Episode #13: The Shark Party Heard ‘Round the Valley ft. Thomas Norman! (The Valley S2E7)

Welcome back to Bravoholics Anonymous — your safe space for all things Bravo and reality TV obsession. This week, I’m joined once again by the iconic Thomas Norman ), a fellow Valley truther and certified chaos investigator. Together, we’re digging deep into Season 2, Episode 7 of The Valley — aka “Ring Around the Rumor.”

Jason stages an intervention over Danny’s drinking (again), Kristen defends the Bookos with mixed results, and a new rumor about the Capernas starts swirling just in time for Jax to drop a fresh bombshell on Brittany. Oh, and did we mention the shark-themed pool party? Grab a floatie — things are murky.

Expect unfiltered reactions, messy moments, and our usual spiral of shady commentary. If you love drama, delusion, and dissecting Thomas’s poop-shaped brownies… this one’s for you.

✨ FOLLOW US: Host: @filmakeher TikTok: @filmakeher

📝 New episodes drop every week — don’t forget to subscribe, leave a five-star review, and join the Bravoholic circle.

And as always, keep your champagne cold and your taglines iconic.

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Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Hi, everybody.
My name is Lindsay, and I'm a bravo holic.
You're preaching to the choir.
Bravo, Bravo, bravo!
Honey, you have to stop saying that.
stupid welcome back to Bravo Hollyoaks
Anonymous, your weekly support groupfor all things reality TV.
And if you're new here,this is a safe space where bravo addicts,

(00:28):
TV addicts and pop culture obsessivescan come and like, break down the drama.
One meltdown at a time.
And today,joining me to talk about the Valley.
I have.

(00:50):
Which more tomorrow?
Yeah. Hi.
You are a full fledged Bravo holic.
I and I only blame the podcastfor getting you to this point.
Oh my God.

(01:17):
That's okay.
That's fair.
And that's real.
You know that it's all going to be okay.
Back then,
we didn't know it was going to be okay.
Yeah, there
was, like, a pandemic cancelingthat occurred

(01:41):
and lessons were learned the hard way.
Yeah, you can tell me why.
I hope it's a date.

(02:03):
Right.
I was at pride this weekend.
We hope. Pride? It was great.
I mean, I went well,
you finish what you were going to say,and then I'll tell you about my pride.

(02:26):
At least one lip to lip encounter.
Honestly, everyone should try

(02:46):
because it really makes you question it.
I think everyone just needsto look at how,
like, the environment they were raised in.
And a lot of people like,I know, are, like, straight as an arrow.
But I think most people just weren'tintroduced or haven't been comfortable
enough to explore.

(03:07):
Yeah.
Lala so like so profound.
So profound for pride.
Yeah.

(03:28):
Oh my God,
what's your dish?
Yeah.

(03:48):
Oh, wow.
He has a label with a.
It's a QR codethat says the Big Clean Out.
And it has a picture of a douche on it.
You what?
That is very on brand for you.
And, I mean, we lovewe love brownies, but, like,

(04:11):
is anyone going to eat your turd brownie?
I don't know.
You're like a wrestler, and you're just,like, out there for reactions.
You know?
You're like,any reaction is a good reaction.
That's how.
That's what this is giving me.

(04:34):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. Art is art.
Oh, my God,they literally look like turds.
I'm actually happy that you put thesechocolates sprinkles on them,
because if you didn't have the chocolate
sprinkles on them,I don't think I could eat it.
It literally looks like a turd.

(04:54):
And if you didn't have chocolatesprinkles on top, I would be.
Honestly, maybe you should have putrainbow sprinkles
because gay.
Yeah.
Nobody likes candy.
No one really likes candy corn.
That's the thing about candy corn. Like,everyone goes, oh, my God, candy corn.

(05:16):
It's an esthetic candy.
It's it's an esthetic candy.
It's not.
Well, I went to pride.
I was there Friday night.
Honestly,I was supposed to go was to go back today
for, like, the parade and like, a friend'srooftop party, and I just didn't.

(05:36):
I just didn't want to.
I was tired, I'm just tired.
Last year, I, I went with my one of my oldfriends, Andy.
He's an older guy.
The older gays love pride.
Like, I feel like the older gays lovepride now more than the younger gays do.
Because the younger gays are all into,like, earplugs and being sober.
But, I like, you know what I mean?

(05:59):
The concert's too loud.
Like, everyone has their loops in, like,no lighting.
And so, anyway, knowthe older gays love it, though,
so I actually love catching up with them,like, at least this time of year.
And so last year with Andy,because Kesha was there and we got VIP,
he got VIP bracelets, and we didthe whole weekend concerts every day.

(06:21):
It was crazy this year.
My one friend, Michaelgot me a pass to the Friday night concert.
And honestly, I love a concert, especiallyif I don't even know who's there.
So we went to JimBar on Santa Monica Boulevard,
and they had the cutest plastic colorchanging cups.
Like, whatever everyone's cocktailwas being put in this plastic cup.

(06:44):
And the ice cream, because it wascold, would make it turn hot pink.
And I was like, obsessed with it.
And I had like a little stack of them.
And I was, I don't.
Don't ask me why I was going to take them,
and I don't knowwhat's going to do with them yet,
but I was maybe use it as a pink cupor maybe just like have it
to bathe the dogs with or something,because it was so cute
and my inner child was like,color change you cup, you need it.

(07:08):
And then the stupid guy on the way outwas like, you can't take that to go.
And I'm like, the bartender said, like,you guys were just throwing them out.
He's like, yeah,but you can't take it out.
And I was like, what's the point of thisamazing souvenir cup if I can't have it?
So that
sucked and really bummed me outcause I really wanted that cup.

(07:28):
But anyway, so it's fine.
We went into the concert area and like,it's it's so funny because
I know exactly who I'm going to see.
Like, I don't even need to text them andI know I'm going to see, like my friend
Casey there, he's he goes by Lord hammerand he's like, his own persona.
Like he always comes dressed to the T.

(07:49):
He's an organizer for, the Gay Dodgeball League here.
And we go.
And he's, like, the most warm,welcoming community guy ever.
I saw Nick and Reg, like,I just saw everybody.
It was great. It was.
And it's such a beautiful little safespace.
Like,everyone at pride is so warm and lovely.
That's,I think, why I make sure I go every year.

(08:15):
That's.
Oh, myGod, I should have went for that reason.
Because Friday night, sir was hostingan event like they had the pride.
They always do stuff for pride.
And they always put the pink car,like in the WeHo parade,
and, but I bet that they were.
And I bet they,
they're filming right now, so I bet they,they always film for pride.

(08:37):
So I bet they did film for pride today.
I bet if we went right now,it would be prime time.
Like everyone would be liquored upalready.
Damn.
If only I had more energy today.
Good to know.
Literally, as I drink my latte, I'm like,I don't have the energy for that.
Today's energy for me is very like chatabout the valley with you

(09:02):
and just like tidy up around the houseand do like casual Sunday.
I'm on the go a lot.
So do laundry, clean the floors,feel good about the house
when I sit down at the end of the day.
Oh thank you.
You do?
Okay.

(09:22):
Thanks.
Okay, great.
I haven't I haven't seen,
more than a few episodes of hacks,
but I heard people love it.
Really?
Because of the couple episodesI saw, honestly like that

(09:45):
the angry as entitled assistant person.
I didn't unpopular opinion.
I didn't like her.
I just like to root for somebody.
Okay? Like, I love the studio.
The studio has been awesomeand I've been like, love, love.

(10:07):
Loving that show.And Seth Rogen character.
So funny.
But like, so real.
I don't remember, okay.

(10:27):
Really?
They're going to make me cry.
I feel like I'm not going to care.
Well, it depends on what part
of my cycle I'm in, I guess. But.
I. Okay, Tom.
Who's Tom?
I've never heard that before.

