EP10: It’s Not a Cult, It’s a Compound: Finding the Perfect Spot (Part 2)

Tune in and dream with us—where would YOU build the ultimate friendship compound?

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Quick disclaimer, friends – we're not doctors, just two people who love to share ideas and experiences. This podcast is for fun and informational purposes only. It's not meant to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have questions about your health, definitely reach out to your doctor or a qualified health professional. Take care of yourselves and use what feels right for you!

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:00):
Music.

Robin (00:08):
Welcome to the Art of classiness podcast, a show where we redefine what it means to be a classy lady and sometimes it's messy. I'm Robin and

Deborah (00:17):
I'm Deborah, two friends turned classy ladies who are here to discuss life's ups and downs, navigating the complexities of adulthood and how the gift of friendship is essential to belonging.

Robin (00:27):
Today, we're continuing our conversation of the ultimate dream, our friendship compound, after discussing the necessities of a compound in part one, we've each done our own research to determine the best us location for it. Whose side will you be on? So

Deborah (00:42):
follow along. Give us your feedback, and don't forget to like and subscribe. What's up? Classy Ladies and gentlemen.

Robin (00:49):
Good morning. How are you? I

Deborah (00:52):
am great. I feel like, even though we are almost midway through January, that the new year for me, really starts now, and I feel a lot of people can I agree, resonate with that sentiment, because my holidays were very uneventful. However, I felt very scattered throughout that entire time period, mainly because the holidays fell on Wednesdays this year, and I'm gonna sound like a curmudgeon, but it just felt like too many weekends and a week like, start, stop, start, stop, and it was really disruptive to my schedule, even with my kids, my work schedule, I was trying to do work during that time, and then last week, my kids already had January 6 off for a professional development day, which is psychotic for who for the I guess, the teachers, but the kids did not have school. Oh, okay, I

Robin (01:49):
was about to say professional development for an 11 year old. No,

Deborah (01:53):
I know that would be great. No, the teachers, I guess, had a meeting, but the kids did not have school. So now we have, like, an extra Monday off of school, and then Tuesday, they had a snow day, geez. So this now made it the absolute longest winter break that they've ever had. I was going stir crazy. They eaten every morsel of food in my pantry at that point. So made it through the week, and now I am declaring that this week is the first week of the year. Finally ready to get back on track, back to the goals, back to a routine. How are you?

Robin (02:24):
I feel the exact same like we just got back into town from traveling for two and a half weeks, and tomorrow starts my official plans for the year, which is, you know, my mindset reset, yeah, and I used chat GBT to build out, like, a daily schedule of everything that I want to, like build into some kind of routine. Wow, and it's a lot. We'll see. I'm trying to be kind to myself. I'm not saying that I'm not gonna complete it the way I plan to. I'm just trying to not put so much pressure on myself. Mm, hmm. So that feels more fun to experiment with these new habits, you know, like, how am I going to enjoy them if I'm putting all this pressure on myself just to do them like that defeats the purpose. So I'm really looking forward to that. We'll see how it goes. I'll provide more information on everything I'm doing once I've been doing it. Okay, yeah, I'm being a little evasive, but I just don't know how to, like explain it all without talking for a really long time about it.

Deborah (03:26):
No, I totally understand. And I think using chat GPT to build out some structure is so smart without maybe going into too many details. What kind of information or prompts did you use to help put in the goals that you wanted to achieve and get, like, a schedule back. It

Robin (03:46):
took me a while because I was getting super granular with it, like I wanted recipes and hour by hour, scheduling per day. Wow. There's gaps where it's like, okay, work for this period you have this much time to go to the gym. It's not like I have a timer set on my watch. So I gave chat, G, B, T, a bunch of parameters, of things that I am trying to eliminate from my habits, and then things that I want to add. And then I was like, cross referencing yoga schedule at my gym, because I want to be going to yoga three days a week, and I spent all day yesterday working on that. They made a grocery list for me, yes, based off the recipes that we put together. And I'm doing an autoimmune protocol diet. It's an elimination diet to see what foods trigger my flare up. And so it built me a recipe list based on those parameters, which makes it a lot easier for me, instead of trying to, like, Google a bunch of stuff online. So it, yeah, made the recipes for me, and then it told me the stuff I need to buy at the store for it, and it broke it into like, sections of the store. It's great. I'm really excited.

Deborah (04:58):
Awesome that. Is such a smart idea, because people are using chat GPT in so many creative ways, and that is really inspiring to me, because I struggle with the same thing of trying to figure out how to get all of my responsibilities done in a day, and I'm a creature of routine, but when I don't have, like a directive, like, a lot of the work I do right now is self directed, and it's challenging for me to feel like I'm accomplishing those goals when I just have three hours to work on something. So that is a really great thing to tell people about, because people are really under utilizing AI, and if you can have it assist you in putting together recipes that are safe to eat on an elimination diet, I've seen even people use it as a budgeting tool, like, here is my budget, here's the store. I'm going to create a meal plan. So I'm really curious if you do start implementing those suggestions, if it works for you, and maybe I'll give it a try myself. That's

Robin (06:08):
another great thing about chat GPT is like, you can just share the document that you started with, all the information. Like, here you go. Mm hmm. Take what you will. Like, I'm still learning how to use chat GBT. So that's why it took me so long to build this, because you have to be really specific with what you're asking chat GPT to do, and the better you get at that, the better results you get. So I was telling it I was like from the perspective of a nutritionist, a functional medicine doctor and a personal trainer. Here are the goals that I want to accomplish. How can I go about that I made chatgpt the expert, because I am not

Deborah (06:44):
Yes, delegate. You know, sometimes you got to delegate, and that's so awesome. Well, hopefully you and I can both start the new year off right this week. You know, get back to basics, get back to a routine, and really just start going after it. I'm feeling good about this year, even though there's so much going on in the world that's like so unsettling and terrifying at this moment, truly personally about my world and what I can control, I am choosing to feel hopeful and to really just keep my loved ones close, focus on my priorities focus on my health. That's really all we can do. People, you know, yeah,

Robin (07:24):
our road trip, we drove to Oregon, yes, tell us to visit my dear friend, Jackie, and we were there through New Year's we did the murder mystery for New Year's Eve. Oh, yeah, it was really fun. So driving there was about 35 hours, and driving back was somewhat of the same. You know, we stopped in a couple places to see other friends, but my dear husband, Seth drove for almost all of it.

