#11 Drunk Detectives: The Valley’s Wine Country Witch Hunt (The Valley S2E5)

Episode Transcript
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(00:06):
Hi, everybody.
My name is Lindsay, and I'm a bravo holic.
You're preaching to the choir.Bravo, Bravo.
What do you say to
the leader?
I want to welcome all the addicts
for coming back to rep AlcoholicsAnonymous this meeting.
And I want to welcome Christina. Hello.

(00:29):
My name is Christina, and I am definitelya bravo holic and not in recovery.
I love that.
Yeah, well.
It's okay.
It's a support group, so it's not.
We're not trying to remedy anything.
We're just here to help each other.You know what I mean?
I'm just bursting at the seams, readyto just let it all out.
Let's talk about how we met. Yes. We were.
I was at the renegade Craft fairwith my sister,

(00:51):
and we came across this, like, reallyamazing booth that had hilarious cards
with all of our favorite bravolebrityon it, drag race stars.
I bought one,
I bought five cards, one with PaulHollywood for my mother for Mother's Day.
I bought one that's like,
it was like a oh, it's a
grassy ask the white girl way of saying,and I work.

(01:14):
I also work at a Mexican,a high end Mexican restaurant.
So I thought it was hilarious.
And so.
And your coloring books,I've seen them at numerous places before,
and I was so excited to be like,oh my God, this is the woman behind it.
And we connected right away about Bravo.
Well, that's the thing.
So I don't have anyone in my actual lifethat I can talk about.

(01:34):
Bravo to.
But I listen to like, every podcastbecause I'm like, I'm that meme
where it's like me and my friends,and it's like the boys
sitting in front of the posterof all the girls.
It's likewhat it feels like to listen to a podcast.
It's like you and your friends, becausemy poor husband is very anti bravo.
He's not a fan and he is subjected to melike ranting about stuff all the time
and I know he does not care.

(01:55):
So like getting to talk about Bravo atthese markets is just a dream.
Because I meet like minded people,they give me recommendations of things
to watch and ideas for books like that.
They want to see.
And I, you know,I get to just doodle and draw all day.
These things that I've watched forever.
You've cultivated a lifewhere you can, like, balance your artistry

(02:17):
and your creativenesswith like the shows you love.
And I have to say, I can totally relatewith that by making this space.
It's just finding,like your niche and pop culture
and dirty humor, that kind of stuffhas always appealed to me.
So finding like my audienceand like minded people has been really fun
and getting to sell it marketsand just meet people like you, that

(02:40):
I will start yappin the minuteI get an opportunity to talk about Bravo,
because I don't get toin my actual life right.
And I'll sit on the couch and draw all dayand just be like, oh,
I want to make a Vanderpump Rules book.
So I'm going to put on that season againand watch from the beginning.
I I'm notes, I love it.
I mean, I love itjust when I'm sitting and watching

(03:02):
Bravo now too, especially now thatI've been doing this podcast this year.
And I'm like, thinking of things in a waywhere I'm going to have a discussion
with somebody about it,and it's almost like I already do
watch it, planning to have a discussionwith somebody about it.
But it might just be like a customeror a person.
I'm passingby like it might be a friend over coffee,
but it's not like an intentional, like,I get to geek out here.

(03:24):
Yeah.
And we get to like, let's dig intothe let's dig into the psychology in this
and the sociology and anthropology of likethe choices these people are making.
And then from a filmmaking perspective,for me, because I'm a filmmaker,
I love looking at the charactersas a whole, and then I love pulling back
the fourth wall and being like,what was Lala's goal here?

(03:48):
Like, where is she coming fromas a a professional reality performer?
And like in the last season?
Yeah.
Just like, hey,you're not showing up for the scene work.
And you agreed to do it, which I,I mean, I was not Team Lala at all.
I'm so passionately Team Ariana,but I do try to keep myself
open to seeing, like, where they're comingfrom.

(04:09):
Like, I think that the aftershowthis week, we'll talk about it later
opened my eyes to a lot on Michelle's end,and I was giving her a lot of grace.
Oh, I was giving Michelle a lot of graceup until she's a toughie.
But, like, just to go back to the Lala.
Yeah, I feel like the producers were usingLala and Sheena to, like,
push their agenda and try to get like,Ariana to come forth with more stuff.

(04:33):
It was the productions faultfrom the beginning for not just breaking
the fourth wall saying like, yes,hey, this is the aftermath of scandal.
Here's all the stuff Ariana is doing.
Like, yes, force these fake situationslike, I'm sorry, a water drinking
freaking party. Like lame.
So lame. But let's see, like
the aftermath of Ayana.

(04:55):
Like having to deal with so much, like,publicity things
and then coming home to the housewith, like, and cleaning
and all that shit, like, yes,Vanderpump Rules, like what was happening.
Vanderpump ruleswas such a trailblazing show.
It would have been incredibleif they could have walked into that season
and we could have seen scenes,quote scenes of them talking about
how they thoughtAriana was going to show up to shoot,

(05:17):
if they were talking
about how someone was on the phonewith her for two hours the night before,
with Kristen on the phone, twoor they were all at her house
talking to her
about how she was actually going todo the season and what was involved in her
deciding to do the season,and then tying on like, that stuff
and then seeing conversations of like Lala

(05:38):
agreeing to go meet Schwartz,who played pickleball with Randy.
Let's not forget the unforgivable Sinrooftop meeting about it
because she had to say like, do not,don't I know.
And then she like, went back on it.
Then immediately the next season becauseshe had to do a scene with somebody
and she's like, okay, I guess I'll doit was at least with Schwartz
and find some common ground.
But like,

(05:58):
I would rather see herhaving the discussion about, well,
who am I going to do the scene with?Because I hate this person.
I hate this person that would have madethe show so much better.
They should have done thatand I mean, we're used
to producer clamoring, like with the show.
I think Vanderpump Rules has always beenone of the most real reality
shows that have ever been on.
Like, I don't think these peoplehave been able to fake who they are,

(06:21):
know mentally as people.
But there was like the clowning of like,okay, let's pretend season four that
they're still working at the restaurantor like trying to shoehorn in Lisa
for every three minutes, like,oh, Stassi, you're going to like, be
my stylist or my event planner, likeall that bullshit, like, okay, whatever.
I think that was all Lisa, 100%.
Lisa's like, no,
I want this restaurant to still look likethey're here's a tourist show up.

(06:43):
Yeah. Oh,let's start the scene with Lisa coming in.
Oh, Lala,how many reservations do we have today?
Oh, it's all booked. I'm sorry.
Bump is like, gross.
You know, sir.
Sexy. Unique restaurant.
Restaurant.
It's so gross. And whatever.
It's empty.
It's empty.
The show me too popular. Sure. Whatever.
But like. And it.And poor Peter still there.

(07:06):
Do you want to talk about someonewho's trapped in prison?
He's trapped. Not like.
Like maybe she is stuck in her own world.
Maybe Tom is stuck in his own world.
Like these are the stars of the show.
But poor Peter, don'tyou remember Peter's film, though?
Didn't he make a sci fi film?
Yeah, and he's part of a pirate guild,so he's like, you know what I mean?

(07:27):
Like, he's super pirate obsessed,
and there's he's like this thingcalled the Pirate Guild.
And like,these community, it's a community.
So I'm not judging it.
Like, literally it's the same as,like going to church or whatever.
It's people finding their groups.
And I think a pirate guildis better than the KKK.
So I'll take it.
If you go to my Instagram, you'll see.
The last weekend I went to the Ren Fairand I went to the reference.

(07:48):
So I love that.
I love that I I we went opening weekendbecause my sister and I get way too hot.
So we always go openingweekend to the fair last Saturday.
We don't do it.
We used to,we used to just pick a random weekend.
Now we like intentionally go firstor second weekend of the season
because it was awful. And then it got.
And then the third weekend there was thatDJ there, the whole DJ thing.

(08:09):
Did you hear about that?
So if you, missed the T on the Ren fair.
Okay. There.
They brought a DJ weekend, three hot goss,about 300 R and she was stationed.
If you are familiar with the La Ren Fair,which is a beautiful venue.
Sorry, the Renaissance and Pleasure Fair.
If you're familiar with the layout in LA.

(08:30):
It's beautiful. It's off.
It's next to the dam, and it actually
is this gorgeous little riverthat runs beside it.
It's very close to where Sheena is from,so we're taking it back.
That's right.
And one year I was even there and like,a big storm was coming over the mountain.
I thought I was like Mordoror was on the other side.
And I was like, you know.
And so I was like, this is so magical.
Like, I love a Ren fair.
I love people watching, I love actors,so I love a run fair.

(08:53):
I love to watch them do their thing.
I love an excuse to craft an outfit.
The DJ came and there was like all theI guess a ton of people came for the DJ
and there was like a giant linefor parking, and people were pissed
about it being so crowdedand the vibe of it all being ruined.
And it went viral on TikTok.
I saw all the TikToks of peopletrying to leave for like four hours.

(09:13):
I is not insane.
I can't, there's honestly like,I don't know if there's anything
that I care about enoughto wait in traffic for four hours.
No. Me either. Driving. I hate the car.

(09:34):
But I hope,
I should also clarify.
I am from Philadelphia.
Originally I lived in LA for 20 years.
My accent is still here.
Okay. It'll come out.
It'll come out when I get excited.
Or if I talk to my brother,which I did on the way here.
Okay, so it's really fresh.It's like Florida.
Horrible.
Like I enI understand it's like a weird mix.

(09:56):
So I hear it when it comes out.
I'm like, I need to call this out
because I will get on Brittanyand her fucking accent.
She it it feels so. It is overdone.
It is so potentI cannot stand Brittany Thomas
Thomas does a great Brittany Halllike that's all.
She's like goofy.
And I'm sorry, isn't Zach like one of herbest friends and also from Kentucky?
Yeah. And so is Nicole Scherzinger.

(10:18):
Did you see all that?
So this week,if you missed it this week online,
or on radio Andy Andy interviewedNicole Scherzinger and she mentioned
that Zach was her assistantback in Kentucky before.
And he all he did
was talked about reality TVand how he wanted to be a reality TV star.
And I'm so happy he's doing itbecause he's

(10:38):
one of my favorite people on the showright now.
I cannot believe how I have completelyturned around on Zach and I love him.
Now I have someone.
I was like, oh, I have a really soft spotfor really dramatic and emotionally,
unstable gay men.
I'm very forgiving.
And so I've always been Team Zach,but I feel like he's hitting

(11:01):
his he's about to hit his stride,and I love that he's like fighting back.
And like, literally Janet makes a knockat him at the table at the winery
and he's like,Is Janet making a joke with Jen?
Janet?
She made like she's like,I told hi, Burton.
Oh, babies.
He's like, is is Janet and I areJen and I joking?