(10:48):
Now, me,because Tom is such a masculine name.
Like you cannot give your female cyclea man name.
Yeah.
You're like, oh, we're naming it Tom.
No, I like that.
Okay. No, it's good.
I'm learning what the streets are saying.
Listen,I need to tell you, Thomas, there's.

(11:10):
You have to hear this.
Okay, Thomas, you're going to die.
You need to hear this.
You're incredible.
Harriet the spy detective.
Eyes catching Jason's ring tattoo
in the after show that actually,the first season of the after show.
Like, I can't believe,
first off, that I filmed all those clipsand sent them to you and didn't see.

(11:31):
Still didn't see it.
You're like, it's.
You're like, it's right there.
Literally the video.
I'm like, damn it, I didn't see it out.
But then again, I did watch backwards.
All five episodes of the aftershow, like one was the last one
that was tired at that point,so it makes sense.
I didn't see it.
Anyway.
40,000 views on TikTok already.

(11:52):
You're the we're the only ones. Bravo!
Horlicks.
Anonymous is the only ones that caughtthat.
We are cutting edge with our stuff.
Thank you DoctorAshley for those amazing glasses

(12:12):
and hopefully they keep spottingand breaking Valley news
speaking of spotting Valley News,I was at soon to be
at the Hollywood ForeverCemetery last weekend
and I saw Sheena incognito
and Janet and
Gay minion number two.

(12:34):
No, no, that's number one.
I feel like the pink Crocs is gay
minion number one,because I was there with the camera.
Game number two was present for the call.
The speaker phone call was Zach.
And so gave me the number two was there.
And then, of course, Benito Skinnerwas there and Mary Beth

(12:55):
Berry, Mary Beth, Barone were there too.
But I posted
overcompensating.
No, my dogs have watched ita couple times, though.
While I was at work,
because I support I support people.
Okay.
So no, but I plan to do.
I posted this TikTok,which was like a spot

(13:16):
the Bravolebrity videoand like pointed them all out
and she was incognito and she had likea black bucket hat on and like,
glasses was like, please don't see me hereat synesthesia in the VIP section.
Clueless.
Really good. Really good.
Yeah, it was a it was a great screeningand I honestly like you can ask Natalie.

(13:39):
We were sitting downand we were just, like picnicking.
And I was like, Natalie, I have a feeling
I'm gonna see someonefrom the valley here.
And she was like, Wyatt.
And I was like, maybe Kristen and Zach.
And I was like, no, Kristen's like,super pregnant.
There's no way.
Maybe it'll be like Zach and Brittanyor like Zach and somebody.
And that was probably me being hopeful.
But then I turned around and like, I'm.
I think I'm psychic sometimes.

(14:01):
I know,
I know.
And so then we turn around and then thereis fucking Sheena and Janet.
And honestly,she Janet was wearing the same outfit
she wore on the video files
podcast this week, so I was like,did she just come from recording like.
Maybe.
Yeah. No, Janet wasn't incognito.

(14:23):
Janet was there.
And honestly, I'm living for it.
I'm okay. This is me.
This is who I am. Are you ready?
If everybody hates somebody so much,
then I have to start liking them, like, I,
I I'm an underdog router, so I'm.
I'll forgive you.
And I will take your side so quickly.

(14:44):
If everyone hates you, I'm like, well,wait a minute.
You're getting a fan response.
And I think that's great.
So now I'ma I'm becoming a Janet apologist,
and I really think thatmaybe we need to next week or this week.
We need to like give our rankings,our mid-season
rankings of where the cast are at,because I have some opinions.

(15:10):
No, Jax is an abuser,
a criminal abuser in my opinion,
and I just don'tI don't I won't come back around on that.
That's like that's like ayou've crossed the line.
It's one thing to have an affair.
It's one thing to like,you know, you know, take the cowardly
way outor say something horrible to somebody.

(15:33):
But when you're not paying$16,000 rent payments or whatever
you're back doing,like when you're behind on your mortgage
and you're not telling your wife and kid
who's like, on the spectrumand you're throwing barstools.
And I,
I know nothing's come out about himhitting her, but I have a very hard time
believing that if hehe could control his rage enough

(15:55):
to, like, not be violent.
I just don't I don't believe it.
Yeah. Oh.

(16:55):
Wait.
That's. So,
Wait.
This is so healing and amazing.
And I'm really happyyou're sharing it on the podcast.
Because I think that that'sa really cool tool
that a lot of people will be able to use,but also like to associate
your crazyanxiety controlling side to Jax Taylor
and to be able to, like,see that in that way.

(17:20):
That's transformative.
That's a really that's a breakthrough.
It's great
because it is funnyand it allows you to laugh at yourself.
But it also is like calling attentionthe most toxic thing that we know

(17:41):
on the planet Earth, which is Jax Taylor.
He's insane. He just.
I just saw a TikTok of him in Michiganthis weekend doing, like,
an appearance in a park, and peopleare there clapping for him, and I'm like.
I get it.
Like I've worked with celebritiesand stuff enough where like, I understand

(18:02):
that people that live in a small townor come from a rural area
that aren't like exposed to celebrityor things they see on TV, like
there's a fantastical nature to itthat would make them go out
and would but like to go outfor Jax Taylor
and to like, clapwhen he brings up the valley,
like he's like, is anyone herewatching The Valley this season?

(18:23):
And people are like clapping and cheering.
And I was like.
Excuse me,
excuse me. You guys are watching it.
You're there. I mean,
excuse me.
So we that's so I'm really happy.
That's an amazing tool.And I might steal that sometime.
That's really that's really good. I.

(18:47):
Got Jax Taylor get out of my head.
Oh, my God,I feel like this could be a movement.
This could be the start of a movement.
I'm not joking.
This could free women from and men
and they from all of their.
This is this is such athat's such a cool tool.

(19:07):
Oh my God, I love that.
Okay, well let's take a two second breakand then let's jump into the new
episode of The Valley.
We have so much to talk about.
Okay, great.
Ready to come back?
Okay, Thomas, let's talk about the Valleyepisode.
What? Six are we on? Six. Now.
Seven.

(19:27):
Okay, let's talk about episode seven.
Oh, yeah.
Ring around the room.
What great titles.
I wonder if they're doing this themselvesor if they're using ChatGPT
for their titles.

(19:53):
Maybe in another life.
But I feel like you're meantto be a hairstylist and podcaster.
Yeah,I think you have the perfect career now.
You've literally found your niche.
This is a
this is it.
Okay.
Well, to kick it off, I was really excitedto see a scene with Jasmine

(20:13):
and her girlfriend and Zach in the carlike they do an airport pickup for Zach.
I was like, this is real. This is what.
This is what friends in L.A do.
Like real friends.
So it.
Yeah.
You have to do that. That's part of it.
You tell them about, like, one time I wentto go pick up my sister at the airport,
and there was, like, a truck on fire,and no one was doing anything about it.

(20:36):
Just in the middle of the airport pickup,I was like a pickup truck was on fire.
Thingslike that happen on your way to LAX.
And so that's why you have to remind
your friend that you love themwhen you pick them up after they get like
they're all discombobulated,they smell like the airplane.
It's gross. It's whatever.
They pick him upafter his little weekend trip.
And I was really hoping to get to learnmore about Jasmine and her girlfriend.

(21:00):
But the scene was really just about Zach.
I don't think.
I can't tell if, like Jasmine
just doesn't have anything to talk about.
But why do we still? Not really.
I still don't know anything about her.

