Life in a Cult and a Devastating Diagnosis - Uncut with Megan Marx

Hey lifers!

Today we are joined by the wonderful Megan Marx!
We could have done an episode for each of the really interesting parts of Megan's life.
She grew up in a cult, was married at 18 and divorced in her early 20s. 
She was one of the first bisexual people we ever saw on our screens in Australia & it wasn't exactly smooth sailing.
Megan also speaks about being diagnosed with spinocerebellar ataxia (SCA6), a rare inherited neurological condition that progressively affects movement. She talks about being hyper aware of her own mortality and how the diagnosis has changed the way she lives her life. Megan speaks about the different considerations she now has when she dates, and how she felt explaining the diagnosis to the people she donated her eggs to. 

If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram here

Join us on tiktok

Or join the facebook group here

Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx

 

 

 

 

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hey guys, and welcome
back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany, I'm Laura,

(00:27):
and today I feel like.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's a very special interview. Now, I feel like we
do say that all the time, don't We're always like
this is super special, We're super pumped about this, but
it really is because we're interviewing a wonderful Australian woman
named Megan Marx. Now, Meghan is actually a friend of
mine because we did a TV show together the last year.
We did The Challenge Australia, which you may or may
not watch. Chances are you didn't watch it.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
We're basically put.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
In a house, Heather, how are the ratings on that one?
For it?

Speaker 4 (00:55):
I don't even know. I didn't watch it.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
It was like a Big Brother kind of house where
you like, you know, mix with survivor.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
A little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
It was a weird thing.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
But basically, for like a month, Meghan and I were
together in this house with no connection to the outside world,
you did know what was going on, very much like
The Bachelor, So we really got to know each other
on a deeper level there because you talk all day,
you genuinely are present with people in your life, which
was probably my favorite thing about it. No phones, no news,
no phone calls outside. But you also might know Megan

(01:26):
from our TV screens on another TV show, because she
was on Richie Strawn's season of The Bachelor, and she
was probably actually know she was. She was the first
bisexual woman that we saw on our screens. And if
you remember that time, if all of you at home,
know what I'm talking about, Because Meghan left the show
and she ended up being in a relationship with another

(01:48):
female contestant afterwards, the scrutiny that she faced around that
time and the public backlash was truly horrific.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Well, Megan ended up in a relationship with Tiffany, who
was also a contestant on Richie's scene, and I think
there was so much speculation as to whether it was
a real relationship, as to whether it was just for publicity,
Like people honestly couldn't fathom or get the head around
the fact that these two women were together, and also
it was just like the point of gossip within media
for so long, and I think the way in which

(02:17):
a bisexual relationship was viewed then is so vastly different
to how it is viewed now on reality TV. But
I mean, I have to admit when brit said that
she really wanted to interview Megan and her story, which
it is incredible. Her story from the time that she
was born and to where she's at now is an
incredible life story. I had my own biases around it

(02:39):
because I didn't know Megan apart from watching The Bachelor myself,
and so I had this perceived idea around who she was.
I wasn't sure as to whether I wanted to do
the interview, and Britt, you very much sort of said that,
I mean, you had a personal relationship with her, but
you really spoke about her experience, what she grew up
in as a child. She grew up in a cult.
It is fascinating, but also it really makes you question

(03:03):
this idea of judging a book by its cover. And
I am so grateful that I got the opportunity to
interview her. She's incredible, the things that she's been through
and also her resilience is something that shines through in
this episode and I'm so.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Glad that you listen to me on that aspect, Laura.
But apart from just you know her truly incredible story,
which does involve growing up in a cult, it does
involve getting married at the age of eighteen and then
getting divorced again.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
Going on these TV shows.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
She gives a really fascinating insight into what that life
looks like. But there's another layer to her story and
it was what really drove me to do this interview.
So Megan has recently been diagnosed with a neurological condition
called spino cerebella a taxia, and we are going to
speak about it, so I'm not going to get too
much into it, but it's basically a condition where she

(03:53):
is going to deteriorate and she doesn't know how quickly.
And this idea of knowing your mortality but not knowing
when and not knowing how fast it's coming. And I
guess I felt like I had this little connection because
she started to notice some symptoms when we're in the
house together for this TV show, So she didn't have
that diagnosis then, but there are a lot of little

(04:13):
things that we would laugh about, and now it's horrible
that we laughed about it, but you know, her balance
would be off on a lot of activities and things
like that, and different memory and she couldn't find a
word sometimes and it wasn't enough to be alarming at all,
which is why we would laugh about it. And that
turns out the start of this condition, and I really
wanted to give Megan the space to talk about that

(04:33):
and educate people on what.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
She's going through.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, and I guess the other thing that we touched on,
Like we said, there's so much, but Meghan also very
generously donated her eggs to a couple to have a baby.
And so when you found out that you have a
genetic condition, and it is a terminal genetic condition in
the long run, how do you then grasp with the
fact that this generous, active kindness that you did where
you gave your eggs to someone could also then have

(04:57):
implications for them as well.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
There's so much of this.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
We hope that you enjoy the episode, and it truly
was such a privilege to interview Megan.

Speaker 4 (05:05):
Welcome officially to life on cut Nah.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
You have had so many pivotal and interesting things happening
in your life over the last little bit, so many
of them which we're gonna unpack and get into. But
before we get into any of the serious stuff, we
start every episode in the same way, and that is,
without accidentally unfilled. The story is your most embarrassing story,
which you just said, you have a good one. You're like,
I have some money, but I picked up the one
that is possibly the most humiliating.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
I was actually thinking back recently to when I first
started dating after my divorce, and I had come out
of kind of like a semi cult at the time,
and so I'd moved to the city, and like I
was studying full time, working full time, I didn't know
anyone because I had no social circle because I was
sort of excommunicated from the church and I'm single. I

(05:53):
start dating, and I started going to this yoga studio,
which I wasn't allowed to do in the church either.
Yoga yoga was the devil. And this really hot guy
comes up next to me and like, you know, he's
doing yoga, doing all the moves next to me, and
I'm like, oh, this is great, and he starts chatting
to me, and he's like, hey, do you want to
just like come to a work event with me? And

(06:15):
I'm like, oh, I don't know anyone here. It's a
bit weird, like going as a date to a work event.
But yeah, like, oh yeah, sure, why not? I was
in my yes era. So I get dressed up, like
I put makeup on, and I'm like feeling all nervous
going going with this hot guy to this work event
where I don't know anyone anyway. So I walk in

(06:38):
and there's like people on stage clapping and I'm like,
oh my gosh and singing and like all wearing suits,
and I'm like, I've just entered into another you know,
this is a church event? I think, is this what
work is for? Is he a past daisy? A preacher?
And I walk in the first thing he does is

(06:59):
introduce me to his girlfriend, and I'm like, what the fuck.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Is going on?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
And I realized it's one of those multi level marketing schemes,
like a pyramid. It's a pyramid scheme. So I've come
along thinking that I'm going on a hot date and
he's introduced me to his girlfriend and I'm like, how
am I going to get out of this, and what
do you know, another girl ends up coming thinking she's
also his date, and we're standing there, me, this guy,

(07:29):
his girlfriend, and me and the girl end up just
leaving on our own. But it was pretty kind of
embarrassing for me thinking I was like, this is gonna
be my first date after my divorce, and.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
It was a pyramid shame he signed up to cannot
possibly be an effective way of signing up people, because like,
if everyone's arriving thinking that they're on a date, who
is signing up to be part of this pyramid scheme?

