February 18, 2025 • 53 mins
Traveling with friends sounds like a dream—until mismatched budgets, clashing personalities, and unexpected chaos turn your trip into a disaster. Want to make sure your next getaway is all fun and no friendship-ending drama? We’ve got you covered.
In this episode, we’re breaking down the do’s and don’ts of group travel, sharing real-life trip horror stories, and giving you our best tips on:
- How to plan a stress-free friend trip (from budget talks to setting expectations) - Navigating different travel styles so everyone enjoys the experience - Avoiding common friendship pitfalls—from money disputes to itinerary conflicts - Must-know travel hacks that will save your sanity (and your friendships!)
Whether you’re planning a weekend getaway, a road trip, or an international adventure, this is your ultimate survival guide for making memories—not mistakes.
Tune in now to learn how to travel with friends the right way!
Connect with us on Instagram: @artofclassiness Submit your own stories for future episodes! artofclassiness@gmail.com
Quick disclaimer, friends – we're not doctors, just two people who love to share ideas and experiences. This podcast is for fun and informational purposes only. It's not meant to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have questions about your health, definitely reach out to your doctor or a qualified health professional. Take care of yourselves and use what feels right for you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Robin (00:08):
Welcome to the Art of classiness podcast, a show where we redefine what it means to be a classy lady and sometimes it's messy. I'm Robin
Deborah (00:17):
and I'm Deborah this week. Buckle up. We're talking about all things friend trips, adventures, chaos and everything in between. We'rehere to give you our best tips and tricks for surviving and thriving on friend trips. So follow along, ive us your feedback, and don't forget to like and subscribe. What's up? Classy Ladies and gentlemen, Robin, how has your week been?
Robin (00:38):
Oh my gosh, so good. I chopped my hair off.
Deborah (00:42):
I know, I see. It is so chic. I love it. Describe it to us, please.
Robin (00:48):
it's so freeing. I think she took off about five inches. Wow. And a bit of history for you guys. I've been on a health journey with my autoimmune disorder, and one of the things that was happening when we didn't know what was going on was that I started to lose my hair, and so the part that she cut off was like the thin, straggly unhealthy part of my hair. And so I just went in there, and I was like, wherever, like, you need that to end, like, do it. And here we are. So it's like, all my natural hair again, I'm just so elated.
Deborah (01:26):
Well, it looks great, super cute. It looks so healthy, too.
Robin (01:30):
Thanks. It feels really good, like it looks fuller. Yeah, it's something that I always took for granted, especially with women. Like we're used to just having our hair and when it started falling out like that, was terrifying to be in my 30s and wondering if this is permanent. Yeah. So, yeah, it's been really nice to make this transition to a healthier me. What about you? How's your week
Deborah (01:54):
Well, great. Well, I'm really proud of you. Not great if I'm being honest, I have been kind of sick my you know, having kids, you just this is the time of year, totally, somebody is always sick. At one point, my son had nine kids out in one day from being sick. Oh my gosh. So I think it's actually fortunate that it's taken me this long to really catch something that the kids have brought in the house, but have just been kind of gross, you know? And I'm thankful to have flexible jobs where I work from home, and I've definitely been taking it very easy, but it stinks, because yesterday was Valentine's Day. Obviously, last week we had our Valentine's Day episode, and we talked about all these self care things, and I was really looking forward to being able to do some of those things, but I just didn't do anything yesterday. I just made myself dinner and tucked myself in the corner of my couch and just binge watched trash TV and passed out.
Robin (02:58):
That is a form of self care.
Deborah (02:59):
It is a form of self care. It is a form of regulation. And I totally get that you did your best, I did my best, and my body needed a little bit of rest, and so thankfully, I'm feeling a lot better today. It is kind of crappy, though, because it was a really beautiful day outside. Yesterday, it was cold, but it was beautiful, and today and tomorrow it's just gonna be rainy, sludgy, gross weather. Of course, when I start feeling better, there's like, nothing. There's no reason to leave the house today. And like, I finally have the energy to do so, so finally coming out the other end. And, you know, again, to your point, like the things you take for granted when you don't have them. Like, whenever I feel sick, I'm always like, God, you were healthy three days ago and you didn't even know. You had no idea how good you had it, and now you're just struggling to get out of bed. So very grateful that it was just probably a miles cold, and now I'm back on the up and up. Yay, yay. Speaking of traveling, I'm really excited to just dive right into our topic this week, because we are talking about traveling with friends, good old fashioned girl trip Central, yes.
Robin (04:08):
Let's start with like, why traveling with friends can be so amazing and also challenging? Before we like, get into the nitty gritty. Yeah, there's definitely a magic to friend trips. Those are lifelong memories that you're going to be making, like every trip I've gone on with you guys, like our trip to Chicago, our trip to Montreal, we still talk about that, and it was five years ago
Deborah (04:31):
yeah, like, yeah, it has stayed burned deep in our memories, our core memories, some of the trips that we've taken together.
Robin (04:38):
That's my favorite part about friendships. Like we're all stepping away from our day to day lives to focus on spending time with each other. And time is so precious, especially now, with everybody being busy with work and multiple children, I just really value this special time with my friends. Absolutely. It provides. Has a chance to see a different side of your friends as well. Oh, yeah, everybody has, like, some kind of hidden superpower, right? Like, I think my it's not hidden. My superpower is planning, yes, yes. But then you also get to learn how everybody handles stress. And another fun thing is figuring out what excites everybody,
Deborah (05:20):
yeah, especially if you go to the location that's new to everyone, you get to watch them maybe discover passions they didn't even know they had. If you guys are trying something new, trying new foods, maybe getting exposed to just different elements that you normally wouldn't have exposure to. So it's great to be able to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but be able to watch your friends do the same thing. Yes,
Robin (05:44):
and I can think of one of our friends who I don't want to call them like the pickiest eater, because they're not, but we do have a friend who there's certain things they just can't consume, and so it's always fun to watch her be adventurous on our trips, like she really tries to branch out. Because we're all foodies, yeah,
Deborah (06:00):
yeah. We love food. We love to eat. We love to eat. We do. I mean, it's my favorite thing to
Robin (06:07):
do. We plan our trips around that where's the good food at? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,
Deborah (06:12):
it's so great. It's so great, especially because when we visit each other in our own towns, like whether myself and Lauren come to Austin, or you guys come up here, we tend to cook in a lot just because logistically it's much easier. So it's great when you are forced to go and try different restaurants, try new things, and, you know, maybe dabble in some new cuisines that you've never had before. Yeah,
Robin (06:37):
but it's not always smooth sailing, right? No, everybody has different travel styles. Everybody has different budgets. We all have different personalities. Sometimes those can clash. I would say our friendship group has been really lucky and fortunate that we all know how to travel together. We generally get along. If anything comes up, it's small, but doesn't always pan out that way, you know. And I think managing expectations is key 100%
Deborah (07:03):
sometimes the things that can make a friend trip great are the same things that could potentially make it awful. Like, totally oh my god, I haven't spent time with you in so long to oh my god, I have spent so much time with you. Do you know what I mean? Like, it is a very accelerate. It's almost like a pressure cooker if you aren't managing expectations right, if you're not having enough alone time to yourself, if you're not communicating your needs and your boundaries. So today, we're really going to dive into all of it. How to curate a great friend trip. You know? How to get those ideas out of the group chat and into real life, but also how you can make sure that you're accommodating and creating memories so that everyone can walk away still being friends, yay.
Robin (07:53):
So let's touch on what to do, what not to do, and everything in between. How should we start? Well, let's
Deborah (07:59):
look at what has worked in the past. So you've mentioned before, we've been on some great friend trips together. I know you've gone on other friend trips with different groups. What do you think the best friend trip that you've ever been on
Robin (08:11):
was, oh, I mean, Montreal, Montreal, yes, and Chicago, they're both right there. It was different groups. Well, the same group in Montreal was in Chicago, but there were more of us as a bigger group, and because it was a wedding, like it was just a weekend of celebration. Yes,
Deborah (08:30):
let's talk about Montreal, though, because that was a quintessential girls trip, where we were literally just going on a trip to go on a trip together. Yes, what are some of the things that made that trip so great for you, the
Robin (08:42):
food, Yes, yep. What's that French fry dish with the gravy? Poutine?
Deborah (08:49):
Poutine? Canadians love their poutine. Yeah,
Robin (08:52):
I had some, and I was kind of blown away. It doesn't look good, but it tastes amazing. It
Deborah (08:58):
tastes amazing. We did all things Canadian, including buying ketchup chips, which I'm gonna be honest, I did not love, but we tried it, we leaned in. But the best thing about Montreal is that we actually called it fake France the whole time. Yes, because you really did feel like you were in a European country. There were beautiful pieces of architecture. There were these gorgeous, like cobblestone streets. Half the signs are in French. So you have this feeling like that you really are in a European I mean, you are in a foreign country, but you feel like you're in a European town, yeah, but at the same time, you know, there were a lot of familiar aspects to it. You didn't feel so far away from home too. So the city itself was beautiful. The people were so friendly. And every single restaurant we went to was a hit. Every single one
Robin (09:56):
it was. It really was. I do remember us changing the name. Of the group chat. I think it was real friends, fake France,
Deborah (10:03):
yep, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. So good, so good. So that was an absolute banger of a trip. What about ones that maybe didn't go so well? Okay,
Robin (10:16):
I have one that didn't go well, and this falls under the number one bullet for things to do before the trip. And that set expectations. I did not properly set expectations because I made assumptions. Oh, and these assumptions put me in an environment that I did not want to be in for a far too extended period of time, and that person and I are not friends anymore.
Deborah (10:46):
Oh, no, you hate that.
Robin (10:49):
Yeah. So I've definitely been on both ends of the spectrum. I learned a lot about myself on that trip. I learned a lot about traveling with friends on that trip. I wasn't super close with this person. It was a work trip. It's not like it was one. It was my best friend and we hate each other now, but yeah, it was a budding friendship that ended, yeah,
Deborah (11:10):
yeah. And that, unfortunately, like we talked about, when you travel, you find things out about people, and they're not always things that are congruent with how you operate, and that can be hard to come back from. For sure, I would say travel experience for me that was probably the worst were, I'll just say times in which I felt highly excluded, if not flat out rejected, by the people I was on a trip with it's the worst. And once you get in your head someone like me, I have really high sensitivity to rejection. I was actually thinking about this the other night. I don't think I have ever made the assumption that someone didn't like me and was wrong, like every time I have been like I don't think that person was feeling it or I don't. I just didn't get the vibe that they liked me. I've never been wrong about that. I've always been proven to be correct about my assumptions in those things, which means times where I feel rejected, it is impossible to convince my brain that I'm wrong about that. Yeah, so both of those trips after the fact, I ended up finding out things that put things in perspective for me, but it really robs the experience when you're on vacation. Brene Brown has a great quote where she says, if you look for reasons to be rejected in this world, you will always find it, and that's kind of my mindset in those trips. So I wouldn't recommend falling down the wormhole if you're in that situation. But again, I think to your point, it was setting the expectation ahead of time in my head. I made assumptions how those trips were going to go, and when they're not met, it can be really, really disruptive.
