March 30, 2025 • 10 mins
Rach has her 40th birthday coming up but has been hit with an awkward question from her kids. The topic then takes a dramatic turn!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Apod Shape Production.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode about my.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Mad Mom podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I went to well, I guess it's a documentary, but
it was being shown at the cinemas in New Farm
last week. It was like the opening, but it's called
scene and it's a parenting documentary that they've just done.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh my god, this is so relevant.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Have you seen it? Or have you seen the shorts
to it or there?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
No, I haven't seen anything about that that you're talking about. However,
the being seen thing is so big in our house
at the moment, and so when we reflect on our
parenting and I go, oh, could I have done some
stuff differently? One of the things I would have definitely differently,
And for anyone with younger kids, like implement this, because
(01:09):
they do your fucking head in right. The amount of
times I was like, I don't want to look at
another handstand, Like I'm sick of seeing handstands all over
the house. No, I don't want to watch you do this.
It's like watch me, watch me, watch me, watch me,
watch me. And I got so frustrated by that, yeah,
that I would deliberately be like, no, I am not
watching you now. I don't want to see another handstand.
I don't want to see that while I'm cooking. I'm
not looking at you because it was so frustrating. And
(01:32):
now I'm like, wow, she really needs to be seen,
Like I can see it. Yeah, you can see how
much they need to be seen now. And I wish
I'd seen them a bit more back then.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
So it's a documentary, an Australian documentary all put together.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Maggie Dan't's obviously in it.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
She's got the amazing books like, but she talks about
her story like. It's an actual documentary with real parents
going through their thick of being a parent and their
true story. And it was so moving Katie. But I
walked out with so many real moments in it.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I just want to share it to go.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
If you have noticed it or seen it on socials
or whatever, give it a follow, have a look at it.
Maybe see if you can get your hands on watching
this documentary. It was excellent and there's so much that
each and every one of us as a parent can
learn about ourselves as to why we parent the way
that we do with our children right, and the time
is now to sort of make that change and be
(02:29):
able to like implement like, yes, you girls are sixteen,
but it can still change now and you can really
format your relationship differently if you choose to.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I do do that now, Like, yes, I definitely wish
I'd done things differently before. But I actually like when
they go, mum, can I show you this, and I'm
in the middle of something like busy stuff going on,
and I'm like, Okay, she needs to be seen right now.
I love with Holly now, and I'm like, Colleen, do
you need to be seen?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Because oh, this is like they talk about seeing heard, yeah,
felt coming down on their level and understanding that. You know,
even though what a problem to us would be so
so tiny, so little to them is their whole world
and the biggest problem that they've ever so that comparison
to being able to come down on their level, understanding, listening, seeing,
hearing them and then letting them feel it and not
(03:18):
being dismissive because I was so much in their case.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I was always so dismissive, like that's not a problem,
like since I said this at school, who cares, you know,
But it's actually like I'm going, Okay, this is a
big deal in your world. Let me listen and hear
you and see you.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
And it's so so good, And they're not always after
a solution.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I've always gone straight to the solution. Oh, this person's
being mean or this has happened, Okay, how do I
fix that?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And I think, mums do how do I fix that
for you? Whereas actually a lot of the time it's like,
don't need to fix it, just listen.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And the interesting part in which they sort of touch
on and they talk about is this documentary has been
sort of brought to life to be able to help
parents and switch it up and sort of put an
end to the generational trauma that they say and have
done studies and it's all backed scientifically.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
We have the ability to change the story. We have
the ability to.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Make sure that our story is not then carried over
and formatted in the next child of ours and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
It is so powerful. It's called scene.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
If you find it and you watch it, Honestly, every
parent out there, it was wonderful. Do you know?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Also just on the being seen thing, you know, that's
something that we as we get older go through again
as well, the being seen wound. Like I've listened to
stuff on this and it's like, this is an example, right,
as you get older and you look in the mirror
and you're like, oh, got some wrinkles now, or you know,
don't quite look like I did when I was twenty.
(04:56):
There's a being seen wound there, right, because when you
were twenty and you were all dressed up and you
did your makeup and you're wearing a shore or whatever
it might be, right, and you walk into a bar
and you know you may or may not have got
some attention from the opposite sex, or walked past a
(05:17):
building site and got wolf whistled at at some point
people stop looking.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
The wolf whistle stop and you're like, what about where
is it I'm not being seen?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Well, let me assure you, Katie. Now they'll hear you.
