February 11, 2025 • 53 mins
Galentine’s Day isn’t just a made-up holiday—it’s a powerful reminder to celebrate the friendships that truly stand the test of time. In this episode, we’re diving into the meaning behind Galentine’s Day, why female friendships deserve as much attention as romantic relationships, and how to make this day special—no matter your relationship status.
Tune in as we explore:
- The history of Galentine’s Day and how it went from TV moment to real-life tradition - Why friendships deserve as much celebration as romantic relationships - Creative ways to celebrate, from hosting a brunch to sending love to your long-distance besties - How to strengthen your friendships year-round—not just on February 13th
Whether you’re planning an epic Galentine’s gathering or looking for ways to appreciate your besties from afar, this episode is packed with ideas to make your friendships even stronger.
Hit play and let’s celebrate the power of female friendships!
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Submit your own stories for future episodes! artofclassiness@gmail.com
Quick disclaimer, friends – we're not doctors, just two people who love to share ideas and experiences. This podcast is for fun and informational purposes only. It's not meant to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have questions about your health, definitely reach out to your doctor or a qualified health professional. Take care of yourselves and use what feels right for you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Robin (00:08):
welcome to The Art of classiness podcast, a show where we redefine what it means to be a classy lady and sometimes it's messy. I'm Robin
Deborah (00:17):
and I'm Deborah, two friends turned classy ladies who are here to discuss life's ups and downs, navigating the complexities of adulthood and how the gift of friendship is essential to belonging. Today,
Robin (00:27):
we're diving into the origin of galantines, why celebrating female friendship matters, and, of course, creative ways to make this day special, whether you're planning a full blown brunch, a cozy self care night, or just sending love to your long distance bestie. Plus we'll
Deborah (00:42):
be sharing personal stories, Fun galentines Ideas, and answering the big question, why do we sometimes prioritize romance over friendships when these are the relationships that have been with us the longest? So
Robin (00:54):
follow along, give us your feedback, and don't forget to like and subscribe.
Deborah (00:58):
What's up? Classy Ladies and gentlemen, hello, hello. How are you, Robin. I'm good. How are you? I am fine.
Robin (01:09):
I feel like that was you last week too, like it's February. I
Deborah (01:14):
know it is just, you know, I need sunshine in my life so badly, and I think that I have been missing it more, not just because it's cold and we're in the middle of winter, but because I already have to start thinking about summer camp plans for my kids, because registration is like, right around the corner, which is insane. So I'm already, like, planning my summer time, and I made a decision. Let me know if this is a good idea or bad idea, it's not a bad idea. I live very close to one of the largest water parks in Ohio. It's called Zoom busy Bay, and they have, like, a season pass, you know? So all in for the fam me and the two boys would be like, $300 or so, right? Versus $100 a week per kid for the summer for them to go to, like the Parks and Rec community room for the summer, right? So my plan is that we'll go to zoom BC Bay twice a month for the summer, like on certain days of the week, because I work from home, so if I can schedule my time, so that I can, like, take breaks, and just because, if you have a season pass, you don't feel the need to do everything every time you go there, you can literally, just like, go to one pool, like you can go there all the time, so you don't have that, like, we have to do everything right now. But here's the best part of this plan that I realized yesterday. When I don't have the kids, I can just go by myself. They have an adults only area with the lazy river and a swim up bar. You have to be 21 to get in. Oh, hell yes. And I'm like, This is gonna be my summer on Saturdays. I'm gonna wake up, work out, take the dog for a walk, and then I'm just gonna head up to zoom busy Bay and hang out in the lounger and read a book, because I want to make sure that this investment is worth it. So this is going to be like my single Stella Got Her Groove Back summer, where I'm just hanging out by the lazy river in the adults only section of a pool theme park. Thoughts,
Robin (03:24):
I love this. I love this, right? One of my favorite things in my 20s, when I lived in apartments was the summertime when you got to go chill by the pool in the middle of the day, because we all worked in the service industry, yes. So no one else was at the pool, mm hmm, on a Monday at 2pm you know? Mm hmm, I freaking love it. Do it? Girl,
Deborah (03:52):
yeah, and parking is covered with the pass. You know,
Robin (03:55):
this is a whole new version of hot girl, Summer, 100% but
Deborah (03:59):
now I'm realizing, Oh, we're still in February. Oh my gosh, I still have so many more months before I can do this. So that's where the depression is coming in.
Robin (04:07):
Yeah, I wish you could have some of our Austin weather. I do too. It's been pretty nice here, and I've been enjoying morning walks with Penny. We have a it's called a lake, but it's a large pond the park by our house. Yeah, it is not a lake, no, but it's called Mueller Lake Park, which is, yeah. Anyway, I stopped and was just, I was watching the ducks swim, and it was so peaceful. And I think I stood there for like five minutes in awe of like, how have I never noticed how peaceful This is before I need to be doing this every day. Yeah, and that's just where my life is at, where I find these wall really beautiful, simple things that bring me so much joy, and I'm here for it.
Deborah (04:55):
This is amazing. First of all, I love that. Second of all, people don't realize. How quickly you get sucked in to the old person pipeline after 40? Well, you're not even 40 yet. You're like, so close, but all of a sudden you're like, you know what? Bird watching is cool, yes. And
Robin (05:11):
I've been saying that this year, so I'm well on my way.
Deborah (05:15):
You are well on your way, and you're in good company as well. Look even my
Robin (05:19):
sweatshirt. She's got grandma glasses. It's a cat wearing glasses, and there's some embroidered flowers. Because, why not? Because why not? I love
Deborah (05:28):
it. Well, speaking of things that bring me joy, I'm so excited about our topic this week, because we are talking about the greatest and I don't feel it gets the attention it deserves holiday of the year, and that is galentines day. Galentines day. And for those of you that have never heard of this holiday before, it actually is because it is relatively new, and was, I would say, made popular by the Parks and Recs episode where Leslie celebrates a galentines Day brunch with all of her closest friends, and she makes it clear, February 13 is for the gals. You know, that's when you get together with your girlfriends. So for those of you that have never seen Parks and Rec or maybe never even heard of galentines day, essentially, what it is is an excuse to get together with your closest gal friends. Now, for guys that listen to this show and you might start to feel excluded, I want to tell you that there is nothing stopping you from having your own guys night during this time, where your lady might be out and about with her gals. Okay, so we're going to talk about our female experiences celebrating Valentine's Day, but I think guys nights are underrated. I think guys need to spend more time with each other anyway. So just know that all these things that we're about to talk about could apply to you, and you could always put your own spin on it. In fact, if you do, we'd love to hear about it. I will say, though, I really don't expect many men to take on their version of Valentine's Day, because most of them don't even like Valentine's Day. It's true,
Robin (07:11):
including my husband. Yeah, so
Deborah (07:15):
and I totally get it. I understand both arguments of why people do and don't honor Valentine's Day. So you know, maybe this is just not the holiday season for you. But either way, we are so excited to talk about why celebrating female friendships matter, because there actually have been studies to support the mental and health benefits of strong female bonds. So true.
Robin (07:42):
And I, I find it really interesting, like society has conditioned us to believe, like romantic relationships are the it's the pinnacle. This is your ultimate goal in life. But that's like finding your one forever person, right? There's always holidays to celebrate that, but there's zero holidays to celebrate people who have been there for you through all of it. They're not just there for a season, and that's why I love Valentine's Day. It's a physical holiday to do what I already love to do, and that's shower my girlfriends with love.
Deborah (08:14):
Yeah, that's such a good point. We do put so much of an emphasis on romantic relationships. And you know, if you are thinking about it in a Valentine's Day sense, Valentine's Day is for the person that you married. Valentine's Day is for everybody who helped you with the wedding. Through your bachelorette party, helped you pick out your dress, made sure that you looked great. They were the first people you called when you got engaged, and those moments make up so many more parts of your life and really enrich the fabric of even the relationship that you have with your romantic partner. So I think it's almost more important to celebrate Valentine's Day than it is Valentine's Day. Now that I'm saying it,
Robin (08:57):
I completely agree, like, let's delete Valentine's Day. Yeah, relationships have enough holidays. Okay? They really do. Like Seth and I just celebrated our four year dating anniversary. It's not even our wedding anniversary, right? We have a whole nother anniversary. Like, we don't need Valentine's Day. Yeah, I'm giving gal in times my full attention from here on out. I
Deborah (09:18):
love that, I love that, and we really should, because, like we said, there are a lot of benefits. So we actually found a few studies that we're going to cite here, in case you think that we're just making it up. So studies have shown that strong female friendships are significantly important to women's overall health and well being with research from UCLA highlighting the tend and befriend response where women turn to their social networks, particularly female friends, during stressful situations, leading to reduced stressed hormone levels and improved mental health. So there was another studies, I guess, with nurses that Harvard Medical School did, and they linked strong female friendships. To decrease risk of physical impairments as women age, and it has increased longevity. So basically, when you have a great group of girlfriends that you can rely on, you can become less stressed, and reduced stress has incredible health impacts, and you live longer, which is why you always see old woman friends sitting outside together on a bench, that is the dream,
Robin (10:25):
and this is why we gotta build a compound together. It all comes back. It's better for our health. It's better for our health.
Deborah (10:35):
Yes, yes, I love that. This is why I don't think that we'll ever hear the term a female loneliness epidemic, the way that we've heard about like a male loneliness epidemic, it's because men don't even know how to talk to each other. A lot of times, I'm clearly generalizing here, but women, I think, really understand the impact and how important it is to call a friend when you're upset. And I don't know that there's enough models out there for men to feel that they can do the same thing. Yeah, so this is again, another reason why men should pop in on the trend and make their own version of galentines day. It's for your health.
Robin (11:10):
It's for your health. And this reminds me when we had our classy ladies trip and we did our presentations. Lauren's presentation were these studies on female friendship. So yes, we all got educated on that, and I love it. I love these stats. I
Deborah (11:31):
love these stats too. So all those are great reasons why. If you haven't talked to some friends in a while, if you haven't reached out, here's all the more reason. It's just gonna help you live a longer, healthier life.
Robin (11:43):
So what is your go to way to show appreciation for your friends? That's a
Deborah (11:47):
great question. I will first start by saying, Here's ways that I'm not good at showing appreciation. I'm terrible at sending cards, like birthday cards or thank you cards, even like I'm really bad at that. I'm really bad at remembering birthdays. I've recently, I think, last year, in our group chat, and I'm like, everybody send me your birthday so I can finally put it in one calendar so I'm not going to forget Anyone's birthday. So some of those big moments I'm not great at planning for in the moment, I would say my love language for friends is acts of service.