Speaker 3 (07:49):
Well, it was like him and his girlfriend knew what
was going on too, Like his girlfriend was like, you know,
like trying to get sign ups through a hot boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Well you're more life you to get the sign ups.
If you're a smoke show, for sure, whatever, I'll do it.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Nigan, you just mentioned, and we've only been speaking for
like a couple of minutes, that you grew up as
a kid and you came out of this olt like environment.
Can you explain to us what that was, what your
upbringing was like, and how you kind of slotted into
this life.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Well, I was born into it, so my mom joined
when she was pregnant with me, and she met a
man who eventually adopted me and became my father. So
it was more like, I don't know if i'd go
so far as to call it a cult. I mean,
sixty minutes recently did an episode about what I was
brought up in. Actually, it was very much like, you're
sort of cut off from society a bit. So you're

(08:39):
not allowed to watch movies, you're not low to listen
to what they'd call secular music, you're not a low
to dance, you know, all how to spend time with
people that aren't part of the church. You know, you're
not all travel unless it's for if you think of
like the Westboro Baptist Church, if you've heard of them,
they carry signs on the streets, you know, saying like
gays are going to Hell and things like that. So
as a kid, that was me carrying signs on the

(09:01):
street and like preaching on the street and door knocking,
the whole thing. And so I got married when I
was eighteen, you know, to a guy from the church,
and it was just, I don't know, it was different
to the way most people are brought up. And I
left when I was twenty four, so me and my
husband left together, but our relationship didn't really last six months.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
I mean, I remember when you were talking a lot
to me about this in the house, and when I
say the house, it's the TV show The Challenge where
it's like it's like The Bachelor or anything else. You
don't have phones in there, you don't have anything, so
you just talk to each other, which I think is incredible.
But everything you told me from your life was like
an oh my God moment to me because I'm so
far removed from that world. I didn't grow up in

(09:45):
a church. I didn't up religious at all, so everything
felt extreme. But I don't think it's just for me.
It does sound like your upbringing the church was extreme
compared to other people's experience in the church. Can you
talk about some of the other things that were really
kind of left field, Like, you know, you couldn't even
do yoga, you couldn't watch TV. What was some other
things that were real stand out to you.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
Ah, it's funny because these things, you know, they've only
really come up for me in the last couple of
years because you're so used to you know, it was
just my life, you know, it was felt so normal
to me. But I was talking. When the sixty minutes
episode came out, I reconnected with a lot of people
from my church, you know, people I grew up with.
And our church was kind of like half underground with

(10:26):
all these different rooms. And I remember when I was
a kid, for Halloween, every year the church would hold
a Halloween event, so all these different rooms they would
have a different scene. So, for example, I remember my
mum playing a car accident victim, so they had like
the hood of a car and then she was like

(10:47):
sprawled out on top with like blood all over her.
So they would invite people to come in and go
into these different rooms and it would be more about
this is how you're going to end up if you
don't get saved by Jesus kind of thing. I remember
my friend playing an aborted baby, and my husband as
a kid, he had nightmares because he was sort of

(11:08):
forced to participate, or maybe not forced. I mean we
all wanted to be involved, you know. It was like
you want to impress the elders and your parents and everyone,
but it was quite traumatic. So we weren't allowed to
watch movies, but they did let us watch from you know,
there was no age. It wasn't like you had to
be a certain age to watch these films. But they

(11:28):
had these films more about the rapture. And I don't
know if you know what the rapture is, like the
end of days? I don't, yeah, like the end of days.
So we'd watch these movies about the end of days.
And so the idea is that God comes at the
end of days and takes the bodies of everyone that
Jesus has accepted, and everyone else is left behind. So

(11:52):
for example, you would get home, say your parents wouldn't
be there, or there'd be a parlor clothes on the
floor because their bodies have been take up to heaven.
And so it was always this big fear as kids
that you would be left behind. If we used to
prank each other, you leave piles of clothes and hide
for your friends, you know, and your friend would get
back and be like, oh my god. I remember a

(12:13):
few situations, you know, kids freaking out and absolutely losing
it because they thought they'd be left behind. And if
you get left behind, the only thing that you can
do is be a martyr in order to get to heaven.
So the films would be about heads being chopped off
and women being pulled screaming through streets and and so
you know, you're not really desensitized to film, but these

(12:35):
are the kind of films that you're watching. So as
a kid, I had a lot of sleep issues. You know,
there were exorcisms in the church, and they didn't call
them exoricisms, but it was casting the demons out, so
you know, we all had our chance to be exercised,
that's what you call it. So, yeah, it's interesting. And
I didn't think that I had, you know, issues from

(12:58):
growing up in the church when I left, because you
really just want to put it aside and distract yourself
and live your life. Finally, you know, I hadn't traveled,
I hadn't dated, I hadn't you know, I lost my
virginity or my wedding night. It was, yeah, it's a
different world. And then it's not till you get outside
of that you're like, wow, there's a whole life to
be lived here.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
When you got married at nineteen, eighteen eighteen, when you
got married at eighteen.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Stupid, don't recommend it, no, I mean.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Like, I can't even relate to the environment in which
you grew up in but I used to be part
of an evangelical Christian church and they were very very
strong in encouraging people to marry young so that they
didn't sin, so that they didn't have sex out of wedlock.
There was a huge encouragement. And I would have been
fifteen sixteen at the time, and there were people who
were eighteen who were getting married. And did you feel

