September 16, 2025 • 45 mins
Baby Johnson #3 is about to arrive any minute now. (Hopefully, before Matty J lets slip the inducement date, IYKYK). The girls are PUMPED for a baby sister.
So, it's time to get the nursery ready and make room for the baby, and there's only one place you turn to when going through a clean-out: Facebook Marketplace. So far, it's been a total nightmare.
There's also been a thief who's infiltrated the household, and the finger is pointed at Marlie-Mae.
Ash is about to tear his hair out because Oscar is obsessed with Beyblades and somehow, it's tearing the family apart.
We also answer your parenting questions:
- Things you should never say to a parent!
- If your child was invited to a joint party, do you gift both kids?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This has just dawned on me. What bear with me?
You're going to be a dad this month?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I know that there's a bassinet over there?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Yeah, I've got to fucking clear out the room upstairs.
I made such good progress and I kind of moved
everything out to the hallway, and then I had to
put things back in and it's made more mess.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You're trying, like logistically move s out and you're like, okay,
move this out to get this out, and then you
realize that you've just made a whole new mess in
the hallway and then you just board the room up.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Welcome back to two Notting Dads.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I'm Maddie Jay And.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
And this is podcast that happens to be all about parenting.
It is the good, it is the bad and relatable.
And if you've come for advice, that's your first mistake
because you're not going to get any on this episode,
not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Here's some advice. Don't expect advice.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Put it on T shirt.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, I thought we were locked in for a date
to be in. We Laura to be induced, like I
swear the obstetrician was like this is the date you're
getting injun fucking tell people that.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh shit, sorry.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
So we had to beat that out because I give
it away too much.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Well that was my fault.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
She'd come from me if she wants, but I actually don't,
don't send.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
But also you're so far away that when you can't
reach you, I'm then next in line.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
My plan works perfectly.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Genius, but yeah, look stressful, stressful. A couple of days,
still haven't got everything quite ready. We gave away the
followed out bed he did, gave that away, that went off,
gave away the KINDI chat on WhatsApp. I thought I
was getting gets one of the parents, and then they
were offloating it to one of their friends.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I hate when people do.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I was getting rid of it, so it's gone, it's gone.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But I thought it's funny that you're happy to get
rid of something that's free with any care about where
it goes. Also, we were like, because we're moving, we're
like culling everything like we are. I'm being ruthless.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
What are you like, what's something that you weren't sure
about to keep a throw?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It's mainly like it's mainly like bulky a furniture that
I'm like, I'm just sick of looking at this fucking thing.
It's just like that have gone from.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
House to house to house.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
You're like, you know what kind of done with you?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Time is up?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I know, so like good A good example is like
the chest of drawers right that it's got two sides,
so it was used to be Macy and Oscar site.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I feel like chests of drawers are the cockroach of
the furniture. Well, oh my god, because they're practical, they
won't die even if they're just like they're chipped, they've
been banged about, they've been beaten up.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And then April we're a combination of throwing things, just
throwing things out because it could not I can't be
asked with Facebook people, and for like.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Fifty bucks, not even like twenty bucks. I know, people, Okay,
what do you think is the lowest that you should
be allowed to sell an item for on Facebook?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Free?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah? Obviously, but like, at what point does the price
become so low that you just offer it for free?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Because out of fifty bucks, unless it's like unless it's
like a parasos or.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Something, who the fuck is selling socks on you worry.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I've got a really quick funny story for you, because
the thing I don't like about it is I don't mind.
I said to April. I'm like, I'm chucking this shit
out and she's like, no, let me put it on marketplace.
I'm like, yeah, that's fine, but I am not doing
any of the work. I am not lifting a finger
for these people. These people that because I know whatever
nightmare it is. So she put this up for free,
got about fifty messages of people asked us the questions
(03:51):
and the chest of draws, and then we finally narrowed
it dwan or she did not me. Finally narrowed down
to someone who's going to pick it up, and they're like,
i'll be there in fifteen minutes. I'm like great, there
were great there, Like April was like, oh, I was like,
tell him, your husband's not homes I don't have to
help carry it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And they've got to bring someone to help carry it. Genius,
there's not my first.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Lap around the block. Anyway. Two minutes later, I can't
make it today. I'm sorry. It's like, oh, for fox sake.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
What has happened in two minutes?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Your whole life has been altered in two minutes. So
that's what I hate about the whole situation, getting roped
into help. So, for example, my friend Miles, he was
giving giving away a fridge because he was moving out
of his apartment and he was like, I don't need it.
He was going flying flat for work. I don't need it.
Put it on. A young girl said, okay, great, I'll
(04:37):
take it. Right he said, cool, here it is, come
and grab it. This is my dress. She got there,
rocks up in a Marena literally it was a Corolla anyway,
with no one to help her, and Miles was like,
how are you going to carry this? Fridge?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Is one hundred killos?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Do you reckon? You could help me.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
He's a big boy there, He's a big boy.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
So he got roped into carrying it down the stairs
of a uni.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Then, and where are we going to put it? He's
got a ute. Guess what. It's in the back of
his ute. And then she was like, how are.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
These people getting by? And I know?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So he had to follow her all the way to
her house and then unload it and put it in
her fridge section.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Where do you live, Victoria?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Anyway? Now they're getting married, but like that. That's what
scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Not your children being injured, any type of loss of life.
Just helping people load furniture into a car.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yep, can't stand it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I was very specific when I was giving away that
fold out couch because it comes apart.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And I was like, you can as a single person,
as an individual, you could make the trip by yourself,
but just checking. I've got many phone calls to make
tomorrow and I'm just checking there will be two of
them collecting. And they were like yeah, yeah, yeah. And
I was like, because I've got the very important phone calls,
I cannot be unloading any type of furniture whilst the
important uncles are being made.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You're just on hold. I was like, oh yes, bye, hi,
so loo, that's what people do.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I was like, I'm not giving away bloody couch and
then loading it.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Oh yeah, I'm not doing that. Ship.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I'm not an idiot taken advantage.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Of the Funny thing is after that happened with Myles,
he rang me and told me the story and I'm like,
if she had you immediately, mate, she knew. So yeah,
giving away a lot of ship if anyone wants anything.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
What do you what do you go? Well, you imagine
like my fridge and the couch, and you backed out
of both.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That's how I rolled you. Oh no, I'm one of
them anyway.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Housekeeping, housekeeping? What do we got? What do we go?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
From house moving to housekeeping?
Speaker 3 (06:43):
I know this is on a T shirt. This is
like a lifestyle podcast.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Speaking of lifestyle, Yes, part of housekeeping.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Oh go on, spread the fucking news.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Well, there was a little time ago where.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Cat and No one cares about your show.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Matt and I went head to head in an audition
for a particular TV show that has now been announced
as Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
The audition, there was a ring. They greased us both
up and they were like.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Now fight to the death, and I had my way
with you man. Anyway, So it's been it's been announced
that Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise is being reboot. It's a
lifestyle show from the nineties, and yours truly is somewhat
of a.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Cost the irony that you were on a show called healthy.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I'm neither of those things, or neither of any of
those things. I'm not healthy, wealthy, or wise. Damn it.
I used that joke immediately when I had the audition
and they loved it. So that's why I got the job.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I was just sitting there with my abs like all
the love in the shower.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Anyway, Yes, so that has been announced. There's no date
when it's going to start.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Congratulations, thank you, very proud of you.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I play a role that is you know.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I trained you up, I got you to this point.
You know. I all of my wisdom that I have
accumulated over ten years of working in this entertainment industry
I've passed on to you.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
You sound like a jealous ex game. I've used it
against me. I didn't use it against you. I used
my own personality and my own brain, thank you very much,
and my own words. Yes, that's what I did. So anyway,
I made out to be part of the production of
the show, but they crossed to me as a bit
(08:42):
of a co hosty sort of role. But yeah, congratulations
to me.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You you're so handsome. I'm talking to me because I'm
going to watch it back later.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Sorry of course.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Anyway, So yeah, that comes out. It's gonna be on
Chail seven Saturday nights. I don't know when, but probably
after the Grand Final. Anyway, what do you got nothing
that'suns about right anyway? Do you know what jealousy is?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
An ugly color on you?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Shut up?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Now that you're a getty having three kids, you're turning
into a bitter old man.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You've got TV shows. I've just got more children, look.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
After same thing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Oh this is unfair, unfair. Yeah, we've got some male ash.