Robin (12:23):
We're the same person I know we are. It's annoying. If
Deborah (12:27):
you need me to watch your kids, I'll watch your kids. If you need me to drive you to the airport, I'm more than happy to do that. I love hosting and cooking for people. Acts of Service would be how I show my love language. Yeah,
Robin (12:40):
I have to say it's the same for me. And to get more specific, it's about thoughtful gestures, right? Like mailing a care package, sending flowers. I've several times have baked extra batches of bread, just given them to friends. One of my friends, she had just had a baby, like, here's a loaf of bread, huh? It's just about making friends feel seen and appreciated. So if you achieve that goal, that's what matters, however you do it. You know, we're all in different places in our lives, like that doesn't matter. It's just the thought that counts thoughtful gestures. Yeah, absolutely. I have another question for you, actually, yeah, that's kind of an attachment to this one. How has friendship helped you through a tough time? I
Deborah (13:23):
mean, I don't even know where to begin, and let's
Robin (13:27):
take it a step further. Don't include a breakup. Oof, okay,
Deborah (13:30):
well, you just stole my most recent example. That's okay. I think that friends remind you of who you are when you forget? Oh my gosh, yeah, I have had moments where I just feel like I've lost gravity to reality. And sometimes it's because you're in your head spiraling. Sometimes it's because I don't live around you guys, so I don't have that like checks and balances of someone to either say, Yes, You are being irrational. Or no, you're totally on the nose with this one. So a lot of times when I'm feeling like that, I mean this whole the second half of last year, I really felt like I was losing a sense of self. And it's very hard for me to, like, reach out to people when I'm in a low so I either forced myself to do it, or would finally, you know, text someone and just say, hey, let's chat. And those conversations just bring me back. It's like they ground me so I can remember, like, who I really am. So for me, no matter the situation, whether it is a career change, a breakup, a move, financial instability, friends will help just calm you down and like remind you of who you are. They're that
Robin (14:48):
good angel on your shoulder. Yes, the good ones are Yeah, the good ones so true. What about you? I would counter that question with, how has friendship not helped me through a tough time? Yeah? Like what you said is so true, you need those friends to be the voice in your head that coaches you through this problem, because we're usually not be kind to ourselves during that time, like and our friends, they know the best version of us. We lose that when we're in these dark places. It's just reminding you who you actually are and taking your mind off of things. This past year, it was such a struggle for me in different ways as well, and a friend and I, one of the things that we would do, because she was going through an even more difficult time, is we would just watch trash TV in our respective homes and text each other about the trash TV. We wouldn't even talk about our own problems. And you know what? It made me laugh.
Deborah (15:48):
Yeah, they pull you out of the dark place that you're in, even if it's just for, like, a superficial thing, but it's enough sometimes to to get you out of that head space
Robin (15:58):
you need those little glimmers of hope. Yeah, with silver lining, your friends help you find the glimmers. Glimmers. Here we go, our little glimmer. Friends. I love that glimmer. Friends, a little galantines. Glimmer, yes, yes, oh, it makes me think of Taylor Swift to make the whole place glimmer. Shimmer is a better word.
Deborah (16:23):
Shimmer is a better word. That's why she's a songwriter, and a great one at that.
Robin (16:27):
So let's talk about ways to celebrate galentines.
Deborah (16:32):
Yes, let's give our listeners a guide to galentines day. I
Robin (16:37):
am all about and, you know, I think we talked about this for our New Year's Eve episode as well. DIY spa night, come over in your PJs. Let's do face masks. Set up a nail bar. I would do a cheese and charcuterie board. Oh yes, I would probably have some ice cream or cupcakes, lots of cozy blankets, soft lighting, soft lighting, yes, and then a playlist, a bestie playlist going on in the background while we're chit chatting. And I'm gonna ask you, what is one song that you would put on that playlist?
Deborah (17:15):
Me right now,
Robin (17:18):
I'll tell you mine. Okay, tell me yours wanna be by Spice Girls? Oh, that is a girl anthem, because friendship comes first. Friendship does come first. I'm like,
Deborah (17:30):
instantly thinking about wine country, which I finally saw, which is a great movie, and I'm embarrassed I didn't watch it before, and their DUI playlist that they would listen to in between wineries, and I'm trying to think of some great songs. I think I would play songs from like, 2010 to 2014, like, for some reason, like that era of music just reminds me of our girlfriends. I'm gonna go ahead and say Scissor Sisters, I don't feel like dancing. Oh, yep, Kathleen and I tried to sing that for karaoke. And first of all, listen to it now. Just go on whatever streaming service you use. I don't even
Robin (18:16):
need to listen to it.
Deborah (18:18):
It is the highest false set of Yeah, first of all, second, there's a million words to that song. There's too many words to that song, too many to keep up with, if you don't know it by heart and you're trying to sing karaoke version of it. It was a hot mess. We could not have gotten off that stage any faster. But that song always just makes me want to dance and be with my girlfriends, so good, even though he says, I don't feel like dancing. I love it.
Robin (18:43):
But yeah, DIY, spa night, order some pizza, and then I saw something about, like, creating some games. One of them was, I love this past the compliment game. Oh, so everyone writes an uplifting message for each person in the group, and then you just take turns reading them to each other.
Deborah (19:01):
Love. My favorite thing in the world is just being around girlfriends, eating snacks and validating the shit out of each other. Yes? So this is like the perfect conduit, because then you also leave having maybe a more beautiful face and or nails.
Robin (19:15):
Mm, hmm, it's an emotional facelift. Yeah? It's a spa
Deborah (19:19):
night for your mind, body and soul, yeah, invite me someone. Invite me to their DIY spa night, please. Stat, you could
Robin (19:28):
also combine your spa night with a craft night. Oh, you make your own bath bombs. Oh, yeah, that's totally a thing.
Deborah (19:38):
I didn't know you could make your own bath bombs,
Robin (19:41):
yeah? I mean, you can make your own soap. You can make your own anything
Deborah (19:44):
that's true. Crafty ladies of craftiness night, oh, yes,
Robin (19:48):
that is perfection. We just have this endless list of ways to use classy We sure
Deborah (19:55):
do. It's the best. Yeah, absolutely. Or other things you could do on a craft night. Be like a paint and sip night. Yes, if you ever done one of those virtual paint parties, or even real person paint parties before,
Robin (20:08):
I've never been to one, and I love painting, so I am not
Deborah (20:11):
a good artist like that at all. And actually, for one of my contract jobs for the holiday party, we did a virtual paint party and we did a snowman. I got to pick it out because it was, like, the easiest one, and it actually was a lot of fun. And I wasn't sure how it would go. When you plan events for people that you don't really know very well, like, oh, they gotta think it's lame. I thought it was a great time, but I've never been to the ones that are, like, hosted in person, so you can either go to one altogether, or maybe you can find a service where, like, they'll come to you and like, be in your own house. But I think that would be a super fun time.
Robin (20:50):
Yeah, and something else that you've talked about, and I know a couple people that have done this, where you find some crappy canvas painting at a thrift store, and then you can paint your own characters on it. So, like you could combine that craft with paint and sip. Yes,
Deborah (21:10):
this is a huge shout out to our friend Lauren, who is an artist and is very talented like that, and she has given these as gifts to other people. I believe Kathleen has been a recipient. It's just, you know, your standard painting of like a town and Lauren painted, I think, a robot and a dinosaur, like fighting each other in the background. And it's just so funny, and it's a great way to maybe feel a little bit less overwhelmed. Like, what should I paint? You can add on to something that's already there. Plus you guys all get to go to Goodwill together and, you know, pick out fun stuff. Who knows what else you'll find while you're there? Yeah,
Robin (21:46):
goodwill, thrift stores in general, it's fun for so many different kinds of crafts. I went through a bedazzling phase, got all my shirts at thrift stores, yes, and it's a work of art. They are. I'm very proud of all my bedazzling Robin's
Deborah (22:02):
bedazzles are amazing. I feel like the audience is what they have in mind of what it looks like is not actually what it looks like. So we'll have to put up some pictures on our socials.
Robin (22:13):
Yeah. I mean, that's a good idea. But I also kind of like the idea of people like not understanding it, because then when they see it, they're even more blown away. Yeah,
Deborah (22:21):
so pick up some old T shirts, pick up some old paintings, put your own flair on it, you know, and have yourself a little craft night
Robin (22:30):
with the gals. That's the best. Yeah, it's the best. And I everyone loves craft nights. Not very many people actually like do the craft night unless someone is providing everything. Mm, hmm, you know, yeah. So you someone in your friend group needs to be that person. I think
Deborah (22:47):
you've got to have that one friend that is willing to plan, organize and facilitate. And you also have to understand that there's going to be one or two people there that really are just there for the snacks and booze, and that's okay, as long as you're all willing to lean in and like celebrate each other. It really doesn't matter what you're doing. Everyone has a role in friendship. Everybody has a role in friendship. But the event that I think kicked this whole thing off was probably the one that most people will do to celebrate Valentine's Day, and that is a good old brunch party. The
Robin (23:19):
Best party is a brunch party. Tell me I'm wrong. I agree
Deborah (23:23):
you are absolutely correct. We talked about this before you get to sleep in a little bit, you get to basically eat two meals in one. And you can call it a night before the sun goes down, maybe you get a second wind and go out, but if you don't go out that night, you're still gonna feel accomplished, because you already did something by going to brunch and being out. It's perfect. It's
Robin (23:44):
perfect. And let's be real, none of us are getting a second wind at our age.
Deborah (23:50):
No, no, not anymore. Those days have long gone. This is the wind you get
Robin (23:54):
brunch out of the way, and then you go home and you enjoy the rest of your day on a couch.
Deborah (23:58):
Yeah, you put comfy pants on immediately, you know, or overalls, police overalls, if you got them. But, yeah, I love a good brunch, whether it is at someone's house or maybe going to a restaurant. What's funny, though, I will say that again, our friend Kathleen once referred to brunch as a rich man's game, and she's not wrong, because in what world should you be paying $15 for three eggs some cheese and some vegetables by way of an omelet? Like it's definitely a price gouge type of event, totally. So maybe during these hard economic times, hosting a brunch party at home will go a little bit longer of a way. But either way, I just love the different kinds of foods. I want salt. I want savory. I want some sweet little biscuits. I want some warm coffee. If you drink mimosas, get some champagne, like all of that stuff. I can actually taste all of these things in my mouth, as I'm saying it right now. And I just want to be there now with all my friends. I feel
Robin (24:56):
the love I'm warm and fuzzy inside. Just imagine. US brunching? Yeah, I love it,
Deborah (25:02):
yeah, set up a little waffle bar. Maybe even make have people make their own waffles.
Robin (25:07):
I mean, is it galentines? If you don't have waffles with some extra whipped cream, whipped
Deborah (25:11):
cream, a strawberry on top, even I'm hungry, me too.
