Ask Uncut - He Throws Tantrums When I Say No

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions with the best advice we can! Britt is waving the manifestation wand after receiving a lovely message from one of our lifers! 

Vibes and unsubscribes for the week:
Laura - Unsubscribing shellac nails
Keeshia - Unsubscribing iOS 26 update
Vibing Elizabeth Gilbert “All The Way To The River” 
Britt - Morning Wars Season 4 on Apple TV 

Then we jump into your questions:

HUSBAND DESPERATE FOR ANAL SEX BUT I HATE IT - HOW TO COMPROMISE?
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 years, have 3 kids under 5, both running businesses; so chaotic times. This year my husband has been obsessed with getting me to have anal sex to “spice things up”. I have always been a firm no but have recently caved a few times to try it after so much hassling and trying to keep the peace. But I honestly fucking hate it! It hurts, it is not pleasurable and grosses me out. He loved it. My question is how do we compromise on this? I am now fearful of it if he brings it up because if I say no he just throws a temper tantrum. I have tried to have an honest conversation with him about the fact it really hurts me however he feels it’s just something I will get used to. I honestly feel like this is a him problem, he needs to suck it up the fact I’ve had 3 kids and I may not be as tight as it once was. But is there also another side I’m not seeing where I should try to consider his pleasure in this?

 

MY NEW RECEPTIONIST HAS SLEPT WITH MY PARTNER YEARS AGO AND NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME
I’ve got a sticky situation which I need to unpack. I’ve been with my partner for the past 4 years, we have a great relationship and have just bought our first home together. I work in the medical field and have a new receptionist that started with us 4 months ago. We’ve been getting along really well and it wasn’t until today we had a long conversation making connections about people we knew in town, until she then dropped the bomb that she slept with my partner 5-6yrs ago! Now I’ve been talking about my partner like she didn’t know him and I’ve also been talking about my new receptionist to my partner for the past few months and he never mentioned it.

I was initially shocked and kinda laughed about it. She said she wanted to say something in case someone else ever said anything. When I asked my partner about it, I was laughing the whole time (low key because I’m not good at having tricky conversations) and we both just felt weird at the end. He said he wasn’t ever going to say anything because it didn’t mean anything which I totally get but I kinda feel dumb being the one who didn’t know anything…. I’m after advice on how I should feel because I don’t know if I’m being dramatic in this situation.

MY FRIEND KEEPS LYING TO ME ABOUT COSMETIC SURGERY

So I have a friend that I’ve been friends with since Uni days. For context, we’ve been friends for 15 years now. I know her very, very well and I also know what she looks like. Over the last few years she’s been getting quite a few cosmetic procedures which is great, she looks amazing. The problem is that she always seems to lie about it. Most recently we went out for dinner together and it was very evident that she had her lips done. Now we’re sitting at dinner and I said “oh my gosh, you got your lips done. They look great.” To be fair, they actually didn’t look that great just yet because they were still swollen which is what I mean by the fact that it was very evident. As she has responded to every single other question that I have had around whether or not she’s had any procedures she said “no I didn’t” in almost an offended tone. I don’t care at all. I’m actually all for it if she wants to get anything done; I’ve had my boobs done. But it’s just surprising to me that she feels the need to continuously lie about it. Is it something I should bring up with her or just let it go?

LOSING ATTRACTION
What to do about losing attraction? I have recently realised I have lost my attraction / desire towards my partner. In particular he doesn’t put any effort into grooming, so his beard is always scraggly, and he doesn’t shave his neck. In addition he doesn’t dress well, he doesn’t care about clothes so he often wears clothes that have holes in them (from having them for so long) or don’t look good on him. Now I love him so much, we get along so w

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm cut, I'm.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Laura, I'm Brittany, and sorry, you're not going to say
one word. I'm going to kickstart this with something that
you hate to talk about, what manifest ish.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm so excited, dear god, I didn't want to carey.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Laura goes, what are you wanna talk about this point?
And I was like, I'm going to surprise you because
I know that if I say the M word, you'll
veto it.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Often when people like I'm gonna surprise, you need the surprise.
It's like a wholesome, good surprise. I don't don't get
me wrong, I don't hate manifestation. I've said this before.
I just hate people who are like, think good things
and you.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Get a ferrari. I just don't understand. I'm like, I
think good things all the time. I don't have a ferrari.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
I know we've talked about it. It's because that's not
how it works. But this is a wholesome manifestation story,
and it's a manifestation story that leans into manifestation and
being a real thing. So setting the scene a couple
of weeks ago, I was on the Gold Coast with Sherry,
because you guys and I've been going up every couple
of weeks and we're just doing like a coaster walk

(01:10):
me Sherry, Jay, Baby Meyer, and I love this so
much when it happens. But a girl walked past, didn't
stop to say hello, didn't stop ask for photo, didn't
do anything, just waved, turned the phone around and went
for it. I'm listening to Life on Cut and then
I was like, oh my god, it's amazing. And she
said like hey Sherry and Jay, like she knew the
podcast just in the vortex. Hey, zib May. She just

(01:32):
walked away, and it was just like, Myra, it was
your birthday.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
I hoped you were walking. Congratulations.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
How's the gastro?

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Pretty good to see a girlfriend, we laugh, but pretty much.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
And then a few weeks go past, and so this
being this last week, if you guys have listened to
the episode, my vibe of the week was a doctor diamond,
which is like a cleaning pen, like for your jewelry. Now,
I bet you're asking yourselves, how are these two things related. Well,
I got this message to my DMS.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
I don't want to read it.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Hybrid yelling in big capital letters. Oh my gosh, I
just wanted to say the biggest thank you for recommending
doctor Diamond on the episode. By the way, this is
not sponsored.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I know Doctor Diamond is getting a solid plug though,
well this isn't.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
But this is amazing because she said it meant more
to us than you know. Your mention has helped us
achieve our biggest day yet. So she's obviously the owner.
A few weekends ago, when I was walking along Miami Beach,
I walked past you, Sherry and Jay. I was the
girl that waved, and I pointed to my phone that
I was listening to your podcast as I passed you
during that walk. And after that moment, I had manifested

(02:37):
that I hope one day I could hear you talk
about our business on an episode. And then so she
walked past me, spent the whole walk manifesting two weeks
later on the pod, not even two weeks, it might
have been one week. I'm manifested it, no connection nothing.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
She's a witch. She's a witch. Yeah, better at steak.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
Is that not? I'm sorry? I got I know you
hate it. I've got goosebump.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
No I don't hate it. It's really nice. Also, we
say it all the time, we have the best life is.
But you know what's going to happen Now everyone's going.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
To send their products. They're going to be like which
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'm not against Keisha loves the freebie send it on
in No but that.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I'm just thinking the power of manifestation. Honestly, I truly
I know you guys, I know you giggle. But Keisha
has recently called me. You've recently switched how you bewitched.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
I've realized that sometimes there is strength in it. You're
a shoot you shot person. You're an asker, not a guesser.
I'm the opposite. I'm kind of like, I'd never want
to impose like expectations on other people. I don't want
to make them uncomfortable. I feel like that will change
their view of me if I'm asking for something.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
That's why we don't get the guests we want.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Hesa's never emailed the guests and they're entirely guys. I've
emailed the whole list. I don't want to mean an imposition,
so I'm just not gonna ask.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
You, not yet.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
No, I didn't email it I did though, literally tried
to get over on pod, which I respect, and I
kind of have to acknowledge that, you know, for a
lot of them, you shooting your show and you manifesting
having these people, it has come to fruition.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah, anyway, that's my tidbit.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Well, I am here for the manifestation. I actually don't
hate it as much as you think I have.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
I know, I really don't.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
And every time you bring it up, I'm always like
brace myself and I'm like, oh, that's cute.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
It's cute.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
I love it all right.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Well, before we get into answering your questions, it is
time for vibes and unsubscribes.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
And I have a really.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
Passionate unsubscribe that I just deeply need to talk to
you all about. And that is when I was pregnant,
just before having Poppy, I decided that because I had
a little bit more free time, I was going to
be a nail galley. I was gonna get my nails done.
They were gonna look amazing. I was going to be
the head model for Tony May goddamn it. So I
started getting Sheillac. This is my now fourth Shellac experience,