(13:47):
as though that was the natural progression of your relationship
with your husband at the time, or did you feel
as though it was forced in an expectation of the
church that you would get married so young.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
It was definitely like I was in love. He was like,
my fat He's an amazing person, Like he's great, he's
you know, good looking, smart, surfer kind of guy. He's great.
So it wasn't that it was like I was forced
into marrying someone. It was like, you know, we fell
in love. But it was very much like you can't
have sex until you get married. It was kind of like, oh, well,

(14:19):
I guess we have to get married, you know, because
we're horny.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
I mean we wouldn't have gotten married if if it
wasn't expected of us. We would have dated like normal
people and maybe in our twenties at some point got
married or but yeah, it was I guess it was expected.
And it was also if you wanted to be in ministry,
which my husband wanted to be what they call sent out,
so you become like a pastor and you become the
pastor's wife, you have to be married. So it was

(14:46):
just what was done. I remember I was a bridesmaid
five times by the time I was nineteen.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
And the wedding was it wasn't your own. You got
married in the middle of a church service, so it
wasn't like you had your own day either. I remember
hating my wedding day so much. I'd invited a few
people from my work and it was basically the sermon
was just about hell. It was about sinning and hell

(15:13):
and this pastors screaming at all my work colleagues, and
it was I remember feeling really embarrassed and also a
bit like should I you know, is this the right idea?
My best friend at the time wasn't part of the church,
and she was one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't looked
upon well, and I remember her being like, come on,
let's just fucking run.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Let's just go.

Speaker 3 (15:36):
To being a little bit tempting, but I you know,
I loved I loved who I was marrying, and that
was the most important thing at the time.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
In twenty sixteen, Australia met you on Richie Strawn's season
of The Bachelor, So that was I think, I guess
seven years ago. I can't do math quickly seven years ago.
And what we did see, which I think is the
first representation really that I can think of on TV
of bisexuality, was you left that season with another female contestant.
I do want to talk about what that time was like,

(16:04):
but I want to take that back first to when
you were a teenager or growing up and you were
still in the church. Did you know that you were
bisexual at that time and it was something you had
to hide because I guess you were going to hell?
Or is that something that you didn't even let yourself explore.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
My first few kisses were with girls in the church,
and part of me is like, how did I get
them to kiss me? It was like it was preached
so much that, you know, homosexuality was a sin. So
I definitely had that deep seated shame not just about
liking girls, but about the facts that I'd followed through
with some things, and it was very much hidden, like

(16:45):
no one knew. You didn't tell anyone. So I knew
growing up that I was attracted to women, but when
I married Chris, I was all about him, so it
wasn't really in my mind until we split up and
then I started dating women. But it was hard in
the way of you know, I think one of the
worst effects from being part of such a fundamentalist church,

(17:11):
if you could call it that, is the sort of
shame and guilt that carries on that has been about
my sexuality and about other things too, Like someone will
cut me off in traffic. I mean, I'll cut someone
off in traffic, and I'll think about it all week.
I'm useless. I shouldn't have done that, And you know,
just this shame and guilt that sort of stays with
you and you try and attach it to things even

(17:31):
if you've done nothing wrong. And I certainly felt that
about my sexuality, but you know, it gets better with time.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
How do you come to a decision to leave an
institution like the church that you're involved in when so
much of your life, your identity, your belief system is
wrapped up in it. What changed for you and what
was the catalyst that made you want to leave.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
I had wanted to leave for a while. It was
actually my wedding day. That was one of the first
things that I was like, this doesn't feel right. It
was so controlled, you know, it was like meant to
be your one day, especially as part of the church,
because you're not allowed to do much, so it's meant
to be your one day where you can it's about
you and you can enjoy yourself. And it just it
wasn't like that at all, and there were just so

(18:15):
many rules, and I had a lot of questions. You know,
I've always had a lot of questions, and you start
to be seen as what they'd call a Jezebel for
having questions, and you start to get socially excluded. There
were a lot of things that didn't add up for
me personally in the Bible. So I'd wanted to leave
for a while, and I'd sort of brought these things

(18:36):
up with my partner because I still wanted to be
with him, and he was kind of like, no, you've
got to pray about it. You've got to pray and fast.
What they'd say, you'd fast for three days and pray
and then God would listen to you and give you
the answers. And I was trying all these things, but
nothing was happening. So I'd wanted to leave for a
really long time. And then one day my husband said

(18:57):
to me, hey, like, I've got to tell you something like, oh, okay,
and he's like, I don't believe in any of this anymore.
I want to leave, And I was like, sweet, that's it.
He struggled a lot because his sister had died of cancer,
and so she'd been married like six weeks or something
when she died. We're all part of this church, and
he always believed that she would get healed, that God

(19:19):
would heal her and she would be okay. And she
had a severe liver cancer, which is pretty bad. She died,
and he always I think he carried a little bit
of guilt for not spending more time with her because
she thought she would always be around, Like, you really
believe this stuff.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, you've done everything right by the church do
so why wouldn't she survive? From what them was saying.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Exactly, And so I think he carried a lot of
you know, pain about that, and it was just a
slow progression. And maybe it's also like you're young and
you're looking out of the church and seeing people do
these amazing things, and you're so you know, you're spending
your saturdays down the street preaching and door knocking, and
like we literally he had events on every morning and

(20:01):
every night, so before work and then like after work
it'd be a Bible study or a concert, or you'd
be door knocking or street preaching or whatever it was.
And it was like your whole life is taken up
by it. And I think, I don't It's funny because
I don't feel like I've really talked. We didn't really
talk that much about it, about the reasons for leaving.
It was just like he didn't believe anymore, and I'd
wanted to leave for a long time, and it was

(20:23):
just like we did. But a big problem that people
have when they leave the church is a lot of
people end up it sounds wild, but becoming drug addicts
and alcoholics and really messing their lives up because you
have no sense of what morality is. You know, you
have to redefine that, and it's very easy to leave

(20:43):
the church and kind of go off the rails, and
I'm sure a lot of people would think that about me.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
You know.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
I left and it was like, well, I've never drunk
alcohol before, you know, and you don't know where the
limits are, and you've had no one teach you the limits.
You know, celibacy is taught not safe sex for example. Yeah,
it was definitely hard. And Chris and I both dealt
with being in the world differently. For me, I wanted

(21:10):
to travel. I just got a promotion at work, which
meant I was able to move. And for him, I
think he is not like that now, but at the
time he was like, well, I want to party and
I want to meet people and I want to you know,
which is understandable. And I eventually got to that stage too.
But it's yeah, it's hard. It's like, morally, where do
I stand, Like, I don't have a God telling me
what to do or a church telling me what to do.