(11:21):
Are we friends again?
The world is crazy. And I'm like,that's all it took.
And that that rubber, that bouncy backand that forgive ability is what's
going to make him a great reality star.
Because you just can't stay.
You can't stay mad at your friends,you know,
and you got to accept their crappy apologyand you got to move forward.
I watched Jesse Solomon an hour agoon the new episode of Summer House,

(11:42):
sitting down with Lexi being dumped,and I didn't see him upset
about the relationship ending,which is fine.
Yeah, I didn't,I saw how you're making me laugh.
Zactly I don't.
The first thing he said to her was,I don't like how you're
making me look in this moment like a liar.
That's what he kept saying.

(12:02):
And then he walked awayand that's what he was saying.
Then he literally goes in the houseand says the same shit again.
I just want to fight him. I want to fight.
I don't physicallywant to hurt anybody often,
but Jesse Solomonand that like dinosaur smile
that he has like it's insidedinosaur smile and his teeth.
I want to just.And I know he would destroy me.

(12:23):
I don't have any ability to fight, butit would just feel very good to punch him.
It's the.
And it's not a thing of like,is he that attractive or is he just tall?
Neither of them are attractive.They're just they're just tall.
And that goes so far in this world.
And let me tell you right now,
as someone who dated comediansand every sort of kind of guy in my 20s,

(12:43):
I ended up marrying someone who is a halfan inch shorter than me.
I'm five nine, and I mean, I standshort king so and, well,
I mean, we're going to say
they've got personality five eight,but like, the best guy in the world.
So you know what?I don't give a shit. Yeah.
Who cares?
Oh, you want to be with a giant tall guy
who's thinks his shit is amazingand will talk to you like garbage?

(13:06):
Like whatever.
Jesse Solomon, you were not that great.
But there's so many things.
In his 20s, he's like 29 is me.
Yeah, well, yeah, he's like 20.
And we all essentially 30 is like a child,but like she's 26, she's 26. I
the I lived in New York for yearsand I've lived in L.A.
for years.
And what just fell in likeI think was a leaf.

(13:28):
Oh my God. Okay,I don't really snake plant.
I was like, am I under attack?
No. I lived in New York for years.
I've lived in L.A.
for years, and there is definitelya population of women that define status
somehow by height.
I don't know if that's like a weird, like,evolution thing.
Oh, it's it's I don't everywhere.
Like, I don't understandwhy they're of more value.

(13:50):
I think that like, I look at it,maybe it's because I've done so many like,
red carpets,and I see how people flip a switch
when they meet someone famous,like literally that.
You see the Gaga in their eyes.
I'm like,they can't stop smiling and saying yes.
And I just feel like I look at stufflike that is like,
how is the natural environmentprograming this person?

(14:11):
And I just think that honestly,
like if they're over 62,there's something wrong with them
because, you know, just based onhow everyone reacts to the tall person.
Yeah. No, I can see it. Definitely.
And when I think back.
But he is a great new castle.
Like, I love how they went out and gotI think every there's been a couple people
online talking about how Jesse Solomon isthe Tom Sandoval to Wes's Schwartz.

(14:35):
Yeah, absolutely.
And a little bromance in
not just the bromance,but like also the way that they think,
I don't think
child like fraternity bro. Yes.
Who think they're sothey're not problematic
because they are not like homophobicwith each other.
Like they're happy to like,
lay in a trampoline togetherand they think that they're so,

(14:57):
like progressive and amazing.
Yeah, but really,they're just still a bunch of sexist
manipulators that are using these women.
Yeah. To, they're objectifying women.
I mean, the way he saw Lexi and wanted to.
Fucker.
Yeah, he saw her and and they literallydidn't even acknowledge Bailey.
I know. Right.
They literally and told herand he told her how attractive she was.

(15:19):
And I get it, like, I think, that peoplein, like, women in hetero relationships
tips or most people would be flatteredif someone met them for the first time
and when, like googoo eyed on themand thought they were so beautiful.
So of line between that and love bombingand he oh, he loves love.
Mom got her on the hook.
And then,
when she would reciprocate in any way,which I think she was extremely caught.

(15:43):
I mean,
this is all of course, what we have seen,but I do believe that we saw her clearly.
We saw herclearly communicating like, hey,
I don't hook up with peopleunless I'm in a relationship with them.
Hey, I don't do this,and I want to get to know you more.
And he was like,what do you need? Blah blah blah.
And like throwing youthat all week, meeting the family.
And then behind her back is saying like,

(16:03):
oh well, I only did thatbecause, you know,
I also talked about thisand I was just giving her little nuggets,
like the guy who, you know,you want to like, be engaged with someone
and they're like giving you
the little breadcrumbs and saying like,oh yeah, oh, I'm thinking about this.
Oh, I have to hit this milestone.
This milestone.
It's like just these little breadcrumbs. Like,
I'm going to have you meet my parentsand yeah, I'm really serious about you.

(16:26):
And he wasn't he wasn't.
And she would call him out on itand then he would he would do it.
Even then he would go talk to his friendsabout how he didn't want to do it,
even though he'sthe one that suggested it.
And I feel like I judged her at firstbecause I think
she's way more emotionally intelligentthan I was expecting her to be.
The way that that girl,I should say, woman.
Sorry.
The way that that woman clapped herhands and said, no, everyone

(16:49):
come to this table right now.
We're all going to talk about itbecause I love a house. We don't.
He was talking out both sides of his mouthand saying different shit
to all his friends to make her look, quoteunquote, crazy.
Yeah.
Or clingy or whatever kind of trope of ayou know, ridiculous,
jealous male, you know, like, oh, pittingthese two women against each other.
How original.
But the way that it's like Luke again,it's Luke again.

(17:11):
And her just bringing up at the tableagain at the dinner, I was like, tell me,
like what?
What did you say?
And like, no wonder I do not trust Sierrabecause all you have done
all summer is put it in my headthat I cannot trust Sierra.
Meanwhile, she's telling me like, hey,like I don't give a shit about him at all.
Like, what are you talking about?
And then spoiler for this week's episode.It felt so.

(17:32):
No, no, no, I'm doing this.I'm about to drop something.
Spoiler from this week's episode.
It felt so good to see herplay him at his own game.
You he she said.
She said you want the attentionon the show.
You want the storyline.I'm going to dump you on the show.
So she made him feel good all weekand then came into this week's episode.
First day they're there.

(17:53):
Can we sit on the balconyand dumps him on the balcony?
And that's I like Lexie, I don'tI want Lexie there next summer
and I don't wantwe need honestly, my opinion
with Summer House, I think it needs to beall new young blood.
That place is about partying.It's the Hamptons.
Make it. Don't make it feel oldand snoozy.
Even though half of the Hamptons is oldand snoozy make it feel fun again.

(18:15):
Like bring back Sammy, bring backI love Julia, I love Jules.
Justice for Jules. Yeah,I loved her like Beth.
And people being pissed at Emeraldfor bringing people home and fucking them.
The only thing I'm pissed aboutis he's not showing them on the show.
If you come into the houseand you fuck, you're on camera,
that's the ruler you drew.
That's the rule.
Or, you know, you show them when they'releaving, like the very Jersey shore to go.

(18:40):
Sure. You know, it doesn't matter.
We don't remember anybodyfrom the Jersey shore that fucked
maybe the blond girl in the hot tub,but that was it.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I love it when you're onthese reality shows and you're hooking up.
If you come in for the one night fling,I can promise you
no one's going to rememberyou were on that show.
I love the idea of, like, Lindsaykind of retooling Negroni

(19:01):
and kind of buildingthe show around her in a way.
If they were to do something like thator a show around.
Lindsay, Andy, Andy did,
say on his showthat he was taking Lindsay around
and trying to seeif she'd be a good fit for Roni,
but then they just announcedthat it's going to be on pause,
so maybe it'll be a next year.Thing turned on? Both.

(19:22):
Yeah. Returned on pause.
But I think that they're going to
I think the most successful thingthey can do is our is a modern day version
of The Hills where they bring the girl,the girls are in Manhattan.
I loved seeing the bikini releasethis week.
I love watching them go and meetand have drinks during the week
and talking about what's going on.
Let's see page setting up for the Amazonvideos.

(19:43):
Let's see Hannah and Paige doingthe podcast or getting ready to travel.
And maybe they're going on a date
with someoneor they're debriefing about a date.
Let's see the city life with those girls,and let's just cut them off of
Summer House.
I just feel likebecause I don't think page is coming back
next year, I think they're already there,already making that clear.
She's too big.
She doesn't need it well, and she doesn'twant to be in that drama anymore.

(20:06):
She keeps she is sitting out of all of it.
I don't want to say it's beneath her,
but I mean, financially,it doesn't even make sense for her to
do itbecause she doesn't need the exposure.
Well, I just don't thinkit helps her brand anymore.
Absolutely.
But like, she knowthey have their own show on YouTube.
Oh, I didn't, I didn't see that.
I haven't watched it yet either,but I know it's there.
Like, I don't know.

(20:27):
I feel like these shows are successful
when it's like an actual relationshipthat's already been, like, built up.
Like, these people have known each otherfor years.
Don't get me wrong,I think Kyle should stay on the show.
Actually, I think Kyle, he'sa complicated thing for me to say.
Like, he's so dumb,but he's the president of the fraternity.
I know no matter what happens,there's some magic juice about Kyle

(20:50):
that I can hate him, but I feel me.
He's the heart of the summer house.
House, though a little gossip. Like.
I just love when he's, like,scurrying around for emotional fights.
He's still drinking.He'll go out, he'll party.
Now that he's a DJ,there's going to be more storylines there.
I don't know if Amanda needs to.
I think Amanda should go with the citygirls and maybe she makes a cameo.

(21:12):
A couple of weekends she comes out,but I think it might be juicier
if it's just Kyle partyingwith all the younger people.
Bring Schwartzin. Schwartz was fun to see.
What do you think about short?
What? Seriously, what do you thinkabout Schwartz being on Summer House?
People are saying they like it.Some people are saying they don't like it.
I mean, sure, pop in, say hello.
But he wasn't even other than himsaying goodbye.

(21:32):
I don't feel he was very memorable.
No, I don't think it's just when he saidgoodbye and like meet event
about Vanderpump Rules, when I was like,oh, this is funny.
I think what you did,you watch him on Winter House.
See, I never gone into Winter House.
Okay.
So I only started watching Summer House.
Right,
right.
When the season where Carl and Lindsaybroke up.

