May 18, 2025 • 20 mins
In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Mae unpacks the hidden world of covert narcissism the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but breaks you from the inside out. If you've ever felt like you're constantly walking on eggshells, questioning your memory, or wondering if you're the problem this one’s for you.
Mae shares her own story of emotional and verbal abuse, shines a light on the signs of covert manipulation, passive-aggressive control, and gaslighting, and reminds listeners that domestic violence isn't always physical. You'll hear real talk about how emotional abuse works, why survivors often feel “crazy,” and how to begin reclaiming your voice, worth, and peace.
With raw honesty, relatable humor, positive affirmations, and hope-filled truths, this episode is a must-listen for any woman healing from a toxic relationship.
Topics covered:
What covert narcissism looks and feels like
Emotional and verbal abuse as real forms of domestic violence
Why victims feel like they’re losing their minds
Affirmations and reminders for survivors
How to get help and begin healing
A reminder: You are not alone. You are not crazy. You can heal.
If you’ve ever doubted your reality or felt silenced in your own life this is your sign to take it back.
“Your story doesn’t end in abuse. It begins in power.”
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, hey, my beautiful survivors.
(00:03):
Welcome back to 40 and Tired—the podcast for every woman who’s looked around and thought,
“Is this really it?
” or maybe, “Am I crazy, or is something really wrong here?
” I’m your host, Mae.
And today’s episode is going to hit home in a big way.
We’re diving deep into covert narcissism—the kind of abuse that doesn’t show up in bruises,
(00:27):
but in breakdowns.
The kind that doesn’t scream at you—it whispers,gaslights,
and twists reality until you don’t know which way is up.
Let’s talk about it.
Let’s NAME it.
Let’s start healing—together.
[Short musical break] 🎭 Scene 1 (00:44):
What Covert Narcissism Actually Looks Like So let’s start with the question
It’s not the loud, arrogant “I’m the best thing since sliced bread” kind.
It’s quiet.
Calculated.
It’s masked in martyrdom, subtle guilt trips, and silent punishments.
(01:07):
It’s your partner saying, “I guess I’m just not enough for you anymore.
” “No one else would put up with you, you know.
” “I never said that.
You're remembering it wrong.
” It’s when you express a need, and somehow you end up apologizing.
It’s when you feel drained, confused, and like maybe it really is your fault.
(01:28):
That’s not love.
That’s not normal.
And no—you’re not crazy.
You’re being manipulated.
Quietly.
Constantly.
Intentionally.
⚠️ Scene 2 (01:42):
The Hidden Face of Domestic Violence Let’s pause here for something important
Say that again with me (01:51):
Emotional and verbal abuse ARE domestic violence.
The law often focuses on the physical.
But the trauma of constant emotional warfare—being told you’re too sensitive,
too needy,too broken—can scar you just as deeply.
Let me tell you something from experience (02:09):
My ex never hit me.
But he hurt me every single day with silence, shame, sarcasm, and strategic blame.
That’s abuse.
I didn’t need a black eye to be a DV survivor.
I needed to survive waking up in a world where my voice didn’t matter and my reality was questioned at every turn.
(02:31):
You don’t have to “prove” your pain with bruises.
If you feel small,scared,isolated,confused,or constantly walking on eggshells—you are being abused.
And I need you to know (02:42):
You’re allowed to leave.
You’re allowed to want more.
You are allowed to call it what it is.
Gaslighting and Passive-Aggression—The Covert Narcissist's Playground Covert narcissists don’t usually yell.
They weaponize quiet.
They’ll give you the silent treatment and call it “space.
(03:03):
” They’ll “forget” things they promised, and then blame your memory.
They’ll sabotage your confidence one sarcastic remark at a time.
It’s death by a thousand emotional paper cuts.
You start to feel (03:15):
Foggy Guilty Hypervigilant Alone And like you’re slowly disappearing.
But it’s not you.
It’s the emotional chaos they thrive on.
You weren’t “too emotional.
” You were reacting to emotional neglect and psychological warfare.
Let me repeat (03:33):
You’re not broken.