You're like, if you're not gonna see me, you're gonna
hear me coming.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Am I a bad mum for not inviting them?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So just to give you a quick summary, I think
I've mentioned it quite a few times because it's a
sore spot.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I'm turning forty.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, I've kind of been I wouldn't say peer pressure, right,
but in my mind at the start of this year,
I was like, I'm turning forty, I'm going to go
to Europe for six weeks and that's how I'm going
to celebrate myself by myself.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
No, that's not that.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, And then everyone was like no, no, no, no, no,
we're celebrating, We're doing this, And so I eve fast
forward a few months into the year. Here we are
and said birthday party of the four zero is coming
up very soon. Now, how does this relate to children? Well,
I'm not inviting them to my own body, no, and
(06:38):
not inviting them to my own party.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I'm getting so much pushback, Katie, it is unreal. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
The thing as well is that it's not like it's
like a late night party. Well it will be, I mean,
but technically, like we know how it's going to we
know how it's going to go, Like it's going to
go like.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
In our head, we're going, oh my god, we'll be
here by then and then we'll leave here by van
and we'll be in bed by van and it'll be naz.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
No, it's not happening like that.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I say that right now, but it's starting very optimistically.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Like I like the way you've tried to do it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You've tried to get yourself in bed by nine, but
everybody else has got other ideas. You're starting the party
at three pm, so technically your children could come.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, but I totally get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Well, the idea was like I was like, okay, three
and then I'll have it at home and I'll put
in a big bell ten and we'll do it all
out the back and then there's no restrictions. I can
drink what I want, I can have whatever music I want,
I can do what I want till my neighbors go nuts.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But then I thought, oh god, I don't want to
clean up. It is a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Even if you had people like helping out, it's still
a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Like you're turning your house upside down.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
So the way you're doing it, so yeah, you go.
You can celebrate, you can have fun, and you can
leave it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah. So obviously you know we've been there and you
know experience what lefties musical can bring to one event.
So we're going back to it again two point zero.
But that doesn't allow kids. So naturally I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Because I'm thinking, is that a rule they have?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Yeah, like a music hall, So yeah, it doesn't easy out,
I know, but like getting like, okay, so what are
you wearing? How are you gonna have your hair? Are
you getting your makeup done?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Like?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And then I get the gilt trip the other day
of like, oh well, I'm really sad that we're actually
not going to be there to celebrate you and not
sing your Happy Birthday. And I was like, I'm not
even having a cake. I'm not having a cake, So
it's okay, we won't be singing Happy birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yes they will.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
And then I just keep getting like these little pods
of like it would be nice if we could oh.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, the guilt guilt trip.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And then because my party is happening to be just
before their actual birthdays, because we all celebrate our birthdays
in the month of April, it's now getting to the
point they're like, well, who cares, it's just your birthday party.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Our birthdays are after that, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Katie, I cand of hold on for much longer and
it's not even here. Oh my gosh, I'm dreading it out.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Like every birthday is always about the kids, right, Like
every birthday it's about what they're doing, it's about their
birthday parties, who they're inviting all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
We put ourselves aside.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
This is a big birthday, like this is forty, it's
a big four.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
This is big four.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Roh.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Life begins at forty, right?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
If I that again from another single person, I was like, mate,
that's what someone said to me at thirty.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Someone said that twenty.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I was like, I don't believe you. And then next
what're you gonna say to me? Is life styles at fifty?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
No, it fucking doesn't. It goes downhill.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Everything's going to be drooped and gone, and I've missed
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Really goes downhill.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
You have children, They say, have kids, Yes, everything droops,
everything goes. You need it, You work your ass off
literally to try and lift it back up, and then
just drops back down.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Like it was really funny, Like just on that, like
when you take your bra off, Like, yeah, every female
loves taking their bra off when they get home, right,
maybe not straight away, but it's like guys feeling you
get your bra off, Like it's like, oh, pajamas on,
bra off. It's like if you ever wear high waisted
pants or anything like that, it's that realization of my
(10:21):
pants touching my.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
How am I boothed? Touching my pants. Oh, what's that
they're touching, that's weird. Them in.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You for your bears up a little bit higher and
then chuck them in and they're all one to onesie.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Have kids literally sucks the life out of you. Your booths,
become a onesie with your hips. It's disgusting.
