Ask Uncut - My BF Is Secretly Writing A Book And I’m The Villain - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and I'm Laura
and Poppy.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
I come as a two for now you just so
everyone knows, no, two for one, not two for now,
two for one, two for oh a two for now.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Sorry, I made a two for one now. I was
just abbreviating it because I I'll be fun.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
I'm not actually going to useful sentences all four words
for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Hi here podcasting.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hey Laura, Bye, suck sweet. I wanted to kick sart.
I hate that I'm kicksiting with this, but I've just
been like deep in these comments the last week. If
you listened to last week's episode, Laura, you went on it.
I was with Keisha. But I know you've seen. We
made it into our Oh I.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
Know the story.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, we made everything. We made it into a reel
on Instagram. Anyway, it's gone bonkers. I'm talking about the
fart video. The fart video my friend on a date
didn't want to follow through with it, like, didn't message
him back for a while, and he responded with a
fart I'm gonna put the audio in here in case
you've missed it, And if you haven't missed it, or
you want to see it, honestly, go on to our

(01:12):
Instagram and have a look at the real because it's
had nearly a million views, it's had fifty thousand shares.
Apparently someone else in the office just told us that
over in the UK, unrelated, their friend had been sent
the fart video. Didn't see this off my friend's phone
In person, I would have said bullshit. So my friend
was on the dating app. She'd met this guy. First

(01:34):
date went well, A week went past and they had
a second date. She then had to go overseas, and
on the first day that she had left, he had
messaged and just said, like, hey, how about a third date?
She said, I just knew at that moment that it
wasn't for me, Like I didn't see a future with him,
No part of me wanted to go whatever. She thought
about it for a day or two, and then she
got busy with her family and friends. Two weeks went

(01:56):
past and she wrote, Hey, I'm so sorry for the delay.
A really great guy and I had a lot of
fun with you, and you know, I just don't see
a connection, and I just don't see it going anywhere.
Thanks so much, like a really nice breakup message. Nothing,
he blanks her. So a month has gone past, she
just thinks it's done, and then she gets a message
from him, and this is what.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
She gets back.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Oh that's not real.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
That is not what a forty year old man said.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Ten seconds of fart in response to a breakup message.
He's a forty year old man. I need to talk
about the comments. The comments section, there's like five or
six hundred comments.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
No, this is the reason. This is what's wrong with dating.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
The comment section on this post is what is wrong
with Sorry, and I don't want to say it's not
all men, but it's what is wrong with men, and
it's what is wrong with dating.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
It absolutely is. The comments are just like every single man.
I think I've read maybe one comment this morning from
a man that was like sort of on our side,
that was like, look, she did the wrong thing, but
two wrongs don't make it right. I was like, yes, King,
thank you, Like let's let's go with that. But every
single guy is saying, yeah, she deserved it, Like you
don't message us for two weeks, you don't know what

(03:21):
you've got, Like she deserved that fart video, she should
have got a longer one or something like that. And
in my head, I'm like, do these guys have no
idea what they do to us? Like, for example, this
my friend, my friend was ghosted herself by someone she
was seeing longer, like a month before. Guess what she
didn't do fart to him. It's not she didn't fight

(03:43):
him back, she didn't say I'll show him and let
one rip.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
It's not It's not even about like who did worse.
It's about the immaturity of sending a fart.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
Like if I'm almost forty and I'm literally but hurt
because someone's upset me, the last thing that occurs to
my mind, like it's never going to come up as
a thought. You know what I'm going to do to
get back of them. I'm going to record my fart.
Like that is a grown ass man. Imagine having a
long term relationship with him, Imagine marrying him, imagine having
children with him, and when he's.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Upset, his reaction is to send you a far.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
The funniest part is in the middle of it, he
wasn't that upset that that was his reaction. It was
a month later, one month.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Because he'd been sitting on it and stupidly. Also, I
think it's a very I mean, obviously it's not particularly
and I don't want to say lady like because that's
not what I mean. But it's like expected that a man.
It's okay for a guy to send a fart. Imagine
if you when you were upset about a breakup or

(04:42):
someone did inext you back or ghosted you, you.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Sent a fart. You sent a fart.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
Actually, Matt and Matt and I were talking about this
because obviously, like the social, when we know the story,
I knew the story, right, but the social has gone
really really like viral, and Matt and I were talking
about it, and I was like, a woman would never
a woman would never.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Well, it just wouldn't even cross your mind.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
He was like, and I.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
Really want everyone to go and have a look at this,
because it it was a rabbit hole that I didn't
come back from for a long time last night. So
there is an Instagram called Charlie Farts or Charlie's Farts,
and it's.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Don't mistake it for Charlie's Angels.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Well, it kind of is like Charlie's.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
She's in bikinis, she's hot, she's blonde, she's in a
pool and she's like making my own jacuzzi farting in
a pool, or she just like there's this one where
she's on a skateboard and she just skateboards up to
the camera, lifts her leg in a bikini, and farts
into the I don't know why I.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Watched so many of them, but I watched all of that.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
And is she huge?

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Like no, like she's following not really, she got like
twenty one thousand followers. That's pretty, but though her engagement
is really high. And I was like, imagine having the
self confidence to set up an Instagram account.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
You're not even getting paid for this. This is an
only fan because who's sponsoring you.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
You are so confident in yourself, in your capabilities, in
your employment that you create an Instagram account where every
single reel is just you farting and you don't get
monetary gain from it.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
But everything's a choice, Laura. I'm also confident. I'm confident
in your career, in my career, and I'm not gonna
have a fart in Instagram. But you know what, He's
even funnier. I mean, I don't know where the funniness ends,
but the response, because in the video we make a
point of being like, this is a forty year old man,
Like this is what we're dealing with, because you know,
maybe you'd expect that seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, maybe twenty one.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
The frontal lobe hasn't developed yet.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeap oh, this is a real man hating episode. I'm
really sorry to all about our listeners.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
It's not because the thing about the video is in
the response. When I heard the fart for the first
time in real life, I was in hysterics. I was
I thought it was so funny, but funny that like, wow,
this is the world we're living in. I don't I
didn't go and hate on the man. I don't hate men.
I love men. But that's just not the response. But
in the comments, there were so many people, so many men,

