May 13, 2024 • 22 mins
Perhaps you have a child dealing with anxiety, a lot of unnecessary worry about failing or things that may or may not happen. Maybe your child is just stuck, kind of frozen in uncertainty.
We have this negative fallout that we're dealing with in this next generation and we need to counter it by saying that they're going to be okay. What do we need more? We need to raise kids with RESILIENCE.
We need to raise kids who know that "I can do things that are hard. I can fall down, and I can get back up. I might get hurt, but I know that I can heal. I can stand back up again. I'm going to try again." This honestly is counterintuitive to how we've been parenting.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Welcome to the self foundry.
Can't Fail Parenting podcast.
I'm so glad you're here.
Grab your iced coffee.
It's a gorgeous day outside.
We are headed into summer, so I have a freebie for you.
.999That is going to be a lifesaver. 8 00:00:13,329.999 --> 00:00:26,600 If you're a mom like me, who knows that your kids are going to have a lot of unstructured time in the summer, while maybe you're busy and working and things like that, and you're trying to wrap your head around monitoring activities, I have a technology contract for you.
(00:26):
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(00:48):
.999If you need it, it's also just hit it, print it and sign it off and have a great conversation. 15 00:00:53,509.999 --> 00:00:54,840 You can use it in two different ways. 16 00:00:54,849.999 --> 00:00:56,630 So I hope that's a blessing.
.999I really want you to just feel empowered as a parent, and we're going to be having some great conversations in the next few weeks about how to tackle our summer and really do it well.
And utilize that time with our kids to help them really think about who they're becoming, how they want to do that, what goals do they want to chase, and how are you going to structure that for them so that they can become the best, most amazing little adults possible.
(01:20):
Thanks for joining us today.
Hey, so today I wanted to talk to my parents who have had some traumatic experiences in their child's life.
.999So possibly there was a divorce or some kind of circumstance, maybe something with COVID, it could have been a financial stress or a trauma. 22 00:01:36,684.999 --> 00:01:42,594.9975 So many parents are harboring a lot of guilt, a lot of the feeling that they failed in some way. 23 00:01:42,594.9975 --> 00:01:51,89.9975 And this is actually a huge part of why I call this podcast Can't Fail Parenting because so many parents are defining themselves as failures. 24 00:01:51,99.9975 --> 00:01:54,19.9975 So I'm here to tell you, you can't fail at parenting. 25 00:01:54,29.9975 --> 00:01:56,319.9975 Parenting does not have rules. 26 00:01:56,319.9975 --> 00:01:56,629.9975 Okay. 27 00:01:56,629.9975 --> 00:02:02,609.9975 So like there are laws, right? We know there's laws in the world that tell us as a parent, we need to feed our child. 28 00:02:02,729.9975 --> 00:02:06,329.9975 Our child needs to go to school until they're 16 years of age. 29 00:02:06,599.9975 --> 00:02:09,949.9975 Our child needs to be protected in a house of some sort. 30 00:02:10,159.9975 --> 00:02:18,119.9975 There are rules, but to be honest, most of the rules that we are giving ourselves as parents, they are 100 percent fabricated in our mind. 31 00:02:18,469.9975 --> 00:02:21,19.9965 You are already an A student. 32 00:02:21,49.9975 --> 00:02:22,499.9975 I just want you to hear that. 33 00:02:22,499.9975 --> 00:02:24,4.9975 You're already excellent. 34 00:02:24,14.9975 --> 00:02:27,384.9975 Like if I had to give you a grade, you are way, way up there. 35 00:02:27,404.9975 --> 00:02:35,324.997 So I just want you to kind of forgive yourself there because there's this thing that has happened in our society that we have told you, you have to bubble wrap your child. 36 00:02:35,324.997 --> 00:02:39,694.997 They shouldn't ride their bike alone because it's dangerous and it's scary. 37 00:02:39,694.997 --> 00:02:41,464.898 So, we lock them in their house. 38 00:02:41,464.998 --> 00:02:44,154.998 And we make sure that they're totally safe all the time. 39 00:02:44,154.998 --> 00:02:48,324.997 We hyper parent, we tell them even at a young age don't run with scissors. 40 00:02:48,354.997 --> 00:02:48,694.997 Okay. 41 00:02:48,694.998 --> 00:02:49,624.998 Yeah, I totally get it. 42 00:02:49,634.998 --> 00:02:53,144.997 That's probably a logical one, but don't play with a little whittling knife. 43 00:02:53,164.998 --> 00:02:58,784.997 Like how many of us don't let kids play with fire or use tools because it could be dangerous. 44 00:02:58,844.997 --> 00:03:00,824.998 They could like hammer their thumb. 45 00:03:00,824.998 --> 00:03:01,84.998 Right. 46 00:03:01,449.998 --> 00:03:04,919.998 We are always hyper parenting and it starts when they're super, super little. 47 00:03:05,179.998 --> 00:03:09,479.998 It's where we've baby proofed everything and we've made sure that they can't get hurt. 48 00:03:09,529.998 --> 00:03:15,679.998 The way that we react is with fear, where we're very quick to intervene and protect against pain. 49 00:03:15,689.998 --> 00:03:22,159.998 Now, I want to tell you, most of these pains that we are protecting our kids from are super, super superficial. 50 00:03:22,639.998 --> 00:03:28,850.098 There's just nothing that's going to take your child and shorten their life, or really create a devastating effect. 51 00:03:28,850.098 --> 00:03:32,970.098 Yet we are not allowing them to be curious and to explore. 52 00:03:32,970.098 --> 00:03:34,220.098 And here's what's happening. 53 00:03:34,230.098 --> 00:03:37,180.097 Here's where I'm seeing things from a high school teacher perspective. 54 00:03:37,970.098 --> 00:03:48,940.098 By the time they're up in the high school, I am seeing kids with a lot of anxiety, a lot of unnecessary worry about failing; fears that they have regarding things that may happen. 55 00:03:49,420.098 --> 00:03:52,920.098 And I have to just kind of call us out on this a little bit. 56 00:03:53,280.098 --> 00:04:07,280.098 A lot of us have told them for years and years and years that they're going to get very hurt, that things will go very wrong if they don't follow the rules and stay safe and do things the proper way. 57 00:04:07,620.098 --> 00:04:20,830.098 And let's be honest, when you're really trying to start a company and you're taking on a lot of risk and it's really, really scary, but you're taking bold steps and you're going in faith and a lot of stuff could go wrong, but we're just going to like jump and hope for the best. 58 00:04:21,320.097 --> 00:04:24,140.098 This is counterintuitive to how we're raising our kids. 59 00:04:24,210.098 --> 00:04:27,30.098 And we need to go and watch ourselves because here's the deal. 60 00:04:27,360.098 --> 00:04:30,310.098 When I was a new mama, I was holding my baby. 61 00:04:30,780.098 --> 00:04:41,633.99722676 And I was praying for her and I didn't pray for my kids to be safe and simple and have normal lives and that everything would be easy. 62 00:04:42,493.99722676 --> 00:04:44,854.588 I just didn't pray that over my kids. 63 00:04:44,854.588 --> 00:04:50,384.5875 What did I pray? I prayed for them to live beautiful lives, amazing lives. 64 00:04:50,394.5885 --> 00:04:51,974.5885 I prayed that they had adventure. 65 00:04:51,974.5885 --> 00:04:53,844.5885 I pray that they met love. 66 00:04:54,114.5885 --> 00:05:00,469.5885 I pray that they had these crazy successes, right? None of that is easy. 67 00:05:00,499.5885 --> 00:05:01,119.5885 None of that. 68 00:05:01,149.5885 --> 00:05:06,669.5885 If you're going to love powerfully, you're going to find some hurt along the way, right? We all know this. 69 00:05:07,169.5885 --> 00:05:12,249.5885 We all know that if we had our first love, it probably ended with a lot of sadness and a lot of tears. 70 00:05:12,579.5885 --> 00:05:15,569.5885 And what am I seeing as a high school teacher? Kids are afraid to date. 71 00:05:15,959.5875 --> 00:05:17,279.5885 They're afraid to ask somebody out. 72 00:05:17,289.5875 --> 00:05:18,709.5885 They're afraid of rejection. 73 00:05:18,719.5885 --> 00:05:20,509.5875 They're afraid of commitment. 74 00:05:20,914.5885 --> 00:05:27,614.5885 Because they've seen that you can get hurt if you commit, if you are rejected, it's going to be embarrassing and that can hurt. 75 00:05:28,114.5885 --> 00:05:37,544.5895 There's some stuff that we need to kind of just go like, are we helping or are we hurting our kids by bubble wrapping them? Here's what we're supposed to be doing. 76 00:05:37,554.5885 --> 00:05:40,24.5885 This is my goal as a teacher and as a life coach. 77 00:05:40,74.5885 --> 00:05:43,254.5885 I want to teach you to release ourselves from the fear. 78 00:05:43,274.5885 --> 00:05:51,124.5885 And we are bombarded by the news, by media, by all this stuff of how dangerous life is for our kids. 79 00:05:51,464.5885 --> 00:05:54,954.5885 We just went through COVID and we know that there was a lot of trauma there. 