Because housekeeping also doubles up as mail bag, just introducing
new segments every week.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
This is called mail bags.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
This one is from Rachel. She just has a little
dinner hack.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Did you reach into the mail bag to get this
hack out?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Good, I just want to visualize what's happening.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Okay, best dinner hack idea, because we're all about shaying
things to make you like healthier, wealthier.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Wi That's what I'm about. Actually I could use some
of that.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
We had the same hectic dinner routine like Matt did
talking about the girls, and this genuinely fixed it. We
do surprise bowls go on, so the surprise bowls are
after dinner. Basically something sweet that is covered up by
a bowl turned upside down so it's hiding. It's always
something different. For example, a photo frog new lollies, a lollipop,
(10:21):
a few squares of chocolate, et cetera.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So instead of just instead of just being like, oh,
I've got a fredo.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
If you eat all that, you're like, if you eat
all that, you get to open the surprise bowl.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I fucking love that. So I don't get invested.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
They don't get to know what is in the surprise
bowl until they have finished their dinner. They eat so
much faster, and they both even compete now with who
can get it first. It's changed in a time for
a one and a half hour drag out to being
fifteen minutes. It is such a win.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh, it's all fun and gamesil.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Someone chokes if you use this on your fucking show. Okay,
I'm just like, you're not getting credit, she's getting credit. Yeah,
I have stuff, Rachel, Just to lead.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
That name out of there right now.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Look, I think that's brilliant, except for the increasing the
speed of which the food is because that's that's a
potential hazard.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Shut up, Okay, shut up next.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I mean, I think I'm just saying Oscar's pro to joking?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Is he really sometimes?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
How fast is he eating?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Everything's a race? Everything's erase when you got boys.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Mate with Lola, My god, my.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
God, you mean the future Matilda. How did you trying
to you just let her fly, let her spread her
wings on the soccer field, and eat as fast or
as slow as she likes.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
It was it was literally, like Rachel said, here, it
was an hour and a half. And I went to
the whole like, well, if you're not going to eat
your dinner, you can go to bed. She's like, she
walks up the stairs and I'm like, no, you will
sit back down here.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I get you all.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
The goalpost is always moving when you're trying to discipline
a child.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
If they yeah, Macy's pulled the Okay, well if you
don't eat, then you can just go to bed. She's like, okay,
I'm tired anyway, I'm kid. Thank god, I have to
do bedtime now either.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
What else we got for housekeeping? My guy? Okay, we
don't have a baby update other than it's close. It's close.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It's looming.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
It's close. We are seconds, hours perhaps from baby number
three arriving.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
What's your What are you feeling right now about it?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
This will sound weird, but it still kind of feels
like it's not happening. Yeah, it feels like Lawa has
just had like a really upset tummy. It keeps growing, yeah, outwards, outwards,
getting big. It just doesn't I think with two kids,
you're just so focused on them that I haven't really
(12:56):
had a moment to really understand what's about to happen.
And every now and then you're.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
About to have a baby. I don't understand what's going
to happen? Is my third one.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Every now and then I get a little taste of
what I'm in for. Your friends got a three month old.
Another friend of parent at school, they have a little
a little bit younger, about two months old. They're so little,
so tiny, so fragile, and so I'll hold them and
I'll be like, oh, this is what it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Like, take it back.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Newborns are so boring.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I love them.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
And yeah, like holding it for like a minute, and
I'm like, I'm next puppy or something.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, how do I feel? How do I feel? Look?
Every now and then I do have a little freak
out where I'm thinking to myself, Jesus, how are we
going to manage? Because actually, actually I've got an announcement
to make shut up. You're having a kid. Okay, you
may have your TV show.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What do you got, I've.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Got something that you don't have. Okay, go on chlamydia,
well jokes lately you have.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
How are the girls feeling about having a little sister.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
The pumped, They're really excited.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
They are girls love babies.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, except I'm like you. I'm trying to say to them, like,
you don't realize what you're in for. Okay, you look
happy now and you're excited, but the reality is this
is going to be.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
A fucking nightmare. Yeah when you have to wait when
you wake up because this baby crying. Yeah, I hate it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
And I'm not going to give you any of my
energy because it's all going to go to this baby.
And they're like, mom, Dad's scaring me so and then
nanny's bloody. You got a rhyam but O overall very excited.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
That's good. Thank you, Matte. You have two girls. One
that looks like you, which is Marley, and the other
looks exactly like Laura.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
This is going to sound arrogant, ash, but I'm going
to say both children look like me, and both children
are gorgeous, very beautiful, joy handsome. Thank you, and I
I've always known that. I've always known that it was well,
I've always known that my children are very good looking,
and I can now say that I am responsible for that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
They are handsome girls. And also with a third girl,
do you reckon that maybe that one's going to be
skew if and look like Laura.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
No, they will all look like me. Okay, And it's
exciting because new research has just come out, ash.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Okay, where did you find this?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Research?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
From Instagram? Great studies, incredible, very credible studies. Fine that
kids often get their good looks from their dad.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Knew it.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's why my kids are so handsome and so charming
and beautiful.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
It doesn't say personality.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Now I would just roll it all into one.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
But according to studies, your kids good looks most likely
come from dad, however, their brains from mom. Okay. Research
studied over ten thousand families have found that the genes
for things like jawlines, eye color, and overall wow factor.
How was that measured usually show up stronger from the
dad's side.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
How is that measured? I'll tell you how that's measured.
So when someone walks into a room, depends how loud
that people go, oh, wow, wow factor.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
No, no good. Okay, moving on now.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
About your quickage. Would you prefer your kids?
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Would you prefer to be.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
The one for their looks or the one for their brain?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Which one looks pretty privileged?
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Fu the brain it's hidden. It's all the way back
in there somewhere. I can't even see it.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I can't tell. Okay, Marley does look like me. I
feel like she's very smart. So does that? That's I've
got the looks brains looks, brains are from Laura.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
You're the mimbo.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
What's that mean?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Like me, man, bimbo.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
That's housekeeping done. Oh we can relax and I.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Do love it. Okay, mat our house has been terrorised
by something. I want you to tell me if you
know what this is.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Yeah, it's a what do you call it, little zing
It's a bay blade, a baby blade.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
They have made their resurgence back from the dead.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Is that metal? Oh yeah, there's a bit of weight
to this thing.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Now. The reason I've got a gripe with this thing
the dragon ball Z No, the reason I've got a
gripe with this thing is they were pretty popular when
I was a kid, and they've come full circle. Like
things do come back into popularity, yes, And I would
say at the start of the year Oscar got onto these, okay,
(17:41):
And the problem is with them that these kids obsess
over them so much that it alters their personality. And
of course we know how these young kids, you know,
sort of five six, they could be easily persuaded. Their
moods can change, they lock in, they can't regulate.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
There's all sorts of issues.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Anyway, you put that unregulated emotion in the house with
something like this, you've got a recipe for disaster. So
Oscar was given a couple of them for Christmas back
last year. Last Christmas, I was fine with them, but there,
you know, you get two of them, they battle, They
make a lot of noise. I quickly started to hate
(18:21):
it so much because he would also like it would
become his whole personality, this fucking thing. And then I
found an opportunity to get rid of them out of
the house, which was he called his mother a naughty name.
And my reaction was, that's it their band, because he
would have never ever spoken to his mum like that
(18:44):
before they came. So anyway, that was what are we now.
August September shit, I'm tired. Anyway, I banned them from
the house, completely banned them. He was he understands why.
He still knows now that. I said to him, Hey,
why you know why they're banned? He said, yeah, I
called mummy. You don't want to know what you call her.
I can beat this out. A dirty little rat.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Nothing, what happened to him?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
But also that's not the worst thing in the Yeah,
but he's.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
He was a he was he's a six year old.
He shouldn't be talking. And I said to him, you
do not talk girls like that, mate.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
That's like, who's that guy from The Departed Jack Nicholson.
He's like, there's a.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Rat in here, your dirty rat. Anyway.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
I was like, only I call her that?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
No, I was like straight away, I'm like, you do
not talk to girls like that or anyone like that
in that fat and that in that manner. Anyway. So
I had banned them, gone household back to normal. Oscar
was back to being a kid playing footy outside. No
one's been called a rat, no one's being called any
sort of marsupial or mammal, whatever they are. I just
(19:49):
want to come to both bases there neither reptile whatever anyway,
So you know, time has gone by, and then he
had his sixth birthday and.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
All of a sudden, he starts calling everyone rats again.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Let's stop focusing on the race. He received some of
these for his birthday, so they come with two things.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
There's that and then there's the ripcord, which, let me
just get that really quick. You can have a turn
of it after and I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
What happened was at that birthday and he knew they
were banned. Don't you're triggering me. He knew they were
You know what, I was going to dismantle it, so
you can't shut up. Sorry. So what I did is
I confiscated these the rip chord, and I said, okay,
well that's fine, you can have those. And then of
(20:46):
course I get guilted into giving them back to him
because I went to America and Abril had to keep
them entertained, and he was like please, he'd been a
good boy the whole time. I said, okay, you can
have them back, and just like that, the personality changed again.
Pretty much. Dude, he here's your dinner. Everything about his
(21:09):
life revolves around this thing. I can't stand it. He
gets locked in every two seconds? Can you battle me?
Oh my gosh, up every two seconds? So then how
do you battle two of them together?
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Sorry, stopped being me seriously now, and also I apologize
now from previous years anyway. So the thing is that
all of his mates are obsessed with them too, and
they start taking them to school, and everything about him
now is all about this. He's not kicking the footy anymore.
(21:47):
He's like, I've got to try and drag him out.
I'll be like, hey, we're going to go down to
the park footy. What do you think? He says? Can
I bring my bad blades? No?