(06:54):
that were saying, this has nothing to do with forty,
will be doing this two things to seventy.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
I was like, what fucking tough times out there?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I do want to tell you something else I was
talking about. Somebody asked me yesterday that I one of
my friends how accidentally Unfiltered started. And I won't go
back and tell you the whole story, but the summary
of it was six years ago, I was seeing a
guy that I liked. I simultaneously was messaging him and
my sister, and I went to send a really ugly
photo of myself to my sister.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
It's what we used to do.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I don't know why, we just did it all day
and I accidentally sent it to him. And that was
an embarrassing story that I spoke about on the podcast,
and my sister was like, oh my god. It was
in the era of where everything was filtered to the
shit house, and so my sister was like, oh my god,
you accidentally sent it an ugly unfiltered photo. And that's
how Accidentally Unfiltered started. Anyway, my friend just told me
the funniest story that literally just happened to her about

(07:46):
sending the wrong thing to somebody. So she was talking
to this guy, same kind of thing, right, messaging two
people at once. And she talked to this guy that
she really liked, and she's English and he's aussy. She
was owing away for a work trip with another friend
who she was meeting there, so she was messaging the
friend and she was messaging this guy at the same time. Anyway,
so she gets on the plane how's her trip, gets

(08:08):
off to meet her friend and she's texting him. She's
texting the friend and she goes, ah, no fitties on
the plane.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
And what the fuck does no fiddies mean?

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Well, it's an English thing, right, no fiddies on the plane,
And her friend, who is Aussie as well, was like, fiddy,
what do you mean And she's like, no fiddies, there
were no fitties. What a shame. And the friend's like, Fiddy,
fifty people, no fifty year old man like I don't
understands people. Yes, and she's like, no fit people. There's
no hot people, like there were no hot people on

(08:38):
the plane, and then she just she was like, well
that was weird. Anyway, she left it, and later on
when they were hanging out at this work event that
they were at, they started to She's like, how have
you never heard of fiddy? And her friend was like,
what are you talking about? And she's like, the message
is fitty, And then she had this realization that she'd
messaged the guy that she was seeing, and she wrote.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
She'd send the text to the.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Guy that she's seen saying, hey, just let you know,
no knows no one hold on the plane. He was
the one they went back and forth without her known.
Imagine you were dating somebody and he's like, sorry, what
do you mean? And she's like, God, there's no hot
people on the plane.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
That could be like as a fair warning, like don't worry,
You've got nothing to worry about.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
There's no hot people here. That's what it is.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's like, hey, just making you feel really secure, it's fun,
you've made it through another day. But I do want
to know. Please send in if you have done this.
Everyone does it, Like you always send something ridiculous, stupor embarrassing.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
But usually it's you're bitching about someone and you send
the person that you're bitching about to them.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
When I added about.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
My mom, did you recently.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
I send it to I thought I was messaging my sister,
but I messaged my mom directly. She was like the
fuck law And I was like, that's not for a
non podcast episode.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
She doesn't need to know about that. We don't need
to hear that.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Shut me off to the break, break, help me off
to the break.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
Okay, Well, look, speaking of after the break. We are
actually here to answer your ask guncut questions. But before
we get into that, I just really wanted to read
out something because I got a little parcel from a
lifer who she didn't leave anything, she didn't leave her Instagram,
she left no way of me getting in contact with her.
Her name is just Haley, just a good deed, just
sent a little parcel to work, and it's that's hold

(10:23):
on if you're watching this on YouTube, it's this little
jumper and I think she embroidered the pea on it herself.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Would it's a little in that she.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
Embroidered, like she embroidered a little pea for Poppy on
this very cute little jumper. But it was the car
that absolutely sent me into orbit. I'm very hormonal.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
I cry easily, yes, And that's the standard.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
You're riding the hormone ways.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
From riding the hormones.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
And you know, we, I mean, we always say we
feel so lucky to do this and to like have
such an incredible community around us, to have you guys,
it is just such a privilege that we get to
do this and we get to connect in so many ways.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
But then you get up and that you guys make
me gifts.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Such a privilege to receive gifts and not have to
send anything back because you didn't leave a return address.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Thank you for the gifts.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
It says this, This is something that I would do
for any friend who had a baby. Even though we
have never met, you ladies have been my friends on
both my best and my worst days. Your voices, I'm
gonna cry. Your voices have never failed to bring a
smile to my face. So thank you for everything that
you do. And congratulations on gorgeous poppy love Hailey.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Is that not the cutest thing ever?

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Look at my goosebumps, look at my arms on.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Guys, we fucking love you.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
You should put anything in there for me.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
No even get puppy check.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
You don't get nothing. That is actually so sweet and
the fact we love you. There is no Instagram return
address way to contact her like that.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
Usually there's like a brand Instagram tagged and they're like,
if you.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Want to share this on Social law twenty, I've created
you a discount.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
No, we're joking, we have that is really very very thoughtful.
I know I sent you an embroider jump rim too.
Did you not gather?

Speaker 3 (11:58):
And that's what wast that's really I couldn't tell if
it was a pee or a penis.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
I wasn't.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
I put a cock and said it to Boppy.

Speaker 3 (12:08):
This is this is how you're created. All right, let's
get into vibes and unsubscribes.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Okay, my vibe this week is on stan. It is
an Australian show. It is called Watching You, So I
don't know if you've seen it pop up. I don't
know if you're a standard laws because it's really good.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
That's a stand ambassador.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
This one is amazing. It's Asha D. If you don't
know who ah D is. She is an Australian actress.
She was in The Bold Type. Remember I think I
actually vibes the Bold Type like three years ago. She's
a really good actress. Anyway, it's a it's like a thriller,
I guess you would say, but it doesn't start that way.
When you watch it, you don't realize how much it's
going to escalate. But I found it really really good.

(12:45):
It's not a really long series, very easy to watch.
I was hooked from the beginning. Very brilliantly filmed for
an Australian TV show, and interestingly, this has nothing to
do with it. But in the very last episode there
are scene started and I realized I could start the
lines I'd auditioned for the role, and I didn't even
know I could say the whole scene. And I was like,
this is my audition scene, but they.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
But I didn't get it.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
Oh, this girl was so much better. It would have
got canned if I was in it, if I was
this role. But yeah, because when you audition for stuff,
you often don't know what you're auditioning for, or like
they'll just give you the scene and they changed names
or whatever. So it wasn't until the very end that
I realized and she was so much better than me. Anyway,
that's my story, but that's that's my vibe. It's just
about these cameras that have been found by a couple

(13:31):
in a rental and so like hidden cameras like an
event and stuff like that, and they've recorded them doing
things and they end up using it things that could
really happen. I guess, ends up using it against them
to like try and ruin their lives, and it turns
into this whole big thing that I didn't even see
it going the direction it went. I just really loved it,
and I love supporting Australian television specifically because I'm trying

