and they for sure were looking at me.
I'm pretty sure I saw the mom hit one of the kids arms to
point at me. Are you serious?
I'm pretty sure I was a spectacle.

(45:21):
I also was like, looked like I was crying.
I looked like I had no shoes. I have two different socks on.
I've been unpacking all day and I looked like I was crying,
trying. So I think I looked homeless.
I'm sorry. Unhoused.
Yeah, unhoused. And I go up to the counter and
I'm like, I have a order for pick up.
And I thought it was under your name.

(45:42):
So I said under Cameron. And then he had to go disappear
and look for your name. But there it was under Katie and
said, so then it took longer. So I was standing at the counter
like turning to ash and he comesback and he goes, could it be
under Katie? And I went, Oh yeah, ha ha ha,
that's my name. And then he, like, finally
handed it to me and I actually sprinted out.

(46:04):
What's hilarious about that? What?
Thinking about it from their perspective, you come in with no
shoes on and ask. The wrong name.
An order that's not under your name, You know, it's like if
somebody walked in to Chipotle and was like order for Aaron.
Oh, I don't have an error. And is it Becky?

(46:25):
Sure, you know. From their perspective, they
shouldn't have given me the food.
Yeah, but there was also like 10minutes to close, so I'm sure
they were like, fuck it. They were like.
What was the chance on this one?Oh my God.
So while you were doing that andcalled me, I was literally
holding the television on the wall.

(46:46):
Stop. Yeah.
And. And you were going.
Are you OK? Yeah, I had it.
I so I had it in both hands. Then you were calling me and so
I'm like, oh shit, because you had the two dogs and, you know,
lots going on. I don't know if something was
wrong. So I'm literally holding the TV
on the left side here, both hands.

(47:08):
And my phone is ringing, so I answer it and then he walks the
fuck away. So I'm holding the television on
the wall with my left hand, talking to you with my right
hand. Why did he walk away?
Because he was going to grab hisfucking screwdriver from
downstairs. So he literally, as I answer the
phone, he goes, oh, hold this, I'll be right back, walks away.

(47:32):
I'm holding the phone on my right hand, holding the
television on the wall with my left hand.
You're crying on the phone, laughing.
And I'm like, are you 'cause I didn't want to be an asshole to
you either and be like, I can't talk right now, you know?
To be clear, when when I when you answered, I go, I'm laughing
'cause I knew it. Was I'm glad you said that

(47:54):
because you sounded really upset, but no.
I was just crying, laughing. Oh my God.
What's funny is you cannot breakthrough it.
It's really hard for you to like, stop and talk or like,
talk, laugh. You know how people talk, laugh.
You don't really. You can't really do that.

(48:15):
I don't have that ability. That's OK.
That's a good thing. No shortage of things this week,
huh? Did he say anything like all
good 'cause I called you like three times?
No, no. He was just talking about his
musical, his fucking Peabody Award.
He didn't say you didn't get anycontext of the name of the

(48:36):
musical or or the plot. No.
I thought you said he was talking to you about it.
He was, and I did not retain anyof it.
Honey for the plot. No, because I wanted this shit
done as quick as possible in theback of my head.
The time clocks have ticking 'cause there's 1000 things we

(48:58):
need to do. You're also walking shoeless
into a fish grill. You know there's other things on
the mind. And the name of the episode Be
Shoeless in a fish. Yeah, I like that.
Listen to me very carefully. I know everything.

(49:20):
I want you to stop talking. You're a moron.
So you. Love you are an example of.
Why people should have to take tests before they're allowed to
have children. Do you get it?
I absolutely did not look like ahomeowner like in that
situation. Yeah, well.
Or you did I look, you know? Comfortable.

(49:42):
Have you ever gone to a Lowe's on a Saturday and like, people
are walking in full of paint in their pineal?
Yeah, I feel like you looked exactly like a home owner.
Fish Grill is my home and I onlywear socks in there.
Jude. Yeah, sorry.
Jude we're just talking over theangry music.