Deborah (07:53):
Yep, yep. Passenger Princess, yeah,

Robin (07:57):
I fall asleep on road trips when I'm driving.

Deborah (08:00):
Yeah, we don't need that. We don't need that. Yeah, it's actually quite

Robin (08:03):
scary. And he's like, You know what? I value my life. Just stay over there. Yeah, love you. But we listen to this podcast called The telepathy tapes. Yeah, it's mind blowing. It really changes your perspective on a lot of things. Like, I still think about it since we finished listening to it, like three days ago. Wow, it's affecting everything in my life right now. Oh, because I'm just trying to re evaluate how I view the world. It's really interesting. It's really good. It's about autistic kids, the non speaking specifically, and they have some some very amazing gifts. It's the easiest way to say. It highly recommend.

Deborah (08:53):
Okay, I'm gonna add that to the rotation for sure. I know you sent me some Instagram videos about it that were really fascinating. So awesome. So tell me, Robin, what was the classiest thing that you saw this week?

Robin (09:06):
As I said, we went to Ben recently. Jackie's birthday is a little after Christmas, and she knew I was coming, but she didn't know I was planning to arrive on her birthday. Her friends were throwing her a little happy hour, and I showed up and surprised her, which was really fun. Then we get back to her house, and on the table waiting for me are these amazing fashion fleece

Deborah (09:28):
overalls. Love, love that

Robin (09:32):
I wore every single day. Like, Why did I even pack I don't know, because these suckers kept me so freaking warm and in Ben, no one cares what you look like, so I just walk around town in those with my little snow boots, and it was 20 degrees, and I truly did not notice Seth was freezing. I was like, what? It's cold. They're magical, and I am always cold. Okay?

Deborah (09:55):
Oh my gosh, I love them. They're so cute. And you and Jackie sent me the link, and now it's haunting every single site that I go on, every ad I see on Tiktok. Now you're welcome. Are some variation of those overalls. So fingers crossed. Maybe the price will go down and I will splurge on myself and get some fashion fleece overalls, baby, maybe

Robin (10:20):
you could get some for the kids for like, their next Christmas. Oh, my God, instead of robes, you said the kids always get robes for Christmas, right? Yes, they do get them some fleece overalls because they have different colors, family

Deborah (10:34):
fleece overalls. Yeah, that is a great idea. That's a great idea. You're welcome. I think we should all have them. Truly,

Robin (10:41):
everyone should have them. All the classy ladies will eventually have them also. You know, we're talking about starting a family. These are great for pregnancy, like there's lots of space for the belly, so multi functional. I

Deborah (10:54):
think, if I'm reading my algorithm correctly, I think overalls are gonna, we're gonna see a big comeback here in 2025 I

Robin (11:03):
wore overalls when I was, like 17, and I remember they were, they were kind of a wide leg and baggy, and I'd wear only one part hooked in, you know, says, Cool. Oh yeah, yes, I thought I was so freaking cool. I don't have a single picture, so I can't actually verify if I did indeed look cool, but based on my fashion sense at that time, I'm gonna guess that I didn't look cool.

Deborah (11:28):
It's really hard to say, when we look back, what was actually cool and what was just in the moment, cool? Yeah, I remember getting my first pair of full length gene overalls in high school, and I wore those bad boys out, literally until the denim was worn out in the butt, you know? And yeah, looking back, not my best look, but so comfy when you did the one shoulder overall. You were just telling the world, I give zero fucks. Okay? You were making a power statement. I think let's bring back overall attire, whether it is in fleece, form denim, form cotton form, I'm here for it. I'm ready to go

Robin (12:18):
all over overalls. Do you remember I have one pair of overalls, denim overalls right now, but they're skin tight. Yeah? So, oh, I do remember, yeah, they're fun in a different way. It's not, I don't give a fuck. It's look at dead ass. Yes,

Deborah (12:37):
yeah, booty looked real good in the skin tight denim overalls,

Robin (12:42):
but I do love the backy ones. It's my preferred,

Deborah (12:46):
yeah, style. There's an overall for any occasion, in my opinion. And

Robin (12:50):
you know what these guys, they say fashion on the straps, right? And so one of the things Jackie and I were saying was, you don't have to choose fashion over function. You get both, right? You really do. And then I was like, We are professionals,

Deborah (13:08):
professional overalls. We need to make a version of overalls that you can wear to the office called professional so I have kind of an unconventional, classiest thing, and I want to give a shout out to my ex husband's new wives family. So hear me out. Divorce is hard. No matter what, it's still one of the hardest things that I've endured, and I am the person who initiated our divorce. So that just goes to show you, like there really are no winners. It can easily strain to people to the point of no contact. I certainly know people who have literally no communication with their ex other than talking about child welfare, and even those messages go unresponded. So I'm very grateful to have a very healthy co parenting relationship with my ex husband, and still close relationships with his family, which we've talked about before. Her family has also been so gracious and kind to me, they could easily not be right. I don't know the portrayal that has been made of me to them, right, true. There's two sides to every story, and it's really easy to talk poorly about your ex, but they have always really welcomed me into their home. So for a period of time, my ex lived in that home with her while they were searching and buying a new house. So when I would pick up the kids, I would pick them up at her family's house, and every time, they've always invited me physically inside. And they have a big family, and they host. Work a lot for the holidays. So Easters, they have a big egg hunt there. You know, all the big family holiday events, they are typically the hosts. And I never really know how to engage sometimes, because I am very aware that I am the ex wife and I'm just there to get the kids. I am not trying to oversee my welcome. I am not trying to be in a space that I don't belong. But they've never made me feel like that. In fact, they always offer me a plate that is so sweet. It's so sweet I didn't take it for a long time. Whenever I came in and they