(13:52):
to make it. So if I do make a TV
show here, you guys can support me.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
You heard it here first, and the budget won't be big, but.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
We'll do it.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
Well, look, I have a recommendation for anyone who's about
to have a baby. This is something I didn't know existed.
I don't think it existed when I had Marley and Lawla,
and it is a fucking game changer.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
I bet you it did.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
So, like you know, when you have a new one
baby and then they're in their capsule car seat in
the back, you can't see them. You have that dicky
little mirror that you hang over the back chair so
that you can kind of but it's so dangerous.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
And then every time you want to check if the
baby's breathing, you got to.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
Turn around, so you're not watching the road, You're looking
at a mirror because you can't actually look at it's
just too many mirrors.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
You can't see the baby. It's useless.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
So Matt put out a story and he was like, guys,
we've got to get a mirror. What's one that actually,
you know, is like decent enough size that you can
see and is safe enough for the car. Blah blah blah,
And so many people wrote back that now it's not
about mirrors, it's about monitors.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
So you can get a car in stall monitor. They're
not expensive.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
They're like fifty four dollars. The one we have is
dough Honest Baby car camera. It clips onto the back
car seat and then you plug the monitor into your
cigarette lighter outlet in your car and it's completely all
plugged up. It generates off the car and when you're driving,
it's like the whole monitors there the baby you can
see everything. It's black and white if you're driving at nighttime.

(15:10):
If you're driving the daytime, it's full color. So if
your child is purple screaming in the car, you can
see everything. You can feel that, you can see every
vein pulsating on their forehead in real time.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
I'm going to say that as a drive that existed
for sure. No, I don't think you went to the
moon like eighty years ago.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
But did we? But did we go to the moon.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
No.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
The thing is they would have been really expensive and
at the time they wouldn't have like, this is such
a good piece of equipment.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
That's a good idea.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
And even Nessa was talking to her, and Nessa's our
video editor.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
She's got two babies and her youngest, Harlowe, is still
a baby, and I was like, did you know about
these monitors? And she was like, no, not until I
got into your car.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Why haven't you vibed? I bet you haven't even used it.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
I bought Laura, Oh the Rocker, No, I used it recently.
It's amazing.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
So there's this thing and you would take your old
use Yeah, and it didn't be like I can go
in the corner. Anything that requires set up and Matt
hasn't done for me. It doesn't actually get used.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
So brit brought me this contraption that you click onto
the pram and it automatically rocks the pram so you
can abandon your child.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
It's it's so good.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
It like shakes them to not shake them to sleep,
but like it's yeah. So I wanted to get you
something that was actually going to be practical and you
would use. And I asked Sherry and she was like, oh,
this has been amazing and I've seen them use it.
They also take it. It just hooks off your pram.
It's literally called a rocker. I think we can link
that as well. We'll double vibe fuck it. I should
save this for next week.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
I was like, why are you blowing your low blew it.
I've got nothing else to vibe now.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
Shit, Tony may hashag, but you can actually take it
off and put it on, for example, a cot or
something like that.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
If your baby likes, you know, because snooze and stuff.
They why can't you just.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
Clip it onto the baby's leg?

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Why can't have the blood circulation?

Speaker 1 (16:55):
It just rocks the baby. Just clip it onto its snappy.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, but it's really good. So you put it on
your prem even as you're walking. It's not for when
you stop, so even when you walk in and it
just gives it that little vibration and it lulls the
baby into a false sense of security and puts them
to sleep.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
We make a lot of jokes, but guys, my entire
life has just revolved around baby stuff, and I do.
I am a big believer that you don't need a
lot of things when you have a baby, Like you
don't need a lot of gadgets, But.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
These are someone that didn't have a bed and her
baby slept in the hallway.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah, and you look it up. Lula is thriving. I
think I haven't seen her in three days.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
No comment, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Where she is. Let's get into the question.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Okay, question number one. I'm not in his hypothetical future.
I loved this question.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
We haven't had before. I feel many things, Okay, one.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Of them is tired once hormones. Hey, guys, I just
want your opinion on whether I'm reading too much into this.
I've been with my boyfriend for ten months now. We
met on Hinge. We're in our early thirties. He is
two years younger than me, but we are both committed
and in a serious relationship. I've noticed that whenever he
talks about future hypotheticals, he doesn't include me in them

(18:01):
and often references a hypothetical woman in his future. Sorry,
this is so funny. For example, we were talking about
my friend's upcoming wedding and he says, I think I
would enjoy planning my wedding. I like being able to
decide things. Now. I would have thought he would say
something like I would like to plan our wedding and
use an inclusive term, since it would sound a lot sweeter.

(18:24):
Another example, we were talking about whether we wanted children,
and he says, I like the idea of kids, but hypothetically,
if I find out my future wife is unable to
have kids, then I wouldn't be upset by it, as
I would choose her over my desire for kids.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
But it was a nice, nice that's a nice comment.
It's just a shame.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
It's not about you, I mean, yeah, but it's about
his future hypothetical wife. Now meanwhile, I'm thinking, okay, cool,
So I'm not your future wife. I'm worried that he
doesn't see long term potential with me and hence doesn't
include me in these weird future scenarios. But am I
overthinking this?

Speaker 3 (19:00):
No, you're not overthinking it, so actually not okay. So firstly,
what I want to say on this is why didn't
you ask the question to him? Is it because you're
so frightened at the answer?

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Like it's also ten months? It's early, but not early.
They've been together for ten months, so it's like, I'm
just wondering if maybe he's also testing the waters and
doesn't want to come on too strong by saying, hey,
when we have kids, if you haven't had that convert, I.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
Don't know, because she says, but they're in a committed
and serious relationship.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, but you can be committed and serious and be
together one week, do you know what I mean? Like
committed and true. So I'm thinking ten months is early.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
It is early, but you.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Could say, but it's also in their thirties, so it's early,
but you know what you want?

Speaker 3 (19:36):
You could say, do you think you see those things
with me? I think at ten months, if you've been
serious and it's moving in the right direction, I think
you could say, like, do you see the potential of
those things with me?

Speaker 2 (19:46):
And I don't know why it tickles me so much?

Speaker 3 (19:48):
Do you know maybe after ten months it's not that
big a red flag. It's a red flag if you've
been together for six years by now if Ben's like
hypothetically no, because obviously, like Ben's obviously showed all of
the indicators that he into the relationship. I'm more talking
about the fact, and I know I bring him up
from time to time. God, this ex boyfriend lives rent free.
In my mind, the poor thing he fucking does, doesn't he?