(04:49):
and I am traumatized, and it is the worst decision
I've ever made in my entire fucking life. And I
hate everyone who ever said go get you like, get
your nils done.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Can I ask you hate everything because sheilac can absolutely
nihilate your nails. But I feel like, correct me if
I'm wrong. Are you a where you peel it off yourself? No,
you've never done that.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
The woman came in with a dremale like she was
standing back a dry wall. There is nothing left of
my natural nail. They're like they are paper thin. And
I had schillac on for three days and literally every
nail broke and every bit of shellac came off, like
it's just ruined.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Three days is longer than what I've had, like back
in my day. You're lucky you've got three days.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
Lastly, I have shellacatus at home like I do di
y shellac.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
It stays on for twenty four hours. It pisses me
off so much. It's not so much that it's the dremmel.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
She just just got in there and she took off
every layer of natural nail.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
She was like, oh you want these to look nice.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Oh, that's where you're going wrong. It was the worst
time for the cancer route. I've got the nails emit
cancer particles. Apparently it's BIAB. I didn't know that BAB
is now apparently banned in the UK.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
It's in the whole EU.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
I have been flooded by people in my in my
DM saying why did you get lack? It's bay app Baby,
which I haven't tried yet.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Biab is amazing and I'm silly devastated. I don't know
if I should choose to ignore the cancer thing, because
it's great, it's supposed to be more natural. It's these
are just my nails, but they're so strong. It's so
strong on there. But if it is emitting little cancer particles,
then I obviously need to stop.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
I mean, what isn't though Apple is gonna.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Be worse than others. Yeah, I think that there's definitely something.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm just drinking pesticide like asbestos. I wouldn't go roll
in it if you don't have to.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
Yeah, I think there's definitely definitely science.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
I also haven't unsubscribed this week. Sorry to be so negative.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
The fucking iOS twenty six update. Apparently you've been able
to do it for a couple of weeks. I didn't
notice yesterday my phone basically yelled at me and jumped
through the screen and was like.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
You have to update.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
It's gonna be fifteen gigabytes. It's gonna take two hours.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Put it on charge.

Speaker 4 (06:51):
And I was like, oh right, okay, okay, s feeling
at me, you can pick no. So I well, I
updated because you know, there comes a point where you
basically even use your phone anymore if you updated, and
she sho didn't want to be an inconvenience to the phone,
so she was like it up.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
She just like say no, that's why she grew the
cancer too.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
I did it, guys. I hate it so much. I
hated so much. Everything's bubbly, everything's kind of half transparent.
I don't know what the fuck's going on. It doesn't
feel like my phone. I feel like my phone and
I have broken up. And I feel like if I
wanted it to look like a Samsung, I would have
purchased the same sung.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
The transparency thing. So Keisha sent the group chat yelling.
We thought it was very important. A yelling message came
into our group chat. Whatever you do, do not update
your phone, and we're like, why, what's gone on? And
she sent a screenshot she's a vomit face, and I
looked at it and it was a screenshot of what
she thought was bad and bubbles and whatever. I actually
didn't know what you're trying to say. I didn't even
see anything wrong with it. The transparency thing doesn't.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Bother me, Keisha. It feels personally victimized by this.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
I'm just so surprised you can't tell the different. No.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
When you did say the bubbly thing, I had to
look and it's the bubble of the messages, which I
was like, it's.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Also the key pad. Sorry, it's like fire anyway.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
I also have a vibe for the week, and I
actually wait before we get it to survive. Can you
just do you remember when Apple like we've all accepted
it now and no one's happy about it, like no
one's pleased. But you remember when they updated the photo
app and like the display of the photo and like
how it's and no one can ever find the most
recent thing that they've saved.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
Because it's just it's annoying.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Every single human on this planet who has an iPhone
hates the photo app, and Apple are like, we don't care.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Everyone No one likes change.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
We're sticking with it. Just admit that you did it wrong.
Admit you've got one thing wrong in your life.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Apple.

Speaker 4 (08:29):
They're kind of like an ex who has just stopped
giving a ship and it's just acting worse and worse
and worse.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
And we're still so.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Codependent that we're like, no, but I'm still sting.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
I'm not going to leave you.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
I'm not going to leave you.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
We're put so much time and energy and effort everything
we own as Apple, so we can't I'm not swopping
over now because I can't because everything I have is
an Apple.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Samsung does have a brilliant camera. I will say that
I've used the camera. It's great. But I do like
what I know, and I don't think I'm ready to
make that kind of a change.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
This is a warning Apple, keep this shit up. I'll
be switching over never you hate change Anyway, I have
a really good vibe for the week. It actually could
even be my vibe for the year. And we spoke
about this on last Wednesday's episode. That week we kind
of droot fed that we got to speak to Elizabeth
Gilbert again. She has been on the podcast last November.
Her book All the Way to the River. I am

(09:18):
an audiobook gal. It is one of the most life
changing books I've ever listened to, and I don't say
that with any amount of like theatrics. I think this
book will be really, really impactful for anyone who has
been affected by someone with addiction, of any type of addiction.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
But also, if you're in a you're the type of
person who has been quite.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Obsessive in relationships.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
So if you have kind of either monkey branch or
you're codependent, or you've just found yourself with.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
These what did you look at me?

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Fuck off?

Speaker 5 (09:47):
If you're just soone late, if you're someone Laura, if
your name is Laura Burn, I think that if you're
someone who's had really big feelings about relationships, like and
I know that you know, some people listening to this
will be like, all right, calm down.

Speaker 4 (10:06):
But there was so much of the book that I
didn't think I would relate to that I ended up
being like, oh, my days. I didn't realize how much
I needed to listen to this and the fact it
has a name, and how lovely it.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Is to read.

Speaker 4 (10:18):
Or listen from someone who is as articulate and as
honest and as beautiful of a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert
in this book, there were so many parts of it
that I was like, wow, that was so honest.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
I can only imagine how much you wanted to.

