Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsored by Keltech.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
It's his laugh mission to make bad decisions. It's time
for Florida man. Okay, I don't even know this.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
The headline A Florida man swallowed seven hundred and sixty
nine thousand. I first I thought it was seven hundred
and sixty nine dollars. No, No, No, seven hundred and
sixty nine thousand dollars. Stolen diamond earrings from Tiffany and
he asked cops if he'll quote be charged for what's
in his stomach. He's clearly an amateur jewel thief and
(00:39):
he uh Jathon Gilder. He pretended to be a representative
for an Orlando Magic player to gain access and this
is WFLA. The thief apparently ran out of the store
with two sets of earrings, one four point eight carrot
set worth one hundred and sixty thousand, another eight carrot
set worth half a million dollars. According to the outlet,
(01:00):
he was stopped by the Orlando Police Department on the highway.
They got him for resisting arrest, but they could not
find the earring, so they charged him for But they
were trying to charge him for theft. He spontaneously asked
staff once he got into print and once he got
into jail if he was going to be charged with quote,
what's in my stomach? And then they they're like, okay,
(01:21):
so they had to undergo a body scan, and that's
when they saw that they had he got some ear
rings in his belly. Oh my gosh, so they literally
have to pass through his system. So did you get
a discount on them? That is what I'm curious about,
Like how clean can you get them? And is there
a discount? I asked Last night, I asked the internet
(01:44):
because I had some rare time to sit down and
I was gonna watch something. And I went to look
at him, like, I don't have anything on my list.
I don't have anything to watch. I have no idea
what to watch. That one thing that I was watching
was nineteen twenty three. It I mean, it's like barely
cranking out an episode a week, and I can't stand
that drip drip, and I wanted all of them.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I want to binge when I can binge.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I And
I've been watching you guys know since Lockdown. My kids
got me into anime because everything was horrid and it
was non woke, and don't stop, don't realize it's not
a cartoon. It's like more sophisticated than just like a
cartoon and very non woke, and it's just really elaborately
done things you can't do in meat space. Anyway, I
(02:30):
was asking for stuff because what popped up when I
went and looked on Netflix. You know what show popped up?
It wasn't recommended for me. It just said new because
they know better than I recommend this. It was that
Suitcase Girl show, the Megan Markele show, her show where
she pretends to be a chef, and I wanted to
(02:52):
hate watch it because I.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Don't like her.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I think she's incredibly disingenuous, and I just there's a
whole thing, but you know, I don't get into it.
I do think that they're rex this show. Oh my gosh,
I maybe looked at I couldn't make it through like
two minutes. Guys, she's not a very good actor. She's
(03:15):
a very bad actor. And people have these tells that
they give off when you know that they're full of
it or that they're not being their authentic selves and
it's just weird, like the stuff that she says, nobody
talks about it and everything that she I know, I'm
in a cream colored sweater.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Shut up, I'll be back to black later.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
But everything that she wears is like Nordstrom beige. And
it's like they it's like she tries to be stealth
wealth but really doesn't want to be stealthy about it.
And they say, I mean, she's doing this show. It's
supposed to be a cooking show, but she doesn't actually
cook like the other people cook. And then she just
puts her hands all over everything and rearranges it. I
(03:56):
watched where she took a bag of pretzels and then
dumped it into another plastic bag so that it was prettier,
and then tied it up and was like, toad chef.
I wanted your you know what. I did this for
you because we're friends. Audio sound by twenty six. I
just need you to understand how much I endure for you.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Go ahead and do this.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Oh gosh, I don't think anyone in the world knows
that Megan Mickle has eaten shack in the box and
loves funny too, that you keep saying Megan Markle, you
know I'm Sussex. Now you have kids and you go, no,
I share my name with my children.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yes, and that feels so.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
I didn't know how meaningful it would be to me,
but it just means so much to go. This is
our family.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Okay, gosh, please let it pause has been pause, pause, pod,
and I can't wait a minte. Come back to it,
come back to a pause. Sorry, one's gonna murder me.
First off, she's gonna chop her damn fingers off with
the vegetables. I can't but how many beige things can
you wear all at once?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
All of the bait? I say this in a cream
colored sweater. I'm in gene. Don't judge me. This is
the only thing I have. It's not black. Stop it.
Why but do you have to wear all of the sweaters?
Number one? Number two? That was a bitch. You know
my name is Sussex. You know that that's what that meant.
