Strip Club Memory Loss

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that, 2 Millennials.
Doing a podcast to avoid legalizing the.
Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true.
Opinions. Oh, hello there.
Welcome. Wow, True Opinions.
I'm Cameron. That is KDK comedy.

(00:21):
Hello. Hi, how are you babe?
So good. Yeah, it's a good Monday for
you. Wow, yeah.
We go up strong. Yeah.
February reminder forgot until today.
It's a leap year. Oh no, the. 29th of February.
That's a day that exists once every four years.

(00:42):
Oh shit. I was in an Uber recently and
the lady was real proud of the fact that she was born on
February 29th. Something you have no control
over. Something you literally did not
do. And when people wear it like a
badge of honor, it's. I mean, I guess it's fun.
It's like a conversation starter.
It's an icebreaker if you will, but it is also not a flex.

(01:07):
When you're like, oh, I'm special, I'm a leap year baby.
It's like like whatever makes you sleep at night.
And this lady in particular was like, yeah, I'm 4 or something,
you know, one of those people. And it's like, OK, well, if
you're not, my question is, if you're born on the 29th, and if
you were, send us a message at most of your opinions on
Instagram or to either of our profiles, Do you choose February

(01:31):
28th or March 1st is your birthday?
I think I would do February 28th, because it's still
February, yeah. And as someone that never gets
to celebrate on my actual day, Idon't resonate with anyone that
cares that much. I agree on the day.
I'm just curious legally speaking, how that works.

(01:54):
Like, I guess you just put the, what do you mean like the
February 29th I guess you put down as your birthday.
Yeah. But I just feels like one of
those Y2K moments, like the computer would shit itself.
Well, usually when you're putting like a legal form
birthday, it's the year you haveto do the month, day and year.
Yeah, so that year there was a February 29th.

(02:16):
It's like it's cool And that I would use it as my never have I
ever or my icebreaker for a workzoom call.
Yeah, or like tell us 4 interesting things about.
You or three? Two truths and a lie.
Yeah, but other than that. Also, when was this Uber like?

(02:39):
I don't remember. Maybe it wasn't an Uber.
OK. So it was in the month of
February though? I think so, yeah.
OK. Listen, I unintentionally
entered myself into a very fierydebate this weekend over my
memory. Do you recall what that debate

(03:00):
was? You were there for it.
Oh my God, thank you for remembering to bring this up.
Oh, oh. Should I set it up?
Should. I crack my knuckles.
Go ahead, I'll set it up over the weekend.
I couldn't. Do it.
I tried to crack them. Over the weekend we were on a
date night and I don't really know why or how we got on the

(03:22):
subject. I think we drove by a strip club
and I said I've never been to one, never been to a strip club,
but it comes up in conversation pretty frequently and then like
once every couple of months. And then I was like, what,
that's so frequent for it to come up in conversation?

(03:46):
And then I said, in what contextdo strip clubs frequently come
up every couple months? And you couldn't think of an
example. And then I said, OK, so like,
who is bringing them up? And you couldn't think of an
example of a person either. And then I said, OK, so were you
just kind of. Then I gave you the opportunity

(04:08):
to backpedal and I was like, so do you mean like once a year?
And you were like, no, I mean, every couple months someone asks
me about why I haven't been to astrip club, or if I've been to a
strip club and it's a topic of conversation every two months,
meaning 6 * a year, and I could not let it go.

(04:31):
Still can't. That it doesn't.
OK, you can remember your third grade teacher's first and last
name. In fact K through 12 first and
last name. Preschool through 12?
Yeah, sure. What a feather in your cap.
Like you. Cannot remember who with a penis
or a vagina. I mean, I assume with a penis.

(04:54):
I assume it's a dude or or groupof dudes, or not necessarily.
Whatever. Either way, you you use the
example like guys think it's weird.
I've never been to one when theytalk about guys nights out.
So you did use an example of guys.
And I'm like, I start naming specific friends and I'm like,

(05:14):
did they ask you or did they askyou or did they ask you at work
and you were like, oh, I don't think, no.
So you kept, I gave you an out to be like, oh, was it your best
friend? Was it your work colleagues I
kept? Here's the thing.
You say. You gave me an out.
An out from what to just I wasn't in.
I wasn't being trapped by something.
No to just answer. I I gave you the honest, honest

(05:39):
answer. You are saying in front of God
and everyone on this podcast on mostly true opinions of the
podcast that you have done. You heard this podcast.
God doesn't listen to this. You are saying that you stand by
the fact that it comes up every two months, ish again, ish every
couple months on average if you've been to a strip club or

(06:00):
not and that it's weird that you've never been to one.
Yeah. And you still cannot recall an
example of someone no that has asked you that or brought it up.
No, that is wild because that isso.
Unlike you, unlike you, I don't keep receipts on all my friends.
Oh. My God, I think it is a wild.
And so here's the thing. I don't care if you've been to

(06:24):
one, if you haven't been to one.I don't care if your friends are
asking you about going to one. I don't care if someone invites
you to one and you feel like going or you don't feel like
going. Sure, don't, but sure.
Sure, but it's not about the that you could, It's not about
that. It's a strip club in the
conversation, to be clear, for the listener.
It is about if you said it comesup every couple months if I want

(06:49):
kids, or it comes up every couple of months if I feel like
hanging out at a playground. I'd be like, oh, who asked you
about hanging out at a playground that's random?
And if you were like, I can't remember one person that's asked
me about playgrounds or Ralph's or a cemetery or any other
location at all. If something comes up 6 * a
year, but you can't remember which friend might have.