(50:05):
Yeah. I don't want to be this person,
but I guess I am. Get your shit off my lawn,
bitch. The lady that sold us the house.
Yeah, so not our realtor, the person representing the seller
of this home. The person we bought it.

(50:28):
From I mean, I'll just say her fucking name.
I don't give a fuck. What?
That's how we get sued. It doesn't add anything to the
story. Fine.
Trina doesn't sell you're. Only making yourself laugh.

(50:51):
OK, I'm making you laugh. Look, I'm funny.
K So Trina has her fucking picture and giant sign, A sign
so big it's literally a post that was like, drilled into the
ground that a company has to install and remove.
It's a big ass one. It's not like one of those
stakes you shove down like a camping stake or a tent stake or

(51:15):
a little like trifold sign, No. It's basically a mailbox post.
It's bigger than our mailbox post, yeah, of the mailbox we
have for the home. It's big.
So it's. A fence post.
Yeah, it's a yeah, it's a fence post.
So they come install this giant fucking sign.

(51:36):
Her face on it is life sized. It's the size of a.
That's true. Yeah, it's huge.
So. It's a fucking billboard.
It's jarring, honestly. What would you say the
dimensions of this goddamn sign are?
I mean, the post is probably 9 feet tall.
Yeah. And then the the for sale.
Sign itself. Is like the size.
Of a TV? Yeah, definitely.

(52:00):
OK, so it's. It's like the size of our, yeah,
it's like 43 inch TV. Yeah, 43 inches and a giant
fucking post. So when I say her sign's still
here, it's not like, Oh my no, no, no, We're just gonna fold it
up and put it in the garage tillshe wants to pick it up.
No, it's a giant fucking sign. It's a tree.
We the only way we could get it out of the ground is if we hit

(52:21):
it with our car. Currently, right, we don't have
the ability to move it. A fucking company has to move
it. And there's a giant sold sign,
which was cute at first because we're so happy we bought the
house and it is sold and it's not available to anyone else
because we live in it now. Well, guess what?
We closed escrow on the 30th of April.

(52:43):
Legally, a week ago. Legally, a week ago she was
supposed to remove it after the close of escrow because guess
what, you don't need the sign anymore because we own the
house. Then our realtor was like, well,
yeah, usually the they scheduledthe company to come get it.
So I'm sure she'll get it by Friday or Monday.

(53:03):
She had said by Friday. But then I was like, oh, let me
give it till Monday. So the Monday has come and gone.
It's now 10:00 PM and I'm like, all right, this is kind of
crazy. Then the Task rabbit you're
talking about Mr. Musical Theater mentioned as he walks
in. How long have you guys lived
here? This is so inappropriate that
the sign is still up. He was like, so offended.

(53:25):
Well, he's a very realtor slash.And he's like, I'm a realtor.
They you could get, she could get fined for that.
That's lazy. You should never work with her.
And I was like, well, we didn't work with her.
Take my word for it as a PeabodyAward nominee.
And so I then I was like, OK, maybe this is kind of weird.
So I texted her because our realtor is going through a

(53:46):
family emergency and I didn't want to bother her about a
stupid sign. So I texted Trina and was like,
hi, 'cause her number's on the fucking sign and it's 3 feet
long, so I could see the number.So I texted Trina and said hey,
we purchased this home from you and my realtor is dealing with

(54:07):
something so just wanted to ask on the status of the removal of
your sign and she was like, Oh yeah, let me check with my
assistant, oh it'll be removed on the 15th.
What? As in.
It's the fucking 6th of May right now, you bitch.

(54:29):
As in like 2 weeks from now, yeah.
So it'll be in our fucking yard for three weeks after we've
closed escrow and transferred you tons of money.
No, thank you. Idiot.
Is that not like a legal? But then I'm like, you're making
me seem like the petty bitch. I don't want your goddamn shit
your giant fucking face in my yard.