(21:34):
Oh, and I saw a scene from that.
Yeah.
It was.
She was like. She was like, drunk or like.
Or like, close to blackout.
And she was like, you.
Are you inhuman? Choking.
And he's like, no.
Like, his body language was very sober

(21:55):
and very, like, not into it.
And then he was and she was like,are you sure you don't want me to try?
And I was like, this is so problematic.
And actually,like talking about that scene, the
I did watchtwo Vital Files podcasts this week
because there was like,they've been getting good interview juice

(22:18):
and they had he had Janet on this weekand they didn't go easy on Janet
because they've been critical of Janetthis whole season.
And but one of the things that Nick saidin passing was like, oh, I'm
still I would love for Jasmine to come onand I would love an apology from her.
So yeah,

(22:41):
yeah,
I know I got to send you that interviewbecause it's really good.
And I'll bring up some more sound,
some more stuff from that interview, as we're talking about it.
But yeah.
So I was just shocked that, like,we didn't learn anything about Jasmine,
her partner.
But we did learn about Zach's little trip,and we saw them pick them up.
So I do believe they're friends.
And I do believe because you don'tjust go to LAX for a scene,
you'd be like, no, why don't we just meetfor coffee after or something?

(23:04):
So that was great.
Then we see Michelle and Nia get togetherat like, the kids play place and like,
jet or.
And Michelle tells Nia that, like,after she left, Jasmine,
like, lost her mind about Danny againand like, unraveled.
And Nia was like,she's just so composed and I don't know

(23:25):
if she's taking beta blockersor if she's like, what, Nia?
If Nia's just like,if I need to start doing pageants
to, like,get this level of emotional stability,
but I,
I just want to like, drinkwhatever kool aid Nia
drinks.

(23:48):
I think that's absolute.
Yeah, well, I forget who I was talking to.
Oh, Christina.
My friend Christinawas on the podcast recently, and she said,
think about how many locker rooms.
Locker rooms? I'm such a sporty girl.
Think about how many locker.

(24:12):
Think about
how many locker roomsNia has gone into, during pageants
and had, like, bitchestalking about her or like, to be like
miss USA or Miss Universe,whatever her title was.
Yeah.
To be miss USA, like imagine.
Scooby dooby dooby dooby doo
wop bada bada.

(24:35):
Scooby dooby dooby dooby doo wop.
And she also like, shares,I heard Nia talking
recently about sharing about, like,how there was a controversy about if she.
Because when she did win miss USA,she was repping Nevada.
And to wrap Nevada, you have to livein Nevada for like six months.
And so like people were crushedwhen she won.

(24:56):
People were questioninglike the integrity of
if she lived in Nevadaand stuff like that.
So I you know what though,
these technicality pointsare like part of the esthetic sports.
Like even in figure skating and stuff,they do shit like that where they're like,
does this really qualify?
Like that'sanything to get ahead, I guess. So.

(25:20):
I mean, yeah, California, Nevada.
So it kind of makes sense.
But either way, she won miss USA.
So, so she tells her about it.
Nia doesn't really seem that fazed,but she's like,
oh, well, Danny and her will have to haveanother conversation.
Like very adult, nipped in the budand then changes the scene and asks

(25:41):
Michelle about Jesse.
And then Michelle tellsthis like story line about like
how her daughter Isabella saidsomething about if you and Aaron
want to get married, like Jesse has to go,and I don't really believe it.
Like, I'm kind of like Michelle.
You just made that up.
That's a lie.

(26:07):
No, I love it.
I mean, I love it.
I'm loving it.
I'm loving the petty, the petty shit,but I like
I don't know if Michelle,
if you're going to lie, like, on cameraand say
your daughter said something about, like,
time to kick daddy to the curb,essentially, like,
make it sound believable because Isabella,no matter what a piece of shit.

(26:29):
Jesse is, Isabella does love Jesse,and you can see it in the two
second sceneswe see of them together like she and her
father have a relationship, and she's likekind of a chip off the old block.
Like telling her momto come bring the key and stuff like that.
You know?
But I kind of love
that even through all the mess,like in a past week's episode,

(26:52):
we saw her FaceTime her mom and she waslike, I found your key in the fridge.
And she's like,can you bring it? And then she brought it.
Like, I kind of loved seeing thatbecause it shows like
Michelle isn't there,both showing up for Isabella and like
she'll come drive down the streetand drop off something as small as a key.
But to Isabella, it's

(27:13):
more like showing her that like,mom is still there and will come any time.
And that message is like really deep.
So I think that,
you know, in the midst of their divorceand all the slop we're seeing
and even this clearly fabricated statementthat she's telling Nia, I
and still loving watching
their divorce on TV.

(27:40):
But you know what I think?
I feel like she's like first generationand she's just trying to talk American.
And I started.
Yeah, I feel likeI feel like she's trying to sound
like an LA American person,but sometimes she still has,
like an accent of some kind,and it feels like she's suppressing it.

(28:01):
So next time you watch, like,
listen for thatand tell me if I'm crazy or not,
because I was trying to.
I was trying to understandwhy she sounds like a robot.
I feel like it's.
It feels like kind of a foreign thing.
Okay. Wait.

(28:22):
So she was also,Michelle was also on the video files.
That was the other podcastthat I listened to.
Really, really great.
It was it was it was a good week for them.
And and the Viall fileslike asked her a lot like she was on
an episode called like Going deeper.
So we
you really get to know these people,which I was excited about
because I don't knowmuch about Michelle at all.

(28:43):
And she shared, like her birth storyand like Jesse's involvement in stuff.
And it is like
it's hard to not
be Team Michellewhen you hear everything like,
and you can see,you can fucking see him doing this shit.
So for example, she went into labor,she was going into labor,

(29:03):
and it was like 9:00 at night.
And he's like, well, he's like, we can't.
He's like, well,let's just sit on the couch and just like,
count your contractionsand like when they get closer,
we'll go because otherwisethey're just going to send us home.
And he didn't want to go to the hospitaland be sent home.
So he went to bed and she stayedup, on the couch in the living room

(29:24):
by herself and counted her contractionswith her sister on the phone.
And so he got a good night's sleep.
And then when he woke upin the morning, she.
Then he took her to the hospital.
Yeah.
Poor thing. It was horrible.
And then she talks aboutwhen after she had the baby and, like,
brought the baby home.

(29:44):
He started, like, doing cocaine.
And he'd never done cocaine in her.
I've don't believe that.
But according to Michelle, he didn't startdoing cocaine until like, the baby came.
And then he started partying,staying out, doing coke, like literally
saying this on the pods of big statementsto make
instead of being home with herand the kid.

(30:05):
Which kind of like, I'm not.
I'm not surprised.
He seems like I would dothat would be out doing coke.
But this the first time,I don't believe it.

(30:30):
I'm just so,I guess, out of touch with all of that.
Because, like, if I had all that money,I wouldn't want to come to LA and do coke.
Like I would probably go to Italyand just eat until I go to sleep.
You know, I'd be like,
let's go have a seven course mealwith some cappuccino at the end.
Maybe we can get gelato on the walk home.
But then I have to go to bed by ten

(30:51):
so we can get up earlyand look at the water and have breakfast
and lattes, and then we'll get lunch.
Like, literally.
I would be a gluttonous world traveler.
I wouldn't be like, let's go to L.A.
there's not even nightclubs anymore.
Like, where are they doing the coke?
Is it the Chateau Marmont bathroom?

(31:12):
Because that's kind of chic.
Now, maybe you could get me into Coke
if I just won an Oscar.
And I was staying in a suiteat the Chateau Marmont.
Like thatseems like a very idealistic scenario.
Dooby dooby dooby dooby doo.
But I was stupid enough to give it up.

(31:36):
But, I think you would be
5150 if you tried it.
You would literally probably, like, setsomeone's building on fire.
And then we would need to, like, put youin a straight jacket, and then you would.

(31:59):
And then the next day when you have, like,some kind of, like endorphin,
serotonin dip that like Jax Taylor'stalking about having all the time.
I don't think you would survive that.
You're a superhero.
You already have all the power.

