Ep 6: 'I Never Told You This': Vicki & Chloe

Introducing I Never Told You This: Two People. One big reveal. A simple card deck with questions. Some are light-hearted, some deeper…and one that says ‘I Never Told You This’ - the chance for one person to share something they’ve never told the other before.

In episode six of ‘I Never Told You This’, Chloe and her mum Vicki open up about experiences they’ve never spoken about before — from adoption and school struggles, to the grief and isolation that came with having a brother and son facing mental health challenges.

Head to Medibank to learn more about the Family Roast card game that sparked the conversation.

The experiences shared and views expressed are those of the people featured and do not reflect the views of Medibank. This is not health advice. If you or someone you know needs help, you should always consult a trusted health professional. For further support and guidance, visit Medibank Mental Health. Or, if in need of immediate support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast. Mamma May I
acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters that
this podcast is recorded on. I'm a Shiny Dante, host
of But Are You Happy? Did you know that one
in five Australians experience and mental health condition each year,
yet too many suffer in silence. Talking about our feelings

(00:32):
and experiences is one of the most powerful steps towards
healing and knowing we're not alone. That's why we're introducing
I Never Told You This, a series created to spark honest,
meaningful conversations that support better mental well being. Brought to
you by Medibank, this episode discusses mental illness and death.

(00:52):
Please listen with care and if it feels too much
right now, you're warmly encouraged to skip this one or
come back to this episode whenever you're ready.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
I don't usually like talking about myself because I'd rather
they attention on other people.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Two people reveal I Never Told You This, a simple
card game where one question could change everything. It starts like,
what's more things brings?

Speaker 1 (01:18):
I'm not going to answer that.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Then comes the moment that could shift a relationship forever.
As they finished this sentence.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
I never told you this.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
I've never told you.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
They never told you this.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Today, mother and daughter, Vicky and Chloe will be sitting
down together.

Speaker 5 (01:35):
She's coming in in a few moments time, and I'm
feeling very apprehensive because I've never told her this before.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
Vicky has something big to reveal to her daughter, and.

Speaker 5 (01:44):
I'm feeling a little bit nervous. Okay, so we're going
to play a card game together. It's designed by Medibank
to spark conversations between families, so it's called Family Roast.
Be ready, Yeah, So I'm going to pick up the
first card. What personality trait do you most admire about me?

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (02:01):
I would say that you're very energetic and welcoming. So
everyone that I introduce you to, and all my friends,
I can always make effort to get to know them.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (02:13):
What's more, thing in your daily life brings you joy? Routine?

Speaker 5 (02:18):
Is that a trait that you shared?

Speaker 4 (02:19):
No, I think I have routine in my life, but
I don't think I'm a very routined person. I'm very
last minute with things compared to me.

Speaker 5 (02:31):
Okay, but what brings you joy?

Speaker 4 (02:33):
Spending time with people rather than maybe life admin that
I should be prioritizing. Tell us something you're grateful for
in this family.

Speaker 5 (02:43):
When we had someone pass that was very close to us,
my son, your brother, coming out as a family afterwards, yeah,
means that we appreciate everything. So I appreciate every each
and every one of you. Okay, this is for me
that I never told you this.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Cool.

Speaker 5 (03:00):
So, Chloe, you went to a prestigious school, and as
you know, I went to the same school. What I
never told you was that I was suspended from that school.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
You were suspended. Wait, you're actually suspended.

Speaker 5 (03:15):
I was naughty pretty much from the time I arrived
at the school until the time I left, and all
the teachers said, oh, we remember your mum, and she
was so good here. They were lying. It was probably
a surprise to them and to me when I returned
with my daughters to the same school.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
That's crazy. It makes so much sense, though in a
weird way, because there's times where I'm like, no, I
would never send my daughter there growing up, and You're like, no,
you will, and I'm like, what do you mean.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
I guess one of the reasons why I never told
you about my history at school was because I was
a little bit ashamed about it. I mean, nobody likes
to be proud about their behavior if it's not respectful.
Going to boarding school having my parents being in North
Queensland made me feel really lost and isolated. I didn't
know anyone and I didn't really understand, and I wasn't
adopt a child, so I was confused that mom and

(04:12):
dad adopted me and now I was going away to
a boarding school, so I was a little bit lost.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
For a while.

Speaker 5 (04:19):
I did feel guilty while you were at school because
I knew that you weren't happy. Yeah, And I remember
the first day you were going when I had my
hand and I was just pushing you into the bast Yeah.
But I was worried that you would do what I
did and lose this opportunity because I know how bright
you are and I felt like I gave them away,
and so perhaps I was pushing onto you. I didn't

(04:40):
want you to lose those opportunities as well, and I
think you know them now that you're an adult.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
The rest of this episode of I never told you
this right after the break.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
So I've always known that you were adopted growing up,
but I don't really know at what age you found
out that you were adopted.

Speaker 5 (05:02):
So when I was about eight, my parents sat us
down and told my brother and I that were adopted.
Made me feel, on one hand, love, but on the
other hand rejected as well. It all kind of makes sense,
but at the same time, it doesn't make sense because
so now I've got this whole gamut of questions, which
ione then discovered who my birth parents were when I

(05:23):
was twenty one. I don't think I've told you this either,
but one of the things that I found really difficult
with the adoption was my mother never had a period.
She was sterilized very young, and so when I had
my period, she didn't understand. She didn't explain anything to me.
I was fifteen by the time I got my period,
and everyone else had got it. I'd have to ask
the other girls. I was embarrassed about it. There was

(05:44):
a lot for me to discover and find out for myself.
One of the things that we haven't discussed is having
a brother that was mentally ill, and how that impacted
how you grew up and how you were going at
school and those sorts of things that you were trying
to deal with. How was it for you having a

(06:04):
brother that was seriously ill. Did you feel isolated?

Speaker 2 (06:08):
I think I felt sad.

Speaker 4 (06:11):
Yeah, it is like a really sad thing to see
someone else go through and not be able to help them.

Speaker 5 (06:17):
Yeah, But at the same time we're talking about you.
You were only a child watching this must have been
very difficult looking back on your childhood to be able
to say to your friends, my brother's suffering from mental
health issues and he's in hospital this weekend, and that's
what we did all weekend.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
No no one knew.

Speaker 5 (06:34):
No one knew, so you couldn't talk to anyone about it.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
Like, I just hated school. It took me an hour
and forty minutes to get there every single day, private
school environment where there were rules that I kind of
was rebelling against. And then a brother who was ill,
and not having anyone at school.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Know about that.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Like I don't usually like talking about myself because I'd
rather any attention being on other people, which is also
why I'm quite emotional. I guess at the time, it
definitely was quite scary and isolating.

Speaker 5 (07:07):
Looking back, I wish that I'd been there, yeah, to
help you during that time. That's okay, I think I
don't I think that my time and attention was trying
to understand what was going on with him, and then
unfortunately the other siblings miss out a little bit. Yeah,
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
Yeah, but thank you for saying that.

Speaker 5 (07:28):
And one of the things that I couldn't control was
that on the night he passed away, the police told
you and I wasn't home.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Come here, that you couldn't control that at all.

Speaker 4 (07:45):
It makes me feel closer to you that you were
also struggling during the same period that I was struggling.

Speaker 5 (07:52):
Because the sparked the conversations that we didn't have when
we were going through it. Yeah, I think that we
both wish that we'd had. I think that that would
have helped us a little bit more.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
How do you feel, I feel better, Like I think
it's always good talking about those kind of things, especially
because I don't think we usually do.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
I think I love you so much as difficult

Speaker 5 (08:12):
MHM.