Speaker 4 (10:34):
Leave that part of the story out, Like it is
the most honest recount of the highs and the lows
of being in love with someone who is an addict
and having addict tendencies herself. Like, yeah, I just cannot
recommend it anymore. It was phenomenal. If we were about
to go into like the summer period where a lot
of podcasts take a break, so that's typically when I
ramp up my audiobook listening. So if you would like

(10:55):
an audiobook that I think is really impactful, All the
Way to the River is my recommendation.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
It's like really Ball and Spotify and all those ones
as well.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
It's great and if you can listen to it before
the episode with e Lizabeth, even better. Okay, for the
first time ever, I had so many vibes. I have
listened to and watched so many good things, like so
many podcasts and many dotcos, so many TV series, but
I finished one just last night.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Good to know you've been working hard.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
Then oh dude, I go to better one am every
night and I binge watched. But last night was so good.
If you haven't watched, and I'm pretty sure I've vibed
it last year or maybe the before whenever it came out.
It's on Apple TV. It's called Morning Walks.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
That's so good. I haven't seen the new season.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
But it's amazing, Strappy, and you are a Jennifer Anderson
Stan if I could.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Be anyone in this world for Jennifer Anderson, I'm just
obsessed with her. I've been obsessed with her for ever.
I think she's beautiful, I think she's funny, I think
she's down to earth. I just I love her. Anyways,
this is not a stand to Jay JN. So Morning
Was is Reese with Aspoon and Jennifer Anderson, produced by
Reese with Aspoon's company. She produces all these very women
dominated women led behind the scenes and in front of

(12:02):
the camera. And it's four seasons and I'm assuming, I
hope it's not. I'm assuming this was the last season
that they'll produce. But it gets every season gets better
and better. Now, this season four was one of the
best series I have watched this year. Now that sounds
like a big call, but they had one pretty watches
heave this series. I watched a lot. They had one

(12:24):
particular scene that I haven't been so moved by in
a TV show in a long time. I was bawling
my eyes out. It was so well done. It was
so simple and effective. It was a scene on a
sister dying, and I wouldn't want to spoil too much,
but that's what it is about, and it's a big
core part of the series, but this one scene was
so beautifully and simply done. At the themes that they

(12:46):
put in, they try and like tie in a lot
of political things that might really or could be happening,
like they've touched on the whole COVID thing, and I
just can't more highly recommend it. So if you obviously
don't go and watch season four, if you haven't watched
the rest of them, but if you want to sit
down over the summer Apple TV Morning Wars four seasons.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Binge it, I love it. All Right, Well, let's get
into your questions.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
Okay, I'm going to come in hot with some anal
so my husband is desperate.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
It's a great place to start.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Usually you warm up to it, but if not, just
go in first number one, cab off the rain.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Don't think he warms up for it. Husband is desperate
for anal sex, but I hate it. How do we compromise?
My husband and I have been together for eight years,
married for five, have three kids under five. That is
busy three kids under five?

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah all right, got yah, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
We're both running businesses, so it's very chaotic at times.
This year, my husband has been obsessed with getting me
to have anal sex to spice things up.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
Now.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
I have always been a firm no, but have recently
caved a few times to try it. This is after
a lot of hassling and trying to keep the peace
with my husband. But I honestly fucking hate it. It hurts,
it is not pleasurable, and it grosses me out. He
loved it. Question is, how do we compromise on this?
I am now fearful of it if he brings it

(14:04):
up because I say no, and he will just throw
a tempotantrum.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
Oh god, what sounds like.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
You've got four kids under five. I've tried to have
an honest conversation with him about the fact that it
really hurts me. However, he feels it's just something that
I will get used to. I honestly feel like this
is a hymn problem. He needs to suck it up
and accept the fact that I've had three kids and hey,
maybe I'm not as tight as it once was. But
is there another side that I am not seeing where

(14:31):
I should try and consider his pleasure in this.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
No, there's not, no, Unfortunately, there's not. Yuck.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
I just have the biggest I'm so sorry because I
know that you'll hear this, but I have the biggest
it for your husband, the fact that he chucks a
tempo tantrum.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
Because you doesn't get anal because you won't.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Have anal sex with him, and you've told him that
it hurts you, and he doesn't care and says that
you will get used to it. It's revolting. He's revolting you,
and he needs to grow the fuck up. And well,
I would say to him, I'll fuck you in this. Yeah,
fuck you in the ass, and don't worry, honey, You'll
get used to it.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
That's what I would say.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Every time you want to fuck me in the ass,
I will fuck you in the ass first, and then.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Maybe I'll think about it.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
That is exactly what I would say, and I hum
home with a massive dildo, just get a coke. Can
well do it at home? Baby, saved some.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
Dollars, pull a barbecue sauce, just say, let's go for it.
I don't know why that came to mind. That was
weirdly specific the last time I got sucked in the.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
H Barbecue sauce is good because one end is the loom.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
And then you turn it around telling me hemorrhois, you've
had three kids, your hemorrhoids hurt too much.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
You've done it.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
You've done it all, Babe, You've already done it. You've
done so much hard labor in the downstairs region.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
You don't have to do anything else.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
No, First, you tell him nothing. First question, what is
the compromise. The answer is there is no compromise. The
compromise is you've said no, and no is a full
sentence and a complete sentence. Secondly, I joke about it,
but that is what I would say to him. If
he's having a tempertantrum. I would say, you know what, Fine,
we'll do it, but I'm going to do it to
you first, and then when you get used to it,

(16:00):
I can start trying to get used to it. I
can guarantee you the guy's not going to do it. Yeah,
he's not going to do it. We are equals in
our buttholes. Buttholes are equal. You have a butthole and
I have a butthole. A woman's isn't the only butthole
that should be used in a relationship between a man
and a woman to receive. That's what I mean to receive. Like,
it is totally okay for you to say, hey, I'm

(16:21):
into it, So you can say to him, hey, I'm
really into like doing it to you. Let's swap. Let's
you want to spice things up. I will put some
chili sauce in there. But it gives me. I'm all
for spicing things up. I'm all for trying new things.
And if he said, baby, I really want to try
anal and you were like, yeah, let's give it a go,
and you liked it great, if you said hey, I'll
give it a go, it wasn't for me and he

(16:42):
was like, no, worries great. It is so gross to
try to manipulate you and pressure you into doing something
that you've said no to. Not only you said no
because you don't want to do it. Which is enough.
You've said no because you're in physical pain, and he's
saying it's cool.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
You'll get used to it, like, I mean, we make
jokes because obviously it's outrageously ridiculous, but it's something that
you're dealing with every day. And you also probably feel
or had this sense of like, well, if I don't
do it, what's the repercussions to this? Also, knowing that
you've already had a conversation with him, you've tried to
have a level and honest conversation around the reasons why,
which you don't have to provide.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
If you don't want to do it, you don't have
to do it. She's also tried the anal s.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
I know, I know, you know. The issue here isn't
anything to do with you. It is a one hundred
percent hem issue. And the issue goes beyond the fact
of like a mismatch in what you guys are wanting.
The issue is that you have explained to him that
it hurts you and you don't want to do it,
and he doesn't care. He doesn't care that it is
uncomfortable for you, he doesn't care that it's something that

(17:44):
you feel as though it is just it's not for you,
and he's making you feel guilty, and he's making you
feel as though the sex isn't good enough, and even
the fact that you've said, I feel like maybe I'm
not as tight down there, but like he just has
to be okay with that, Like that's not even something
you should have to think about or be worried about
you And the fact that he's made you feel as
though that you're not good enough to have sex with

(18:05):
now in a way that is like pleasurable for both
of you because you're worried about whether or not you're
tired enough. Like he's behaving like a fucking flog. And
there is nothing less sexy, and there is nothing less
desirable in a relationship than when you feel pressured into,
badget into, or in any way forced to do something
that you don't want to do. All that's gonna make
you do is shut down more is not want to

(18:27):
have sex with your husband and pull away from him
with any intimacy.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
He is the problem.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
But also I tell him that I know you said
play this to him. I know you said I know
when we're joking, I'm not joking when I say say
to him I'll do it to you, you do it
to me. That's not a joke because my normal answer
would be, you know, you need to really sit down
and explain this to him and make him understand. But
you've done that, and you've said that. When you do that,
he throws the tantrum, So that's gone that you know