Robin (12:53):
Yes, which is why we recommend don't plan this whole trip in a text.
Deborah (12:58):
No, let's talk about some of the tactical ways in which we can set expectations for a friend group trip.
Robin (13:05):
Okay? Well, I think discussing the budget is key, because that's how you decide where you're going. Money can be a big stressor for people. We're all at different places in our lives, like career wise and with kids. Some friends, they love being super luxurious on trips. Some friends are happy to stay at a hostel, and it's finding that in between, so that everybody is content, budget
Deborah (13:27):
can make or break even someone's willingness to go on a trip. You know, that can be a huge pain point when trying to plan. And for someone who's ballin, it can be hard for them to come down to like, let's just go to a cabin and drive there. You know what? I mean? They might be like, No, I have a week off from work. I want to do something awesome. I don't just want to drive an hour away and be at a cabin. Versus the person who that's all they can afford to do. You know, you might not get that group trip out of the group chat.
Robin (14:00):
That's fair, and so it is really important to talk that through. And you know, something I've done in the past, and this is the planner and me, the organizer and me, I'll create a survey, yeah, I'll make a little survey, send it out to everybody, especially if it's a larger group, so then people can give their answers somewhat anonymously. You know, you find that range of budget, and you're like, Okay, based on everyone's budget, here are options, places we can go, and this is the budget that we're looking for to spend with hotel or Airbnb. I've done it for a bachelorette party because there were like 12 girls, and it was great. We got shirt sizes.
Deborah (14:37):
Yeah, no, I think gathering collective feedback is really key, because I think women are often more likely to say whatever you guys want. No, I'm down with whatever you tell me, and somebody has got to take the reins. Every once in a while, you have to be the person that says, survey says we're going to Miami, or survey says this. The hotel we're staying at, because otherwise you're only gonna fantasize about what you should do, and you're not gonna get any traction to, like, move this plan forward. So yeah, I think having a survey or some kind of form that everybody can contribute their ideas and constraints of, like, I absolutely cannot travel during this time is the best. Now, there's always going to be people who want to go, but then are unable, because the majority rules. And you know, unfortunately, that sucks for that person,
Robin (15:29):
but you didn't get to come to my bachelorette party.
Deborah (15:31):
I was so sad I didn't get to and now, looking back on it, I'll just make a PSA right now, never disregard a friend trip because of a work obligation, because your friends will be there for you, and your job may ask you to leave. So I looking back, I wish I had taken the road that so many other of my co workers had done, which is say, I know this was supposed to be a mandatory event, but I had other travel plans, so I can't go like, I wish I would have done that, because now looking back, it's like, oh, I stayed for a quarterly review meeting instead of going to one of my best friend's bachelor party. Like, take the trip. Book the ticket. Your job will literally cut your position if they drop in profits 1% that year. Okay, take the trip. Yeah, they don't give a shit about you. They pretend they do not give a shit about you. So always take the trip
Robin (16:26):
that is good. PSA, some other expectations that you can set are, what kind of accommodations does everybody want? Do you want a hot tub? Do you need your own bed? Oh, the bad thing, yeah, like at my age, I always require that I at least have a bed. I'm fine to share a bed with someone, but I am not sleeping on an air mattress. I am not sleeping on the floor, and I really prefer not to sleep on the couch.
Deborah (16:48):
Yeah, in my 20s, I would have settled for the couch, totally hell. I would have even settled for an air mattress. And places like when we were driving to visit our friend Lauren, like we did in the fall, I brought an air mattress, and that was fine, because it was like Slumber Party style in the basement. That's different. That's different because the accommodation is free, yeah, if I am paying the same price as everyone else, and someone gets a queen size bed and I'm sleeping on a futon, no, not fair. It's
Robin (17:16):
the inequality. Like, it's not fair,
Deborah (17:19):
it's not fair. So, yeah, I would say, you know, figure it out. Maybe your group of friends is a lot more agile. Maybe you're way younger, and like you literally don't care, because you know, you're just going to be passing out somewhere, yeah, in the accommodation. But for me, I need a bed Absolutely,
Robin (17:34):
preferably with more than one pillow. But yes, thanks, Airbnb. Yeah. And then lastly, I would say itinerary preferences, and that could go in your little survey too. You don't have to know where you're going to have some preferences. Like, wherever we go, I must go to at least one art museum, or it's important to me that we have one somewhat nice meal altogether, right?
Deborah (17:57):
Or, like, I have to go in the ocean, you know? Like, if you're planning a beach trip, some people do not like actually getting in the water. They would much prefer to be at a pool. So they might say, oh, let's just go ahead and book the hotel that's more in town, because I don't really like sand and I don't like the ocean. I would say I'm fine with that, but I need one day where I can at least go to the beach, because I love swimming in the ocean.
Robin (18:21):
Yeah, it's just good to know what your preferences already are, and then your friends have the opportunity to jump on that bandwagon or adapt their plans. Otherwise, it's all about having that open communication from go, yeah,
Deborah (18:35):
absolutely. And this sort of brings us to the next point, which is everybody has a different travel personality type. I feel like on every trip, there is going to be the planner for our group trips. Robin, you are the planner. You have already scouted out the best restaurants. You have looked at the menus to make sure that it can accommodate everybody's dietary restrictions or their budget, or that we could walk there, we wouldn't have to take an Uber all the way across town. So Robin, you are a great asset to have on these types of trips, because you provide the knowledge, whereas I am probably better at making sure we have enough food in the house, like, which is very important. That is very important. You got to make sure that I'm the person who will look at the accommodation and try to figure out, do we have to bring our own seasoning? Like, some Airbnbs or rental units like, they will not provide any type of, I don't want to say condiments, because that would be weird, but like, even salt and pepper, they'll leave you with a little, like, salt and pepper packet. I'm the person that will message the host and ask, like, if I'm going to cook here, what do I need to actually get at the store? Because nothing is worse than being like, oh, we'll just do pasta tonight, and then you're like, we have no seasoning whatsoever to do anything, or even sugar for coffee. So, like, I will figure out some of those minor details, because the food and the snack availability is very important to me, yes,
Robin (20:07):
and for me, wherever we're staying, better be walking distance to at least one coffee shop. Oh, yeah, that's key. That's like, my favorite thing is going to a coffee shop that I've never been to, getting a little latte. Yeah, sometimes you're disappointed, but most of the time, it's very nostalgic and fun. Yeah,
Deborah (20:26):
to me, when you wake up, well, to go over the other personality types, there's usually some morning people. I think, as we get older, there's more morning people than those who sleep in. But then there's others that maybe are workaholics, and when they go on these trip, it is their time to regulate, and so they're gonna sleep. Yeah, the most important thing to them on the trip is sleeping in or having enough time in the morning. They're slow to get ready. Then there's also the people who are night owls. They come back from maybe going out, and they want to keep the party going, you know? And so sometimes those personalities can clash. So I think having an understanding of all the different personality types before you go can be key, even in micro things like, who am I going to share a room with? You know, what time should we realistically set the itinerary knowing that we have somebody who wants to sleep in until like 10 o'clock in the morning? So really, having like, a good assessment of all those different personalities can be key. Actually,
Robin (21:23):
when we were in Montreal, our friend Ashley and I ended up being roommates because we both like noise machines.
Deborah (21:29):
Oh, yeah, I don't, so I would not have wanted to room with you at all,
Robin (21:34):
and we had our own beds those. It was a twin bedroom. Okay, that was a bonus. Yeah,
Deborah (21:39):
it's so true. And really relaying another parenting tip to planning a trip, don't trade fun for fun. Okay, if you are already having a good time doing something, you don't need to stop doing it because you were supposed to be doing another fun thing. This happens a lot with parenting. You know, like your kids might be having a great time in the basement, but you thought it would be fun to go to a playground. Don't remove them from the fun they are already having. To try to get them to do another fun thing. Let these fun moments just happen, and don't try to one up it with something better, because you might end up losing out on both.
Robin (22:18):
I love that. Well, what's one thing that you've always known about your travel buddies before you say yes to a trip, the sleeping
Deborah (22:23):
accommodations is huge for me. Even in my younger, partier days, I was always one that would pass out early. I am not a night owl. Ergo, I am a morning person, because I usually fall asleep first go to bed early, so I don't want a room with someone who is that night owl, who's going to come in late, who's going to be belligerent when they get home. That's not going to work well for me. So kind of knowing what that situation is, I prefer to know that information, and I also want to know that there is at least one planner, because I am not the most type a person, but I will become that if no one else is and that role stresses me out, because then I feel psychologically responsible for everybody having a good time. Yes, and I don't like that. So I do better on a trip that somebody else has planned, and I can just be a joyful participant. So those are things I need.
Robin (23:19):
One friend doing everything never makes for a fun trip. No, for that person, at least. And I agree with everything you said. Since I am the planner, my one thing is I just want to know that I'm not the only planner, that I'm not the only one making all the plans and decisions. I want it to be a group activity. I'm happy to lead it. I'm happy to do a lot of the work. Just don't put it all on me to do everything, especially, like, I'm the kind of person that if I did plan the whole trip and then we got there and I didn't see everyone having the best time of their lives, I would feel like such a failure. Yeah,
Deborah (23:55):
that is the hardest part, and you really gotta, like, relinquish that responsibility. It is not your fault that the server sucked at the restaurant we went to, and it's taken me a long time for times where I did choose the restaurant and things that were out of my control made that experience terrible. Yeah, for not feeling like I created that bad experience for my friends.
Robin (24:16):
So we've talked about things to do before a trip. Let's talk about things to do during the trip, also what not to do, but let's touch on the good part first,
Deborah (24:24):
yeah, and I think these are tips that can really make sure that you're having a great time. First and foremost, I touched on this before. You gotta have snacks. You have to have snacks. It's so important. And you really don't think about how important it is until you realize the law that can happen between lunch and dinner. And when you're approaching that six o'clock hour and you're watching girls just now get in the shower, my brain is like, Oh no, we are so far away from food. We are too far away from the food. And I start to get hangry, yes, and I don't like that side of myself. No.