Speaker 3 (21:55):
It reminds me of someone who is obsessed with Pokemon cards,
don't I don't know who that is, you know. I
remember picking you up and then there you are, sitting
in the passenger seat opening up your Pokemon cards.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I don't make it my whole personality the well no, no, well,
well let me finish, yeah, okay, let me finish.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Well. I just think sometimes it's funny how much the
apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Jess is nodding, and I can see in my prof
I hate that even.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
More because really, you were just dealing with a miniature
version of Ash.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I know, that's why I'm frustrated. Why you like this
because I'm like you, I know, but also I have
other activities I do outside of just the things that
I get obsessed with. I know how to deviate because
I'm an adult, but he's not. But anyway, he seemed
to just go to school, Yeah, take these with him
(22:49):
and battle. Everything about his life became about these.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
How are you going to fix this?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Well, the problem is that they go to school and
now they've started to trade them with each other. But
you got to remember, these are six year olds. They
don't understand what's fair and what's not fair. So what's
popped up is a a bay Blade group chat between parents.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Fuck off.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Ash has removed himself from the chat immediately. April is
so now what it is is parents saying, hey, do
you have this one?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
It was my kids. They've swapped it over. He's upset.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So it's become this whole, the whole, like instead of
it just being a battle on the with the bay Blade,
they're battling each other's emotions. That was deep. That was
a T shirt. Put it on a T shirt. That
was profound if anything. And then I've just been alerted
to someone is having a birthday party which is a
(23:47):
sleepover Baba bay Blade battle party. Say that again, a
sleepover bay Blade battle party. Got it out.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
That sounds like a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
It is, but it's the problem is he's a different
kid with this thing, and everything about him at home
now is grumpy. He's it's like you know when they're like,
don't give them one on one screens because they can't regulate.
They think what the emotion is they're feeling for the
show is what they're dealing with. This is the same thing,
(24:17):
and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Now do you want advice from me?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Well, we don't give advice, Yeah, but to each other. Okay,
fire away.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
You gotta smack him. Fuck I knew it, but wouldn't
spoon that shit right up.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
The fact that we're in all I'm waiting for. And
like when you were a kid and there was collectibles around, we.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Had Taos are big for a while, Marbles were big
for a while.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What ends what we happen game at school?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
What do you know? What ends up happening? It just
fades out, bro, No, they get banned. Okay, things the
Pokemon cards got banned because the bigger kids were ripping
off the little kids. But my concern.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Do you remember going to school and I lost my
marbles to the big kids. I was in tears devastated
coming home, and I was.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Like, and what happened to your physical marbles? Or was
it just yet?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
That's that's terrible anyway, You're better than that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I'm just a bit upset about it.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
So you got to you got to just wait for
this fad to just follow the course of time.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Or yes, I could convince him to call his mum
a dirty rat again. There he is. I knew we'd
get to an answer.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Just suddenly dropping in, like, I think we've got rats
in the.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
House, dirty ones and they're little.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
What do you think, Oscar?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, the dirty little rats heard it? Thank you. But
it's like, man, it's every parent at this at school
is dealing with the same thing.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Well, I'm dealing with other problems myself.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Ash, Okay, how dare you just discount my problem?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
You've been.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Anyway, So the parents that are out there are dealing
with it, give tell me how to get rid of them,
because they are ruining my household.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
This was meant to be a quick episode. So I
don't have the capacity right now to take on anyone
else's problems. And I apologize for that. I know you're
looking to me for help. I just don't have it
in me.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I was actually looking for the listener.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You took it upon yourself to say, do you want
some advice?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Just remember that?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Okay, Yeah, I was just been polite. I didn't mean it. Okay, good, Okay,
I am dealing with a thief. A thief, oh God,
is in the household, and yeah, check your wallet, check
your phone.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
I don't have a wallet. So joke's on them.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
So Marley at the moment, she gets Touch Shop on
a Friday, okay, and they's a lovely treat, isn't Yeah
nice the end of the week you get touch Shop.
But sometimes she gets to a Wednesday and she's like please,
I'm like, it's just this week as dragging on? Can
I please have Touch Shop? And I'm like, no, you
Can't's not Friday. The ruler is Friday, touch Shop. We
can't ben the rules here.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
What's your Touch Shop? Men?
Speaker 3 (26:42):
You like it's all right? Like cheesy pasta?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Do you know what I might do. I might get
a screenshot of ours and compare. We can compare.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
We won't name the schools, of course, because that's a privacy.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I like that next week we can compare people. If
you think you have a good touch Shop menu, you
send it in.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Let's compare here, let's compare penises. I mean, sorry, that
just came out of me. That's right, that's what she said. Anyway, God,
I'm back.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I said to my I'm like, hey, you cannot there's
no touch Shop has to be Friday. And I'm like,
sticking to that rules, sticking to it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Just great parenting.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
And then there's a bit of cash in that little
basket over there on that bench table in like the
basket of all the keys.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Yeah, watch it, you mean there was?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And I was like, all those fibers have gone. A
couple of five dollar notes were in there. And I
was like, Maley, did you did you take that money?
And She's like, no, absolutely not. I was like, okay, anyway,
back at lunch, put in a backpack and I was like,
I saw her putting things in the front of the backpack,
and so I opened up the front zip. There it
(27:44):
was the money she's put the money in her backpack
and I was like, you lied to me and she
was like, oh yeah, but well I didn't. I don't
know how I got there. And I was like, how
dare you.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
It's a slippery slope from there, my friend, that's where
that's that's the.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Gateway a world of crime away. It's me.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's going to be excited.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
And I was like, I was. I was like, still
something good anyway. I was like I was hurt. You know,
I was lied to by my child, you know, looking
at me in my face, lied directly at me. And
I was like, that's it. You know, I'm shocked right now,
chocked to the core.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Does It's like a dagger the first time, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
And then Nana was like had a bit of a
look on her face and I was like, what are
you looking at And she was like, well, you know,
you're very upset right now. But I have a memory.
Oh god, when I was in Grade one in queens Ane,
so pretty much the same age as kids were going
to Kindy there, we had a little jar in our
wardrobe because back in my day, we only had change
(28:46):
shrapnel for tuck shop. None of this digital crap is
the digital you know what we get. Sorry, I'll fucking
fight you.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I don't know where she gets it from.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So I not really understanding the value of money. I
don't know how much money I had, but over a
period of time I had taken enough money that when
I went to the tuck shop and put my money
on the table, I got called immediately into the principals.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
So do you have a round figure?
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
It's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Actually, let me just check with that a real quick. None,
it doesn't remember. It must have been a lot then
now it's like, oh god, but I'm thinking it was
like one hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Wow, I don't know, get called into the principal's office.
I'm sure it's like a kid your age should not
have this money.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah, the person behind the touch shop was like pushing
the panic button like it's.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Conrad, It's got a reverse robbery.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
So I'm like, shit, you know, it's just history repeating itself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I think the theft thing is bad enough at the
lying as well, like I think teeth, But when it
happens to you from someone so small and innocent, like
it's like you just feel a little bit trail there.
It is as as you wouldn't get it. You would
(30:19):
have had to have stolen to get anyway. Yeah, so
what was your cause of action?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
It was just it was just talking to her. I
was like, hold.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Me, like this druggle of the hiles for God.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
I to let her know how disappointed I was.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I know it's your your disappointment. Tone of voice is
very different, isn't it. And you don't even like I
was disappointed with Oscar the other day, like like pretty
disappointed and I couldn't help myself at my tone was
different about it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I was like, buddy, and he just he was different
because of it.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Did you did?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
What did she say?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
She cried? I mean it's her go to get out
very I know. I just whenever she's done something wrong,
she just turns the water works on and I'm like
it works. I'm like, come here, have a cuddle. And
I'm like, damn, she's got me again.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I know they know what they're doing.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
And then I'll walk away and what the fuck's my
watch gone?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Matt, We are bringing something back for now. It's called lies.
Tell me Loud, Tell the little lived. Now. This is
a segment where you make me laugh thank you.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
You make me laugh.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
I'm so glad you're.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
A funny man.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
You're a funny man.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
You're a funny man.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Now, if you are new to this segment, it is
where you send in the little harmless white lines you
tell your kids. I don't know. Here's one, for example,
the park's closed the classic because you don't want to
you don't want to go.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
It's you know, as parents, we do whatever means necessary
to try to avoid and melt down a tantrum to
get our children to bloody listen to us just once, Okay.
The only way to do that is to scare them,
threaten them. Love that or lie and lie by lying,
Threatened by lying, threatened.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
By lying, Yeah, I like it, threatened by lying. Sorry,
we're going to read off a couple that we've been sent.
I'll start. Okay. Here's a really simple one that can
be used in any context whatsoever. It's simple. It'll catch
on fire. Okay, Okay, here's an example. And my kids
are really good at this. They're good at like leaving
the toys hanging around. It's like, if you leave it
(32:33):
hanging around, it'll catch nice and simple, eat your dinner,
it'll catch catch on fire until the.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Kids are like, this house is so flammable.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Wonder why all these kids turn to ask us like, well,
I also everything catches on fire.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
This is a great one. Okay, we're going to keep
this anonymous because I did tell people that send it
through you'll be anonymous.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And you get the better results when they're anonymous. People
judging my parenting, and we wouldn't judge. We would never
stop winking at me. This one is if your child
is struggling to go to school, you can tell them
they need five days of consecutive school days and if
they do that, they get two days off. Yes, I'm
(33:21):
going to use that actually, because it a point now
where he's like, oh god, oh.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Five days.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I always my lie is when they don't want to go,
I'm like, well I've used this. So he was a
lock in the laundry. Well that's more of a threat
than a lie. What that gets him to school pretty quick,
don't you worry? Because he's scared of the washing machine.