(07:13):
Brought it up. I didn't say that.
An example. I don't say that.
No, you can't think. Of anything I can give you a
friend that might have brought it up that's not remembering.
Of who has said it? Yes, I mean an actual example of
a real memory, 'cause I could hypothesize all day.
I could just name everyone you know and then one of them could
be probably did, it could be. I think it's wild if something

(07:35):
comes up with frequency that youcan't remember an example.
Let me ask you this, When's the last time somebody asked you if
you wanted kids? Who, where and why?
I mean, when did it happen? What's their name?
I literally have examples but I think it's.
Sad when? When was that?

(07:57):
Like when we when I saw him at an event.
OK. Well, point not proven then,
right? I don't.
Mean no. But here's the thing you you're
getting caught up on the memory of it.
I I don't, I don't remember specifics of most conversations
that I have or who had them or where I was or what time it was

(08:20):
or what year it was, if it was leap year or not.
Like, I don't, I don't think that that's that crazy because
it's so generic and it's like saying, when's the last
conversation you had about the weather, You know what I mean?
No, it's not generic. It's about.
So is, it's, so is. No.

(08:42):
Yes, it is 100% it is. Come on.
OK, I then was like, it's not about, it's not about the strip
club, but it is about that the fact that you have a good memory
for some things and then you have like fucking amnesia.
I don't have amnesia. I don't remember pointless
things. It's not important to me to

(09:06):
remember the last conversation Ihad about a strip club.
I packed that into a different part of my brain where I don't
care. Follow up point.
You know what I mean? I don't expect you to remember
the last 30-6 people that asked you about a strip club.
Yeah, but one of the last three years.
Or a year. It happened about two months
ago. Right with who?

(09:28):
I have no idea. Oh my God.
You're saying on average that's what it is.
I don't know why this. Here's the thing.
I don't know why this particularthing and and for the record,
neither of us care about the specifics when it comes to the
strip club. Like, that's totally to your
point. That's not the point of this.
If you held a titty and couldn'tremember, then I then I'd be

(09:51):
concerned. I get that it's a conversation
and you're saying the conversation didn't stick in
your head. I'm saying if it happened 6 * a
year and it's happened for the last few years, that's so many
collective times. Six times on average.
And you can't remember. Every two months.
One person and you. But you just said it happened a
month about a month ago for the the last time that it just.

(10:14):
Happened. Generalizing, right?
So about a month ago it happenedagain and you have no idea.
No, why would I remember that it's add it to the list of
everything that everyone talks about like it's it's a very that
is like saying, you know I told somebody recently who was it
that I learned how to ride a bike this way.

(10:36):
It's the same type of thing. You don't remember that?
You don't. If it just comes up, it's just
something that comes up every now and then.
It's like saying I've never seenCitizen Kane.
I don't remember the last conversation I had about it, but
I know I've told. Somebody on this podcast?
I know that was just an example.I need people to write in.

(10:59):
Go ahead. I just don't think, you know, I
think this one's a Cameron. When I'm just saying I feel it
in my bones. Why?
No, I just don't. No, here's the thing.
I also think you're what you're trying to do here is encourage
me to lie to you, and I don't appreciate that.
No. 'Cause I could have avoided this

(11:19):
whole mess if I just made-up whoI talked to about it.
No, I'm encouraging you to just like try harder.
That's. You always say things like that.
Try harder. It's like this is just who.
This is how my brain works. I can't.
There's no science. Well, there's probably science
behind it, but I don't know why memory works the way it does.
I don't think anybody does, frankly.

(11:42):
Research is still out on that. But you know that this is my
brain. This is well documented in this
household. I guess.
I don't remember a lot of thingsexcept for my teachers.
For some reason. That's that's the big thing that
I remember. I feel like you need to unpack
this in therapy. I mean, I could add it to the

(12:05):
fucking list. Of why you can't remember.
Yeah, add it to the list. Do you have early onset
Alzheimer's? No, I don't think so, because I
know who you are. Not for long.
God willing, there is a. You said, God willing, I said.
Not for long. Yeah, God willing that it

(12:26):
doesn't happen for. I mean that that it doesn't
happen soon. God willing.
That it doesn't happen soon is what I thought.
Yeah, I thought you meant. God willing, I forget you.
Nah. I don't really remember saying
that. What was I gonna say now?
Now I lost my train of thought. Oh, OK.
So every week I think we end up talking about TikTok a lot.

(12:50):
And that's OK. That's a very much a part of
everyone's life at this point. A lot of people Doom Scroll is
what they call it when you're just like boop boop boop every
day. You have talked recently a lot
about the World Cruise. I've talked about, you know, a
bunch of random things that I talk about car detailing videos.
We saw this, found this account over the weekend of a mini

(13:12):
Greyhound. What's her name again?
Jasmine. Jasmine the mini Greyhound.
She's not mini, she's a regular greyhound.
Regular Greyhound, She's mini. OK, I guess she's.
Yeah, but look her up. It's very adorable now.
Jasmine, Jasmine, and. Pearl.
Jasmine and Pearl? Yeah, don't forget about the
tiny little dog that's far uglier.
But the sister? Weirdly cute because she's ugly.

(13:33):
Isn't that funny how that works?If a dog is ugly, it's cute.
Yeah, it circles back around thependulum.
Does not work the same for humans.
Anyway, you mentioned something to me I think last night or this
morning about this woman on Tiktok who has put up A50 part
video series about, I believe, her husband cheating on her.