(18:53):
you're any chance of having an adult civil conversation about this.
You've tried and he's reacted like a child. I would
I'm not joking, that's what I would say. I would say,
let me do it to you first, and we'll see
how long it takes you to get used to it,
because he's not going to do it. And sometimes somebody
has to experience something. And I say that for I

(19:13):
don't say that for like experience the pain of anal
but I'm saying it in anything in life, sometimes you
have to walk in somebody else's shoes for a minute
to actually understand what it is. So if it's very
easy for him to say you'll get used to it
without having any idea what it's like.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
But even that, like a partner who really cares about
you and loves you and cares about your well being,
isn't like, oh, I can see that this has caused
a new pain and you don't enjoy it. But I
prioritize my pleasure over yours.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
I'm more important. And that's what this says.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Like it's so deeply entrenched, with so many issues, this
whole conversation.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
Can I just say, you have three kids under five,
you're both running businesses. If you're having sex, you want
it to be quick and easy. You are wanting two minutes,
a roll around in the hay for two minutes and
you're done. You are not wanting to the prep that
comes with anal sex.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
If Matt even raised with me, I think I would
laugh in his face. I would hysterically, and then I'd
tell his mom, Tell his mom, Tell this guy's mom, Ellie,
Matt One's Amy, Matt, Ellie, Matt has asked me for
anal and then made me like he's made me feel guilty.
Won't have anal sex with him? Can you go and
speak to your son because he's behaving? I would, I
would tell her, would you Yeah, if he was badgering
me for anal sex, I'd tell his mother yeap, one

(20:20):
hundred percent.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
I love it well. If this is if he doesn't
want to be fucking the bar. Call his mom. You're
a sirco man. Go to the next question.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
All right, this is a tricky little one. My new
receptionist has slept with my partner years ago, and neither
of them told me. I've got a sticky situation which
I need to unpack. I've been with my partner for
the last four years. We have a great relationship, and
we have just brought our first home together. I work
in the medical field and I have a new receptionist

(20:49):
that started working with us four months ago. We've been
getting along really well, and it wasn't until today that
we had a long conversation making connections about people we
knew in town, until she then dropped the bomb that
she slept with my partner five or six years ago.
Now I've been talking about my partner.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Dropped that at the front desk. It's like you're booking
you in.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Four Who who's telling their boss that?

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Like, keep that until you die. You're never telling your
boss that. Now I've been talking about my partner like
she didn't know him. And I've also been talking about
my new receptionist to my partner for the past few
months and he never mentioned it. I was initially shocked,
and I kind of laughed about it. She said she
wanted to say something in case someone else ever said anything.
When I asked my partner about it, I was laughing

(21:34):
the whole time, low key, because I'm not good at
having tricky conversations, and we.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
Both just felt weird.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
At the end, he said he wasn't ever going to
say anything because it didn't mean anything, which I totally get.
But I kind of just now feel really dumb about
being the only one who didn't know anything about this.
I'm after advice on how I should feel, because I
don't know if I'm being dramatic in this situation. I
would be so dirty if I had gone through the
hiring process and my husband or partner hadn't just said, hey,

(22:04):
I know she might be a great hire. I just
want you to know that this happened a long time ago,
in case that impacts how you feel because you have
to work with her every day.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
No, I get the impression. I don't think he had
anything to do with hiring. I think she's just been hired.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
And then he didn't know.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
He's been like this, so new receptionist blah, blah blah blah. Look,
can you be dirty with your receptionist? No, that's a
really tricky spot for her to be in. She's just
a new employee that probably was like, oh, fuck, I
fucked up with my boss's partner, and I think that's
what she's done. Maybe you guys have spent four months
building a kind of relationship where she feels more comfortable

(22:38):
and then she can say in case this comes out,
I want to tell you, but you absolutely can be
dirty and should be dirty with your partner. If I
was going home to Ben and being like, hey, we
hired this new girl at Life on Cut, this is her.
She's great, Like, I think she's really going to fit in,
and he had slept with her and he did not

(22:59):
tell me and then it came out incidentally four months later,
I would be so off it.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, I really do think you should have a I mean,
the tricky thing is what you do now, But like,
I think you should have a conversation with him about Hey,
I know that we felt weird and we left this
in a weird spot. I know that I made light
of it because I felt so uncomfortable, But I want
you to know that I am not okay with the
fact that you never mentioned it and it came from
my employee, Like, how embarrassing for me? How embarrassing the

(23:27):
position that you put me in that I was talking
about you and I was, you know, discussing my relationship,
you know, or like even just talking about you fondly
in some capacity, and this chick is sitting in front
of me thinking the whole time, Oh, I fucked her
husband or partner in my workplace, a place that should
be like very sacred and very separate to all of
this drama that's now being brought into my workplace.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
I would be furious at my partner.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
And it's actually not his position to decide whether or
not it ever comes up, because he should have been
the one to bring it up because that was on him.
I'm not saying he did anything wrong. Obviously happened five
six years ago. You can't be annoyed at someone with
who they slept with, you know, in the past. But
there's two different things that have happened here. Either he
did know who you were hiring, and he just didn't

(24:10):
want to rock the boat. So that is like a really, really,
really big problem because now you've hired her, and now
it makes it more challenging for you to manage their situation.
Or it was an incidental thing where you'd already hired
her and then you found out one of them is
worse than the other. We don't know which one happened.
So I would say, firstly, update us. I want to
know what was the cause and effect of this. But

(24:32):
the big question is what do you do now now
that you have the information?

Speaker 3 (24:35):
You don't do anything. You're not breaking up your partner
of four years you've been and you've bought a house,
and you're not firing receptionist someone.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
You can because she'd still probably be on probation, isn't she.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Four months you're not firing could mean you absolutely can't.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
What would you guys do if you found out right
now I fire you. Matt and I actually hooked up
just before you guys met that.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
He never said anything because you've been here for years
now and it's her husband, that's a fucking you're a psychopathic.

Speaker 4 (25:03):
Yeah, if you hadn't fucked Matt seven years ago, I
forget how long we've been together, because when I said
seven years, I was like, actually, we would have been
together then, like nine years ten years ago, right, Imagine
how dirty I'd be though if the reason that it's
a bit different because you're public with your relationship. But
if I didn't know and I wanted to go through
a job with you, and the only reason I didn't
get it is because I fucked the person that you're

(25:24):
now with, I mean, I'd be devastated. She could be
missing out on her dream job.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
Also, this girl, let's like hear benefit of the doubt,
this girl that's gone and gotten a job as a receptionist.
It's highly likely she just didn't even know that this
is her, don't We actually don't even know if it's
her boss, but it's somebody else that works it. We
don't know it's a boss, we're assuming, but it's just
someone that works at the same place, the same clinic,
or whatever it is. She might not have known a
who this woman was and b who a partner was,

(25:51):
because it sounds like they just started talking about mutual people.
Then it's probably come up that this is my partner,
and she's probably gone, oh my god, I probably should
tell you though I've cooked up with him many many
years ago. Like, we don't know what the point of
discovery is what.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, And the reality is we're getting into the semantics
around like the workplace situation, but the reality is is
that your partner the moment he found out that you're
in a work capacity with someone who he had something with,
regardless of whether it meant nothing or not, because it's
a work capacity where you have to see her every day,
you have to speak to her every day. I think

(26:25):
that the kind and considerate thing for him to have
done would have been, Hey, I hope that this isn't
super awkward and doesn't change any of you. But they
were like years and years ago. It meant absolutely nothing.
Something happened between us all like, you know, we were
seeing each other, whatever it is. I think that that
makes it not a big deal. But it's the secrecy
and feeling like, well everyone knew and I'm an idiot