Robin (24:59):
For me, I. I also don't like it. Yeah, Seth doesn't like it either. It
Deborah (25:03):
also creates a fun opportunity to do my favorite thing, which is the chaotic first trip to the grocery store. Okay, everybody
Robin (25:11):
picks their favorite snacks, whatever you want, throw it in. You
Deborah (25:15):
always over buy. You always buy things that you 100% do not need, like, marshmallow fluff. Should we make marshmallow fluff sandwiches? That would be fun. You're like, what? When is the last time we've ever had that before? Like, oh, we're gonna get the gallon of milk. Get the gallon of milk. We're gonna go right through it. You're never gonna go through it. But it's so fun to just like, overspend at the grocery store, you know, buy all your booze, buy all your snacks, your charcuterie board items, then you come back from the grocery store and you're like the hero, and everyone's in the kitchen, kind of helping out those little moments. I love so much
Robin (25:50):
well, and it's great, because what if the weather's bad or we're just not feeling it, and nobody wants to leave, that's okay, because you already have food. Yeah, you have food at home and order takeout, you know? But those snacks are imperative. Snacks are imperative, even if it's just a few calories. Like, I know myself. I'm not proud of this. I'm not a good hangry person. At least I'm able to catch myself like when I tell Seth, I'm hungry, I need to eat. It's very direct and straightforward, and he knows he has a matter of minutes to find food. Do you know you
Deborah (26:23):
have 30 minutes? 3030, 30? Yes, I am like the exact same way. I actually go non verbal. That's how you know that it is time to eat. I am non verbal, and I just need a snack. So making sure that you have snacks is so important, it's probably
Robin (26:42):
best to go non verbal at that point. Yeah, we say things we don't mean.
Deborah (26:46):
100% say things I don't mean yes.
Robin (26:49):
Okay, so we got avoid the hanger next you want to be flexible. We've talked a little bit about this. Plans will change. That's okay. You know, like we could plan our must do's, but some of our best moments have come from just stumbling into a place. Remember that bar grumpies that reminded us of photo, like we just randomly found that place? Yeah, yes. And now we have one of my favorite pictures ever from there. I know
Deborah (27:18):
I love that picture, yeah, be open to the possibility of something amazing happening that you didn't expect?
Robin (27:24):
Yes, yeah. What else we got? Well,
Deborah (27:28):
I think along this line is kind of respecting people's personal space. You know, if you're going on an extended trip, like more than two nights, not everyone has the stamina to just like, go, go. Yeah, some people might want to hang back, they might want to skip dinner, they might want to meet up later. And it's really easy to peer pressure people into always being together or making them feel bad for quote, unquote, being a downer. But just know that your friend knows themselves better than you know them. So give people space to unwind and do what they need to do in order to come back up and, you know, go out even harder. Yeah, and
Robin (28:09):
this is a great time to talk about splitting up. Like there might be two or three different things that are happening at the same time, and several of us might want to do each thing. Split off into groups, go do it all. We did that in Montreal, like I guess we'll keep using this trip as an example, because it really was. It's a great trip, a very successful trip. You Me and Lauren went on a hike, a beautiful hike, and then we enjoyed a light lunch while our other friends went to a fashion exhibit, which also looked amazing. And I wish we could have done both, yeah, but the point is, everyone did what they wanted to do, and everybody had a fantastic day 100%
Deborah (28:49):
and had we had tried to do both, we would have sacrificed time doing each of those things, and it would have been too chaotic, it would have been too stressful. So choose your own adventure. You know, create different paths for people, and maybe your personality types can lend to doing those different things. For example, I went to a bachelorette party in San Diego, and not only am I an early riser, but obviously there was a time zone difference on Pacific Coast than there was in Ohio. I woke up hours before anybody else, and just waking up and looking around the room, I knew that these people were not gonna do anything anytime soon, so I got up at like, 7am put my running shoes on, and just walked through downtown San Diego, got myself some coffee, found Balboa Park, like, took some great pictures, and I came back and some of those bitches were still sleeping. So had I been like, Oh, I gotta wait for everybody, I would have been so miserable, just like, quiet and on my phone. So take those chances where, you know, you have some lag time to maybe get away from the group, do your own thing, unwind and then come back and get the troops to rally.
Robin (29:59):
Yeah, take. In personal space, doesn't mean staying at the house, right? Just go do your own thing. Go for a walk, grab a bite to eat on your own. Go to the library. Everybody has their own needs, and yeah, the goal of a friend trip is to enjoy our time together and separately. It's everyone's vacation. It's Choose Your Own Adventure, definitely. And I think that is just like the biggest thing to remember when you're traveling. You're traveling with friends, we do not have to be together all the time. I went to a friend's birthday in Las Vegas, okay? Just imagine, like, it's a giant playground. Yeah, yeah. Think I was 25 there were like, 10 to 12 of us. Oh, wow. And my friend, because it was her birthday, she planned out the things that were important to her that we all do together. So she sent us that itinerary. And then, aside from that, she's like, do whatever you want. And boy did we? Boy did you? I've been to Vegas three times. That was my favorite Vegas trip. Oh, nice, because I did whatever I wanted to do with my friend. That was like, we were in the same kind of headspace. We're like, let's go. It was so fun. Yeah,
Deborah (31:03):
don't be afraid to run after the things that you want to do. I mean, I'm even thinking about when I took You as my plus one to Costa Rica for my work trip. That's right. I mean, that's a perfect example of you being like, No, we're not gonna sit by the pool for the third day in a row and drink. We're going to walk through downtown, or we're gonna go on a horseback ride down the beach, or we're gonna play in the ocean, like we took every opportunity to go out and explore. And I'm so happy that we did. Yes,
Robin (31:32):
it was such a wonderful trip, I can't believe I almost didn't talk about that.
Deborah (31:36):
I know, speaking of going out and doing things separately, let's talk about separating the checks. You like that transition, baby, I do, but honestly, this is such a hot topic when you are going out with people, because splitting a 12 person check can be a nightmare, or even just accommodations like this is really where conflict can happen. So what do you think the best way to handle splitting expenses is on a girls trip? Just
Robin (32:09):
track your spending. Be aware of what you spent on yourself versus what was spent on other people in the group, and use the app split wise. Yes, it has been a saving grace, like, even when I had roommates, but it's fantastic for trips when there's so many of you and everybody spending money, you can plug in all your stuff who the funds need to be split between, and it does the math for you. So, like, if you and I went to dinner and I threw it into split wise, like, you would be the only person that needed to pay that portion that I plugged in. It's a really cool app. Have you ever used it?
Deborah (32:44):
Yeah, it is a great app. It makes things really simple. Something else when it comes to splitting expenses, that can also be a hot topic, is it's great when you have a friend that's like, I'll put it on my credit card. You guys can just pay me back. But when that person does it too much, you're like, you're hoarding all the points. All right? Totally,
Robin (33:02):
that's what I was thinking about. I get credit card
Deborah (33:05):
points too, and I can take one for the team as well. You guys can pay me for this. So that is another thing you might want to sort out beforehand. Other people might not really want to use credit cards at all, and that's perfectly fine, or they don't really care about points, one way or the other. But if you're like, I'm trying to keep diamond status, baby, I'll put everything on my card, like, maybe check and make sure that other people don't want to participate in that point program as well. Yeah, that's
Robin (33:30):
a really good point. Okay, so is there anything else people should know, like, during a trip?
Deborah (33:38):
Yes, this is one tip that I want to give and something I experienced for a friend's bachelorette party in Chicago, different trip than the one you and I talked about earlier, and the bride's request was that she did not want to eat at a restaurant the entire time she said, I don't want to all sit down and have a meal together. That sounds like a nightmare. I don't want to do that at all. So I don't want to worry about getting a 12 person reservation. When she first said this, I thought she was insane. I thought, how are we going to do this in Chicago and not all have one meal together? I feel that we are going to get to a point in the night where people are going to be hungry, they're going to want that I'm already thinking about being hungry when she puts this plan out. Like, how is this going to work? And I will tell you, it was the most genius thing ever, because everybody was just on their own to get food. Like, in the morning, people woke up and walked to the bagel shop and, like, got whatever they wanted to eat. In the afternoon, we were at, like, Navy Pier, there's like, vendors everywhere to get food. When we were bar hopping, people would just get appetizers, like dinner. We just ordered a bunch of food on Uber Eats and ate it while we got ready and, like, then went out, and it turned out to be the best idea that I ever saw coming to fruition. On a girls trip like that. Now that might not work for everyone, like I can't imagine having done that in Montreal, because we would have sacrificed so many great restaurants. And like not every city you want to do that, but if you're doing a bachelorette party like that, was the actual perfect execution of that type of plan, because you already have so many girls you might not want to have to deal with split wise, even, or Venmo, everybody was on their own for food, and so that might be a route that you want to take as well. Yeah.
Robin (35:26):
Oh, I love that. Yeah. That is a great wreck. So that's a lot about what to do during the trip. There are some very specific things that you should not do on a friend trip. Deborah, what's your first bullet on that?
Deborah (35:39):
So one thing I see happen that can derail a trip from the jump is where you actually book your accommodation, being mindful of how easy is this place to get to. Whether it's from the airport to different restaurants, is it in walking distance of something fun? So my parents had a friend that owned a house outside of Fort Myer, Florida, so it was free for us to stay. So me and a few girlfriends in our early 20s went down for like, three days. And since I was trying to, like, keep the budget really low, I was like, this place is going to be great. It's super, you know, nobody has to pay anything because it's a family friend that owns it. Well, it wasn't close to anything. So we actually ended up renting a car while we were there. And then, because we were renting a car, I was like, well, it's probably cheaper for us to fly into Orlando, or maybe it wasn't Orlando, but it was like another major airport that was two hours away. So we flew in, got the rental car, drove to the house, and it was just like, not near a beach. It was like 20 minutes from everything, and that aspect of the trip was just such a downer. And I wish that I had been like, we can spend a little bit more money and just stay at a hotel right on the beach, not have to pay for a rental car, not have to worry about gas, not have to leave for the airport four hours early before the flight takes off. So sometimes, like, you can get carried away by just having something that's either free or looks great online, but looking at those little details can, like, really impact how much fun you're having on the trip.