(20:09):
So six years we were together, and I remember we
had been it was like.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
No, Laura, he fucked your need.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
He facked my knee six years the back of my knee.
Thank you're not the front. And we were at the
six year mark and he said, I just don't know.
And this is like in casual conversation, totally Cash didn't
think it would offend me. He said, yeah, I just
don't know if you're the girl I'm gonna marry. And
I was like sorry, what and he was like I
just you know.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
He's like like maybe maybe not.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
That's an internal thought, like that's what.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
He also told me that he would break up with
me if I got pregnant and I kept it, so.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yeah, like cool, bro, you're still playing child sport.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
He was literally, if you didn't get an abortion and
you kept the baby, I would break up with you.
He was a cat, and he said, I would still
be in the baby's life, but I'd want nothing to
do with you because you didn't respect my wishes.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Honestly, some of the shit that came.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Out of that man's mouth when we were in a relationship,
you're like painties off. I was like, I will make
you love me. Ah, guys, do as I say, not
as I did in my twenties. What I wanted to
say about that, though, is like that is so indicative
of a red flag, Like if you've been with someone
for a long time and they still can't include you
in their quote unquote hypothetical future. I think ten months

(21:18):
is a bit of a gray area. But I'm not
saying that it's not a red flag. And I do
think you could raise with him. Hey, sometimes when you
talk about the future, you talk about it as though
it's not with me, And I know, like, maybe it's
because we've been together not for very long, but it's
kind of weird.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
It's weird when we're so serious about each other.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Do you see a potential of those things with me
and just do it in a way that's not confrontational
and kind of light and see what he has to
say about it.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
I like the idea of kids, but if hypothetically I
find out my future wife is unable to have them,
what I wouldn't be upset because I chose her. I
don't think it's a red flag yet, and I'm saying
that purely because it's ten months in and the fact
that he's having those conversations with you. The fact that
he's making that statement, I think he's testing the waters.

(22:07):
I think I think he sees that person as you,
but doesn't want to come on too strong. Like if
you haven't had kids in a wedding chat yet, right,
Like you can be in a committed relationship and not
have you evidently haven't had the chat, otherwise he wouldn't
be phrasing it like that. So that might be his
way of trying to bring up the conversation and see
how you feel. And I'm not saying it's the right

(22:27):
way to do it, but there's a lot of things
that men don't quite get right.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
He didn't send you a far. I didn't send you
a far.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, so you're doing well at this point.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
Two things. You can meet him on his level and
throw back a hypothetical for your future husband. Just throw
it out there, see how he feels. Oh, that is
very immature. So if you don't want to do that,
I would just ask him next time he says it,
or you can bring it up. You say, hey, something,
I've been thinking about something. The other day. You were
talking about your future wife. Do you not see that

(22:58):
this is going to go anywhere or a you you know, like,
do you see a future with me? Because that just
made me I thought we were like working towards the
same thing. It made me feel a bit like, oh,
is it not me that you see Like I think
that in your thirties ten months deep, not even in
your thirties. Fuck, you can have the conversation whenever you want.
I think it's okay to ask for that clarification. But
I do think he's testing the waters for just to

(23:19):
see how you respond. And he has said the right thing,
Like maybe that's his way of saying, hey, like if
you're not able to have kids, that's cool as well,
Like he's the messaging is right.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
I think it's a tricky one though, because hear me out,
if you've only been together for ten months, you don't
have to know for sure whether you want to marry
that person. Yeah right, you don't have to That is
a really really fast, ramped up relationship.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Speed literally knew it after all, I know.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
But the problem is is, like you then put him
in a rock and a hard place if you're like, hey,
we were talking about this hypothetical marriage in the future,
and you didn't include me in it, and he might
be like, yeah, because I really really.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Love spending time with you.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
I love the you know, I've made the commit meant
to get to know you and to see where this goes.
But I'm not yet one hundred percent sure whether you're
the person I want to marry. I kind of feel
like you then put him in this box where he
has to make a decision as to whether he's going
to marry you or not at ten months. That might
be too much pressure, but you could ask like, do
you think or do you see some potential. I don't
want you to say yes you want to marry me

(24:18):
or don't want to marry me, but do you see
potential in this for something that is long term that
he could answer without feeling as though he's been trapped
or like feeling like he's been trapped or tricked into it.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
I'm trying to I always try and put myself in
the position and tell you exactly how I would respond.
And I think what I would do in this is
I would make a bit of a joke about it.
I would make a bit of.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
A joke about it.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
I would next time, for example, if he said, my
future wife, you know the wedding, whatever else. If he's
seeing my future wife, I would say future wife. I
was like, what's she like? What does she look like?
I wouldn't make a joke like that, and maybe that
hope that he would describe me. Then I'd probably ride
him and try and lock it down.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
The last part's unnecessary, but if you want to follow bag,
go for gold.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
And the only thing I'm going to add to this,
which is probably more relative to people who have been
in longer term relationships and like you know, like we said,
ten months, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a red flag,
but if it is at the point where he should
be including you in these conversations, like if you're at
the six year mark and you're in the situation that
I was something that we something has gone wrong, well yeah,
But like a conversation we had when we spoke to

(25:22):
Matthew Hussey, it was such a great interview. We can
link it in the show notes, grow back and have
a listen to it. He's a relationship expert, and he
described that you should always believe what someone is saying
to you, like what a guy says to you if
it's an inconvenience to him, then it's the truth. So
men will often say and I don't want to just
say men, because I'm sure women behave the same way,
but men will often say what they need to say

(25:44):
to get their way, like you know, oh, you're so beautiful, Ah,
you're so amazing, I want to be with you, blah
blah blah, and blah blah blah, have sex, and then
you never hear from them again. But when you can
believe the things that they're saying is when it's an
inconvenience to them or it jeopardizes the relationship or what
they want. So for example, if you've been together for
two years and they go, oh, I'm just not ready
to commit, believe that. Believe that they're not ready to

(26:04):
commit because it's an inconvenience to them to say that.
It also means it could threaten the relationship, like he
might say, oh, I'm not ready to commit, but maybe
in the future, And then it drags you along and
you stay because of those bread crumbs, hoping that their
mind's going to change. But they're literally telling you what
they think and what they want, So I guess they
keep an eye out for those situations, And that to
me was like a real I mean, it's so obvious,

(26:26):
but it's definitely not something I have followed in my
past relationships.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
But I genuinely I agree. I just don't think this
one's that day.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yah, Laura's I'm packing her postures. She's like, well, when
I sat with my therapist about when I was five.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
All right, this one is hold onto your panties because
it's a real doozy. I was looking at my boyfriend's
laptop recently for some old photos and I saw a
file titled novel.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
I was curious, so I obviously looked.