(26:45):
that makes it the big deal.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Did you just maybe think of a story that feels
so wild to me? I don't know if I ever
told it on here. I think I actually didn't because
at the time it was too close. But I'll tell
you now. Jordan, my ex he only ever had like
one like really main relationship. They were long term and
serious they like basically lived together, So like the main

(27:08):
if you're in a new relationship, you know that's the
main person of that person's past. And then I remember
when I was over in America with Jordan. We were
over there, I got stuck there in COVID for five months,
and I knew who this person was in terms of
we'd spoken about it. But I'm not and I've said it,
and this is how much I mean it. I am
not the kind of person that goes and stalks exes.
I don't need to. I don't care about them. I
don't want to go through and look at every photo

(27:29):
of that person. It doesn't bother me, right, I like
to know about them, but I don't look at them.
And we went for lunch one day and it was
me and Jordan and one other person were sitting at
this little table in a cafe and there was a
table that was literally half a meter from us with
two people on it. We were there, living our normal

(27:51):
best life for like hour and a half, two hours.
And you know, if you know how loud I am,
you know the kind of person that I am. So
then when we leave, the other guy that we're with said,
is that how was that weird for you? And I
was like, what do you mean? Was that weird for me?
It was like the Jordan's ex was next to us
that whole time at lunch, and I was like what.
I was like, what do you mean Jordan was at
lunch with me? And I was like what.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Jordan wasn't the one to mention it, No one, no
one mentioned it.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
And I had this big falling out with Jordan, being like,
did you not think that if your ex was thirty
centimeters away from me? You would have at least given
me a heads up of like, hey, that's the person
I was with four years right next to you. Because
I think of the things that you say and do
unfiltered if I.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Feel differently about that than this situation, because that is
a temporary You're never gonna.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
See that, but you would still say something yeah, yes
and no, like.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
I mean or okay, I have we have Matt and
I have been in social situations where I've introduced him
to someone who's our friend but was not our friend
once upon a time. I'm not like, hey, Matt, here's
this gorgeous man.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
And then I don't walk away and be like, guess
what I fucked him ten years. I'm not gonna do that.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
No, why would I do that. Situation doesn't need to know.
This is different. Imagine if you went down if you
imagine if you sat down with Matt and his main, main,
main ex girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Oh I'm crazy, I would know. I'd be like, hey, Matt,
there's your ex girlfriend. I've looked at every single social.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
Media that she has. She's looking great. I like that
hair is blonde.

Speaker 3 (29:18):
Now you also know what I was. You know what
I was most upset about. I was like, I would
have been cool life. I knew That's what I said,
Like I would have been cooler or hotter.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
It's probably good you didn't know for it.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Genuinely though, the reason why this is different is purely
because it's a work capacity and you see her every day.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
I'm not saying it's similar. I was just taking you
on a segway of my journey. It was a journey,
it really mine of a moment. It took me there,
and I want to take you guys with me.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
I agree with the work thing because if it was
just someone walking past on the street, God, I couldn't
walk through BONDI.

Speaker 3 (29:44):
I say that to Ben if we walk down the
street and I see someone, I'd be like, you still
up with him?

Speaker 2 (29:48):
Are you serious?

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (29:49):
That's what's the winner. There's nothing wrong with it. It's
just unnecessary. Like if we're walking down the street and
we see a hot chick and Matt stops to stay
hi and they have a chat.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
I don't need to.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Continue walking in them him to be like boned her like,
why why are you telling me get a grip, you loser?

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Why not? Sorry, I'm the opposite.

Speaker 4 (30:08):
I don't want to tell them because it just makes
them It's just unnecessary info.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
I wouldn't do it if it's a one like if
it was just a one off thing, but if I
had a loser. But if I've seen someone, I saw
them a lot of times, then I would absolutely make
him know. Yeah, I undrest if I was. I don't
think that's weird at all. Depends out hurt they are
finally do it hot?

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Okay, next question.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Okay, my friend keeps lying to me about her plastic surgery.
So I have a girlfriend who I've been friends with
since UNI days. For context, we've been friends for almost
fifteen years now. I know her very very well. We
also know very well, what she looks like. Over the
last few years, she's been getting quite a few cosmetic procedures,
which is great. She looks amazing. Problem is is that

(30:50):
she always seems to lie about it. Most recently, we
went out for dinner together and it was very very
evident that she had had her lips done. Now we're
sitting at dinner and I said, oh my gosh, you
got your lips done.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
They look great.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
To be fair, they actually didn't look that great just yet,
because they were still swollen, Which is what I mean
by the fact that it was very very evident. As
she has responded to every single other question I've ever
had around whether or not she's had plastic surgery, she said, no,
I didn't, in almost an offended tone. Now I don't
care at all. I'm actually like all for it if
she wants to get whatever done. I've also had my

(31:24):
boobs done myself. But it's just surprising to me that
she feels the need to continuously lie about it. Is
it something I should bring up with her or just
let it go?

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Hear me out. Maybe she was having an allergic reaction,
Maybe she didn't have her lips done. Maybe she's got
a shellfish allergy. This is an interesting one because I
don't think anyone owes anyone anything. If you have plastic
surgery and you decide to keep that to yourself, I
think that that's okay. And I understand that the person

(31:54):
has written this in feels like it's weird because you're like,
I so obviously.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Know you're lying, and sorry, why are you gatekeeping? Tell
me and tell me who the surgeon was. It looks great.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
It's also definitely funny if she's gone from like an
A cup to a D cup and she's like, there's
nothing to see here. I had all extra chicken this year,
all the proteins. I get that it feels weird because
in your head you're like, well, I know that you
know that, I know that you've had it. You're not
feeling anyone, but you could have say you haven't. But
at the end of the day, she doesn't owe you anything.

(32:25):
And for whatever reason she wants to keep it private.
She's uncomfortable. She might feel a sense of some kind
of sense of shame around doing it or embarrassment. She
might not want to promote cosmetic surgery to other people,
even though she believes in it. There are so many reasons,
but at the end of the day, if somebody doesn't
want to tell you that they've had something done, I
think it's okay.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
My only thing though, is if you're best friends with
this person, You've been friends with them for fifteen years,
and you see them often, and then they lie about
something that is so obvious, I think a part of
me would be a little bit like, but we're such
good friends, why don't you want to tell Like I
tell you everything you know about my hemrhoids, Just tell
me about your lips?

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Like what's going on? What's gone on? Girl friend? What's happening?
Like I feel as you.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
Feel weird, but she still doesn't just because you feel weird.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
She doesn't owe you anything. She doesn't have to tell you.
But I do think that it would make me consider
how much I want to share with them. It would
make me consider and be like, Okay, why do you
feel the need to lie to me about this. I
wouldn't bring that up with them. I wouldn't then sit
down and have an intervention. I would just accept that
I'm obviously not the friend that she feels comfortable sharing
it with. But I also would acknowledge that maybe she

(33:30):
hasn't told anyone and just wants everyone to believe that
there has been some immense glow up that's happened without
anyone knowing. I don't know, but maybe she feels a
lot of shame around it and she's embarrassed, and so
that's why she doesn't want to tell people, and she
wants people to think it's a natural enhancement.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
To be fair, I went through a phase of like
being really inspired by Kylie Jenner. I was like overlning
my lips, and I still sometimes do it, like I
don't like the cupids bow, and I'll do like a big, round,
lined lip, And every time I do it, someone goes,
if you had your lips done? And I haven't. I've
just made it look like that because I learned from
Kylie Jenner. Maybe small maybe maybe she actually hasn't had

(34:08):
them done. Maybe I don't know.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
The only person I'm lying to about that stuff is
my partner, because I don't want him to know the
cost of it, and I don't want him to know
that I'm not a natural beauty.