(21:31):
I have to make these decisions on my own.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
How did the.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
People around you respond when you decided to separate.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
I didn't really have anyone around me. I know that
sounds strange, but well, we had left the church and
I didn't have any friends, and that was another thing.
That was really intimidating because it was like you're cut
off from your friends in the church, and I would
still be in contact with them occasionally, but they were
only allowed to be in contact with me to witness

(21:58):
to me, to like try and bring me back to
the church, and so like I didn't have anyone, you know,
so in terms of how people responded, like there was
our families that were very upset, and you know, I
had left him and it just wasn't where I wanted
to be anymore, you know. I wanted to have new experiences,

(22:21):
and it was hard. It was hard for a couple
of years. Like in many ways, he's the only person
that really understands what it was like being brought up
in that church that sort of essentially knows you as well.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
Well. It almost is like a literal rebirth again, like
you've never had to make a decision for yourself. Really,
You've always been told what to do, where to go,
when to do it, how to do it, And all
of a sudden, you're in an adult body, but I'm
imagining it like you're a child, because you've never had
your own autonomy in your entire life. And then all
of a sudden You're trying to make these life decisions

(22:55):
in a world that you've got no one to support
you because they won't come along with you because you've left.
I know now that you have a relationship with your family,
but how long did that take to come back around
until they sort of accepted you back again and you
formed that relationship. Well.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
I was actually one of the last to leave the church,
which is crazy. My dad was the last to leave
and he's still super religious. But I mean, my family's
been okay. My mum left to church when I was
about thirteen fourteen, and we were pretty much excommunicated from
her at the time, which was tough not having your mum,
and it was very hard for my mum as well.

(23:29):
And there's a lot of things that could be could
have been done differently. But my sister, you know, she
left when she was eighteen, just like I don't want
anything to do with this, and just left home and
left the church and lived her life. And my brother
just slowly stopped going. So everyone had kind of left
by that time anyway, so it wasn't really a huge issue.
I was probably the biggest problem. I was the judgmental

(23:51):
church goer. Which is funny to look back on now,
you know, I sort of complain a little bit about
some of the people and the way that made me feel.
But I used to be that person that would make
people feel that type of way. And you know you're
going to hell because you've done this and that, And
it's funny. It makes you have a little bit more
empathy when you you know you've been on both sides

(24:13):
of it.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
What about when it came to dating again. I mean, obviously,
when you very first came onto the screens and became
somewhat of a public figure, it was through the Bachelor.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
How was that experience?

Speaker 2 (24:24):
And how is dating when you've not had any one
experience in dating, but you've had nothing to compare it to,
you know, no idea of like what's normal, how to
be treated in a relationship, how to put rules in.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
Place or boundaries? Like how did you navigate that period?

Speaker 3 (24:37):
I think I did pretty well, actually, like I was
pretty excited to sort of start dating again. I think
the biggest issue was as a woman, you're meant to
be compliant to men, and so I struggled a lot
with people pleasing and saying yes to things that I
should have said no to. That was the biggest thing,

(24:57):
and I think, you know, I look at some of
the relationships I've had more recently where I've been treated
terribly and have been way too forgiving and not judgmental
enough kind of thing. Just accepted that it's going to
be it's my fault because I'm the woman, and that's

(25:18):
been the hardest thing.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
I don't even think that that is just something you know,
that someone in your position would experience coming from such
a strict upbringing. I think that women in general, that's
what we want to do. Right.

Speaker 4 (25:28):
We're brought up to please, no matter what family you're in.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
You brought up to not make too much commotion, to
accept things that we probably shouldn't have to accept. I
don't know what it is. I think it's exactly that.
I think it goes back way way before, like the church.
I think it goes back to the fact that like
women never used to have jobs. Our sole purpose was
to keept married and make the man happy, be the
perfect housewife. Whatever he said goes is what it is,
and for some reason it has seeped through generations and

(25:52):
we're still experiencing it now.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
It's crazy to me that it's still a thing. But
I've got so many friends who just don't put up
with bullshit, you know, and I really admire them the
first red flag, they're like, no.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
We did a really interesting episode with elist Loan all
around the good girl mentality and how it's something that
is almost like a social condition that's bread into us,
this need and want to quote unquote behave in a
certain way, and how the flow on effect that we
can all think that we're above the patriarchy, but it's
like how it has.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
Affected us in so many ways.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
But also I think in your case, you have dealt
with all the things that every other female has dealt with,
but with such an added layer of complexities with religion
thrown on top. When you hear that story about your
childhood and your upbringing, it's even more fascinating to me
that you could put yourself into a position where you
would go and do something like The Bachelor. You know,
it's just so otherworldly in comparison to where you came from.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
I think it's also, you know, like I was talking before,
people they leave the church and they're so desperate to
have real life experiences that they really dive in deep
and sometimes dive too deep. And I think I was
definitely one of those people. I did all the things
that I wasn't meant to do, or I took a
lot of drugs in my twenties because it was just like,
well I can, I can now. I drank a lot,

(27:08):
I traveled a lot, I lived in different countries, I
went on a reality TV dated a woman, was on
the cover of a men's magazine, all these things that
were so looked down upon, and I think I did
a lot of them to try. And I don't know,
I don't know what it was like remove the shame,
trying to do as much extreme things as possible to
sort of desensitize yourself to the shame.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
It's also like what an ultimate stuff for you to
the church. He's like, I'm going to date a woman
publicly on natural television, Like fuck you exactly.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
I think I became a lost cause then where no
one wanted to, you know, preach to me anymore. They're like,
she's too she's never coming back. We don't want to back.

Speaker 4 (27:48):
Yeah, but what was that time like?

Speaker 1 (27:49):
Because I do feel like you were the early days,
and I remember I didn't know you from bar soap.

Speaker 4 (27:54):
Obviously I knew on the.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
TV, but I remember and correct me if I'm wrong,
But I remember there see being this mental floating around
where you and Tiffany, who was the woman that you
left with, you were getting a lot of heat about
faking the relationship, like there's no way these two women
would have ever. You know, you've gone on a show
to meet a man. As if two women are going
to get together on the show and leave, they're doing
it for publicity. I remember something nasty comments floating around.

(28:17):
What was it like for you to live that experience?