(13:57):
Is that accurate? It's so much more than that.
Well, is that somewhat accurate?I assume infidelity will happen
at some point. I'm I'm on part 11 and that
hasn't happened yet. OK, maybe it doesn't happen.
I I also don't really remember what the story is.
All I know is you mentioned something about it.
I go to work today. Everyone there is talking about.
It did they finish it? I.
Go no, they didn't finish it cuza lot of them just started it.

(14:19):
But I go on Twitter today and everybody's like forget watching
Exit this movie and that movie and this show.
I just spent the last 8 hours, yeah, watching this woman talk
about who is this person? Shit, I just forgot her handle.
It's Tina Sheena. Or can you Google it?
OK, because for some reason her handle rhymes, but it's really

(14:44):
hard for my brain to remember. I had to look it up three times
earlier. So anyways.
Trying to find. Out she she uses the full 10
minutes. That TikTok allows you every
video how 'cause she's telling the story of this guy she got.
It's called Who the fuck Did I Marry?

(15:05):
And there's 52 parts. OK.
And she uses the full 10 minutesfor every segment, so it takes
52 * 10 minutes is 520 minutes. However, I've been watching it
I. Risa.
Tisa. Risa.
Tisa. OK, sorry, I have.
It took me till part number 7 tostart watching it on two times

(15:31):
speed. Yeah, like what an idiot.
I didn't even think of that. But 'cause I was like, Oh my
God, no, no shade to her, but she's recounting a story and
she's not like a fast talker, soshe and she's using, like her
memory and stuff, so there's lulls or moments where she's
trying to recall something or she like double S back on a

(15:53):
point or whatever. So two times speed is super
helpful, but it's 52 parts and she's picking up.
She's also another thing that I thought was weird is for like a
chunk of the videos she's driving, so she's has the, the.
She have like a mount. Yeah, well she has it up where
you would put like a your phone on a GPS holder or whatever.

(16:16):
And I thought you that Tiktok would flag or delete any videos
where you're like driving a car while recording.
Kind of seem like they don't care about that anymore.
Oh, OK. Have you seen more of that
happening? So that was interesting.
And I the whole time I when I'm watching someone drive a car and
talk, I get paranoid that they're going to, like get in a

(16:38):
wreck like I it's hard for me. But anyways, she is talking
about this guy she married in 2020 and everything that went
down after and he's a pathological liar.
And I mean, I don't want to spoil it for you.
Well, generally speaking, so just so I know it's.
Lies. Well is crazy lies and I assume

(17:01):
there's more than one and that'swhy there's so many videos.
Right. There's so many parts.
So she starts at their origin story.
They met on a dating app on Hinge and Facebook.
Like they met on both and he waslike this knight in shining
armor at 1st and they moved in together when the pandemic
happened and they got pregnant together and they were going to

(17:22):
buy a house together and then hewas going to get her car and he
was paying all these bills and he had this job and then she
starts slowly unraveling these like pathological lies like deep
seated like he's not who he saidhe was.
He doesn't have this job. He we, he never put in an offer
on this house we fell out of escrow on and all this shit.
He was never on the phone with these people he was talking on

(17:44):
the phone to in front of me likedeep shit.
So she's recounting from their origin story, through their
whole dating, marriage, whatever, and then I guess to
their downfall. And she's telling parts that
like, yeah, I probably should have run immediately upon

(18:05):
finding out this one lie, but I'm stuck by him.
This should have been a red flagin the inside type of stuff, so.
She's like, yeah, I was an idiotto stay with him.
Blah, blah, blah. It's so you're so invested.
And I'm only on Part 11, honey. See, this is I There's so many
reasons that I think humanity would be better off if the

(18:27):
Internet didn't exist, right? But it's moments like this where
I'm like, God, the Internet rules because people like this
can share a story like that in the whole world is consuming it.
This is all I saw on Twitter today.
This is all I'm saying today. And now it feels like I need to

(18:47):
keep going and I want to keep watching it because I don't want
to be behind on what everyone's dishing the tea, you know.
And so there's people in the comment section, like, just
started today, quitting my job for the next three days to like
binge watch this and whatever. And she's doing some follow-ups
and she's but and then apparently someone in my comment

(19:11):
section because I did a reactionon Tiktok to the 1st 10, and
apparently the guy that she's talking about saw all of this
and. Or is he going to do a rebuttal?
Replying, here we go and so. But then my thing is then people
are watching him, giving him views, giving him money, giving

(19:32):
him followers probably. Yeah, but that'll be short
lived. If.
If if what she's saying is true,that will be.
It'll be a side effect for the moment, but he won't see the
light of day for very long. That's crazy.
It reminds me of and I don't know if the show is still on,
but you can watch. There was at least eight or nine

(19:53):
seasons of it. I think you can watch it on
Discovery Plus or Max, I guess. Now who the bleep did I marry?
Yeah, we watched that together too.
My God. But also, it's just crazy 'cause
I'm hoping some legality comes into it, or maybe I hope she
sued him or I don't. It's probably gonna be like
they're they're he's probably gonna try to sue her.