(21:54):
Started the first one.
The first breakup? No.
Like the engagementwhen it, like the first episode.
So that's when everyone was talk.
I know, you mean.
You know, I went back.
Oh, he did so I because I rememberwhen it did the weird crossover
of the backdoor pilot, like they didwith Beverly Hills and Vanderpump
when it was likeStassi and Kyle called her Steve Jobs.

(22:17):
Like, I saw that and I never got into itbecause I couldn't get past the work.
His twins.
Yeah. So I never watched it.
And then all the shit with Lindsayand Carl breaking up, like, was happening,
and I was like,I need to like, go back, go back.
So I went back to maybe season
three after the twins, like left.

(22:37):
Because again, being at these markets,
someone was like,no, you can just started at three.
Or everyone was likestarted the Covid season.
I didn'tI went a couple before the good season
and let me tell you,that was a really good couple of weeks
because I breezed through that meteorso fucking fast.
I mean, she's all right.
That doesn't it doesn't matter.
But I went through it so fast, I loved it.
I was on the edge of my seat.

(22:58):
Now I'm fully, fully committed into it.
I love it, but then since I watched it
after the fact,I was, like, overwhelmed by like,
well, what season of Winter Housecoincides with this season?
Like,if I start season one of Winter House
is that after season five of Summer House,like, what is the timeline?
I should have looked it up.
Same thing with credit cards,I'm sure, but.

(23:19):
But honestly, doesn't even matter.
You could just go binge the Winter Houseand you'll see the characters.
And now that you've watched Summer House,you'll be like, oh, here's Luke, here's
Tom Sandoval, here's Schwartz,here's blah, and here's how they come into
because the Austin and Sierra stuffall happened from winter.
Yeah, I can get the littlethe crumbs that they give you.
Yeah.
You got it. Yeah.But it's still it's still good.
I think that someone like Schwartzneeds to.

(23:42):
He does feel comfortablewith the summer house group.
And I think if he spent a summerwith the summer house group,
now that he's had some time outside
of his 22 year old's relationshipand he's back on the market again,
I think he's I think I don't thinkSchwartz has truly done any of the work.
So I think that he's going to slip backinto wanting to fit in with the boys,

(24:05):
which has always been his numberone problem that got him into trouble
is like something that I heard recently,that I was not surprised by,
but I was excited to hear because it wastitillating was I think it was on,
Jax podcast.
Oh, geez, I know I learned of a manthat or no, I couldn't have been that.

(24:28):
Maybe it was just one man show.
I know I haven't, I haven't watched it yetor listened to it yet,
but it was thator it was like Bravo's Hot Mike.
Or it was Nick Viles interview with TomSandoval is one of them.
But somebody said, God, it's killing me,I can't remember.
But somebody said that back in the day,

(24:48):
Jax would try to give Schwartzas many drinks as possible
when they all lived together,and they're fucking around.
There are three modelsin the same apartment.
Jax was sleeping in the dining roomand he had sheet girls.
Is that what they call the girls?
Yeah.
Came into his little makeshift bedroomwith a bedsheet
or hanging up,and pull this from my brain.
And so Jax would try to get Schwartzto see how much

(25:11):
he could get Schwartz to drink.
And that's why Schwartz would black out,and then he would push girls on to him.
Yeah.
And then he could use that as ammunitionbecause he's like,
oh, you're not going to tell my secretsbecause I got dirt on you.
Exactly. Always this.
And you always suspectsomething like that was going on.
But to hear them say it from the horse'smouth was like, it blew my mind.

(25:31):
It blew my mind.
I that's all Jax Taylor's M.O.
has ever been. It's like,
deflection and.
Oh, you're.
No, you're no, you're no better than more.
You're not better than me. But.
Oh, I'll give Brittany her flowerswith this one
when she was like, I'll pass a drug testwith you that shut him up with that.
You're no angel, sweetness. Instantlyshe's like, you're addicted to coke.

(25:52):
He's like, oh, you've never done it.
And she came right back with that. Yeah.
And I'm so happy she did. Yeah.
That was the moment where I was like,good, good on you, Brady.
Because I can't, I cannot stand Brittany.She just really can't.
She doesn't give us those moments oftenwhere she says the right thing.
And it's so pointed.

(26:21):
I haveI have to get into the valley this week.
They're still in Santa Barbara.
We've we just finished seeing the firstday, and there was a whole
the car racing
and Jax blowing up Brittany'sphone, and Jesse's saying
that he's the one that told Jax thatthey're going to Santa Barbara for a trip.

(26:43):
And like, I get it.
I feel like there is a certain, like,layer of respect for Jackson.
Brittany.
The group hasand he's a producer of the show.
He hated the show,so I have to have reverence to him.
I feel like they and they do.
They do because later we see Jesse,like bow to Brittany for like
at the wine tasting is weird
because it's like, hello,Kristen is your freaking she's the queen.

(27:06):
Bow down.
Oh, the first thing we see in this episodeis Zach and Brittany in bed
and on Zach's nightstand.
This is my first hello. Hell no moment.
Oh, this is my yes,this is this is a yes for you.
Shut up. This is a hell no moment for me.
This nightstand that he's gotthat has a two liter Diet
Coke on it, and Pop-Tartsand an open tub of sour cream chip dip.

(27:31):
Look gross in a party house rental.
It's great.You're doing nothing but drinking.
Who gives a shit?
You're going to be drunk in bedwith your best friend, eaten some dip,
spilling it in the bed,putting a towel on top.
I'm telling you right now, you know whatmy favorite thing to do on view?
My favorite thing to do onvacation is get, like a bunch of desserts

(27:54):
and sit in the bedand eat the desserts at night.
At the end of the night.
I do like bad chips.
I do like bad chips.
See what's in a hotel room?
Any dip? Yeah,that's essentially the same thing.
But I'm never.
But I'm not going to sleepwith the sour cream.
Like sour and sour cream and onion.
It it's like not even the lid on it.

(28:15):
Oh who cares? It was so gross.
He fell asleep.
He fell asleep with it on him.
You're on vacation.
You throw that okay. Empty tub out.You're laying in bed.
We respectfully disagree.
Respectfully, I will
gladly wake up with a chipstuck to my forehead
and having some dipand living the best life.

(28:35):
You know, when it is not your bed. Yeah,whatever.
Controversial take. Controversial take.
I feel like when you're 80and you look back or 90
and you look back on that,that'll be a good memory.
Yeah.
You're in your you're playingwith your bestie on vacation.
It's, you know, waking up.Brittany thought it was hilarious.
Oh, yeah, she loved it,even though Jax was already texting her.
I will say the combo of a pop tartand some onion dip is kind of disgusting.

(28:59):
I know,and I know that Jesse stocked that fridge
because we learned last seasonthe first thing that I ever agreed
with Jesse on in the history of the Valleywas how to stock an Airbnb.
And Jesse does this whole thing
about how he to give a Tom Schwartzvocabulary word diet, tribe.
Tom Schwartz has quite the vocabulary.

(29:19):
And he was golden. Whatever.
He repeats the same 15 words,and I can I'm going to make a t shirt.
One day with the words on it,because it's the same vocabulary.
And if you listen to Tom Schwartz talka lot, he loves to pull those words up.
Diatribe is one of them.
He loves diatribe it on the aftershowbecause he's just dissociating.
Yes, off into the distancewhen Jax talks because he's like,

(29:40):
I don't want to be associated with this.
I lost everything because of Sandoval,and now I'm hitching my wagon
to this psycho. It's horrible.
And that's why I thinkAndy's like letting him
jump on Summer house,
letting him jump on all these other showsto see if anything else fits better.
Send him to Charleston Schwartz.
Oh, God.
Schwartz would do great in Charlestonbecause he's tall enough
and all those girls would chasethe Charleston, and we'll get into that.

(30:03):
But anyway, yeah, I again ADHD,I will just like circle
to 15 different subjectsin one as long as it's bravo
related.
It all connects. Yes.
So there. So they're in Santa Barbara.
Jax is already blowing upBrittany's phone.
He's saying now that he's bipolar,which is my favorite thing in the world
for Britney to just roll over,pick up her phone and just.

(30:23):
We all know Jax would have said it outloud anyway, but for her just to be like,
oh, Jax is bipolar, like girl, like, yeah.
Did he want you to say that on camera?
But who?
She doesn't even she doesn't, which islike, she's in her mind in that moment.
I think she's happy there's a diagnosisthat isn't that he's an asshole.
A diagnosis that she could.
Maybe if he gets his shit together,forgive him.

(30:46):
I still think that at this point,she is on the.
She just.
She desperatelywants it to end, and she hasn't seen.
I did this reallygreat thing on my last week's podcast
where I pulled the the audiofrom her podcast with Kristen Dodi.
Oh yes.
Addressing Jax Taylor's statements on theBravo hot mic before the season started.

(31:10):
And like, listening to him lie.
Oh, and then listening to her be like,no, this is what happened.
Yeah, the the prescriptionsat in my drawer the way she's.
Yeah.
The way she's talkingthere is entire sounds
totally different to me donethan what she's doing here.
Yeah, there's still a hint,
even if she says it'snever going to happen in these moments

(31:32):
and still seeing a glimmer of,yeah, what if.
And I do really appreciate like,
this is a whole nother complication thingwhere I think
Zach is a better friend to herthan she is to Zach,
but I think she's in her own downwardspiral of chaos,
and she's very complicated for mebecause I do not like Brittany.
But the way that peopletalk about her online, you can tell that

(31:54):
they have never had experiencewith being in an abusive relationship.
That's right.
Which I have been in a very
I don't
want to say similar, but with a narcissistwith like a complete monster
of a manwho completely takes like your sparkle.
No anatomy joke of it, but

(32:15):
you lose yourself in thatand they systematically
will beat you downand make you feel like you are nothing.
You second guess every choice thatyou make until you're an empty vessel.
You're walking on eggshells.
You're making
your life is making excuses for themand pretending that everything is okay.
Yeah, because you are so fearfulconstantly and,

(32:36):
that they could snap on you,but they can snap that someone, will think
less of you because you're with someonewho, if they see the truth.
I couldn't get them out of my apartment.
I lived with my sister for a month.
Oh, my God, I you know, it.
It was so bad and months,and he was squatting.
Oh my God. Oh, yeah.I can't get him out of my apartment.

(32:56):
Oh, like how Jax wouldn't leave?I'm not kidding. Who?
I leave the house. Oh my God. Triggering.
I did have this because I knewI was going to get into this.
And I have to say, like,I remember you talking,
last week's episode saying, like,it is good to show this.
Yeah, it's going to save lives. It'sgoing to save lives.
And I will say that I rememberseeing something online

(33:18):
or listening to something and some womanand I wish I knew who it was
because it helped me so much.Get out of it.
Recommended this book.
It is called The Psychopath Test.
Oh, Jon Ronson okay.
And it opened my eyes to so much of thebehaviors that he did to me.
And it very much goes into
like the difference between likesociopaths, narcissist and psychopaths.