Speaker 3 (28:20):
It was pretty shit, like I feel like, you know,
And this was seven years ago, which I mean is
a while ago, but also not that long ago. And
I remember we were one of the first people on
reality TV representing bisexual people, and I was actually pretty
surprised by the amount of hate that we got in general,

(28:41):
and not just of people accusing us of faking the relationship,
but just the fact that we were queer. There was
so much hate. And again, like you know, coming from
the church and then into the world, I had a
sh wrongfully assumed that people would be accepting of who
I actually was, and I was so wrong. You know,

(29:04):
I remember us going to like a couple of festivals
and just being absolutely mobbed and yelled at and I
got spat on once. Like it was. Yeah, it wasn't
a nice experience at all, and it almost put me
off dating women all together. It was shit, and it
was kind of like we were able to pave the
way for other people. But it's nice to be the

(29:29):
person after the way it's been paved. But it didn't
feel like that at the time that yeah, it felt
like we were the first.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
It's actually so interesting that you put it like that
because even when you say seven years it's not that
long ago. You think about how far we've come in
the reality TV landscape, in the representation landscape. It's not
rare now to have a bisexual personality represented on the screen.
There have been so many people who have come from
the Batch franchise that. I mean, we had Brooke Blurton
who was the Bachelorette and she was bisexual. So now

(29:59):
it's some that we have been way more conditioned to
and I think overarchingly people are like very accepting of it.
But to think that that was your experience seven years ago,
and I don't think there's been very many discussions around
the fact that as somebody who pioneered that space, the
backlash that you received for it, it kind of was
like somebody had to be on that first wave in

(30:21):
order for everybody else to have it so much easier
as they should have it.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
And it's interesting because we received not most of the brunt,
but a lot of brunt from the network saying that
it was embarrassing that we were in embarrassment. And what's
funny about that is the year after Tiffany and I
broke up, they asked me if I'd be interested in
being the bachelorette and being the first bisexual bachelorette, And
that was the year that Sophie Monk did it, which

(30:47):
I understand why they where they took her and not me,
but I mean it came down to public opinion. You know,
we receiving so much hate from the Bachelor community, from
even co stars. You know, like Brittany, you said you
had this attitude about who I was before you met me,
and I've done my best not to feel like I

(31:10):
have to go online and explain myself constantly with a
lot of things. It's like, oh, well, if people are
going to feel that way, then they can. It's kind
of nothing to do with me.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
No, I would be embarrassed to say my attitude to
you was you're so and I've told you this, you're
so ridiculously good looking, and you're even better good looking
in real life. And I say that because sometimes you
think that when someone's online that everything's photoshopped, everything's their
best face forward, you know.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
And I just thought you were so.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Ridiculously good looking that I made a very naive and
ignorant assumption that I probably wouldn't get along with you
because I.

Speaker 4 (31:45):
Just felt and this is a reflection of me.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Your persona online looks like you're really girly. Not now
because I've done a week diet. No, not now, just
because I didn't know you. I just looked at beautiful
swim streets photos and modeling photos. You're an amazing model.
But when I got to know you, you're a tom boy.
You ride motorbikes and you scuba dive, and you with
sharks all the time, and you surf and you do
all this kind of stuff, and we got along like
a house on fire. So I had definitely had these

(32:09):
preconceived ideas of like we probably just wouldn't get along.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
I kind of felt that about you as well, britt
You were like the big wig of the challenge coming in.
We were like, we're always decing, Brittany, you're the draw
card here up, but you do you have these preconceived
ideas of people, and I certainly had it about you
as well. Crazy times. Do you remember when that electrical
pole went through the busy?

Speaker 4 (32:31):
We don't talk about that.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
We don't talk about the fact that a whole bus
of us nearly died in reality TV.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
Why don't we talk about it? We all almost died.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
It was insane and we're not joking. An electrical pole
fell through. Okay, let's just say it. It fell through
as the bus was driving. It swung down, smashed through
the window in front of missed Kira and Conrad by
about two inches. Started to fight inside the bus. We
couldn't get off, the busses wouldn't open, and they were like,
let's never speak about this again.

Speaker 4 (32:56):
We thought we're gonna die. We've never spoken about it.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
Here we are talking about it. I know Kira and
and Conrad. The only reason they didn't get killed is
because they had leant forward at the exact time, you know,
a few seconds earlier to be like what sorry, what
did you say? And then they'd leant forward and this
electrical pole this comes through. It was like and they
wouldn't let us off the bus because of security and protocol.
I think that's what it was.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
And I had glass all in my hair over my face.
Like literally, people think we're exaggerating in this story.

Speaker 4 (33:24):
Were all almost died. It's insane anyway, Yeah, they're probably
gonna see us. Now, let's keep me real.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
They can't. Our contracts are over.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
True, Megan's something that has happened in your life that
is absolutely huge. In the last year, you were diagnosed
with something called spino cerebella a taxia or.

Speaker 4 (33:45):
Sc A six.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Can you tell us about what that is and how
you came to find this diagnosis.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
Yeah, So spino cerebellar or a taxia. How would I
describe it? It's basically it affects you, sarahbellum and your spine,
so Pickinge's cells, which are the sole output neurons to
tell your body what to do, start to misfire and die.
If I could draw a parallel, I would say Parkinson's
is the most similar. To what it looks like. And

(34:15):
one of the reasons I wanted to get tested for it.
I mean, it's in my family, so my grandfather had it.
But it was actually when we were on the challenge
that I realized that I should get tested. I was
having a few issues on there. One of those, I mean,
we made a joke about how uncoordinated I was and
that my balance was off. I've always been pretty uncoordinated

(34:37):
and lanky and kind of clumsy, but being on the show,
I was like, there's something not right here, Like my
motor function skills were off. Even you know, if I
was cold, I felt like my speech would be off,
or if I was nervous, my speech would be off,
and even like running when we would stay it would
be fine once I got warmed up. But it was

(34:58):
like I had to conscious sleep, be like okay, legs move,
and things just weren't happening like they used to. The
biggest issue was also neuropathy in my hands, my arms,
my legs, or I couldn't feel my hands. So there
were a few challenges that we did, and I didn't
tell anyone that this was happening at the time, but

(35:19):
like I remembered you know one of the elimination challenges
where Connor and I had to go into a room
and blindly feel around, like I couldn't see anything, so
I couldn't feel what was going on, and so I
sort of left. But I was also like, I, you know,
I was going through a very stressful period of time
in my life, if you remember Britt like kind of

(35:42):
I'd lost a lot of weight and was just struggling.
So I was like, maybe this is just stress related.
Maybe I'm just really stressed. And you know, I wasn't
sleeping if you remember, I didn't sleep the first four
nights I was there. But I would take a sleeping
pill that was meant to knock me out and I
would still be wired. And it was like, okay, this
is pretty full on. So a couple of months after