(15:34):
were either eating or they had extra food and they'd be like, Oh, do you want some? I would politely decline because I felt like I needed to remove myself from a space that is now his, right? Yeah.And then it got to a point where I was like, am I actually being rude to them by always saying no to like, this small gesture of kindness, right? Is that mean for me to say, No, I don't want to eat your food. So I became kind of aware of that. And then so this last time, when I picked up the kids, they were celebrating Christmas a little late, you know, they do you want a plate? And I said, You know what I do? And even her extended family, like her aunts and cousins, they're always like, you know, hey, Debbie. Hey, Debbie, how are you like, Merry Christmas. They're just so warm. And I just think I'm very grateful for that. I'm very happy that we've made the best out of this situation for everybody involved. And it's so easy, I think, to go down the path of, oh your ex husband, ba, or like, oh your ex wife, and like, having those really negative connotations, and some are warranted. Don't get me wrong, like some people get divorced for a reason. I'm very proud of how we have all handled this situation, and I just think it's so classy. It's so classy the way that they have operated. So don't know if they will ever hear this episode, but if it makes its way to them, please know I'm grateful for your hospitality.

Robin (17:04):
Hmm, that is super classy. And I'm just thinking about your kids and all this, yeah. Like, what great role models you guys are being for them, even through a divorce, like you're showing them the healthy way of handling a divorce, you know, like they still feel love from both their parents. You both making them a priority, and Julie's family makes them a priority. Everybody understands that, like this is a group effort, like you're their mom and you deserve that kind of treatment. It's really wonderful that they acknowledge that, yeah,

Deborah (17:40):
yeah. And I think you're absolutely right. I think the kids have always been the focus. Okay, well, we are continuing our conversation from our last episode, which I gotta tell you, I am so proud of that episode. If you guys don't know this, you know there are people who which I totally understand. I used to be this. They don't like listening to themselves or watching themselves back, not me. I think I'm great. I think we're great. I think this show is great. And I personally loved even listening back to our last episode, which was about how to build a classy compound. We laid out all of the logistics of separate houses, communal spaces, guidelines, rules. Super fun episode. Hopefully you enjoyed it, but we weren't done talking about it. We had so much more to say, so we decided to make it a two parter. So today we are continuing the conversation, and now we're getting down to brass tacks. Robin and I are going to be evaluating locations across the country that we feel would be the perfect host for this classy compound, and we're going to narrow down what we think are the best locations. Yes,

Robin (18:58):
and to be clear, we only kept it within the United States, because obviously, if you try to make it the whole make it the whole world, it over complicates things. It really does, plus immigration stuff. Yeah,

Deborah (19:08):
it's a fantasy, but we're being realistic about it, you know. Yeah. So how do you want to start? Well, I think it would probably be good to go over what parameters we evaluated in order to select these locations and maybe talk about places that we didn't choose. Yeah, I like that. So Robin and I each had the assignment of researching different parts of the country and really creating a case as to why that should be the place. So Robin, do you want to go first? You want to talk about some locations and parameters that you evaluated.

Robin (19:43):
So some of the parameters that we used were pricing, like affordability, how resistant to climate change these areas are, what the weather is like year round, how much rainfall they get. What's the quality of the soil? Natural disasters is something that I looked at a lot, too, because obviously we're dealing with a lot of fires on the West Coast, which just breaks my heart for all those people losing their homes their whole lives. Yeah, so I'd like to avoid that. So I have two places that were in the running, and my first choice Fort Collins, Colorado. Yes, I picked this because obviously, Colorado is a wonderful outdoor state. This area of Fort Collins is very sunny. They get a lot of sunshine throughout the year. They have a really like, laid back community with a welcoming atmosphere, and there's a college there, so there's some cultural elements. But why I ultimately didn't go with Fort Collins is for the same reason, they have a lot of sunshine. They also don't get a lot of rain, so they only get about 15 inches a year, so irrigation would be an issue, yeah? Well, irrigation would be important to have, and I just think it's better to be somewhere where water is more readily available, because I don't want to be wasteful. Yeah, of course. And you run into problems when you're relying on something that you don't naturally have. Ultimately, that's the main reason why I didn't go with Fort Collins, but also, they are at sunris for wildfires and hail storms. So yeah, long term, I just didn't think it was the best choice. Yeah, and

Deborah (21:32):
you know, for both of us, correct me if I'm wrong, I really picture this compound being a place where we're almost outside as much as we are inside. Yes, I agree. So all of these environmental elements are really important. And you know, depending where you are in the country, you might not have hail storms, but let me tell you, they're scary. They're so scary. They're not nearly as bad here in Ohio as they are in Texas, but man, in Texas, like you better not have your car, like, uncovered, like it better be in a garage. It better be somewhere safe, because you could really, really mess up that car. Total. It even

Robin (22:19):
dude, last year we had a hailstorm that was so bad. I'm not joking. The balls were baseball size. Oh my God. They broke windows. They destroyed cars and their windows, houses, buildings, windows broken all over my neighborhood roofs destroyed solar panels. Yeah, I think you've seen a video of my neighbors, because I live on a second floor, so I could see people's roofs just shattered. It was insane. Seth got our SUV to a garage within seconds, because we only have a one car garage, and at the time, we had two cars, so his car was in the garage, but the SUV is just exposed. And, yeah, it's, it's insanity. I don't want to live where hail storms are normal occurrence. No, nope. So the second town that I was considering is Burlington, Vermont, okay, I've never been there, but it seems like a very charming, Hallmark style town, for sure, they're known for their sustainability and renewable energy. They're also known for their farm to table culture, which I love, yes, and it's a small community, so it's a little tight knit, which I like, like, I wanna, I want us to know all the people in the town. Yeah,