And that's the trick. If that's the trick, you've got
to make them scared of the washing machine so that
when you threaten that they really don't want to go
in there because it's not a lie.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
That's that's just a bleadant threat threat.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Well, I teld him to eat him.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Fucking hell.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I'm not judging. I'm a good I'm self proclaimed good dad. Okay,
moving on, if.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
You ever get your kids taken away from you, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Don't put that out in the universe. Actually come and
get them quick. Let me cry off. I'll be fine
to get you back. Cancel promise. That's a lie. See
when I did that. Oh yeah, he's a good one.
This is There's been variations of this one, but this
one is like when the little one sees a lollipop
in the shop that rhymes, I say that we can't
(34:34):
have one, as they've been sold to others pre purchased,
very pre ordered. Some might say, I love that.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Okay. This one's from Sandy. She said you can say
my name, say my name, samon name. Sandy says you're
allergic to McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Oh man, that is good because it sticks with them.
And I'll tell you why. One time I to get
a little rash from pineapple, and now he just tells
everyone thats allergic to pineapple. So if you're like, you're
allergic to me Donald, He'll just tell everybody, Oh that
is good gear.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Okay. This one's from Amber and she just says to
her kids, if you don't shower, you go moldy.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Kind of true, though it's a different type of mold kids,
there's an element of truth to that. Wow. Okay, I've
got one fresh from April, which was so she would
go to the gym really in the morning, come home
and she would shower. But she'll get home and the
kids hear the door, get up, run chase to get
(35:35):
her cordor for mum, and she'd be like, oh, I'm
going to go have a shower. And what was happening
was they were like, we want to come in and
shower with you. And then so now she's just started
to tell them there's only cold water left.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Know.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I was like that and I was half asleep when
she said that. She's like, oh, there's only cold water,
and I was like, who hasn't paid the hot water bill? Yeah,
So that's a good that's a good little one from April.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
If you have any prenting lives, please send them in.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, we'd love to love to hear them and like,
don't be this guy where we say we want lies
and they just rub. It's spicy fucking times. That's the
oldest one.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Jesus Kevin, give us something original.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
It works.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
Before we go into the two questions that we have
a little throwback. Two episodes ago, we had hand Hannah
Hannah two ends, wasn't it to Hanna? She asked about
when is the right time to have kids? And she
was asking if we were happy with our decision of
how old we were when we had kids. I was
thirty two.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Thirty two, because you're thirty eight now, yeah, how old
are you? I'm thirty five.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah. We gave our responses and we thought we would
throw it to our wives. So this is what Laura
had said.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yes, how old was that? Thirty three? If I was
any younger, I wouldn't have had them with you, so
because it would have been with someone else that would
have been probably not as good.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
But we were together for three years.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
We were really together. Friend, you when brokenant?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
What are the pros and tons of the age of kids?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Just being able to make the mistakes in my twenties
and not pro create with the wrong person. Yeah, thirty
three is.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Great, Probably thirty one, thirty one is good was there
thirty one?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
No, we've met when I was thirty one?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
What I had?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah, yeah, thirty there is a great year. I think
we had kids at the right time, even though it
was a surprise to April. And she can give her
answer to the question in which we have just read out.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I don't think there is a right age. I think
there's a right moment, but not a right age.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
What's the moment.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
The moment is when you and your partner agreed are
going to have Yes, the moments when mummy and daddy
love each other. No, you don't have to be married,
and doesn't have to be a mummy ummy. It can
be a daddyduddy.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Okay, So you're saying it just when it feels right.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, said, Look, there's probably a little too young, Okay,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I don't want to get canceled.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
That can be a bit woo woo.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
I didn't want to say anything, but she's becoming a
little bit woo boo.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
She had crystals for a while there, ah, And I'm like,
so the opposite that I would bag it and then
we'd always have fights over it, and like and then
I'd be like, why don't you consult your Crystal? And
she didn't appreciate that either.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
I'm sure she's gonna love it being brought up in
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Yeah, too late. Now, okay, I've got a question for you,
Matt from Renee.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Hit me your silly little bugger.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
That's the sort of energy I want all the time.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Go on, hit me, silly little Bugger's perfect things I
wish I knew before having a baby. Is there anything
Matt that you wish you knew?
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Oh? How long have we got? There was a lot
I wish I knew. Ash there was a lot. I think,
I just I think I wish I knew just how
much of an emotional roller coaster it is being a parent.
You know, when you got your kids all day, Like
talking about weekends specifically when you're with them from like
(39:13):
sunrise to sunset, it's too long. It's a very long time. Yeah,
first of all, how much you kind of hate weekends
when you're become an adult, Bro, I could.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Work seven days a week Now when you're in your.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Twenties, you're like, it's a Friday. Now, it's like, damn it,
Sunday night.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
The dream I wish I knew how bad it was
to be hungover with a child.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
That is also very true.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
That's not my answer.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
But throughout the day it's such a wild mix of
like having a beautiful moment where your child is looking
at you, giving you that little bit of affection, saying Daddy,
I love you, and you think to yourself, like, this
is what it's all about, having these special little moments
where you can connect, have a moment with your child,
and it's what makes it all worth while. But at
the same time, when you're playing a game and you touch
(40:00):
the wrong toy.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
They're like, what is it?
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Storm off, they have a meltdown, and it's just it
is like that from irrational.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
They are very rational. And we did say this a
while ago. It's like having it's like owning a drunk person. Yes,
they're so irrational. Yeah, there's so the mood swings. They
won't eat and then they won't go to bed, like
go to bed, your piss head.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
Like fuck. Like I always think back whenever I pick
them up from daycare, it's always great. They're elated, okay,
And it's just from the moment I pick them up
to when I get them home there's been three meltdowns. Dinner,
another three meltdowns, and then when they have a meltdown'
trying to make them laugh to get over the melt down.
You do that, you know, another meltdown. It's just around
the corner. It's just it's it's like it's exhausting, and.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
It's also I just rescued you from that prison.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Okay, I'll send you right back.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I'll send you right back tomorrow morning. Don't you worry
about that for me? Other than the hangover thing, which yeah,
I wasn't prepared for that. If I'm honest, I am
now I'm pissed fit now anyway. The other one was
when we were going through the process of ever being pregnant.
Is no one told me I was going to get seasick.
(41:14):
Every time we did a ultrasound you, I couldn't look
at it.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Was he touching you or what happened?
Speaker 2 (41:22):
No, I was just watching it on the screen.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
The motion. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to you'd
have to have like the called qualita.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I just shut my eyes, hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Your child, and you're there looking in the corner.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Oh my god. It just made me every time I
was like, queasy, seasick, so weird.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I'm probably the only person on earth that's happened to you, right.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I don't know if that's happened to you and you're listening.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Please please, I would love to feel not alone. I
would love to be validated by one other person saying yeah,
me too, bro Solidarity.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Our last one asked this from Jess, and she just says, Jess,
the fact that you're surely you can't be serious this question.
But she wants to know how do you get a
three year old to listen?
Speaker 1 (42:04):
You don't end off.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
That's why they call them three and ages, just like
a preparation for when they're teenagers, and they definitely don't listen.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
Do you know what I was told? Though? Okay, Marley's six,
so this kind of applies.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
So she's three times two.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
Very good there. He is like three two three year olds,
So I've got two three year olds. I will say
to her, Hey, Marley, you've got to eat your breakfast. Marley,
eat your breakfast. Marley, you have to eat your breakfast.
My way eat your breakfast. Laura is like, what you
need to do is you need to touch them. You
tap them on the shoulder, and that will then make
them aware of you're trying to reach out to them.
(42:39):
But when you're just saying these words are so locked
in they don't have the mental capacity to like stop
what they're doing, understand that you're trying to interact with them.
So you have to touch them on the shoulder. So
I smack her. I try and speak to her, and
it's working great.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
I try and be like, look at me, look at me,
and ask that.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Eyes like.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
On the sixth beer Exactly. It's like owning a drunk person.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
That's it. But be one with the drunk.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
If they're again, any parents out there, if you if
you're honestly, if you're hand on hard, if you are
happy right, if you were happy, you were sane, and
you're able to talk to your children and get them
to listen to you without you raising your voice, please,
oh my god, well please, if you are one of
(43:28):
those people, reach out to us and tell us, tell
us how you're doing it. I don't think they exist,
surely not.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Can I ask you this, how's Laura going with the
touching on the shoulder and talking? Is it working?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Check and guarantee you it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
I don't think even I've actually I don't know.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
There's only one thing that works on when you get
to that point and you're fucking yelling, it goes from
a request to a demand.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
You have to you have to demand it.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
So it's like Oscar can put your shoes on, Oscar
shoes please Oscar, and then you just go into one
word Oscar shoes. Get to that point and then if
he's not doing it, I'm like, put your shoes on, now, Ron.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
That's very concerned right now, Actually, do you know actually
you know what we should do?
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
If you can do it this episode, leave a review.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Leave review review. I can see the numbers going up
now now review just single words, yeah, very good. Otherwise
you can see us on socials Dads, two Doting Dads, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, now,
the Facebook group join.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
It TikTok, you said, TikTok.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I said TikTok.
Speaker 4 (44:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
But yeah, like that's right. If you can talk to
your kids about yelling and then they don't need to
just those people I refuse to do what things is. Yeah,
but you can join us there otherwise we'll getting out
of here again.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
When you're listening to this ash is going to be
in Bali.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
No, we're back.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
Oh god, ignore that part. We'll take that. We'll take
that part out.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
I can go again if you like.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
It'll be great. No, kids, hope you've had a good holiday.