(36:02):
I got back from the challenge, I thought, okay, I
need to get tested. But it was also it was
confusing because my pop he didn't start getting symptoms until
he was in his sixties. So for me, it was like,
this is an old person's disease, you know, is what
I had always thought, And if I have it, then
I don't have to worry about it until I'm sixty,

(36:22):
and if I stay healthy and active and that, which
my pop wasn't, then you know, maybe I'm going to
be seventy when I start having symptoms. So it didn't
feel like a possibility, that it didn't seem like an
issue even if I had the disease. But what we
didn't realize is that, ah, yeah, So basically when I

(36:47):
got tested, I found out that I had four more
gene repeats than my pop, which is a lot, which
means and they don't fully understand what it means because
it's such a rare disease, But from what I can tell,
and my sister's been diagnos with the same disease, is
that we're having symptoms now in our thirties that my
grandfather didn't have. It's been hard to come to terms with,

(37:09):
you know, Like I didn't plan on being disabled. I
didn't plan on this. Like I got out of the
church ten years ago, and I feel like I've had
ten years to live my life and a lot of
that ten years has been taken up with shitty relationships,
you know, and I don't think I handled the news. Well,
let's just say that, like I follow all these inspiring
people online and I'm like, how are they dealing with

(37:30):
this so well? Because that wasn't my experience, Like I
was devastated when I found out, And as time goes on,
I feel like I've become more devastated because I'm having
symptoms and it's scary, Like I've seen what it can
look like. Like my grandfather, he couldn't talk, he couldn't eat,
he was wheelchair bound. Basically every function that you had

(37:53):
apart from your wits, Like you're still able to understand
everything and process information, you just can't communicate. So I've
seen that head on in a person much older than me,
but the fact that that's going to happen earlier is terrifying.
And you know, I'm single and you know, wanting to date,
and I'm like, I don't even know how how to

(38:15):
deal with that in the dating world, Like do I
have to tell someone like do I even want to date?
Is someone going to have to look after me in
ten years?

Speaker 1 (38:25):
You know?

Speaker 3 (38:25):
It doesn't There's so many things that I have to
deal with that I didn't think i'd ever have to,
And it's like I don't have enough super you know,
there's these things that you don't think about have.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
They been able to give you any indication in terms
of the progression, the speed of which, like, is there
any indication that they can give you or is it
completely unknown?

Speaker 3 (38:48):
It's so rare. It's like one in a hundred thousand
people have spinocerebella or taxia and they've got no there's
no research on it. It's not like MS, which you know,
more people have, so a lot of obviously there's more
studies on it and a lot of research, but they're
only just doing the research into what I have kind
of now, and there's barely any Basically, when I got diagnosed,

(39:12):
the neurologists was kind of like, all right, there's no treatment.
There's no cure. It can't give me anything. And even
with treatments that might be able to help my symptoms,
treatments not approved for my disease, which I don't know
when it, if it ever will be. So it's kind
of like, all right, you know, wipe your hands clean,
the neurologist, wipe your hands and just go live your

(39:34):
life and do your best, stay active, be healthy, take
your vitamins.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
I mean, I can only imagine it's ten times worse
knowing that there is nothing like. It's one thing to
be diagnosed with something and know that there might be
an option or there might it might not work, but
I can put my energy into this. I can go
down this channel. It might be a holistic approach, it
might be science based. Whatever it is, it gives you,
I guess, a form of hope, yeah, and something to
work towards where I guess for you, it's just like cool,

(40:02):
I just go and wait for this to happen.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Exactly, And that's exactly it. It's like in some other countries
they've got, you know, a few different treatments more to
manage symptoms. One of those is what they give people
for altitude sickness when they're climbing everest or whatever, because
vertigo can get pretty bad and you can be quite imbalance.
I mean, that's what a tAxiom is. It's in balance.

(40:25):
So there are treatments overseas and that that maybe I
could go over and get. I mean, I'm not having
I feel like I'm not having enough symptoms now to
warrant that. But the best thing that you can do
is slow the progression of the disease, which is why
I would be more interested in getting treatments earlier on
rather than later. I would try anything, really, as long

(40:45):
as it's not damaging me further. It's like, my sister's
been diagnosed. She's got three kids. I've got an egg
downer baby, which was kind of rough funning out to
have this disease and giving a you know, you think
you're giving a gift to someone by here's and now
you're like, well, shit, maybe this was a bit of
a curse. I mean, a child is never a curse,

(41:05):
but it was a tough phone call to make. But
there's add on effects to it. It's not just about you,
you know, it's about all the people around you. So
I would love to find treatment, but it's all experimental
for the most part, especially with the type that I have.
It's so so rare. A taxia is pretty broad compared

(41:28):
to spino cerebella or taxia type six, you know. So
it's like I worry that with these experimental treatments that
it could make things worse. But I guess again, it's
almost like the bisexuality on reality TV things. Someone has
to go first. So yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Would love to ask you about your decision. I mean,
you just mentioned that you have an egg downer baby.
When did this happen and what was your decision process
around this? Was it someone who was a friend that
was in need. You often hear about sperm doners, but
I don't think you guys often hear about egg donors.

Speaker 4 (42:00):
And what was it that led to your decision to
do that.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
I had wanted to donate eggs for a long time,
since my early twenties. I thought it would be a
cool thing to do. I wasn't sure if I ever
wanted to have children, and I was fertile. And around
the time I donated eggs, I had started dating someone
that had had a vasectomy and they had already had kids.
They didn't want any more kids. So I was like, oh, well,
this is like a way to reproduce, you know, without

(42:23):
actually having to parents. Yeah. I mean you had to
go through counseling and it's like a long process in
order to do it. But it wasn't friends. It was
I had spoken to someone that ran like an egg
donation page, basically connecting potential egg donors with recipients, and
it's kind of like Tinder, you know, it's Tinder for
your eggs, And I, yeah, I met this couple who

(42:45):
I really liked, and we facetimed and chatted. And then
there was a couple that I had talked to before them,
and I just didn't feel it didn't feel right, and
then this couple it felt right. So and they knew
that my grandfather had spina cerebella or taxia, but it
was again it was like, well he didn't start getting
symptoms totally sixty. This is what it's like. I've only
got a small chance of you know, having this disease.

