September 11, 2023 • 9 mins
This caller is trying to decide if she should tell her partner she wants out of the relationship before or after the vacation they've been planning... Do you agree with my advice? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Do Hey, It's Delilah.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
What does a girl do?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
What does a girl do when she's scheduled to go
on vacation with the family of a man she's about
to give the boot?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Do you miss out on the vacation and all the
money you spent already?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Or do you go on the vacation and pretend to
be nice even though you know you're about to break up?
Stay tuned for this story coming up. Hi Victoria, Welcome
to the Delilah Show. How can I help you tonight?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
HNI? I ask calling for some advice I'm going through
right now.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
All right, tell me your situation and hopefully you'll be
able to hear whatever it is I have to share
with you. So tell me your situation.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So my situation is me and my three year boyfriend
are going to break up here soon, but I do
have a trip planned with his sister and we leave tomorrow.
He doesn't know that I'm going to break up yet
with him, and because he is an amazing person inside
and out, we just don't align with our future. So
(01:31):
I think it's time to kind of cut things off.
And I have to spend about six days with him
and his family. So I wasn't sure if I should
go on this trip and just you know, be kosher
for six days even though I know this what I'm
going to do, or if I should wait when I
get home.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Well, that's like calling me in saying should I take
a drill and drill into my tooth for six d days.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Or should I not do that.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
It's more of a really mutual relationship and there's nothing
argumentative about it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
But you just said you're going to call off a
three year relationship and you're going to call it quits. Yes, yeah,
And so a family vacation with the family of the
person that they think you're going to be a part
of their family forever, and you're thinking you're going to
be a part of their family for six more days,
you're probably not going to be very comfortable. I wouldn't
(02:34):
be comfortable.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
What if I lost out on all the money that
I put toward it, though, too, which would be like
two thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay, turn the tables.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
If he were the one that we're going to break
up with you, and you guys had a family outing
planned with your family, and he knew in his heart
that you were not going to be in his future.
Would you want him to go and pretend for six
days or would you want him to let you know
ahead of time?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
No? I would. I would want to know. And that's
why it's kind of hard because he might take it poorly.
And it's only his sister going who it's not his
sister that lives in Tucson, but his sister has a
sister that lives in Tucson. So if I cancel this
(03:25):
trip because of a breakup, I'm ruining his sister's visit
with her sister and Nissa nephew. So I feel like
I'm taking that away from his sister if I were
to do it before the trip.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So she won't she won't go without you.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I don't think she'll be able to.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Hmmm. Oh, this is a this is a Delilah dilemma.
This is a sticky wicket.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
It's even stickier because we're moving out of our home
and I found a home that I would like. As
soon as I get home, like act to start kind
of you know, making moves.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And he he doesn't know any of this. He doesn't
know that your your heart has moved on, that you're done.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
No, he feels like something's going on. I've kind of
been separating myself as much as I can, going to
church on Sunday with not intentionally without him, but kind
of without him, just so that I can try to
do as much as I can not at the house,
to avoid the major conversation because I do feel like
(04:32):
a liar.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
So what what is this? This this non alignment thing?
What has happened that after three years and you said
he's a wonderful person, So what is transpired that makes
you think that you've got different life goals or different values,
or a different trajectory.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It's more so the overall financial aspect of it too.
I just feel like I'm definitely holding a lot of
the weights. We're not engaged. We have been living together
for three years and together for three years, but he
didn't come from a great family that taught him. So
I felt like I did teach him what I could
(05:21):
in the beginning, But now three years into it, I
just don't feel like these habits are gonna They're not habits.
It's just suggestions. It's you know, you don't know when
the bills are due, or everything is in my name.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
You're tired of being a parent, and you'd like a partner.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Yes, but the main concern is his realization isn't there. Yeah,
he doesn't think that. I see it from his point
of view because he's an emotional person. I'm not as much.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It doesn't matter how emotional he is, or how kind
he is, or how sweet he is. If he's not
stepping up to the plate and pulling his weight, then
there's nothing you can do. You can make him grow up.