(33:41):
And, you know, people throw aroundthe word narcissist or rage all the time.
Buzzy really goes into it.
But the way that itit was like breeding my relationship
the way that like the narcissismof devalue like,
deflecting, having an enemy,
love bombing and getting you on the hookand then making

(34:02):
you feel like you are nothing,and you were so lucky to have them that
if you leave them, no one will ever loveor care about you again.
And I mean,
I see that man in jacksso much to the point
where like my weight was always an issueand like he would talk about it.
This is a nine months.

(34:24):
So controlling
I was like meeting his grandmotherand I had like a hair tie on my wrist.
And he was like oh my God, like you.
I can't believe you had your hair tie on.
Like it's shit.
What? It's all control.
Like, it is crazy and that's it.
But it doesn't start like that.
It's like, yeah, the beginning.
It's just like, oh my God,what a whirlwind. Everything is so great.
And then he sees me and then it's justlittle tiny things like that

(34:47):
where it startsto build into such a control
that you don't even knowwho you are anymore, and you can't.
You feel like you can't stand on your ownto get out of it.
And thankfully,like I had somewhere to go, like
stay at my sisterand her boyfriend's house and,
I had
he I don't want to like dogs or anything,but whatever.

(35:10):
I don't give a shit.
He lied about something so
minuscule and I found out about, like,we were having a fight.
I was staying with my sister,just, like, have a breather.
Yeah.
And I found out that he lied about thisone little thing, like he had,
like, a weird, like,
it was a tic.
He had this thing, and he told me it wasone thing that happened when he was,

(35:35):
doing something or whatever, and
I found out randomly from his mother.
She just goes, oh, you know, well,he has this, like,
diagnosis, right?
And I was like,what are you talking about?
She's like, oh, well,you know, he has this thing.
He's.
And it was a diagnosisfor a syndrome, right?

(35:56):
And he lied and said that it was likethis thing was brought on from an injury
from some like, sports thing. Right?
So it was like almost like, oh, this,this sprain, let's say a sprain.
The sprain that I have
is from playing sports, not from mehaving this like nerve disorder.
Right.
And it it kind of like open my eyesin such a way where I was like,
this is such a non entity, like,why would you lie about this

(36:21):
to like your partnerwho you live with, right.
Like,
what am I going to look at you differentlybecause you have like a nerve issue.
Yeah. It's so weird to me.
So that honestly opened my eyesand I was like, I don't know this person.
I do not know this person at all.
Because if you were going to lieabout something so dumb, like
on the first fucking date, who are you?

(36:42):
And then I just it kind of like,
steamrolled into, like.
Oh, well, then this was clearly a lie,because this doesn't make sense with this.
Thank Godyou had the space to do it. Yeah.
I'm so lucky that I had.
Because watching move, watching thisweek's episode and talking about Britney,
I think that somethingthat I have also been informed

(37:02):
about in the past is that in certainrelationships like this one
where he's just so controlling,you get your brain
gets addicted to the stress hormonesthat it's releasing.
And I think that is what happens laterat the dinner table
when Britney starts, like getting angryat Danny and Neha's relationship.

(37:24):
Yeah. And projecting.
Yeah. And she's totally projecting.
But she's also,like, gets herself worked up so quickly.
And I don't think that'salways a reflection of her.
She usually will actually sweepeverything under the rug so quickly
and like be kind of aa doormat for everyone to walk over.
Well, I mean,
and it's kind of obviously she'sjust projecting her own issues onto Nia

(37:46):
because all she has done for the past,however many ten years is
pretend that everything's fineand, oh, no, Jax isn't doing cocaine.
Like whatever.
So she's projecting on a nia, like,show yourself.
Like, girl, you've only really beenhonest, like, for this season, right?
You've been portraying,like him as a great father and barely.
And still barely still protecting him.

(38:07):
And I understand, like, in a sense,it is your son's
father like to get into Jesseand Michelle?
Like, you know, you shouldn't
be putting a lot of the shit out therebecause your kid is going to see it
one day.But talk about Jesse and Michelle.
I have a I have, I actually okay, I'mgoing to give I'm going
to give Brittany some flowersand you're probably going to hate this.

(38:27):
Christina.
But when Jesse Michellestart fighting at the winery.
Oh, yeah.
When she runs right away.
Wait.
First, I have to say, Luke was so hotwhen he went under the hood of the car
and said something was cracked,and I was like, oh, my God.
I mean, it's just talk about how hotLuke was.
Like, he's like, okay, good, good,I love that.
No, I when Jesse and Michelle startfighting and Brittany intervenes

(38:48):
and this is when I'm talking about themkissing the ring,
Brittany intervenes and says, no,right now you say that
that you made this lie upand that she's not a hooker or whatever.
And he did.
He and he fell on the swordand he did it instantly.
He didn't. He's like, yeah,I made that up.
But like, he's like,I never said that was true.
Oh, I'm just trying to find outthe mole in the group chat.
But then he brought it up. He's like,you're a hooker.

(39:09):
Okay, well,because Michelle is is shown that
she's reactive to these following thingsso far.
One, that him saying that she's a hooker,I think that I do think that
Michelle
comes from does come frommaybe a conservative.
I won't necessarily even goas far as saying she is a Republican.

(39:29):
I don't know,
but I do think she comes from watch out,this is getting into season one.
I do think she comesfrom a conservative background, and
I do think she is an ambitiousand advantageous person.
In the after show this week,we learn that when she met Jesse,
he's eight years older than her.
He was already working on sixfigure home sale deals, and she wasn't.

(39:51):
And he took her around the world,took her to these homes, showed her
how to do the business and like,really hand held her into the industry.
So she has benefitedfrom that relationship directly.
And I think that and I'mnot being a Jesse apologist, but
I am trying to look at the lay of the landin their foundation.
And so

(40:11):
but everything is in black and white,you know, like you can give someone props.
Like I can sayI dislike Brittany completely
and then also advocate for her and saylike what she's going through is horrible.
And she did this thing rightand she did that good.
These are all very complicated.
So Michelle, Michelle'striggered by being claim to be a hooker
or she is also triggered, when Jesse

(40:32):
threatens to take her child away from her,which makes complete sense.
And, she is also triggeredwhen Jesse cries
or tries to skew his storyline in a waythat she doesn't think is authentic.
Yeah, and those are the three thingsright now that get hurt.
So volatile.
So he knows thatbecause he is also a manipulator.

(40:54):
And so when he goes into the hotel roomwith her later to and is like
and it's like,why can't you just be happy for me?
Oh my God, I can't.
We just stop
and give them credit in generalfor being on a show together is one thing.
But like going on this vacationand being in the same house.
Oh, I love what a fucking nightmare.Oh, God, I keep her.
It's a nightmare on her.

(41:15):
What a nightmare situationto put yourself into.
But also be like, hey,like we're going to be on TV,
we're going to get this paycheck.
It goes eight times
and they're both giving it their bestbecause they want
this to be their career nowand they deserve it.
But it does give like original Vanderpump,
like vibeswhere they would throw each other
under the bus because they're like,you are not being authentic.

(41:37):
And I know you're not telling the truthabout this.
I'm going to throw you under the bus, andI feel like we're getting that dynamic.
But during a divorce, which is insane.
So juicy for her to be like,you spent all our money.
It's like, oh, I know,I want to see the receipts.
I hope she comes to the reunionwith literally bank statements.
That would be so great.
I mean, everyone I talk about theseeight hour lunches where they bought like,

(41:59):
expensive ass bottles of wine and like,you can see him at the wine table,
like correctingDanny on, like the legs of the wine
and like doing these little thingsthat make him seem so cultured.
Well, not that I thinkJesse wants to be high status.
I think in bro culture, Jesse
and Jax started the boys chatnot only because

(42:20):
they're reality TV geniuses,but also because they want to.
They're like, used to this.
Like they're both ex models.
Like they want to bethese like high status bros.
Yeah.
And they're used to like the camaraderieof knocking women.
And they come from,
I guess, a demographic or age group wheretheir dads used to shit on their moms.
And that was the cool thingto do with the boys.

(42:42):
So they're doing that now.
But it's all about appearancesand having like, the nice car and just,
you know, living above your means,
no matter the cost to your familyor anything,
because it's all about appearances
and oh, I'll just look likeI have all this money now,
and then we'll get on seasonthree of the show, and it doesn't matter.
Like I can spend it now that I did. Yeah.

(43:02):
So I 100% believe that that manhas like blown through their money.
Yeah.
And so to bring it all backI Bravo Britney for
stepping into that fight and making himclarify on camera in the moment.
Because the second he doesthat he can't now use that.
He can't weaponize that hooker thingall weekend, which he would have

(43:23):
we would have seen him calling it up laterif Britney didn't like cut that.
Yeah, that thing for him.
And then he literallyit's like he cut bait and he moved on.
Like he'll find another thing to triggerMichelle with.
He's like totally a pro.It it's it's insane.
And it's no one can hurt youmore than someone that loved you.
I know, but I especially JesseLolly like watching him do it. Just

(43:46):
it just feels like someone that's likein season
seven of of a reality show, and he's like,he's a he's a youngblood to the game.
It's kind of impressive. Well, that'swhat's so crazy to me.
It's like, how is Kristen Doty in the back
seat of this show of all these people?
It's like she's she'sI mean, she knows what she's doing.

(44:07):
No, but I mean, like,she's now the beacon of, like, normalcy.
And her relationship is totally cool,like a perfect vessel, like Janet.
Okay, here's my other question.
Okay.
You're you're a mother to be.
You have a nine month pregnancy, right?
You give the miracle of life.
You're in the hospital, you were holdingyour baby, your little miracle,

(44:28):
and you're looking down at itand you say, I'm going to name you Janet.
How the fuck does that happen?
How do you look at a baby and say,your name is John?
I don't know, it's an Ohio choice.
Oh, it's not for me.
Her casseroles.
Judy,she was named after, like her grandma.
No offense to any. Janet's out there. I'mso sorry.
The Janet's hate, you know,they all hate you.
Well, she's given. I'm sorry.She's giving you the bad name.

(44:52):
Janet.
Janet.
She's tainting the well of Janet's.
She's the Karens of Janet's.
I don't know, I think Janet's good.
I think everyone'sgoing to come around on Janet.
Oh, I can't, she's spinningthis whole Midwestern narrative.
The casseroles and and her Daveand Busters and, like, I think she
she's also somebody who's playing itlike season seven of the game.