(43:06):
And they were like, yep, that's fine. And so we
went through the process.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
So do they not do genetic testing? Did they not
do that? And if they did, would they not have
picked this up? Or is this more of a specific test.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Yes, that's exactly it. Like they do genetic testing for sure.
For embryos I had to in order to donate. I
also had to do genetic testing, But they don't test
for spina cerebellerotaxia. It's too rare. It's like, who the
fuck would have this, which looking back now, I'm like,
maybe they should have because I disclosed that as a
potential for me and it was the only thing in

(43:41):
my medical history that could have been an issue like
I've got no history of cancer in my family or
diabetes or anything like my you know, biological family is
really healthy. So it was the one thing. But they
decided not to test for it. The recipients weren't that
worried about it, so we just ahead and they had

(44:01):
a baby.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
So what does that mean when you said it was
a really hard phone call to make, because obviously you
went ahead and let the family know what was their
response and are they going to go and further test
their child?

Speaker 4 (44:12):
Are they just going to wait and see what happens.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
Yeah, So they were one of the first people that
I contacted before my own family, I think because it
was the first thing on my mind, like, you know,
the idea that it could affect, and at that time,
I didn't realize that I had more gene rebeats as well.
When I made the call, it was still something that
I thought would be quite far down in the future

(44:36):
for me. But I mean, they were amazing. They're amazing people,
and I think at first I'll be like, oh, this
is this is not good. And I gave them the
details of my neurologist and how to get tested because
it took four months. I was waiting for four months
to get the results as well. I've kind of left
that in their hands and we haven't really talked about
it since. They were just kind of like, I'm sorry
to hear that, and yeah, we'll get per tested and

(44:59):
that's pretty much outwent. I mean, what can you do.
There's no treatment, there's no.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
How do you feel like your life has changed or
you're living life differently knowing that one day your speech
will go and your mobility will go and it's almost
going to be like that slow decline.

Speaker 4 (45:17):
How has it changed for you?

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Well, when I first got diagnosed, I thought that I
was kind of like, all right, I just need to
live life to the fullest, you know. I need to
travel and ride motorbikes and scuba dive and do all
the things that I'm eventually not going to be able
to do. But and I would love to say that
I have lived like that, And I mean I have.

(45:39):
I have in a way this year, you know, I've
definitely tried to eliminate stress factors in my life because
they say that stress is one of the worst things
that you can do. The progression of the disease will
happen quicker if you're stressed. So it's been getting rid
of people in my life that aggravate my peace, you know,
that have caused a lot of stress in my life
over the last couple of years. Yeah, I've had to

(46:01):
change a few things, and so, you know, I've stopped
I used to drink, you know, quite a lot of wine,
and now I've had to pull back and I'm not
drinking during the week. I'm really careful. I don't have
any interest in doing drugs. I try and you know,
exercise a lot, I eat really healthy, you know. So

(46:22):
it's changed my life in that way, But I wouldn't
say that I've just come out of it just kicking
and again, I feel like I hear so many inspiring
people that are advocates, you know, they're disability advocates, and
I don't feel like I'm there yet. I feel like
i'm I'm still struggling to accept my diagnosis and I've

(46:46):
struggled a lot with you know, depression over the last year.
And I don't want to waste my time being depressed
and not sleeping and being stressed about being stressed. But
if there's anyone else that has felt the same way
reach out to me, because it's not always easy, you know,
and you want to be the person that defies all

(47:07):
odds and just gets out there. And another thing that's
been really hard is being single and dating again and
not really fully understanding what it might look like. Like
I could have the same symptoms that I have now
for the next twenty years and be completely fine and
not have any more issues that I'm having now. But
we don't know, and I think there's the unknowns in

(47:27):
it that is scary as well, Like I don't know
how much time I have, Like I love to read.
I love to read, I love to paint. I love
to write. And you know, my vision will will go
my you know, everything that's important to me. Okay, I
like to do a lot of adventurous things. I'm not
gonna be able to do those things. You know. My
life is going to be cut short in a way,

(47:48):
not by death, but by illness. And so I guess
it does change your perspective, but I'm still sort of
processing and yeah, we'll have to we'll have to see
how things go.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
I think it is so humanizing though, and I truly
mean this because we've interviewed some incredibly aspirational people who
have been through great traumas and have come out the
other side with this intense positivity, sometimes almost unbelievable positivity
where you think, wow, like you know, how do they
manage to savor every day? But I also think it's

(48:21):
so important to honor the journey towards getting to those places.
So often we talk to people who have already reached
that destination, and then for those who are in the
midst of trauma, in the midst of dealing with the
big shit that life throws at you, you can feel
like you're failing because you haven't reached that destination yet,
or maybe for some people, you never reached that destination
of full acceptance, and for every single person it looks

(48:43):
very different. So I think that there is something incredibly
humanizing about having someone be honest about the fact that
they have not yet completely accepted or even been able
to reach this destination of positivity around something that's adversely
affecting them.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
That's exactly it. And I think there's part of it
where you don't want to be a victim, Like you
don't want people to see you as a victim. You
don't want people to feel sorry, and so in that
way on my Instagram. In talking about it, I try,
and I mean I barely talk about it, but when
I do, I try and be really positive and I
am grateful. You know, I've had more opportunities than most,
and I'm very, very lucky. But I predominantly only say

(49:24):
things like that because I don't want people to look
at me. And isn't it funny these things that you
don't think about that I've never had to think about before.
But it's like, I don't want to be seen as
a victim. I don't want to be seen as, oh,
poor Megan. Someone I was with said to me, and
I've told Britt this before, but a comment they made
to me was, Megan, I could date a twenty year
old without a brain disease, and I choose you. And

(49:47):
this person had disrespected me in many ways, but this
is the thing that like, I'm pretty sturdy, like I'm
not easily offended, but this hurt. It hurt my feelings
so much to hear that, and it was a little
glimpse into what people might see me as or see
me like.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
It's because it's been dressed up as a compliment it's like,
I have the choice of anyone, but I'm choosing you.
It's like they're trying to imply that it's because the
person you are on the inside is so special, but
then by implying that they're saying, well, the person on
the outside that you are as defective exactly.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
It was very offensive, and they had said this to
me a few times over the night, and I'd kind
of pushed it away, and it wasn't until a few
days later that I brought it up with this person
and told them. But it also it very much made
me lose respect for this person as well, because it
was like, who the fuck do you think you are?
You know that I'm The idea that I should be
grateful that someone has chosen me was horrible.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, And also in those moments, it makes you realize
that sometimes, not even just sometimes often being on your
own is better than being with people who don't and
can't respect you, will love you in a way that
you just to be like, it's so hard to get
to a place in life where you're like, I would
rather be on my own and have agency of my happiness,
have agency over my choices than to be with someone

(51:09):
who has control over that and has control over my
happiness because of their infidelity or their lying or however
else they're showing up in the relationship.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
Yeah, that's exactly it. And it's kind of a hard
place to get to. Like I'm sure Britt understands what
it's like when you're you know, you reached like Britt
and I are about the same age, and it's kind
of like, how many times do I have to do this?