Trust me, I tried. If there were a way to
make somebody grow up and be responsible, I would have
figured it out thirty years ago.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Right, And I just think three years that is it
long enough. We did have a dispute last week, so
I kind of left it for what it was and
he's upset. We haven't resolved it. But I think that
was my last my knit, like that was it kind
of I've decided we have a whole house though, And
I mean, I feel like I'm at a point in
my life. I'm twenty nine. I need to make right decisions,
(06:33):
you know, I need to do that right steps.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'm proud of you, and I don't know what to
tell you about the vacation except if if his sister
won't go and see her other sister without you encouraging
her or were taking her with you, then ah, that's tough.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I think I could be distracted enough with his sister.
I love his family, like there are so many things
that it's so sad, But you're trying to do it
better this time, I guess. So it is going to
hurt his feelings when he gets back though. That's the
worst part about it, because I am living a lie.
But I think ultimately his sister would understand if we
(07:18):
did this and then come back home. But I was
just also trying to call you see what you had.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I got nothing, girlfriend, I got nothing except I'm proud
of you for setting boundaries. I'm proud of you for
recognizing that you don't want to be a parent to
your partner, that you want a partner that's your equal partner.
And I'm sorry you're in the sticky wicket and somebody's
going to get hurt. But man, knowing somebody is going
to get hurt, and still having the courage to do
(07:45):
the right thing says an awful lot about your character.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I'm really proud of you.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You are not nearly as broken and co dependent as
I was at your age.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Well, thank you. I'm trying to do better this time.
But usually I, you know, freak out. So that's why
I don't want to go home and be like we're
breaking Austin this, this and this, because we do have
a life together. So I'm trying to maybe give it
the six days when we go on vacation. I think
I'll probably end up going.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well you do so far, your your heart and your
spirit has been pretty wise. I think it sounds to
me like you got a lot of wisdom. So I'm
just going to say, do what you feel like your
gut and God is telling you to do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Okay. Thank you Ronie for answering my call too. I
appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Thank you for calling Bubbye, And if.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
You have a song you want to request for Victoria,
I would love that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I will do that.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Thank you, Bubbye.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I'll share more with you each weekday on py Delilah
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Dev
Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Do Hey, It's Delilah.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
What does a girl do?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
What does a girl do when she's scheduled to go
on vacation with the family of a man she's about
to give the boot?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Do you miss out on the vacation and all the
money you spent already?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Or do you go on the vacation and pretend to
be nice even though you know you're about to break up?
Stay tuned for this story coming up. Hi Victoria, Welcome
to the Delilah Show. How can I help you tonight?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
HNI? I ask calling for some advice I'm going through
right now.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
All right, tell me your situation and hopefully you'll be
able to hear whatever it is I have to share
with you. So tell me your situation.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So my situation is me and my three year boyfriend
are going to break up here soon, but I do
have a trip planned with his sister and we leave tomorrow.
He doesn't know that I'm going to break up yet
with him, and because he is an amazing person inside
and out, we just don't align with our future. So
(01:31):
I think it's time to kind of cut things off.
And I have to spend about six days with him
and his family. So I wasn't sure if I should
go on this trip and just you know, be kosher
for six days even though I know this what I'm
going to do, or if I should wait when I
get home.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Well, that's like calling me in saying should I take
a drill and drill into my tooth for six d days.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Or should I not do that.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
It's more of a really mutual relationship and there's nothing
argumentative about it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
But you just said you're going to call off a
three year relationship and you're going to call it quits. Yes, yeah,
And so a family vacation with the family of the
person that they think you're going to be a part
of their family forever, and you're thinking you're going to
be a part of their family for six more days,
you're probably not going to be very comfortable. I wouldn't
(02:34):
be comfortable.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
What if I lost out on all the money that
I put toward it, though, too, which would be like
two thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay, turn the tables.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
If he were the one that we're going to break
up with you, and you guys had a family outing
planned with your family, and he knew in his heart
that you were not going to be in his future.
Would you want him to go and pretend for six
days or would you want him to let you know
ahead of time?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
No? I would. I would want to know. And that's
why it's kind of hard because he might take it poorly.
