Solo Dad Warren's Story

Lynda Chanwai-Earle meets one of the minorities, Pakeha solo dad Warren. He tackles - with humour - co-parenting through two separations, a child with depression, alcohol and more.

Content warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide.

By Lynda Chanwai-Earle

"It doesn't have to be negative. It doesn't have to compromise your ability to be a good parent."

Warren's busy tying the shoelaces of 9-year-old son Lucas's footie boots. He's up bright and early on a Saturday at the football ground in Brooklyn, Wellington, to cheer on Lucas and his Brooklyn Northern United Cyclones, Grade 10 team. After this it's back home to cook up a lunchtime burgers - "Beer?" chips in Lucas, "No!" Warren laughs, "Beer?! Clearly no, a burger, not beer!"

Humour's big in this family and Warren's playing dad and mum today to Lucas and his 20-year-old daughter Olivia, who's recently moved back home.

Being a single-income family, doing all the stuff that might have been done by a team of two such as putting the rubbish out, paying bills, and Saturday morning sport ... that's what the podcast Flying Solo is all about.

Warren's family is one of over 200,000 sole-parent families in New Zealand. The 2013 census recorded that almost 85 percent of single-parents were women, only 16 percent of sole parents are men, like Warren.

Land Information New Zealand contracts manager and ex-wife Meg, had the three eldest kids; Jacob's 25, Georgina's 23 and Olivia is 20. Meg and Warren split-up when the kids were at primary school, his first taste of being a solo-dad.

A decade later Warren had fourth child Lucas with ex-partner Christine. They split-up when Lucas was four and they share the care of Lucas.

In Warren's three story modernist home in Northland, close to the capital's CBD, cheeky banter is served up between Olivia (aka Livie) and dad as they cook their burgers. A self-contained flat downstairs serves Warren's three elder children as they come and go.

Olivia's recent return was for her mother Meg's wedding, which ex-husband Warren was invited to and which turned out to be a great catch-up for all the family.

Warren has a healthy co-parenting relationship with his ex-partners, but when he first became a solo dad did he feel alone? Was it a shock to the system?

"When I was with the kids I never felt alone, it was one of the things that relieved the loneliness was to get involved with the kids, because I often wouldn't have a partner."

In hindsight, Olivia sees her parent's split as a good thing. Adults who fight is worse…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details