Thank you for the next episode. We'll talk about your
Barlet trip.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
All right, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Anytime now.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
It's not coming. Dammit, looking forward to that one.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
And look like you're gear absolute Headward's cough seizing.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
The two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today.
This has just dawned on me. What bear with me?
You're going to be a dad this month?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I know that there's a bassinet over there?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Yeah, I've got to fucking clear out the room upstairs.
I made such good progress and I kind of moved
everything out to the hallway, and then I had to
put things back in and it's made more mess.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You're trying, like logistically move s out and you're like, okay,
move this out to get this out, and then you
realize that you've just made a whole new mess in
the hallway and then you just board the room up.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Welcome back to two Notting Dads.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I'm Maddie Jay And.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
And this is podcast that happens to be all about parenting.
It is the good, it is the bad and relatable.
And if you've come for advice, that's your first mistake
because you're not going to get any on this episode,
not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Here's some advice. Don't expect advice.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Put it on T shirt.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, I thought we were locked in for a date
to be in. We Laura to be induced, like I
swear the obstetrician was like this is the date you're
getting injun fucking tell people that.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh shit, sorry.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
So we had to beat that out because I give
it away too much.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Well that was my fault.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
She'd come from me if she wants, but I actually don't,
don't send.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
But also you're so far away that when you can't
reach you, I'm then next in line.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
My plan works perfectly.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Genius, but yeah, look stressful, stressful. A couple of days,
still haven't got everything quite ready. We gave away the
followed out bed he did, gave that away, that went off,
gave away the KINDI chat on WhatsApp. I thought I
was getting gets one of the parents, and then they
were offloating it to one of their friends.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I hate when people do.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I was getting rid of it, so it's gone, it's gone.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But I thought it's funny that you're happy to get
rid of something that's free with any care about where
it goes. Also, we were like, because we're moving, we're
like culling everything like we are. I'm being ruthless.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
What are you like, what's something that you weren't sure
about to keep a throw?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It's mainly like it's mainly like bulky a furniture that
I'm like, I'm just sick of looking at this fucking thing.
It's just like that have gone from.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
House to house to house.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
You're like, you know what kind of done with you?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Time is up?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I know, so like good A good example is like
the chest of drawers right that it's got two sides,
so it was used to be Macy and Oscar site.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I feel like chests of drawers are the cockroach of
the furniture. Well, oh my god, because they're practical, they
won't die even if they're just like they're chipped, they've
been banged about, they've been beaten up.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And then April we're a combination of throwing things, just
throwing things out because it could not I can't be
asked with Facebook people, and for like.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Fifty bucks, not even like twenty bucks. I know, people, Okay,
what do you think is the lowest that you should
be allowed to sell an item for on Facebook?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Free?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah? Obviously, but like, at what point does the price
become so low that you just offer it for free?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Because out of fifty bucks, unless it's like unless it's
like a parasos or.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Something, who the fuck is selling socks on you worry.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I've got a really quick funny story for you, because
the thing I don't like about it is I don't mind.
I said to April. I'm like, I'm chucking this shit
out and she's like, no, let me put it on marketplace.
I'm like, yeah, that's fine, but I am not doing
any of the work. I am not lifting a finger
for these people. These people that because I know whatever
nightmare it is. So she put this up for free,
got about fifty messages of people asked us the questions
(03:51):
and the chest of draws, and then we finally narrowed
it dwan or she did not me. Finally narrowed down
to someone who's going to pick it up, and they're like,
i'll be there in fifteen minutes. I'm like great, there
were great there, Like April was like, oh, I was like,
tell him, your husband's not homes I don't have to
help carry it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And they've got to bring someone to help carry it. Genius,
there's not my first.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Lap around the block. Anyway. Two minutes later, I can't
make it today. I'm sorry. It's like, oh, for fox sake.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
What has happened in two minutes?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Your whole life has been altered in two minutes. So
that's what I hate about the whole situation, getting roped
into help. So, for example, my friend Miles, he was
giving giving away a fridge because he was moving out
of his apartment and he was like, I don't need it.
He was going flying flat for work. I don't need it.
Put it on. A young girl said, okay, great, I'll
(04:37):
take it. Right he said, cool, here it is, come
and grab it. This is my dress. She got there,
rocks up in a Marena literally it was a Corolla anyway,
with no one to help her, and Miles was like,
how are you going to carry this? Fridge?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Is one hundred killos?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Do you reckon? You could help me.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
He's a big boy there, He's a big boy.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
So he got roped into carrying it down the stairs
of a uni.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Then, and where are we going to put it? He's
got a ute. Guess what. It's in the back of
his ute. And then she was like, how are.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
These people getting by? And I know?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So he had to follow her all the way to
her house and then unload it and put it in
her fridge section.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Where do you live, Victoria?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Anyway? Now they're getting married, but like that. That's what
scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Not your children being injured, any type of loss of life.
Just helping people load furniture into a car.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yep, can't stand it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I was very specific when I was giving away that
fold out couch because it comes apart.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And I was like, you can as a single person,
as an individual, you could make the trip by yourself,
but just checking. I've got many phone calls to make
tomorrow and I'm just checking there will be two of
them collecting. And they were like yeah, yeah, yeah. And
I was like, because I've got the very important phone calls,
I cannot be unloading any type of furniture whilst the
important uncles are being made.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You're just on hold. I was like, oh yes, bye, hi,
so loo, that's what people do.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I was like, I'm not giving away bloody couch and
then loading it.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Oh yeah, I'm not doing that. Ship.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I'm not an idiot taken advantage.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Of the Funny thing is after that happened with Myles,
he rang me and told me the story and I'm like,
if she had you immediately, mate, she knew. So yeah,
giving away a lot of ship if anyone wants anything.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
What do you what do you go? Well, you imagine
like my fridge and the couch, and you backed out
of both.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That's how I rolled you. Oh no, I'm one of
them anyway.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Housekeeping, housekeeping? What do we got? What do we go?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
From house moving to housekeeping?
Speaker 3 (06:43):
I know this is on a T shirt. This is
like a lifestyle podcast.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Speaking of lifestyle, Yes, part of housekeeping.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Oh go on, spread the fucking news.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Well, there was a little time ago where.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Cat and No one cares about your show.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Matt and I went head to head in an audition
for a particular TV show that has now been announced
as Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
The audition, there was a ring. They greased us both
up and they were like.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Now fight to the death, and I had my way
with you man. Anyway, So it's been it's been announced
that Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise is being reboot. It's a
lifestyle show from the nineties, and yours truly is somewhat
of a.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Cost the irony that you were on a show called healthy.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I'm neither of those things, or neither of any of
those things. I'm not healthy, wealthy, or wise. Damn it.
I used that joke immediately when I had the audition
and they loved it. So that's why I got the job.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I was just sitting there with my abs like all
the love in the shower.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Anyway, Yes, so that has been announced. There's no date
when it's going to start.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Congratulations, thank you, very proud of you.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I play a role that is you know.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I trained you up, I got you to this point.
You know. I all of my wisdom that I have
accumulated over ten years of working in this entertainment industry
I've passed on to you.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
You sound like a jealous ex game. I've used it
against me. I didn't use it against you. I used
my own personality and my own brain, thank you very much,
and my own words. Yes, that's what I did. So anyway,
I made out to be part of the production of
the show, but they crossed to me as a bit
(08:42):
of a co hosty sort of role. But yeah, congratulations
to me.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You you're so handsome. I'm talking to me because I'm
going to watch it back later.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Sorry of course.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Anyway, So yeah, that comes out. It's gonna be on
Chail seven Saturday nights. I don't know when, but probably
after the Grand Final. Anyway, what do you got nothing
that'suns about right anyway? Do you know what jealousy is?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
An ugly color on you?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Shut up?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Now that you're a getty having three kids, you're turning
into a bitter old man.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You've got TV shows. I've just got more children, look.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
After same thing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Oh this is unfair, unfair. Yeah, we've got some male ash.