Speaker 4 (34:18):
No no, no, no no no, I did not I
didn't spend six hundred dollars over the weekend.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
I've just been Devil's advocate. Like at the end of
the day, she looks like a completely different person. She
might not have had it. Or maybe when you say
things like she's had other things, like those jobs or whatever,
you can have those jobs quote unquote that are non surgical,
so you can get the filler those jobs. So maybe
she's like skirting around the truth saying like, well, technically
it's not surgery.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
But even so you've done something.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
If someone's like, hey, your nose looks different, like, no,
it doesn't same what I've always had, it's.

Speaker 3 (34:50):
So weird to me.

Speaker 4 (34:51):
I feel like the only thing you can do is
turn up with a side by side image of what
she used to look like she does now and be like,
you're not telling me the truth.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
You know why. I think we think it's more weird
than a lot of other people. We think it's more
weird because of our position. I think in media we
are very open, We're very attuned to it. It's more
in our algorithms. I think the average sort of person
that's in a friend group in their small town, it's
people are way more private, but we forget what privacy
is because we do have secrets. What do you mean

(35:24):
you won't.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Tell me and record it on my phone so I
can use it on the podcast to better you have secrets.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
I'd be angry any self respect, But I think it's
I think we've lost a sense of reality with like
what's private and stuff.

Speaker 4 (35:38):
Yeah, I feel like if the person was a judgmental person,
I can understand keeping it from them.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
But that person they said in the question that they've also.

Speaker 4 (35:45):
Had a procedure done, Like they're obviously not the type
of person who's going to be like, I can't believe
you did that. How could you think that that's okay?
Like you're not going to judge they've had something done themselves.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
You, but also think of it this way, right, And
I truly believe this. We've spoken about it before, like,
no one's keeping a secret this person. Sure she might
be happy to tell her friend, but she might not
want the world to know all the rest of the
friend group to know. It ends up coming out when
you confirm something, So then maybe next time they're like, hey,
Laura's looking good, She's like, yeah, did you know she's
had a nose ana lips done.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
There's loads of people that lie about it, Like, I mean,
I've had a girlfriend who had her nose done. She
went to Thailand a million year zero. Actually, I have
a couple of friends who've got their nose done, but
this one specifically that I'm thinking of. She didn't tell
anyone that she was going. She went over, she had
a nose done, She came back, and for a long
time she lied about it. But it was really obvious,
like it was like it was a she like stole

(36:35):
someone else's nose.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
It wasn't her nose anymore.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
So it did get to the point where everyone was like,
just but you got your nose done, Like it's very evident.
You can say you didn't, but I mean, you had
a nose transplants.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
It's half your nose. That is god what happened. But
it looks great.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
And then eventually she was like, yeah, I went to
Thailand and I got my nose done. She was like,
I was just you know, she was embarrassed. And it
was at a time when it wasn't as common. Plastic surgery. Now,
depending on what circle you're in and where you live
and blah blah blah, it's so much more common.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
But years ago, it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
It's just viewed differently. It used to be shrouded in shame.
And if you think of the difference, even in let's
just say Hollywood.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, celebrities used to lie about it all the time.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
They would never ever tell you, And now the trend
is so different. It's like the Jenna's Kardashians, with literally
three four hundred million followers, are putting everything that they've
had on. I mean, I still think it's a bit
of a stretch, but like they're linking their surgeons, they're
putting before and afters. It's a different world. It used
to be a lot of shame around it, so people
didn't want to be like, yeah, hey, I didn't like

(37:36):
the way I looked, so I went and paid for
someone to change my faod.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
Do you not remember when Kylie Jenna literally came out
looking like her entire phase of being transplanted, and her
lips were seventeen times the size and she was like never, No,
she was like, never have I had my lips done?
And then brings out a lip gloss range and says,
this is what I've been using. I was like, not
only is that lying? That is very naughty.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
That is the thing that kills me, like when they're
financially profiting from the lie and manipulating people's perception. We've
spoken about this before, how people who like have gym
programs for a butt, but they've got a BBL or like,
I don't care if you get these things done. I
just don't like the fact that you're profiting financially off
of a lie and manipulating people's perception of what you
had to do.

Speaker 3 (38:17):
To get there.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
But I think the take home for this is is
that if celebrities have been lying for forever, then I
think that that also, like you said, Britt, does set
the tone that you know, there are going to be
just a normal people who every day people who get
things done, who don't want to talk about it. So
I don't necessarily think the lying is a reflection of
where your friendship's at. I think it's a reflection of
how they feel about getting the plastic surgery. I don't

(38:39):
think it's because they think you're untrustworthy. I don't think
it's because they're less of a friend. I just think
that some people view this stuff very differently, and maybe
even though she's quite proactive in getting things done. She
is not as self accepting in talking about it, and
that's okay. I don't think that we have to read
into it too much.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
I'm not going to tell you when to get a phaselift,
but there will be science. The signs will not be
on your face because you ask me, I'll probably say
no because I will look half my age.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
It's because we still have to work when you'll be
having downtime with stitches and half your face. No, I
didn't a car accident the other day.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
Laura said. Laura said, Hey, like, when the time comes,
should we take a life on carut trip. All just
go get face lifts and then we come back and
we all just look better, but our nose, we just
all look snatched. It's a tax deduction.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
We've gone to Tiland tax deduction.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
It's not a tax direction.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
It is like a tax deductor.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
If we can't do it together, I tax deduct a
lot of questionable bits.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Audited together, and all go to jail with our fresh face.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, you just have to. Firstly, you just have to
podcast over there. It doesn't have to be on it.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Wait, wait, why don't we do a podcast on the
process of getting face lifts and.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Then it's a tax saction.

Speaker 4 (39:48):
Every single time we talk about plastic surgery, there is
always comments or sends us a message being like the
way you guys talk about it is far too normalized
and genuinely get it. But sometimes and I have actually
questioned and do we live in a bubble?

Speaker 2 (40:01):
Which I know that we do. We all live in echo.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
Chambers, but I'm quite surprised because of the amount of
media about it's not just within our friendship circles.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
I really do think.

Speaker 4 (40:11):
And I've lived in nine different cities, some of them
are like a lot of them are regional cities within Australia.
And when people say to us, like, no one talks
as transparently as you, guys, it's so normalized in your world,
I would say that these conversations I've been having these
exact same conversations in Bendigo, in Orange, in Dubbo, in Griffith,
like in all of.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
These small towns as well.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
I don't think it's actually as taboo was what some
people think it is. If you've never stood in front
of the mirror and just done this a few times,
you're not thirty nine.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
But guys, it's also not that deep.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
It's called a joke.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
We're just having a laugh. Like, you haven't actually booked
in a group trip, ty, how have we? I?