Speaker 3 (26:52):
We have been together for years and aren't overly protective
of our devices, so this didn't seem like a big deal. Gotcha,
What I found has really can fused and deeply upset me.
It is a book that he is writing.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Now. I know he likes to write, but I didn't
even know that he was writing a book.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Is it a book for her?

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Wait? The clincher is.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
It is basically a detailed account of our relationship, but
with some added drama and a lot of fiction.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
He has made me the villain. What the actual fuck?

Speaker 3 (27:24):
I am portrayed as a manipulative narcissistic bitch. Well, his
character is the amazing hero. I feel weird and portrayed.
Do I have a right to say something to be
avery or is this just a creative outlet and creative
freedom doesn't mean anything?

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Help?

Speaker 2 (27:43):
How do we know if this is fiction or not?
Maybe you are you are a crazy, manipulent, if nasty person. No,
I'm joking, but I don't know what's No, I doubt it.
This is so funny to me.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
This is really funny.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
When you were saying he was writing a novel, I
thought it was going to skew fifty shades of gray,
because I'd be down for that. Like if I found
out my partner was writing a like bullshit, fuck off
sexy book about me and him, I'd be like, that's hot. No,
when I find out that he's the hero and you're
like this horrible person.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
When when you said he was writing a book and
you didn't know about it, I thought that when I
first started reading this question, I thought it was going
to be that you were upset he hadn't discussed something
so like that he had this like ambition, this dream,
and you'd been left behind and he hadn't told you
about this really cool project that he's working on. You
felt like a bit disconnected. But this was just like
a layer that I wasn't expecting. I have multiple feelings.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
Maybe he hadn't really tried her. Maybe he's got heaps
of novels out and he just you just don't know
because he writes so you have people write under another name.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
He just like lives a double life as a writer.
But you didn't know about it. Okay, I have lots
of feelings about this. Obviously you have a right to
be angry. Yes, you can bring it up with him.
I also want to know how much of this novel
did you read? Because like, it takes time to read
a novel. She's gone away for a week. Yeah, Like
did you transfer it to yourself and then read the
entire thing? Because I would say most people don't read

(28:59):
a novel in a day. Much as he written of
the book, maybe your character has real character development and
it gets better.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Like maybe maybe start out as a bitch.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Maybe they're just title different things. She just went to
the chapter like villain.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
Yeah, like maybe your character gets better, maybe she has
a redeeming arc. The other thing, though, is it could
be it could be a way that he uses, like
a creative outlet that he uses when he feels frustrated
from arguments.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
So like, which is not okay.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
I'm not saying it's okay, but like, you know, we
all have arguments with our partner and then we might
be angry at the way that they've behaved whatever and.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Really and only response.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
So the clear and obvious decision is to write a
novel where you get to play out the version of
it that you think happened in your head but didn't
really happen at all.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Just you wait, it's not a novel, it's like a
six part series. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Okay. If this was me, absolutely i'd feel betrayed.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
I definitely think you need to talk to him about it,
But I don't know what he's gonna say.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Why where do you go?

Speaker 2 (29:55):
I don't think I feel betrayed. I think I would
be in hysterics. I find this hilarious, especially.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Eave no I feel betrayed.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
I find it hilarious because I guess I would feel
differently if it's his, Like I think what you just said,
Laura could be true. I can't imagine his writing is
to publish it it could just be something he enjoys.
It could be therapeutic, it could be off the back
of an argument, but also it could just be completely
make believe. And he's utterly obsessed in love with you,
and he's like, I'm just going to use our relationship

(30:25):
as inspiration, Like books don't have to mean anything, and
just because you're an inspiration of something, it might the
relationship might be the inspiration of it. You said, it's
like based on your relationship, so he might be using
the how you met or situations, but he's just decided
to Maybe your relationship is so perfect it's boring, so
he's decided to sprinkle it on.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
But also imagine being the inspiration for a narcissistic bitch,
like thanks, sweetie, thank you, dying. I'm so glad that
that was the springboard that you used me for.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
My first thought wouldn't be anger about the fact that
he's written me like that, but I would want to know.
I don't think you cannot talk to him about it,
And I think because you made the point of saying
we are not protective of each other's devices, I would say, hey,
funny story.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Speaking of stories, funny story, I.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Went to find some photos on your computer, and I
saw novel and I just didn't even think and didn't
know what it was. And I clicked into it and
read the entire thing and I and I read, that's
a great five thousand pages. I would not go straight
down the attack of like why the fuck did you
write me like that? I would go down the babe,
I didn't even know you were writing a novel, like
talk to me, like and just just talk to him
about it as a partner, like that's amazing. Can I

(31:32):
read it?

Speaker 1 (31:32):
If I haven't already?

Speaker 2 (31:33):
I would go down there like, hey, that's I saw
you wrote a book, Like you didn't tell me? Why
didn't you tell me? And like, because I think when
you're in a relationship like that, it's a pretty big
thing to I'm not told your long term partner, like
if I found out Ben was a secret author?

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Sorry? What I want to know more?

Speaker 2 (31:50):
Though?

Speaker 3 (31:50):
I want to know you say you've a storyline. No,
I want to know more about your relationship. You say
you've been together for years. You said that you know
you not protective your devices, Like have you had an
on off relationship? Have you had drama in your relationship?
Are you totally solid. Do you guys find a lot
Like do.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
You guesslight him?

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Are you bitch? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
I need to know more about the type of relationship
you're in to really understand, like where this is coming from.
But if you objectively, if you were to tell me
that your relationship is amazing, you rarely fight, You're super
supportive of each other, Like you're really supportive of his ambitions,
of his hobbies. And then he's written your character to
be a crazy, horrible person, there would be a part

(32:31):
of me that would be feeling really really sad about it.
I do understand what you're saying, Britta, Like sometimes things
are just like a springboard for like situations places, not
for the actual character.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
Like the essence of the character is being made.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Up, but it doesn't author myself, I mean published, author,
published a seller, but nothing in my book was real.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
I think you can have a conversation. You have to
have a conversation with him about it. You can't pretend
like you haven't read that.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
But don't make it an attacking big deal.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
And the reason why you can't pretend like you haven't
read it is because you are drawing conclusions. Often we
make conclusions without knowing, like if you don't know the reasons,
if you don't know the explanation, you will come up
with a reason, and you will come up with an explanation,
and normally it's a lot worse than what the actual
truth is behind it. So have an honest conversation with him.