Apod Shape Production.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode about my.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Mad Mom podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I went to well, I guess it's a documentary, but
it was being shown at the cinemas in New Farm
last week. It was like the opening, but it's called
scene and it's a parenting documentary that they've just done.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh my god, this is so relevant.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Have you seen it? Or have you seen the shorts
to it or there?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
No, I haven't seen anything about that that you're talking about. However,
the being seen thing is so big in our house
at the moment, and so when we reflect on our
parenting and I go, oh, could I have done some
stuff differently? One of the things I would have definitely differently,
And for anyone with younger kids, like implement this, because
(01:09):
they do your fucking head in right. The amount of
times I was like, I don't want to look at
another handstand, Like I'm sick of seeing handstands all over
the house. No, I don't want to watch you do this.
It's like watch me, watch me, watch me, watch me,
watch me. And I got so frustrated by that, yeah,
that I would deliberately be like, no, I am not
watching you now. I don't want to see another handstand.
I don't want to see that while I'm cooking. I'm
not looking at you because it was so frustrating. And
(01:32):
now I'm like, wow, she really needs to be seen,
Like I can see it. Yeah, you can see how
much they need to be seen now. And I wish
I'd seen them a bit more back then.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
So it's a documentary, an Australian documentary all put together.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Maggie Dan't's obviously in it.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
She's got the amazing books like, but she talks about
her story like. It's an actual documentary with real parents
going through their thick of being a parent and their
true story. And it was so moving Katie. But I
walked out with so many real moments in it.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I just want to share it to go.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
If you have noticed it or seen it on socials
or whatever, give it a follow, have a look at it.
Maybe see if you can get your hands on watching
this documentary. It was excellent and there's so much that
each and every one of us as a parent can
learn about ourselves as to why we parent the way
that we do with our children right, and the time
is now to sort of make that change and be
(02:29):
able to like implement like, yes, you girls are sixteen,
but it can still change now and you can really
format your relationship differently if you choose to.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I do do that now, Like, yes, I definitely wish
I'd done things differently before. But I actually like when
they go, mum, can I show you this, and I'm
in the middle of something like busy stuff going on,
and I'm like, Okay, she needs to be seen right now.
I love with Holly now, and I'm like, Colleen, do
you need to be seen?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Because oh, this is like they talk about seeing heard, yeah,
felt coming down on their level and understanding that. You know,
even though what a problem to us would be so
so tiny, so little to them is their whole world
and the biggest problem that they've ever so that comparison
to being able to come down on their level, understanding, listening, seeing,
hearing them and then letting them feel it and not
(03:18):
being dismissive because I was so much in their case.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I was always so dismissive, like that's not a problem,
like since I said this at school, who cares, you know,
But it's actually like I'm going, Okay, this is a
big deal in your world. Let me listen and hear
you and see you.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
And it's so so good, And they're not always after
a solution.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I've always gone straight to the solution. Oh, this person's
being mean or this has happened, Okay, how do I
fix that?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And I think, mums do how do I fix that
for you? Whereas actually a lot of the time it's like,
don't need to fix it, just listen.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And the interesting part in which they sort of touch
on and they talk about is this documentary has been
sort of brought to life to be able to help
parents and switch it up and sort of put an
end to the generational trauma that they say and have
done studies and it's all backed scientifically.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
We have the ability to change the story. We have
the ability to.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Make sure that our story is not then carried over
and formatted in the next child of ours and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
It is so powerful. It's called scene.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
If you find it and you watch it, Honestly, every
parent out there, it was wonderful. Do you know?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Also just on the being seen thing, you know, that's
something that we as we get older go through again
as well, the being seen wound. Like I've listened to
stuff on this and it's like, this is an example, right,
as you get older and you look in the mirror
and you're like, oh, got some wrinkles now, or you know,
don't quite look like I did when I was twenty.
(04:56):
There's a being seen wound there, right, because when you
were twenty and you were all dressed up and you
did your makeup and you're wearing a shore or whatever
it might be, right, and you walk into a bar
and you know you may or may not have got
some attention from the opposite sex, or walked past a
(05:17):
building site and got wolf whistled at at some point
people stop looking.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
The wolf whistle stop and you're like, what about where
is it I'm not being seen?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Well, let me assure you, Katie. Now they'll hear you.