Robin (25:17):
So one other thing you could do, aside from craft nights and spa nights, is a themed gift exchange, and I'll add a budget friendly, themed gift exchange. Oh, okay, yeah, you could do a book swap. Oh, you do your favorite book that you already own, or you could go find it at in Austin, we have Half Price Books. Yeah, we have that here too. Yeah. Everyone brings, bring your favorite book, wrap it and then just put a little heartfelt note inside. Boom, yeah, or a no Buy gift exchange again. It's something you already have, but maybe one of your friends could benefit from it more. You know, like, this
Deborah (25:57):
is such a smart idea, because in the past, we've done clothing swaps, which I got some real good
Robin (26:03):
finds. It's always my favorite time. It's my favorite a good
Deborah (26:07):
old clothing swap. I have tried to facilitate other clothing swaps, and people don't get it. I need to find my thrifty girls, because I'd be like, No. Everyone just brings lightly used clothes, and you all exchange it. I don't want to wear somebody else's clothes. It's like, all right, Richie, rich I get it. You buy everything new. Not all of us do. I totally fine with wearing someone else's clothes. In fact, that's how I got through college. Was just borrowing my roommates tops to go out to some CD bar. So I love the no Buy gift exchange, because it is a good excuse to cleanse your closet of the things you're not wearing anymore, or maybe just things around the house, I have far too many mugs. Someone else maybe could have one of my coffee mugs. Or some art in my house that no longer serves me, a picture frame, something like that. You have so many things already in your house that maybe other friends could benefit from, and vice versa. Yeah, you could
Robin (27:05):
even do self care swap. So do you have, like, some beauty products that were gifted to you or that you bought you ended up not using, or you just think it would work better for someone else? Boom, yeah, that's a great idea. There's a candle on some this face mask. Like, it's great mask. It just didn't work for my skin type. Maybe it'll work for yours. Like, I don't know. No, you're
Deborah (27:26):
totally right. Because think about the timing of this. You have Valentine's Day about six weeks after Christmas, and you probably got something from someone who doesn't know you very well. Like lotions that maybe you just you're not a scented lotion person or a bunch of candles, right? You just came back from a work white elephant, and you have some crap that, like you don't really care for. This is the perfect time to pay it forward, and then
Robin (27:55):
no one's being wasteful. No one's being wasteful. We have enough stuff, and that's why you should have clothing swaps as well. Yeah, yes, I got this sweatshirt of a clothing swap, really? Yeah, wow. Someone got rid of this idiot. What an idiot. So there's one more thing that we would recommend doing for a Galantine celebration, and this one, I think, is really fun, and you can combine it with any of these activities, a friendship award ceremony? Yeah, yes, the awards could be silly. It could be like a little treat, or you could have many trophies, whatever. But I think just crowding silly labels on all your friends could be super fun. Yeah,
Deborah (28:37):
absolutely. Now, do you think that this is everybody votes on it, or the host makes almost like, a list of superlatives and just gives them out to friends. How would you go about doing it? That's a
Robin (28:51):
great question. I would say, like, everybody kind of make their own list, and then we can, like, go around, like, sharing who we think would win what award like. We don't have to unanimously assign one award to one person. I think whoever you think whatever award should go to that person goes to that person, and you just give them a little carnation with it. You know, have some flowers to take home. I love that.
Deborah (29:17):
You know, what you could also do? Something you could do that would be fun and engaging is very similar to a Secret Santa. Everybody pulls the name of one friend, but nobody else knows who has who, and you have to assign an award for that person.
Robin (29:33):
Oh, that's great. That's perfect. Yeah, perfect. That
Deborah (29:37):
way, there's no overlap. That way, not everyone's piling up on someone you know,
Robin (29:42):
and that's way more refined, yeah, than my idea. Well,
Deborah (29:46):
I Your idea is what made me think of it. So, teamwork, teamwork, but, yeah, a Secret Santa Friendship Award Ceremony. We, well,
Robin (29:55):
we need to call it something different. What would you call the award? Secret lover? No,
Deborah (29:59):
I. Secret lover. We should have thought this through. Well, okay, on Valentine, so you have a secret admirer. So is this just like a secret admirer award? I think that's perfect, right? Yes,
Robin (30:10):
a secret admirer award, yeah, and we just, we just shower our friends, yes, with compliments, yes, perfect. This is the best. Yep,
Deborah (30:20):
figured it out. Nailed it. Okay, so you're gonna have a secret admirer. You're going to create an award for that person. You're going to present that award at the Friendship Award Ceremony. Oh, and then you can give them whatever you want to give them as an award. So for some people, they might make a sash, someone may make a crown, someone could come up with a plaque. Everybody can make whatever type of award they want, and then you give it to that recipient. It's
Robin (30:48):
perfection. It is perfection. And you do it at brunch. And you do it
Deborah (30:52):
at brunch after you've eaten all these tasty snacks, had some mimosas or fomoses. Oh
Robin (30:58):
my gosh, it's so beautiful. In my mind, I know,
Deborah (31:02):
let's really see this take off. If you do something like this, I want to see pictures. I want to see pictures of your galentines Day celebration.
Robin (31:11):
So we've talked about things to do with your friends in person. But what if all of your friends are long distance and you're by yourself? Well, you're your own Galantine. When was the last time you treated yourself with the same kindness that you would offer to a friend? Use galantines as an excuse to do that for yourself?
Deborah (31:33):
I love this, and honestly, this is something I have been thinking a lot about recently as I am, you know, single and have made the decision that I want to be single for literally as long as I can possibly stand it. I'm someone who, like, gets in relationships really easily, and I really want to work on the mental fortitude of just like, truly pouring love back into myself and, like, truly doing the work on myself without the distraction of, like a romantic interest. So this is, like a perfect topic, because I will be all alone on Valentine's and Valentine's Day, but I'm actually excited for it, and I am trying to think of things that I can do that are nice for myself, that are like, treat myself, type of behavior, because if you are not filling up your own cup, you got nothing to give someone else. Nope. And I need to not just do a fill my cup night where I literally just stay inside and, like, clean my house, like, I need to actually pour love into myself, and that is the goal for maybe a year, we'll say,
Robin (32:47):
I love that. Yeah, and there's so many positive things that come out of filling your own cup. You know, you become a better friend. You become less insecure about someone's successes compared to yours, you become a more present listener. Like, I don't know, I'm going through this journey right now, and so some of the stuff that I'm saying actually resonates with me presently, like I am feeling this shift. It's very hard work, yeah, but it's possible, and it will absolutely make you a better friend, and it will make you a better friend to yourself, yeah, like, I've just been enjoying hanging out with myself more lately, and that's a really good feeling.
Deborah (33:34):
It is a good feeling, and you will tolerate what you give yourself. So if you're mean to yourself all the time, you are going to allow someone in your life that is just as mean to you, because now it's the common language that you are speaking to your own brain. So trying to show yourself compassion, writing love letters to yourself. We talked about this in a previous episode, but I really would like to just take more time, like in the morning, to just write something nice about myself down on a piece of paper. So that way, I not only frame my day with that mentality, but I can look back and see how nice I was for myself, you know. So that's a challenge that I'm going to try to try to incorporate into my daily routine as well. That's
Robin (34:23):
great. Self Compassion is so important, and it shifts the focus right? The things that we say to ourselves is, I'm not enough, I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. Everyone is ahead of me. It shifts that focus from that to I'm doing my best, and that's okay, and just really be okay with it. Believe that you are doing your best. And I've my husband pointed this out to me recently. He asked me, could you have done more in this situation that we were talking about? And my immediate answer was yes. He goes, No, I'm not asking if you. Have the ability to do more? Did you do the most you could with the emotional energy that you have and compared to what you've already given in this relationship? Have you done everything within your capacity without losing yourself? Like he rephrased it, he's like, You don't have to kill yourself to say, I did my best. That doesn't mean you did your best. Doing your best is like you have to set healthy boundaries to do your best. Yeah, yes. That's how you keep your sense of self. And I don't know, it's just a really big aha moment for me.
Deborah (35:35):
Oh, good. That's so true. And that is a message that you also have to tell yourself over and over again.
Robin (35:41):
Yes, every day that was three days ago, and it really has made a big difference. So good.
Deborah (35:48):
Just tell yourself that you are doing your best and your best is good enough every time, that is the mantra. So yeah, like you said, if you are away from your girlfriends like I am and are single like I am. This is not a sad time. This is a great time to show yourself self love and acceptance and compassion that you want to give and receive. So take this time. Make your own agenda of things that you want to do, do things that bring you joy, whether it is watching ducks at a pond or going on a walk with your dog or drawing a bath for yourself, like this is the time to indulge, and then you'll be a better friend and partner for it. So galentines day is not just a holiday. It can be a state of mind. You don't just have to celebrate it on February 13, you can really take time to celebrate your friendships and your girlfriends any time of the year. In fact, you really should not wait for a holiday to show appreciation. You know, small gestures, you know, engaging with the group chat when it's been too long, suggesting a movie night with someone you haven't seen in a minute. All of these things you should be trying to do when you can, because your time with your friends is so precious, and as you get older, it becomes more fleeting. So take advantage of those times. Make an excuse to reach out and be there for the ones that you love, yeah,
Robin (37:21):
don't wait those small, consistent gestures really matter. And you know, like, you don't have to be in person to celebrate Valentines either. I will probably call you next week, yeah, just because, like, some of us are gonna get together and you will be missed, I know I'm gonna miss you guys, yeah, but we want you to come hang out with us for a minute. Be there in spirit. Yeah, zoom it up. Yeah. You don't need a Pinterest perfect brunch to make galentines meaningful. However you show your love is the way to do it. We're just giving some tips, some advice, some things that we've done. But, you know, think of your own traditions to create. Yeah,
Deborah (38:05):
there's so many different ways. And honestly, in my opinion, the best part about Valentine's Day is it is an excuse to finally do those fun ideas that maybe you see on the internet, see on Pinterest, that you talk about in a group chat. Get it out of the group chat. Get it in real life. This is your excuse to be like, we decided to finally do this kind of party. Yeah, maybe it's a PowerPoint presentation night, right? And you all dress up as a thing you're going to talk about. Maybe it is, you know, some kind of funny bar crawl where, again, you're going to be like, in costume. Just be silly, lean all the way in and just enjoy that fun time that you're gonna have with your girlfriends.
Robin (38:45):
It's a really wonderful way to bond, create memories and get that group photo. Get
Deborah (38:52):
that group photo. Take the picture. You'll want the pictures. Yes,
Robin (38:56):
okay, I'm gonna make a little call to action here. I want everyone to think, how would our lives look different if we treated our friendships just as valuable as romantic relationships, like, what if you flipped the script? What if we put as much energy into nurturing our friendships as we do to dating relationships? And a lot of times, those friendships are way older than the guy or gal you've been dating for six months, you know, maybe then we'll realize and appreciate that the great loves of our lives aren't always romantic.