(33:17):
He will probably give you some sort of explanation that
will feel way more valid and reasonable. And if he doesn't,
then I think right back with the aftermath. So we
know what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2 (33:28):
This one, I think is relevant to a lot of people.

Speaker 4 (33:32):
You know.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
I'm interested to hear your take.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
Laura.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
Okay, this is a rather small and petty ask.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Ask unqua, ask uncum quat.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
This is a really small kum quot. This is a
small and petty ask uncut. But I want your input
because my partner and I cannot agree. We are in
a family Christmas draw Now, Chris Kringles are normal, right, like, sorry,
what do you think Bobby? A Christmas draws like these?
Chriss are really normal. You go pick a name out

(34:02):
and you get a price and you buy a present. Right,
So this is all with their extended family. The budget
is one hundred dollars. Now, I always try and spend
as close to the one hundred dollars as possible, a
few dollars over or a few dollars under, depending on
what you find. But like she tries to hit the budget,
I think everyone should be. If you're not hitting the
budget and you're pocketing the change, I think that's theft.

(34:25):
My question is if you purchase something on sale, so
for example, it's Black Friday, do you pocket the savings
or do you then buy something else to make up
the difference. I think if I bought the person something
that is originally one hundred dollars but it's on sale
for eighty, that I would then go and buy something
else for twenty dollars to go with it. So even
though the value of the present would have been one twenty,

(34:45):
she's still only spent one hundred.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Nah, you pocket the twenty.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
I have two partner things that you pocket the twenty.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
But she wants us to put this a bit na
you pocket the twenty if you're okay. If you need
to buy something in Chris Kindle, Chris Kindle, Chris Krindle,
what is it? It's Chris Chriss Kringle Chris, Oh, I
got it wrong in both ways.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
Yeah, it's nothing that you.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
Said was right.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Okay, is it windle crick window? Is it crinckled? Ask?

Speaker 3 (35:12):
Uncomput So if you can we start calling them ask,
I think people would just reconfuse and will sound as
deranged as we are. Look, I think if you have
a benchmark for the price, if it's one hundred dollars,
and you get something in a Black Friday sale discount
AH bargains coming soon, then I think that you just
pocket the twenty.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
But I think of people that would be shopping on
your set, on your website, they're.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
Gonna get a discount as coming everyone.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
You're gonna want them to spend the extra twenty bop No, no, no,
hear me out.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Hear me out.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
So I think if you know that thing's normal one
hundred dollars, you buy it for eighty whatever. I don't
think you need to do a top up of twenty dollars.
But what I would be doing is I would be
looking at the sales to try and get something for
one hundred dollars. It's usually one hundred and fifty or
one hundred and forty. Like I think that that's a
better use of a sale, rather than being like, well,
that thing's normally a hundred, but I got it for sixty.
I think I would be trying to get something still

(35:59):
spend one hundred, but get a better present for that price.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Surely that's like the kind of more generous thing to do.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Maybe this is controversial. I don't know. I say that
you spend one hundred dollars, you spend whatever your price is.
Cost of living guys, if you get yeah, but you've
all you should have agreed on it, of course, cost
of living. Right, if you can't afford it, fake it
to you make it. But I would, and I have
done this in the past. If you can get something

(36:25):
on sale, it's still about all of you spending an
equal amount of money, So it's not about just like
the value of the gift.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
They're never gonna know, but.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
They might if you leave the sales. I've done that before.
Remember I left the Actually I left my name on it,
but that's a whole another story. I just think, spend
the money. But if things are really tight for you,
then yeah, get the value of the present, right, pocket
the twenty dollars. But for me, I'm always spending as
close to In fact, I usually spend over because I
usually for some reason I feel bad and I'm like, oh,
I need to get them more. I don't know why

(36:54):
I am.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
It's Chris Krindle, right, No, Chris Kringle.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Fuck come quote. I hate I hate Chris Kringle because
I know how to say it. No, I hate Chris
Kringle because I feel like there's always someone that does
a ship present, Like some people are always lazy and
you always get that person who gets a candle or
some incense. Sorry to anyone who's a candle and incense business,
but like given to someone who doesn't need it, do

(37:19):
you know what I mean? Like, it's just like there's
always a thoughtless gift that hasn't been like considered or
for the person, and I just think it's kind of
I hate it.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
I don't think it's candles are thoughtless. I love a candle.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
I depend who it's for. It depends. Some people have
a candle.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
Them old nephew don't get even a candle. He doesn't
like candlewould look. Candles are an easy gift. They're the
gift that you give when you don't know what to give,
or you don't know the person. I think, yeah, Like
if I gave you a candle for your birthday, you'd
be like, thanks, I'd love it.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Have you seen any candles are in my house?

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (37:50):
That's why you'd be like thanks, because you have like
a cupboard full of free candles that you've been given.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
Free buy them. I just spend money. Spend the money
if you can, if you can afford it, I would
try and hit your Chris Kringle Mark.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
I'm glad that we took that so seriously.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
It is because Christmas is coming.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
It's coming. It's only a few weeks away. What's it called?
Like Friday's coming sooner? Everyone?

Speaker 2 (38:11):
What's it called?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Chris Kindle? Chris Kringle covered nameritt Santa.

Speaker 3 (38:17):
All right, look, let's get into more important, deeper and
far more serious questions.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
Reappearing exites dun dundu.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Du Okay, my ex and I broke up eighteen months ago.
It was pretty rough. I was pretty blind sided. We
were literally looking at rentals the day before he ended it.
That's pretty craiko. You can't be like moving.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
In one day and then be like yeah, but that's
obviously he went to the rental and had a really
overwhelming feeling of like I can't be in this relationship.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
So poor man, poor guy.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
He's like, this is too much for me, It's too
much for Poppy.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
We had no contact for over a year, both dated
other people, and I genuinely thought we would never speak
or see each other again. Then about six weeks ago,
so this is a year later. Six weeks ago here
reappeared the classic Instagram follow request, and since then we've
been chatting here and there. Then we slept together three times. Well,
that'd escalator.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
We've all been there. Sounds like a fire.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
Emode you with it.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
The familiarity of it. We've all been there.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, so we've slept together three times, and we both
said we don't want a relationship, but we kind of
just slipped into a rhythm of seeing each other. I
think something else slipped in. I don't love him like
I used to, but I'm self aware enough to know
this could be a slippery slope, as I was so
deeply in love with him at one point. Oh, I
enjoyed the comfort and familiarity. But I keep asking myself,

