FAQs

How do lesbians have sex? What's it like to be asexual? Or polyamorous? And how can a disability affect your sex life? Melody Thomas seeks answers from the people who know best.

In this episode Melody Thomas seeks the answers to a few "Frequently Asked Questions" - some that have been emailed or text in by you, and others that get asked a little too much.

One thing listeners have been curious about is asexuality - which BANG! listener Rosie volunteered to come in and talk about.

Ever since she was a young girl, Rosie had a feeling she was different to the kids around her. Where they were getting crushes and playing kiss tag, or later when people started to couple up in high school, she just didn't see the appeal.

"I would always miss the point of some things that were going on. There was always this little bit of obliviousness - there'd be some kind of in joke or somebody would've been flirting with someone and it'd completely pass me by."

At first Rosie assumed that those feelings would come later on. When they didn't, she began to wonder what was wrong with her. But growing up in a rural town before the internet got big, there wasn't a whole lot of information around about asexuality.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation just like hetero-, homo- and bisexuality. The simplest way to define an "ace" (the umbrella nickname for asexuals) is someone who "does not experience sexual attraction." It's estimated that about 1% of the population identify as asexual.

But many people, Rosie included, don't fit within the 'simple' definition of asexuality. So even when Rosie did finally learn about aces, the identity didn't seem to 'fit'.

"For me it's a lack of interest in anything physical, but the fantasy or conceptual element is there," she says.

Then two years ago, Rosie stumbled upon an article about "autochorrisexuality" - a subgroup of asexuality (also known as aegosexuality) where aces experience arousal and fantasies, but have no desire to take part in them.

Autochorrisexuals can:

Get aroused by sexual content but not actually want to engage in any sexual activity.

Masturbate but are neutral or repulsed by the idea of actual sex with another person.

Fantasise about sex but envision people other than themselves, or viewing it from a distance.

Predominantly or entirely fantasise about fictional characters or celebrities…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details