You're like, if you're not gonna see me, you're gonna
hear me coming.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Am I a bad mum for not inviting them?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So just to give you a quick summary, I think
I've mentioned it quite a few times because it's a
sore spot.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I'm turning forty.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, I've kind of been I wouldn't say peer pressure, right,
but in my mind at the start of this year,
I was like, I'm turning forty, I'm going to go
to Europe for six weeks and that's how I'm going
to celebrate myself by myself.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
No, that's not that.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, And then everyone was like no, no, no, no, no,
we're celebrating, We're doing this, And so I eve fast
forward a few months into the year. Here we are
and said birthday party of the four zero is coming
up very soon. Now, how does this relate to children? Well,
I'm not inviting them to my own body, no, and
(06:38):
not inviting them to my own party.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I'm getting so much pushback, Katie, it is unreal. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
The thing as well is that it's not like it's
like a late night party. Well it will be, I mean,
but technically, like we know how it's going to we
know how it's going to go, Like it's going to
go like.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
In our head, we're going, oh my god, we'll be
here by then and then we'll leave here by van
and we'll be in bed by van and it'll be naz.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
No, it's not happening like that.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I say that right now, but it's starting very optimistically.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Like I like the way you've tried to do it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You've tried to get yourself in bed by nine, but
everybody else has got other ideas. You're starting the party
at three pm, so technically your children could come.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, but I totally get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Well, the idea was like I was like, okay, three
and then I'll have it at home and I'll put
in a big bell ten and we'll do it all
out the back and then there's no restrictions. I can
drink what I want, I can have whatever music I want,
I can do what I want till my neighbors go nuts.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
But then I thought, oh god, I don't want to
clean up. It is a lot of work.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Even if you had people like helping out, it's still
a lot of work.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Like you're turning your house upside down.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
So the way you're doing it, so yeah, you go.
You can celebrate, you can have fun, and you can
leave it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah. So obviously you know we've been there and you
know experience what lefties musical can bring to one event.
So we're going back to it again two point zero.
But that doesn't allow kids. So naturally I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Because I'm thinking, is that a rule they have?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Yeah, like a music hall, So yeah, it doesn't easy out,
I know, but like getting like, okay, so what are
you wearing? How are you gonna have your hair? Are
you getting your makeup done?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Like?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And then I get the gilt trip the other day
of like, oh well, I'm really sad that we're actually
not going to be there to celebrate you and not
sing your Happy Birthday. And I was like, I'm not
even having a cake. I'm not having a cake, So
it's okay, we won't be singing Happy birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yes they will.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
And then I just keep getting like these little pods
of like it would be nice if we could oh.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, the guilt guilt trip.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And then because my party is happening to be just
before their actual birthdays, because we all celebrate our birthdays
in the month of April, it's now getting to the
point they're like, well, who cares, it's just your birthday party.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Our birthdays are after that, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Katie, I cand of hold on for much longer and
it's not even here. Oh my gosh, I'm dreading it out.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Like every birthday is always about the kids, right, Like
every birthday it's about what they're doing, it's about their
birthday parties, who they're inviting all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
We put ourselves aside.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
This is a big birthday, like this is forty, it's
a big four.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
This is big four.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Roh.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Life begins at forty, right?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
If I that again from another single person, I was like, mate,
that's what someone said to me at thirty.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Someone said that twenty.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I was like, I don't believe you. And then next
what're you gonna say to me? Is life styles at fifty?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
No, it fucking doesn't. It goes downhill.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Everything's going to be drooped and gone, and I've missed
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Really goes downhill.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
You have children, They say, have kids, Yes, everything droops,
everything goes. You need it, You work your ass off
literally to try and lift it back up, and then
just drops back down.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Like it was really funny, Like just on that, like
when you take your bra off, Like, yeah, every female
loves taking their bra off when they get home, right,
maybe not straight away, but it's like guys feeling you
get your bra off, Like it's like, oh, pajamas on,
bra off. It's like if you ever wear high waisted
pants or anything like that, it's that realization of my
(10:21):
pants touching my.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
How am I boothed? Touching my pants. Oh, what's that
they're touching, that's weird. Them in.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You for your bears up a little bit higher and
then chuck them in and they're all one to onesie.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Have kids literally sucks the life out of you. Your booths,
become a onesie with your hips. It's disgusting.
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