(39:34):
is this emotional maturity or just a disaster waiting to happen.
I've had to hide it from my friends because they
were there through the breakup and they would be so
upset if I ever spoke to him again. That's tricky
because you know when you've like someone's done bad by
you and you've shot on them so much and your
friends have seen you through the hurt, then they come back,
it's hard, like once you've totally put your partner, you're

(39:56):
ex in that category. I did tell one friend and
she said she was really just appointed and that she
would never do something like this if she were single.
That really hurt, especially with me being the only single
one left in my group. They've all got partners to
go home to. I go home alone and sometimes I'm lonely.
Since that breakup, I've done a lot of work on myself.
I see a therapist weekly, and I have spent real

(40:17):
time understanding my patterns, my boundaries and emotional triggers. I'm
not sleeping with him to get back with him, although
I'll never say never to what life brings, she says, Look,
I'm not obsessed. I'm not waiting by my phone. I
don't double text him. He's the one driving an hour
and a half to see me each time. The ball
feels as though it's already in my court this time,

(40:39):
which feels strangely healing. So my question is a how
do I approach this with my friends without feeling shamed
and judged for making my own decisions? B Am I
naive to think that I can handle this consciously and casually?
Or is it okay to embrace something familiar for now?
I am still dating and meeting other people, but I
do worry that by spending all this time with my ex,

(41:00):
I might subconsciously put less effort into finding someone new
and slip back into it.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
You will put less effort into finding someone new.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
Hondi, Hondey, Hondey, Hundy.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
There's lots of.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Ways that we can approach this, and I think many
people have done this, where you go back to what's familiar,
no matter how much they hurt you, no matter how
betrayed you felt at the time, and it's familiar. It's
so comforting. Even if you don't have the intensity of
the love anymore because they've hurt you so much and
the relationships so damaged, there is still something about feeling

(41:31):
wanted and not having to go through the fucking rigmarole
that you have to when you're dating someone new of like, oh, so,
like what do you like and where did you come from?

Speaker 1 (41:38):
And how many siblings do you have and all that
sort of shit. I get it.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
I think it's a really big red flag when you
have to lie to your friends, though, And I think
if your friends are the ones that are saying, hey,
here is the mirror, this isn't great for you. I
do think that you should listen to those feelings, and
you should give that some mere time, because they know
you the best. They know everything that you went through.
We only know a couple of paragraphs. It sounds like
it was truly fucking horrible and they picked you up

(42:02):
off the floor. I wonder whether it's worth putting yourself
into a situation where you say, I think I have
it this time, I've done all the work. But is
it a slippery slope to me? I think you're answering
your own questions. I think it's a slippery slope. And
even if it's not a slippery slope in terms of
like you're getting to a place where you're like, oh
my god, I'm so in love with him.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Fack, you broke my heart. Again all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
I just think it feels like a step backwards at
the moment using him for sex.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
I think you can get that elsewhere.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
I don't think you need to get that comfort and
that sex and that familiarity from an ex boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
I think that you can. You can fill your cup
other ways.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
I feel two ways. One going back to an X.
No matter what the situation is, is it slippery. Yes,
it is like in the summer time when you're a
kid and you put a top down outside, you put
the hose on it, and you put the dishwashing liquid
on it. That's how slippery it is. Like once you
start running, you're in it a slip and slide, slip
and sliding down. Yeah, that's usually a good time. Exactly.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
That's a shame. This is my point.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
And you know what you do, Then you extend the
top and it keeps sliding.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Or you come off and you end up on the
grass and going through the gravel.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
With grass burns.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah, there you go. Yes, what a great analogy that
people are confused by.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
And that's the end of my question. That's it for us.
So I think there's two things here, right. I don't
think there is anything wrong with going back to an
X if it's right. Plenty of people do it. Plenty
of people break up because they're working things out and
they go back together and have a really long life
like that. To me, it's not a red flag to
be like, never go back to an X. But it
depends on the way they treated you, why you broke up,

(43:26):
what they're doing now to get you back, Like all
of these things coming to play, Will you stop putting
effort in outside of that? Absolutely, even if you think
you're not, you will. Because you just said, like, hey,
he's filling my cup a bit. I do go home
and I'm lonely sometimes, Well, all of a sudden, you're
not lonely anymore and you don't need to put as
much effort in. I think that that is one hundred

(43:47):
percent guarantee that you're going to do that. Even if
you say you said you're still texting people in dating,
that's great, but you've got a safety in net. Now,
you've got something that's comfortable, familiar, and something to fall
back to again. If you guys want to work that out,
there nothing wrong with it. But I would be setting
those boundaries now. I would be saying hey, why are
you here? Like, why have you come back into my life?
Why are you driving an hour and a half to

(44:08):
see me? Like because I don't want to. I don't
want to say this and hurt your feelings. Right, But
if you don't have that conversation, it's nice. This is
gonna sound really rude. There is a good chance you're
an easy fuck. And I'm not saying you're easy, but
for him, he's gone back to something so lonely. Yeah,
he could also be lonely. And it's and I'm not

(44:29):
saying he's using you because you guys loved each other.
It's not that he's using you and doesn't respect you.
But if he doesn't want a relationship, you are just
something that is easy for him to go and hang
out with. It's not a pressure. You're not going back
to the start of when you're dating someone. It's like
you've just fallen back into something. I think that's dangerous
for you to go back to if he doesn't want
a future. So yeah, so i'd be having that convo.

(44:51):
As for your friends, you don't need to tell them
every single thing if you think you're gonna get shamed
by them or it's gonna make it harder. I'd be
working it out in your own head first before you
go to them. But if there is one that you
can talk to about it, I would say that. And
if they come to you and say I wouldn't do that,
be like cool, that's not helping, Like I just need
you to listen and be there for me as a friend.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
I think that that's a really tricky one though, in
terms of like with your friends, because our friends do,
I mean they want to they want the best for us,
right like they really do. And if you're in a
situation now where you're having to lie to them because
you're so afraid of the judgment and you're afraid of
their opinions around your relationship, I think that that's a
pretty precarious place to be. And I would want to

(45:29):
have a conversation with him exactly like you said, Britt,
like why are you here?

Speaker 1 (45:33):
Why are we doing this?