She was like, so funny that you keep saying that your.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Name isn't actually Sussex. Isn't it Mount Batton windsor how
do I know this?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Isn't that what the family's name is? Because isn't that
when Elizabeth and Philip got married and Philip was mad
that he couldn't give his name to his kids and
they ended up being Mount Batten windsor later. That's like,
actually their last name, County Sussex is the county that
she's only been to like one time in her life
and they don't even like them, and they they took
that as the title. Your title is actually not your
(05:40):
last name. But I don't that I can't, Okay, go ahead.
The cutting of the vegetables makes me nervous.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Children, yes, and that feels so. I didn't know how
meaningful it would be to me, but it just means
so much to go. This is our family name.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Husband and three dogs.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's my bacon. I'm like worried about how she's cutting this.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Stuff variable and it's got a lot of magic in it.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I feel like you're watching me fall in love.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
I'm Meg, Meg, and I want to ask about your Luke.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
But who your Luke? Your Luke, Maggot, Oh my luke?
You'r Luke? Did I not say it right?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
I don't know, I mean, like way cooler than I am.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I don't know what you're talking my Luke. My look,
she likes my Luke.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You're Oh my gosh, is this one of my favorite show?
So that was obviously set up. She's wearing a Louis
Vuitton Dunham shirt. That's what the little va is there,
And I'm like, seriously, that's like so nuts stealth wealth,
that's like obnoxious. Anyway, what is where's the They like
they made kids party bags and they put in a
(07:00):
a Manuka honeystick, some seeds and like a little garden trowel.
Like what kid wants that? No kid wants that. You
know what kids want? They want garbage, pale kids. They
want sour patch candy, that's what they want. They want
fun stuff. They want like something they can throw at
their siblings. That's what they want. And then there was
one moment where she said it's such a delight to
(07:22):
be a present parent and acting like she's so busy.
I was rolling my eyes so hard. A friend of
mine texted me and said, oh my gosh, I said,
I tried to stomach this and I couldn't do it.
What is a present parent? You're raising kids? You know
how many other people before you have birth children? Some
people ask birth children, raise them, or adopt children, raise them.
(07:43):
They're present in their children's lives. They they're there. What
is the I'm a present parent? And then they she
did this thing where she arranged fruit in a rainbow
on the board. Who the hell has time for that?
Who has time to I'm gonna cut my friend, if
you love your children as much as I do, you're
gonna poorly cut the fruit, maybe put some fingers in there,
(08:07):
poorly cut the fruit and arrange it into a rainbow
on a platter. And then she was saying, well, you
can just see ze a large plate. The stuff that
she's is this is like basic B stuff. I don't
know what the aim of this program was, but it
is one of the most cringe things because she is
unaware of how horribly she comes off. She thinks the
(08:29):
problem is everybody else. It's just so that's not even
her house. They rented someone else's house. That's not even
her house. She rented this couple's house in Montecito, and
that's where they filmed it, and so this is not
even hers. It's just so terribly inauthentic. And everyone was saying,
(08:50):
you're ripping off Pam Anderson because Pam Anderson apparently had
a cooking thing. She was ripping off what Flamingo Estate,
which is this like small business that's in Los Angeles
and they do candles and all this stuff. So she
launched these products. She's got a crape mix and probably
some other mass produced, you know, high process stuff, and
of course her jams, her jellies that they had to
(09:11):
keep changing the trademark for a million times. I mean,
I just it's just so this is not relatable. I mean,
you can tell that she's not. I think she wants
to be seen as being like a lifestyle guru, but
you can literally see from her cooking skills in the
kitchen that she's not. And it's okay to say that
you have people that do this for you, Just be
(09:31):
honest about it. Don't try to act to everybody else
like this is stuff that you do day in and
day out, because nobody, ladies, can I get an amen.
First off, you're not gonna have your hair extensions all
the way down in the fruit that you're cutting.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Number two, ain't nobody wearing white doing tomato sauce. No
self respecting cook is going to wear white and make
tomato sauce. This is not happening, especially without an apron.
Oh my gosh, I don't know. Like I watched it,
watched enough to wear, I didn't choke to death. And
then I just I did this because you guys, we
(10:03):
were tight, right, and I do this stuff for you
as a favor. Don't don't, don't subject yourself to this,
just scroll on past. It is so it is one
of the most inauthentic things I've ever watched in my life.
You're not even interested in this stuff, Kane. I just
don't know, Like it wasn't even a proper Oh my gosh,
what so Wan has this? You can't see it, but
(10:25):
I can see it in the monitor of her cutting.