(45:14):
Yeah.
And I tell you,why can't I tell you why she's a fan.
Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why she.
But just can't wait for her. Cindy.
So here's another hell no moment.
I had, I said, oh hell no.
Janet.
Because you this was this my.
Oh yeah. Okay.
I was like, oh hell no. Janet.

(45:34):
She went to the one personthat has not forgiven Danny from like,
last Halloweenand for telling her to go get daddy
a drink, go get daddy a drink and graban ass grabbing her girlfriends.
Listen, I know I'm consented,but whatever.
They had a cup. They sat down,they apologized.
She brought it back up on the show monthslater,

(45:58):
and Dannythen gave a very direct apology again.
Yes, it's clear she's not over it,or she's just making the choice
for her own narrative to not be boringthis season like she was last season,
to not give up on it.
I can understand,like being creeped out by someone
who is just a fuckingI get it, I get it, yeah.
And seeing like Frank going to get it.

(46:18):
Yeah. Don't put your hands on melike you're drinking again.
Now I got to deal with it. But to you.
But if you really weren'tinto being around that person and like,
that whole vibe,I don't think you would weave your way
into the narrative of tryingto paint the picture that is an alcoholic.
And but so I think,I think Jasmine is slightly like dipping
into dipping a toe into the poolof reality TV and like, going for it.

(46:40):
She's from The Bachelor, right?
And I mean, she has to go backand watch that season.
I watched it,I used to watch The Bachelor all the time,
and then again,it was just like four hours, like a week.
But Janet's a geniusbecause Janet goes to that one person.
Yeah, who she knows will not let it go.
And she says, and she says,I was just in the closet with Danny
and he was taking secret shots.

(47:03):
And I do things to make it soundso insidious.
Can I tell you? I think you know why?
I think Danny did the shot in the closetor one maybe because the bottle was there,
but I actually think it's because Danny
is an actor in the Valley
that isn't necessarilyat the top of his acting game.
Maybe voiceover being a working actoris 100% like he's only he's job to have.

(47:26):
You are constantly working.
Yes, he's chosen to be on a reality showand his wife is a pageant queen.
They're having discussions about whatit's going to be like on the show.
Strategically,all of these people are having
strategic conversations about theirare you sure what they're promoting
or whatever's going onand I just think that if Danny,

(47:46):
it wants to drink like a frat boybecause Danny's a frat boy, too.
Yeah, all these guys are frat boys.
If he's gonna drink like a frat boy,he's trying to do it off camera.
I don't think he's hiding it from Mia.
I don't think he's hiding itfrom the group.
I think he's doing it off cameraso he doesn't look
like a sloppy reality star.
Very true.
Because I can't tell you the last time.
Like,I went to a restaurant with my friends,

(48:08):
and the first thing we did was order,like, tequila shots.
And that's what they doon all of these shows.
And I'm like, that is so gross to me.
I can't imagine there's someone who worksat a restaurant that serves tequila.
Everybody does that. Really? Yeah.
And I think but I think it alsois like one they're on camera.
So they just want to like kind ofget the the jitters out.
So low order shots too.

(48:29):
They do it on camera
so they look like they're all friendsand they're toasting
and doing shots in their partyand having a good time.
Like that's a very Vanderpump vibe.
And it's a tequila
or Vita tequila.
And I just think so.
I think that people do do it,but I don't think
that this group of friends on the Valleyis all in on it.

(48:50):
I think if you were like Lindsay,which Valley cast
members would be doing shotsin the kitchen together?
I think you could.
I think you could rope in Jasmineand her girlfriend for a shot.
Yeah, Zach would be doing a shot.
Brittany would definitely be doing a shot.
Shots,baby. It's not what she did last year.
Yeah, Kristen.
Non-pregnantKristen would be doing the shot.
Luke would do the shot. Yeah.

(49:12):
I think Danny would do the shot.
Jesse would do the shot.
I don't think Nia or Michellewould do the shot, but that's kind of like
they always kind of find each otherand Michelle and Nia in that way.
Yeah.
I mean, just him saying, like,if she had to say it was like,
oh, God, he was drinking all day,he's taken a drunk nap.
Like he'll get it.
There's nothing wrong with that. Honestly.

(49:34):
A lot of people that rent an Airbnb
or go away for the weekendwith their friends
and the kids aren't thereor getting shitfaced.
Most people are still getting shitfacedwith their kids.
They're soI mean, if Danny does go back to his
and he couldn't drink the day before,he said that when he showed up to.
Yeah, and the Santa Barbara tripand one of them was like on camera

(49:54):
at the event, it wasn't just theconfessional where he said it that twice.
So then I believed it.
And I know dudes like Danny, dudes likeDanny that didn't get to Party Day
one of the weekend trip,and he had to work the next day.
So he got up early.He was driving back to L.A.
and he's got all those kids.
Of coursehe wants to get home and play catch up.
Yeah, no, it totally does make sense.
I feel like he'sjust just a little bit of a nerd.

(50:14):
So then he drank too much and went to bed.He didn't grope anyone.
He didn't actually do anything. He'sa fairy tale.
He's a short thing.
And alcoholprobably hits him a little harder.
But he just doesn't.
He didn't do anything nefarious to warrantthe whole conversation, but some.
But my hell no.
Specifically here is going to Janetbecause I see her
stirring the pot and I seethat she is again, like last season,

(50:36):
if you follow the little trailof breadcrumbs back
to somebody, it's Janetthat's like fueling the fire.
Well, she's just conniving, and there'sa point of like, I'll never forgive her
for ice and out Kristen when it's like,who the hell do you think you are?
It's season one.
Kristen, who do you think you are?
Literally for her to like.

(50:57):
And now she's going to feel the wrath backbecause, well, I think this whole,
like you said, I feel like they sit downand they have a strategy.
And she is very awarethat people did not like her. Season one.
And she's like,how can I be more relatable?
Let's go to Dave and Busters,like all that shit.
Yeah.
Disgusting thing that she
did with the whole you wish that my childdidn't go to full term.

(51:19):
Oh my God, literally.
I, I think he was just like,she's being a bitch.
And everyone's telling meI can't call her out on being a bitch
because she's pregnant,that it's not a fair.
I don't give a shit.
And let's now let's
bring it to Brittany in your problemwith Brittany, because I in this moment,
I thought it was despicable of herto knowing

(51:40):
Zach for 14 years
from their hometown, moving to LAand being friends and knowing him
well enough to know when he'sin an altered state and feeling something.
Because, Zach, I think we can all agreewatching this show cannot hide
how he feels on his face at the momentit starts something overwhelmed him.

(52:01):
You can see it overwhelming himin like 15 different places.
We saw it last week with the conversationwith Janet when he calls for Nia,
which would have been a high honorif I could have been there
to hold Zach's handduring that confrontation.
And I just think that
it was so shady of Britneyto the very next day.
Go to Janet and sayoh Zach said he didn't want

(52:22):
your pregnancyto go full term at this bar.
And it's like oh you're not,you're not protected.
And then try to say that they're tryingto protect Janet all season.
Oh I yeah like I said like Zach is a way
better friend to Britneythan Britney is to anyone.
Yeah I think she's all she's everdone is protect herself.
And Jacksondoesn't give a shit about anyone else.

(52:46):
She does throw wicked birthday parties.
She likes to,
but I was,but I was wondering if she was like
going to start a businesswith that or something
because she did a few of thoseback to back,
like coming out of the pandemicbesides Janet's,
country fair thing, or when Jax broke the
she did a cake table memberthat was she also did
like a baby shower for Lala,I think for her first for ocean.

(53:09):
And so she was doinga lot of those for a minute.
I thought she was goingto launch a business for sure.
I don't think she has the drive,but I think it's more about like showing
that she has everything togetherand is so such a great parent
and look how great her house isand look at how I gather her life is.
I agree, both parties and Instagramand all that.
That's all that's about.
Listening to her podcastwhen she was talking about,

(53:33):
Jax going to rehab,she was planning a Thanksgiving dinner
for like 30 people the next day.
Yeah, it's it's about it'skind of Midwestern values.
It's kind of like.
It's like everything's okay at home.
Well, also,though, I would if I was in that situation
and also like, okay,my brain is going a million miles an hour.

(53:54):
Okay.
I am I am sayingthis as if they are not real people
in their characters on a TV show.
Yes, of course, that's the that'svery much the context of the entire show
because I just played her that there.
But disclaimer disclaimer disclaimerlike Christina reserves
the right to change her mindnext week and I'll flip flop.
Yeah, but like, I can understandbeing in that situation

(54:15):
where like, what do I want to do,sit in my house on Thanksgiving
or Friendsgiving alone with my childand not have my friends around me?
But I cook for 30 people.
I mean, hey,maybe that's like her love language,
cooking for people or like me,I hate cooking.
That would be a nightmare. Yeah,but it shouldn't.
Like for me,
if she likes hosting and cookingand, like,
making her meatballs, beer, cheesefor all her friends, like.

(54:35):
And that's going to make her distractedfeel loved. Whatever.
Good on her. Okay.
I'm not going to fault her for that, okay?
Because maybe that'swhat she needed in that moment.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to be.
Well, she's in the Airbnb too,so it's not like she's in her house
alone, scaredthat Jax is going to show up.
But I 100% think he would just show upat the Airbnb anyway if he did.
Oh yeah, the back door.Like he just went through the slider.

(54:57):
Yeah, he just lets himself inbecause he's that guy.
When you're like, please leave.
And then he'll go around intoyour backyard and come in the back door
like there's no stopping that.
He's a bull in a China shop is so gross.
He is terrifying.
He is a terrifying human being.
And everyone's saying like, oh,this is ask you this question
is this is rock bottom?Because it isn't. It isn't.

(55:18):
Can I ask you a question? Sure.
Would I be a really bad person if I wentand bought a Jackson Jackson's bar hoodie?
Because after the season and like, beingso shocked that like, he has not done
one scene, not wearing the hoodie,I've gone like full circle on
like my disgust for him,but now almost needing you.
Ironically, yes.

(55:39):
Okay, so here's what I'll do.
Okay, give me a blank t shirt or blankhoodie and I will just
fucking put the logo on it.
Oh, you're not going to give him money.
You're not going to get any money.
We will steal that copyrightand we will put it on a shirt.
I was scared about embroideringlike a fake line of coke on the sleeve.
A first of all, that,that theater of the mind.

(56:00):
She took her finger and put it to her arm.
I honestly thought she was gonna say I wasthinking of tattooing it on my own. Oh.
Because when you boys.That'd be really scared.
We would need a Bravo, Alexanonymous intervention.
That would be, too much.
But, yeah, I mean, jackasses,I just feel like.
I feel like now. Like I did this.
I talked about this a couple weeks agowhere I like, hey, Carl's concept for.