(32:19):
So anyway,so if you if you're listening to Bravo,
Alex anonymous and you're like,I hate Nick Viall.
Like a lot of people hate Nick.
Well, I do think you should listento the Michelle and the Janet pods
because I, we just learned a lotabout these two characters
that we really haven'tlearned a lot about.
And I gotta give props to Janet. She.

(32:41):
She married a lawyer.
She showed up and was fearless.
She reached out to them and said,let me come on your show.
And then. Yes.
And then she sat down and they like,asked her all the hard questions,
and she had answers for themall, which I loved.
Nick even asked her,why are you guys all over Danny?

(33:02):
And no one's like, attacking Jax?
And I was like, thank you,
thank you.
Thank you.
I like that's literallyall I've been wondering this whole time.
I'm like,why hasn't any of these guys, like,
if they care about their image on TVand shit?

(33:24):
Like, Danny,
I think there's Gray Matterbecause Britney and Jax
are like producers on this thing.
If they weren't, I think they would belike attacking them way more.
But I feel like they're kind of afraidto do it.
Something.
Anyway, next we see Danny, Jason
and Luke go to my one of my favorite spotsin Studio City.

(33:46):
It's called Heavy Handed on Venturaand they're getting smash burgers.
But I go for the soft serve.
They have such good soft serve there.
And they'll like put pretzels in itand then like dip it in chocolate.
And they have like multiple flavorsof soft serve.
It's like so good.
ice Ooh.

(34:18):
Kids have it.
They're spoiled.
Let's just give them wooden blocks.
Let's just give them wooden blocks. Hey.
We. Literally,I have, like, six examples of that.

(34:43):
I wanted to skip it forever, remember?
Skip it
for ever.
I asked for, like, four years straight.
And then finally, when Easter, I gotto skip it, but it was like a knockoff.
Skip itso it didn't have the counter on it.
It was just a heavy plasticball on a string.
And I went out in the driveway, tried itonce, clocked my ankle and was like,
it doesn't even count. It's not worth it.

(35:06):
Like if it doesn't count,what are we doing?
I have to count.
That's too much.
But years.
I asked for that for years.
And then. Hilarious.
Yes. Sock and bamboo.
Sock and bamboo.
He sucker all day and bop all night.

(35:28):
Sock and babies.
Yeah.
Wait.
We have sock them boppers at home,
that's what.
Yeah, yeah.

(35:51):
She developed faster.
So. Jason, we.
Oh. Oh, sorry.
Finish what you're saying.
Okay.
You tried to beat her up, and you lose.
It's cute.
It's cute.
So Jason confronts Danny on the patioand says that Janet felt uncomfortable

(36:12):
in the closet.
And Jason,
who wasn't in the right here, like,I was definitely Team
Danny in the conversation.
But like, we just got to see a little bitof Jason's lawyering and like, how
he does remain composedand he does say what he wants to say.
And he was like defending Jasmineand defending Janet and all of this stuff.

(36:34):
To Danny and Danny, you know, has alittle bit of a reaction because of, like,
Jason says something.
So you know what you have to do.
And he's like, well,what do you mean, what I have?
I know what I have to do.
Like, I know what I've done.
I can have another discussionwith her and like,
so I, I believe I'm Team Dannyin this conversation.

(36:56):
Where are you at?
Oh, she's a, she's a corporation.
And and and Danny's, an injured worker.
Got it.
But then he also,he also we also see a scene from Santa

(37:20):
Barbara that we didn't see where Jason's,like, kind of drunk in the hot tub,
and Danny comes out to talk to himafter that whole crib table went down,
and Jason's, like, on Danny's side.
So Danny's right to be caught off guard.
That, like, he's switching notes.

(37:46):
Yeah, I think he
she's like, you have to gotalk to him about that.
Oh. I don't I feel like Janet.
I feel like Janet might have done that.
Like before they got married.

(38:08):
But, like,now that they're married with a kid, like,
it's going to be that downhillslope, like, she.
I don't know, maybe.
Maybe she puts the workin, she puts the work in and other things.
But they kind of strike me
as that, like average couplethat kind of just like.

(38:28):
Yeah, like a missionary for sure.
He's hot, but he's boring.
Thomas, you need to.
He's he's hot, but he's very boring.
You are. You are.
Someone post on tick.
Someone on TikTok said somethingabout like Jason, like being into guys.

(38:51):
And I literally comment as like,don't tell me, don't tell Thomas.
This.
He'll be arrested.
It makes sense.
Makes sense.
So Jason changes notes on Dannyand they get into a little bit of a fight,
and I was really annoyed about it.

(39:12):
And it also made me annoyedbecause I was like,
why are we still going on about Danny?
When Jesse had two bottles of champagnebefore they even went to the winery?
Why? Why are we calling Dannythe alcoholic?
When Jesse drank two bottles to himself
before the winery
and then.
And then on the Nick Viall Podcast,

(39:35):
they're asked somethingsimilar in Janet says that.
Well, Jesse, like admittedhe had two bottles like,
before we even got on the bus.
So it's not like he'sbeing secretive about it
and it just gets me back full circleto the point that I think the only problem
these people actually have isn't withDanny and his behavior when he's drunk,
they're jealous of public perceptionof Danny and Nia.

(39:59):
They are jealous that they are like
if they are drunk in a little messy,they're like hiding it.
Well, they're going to bed early.
They're dismissing themselvesfrom the table.
They're like being normal fucking people,and they're just jealous about all of it.
So that's why they're calling out. It
doesn't have anything to do with Jasmineand or her safety, as none of that.

(40:35):
Yeah.
So they love and respect each other.
They're just.
This cast is just so unfamiliarwith what that looks like.
If I was wasted on my partner was like,go to bed.
I'd be like, okay.
Like I'd be mortified.

(40:56):
I'd be like, shit.
That's our anxiety.
Okay, great.
I need okay, here is a hell no moment.
Can we stop showing Jax at his fake rehab?
He literally has a cocaine flakeunder his nose.
He literally has a little seed of cokeunder his nose.

(41:17):
I TikTok, too, zoomed in video of it,
and he's literally tripping in the video.
are we giving him his little Jax cam?
You know, And he keeps

(41:39):
Yeah.
And I don't need to really see from him.
I just I'm like, no,I know that you probably have a contract
that he has to be in every episode,but like, I'm done with this.
It's just so

(42:00):
it's gross.
Sorry.
that was my hell.
No moment. Stop showing Jax. Just stop it.
He should lose episodes on the showbecause of his behavior.
He shouldn't get to do this crap.
But it was kind of artistic
that we could still seeCoke under his nose during all that shit.
Like, I was like, oh, my God,this guy's a fucking monster.

(42:23):
He's a fucking monster.
That's really funny.
Comedians are so funny,they come up with great jokes, I love it.

(42:46):
Okay, wait a bravo moment, though.
I'm so happy that Brittany is in this,like, life place where she can afford
an Airbnb with a pooland have her mom fly out to help her.
A lot of people don't have, like,
this privilege
that are going through this kind of toxicdivorce with the narcissistic addict.
And she is so,so lucky that she's kept like this
great group of friends around herand she can, like, find this safe space

(43:10):
and still give Cruz, like,this life he's familiar with.
She talks about like,be would being willing to invest
a few thousand dollars more a monthinto this Airbnb because it has a pool.
And that's like the thing he like, loves.
And I was like, I'mso happy that, like, out of all of this
and as frustrating as people,people online are hating Brittany and I.

(43:33):
And yes, and it is cruel.
I, I have to admit, there's moments,of course, where
I'm like so annoyed with her,but at the end of the day,
I feel she's a victim of an abuser.
And like,
I know.
And so like, even though I don't think
she's the best friend to Zach and Zach'sa way better friend to her.