It's on a loop her cutting things, and every time
I look up, she gets right there by her fingers.
There's so many different parts of the show where look,
she's trying to cut, like she was cutting a strawberry,
and I, legit thought she was about ready to slice
her finger off. I just couldn't even watch it anymore.
I'm like, this is horrible. It's just so inauthentic, and
(10:46):
I all look at it. Oh my gosh, what in
the world what is she cutting onions? Oh my gosh,
and you can see that she's just not even I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
It doesn't look authentic.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
You're not gonna watch this, and you like foodie stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I am uninterested in this.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
I would much rather watch the chef that she has
make her family's food when the cameras aren't there. I
would rather watch them do it, and then she can
stand on the side and like wear her you know,
Laura Piana, like two thousand dollars coulottes if she wants to.
But oh my gosh, I can't even deal.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
It's just I'm a fan of hers. Are you fun?
She seems obnoxious? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
No, like in a woke way.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Oh, I hate that.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
But I don't get that about her.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I think she said she said interviews and stuff before,
and it's just maybe not want to watch anything she's in.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I'm like, uh, I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I can't stand people who get off camera and wine
like you're literally and probably a thousand dollars denim shirt.
Shut up, like I'm just tony even not even hearing you.
All right, we gotta I just I watched some of
it so you didn't have to I'm not gonna watch
all of it. I'm not going to do a whole
I know everybody's doing this big hate watch viewing thing.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I mean, I love you, but not that much. Partners
people who will bring you the program. It's gold CoA
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Speaker 3 (13:11):
And now all of the news you would probably miss.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
It's time for Dana's Quick five. So this is EO.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
A woman was stung by a scorpion in Boston, Boston
Logan Airport.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
She straight up got stuck that.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
My youngest son had a pet scorpion or is it
an emperor scorpion or something like that, called it Sherman
because it looked like a tank.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
It was a black scorpion. They're weird.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
He wanted a tarantula, and I was like, okay, I
don't want things that.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Are hairy with lots of legs. Let's not do that.
So we got a scorpion. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Oh oh, this look can me chills. She totally she
got stung. She was collecting her bags. They have no
idea where it came from. They wouldn't say if it
was captured or killed, or if it's like still a
crawling around the terminal. They have no idea where it is.
I mean, they're okay, this is gonna be a dumb question.
And if my son heard it, he would probably literally
make fun of me and turn me into a meme
(14:08):
that they're not like bees, right, they don't like, you know,
ripped our butt out with our stinger and we're dead.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Okay, thanks.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
So they're they're trying to find it. They had like
some experts come out, but they're like, we're not too
we're not too worried about it. I mean, I guess
if you're okay and it's just mildly discomforting, that's okay.
I mean I can live with that, but it's still gross.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
What in the world?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Why is this a story? They've been studying this. A
percentage of people who pee in the shower has now
been leaked in a new study. That's the headline, Okay,
I don't a quarter of Americans do it on a
regular basis?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Really they have indoor plumbing.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Right, I'd be lying if I said I never did it.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I don't need to know this about you. I'm just
saying I don't know how common it is.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Seems like a lot.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
That seems like a lot. But they said in the
course of an average year, they said thirty percent of
men do it regularly, twenty percent of women. According to
the survey that they say this is a New York Post,
a quarter of millennials say it's a daily practice.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Thankfully.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Gen Xers are like thirteen percent. That's and in total,
forty five percent of Americans relieve themselves in the shower
throughout the course of the I'm sorry, but wasn't there
another story that talked about men and do they actually
wash their legs and feet or do they let the
soap trip down? So I've got like a million this
(15:38):
does not like it. Maybe that's how you shower then
maybe definitely is the toilet. You know what I'm saying, Like,
whyse let's not let's not evolve backwards, let's not do that. Uh.
A man issuing his brother in law after he filled
his belly button with super glue. The man says he's
(15:59):
filed the legal can claim against his brother in law.
It was a prank. He poured super glue into his
belly button while he slept, and the man says that
he and his wife and family are furious. They took
him to Small Claims Cord. He felt like he had
no choice. They were at a family barbecue. I a
few too many beers, fell asleep without a shirt on.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Blah bla blah.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
His brother in law that it would be hilarious, and
he said it partially dried and it was stuck.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
They adhered to the skin. They tour. It was horrible.
A thousand dollars co.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Pay for emergency room visit, twenty two hundred dollars medical bill.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
He asked the brother in law to cover the cost.