Robin (37:22):
Totally, I went on a trip with Melissa to New York. She was going for work, so it was a perk for me, free hotel in New York City, you know, yeah, and we were staying in this area, right by Central Park, perfect. So she would work all day, and I was just by myself. And I never been to this city before, traveling by myself. I had days packed full of just things that I wanted to do. I watched, like, 20 miles one day. Oh, my God, it was so wild. I was like, wow, I don't have to ask anybody, hey, do you want to do this thing? Because it's just me. Yeah, but yeah, like, the walk ability was everything. And I guess in New York City, like, that's pretty easy to do, but that's just the first example I thought of. Like, everything I needed was right outside the door, and especially when you're going to a city that you're not familiar with, like, where we stayed in Montreal was another perfect location, just because of the walk ability to think so you need to make sure that whether it's driving or walking five minutes or less to get to a few of your like necessities,
Deborah (38:25):
yes, yeah, for sure. And along that line, I would say, don't sacrifice things just to fit the budget. Yes, right? So I don't know if you follow the newsletter. It used to be called Scott's cheap flights, and I think now it's called going, okay, but this has gotten me, I will say I've enjoyed both of the trips that I purchased from this site. But it will tell you, like, Flash deal, $300 flight to Ireland, right? I bought a I think it was actually $350 to fly from Cleveland to Ireland. Wow. And it was just pre COVID. I would have never even thought about going to Ireland, but I was like, let's do it. Let's book these tickets, and that's what I did. But the reality of traveling to Ireland under the plane ticket that was that cheap, meant from Columbus. I drove to Cleveland, then paid for parking in Cleveland, obviously, because nobody else could take me to the airport. We flew Cleveland to toronto, toronto to Ireland. That part was fine. The way home, Dublin to Heathrow, Heathrow to toronto, toronto to Cleveland, and then I had to drive back to Columbus. That's awful. And that part of it, I was like, I would have paid 300 extra dollars for this round trip, direct flight from Columbus, right? So, like, sometimes the things that you do that you think are saving money are actually just causing you so much heartache. There's a reason it's cheaper, and it's usually not a good one, or going somewhere off season, right? Like going to that resort in Cancun in September. There's a reason why it's cheaper, and it's because it's hurricane season, and you know what I mean. So like, be mindful of those things when you're planning the trip, because nothing is worse than all this time and money going into a trip where the main things you want to do are, like, not accessible because of the weather or for whatever reason.
Robin (40:22):
We were actually on a trip with Seth's family to Puerto Vallarta. Oh, beautiful. And we had booked this excursion where it was like an hour drive into town. We got a ride. It was included in the whatever place we were staying at, so he drove us there, and we're waiting to load the boat. It's just like a big like ferry type boat with bunch of seats and they play music and serving alcohol, and it's about an hour boat ride to this island, where they then serve you a meal and do performances like it looked really fun. However, while we were on the boat, a giant rainstorm came in. We're completely exposed, oh no, and the boat is just rocking back and forth. And they're still like, let's just give people more booths, so we'll remind them, yeah, don't be miserable right now. Like it was pouring rain. We get to the island and there's they're like, we're doing this. Oh my god, I regretted my clothing and shoe choice so much. Like we had to walk through giant puddles of water and mud, like we had to hike through this dirt trail home to get to this banquet area that was covered, but it was still outside, and it was pouring Dude, it was just the most wild experience, because, like, we still, we're hungry, we want to eat. We didn't get to see any performances, though. Yeah, they were probably under shelter. And then they're like, Okay, it's time to leave. So then we left in the rain, Oh, got back on the boats, and, like, it was, it's just, and it was the off season.
Deborah (41:59):
It always is. Yeah, you got to do a little bit of research on the Old Farmer's Almanac sometimes to make sure that you're going to the right location at the right time. So
Robin (42:09):
I want to end this topic with a question for you. If money was no issue, what's your dream friend trip? This
Deborah (42:17):
is going to be a heartbreaking answer. Oh, no for you. Oh because it was Switzerland. Oh my gosh. And if you are first time listener, you should know that Robin got married this summer in Switzerland. She gave all of us the most heads up you could possibly give people to wedding a heads up, and I tried everything I could to make it work, but there were several outside factors that got in the way, and I had to make the difficult decision to not go to this wedding. Now, in retrospect, it was the right financial decision, because shortly after, I was caught up in a layoff at my work. So I would have come back to way more financial stress if I had just used my strategy of fuck it, we'll put it on the credit card, I would have been spiraling. So I think maybe the universe was preparing me for that. But oh my god, you guys, Robin planned the most exquisite itinerary I would be on, like so many trip advisors, or culture trip, just looking up all these beautiful things to do in Switzerland. And it's heartbreaking that it was an opportunity that I had to miss. But you know what? Maybe you guys can do a vow renewal one day, or maybe we can just do a friendship trip out there for everybody who wasn't able. Because I know that there were other people in my position that were unable to go, and we can do it at a different time, but that was the one that was a bucket list country for me. I know, oh my gosh.
Robin (43:56):
Well, first of all, we could totally go back. I love Switzerland. I've been there three times now, all with Seth, I want to go back, so I would gladly take a French trip. Absolutely. Yeah, well, my answer is gonna be take me to Mexico City with all my gal pals. Wow. Melissa is fluent in Spanish. She's our translator. Let's go eat all of the interior Mexican food that our stomachs can handle. Get an Airbnb with a pool and just enjoy the shit out of that culture, the art there has to be insane. Yeah, absolutely, I've never, I've never been I have always wanted to
Deborah (44:34):
go. Melissa has gone a few times, and she has really talked it up, so I think that would be great. Okay,
Robin (44:41):
so the trip has ended. You're taking your flight home. I think there's one last piece of advice we have for everybody.
Deborah (44:47):
Yes, and this might not seem feasible for a lot of people, because you're already taking time off to go on a trip, but I highly recommend taking one more day off. Fork for that dopamine crash. Okay, more than likely you're gonna fly home on a Sunday. If you can plan your trip where you are coming home on a Saturday, even better. So that way you have that natural Sunday built in. But nothing is worse than flying home on a Sunday, getting home at night on a Sunday, and just knowing I gotta wake up and just jolt back into reality. We're adults. Now give yourself a little bit more time. We need that transitional time, because not only are you likely going to have had such a great time with your friends, but there's probably going to be a lot of alcohol and maybe other things involved that are going to spike that dopamine, and what comes up must come down. So give yourself that buffer to re enter the world, and your body will thank you for it. Yes.
Robin (45:55):
Yes. Great way to end a friend trip is to be alone and rest decompress. It's the pendulum, you know? Yes. So you swung one way, you had an amazing trip. Swing the other way, have an amazing time doing nothing. Yep, and I value that time more than anything at this point in my life. Yes. I think the older you get, the more comfortable you are with recharging by yourself.
Deborah (46:22):
I'm almost too comfortable with it, Robin. I am the equivalent of that phone that never leaves the charger, and now the battery is in danger of not working well anymore without the constant charge. That's where I'm at in my life. So it sounds
Robin (46:36):
like you need a friend trip to Austin.
Deborah (46:38):
I think I do gotta get on that. I'll plan the week out.
Okay, let's do it. So those are our tips and tricks for the perfect girls trip. Whoo. How about that alliteration? We wanna know what have you done in the past? What is the best girl trip you have ever been on? What is the worst trip you've ever been on. Give us your stories. Send us your emails at art of classiness@gmail.com and we would love to read them. Great. Okay, Robin, let's switch gears. What was the classiest thing that you've seen this week? I'm
Robin (47:12):
gonna give a shout out to our pal, Melissa, who she might as well be on this show with how much we talk
Deborah (47:19):
about her. I mean, get her on the show. Book it. It was her
Robin (47:23):
husband, Evan's birthday recently, and she planned a weekend in town, but on the lake here in Austin, it's Lake Austin. It's a river, it's a river. It is a river, but the house was right on the river, and they have this beautiful dock yard and a couple of Evans friends came in from out of town, Seth and I didn't stay at the house, but we did just drive out there each day to hang out. And it was just such a lovely weekend spending time with friends. And again, nothing was over the top. One friend cooked a meal the night before, which was absolutely amazing, and then the next night, Melissa picked up takeout, and everybody was happy as could be. It was a wonderful weekend, and I just want to give Melissa a shout out for being a classy wife and showing her husband the appreciation that he deserves. We love it.
Deborah (48:11):
Happy birthday. Evan, yeah. What about you? The classiest thing that I've seen within the last week is I recently joined a diversity nonprofit, oh, here in Columbus, okay, and I had my first meeting because I am on their podcast committee. How fun is that somebody that I knew recommended me to the chair on the group because they were looking for volunteers to kick off their first podcast, and he was like, my friend has a podcast. I'm sure she could help. So again, it's just like crazy that I'm, I don't want to say known for that, but that is something that is now attributed to me, which is kind of cool, but it's a really strong mission, which I'm very passionate about, and that's diversity, equity and inclusion, but it's also a great way for me to finally get involved in a community in Columbus, which is something I've really been seeking. So we had a really great working session. I got to meet other podcast hosts that are in Columbus, so got to share tips and tricks and hear about this whole other community that exists here, and most importantly, puts me out of my comfort zone into a world of networking and making next steps, which for me, the focus is building a community in Columbus this year like outside of my professional life, and being a good mother to my kids like that is a huge priority for me this year. So finally got the ball rolling and really excited to see where it goes. Oh, that's great. I know. I know, classy community.
Robin (49:51):
Classy community. I'm so excited for you to be meeting new people and being exposed to these different avenues. Because of a potential career. I know,
Deborah (50:02):
I know you know, you're being a boss bitch. Suddenly I am. It's crazy. I love it.
Robin (50:09):
Okay, so now our final segment of the day, the classy scenario.
Deborah (50:15):
Classy scenario. What do we got this week? Robin, this one
Robin (50:19):
is short and sweet, texting K as a reply. You know the one just a K, no sentence, no context. Let's break this down. What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone texts you the letter K,
Deborah (50:34):
why are you mad at me? And what did I do? Immediately, immediately, what did I do?
Robin (50:40):
It's so dismissive and passive aggressive, it
Deborah (50:43):
definitely can be used that way. And as much as I will say it's unclassy, sometimes it's a tool in my tool belt that I will whip out if somebody's getting salty with me or they are just crashing out on a text message, sometimes you gotta hit them with the K. K is a good gray stone technique. And if you're not familiar, Greystone is how you want to react if you are dealing with a narcissist, oh, yes, be a gray stone. Yes. They feed off of your reaction. They feed off of your emotional vulnerability. So when you show no emotional response, it literally stops them in their tracks. And as someone who has dealt with a narcissist before, this is a great tool to use as a defense for somebody who is being problematic. So I get that as a recipient of a K I always am like, I don't know, it just feels if there's something terse or rude about it. Now here's some options. If you're like, Well, how else am I supposed to respond? Okay, got it sounds good. Sounds good, or even KK, K, it's more casual, that's a little bit more playful, a little bit more fun, but just a K. I don't like it,
Robin (52:00):
it's efficient. K is efficient, but it's a cold efficiency. Yeah, I want warmth from my friends, especially if it's coming from my friends. Like it could be your best friend. Y'all text every day when you say K, it probably bears no meaning. It's really like those other people that you don't have a full understanding of, like, your relationship with them. Oh, my
Deborah (52:21):
god, yeah, a k from my boss will send me into a spiral.
Robin (52:26):
My boss used to put ellipses after everything, she said to me, and I was like, what does this mean?
Deborah (52:32):
No, you might as well just say, Do you have a second? Because I'm getting fired. Obviously, obviously.