Because housekeeping also doubles up as mail bag, just introducing
new segments every week.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
This is called mail bags.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
This one is from Rachel. She just has a little
dinner hack.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Did you reach into the mail bag to get this
hack out?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Good, I just want to visualize what's happening.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Okay, best dinner hack idea, because we're all about shaying
things to make you like healthier, wealthier.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Wi That's what I'm about. Actually I could use some
of that.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
We had the same hectic dinner routine like Matt did
talking about the girls, and this genuinely fixed it. We
do surprise bowls go on, so the surprise bowls are
after dinner. Basically something sweet that is covered up by
a bowl turned upside down so it's hiding. It's always
something different. For example, a photo frog new lollies, a lollipop,
(10:21):
a few squares of chocolate, et cetera.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So instead of just instead of just being like, oh,
I've got a fredo.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
If you eat all that, you're like, if you eat
all that, you get to open the surprise bowl.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I fucking love that. So I don't get invested.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
They don't get to know what is in the surprise
bowl until they have finished their dinner. They eat so
much faster, and they both even compete now with who
can get it first. It's changed in a time for
a one and a half hour drag out to being
fifteen minutes. It is such a win.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh, it's all fun and gamesil.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Someone chokes if you use this on your fucking show. Okay,
I'm just like, you're not getting credit, she's getting credit. Yeah,
I have stuff, Rachel, Just to lead.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
That name out of there right now.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Look, I think that's brilliant, except for the increasing the
speed of which the food is because that's that's a
potential hazard.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Shut up, Okay, shut up next.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I mean, I think I'm just saying Oscar's pro to joking?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Is he really sometimes?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
How fast is he eating?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Everything's a race? Everything's erase when you got boys.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Mate with Lola, My god, my.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
God, you mean the future Matilda. How did you trying
to you just let her fly, let her spread her
wings on the soccer field, and eat as fast or
as slow as she likes.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
It was it was literally, like Rachel said, here, it
was an hour and a half. And I went to
the whole like, well, if you're not going to eat
your dinner, you can go to bed. She's like, she
walks up the stairs and I'm like, no, you will
sit back down here.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I get you all.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
The goalpost is always moving when you're trying to discipline
a child.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
If they yeah, Macy's pulled the Okay, well if you
don't eat, then you can just go to bed. She's like, okay,
I'm tired anyway, I'm kid. Thank god, I have to
do bedtime now either.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
What else we got for housekeeping? My guy? Okay, we
don't have a baby update other than it's close. It's close.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It's looming.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
It's close. We are seconds, hours perhaps from baby number
three arriving.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
What's your What are you feeling right now about it?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
This will sound weird, but it still kind of feels
like it's not happening. Yeah, it feels like Lawa has
just had like a really upset tummy. It keeps growing, yeah, outwards, outwards,
getting big. It just doesn't I think with two kids,
you're just so focused on them that I haven't really
(12:56):
had a moment to really understand what's about to happen.
And every now and then you're.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
About to have a baby. I don't understand what's going
to happen? Is my third one.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Every now and then I get a little taste of
what I'm in for. Your friends got a three month old.
Another friend of parent at school, they have a little
a little bit younger, about two months old. They're so little,
so tiny, so fragile, and so I'll hold them and
I'll be like, oh, this is what it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Like, take it back.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Newborns are so boring.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I love them.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
And yeah, like holding it for like a minute, and
I'm like, I'm next puppy or something.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, how do I feel? How do I feel? Look?
Every now and then I do have a little freak
out where I'm thinking to myself, Jesus, how are we
going to manage? Because actually, actually I've got an announcement
to make shut up. You're having a kid. Okay, you
may have your TV show.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What do you got, I've.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Got something that you don't have. Okay, go on chlamydia,
well jokes lately you have.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
How are the girls feeling about having a little sister.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
The pumped, They're really excited.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
They are girls love babies.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, except I'm like you. I'm trying to say to them, like,
you don't realize what you're in for. Okay, you look
happy now and you're excited, but the reality is this
is going to be.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
A fucking nightmare. Yeah when you have to wait when
you wake up because this baby crying. Yeah, I hate it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
And I'm not going to give you any of my
energy because it's all going to go to this baby.
And they're like, mom, Dad's scaring me so and then
nanny's bloody. You got a rhyam but O overall very excited.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
That's good. Thank you, Matte. You have two girls. One
that looks like you, which is Marley, and the other
looks exactly like Laura.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
This is going to sound arrogant, ash, but I'm going
to say both children look like me, and both children
are gorgeous, very beautiful, joy handsome. Thank you, and I
I've always known that. I've always known that it was well,
I've always known that my children are very good looking,
and I can now say that I am responsible for that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
They are handsome girls. And also with a third girl,
do you reckon that maybe that one's going to be
skew if and look like Laura.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
No, they will all look like me. Okay, And it's
exciting because new research has just come out, ash.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Okay, where did you find this?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Research?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
From Instagram? Great studies, incredible, very credible studies. Fine that
kids often get their good looks from their dad.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Knew it.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That's why my kids are so handsome and so charming
and beautiful.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
It doesn't say personality.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Now I would just roll it all into one.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
But according to studies, your kids good looks most likely
come from dad, however, their brains from mom. Okay. Research
studied over ten thousand families have found that the genes
for things like jawlines, eye color, and overall wow factor.
How was that measured usually show up stronger from the
dad's side.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
How is that measured? I'll tell you how that's measured.
So when someone walks into a room, depends how loud
that people go, oh, wow, wow factor.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
No, no good. Okay, moving on now.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
About your quickage. Would you prefer your kids?
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Would you prefer to be.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
The one for their looks or the one for their brain?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Which one looks pretty privileged?
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Fu the brain it's hidden. It's all the way back
in there somewhere. I can't even see it.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I can't tell. Okay, Marley does look like me. I
feel like she's very smart. So does that? That's I've
got the looks brains looks, brains are from Laura.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
You're the mimbo.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
What's that mean?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Like me, man, bimbo.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
That's housekeeping done. Oh we can relax and I.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Do love it. Okay, mat our house has been terrorised
by something. I want you to tell me if you
know what this is.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Yeah, it's a what do you call it, little zing
It's a bay blade, a baby blade.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
They have made their resurgence back from the dead.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Is that metal? Oh yeah, there's a bit of weight
to this thing.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Now. The reason I've got a gripe with this thing
the dragon ball Z No, the reason I've got a
gripe with this thing is they were pretty popular when
I was a kid, and they've come full circle. Like
things do come back into popularity, yes, And I would
say at the start of the year Oscar got onto these, okay,
(17:41):
And the problem is with them that these kids obsess
over them so much that it alters their personality. And
of course we know how these young kids, you know,
sort of five six, they could be easily persuaded. Their
moods can change, they lock in, they can't regulate.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
There's all sorts of issues.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Anyway, you put that unregulated emotion in the house with
something like this, you've got a recipe for disaster. So
Oscar was given a couple of them for Christmas back
last year. Last Christmas, I was fine with them, but there,
you know, you get two of them, they battle, They
make a lot of noise. I quickly started to hate
(18:21):
it so much because he would also like it would
become his whole personality, this fucking thing. And then I
found an opportunity to get rid of them out of
the house, which was he called his mother a naughty name.
And my reaction was, that's it their band, because he
would have never ever spoken to his mum like that
(18:44):
before they came. So anyway, that was what are we now.
August September shit, I'm tired. Anyway, I banned them from
the house, completely banned them. He was he understands why.
He still knows now that. I said to him, Hey,
why you know why they're banned? He said, yeah, I
called mummy. You don't want to know what you call her.
I can beat this out. A dirty little rat.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Nothing, what happened to him?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
But also that's not the worst thing in the Yeah,
but he's.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
He was a he was he's a six year old.
He shouldn't be talking. And I said to him, you
do not talk girls like that, mate.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
That's like, who's that guy from The Departed Jack Nicholson.
He's like, there's a.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Rat in here, your dirty rat. Anyway.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
I was like, only I call her that?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
No, I was like straight away, I'm like, you do
not talk to girls like that or anyone like that
in that fat and that in that manner. Anyway. So
I had banned them, gone household back to normal. Oscar
was back to being a kid playing footy outside. No
one's been called a rat, no one's being called any
sort of marsupial or mammal, whatever they are. I just
(19:49):
want to come to both bases there neither reptile whatever anyway,
So you know, time has gone by, and then he
had his sixth birthday and.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
All of a sudden, he starts calling everyone rats again.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Let's stop focusing on the race. He received some of
these for his birthday, so they come with two things.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
There's that and then there's the ripcord, which, let me
just get that really quick. You can have a turn
of it after and I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
What happened was at that birthday and he knew they
were banned. Don't you're triggering me. He knew they were
You know what, I was going to dismantle it, so
you can't shut up. Sorry. So what I did is
I confiscated these the rip chord, and I said, okay,
well that's fine, you can have those. And then of
(20:46):
course I get guilted into giving them back to him
because I went to America and Abril had to keep
them entertained, and he was like please, he'd been a
good boy the whole time. I said, okay, you can
have them back, and just like that, the personality changed again.
Pretty much. Dude, he here's your dinner. Everything about his
(21:09):
life revolves around this thing. I can't stand it. He
gets locked in every two seconds? Can you battle me?
Oh my gosh, up every two seconds? So then how
do you battle two of them together?
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Sorry, stopped being me seriously now, and also I apologize
now from previous years anyway. So the thing is that
all of his mates are obsessed with them too, and
they start taking them to school, and everything about him
now is all about this. He's not kicking the footy anymore.
(21:47):
He's like, I've got to try and drag him out.
I'll be like, hey, we're going to go down to
the park footy. What do you think? He says? Can
I bring my bad blades? No?
Speaker 3 (21:55):
It reminds me of someone who is obsessed with Pokemon cards,
don't I don't know who that is, you know. I
remember picking you up and then there you are, sitting
in the passenger seat opening up your Pokemon cards.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I don't make it my whole personality the well no, no, well,
well let me finish, yeah, okay, let me finish.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Well. I just think sometimes it's funny how much the
apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Jess is nodding, and I can see in my prof
I hate that even.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
More because really, you were just dealing with a miniature
version of Ash.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I know, that's why I'm frustrated. Why you like this
because I'm like you, I know, but also I have
other activities I do outside of just the things that
I get obsessed with. I know how to deviate because
I'm an adult, but he's not. But anyway, he seemed
to just go to school, Yeah, take these with him
(22:49):
and battle. Everything about his life became about these.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
How are you going to fix this?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Well, the problem is that they go to school and
now they've started to trade them with each other. But
you got to remember, these are six year olds. They
don't understand what's fair and what's not fair. So what's
popped up is a a bay Blade group chat between parents.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Fuck off.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Ash has removed himself from the chat immediately. April is
so now what it is is parents saying, hey, do
you have this one?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
It was my kids. They've swapped it over. He's upset.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So it's become this whole, the whole, like instead of
it just being a battle on the with the bay Blade,
they're battling each other's emotions. That was deep. That was
a T shirt. Put it on a T shirt. That
was profound if anything. And then I've just been alerted
to someone is having a birthday party which is a
(23:47):
sleepover Baba bay Blade battle party. Say that again, a
sleepover bay Blade battle party. Got it out.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
That sounds like a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
It is, but it's the problem is he's a different
kid with this thing, and everything about him at home
now is grumpy. He's it's like you know when they're like,
don't give them one on one screens because they can't regulate.