(56:22):
I think it's a bad business plan.I think it's a bad name.
I think everything about it is horrible.
He's putting it in Brooklynlike no women tour,
no the Bravo Holocaust touring Manhattanto go
to watch what happens or whateverthey're doing in Manhattan.
They're just, boy is failing.
What makes you thinkat the tail end of your
they're going to travel out to Brooklynto get to this nonalcoholic bar

(56:44):
and the money that they're pouring into,like wrapping a van and all this shit
and all these events like,he is the concepts of a plan,
like the man, barely.
He doesn't even have concepts of a plan.
I hate it, but the point islike a full circle after meeting it.
But now I want a soft bar hatbecause I think it's like going to fail.
It's all going to fail, Jack says.
Bar's not going to be aroundin another four months.

(57:07):
His bar.
I know it's Rocco'sand we just got some licensing deal,
which is actually really smartversus Schwartz and Sandy's
because think Sandy'sactually had good food, but,
yeah, but they poured in all their moneyto open it, whereas Jack's just probably
signed some like licensing deal wherehe's like, yeah, you put my name on it.
You give me a percentage of the beer salesI bring in.

(57:28):
He's probablyjust the same as a club promoter.
Like it's a good it's a good deal.
That's probably all it is.
Yeah, but but I'm just saying that, like,I just don't.
Nobody's ever there.
I drive by all the time
because the actual good barto go to just around
the corner on Riversideis The Thirsty Merchant.
And they actually have great drinks,and it's a great environment,
and they have different thingsgoing out throughout the week.

(57:48):
And people even bring their kids there,
and there's like lawn gamesthat they can play with and stuff.
The Thirsty Merchant is better.
I don't think I used go Cat in the middle,which is down the street.
Yes. Yeah.
And I just don't thinknow that Rocco's is under new management
that they're going to.
If Jack keeps this trajectory,there's no way they're going to keep it.
And or they got to really pump up

(58:09):
those viewing parties because I don't knowwho's even going to that shit.
They're
I mean, and the fact that, like,
the Bravo verse hasn't, like, messagethose people and said like,
how can you support himlike they've been doing
with all the theatersbecause they forgive the guys.
They've the this group we are.
And I'll put myself in this poolbecause I am now I feel like a Sandoval

(58:32):
apologist after traders that it'sthe train wreck you want to watch.
Like, yeah, it is retaining a shit.
You have to like, separate your brainfrom like, am I giving this
horrible, horrible man money by watching?
I think it's a risk to takeJax off the air.
I think it's a bigger risk foreveryone's safety if he's not on a show.

(58:53):
But where is the end?
It's him.
I don't want to say it. It's very dark,but that's the thing.
What? It's going to happen unless there's.
Yeah, there's no way this is his wrath.
Although I have to be.
I will give him flowers here.
Just the fact that he's saying halfthe stuff he's saying on the aftershow,
even though you can tell that he's

(59:13):
he's maybe done 5% of the work,maybe 3% of the work, the fact that he's
at least saying he has controlissues, to hear him say that
out loud is
incredible.
He's not saying it to show vulnerability.
He's doing it to get like, credit for it.

(59:33):
I know, but it's not like,
oh, I know he's not doing the healing, buthe's at least it's not self-reflective.
But if you were like, give me a passbecause of this or, you know,
I couldn't help it,I have this bipolar diagnosis is like, no,
you are not taking your medicationand you are not supposed to drink
on that medication.
And are you doing that kind of work?

(59:54):
And on the after show he said, oh,I took it for two and a half weeks.
I didn't feel anything with Lexapro.And then.
And then.
Brittany confirmed she still hasthe prescription for Lexapro.
But by the way,how do I get that prescription?
I want?
Not for the Lexapro, but the physical,actual prescription of Jack Taylor.
They should auction that off for charity,put it in.
I would frame that.
But like, he clearly likedoes not care than any doctor

(01:00:18):
who gave it to him
probably said, hey, you're not goingto have any sort of effects
for two and a half months or whatever.
He has to answer to the factthat she got to the lowest point
where she had to call producersand threaten for all of this to end
unless he was sent to a facilityin the beginning of filming. Yes.
And he's like, you took my job.

(01:00:39):
Oh yeah.
That was clear in the textsthat we saw on screen, which was so scary.
But it's very clear that we do not needjacks.
Okay.
Are you ready for another Bravo moment?
Always.
So my bravo moment goes to Michelle
because in this fight that we seebetween Michelle and Jesse,
I feel like she's finally gettingthis really cathartic moment.

(01:01:03):
I mean, they've done this fighta million times, but I feel like she's
finally starting to say this stuff, like,you spent all of our money.
Oh yeah, and she's starting to get it out.
Well, because she's like, look,you went the lowest you could possibly go.
Our daughter is going to see one daythat you called me a hooker on television.
Like when you're taking more money, whenyou're taking more money from a gay man.

(01:01:24):
The first thing she yelled was,I am the mother of your children.
And after that, she's like, you know what?
I'm done. Well,he said, I don't care. Yeah.
And she's like, fine,I'm putting the facade down.
I'm not going to do this like Danny.
And the thing where like, everything'sperfect. Whatever.
She's like, you're spending our money.
Like, you know, you're shady as shit.
Yeah, like, fuck you,I don't care. I'm not protecting you. And.
Yeah, and that's what we need.

(01:01:45):
And it feltso that was it all. And that's it.
That's it. That's why I'm here. I'm like,do you have a tool?
Emotionalbecause of the Venmo. Transaction.
Show us the bank account statements like,literally show us, like his crazy lunch,
his eight hour luncheswhere they're buying
$600 bottle of wine, like,show me it, by the way.
Like,I just got married in September. Congrats.

(01:02:06):
Yeah. Thanks.
We've been together for 12 years,so it's a formality,
but no one sent us,like, a wedding present through Venmo.
What was he?
He's like, oh, it's for, you know,Isabella's birthday and for our wedding.
It was our wedding gift.
I'm sorry.
What Venmo transactionare you getting it as a wedding gift?
What?
This doesn't make any cut, I don't know,they also like they represent the Uber

(01:02:27):
or a historically, they've representedUber rich people in buying stuff.
And so I mean, I've had like old
bosses like say, hey,go grab dinner on your birthday
and send like 50 bucks,but like, that's it's like a reasonable.
Yeah,totally reasonable, buy a drink on me.
Like, absolutelymonetary value from a coworker. Not

(01:02:51):
hey, happy wedding.
Here's thousands of dollars.
And why are you puttingthat shit on Venmo?
I could see Jessetopping a gay man for some money.
Maybe that's why he'sgetting ahead of the hooker stuff.
Maybe that's why he's getting ahead of it.
Just to call someonea hooker in 2025 is just so wild to me.
Oh, he's an old man. I know. It's just.
God, the show just.
It just bothers methat she's so reactive to it.

(01:03:14):
True, the fact that.
And I'm like,what's wrong with sex workers?
Yeah, by the way.
And that's why I think she is, I,I love her because she said
you accepted money from a gay man,and I'm like, whoa, hold on a minute.
You cut to Zach, by the way,which is like, I know.
Wait, you know what?
I have a new segment todaythat I'm going to.
I'm going to, and release,and I do this quite a bit, but today

(01:03:37):
I have a new segment.It's called One Line Only
for people doing Coke in your bathroom.
Oh, come on, it ain't about the pasta.
Cocaine.
It's not about the pasta.

(01:03:57):
And today it was Zach Whigham.
And these are three quotesthat Zach gave us in this episode
that I think were just spectacular.
The first one is I'mthe only person who doesn't like the sun,
and I'm the only one in the sun.
I'm not God's favorite.
Oh, that was so good.
Oh, but then Jesse switch seats with him.

(01:04:18):
He's not always an asshole.
He's not literally.
And so.
But I was like,that's me. I hate sitting in this.
I don't want to be in the sun at all.I will melt.
I can do three minutes topsand I'm going to start complaining.
And so like, I totally sympathizewith Zach on that one.
Okay, here's the next one.
Girl, we do not want him.
Do not give him to us.

(01:04:39):
And that was inthat moment where she was like, you will.
You accepted even more moneyfrom a gay man.
Oh, bravo.
People like the wheneverthey throw out the homophobic stuff.
It's so crazy. It's like.
Oh, yeah, well, I heard he got his dicksucked at the round up and it's like, no.
Yeah, okay. He's gay. Not that he cheat.

(01:05:00):
God forbid you say your husband cheated onyou right now.
He cheated on you with a gay man.
Oh, my God,that's the worst thing in the world.
It's it's crazy to it.
Instantly.So, yeah, you might be on to something
with the wholelike Republican conservative.
I think she I think she is.
I just think that those choice wordstell you so much
as a woman that lives inLA in West Hollywood.

(01:05:22):
Yeah, she's a woman that lives in WestHollywood.
Oh, I don't want to bring it backto my hatred of Britney, but I'm gonna
okay to take it away fromno dude who go to third line in a minute.
I'll give you the third line, okay?
Yeah, yeah, okay.
And then the third one I got is,can you be sexually attracted to soup?
Can you be sexually attracted to soup?

(01:05:42):
Out of hesitation? Yes, yes.
Been there.
That one should be on a shirt.
Can you be sexually attracted to soup?
That meal did look good.
I'll give it to mom. It did. Okay. Wait.
Bring it back to your hatred of.
Bring back to Brittany.
Her being friends with Zachfor however many years and the fact that
that homophobic pastor shit was so glossedover for her in Jackson's wedding.

(01:06:06):
Yep. Is so gross to me that woman clearlywould have kept that guy as her pastor.
Yes, and she only backed downbecause the producers made her do it.
And then she got rewardedby having to be Lance bass.
And she fucking lovesthat. It's Lance bass.
What did Zach think of this?
Like? That's a great question.
What did Zachthink of this whole pastor thing?

(01:06:27):
Because the minute Sandoval,
rightfully so, stepped up and said,hey, like, what is going on with this?
It's everywhere. And just like,how dare you bring this up?
You're
like,no, it's actually really fucking valid.
If this is the personthat you are going to
have stand up with youon your supposed biggest day of your life.
This is the man that's going to represent,
like your new life togetherwith your new husband.