Robin (52:39):
So there we go, I would say, I would say, generally, not classy, but within context, it's okay, but there's still better alternatives, yeah,
Deborah (52:49):
more upbeat, even if the K has an exclamation point, I'll take it Ooh
Robin (52:54):
yes or a smiley face. Style
Deborah (52:56):
it up. Style it up. Yeah, you know, yeah. Send
Robin (52:59):
me a kissy emoji. Yeah, kissy emoji changes everything. Yeah, you put that next to the letter K, you know, it's like, I love you. Oh, are you flirting with me? I'm always flirting with you.
Deborah (53:11):
Love it all right. Well, that is all she wrote today, Robin, what did we miss? Do you have anything else?
Robin (53:18):
I think we hit it all. I do have one last thing to say, though, classy is a state of mind.
Deborah (53:24):
So mind your classiness everybody. Goodbye!
Welcome to the Art of classiness podcast, a show where we redefine what it means to be a classy lady and sometimes it's messy. I'm Robin
Deborah (00:17):
and I'm Deborah this week. Buckle up. We're talking about all things friend trips, adventures, chaos and everything in between. We'rehere to give you our best tips and tricks for surviving and thriving on friend trips. So follow along, ive us your feedback, and don't forget to like and subscribe. What's up? Classy Ladies and gentlemen, Robin, how has your week been?
Robin (00:38):
Oh my gosh, so good. I chopped my hair off.
Deborah (00:42):
I know, I see. It is so chic. I love it. Describe it to us, please.
Robin (00:48):
it's so freeing. I think she took off about five inches. Wow. And a bit of history for you guys. I've been on a health journey with my autoimmune disorder, and one of the things that was happening when we didn't know what was going on was that I started to lose my hair, and so the part that she cut off was like the thin, straggly unhealthy part of my hair. And so I just went in there, and I was like, wherever, like, you need that to end, like, do it. And here we are. So it's like, all my natural hair again, I'm just so elated.
Deborah (01:26):
Well, it looks great, super cute. It looks so healthy, too.
Robin (01:30):
Thanks. It feels really good, like it looks fuller. Yeah, it's something that I always took for granted, especially with women. Like we're used to just having our hair and when it started falling out like that, was terrifying to be in my 30s and wondering if this is permanent. Yeah. So, yeah, it's been really nice to make this transition to a healthier me. What about you? How's your week
Deborah (01:54):
Well, great. Well, I'm really proud of you. Not great if I'm being honest, I have been kind of sick my you know, having kids, you just this is the time of year, totally, somebody is always sick. At one point, my son had nine kids out in one day from being sick. Oh my gosh. So I think it's actually fortunate that it's taken me this long to really catch something that the kids have brought in the house, but have just been kind of gross, you know? And I'm thankful to have flexible jobs where I work from home, and I've definitely been taking it very easy, but it stinks, because yesterday was Valentine's Day. Obviously, last week we had our Valentine's Day episode, and we talked about all these self care things, and I was really looking forward to being able to do some of those things, but I just didn't do anything yesterday. I just made myself dinner and tucked myself in the corner of my couch and just binge watched trash TV and passed out.
Robin (02:58):
That is a form of self care.
Deborah (02:59):
It is a form of self care. It is a form of regulation. And I totally get that you did your best, I did my best, and my body needed a little bit of rest, and so thankfully, I'm feeling a lot better today. It is kind of crappy, though, because it was a really beautiful day outside. Yesterday, it was cold, but it was beautiful, and today and tomorrow it's just gonna be rainy, sludgy, gross weather. Of course, when I start feeling better, there's like, nothing. There's no reason to leave the house today. And like, I finally have the energy to do so, so finally coming out the other end. And, you know, again, to your point, like the things you take for granted when you don't have them. Like, whenever I feel sick, I'm always like, God, you were healthy three days ago and you didn't even know. You had no idea how good you had it, and now you're just struggling to get out of bed. So very grateful that it was just probably a miles cold, and now I'm back on the up and up. Yay, yay. Speaking of traveling, I'm really excited to just dive right into our topic this week, because we are talking about traveling with friends, good old fashioned girl trip Central, yes.
Robin (04:08):
Let's start with like, why traveling with friends can be so amazing and also challenging? Before we like, get into the nitty gritty. Yeah, there's definitely a magic to friend trips. Those are lifelong memories that you're going to be making, like every trip I've gone on with you guys, like our trip to Chicago, our trip to Montreal, we still talk about that, and it was five years ago
Deborah (04:31):
yeah, like, yeah, it has stayed burned deep in our memories, our core memories, some of the trips that we've taken together.
Robin (04:38):
That's my favorite part about friendships. Like we're all stepping away from our day to day lives to focus on spending time with each other. And time is so precious, especially now, with everybody being busy with work and multiple children, I just really value this special time with my friends. Absolutely. It provides. Has a chance to see a different side of your friends as well. Oh, yeah, everybody has, like, some kind of hidden superpower, right? Like, I think my it's not hidden. My superpower is planning, yes, yes. But then you also get to learn how everybody handles stress. And another fun thing is figuring out what excites everybody,
Deborah (05:20):
yeah, especially if you go to the location that's new to everyone, you get to watch them maybe discover passions they didn't even know they had. If you guys are trying something new, trying new foods, maybe getting exposed to just different elements that you normally wouldn't have exposure to. So it's great to be able to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but be able to watch your friends do the same thing. Yes,
Robin (05:44):
and I can think of one of our friends who I don't want to call them like the pickiest eater, because they're not, but we do have a friend who there's certain things they just can't consume, and so it's always fun to watch her be adventurous on our trips, like she really tries to branch out. Because we're all foodies, yeah,
Deborah (06:00):
yeah. We love food. We love to eat. We love to eat. We do. I mean, it's my favorite thing to
Robin (06:07):
do. We plan our trips around that where's the good food at? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,
Deborah (06:12):
it's so great. It's so great, especially because when we visit each other in our own towns, like whether myself and Lauren come to Austin, or you guys come up here, we tend to cook in a lot just because logistically it's much easier. So it's great when you are forced to go and try different restaurants, try new things, and, you know, maybe dabble in some new cuisines that you've never had before. Yeah,
Robin (06:37):
but it's not always smooth sailing, right? No, everybody has different travel styles. Everybody has different budgets. We all have different personalities. Sometimes those can clash. I would say our friendship group has been really lucky and fortunate that we all know how to travel together. We generally get along. If anything comes up, it's small, but doesn't always pan out that way, you know. And I think managing expectations is key 100%
Deborah (07:03):
sometimes the things that can make a friend trip great are the same things that could potentially make it awful. Like, totally oh my god, I haven't spent time with you in so long to oh my god, I have spent so much time with you. Do you know what I mean? Like, it is a very accelerate. It's almost like a pressure cooker if you aren't managing expectations right, if you're not having enough alone time to yourself, if you're not communicating your needs and your boundaries. So today, we're really going to dive into all of it. How to curate a great friend trip. You know? How to get those ideas out of the group chat and into real life, but also how you can make sure that you're accommodating and creating memories so that everyone can walk away still being friends, yay.
Robin (07:53):
So let's touch on what to do, what not to do, and everything in between. How should we start? Well, let's
Deborah (07:59):
look at what has worked in the past. So you've mentioned before, we've been on some great friend trips together. I know you've gone on other friend trips with different groups. What do you think the best friend trip that you've ever been on
Robin (08:11):
was, oh, I mean, Montreal, Montreal, yes, and Chicago, they're both right there. It was different groups. Well, the same group in Montreal was in Chicago, but there were more of us as a bigger group, and because it was a wedding, like it was just a weekend of celebration. Yes,
Deborah (08:30):
let's talk about Montreal, though, because that was a quintessential girls trip, where we were literally just going on a trip to go on a trip together. Yes, what are some of the things that made that trip so great for you, the
Robin (08:42):
food, Yes, yep. What's that French fry dish with the gravy? Poutine?
Deborah (08:49):
Poutine? Canadians love their poutine. Yeah,
Robin (08:52):
I had some, and I was kind of blown away. It doesn't look good, but it tastes amazing. It
Deborah (08:58):
tastes amazing. We did all things Canadian, including buying ketchup chips, which I'm gonna be honest, I did not love, but we tried it, we leaned in. But the best thing about Montreal is that we actually called it fake France the whole time. Yes, because you really did feel like you were in a European country. There were beautiful pieces of architecture. There were these gorgeous, like cobblestone streets. Half the signs are in French. So you have this feeling like that you really are in a European I mean, you are in a foreign country, but you feel like you're in a European town, yeah, but at the same time, you know, there were a lot of familiar aspects to it. You didn't feel so far away from home too. So the city itself was beautiful. The people were so friendly. And every single restaurant we went to was a hit. Every single one
Robin (09:56):
it was. It really was. I do remember us changing the name. Of the group chat. I think it was real friends, fake France,
Deborah (10:03):
yep, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. So good, so good. So that was an absolute banger of a trip. What about ones that maybe didn't go so well? Okay,
Robin (10:16):
I have one that didn't go well, and this falls under the number one bullet for things to do before the trip. And that set expectations. I did not properly set expectations because I made assumptions. Oh, and these assumptions put me in an environment that I did not want to be in for a far too extended period of time, and that person and I are not friends anymore.
Deborah (10:46):
Oh, no, you hate that.
Robin (10:49):
Yeah. So I've definitely been on both ends of the spectrum. I learned a lot about myself on that trip. I learned a lot about traveling with friends on that trip. I wasn't super close with this person. It was a work trip. It's not like it was one. It was my best friend and we hate each other now, but yeah, it was a budding friendship that ended, yeah,
Deborah (11:10):
yeah. And that, unfortunately, like we talked about, when you travel, you find things out about people, and they're not always things that are congruent with how you operate, and that can be hard to come back from. For sure, I would say travel experience for me that was probably the worst were, I'll just say times in which I felt highly excluded, if not flat out rejected, by the people I was on a trip with it's the worst. And once you get in your head someone like me, I have really high sensitivity to rejection. I was actually thinking about this the other night. I don't think I have ever made the assumption that someone didn't like me and was wrong, like every time I have been like I don't think that person was feeling it or I don't. I just didn't get the vibe that they liked me. I've never been wrong about that. I've always been proven to be correct about my assumptions in those things, which means times where I feel rejected, it is impossible to convince my brain that I'm wrong about that. Yeah, so both of those trips after the fact, I ended up finding out things that put things in perspective for me, but it really robs the experience when you're on vacation. Brene Brown has a great quote where she says, if you look for reasons to be rejected in this world, you will always find it, and that's kind of my mindset in those trips. So I wouldn't recommend falling down the wormhole if you're in that situation. But again, I think to your point, it was setting the expectation ahead of time in my head. I made assumptions how those trips were going to go, and when they're not met, it can be really, really disruptive.
Robin (12:53):
Yes, which is why we recommend don't plan this whole trip in a text.
Deborah (12:58):
No, let's talk about some of the tactical ways in which we can set expectations for a friend group trip.