You’ve been wounded.
And wounds can be healed.
A Moment of Truth Here’s a little checklist.
If any of this sounds familiar,listen closely (03:43):
You feel anxious around them,
but you don’t know why.
You overthink every word, every text, every tone.
You feel more confused after conversations than before.
You’ve started doubting your memory or judgment.
You’ve been told “You’re too sensitive” more than once.
(04:05):
You cry alone in the bathroom so they don’t accuse you of “playing the victim.
” You feel isolated from friends or family.
If this is your reality… Please hear me (04:13):
You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are not crazy.
You’re in the fog of covert abuse.
And you can walk out of it.
Let’s Talk Healing Now for the good part.
Let’s talk about healing.
It starts small.
It starts with one truth (04:35):
You deserve peace.
Not perfection.
Not performance.
Just… peace.
Here are a few affirmations I want you to carry in your pocket like armor (04:44):
I am not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior.
I am allowed to have boundaries, even if it upsets them.
I trust my instincts.
My truth is valid.
I do not exist to make others comfortable at the expense of myself.
(05:05):
I am allowed to leave anything relationship, job, or situation that is slowly killing my spirit.
Repeat them.
Print them.
Tattoo them if you want I won’t judge.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight.
But every time you choose yourself, you take a step forward.
Every time you say “That’s not okay,” Every time you reach out for help,
(05:30):
Every time you cry,scream,write,or rest You are healing.
You are coming home to yourself.
Scene 6 (05:37):
Together, We Heal Before I close, I want to remind you
Not now.
Not anymore.
I see you.
I was you.
And I’m still healing, too.
Let’s walk this road together.
If you’re in an unsafe situation, please check the episode description for resources and hotlines.
(06:02):
You are not trapped.
There is help.
There is hope.
And if you’ve already left, and you’re rebuilding your life baby, I’m proud of you.
Keep going.
Your story didn’t end in abuse.
It’s just beginning in power.
Final Note (06:19):
Believe in You Here’s your final reminder today
You are not too much.
You are not crazy.
You are whole, even in pieces.
And no matter how long you’ve been lost in someone else’s version of your life— You can rewrite the ending.
Let’s heal out loud.
(06:41):
Together.
One truth, one laugh, one deep breath at a time.
This is Mae.
And you, my brave beautiful soul, are not alone.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
(07:03):
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
(07:27):
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
(07:49):
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(08:10):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(08:57):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(09:17):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(09:42):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (09:51):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (10:03):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (10:15):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) 🧡 Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(10:49):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(11:09):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
(11:33):
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
(11:54):
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(12:30):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(13:17):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(13:37):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(14:01):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (14:11):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (14:22):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (14:34):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) 🧡 Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(15:08):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(15:29):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
(15:52):
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
(16:14):
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(16:49):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(17:37):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(17:57):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(18:21):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (18:31):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (18:42):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (18:54):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(19:27):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(19:48):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it.
Follow 40 and Tired,leave a review,and come hang out with me next week where we’re talking about the difference between boundaries and walls,
and why it’s okay to build both.
Until then Stay loud.
(20:08):
Stay tender.
And don’t forget your sanity is sacred.
Hey, hey, my beautiful survivors.
(00:03):
Welcome back to 40 and Tired—the podcast for every woman who’s looked around and thought,
“Is this really it?
” or maybe, “Am I crazy, or is something really wrong here?
” I’m your host, Mae.
And today’s episode is going to hit home in a big way.
We’re diving deep into covert narcissism—the kind of abuse that doesn’t show up in bruises,
(00:27):
but in breakdowns.
The kind that doesn’t scream at you—it whispers,gaslights,
and twists reality until you don’t know which way is up.
Let’s talk about it.
Let’s NAME it.
Let’s start healing—together.
[Short musical break] 🎭 Scene 1 (00:44):
What Covert Narcissism Actually Looks Like So let’s start with the question
It’s not the loud, arrogant “I’m the best thing since sliced bread” kind.
It’s quiet.
Calculated.
It’s masked in martyrdom, subtle guilt trips, and silent punishments.