Speaker 4 (51:30):
Oh my god, I have to start again?

Speaker 3 (51:31):
Yeah, I know, and it's kind of it's intimidating starting again.
And I think that's one of the reasons I've put
up with so much stuff, is because I mean, I
love good company and sex and you know, all the things.
But in the end, it's like, am I betraying myself
to be in this position? And if the answer is yes,
then you shouldn't be there.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
I appreciate and can imagine the struggle that you feel
about should I be dating somebody if in ten years
or fifteen years that this is going to happen and
they're going to have to look after me. I understand that,
but I hope that doesn't stop you from dating and
finding that person, because the right person is out there
and the right person won't care.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
Yeah, for sure. And again it's hard to know how
the disease is going to progress. Like my mum's been
diagnosed and she's fifty six and she's completely fine. You know,
she's having very few symptoms. So it's like, who knows.
Like I could be absolutely fine, they could die, you know,
I could get married again and have kids, get the
embryos genetically tested and have kids and live a really

(52:30):
normal life, or it could be completely different. But yeah,
we don't know, and I don't want to let it
stop me. I think my confidence has really been affected
by some of the comments and things that have been
said to me in the past. And it's also hard
because you can google my name and one of the
first thing that comes up is Megan Mark's diagnosed with

(52:51):
you know, neurological disease. So I don't even really have
the choice to start dating and decide when I want
to reveal that, because I mean, let's be honest. You
google people you know you're going on a date with them, Yeah,
you google them, you look them up on social media,
and you see what's going on, and there's it's like,
I don't have that choice. So it's difficult, and I
think maybe I'd have more confidence if I was able

(53:12):
to reveal that slowly to someone. And you also, you
don't know how Yeah again, I was going to say,
you don't want them to assume that you're a certain
way when you're not. And but you can't give someone
answers either, Like, even if I was going to have
that conversation with someone, it's like, well, I don't know
what's going to happen to me, you know, I don't
know what's going to happen.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
I think that this has been a progression over the
last few years. But you were very public facing for
a while across social media, across public engagements, But it
seems like over the years you have moved further away
from that life. Was that a conscious decision. Was that
a conscious decision around privacy or was it just simply
the you know, how life is transpired and where you've

(53:52):
moved to, Like, what does that look like for you
now in terms of how public facing you are with life.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
I think I went through a stage a few years
ago where I've wanted to I mean, it sounds so
sort of wanky and cliche, but I wanted to live
a little bit more authentically. And I'm not saying that
you can't do that and be on social media. Of
course you can. And I'm still on socials, but now
I only post what I want to post, and you know,

(54:18):
I can be pretty real about suffering from a bit
of depression lately, and that I've been going through a
hard time and I've lost a lot of weight because
of stress. And I've been able to talk about those things.
But it's more, I guess it didn't feel good anymore.
It just didn't feel good anymore, and I just wanted
to live a quieter life and not feel like I

(54:40):
have to explain myself. I always felt like whenever I
did get on social media and voice and opinion that
I got so destroyed by the media or by various personalities,
and I wasn't very good at handling it. You've got
to have really thick skin, almost callous skin. I'm sure
that you two do.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
You know it's not think enough either.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
You have to and I definitely I mean something in
which it was very public last year. It might have
been the year before, but it was the conversation around
ADHD that transpired in the media how do you deal
with situations where you feel as though you've been misrepresented, misunderstood, miscommunicated,
and then you don't have the ability because like when

(55:25):
you're up against almost like a fight online where you've
been misrepresented, how do you explain who you are and
defend the person that you are when you've been misrepresented.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
You have to get to the point where you understand
that no amount of explaining yourself is going to make
you win. Is the most important thing, And for me,
you know, the first thing I try and do is
take some accountability and have a look at myself, like
if you're getting a whole lot of negative energy put
towards you. Not all the time, but sometimes you're wrong.

(55:55):
You're wrong, and you've got to accept that. You know,
obviously people are going to take one line of what
you said and pull you through the colls. But for me,
I mean, at the time when that ADHD conversation happened,
I was waiting for the results of you know, the
disease that I have right now, and so it was
a very interesting time to be called ablest And when

(56:16):
I was on the show, I was taking ADHD medication.
I've been diagnosed for quite a while. I mean, I
don't want to get into it and try and explain
myself again because I feel like I'm about to do that.
But I think the thing is that sometimes you don't
deal with it when you get that much vitriol and
hate spat at you. Sometimes you just don't, you know,
and it's like, oh, you know, the best thing to

(56:36):
do is to not read the comments and to not
engage and to not and for sure, but it still hurts. Again.
It was another reason where it's like, Okay, I'm taking
a step back from social media because it just wasn't easy.
And at the same time, it's like, well is this
good for my mental health? And you want to sort
of take a step back and work out what you

(56:56):
value and why you're talking about the things you arehether
you should or not, And yeah, I'm sure it's different
for everyone how they deal with it.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
I specifically saw a story set that you did a
little while ago where you were genuinely really vulnerable and
I know you said you don't like to go on
to your socials and show a weakness, will be a victim,
but there was a moment where you were trying to
raise awareness for your disease because it is unknown, and
watching your vulnerability in the fact that I get up,

(57:25):
I think I'm going to cry talking about it, but
watching how scared you were in that story set where
you were like, I don't know what my future is
and no one's helping me.

Speaker 4 (57:32):
No one is there to help me.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
I messaged it to the girls and I said, like,
I want to put her on a platform where she
can talk about it and more people can understand, because
I can't imagine how isolating and lonely that feeling must be.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Yeah, and you know, I'm part of a small cohort
of people that has an incredibly rare disease. There isn't help,
and part of me feels like I can't ask for
help either, because it's like what I'm dealing with affects
such a small cohort of people, So why why ask
for it? There's more important things, there's more important disease,
and so it's been incredibly isolating, really isolating, and it is.

(58:05):
It is hard. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, but thank
you for giving me the platform and thank you for
allowing me to talk about it. I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
We hope that you enjoyed today's interview guys, and if
you did, please go hit subscribe. The podcast is free,
we never charge you for it.

Speaker 4 (58:22):
You can hit.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast. What that means
is that every new episode will end up in your
library and you don't have to download it. It also
is what helps us grow, so we would be so
grateful for that. And please go and follow us on
social media. You can follow us at Life on Cup
podcast or at Life un Cup podcast on TikTok and Instagram.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
Don't forget tell you mum Tae Dunte Dounte friends and
share the love because we love love