(20:15):
Or they're gonna make a Lifetimeseries out of it.
Or like a true crime documentary.
And she her gut knew something was wrong and she started doing.
She has a Google Drive folder ofvoice Diaries because she kept
feeling like something was off, so she was like voice memoing

(20:37):
herself in these moments. Did she share any of those in
the On the Tik Toks? I don't know not, not yet.
But I'm only on part 11 of 50. Two I.
Know and she has, they're all time stamped and stuff like so
it's proof that she's not just making this all up now or so
after the fact or whatever. I just she has I think 800,000

(21:01):
followers or something. Now from this I also wanted she
has millions of views on every single one of the parts.
I want to know so badly if she set some sort of record for most
amount of watch time in a row. Oh.
Probably, yeah. Or.
Click through Rate. It's got she has to.
Have once you start it. I want to know like the

(21:23):
retention rate of her viewers? And, you know, people follow
her, 'cause they want to get notified anytime there's any
sort of update. Yeah, it's genius.
And I mean, it sounds like I find it very hard to believe
that she'd be able to put 8 something hours of content out
there without the story being legit.
I mean, that's certainly a possibility, but that would be

(21:45):
difficult to do. Also somehow I don't know if she
pre recorded stuff and like sat on it but she put out videos
like all 52 parts in like 2 days.
I mean, she probably did. Yeah, she probably record.
Or, you know, she took two days over a weekend, and that's what
she just needed to let it out either way.

(22:07):
Fascinating. Yeah, I love it.
I mean, I hope that she's doing OK, but I love it.
Yeah. I have a question.
Do you have voice notes about me?
No. I use my voice note.
I use my voice notes to record like my stand up sets or

(22:30):
whatever. I don't.
I don't use voice notes as a diary, ever.
Some people do, Some people do. Do you?
Some people use them to? No, I don't.
I use voice notes to do nothing.Honestly, I've.
I don't think I've ever really used them for anything.
Seriously. We should look just like our
notes from years ago at our voice notes from a long.

(22:54):
Time. Yeah, we could do that now.
And you should follow our friendCourtney on.
It's Entertainment Esquire, right?
Esq on Tiktok. She has a lot of legal tips and
stuff and she talks about secretly recording people and
now like, it's illegal. It's not.
You can't just go into a meetingand you can, but it's not
admissible in court. A lot of people go into meetings

(23:15):
where they think they're going to get fired or something and
record it. Like unless you told the person
you're doing it, it's not. Didn't a girl do that on Tiktok?
She recorded herself getting fired.
Yeah, that's a very popular TikTok thing to do now,
apparently, but. How did she not get sued?
She She could. She probably could.

(23:37):
And and I don't know if you. I mean, I guess you can't.
I don't know how that works, 'cause she's not in court
currently, You know what I mean?Yeah, it's very weird.
Very weird. But I love oof.
Oof. Who's a bleep did I marry?
What a concept. Yeah, somebody just has a
completely like, they're not even the person they say.

(23:59):
Maybe not even their real name. Yeah, and that's what Eliza's
movie something on paper. What was it?
Good on paper. Good on paper.
Is Yeah, yeah, Eliza's movie when she also dated A
pathological liar that lied about.
That's right, he lied about his mom.

(24:22):
Like having cancer. He lied about where he went to
school and that. Was based on a true story.
Right. Yeah, she dated from her
experience, and then she wrote amovie about it.
That's like the, you know, I've heard of some people that have
had marriages where somebody lied about having cancer or
something and it's like, wow, you.
Or when people lie about being pregnant and then fake a

(24:44):
miscarriage to, like, trap them.A friend and I came up with a
movie once that I don't know howthey did it, but ABC Family,
which is now free form. They definitely stole the idea.
It was in a diner and we came upwith the concept.

(25:04):
We called it my fake fiance. We were like, what if we wrote
it like a silly, funny movie about two friends that decided
to like, game the system and go from town to town setting up
fake weddings just to get the gifts, Just to get the money,
just to get OK, you know, stuff from their family.
And we're like, that is silly. What do I know?

(25:25):
Two years later comes out on ABCFamily starring Melissa Joan
Hart. And I'm like, who was who heard
me that day? Someone in that diner.
It's not the only thing that wasstolen from me.
Yeah, celebrity bowling was alsostolen from me.
There was a show on Animal Planet that I'm pretty sure I
came up with that I think one ofmy old college professors took.

(25:46):
You need to start copywriting things.
I agree. You know the little fan when we
were kids? Little squirt bottle that had
the fan on the end of it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I invented
that. Sure.
On a hot summer day, yeah, that was me.
Take yourself to Shark Tank, honey.
What do they call that thing? Do you remember?
No. Squeeze it.

(26:06):
No, that's not it. I don't think it has a name.
It's. There was a name in the.
Squirt bottle fan. It was something like quirky,
but then everybody copied it andso like, yeah.
It's not. It wasn't proprietary, patented,
or whatever. They clearly didn't protect
themselves. I did see.
Speaking of nostalgic stuff, they said.
I saw this article today that said that Gen.

(26:28):
Z is bringing back landlines because they think they look
cool. What?
Yeah, what about? It looks cool like.
I don't know. I have two questions, #1 is this
actually a thing? If you are a member of Gen.
Z, is this something you're doing or something that you're

(26:49):
taking pictures with and your parents are seeing it as you
want a landline Again, you know,or is is it legit?
It might be because Gen. Z is also using old digital
cameras and then using those photos on social media because
that's like a nostalgic vibe. I mean, we started that with the
Polaroid Insta X photos. Yeah, I I think we did start

(27:13):
that. I think millennials started the
old photo comeback and like photo booths and.
It's just funny. They have like the digital
version of it. Yeah, still old school, but not
old, old school. But I just remember like, I
really wanted a landline. I'm a little, I'll be honest, to
have one. You did?
Yeah, I had like the old, like Rotary phone looking thing and I

(27:37):
had it hooked up to a landline. And you?
Did. Was everybody flocking to your
room because you were the coolest kid in school?
No. And everyone.
I didn't have it hooked up at college.
I had it like in an apartment. I had it hooked up and then I
then at one point I didn't have it hooked up and I just had it
out, 'cause I thought it looked cool.