They think what the emotion is they're feeling for the
show is what they're dealing with. This is the same thing,
(24:17):
and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Now do you want advice from me?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Well, we don't give advice, Yeah, but to each other. Okay,
fire away.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
You gotta smack him. Fuck I knew it, but wouldn't
spoon that shit right up.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
The fact that we're in all I'm waiting for. And
like when you were a kid and there was collectibles around, we.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Had Taos are big for a while, Marbles were big
for a while.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What ends what we happen game at school?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
What do you know? What ends up happening? It just
fades out, bro, No, they get banned. Okay, things the
Pokemon cards got banned because the bigger kids were ripping
off the little kids. But my concern.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Do you remember going to school and I lost my
marbles to the big kids. I was in tears devastated
coming home, and I was.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Like, and what happened to your physical marbles? Or was
it just yet?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
That's that's terrible anyway, You're better than that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I'm just a bit upset about it.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
So you got to you got to just wait for
this fad to just follow the course of time.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Or yes, I could convince him to call his mum
a dirty rat again. There he is. I knew we'd
get to an answer.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Just suddenly dropping in, like, I think we've got rats
in the.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
House, dirty ones and they're little.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
What do you think, Oscar?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Yeah, the dirty little rats heard it? Thank you. But
it's like, man, it's every parent at this at school
is dealing with the same thing.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Well, I'm dealing with other problems myself.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Ash, Okay, how dare you just discount my problem?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
You've been.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Anyway, So the parents that are out there are dealing
with it, give tell me how to get rid of them,
because they are ruining my household.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
This was meant to be a quick episode. So I
don't have the capacity right now to take on anyone
else's problems. And I apologize for that. I know you're
looking to me for help. I just don't have it
in me.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I was actually looking for the listener.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You took it upon yourself to say, do you want
some advice?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Just remember that?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Okay, Yeah, I was just been polite. I didn't mean it. Okay, good, Okay,
I am dealing with a thief. A thief, oh God,
is in the household, and yeah, check your wallet, check
your phone.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
I don't have a wallet. So joke's on them.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
So Marley at the moment, she gets Touch Shop on
a Friday, okay, and they's a lovely treat, isn't Yeah
nice the end of the week you get touch Shop.
But sometimes she gets to a Wednesday and she's like please,
I'm like, it's just this week as dragging on? Can
I please have Touch Shop? And I'm like, no, you
Can't's not Friday. The ruler is Friday, touch Shop. We
can't ben the rules here.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
What's your Touch Shop? Men?
Speaker 3 (26:42):
You like it's all right? Like cheesy pasta?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Do you know what I might do. I might get
a screenshot of ours and compare. We can compare.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
We won't name the schools, of course, because that's a privacy.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I like that next week we can compare people. If
you think you have a good touch Shop menu, you
send it in.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Let's compare here, let's compare penises. I mean, sorry, that
just came out of me. That's right, that's what she said. Anyway, God,
I'm back.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I said to my I'm like, hey, you cannot there's
no touch Shop has to be Friday. And I'm like,
sticking to that rules, sticking to it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Just great parenting.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
And then there's a bit of cash in that little
basket over there on that bench table in like the
basket of all the keys.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Yeah, watch it, you mean there was?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And I was like, all those fibers have gone. A
couple of five dollar notes were in there. And I
was like, Maley, did you did you take that money?
And She's like, no, absolutely not. I was like, okay, anyway,
back at lunch, put in a backpack and I was like,
I saw her putting things in the front of the backpack,
and so I opened up the front zip. There it
(27:44):
was the money she's put the money in her backpack
and I was like, you lied to me and she
was like, oh yeah, but well I didn't. I don't
know how I got there. And I was like, how
dare you.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
It's a slippery slope from there, my friend, that's where
that's that's the.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Gateway a world of crime away. It's me.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's going to be excited.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
And I was like, I was. I was like, still
something good anyway. I was like I was hurt. You know,
I was lied to by my child, you know, looking
at me in my face, lied directly at me. And
I was like, that's it. You know, I'm shocked right now,
chocked to the core.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Does It's like a dagger the first time, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
And then Nana was like had a bit of a
look on her face and I was like, what are
you looking at And she was like, well, you know,
you're very upset right now. But I have a memory.
Oh god, when I was in Grade one in queens Ane,
so pretty much the same age as kids were going
to Kindy there, we had a little jar in our
wardrobe because back in my day, we only had change
(28:46):
shrapnel for tuck shop. None of this digital crap is
the digital you know what we get. Sorry, I'll fucking
fight you.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I don't know where she gets it from.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So I not really understanding the value of money. I
don't know how much money I had, but over a
period of time I had taken enough money that when
I went to the tuck shop and put my money
on the table, I got called immediately into the principals.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
So do you have a round figure?
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
It's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Actually, let me just check with that a real quick. None,
it doesn't remember. It must have been a lot then
now it's like, oh god, but I'm thinking it was
like one hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Wow, I don't know, get called into the principal's office.
I'm sure it's like a kid your age should not
have this money.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah, the person behind the touch shop was like pushing
the panic button like it's.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Conrad, It's got a reverse robbery.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
So I'm like, shit, you know, it's just history repeating itself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I think the theft thing is bad enough at the
lying as well, like I think teeth, But when it
happens to you from someone so small and innocent, like
it's like you just feel a little bit trail there.
It is as as you wouldn't get it. You would
(30:19):
have had to have stolen to get anyway. Yeah, so
what was your cause of action?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
It was just it was just talking to her. I
was like, hold.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Me, like this druggle of the hiles for God.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
I to let her know how disappointed I was.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I know it's your your disappointment. Tone of voice is
very different, isn't it. And you don't even like I
was disappointed with Oscar the other day, like like pretty
disappointed and I couldn't help myself at my tone was
different about it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I was like, buddy, and he just he was different
because of it.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Did you did?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
What did she say?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
She cried? I mean it's her go to get out
very I know. I just whenever she's done something wrong,
she just turns the water works on and I'm like
it works. I'm like, come here, have a cuddle. And
I'm like, damn, she's got me again.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I know they know what they're doing.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
And then I'll walk away and what the fuck's my
watch gone?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Matt, We are bringing something back for now. It's called lies.
Tell me Loud, Tell the little lived. Now. This is
a segment where you make me laugh thank you.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
You make me laugh.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
I'm so glad you're.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
A funny man.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
You're a funny man.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
You're a funny man.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Now, if you are new to this segment, it is
where you send in the little harmless white lines you
tell your kids. I don't know. Here's one, for example,
the park's closed the classic because you don't want to
you don't want to go.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
It's you know, as parents, we do whatever means necessary
to try to avoid and melt down a tantrum to
get our children to bloody listen to us just once, Okay.
The only way to do that is to scare them,
threaten them. Love that or lie and lie by lying,
Threatened by lying, threatened.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
By lying, Yeah, I like it, threatened by lying. Sorry,
we're going to read off a couple that we've been sent.
I'll start. Okay. Here's a really simple one that can
be used in any context whatsoever. It's simple. It'll catch
on fire. Okay, Okay, here's an example. And my kids
are really good at this. They're good at like leaving
the toys hanging around. It's like, if you leave it
(32:33):
hanging around, it'll catch nice and simple, eat your dinner,
it'll catch catch on fire until the.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Kids are like, this house is so flammable.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Wonder why all these kids turn to ask us like, well,
I also everything catches on fire.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
This is a great one. Okay, we're going to keep
this anonymous because I did tell people that send it
through you'll be anonymous.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And you get the better results when they're anonymous. People
judging my parenting, and we wouldn't judge. We would never
stop winking at me. This one is if your child
is struggling to go to school, you can tell them
they need five days of consecutive school days and if
they do that, they get two days off. Yes, I'm
(33:21):
going to use that actually, because it a point now
where he's like, oh god, oh.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Five days.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I always my lie is when they don't want to go,
I'm like, well I've used this. So he was a
lock in the laundry. Well that's more of a threat
than a lie. What that gets him to school pretty quick,
don't you worry? Because he's scared of the washing machine.
And that's the trick. If that's the trick, you've got
to make them scared of the washing machine so that
when you threaten that they really don't want to go
in there because it's not a lie.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
That's that's just a bleadant threat threat.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Well, I teld him to eat him.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Fucking hell.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I'm not judging. I'm a good I'm self proclaimed good dad. Okay,
moving on, if.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
You ever get your kids taken away from you, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Don't put that out in the universe. Actually come and
get them quick. Let me cry off. I'll be fine
to get you back. Cancel promise. That's a lie. See
when I did that. Oh yeah, he's a good one.