Robin (13:05):
Okay? Well, I think discussing the budget is key, because that's how you decide where you're going. Money can be a big stressor for people. We're all at different places in our lives, like career wise and with kids. Some friends, they love being super luxurious on trips. Some friends are happy to stay at a hostel, and it's finding that in between, so that everybody is content, budget
Deborah (13:27):
can make or break even someone's willingness to go on a trip. You know, that can be a huge pain point when trying to plan. And for someone who's ballin, it can be hard for them to come down to like, let's just go to a cabin and drive there. You know what? I mean? They might be like, No, I have a week off from work. I want to do something awesome. I don't just want to drive an hour away and be at a cabin. Versus the person who that's all they can afford to do. You know, you might not get that group trip out of the group chat.
Robin (14:00):
That's fair, and so it is really important to talk that through. And you know, something I've done in the past, and this is the planner and me, the organizer and me, I'll create a survey, yeah, I'll make a little survey, send it out to everybody, especially if it's a larger group, so then people can give their answers somewhat anonymously. You know, you find that range of budget, and you're like, Okay, based on everyone's budget, here are options, places we can go, and this is the budget that we're looking for to spend with hotel or Airbnb. I've done it for a bachelorette party because there were like 12 girls, and it was great. We got shirt sizes.
Deborah (14:37):
Yeah, no, I think gathering collective feedback is really key, because I think women are often more likely to say whatever you guys want. No, I'm down with whatever you tell me, and somebody has got to take the reins. Every once in a while, you have to be the person that says, survey says we're going to Miami, or survey says this. The hotel we're staying at, because otherwise you're only gonna fantasize about what you should do, and you're not gonna get any traction to, like, move this plan forward. So yeah, I think having a survey or some kind of form that everybody can contribute their ideas and constraints of, like, I absolutely cannot travel during this time is the best. Now, there's always going to be people who want to go, but then are unable, because the majority rules. And you know, unfortunately, that sucks for that person,
Robin (15:29):
but you didn't get to come to my bachelorette party.
Deborah (15:31):
I was so sad I didn't get to and now, looking back on it, I'll just make a PSA right now, never disregard a friend trip because of a work obligation, because your friends will be there for you, and your job may ask you to leave. So I looking back, I wish I had taken the road that so many other of my co workers had done, which is say, I know this was supposed to be a mandatory event, but I had other travel plans, so I can't go like, I wish I would have done that, because now looking back, it's like, oh, I stayed for a quarterly review meeting instead of going to one of my best friend's bachelor party. Like, take the trip. Book the ticket. Your job will literally cut your position if they drop in profits 1% that year. Okay, take the trip. Yeah, they don't give a shit about you. They pretend they do not give a shit about you. So always take the trip
Robin (16:26):
that is good. PSA, some other expectations that you can set are, what kind of accommodations does everybody want? Do you want a hot tub? Do you need your own bed? Oh, the bad thing, yeah, like at my age, I always require that I at least have a bed. I'm fine to share a bed with someone, but I am not sleeping on an air mattress. I am not sleeping on the floor, and I really prefer not to sleep on the couch.
Deborah (16:48):
Yeah, in my 20s, I would have settled for the couch, totally hell. I would have even settled for an air mattress. And places like when we were driving to visit our friend Lauren, like we did in the fall, I brought an air mattress, and that was fine, because it was like Slumber Party style in the basement. That's different. That's different because the accommodation is free, yeah, if I am paying the same price as everyone else, and someone gets a queen size bed and I'm sleeping on a futon, no, not fair. It's
Robin (17:16):
the inequality. Like, it's not fair,
Deborah (17:19):
it's not fair. So, yeah, I would say, you know, figure it out. Maybe your group of friends is a lot more agile. Maybe you're way younger, and like you literally don't care, because you know, you're just going to be passing out somewhere, yeah, in the accommodation. But for me, I need a bed Absolutely,
Robin (17:34):
preferably with more than one pillow. But yes, thanks, Airbnb. Yeah. And then lastly, I would say itinerary preferences, and that could go in your little survey too. You don't have to know where you're going to have some preferences. Like, wherever we go, I must go to at least one art museum, or it's important to me that we have one somewhat nice meal altogether, right?
Deborah (17:57):
Or, like, I have to go in the ocean, you know? Like, if you're planning a beach trip, some people do not like actually getting in the water. They would much prefer to be at a pool. So they might say, oh, let's just go ahead and book the hotel that's more in town, because I don't really like sand and I don't like the ocean. I would say I'm fine with that, but I need one day where I can at least go to the beach, because I love swimming in the ocean.
Robin (18:21):
Yeah, it's just good to know what your preferences already are, and then your friends have the opportunity to jump on that bandwagon or adapt their plans. Otherwise, it's all about having that open communication from go, yeah,
Deborah (18:35):
absolutely. And this sort of brings us to the next point, which is everybody has a different travel personality type. I feel like on every trip, there is going to be the planner for our group trips. Robin, you are the planner. You have already scouted out the best restaurants. You have looked at the menus to make sure that it can accommodate everybody's dietary restrictions or their budget, or that we could walk there, we wouldn't have to take an Uber all the way across town. So Robin, you are a great asset to have on these types of trips, because you provide the knowledge, whereas I am probably better at making sure we have enough food in the house, like, which is very important. That is very important. You got to make sure that I'm the person who will look at the accommodation and try to figure out, do we have to bring our own seasoning? Like, some Airbnbs or rental units like, they will not provide any type of, I don't want to say condiments, because that would be weird, but like, even salt and pepper, they'll leave you with a little, like, salt and pepper packet. I'm the person that will message the host and ask, like, if I'm going to cook here, what do I need to actually get at the store? Because nothing is worse than being like, oh, we'll just do pasta tonight, and then you're like, we have no seasoning whatsoever to do anything, or even sugar for coffee. So, like, I will figure out some of those minor details, because the food and the snack availability is very important to me, yes,
Robin (20:07):
and for me, wherever we're staying, better be walking distance to at least one coffee shop. Oh, yeah, that's key. That's like, my favorite thing is going to a coffee shop that I've never been to, getting a little latte. Yeah, sometimes you're disappointed, but most of the time, it's very nostalgic and fun. Yeah,
Deborah (20:26):
to me, when you wake up, well, to go over the other personality types, there's usually some morning people. I think, as we get older, there's more morning people than those who sleep in. But then there's others that maybe are workaholics, and when they go on these trip, it is their time to regulate, and so they're gonna sleep. Yeah, the most important thing to them on the trip is sleeping in or having enough time in the morning. They're slow to get ready. Then there's also the people who are night owls. They come back from maybe going out, and they want to keep the party going, you know? And so sometimes those personalities can clash. So I think having an understanding of all the different personality types before you go can be key, even in micro things like, who am I going to share a room with? You know, what time should we realistically set the itinerary knowing that we have somebody who wants to sleep in until like 10 o'clock in the morning? So really, having like, a good assessment of all those different personalities can be key. Actually,
Robin (21:23):
when we were in Montreal, our friend Ashley and I ended up being roommates because we both like noise machines.
Deborah (21:29):
Oh, yeah, I don't, so I would not have wanted to room with you at all,
Robin (21:34):
and we had our own beds those. It was a twin bedroom. Okay, that was a bonus. Yeah,
Deborah (21:39):
it's so true. And really relaying another parenting tip to planning a trip, don't trade fun for fun. Okay, if you are already having a good time doing something, you don't need to stop doing it because you were supposed to be doing another fun thing. This happens a lot with parenting. You know, like your kids might be having a great time in the basement, but you thought it would be fun to go to a playground. Don't remove them from the fun they are already having. To try to get them to do another fun thing. Let these fun moments just happen, and don't try to one up it with something better, because you might end up losing out on both.
Robin (22:18):
I love that. Well, what's one thing that you've always known about your travel buddies before you say yes to a trip, the sleeping
Deborah (22:23):
accommodations is huge for me. Even in my younger, partier days, I was always one that would pass out early. I am not a night owl. Ergo, I am a morning person, because I usually fall asleep first go to bed early, so I don't want a room with someone who is that night owl, who's going to come in late, who's going to be belligerent when they get home. That's not going to work well for me. So kind of knowing what that situation is, I prefer to know that information, and I also want to know that there is at least one planner, because I am not the most type a person, but I will become that if no one else is and that role stresses me out, because then I feel psychologically responsible for everybody having a good time. Yes, and I don't like that. So I do better on a trip that somebody else has planned, and I can just be a joyful participant. So those are things I need.
Robin (23:19):
One friend doing everything never makes for a fun trip. No, for that person, at least. And I agree with everything you said. Since I am the planner, my one thing is I just want to know that I'm not the only planner, that I'm not the only one making all the plans and decisions. I want it to be a group activity. I'm happy to lead it. I'm happy to do a lot of the work. Just don't put it all on me to do everything, especially, like, I'm the kind of person that if I did plan the whole trip and then we got there and I didn't see everyone having the best time of their lives, I would feel like such a failure. Yeah,
Deborah (23:55):
that is the hardest part, and you really gotta, like, relinquish that responsibility. It is not your fault that the server sucked at the restaurant we went to, and it's taken me a long time for times where I did choose the restaurant and things that were out of my control made that experience terrible. Yeah, for not feeling like I created that bad experience for my friends.
Robin (24:16):
So we've talked about things to do before a trip. Let's talk about things to do during the trip, also what not to do, but let's touch on the good part first,
Deborah (24:24):
yeah, and I think these are tips that can really make sure that you're having a great time. First and foremost, I touched on this before. You gotta have snacks. You have to have snacks. It's so important. And you really don't think about how important it is until you realize the law that can happen between lunch and dinner. And when you're approaching that six o'clock hour and you're watching girls just now get in the shower, my brain is like, Oh no, we are so far away from food. We are too far away from the food. And I start to get hangry, yes, and I don't like that side of myself. No.
Robin (24:59):
For me, I. I also don't like it. Yeah, Seth doesn't like it either. It
Deborah (25:03):
also creates a fun opportunity to do my favorite thing, which is the chaotic first trip to the grocery store. Okay, everybody
Robin (25:11):
picks their favorite snacks, whatever you want, throw it in. You
Deborah (25:15):
always over buy. You always buy things that you 100% do not need, like, marshmallow fluff. Should we make marshmallow fluff sandwiches? That would be fun. You're like, what? When is the last time we've ever had that before? Like, oh, we're gonna get the gallon of milk. Get the gallon of milk. We're gonna go right through it. You're never gonna go through it. But it's so fun to just like, overspend at the grocery store, you know, buy all your booze, buy all your snacks, your charcuterie board items, then you come back from the grocery store and you're like the hero, and everyone's in the kitchen, kind of helping out those little moments. I love so much
Robin (25:50):
well, and it's great, because what if the weather's bad or we're just not feeling it, and nobody wants to leave, that's okay, because you already have food. Yeah, you have food at home and order takeout, you know? But those snacks are imperative. Snacks are imperative, even if it's just a few calories. Like, I know myself. I'm not proud of this. I'm not a good hangry person. At least I'm able to catch myself like when I tell Seth, I'm hungry, I need to eat. It's very direct and straightforward, and he knows he has a matter of minutes to find food. Do you know you
Deborah (26:23):
have 30 minutes? 3030, 30? Yes, I am like the exact same way. I actually go non verbal. That's how you know that it is time to eat. I am non verbal, and I just need a snack. So making sure that you have snacks is so important, it's probably
Robin (26:42):
best to go non verbal at that point. Yeah, we say things we don't mean.