(27:58):
I think I still have it for likeI had it for a photo shoot or
whatever but no one know cause alandline is another number so
then you have to give people multiple numbers.
Yeah, exactly. And that's why nowadays I think
like 85% of households don't have one.
And you don't have caller ID, soyou can't tell what person's

(28:18):
calling you you. Could probably still pay for it.
Like they had caller ID on landlines.
But it was, it would say who whoever's name was on the phone
bill. That's who's calling.
Yeah. You know, God, I wanted a
landline when I was a kid. Oh, I was like, I want my own
number. I want it.
I want it in my room. I want like a one of those.

(28:39):
See through green phones. You know what I.
Mean like the Nintendo controllers?
You can see the insides of the phone, but it's still put
together and kind of oh, I still, I honestly, I'm not going
to lie now that I'm an adult andI'm married and we have a house
and it doesn't have a landline. Bit of a let down.

(29:03):
We can install one up here by the Internet.
Yeah, we can install one. Technically, we'd have to pay
for it, and it would be a littlelike why?
Yeah. But I always thought that was
like a rite of passage. Are landlines more reliable than
cell phones? If, like the big earthquake
happens or not, just nowadays, everyone's fucked, no matter.

(29:24):
What, When they were still like telephone line based?
Yeah, so if the power went out, you could actually use your
phone if it was just a pure landline.
But now, quote, UN quote, landlines are done through your
cable provider or Internet provider, and they like, split
off your Internet signal to makea phone line.
That's OK And so you have to have power to do it.

(29:45):
But back in the day, I remember,'cause we lived in Missouri, and
there'd be like a tornado warning and the power would go
out and we'd call a family member and be like, is your
power out, You know? Right.
But I didn't know how to use a Rotary phone.
I would call like a, you know, like movie phone and say press
2. You can't do that on a Rotary
phone. It doesn't work that way anyway.

(30:07):
Oh indeed. God, I wanted one.
Shit, I remember my friend had one.
Damn, he had one. And his mom had one of those
phones in the kitchen with a really long cord.
You know that moms used to use when they were cooking.
I didn't have one of those. My mom wasn't that cool.

(30:29):
We had a wireless one. Yeah, I mean, we eventually got
a wireless one, which that was like, wow, you just tell me you
can walk in between rooms. Holy shit.
On our house hunt, we should just make that a priority.
I agree. Does it have a landline?
I agree. Even if it doesn't work anymore,
I want it. Deal breaker.

(30:49):
And we did go to a bunch of openhouses this weekend.
Yeah, we went to one that we really, really liked, but the
neighbors had a non ironic pirate flag.
Yeah. And that's a bad sign.
I It is a bad sign. I think that if you have any
flag on your house, I kind of don't want to be your neighbor.

(31:12):
Yeah, I vibe with that. You know what I mean?
Yeah. You know, America, That's great
patriotism. Whatever.
An American flag is the least offensive, but I still don't get
it. I kind of don't.
Either are you in elementary school, right?
Do you require your husband or wife to say the Pledge of

(31:33):
Allegiance before they leave thehouse every morning?
If you have an American flag hanging at your home, you need
to either be a veteran or currently enlisted in the
military. I kind of agree with that.
Now there's people listening whoare probably going to give us a
lot of heat for that. I stand by it.

(31:57):
But I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying I don't want to
be your neighbor. Right.
It's America in the sense that Idon't have to live next to you.
Right now, if you have a Confederate flag out of it,
those are fine. No, that's.
Those still exist, which is insane.
I. Drove through.
I've talked about this, but whenever I drove through

(32:18):
Greensboro, NC, shocker, I Therewere so many and it was like, am
I in the Civil War? What's happening?
People have them on their cars like Dukes of Hazzard and like
that's. Crazy.
Yeah. And then if you have
specifically a pirate flag, Yikes.

(32:43):
Yeah, that's what's the point ofthat.
Or if you have like duct tape onyour windows like and it's not
like someone just smashed your window last night and you're
trying to like provide yourself safety like OK, I.
Can't it's AI don't know. It's a choice.
It's a strong choice. So the how we we saw houses we

(33:04):
really liked and then we just would look next door and be
like. I My question is this, When
we're going through open houses,like you're looking at a lot,
right? You're looking at the house
itself, the place itself, how it's laid out, things like how
many bedrooms are there, how many bathrooms are there.

(33:25):
But the style and the decorations and all that varies
so drastically. I spend a lot of weirdly a lot
of time thinking like is what everything that we do now and
that we think looks good now gonna look as bad as 30 years
from now as some stuff does thatcame 30 years before right now.

(33:47):
Like the style of specifically the 90s, and I love the 90s, but
specifically like interior design from the 90s.
Or 2002. What happened?
I don't. Well, and and in that moment did
you go Damn, this looks good. Wow.
Yeah, I think they did. You know, isn't that a weird

(34:08):
thing to think about though 'cause it's hard to believe.
The tile countertops the oak cabinets.
The Ivy on top of the the cabinets, the grapes, the.
The sponge painted walls. Sponge we had in my household
home. I think we did it if.
Your household home. Yeah, or my my childhood home.
Sorry. In my childhood home and I I

(34:31):
think we may have even done it. If not, it was the people before
us. Above the kitchen sink there was
tile that had a painting on the tile of fruit.
Just in case you forget. Where we're in in case this is
where you wash the fruit. We've seen a lot of signs that
say home. Yeah, we've seen a lot of signs
that say laundry. We've seen there's a lot of