Deborah (39:28):
Oh, I love that so true. We want to hear what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Are you going out with your girlfriends? Are you staying in and hosting something? I want to know what your traditions are, or maybe what you will do this year now that you have heard this episode, so send us all of your ideas, pictures and anything else at art of classiness@gmail.com All right. Well, let's move on to the classiest thing you've seen this week, Robin. What
Robin (39:57):
was it? I talk about him so much. But it's my dangle husband, the perfect man. So like I said, we celebrated our four year dating anniversary last weekend, and he surprised me like I was utterly surprised. He just told me we were going somewhere in Georgetown, which is like 40 minute drive, and we were on a college campus. We walk inside, and I see the sign. It's a candlelit String Quartet performing Taylor Swift songs knock it out of the park. I was blown away. I was like, and he knew it. He was like, I saw this. I couldn't believe it was happening on our actual anniversary. And it was so awesome when
Deborah (40:40):
you first texted me that I thought you met, that he had gotten a string quartet to just like, come to you guys, oh my gosh, and perform Taylor Swift, I was like, damn, but I have, I think I've seen similar type, types of advertisements, not for Taylor Swift. I did not know that that was like a thing that they did, but that is so cool, and the pictures were beautiful. What was the best song that they performed, or what were some of your favorites? So
Robin (41:08):
it's hard to remember all the songs they played. I actually started to get kind of sleepy because they had a ton of candles on the stage. It was in the dark room. The music was so lovely. Yeah, like I felt so relaxed. But my favorite song was the first one they played lavender haze, ooh. I'd never heard it on strings before, and it was absolutely beautiful. I actually walked down the aisle to Seth to Oh my God. What's the name of that song? Lover, lover. I walked down the aisle to love her. I was hoping that they would play that song, because it's beautiful on strings, but they actually didn't Wow, but it was still, it was beautiful performance. They were very talented. It was so fun to watch. And just, yeah, it's magical, classy. Husband surprising me with these gifts
Deborah (41:55):
that is so thoughtful and romantic. And he literally hit all the things at once, and that's just so classy. Well, good. Well, happy four year dating anniversary is even while that you guys celebrate a dating anniversary after you get married, usually people just kind of like, forget about that date.
Robin (42:12):
He wants to keep it going. And I said, I was like, we don't have to do anything. We could still celebrate it, but like, we don't need to go all out. And he's like, Yeah, let's just acknowledge it, because it is still a special date. Like our dating anniversary is literally the first day we met. Wow, that was it. One and done. We just like that. It was such a great first date. Oh, like, I didn't date anyone after that. I didn't message anyone. I put my full focus into that relationship and paid off. I
Deborah (42:42):
love that. Well, happy for your dating bursary, big and to many more to come.
Robin (42:47):
So what about you? This is the classiest thing you saw this week. So I'm gonna
Deborah (42:52):
do what you did last week and say that I am the classiest thing I've seen this week.
Robin (42:57):
That's right. Yes,
Deborah (42:58):
you are. I am really just in my entrepreneur era, I would say I'm just really trying to build different income streams, and I'm trying to build my consulting practice with my business partner, and it is really forcing me to be much more extroverted than I have been in previous roles when I worked full time for companies. So we are kicking off a series of workshops as like a sales pipeline, and we just kicked that off this week in terms of advertising it, and we're already getting people like registering for it, and then the Chamber of Commerce wants us to do our own version for them. So that's just, like, very validating. Because it's just like, you realize that if you want to do something, sometimes you just have to say that you are the doer of that thing, and then you become the thing that you're trying to do. If that makes sense, like we wanted to do a podcast. So now we are podcasters. I wanted to be a consultant for workplace cultures, performance management, and now I am doing that, and like the fruition of us actually putting on this workshop that we're just making up, right? Like we're just building it with each other and doing it, and you realize so much of life is just like deciding to do something. And so I feel like this moment in my professional life is really validation, that you don't have to wait for approval, for someone to say that you are something you can be, the thing that you want to be. And I'm really feeling like I'm stepping into that moment with my professional life, and that feels really good and empowering. So if you are at home and there's something that you want to do, but you feel like, Oh, I can't, because I don't have X, Y and Z, or like, Oh no, people are not going to take me seriously. It's like, just pump your own tires. Yes, okay, pump your own tires and do the thing that you want to do. Because it's crazy to me that I just was like, Hey, would anyone be interested in hearing a workshop? And people are
(45:10):
like, yes, we would be. And I'm like, Okay, I'm going to give you that workshop now, and now we're doing it, and it's now we're going to build a business that's based off the content that we'redelivering. So I think that's just really classy to finally just put a plan into action and hopefully see it become successful.
Robin (45:29):
You are a classy businesswoman. I'm a classy
Deborah (45:32):
businesswoman, and I would like the businesswoman special please.
Robin (45:35):
Ooh, what's in the businesswoman special? That is a quote from
Deborah (45:39):
Romi and Michelle's high school reunion when they're like, dressed in their power suits on their way to the reunion, oh my gosh, and they go into a restaurant, and she's like, do you guys have any business woman specials? That's so
Robin (45:53):
right. I can't believe we didn't talk about that movie on our best friend films episode, oh, because this is the best friendship film. That
Deborah (46:00):
is the best I know. And we had talked about talking about it, and then we've never actually brought it up in the episode. I got so many different texts of movies that we should have included. So obviously there's just, like, no shortage it's just so great.
Robin (46:13):
Moving on to our final segment of the day, our classy scenario. This one's a doozy. Okay, let's hear it splitting the bill on a date, and let's make it a first date. Oh, okay, and like, put yourself in this scenario, what's the classy move?
Deborah (46:32):
Okay, so this is very nuanced. Here's my genuine take on paying for bills, especially early on in a relationship. If you invited me to do that thing, I think it is your financial responsibility to cover it okay. So if you say, oh my gosh, I made reservations at this restaurant, and you chose the restaurant, okay, and then we eat, and then you are suggesting things like, should we get appetizers. Do you want to split a bottle of wine? Then you are paying for the date. You're paying for the date. Okay, if you go to a place that's a baby a bit more casual, like you go up to the counter in order, that's a little bit easier to be like, Oh, I'll get mine. You get yours. But I personally think on a first date, I don't think it's classy to split the bill.
Robin (47:25):
I would wonder, like, Okay, are you at dinner? Did you just get coffee? There's a difference, I would say, like, whether it's a first date or not. Because I'm independent, I don't want anyone to ever feel like I need them to take care of me. And so I go into it with the energy of, I had a great time. Do you want to split the bill? Like, I'll just throw it out there, oh, and give them the opportunity to turn it down. Like, I go into it being okay with splitting it. If they want to split it, I'll split it. If they say, No, no, no, I want to get this, then I'll be like, that's really kind of you. Thank you. I'll, you know, if we're going to a bar after or something, I'll be like, I'll get drinks at the next place, right, right? It doesn't have to be an equal give and take. I think sometimes the other person just wants to know, like, you're not using them.
Deborah (48:17):
So again, this is, like, why I say it's so nuanced, because, in my opinion, if I'm a guy and I asked you out to dinner, and we are eating dinner and we're having a good time, and at the end, you ask me to split it, I'm gonna think I just got friend zoned. That's totally fair. I'm gonna take that as like, I don't want to and maybe that's why you're asking to split it because you don't want to feel any psychological obligation to that person. So that is a good defense mechanism of just being like, this is not going anywhere. I'd be happy to pay for my portion. That's fine. So that's why it's like you got to pull that card out at the right moment, because, you know, you don't want to have had a great date go sour because they felt like you weren't into them anymore. Right now, I do like your suggestion of being like, Oh, thank you so much for dinner. Can we go next door and get some drinks, like my treat, or, Hey, I would love to. Maybe tomorrow we can get coffee, you know, I can return the favor, or something like that. But yeah, I think if someone is asking you to dinner, then they better be paying for that dinner. That's my old fashioned take. That's perfectly fair.
Robin (49:25):
Yeah, you make it. You make a solid point. I guess I was thinking about the point in my life where I was going on a new date every week, and you just, you get in a different mindset. Yeah, it's so nuanced. You're not wrong. I just always, like, regardless of the situation, I just want to avoid the awkward tussle. This
Deborah (49:46):
is why I don't even object anymore. This is literally when I was in that phase where I was, like, going on dates. I just again, if they were like, oh, let's get dinner, okay, and the check would come and it would be like, yep. But here's the other awkward thing that sometimes happens. That is when the waitress or waiter inserts himself in this debate by saying separate checks, and then you have to confront it in real time, and nothing says, I don't see any chemistry between the two of you, people like the server asking if you want separate checks. It's like you have just validated every fear that I've had about the past hour, and that is, you think we're siblings, but he's actually trying to flirt with me. So that is, like an awkward scenario. It's a big reason why that's usually when I strategically use the bathroom, I just remove myself entirely, and when I come back, what happened? Oh, thank you so much you paid. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's really smart,
Robin (50:39):
actually. Yeah, the other thing I've done, which I actually did my first date with Seth, I showed up early, bought my own coffee, yes, void the awkwardness all together. And he told me later, he's like, I was actually kind of like, put off by that. See, he's like, but then I saw it as a challenge. He's like, I felt written off by you already, which wasn't true. He just didn't understand my experience with dating, yeah, but then he saw it as a challenge, yeah? Like, okay, I'm gonna win you over. And the next date, he did pick, look at that. He asked me out, he paid and then the next date, he was like, well, it's your turn. He was testing me. I planned our date. I paid for the date. I kicked his ass play you laser tag. Oh, the rest is history. I
Deborah (51:23):
love that. That's great. Yeah. Okay, so splitting the bill on a date, my vote is not classy.
Robin (51:30):
I would say in most cases it's not classy on the first date, yeah? Like, the whole point of a date is to, I don't want to say seduce you. It's,
Deborah (51:42):
no, it is. You can say it. It is to seduce you. It is a mating dance. A first date is a mating dance. It happens in nature. We love the bird of paradise mating dance. Okay? It is. Look at all the things I can do
Unknown (51:55):
which I have a video of you doing that in my robe. It's my favorite
Deborah (51:59):
thing in the entire world. Is the video of the bird of paradise doing a mating dance, because it is beautiful. It's saying, Look at this coat. Look at all these colors. Look at how I move my head. And it is trying to get the female to let him hit it real quick. And that is essentially what dating is.