(01:07):
It’s your partner saying, “I guess I’m just not enough for you anymore.
” “No one else would put up with you, you know.
” “I never said that.
You're remembering it wrong.
” It’s when you express a need, and somehow you end up apologizing.
It’s when you feel drained, confused, and like maybe it really is your fault.
(01:28):
That’s not love.
That’s not normal.
And no—you’re not crazy.
You’re being manipulated.
Quietly.
Constantly.
Intentionally.
⚠️ Scene 2 (01:42):
The Hidden Face of Domestic Violence Let’s pause here for something important
Say that again with me (01:51):
Emotional and verbal abuse ARE domestic violence.
The law often focuses on the physical.
But the trauma of constant emotional warfare—being told you’re too sensitive,
too needy,too broken—can scar you just as deeply.
Let me tell you something from experience (02:09):
My ex never hit me.
But he hurt me every single day with silence, shame, sarcasm, and strategic blame.
That’s abuse.
I didn’t need a black eye to be a DV survivor.
I needed to survive waking up in a world where my voice didn’t matter and my reality was questioned at every turn.
(02:31):
You don’t have to “prove” your pain with bruises.
If you feel small,scared,isolated,confused,or constantly walking on eggshells—you are being abused.
And I need you to know (02:42):
You’re allowed to leave.
You’re allowed to want more.
You are allowed to call it what it is.
Gaslighting and Passive-Aggression—The Covert Narcissist's Playground Covert narcissists don’t usually yell.
They weaponize quiet.
They’ll give you the silent treatment and call it “space.
(03:03):
” They’ll “forget” things they promised, and then blame your memory.
They’ll sabotage your confidence one sarcastic remark at a time.
It’s death by a thousand emotional paper cuts.
You start to feel (03:15):
Foggy Guilty Hypervigilant Alone And like you’re slowly disappearing.
But it’s not you.
It’s the emotional chaos they thrive on.
You weren’t “too emotional.
” You were reacting to emotional neglect and psychological warfare.
Let me repeat (03:33):
You’re not broken.
You’ve been wounded.
And wounds can be healed.
A Moment of Truth Here’s a little checklist.
If any of this sounds familiar,listen closely (03:43):
You feel anxious around them,
but you don’t know why.
You overthink every word, every text, every tone.
You feel more confused after conversations than before.
You’ve started doubting your memory or judgment.
You’ve been told “You’re too sensitive” more than once.
(04:05):
You cry alone in the bathroom so they don’t accuse you of “playing the victim.
” You feel isolated from friends or family.
If this is your reality… Please hear me (04:13):
You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are not crazy.
You’re in the fog of covert abuse.
And you can walk out of it.
Let’s Talk Healing Now for the good part.
Let’s talk about healing.
It starts small.
It starts with one truth (04:35):
You deserve peace.
Not perfection.
Not performance.
Just… peace.
Here are a few affirmations I want you to carry in your pocket like armor (04:44):
I am not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior.
I am allowed to have boundaries, even if it upsets them.
I trust my instincts.
My truth is valid.
I do not exist to make others comfortable at the expense of myself.
(05:05):
I am allowed to leave anything relationship, job, or situation that is slowly killing my spirit.
Repeat them.
Print them.
Tattoo them if you want I won’t judge.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight.
But every time you choose yourself, you take a step forward.
Every time you say “That’s not okay,” Every time you reach out for help,
(05:30):
Every time you cry,scream,write,or rest You are healing.
You are coming home to yourself.
Scene 6 (05:37):
Together, We Heal Before I close, I want to remind you
Not now.
Not anymore.
I see you.
I was you.
And I’m still healing, too.
Let’s walk this road together.
If you’re in an unsafe situation, please check the episode description for resources and hotlines.
(06:02):
You are not trapped.
There is help.
There is hope.
And if you’ve already left, and you’re rebuilding your life baby, I’m proud of you.
Keep going.
Your story didn’t end in abuse.
It’s just beginning in power.
Final Note (06:19):
Believe in You Here’s your final reminder today
You are not too much.