Deborah (23:46):
we don't need the townspeople being concerned about us. They need to know that we come in peace. Okay, yeah, so that's a good quality, plus, correct me if I'm wrong, Burlington, Vermont isn't that where they make Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It's definitely in Vermont, might not be in Burlington, and

Robin (24:03):
Vermont's tiny, so if it's not in Burlington, it's close enough, it can't be too far. Go get some ice cream. Yeah, why I ultimately did not choose Burlington is, first of all, the amount of snow they get. They get over 80 inches a year. It's a lot, and that kind of winter doesn't sound as appealing to me. Their summers are nice, their summers are mild, but they're also shorter, which means shorter growing time for produce. So that was something I took into account as well. But yeah, the harsh winters, they have higher costs than my the place that I did choose, and it's more remote, like access to an airport and other towns, like, yeah, everything's kind of farther away. And it was the same thing for Fort Collins, like, the closest airport is Denver, which is over an hour, yeah. And that's just really inconvenient, yeah. So yeah, those were two places that I was considering,

Deborah (24:57):
along with snow and along with. Her are a lot of days where you don't see the sun. The sun seems so far away in the sky, and that's not a good recipe for dopamine. And really, the whole point of the friendship compound is to just maximize our dopamine receptors and live in bliss. So I think that's a solid choice to pass on Vermont, but would love to visit.

Robin (25:22):
We could go and recreate our own Hallmark Christmas movie.

Unknown (25:28):
Yes, absolutely. Like,

Robin (25:31):
like, just walk into a coffee shop with a little dialog and just start talking around the people to see if they engage or if they're just like, What the fuck is going on?

Deborah (25:40):
We'll just have a backstory ready to go and ready to tell yes, yes.

Robin (25:46):
And I think we should try it. I think we should try it in flee. So for us,

Deborah (25:52):
of course, it's all coming together. It's all coming together. So

Robin (25:56):
what about you? What were you two choices that you almost went with?

Deborah (26:00):
So two choices that I almost went with. First one is Asheville, North Carolina. Now I've been to Asheville. It is super cute. It's been a long time since I've been there. Yes, it's not very far from Charlotte. So one of my best friends lives in Charlotte, and that's like a really quick trip that they go to, you know, to get away, cabin, birthdays, all that kind of stuff. They love going to Asheville. It is a cute little hippie town. You've got a lot of that local charm, locally owned. They have a ton of breweries, which I don't really drink anymore, but nowadays I feel like these breweries are offering more like, non alcoholic options, which is great. And if you have a really good brewery, it's a good just like event space in general. You got outside patio furniture. And even though I don't drink, I still do enjoy going to breweries. They're like, my preferred bar to go to, because it always seems like there's just a little something more to do tons of art places. So I feel like it would fit with our vibe. Now, unfortunately, though, became very obvious how prone they are to some natural disasters, like with the combination of the hurricane and the mudslides and floods that happened there. That, to me, is just I got very afraid of Coastal Living between that and now these terrible fires that are taking place on the west coast. So I felt like not the time to do Asheville, North Carolina, but highly recommend giving it a visit if you've never been there before.

Robin (27:36):
I've never been I've always wanted to go. I've heard great things, super cute. Yeah. I

Deborah (27:40):
mean the drive, because coming from Ohio, it's a beautiful drive. Once you get out of the state of Ohio, you've got the Blue Ridge Mountains, and it's a very beautiful and super scenic so let's add it to the rotation of classy lady visit stops that we should go to. Great idea. Love it. Yeah. So the second one I evaluated, but did not choose, was Santa Fe, New Mexico. Oh, okay, yeah, kind of interesting. So I have never been to Santa Fe. It's very cute and charming town, but I have been to Albuquerque. Albuquerque is not the same. I went to Albuquerque for a graduate conference, and part of that weekend, they had like a shuttle that took people up to Santa Fe like Taos area. Unfortunately, I couldn't go to that, but the pictures are so cute. And our good friend Kathleen is from New Mexico, and I know she loves that area. You've got so many beautiful colors out there, you've got mountains. There's a ton of hiking, lot of outdoor activities to do, lots to do. Now, I didn't choose this because it is a desert type climate, which really doesn't play into the sustainable living that we are looking to accomplish. And we

Robin (29:00):
just drove through New Mexico, which northern New Mexico is absolutely stunning, but before you get there, yeah, it's everything's brown and tan and beige, yeah? Like, I need more color. I need more green, yeah, when we were driving through the southern part, I was like, Wow, I'm kind of depressed. It made me sad,

Deborah (29:22):
yeah. So we don't want to be sad. We want to feel happy and colorful and joyful. And although that is probably a very colorful area, you know, the the dryness factor also kind of an issue. I mean, it's one thing to be dry in the summer, because it does feel better than like, humidity. I live true in the Midwest, so we kind of get the range of dry heat and humidity. But when it is humid here, it's like, insufferable, yeah. But also with dryness comes just your skin. It's just like, not as beautiful. It really dries you out. You don't know when you're dehydrated, it's really. Hard to tell. You know, I heard someone once, in a dramatic fashion, say, if you're thirsty in a desert, it's too late. Like, okay, well, how am I supposed to know to drink water? But you're just supposed to drink it all the time, apparently. So yeah, I felt like, with the climate changing, who knows how hot it could get there, and I just wanted to be in an area more temperate. So would love again, add it to the tour stop, Santa Fe, New Mexico. Okay, yeah,

Robin (30:31):
that would be a really fun gals trip. I've, yeah, been with Seth. It was very short visit, so I haven't spent a ton of time there, but it's very cute and quaint. And there's lots of thoughts to get wine and yeah, I think we'd have a really nice ladies trip there for sure. Yeah, yeah,

Deborah (30:49):
we'll have to definitely check it out. Well, that just leaves one thing left to do, and that is revealing our potential locations for this friendship. Compound, Robin, I'll let you take it away first, what is your choice for the friendship compound location? So