(34:52):
like. Accent walls that.
Forest. Yeah, accent walls.
Forest Green with pink. You know gold Finishes with blue
cabinets like. I don't know.
I'm not saying we're the pinnacle of style, but I.
No, but just. Try not to be abrasive with our
style. You even look at like hairstyles

(35:16):
from back then and you go like when we watch Supermarket Sweep,
it's pretty, it's pretty extreme.
Yeah. But you even look at that and
go, and clearly everybody in this show has it done that way.
Yeah. So they thought it looked good.
But then you look at houses and it's like, I don't.
It's hard for me to picture anybody thought that brown

(35:40):
carpet was a wise choice. Carpet in the kitchen or the
bathroom? Carpet on the wall.
Yeah, what's happening? I don't know.
Anyway, just a weird. It was cool at one point.
Like other I don't know, I I wasit cool at one point or was it

(36:01):
in the same magazine everybody read one day or something?
You know what I mean? It's it's weird to think about.
We'll see eventually what what house we land in.
Yeah. We're gonna have to around and
we're gonna have to make some adjustments to list our house.
Cuz yeah, that's the part I'm not looking.
Forward to I put like neon on the.
Wall, do we not think that everybody?

(36:21):
Wants a podcast room in their house.
I think they'd rather see it. Staged as a guest room but.
Can we use AI he he? That's the part.
That I'm not looking forward to.I mean first world problems for
sure, but like, I don't. I just, I like living in a
place, you know? But making it like look nice for

(36:44):
other people is like, OK, we don't need a bedroom in there.
We have our podcast room in there, OK.
I called a cleaning service, which we've never done before
because fundamentally we are against it.
No shade if you have one, but like we couldn't afford it our
our whole lives. Like as adults that live on our

(37:08):
own and even when we got to a point.
Where we could a little bit, it was just the two of us.
So we're like, do it ourselves and our house.
Isn't that big? And we can't justify the cost
when we're adults. We don't have kids.
We can go clean ourselves. We can just make the time and do
it. But because we're about to try
to list our house and we want nice photos and we want the

(37:29):
realtor and we want people to walk through and want to buy it,
I'm like, we need a deep, deep clean.
Yeah, get in there. Get in.
There. Get in the crannies.
Yeah. Do things that I.
Don't think I could even fathom like like it's true.
Like I I could spend 24 hours cleaning, Let's say the shower.

(37:54):
It's not gonna look as good as aprofessional.
Yeah. It's just not.
So we're doing. That we they're coming this next
weekend. So we'll see how if we're our
lives are changed and if we're like, why have we not always
done this. But he asked me a question on
the phone call to set up the appointment that sent me into a
spiral. OK, he said on a scale of one to

(38:14):
10, one being Immaculate and 10 being unlivable.
Yeah, what is the state of your home currently?
And I was like. What would you say, I would say.
Between a three and a four. Yeah.
That's what I said. I said a three or four, but then

(38:35):
I was like, we have 4 pets, do we?
Are we automatically at a four just having four pets breathe
air in our home and they will have fur?
Or is it better than that? And like because halfway too
unlivable? Is A5 halfway too unlivable like
so? Then I'm like well.
Is it A2? But then I'm like, you know it's

(38:58):
not that clean. We don't dust much.
The you know that it doesn't. Really matter, right?
The reason they asked that question is because if I were to
have set a 10. They're like we need 8 hours and
we need to bring in like. And we need to charge you more.
Money. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know. I know it doesn't.
Totally matter, but it made me self-conscious of like am I

(39:20):
evaluating our space on a correct scale?
I think so. Am I?
Are we? Self aware about our level of
health? I think so.
Also. Because we used to be apartment
managers and we would go into people's units with permission
that. Yeah.
And we would see during because we would do annual inspections

(39:40):
or maintenance requests or whatever.
And we would see all across the board, mostly dumpsters, people
paying fucking $2800 a month to live inside a dumpster 'cause
they just live in trash heaps and dog piss, I'll be the first
to admit. I have some problems now and
then pretty regularly staying super tidy.

(40:03):
Like it has to be a very conscious thing for me to do,
right? Yeah.
That being said, going through people's houses when we were
apartment managers or their apartments.
Again, with permission. Made me feel like Mr. Fucking
Clean. Yeah, it was horrifying.
Now if I had to rate. Your bathroom?

(40:24):
Yeah. Currently or just in from a few
weeks ago, sure, we're looking at a six.
I think that's fair. It was in 6th shape, yeah, yeah,
it was very much in 6th shape. I like to keep it around.
A healthy 3, I think. So that's what I try to do.
And fail miserably at most times, but I'm not a white
glove. One person, yeah.

(40:46):
But I am not a sixth person. No, it would be.
Very difficult to live in a white glove household, I kind of
think. I like the rating system now
'cause I can we can start using that as a meter.
I don't know if I like that. OK, well if I catch your.
Bathroom at a six again. I'll just say, I can state it's

(41:07):
at you're getting, you're getting close to A7 here.
Yeah, true. I guess it's not that bad.
Or you know what I mean, Like, can we?
Get it to a four or we'll say 6.Six.
I'll know what it means. I'll just open the door and
scream. 6. That is the most that was was
one of the more fascinating things about being an apartment

(41:29):
manager. And horrifying.
Horrible. Horrible people.
How do you feel about Judang? I feel OK.
But did we get any feedback on emojis or we did not?
I got verbal. Feedback and I got Don't believe
you, OK? Are they on my side?

(41:49):
No, don't believe you. And then I also.
Someone reposted our episode andsaid questioning every emoji
I've ever sent someone. Now that's probably wise.
What was the? Verbal feedback you got, and in
case you missed the story, therewas a tiktoker who sang a song.
I've been trying to get more engagement.
I commented on it was a female tiktoker.