(43:56):
And like, I think she's a little moreof a taker than a giver.
I think that'll change onceshe heals more.
I think she's just like sur in survivalmode.
Still.
And so she's like crazy.
She's literally crazy.
She's an empty vessel because he's she waswith fucking Jax Taylor for nine years.
Like what?

(44:43):
Yeah.
They will.
What kills meis that they were all shitfaced, wasted.
And they use that as their apology at,like, Brittany's dinner.
Like, sorry. We were drinking, so.
And I'm like, oh, so you were drinkingand you were drunk, so you can then
diagnose someone else for being a drunk,
like, hilarious, hilarious.

(45:05):
I literally think all of that was Jasminereacting
to the fact that she couldn't havethe scene she planned, where she was
going to get drunk and yell at Dannyfor touching her girlfriend again.
Like, I think she planned on that tripto have that scene,
and then she couldn'thave that scene because he went to bed.
And so she triedto make it into something else

(45:27):
and then rope Britney into it.
That's what I think all of that was.
And then it just got
blown out of proportionbecause then Janet's like, oh, storyline.
Let me get involved.
Now that Jasmine's thrown outalcohol, like, let me get
let me rope in my truth and like,you know.
And that's great.
Janet's playing the reality TV gamethe way it should be.

(45:50):
That's you two.
As a reality TV star, you say whatyou think without thinking about it,
and then you find ways to relateand make it about you.
Now look at like people, like a Tom
Sandoval machinawho've been doing it a long time.
They're masters of it.
So much so that that's how they navigatelife is like, what about me?
How does this relate to me and my truth?

(46:12):
This should be more about me.
And that's like, Janet's got it.
And you can tell because she watchesreality TV, she's into it.
And I'm done with people criticizing herfor being a fan of Vanderpump.
Like,I literally made a TikTok the other day.
I was like, put me in the summer house.
I don't want to be on a reality show.
But like, at this point, you need someonelike me to go in there and save this show

(46:34):
because these girls are too meanand you're bringing in these pretty girls,
but they're really passive and they'renever going to like, ruffle feathers.
They're never going to like, be friends.
But also rufflefeathers is why they're not respected.
They're not clicking, you know,
so they this rotating dooron that show of cast members.

(46:55):
I will just oh yeah.
Yeah,I'm just going to go in and be crazy.
I don't even want it like it's it'snot the show.
I saw myself going on to.
But if it's what the Bravo Hollyoaks need,
I'll, I'll go in for a summer and do it.
Okay.
This triggers demonic behavior.

(47:17):
Sacks demonic behavior, sacks
demonic behavior.
Demonic.
Demonic. Demonic.
Demonic.
Demonic attacks.
Demonic behavior.

(47:38):
a perfect moment to bring up demonicbehavior of the episode
because we find outthat Jax went and signed a lease
on a condo next door to Tom Schwartz,
and then I actually heard about itwhen he did it, bragging
on his podcast about it,and they were trying to do like,
reconnaissance and be like,Tom didn't know, Tom didn't know.

(48:00):
I'm like, as if Tom probably called himand told them the condo was available.
Like, what?
Like,but they're like, oh, he didn't know.
He didn't know. He's just a boy.
And he,
you know, it's how it's how Tom Schwartznavigates life.
He takes no ownership of anything,any thought or anything.
So Jax like immediatelyjumps on this condo because he's dreaming

(48:23):
of, like, their scenariowhen they first moved to LA, like 15,
20 years agowhen they all lived in the same apartment.
But this is better now.
They can have their own apartments,
but be next door to each otherso they can just walk
into each other's placewhenever they want,
which is what exactly what he wants.
So all of a sudden Jax goes and signsa lease, doesn't even mention it to
his wife and kid who are paying thousandsand thousands of dollars.

(48:43):
Another Airbnb,instead of being in their own home. And
because
he didn't want them thereand he wasn't man enough to leave.
And then he's also stalking Brittanyon the home surveillance system, and he's
texting her things like, I know you'rewearing a red tank top in jeans today.
I have eyes and ears everywhere.

(49:04):
And like, just tryingto, like, enforce his control on her.
And it's.
I just want toI want someone to go beat him up.
I'm at the point now where I would pay,
I would pay a hefty fee to watch that
man get the pulp kicked out of himby somebody.

(49:30):
Yeah,
maybe you need to gowatch that for therapy for this after
I'm like, just watch it on repeat.
Do you even feel this?
Sorry. I loved it.

(49:51):
She. She.
Was it Shay? Shay?
I don't know.
I just know, Shay.
That's all I know.
Yeah. Rob didn't stick around.
He didn't like the penguin gift.
I actually would have loved the penguingift.
So, But, yeah, that's demonic behavior.

(50:13):
Jax. Taylor, everybody.
Of course. ho.
So Danny meets Jasmine in her girlfriend.
What's your girlfriend's name again?

(50:36):
At Lawless Brewery here in NoHo.
I think of friend of MeetMy Friends podcast.
Alex has had some birthdays there.
It's really cute.
Half inside, half outside,little local brewery.
And Jasmine startssaying like, she's clearly
projecting some stuffor like trying to share her experience.
And this is like,

(50:56):
I guess the only thing we actually knowabout Jasmine is that she feels like
society is always asking herto validate her relationship with Melissa,
in like, sexual ways and like, menwant to see them kiss in bars.
And I'm like, I have never
seen any.

(51:17):
This is L.A., honey.
Everyone here is gay.
I've never seen anyone say anythingremotely like that
to anybody.
I do,
but not in L.A.

(52:02):
Right.
I just don't think she still is
because she literally says, quote,I don't need another apology.
I just need him to understandhow this made me feel.
If he wants to be my friend,be a friend in my life.

(52:22):
End quote.
And I'm like.
I don't
I don't think I don't think she's going toI think she's angry
at her experience or what she perceivesas her experience in the world.
And itnone of it has to do with Danny anymore.
And I don't think it.
But she also is going to use the anger

(52:43):
and rage she feels,and she's going to keep putting that on.
Danny.
In that statement, like, I think it's justnever this is never going to go away.
They're never going to be friends.
Which is fine.
Which is fine.

(53:03):
They're not like if you ask me to line upthe group of friends on the Valley
and say, like,who's actually friends and who's not?
I don't think the Christian whitelike Napoleon man
is going to be friendswith the black queer girl.
Like, I don't think that they'renecessarily going to have a lot in common.
But I also don't like thatI feel like Jasmine.

(53:26):
I mean, it is a real thing that Jasmine'sportraying, like the angry anti.
I mean like anti straight or anti man like
experience as a lesbian womanor a queer woman.
But I also don't like seeing itbecause I think it is such a like a
what's it called,
a a stereotype,

(53:50):
you know what I mean?
Like the angry lesbian that hates menand is like and is like,
oh, you guys want to see me make outwith my girl, scissor my girlfriend?
Like I just feel likeit's a little bit of a stare.
It's a I'm. I'm just being real.I think, like we do.
I do know tons of queer women
that are angry at men and angry at societyand like they are going to carry that

(54:14):
until they decide to let go of it,which might be never, honestly,
if I did that, but I and I and I getso I get a real thing and
I love that it's a reflection of societyand these reality shows do that.
But I also just like for Jasmine's sakeand like wanting to root for her.
I don't want her to keep carrying it.

(54:55):
Or isshe just inflating it for a storyline?
Heaven forbid, like I it can be both. She.
She was given the.
She was given the weapon.
She can use it.
And at least we're getting something.
At least we're getting a scene with herand her partner, Melissa.
Though out of the two,I think Melissa actually seems
like she's not saying much in this scenespecifically.