Robin (31:04):
I've never actually been to this place, but on paper, it checks all the boxes and more for our friendship compound. Okay, okay, and that place is Madison, Wisconsin, okay, okay, okay, hear me out. It's very affordable, so acquiring land would be much easier than Fort Collins or Burlington. They have the lowest average home value of the three. The weather year round is very manageable. They get about 50 inches of snow in the winter, but it's like a functional kind of snow, like they're prepared for it. They have lots of winter activities, and they have longer growing season, which is really good for our compound, right? And if we have a greenhouse, like growing things through the winter, shouldn't be a problem. But like, they get a lot of rainfall. They get over twice as much rainfall as Fort Collins. They get about 37 inches of rain a year, and for the winter, because obviously, like, I tried to pick a place that was going to be climate change resistant, I think for the winters. Because, yeah, summers are going to get hotter, but winters might get colder too. Yeah. Radiant heat everywhere. Okay, oh. Radiant heat on our little roads, little sidewalks in our bathrooms, so that we just feel cozy all the time, and no one has to shovel driveways. You know, I

Deborah (32:31):
have really been wondering if I either have a terrible shovel, or if some of the houses in my neighborhood have radiant heat driveways, because some of them are just pristine, with no trace that it ever even snowed. And mine is like I did the best I can, and I tell you, that would be a game changer, plus we don't even need to worry about being gold, because we're all gonna be rockin the fashion fleece overalls

Robin (33:01):
Precisely, precisely like, will we know it's winter? I don't know. No, we

Deborah (33:06):
won't. And you know, people do get a little dismissive of winter, not all people. But you know, when you think about, oh, I do. I want to live in an area they got so much snow, once you have endured a few winters, it's really not that bad. And I really thought a challenge of getting my dog, which I did a few months ago, was a man in the winter. I was really almost going to time it out, so that way I had, like, the longest period of time before I had to do, like, winter daily walks outside. And I've got a great jacket, a hat and some gloves. It honestly does not bother me going outside, and it has been as low as a seven degree wind chill factor, wow. And it's honestly not that bad. If you just wear the right equipment, right apparel, you can endure winter and you're going to be fine. So it's true,

Robin (34:02):
having the right apparel is so important, it's a game changer. And broke Robin back in the day just didn't have the right gear. And now I do, including fleece overalls. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I think the winters are tolerable enough, and I've got solutions, even if they're more difficult. It's got great proximity to major cities. It's an hour and a half from Milwaukee, it's two and a half hours from Chicago and four hours from Minneapolis, not to mention Madison has its own airport, so you've got easy access to that, and they have great soil quality. The outdoors in the spring and summer just looks absolutely insane. They have so many parks, and there's just tons of hiking, biking, which is something that we wanted around our compound, is like some trails or access to trails. Yeah. Yes, and then it seems that Madison has a very inclusive community. They also have a college there. So there's tons of events and lectures, exhibits like art displays. There's tons to do because, you know, we want to leave our compound to go do other fun things. Yeah, maybe we'll stay there a lot, but living near a town that has a lot to do, I think, is going to motivate us to, like, get out more. Yeah,

Deborah (35:28):
absolutely. We're not trying to live in a bubble. You know. We still want to learn and explore new areas, maybe even make new friends. So, yeah, I think that all of those things together sound like a really great spot for us to build our classy compound. Thanks. I've also never been to Madison, Wisconsin. I've only been to Milwaukee, so I don't know. I certainly

Robin (35:58):
want to go now for sure, absolutely, let's go. We need to do some research. You know, we need to go out on the field, absolutely. All right. What about you? Let's hear your choice. Okay,

Deborah (36:14):
so I have been to this location before, so we have that going for us. The area I chose encompasses a lot of the outdoor things that I would love to just incorporate in our daily life. I grew up on the water, so it's really important to me to have really easy access to water. In fact, having a lake be a primary activity that we do also super important to me. I want to also incorporate other hiking and outdoor activities. I think Robin, you did the same thing where you asked chatgpt to create an illustration of your compound, and I one prompt that chatgpt gave back to me was like, You should put a trail around to your compound. And I'm like, Yeah, put a natural, brilliant nature trail just running through it, so an area where that would make sense and look good. I did want to experience some of all four seasons, but maybe not as harsh of a swing of, you know, summer into like 50 inches of snowy or winter. And another thing that I didn't even realize would be important until the results came back would be light pollution, low light pollution, and even maybe low sound pollution. So that way you can do beautiful stargazing at night. So all of these things into consideration. I chose the Cumberland Plateau of Tennessee.

Robin (37:46):
I have actually never heard of this. Yeah, yeah. Tell me more.

Deborah (37:51):
I know. So the Cumberland Plateau, and I don't have a map, but based on driving, there is sort of in the northwestern part of Tennessee. Actually, part of it goes into Kentucky, so it's nestled where Kentucky and Tennessee meet. In fact, it's right on the central eastern time zone line, so you can jump back and forth. You really can, and sometimes it's hard because there's a lot of winding roads, because it's going into the Smoky Mountains, so there's some elevation, and you might have to do like, a windy road to get to a store, and half of that time you'll be in Central, and the other time Eastern. So like, my phone was just going back and forth. That's like, what time it was, which made it really confusing when we were supposed to check out in the morning, like, we'll wait. What time is it? Is it 10? Is it 11? It's super confusing, but it is really beautiful. It's a man made lake. So it's interesting because it goes really, really deep, which means some of the water can be, you know, kind of cold, which feels so refreshing in the summertime. However, I will say one downside of it being man made, is there's ton of access to it, to the lake, very few beach fronts, okay, but are there like cliffs to jump off of? There are a lot of cliffs to jump off of. I