Robin (52:15):
All of the male birds are so beautiful and the female birds are so plain, I know, because you need to impress us. Hello, yeah, so be
Deborah (52:25):
a beautiful male bird and pay for the first date already. Yeah,
Robin (52:28):
don't take me to sushi. I'll have to get fancy with it. Yeah, not trying to be high maintenance. Go get a burger. Go get a burger. I don't know Anyway, not classy. Not
Deborah (52:39):
classy. Well, let's end this chapter. Did you have anything else you want to add
Robin (52:43):
just one thing? Oh, yeah, classy is a state of mind. So much
Deborah (52:48):
your classiness. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Happy galentines. You.
welcome to The Art of classiness podcast, a show where we redefine what it means to be a classy lady and sometimes it's messy. I'm Robin
Deborah (00:17):
and I'm Deborah, two friends turned classy ladies who are here to discuss life's ups and downs, navigating the complexities of adulthood and how the gift of friendship is essential to belonging. Today,
Robin (00:27):
we're diving into the origin of galantines, why celebrating female friendship matters, and, of course, creative ways to make this day special, whether you're planning a full blown brunch, a cozy self care night, or just sending love to your long distance bestie. Plus we'll
Deborah (00:42):
be sharing personal stories, Fun galentines Ideas, and answering the big question, why do we sometimes prioritize romance over friendships when these are the relationships that have been with us the longest? So
Robin (00:54):
follow along, give us your feedback, and don't forget to like and subscribe.
Deborah (00:58):
What's up? Classy Ladies and gentlemen, hello, hello. How are you, Robin. I'm good. How are you? I am fine.
Robin (01:09):
I feel like that was you last week too, like it's February. I
Deborah (01:14):
know it is just, you know, I need sunshine in my life so badly, and I think that I have been missing it more, not just because it's cold and we're in the middle of winter, but because I already have to start thinking about summer camp plans for my kids, because registration is like, right around the corner, which is insane. So I'm already, like, planning my summer time, and I made a decision. Let me know if this is a good idea or bad idea, it's not a bad idea. I live very close to one of the largest water parks in Ohio. It's called Zoom busy Bay, and they have, like, a season pass, you know? So all in for the fam me and the two boys would be like, $300 or so, right? Versus $100 a week per kid for the summer for them to go to, like the Parks and Rec community room for the summer, right? So my plan is that we'll go to zoom BC Bay twice a month for the summer, like on certain days of the week, because I work from home, so if I can schedule my time, so that I can, like, take breaks, and just because, if you have a season pass, you don't feel the need to do everything every time you go there, you can literally, just like, go to one pool, like you can go there all the time, so you don't have that, like, we have to do everything right now. But here's the best part of this plan that I realized yesterday. When I don't have the kids, I can just go by myself. They have an adults only area with the lazy river and a swim up bar. You have to be 21 to get in. Oh, hell yes. And I'm like, This is gonna be my summer on Saturdays. I'm gonna wake up, work out, take the dog for a walk, and then I'm just gonna head up to zoom busy Bay and hang out in the lounger and read a book, because I want to make sure that this investment is worth it. So this is going to be like my single Stella Got Her Groove Back summer, where I'm just hanging out by the lazy river in the adults only section of a pool theme park. Thoughts,
Robin (03:24):
I love this. I love this, right? One of my favorite things in my 20s, when I lived in apartments was the summertime when you got to go chill by the pool in the middle of the day, because we all worked in the service industry, yes. So no one else was at the pool, mm hmm, on a Monday at 2pm you know? Mm hmm, I freaking love it. Do it? Girl,
Deborah (03:52):
yeah, and parking is covered with the pass. You know,
Robin (03:55):
this is a whole new version of hot girl, Summer, 100% but
Deborah (03:59):
now I'm realizing, Oh, we're still in February. Oh my gosh, I still have so many more months before I can do this. So that's where the depression is coming in.
Robin (04:07):
Yeah, I wish you could have some of our Austin weather. I do too. It's been pretty nice here, and I've been enjoying morning walks with Penny. We have a it's called a lake, but it's a large pond the park by our house. Yeah, it is not a lake, no, but it's called Mueller Lake Park, which is, yeah. Anyway, I stopped and was just, I was watching the ducks swim, and it was so peaceful. And I think I stood there for like five minutes in awe of like, how have I never noticed how peaceful This is before I need to be doing this every day. Yeah, and that's just where my life is at, where I find these wall really beautiful, simple things that bring me so much joy, and I'm here for it.
Deborah (04:55):
This is amazing. First of all, I love that. Second of all, people don't realize. How quickly you get sucked in to the old person pipeline after 40? Well, you're not even 40 yet. You're like, so close, but all of a sudden you're like, you know what? Bird watching is cool, yes. And
Robin (05:11):
I've been saying that this year, so I'm well on my way.
Deborah (05:15):
You are well on your way, and you're in good company as well. Look even my
Robin (05:19):
sweatshirt. She's got grandma glasses. It's a cat wearing glasses, and there's some embroidered flowers. Because, why not? Because why not? I love
Deborah (05:28):
it. Well, speaking of things that bring me joy, I'm so excited about our topic this week, because we are talking about the greatest and I don't feel it gets the attention it deserves holiday of the year, and that is galentines day. Galentines day. And for those of you that have never heard of this holiday before, it actually is because it is relatively new, and was, I would say, made popular by the Parks and Recs episode where Leslie celebrates a galentines Day brunch with all of her closest friends, and she makes it clear, February 13 is for the gals. You know, that's when you get together with your girlfriends. So for those of you that have never seen Parks and Rec or maybe never even heard of galentines day, essentially, what it is is an excuse to get together with your closest gal friends. Now, for guys that listen to this show and you might start to feel excluded, I want to tell you that there is nothing stopping you from having your own guys night during this time, where your lady might be out and about with her gals. Okay, so we're going to talk about our female experiences celebrating Valentine's Day, but I think guys nights are underrated. I think guys need to spend more time with each other anyway. So just know that all these things that we're about to talk about could apply to you, and you could always put your own spin on it. In fact, if you do, we'd love to hear about it. I will say, though, I really don't expect many men to take on their version of Valentine's Day, because most of them don't even like Valentine's Day. It's true,
Robin (07:11):
including my husband. Yeah, so
Deborah (07:15):
and I totally get it. I understand both arguments of why people do and don't honor Valentine's Day. So you know, maybe this is just not the holiday season for you. But either way, we are so excited to talk about why celebrating female friendships matter, because there actually have been studies to support the mental and health benefits of strong female bonds. So true.
Robin (07:42):
And I, I find it really interesting, like society has conditioned us to believe, like romantic relationships are the it's the pinnacle. This is your ultimate goal in life. But that's like finding your one forever person, right? There's always holidays to celebrate that, but there's zero holidays to celebrate people who have been there for you through all of it. They're not just there for a season, and that's why I love Valentine's Day. It's a physical holiday to do what I already love to do, and that's shower my girlfriends with love.
Deborah (08:14):
Yeah, that's such a good point. We do put so much of an emphasis on romantic relationships. And you know, if you are thinking about it in a Valentine's Day sense, Valentine's Day is for the person that you married. Valentine's Day is for everybody who helped you with the wedding. Through your bachelorette party, helped you pick out your dress, made sure that you looked great. They were the first people you called when you got engaged, and those moments make up so many more parts of your life and really enrich the fabric of even the relationship that you have with your romantic partner. So I think it's almost more important to celebrate Valentine's Day than it is Valentine's Day. Now that I'm saying it,
Robin (08:57):
I completely agree, like, let's delete Valentine's Day. Yeah, relationships have enough holidays. Okay? They really do. Like Seth and I just celebrated our four year dating anniversary. It's not even our wedding anniversary, right? We have a whole nother anniversary. Like, we don't need Valentine's Day. Yeah, I'm giving gal in times my full attention from here on out. I
Deborah (09:18):
love that, I love that, and we really should, because, like we said, there are a lot of benefits. So we actually found a few studies that we're going to cite here, in case you think that we're just making it up. So studies have shown that strong female friendships are significantly important to women's overall health and well being with research from UCLA highlighting the tend and befriend response where women turn to their social networks, particularly female friends, during stressful situations, leading to reduced stressed hormone levels and improved mental health. So there was another studies, I guess, with nurses that Harvard Medical School did, and they linked strong female friendships. To decrease risk of physical impairments as women age, and it has increased longevity. So basically, when you have a great group of girlfriends that you can rely on, you can become less stressed, and reduced stress has incredible health impacts, and you live longer, which is why you always see old woman friends sitting outside together on a bench, that is the dream,
Robin (10:25):
and this is why we gotta build a compound together. It all comes back. It's better for our health. It's better for our health.
Deborah (10:35):
Yes, yes, I love that. This is why I don't think that we'll ever hear the term a female loneliness epidemic, the way that we've heard about like a male loneliness epidemic, it's because men don't even know how to talk to each other. A lot of times, I'm clearly generalizing here, but women, I think, really understand the impact and how important it is to call a friend when you're upset. And I don't know that there's enough models out there for men to feel that they can do the same thing. Yeah, so this is again, another reason why men should pop in on the trend and make their own version of galentines day. It's for your health.
Robin (11:10):
It's for your health. And this reminds me when we had our classy ladies trip and we did our presentations. Lauren's presentation were these studies on female friendship. So yes, we all got educated on that, and I love it. I love these stats. I
Deborah (11:31):
love these stats too. So all those are great reasons why. If you haven't talked to some friends in a while, if you haven't reached out, here's all the more reason. It's just gonna help you live a longer, healthier life.
Robin (11:43):
So what is your go to way to show appreciation for your friends? That's a
Deborah (11:47):
great question. I will first start by saying, Here's ways that I'm not good at showing appreciation. I'm terrible at sending cards, like birthday cards or thank you cards, even like I'm really bad at that. I'm really bad at remembering birthdays. I've recently, I think, last year, in our group chat, and I'm like, everybody send me your birthday so I can finally put it in one calendar so I'm not going to forget Anyone's birthday. So some of those big moments I'm not great at planning for in the moment, I would say my love language for friends is acts of service.