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Also, I mean, I know I've had some filler. Oh
i'd filler once and I've had botox.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
That's sperm.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
I know I haven't had sperm. I want the sperm.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
You didn't have salmon sperm, never had salmon.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Give me the salmon sperm I've had. It's called redurant.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
I've had salmon sperm. Actually, my my Irish friend message
me blues mum, I shouldn't have said that. Christ my
Irish friend message a friend message for yesterday, leave it
all in and she's like, hey, have you had the
salmon sperm? I want to get something done. I want
if it's worth it. And I very well could have

(41:22):
lied and said no, my skin has had no sperm,
but I was like, my skim has had a lot
of sperm. I was like, yeah, I've done samon spen
multiple times. I've never had never had plastic surgery because
making surgery in my face ever. But I have a
lot you guys know, I do a lot of stuff
on my face, like frit.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
Is always going through downtip.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
But I don't want to say you could benefit from it.
You look great. But it's good if you want to
try something that rejuvenates without being a filler.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
But no, I want the sperm. I want it all.
I don't want my husband's I want the salmons. It
could be all of the salmon sperm.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Just say that we're not accused of promoting it. I don't.
I don't think it's worth it. It only last six months.
I don't think it half it.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Hear me up.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I've had filler once and I didn't like it, and
then that was like literally eight years ago, and I've
had botox.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
Obviously I've had nothing because I have been pregnant. So
we look better than ever last year. Everything is mobile,
lots of expressions. Do you know what fucking irks me?

Speaker 2 (42:13):
Though?

Speaker 1 (42:13):
And I know we've gotten really off track. Is every
so often so like I'll post a photo or whatever.
There was an article recently in Daily Mail and someone
wrote the comment and she was like, look at that
filler under her eyes.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
It's really margrated. She really needs to stop.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
And I was like, bitch, they are like bags and
I have had none under my eyes ever the Migraine
hail like, you're like, I haven't fucking slam.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
I was like, they are wrinkles and we just in
my family.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
It's just like the tiny sinus says, Okay, we have
wrinkly under eyes.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Goddamn it. Even Molly has them and she's six.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
No she does.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
No, we have like we have like that fat pad
under our eyes. That's like, I think it's just an eye. Well, anyway,
to whoever Donna two six nine one, I read that comment,
go fuck yourself. What you can't see now is under
my makeup right all this? I now, I got a

(43:05):
CO two laser yesterday and so under my makeup right now.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
My face is very very rare. But I'm always doing
stuff and you can call me superficial if you want
I am. I'm like, I want it whilst I have
a disposable income with no children, Am I going to
spend on my face? Probably like let's call Spaine's bait.
But I think it's okay. I don't think there's anything

(43:29):
wrong with it.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
All right the end, I think we did great.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Let's go question of real segue that I enjoyed it.
What's the transparent?

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I booked it for a job. I don't even know
what we're talking about.

Speaker 6 (43:43):
I checked out, but she's gone to Thailand next week
to get a Tit's done, all right, mess, Okay, Last question, ladies,
what do I do about losing attraction?

Speaker 3 (43:55):
I have recently realized I have lost attraction slash desire
towards my partner. He doesn't put any effort into grooming,
so his beard is always scraggly, and he doesn't shave
his neck. That's a very specific thing, the neck shaving,
isn't it neck.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
I like a hairy neck neck, though it sounds like weird.
I prefer uniform hairy. I don't like a shaved neck
and then hairy face. That to me, I'm like giving werewolf.

Speaker 4 (44:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
In addition, he doesn't dress well. He doesn't care about
his clothes, so he often wears clothes that just have
holes in them from having them for so long and
just keeping them in his wardrobe. It's probably mothholes. He
also likes to wear things that just don't look good
on him.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Now.

Speaker 3 (44:33):
I love him so much. We get along so well.
We have the same interest, the same goals, and he
makes me laugh. We've been together for four years. And
we have a house and a dog together. When we
first got together, these traits were the same, so nothing
has changed other than I think at the start, I
let it not get to me because I was just
so happy to have met someone who ticked all the
boxes and ticked everything I'd ever wanted, so I didn't

(44:54):
want to be superficial. Now, however, I have lost my
sex drive, which did used to be hardh We barely
have sex like maybe once a month, and I truly
think it's because I've lost my desire towards him. How
do I bring this up with my partner without sounding
like an asshole? Because I do really love him so much.
I just wish he put more effort into the way

(45:15):
he looks.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
It's a really hard one because when you say you
love him and he makes you laugh and like you
have a house together and a dog together and everything
else is amazing, like you are in this, then you
have to weigh up, well, how important is attraction in
a relationship, right, because we all know attraction wanes anyway.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
You could be dating or married.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
To an absolute adonis, but after many, many years, you
will probably find them less attractive than what you did
when you very first started dating, Like that's you know,
attraction wanes, chemistry wanes. We know that, and there needs
to be this kind of like push and pull between
some novelty in the relationship, something that feels like it's
not just this safe, stable and constant, consistent thing for

(45:56):
you to have desire still, So I would say it's
probably not just the fact that he doesn't take care
of himself. It's probably the fact that you have all
those other boxes ticked. But desire is still important, Like
you still want to want to have sex with your partner,
not just doing it every six weeks obligatory because you're like, well,
I guess we got to that time again. I'll have
take you off your holy shirt and go and give

(46:17):
it a scrub, Like.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
You don't want to do that either.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
So I do think that there is probably a kind
and gentle way that you can have this conversation.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
But I don't know. I mean, I'm interested to hear
where you.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
Think it starts, brit because I think you have to
go in very carefully. I don't, No, I just don't
think because he's always been like this, I don't think
that you can be like no, But I have an
issue with the fact that you don't shave your neck
and you have holes in your shirt exactly.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
I think it's all in the way you deliver something.
It's like anything. So you don't say I have an
issue with the way that you dress. You say, oh,
nothing turns me on. Like, and I'm going to use
an example for me. Nothing turns me on, Like when
you have this beautiful, manicued beard and you wear a
turtle neck.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
But he never ever hasn't matter if you're a beard
or a turtal neck, but it never does.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
That's my point. It's like anything. It's like a fantasy,
it's like dress up. It's like whatever it is that
turns you on. You tell your partner what turns you on.
Like I think Ben is the most beautiful human. I'm
so attracted to him, but I'm way more attracted to
him when he wears something that gets me going, Like personally,
it's just like you guys know, turtlenecks do it for me.
Ben in a turtleneck. Ben normally is hot. Ben in

(47:22):
a turtleneck is like it's done. If he wants to
get lucky, put a turtleneck on. But I think it's
okay to say to your partner, like, I know, it
seems like cat it seems counteraturity. He's like taking his
clothes off. I'm like, put that turtleneck back. I just nodded.

Speaker 4 (47:35):
I don't think this is about look, So I think
it's about effort. Yeah, last week we spoke about those
different types of labor, and I said that I didn't
know about the thing called self suppression labor. There was
another one. I've just got it up because I thought
it was related to this. It's called appearance and presentation labor.
It's feeling responsible for how the couple or the family looks,
investing more in effort in grooming, dressing well, decorating the home,

(47:58):
and potentially looking after the children.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
So I think it's about like the presentation. And I
know that all of.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
Us want to think that our partner will be attracted
to us regardless, and they should be attracted to us
regardless of what we look like when we wake up
in the morning and all those kinds of things. But
I think that it's silly to assume that in a
long term relationship you don't still have to put in
effort to look nice for your partner and I know that, Like,
it's hard to walk this line because you could be
getting into like tred wife misogyny territory by being like,

(48:27):
you should dress up for your husband, or your husband
should dress up for you and make sure that he
looks good when you get home from world.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm corn bullshit on that. It's just wearing clothes and
shaving your face, which she's.