Robin (39:14):
want a rope swing. Yes,

Deborah (39:16):
so many rope swings. So many little coves, like, when I was there, rented like a pontoon boat for the day with my kids. And we, you know, we just like, went into little coves, and we put on our life jackets, and we would like, swim in the water and, like, it is really beautiful, and it's also nestled into, you know, more of a mountainous landscape. So love that you have beautiful views, beautiful vistas, tons of trees. So it would be a really good climate to be able to plant and keep a sustainable lifestyle. There's a ton of land available, and it's not as expensive as some of the other locations that we talked about. So I think I did the same thing of like 100 Acres, and it was like, yep, doable. And obviously it would be a little bit of a drive to get to an airport. I believe the closest one might be Nashville. And I don't know off the top of my head how far away that is, but it's not that far of a drive to Nashville, Knoxville, Lexington, Louisville, like it's all within like a two, three hour radius, so we could venture out and get very different city experiences in that area. It's also not very far from I 75 which literally runs from Michigan all the way down to Florida. So if we wanted to do like a fun road trip with the whole compound, we'd have so many choices along one highway, and I ultimately just saw it being the perfect mix of rustic and just a lot of outdoor activities to do off the compound or incorporating those elements into The compound. We would see beautiful foliage in the fall, we'd be surrounded by trees, so the foliage would just be so beautiful. We'd have wonderful winters, because it gets cold, but it's not too, too cold, and it stays pretty temperate in the summertime. So all of those things combined, Cumberland Plateau, Tennessee, for my compound nomination.

Robin (41:24):
I love it. It's got a great name. Yeah, Cumberland Lake. Cumberland. I know, I know. Wow, man. These are two fantastic

Deborah (41:32):
choices. They really are. I don't even know if we have to choose. Do we choose?

Robin (41:37):
No, I think we choose by, you know, going out and seeing what's there. Yeah, we gotta take trips to the Cumberland Plateau. That's it. Yeah, and Madison, Wisconsin, like, we gotta go check them out. We gotta go see is this where we wanna be, long term,

Deborah (41:55):
awesome. Well, we would love to hear your feedback. What small towns, parts of the country areas did we not consider where would you want to have your classy compound? If you have a response, email us at art of [e-mail] and we would love to get your feedback. Maybe there's a whole part of the country that we're not even considering totally

Robin (42:16):
and I know on Spotify, I'm not showing apple, but you can also leave comments. Oh yeah, you can leave comments on the podcast itself. So if you don't feel like emailing us, you can also just write in there, make your comments, ask questions. We want to engage with our community, so hit us up. Absolutely,

Deborah (42:38):
absolutely. Okay, great. Well, now it is time for our bracket game. Now, when we created the criteria for where to put our classy compound, we kept it within the United States, but we thought, let's high level evaluate other countries where we would want to put a classy compound. So Robin, it's your turn to chime in here. These last two I've been the recipient, and now you're in the hot seat. Let's go. I am going to ask you to choose one of these two countries in which you would want to build a classy compound in. Okay? And then we'll whittle them down until we've got two left, and one country will be named the winner. Now I will say we haven't specified cities, and we understand that countries are big, yes, so this is going to be really high level, yeah, but we're just going to go for it. Okay, okay, first up New Zealand or Australia. Hmm, well, they're both beautiful. New Zealand doesn't have any predators. Australia has a lot of predators, very scary ones. Wait, New Zealand doesn't have any predators. Does that make people the predators? They don't have

Robin (43:52):
dangerous predators. Gotcha. So you can go out in nature and not, you know, get bitten by a poisonous snake, Ah, okay, I don't think they have snakes at all. I could be wrong, but I'm gonna go with New Zealand.

Deborah (44:07):
I think that's a safer choice because I recently saw a video of a huntsman spider. And if you have never seen one of those before, if you are squeamish at all or have a fear of spiders, this is not the Google search for you, but the fact that they just live among people is wild to me. And they could be a pet. Honestly, there are some of these spotters that were, like, bigger than, you know, a little tiny Chihuahua, if you would. So, yeah, no, if I would love to go to Australia. It looks beautiful. I do not want to build a compound in the outback of Australia, correct? We would have to be a totally different group of people to survive that. Yeah, yeah. New Zealand, yeah. Okay, so New Zealand, it is okay. Next. Sep, Sweden or Austria,

Robin (45:04):
okay, okay, okay. Austria does have that beautiful Alpine scenery. I've seen their gorgeous lakes. But Sweden, I know, I know they have a high quality of life there. You do have those long winters. But, yeah, let's go Sweden. I'm gonna go Sweden. Okay, okay, Costa Rica, or

Deborah (45:27):
Argentina.

Robin (45:29):
I'm immediately drawn to Costa Rica, just because I've been there and I've experienced its beauty. It does have a tropical climate, which can be quite hot and humid. It can be but I don't, I don't know much about Argentina in that respect, but I do love Argentinian wine. I'm gonna go Costa Rica. Love it. I know they have a really good expat community there too, so they do,

Deborah (45:55):
yeah, and it's beautiful and very sustainable. I think they produce more energy than they take. Oh, really, right? I think they're like a surplus with their energy, sustainable methods, solar and that kind of stuff. Like. They're in the green with energy production. Oh, wow, that's great. Yeah, yeah. All right, next up Thailand or Japan,

Robin (46:18):
going over to Asia, hmm, okay. I know Thailand is known for their expat community as well, affordable living, the best food. African love Thai food. I know that Japan is prone to earthquakes, though, so I'm gonna go with Thailand.

Deborah (46:35):
Yeah, that is when we're talking about Thailand. You know, you might get a tsunami. We

Robin (46:41):
would be inland. Okay, okay, I assume, with all of these that were inland, yeah, going to the coast is, like a day trip, fun thing, but yeah, like, because of natural disasters, I think it's best to avoid coastlines in general. Yeah,

Deborah (46:55):
good idea. Thailand. It is okay. Let's explore a new continent, Uruguay or Chile.

Robin (47:05):
Chile has Patagonia. I'm gonna go with Chile. Yeah,

Deborah (47:11):
you've got beaches, you've got Patagonia, you've got access to the Arctic, you have it all. You know, we would have plenty of choices and what part of the country we want to put the compound. So good choice, okay, Portugal or Spain.