The brother in law refused.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I got to feel like the brother in law's on
the wrong hair. Sorry, you need to help pay up, dude,
because this is that's lame. And also, don't get drunk
and fall asleep and a hammock around family like that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
What is the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Trust no one, you know, even at a family event,
at a family barbecue, because you know, I feel like
maybe probably done something like this before. I am not
reading this last story, Kane, Thank heavens, Attorney General Kin
Paxon is coming in to save the day because I'm
not going to tell you about this miss a man
who tried to have a romantic evening with a train seat,
(17:03):
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Tell them Dana sent you. You know that the Biden's got issues.
Did you hear the story too? Hunter Biden saying that
he's absolutely broke. He asked to judge to drop the
laptop lawsuit. He says he's millions in debt, that it's
been worsened by the LA wildfires. I don't know how
(18:29):
it's worsened. He was only renting the house that he
was in. Wasn't the house that the Secret Service was in.
I think that one burned down and the wildfires the
one that they had leased right next door, So he
can't Nobody wants to buy his paintings.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
I guess anymore. That was in Politico.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
They said Hunter Biden broke a pardon from his dad,
spared it from prison, but he remained saddled with debt.
He was forced out of the home he was renting
by the fire in the Pacific Palisades. He said he's
got a grim financial situation that came out of a
court filing saying that he's struggled to sell his paintings
in recent months, moving only one in the past or
fourteen months. In the prior two to three years, he
(19:07):
moved twenty seven paintings. He sold twenty seven paintings. He
reported significant debt. Wait, Cyber, how many of.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
It was that one?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Want to be big Lebowski guy who was his lawyer
and pot buddy. Yeah, didn't he buy most of them?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
He reported significant debts, lackluster sales of his memoirs. I
sold hell of a lot more books on Hunter Yden.
He sold only four thousand, two hundred copies in a year.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
And those are just bookstore orders.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
That doesn't mean that the bookstore actually sold them. Wow.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
So I mean, it's so shocking that Biden's art career
ended the day that his dad left office.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
How crazy is that?
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I mean, I am marveling at the sheer coincidence of
it all a kine truly coincidental that now, because Biden
is in an office anymore, he's no longer president of
the United States, Suddenly Hunter Biden's spit paintings are no
longer guys valuable. Huh, nobody wants to buy them. So
(20:19):
he's begging. He's saying he's broke. You know what, maybe
living in Let me look at this, let me look
at the maybe living in the Pacific Palisades, renting the
home that he was You realize he was paying goodness,
(20:41):
oh man, I mean he was paying fifteen thousand dollars
a month. Oh sorry, sixteen thousand dollars a month. He
was paying sixteen thousand dollars a month. And apparently, I
guess that house was burned down, and then the house
that was right next door to it, which was also
about fifteen sixteen thousand dollars a month.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
We taxpayers had to pay that.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Bill for secret Service to live next door to him.
Why did he think he didn't need to even live
out there, He didn't need to live out there to
work or for any other reason. Why did he think
that he could swing a fifteen eight hundred dollars a
month home rent it when his income is entirely predicated
(21:28):
upon his dad's influence as president.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I mean, he didn't even prepare.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
He was still in that house as his dad was like,
you could watch him lose the reelection. He didn't even
have the foresight to plan adequately for what life after
his dad not in office anymore, for what that life
would look like. That's the other He is one of
the most irresponsible males I have ever seen in my life.
(21:56):
Talk about a failure to launch, it's him. Oh my gosh,
he's fifty something years old.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
He's in his.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Mid fifties, his mid fifties. He can get like the
Denny's early bird thing right, and he still can't stand
on his own. He's got to have daddy merch out
daddy so he can make his money. This man did
not need to live in a fifteen eight hundred dollars
(22:25):
a month rental. Talk about having champagne taste in a
beer budget. He could have been living in a decent
sized home, paying a regular mortgage or a regular rent
on a house Backwharres family is in Delaware, but he
didn't want to do that. He was trying to live
it up. They think that they're this great dynasty and
(22:47):
that's is that not just a democrat for you? Now
he's like, oh, I gotta have I can't suffer the
consequences of my illegal actions. So I'm just I can
we just throw these cases out? Can you imagine going
to the judge, I didn't manage my money responsibly and
so now I'm broke. Can we throw the case out?
(23:08):
Can you imagine going and saying that? Just shocking, absolutely shocking.
Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's
Absurd Tooth podcast. If you haven't already, made sure to
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