Deborah (26:46):
100% say things I don't mean yes.
Robin (26:49):
Okay, so we got avoid the hanger next you want to be flexible. We've talked a little bit about this. Plans will change. That's okay. You know, like we could plan our must do's, but some of our best moments have come from just stumbling into a place. Remember that bar grumpies that reminded us of photo, like we just randomly found that place? Yeah, yes. And now we have one of my favorite pictures ever from there. I know
Deborah (27:18):
I love that picture, yeah, be open to the possibility of something amazing happening that you didn't expect?
Robin (27:24):
Yes, yeah. What else we got? Well,
Deborah (27:28):
I think along this line is kind of respecting people's personal space. You know, if you're going on an extended trip, like more than two nights, not everyone has the stamina to just like, go, go. Yeah, some people might want to hang back, they might want to skip dinner, they might want to meet up later. And it's really easy to peer pressure people into always being together or making them feel bad for quote, unquote, being a downer. But just know that your friend knows themselves better than you know them. So give people space to unwind and do what they need to do in order to come back up and, you know, go out even harder. Yeah, and
Robin (28:09):
this is a great time to talk about splitting up. Like there might be two or three different things that are happening at the same time, and several of us might want to do each thing. Split off into groups, go do it all. We did that in Montreal, like I guess we'll keep using this trip as an example, because it really was. It's a great trip, a very successful trip. You Me and Lauren went on a hike, a beautiful hike, and then we enjoyed a light lunch while our other friends went to a fashion exhibit, which also looked amazing. And I wish we could have done both, yeah, but the point is, everyone did what they wanted to do, and everybody had a fantastic day 100%
Deborah (28:49):
and had we had tried to do both, we would have sacrificed time doing each of those things, and it would have been too chaotic, it would have been too stressful. So choose your own adventure. You know, create different paths for people, and maybe your personality types can lend to doing those different things. For example, I went to a bachelorette party in San Diego, and not only am I an early riser, but obviously there was a time zone difference on Pacific Coast than there was in Ohio. I woke up hours before anybody else, and just waking up and looking around the room, I knew that these people were not gonna do anything anytime soon, so I got up at like, 7am put my running shoes on, and just walked through downtown San Diego, got myself some coffee, found Balboa Park, like, took some great pictures, and I came back and some of those bitches were still sleeping. So had I been like, Oh, I gotta wait for everybody, I would have been so miserable, just like, quiet and on my phone. So take those chances where, you know, you have some lag time to maybe get away from the group, do your own thing, unwind and then come back and get the troops to rally.
Robin (29:59):
Yeah, take. In personal space, doesn't mean staying at the house, right? Just go do your own thing. Go for a walk, grab a bite to eat on your own. Go to the library. Everybody has their own needs, and yeah, the goal of a friend trip is to enjoy our time together and separately. It's everyone's vacation. It's Choose Your Own Adventure, definitely. And I think that is just like the biggest thing to remember when you're traveling. You're traveling with friends, we do not have to be together all the time. I went to a friend's birthday in Las Vegas, okay? Just imagine, like, it's a giant playground. Yeah, yeah. Think I was 25 there were like, 10 to 12 of us. Oh, wow. And my friend, because it was her birthday, she planned out the things that were important to her that we all do together. So she sent us that itinerary. And then, aside from that, she's like, do whatever you want. And boy did we? Boy did you? I've been to Vegas three times. That was my favorite Vegas trip. Oh, nice, because I did whatever I wanted to do with my friend. That was like, we were in the same kind of headspace. We're like, let's go. It was so fun. Yeah,
Deborah (31:03):
don't be afraid to run after the things that you want to do. I mean, I'm even thinking about when I took You as my plus one to Costa Rica for my work trip. That's right. I mean, that's a perfect example of you being like, No, we're not gonna sit by the pool for the third day in a row and drink. We're going to walk through downtown, or we're gonna go on a horseback ride down the beach, or we're gonna play in the ocean, like we took every opportunity to go out and explore. And I'm so happy that we did. Yes,
Robin (31:32):
it was such a wonderful trip, I can't believe I almost didn't talk about that.
Deborah (31:36):
I know, speaking of going out and doing things separately, let's talk about separating the checks. You like that transition, baby, I do, but honestly, this is such a hot topic when you are going out with people, because splitting a 12 person check can be a nightmare, or even just accommodations like this is really where conflict can happen. So what do you think the best way to handle splitting expenses is on a girls trip? Just
Robin (32:09):
track your spending. Be aware of what you spent on yourself versus what was spent on other people in the group, and use the app split wise. Yes, it has been a saving grace, like, even when I had roommates, but it's fantastic for trips when there's so many of you and everybody spending money, you can plug in all your stuff who the funds need to be split between, and it does the math for you. So, like, if you and I went to dinner and I threw it into split wise, like, you would be the only person that needed to pay that portion that I plugged in. It's a really cool app. Have you ever used it?
Deborah (32:44):
Yeah, it is a great app. It makes things really simple. Something else when it comes to splitting expenses, that can also be a hot topic, is it's great when you have a friend that's like, I'll put it on my credit card. You guys can just pay me back. But when that person does it too much, you're like, you're hoarding all the points. All right? Totally,
Robin (33:02):
that's what I was thinking about. I get credit card
Deborah (33:05):
points too, and I can take one for the team as well. You guys can pay me for this. So that is another thing you might want to sort out beforehand. Other people might not really want to use credit cards at all, and that's perfectly fine, or they don't really care about points, one way or the other. But if you're like, I'm trying to keep diamond status, baby, I'll put everything on my card, like, maybe check and make sure that other people don't want to participate in that point program as well. Yeah, that's
Robin (33:30):
a really good point. Okay, so is there anything else people should know, like, during a trip?
Deborah (33:38):
Yes, this is one tip that I want to give and something I experienced for a friend's bachelorette party in Chicago, different trip than the one you and I talked about earlier, and the bride's request was that she did not want to eat at a restaurant the entire time she said, I don't want to all sit down and have a meal together. That sounds like a nightmare. I don't want to do that at all. So I don't want to worry about getting a 12 person reservation. When she first said this, I thought she was insane. I thought, how are we going to do this in Chicago and not all have one meal together? I feel that we are going to get to a point in the night where people are going to be hungry, they're going to want that I'm already thinking about being hungry when she puts this plan out. Like, how is this going to work? And I will tell you, it was the most genius thing ever, because everybody was just on their own to get food. Like, in the morning, people woke up and walked to the bagel shop and, like, got whatever they wanted to eat. In the afternoon, we were at, like, Navy Pier, there's like, vendors everywhere to get food. When we were bar hopping, people would just get appetizers, like dinner. We just ordered a bunch of food on Uber Eats and ate it while we got ready and, like, then went out, and it turned out to be the best idea that I ever saw coming to fruition. On a girls trip like that. Now that might not work for everyone, like I can't imagine having done that in Montreal, because we would have sacrificed so many great restaurants. And like not every city you want to do that, but if you're doing a bachelorette party like that, was the actual perfect execution of that type of plan, because you already have so many girls you might not want to have to deal with split wise, even, or Venmo, everybody was on their own for food, and so that might be a route that you want to take as well. Yeah.
Robin (35:26):
Oh, I love that. Yeah. That is a great wreck. So that's a lot about what to do during the trip. There are some very specific things that you should not do on a friend trip. Deborah, what's your first bullet on that?
Deborah (35:39):
So one thing I see happen that can derail a trip from the jump is where you actually book your accommodation, being mindful of how easy is this place to get to. Whether it's from the airport to different restaurants, is it in walking distance of something fun? So my parents had a friend that owned a house outside of Fort Myer, Florida, so it was free for us to stay. So me and a few girlfriends in our early 20s went down for like, three days. And since I was trying to, like, keep the budget really low, I was like, this place is going to be great. It's super, you know, nobody has to pay anything because it's a family friend that owns it. Well, it wasn't close to anything. So we actually ended up renting a car while we were there. And then, because we were renting a car, I was like, well, it's probably cheaper for us to fly into Orlando, or maybe it wasn't Orlando, but it was like another major airport that was two hours away. So we flew in, got the rental car, drove to the house, and it was just like, not near a beach. It was like 20 minutes from everything, and that aspect of the trip was just such a downer. And I wish that I had been like, we can spend a little bit more money and just stay at a hotel right on the beach, not have to pay for a rental car, not have to worry about gas, not have to leave for the airport four hours early before the flight takes off. So sometimes, like, you can get carried away by just having something that's either free or looks great online, but looking at those little details can, like, really impact how much fun you're having on the trip.
Robin (37:22):
Totally, I went on a trip with Melissa to New York. She was going for work, so it was a perk for me, free hotel in New York City, you know, yeah, and we were staying in this area, right by Central Park, perfect. So she would work all day, and I was just by myself. And I never been to this city before, traveling by myself. I had days packed full of just things that I wanted to do. I watched, like, 20 miles one day. Oh, my God, it was so wild. I was like, wow, I don't have to ask anybody, hey, do you want to do this thing? Because it's just me. Yeah, but yeah, like, the walk ability was everything. And I guess in New York City, like, that's pretty easy to do, but that's just the first example I thought of. Like, everything I needed was right outside the door, and especially when you're going to a city that you're not familiar with, like, where we stayed in Montreal was another perfect location, just because of the walk ability to think so you need to make sure that whether it's driving or walking five minutes or less to get to a few of your like necessities,
Deborah (38:25):
yes, yeah, for sure. And along that line, I would say, don't sacrifice things just to fit the budget. Yes, right? So I don't know if you follow the newsletter. It used to be called Scott's cheap flights, and I think now it's called going, okay, but this has gotten me, I will say I've enjoyed both of the trips that I purchased from this site. But it will tell you, like, Flash deal, $300 flight to Ireland, right? I bought a I think it was actually $350 to fly from Cleveland to Ireland. Wow. And it was just pre COVID. I would have never even thought about going to Ireland, but I was like, let's do it. Let's book these tickets, and that's what I did. But the reality of traveling to Ireland under the plane ticket that was that cheap, meant from Columbus. I drove to Cleveland, then paid for parking in Cleveland, obviously, because nobody else could take me to the airport. We flew Cleveland to toronto, toronto to Ireland. That part was fine. The way home, Dublin to Heathrow, Heathrow to toronto, toronto to Cleveland, and then I had to drive back to Columbus. That's awful. And that part of it, I was like, I would have paid 300 extra dollars for this round trip, direct flight from Columbus, right? So, like, sometimes the things that you do that you think are saving money are actually just causing you so much heartache. There's a reason it's cheaper, and it's usually not a good one, or going somewhere off season, right? Like going to that resort in Cancun in September. There's a reason why it's cheaper, and it's because it's hurricane season, and you know what I mean. So like, be mindful of those things when you're planning the trip, because nothing is worse than all this time and money going into a trip where the main things you want to do are, like, not accessible because of the weather or for whatever reason.