Robin (12:23):
We're the same person I know we are. It's annoying. If
Deborah (12:27):
you need me to watch your kids, I'll watch your kids. If you need me to drive you to the airport, I'm more than happy to do that. I love hosting and cooking for people. Acts of Service would be how I show my love language. Yeah,
Robin (12:40):
I have to say it's the same for me. And to get more specific, it's about thoughtful gestures, right? Like mailing a care package, sending flowers. I've several times have baked extra batches of bread, just given them to friends. One of my friends, she had just had a baby, like, here's a loaf of bread, huh? It's just about making friends feel seen and appreciated. So if you achieve that goal, that's what matters, however you do it. You know, we're all in different places in our lives, like that doesn't matter. It's just the thought that counts thoughtful gestures. Yeah, absolutely. I have another question for you, actually, yeah, that's kind of an attachment to this one. How has friendship helped you through a tough time? I
Deborah (13:23):
mean, I don't even know where to begin, and let's
Robin (13:27):
take it a step further. Don't include a breakup. Oof, okay,
Deborah (13:30):
well, you just stole my most recent example. That's okay. I think that friends remind you of who you are when you forget? Oh my gosh, yeah, I have had moments where I just feel like I've lost gravity to reality. And sometimes it's because you're in your head spiraling. Sometimes it's because I don't live around you guys, so I don't have that like checks and balances of someone to either say, Yes, You are being irrational. Or no, you're totally on the nose with this one. So a lot of times when I'm feeling like that, I mean this whole the second half of last year, I really felt like I was losing a sense of self. And it's very hard for me to, like, reach out to people when I'm in a low so I either forced myself to do it, or would finally, you know, text someone and just say, hey, let's chat. And those conversations just bring me back. It's like they ground me so I can remember, like, who I really am. So for me, no matter the situation, whether it is a career change, a breakup, a move, financial instability, friends will help just calm you down and like remind you of who you are. They're that
Robin (14:48):
good angel on your shoulder. Yes, the good ones are Yeah, the good ones so true. What about you? I would counter that question with, how has friendship not helped me through a tough time? Yeah? Like what you said is so true, you need those friends to be the voice in your head that coaches you through this problem, because we're usually not be kind to ourselves during that time, like and our friends, they know the best version of us. We lose that when we're in these dark places. It's just reminding you who you actually are and taking your mind off of things. This past year, it was such a struggle for me in different ways as well, and a friend and I, one of the things that we would do, because she was going through an even more difficult time, is we would just watch trash TV in our respective homes and text each other about the trash TV. We wouldn't even talk about our own problems. And you know what? It made me laugh.
Deborah (15:48):
Yeah, they pull you out of the dark place that you're in, even if it's just for, like, a superficial thing, but it's enough sometimes to to get you out of that head space
Robin (15:58):
you need those little glimmers of hope. Yeah, with silver lining, your friends help you find the glimmers. Glimmers. Here we go, our little glimmer. Friends. I love that glimmer. Friends, a little galantines. Glimmer, yes, yes, oh, it makes me think of Taylor Swift to make the whole place glimmer. Shimmer is a better word.
Deborah (16:23):
Shimmer is a better word. That's why she's a songwriter, and a great one at that.
Robin (16:27):
So let's talk about ways to celebrate galentines.
Deborah (16:32):
Yes, let's give our listeners a guide to galentines day. I
Robin (16:37):
am all about and, you know, I think we talked about this for our New Year's Eve episode as well. DIY spa night, come over in your PJs. Let's do face masks. Set up a nail bar. I would do a cheese and charcuterie board. Oh yes, I would probably have some ice cream or cupcakes, lots of cozy blankets, soft lighting, soft lighting, yes, and then a playlist, a bestie playlist going on in the background while we're chit chatting. And I'm gonna ask you, what is one song that you would put on that playlist?
Deborah (17:15):
Me right now,
Robin (17:18):
I'll tell you mine. Okay, tell me yours wanna be by Spice Girls? Oh, that is a girl anthem, because friendship comes first. Friendship does come first. I'm like,
Deborah (17:30):
instantly thinking about wine country, which I finally saw, which is a great movie, and I'm embarrassed I didn't watch it before, and their DUI playlist that they would listen to in between wineries, and I'm trying to think of some great songs. I think I would play songs from like, 2010 to 2014, like, for some reason, like that era of music just reminds me of our girlfriends. I'm gonna go ahead and say Scissor Sisters, I don't feel like dancing. Oh, yep, Kathleen and I tried to sing that for karaoke. And first of all, listen to it now. Just go on whatever streaming service you use. I don't even
Robin (18:16):
need to listen to it.
Deborah (18:18):
It is the highest false set of Yeah, first of all, second, there's a million words to that song. There's too many words to that song, too many to keep up with, if you don't know it by heart and you're trying to sing karaoke version of it. It was a hot mess. We could not have gotten off that stage any faster. But that song always just makes me want to dance and be with my girlfriends, so good, even though he says, I don't feel like dancing. I love it.
Robin (18:43):
But yeah, DIY, spa night, order some pizza, and then I saw something about, like, creating some games. One of them was, I love this past the compliment game. Oh, so everyone writes an uplifting message for each person in the group, and then you just take turns reading them to each other.
Deborah (19:01):
Love. My favorite thing in the world is just being around girlfriends, eating snacks and validating the shit out of each other. Yes? So this is like the perfect conduit, because then you also leave having maybe a more beautiful face and or nails.
Robin (19:15):
Mm, hmm, it's an emotional facelift. Yeah? It's a spa
Deborah (19:19):
night for your mind, body and soul, yeah, invite me someone. Invite me to their DIY spa night, please. Stat, you could
Robin (19:28):
also combine your spa night with a craft night. Oh, you make your own bath bombs. Oh, yeah, that's totally a thing.
Deborah (19:38):
I didn't know you could make your own bath bombs,
Robin (19:41):
yeah? I mean, you can make your own soap. You can make your own anything
Deborah (19:44):
that's true. Crafty ladies of craftiness night, oh, yes,
Robin (19:48):
that is perfection. We just have this endless list of ways to use classy We sure
Deborah (19:55):
do. It's the best. Yeah, absolutely. Or other things you could do on a craft night. Be like a paint and sip night. Yes, if you ever done one of those virtual paint parties, or even real person paint parties before,
Robin (20:08):
I've never been to one, and I love painting, so I am not
Deborah (20:11):
a good artist like that at all. And actually, for one of my contract jobs for the holiday party, we did a virtual paint party and we did a snowman. I got to pick it out because it was, like, the easiest one, and it actually was a lot of fun. And I wasn't sure how it would go. When you plan events for people that you don't really know very well, like, oh, they gotta think it's lame. I thought it was a great time, but I've never been to the ones that are, like, hosted in person, so you can either go to one altogether, or maybe you can find a service where, like, they'll come to you and like, be in your own house. But I think that would be a super fun time.
Robin (20:50):
Yeah, and something else that you've talked about, and I know a couple people that have done this, where you find some crappy canvas painting at a thrift store, and then you can paint your own characters on it. So, like you could combine that craft with paint and sip. Yes,
Deborah (21:10):
this is a huge shout out to our friend Lauren, who is an artist and is very talented like that, and she has given these as gifts to other people. I believe Kathleen has been a recipient. It's just, you know, your standard painting of like a town and Lauren painted, I think, a robot and a dinosaur, like fighting each other in the background. And it's just so funny, and it's a great way to maybe feel a little bit less overwhelmed. Like, what should I paint? You can add on to something that's already there. Plus you guys all get to go to Goodwill together and, you know, pick out fun stuff. Who knows what else you'll find while you're there? Yeah,
Robin (21:46):
goodwill, thrift stores in general, it's fun for so many different kinds of crafts. I went through a bedazzling phase, got all my shirts at thrift stores, yes, and it's a work of art. They are. I'm very proud of all my bedazzling Robin's
Deborah (22:02):
bedazzles are amazing. I feel like the audience is what they have in mind of what it looks like is not actually what it looks like. So we'll have to put up some pictures on our socials.
Robin (22:13):
Yeah. I mean, that's a good idea. But I also kind of like the idea of people like not understanding it, because then when they see it, they're even more blown away. Yeah,
Deborah (22:21):
so pick up some old T shirts, pick up some old paintings, put your own flair on it, you know, and have yourself a little craft night
Robin (22:30):
with the gals. That's the best. Yeah, it's the best. And I everyone loves craft nights. Not very many people actually like do the craft night unless someone is providing everything. Mm, hmm, you know, yeah. So you someone in your friend group needs to be that person. I think
Deborah (22:47):
you've got to have that one friend that is willing to plan, organize and facilitate. And you also have to understand that there's going to be one or two people there that really are just there for the snacks and booze, and that's okay, as long as you're all willing to lean in and like celebrate each other. It really doesn't matter what you're doing. Everyone has a role in friendship. Everybody has a role in friendship. But the event that I think kicked this whole thing off was probably the one that most people will do to celebrate Valentine's Day, and that is a good old brunch party. The
Robin (23:19):
Best party is a brunch party. Tell me I'm wrong. I agree
Deborah (23:23):
you are absolutely correct. We talked about this before you get to sleep in a little bit, you get to basically eat two meals in one. And you can call it a night before the sun goes down, maybe you get a second wind and go out, but if you don't go out that night, you're still gonna feel accomplished, because you already did something by going to brunch and being out. It's perfect. It's
Robin (23:44):
perfect. And let's be real, none of us are getting a second wind at our age.
Deborah (23:50):
No, no, not anymore. Those days have long gone. This is the wind you get
Robin (23:54):
brunch out of the way, and then you go home and you enjoy the rest of your day on a couch.
Deborah (23:58):
Yeah, you put comfy pants on immediately, you know, or overalls, police overalls, if you got them. But, yeah, I love a good brunch, whether it is at someone's house or maybe going to a restaurant. What's funny, though, I will say that again, our friend Kathleen once referred to brunch as a rich man's game, and she's not wrong, because in what world should you be paying $15 for three eggs some cheese and some vegetables by way of an omelet? Like it's definitely a price gouge type of event, totally. So maybe during these hard economic times, hosting a brunch party at home will go a little bit longer of a way. But either way, I just love the different kinds of foods. I want salt. I want savory. I want some sweet little biscuits. I want some warm coffee. If you drink mimosas, get some champagne, like all of that stuff. I can actually taste all of these things in my mouth, as I'm saying it right now. And I just want to be there now with all my friends. I feel
Robin (24:56):
the love I'm warm and fuzzy inside. Just imagine. US brunching? Yeah, I love it,
Deborah (25:02):
yeah, set up a little waffle bar. Maybe even make have people make their own waffles.
Robin (25:07):
I mean, is it galentines? If you don't have waffles with some extra whipped cream, whipped
Deborah (25:11):
cream, a strawberry on top, even I'm hungry, me too.