Speaker 3 (45:34):
Because if it is just sex, how are you going
to feel if you find out or he tells you
that he's dating and has sex with someone else. Because
it's all fine now where everything is like you're like,
I'm still dating, I'm still doing things, but have you
had the conversation about him, is he still dating?

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Also? It's worse laws than that one up on that
is like, how are you going to feel if you
said you're dating un people? He probably is too, But
how are you gonna feel when he says, hey, I
can't see you anymore because I'm in a relationship. Yeah,
Like you were just the feller until he found what
he was looking for.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
So I really think you need to get clear and like,
is it a fact that you actually want to be
back together? If you're like, no, I do not want
to be with him, absolutely don't. I have no feelings
romantic feelings for him anymore. And you can be that
clear with yourself, then I would say, Okay, it's not
so much a slippery slope. Sometimes it's easy just to
have that person and you both are in agreeance. I'm
not going to say it's always negative and a bad thing.

(46:23):
But if you're like asking the question if it's a
slippery slope, if you're saying, oh, I'll never say never,
I think you would be deeply hurt if you found
out that he was simultaneously having sex with someone else.
I think it would affect you more than you think
it would, and I just don't. I personally don't think
it is worth taking the risk. So I would say,
put some distance and put some batteries in place, have

(46:43):
a genuine conversation with him around like why did you
reappear and what is this? And if he says, oh,
I just you know, I missed you and I always
wanted to see you and I was lonely, like that
to me is not quite enough, because that puts you
in a situation where you could be obliterated again and
then your friends have to be there to pick up
the pieces, and it sucks.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
I remember, you'll remember this, Laura, But I remember so
Jordan and I had been broken up for a year
and same thing, right, We were on like Donkey Kong,
you know, talking about houses and whatever else, and then
it was over and I was heartbroken. Free that's not
news to anybody. And after pretty much a year, he
had popped back into my life exactly like this and

(47:22):
wanted to meet up again. And now I knew he
was like, hey, let's catch up, you know, like I'm back,
and I knew that it would end up in sex
and probably hooking up, but.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
He didn't want a relationship.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Well he hadn't said that, yeah, but that was implied
like I wasn't expecting him to want a relationship. I
knew what it would be. He was still living on
the other side of the world doing what he was doing,
and I knew that it was. We were going to say,
let's catch up as friends. We probably would have hooked up.
Maybe it would have turned into like a summer I
don't know what it was, but that was an intention.
And I remember saying to you and a few people, like, Hey,

(47:53):
I'm going to catch up with him, and everyone was like,
that's a bad idea, but I was convincing myself that
it would be a great idea. I was like, yeah, yeah,
like I'm over it whatever, like it'll just be fun
and there's someone from my past. And anyway, a week
I didn't but we were still planning on it. But
a week later I met Ben. And I can guarantee
you if I had have gone back to Jordan a

(48:15):
week or two earlier, I wouldn't have had any interest
in Ben, even though I was still looking for someone.
And it's not because it's Ben, but I guess my
point of what I'm saying is you one hundred percent
will close off other opportunities if you go back and revisit,
whether you say it or not, like you just do,
Because if if Ben had a popped up in my life,
I would be like, oh, I'm busy anyway with like

(48:35):
I'm putting my focus over here for now, and I
would have missed that opportunity and I would have missed
the love of my actual life by revisiting something that
I probably shouldn't have. And no, I'm not saying you
shouldn't revisit it, but I just want to double down
you said it in your question. I worry that I'm
not going to put as much effort in outside of
it you won't.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
I want to ask you one question, though, Brett, what
do you think of the friend judgment in this situation?

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Though? Because I think it. I think there's a level
to it.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
I think that there is a level which comes from
it comes from like a deep concern for your friend
and not wanting to see them hurt again. But then
I also think that as a friend, like I'm talking
about her, you know her friends, you do have to
have a there is a place where it's like, well,
it's not my life if you want to do this.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
Of course I love you. I think it's a terrible idea,
but it is not my life.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
And I don't think that you can guilt your friends
into not seeing their ex boyfriends. I don't think that
you can shame them for it. I think that there
has to be some level of like understanding as to
why these feelings are super complex.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
Yeah, it's really hard because I have friends that when
I have these conversations with, I'm far more harsh with.
But that's because they've been in a cycle for ten years. Yeah,
Like it's the same thing. I'm frustrated with them because
I'm like, you just don't realize how much you're stopping
yourself from having happiness, and you deserve happiness. Like those friends,
I'm a bit more like this has to end, Like

(49:52):
I can't be okay with you doing this again because
I've seen what it's done to you. And it's not
me frustrated at them, but I'm harsher in my delivery
because I'm like, you deserve the world and you need
to get outside of this box so you can see it. Yeah,
I agree, but with something like this, Like so I
think it's I think you have to really know your
friends in a situation with something like this, your friends
and if you're a friend in this situation, you definitely

(50:12):
need to put your friend first. They're going through something huge,
they've been broken up for a year. It was a
love of her life. It's not clean cut. It's not
a matter of like you're a loser of going back there,
like that's on you, especially if this friend is the
only single one in her group is going home alone
every night, like I've been there. It's lonely sometimes you
I guys, remember the headline Britney goes and pay for

(50:35):
massages so she can be touched. Sometimes you feel lonely
and you want some affection and you'll get it anyway
you can get it.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Yeah, And I mean on the flip side to that
in my experiences, like I've lost friends because I went
back to an X because my friends.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Were like, you know, I can't believe you're doing that.
He's so bad for you.

Speaker 3 (50:51):
And you also villainize your part, Like when you go
through a breakup and someone treats you really badly, you
villainize them to your friends because you know you need
your friends to hate them as much as you hate them,
and so it's this awful cycle.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
That gets created.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
I don't know, I think that in this situation that
needs to be a little bit more grace. But I
absolutely and I just want to say, I know that
you think that you have all these boundaries in place
and you're going to be fine. Why take the risk
unless it's for something that's important. If it's just for
hangs and bangs, get them elsewhere, yeah, anywhere? Yeah, absolutely?
All right, guys, Well that is it from us. If

(51:25):
you have any ask Gun Cuts, slide on into the
DMS at Life on Cut Podcasts. You can join the
discussion at in our discussion group on Facebook, which is
where all the juice stuff goes down.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
YouTube, go and watch it. Please hit subscribe, leave a comment,
send it to a friend, and you know, the drill
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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - My BF Is Secretly Writing A Book And I’m The Villain