Robin (40:22):
We were actually on a trip with Seth's family to Puerto Vallarta. Oh, beautiful. And we had booked this excursion where it was like an hour drive into town. We got a ride. It was included in the whatever place we were staying at, so he drove us there, and we're waiting to load the boat. It's just like a big like ferry type boat with bunch of seats and they play music and serving alcohol, and it's about an hour boat ride to this island, where they then serve you a meal and do performances like it looked really fun. However, while we were on the boat, a giant rainstorm came in. We're completely exposed, oh no, and the boat is just rocking back and forth. And they're still like, let's just give people more booths, so we'll remind them, yeah, don't be miserable right now. Like it was pouring rain. We get to the island and there's they're like, we're doing this. Oh my god, I regretted my clothing and shoe choice so much. Like we had to walk through giant puddles of water and mud, like we had to hike through this dirt trail home to get to this banquet area that was covered, but it was still outside, and it was pouring Dude, it was just the most wild experience, because, like, we still, we're hungry, we want to eat. We didn't get to see any performances, though. Yeah, they were probably under shelter. And then they're like, Okay, it's time to leave. So then we left in the rain, Oh, got back on the boats, and, like, it was, it's just, and it was the off season.
Deborah (41:59):
It always is. Yeah, you got to do a little bit of research on the Old Farmer's Almanac sometimes to make sure that you're going to the right location at the right time. So
Robin (42:09):
I want to end this topic with a question for you. If money was no issue, what's your dream friend trip? This
Deborah (42:17):
is going to be a heartbreaking answer. Oh, no for you. Oh because it was Switzerland. Oh my gosh. And if you are first time listener, you should know that Robin got married this summer in Switzerland. She gave all of us the most heads up you could possibly give people to wedding a heads up, and I tried everything I could to make it work, but there were several outside factors that got in the way, and I had to make the difficult decision to not go to this wedding. Now, in retrospect, it was the right financial decision, because shortly after, I was caught up in a layoff at my work. So I would have come back to way more financial stress if I had just used my strategy of fuck it, we'll put it on the credit card, I would have been spiraling. So I think maybe the universe was preparing me for that. But oh my god, you guys, Robin planned the most exquisite itinerary I would be on, like so many trip advisors, or culture trip, just looking up all these beautiful things to do in Switzerland. And it's heartbreaking that it was an opportunity that I had to miss. But you know what? Maybe you guys can do a vow renewal one day, or maybe we can just do a friendship trip out there for everybody who wasn't able. Because I know that there were other people in my position that were unable to go, and we can do it at a different time, but that was the one that was a bucket list country for me. I know, oh my gosh.
Robin (43:56):
Well, first of all, we could totally go back. I love Switzerland. I've been there three times now, all with Seth, I want to go back, so I would gladly take a French trip. Absolutely. Yeah, well, my answer is gonna be take me to Mexico City with all my gal pals. Wow. Melissa is fluent in Spanish. She's our translator. Let's go eat all of the interior Mexican food that our stomachs can handle. Get an Airbnb with a pool and just enjoy the shit out of that culture, the art there has to be insane. Yeah, absolutely, I've never, I've never been I have always wanted to
Deborah (44:34):
go. Melissa has gone a few times, and she has really talked it up, so I think that would be great. Okay,
Robin (44:41):
so the trip has ended. You're taking your flight home. I think there's one last piece of advice we have for everybody.
Deborah (44:47):
Yes, and this might not seem feasible for a lot of people, because you're already taking time off to go on a trip, but I highly recommend taking one more day off. Fork for that dopamine crash. Okay, more than likely you're gonna fly home on a Sunday. If you can plan your trip where you are coming home on a Saturday, even better. So that way you have that natural Sunday built in. But nothing is worse than flying home on a Sunday, getting home at night on a Sunday, and just knowing I gotta wake up and just jolt back into reality. We're adults. Now give yourself a little bit more time. We need that transitional time, because not only are you likely going to have had such a great time with your friends, but there's probably going to be a lot of alcohol and maybe other things involved that are going to spike that dopamine, and what comes up must come down. So give yourself that buffer to re enter the world, and your body will thank you for it. Yes.
Robin (45:55):
Yes. Great way to end a friend trip is to be alone and rest decompress. It's the pendulum, you know? Yes. So you swung one way, you had an amazing trip. Swing the other way, have an amazing time doing nothing. Yep, and I value that time more than anything at this point in my life. Yes. I think the older you get, the more comfortable you are with recharging by yourself.
Deborah (46:22):
I'm almost too comfortable with it, Robin. I am the equivalent of that phone that never leaves the charger, and now the battery is in danger of not working well anymore without the constant charge. That's where I'm at in my life. So it sounds
Robin (46:36):
like you need a friend trip to Austin.
Deborah (46:38):
I think I do gotta get on that. I'll plan the week out.
Okay, let's do it. So those are our tips and tricks for the perfect girls trip. Whoo. How about that alliteration? We wanna know what have you done in the past? What is the best girl trip you have ever been on? What is the worst trip you've ever been on. Give us your stories. Send us your emails at art of classiness@gmail.com and we would love to read them. Great. Okay, Robin, let's switch gears. What was the classiest thing that you've seen this week? I'm
Robin (47:12):
gonna give a shout out to our pal, Melissa, who she might as well be on this show with how much we talk
Deborah (47:19):
about her. I mean, get her on the show. Book it. It was her
Robin (47:23):
husband, Evan's birthday recently, and she planned a weekend in town, but on the lake here in Austin, it's Lake Austin. It's a river, it's a river. It is a river, but the house was right on the river, and they have this beautiful dock yard and a couple of Evans friends came in from out of town, Seth and I didn't stay at the house, but we did just drive out there each day to hang out. And it was just such a lovely weekend spending time with friends. And again, nothing was over the top. One friend cooked a meal the night before, which was absolutely amazing, and then the next night, Melissa picked up takeout, and everybody was happy as could be. It was a wonderful weekend, and I just want to give Melissa a shout out for being a classy wife and showing her husband the appreciation that he deserves. We love it.
Deborah (48:11):
Happy birthday. Evan, yeah. What about you? The classiest thing that I've seen within the last week is I recently joined a diversity nonprofit, oh, here in Columbus, okay, and I had my first meeting because I am on their podcast committee. How fun is that somebody that I knew recommended me to the chair on the group because they were looking for volunteers to kick off their first podcast, and he was like, my friend has a podcast. I'm sure she could help. So again, it's just like crazy that I'm, I don't want to say known for that, but that is something that is now attributed to me, which is kind of cool, but it's a really strong mission, which I'm very passionate about, and that's diversity, equity and inclusion, but it's also a great way for me to finally get involved in a community in Columbus, which is something I've really been seeking. So we had a really great working session. I got to meet other podcast hosts that are in Columbus, so got to share tips and tricks and hear about this whole other community that exists here, and most importantly, puts me out of my comfort zone into a world of networking and making next steps, which for me, the focus is building a community in Columbus this year like outside of my professional life, and being a good mother to my kids like that is a huge priority for me this year. So finally got the ball rolling and really excited to see where it goes. Oh, that's great. I know. I know, classy community.
Robin (49:51):
Classy community. I'm so excited for you to be meeting new people and being exposed to these different avenues. Because of a potential career. I know,
Deborah (50:02):
I know you know, you're being a boss bitch. Suddenly I am. It's crazy. I love it.
Robin (50:09):
Okay, so now our final segment of the day, the classy scenario.
Deborah (50:15):
Classy scenario. What do we got this week? Robin, this one
Robin (50:19):
is short and sweet, texting K as a reply. You know the one just a K, no sentence, no context. Let's break this down. What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone texts you the letter K,
Deborah (50:34):
why are you mad at me? And what did I do? Immediately, immediately, what did I do?
Robin (50:40):
It's so dismissive and passive aggressive, it
Deborah (50:43):
definitely can be used that way. And as much as I will say it's unclassy, sometimes it's a tool in my tool belt that I will whip out if somebody's getting salty with me or they are just crashing out on a text message, sometimes you gotta hit them with the K. K is a good gray stone technique. And if you're not familiar, Greystone is how you want to react if you are dealing with a narcissist, oh, yes, be a gray stone. Yes. They feed off of your reaction. They feed off of your emotional vulnerability. So when you show no emotional response, it literally stops them in their tracks. And as someone who has dealt with a narcissist before, this is a great tool to use as a defense for somebody who is being problematic. So I get that as a recipient of a K I always am like, I don't know, it just feels if there's something terse or rude about it. Now here's some options. If you're like, Well, how else am I supposed to respond? Okay, got it sounds good. Sounds good, or even KK, K, it's more casual, that's a little bit more playful, a little bit more fun, but just a K. I don't like it,
Robin (52:00):
it's efficient. K is efficient, but it's a cold efficiency. Yeah, I want warmth from my friends, especially if it's coming from my friends. Like it could be your best friend. Y'all text every day when you say K, it probably bears no meaning. It's really like those other people that you don't have a full understanding of, like, your relationship with them. Oh, my
Deborah (52:21):
god, yeah, a k from my boss will send me into a spiral.
Robin (52:26):
My boss used to put ellipses after everything, she said to me, and I was like, what does this mean?
Deborah (52:32):
No, you might as well just say, Do you have a second? Because I'm getting fired. Obviously, obviously.
Robin (52:39):
So there we go, I would say, I would say, generally, not classy, but within context, it's okay, but there's still better alternatives, yeah,
Deborah (52:49):
more upbeat, even if the K has an exclamation point, I'll take it Ooh
Robin (52:54):
yes or a smiley face. Style
Deborah (52:56):
it up. Style it up. Yeah, you know, yeah. Send
Robin (52:59):
me a kissy emoji. Yeah, kissy emoji changes everything. Yeah, you put that next to the letter K, you know, it's like, I love you. Oh, are you flirting with me? I'm always flirting with you.
Deborah (53:11):
Love it all right. Well, that is all she wrote today, Robin, what did we miss? Do you have anything else?
Robin (53:18):
I think we hit it all. I do have one last thing to say, though, classy is a state of mind.
Deborah (53:24):
So mind your classiness everybody. Goodbye!
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