(42:11):
I commented a couple fire emojisand said what was it?
Incredible. So what was the verbal feedback
you got again? That you need to pocket those
fire emojis for the future. Who said that?
To women. That I trust I.
Disagree with them? Yeah, they were like.

(42:34):
They all said definitely think. He just didn't think about it.
Yeah, but for sure. Weird.
Wait. Who?
Who did you who'd you ask? Really weird that you talked to

(42:57):
my mom about it, but. Wow, so you talk to?
Those couple. And then somebody reached out to
you, but not to me. Interesting.
I thought that they were my friend.
They are. No, no, no.
Honestly, just. I see you, girl.
Oh yeah. I feel very unseen.
I'm gonna do A50 part Tiktok series about.

(43:19):
Accidentally about your psychopath life.
I'm gonna go hard on it. I.
Have a lot of stories and I'm a storyteller.
In my stand up. I don't think I have any story
that could possibly be 52 parts.No, I thought that I.
Actually thought about that today too.
There's no I tried. Doing during the Taylor Swift

(43:39):
advent calendar unboxing. I tried stretching out tea for
my life for days and I couldn't get past four.
Yeah, I was gonna say I don't think I.
Have two-part stories. I think I just have just the
one. You know, you're lucky if it's
just a couple of minutes. I don't think it would be a
Vine. I don't have very many good

(44:01):
stories. I don't think honey I'd well.
You know, I've lived life. But, like, there's a lot cooler
ones out there and more dramatic.
And I suppose it's a good thing that I don't have those.
Yeah. But yeah, the more that I think
about that, the more, like, I think it's less ridiculous for
people if you're in the dating scene, to run a background check
on somebody. I don't think it's that crazy.

(44:22):
How do you run a background? Check.
As a regular person that's not in law enforcement, I assume you
go to background check. Dot Gov.
I don't know. There has to be, because private
investigators can do it and like, right, don't.
Private investigators have some sort of clearance for sites that
we don't have as regular people.That can't be true.
Why would people hire a private investigator then if they could

(44:44):
just do it themselves? Because a background check is on
your. Background Private Investigator
is trying to catch you doing something you know.
Sure. Or to find you.
I mean, that's a good point. But I I think, and I could be
wrong, that like, if I have yourSocial Security number, your
birth date, a city that you lived in, things like that, I
could plug that in and get some sort of report like we got one

(45:06):
time. Was it a job you were
interviewing for? I forget what it was.
It was reality TV. Ran a background check on me and
I. I don't know what I thought
background checks look like. This was more extensive than
anything I ever would have imagined.
It was like you farted. On May 21st, 20, literally it it
was. Like on this podcast episode in

(45:29):
February of 2017, she said. I don't like any houses that
have flags near them. It was.
A lot of pages of the podcast itwas.
On on March 18th, she said to shove something up your ass.
On March 19th, she. Said to shove something up your
ass on March 20th, she said. Shove something up a baby's ass,

(45:49):
Main take away from. This background check, she loves
to shove stuff up people's asses, Proponent.
Of Anal. But.
Seriously, I don't like. People judge people for, like,
Googling somebody before they goon a date.
No, fuck it. Do your homework.
Jesus Christ. I'm sure there's definitely

(46:11):
situations where private investigators are necessary, but
I'm kind of like, are you a little bitch?
Just do it yourself like it's giving.
It's giving those who can't do teach, you know, private
investigators like, we get it. You couldn't be a cop.
You couldn't, I thought. Most private investigators are
ex military or ex cops that retired.

(46:32):
Again, they're private investigators.
I guess it depends on the age. Sure, you know and you know
there's not usually like. 25 year old private investigators.
I don't know. I've never hired one.
Have you? No.
That's kind of like. If you're if you're a life coach
and you're 25 and it's like, well, how much life have you

(46:52):
lived? You can't.
Coach me, you just. Graduated college?
That's a good point. That's why I also don't trust.
Very young therapists, yeah. I don't either or young.
Doctors. Nope.
You don't have enough experience.
Our therapist. Is.
Pretty young I will. Say yeah.
Is she our age? We don't know.
I don't know. I kind of always wanted to ask.
Her. But it feels like a invasion

(47:14):
breach. She just seems to have her shit
together, so I think we give it a pass.
But if she were any younger, I would have some questions.
Yeah, I would do. I would.
Do I need to know that you've lived?
More life than me, Yeah, you've you've been through.
It you can't give me advice if you're. 23 Like I won't I
actually don't want to hear anything you have to say.

(47:37):
I actually don't even care aboutyour opinion on milks.
I wouldn't listen to me at. 23 Oh God.
No, I wouldn't listen to you either.
When did when? Did we start this podcast?
We were 27, I think 2828 it's so.

(47:58):
Wrong. We met when.
Cool. I'll go fuck myself.
We met in 20. 16 Yeah and. How old were we?
That year 26. That's how old I was and I was
25. Yeah.
And then we started it in withina year, right.
So 26 and 27. What'd I say, 20?

(48:20):
8I. Believe I said 27.
But you know what? I already forgot?
That's what I'm saying about my memory.
My God. OK, anyway, OK, I definitely.
Wouldn't have trusted me at. 23 my no way no F and way I am
having a memory. Problem I want.

(48:42):
I figured out what my Jude is gonna be, but I can't remember
if I already did it. Can you help me?
What was it? The Comedians in the Green Room
Selfie you. Did I believe?
I believe I. Believe you did.
Or you didn't. I don't know.