Robin (25:17):
So one other thing you could do, aside from craft nights and spa nights, is a themed gift exchange, and I'll add a budget friendly, themed gift exchange. Oh, okay, yeah, you could do a book swap. Oh, you do your favorite book that you already own, or you could go find it at in Austin, we have Half Price Books. Yeah, we have that here too. Yeah. Everyone brings, bring your favorite book, wrap it and then just put a little heartfelt note inside. Boom, yeah, or a no Buy gift exchange again. It's something you already have, but maybe one of your friends could benefit from it more. You know, like, this
Deborah (25:57):
is such a smart idea, because in the past, we've done clothing swaps, which I got some real good
Robin (26:03):
finds. It's always my favorite time. It's my favorite a good
Deborah (26:07):
old clothing swap. I have tried to facilitate other clothing swaps, and people don't get it. I need to find my thrifty girls, because I'd be like, No. Everyone just brings lightly used clothes, and you all exchange it. I don't want to wear somebody else's clothes. It's like, all right, Richie, rich I get it. You buy everything new. Not all of us do. I totally fine with wearing someone else's clothes. In fact, that's how I got through college. Was just borrowing my roommates tops to go out to some CD bar. So I love the no Buy gift exchange, because it is a good excuse to cleanse your closet of the things you're not wearing anymore, or maybe just things around the house, I have far too many mugs. Someone else maybe could have one of my coffee mugs. Or some art in my house that no longer serves me, a picture frame, something like that. You have so many things already in your house that maybe other friends could benefit from, and vice versa. Yeah, you could
Robin (27:05):
even do self care swap. So do you have, like, some beauty products that were gifted to you or that you bought you ended up not using, or you just think it would work better for someone else? Boom, yeah, that's a great idea. There's a candle on some this face mask. Like, it's great mask. It just didn't work for my skin type. Maybe it'll work for yours. Like, I don't know. No, you're
Deborah (27:26):
totally right. Because think about the timing of this. You have Valentine's Day about six weeks after Christmas, and you probably got something from someone who doesn't know you very well. Like lotions that maybe you just you're not a scented lotion person or a bunch of candles, right? You just came back from a work white elephant, and you have some crap that, like you don't really care for. This is the perfect time to pay it forward, and then
Robin (27:55):
no one's being wasteful. No one's being wasteful. We have enough stuff, and that's why you should have clothing swaps as well. Yeah, yes, I got this sweatshirt of a clothing swap, really? Yeah, wow. Someone got rid of this idiot. What an idiot. So there's one more thing that we would recommend doing for a Galantine celebration, and this one, I think, is really fun, and you can combine it with any of these activities, a friendship award ceremony? Yeah, yes, the awards could be silly. It could be like a little treat, or you could have many trophies, whatever. But I think just crowding silly labels on all your friends could be super fun. Yeah,
Deborah (28:37):
absolutely. Now, do you think that this is everybody votes on it, or the host makes almost like, a list of superlatives and just gives them out to friends. How would you go about doing it? That's a
Robin (28:51):
great question. I would say, like, everybody kind of make their own list, and then we can, like, go around, like, sharing who we think would win what award like. We don't have to unanimously assign one award to one person. I think whoever you think whatever award should go to that person goes to that person, and you just give them a little carnation with it. You know, have some flowers to take home. I love that.
Deborah (29:17):
You know, what you could also do? Something you could do that would be fun and engaging is very similar to a Secret Santa. Everybody pulls the name of one friend, but nobody else knows who has who, and you have to assign an award for that person.
Robin (29:33):
Oh, that's great. That's perfect. Yeah, perfect. That
Deborah (29:37):
way, there's no overlap. That way, not everyone's piling up on someone you know,
Robin (29:42):
and that's way more refined, yeah, than my idea. Well,
Deborah (29:46):
I Your idea is what made me think of it. So, teamwork, teamwork, but, yeah, a Secret Santa Friendship Award Ceremony. We, well,
Robin (29:55):
we need to call it something different. What would you call the award? Secret lover? No,
Deborah (29:59):
I. Secret lover. We should have thought this through. Well, okay, on Valentine, so you have a secret admirer. So is this just like a secret admirer award? I think that's perfect, right? Yes,
Robin (30:10):
a secret admirer award, yeah, and we just, we just shower our friends, yes, with compliments, yes, perfect. This is the best. Yep,
Deborah (30:20):
figured it out. Nailed it. Okay, so you're gonna have a secret admirer. You're going to create an award for that person. You're going to present that award at the Friendship Award Ceremony. Oh, and then you can give them whatever you want to give them as an award. So for some people, they might make a sash, someone may make a crown, someone could come up with a plaque. Everybody can make whatever type of award they want, and then you give it to that recipient. It's
Robin (30:48):
perfection. It is perfection. And you do it at brunch. And you do it
Deborah (30:52):
at brunch after you've eaten all these tasty snacks, had some mimosas or fomoses. Oh
Robin (30:58):
my gosh, it's so beautiful. In my mind, I know,
Deborah (31:02):
let's really see this take off. If you do something like this, I want to see pictures. I want to see pictures of your galentines Day celebration.
Robin (31:11):
So we've talked about things to do with your friends in person. But what if all of your friends are long distance and you're by yourself? Well, you're your own Galantine. When was the last time you treated yourself with the same kindness that you would offer to a friend? Use galantines as an excuse to do that for yourself?
Deborah (31:33):
I love this, and honestly, this is something I have been thinking a lot about recently as I am, you know, single and have made the decision that I want to be single for literally as long as I can possibly stand it. I'm someone who, like, gets in relationships really easily, and I really want to work on the mental fortitude of just like, truly pouring love back into myself and, like, truly doing the work on myself without the distraction of, like a romantic interest. So this is, like a perfect topic, because I will be all alone on Valentine's and Valentine's Day, but I'm actually excited for it, and I am trying to think of things that I can do that are nice for myself, that are like, treat myself, type of behavior, because if you are not filling up your own cup, you got nothing to give someone else. Nope. And I need to not just do a fill my cup night where I literally just stay inside and, like, clean my house, like, I need to actually pour love into myself, and that is the goal for maybe a year, we'll say,
Robin (32:47):
I love that. Yeah, and there's so many positive things that come out of filling your own cup. You know, you become a better friend. You become less insecure about someone's successes compared to yours, you become a more present listener. Like, I don't know, I'm going through this journey right now, and so some of the stuff that I'm saying actually resonates with me presently, like I am feeling this shift. It's very hard work, yeah, but it's possible, and it will absolutely make you a better friend, and it will make you a better friend to yourself, yeah, like, I've just been enjoying hanging out with myself more lately, and that's a really good feeling.
Deborah (33:34):
It is a good feeling, and you will tolerate what you give yourself. So if you're mean to yourself all the time, you are going to allow someone in your life that is just as mean to you, because now it's the common language that you are speaking to your own brain. So trying to show yourself compassion, writing love letters to yourself. We talked about this in a previous episode, but I really would like to just take more time, like in the morning, to just write something nice about myself down on a piece of paper. So that way, I not only frame my day with that mentality, but I can look back and see how nice I was for myself, you know. So that's a challenge that I'm going to try to try to incorporate into my daily routine as well. That's
Robin (34:23):
great. Self Compassion is so important, and it shifts the focus right? The things that we say to ourselves is, I'm not enough, I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. Everyone is ahead of me. It shifts that focus from that to I'm doing my best, and that's okay, and just really be okay with it. Believe that you are doing your best. And I've my husband pointed this out to me recently. He asked me, could you have done more in this situation that we were talking about? And my immediate answer was yes. He goes, No, I'm not asking if you. Have the ability to do more? Did you do the most you could with the emotional energy that you have and compared to what you've already given in this relationship? Have you done everything within your capacity without losing yourself? Like he rephrased it, he's like, You don't have to kill yourself to say, I did my best. That doesn't mean you did your best. Doing your best is like you have to set healthy boundaries to do your best. Yeah, yes. That's how you keep your sense of self. And I don't know, it's just a really big aha moment for me.
Deborah (35:35):
Oh, good. That's so true. And that is a message that you also have to tell yourself over and over again.
Robin (35:41):
Yes, every day that was three days ago, and it really has made a big difference. So good.
Deborah (35:48):
Just tell yourself that you are doing your best and your best is good enough every time, that is the mantra. So yeah, like you said, if you are away from your girlfriends like I am and are single like I am. This is not a sad time. This is a great time to show yourself self love and acceptance and compassion that you want to give and receive. So take this time. Make your own agenda of things that you want to do, do things that bring you joy, whether it is watching ducks at a pond or going on a walk with your dog or drawing a bath for yourself, like this is the time to indulge, and then you'll be a better friend and partner for it. So galentines day is not just a holiday. It can be a state of mind. You don't just have to celebrate it on February 13, you can really take time to celebrate your friendships and your girlfriends any time of the year. In fact, you really should not wait for a holiday to show appreciation. You know, small gestures, you know, engaging with the group chat when it's been too long, suggesting a movie night with someone you haven't seen in a minute. All of these things you should be trying to do when you can, because your time with your friends is so precious, and as you get older, it becomes more fleeting. So take advantage of those times. Make an excuse to reach out and be there for the ones that you love, yeah,
Robin (37:21):
don't wait those small, consistent gestures really matter. And you know, like, you don't have to be in person to celebrate Valentines either. I will probably call you next week, yeah, just because, like, some of us are gonna get together and you will be missed, I know I'm gonna miss you guys, yeah, but we want you to come hang out with us for a minute. Be there in spirit. Yeah, zoom it up. Yeah. You don't need a Pinterest perfect brunch to make galentines meaningful. However you show your love is the way to do it. We're just giving some tips, some advice, some things that we've done. But, you know, think of your own traditions to create. Yeah,
Deborah (38:05):
there's so many different ways. And honestly, in my opinion, the best part about Valentine's Day is it is an excuse to finally do those fun ideas that maybe you see on the internet, see on Pinterest, that you talk about in a group chat. Get it out of the group chat. Get it in real life. This is your excuse to be like, we decided to finally do this kind of party. Yeah, maybe it's a PowerPoint presentation night, right? And you all dress up as a thing you're going to talk about. Maybe it is, you know, some kind of funny bar crawl where, again, you're going to be like, in costume. Just be silly, lean all the way in and just enjoy that fun time that you're gonna have with your girlfriends.
Robin (38:45):
It's a really wonderful way to bond, create memories and get that group photo. Get
Deborah (38:52):
that group photo. Take the picture. You'll want the pictures. Yes,
Robin (38:56):
okay, I'm gonna make a little call to action here. I want everyone to think, how would our lives look different if we treated our friendships just as valuable as romantic relationships, like, what if you flipped the script? What if we put as much energy into nurturing our friendships as we do to dating relationships? And a lot of times, those friendships are way older than the guy or gal you've been dating for six months, you know, maybe then we'll realize and appreciate that the great loves of our lives aren't always romantic.