(55:15):
But I still thinkMelissa seems so grounded and like
she's supporting Jasmineas she's talking about this,
and she's like, nodding and like,touching her hand and like.
So I thought that was really sweet to see.
I just still have such a craving toactually learn about who these people are.
It's hard for me to, like, reallyget behind them and be angry at Danny
because I feel like I know

(55:36):
way more about Danny and Niathan I know about Jasmine and Melissa.
Anyway.
Okay.
Maybe
I'm also, like, loving that Kristen'slike mama bearing it, and she's like,
if you're going to come for Nia,I'm going to come for you.
Like,

(55:56):
oh my God.
Okay, so, another bravo moment.
Kristen, Luke and Jesse, I'll go to lunch.
I knew this was going to be good.
They all go to lunch.
And Kristen shares a rumor from Zachthat was confirmed
by Jasmine that Jason takes his ring offwhen he goes out.
And I was like, finally,the moment is come, the moment has come.

(56:17):
We broke this news on TikTokand now we're finally talking about it.
Jason's ring scandal.
I love her, I love her.

(56:40):
And she's still so honest.
Because it's not.
It doesn't feel likeit is a little retaliatory,
but it's still honestbecause she says she confirms
that there's no rumors of himcheating, though.
Jesse's like,what are the rumors of him cheating?
And she's like, no, like she's not petty.
Is she petty or is she not petty?
Like, it's really hard to define becauseit feels like she's just saying her truth.

(57:01):
And these rumors really are out there.
And I think the fact that we found thatJason got a fresh tattoo under his ring,
is a confirmationthat they're people more than just them.
We're talking about this. So.
And then
Jesse defends Jason and says it'sno one's business to get involved,
and then shares that he took his ring offto go to the gym in the grocery store

(57:22):
and says, who gives a shit?
And then, yeah,
we get this great line where she's like,Mama Bear's coming out to play Kristen.
Tootie.
Yeah, exactly like you're just proving.
Yeah, Jesse is the typethat would take his ring off
to try to get female attention.

(57:43):
Like, hands down.
And then that literally they have a shotof Luke and, like, the fear in his eyes.
Like when Kristen says, mama Bear'scoming out, like, literally Luke's face,
he's like, trying to give Kristena look to make her stop.
And I don't think it works.
Another really amazing moment.
We go to this pool party and like, Zach'sgetting spray painted abs

(58:07):
and the shark bite put on his arm,
and I literally only think he's gettingthe shark bite on his arm because he wants
spray painted abs for the pool party. He.
It literally made me think that, like,maybe I should get my abs painted.

(58:28):
Okay, when you come to town,we're going to get airbrushed.
We're going to get spray tans,but we'll have them put abs on us too.
That'll be so funny.
Yeah, exactly. No, they know how to do it.
There's like, this is L.A.,they know what they're doing.
And I also, I'm, like,really loving this scene
because it feels like a real summer party.
And we just had Memorial Day,and I was just so into, like, them

(58:50):
being around the pool, having fun.And they really do feel like friends.
It doesn't feel like a fake groupjust waiting to do scenes.
It feels like there's so many people herethat overlap and are really compatible,
and I just have to give Lala her flowers.
She's a really hot pregnant woman.
Like I was like, she is starlet ING.

(59:12):
She came in, she's doing whatall modern pregnant women want to do,
which is like rock
the baby belly, like the full babybelly in a bikini and look good doing it.
And Lala's like,
she looks incredible.

(59:33):
My favorite line was, she goes,why does he look
the way his personality is?
Lala says that about Jesse.
Yeah.
I thought it was just so funny.
It was a great line. I'm like, wow.
Lala came today. She came today.
And so Jasmine thinks Jesse isstill hurting for Michelle and she like.

(59:53):
And that's why he keeps antagonizing herand she like, tells him that.
And I'm like, I don't think so, honey.
I think he's like on his villain era.
And then Jason pulls Danny
and this was like Bravo momentfor me to like it really warmed my heart.
Jason pulls Danny and shares
that he's feeling pretty bad,and he's been missing sleep,
and he's been really anxioussince the conversation.
They had the Smashburger soft serve placeand that he's like,

(01:00:17):
really sorry that he was an asshole.
And I was like, God, Jason is so hot,
can we just get
him apologizing on screen every episode?
Like so hot.
To hear a man that hot say he hasn'tbeen sleeping
because of their conversationand how hurt he was and like,

(01:00:38):
be on the brink of tears,I was like, drooling.
Well,
the internet is a buzz about, like, whathe really could be hiding because he did

(01:01:01):
look stressed for two secondsand everyone's like, wait, what was he?
What did he thinkthat they were going to bring up?
So everyone's talking.
Everyone's talking about that.
They were like, wait,he looked like the color left his cheeks.
And then when he found out
it was just the wedding ring thing,he was like, restored.
And we're like,wait, no. What is he hiding, though?

(01:01:26):
Yeah.
That's what.
So that's what, you know, TikTok.
They're all over it.
So anyway, Danny and Jason hug,
though, and I was just like,oh, they love each other.
There's so sweet in that.Felt really nice.
And then I thought it was a really weirdchoice of the editors
to intercut Nia saying how she thinksthat Janet is coming for them.

(01:01:47):
Throughout that scene,
they had like these confessionalsthat they were cutting away to,
which was Nia, like talking about Janetdeciding to come for them.
And I was like, wait for these.
These don't work together because, like,I feel the authenticity between Jason
and Danny's conversation.
Yeah.
Come on editor, you've been doing greatthis season, but I have notes on this one.

(01:02:10):
And then Jesse walks up and congratulates
Lala and says he wants more kidsand Lala, like, if it's any indication
how you treat your baby
or if it's any indication of how you treatyour baby mama and like calls attention
to the fact that she's calling Michellea whore and a slut on camera.
And there's like,
I don't think you want kids becauseyou can't even treat your baby mama right.

(01:02:31):
And I just like, love it. She's going off.
And then there's this momentwhere Sheena literally
steps in beside Lala,
and everyone'sraking her through the coals
like she does trying to make it about her.
But I actually think this was Sheenabeing a really good friend.
I think this was an authentic thing
and I'm going to defendthis is going to be rare,

(01:02:51):
but I'm going to defend Sheenain this moment.
Like I think Sheena
wasn't going to take over the scene.
That's why she didn't say anything.
But she was standing next to Lalato support her super pregnant friend
that was doing like a confrontation momentwith Jessie.
And Jessie's a scary person, like, I think

(01:03:13):
so. Jessiedidn't want her baby to go to full term.
No, but but but you know what I'm saying?
Like, a lot of people are like, Sheena.
There goes Sheenagetting in the camera again.
I'm like, no, I think like, yes.
But also I think she let Lalahave this great scene
and god, like, I'mnot a Lala fan recently either, but

(01:03:38):
I'm just I'm a bipartisan reality TV fanand so I'm just going to say it.
Jessie started the scene, Jessiemade the comment about wanting more kids,
and then Lala, who's like triggeredlike divorce.
A single mom is like, I don't think so.
I don't
if this is the way you're
talking about the mother of your children,I don't think you want more kids
and like goes off on him,which was like good.

(01:04:00):
It came from an authentic place.
It felt like real Lalalike since Randall, she's just aggro
and and whatever with all these toxic menand she's not a fan of Jessie
with the great one linewhen she walks into the pool party
and it just felt like it was perfectlyset up for her to have this moment.
And she didn't steal it.
She didn't jump in and escalate it,but she stood beside Lala

(01:04:23):
in case things got to a different place.
So like, I saw it and I liked itand I was like, okay,
they can come to some of these parties,they can just come to some of them.
Like if the whole group is there.
She just went and got a search,picked out a surrogate.
It's all hers.