This is There's been variations of this one, but this
one is like when the little one sees a lollipop
in the shop that rhymes, I say that we can't
(34:34):
have one, as they've been sold to others pre purchased,
very pre ordered. Some might say, I love that.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Okay. This one's from Sandy. She said you can say
my name, say my name, samon name. Sandy says you're
allergic to McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Oh man, that is good because it sticks with them.
And I'll tell you why. One time I to get
a little rash from pineapple, and now he just tells
everyone thats allergic to pineapple. So if you're like, you're
allergic to me Donald, He'll just tell everybody, Oh that
is good gear.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Okay. This one's from Amber and she just says to
her kids, if you don't shower, you go moldy.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Kind of true, though it's a different type of mold kids,
there's an element of truth to that. Wow. Okay, I've
got one fresh from April, which was so she would
go to the gym really in the morning, come home
and she would shower. But she'll get home and the
kids hear the door, get up, run chase to get
(35:35):
her cordor for mum, and she'd be like, oh, I'm
going to go have a shower. And what was happening
was they were like, we want to come in and
shower with you. And then so now she's just started
to tell them there's only cold water left.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Know.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I was like that and I was half asleep when
she said that. She's like, oh, there's only cold water,
and I was like, who hasn't paid the hot water bill? Yeah,
So that's a good that's a good little one from April.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
If you have any prenting lives, please send them in.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, we'd love to love to hear them and like,
don't be this guy where we say we want lies
and they just rub. It's spicy fucking times. That's the
oldest one.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Jesus Kevin, give us something original.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
It works.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
Before we go into the two questions that we have
a little throwback. Two episodes ago, we had hand Hannah
Hannah two ends, wasn't it to Hanna? She asked about
when is the right time to have kids? And she
was asking if we were happy with our decision of
how old we were when we had kids. I was
thirty two.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Thirty two, because you're thirty eight now, yeah, how old
are you? I'm thirty five.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah. We gave our responses and we thought we would
throw it to our wives. So this is what Laura
had said.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yes, how old was that? Thirty three? If I was
any younger, I wouldn't have had them with you, so
because it would have been with someone else that would
have been probably not as good.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
But we were together for three years.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
We were really together. Friend, you when brokenant?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
What are the pros and tons of the age of kids?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Just being able to make the mistakes in my twenties
and not pro create with the wrong person. Yeah, thirty
three is.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Great, Probably thirty one, thirty one is good was there
thirty one?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
No, we've met when I was thirty one?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
What I had?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah, yeah, thirty there is a great year. I think
we had kids at the right time, even though it
was a surprise to April. And she can give her
answer to the question in which we have just read out.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I don't think there is a right age. I think
there's a right moment, but not a right age.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
What's the moment.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
The moment is when you and your partner agreed are
going to have Yes, the moments when mummy and daddy
love each other. No, you don't have to be married,
and doesn't have to be a mummy ummy. It can
be a daddyduddy.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Okay, So you're saying it just when it feels right.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, said, Look, there's probably a little too young, Okay,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I don't want to get canceled.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
That can be a bit woo woo.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
I didn't want to say anything, but she's becoming a
little bit woo boo.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
She had crystals for a while there, ah, And I'm like,
so the opposite that I would bag it and then
we'd always have fights over it, and like and then
I'd be like, why don't you consult your Crystal? And
she didn't appreciate that either.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
I'm sure she's gonna love it being brought up in
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Yeah, too late. Now, okay, I've got a question for you,
Matt from Renee.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Hit me your silly little bugger.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
That's the sort of energy I want all the time.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Go on, hit me, silly little Bugger's perfect things I
wish I knew before having a baby. Is there anything
Matt that you wish you knew?
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Oh? How long have we got? There was a lot
I wish I knew. Ash there was a lot. I think,
I just I think I wish I knew just how
much of an emotional roller coaster it is being a parent.
You know, when you got your kids all day, Like
talking about weekends specifically when you're with them from like
(39:13):
sunrise to sunset, it's too long. It's a very long time. Yeah,
first of all, how much you kind of hate weekends
when you're become an adult, Bro, I could.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Work seven days a week Now when you're in your.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Twenties, you're like, it's a Friday. Now, it's like, damn it,
Sunday night.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
The dream I wish I knew how bad it was
to be hungover with a child.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
That is also very true.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
That's not my answer.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
But throughout the day it's such a wild mix of
like having a beautiful moment where your child is looking
at you, giving you that little bit of affection, saying Daddy,
I love you, and you think to yourself, like, this
is what it's all about, having these special little moments
where you can connect, have a moment with your child,
and it's what makes it all worth while. But at
the same time, when you're playing a game and you touch
(40:00):
the wrong toy.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
They're like, what is it?
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Storm off, they have a meltdown, and it's just it
is like that from irrational.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
They are very rational. And we did say this a
while ago. It's like having it's like owning a drunk person. Yes,
they're so irrational. Yeah, there's so the mood swings. They
won't eat and then they won't go to bed, like
go to bed, your piss head.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
Like fuck. Like I always think back whenever I pick
them up from daycare, it's always great. They're elated, okay,
And it's just from the moment I pick them up
to when I get them home there's been three meltdowns. Dinner,
another three meltdowns, and then when they have a meltdown'
trying to make them laugh to get over the melt down.
You do that, you know, another meltdown. It's just around
the corner. It's just it's it's like it's exhausting, and.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
It's also I just rescued you from that prison.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Okay, I'll send you right back.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I'll send you right back tomorrow morning. Don't you worry
about that for me? Other than the hangover thing, which yeah,
I wasn't prepared for that. If I'm honest, I am
now I'm pissed fit now anyway. The other one was
when we were going through the process of ever being pregnant.
Is no one told me I was going to get seasick.
(41:14):
Every time we did a ultrasound you, I couldn't look
at it.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Was he touching you or what happened?
Speaker 2 (41:22):
No, I was just watching it on the screen.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
The motion. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to you'd
have to have like the called qualita.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I just shut my eyes, hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Your child, and you're there looking in the corner.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Oh my god. It just made me every time I
was like, queasy, seasick, so weird.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I'm probably the only person on earth that's happened to you, right.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I don't know if that's happened to you and you're listening.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Please please, I would love to feel not alone. I
would love to be validated by one other person saying yeah,
me too, bro Solidarity.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Our last one asked this from Jess, and she just says, Jess,
the fact that you're surely you can't be serious this question.
But she wants to know how do you get a
three year old to listen?
Speaker 1 (42:04):
You don't end off.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
That's why they call them three and ages, just like
a preparation for when they're teenagers, and they definitely don't listen.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
Do you know what I was told? Though? Okay, Marley's six,
so this kind of applies.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
So she's three times two.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
Very good there. He is like three two three year olds,
So I've got two three year olds. I will say
to her, Hey, Marley, you've got to eat your breakfast. Marley,
eat your breakfast. Marley, you have to eat your breakfast.
My way eat your breakfast. Laura is like, what you
need to do is you need to touch them. You
tap them on the shoulder, and that will then make
them aware of you're trying to reach out to them.
(42:39):
But when you're just saying these words are so locked
in they don't have the mental capacity to like stop
what they're doing, understand that you're trying to interact with them.
So you have to touch them on the shoulder. So
I smack her. I try and speak to her, and
it's working great.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
I try and be like, look at me, look at me,
and ask that.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Eyes like.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
On the sixth beer Exactly. It's like owning a drunk person.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
That's it. But be one with the drunk.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
If they're again, any parents out there, if you if
you're honestly, if you're hand on hard, if you are
happy right, if you were happy, you were sane, and
you're able to talk to your children and get them
to listen to you without you raising your voice, please,
oh my god, well please, if you are one of
(43:28):
those people, reach out to us and tell us, tell
us how you're doing it. I don't think they exist,
surely not.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Can I ask you this, how's Laura going with the
touching on the shoulder and talking? Is it working?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Check and guarantee you it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
I don't think even I've actually I don't know.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
There's only one thing that works on when you get
to that point and you're fucking yelling, it goes from
a request to a demand.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
You have to you have to demand it.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
So it's like Oscar can put your shoes on, Oscar
shoes please Oscar, and then you just go into one
word Oscar shoes. Get to that point and then if
he's not doing it, I'm like, put your shoes on, now, Ron.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
That's very concerned right now, Actually, do you know actually
you know what we should do?
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
If you can do it this episode, leave a review.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Leave review review. I can see the numbers going up
now now review just single words, yeah, very good. Otherwise
you can see us on socials Dads, two Doting Dads, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, now,
the Facebook group join.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
It TikTok, you said, TikTok.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I said TikTok.
Speaker 4 (44:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
But yeah, like that's right. If you can talk to
your kids about yelling and then they don't need to
just those people I refuse to do what things is. Yeah,
but you can join us there otherwise we'll getting out
of here again.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
When you're listening to this ash is going to be
in Bali.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
No, we're back.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
Oh god, ignore that part. We'll take that. We'll take
that part out.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
I can go again if you like.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
It'll be great. No, kids, hope you've had a good holiday.
Thank you for the next episode. We'll talk about your
Barlet trip.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
All right, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Anytime now.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
It's not coming. Dammit, looking forward to that one.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
And look like you're gear absolute Headward's cough seizing.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
The two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today.
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