Deborah (39:28):
Oh, I love that so true. We want to hear what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Are you going out with your girlfriends? Are you staying in and hosting something? I want to know what your traditions are, or maybe what you will do this year now that you have heard this episode, so send us all of your ideas, pictures and anything else at art of classiness@gmail.com All right. Well, let's move on to the classiest thing you've seen this week, Robin. What
Robin (39:57):
was it? I talk about him so much. But it's my dangle husband, the perfect man. So like I said, we celebrated our four year dating anniversary last weekend, and he surprised me like I was utterly surprised. He just told me we were going somewhere in Georgetown, which is like 40 minute drive, and we were on a college campus. We walk inside, and I see the sign. It's a candlelit String Quartet performing Taylor Swift songs knock it out of the park. I was blown away. I was like, and he knew it. He was like, I saw this. I couldn't believe it was happening on our actual anniversary. And it was so awesome when
Deborah (40:40):
you first texted me that I thought you met, that he had gotten a string quartet to just like, come to you guys, oh my gosh, and perform Taylor Swift, I was like, damn, but I have, I think I've seen similar type, types of advertisements, not for Taylor Swift. I did not know that that was like a thing that they did, but that is so cool, and the pictures were beautiful. What was the best song that they performed, or what were some of your favorites? So
Robin (41:08):
it's hard to remember all the songs they played. I actually started to get kind of sleepy because they had a ton of candles on the stage. It was in the dark room. The music was so lovely. Yeah, like I felt so relaxed. But my favorite song was the first one they played lavender haze, ooh. I'd never heard it on strings before, and it was absolutely beautiful. I actually walked down the aisle to Seth to Oh my God. What's the name of that song? Lover, lover. I walked down the aisle to love her. I was hoping that they would play that song, because it's beautiful on strings, but they actually didn't Wow, but it was still, it was beautiful performance. They were very talented. It was so fun to watch. And just, yeah, it's magical, classy. Husband surprising me with these gifts
Deborah (41:55):
that is so thoughtful and romantic. And he literally hit all the things at once, and that's just so classy. Well, good. Well, happy four year dating anniversary is even while that you guys celebrate a dating anniversary after you get married, usually people just kind of like, forget about that date.
Robin (42:12):
He wants to keep it going. And I said, I was like, we don't have to do anything. We could still celebrate it, but like, we don't need to go all out. And he's like, Yeah, let's just acknowledge it, because it is still a special date. Like our dating anniversary is literally the first day we met. Wow, that was it. One and done. We just like that. It was such a great first date. Oh, like, I didn't date anyone after that. I didn't message anyone. I put my full focus into that relationship and paid off. I
Deborah (42:42):
love that. Well, happy for your dating bursary, big and to many more to come.
Robin (42:47):
So what about you? This is the classiest thing you saw this week. So I'm gonna
Deborah (42:52):
do what you did last week and say that I am the classiest thing I've seen this week.
Robin (42:57):
That's right. Yes,
Deborah (42:58):
you are. I am really just in my entrepreneur era, I would say I'm just really trying to build different income streams, and I'm trying to build my consulting practice with my business partner, and it is really forcing me to be much more extroverted than I have been in previous roles when I worked full time for companies. So we are kicking off a series of workshops as like a sales pipeline, and we just kicked that off this week in terms of advertising it, and we're already getting people like registering for it, and then the Chamber of Commerce wants us to do our own version for them. So that's just, like, very validating. Because it's just like, you realize that if you want to do something, sometimes you just have to say that you are the doer of that thing, and then you become the thing that you're trying to do. If that makes sense, like we wanted to do a podcast. So now we are podcasters. I wanted to be a consultant for workplace cultures, performance management, and now I am doing that, and like the fruition of us actually putting on this workshop that we're just making up, right? Like we're just building it with each other and doing it, and you realize so much of life is just like deciding to do something. And so I feel like this moment in my professional life is really validation, that you don't have to wait for approval, for someone to say that you are something you can be, the thing that you want to be. And I'm really feeling like I'm stepping into that moment with my professional life, and that feels really good and empowering. So if you are at home and there's something that you want to do, but you feel like, Oh, I can't, because I don't have X, Y and Z, or like, Oh no, people are not going to take me seriously. It's like, just pump your own tires. Yes, okay, pump your own tires and do the thing that you want to do. Because it's crazy to me that I just was like, Hey, would anyone be interested in hearing a workshop? And people are
(45:10):
like, yes, we would be. And I'm like, Okay, I'm going to give you that workshop now, and now we're doing it, and it's now we're going to build a business that's based off the content that we'redelivering. So I think that's just really classy to finally just put a plan into action and hopefully see it become successful.
Robin (45:29):
You are a classy businesswoman. I'm a classy
Deborah (45:32):
businesswoman, and I would like the businesswoman special please.
Robin (45:35):
Ooh, what's in the businesswoman special? That is a quote from
Deborah (45:39):
Romi and Michelle's high school reunion when they're like, dressed in their power suits on their way to the reunion, oh my gosh, and they go into a restaurant, and she's like, do you guys have any business woman specials? That's so
Robin (45:53):
right. I can't believe we didn't talk about that movie on our best friend films episode, oh, because this is the best friendship film. That
Deborah (46:00):
is the best I know. And we had talked about talking about it, and then we've never actually brought it up in the episode. I got so many different texts of movies that we should have included. So obviously there's just, like, no shortage it's just so great.
Robin (46:13):
Moving on to our final segment of the day, our classy scenario. This one's a doozy. Okay, let's hear it splitting the bill on a date, and let's make it a first date. Oh, okay, and like, put yourself in this scenario, what's the classy move?
Deborah (46:32):
Okay, so this is very nuanced. Here's my genuine take on paying for bills, especially early on in a relationship. If you invited me to do that thing, I think it is your financial responsibility to cover it okay. So if you say, oh my gosh, I made reservations at this restaurant, and you chose the restaurant, okay, and then we eat, and then you are suggesting things like, should we get appetizers. Do you want to split a bottle of wine? Then you are paying for the date. You're paying for the date. Okay, if you go to a place that's a baby a bit more casual, like you go up to the counter in order, that's a little bit easier to be like, Oh, I'll get mine. You get yours. But I personally think on a first date, I don't think it's classy to split the bill.
Robin (47:25):
I would wonder, like, Okay, are you at dinner? Did you just get coffee? There's a difference, I would say, like, whether it's a first date or not. Because I'm independent, I don't want anyone to ever feel like I need them to take care of me. And so I go into it with the energy of, I had a great time. Do you want to split the bill? Like, I'll just throw it out there, oh, and give them the opportunity to turn it down. Like, I go into it being okay with splitting it. If they want to split it, I'll split it. If they say, No, no, no, I want to get this, then I'll be like, that's really kind of you. Thank you. I'll, you know, if we're going to a bar after or something, I'll be like, I'll get drinks at the next place, right, right? It doesn't have to be an equal give and take. I think sometimes the other person just wants to know, like, you're not using them.
Deborah (48:17):
So again, this is, like, why I say it's so nuanced, because, in my opinion, if I'm a guy and I asked you out to dinner, and we are eating dinner and we're having a good time, and at the end, you ask me to split it, I'm gonna think I just got friend zoned. That's totally fair. I'm gonna take that as like, I don't want to and maybe that's why you're asking to split it because you don't want to feel any psychological obligation to that person. So that is a good defense mechanism of just being like, this is not going anywhere. I'd be happy to pay for my portion. That's fine. So that's why it's like you got to pull that card out at the right moment, because, you know, you don't want to have had a great date go sour because they felt like you weren't into them anymore. Right now, I do like your suggestion of being like, Oh, thank you so much for dinner. Can we go next door and get some drinks, like my treat, or, Hey, I would love to. Maybe tomorrow we can get coffee, you know, I can return the favor, or something like that. But yeah, I think if someone is asking you to dinner, then they better be paying for that dinner. That's my old fashioned take. That's perfectly fair.
Robin (49:25):
Yeah, you make it. You make a solid point. I guess I was thinking about the point in my life where I was going on a new date every week, and you just, you get in a different mindset. Yeah, it's so nuanced. You're not wrong. I just always, like, regardless of the situation, I just want to avoid the awkward tussle. This
Deborah (49:46):
is why I don't even object anymore. This is literally when I was in that phase where I was, like, going on dates. I just again, if they were like, oh, let's get dinner, okay, and the check would come and it would be like, yep. But here's the other awkward thing that sometimes happens. That is when the waitress or waiter inserts himself in this debate by saying separate checks, and then you have to confront it in real time, and nothing says, I don't see any chemistry between the two of you, people like the server asking if you want separate checks. It's like you have just validated every fear that I've had about the past hour, and that is, you think we're siblings, but he's actually trying to flirt with me. So that is, like an awkward scenario. It's a big reason why that's usually when I strategically use the bathroom, I just remove myself entirely, and when I come back, what happened? Oh, thank you so much you paid. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's really smart,
Robin (50:39):
actually. Yeah, the other thing I've done, which I actually did my first date with Seth, I showed up early, bought my own coffee, yes, void the awkwardness all together. And he told me later, he's like, I was actually kind of like, put off by that. See, he's like, but then I saw it as a challenge. He's like, I felt written off by you already, which wasn't true. He just didn't understand my experience with dating, yeah, but then he saw it as a challenge, yeah? Like, okay, I'm gonna win you over. And the next date, he did pick, look at that. He asked me out, he paid and then the next date, he was like, well, it's your turn. He was testing me. I planned our date. I paid for the date. I kicked his ass play you laser tag. Oh, the rest is history. I
Deborah (51:23):
love that. That's great. Yeah. Okay, so splitting the bill on a date, my vote is not classy.
Robin (51:30):
I would say in most cases it's not classy on the first date, yeah? Like, the whole point of a date is to, I don't want to say seduce you. It's,
Deborah (51:42):
no, it is. You can say it. It is to seduce you. It is a mating dance. A first date is a mating dance. It happens in nature. We love the bird of paradise mating dance. Okay? It is. Look at all the things I can do
Unknown (51:55):
which I have a video of you doing that in my robe. It's my favorite
Deborah (51:59):
thing in the entire world. Is the video of the bird of paradise doing a mating dance, because it is beautiful. It's saying, Look at this coat. Look at all these colors. Look at how I move my head. And it is trying to get the female to let him hit it real quick. And that is essentially what dating is.
Robin (52:15):
All of the male birds are so beautiful and the female birds are so plain, I know, because you need to impress us. Hello, yeah, so be
Deborah (52:25):
a beautiful male bird and pay for the first date already. Yeah,
Robin (52:28):
don't take me to sushi. I'll have to get fancy with it. Yeah, not trying to be high maintenance. Go get a burger. Go get a burger. I don't know Anyway, not classy. Not
Deborah (52:39):
classy. Well, let's end this chapter. Did you have anything else you want to add
Robin (52:43):
just one thing? Oh, yeah, classy is a state of mind. So much
Deborah (52:48):
your classiness. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Happy galentines. You.
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