80 00:05:54,954.5885 --> 00:06:03,364.5885 We were very afraid, even the statistics of how few children were being affected wasn't enough to override the fear that we had for our kids. 81 00:06:03,364.5885 --> 00:06:08,154.5885 And then, you know, couple that with the fear we had over their social learning and their academic learning. 82 00:06:08,154.5885 --> 00:06:09,994.5885 And we just were like bundles of fear. 83 00:06:10,734.5885 --> 00:06:11,584.5885 And they lived with us. 84 00:06:12,414.5885 --> 00:06:16,374.5885 They were living with us and, and just absorbing all of our fear. 85 00:06:16,674.5885 --> 00:06:23,94.5885 And then so many of us were living in such fear that we were unable to really function and trust that things were going to be okay. 86 00:06:23,94.5885 --> 00:06:25,574.588 This is really something that we need to correct now. 87 00:06:25,574.588 --> 00:06:26,384.5885 And it's okay. 88 00:06:26,384.5885 --> 00:06:29,104.5885 We can forgive ourselves for that fear. 89 00:06:29,104.5885 --> 00:06:40,94.5885 That was very valid and real, but now we have this negative impact that we're dealing with in this next generation where we need to counter that they're going to be okay. 90 00:06:40,484.5885 --> 00:06:44,114.5875 What do we need more? We need to raise kids with resilience. 91 00:06:44,184.5885 --> 00:06:49,924.5875 We need to raise kids who know that I can do things that are hard and I can fall down and I can get back up. 92 00:06:50,284.5885 --> 00:06:53,494.5875 I might get hurt, but I know that I can, I can heal. 93 00:06:53,634.5885 --> 00:06:55,114.5885 I can stand back up again. 94 00:06:55,134.5885 --> 00:06:56,744.5885 I'm going to try again. 95 00:06:57,174.5885 --> 00:07:03,234.5875 This honestly is like counterintuitive to how we've been parenting because we want the kids to learn this is sharp. 96 00:07:03,234.5885 --> 00:07:04,154.5885 I might get hurt. 97 00:07:04,254.5885 --> 00:07:04,644.5885 Ow. 98 00:07:05,184.5885 --> 00:07:08,714.5885 That hurt, you know, and then like, don't touch the stove. 99 00:07:08,744.5885 --> 00:07:09,544.5885 You do it once. 100 00:07:09,544.5885 --> 00:07:10,654.5885 You're not doing it again. 101 00:07:10,664.5885 --> 00:07:13,134.5885 You're not an idiot, right? Your kids are not stupid. 102 00:07:13,444.5885 --> 00:07:14,924.5875 Your kids are very smart. 103 00:07:14,934.5885 --> 00:07:15,804.5885 They want to learn. 104 00:07:15,814.5885 --> 00:07:17,104.5875 They're absorbing everything. 105 00:07:17,104.5885 --> 00:07:24,124.5885 But sometimes we learn best through trial and we are reducing our kids exposure to challenge. 106 00:07:24,974.5885 --> 00:07:28,714.5885 The bigger the challenge, the more resilient your child will become. 107 00:07:29,184.5885 --> 00:07:30,839.4885 The harder the fall, the better. 108 00:07:30,899.5885 --> 00:07:35,259.5885 The more they have to recover and resume life knowing that they are strong. 109 00:07:35,269.5885 --> 00:07:36,469.5885 And I always love this metaphor. 110 00:07:36,759.5885 --> 00:07:43,879.5875 When we get hurt, when we have a scar, that scar tissue is so much stronger than the original skin. 111 00:07:44,419.5885 --> 00:07:49,329.5885 It's just this beautiful, beautiful metaphor for how resilient humans are. 112 00:07:49,779.5885 --> 00:07:55,809.5885 And if we look at our bones, when we break a bone, the knitted new bone is so much stronger. 113 00:07:55,809.5885 --> 00:08:00,479.5885 The composition is stronger where it has regrown than the original bone. 114 00:08:00,679.5885 --> 00:08:02,99.5885 This is awesome guys. 115 00:08:02,99.5885 --> 00:08:02,999.5885 This is a Testament. 116 00:08:02,999.5885 --> 00:08:07,199.5885 This is our outward picture of what happens in our soul and in our heart. 117 00:08:07,569.5885 --> 00:08:18,289.5885 So when we hurt, when we are damaged in some way, we, if we do the work and let ourselves heal and take care of ourselves, we can regrow stronger. 118 00:08:18,619.5885 --> 00:08:22,919.5885 Better, more resilient, more able to handle the next hard thing. 119 00:08:23,259.5885 --> 00:08:27,269.5885 And that is the beginning to understanding how resilient we can be. 120 00:08:27,269.5885 --> 00:08:29,339.5885 And it starts when they are babies. 121 00:08:29,859.5885 --> 00:08:31,879.5885 Yes, the table is sharp. 122 00:08:31,889.5885 --> 00:08:32,759.5885 There is a corner. 123 00:08:32,759.5885 --> 00:08:36,479.5885 We should baby bumper it to death and not let Tommy run into it. 124 00:08:36,769.5875 --> 00:08:40,309.5885 But to be honest, we, I grew up without that. 125 00:08:40,554.5885 --> 00:08:46,204.5885 They didn't have styrofoam taped onto all the corners of the mantle and the coffee table. 126 00:08:46,204.5885 --> 00:08:49,594.5875 And, you know, my husband came home in a box from the hospital. 127 00:08:49,594.5885 --> 00:08:51,804.5875 I mean, this was life and look at us. 128 00:08:52,354.5885 --> 00:08:54,294.5875 Generation X is pretty gritty. 129 00:08:54,334.5875 --> 00:08:55,434.5885 We're pretty resilient. 130 00:08:55,734.5885 --> 00:09:03,189.4885 Everybody used to come home, latchkey kids, let themselves in, make theirself a little snack, and then they'd go out and have fun. 131 00:09:03,599.5885 --> 00:09:07,259.5885 Fight and get through stuff and figure things out the hard way. 132 00:09:07,259.5885 --> 00:09:10,589.5885 They would build fires, they would play with fireworks. 133 00:09:10,589.5885 --> 00:09:17,739.5885 I mean, good lord, like that would be the kind of thing that would give us a heart attack and probably people would question our parenting strategies today. 134 00:09:18,129.5885 --> 00:09:20,844.5885 But I'm going to tell you, I think we've lost something here. 135 00:09:22,99.5885 --> 00:09:24,809.5885 There's this amazing channel called Scary Mama. 136 00:09:24,879.5885 --> 00:09:29,529.5885 I watched it years ago and it has stuck with me forever. 137 00:09:29,799.5885 --> 00:09:32,199.5885 There was this mom who was sick and tired of bubble wrapping her kid. 138 00:09:32,199.5885 --> 00:09:35,739.5885 And she saw the negative ramifications and she was like, we've got to do something. 139 00:09:35,749.5885 --> 00:09:42,539.5875 We have to change this direction that we're sending these kids in because they really are losing their resilience. 140 00:09:42,559.5885 --> 00:09:46,569.5885 They're losing their faith in themselves to fail and get back up. 141 00:09:47,9.5885 --> 00:09:48,729.5885 So she designed this playground. 142 00:09:49,59.5885 --> 00:09:52,859.5885 I think it's, it changed the way I parented a little bit when I saw this. 143 00:09:52,909.5885 --> 00:09:56,469.5875 What she did was she created this playground where no parents were allowed. 144 00:09:56,469.5875 --> 00:10:02,619.5885 Because one of the things we do is we step in before the kids have to make a decision of whether that was safe or not. 145 00:10:02,619.5885 --> 00:10:06,929.5875 So we, we intervene too soon because we're able to see farther ahead. 146 00:10:07,354.5885 --> 00:10:08,34.5885 Then they are. 147 00:10:08,34.5885 --> 00:10:12,104.5885 So, YOUR prefrontal cortex is more developed, but THEY need to develop that. 148 00:10:12,174.5885 --> 00:10:14,204.5885 So THEY need to stop and think when they're using it. 149 00:10:14,214.5885 --> 00:10:19,694.5875 So if they're playing with tools, they need to stop and think, if I leave this out, somebody can step on it and hurt their foot. 150 00:10:19,704.5885 --> 00:10:23,474.5875 So a lot of times what we have to do is let them think. 151 00:10:23,844.5885 --> 00:10:25,424.5875 It takes a little longer. 152 00:10:25,734.5885 --> 00:10:30,534.5885 So she said, all right, this is a playground where no parents are involved One. 153 00:10:30,914.5885 --> 00:10:31,144.5885 Two. 154 00:10:31,474.5885 --> 00:10:35,654.5885 She said all right, we're going to leave garbage out, like all kinds of scraps. 155 00:10:35,654.5885 --> 00:10:40,484.5885 We're going to leave wood and nails and tires, like all different kinds of garbage. 156 00:10:40,484.5885 --> 00:10:42,234.5875 This is the kind of stuff as a kid, we loved it. 157 00:10:42,234.5885 --> 00:10:47,679.489 I have a friend who said she had a heap of garbage that they used to play in and they found a tire. 158 00:10:48,349.589 --> 00:10:50,899.589 And she said that tire was a bathroom. 159 00:10:51,149.589 --> 00:10:54,329.589 She said the tire was a garden. 160 00:10:54,379.589 --> 00:10:56,459.589 Like, they did so much stuff with this stupid tire. 161 00:10:56,459.589 --> 00:10:58,989.5895 But, basically, kids' imaginations are wild. 162 00:10:59,9.5885 --> 00:11:00,429.5885 They're so amazing. 163 00:11:00,669.5895 --> 00:11:01,519.5895 So incredible. 164 00:11:01,519.5895 --> 00:11:05,89.5895 And if you let a kid get bored, that imagination's gonna go wild. 165 00:11:05,459.5885 --> 00:11:07,709.5895 So, she said, we're gonna leave a lot of garbage out. 166 00:11:07,859.5895 --> 00:11:10,169.5895 All different stuff that like adults would just throw out. 167 00:11:10,179.5895 --> 00:11:18,619.5895 She's like, we're going to put it all in this playground, but there's no playground because to be honest, statistically, playgrounds are more dangerous than this playground she designed. 