(49:04):
I'm just saying, I feel like if you had a conversation about
that, no, because I talked to somebody.
You remember? If you I've said it before on
the podcast, no, I can't remember.
If it's just that I talked aboutit at a show, or if I talked
about it also on the podcast, ohfuck it, let's just do it.
I don't think you did. I'm gonna be so embarrassed.
No, if I'm doing it. Again, I I really don't.

(49:25):
Think you did and if. You did.
We'll just fix it in post. It's fine.
We'll just delete it. Believe.
This parted. You didn't.
You didn't though. I'm pretty sure you didn't.
I don't. Really have faith in your
answer, but that's OK. I'll do it.
Ready. Go.
Do you get it? Listen to me very.
Carefully. I know everything.

(49:47):
Hey, I want you to stop. Talking You're a moron.
So is your mother. You are an example of.
Why people should have to take tests before they're allowed to
have children. Do you get it?
Oh, you know what? What?
I don't remember what. I don't think you did it.
I don't think so. You just were silent.

(50:08):
For like 20 seconds staring, I don't think you did with my.
Music playing to. Say the same thing I don't think
you did, no. I think we're good.
Oh my God, I. Think we're good?
I can't imagine a listener rightnow.
I hate us. Oh, Oh, yeah.
That's the thing. No hearing us.
Waffle back and forth on this dumb story.

(50:30):
I'm angry at us. I can imagine some poor soul
listening this far into the episode.
Oh please, if that's what made them.
Go away. If that's what made them go
away, they would have gone away long ago, you know?
No, I know what I was gonna say.Oh my God.
We could just run a background. Check real quick and then it
would it would tell us. That was so worth it.

(50:57):
I want my music back. OK, I did a show with three
other comics. One was the host.
I was in the middle and there was a headliner and there was a
girl that showed up as a guest spot.

(51:17):
AKA you usually get 5 minutes asa guest.
You are taking up someone else'stime on the lineup, usually the
host in the feature, AKA the middle person.
We give you a couple minutes each.
You get 5 minutes. Good for you.
The headliner still does 45 to 50 minutes.
Whatever this girl comes in likeshe owns, the place goes.

(51:42):
I'm gonna do 10 minutes. So she took 5 minutes for me, 5
minutes from the host. So we get we both she.
Lives in San. Diego We, me and the host both
drove down from Los Angeles. We had both driven 2 1/2, three
hours to be there to do our set that night.

(52:04):
So did the headliner and this chick that's local walks in like
she owns everything, says I'm doing 10 minutes.
We're like, who invited you to do the guest set and you are OK,
great. Then she complaints to the
servers, the comedians and the management of the staff or
management of the club that there's no Butterfingers the

(52:29):
candy. Yes, the.
Candy, there's no. Butterfingers cause.
Usually they have candy in the green room for comics and she's
upset that the usual candy isn'tthere.
First of all, you're literally not booked or paid to be here
tonight on this show. You're a guest.
You are getting to do a guest set, You demanded 10 minutes,

(52:50):
you're complaining. At first I thought it was a joke
and then she complained to everyone she saw and I was like,
got it. You're just a psycho.
Then. I was, so I was already like,
this is weird and annoying, but OK, whatever, I just.
I'm not gonna get in a argument or a tiff with someone over 5
minutes like you do. You Boo, you complain, you have

(53:10):
weird social cues, you be a fucking bitch to whoever you
want and we'll just. I'm gonna move on with my life.
Then she goes to take a selfie and it's just me, her and the
other two comics in the room. She goes to take a selfie with
the other two comics and I'm like, and she posted on her
story, being like having a fun show with these two tonight.

(53:34):
And I'm like, OK, so I won't be in the selfie.
So then I was like, I'm in the room right next to you.
Do you want me to take the picture for you?
And she's like, no, it's fine. Then I'm like, OK, cool, I'll go
fuck myself have. You ever been in A room?
With people taking a group photoand you're the only one not in

(53:56):
the group photo and you're all on the show and you all know
each other the same amount. So she only takes a picture with
them, tags them, whatever. Great.
I don't let it doesn't matter, but also what the fuck.
Then I offered to take the photoand she says no.
And I'm like, I What the fuck I'm?

(54:17):
Am I on? Am I in another alternate
universe? Am I on some sort of game show?
Fuck you. Take your fucking butterfingers
and your fucking extra time and your your exclusive selfie and
fucking burn it to the ground. Jump into the plaintiff, shove

(54:38):
the butterfingers up your ass. There we go.
Wait, do you get? It fun size.
Or regular, regular. Do.
You do you get it I. Think they're usually font size,
but regular would be? Yeah, no, but you get the
regular ones. Wow.
And by the way, while we're on the.
Subject if you if if somebody asks you to take a photo and

(54:59):
you're standing in front of, I don't know, something like,
let's say the Washington Monument, they probably want the
photo to have the Washington Monument in it.
Yeah, just any just. Whatever's in the background,
they probably want that in there.
Just a little. Just something to.
Something to keep in mind. You get support about it, all

(55:24):
right? What's up?
You feel better? Yeah.
My mouth is dry. Grab some water, grab some
Liquid Death. That's what we're sponsored by
Liquid Death, right? Sure.
Use the promo code. Shove it up your ass.

(55:45):
Save 150% on your next order. All right?
Shall we get out of here? Yeah, hear the.
Landline ringing. Love you guys.
Have a good week. Don't do anything.
I wouldn't do no strip clubs andI'm not going to talk to you
about it because I don't want tohave a conversation again about

(56:05):
strip clubs. And if I did talk to you about a
strip club, can you help a guy out?
Please message Let me. Just like.
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