(01:06:49):
You are disgusting.
You know what it was. It was like this.
Did this guy marry I forget it'sbeen a minute and a lot of shows
that I've watched since.
Did this guy marry someone in her family.
Well he's, he was like the family pastorthat's why.
Well yeah.
Because you know,
that had to fall down to her motherand it's like,
oh, that the roast of Jax Taylor,where it was every single disgusting thing

(01:07:11):
he ever did.
But all she focused on was like, wait,he possibly kissed a man?
Like, that was the scandalous thingthat she took from that.
And to give Jax again credit,he actually said
that instead of all the things,that's what your mom cares about.
That's kind of messedup. That is kind of messed up.
And that's why
in his texts last week, he talked abouthow fucked up her family was.

(01:07:31):
Did you read that text? No.
So in the slew of textshe says, like, and your family
and out of all your fucked up family,you're the most like fucked up
or whatever is the context
that's not verbatim, but like he calls outhow fucked up her family is.
Yeah,I mean, that's I'm sure that's all very.
But it's true.
That's so messed up it in.
Yeah that I just don't family pastor.

(01:07:52):
And you know
when you come from a small town,you got to just like I know, and I just,
I honestly like,I mean, this in a respectful way.
I think it's an intelligence thing.
Like, I honestly don't think I don't thinkBrittany is homophobic.
I don't,
but I think that
her, her potentiallack of intelligence at times.

(01:08:12):
But is that a nice way of sayingthat she's stupid?
I think that her potentially.
I say she's a dumb
lack of intelligence at times,
and, her toxic situation maybe
doesn't let her reach outside of herselfto think about other people.
And that includes her longtime friend.

(01:08:33):
I would that's gay.
Give her that grace.
If she still lived in Kentuckyand didn't move outside that bubble.
You're when you live in Los Angelesand you're anywhere West Hollywood,
there's more gays here than straight menat this point, and you have access to
the internet and everything in the world,and you can broaden your view.
It doesn't matter how muchpercentage of your brain you're using.

(01:08:53):
I think she has burstthat bubble of Kentucky and small town.
Yeah, mind to make better decisions.
Even at that point of that wedding,she should have known better.
She should have said, you know what?
I don't agree with this.
Like,I understand it's like a family thing.
It's complicated.
My mom's going to be really madthat I'm not having him be the pastor.
Who cares? It's a fucking pastor.

(01:09:14):
But, you know,she had to have it at the castle.
Like, it's all about, like, status.
Yeah, it the dream of what she picturedwhen she was a little girl,
of having that man probably marry her,and she just had the blinders on
and was like,I'm not thinking about him like that.
Yeah, I don't agree with that. But,you know, it's what I always wanted.
Yeah,it's Lindsay Hubbard and her timeline.

(01:09:35):
Yeah.
And you get Hubbard and her timestuck in that close minded
bubble of small town or whateveryou want to call it.
But there's no excuse.
Now, she is outside of that.
She has a gay best friend.
And how can I?
I mean, Zach,she has two best friends that are gay.
Jasmine is gay, too. True.
But I would just love to know what.
But Zach goes back with her toto Kentucky, so that's why I'm so curious.

(01:09:58):
Like, what were his thoughts like?
Was he in the wedding party?I don't even know.
Like if he was because time to Google it.
Time to Google.
I imagine it's like, imagine beingin that wedding and knowing like, oh,
you know, we're planning this wedding, butthis man, like, wants me to go to hell.
I'm so curious.

(01:10:18):
Yes. He wasn't.
He was in the wedding party.
Yeah.
How despicable.
Like, you see things on,And they went to college together.
I'm nonstop on Reddit,and you always see posts
where it's like, oh, I live in the South,and I'm supposed to be in this wedding.
I am black, and my friends are having itat a plantation.
I'm really like,
you know, feeling conflictedbecause it's like my best friend,

(01:10:40):
but I am blackand I'm going to be in this wedding.
Like, how can you put your friendin that position?
Yeah. It's crazy.
Well, yeah, we're really hittingall the the the heavy shit.
Bravo. Hollyoaks. Okay.
Here we go.
Since we're on topic of Brittanydriving us nuts, hell no moment for me
in this episode wasthat was Brittany's behavior at dinner

(01:11:01):
and her pulling up with, like,being so fixated on Danni sleeping.
And I really triedto put myself in their shoes,
and I was like,are they pissed as reality stars
that Danny's not doing the sceneand he's not there
to be a part at the table, and he'scollecting the paycheck and he's sleeping?
Or is it because they think he's beinginauthentic and he's hiding this dark?

(01:11:26):
Oh, you know what that triggers somethingthe demonic behavior,
Janet's demonic behavior of the episode.
She's
Zach's demonic behavior.
Zach's demonic behavior.
Demonic.
Demonic. Demonic.
Demonic. Demonic.

(01:11:48):
That's demonic behavior.
Okay.
Janet's demonic behavior.
The episode this week goes to Jasmine fortrying to make Dark Side Danny a thing.
I just don't think Dark SideDanny is yet warranted.

(01:12:10):
I would be protectiveif my fiance's ass was grabbed
by this drunk black out man, and I'mgiving it like, oh, he's dark side, Danny.
Like, she kind of said it was like a jest.
And then I think Brittany really fed into,And Janet really fed into that,
like amping her up to get her, like,so upset her and Brittany
just banding togetherwith spiraling into he's mess.

(01:12:33):
Like, how can they be so inauthentic?
And I'm putting everything out there
and I'm somebody that's like,I need more than one incident,
especially when there's been like 2or 3 apologies and months in between
and multiple hangouts in betweenthat have occurred with this person.
It'd be one thingif every time Danny got drunk,
he was groping people or having peoplecall him daddy.

(01:12:53):
But like right now, at this point,we only have the Halloween story
at Jackson's to go off of,and that was months back.
Can I say like so dark sideDanny saying the sentence go get daddy
a drink is really funny.
I mean, Thomas hand on the knee, I'm not.
That is on her, but what the.
No. He put the hand.Oh yeah. Go down a drink

(01:13:16):
on its own face like that is very funny.
Like I'm sorry, I know. No,I mean Thomas Rose.
If you if you. It's a risk.
It's different.
It's a risk if is that he's choosingand they're right to feel
however they want to feelthey're validated.
Thomas and I though last week agreedthat we would be okay with it,
but that's us and our bodiesand our choice.
Like true and is there some sort of,like, weird thing where he was black out

(01:13:37):
and he's like, hey,these are two gay women. Like, they know.
I literally say, just watch thembecause I'm not going after them.
Like, I don't even
I don't even think when like, womenwill put their hands on gay men
and say like, oh, they're not into mebecause they're not into women.
So it's okay for me to do this.
That's a really goodthat's a really good point.
The objectification of gaypeople is like a thing, especially in LA.

(01:14:01):
He's like, oh, she wouldn'tbe interested in me so I can grab her ass.
It doesn't matter.
And my wife wouldn't be jealousbecause she's gay.
Yeah. Oh, that's what I think happen.
I think there was some sort ofjust subconscious dude.
I never
I never thought of it like that.
Yeah, that's kind of what I think.
That is a really rich thought.
Christina Burton.
Every now and then I come up withsomething that's a really rich thought.

(01:14:23):
Okay.
So anyway, my demonic behavioral episodegoes to Jasmine
for trying to make Dark SideDanny a thing.
I just don't think we need it yet.
I think that I would need to see himactually do some nefarious stuff.
Yeah.
More than one time,because he seemed so apologetic.
He even know who he did it to.
He apologized to the wrong girl.
Like, so I just need to see a little bitmore of a dark side,

(01:14:43):
Danny, before we make a thing.But it could be a t shirt.
He's just a frat boythat is home with all those kids.
He's the dubious frat boy in the frat,and he's just overcompensating.
He's just going outand getting way too drunk
because he's, like,dealing with the fact that he's a dad of.
Yeah, three under three.
But yeah.
But anyway, to bring it back to that,we were interrupted by there
by that demonic behavior moment.

(01:15:04):
But to bring it back to my hell,no moment.
Brittany's behavior at dinnerabout Danny sleeping and
I just think she's, like,so stressed out and so tired.
Yeah. And her brain is just so.
I think it can quickly triggerand release so
stress hormonesbecause of what she's going through.
She's trauma trained like Zach reallyput the nail on the head on that one.
But yeah, she's just projectingbecause she's like, look, I'm

(01:15:27):
spiraling and dealingwith like the worst meltdown of my life.
And I think it was good of himto go to Nia and be like, heads up.
This is they're screaming in thereabout this thing.
And bravo, moment of the day, Nia
fucking handled herselflike a boss in that moment.
She was graceful and kind to Brittany.
She was like, wait, so you're hurting?
So you're coming after me and my husbandand like, she was like, firm.

(01:15:50):
But I think she still felt safe.
Well, here's the thing.
That'swhere the pageant training comes in.
Because you know thatthat woman has walked into a room
and heard girlstalking about her badly before.
So she walked in, heard thembefore she walked into that.
I'm obsessed with her.I heard them talking shit.
If she if Danny fucks up,I might move in for the kill.

(01:16:11):
Yeah, we can give her.
I'll give her 40 more kids from the spermbank.
She can raise them all she can do evershe wants to.
I love her, I love her, she said.
He's like, yeah, he's drunk.They're going to get so they're going to.
They're going to get so jealous.
They're going to get even more jealous
in this moment at Nia,because she still is unfettered.
Yeah. And she completely called it.

(01:16:32):
She goes, okay,so since your life is spiraling,
you want all of us to just actthe same way?
Like, I don't understand.
I said he's drunk, but she really didn't.
And also for them to be like,she's trying to hide
that she was yelling at him on the phone,be like, no, she was in the corner.
The sprinter van. She was in front of you.It was very autumn.
She didn't go to a, corner of a pantryand take a shot.

(01:16:53):
Yeah, I was literally next to them.
She wasn't trying to hide it. So.
And then Brittany doesthis obnoxious thing that she always does.
She did it last.
She did last week's episodewhen Zach pulled Janet to go talk.
And she did it to Nia on the bus whereshe calls you out in front of the group.
Yeah.
She goes, oh, they're going to my friend'sgoing to talk.

(01:17:14):
And then she did to Nia or Nia
got angry at Danny, like,why do you have to announce it to the I.
It's not cute and charming for youto announce it to the group.
And I feel like she maybe in the pastshe's been rewarded for that behavior
and people thought it was cute of herto like Steve Urkel. It.
I think it's like it's goes backto Vanderpump Rules, where they just

(01:17:35):
are constantly holding each otheraccountable and saying, like,
if I'm putting it all out there,you got to put it out there
or I'm going to throwyou under the bus. Yeah.
And she's just goingto draw attention to her anyway.
I guess the best,all the best to do it like that.
Like Kyle Richards does that to Suttonlast season and to, you know.
And Sutton does it to everybodyin their low moment and line

(01:17:56):
between likes over self producing and yes.
No I agree.
No I agree.
But that'swhat's so good about these shows
is that, you know, Zach and Brittanyhave been friends for so long.
Like there is so much history.
Yeah, that you can be like,I know your ship and you are hiding right
now, right?
Because Michelle and Jesse were at Brittand Jackson's wedding like they were.