And it's only his sister going who it's not his
sister that lives in Tucson, but his sister has a
sister that lives in Tucson. So if I cancel this
(03:25):
trip because of a breakup, I'm ruining his sister's visit
with her sister and Nissa nephew. So I feel like
I'm taking that away from his sister if I were
to do it before the trip.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So she won't she won't go without you.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I don't think she'll be able to.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Hmmm. Oh, this is a this is a Delilah dilemma.
This is a sticky wicket.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
It's even stickier because we're moving out of our home
and I found a home that I would like. As
soon as I get home, like act to start kind
of you know, making moves.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And he he doesn't know any of this. He doesn't
know that your your heart has moved on, that you're done.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
No, he feels like something's going on. I've kind of
been separating myself as much as I can, going to
church on Sunday with not intentionally without him, but kind
of without him, just so that I can try to
do as much as I can not at the house,
to avoid the major conversation because I do feel like
(04:32):
a liar.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
So what what is this? This this non alignment thing?
What has happened that after three years and you said
he's a wonderful person, So what is transpired that makes
you think that you've got different life goals or different values,
or a different trajectory.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It's more so the overall financial aspect of it too.
I just feel like I'm definitely holding a lot of
the weights. We're not engaged. We have been living together
for three years and together for three years, but he
didn't come from a great family that taught him. So
I felt like I did teach him what I could
(05:21):
in the beginning, But now three years into it, I
just don't feel like these habits are gonna They're not habits.
It's just suggestions. It's you know, you don't know when
the bills are due, or everything is in my name.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
You're tired of being a parent, and you'd like a partner.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Yes, but the main concern is his realization isn't there. Yeah,
he doesn't think that. I see it from his point
of view because he's an emotional person. I'm not as much.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It doesn't matter how emotional he is, or how kind
he is, or how sweet he is. If he's not
stepping up to the plate and pulling his weight, then
there's nothing you can do. You can make him grow up.
Trust me, I tried. If there were a way to
make somebody grow up and be responsible, I would have
figured it out thirty years ago.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Right, And I just think three years that is it
long enough. We did have a dispute last week, so
I kind of left it for what it was and
he's upset. We haven't resolved it. But I think that
was my last my knit, like that was it kind
of I've decided we have a whole house though, And
I mean, I feel like I'm at a point in
my life. I'm twenty nine. I need to make right decisions,
(06:33):
you know, I need to do that right steps.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'm proud of you, and I don't know what to
tell you about the vacation except if if his sister
won't go and see her other sister without you encouraging
her or were taking her with you, then ah, that's tough.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I think I could be distracted enough with his sister.
I love his family, like there are so many things
that it's so sad, But you're trying to do it
better this time, I guess. So it is going to
hurt his feelings when he gets back though. That's the
worst part about it, because I am living a lie.
But I think ultimately his sister would understand if we
(07:18):
did this and then come back home. But I was
just also trying to call you see what you had.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I got nothing, girlfriend, I got nothing except I'm proud
of you for setting boundaries. I'm proud of you for
recognizing that you don't want to be a parent to
your partner, that you want a partner that's your equal partner.
And I'm sorry you're in the sticky wicket and somebody's
going to get hurt. But man, knowing somebody is going
to get hurt, and still having the courage to do
(07:45):
the right thing says an awful lot about your character.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I'm really proud of you.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You are not nearly as broken and co dependent as
I was at your age.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Well, thank you. I'm trying to do better this time.
But usually I, you know, freak out. So that's why
I don't want to go home and be like we're
breaking Austin this, this and this, because we do have
a life together. So I'm trying to maybe give it
the six days when we go on vacation. I think
I'll probably end up going.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well you do so far, your your heart and your
spirit has been pretty wise. I think it sounds to
me like you got a lot of wisdom. So I'm
just going to say, do what you feel like your
gut and God is telling you to do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Okay. Thank you Ronie for answering my call too. I
appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Thank you for calling Bubbye, And if.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
You have a song you want to request for Victoria,
I would love that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I will do that.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Thank you, Bubbye.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoy bringing them to you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I'll share more with you each weekday on py Delilah
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Dev
Host
Delilah
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