You are not crazy.
You are whole, even in pieces.
And no matter how long you’ve been lost in someone else’s version of your life— You can rewrite the ending.
Let’s heal out loud.
(06:41):
Together.
One truth, one laugh, one deep breath at a time.
This is Mae.
And you, my brave beautiful soul, are not alone.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
(07:03):
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
(07:27):
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
(07:49):
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(08:10):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(08:57):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(09:17):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(09:42):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (09:51):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (10:03):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (10:15):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) 🧡 Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(10:49):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(11:09):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
(11:33):
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
(11:54):
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(12:30):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(13:17):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(13:37):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(14:01):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (14:11):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (14:22):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (14:34):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) 🧡 Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(15:08):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(15:29):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
It is not always physical.
In fact,some of the most damaging abuse is emotional and psychological—and it often goes unrecognized for years.
(15:52):
Domestic violence can happen to anyone,regardless of gender,
race,age,religion,sexuality,education,or income level.
💔 Types of Domestic Violence Physical Abuse Hitting,
slapping,choking,restraining Damaging property or hurting pets Threats of physical harm Emotional & Verbal Abuse Name-calling,
(16:14):
criticism,gaslighting Belittling,humiliation,mockery Silent treatment,
passive-aggressive jabs Using guilt or shame to control Psychological Abuse Isolation from friends/family Controlling what you do,
where you go,or who you see Monitoring devices,social media,
or phones Threatening to harm you,themselves,or your loved ones Sexual Abuse Forced or coerced sex Withholding sex as punishment Sexual insults or objectification Financial Abuse Controlling access to money Sabotaging your job or career Withholding necessities (food,
(16:49):
shelter,medical care) Digital Abuse Tracking your location or online activity Sending threatening messages Using social media to shame or stalk Covert Narcissistic Abuse Subtle manipulation,
gaslighting,guilt trips Playing the victim to avoid accountability Emotional withdrawal to punish Making you feel crazy,
too sensitive,or like the abuser 🚩 Common Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship You constantly second-guess yourself You feel like you're "walking on eggshells" You're afraid to speak up You’ve lost confidence or identity You’re isolated from loved ones You feel responsible for your partner’s emotions Your partner minimizes or denies the abuse 📊 Domestic Violence by the Numbers 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
(17:37):
Emotional abuse is reported in nearly every physically abusive relationship—and often begins long before physical violence starts.
Victims of psychological abuse are more likely to suffer from depression,
PTSD,anxiety,and suicidal thoughts than those experiencing physical abuse alone.
(17:57):
The average victim leaves 7 times before staying away for good.
🧠 Why Survivors Stay (And Why It's Not Their Fault) Fear of retaliation or harm Children’s safety or custody concerns Financial dependence Lack of support or nowhere to go Low self-worth due to long-term emotional abuse Love and trauma bonding Cultural or religious pressure Shame or fear of not being believed Leaving is not easy.
(18:21):
Survivors are often most at risk of being seriously harmed or killed when trying to leave.
That’s why safety planning and support matter so much.
🛟 How to Get Help If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (18:31):
📞 24/7 Hotlines National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.
S.
) (18:42):
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or text START to 88788 https://thehotline.
org StrongHearts Native Helpline (for Indigenous communities) (18:54):
1-844-762-8483 RAINN (for sexual violence)
org 🧰 Free Support Services Shelters & transitional housing Counseling & trauma therapy Legal advocacy Safety planning Support groups (local and online) Final Reminder Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in obvious ways.
(19:27):
It thrives in silence, shame, and secrecy.
If someone makes you feel unsafe,unheard,or unloved on a consistent basis—you deserve to walk away.
You deserve to rebuild.
You deserve peace.
You are not weak.
You are surviving something traumatic.
(19:48):
And you are allowed to take your power back.
If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it.
Follow 40 and Tired,leave a review,and come hang out with me next week where we’re talking about the difference between boundaries and walls,
and why it’s okay to build both.
Until then Stay loud.
(20:08):
Stay tender.
And don’t forget your sanity is sacred.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.