(54:52):
This is weird. We own the home now.
It's very weird and. So when I looked on Reddit,
everyone's saying it's that's insane.
Everyone on Reddit says the day of the close of escrow, it's
supposed to be gone, much less the day after.
So then someone on Reddit was saying they have the same issue
and someone was like, yeah, sometimes they leave it on

(55:12):
purpose to advertise for themselves.
I believe that. I think that's what's happening.
She's leaving it up as a as a token of I sold this house and I
can sell yours too type of thing.
I bet 100%. To see.
Why else would the fuck would itbe there?
Right. It's for her advertising, not

(55:32):
for it's not because the companycan't come get it.
She scheduled it for the 15th topush it to the NTH degree.
Yeah, 100%. And I fucking, I'm like do so I
didn't respond to her. I didn't say thank you so much.
I didn't say anything 'cause I'mlike trying to decide if we
wanna die on this hill or if we just don't say anything and wait
till the 15th. I don't think there's anything.

(55:55):
There's no dying on any hill. What do you mean 'cause I'm
gonna have to cause a fuss? Yeah, but that's not dying on a
hill, because dying on a hill islike.
But is it worth the energy? Look at me in this new space in
life. I don't think it's gonna be.
Yeah, I I don't. I think, fuck it, I don't don't
put that much energy into it, but I just think we're plain and

(56:17):
simple about it and just say it needs to go and it needs to go
now. Or I'm gonna or I'm gonna what?
Hit it with my car. I'm gonna shoot it.
No, I'm gonna draw a mustache onyour face.
I'll spray. Paint it.
Or no or or we call the cops. I don't know, I guess.
Right call. The.
Cops. Let's call the cops.
Well, it's our property and her shit's on our property at this

(56:39):
point, no. It is, so let's call the cops.
Or the? City, I guess the city.
And I don't want to make it a thing of like making our realtor
deal with her either. Yeah, but this is also like a
very, I feel like this is 101, you know?
Yeah, it's really big, so. It's not even really like having

(57:02):
our realtor deal with her. It's like, this is so obvious
something that you shouldn't do,Yeah, you know.
We could leave her A. Bad Yelp review.
Should I take a picture of it, post it on my story and tag her
and say use Tina? Whoops.

(57:22):
Use Trina if you want her sign to be stuck in your yard for
three weeks. No, that's stuff that could be
defamation. How is that not the same as a
bad Yelp review? How is yours better?
Cause the Yelp review can be anonymous.
OK, even though she'll definitely know it was us.

(57:43):
Yeah, but nobody can track it back to us.
OK. You know what I'm saying?
All right, fine. That's.
What we'll do Listen. Listen to this fucking podcast.
Judgment to the play Deaf Shove your giant fucking sign and it's
giant fucking post and your giant fucking face up your own
ass do you get? It, you know, I just thought

(58:04):
about. Nobody can hear you now when you
yell. That I know.
Isn't that nice? It's so nice, 'cause we don't
share a wall anymore. Wow.
It's a simple things, you know. Yeah, I can yell up my ass and
only the dogs hear me. It's true, by the way.
If somebody has any tips for howto make a smoke smell go away,

(58:27):
let us know because Katie almostburn the new house down.
OK, with. Sage keeping the sage lit.
We for OK. It was a sweet time.
We sage. It was a sweet time we.
Saged the new home and we both thought the sage was out.

(58:48):
And it wasn't. And then there were plumes of
smoke billowing from our bathroom in the primary suite,
and now it smells like smoke. I like to think of it as it's
working overtime to get the bad energy out, you know?
We've cleared the energy for sure, and we've input new energy
of a house fire. You know what's funny is

(59:10):
nobody's going to believe the story.
They're going to come over and be like, did you know this was a
smoker's house? And we're gonna go make it
smell. Like cigarettes?
No, it doesn't smell like cigarettes.
It smells like cigars. No, no, it doesn't.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
So it's going great. Yeah, no, it's OK Oh, we can say

(59:30):
the realtor did it and left her sign.
If anyone has any tips for how to make phase times go away,
send them at KDK Comedy. Subscribe to Mostly True
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen
to podcasts.