Handjob Nap Incidents, Anal Ultimatums, Bad Dragons, Teenage Masturbation Tactics

Keith and Mike take a measured approach to their latest batch of one-star reviews, which range from the standard accusations of misogyny to the more concerning claim that their voices induce sleep. Rather than engage in self-reflection, they consider the possibility of pivoting to the lucrative world of sleep podcasts. Keith, ever the economist, points out that their detractors failed to take advantage of the show’s longstanding policy of paying for negative feedback. This oversight only serves to reinforce his belief that their harshest critics may not be operating at peak intellectual capacity.

The discussion then turns to relationships, where a listener writes in with an ultimatum that can only be described as highly specific. Her husband, citing irreconcilable differences, has informed her that unless she consents to anal sex twice a week, their marriage cannot continue. Mike, applying his usual analytical rigor, wonders whether the man would maintain his conviction if the arrangement were reversed. Keith, perhaps naively, suggests a marriage counselor might provide clarity, though both agree that “twice-weekly anal” is unlikely to be a common sticking point in the profession.

In a seamless transition from strained marriages to teenage resourcefulness, Keith recounts the elaborate measures he once took to ensure privacy while masturbating as a teenager. What begins as a simple precautionary tale quickly spirals into an engineering case study, complete with fleece blankets, strategic clothing placement, and an emergency contingency plan for sudden parental intrusions. Mike, unimpressed, points out the sheer number of failure points in Keith’s system, ultimately concluding that this level of problem-solving may explain both Keith’s SAT scores and his current personality.

The episode concludes with an unexpected foray into the world of fantasy-themed sex toys. Mike has recently become aware of the *Bad Dragon* product line and, against his better judgment, feels compelled to investigate its possible connection to a popular series of romance novels featuring dragons. Keith, whose tolerance for nonsense has already been tested, takes one look at the website before declaring his immediate and permanent exit from the topic. The discussion, much like the episode itself, is both unhelpful and oddly compelling.

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