168 00:11:18,629.5895 --> 00:11:21,929.5895 She said, the kids have to create their own playgrounds. 169 00:11:22,399.5885 --> 00:11:27,944.4895 What? They had to use this garbage to create a play space. 170 00:11:28,134.5895 --> 00:11:33,384.5895 And it was all going to be through imagination and these kids went to work. 171 00:11:33,394.5895 --> 00:11:38,444.5895 I mean, they were just like, I get to paint, I get to just drill stuff. 172 00:11:38,444.5895 --> 00:11:42,34.5885 I get to put stuff together and I get to test it to see if it works. 173 00:11:42,334.5885 --> 00:11:43,654.5885 I get to use science. 174 00:11:43,664.5885 --> 00:11:46,744.5895 I mean, basically they're using all kinds of physics laws and things like that. 175 00:11:46,959.5895 --> 00:11:50,829.5895 They created tire swings, they were figuring out how to help each other up. 176 00:11:50,839.5895 --> 00:11:54,289.5895 They were figuring out like, Oh, that kid is too short to do this. 177 00:11:54,299.5895 --> 00:11:56,579.5895 So I'm going to adjust it so that everybody can do this. 178 00:11:56,629.5895 --> 00:11:57,149.5895 Amazing. 179 00:11:57,159.5905 --> 00:12:02,889.5905 And then the pride! They got so much pride: Look, they're swinging on the swing I built. 180 00:12:02,899.5905 --> 00:12:04,979.5915 I did that and they're enjoying it. 181 00:12:04,979.5915 --> 00:12:07,559.5915 And I added value to the world. 182 00:12:08,454.5915 --> 00:12:09,54.5915 Boom. 183 00:12:09,224.5915 --> 00:12:12,614.5915 Guys, this is parenting and this is what we've lost. 184 00:12:12,674.5915 --> 00:12:19,594.5915 We need to create this space for kids to really work together, I guess is the best way to put it. 185 00:12:19,914.5915 --> 00:12:29,354.5915 We have to teach them that they have value, that they are creative, that they can add to the world, that they're not going to fail and not be allowed another chance. 186 00:12:29,454.5915 --> 00:12:30,704.5915 I love this idea. 187 00:12:31,434.5915 --> 00:12:34,654.5915 So she put a lot of junk out and she said, okay, here we go. 188 00:12:34,704.5915 --> 00:12:42,84.5905 No parents allowed on, no adults to intercede, intercede in any kind of way or to intervene in any play. 189 00:12:42,664.5915 --> 00:12:46,494.5915 Two, we're going to put out a lot of junk and things that you would not consider safe. 190 00:12:46,774.5915 --> 00:12:49,374.5905 And three, they have to wear safe shoes. 191 00:12:49,434.5915 --> 00:12:51,944.5915 They have to understand that they need to protect themselves. 192 00:12:51,954.5915 --> 00:12:59,694.5915 So they know the rules when they come in, that they're going to try to keep it clean and safe for each other so that they can be safe, but that they must choose to be responsible. 193 00:13:00,404.5915 --> 00:13:01,124.5915 That is it. 194 00:13:01,504.5915 --> 00:13:05,364.5915 And then they were unleashed into this wild, wild West of a playground. 195 00:13:05,674.5915 --> 00:13:07,204.5915 And they loved it. 196 00:13:07,314.5915 --> 00:13:08,64.5915 They LOVED it. 197 00:13:08,364.5915 --> 00:13:16,464.5915 A lot of adults would stand around and study the play happening on this playground, because let's be honest, it's like a crazy science experiment of your children. 198 00:13:16,474.5905 --> 00:13:37,74.7915 So these adults were standing around and they were play therapists, psychologists, child experts, and they were watching these kids and they were like WHOA! We watched this timid child walk in and just unfold into this powerful being who understood that they have limitations and they would test things. 199 00:13:37,74.7915 --> 00:13:37,934.7915 They weren't stupid. 200 00:13:37,944.7915 --> 00:13:42,364.7915 They would, they would build a balancing beam kind of thing and they wouldn't just jump on it. 201 00:13:42,364.7915 --> 00:13:43,934.7915 They were very careful. 202 00:13:43,944.7915 --> 00:13:46,434.7915 They knew I have to do a test. 203 00:13:46,444.7915 --> 00:13:47,404.7915 I have to assess this. 204 00:13:47,509.7915 --> 00:13:53,769.7915 That's the strength and they were going to put in safety protocols that they designed that they felt comfortable with. 205 00:13:55,114.7915 --> 00:14:02,184.7915 Guys, this is a game changer because these kids really, when they left the playground, we're just beaming. 206 00:14:02,604.7915 --> 00:14:04,254.7915 So PROUD of themselves. 207 00:14:04,714.7905 --> 00:14:07,434.7905 So ON FIRE for what they could do. 208 00:14:07,674.7915 --> 00:14:09,454.7915 They wanted to come back the next day. 209 00:14:09,654.7915 --> 00:14:11,694.7915 They couldn't wait to see their friends. 210 00:14:11,964.7915 --> 00:14:16,724.7915 Sometimes they would disagree and no adults were allowed to intervene and they just worked it out. 211 00:14:16,744.7915 --> 00:14:18,64.7915 They learned how to ARGUE. 212 00:14:18,64.7915 --> 00:14:20,454.7915 They learned how to FIX the argument. 213 00:14:20,464.7915 --> 00:14:22,874.7915 They learned how to come to a COMPROMISE. 214 00:14:23,304.7915 --> 00:14:31,314.7905 All of this stuff that I am seeing lacking in the teenagers today was what was being developed on that playground. 215 00:14:31,664.7905 --> 00:14:32,844.7905 And here is my fear. 216 00:14:33,354.7915 --> 00:14:36,304.7915 We are so worried that our kids are going to break. 217 00:14:36,344.7915 --> 00:14:50,104.7915 We're so worried about being judged by other parents because our child might get hurt, that we are robbing our children of their childhood, of the social development and the prefrontal cortex development. 218 00:14:50,364.7915 --> 00:14:53,914.7915 So that they can stop and think about what their actions are going to bring out. 219 00:14:53,924.7915 --> 00:15:01,924.7915 What consequences are coming from their actions? Are you seeing the breakdown that I'm seeing? They're AFRAID to have a fight with a friend because they think that it's not going to get resolved. 220 00:15:01,964.7915 --> 00:15:03,264.7915 And they're honestly right. 221 00:15:03,714.7915 --> 00:15:08,134.7905 They're AFRAID to ask somebody out because they're afraid of REJECTION. 222 00:15:08,379.7915 --> 00:15:19,759.7915 Well, rejection was happening there, and they made it through it, and they figured out how to find a niche in my group, how to be wanted, how to be valuable to the group, and if you create value, you are wanted. 223 00:15:19,769.7915 --> 00:15:20,939.7915 You're not even just accepted. 224 00:15:20,939.7915 --> 00:15:22,189.7915 You're wanted by the group. 225 00:15:22,209.7915 --> 00:15:27,269.7915 When you understand something and contribute that is when people invite you into their space. 226 00:15:27,589.7915 --> 00:15:34,489.7915 So these kids were learning amazing, amazing values at a very, very young age in a free playground. 227 00:15:34,539.7915 --> 00:15:36,799.7915 This is a playground that anybody could create. 228 00:15:37,9.7905 --> 00:15:37,569.7905 Anybody. 229 00:15:37,929.7915 --> 00:15:42,349.7905 They had a waiver that the parents signed off on, and then they just let the kids go. 230 00:15:42,389.7925 --> 00:15:47,939.7915 And if I could change one thing about children's lives right now, I would let them go back outside. 231 00:15:47,989.7915 --> 00:15:49,289.7915 They need to be in COMMUNITY. 232 00:15:49,549.7915 --> 00:15:56,474.7915 You need to get your kids into groups and you need to have a PARENT PACT that maybe you're there watching, but nobody's going to intervene. 233 00:15:56,714.7915 --> 00:15:58,964.7915 If kids are having a fight, we're not going to jump in. 234 00:15:59,244.7915 --> 00:16:04,494.7915 We're going to learn through social interaction and these kids need this time. 235 00:16:04,564.7915 --> 00:16:09,624.7905 They need their time to be weird and figure out how to not be weird because kids are weird. 236 00:16:09,844.7905 --> 00:16:16,64.7915 They need to spin around and fall down and figure out like, wow, That was four times around. 237 00:16:16,84.7915 --> 00:16:18,44.7915 I can only do three and then I fall. 238 00:16:18,54.7915 --> 00:16:24,754.7925 It's a little thing, but these things are really developing so many of our nervous system mechanisms that we're going to need as adults. 239 00:16:25,64.7925 --> 00:16:29,274.7925 So simple, simple requests to parents everywhere. 240 00:16:29,594.7915 --> 00:16:34,514.7925 You need to encourage teenagers and tweens to take risk. 241 00:16:34,854.7925 --> 00:16:46,474.7915 And it's going to be harder for you because you haven't set the stage earlier, but you need to catch it now because what's going to happen is if you keep letting this go, your kids are going to be fear aversive. 242 00:16:46,884.7925 --> 00:16:59,24.7925 They're going to be fearful and they're going to be adverse to failing, so we need to make sure that they know they are safe and they're allowed to fail forward and that they're not going to die. 243 00:16:59,64.7915 --> 00:17:00,674.7925 The end of the world is not coming. 244 00:17:00,934.7915 --> 00:17:18,939.7925 When I have a student having a panic attack, once it's over, it's a great opportunity to talk about it because many times what they've realized after the fact was that what their brain incorporated and imagined and put on them, the fear didn't match the actual circumstance. 245 00:17:18,969.7925 --> 00:17:23,509.7925 And so until we get that to match and align, we need to keep having these conversations. 246 00:17:23,869.7925 --> 00:17:26,789.7915 But younger parents, you have such an easier time of it. 247 00:17:26,799.7925 --> 00:17:30,919.7915 Please, please, please let your kids fail forward. 248 00:17:31,339.7925 --> 00:17:33,559.7925 Let them try to figure stuff out. 249 00:17:33,949.7925 --> 00:17:43,969.7925 Go and find a playground, call up a group of mamas, get your whole class together and tell them, we're going to schedule these times on the playground and we're just going, LET THEM BE. 250 00:17:44,229.7915 --> 00:17:45,749.7915 They don't even have to stay on the playground. 251 00:17:45,979.7915 --> 00:17:48,459.7905 If they do dangerous stuff, we're going to let them. 252 00:17:48,739.7915 --> 00:17:52,649.7915 If they're hurting each other though, that was in the rules, right? You're not allowed to hurt. 253 00:17:52,679.7915 --> 00:17:57,929.8915 So they would get called aside and say, what rule did you break? If you don't do it again, you can go. 254 00:17:58,199.8915 --> 00:17:59,219.8915 If you do, you're out. 255 00:17:59,229.8915 --> 00:18:00,49.8915 You're out of the group. 256 00:18:00,49.8915 --> 00:18:01,309.8915 So they have to learn that norm. 257 00:18:01,309.8915 --> 00:18:08,609.8915 But otherwise, even name calling and stuff like that, they're going to get socially shunned or scorned, and they're going to have to learn to adapt. 258 00:18:08,609.8915 --> 00:18:12,949.8915 You can't go on in life and just make fun of everybody and be accepted in the group. 259 00:18:13,319.8915 --> 00:18:26,929.9905 So if they do this at a younger age and get called out on it and excluded for it, what might happen, and if we're cognizant of it, we can talk to them afterward about their experience and coach them into how do we do better next time. 260 00:18:27,259.9905 --> 00:18:30,569.9915 And then give them another opportunity to keep trying and failing forward. 261 00:18:30,889.9915 --> 00:18:33,169.9915 Your kids are so resilient. 262 00:18:33,419.9905 --> 00:18:35,139.9915 They are craving this independence. 263 00:18:35,139.9915 --> 00:18:37,669.9915 They're craving this time to be creative. 264 00:18:37,989.9915 --> 00:18:40,199.9915 We need to create space for it. 265 00:18:40,569.9915 --> 00:18:43,609.9915 And in this day and age, we have bubble wrapped them. 266 00:18:43,779.9915 --> 00:18:47,549.9915 So undo the bubble wrapping, my friend, let them get a little hurt. 267 00:18:47,769.9915 --> 00:18:49,329.9915 Let them play with the fire. 268 00:18:50,459.9915 --> 00:18:51,249.9915 You can do it. 269 00:18:51,283.3248333 --> 00:18:52,443.3248333 They can make s'mores. 270 00:18:52,493.3248333 --> 00:18:53,113.3248333 It's okay. 271 00:18:53,113.3248333 --> 00:18:55,573.3248333 If they burn the marshmallow, it's okay. 272 00:18:55,673.3248333 --> 00:18:56,813.3248333 Let them make a mess. 273 00:18:57,33.3248333 --> 00:18:58,363.3238333 Let them have to clean it up. 274 00:18:58,763.3248333 --> 00:19:00,343.3238333 Actions have consequences. 275 00:19:00,633.3248333 --> 00:19:05,333.3248333 We have to teach this because this is critical, critical developing in their brain. 276 00:19:05,643.3248333 --> 00:19:06,83.3248333 Yes. 277 00:19:06,83.3248333 --> 00:19:07,283.3248333 It's hard work as a parent. 278 00:19:07,293.3248333 --> 00:19:07,663.3248333 Yes. 279 00:19:07,663.3248333 --> 00:19:08,653.3248333 It takes some time. 280 00:19:08,903.3248333 --> 00:19:15,513.3248333 But conscious little steps every single week can add up to massive, massive brain development. 281 00:19:15,793.3248333 --> 00:19:17,133.3248333 We have to catch them up. 282 00:19:17,183.3248333 --> 00:19:21,933.3248333 This prefrontal cortex really is lagging by about two years with this generation. 283 00:19:22,313.3248333 --> 00:19:23,673.3248333 We've got work to do. 284 00:19:24,53.3238333 --> 00:19:28,158.2248333 Our parenting styles have changed and we need to help them catch up. 285 00:19:28,408.3248333 --> 00:19:35,748.3248333 Back in the old day, they would have been working with adults alongside of them, hoeing gardens with sharp tools. 286 00:19:35,748.3248333 --> 00:19:40,608.3248333 They would have been looking for poison ivy to not pick that with the other stuff. 287 00:19:40,618.3248333 --> 00:19:41,978.3238333 They would have been learning to hunt. 288 00:19:42,298.3238333 --> 00:19:45,208.3248333 They would have been learning to build houses with sharp tools. 289 00:19:45,268.3248333 --> 00:19:47,808.3238333 They would have chopped heads off of animals and plucked them. 290 00:19:47,808.3238333 --> 00:19:54,548.3248333 I mean, talk about like trauma, right? We need to let them experience this because we are losing them guys. 291 00:19:54,558.3248333 --> 00:19:56,158.3248333 We're losing our babies. 292 00:19:56,478.3248333 --> 00:20:05,288.3238333 They are growing up to be insecure and non-confident teenagers, and that is going to lead to an entire generation. 293 00:20:05,288.3238333 --> 00:20:07,648.3238333 I have people who really don't handle stress. 294 00:20:07,648.3238333 --> 00:20:10,318.3238333 Not even that they don't handle it well, they just don't handle it. 295 00:20:10,448.3238333 --> 00:20:13,58.3238333 They don't put themselves into a stressful situation. 296 00:20:13,358.3238333 --> 00:20:17,878.3238333 And that is when all of the joy in life is robbed from you. 297 00:20:18,88.3238333 --> 00:20:20,828.3238333 So don't let your baby fall into this. 298 00:20:21,98.3228333 --> 00:20:22,248.3238333 Take control back. 299 00:20:22,608.3238333 --> 00:20:23,878.3238333 Don't do everything for them. 300 00:20:23,888.3238333 --> 00:20:25,328.3238333 Let them do the hard thing. 301 00:20:25,338.3238333 --> 00:20:28,268.3238333 Let them feel the consequences of their behavior. 302 00:20:28,588.3238333 --> 00:20:36,68.3238333 Talk to them and help them to understand that there's a correlation, that there's a connection, but don't be afraid to allocate that discipline. 303 00:20:36,78.3238333 --> 00:20:39,618.3228333 Don't be afraid to let them have a good fight with a friend. 304 00:20:40,308.3238333 --> 00:20:47,588.3238333 Tell them how to apologize, how to feel that pain, how to feel that embarrassment and navigate through it back to healing. 305 00:20:47,948.3238333 --> 00:20:49,708.3238333 We may not know how to do this well, though. 306 00:20:50,453.3238333 --> 00:20:51,373.3238333 Just being honest. 307 00:20:51,753.3238333 --> 00:20:54,533.3238333 We're a generation that is starting to lose these skills. 308 00:20:54,543.3238333 --> 00:20:59,373.3238333 So if you're having a hard time I think you need to tap into older generations. 309 00:20:59,823.3238333 --> 00:21:05,173.3238333 Maybe you need to talk to parents whose kids are doing a really good job with this and ask them for a mentorship. 310 00:21:05,183.3228333 --> 00:21:07,183.3238333 So I wish you all the best. 311 00:21:07,563.3238333 --> 00:21:10,463.3238333 I know you might need to invest in a couple of band aids. 312 00:21:10,493.3238333 --> 00:21:12,93.3238333 I think you're going to be okay. 313 00:21:12,453.3238333 --> 00:21:13,583.3238333 It's going to be awesome. 314 00:21:13,583.3238333 --> 00:21:17,498.3238333 And I want you to watch this: I want you to watch your child's face. 315 00:21:17,768.3238333 --> 00:21:26,608.3238333 I want you to see the pride on their face when they do hard things and when they're proud of themselves, because it is amazing. 316 00:21:26,888.3238333 --> 00:21:36,148.3238333 And when teenagers do a hard thing, like asking someone on a date or confronting a friend who is doing something really hard and harsh to them. 317 00:21:36,478.3238333 --> 00:21:46,8.3238333 When they confront and they realize they may risk that friendship, but that they're willing to stand up for themselves and also that they're willing to be hurt again by forgiving them... 318 00:21:46,383.3238333 --> 00:21:46,973.3238333 whoa. 319 00:21:47,333.3238333 --> 00:21:56,63.3233333 How many of us have a hard time forgiving because we know if we forgive them, we're setting ourselves up for future hurt? Guys, that's trust and that's love. 320 00:21:56,63.3233333 --> 00:21:58,943.3228333 And people disappoint us all the time. 321 00:21:59,102.4147424 --> 00:22:01,470.5965606 People are not perfect. 322 00:22:01,750.5955606 --> 00:22:03,750.5955606 People hurt people. 323 00:22:03,970.5965606 --> 00:22:06,490.5965606 But, we still want to choose people. 324 00:22:06,550.5965606 --> 00:22:08,30.5965606 We still want to choose love. 325 00:22:08,280.5965606 --> 00:22:13,420.5965606 We still want to choose risk and taking on friends that are new and experiences that are new. 326 00:22:13,780.5965606 --> 00:22:18,520.5965606 Don't rob your child of their capacity to face fear. 327 00:22:19,312.4127424 --> 00:22:24,974.2319242 I pray you all blessings of protection and love, but also of joy and abundance.
Welcome to the self foundry.
Can't Fail Parenting podcast.
I'm so glad you're here.
Grab your iced coffee.
It's a gorgeous day outside.
We are headed into summer, so I have a freebie for you.
.999That is going to be a lifesaver. 8 00:00:13,329.999 --> 00:00:26,600 If you're a mom like me, who knows that your kids are going to have a lot of unstructured time in the summer, while maybe you're busy and working and things like that, and you're trying to wrap your head around monitoring activities, I have a technology contract for you.
(00:26):
.999It's going to really help you with communication, setting ground rules, making sure that you don't lose your mind and making sure that you don't lose your child to the addiction of technology.
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.999I really want you to just feel empowered as a parent, and we're going to be having some great conversations in the next few weeks about how to tackle our summer and really do it well.
And utilize that time with our kids to help them really think about who they're becoming, how they want to do that, what goals do they want to chase, and how are you going to structure that for them so that they can become the best, most amazing little adults possible.
(01:20):
Thanks for joining us today.
Hey, so today I wanted to talk to my parents who have had some traumatic experiences in their child's life.
.999So possibly there was a divorce or some kind of circumstance, maybe something with COVID, it could have been a financial stress or a trauma. 22 00:01:36,684.999 --> 00:01:42,594.9975 So many parents are harboring a lot of guilt, a lot of the feeling that they failed in some way. 23 00:01:42,594.9975 --> 00:01:51,89.9975 And this is actually a huge part of why I call this podcast Can't Fail Parenting because so many parents are defining themselves as failures. 24 00:01:51,99.9975 --> 00:01:54,19.9975 So I'm here to tell you, you can't fail at parenting. 25 00:01:54,29.9975 --> 00:01:56,319.9975 Parenting does not have rules. 26 00:01:56,319.9975 --> 00:01:56,629.9975 Okay. 27 00:01:56,629.9975 --> 00:02:02,609.9975 So like there are laws, right? We know there's laws in the world that tell us as a parent, we need to feed our child. 28 00:02:02,729.9975 --> 00:02:06,329.9975 Our child needs to go to school until they're 16 years of age. 29 00:02:06,599.9975 --> 00:02:09,949.9975 Our child needs to be protected in a house of some sort. 30 00:02:10,159.9975 --> 00:02:18,119.9975 There are rules, but to be honest, most of the rules that we are giving ourselves as parents, they are 100 percent fabricated in our mind. 31 00:02:18,469.9975 --> 00:02:21,19.9965 You are already an A student. 32 00:02:21,49.9975 --> 00:02:22,499.9975 I just want you to hear that. 33 00:02:22,499.9975 --> 00:02:24,4.9975 You're already excellent. 34 00:02:24,14.9975 --> 00:02:27,384.9975 Like if I had to give you a grade, you are way, way up there. 35 00:02:27,404.9975 --> 00:02:35,324.997 So I just want you to kind of forgive yourself there because there's this thing that has happened in our society that we have told you, you have to bubble wrap your child. 36 00:02:35,324.997 --> 00:02:39,694.997 They shouldn't ride their bike alone because it's dangerous and it's scary. 37 00:02:39,694.997 --> 00:02:41,464.898 So, we lock them in their house. 38 00:02:41,464.998 --> 00:02:44,154.998 And we make sure that they're totally safe all the time. 39 00:02:44,154.998 --> 00:02:48,324.997 We hyper parent, we tell them even at a young age don't run with scissors. 40 00:02:48,354.997 --> 00:02:48,694.997 Okay. 41 00:02:48,694.998 --> 00:02:49,624.998 Yeah, I totally get it. 42 00:02:49,634.998 --> 00:02:53,144.997 That's probably a logical one, but don't play with a little whittling knife. 43 00:02:53,164.998 --> 00:02:58,784.997 Like how many of us don't let kids play with fire or use tools because it could be dangerous. 44 00:02:58,844.997 --> 00:03:00,824.998 They could like hammer their thumb. 45 00:03:00,824.998 --> 00:03:01,84.998 Right. 46 00:03:01,449.998 --> 00:03:04,919.998 We are always hyper parenting and it starts when they're super, super little. 47 00:03:05,179.998 --> 00:03:09,479.998 It's where we've baby proofed everything and we've made sure that they can't get hurt. 48 00:03:09,529.998 --> 00:03:15,679.998 The way that we react is with fear, where we're very quick to intervene and protect against pain. 49 00:03:15,689.998 --> 00:03:22,159.998 Now, I want to tell you, most of these pains that we are protecting our kids from are super, super superficial. 50 00:03:22,639.998 --> 00:03:28,850.098 There's just nothing that's going to take your child and shorten their life, or really create a devastating effect. 51 00:03:28,850.098 --> 00:03:32,970.098 Yet we are not allowing them to be curious and to explore. 52 00:03:32,970.098 --> 00:03:34,220.098 And here's what's happening. 53 00:03:34,230.098 --> 00:03:37,180.097 Here's where I'm seeing things from a high school teacher perspective. 54 00:03:37,970.098 --> 00:03:48,940.098 By the time they're up in the high school, I am seeing kids with a lot of anxiety, a lot of unnecessary worry about failing; fears that they have regarding things that may happen. 55 00:03:49,420.098 --> 00:03:52,920.098 And I have to just kind of call us out on this a little bit. 56 00:03:53,280.098 --> 00:04:07,280.098 A lot of us have told them for years and years and years that they're going to get very hurt, that things will go very wrong if they don't follow the rules and stay safe and do things the proper way. 57 00:04:07,620.098 --> 00:04:20,830.098 And let's be honest, when you're really trying to start a company and you're taking on a lot of risk and it's really, really scary, but you're taking bold steps and you're going in faith and a lot of stuff could go wrong, but we're just going to like jump and hope for the best. 58 00:04:21,320.097 --> 00:04:24,140.098 This is counterintuitive to how we're raising our kids. 59 00:04:24,210.098 --> 00:04:27,30.098 And we need to go and watch ourselves because here's the deal. 60 00:04:27,360.098 --> 00:04:30,310.098 When I was a new mama, I was holding my baby. 61 00:04:30,780.098 --> 00:04:41,633.99722676 And I was praying for her and I didn't pray for my kids to be safe and simple and have normal lives and that everything would be easy. 62 00:04:42,493.99722676 --> 00:04:44,854.588 I just didn't pray that over my kids. 63 00:04:44,854.588 --> 00:04:50,384.5875 What did I pray? I prayed for them to live beautiful lives, amazing lives. 64 00:04:50,394.5885 --> 00:04:51,974.5885 I prayed that they had adventure. 65 00:04:51,974.5885 --> 00:04:53,844.5885 I pray that they met love. 66 00:04:54,114.5885 --> 00:05:00,469.5885 I pray that they had these crazy successes, right? None of that is easy. 67 00:05:00,499.5885 --> 00:05:01,119.5885 None of that. 68 00:05:01,149.5885 --> 00:05:06,669.5885 If you're going to love powerfully, you're going to find some hurt along the way, right? We all know this. 69 00:05:07,169.5885 --> 00:05:12,249.5885 We all know that if we had our first love, it probably ended with a lot of sadness and a lot of tears. 70 00:05:12,579.5885 --> 00:05:15,569.5885 And what am I seeing as a high school teacher? Kids are afraid to date. 71 00:05:15,959.5875 --> 00:05:17,279.5885 They're afraid to ask somebody out. 72 00:05:17,289.5875 --> 00:05:18,709.5885 They're afraid of rejection. 73 00:05:18,719.5885 --> 00:05:20,509.5875 They're afraid of commitment. 74 00:05:20,914.5885 --> 00:05:27,614.5885 Because they've seen that you can get hurt if you commit, if you are rejected, it's going to be embarrassing and that can hurt. 75 00:05:28,114.5885 --> 00:05:37,544.5895 There's some stuff that we need to kind of just go like, are we helping or are we hurting our kids by bubble wrapping them? Here's what we're supposed to be doing. 76 00:05:37,554.5885 --> 00:05:40,24.5885 This is my goal as a teacher and as a life coach. 77 00:05:40,74.5885 --> 00:05:43,254.5885 I want to teach you to release ourselves from the fear. 78 00:05:43,274.5885 --> 00:05:51,124.5885 And we are bombarded by the news, by media, by all this stuff of how dangerous life is for our kids. 79 00:05:51,464.5885 --> 00:05:54,954.5885 We just went through COVID and we know that there was a lot of trauma there. 80 00:05:54,954.5885 --> 00:06:03,364.5885 We were very afraid, even the statistics of how few children were being affected wasn't enough to override the fear that we had for our kids. 81 00:06:03,364.5885 --> 00:06:08,154.5885 And then, you know, couple that with the fear we had over their social learning and their academic learning. 82 00:06:08,154.5885 --> 00:06:09,994.5885 And we just were like bundles of fear. 83 00:06:10,734.5885 --> 00:06:11,584.5885 And they lived with us. 84 00:06:12,414.5885 --> 00:06:16,374.5885 They were living with us and, and just absorbing all of our fear. 85 00:06:16,674.5885 --> 00:06:23,94.5885 And then so many of us were living in such fear that we were unable to really function and trust that things were going to be okay. 86 00:06:23,94.5885 --> 00:06:25,574.588 This is really something that we need to correct now. 87 00:06:25,574.588 --> 00:06:26,384.5885 And it's okay. 88 00:06:26,384.5885 --> 00:06:29,104.5885 We can forgive ourselves for that fear. 89 00:06:29,104.5885 --> 00:06:40,94.5885 That was very valid and real, but now we have this negative impact that we're dealing with in this next generation where we need to counter that they're going to be okay. 90 00:06:40,484.5885 --> 00:06:44,114.5875 What do we need more? We need to raise kids with resilience. 91 00:06:44,184.5885 --> 00:06:49,924.5875 We need to raise kids who know that I can do things that are hard and I can fall down and I can get back up. 92 00:06:50,284.5885 --> 00:06:53,494.5875 I might get hurt, but I know that I can, I can heal. 93 00:06:53,634.5885 --> 00:06:55,114.5885 I can stand back up again. 94 00:06:55,134.5885 --> 00:06:56,744.5885 I'm going to try again. 95 00:06:57,174.5885 --> 00:07:03,234.5875 This honestly is like counterintuitive to how we've been parenting because we want the kids to learn this is sharp. 96 00:07:03,234.5885 --> 00:07:04,154.5885 I might get hurt. 97 00:07:04,254.5885 --> 00:07:04,644.5885 Ow. 98 00:07:05,184.5885 --> 00:07:08,714.5885 That hurt, you know, and then like, don't touch the stove. 99 00:07:08,744.5885 --> 00:07:09,544.5885 You do it once. 100 00:07:09,544.5885 --> 00:07:10,654.5885 You're not doing it again. 101 00:07:10,664.5885 --> 00:07:13,134.5885 You're not an idiot, right? Your kids are not stupid. 102 00:07:13,444.5885 --> 00:07:14,924.5875 Your kids are very smart. 103 00:07:14,934.5885 --> 00:07:15,804.5885 They want to learn. 104 00:07:15,814.5885 --> 00:07:17,104.5875 They're absorbing everything. 105 00:07:17,104.5885 --> 00:07:24,124.5885 But sometimes we learn best through trial and we are reducing our kids exposure to challenge. 106 00:07:24,974.5885 --> 00:07:28,714.5885 The bigger the challenge, the more resilient your child will become. 107 00:07:29,184.5885 --> 00:07:30,839.4885 The harder the fall, the better. 108 00:07:30,899.5885 --> 00:07:35,259.5885 The more they have to recover and resume life knowing that they are strong. 109 00:07:35,269.5885 --> 00:07:36,469.5885 And I always love this metaphor. 110 00:07:36,759.5885 --> 00:07:43,879.5875 When we get hurt, when we have a scar, that scar tissue is so much stronger than the original skin. 111 00:07:44,419.5885 --> 00:07:49,329.5885 It's just this beautiful, beautiful metaphor for how resilient humans are. 112 00:07:49,779.5885 --> 00:07:55,809.5885 And if we look at our bones, when we break a bone, the knitted new bone is so much stronger. 113 00:07:55,809.5885 --> 00:08:00,479.5885 The composition is stronger where it has regrown than the original bone. 114 00:08:00,679.5885 --> 00:08:02,99.5885 This is awesome guys. 115 00:08:02,99.5885 --> 00:08:02,999.5885 This is a Testament. 116 00:08:02,999.5885 --> 00:08:07,199.5885 This is our outward picture of what happens in our soul and in our heart. 117 00:08:07,569.5885 --> 00:08:18,289.5885 So when we hurt, when we are damaged in some way, we, if we do the work and let ourselves heal and take care of ourselves, we can regrow stronger. 118 00:08:18,619.5885 --> 00:08:22,919.5885 Better, more resilient, more able to handle the next hard thing. 119 00:08:23,259.5885 --> 00:08:27,269.5885 And that is the beginning to understanding how resilient we can be. 120 00:08:27,269.5885 --> 00:08:29,339.5885 And it starts when they are babies. 121 00:08:29,859.5885 --> 00:08:31,879.5885 Yes, the table is sharp. 122 00:08:31,889.5885 --> 00:08:32,759.5885 There is a corner. 123 00:08:32,759.5885 --> 00:08:36,479.5885 We should baby bumper it to death and not let Tommy run into it. 124 00:08:36,769.5875 --> 00:08:40,309.5885 But to be honest, we, I grew up without that. 125 00:08:40,554.5885 --> 00:08:46,204.5885 They didn't have styrofoam taped onto all the corners of the mantle and the coffee table. 126 00:08:46,204.5885 --> 00:08:49,594.5875 And, you know, my husband came home in a box from the hospital. 127 00:08:49,594.5885 --> 00:08:51,804.5875 I mean, this was life and look at us. 128 00:08:52,354.5885 --> 00:08:54,294.5875 Generation X is pretty gritty. 129 00:08:54,334.5875 --> 00:08:55,434.5885 We're pretty resilient. 130 00:08:55,734.5885 --> 00:09:03,189.4885 Everybody used to come home, latchkey kids, let themselves in, make theirself a little snack, and then they'd go out and have fun. 131 00:09:03,599.5885 --> 00:09:07,259.5885 Fight and get through stuff and figure things out the hard way. 132 00:09:07,259.5885 --> 00:09:10,589.5885 They would build fires, they would play with fireworks. 133 00:09:10,589.5885 --> 00:09:17,739.5885 I mean, good lord, like that would be the kind of thing that would give us a heart attack and probably people would question our parenting strategies today. 134 00:09:18,129.5885 --> 00:09:20,844.5885 But I'm going to tell you, I think we've lost something here. 135 00:09:22,99.5885 --> 00:09:24,809.5885 There's this amazing channel called Scary Mama. 136 00:09:24,879.5885 --> 00:09:29,529.5885 I watched it years ago and it has stuck with me forever. 137 00:09:29,799.5885 --> 00:09:32,199.5885 There was this mom who was sick and tired of bubble wrapping her kid. 138 00:09:32,199.5885 --> 00:09:35,739.5885 And she saw the negative ramifications and she was like, we've got to do something. 139 00:09:35,749.5885 --> 00:09:42,539.5875 We have to change this direction that we're sending these kids in because they really are losing their resilience. 140 00:09:42,559.5885 --> 00:09:46,569.5885 They're losing their faith in themselves to fail and get back up. 141 00:09:47,9.5885 --> 00:09:48,729.5885 So she designed this playground. 142 00:09:49,59.5885 --> 00:09:52,859.5885 I think it's, it changed the way I parented a little bit when I saw this. 143 00:09:52,909.5885 --> 00:09:56,469.5875 What she did was she created this playground where no parents were allowed. 144 00:09:56,469.5875 --> 00:10:02,619.5885 Because one of the things we do is we step in before the kids have to make a decision of whether that was safe or not. 145 00:10:02,619.5885 --> 00:10:06,929.5875 So we, we intervene too soon because we're able to see farther ahead. 146 00:10:07,354.5885 --> 00:10:08,34.5885 Then they are. 147 00:10:08,34.5885 --> 00:10:12,104.5885 So, YOUR prefrontal cortex is more developed, but THEY need to develop that. 148 00:10:12,174.5885 --> 00:10:14,204.5885 So THEY need to stop and think when they're using it. 149 00:10:14,214.5885 --> 00:10:19,694.5875 So if they're playing with tools, they need to stop and think, if I leave this out, somebody can step on it and hurt their foot. 150 00:10:19,704.5885 --> 00:10:23,474.5875 So a lot of times what we have to do is let them think. 151 00:10:23,844.5885 --> 00:10:25,424.5875 It takes a little longer. 152 00:10:25,734.5885 --> 00:10:30,534.5885 So she said, all right, this is a playground where no parents are involved One. 153 00:10:30,914.5885 --> 00:10:31,144.5885 Two. 154 00:10:31,474.5885 --> 00:10:35,654.5885 She said all right, we're going to leave garbage out, like all kinds of scraps. 155 00:10:35,654.5885 --> 00:10:40,484.5885 We're going to leave wood and nails and tires, like all different kinds of garbage. 156 00:10:40,484.5885 --> 00:10:42,234.5875 This is the kind of stuff as a kid, we loved it. 157 00:10:42,234.5885 --> 00:10:47,679.489 I have a friend who said she had a heap of garbage that they used to play in and they found a tire. 158 00:10:48,349.589 --> 00:10:50,899.589 And she said that tire was a bathroom. 159 00:10:51,149.589 --> 00:10:54,329.589 She said the tire was a garden. 160 00:10:54,379.589 --> 00:10:56,459.589 Like, they did so much stuff with this stupid tire. 161 00:10:56,459.589 --> 00:10:58,989.5895 But, basically, kids' imaginations are wild. 162 00:10:59,9.5885 --> 00:11:00,429.5885 They're so amazing. 163 00:11:00,669.5895 --> 00:11:01,519.5895 So incredible. 164 00:11:01,519.5895 --> 00:11:05,89.5895 And if you let a kid get bored, that imagination's gonna go wild. 165 00:11:05,459.5885 --> 00:11:07,709.5895 So, she said, we're gonna leave a lot of garbage out. 166 00:11:07,859.5895 --> 00:11:10,169.5895 All different stuff that like adults would just throw out. 167 00:11:10,179.5895 --> 00:11:18,619.5895 She's like, we're going to put it all in this playground, but there's no playground because to be honest, statistically, playgrounds are more dangerous than this playground she designed. 168 00:11:18,629.5895 --> 00:11:21,929.5895 She said, the kids have to create their own playgrounds. 169 00:11:22,399.5885 --> 00:11:27,944.4895 What? They had to use this garbage to create a play space. 170 00:11:28,134.5895 --> 00:11:33,384.5895 And it was all going to be through imagination and these kids went to work. 171 00:11:33,394.5895 --> 00:11:38,444.5895 I mean, they were just like, I get to paint, I get to just drill stuff. 172 00:11:38,444.5895 --> 00:11:42,34.5885 I get to put stuff together and I get to test it to see if it works. 173 00:11:42,334.5885 --> 00:11:43,654.5885 I get to use science. 174 00:11:43,664.5885 --> 00:11:46,744.5895 I mean, basically they're using all kinds of physics laws and things like that. 175 00:11:46,959.5895 --> 00:11:50,829.5895 They created tire swings, they were figuring out how to help each other up. 176 00:11:50,839.5895 --> 00:11:54,289.5895 They were figuring out like, Oh, that kid is too short to do this. 177 00:11:54,299.5895 --> 00:11:56,579.5895 So I'm going to adjust it so that everybody can do this. 178 00:11:56,629.5895 --> 00:11:57,149.5895 Amazing. 179 00:11:57,159.5905 --> 00:12:02,889.5905 And then the pride! They got so much pride: Look, they're swinging on the swing I built. 180 00:12:02,899.5905 --> 00:12:04,979.5915 I did that and they're enjoying it. 181 00:12:04,979.5915 --> 00:12:07,559.5915 And I added value to the world. 182 00:12:08,454.5915 --> 00:12:09,54.5915 Boom. 183 00:12:09,224.5915 --> 00:12:12,614.5915 Guys, this is parenting and this is what we've lost. 184 00:12:12,674.5915 --> 00:12:19,594.5915 We need to create this space for kids to really work together, I guess is the best way to put it. 185 00:12:19,914.5915 --> 00:12:29,354.5915 We have to teach them that they have value, that they are creative, that they can add to the world, that they're not going to fail and not be allowed another chance. 186 00:12:29,454.5915 --> 00:12:30,704.5915 I love this idea. 187 00:12:31,434.5915 --> 00:12:34,654.5915 So she put a lot of junk out and she said, okay, here we go. 188 00:12:34,704.5915 --> 00:12:42,84.5905 No parents allowed on, no adults to intercede, intercede in any kind of way or to intervene in any play. 189 00:12:42,664.5915 --> 00:12:46,494.5915 Two, we're going to put out a lot of junk and things that you would not consider safe. 190 00:12:46,774.5915 --> 00:12:49,374.5905 And three, they have to wear safe shoes. 191 00:12:49,434.5915 --> 00:12:51,944.5915 They have to understand that they need to protect themselves. 192 00:12:51,954.5915 --> 00:12:59,694.5915 So they know the rules when they come in, that they're going to try to keep it clean and safe for each other so that they can be safe, but that they must choose to be responsible. 193 00:13:00,404.5915 --> 00:13:01,124.5915 That is it. 194 00:13:01,504.5915 --> 00:13:05,364.5915 And then they were unleashed into this wild, wild West of a playground. 195 00:13:05,674.5915 --> 00:13:07,204.5915 And they loved it. 196 00:13:07,314.5915 --> 00:13:08,64.5915 They LOVED it. 197 00:13:08,364.5915 --> 00:13:16,464.5915 A lot of adults would stand around and study the play happening on this playground, because let's be honest, it's like a crazy science experiment of your children. 198 00:13:16,474.5905 --> 00:13:37,74.7915 So these adults were standing around and they were play therapists, psychologists, child experts, and they were watching these kids and they were like WHOA! We watched this timid child walk in and just unfold into this powerful being who understood that they have limitations and they would test things. 199 00:13:37,74.7915 --> 00:13:37,934.7915 They weren't stupid. 200 00:13:37,944.7915 --> 00:13:42,364.7915 They would, they would build a balancing beam kind of thing and they wouldn't just jump on it. 201 00:13:42,364.7915 --> 00:13:43,934.7915 They were very careful. 202 00:13:43,944.7915 --> 00:13:46,434.7915 They knew I have to do a test. 203 00:13:46,444.7915 --> 00:13:47,404.7915 I have to assess this. 204 00:13:47,509.7915 --> 00:13:53,769.7915 That's the strength and they were going to put in safety protocols that they designed that they felt comfortable with. 205 00:13:55,114.7915 --> 00:14:02,184.7915 Guys, this is a game changer because these kids really, when they left the playground, we're just beaming. 206 00:14:02,604.7915 --> 00:14:04,254.7915 So PROUD of themselves. 207 00:14:04,714.7905 --> 00:14:07,434.7905 So ON FIRE for what they could do. 208 00:14:07,674.7915 --> 00:14:09,454.7915 They wanted to come back the next day. 209 00:14:09,654.7915 --> 00:14:11,694.7915 They couldn't wait to see their friends. 210 00:14:11,964.7915 --> 00:14:16,724.7915 Sometimes they would disagree and no adults were allowed to intervene and they just worked it out. 211 00:14:16,744.7915 --> 00:14:18,64.7915 They learned how to ARGUE. 212 00:14:18,64.7915 --> 00:14:20,454.7915 They learned how to FIX the argument. 213 00:14:20,464.7915 --> 00:14:22,874.7915 They learned how to come to a COMPROMISE. 214 00:14:23,304.7915 --> 00:14:31,314.7905 All of this stuff that I am seeing lacking in the teenagers today was what was being developed on that playground. 215 00:14:31,664.7905 --> 00:14:32,844.7905 And here is my fear. 216 00:14:33,354.7915 --> 00:14:36,304.7915 We are so worried that our kids are going to break. 217 00:14:36,344.7915 --> 00:14:50,104.7915 We're so worried about being judged by other parents because our child might get hurt, that we are robbing our children of their childhood, of the social development and the prefrontal cortex development. 218 00:14:50,364.7915 --> 00:14:53,914.7915 So that they can stop and think about what their actions are going to bring out. 219 00:14:53,924.7915 --> 00:15:01,924.7915 What consequences are coming from their actions? Are you seeing the breakdown that I'm seeing? They're AFRAID to have a fight with a friend because they think that it's not going to get resolved. 220 00:15:01,964.7915 --> 00:15:03,264.7915 And they're honestly right. 221 00:15:03,714.7915 --> 00:15:08,134.7905 They're AFRAID to ask somebody out because they're afraid of REJECTION. 222 00:15:08,379.7915 --> 00:15:19,759.7915 Well, rejection was happening there, and they made it through it, and they figured out how to find a niche in my group, how to be wanted, how to be valuable to the group, and if you create value, you are wanted. 223 00:15:19,769.7915 --> 00:15:20,939.7915 You're not even just accepted. 224 00:15:20,939.7915 --> 00:15:22,189.7915 You're wanted by the group. 225 00:15:22,209.7915 --> 00:15:27,269.7915 When you understand something and contribute that is when people invite you into their space. 226 00:15:27,589.7915 --> 00:15:34,489.7915 So these kids were learning amazing, amazing values at a very, very young age in a free playground. 227 00:15:34,539.7915 --> 00:15:36,799.7915 This is a playground that anybody could create. 228 00:15:37,9.7905 --> 00:15:37,569.7905 Anybody. 229 00:15:37,929.7915 --> 00:15:42,349.7905 They had a waiver that the parents signed off on, and then they just let the kids go. 230 00:15:42,389.7925 --> 00:15:47,939.7915 And if I could change one thing about children's lives right now, I would let them go back outside. 231 00:15:47,989.7915 --> 00:15:49,289.7915 They need to be in COMMUNITY. 232 00:15:49,549.7915 --> 00:15:56,474.7915 You need to get your kids into groups and you need to have a PARENT PACT that maybe you're there watching, but nobody's going to intervene. 233 00:15:56,714.7915 --> 00:15:58,964.7915 If kids are having a fight, we're not going to jump in. 234 00:15:59,244.7915 --> 00:16:04,494.7915 We're going to learn through social interaction and these kids need this time. 235 00:16:04,564.7915 --> 00:16:09,624.7905 They need their time to be weird and figure out how to not be weird because kids are weird. 236 00:16:09,844.7905 --> 00:16:16,64.7915 They need to spin around and fall down and figure out like, wow, That was four times around. 237 00:16:16,84.7915 --> 00:16:18,44.7915 I can only do three and then I fall. 238 00:16:18,54.7915 --> 00:16:24,754.7925 It's a little thing, but these things are really developing so many of our nervous system mechanisms that we're going to need as adults. 239 00:16:25,64.7925 --> 00:16:29,274.7925 So simple, simple requests to parents everywhere. 240 00:16:29,594.7915 --> 00:16:34,514.7925 You need to encourage teenagers and tweens to take risk. 241 00:16:34,854.7925 --> 00:16:46,474.7915 And it's going to be harder for you because you haven't set the stage earlier, but you need to catch it now because what's going to happen is if you keep letting this go, your kids are going to be fear aversive. 242 00:16:46,884.7925 --> 00:16:59,24.7925 They're going to be fearful and they're going to be adverse to failing, so we need to make sure that they know they are safe and they're allowed to fail forward and that they're not going to die. 243 00:16:59,64.7915 --> 00:17:00,674.7925 The end of the world is not coming. 244 00:17:00,934.7915 --> 00:17:18,939.7925 When I have a student having a panic attack, once it's over, it's a great opportunity to talk about it because many times what they've realized after the fact was that what their brain incorporated and imagined and put on them, the fear didn't match the actual circumstance. 245 00:17:18,969.7925 --> 00:17:23,509.7925 And so until we get that to match and align, we need to keep having these conversations. 246 00:17:23,869.7925 --> 00:17:26,789.7915 But younger parents, you have such an easier time of it. 247 00:17:26,799.7925 --> 00:17:30,919.7915 Please, please, please let your kids fail forward. 248 00:17:31,339.7925 --> 00:17:33,559.7925 Let them try to figure stuff out. 249 00:17:33,949.7925 --> 00:17:43,969.7925 Go and find a playground, call up a group of mamas, get your whole class together and tell them, we're going to schedule these times on the playground and we're just going, LET THEM BE. 250 00:17:44,229.7915 --> 00:17:45,749.7915 They don't even have to stay on the playground. 251 00:17:45,979.7915 --> 00:17:48,459.7905 If they do dangerous stuff, we're going to let them. 252 00:17:48,739.7915 --> 00:17:52,649.7915 If they're hurting each other though, that was in the rules, right? You're not allowed to hurt. 253 00:17:52,679.7915 --> 00:17:57,929.8915 So they would get called aside and say, what rule did you break? If you don't do it again, you can go. 254 00:17:58,199.8915 --> 00:17:59,219.8915 If you do, you're out. 255 00:17:59,229.8915 --> 00:18:00,49.8915 You're out of the group. 256 00:18:00,49.8915 --> 00:18:01,309.8915 So they have to learn that norm. 257 00:18:01,309.8915 --> 00:18:08,609.8915 But otherwise, even name calling and stuff like that, they're going to get socially shunned or scorned, and they're going to have to learn to adapt. 258 00:18:08,609.8915 --> 00:18:12,949.8915 You can't go on in life and just make fun of everybody and be accepted in the group. 259 00:18:13,319.8915 --> 00:18:26,929.9905 So if they do this at a younger age and get called out on it and excluded for it, what might happen, and if we're cognizant of it, we can talk to them afterward about their experience and coach them into how do we do better next time. 260 00:18:27,259.9905 --> 00:18:30,569.9915 And then give them another opportunity to keep trying and failing forward. 261 00:18:30,889.9915 --> 00:18:33,169.9915 Your kids are so resilient. 262 00:18:33,419.9905 --> 00:18:35,139.9915 They are craving this independence. 263 00:18:35,139.9915 --> 00:18:37,669.9915 They're craving this time to be creative. 264 00:18:37,989.9915 --> 00:18:40,199.9915 We need to create space for it. 265 00:18:40,569.9915 --> 00:18:43,609.9915 And in this day and age, we have bubble wrapped them. 266 00:18:43,779.9915 --> 00:18:47,549.9915 So undo the bubble wrapping, my friend, let them get a little hurt. 267 00:18:47,769.9915 --> 00:18:49,329.9915 Let them play with the fire. 268 00:18:50,459.9915 --> 00:18:51,249.9915 You can do it. 269 00:18:51,283.3248333 --> 00:18:52,443.3248333 They can make s'mores. 270 00:18:52,493.3248333 --> 00:18:53,113.3248333 It's okay. 271 00:18:53,113.3248333 --> 00:18:55,573.3248333 If they burn the marshmallow, it's okay. 272 00:18:55,673.3248333 --> 00:18:56,813.3248333 Let them make a mess. 273 00:18:57,33.3248333 --> 00:18:58,363.3238333 Let them have to clean it up. 274 00:18:58,763.3248333 --> 00:19:00,343.3238333 Actions have consequences. 275 00:19:00,633.3248333 --> 00:19:05,333.3248333 We have to teach this because this is critical, critical developing in their brain. 276 00:19:05,643.3248333 --> 00:19:06,83.3248333 Yes. 277 00:19:06,83.3248333 --> 00:19:07,283.3248333 It's hard work as a parent. 278 00:19:07,293.3248333 --> 00:19:07,663.3248333 Yes. 279 00:19:07,663.3248333 --> 00:19:08,653.3248333 It takes some time. 280 00:19:08,903.3248333 --> 00:19:15,513.3248333 But conscious little steps every single week can add up to massive, massive brain development. 281 00:19:15,793.3248333 --> 00:19:17,133.3248333 We have to catch them up. 282 00:19:17,183.3248333 --> 00:19:21,933.3248333 This prefrontal cortex really is lagging by about two years with this generation. 283 00:19:22,313.3248333 --> 00:19:23,673.3248333 We've got work to do. 284 00:19:24,53.3238333 --> 00:19:28,158.2248333 Our parenting styles have changed and we need to help them catch up. 285 00:19:28,408.3248333 --> 00:19:35,748.3248333 Back in the old day, they would have been working with adults alongside of them, hoeing gardens with sharp tools. 286 00:19:35,748.3248333 --> 00:19:40,608.3248333 They would have been looking for poison ivy to not pick that with the other stuff. 287 00:19:40,618.3248333 --> 00:19:41,978.3238333 They would have been learning to hunt. 288 00:19:42,298.3238333 --> 00:19:45,208.3248333 They would have been learning to build houses with sharp tools. 289 00:19:45,268.3248333 --> 00:19:47,808.3238333 They would have chopped heads off of animals and plucked them. 290 00:19:47,808.3238333 --> 00:19:54,548.3248333 I mean, talk about like trauma, right? We need to let them experience this because we are losing them guys. 291 00:19:54,558.3248333 --> 00:19:56,158.3248333 We're losing our babies. 292 00:19:56,478.3248333 --> 00:20:05,288.3238333 They are growing up to be insecure and non-confident teenagers, and that is going to lead to an entire generation. 293 00:20:05,288.3238333 --> 00:20:07,648.3238333 I have people who really don't handle stress. 294 00:20:07,648.3238333 --> 00:20:10,318.3238333 Not even that they don't handle it well, they just don't handle it. 295 00:20:10,448.3238333 --> 00:20:13,58.3238333 They don't put themselves into a stressful situation. 296 00:20:13,358.3238333 --> 00:20:17,878.3238333 And that is when all of the joy in life is robbed from you. 297 00:20:18,88.3238333 --> 00:20:20,828.3238333 So don't let your baby fall into this. 298 00:20:21,98.3228333 --> 00:20:22,248.3238333 Take control back. 299 00:20:22,608.3238333 --> 00:20:23,878.3238333 Don't do everything for them. 300 00:20:23,888.3238333 --> 00:20:25,328.3238333 Let them do the hard thing. 301 00:20:25,338.3238333 --> 00:20:28,268.3238333 Let them feel the consequences of their behavior. 302 00:20:28,588.3238333 --> 00:20:36,68.3238333 Talk to them and help them to understand that there's a correlation, that there's a connection, but don't be afraid to allocate that discipline. 303 00:20:36,78.3238333 --> 00:20:39,618.3228333 Don't be afraid to let them have a good fight with a friend. 304 00:20:40,308.3238333 --> 00:20:47,588.3238333 Tell them how to apologize, how to feel that pain, how to feel that embarrassment and navigate through it back to healing. 305 00:20:47,948.3238333 --> 00:20:49,708.3238333 We may not know how to do this well, though. 306 00:20:50,453.3238333 --> 00:20:51,373.3238333 Just being honest. 307 00:20:51,753.3238333 --> 00:20:54,533.3238333 We're a generation that is starting to lose these skills. 308 00:20:54,543.3238333 --> 00:20:59,373.3238333 So if you're having a hard time I think you need to tap into older generations. 309 00:20:59,823.3238333 --> 00:21:05,173.3238333 Maybe you need to talk to parents whose kids are doing a really good job with this and ask them for a mentorship. 310 00:21:05,183.3228333 --> 00:21:07,183.3238333 So I wish you all the best. 311 00:21:07,563.3238333 --> 00:21:10,463.3238333 I know you might need to invest in a couple of band aids. 312 00:21:10,493.3238333 --> 00:21:12,93.3238333 I think you're going to be okay. 313 00:21:12,453.3238333 --> 00:21:13,583.3238333 It's going to be awesome. 314 00:21:13,583.3238333 --> 00:21:17,498.3238333 And I want you to watch this: I want you to watch your child's face. 315 00:21:17,768.3238333 --> 00:21:26,608.3238333 I want you to see the pride on their face when they do hard things and when they're proud of themselves, because it is amazing. 316 00:21:26,888.3238333 --> 00:21:36,148.3238333 And when teenagers do a hard thing, like asking someone on a date or confronting a friend who is doing something really hard and harsh to them. 317 00:21:36,478.3238333 --> 00:21:46,8.3238333 When they confront and they realize they may risk that friendship, but that they're willing to stand up for themselves and also that they're willing to be hurt again by forgiving them... 318 00:21:46,383.3238333 --> 00:21:46,973.3238333 whoa. 319 00:21:47,333.3238333 --> 00:21:56,63.3233333 How many of us have a hard time forgiving because we know if we forgive them, we're setting ourselves up for future hurt? Guys, that's trust and that's love. 320 00:21:56,63.3233333 --> 00:21:58,943.3228333 And people disappoint us all the time. 321 00:21:59,102.4147424 --> 00:22:01,470.5965606 People are not perfect. 322 00:22:01,750.5955606 --> 00:22:03,750.5955606 People hurt people. 323 00:22:03,970.5965606 --> 00:22:06,490.5965606 But, we still want to choose people. 324 00:22:06,550.5965606 --> 00:22:08,30.5965606 We still want to choose love. 325 00:22:08,280.5965606 --> 00:22:13,420.5965606 We still want to choose risk and taking on friends that are new and experiences that are new. 326 00:22:13,780.5965606 --> 00:22:18,520.5965606 Don't rob your child of their capacity to face fear. 327 00:22:19,312.4127424 --> 00:22:24,974.2319242 I pray you all blessings of protection and love, but also of joy and abundance.
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