(01:04:43):
Yeah, sorry.
Not surrogate. She got a sperm donor.
And it's interesting becauseone of the reasons why she's doing it
besides, like, wanting to have more kidsand not wanting to, like, go find a father
is because if she had a father involved,they would have to approve.
Like the kids being on camera and stuff.
And that's somethingshe's already struggle like she was.
There's rumors that Lalawas supposed to get her own spin off show

(01:05:06):
after the Randall scandal,that they did a Hulu doc about,
and then she couldn't show ocean on camerabecause of their custody agreement.
And the father, Randall,not wanting ocean on reality TV.
Probablyjust to get back at Lala on her income.
And so when Lala decidedto have another kid

(01:05:27):
because she lives with her brotherand her mom
and they help with her kids too,she went and picked out a sperm donor.
They have a party.You'll see it on Vanderpump.
They have a sperm donor partywhere everyone helps
pick out the donor and like, it's cute.
It's cute.
And I think it's like,definitely the way the future, especially
with so many of my female friendsbeing super single and not like,

(01:05:48):
even interestedin the quality of partnership out there.
I'm like, yeah,I think this could be the future.
Like just you're going to probablytake care of the baby
yourself with the partner anyway,so why don't you just do it yourself?
Yeah, literally ask or ask Brittany.
Ask me. Ask all of them.
At this point,it's probably easier to not have to
take care of the husband.

(01:06:11):
So that's that's kind of wherewe're at with them.
So Luke, Kristen and Janet and Jasonsit down and we just talked about this.
The ring thing.
And, Jason finds out that, like, Janetkind of started this conversation,
and he's hurt because he, like,
was just defending Jasmine to Danny.

(01:06:32):
And now Jasmine's talking about, like,trying to come for his marriage.
And I was like,welcome to reality TV, Jason.
Welcome to Bravo,
you sweet little innocentbut not so innocent attorney.
Time to get messy.
I'm really excited to see his character
arc through the seasons,and like how his relationship with Janet

(01:06:56):
and how his relationship on camerawith his friends changes.
Like, Jason's a smart guy.
When he gets the handle of realityTV, he could become a monster
if he wanted to.
I don't know
if Janet already made him do the sceneat the the Smash Burger place like that,

(01:07:17):
even though it was inauthenticand made him feel bad.
Is he going to succumb to that pressureand like, become like what?
You know what I mean.
Where is it going to go?
Yeah.
So they sit down and then, like,Jason's obviously relieved
when he finds outabout the wedding ring thing.

(01:07:38):
We talked about that.We talked about how the internet is.
Oh, wait.
Janet says that she puts an errortag on Jason when he goes out of town.
And I was like,
well, that was the implication.
But I don't know if it's if that'sif that's true
or if he knows or doesn't know.
But I also was like, why don't you justshare locations on your phone?

(01:07:59):
Like, why are you air tagging him?
His bag, his.
Yeah,he's he's sewing it into his underpants.
Yeah.
I don't understand that.
I feel like the normal thing people do
is just share locations on your phonein case someone, like, gets kidnaped.
But, like, I don't understandwhy she would need to air tag him.

(01:08:24):
And then I was like,is she just trying to be funny?
Like, is that real?
Because people took itand ran with it online.
But I was like,I don't know if that was real.
It feels like a bad joke.
It feels likeshe's making a bad joke to me.
So then they asked her about iton the Viall Files.
I know I've been bringing them up a lot,but there's a lot like I feel

(01:08:45):
that supports this episode.
In that interview.
So he asks her, about the rings,
on the podcast,and she says, now she's okay.
So in the scene, Janet and Jason,Jason denies it and it's like,
no, I always wear my ring. Like,what are you talking about?
Like, they deny it.
Deny it.
In the scene on the podcast, Janetgoes in a completely opposite direction

(01:09:08):
and she says, yeah,we always take our rings off.
We take them off.
When we go to the gym, we have ring dishesnext to our seats on the couch.
We have them next to our bed.
We each we have ringdishes all over the house.
We're never wearing our rings.
I thought thatwas like day and night from the scene.
So that was like a little,you know what?
Yellow flag.

(01:09:29):
Okay.
Yellow flag.
What's going.
Yeah okay. Great quote.
That's one of my favoritefucking moments on The Ellen Show.
She made a fan out of me that day.
I was like, oh my God, you're so powerful.
Dakota.
How excited are you for the new movie?
How excited are you for the new moviewith Chris Evans and Pedro Pascal?

(01:09:53):
I can't even handle the press tourright now.
Like I'm going to need to see that movielike four times.
It's shocking really.
Unhealthy?
Yes. Shocking? No.

(01:10:14):
Nobody's shocked.
Nobody's shocked.
Thomas.
Age doesn't matter.
I just don't want Pedro. Okay.
Can I tell you something, though?
Pedro Pascal is toting a line right now.
He's getting a little tooclose to the sun.
He knows he's hot.

(01:10:34):
Okay.
And that's okay.
Just don't be a dork about it.
Like, play it cool, man.
Don't be a dork about it.

(01:10:59):
It's really sweet,but it also is a little fuckboy ish,
and I don't know if I believe it.
Well, yeah,
when you get to that level of fame,you're fucking everybody.
I'm sorry.
As someone who has hadsomeone who has a friend
that was with a confirmed A-list actorfor years,
they justyou get to a certain point of fame

(01:11:21):
where everyone throws themselves at youand like a whole, a whole
like you just.
Okay, here we go. I want to clip it. Pee.
You remember the girl that I.
Whose couch I lived onwhen I first moved to La Nina?
You know, Letty was with JamesFranco for, like, four years.
He proposed to her in a European castle atbreakfast, and she said, now,

(01:11:41):
yeah, he would cheat on her all the time.
And he would.
Everybody. Man. Woman, child.
It didn't matter. Like a whole as a whole.
To the point where he then was like,so old and over ex.
He's been fuckingand so famous for so long
that he's just not even inspiredto have sex anymore.
Yeah,until it's something like super taboo

(01:12:03):
and then all of a sudden he's doing it.
So imagine
the hurt of that being your partnerand he's not being intimate with you,
but then you find out thathe's like hooking up with Mila
Kunis, his understudy, in the next trailerwhile you're sleeping on the couch.
I know, dark stuff, dark stuff.
And that's what happenswhen you're an A-list celebrity
and everyone tells you what an amazingyou are for years.

(01:12:24):
It eventually gets to your head
and you either become like a drug addict,like Justin Bieber, or, you know,
you sleep with everybody under the sunand get a narcissistic complex.
We make these monsters.
We do it. What?
I need a hero.
I'm holding on for hereuntil the end of the night.

(01:12:46):
Okay. No.
Oh my God.
See? Oh, no.
I'm worried about where he's headed.

(01:13:06):
I'm worried about it.
It's okay.
We'll enjoy it while we'll enjoy himwhile he's here.
At this point. Okay?
Yeah, he's in his prime and he is hotand is in his outfit on the press tour.
I think it was in the VanityFair interview
where it's like Chris Evans, Dakota,and then him and he's like in the, the,

(01:13:28):
the little, like knitpolo in the tight pants.
His waist looks great.
He looks great.
Yes, he did get the Marvel makeover.
You're right.
Speaking of,I just saw Kumail the other night.
Nanjiani okay, so let's get back to it.
Let's finish this episode of The Valley.
A little detour,

(01:13:51):
little detour.
But that's what PedroPascal does to people.
You know, he's distractingso that you're typing was weird.
And I also thought it was weirdthat you double
down on the Viall Files and was like, oh,we always take our rings off.
And I was like, why didn't you say thatin the scene? Then Janet?
And why does he have a tattoo now?
Janet why?
What is the truth?
Janet And then and then we cutand we go to another scene,

(01:14:15):
and this is like how I first I was like,what is Britney doing?
She gathers like 8 or 9 people togetherat the party to make her own scene.
And she literally is like,everybody come over here.
Great. I wanted to talk to you.
I want to talk to y'all. Come over here.
And I'm like, I'm counting, right?
I'm like, I paused it and I was like,one, two, three, 4k minion number two

(01:14:36):
that I saw.
It's in Ispy is there?
You know, they're all there.
I'm counting the group, and I'm like,okay, they're huddled around Britney
and then Britney
tells them
how she met Jax at a parkhoping to start fresh.
And I was like, girl,you're so delusional.
You're still thinking like, 17 daysin a mental health facility.