(01:18:18):
Yeah, they were.
So they they have had establishedrelationships with these people for years.
Yes. And I think that's what makes itlike the best show on TV right now.
I can't believe it.I think about it nonstop.
It's like three daysbefore the Valley comes out.
I'm like, oh my God, it'salmost Tuesday in the Valley comes out.
But I have to wait for Wednesdayto see it on Peacock.
I and every weekI get a little closer to buying
a fucking like cable subscriptionso I can watch it on Tuesday.

(01:18:39):
YouTube live for Bravo.
Oh my god.
Wait, can you buy the Bravo channelon YouTube live?
How's that work? You?
It's basically paying for cable.
It's like 60 bucks a month.
And you canyou can DVR it like, oh, you can DVR.
Yes, but I still pay for Peacock.
I still pay for it all.
I need that, yeah, I needthat's really a problem.

(01:19:00):
I, I have all the services.
It's well, you could you can writethose things off with your business.
And this is not somethingnot a lot of women talk about.
And I'm going to mention itright here, right now.
If you have a businesswhere it's related to something like Bravo
and you have to watch Bravo,you can write that off.
Most of most of my stuffis my cars through my business. Yes.
Because you need that to get to the craftfairs. Like that stuff.

(01:19:22):
No, honestly.
So. Yeah, so near standing upto the whole group for me was like,
is the Bravo momentthat my last bravo moment for the week?
And I was just really impressed.
I knew she could.
I knew she had itinitiative, like be composed employees
and whatever the taglinesare for being a pageant queen.
Yeah, but in a moment like that,with people that are that close to you

(01:19:42):
and they are coming at you with that much,those that much emotion. Yes.
I was like, I don't thinkeven I could have held it together
like I needed like it was a lot of
energy will drive someone more crazywhen they were coming at you, hot
headed for you just to be like,yeah, and okay,
oh my God, I know, but that's so mucheasier said than done 100%.

(01:20:03):
I'm much more like I'm much more of like,I'm not Dougie, right?
I'm not at all like his act, but I do,my emotions are shallow.
Like they're here, like,oh, I will, I can cry on a dime and I can.
I always say I feel and if I hit halfa step above it, I'm crying.
Yeah. It's ADHD. Okay.
And so and by the way, bipolar depression

(01:20:24):
medication over here,which is a mood stabilizer.
And I've been on that for like 11 yearsand I'm still crying and having a
oh, great.
And I don't drink jacks, so.
Oh my God, you're on medication.There's things you're going to do.
Yeah I know sorry personal.
It's I'm telling you it hits homeChristina.
All of I'm also diagnosismy abusive relationships.
I we live in the valley.

(01:20:45):
I assume people here know this. Yes.
This is a safe space.
And I'm like, so gratefulyou came grains in the Valley
on the podcast to talk about the episodewith me today and share everything.
Tell us more about, like,
where we can find your stuffwith all of the amazing art
and like the coloring booksand everything.
If people are sitting at homewatching the Valley and they want to color
Bravo shows along with it, like,where are we finding your style?

(01:21:07):
Are we going to do a Valley coloring book?I feel like the show is too new.
I got to wait at least another season.
Or no, no, because I knowthere's gonna be so much more.
This season we wanted to do seasonone and two coloring book, kind of like
that's a problem.
So I made a Vanderpump Rulescoloring book pre scannable.
Oh, so the last page is like a heart.
And then the two toms and it says like tomand tom with that forever.

(01:21:30):
That's so great.So but that's the last page.
And I feel likeI need to put like a disclaimer.
But like this was made pre scandal.
And then I made a scannable edition book
where it wasjust purely like the stuff from that.
But yeah I mean right nowI have like notes going for a Salt
Lake City book because that's the onethat everyone wants.
That's cool.
So I just need to rewatch that for ideas.
But you can find mewhat if you did Bravo Party Edition

(01:21:52):
and it was Summer House Vanderpump? Yes.
The Winter House and the Valley.
Yeah, I was thinking of stuff like that
because, like,Summer House is obviously great.
It's just there's not a ton of moments
that would make fun, dynamic pageslike The bedbugs, The Bad.
But the Bedbugs is darling, though,
so you could do a whole pageof just Sierra's costume.

(01:22:16):
That was literallywhat I was going to say.
Is Sierra is a seagull?
No, her avatar oneis always like the one that, oh my gosh,
literally should flip, and everyother page should be Sierra in a costume.
I love it, but yeah, so it's hardbecause like, oh yeah, when was last time
you made me a sandwich? Like,things like that are great.
They're great.
Why, that could be a sandwich.
And then the olive could just be likeLindsay Hubbard's head

(01:22:39):
on top of,like, the sandwich with, like, a tooth.
Oh, this is my job. This is my life.
This is a great job.
But I have made books where it's like thebest of housewives or housewives quotes.
Yeah, right.
So I do like the idea of doing like, youknow, Bravo party, but I can't say bravo.
So that's the other thing too.So you got to deal with copyright issues.
So I can't say like Summer Houseor whatever.

(01:22:59):
Yeah, a lot of my books are like SaltLake City Housewives.
I don't say The Real Housewivesof Salt Lake City, right?
But it's all my original art.
Like, you know, yes, there's ways aroundthat.
It's not affiliated with Bravo in any way.
It's parody of satirical. It's.
Yeah, it's my original art, artand most of the bravolebrity
that have seen the stuff love itbecause they just want the attention.

(01:23:23):
Of course they do.
By the way, I don't know if you sawwhat that, Vicki Gunvalson
reached out
to Teddy after Teddy'sdiagnosis of skin cancer, after not
speaking for years and put out an olivebranch and said, I hope you're doing well.
I'm thinking of you. Here's a gift.
And it was my Best of Housewivescoloring books.
Shut up! But what an honor.

(01:23:46):
What an honor.
Patty is not in the book,
Vicki, isn't it twice and is our cover.
Oh my God, yes, it's the most Vicki thingthat has ever. No.
It's this. Love it. I'm obsessed.
And anything
she showed it on, oh, she showed itto Tamra on their podcast and like,
held it up and stuff.
I was dying. That's incredible.
There's just so cool.
Is my life a simulation?

(01:24:07):
Like, I cannot believe that thisthis stuff has happened to me.
Like I just being in this like world.
I have, had the opportunities where like,I heard that
they were doing the gala for the homeless,not toothless foundation man.
And I got to do, did I?
I was like, oh, those things usually doauctions. Yeah.

(01:24:29):
Let me reach out to the organizersand see if they're taking donations.
Genius.
And I showed them my coloring books,and I was like, maybe I can get this
in front of a housewife.
Yes. And I made a whole basket,and I, they messaged me like, oh,
we have extra tickets,would you like to go shut up?
And I was like,oh shit, I guess I have to.
So me and my friend were like,come on, we're getting some dresses on.
We're going to the gala for the homeless,not toothless.

(01:24:51):
You were there when we went,oh boy, your life is amazing.
But I the very first pinpicture on my Instagram is Kyle
laughing and looking at the coverof the Beverly Hills one
and her taking a picture of itwith the bunny, but it's amazing.
Oh, when I tell you that that whole like,where can people buy it?
We're coming.
Oh hello harlot.

(01:25:11):
You can find me anywhere on Instagram.
Hello, harlot. Hello. Hello, JD.com.
You know, harlot is a hussy, a floozy,a little woman of ill repute.
That is where the name comes from.
So cute as the very first greeting cardI ever made was.
Hey, slut.
Maybe Jesse should have calledMichelle Harlot.
That would have been a hey.
And if they're very biblical,
that is a very old timey biblical wayof saying someone's a trollop.

(01:25:34):
I want an episode of The Valley, andin the morning, I swear we're going to.
I want to film the Valleywhere we go to church.
I want us to go to church with Danny, Nia,Michelle, Jess.
They all go like,go to that river or Hillsong or whatever.
Just shut the fuck up.
They're Hillsong or yeah,they're Hillsong or Jesse.
I know this is the best day of my life,Danny.
And yeah, I'm obsessed with cults.

(01:25:57):
Danny and and neo.
And I've been waiting since going clearcame out for the Hillsong documentary.
To come out like thatthing is going to be rich.
I can't believe they still go to Hillsong.Absolutely. What? I'm.
It's a megachurch.
We'll talk about it and maybe I'll getsomebody on to talk about it.
On my other podcast, MeetMy Friends. We'll talk about them.
Cults and Hillsong a secret identity,though.
Don't let them speak out loud about itso they'll come for us.

(01:26:20):
Oh my God.
Like when the Scientology like people willlike they come knock on your door.
They're right there.
Yeah.
They'll just like, case the neighborhoodand just make sure that no one's, like,
taking pictures of the building.And I'll let you know.
Yeah, it's fucking weird.
They're weird.
Well, it was so much fun having you on.
Yeah, I'm just yapping, I.
I hope you can come back and yap againsoon. About all of it.
When she comes back, it'slike my favorite Charles of the Valley.

(01:26:43):
I live by all of them,by the way you do, I live.
You have to come back when that's back.
I don't want to brag.
If you hear about them filming somewhere,we'll go eat a sandwich and watch them.
Oh, I don't want to brag,but me, MJ and Tommy go to the same CVS
and I have been in the pharmacy linewith Tommy many times
because the first timeI was standing in line

(01:27:03):
and I heard him behind me and I was like,oh my God, Tommy is here.
You literally just I justhow do you not hear that voice?
And you know.
Yeah, they well, theythey say they live in Calabasas.
I'm not sure a lot of people who livewhere I live, which is not in Calabasas,
say they live in Calabasasbecause it's right there,
because people know it as such,that there's a podcast host who

(01:27:26):
claims to be a very a Kardashian adjacent,and she does not live in Calabasas.
That's really interesting.
Look, I'm some some scoop for you.
Some scoop.
I listen to that.
Yeah. She does not live in Calabasas.
Not a surprise.
I looked at a house on her street,and they were like, oh, she's a celebrity.
Yeah, a celebrity.

(01:27:47):
Well, it was so much fun.
Sorry. We could literally.
Yeah, we could do a marathon for charityshopping.
And, it was a pleasure.
And hopefully we'll have you backon the show soon. Thank you.
I always have something out aboutit comes to that.
So here for Bravo. Always.
I love it, and I'm obsessed.
Everybody addicts,thank you for tuning in.
And remember to keep your champagne coldand your taglines iconic.

(01:28:11):
Thank you. Thank you.

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