Robin (47:25):
Now, I have been to both of these places, and they're both wonderful, but I'm gonna go with Spain because they have a lot of like, similar amenities and access to beautiful cities and wine and food. I just love Spain, so I'm gonna go with Spain. Got it, okay? Scotland or Ireland? I'm gonna go with Scotland. Interesting. I've been to both places here as well, and my visit to Scotland was just magical. I think it's a stunning country. Well, so is Ireland, of course, but the Highlands of Scotland are unlike anything I've ever seen.

Deborah (48:07):
That's on my bucket list for sure. So I'm gonna go with Scotland. Okay, two Chile countries here, Iceland or Canada. Canada is massive, but Canada

Robin (48:19):
is massive, yeah? Like, what part? But I am going to say Canada, because while Iceland, I know is it's known for its out of this world beauty, but it's also isolated and the amount of daylight they have per year and stuff like that. Like, it just doesn't seem like
somewhere I want to live. Gotcha. Good call. Good call. Canada Canada. It is all right, New Zealand or Sweden. Oh, dang, New Zealand,

(48:50):
okay, because I'm thinking about the weather, you know, like, yeah, I don't want to deal with Sweden's winters,

Deborah (48:56):
true. And in New Zealand you'd have opposites, so you would be like, getting ready for summer on Christmas. Yeah? Oh,

Robin (49:04):
I love that. It feels like summer Christmas in Texas most of the time. Anyway, yeah, so you're basically used to it. So let's have a real summer,

Deborah (49:15):
okay? Costa Rica, or Thailand. Costa Rica, good choice, good choice. Okay, Chile or Spain, Spain, hands down. Love Scotland or Canada. These feel similar. They do.

Robin (49:33):
But you know what? I know that Scotland has an issue with these little bugs, I think they're called midges, in like, August, September, time frame, they're these little like, they're kind of like gnats, and there's a ton of them. They're just everywhere. We avoided them when we went, but I've heard it's a huge annoyance. Based on that knowledge, I'm gonna say Canada. Okay, I.

Deborah (50:00):
All right, we're getting down to the nitty gritty Final Four, New Zealand or Costa Rica. I'm gonna

Robin (50:07):
go with New Zealand. It just has everything I want out of long term living. Yeah, yeah. New Zealand, okay? Spain or Canada, Spain. I mean, yeah,

Deborah (50:23):
I'm sorry. I knew Canada didn't stand a chance in that matchup. Sorry,

Robin (50:27):
yeah, sorry, Canada.

Deborah (50:30):
Okay, here we go, final two for the whole kit and caboodle, New Zealand or Spain.

Robin (50:37):
These are fantastic finalists, such great finalists. And the thing about New Zealand is that they are very isolated, so going anywhere is going to take a lot. You got to fly wherever you want to go.

Deborah (50:52):
If there's another pandemic, they're going to shut those borders down again, and we might be stuck there for God only knows how long.

Robin (50:58):
Yeah, which isn't the worst, that's not the worst, but I'm gonna pick Spain. It's a great location in Europe. You have access to all these other countries. I love the culture in Spain, and it's a very diverse landscape. Of course, New Zealand is too but Spain checks all the boxes, and it's close to everything else. New Zealand checks all the boxes, but it's all by itself. So yeah, Spain is my final answer.

Deborah (51:28):
Love it. Well, let's do it. Let's go international. And I think maybe for our international leg of the tour, we should explore all of these countries as well.

Robin (51:38):
I think you're right 100% it's very important work. We need to go do some research,

Deborah (51:45):
hardcore research. All right, so that brings us to our classy scenario of the week. Is it classy? Robin, you want to lead the way on our scenario this week? I

Robin (51:57):
do, and it's a little controversial, so I'm really curious to hear what you have to say. Okay, is it classy responding to being left out? Here's the scenario. You discover that your friends went on a trip without inviting you. Is it classy to confront them about it? Bring it up casually, or let it go? Oh,

Deborah (52:20):
this is a hard one, because not only have I been in the shoes of the person who has been left out, I have also unintentionally left people out of planned trips or even just small outings. So I know what it feels like to feel neglected, and I also know what it feels like when I found out I hurt somebody's feelings. So having been on both sides, I would say that the classy thing to do is to confront the person, because so many times we think we know exactly what someone was thinking. We know what was in their head. We think that we are front and center in the decisions that they make. And if you cling on tight to that narrative, your feelings are going to be so hurt because it's going to feel so personal. But if you seek with curiosity to try to understand what happened. You might get a perspective you weren't thinking. And if nothing else, you're letting someone know that their actions hurt your feelings and it gives them the opportunity to do better next time. What are your What are your thoughts around this?

Robin (53:39):
I think that is very well put because I'm sure everyone has experienced this in some way, shape or form, and in the way that I have experienced it, when I have chosen to speak to that person, I'm always surprised by that response. I build it up in my head. It's way worse in my head than when you actually, like, get it out. And you're right. If it's somebody that actually values your relationship, they want to know how they're affecting you. No, it's not fun to be excluded from a trip. But maybe the way they thought about it wasn't about them not wanting you there, right? And that's what you have to dissect, you know, be direct, but curious. You know, yeah, don't be accusatory and just ask. Like, Hey, I saw you guys. Went on a trip. It looked like so much fun. I was surprised. I wasn't invited. Did I miss something? Don't give the impression that, no matter what their answer is, you're going to be mad. People can sense that they're going to be defensive. Don't give them the opportunity to be defensive. And it's about how you approach the conversation that's going to dictate that.

Deborah (54:51):
Yeah, and it's so easy to feel rejected. I personally have very strong. Rejection, anxiety, I feel like I over analyze and like we were saying before, I think I completely understand the narrative that is going on in someone else's head. So it is very vulnerable to tell somebody hey that hurt my feelings, or I'm curious as to why I wasn't asked to go, because in that moment, if someone has done something without you, and you thought that your friendship was close enough to have been invited to that kind of trip, it's almost showing you, oh, I'm not as important to them as they are to me. Yes, and that inequity, it can be very painful. It's a

Robin (55:40):
tough pill to swallow.