Speaker 4 (48:36):
Not asking for, minds putting an effort. I don't actually
think it's got that much to do with appearance. That's
the same They're the same thing. I've done something to
make sure that I'm presentable and I'm looking nice for.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
You, But it's the same thing. It's exactly the same thing.
Putting effort into the way you look is your appearance,
so like him putting effort into shaving his face is
to look different and to look better. I think that
they're exactly the same thing. I think we're splitting hairs
on it.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
No, I think it's and what Keisha said though, because
I do think it treads a very fine line between
like putting an expectation and that has and for a
very long time, there has been this sort of like
social ideology around the fact that like women should greet
their husbands and be like, you know, look beautiful and
wear makeup and all this stuff, and so like, if
we want that dial to shift and we want the
pendulum to swing, we can't then be saying, but we

(49:20):
want our husbands to do X y Z. But I
do think that there is a general level of effort
that everyone, regardless of gender or anything, should put in
in order to, I guess, like show that their care
enough about their presentation. The problem with this is, though,
is that he's never done any different what she wants
and her expectations over four years have shifted and changed,

(49:40):
and I guess the thing is is and I'm sure
other people have experienced it before, something that you were
able to turn a blind eye to at the start
of the relationship, because all of those other things that
were amazing actually can become bigger problems the longer the
relationship goes on.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
Like maybe your partner is super disorganized, and at the.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Start you're like, oh, it's fine, I don't really mind that,
But then as the relationship progresses, you're like, know, that
disorganization is actually affecting me and it's frustrating to be around.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
I think the importance of what I do wish to clarify,
like the actual splitting of the hair, is because I
think often when we talk about appearance, if you're to
say to someone like I don't find you attractive because
of your appearance, that to me implies that they're like
an ugly person.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
And if you were to be told that, it would
be really, really hurtful.

Speaker 4 (50:21):
Whereas if you were to be told by your partner,
I'm struggling with my attraction because I don't feel as
though you're putting in an effort.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
That's something they can change, and can change quite easily. Yeah,
do you know what I mean? That is the difference
for me.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Don't get me wrong, It will be a level of offensive.
I think most people would struggle with that. If Matt
said to me, Hey, I'm not as attracted to you
anymore because I don't think you're putting an effort. The
problem is is it's all about self perception. He might
think that that's effort. He might not view himself as
someone who doesn't put in effort. He might quite like
that version of himself. So I'm not going to say
that this doesn't come without some risks. It does come

(50:53):
with risks.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
You don't go to your partner and say I'm not
attracted to you, you don't put in enough effort, dress better,
you don't do that. That's the wrong way to go
about it. If he's not getting the hints when you're like,
I think it's so sexy when you've got a beard,
like a manicured bit. I think it's so sexy when
you wear this. I think I love looking at you
in linen, Like, let's go out to a niceiner. If
you're saying it turns me on, I find it so

(51:15):
sexy and attractive. He's going to read between the lines
and want to get laid like you would hope. And
if he doesn't, and if he's not taking these subtle hints,
then you are going to have to up the conversation
a bit. And maybe it is like, hey, do you
think we should like start putting some more efforts into
date night and stuff like that, like maybe we should
start going out again and trying to ReVibe the relationship.
But like absolutely off, straight off the bat, you can't

(51:37):
go to your partner and be like, I'm not attracting
you anymore because you dress like that, or you.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Know, and I totally. I totally agree with you.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
The reason why I think that, potentially, in this instance,
that might be a tricky route is because if he's
never put in the effort in the first place, if
he's never had a manicured bed, if he's always wearing
shirts that have hooles, if he's always underdressed, it's hard
to say, oh, when you do this, I find really
attractive because it's like you don't have the benchmark to
refer to, do you know what I mean? There are

(52:04):
those people that are just inherently underdresses, Like he might
go to a wedding and be the guy that has
to be told don't fucking wear thongs to the wedding,
do you.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
Know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Like he might be that person. I used to live
with a guy who was this person. I don't think
I ever saw him dressed up or wearing anything but
a Metallica T shirt in the entire time we live together,
like ever ever, do you know what I mean? And
so it's really hard I would imagine to say that person,
oh my god, you look so nice when you're wearing linen.
The guy has never worn anything but a Metallica T
shirt and sometimes I have to be like, please wash

(52:33):
that T shirt because it stinks so like I do.
And that was my housemate, not someone had to have
sex with, so like I can understand.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
I think like the.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
Big thing though here is is the question around desire
and how important is it to you in your relationship
and do you think that this is something that you
can overcome, Because if you can't overcome it, if this
is going to be something that is going to increase
in as a problem, then there isn't an option even
though it is potentially going to be received poorly or however,

(53:04):
you're going to have to take a risk and have
a conversation.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
With him about it.

Speaker 3 (53:06):
Desire is so important, Like, it so important it'd be
remissivest to pretend it's not at any point of a
relationship but start or long term, like you always need desire.
It's just the long year together, the hard you have
to work for it, the less easily it comes. And
that's a relationship as a whole. Like a relationship one year,
four years, ten years, twenty years is very different. It's
always ever evolving. And if you're four years deep with

(53:27):
your husband, you can absolutely tell him that. Guys, some
effort to put in some effort like that. It's not
just he's not going to be offended if you say,
can you wear a shirt that doesn't have fucking holes
in it?

Speaker 1 (53:38):
And I want to be really careful with this. I
think that you know the point you're making kish is
this is very different. You guys don't have kids. He's
always been like this. I don't think that it's the same.
And for any guy who might listen.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
To this and be like, oh, if a dude did that,
imagine how the response would be. It's very different.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Like it's not a mum who's running around after three
kids and a husband turning around saying, hey, you need
to put more effort into your appearance. I mean like
that I would then have an issue with I'd be like, hey,
how about you be more supportive? Whereas in this instance,
you've been dating for four years, he's always kind of
not put in any effort, and now it's become an issue,
and I think that you can have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
It's not a likeful like comparison here.

Speaker 4 (54:15):
The one thing I do want to add to this
is I had a bit of a realization, maybe only
a fortnight ago, that I actually put in a lot
more effort to do things with other people slash work
for me because we're on camera a lot than what
I did around my partner. And I kind of realized
that every single time I had been around him, probably
all year, had been the TRACKI dacks, had been.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
The T shirts and the shorts like to walk the Dog.
And I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually put
on makeup and tried to make myself look presentable for
something that I was going out to with him.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
So fair I can't remember the last time Matt put
on makeup for our date nights either.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Exactly, Like I did have that realization of like, oh,
I'm putting an effort for others and for work for me,
and so maybe I actually just once in a you know,
maybe I probably do need to uptick that a little
bit and put in a bit of effort to look
nice when I'm going out with you or when we're
going out to do something together. So perhaps, like I

(55:09):
don't know what he's like in his work life, or
I mean, the grooming thing is obvious, but maybe he
actually dresses more nicely to go to work or to
go to things with other people to go play golf like,
I don't know what he does.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Maybe he wears nice of clothes to go to the
pub with his mates.

Speaker 4 (55:24):
I'm not sure, but maybe you could kind of pinpoint
the fact that you feel as though he puts an
effort in other ways, but not with you.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
I think we've been around the bush too much in
his feelings. Just time to shave his neck and put
his shirt on. Cluck, let's get out of here. Keep
your ass. Gun cuts coming in you're accidentally on field?
Tis your ask gun cut? Aftermath? Anything that you think
we want to know that is to our Instagram life.
On that podcast you can email us.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Also, go on watch on the YouTube.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
The YouTube, just YouTube, just the YouTube.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Let's get those followers up, you know, go subscribe if
you haven't already.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
And yeah, you know the dress.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
Say mum's her dad too?

Speaker 1 (55:56):
Dog kay, friends, and share thy love because we're o