(01:14:57):
He's going to transform this.
He is literally one of the worst peopleon the planet.
Years of therapy isn't going to help him.
And I was like,oh my God, where is this going?
Where is this going?
And then she tells the group that he wentand rented a condo and got a lease
and he hasn't been paying their mortgage

(01:15:18):
in months since like April or something.
That and nobody's now living in it.
And she's paying for this Airbnbthat they're having the party at,
and everyone gasps and is like,what the fuck?
And I was like, really?
I'm like, God,she's so lucky to have this group.
Like, Zach is angry at her expense.
Lala's angry at her expense.

(01:15:38):
They're all like, verbally outraged,
as I would be in this scene.
And, she and it's just like
she announces that
this is the moment,like it's completely over.
And I was like, okay,
like whatever it takes for Brittanyto realize this guy's a monster.
Fine, I will accept it.

(01:15:59):
But like,has she finally reached that point?
It feels like she's finally hit that pointhere with this, this thing in the house.
And like, the mortgage and, like,fucked her and her kid over.
He does not care about Cruz or Britney
at all.

(01:16:30):
Yes, that's fucked up and that and yeah.
And that's what theyshe needs to take care of their kid.
And why is their mortgage so much money?
They live in Valley Village.
Why is the mortgage so much money?

(01:16:51):
I know, but, like,why don't they just live in a.
Why are they living in a
you could get a really, really
nice apartment, multi bedroomwith a pool and everything that they need
for their money for like a humble pricetag compared to what they're paying.
Like if they put $5,000into a two bedroom apartment,
they'd be in a beautiful building,a beautiful building.

(01:17:13):
I don't understand why they had to go buythis house
and like, are paying like $14,000.
I mean,am I just living in a different world
where I think that's, like, insane?
I feel like that's insane.
I hope the whole point of buying a houseis so you're investing,
but like, you're paying the sameas what your rent was going to be like,

(01:17:34):
you know? Anyway, whatever.
I guess I'm not in their world.
And then finally we get this weird sceneat the end of the episode,
which I think is worth talking aboutbecause I have so many questions.
Tom Schwartz shows up,
Jasmine shows up, and Brittany at Jax Bar.

(01:17:54):
So I'm like, okay,why the fuck is she going to Jack's
bar to have this discussion?
Let's so negative about Jax.
And I'm like, okay,maybe like they have a stake in it
so they get a filming location feeif they go do the scene there.
So maybe like, that's what she's thinking.
But she basically asks Schwartzto his face

(01:18:17):
tells her that what Jax did not payingthe rent and like or the mortgage
after kicking her out of her home
and then goes and signsthe condo next door to him.
And Schwartz is like,I had no idea, I didn't know.
And then he's like, Jax has been singingthe gospel about his rehab and saying
how it's changed him and all this stuffto Schwartz, which I do believe.

(01:18:40):
I do believe Jax is like telling everyone,oh, I'm good now.
All I neededwas a couple weeks in therapy.
I'm good now.
Like to all the boys,because he's embarrassed
that he had to go do this thingand it shows weakness.
And so he's like, so he's like,
all I've heard is like,how great therapy's been for him.
And I thought by himgetting a condo, like,

(01:19:00):
you guys could get your house backfor the for cruise.
And I was like, okay, well, I see that.
And even if in his deluded mind,that's how he does it,
but not paying the mortgageand like kicking his kid and his wife
out of the house in the firstplace is a problem. Is the problem.
And then we
see demonic behavior,and then we see this great montage

(01:19:21):
where Britney announces it's overand we see who Brittany and Jax is.
Entirelike timeline through Vanderpump Rules.
And like, we see young Hooters, Brittanyand we see like about to be married
and everyone's threatening Brittanythat she shouldn't do it
at the dinner tablewhile they're all wearing wedding dresses.
And we see we just see it all.

(01:19:47):
What's the Green Day songthey played every graduation.
Hope you had the time of your life.
As we go one.
We remember
other times we had to get.

(01:20:13):
Out of the darkness and into this song.
Forgive the words that I love.
The gutter.
Yeah. Literally.
If he wasn't, like, a domestic abuserand a cocaine addict, like,
that's the songthey would have played over this montage.
Like, it's so

(01:20:33):
honestly,
they had to do it.
I'm not knocking the editor at all.
They had to do it.
It like, fit the tone of the show.
It pulled it our heartstrings in allfor all the wrong reasons.
Archie, don't like that. Leave it.
He's a little hot spot. Sorry.
Pulled it our heartstrings.
And that's how we leave the episode.

(01:20:58):
Oh, wait,
I haven't seen the midseason trailer.
Oh, my.
You know what? I did see that,but I didn't process.
There's a mid-season trailer.
Let me see.
Here.

(01:21:18):
Wait.
I'm gonna.
Okay, since we watched the trailer,
do you mind if I put the mid-seasontrailer on really quick?
Where is.
What is it?
Where?
Okay, okay.
Show me your shirt.

(01:21:43):
What is it?
That's my song. I'm playing the piano.
This.
This is for the gay dinner.
Yeah.
That's that, that makes sense.
Yeah. That's.
You would wear that to gym bar?
The bar that I was at. You.
That's what you would.
You would actually, if you were herenow, like, I know the people

(01:22:06):
that I would introduce you to,but you would like, find community with.
Yeah.
The gym barpeople like you would love Casey.
He's really sweet.
Yeah,
he's he's so inclusive and warm and,like, enthusiastic.
And he and his, like,dodgeball team always.

(01:22:29):
Every week they have these little dinnerparties, where they're,
like, different themed pizzasor different, like, different themes.
And they're like,kind of wacky takes on things.
So people like, bring innovative pizzasand like cakes and stuff like that.
I thought, it's really cute.

(01:22:50):
I bet you'll make a bunch.
You are.
That's really interesting
because I could never do stand up comedy,but I think you'd be great.
You're so funny.
It's so hard.

(01:23:19):
I did sketch writing one on one and,
improv one on one. So.
I'll stop because,
you know, you and I both want the teacherto like us.

(01:23:40):
And listen, we know ourselves.
We know ourselves.
I don't expect the best grade.
But I do want you to like low key, like methe most.
Yeah,I want them to give me the side wink.
That's what I want.
I want the side wink. And the great job.
Like that's what I want.

(01:24:01):
Yeah.
Maybe
you can give me a c-plus.
But I want you tolike my personality the most.
Oh my God.
Well, thank you for stopping by.
I mean, I don't think there's anythingto talk about on the aftershow. It.
There was nothing except Jack'smaking up excuses and saying
other people do this stuffall the time, like.

(01:24:23):
And he's a piece of garbage.
That's all I have to reportabout the after show.
I know,
I know, there was nothing on therethat was of quality, so.
Well, have fun at your gay party.
Your big gay party.
When is, when is when is DC pride?

(01:24:49):
Oh that's amazing.
Are you going to swallow the town?
Yeah.
That feels homophobic.

(01:25:12):
Oh, everyone and all
the gays are in college.
At least you don't have to compete.
And you could go to DC,and then you could go to Virginia.

(01:25:35):
So it's kind of nice.
I don't like,
Yeah.

(01:25:55):
Well,
hopefully. Hopefully you meet some.
You meet some new friends.
Well, thanks for coming to your meetingthis week, Thomas.
Thanks for attending the meeting.
And, hopefully we'll see you againsoon to talk about the Valley.

(01:26:33):
Give it up. I'm.
Needed to be done.
To be done.
But to be.
To be up.
To be.
About me.
To be. To better be.