Deborah (55:42):
It's a tough pill to swallow. And seeking clarity could do one of two things show that person that you want to be more engaged in, in that group, or at least maybe they didn't think that you were on that level, right? It also is an opportunity for you to realize, like, maybe we have moved on from each other. Yeah, maybe I'm investing too much in something that I'm not getting in return. But you're not going to know if you just keep it to yourself, and a lot of times their response will tell you exactly what you need to know about whether or not it's a friendship worth moving forward. You only

Robin (56:23):
want to be friends with people that value your time, yeah, and if they're not going to be including you, then go hang out with the people that do want to include you. Yeah, it's that complicated, and it's that simple. Yeah, I think

Deborah (56:37):
that's a great answer. Okay, well, we have an exciting new segment, and I really hope that this becomes a reoccurring one, because we finally have what we are calling some classy correspondence. We got an email to our art of [e-mail] email address. We welcome you to do the same, whether you have a comment on an episode, or you can relate with the funny story, or you just want to share your thoughts on this podcast in general, let us know we're so excited to read this one, and should we just go for it? Yeah, dive in our listener mail. Here we go. Hey, classy ladies. Our friend group is hooked on you guys. We are the very classy soccer mamas, and will frequently text our favorite comments from you guys. I just finished the changing last names episode, and really needed to reach out because Robin's food poisoning hit home and sent us all texting, but first a little background, and for the listeners at home, in this episode, Robin detailed getting food poisoning the day before a flight to Boston. So just the nightmare of being on a plane with food poisoning, traveling with food poisoning, go back and listen to it's a great episode. Our soccer Mama's group formed a few years ago when our boys started playing rec soccer together and they were in elementary school, and our friendships continued to grow over the years, as our boys began playing competitive travel soccer together, I'm struggling to find the right words to describe what these women mean to me and what we mean to each other. We spend countless hours on the sideline cheering and supporting our kids, but off the field, we are cheering and supporting each other. We love the travel tournaments probably more than our kids do, because it means we get to travel and hang out together. And over the years, we have laughed and cried in many an Airbnb or hotel room together. In July, we decided that we needed a girls trip together. Most our travel together is soccer slash

(58:42):
family related, and joke that we should go to California, and that's what we did, a cross country trip with my besties, who I met in my mid, late 30s. It was the best dang trip ever. So here's whereRobin's food poisoning comes into play, and why my anxiety shot to 1 million when she began to talk about food poisoning on the plane after the best five days, we boarded the red eye back to Charlotte and I am the champion airplane sleeper. Same, same. I am the same. I fall asleep immediately. 45 minutes into the flight, I was asleep. Moments after takeoff, I wake up suddenly and vomit. I quickly grab a bag and get in there. Hmm? I thought that was really weird. Then I needed to run to the bathroom, and I will spare you the details, but much like Robin, I am not a pretty or quiet puker, each trip to the bathroom looked like a scene from The Exorcist, which I had to clean up because no other human needed to see that, or I would quietly try to puke in a bag in my chair. This pattern of quiet chair puking and exorcist barfing went on for four hours on the plane. It was horrible. Our poor friend Angela, who had the miss four. To sit next to me. Woke up to me just trying hard to be a considerate plane bar for she began to reach over the seats and collect bags for me to vomit in. Now that is a good friend, classy lady. That is a classy lady right there. Once the plane landed, I couldn't get off. I needed to wait until everyone else had left, because, well, the food poisoning wasn't over yet, and I needed my walk of shame to be done in private. So Robin, I am so glad you were able to fly in peace, because food poisoning on a plane is traumatic, AF, and I wish it on no one. I can say while writing this email that I can finally laugh about it. The irony is, we went to a very famous, fancy restaurant in Coronado, and my meal was amazing. When I mentioned it to a co worker that I'd gotten food poisoning while in San Diego, she asked where I ate, because two weeks prior, she

(01:01:00):
was there, and her two brothers got food poisoning too. It was the same restaurant. Okay, I don't need to put this restaurant on blast, but I'm gonna need this listener to let us know privately whatrestaurant this is, so we don't go there anyway. She wraps up by saying, Keep podcasting away, ladies, and sharing about the gift of friendship. Love it. Love it. Thank you so much. This is the best first letter. The best first letter, and I my favorite part, obviously, is not the fact that she had to not only puke, but God only knows what else she did on the plane. I appreciate her sparing the details, but the fact that her and her classy ladies of classiness are like the same as us traveling together, supporting each other, solidifying their friendship in their mid, late 30s. I mean, these are all the things that I love to hear about. We love these stories. So keep them coming in. We will read them on the air. Let's hear about your friendship origin story, your funny travels, a time where maybe you're holding your friend's hair back while they were puking. I want it all. Let's hear it. I

Robin (01:02:14):
just want to add one thing, please. Part of the nightmare about being that kind of sick on an airplane. It's not just that you're in a confined space and you have to use this tiny bathroom and that maybe some people might smell or hear what you're doing is that all of those people are complete strangers, and they all have nothing else to do, but know that you did that. Yeah, you know, like they're just sitting there. There was a plane that had to land recently from someone who had explosive diarrhea.

Deborah (01:02:46):
I saw that story, and I just, I felt so bad for that person. Like, you go on a plane and you think the worst thing that is going to happen is that the plane crashes. You don't consider that you're going to have diarrhea so bad that it becomes a biohazard, and they have to land the plane early, and everyone has to walk around your entire spew and shit and know it was you, and also be terrified that you just gave them whatever you had. That's worse than the plane crash, because the plane crash in your life is over. You shit so hard on a plane that it's a biohazard. Your life continues, and everyone knows what you did. There are things worse than death

Robin (01:03:26):
and oh my gosh. Let's just hope that nobody decides to whip out their camera. Oh, put that embarrassing crap on social media. Oh my gosh. Anyway, all right, well, I think that's all we have today, except to let everybody know that classy is a state of mind,

Deborah (01:03:45):
so mind your classiness. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye you