I Went on 200+ Dates : Episode 10

I'm just a Christian girl who went through a weird season of life...and over 200+ dates. Here is my takeaway for parents who have teens dating and want them to choose boyfriends and girlfriends well. This episode focuses on dating around...not sleeping around. When your kids are facing heartache from breakups, losing their values or shame, here is advice from a mama who has been on both sides. I've seen heartbreak as a teen, an adult and as a mom and teacher. It is hard! Let's parent in community as parents raising their children in Christ. Yes, this is controversial and of course I have regrets, but there is a lot of wisdom in the failing my friends!

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We can't keep our kids from experiencing heartache, but we can help them get through breakups with resiliency and newfound wisdom. I teach you how to have the hard conversations.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, it's Dawn, and I wanted to talk to you about my experiences going on over 200 dates in my youth.
Yes, that's right.
.999I went on over 200 dates, um, not with all the same person.
.999Those were 200 individual guys who I decided to go on a date with.
Notice I'm going to push "dating around" separate from "sleeping around".

(00:23):
Okay.
We're going to take this from a Christian perspective and why I believe it's really Godly to ask God to show you what you're supposed to learn from our relationships.
Now, 200 people is excessive, but I honestly believe that I knew exactly the values that I wanted in a husband.
I knew exactly who made me a better person.
I knew who I made a better person.

(00:44):
I became a better person through the experience and I think because we are all raising Children who are thinking about dating, possibly dating.
This can even work if you are dating.
Let's be honest.
A lot of us are in that stage of life again, where you have to go out on dates and it can be really, really terrifying.
So this is SelfFoundry.
.999I do life coaching for teenagers, young adults and parents. 17 00:01:07,634.999 --> 00:01:10,945 So if you are here, you are in the world of the unknown.

(01:11):
There's a lot written for young kids, but we have a lot less information for those of us in the wild, wild West of technology, relationships, social media, all the things AI, everything that's impacting our older generation of kids. 19 00:01:27,518.898113208 --> 00:01:30,318.898113208 ​www.selffoundry.com. 20 00:01:30,338.948113208 --> 00:01:32,508.948113208 That's where you can set up one on one calls with me. 21 00:01:32,528.948113208 --> 00:01:36,698.947113208 I do a free consult call My digital course is a three month immersive program. 22 00:01:36,698.947113208 --> 00:01:39,968.947113208 What I do is I help you understand how the brain works. 23 00:01:39,978.946113208 --> 00:01:41,958.94711321 So we're going to do some emotional IQ learning. 24 00:01:42,278.94711321 --> 00:01:47,978.94711321 Then you're going to learn how to get your whole body to interact with the world in the way you want to. 25 00:01:47,978.94711321 --> 00:01:51,883.94711321 So it's a mind, it's a physiology, how to improve our health and our wellness. 26 00:01:52,183.94711321 --> 00:02:02,563.94661321 And then we're going to put it all into practice where we're going to learn how to relationally grow and all of this to make it a big selling point to your kid is so that they can be wealthy because let's be honest, we serve a God of abundance. 27 00:02:02,613.94661321 --> 00:02:05,3.94561321 And I want to just dive into one topic. 28 00:02:05,23.94661321 --> 00:02:07,63.94661321 Now, this was raised by a mom. 29 00:02:07,63.94661321 --> 00:02:08,373.94611321 It was a question she had. 30 00:02:08,373.94611321 --> 00:02:12,453.94661321 She has a young adult child who has gone through a really hard breakup. 31 00:02:13,13.94561321 --> 00:02:18,443.94661321 Guys, I'm coaching many kids and this is honestly one of the biggest big trip up points is relationships. 32 00:02:18,773.94661321 --> 00:02:22,153.94661321 We need to talk about it because it's really hard to know what to say, what to do. 33 00:02:22,353.94661321 --> 00:02:23,663.94661321 Let's talk about dating. 34 00:02:23,673.94661321 --> 00:02:29,103.94661321 So dating, I think sometimes has been demonized as being bad. 35 00:02:29,493.94561321 --> 00:02:34,988.94661321 I want to kind of consider, our kids today are having a really hard time figuring out their identity. 36 00:02:34,988.94661321 --> 00:02:41,728.94661321 On this link, there is going to be access to a dating fundamentals worksheet. 37 00:02:41,738.94661321 --> 00:02:47,993.94661321 It's going to help you if you're dating or your child figure out their values, their goals, their dreams. 38 00:02:47,993.94661321 --> 00:02:58,103.94661321 Who are they looking for? And then basically what we want to do, our goal as parents is to get our kids to become the person who's going to attract the people and the lifestyle that they're looking for. 39 00:02:58,483.94661321 --> 00:03:05,973.94661321 So if they're looking for an amazing Christian person to come alongside of, that is what we have to get them ready to become. 40 00:03:06,23.94661321 --> 00:03:11,763.94561321 Every generation so far has had a decline in dating, which I find kind of riveting. 41 00:03:12,103.94561321 --> 00:03:15,283.94561321 So boomers, Definitely were dating more. 42 00:03:15,673.94561321 --> 00:03:19,123.94561321 And then, Gen X, there was a decline of people dating. 43 00:03:19,373.94561321 --> 00:03:32,233.94561321 What's really fascinating is that now Gen Z has continued the downward trend where we were seeing 78 percent of boomers went a date had a girlfriend, boyfriend back in the day, these are the men. 44 00:03:32,233.94561321 --> 00:03:33,663.94561321 Gen X, it was 76. 45 00:03:33,673.94561321 --> 00:03:34,873.94561321 So that was pretty similar. 46 00:03:34,883.94561321 --> 00:03:36,683.94561321 Gen Boomer and Gen X. 47 00:03:37,3.94561321 --> 00:03:38,313.94561321 I'm the last Gen X. 48 00:03:38,313.94561321 --> 00:03:38,973.94561321 I'm 45. 49 00:03:38,973.94561321 --> 00:03:43,373.94561321 So if you're younger than 45, you are headed into millennial land. 50 00:03:43,503.94561321 --> 00:03:52,173.94561321 Now there was a decline for the millennials, but the one that's really interesting now is that only 44 percent of Gen Z men are reporting going on a date. 51 00:03:52,183.94561321 --> 00:04:00,323.94561321 What does that mean for your child? Loneliness is equal to obesity in how it affects their life long term. 52 00:04:00,323.94561321 --> 00:04:09,173.94561321 So if we don't get our kids to understand that they're going to have to take a risk, they're going to have to reach out and be uncomfortable, possibly more so than any other generation. 53 00:04:09,223.94561321 --> 00:04:15,33.94561321 What we have to do is encourage them to be really uncomfortable so that they can bring people into their life. 54 00:04:15,33.94561321 --> 00:04:17,213.94461321 So let me go back to me back in my day. 55 00:04:17,633.94461321 --> 00:04:20,473.94461321 I was a Christian, but I was like a baby Christian. 56 00:04:20,523.94561321 --> 00:04:24,853.94561321 I didn't really know how to act in my faith and I was dabbling in it. 57 00:04:24,863.94561321 --> 00:04:27,593.94561321 My friends were Christian too, but not very strong Christians. 58 00:04:27,593.94561321 --> 00:04:28,413.94561321 I went to youth group. 59 00:04:28,413.94561321 --> 00:04:31,573.94561321 I did all the things I went to church, but my church was super small. 60 00:04:31,768.94561321 --> 00:04:36,178.94561321 And I felt like I had to marry a Christian and that was just something that was on my heart. 61 00:04:36,188.94561321 --> 00:04:37,658.94561321 I felt like it was something I had to do. 62 00:04:37,888.94561321 --> 00:04:41,808.94561321 But the problem was I had exactly one option. 63 00:04:42,208.94561321 --> 00:04:43,308.94561321 One to date from. 64 00:04:43,468.94561321 --> 00:04:44,238.94561321 He was a friend. 65 00:04:44,468.94561321 --> 00:04:45,538.94561321 I did go on a date with him. 66 00:04:45,608.94561321 --> 00:04:46,498.94561321 He's not my person. 67 00:04:46,508.94561321 --> 00:04:47,158.94561321 He's lovely. 68 00:04:47,188.94461321 --> 00:04:48,678.94461321 I still am friends with him to this day. 69 00:04:48,968.94561321 --> 00:04:55,268.94561321 But I was really confused because I was like, how am I supposed to find somebody whose values align with mine? My world was too small. 70 00:04:55,573.94561321 --> 00:04:59,123.94561321 I think that could have something to do with what these kids are experiencing. 71 00:04:59,123.94561321 --> 00:05:02,483.94561321 The world is super small, especially when they're locked in their bedrooms. 72 00:05:02,484.04561321 --> 00:05:08,623.94561321 But, but the world also feels overwhelmingly huge because they're so connected to billions of people through social media. 73 00:05:08,663.94561321 --> 00:05:12,13.94561321 And then the problem is figuring out who's your tribe. 74 00:05:12,143.94461321 --> 00:05:18,59.56074283 One of the things that's statistically happening is that kids are not locked into groups with shared values. 75 00:05:18,489.56074283 --> 00:05:22,929.56074283 Churches, youth groups, they do help you lock into people with similar value systems. 76 00:05:22,929.56074283 --> 00:05:28,529.56074283 That way they can form natural relationships and natural connections. 77 00:05:28,924.56074283 --> 00:05:37,224.56074283 When we don't have those locked in groups, the problem is they're just kind of sorting through a lot more gobbledygook, trying to figure out who are their people, who's their tribe. 78 00:05:37,584.56074283 --> 00:05:42,334.55974283 So the first thing I would recommend is get them locked into some groups with similar values. 79 00:05:42,334.56074283 --> 00:05:47,294.56074283 That's the core reason why we need to have, I believe, faith groups. 80 00:05:47,574.56074283 --> 00:05:50,194.56074283 So some kind of faith structuring, bringing them to church. 81 00:05:50,379.56074283 --> 00:05:55,869.56074283 Bring them to something, even if it's not your church's youth group, just knowing that there are kids who have a similar vibe. 82 00:05:55,879.56074283 --> 00:06:11,169.56074283 Now, I know in this area, we have a lot of youth groups and we had to shop around for personalities and style and, just the way that they're connecting that matches my personal children's personalities and goals and value system. 83 00:06:11,219.56074283 --> 00:06:20,49.56074283 Even if you can't find a local group, I really think that you need to kind of consider calling up a bunch of moms and figuring out a way to open up your homes and create the group. 84 00:06:20,79.56074283 --> 00:06:22,879.56074283 If you have to do that, that is something that we need to do. 85 00:06:23,209.56074283 --> 00:06:24,839.56074283 We need to get our kids in community. 86 00:06:24,869.56074283 --> 00:06:28,559.56074283 Boys especially seem to be emotionally needing this connection. 87 00:06:28,869.56074283 --> 00:06:30,689.56074283 Girls are more emotional, more connected. 88 00:06:30,689.56074283 --> 00:06:34,19.55974283 So they're going to naturally find these assimilations, these groupings. 89 00:06:34,379.56074283 --> 00:06:39,59.56074283 So now we have 44 percent of boys have gone on a date that leaves. 90 00:06:39,399.56074283 --> 00:06:47,909.56074283 A giant percentage, 56 percent who are afraid because what happens is when we avoid something that's hard, it's going to make it bigger and harder going forward. 91 00:06:47,929.56074283 --> 00:06:53,259.56074283 And what we want to make sure that we do is that we set them up for success, for confidence. 92 00:06:53,269.56074283 --> 00:07:00,419.56074283 And I think part of what's killing our kids, if I could just be honest, are these promposals and HoCo proposals. 93 00:07:00,429.56074283 --> 00:07:01,519.56074283 They're just so dumb. 94 00:07:01,549.56074283 --> 00:07:02,914.56074283 Can we just put that out there. 95 00:07:02,914.56074283 --> 00:07:03,884.56074283 These are stupid. 96 00:07:04,254.56074283 --> 00:07:15,694.55974283 Why is the kid going to put himself out there publicly, only to be possibly humiliated? If somebody is going to ask me to marry them, they have a pretty good idea of whether I'm going to say yes or no. 97 00:07:15,694.56074283 --> 00:07:18,44.56074283 So if that's a public proposal, that would make sense. 98 00:07:18,374.55974283 --> 00:07:23,954.56074283 But homecoming and prom? I think we need to encourage our kids: go ahead and ask privately first. 99 00:07:24,424.56074283 --> 00:07:26,74.56074283 They can ask on the side. 100 00:07:26,759.56074283 --> 00:07:35,259.56074283 And say, Hey, if I proposed to go to prom, would you like a public proposal? And a lot of girls these days will say, no, you know what? Just keep it private. 101 00:07:35,289.56074283 --> 00:07:37,899.55974283 I really don't need, like, you can just tell people that they missed it. 102 00:07:37,899.56074283 --> 00:07:44,359.56174283 You know, make me a poster if you want to, like all this nonsense has gotten ridiculous because their confidence is already very minimal. 103 00:07:44,659.55974283 --> 00:07:49,419.56074283 So as a mom, I want you to encourage your kids to just, Take it back down to private. 104 00:07:49,889.56074283 --> 00:07:52,189.56074283 Another thing is just be open. 105 00:07:52,199.56074283 --> 00:07:59,499.56074283 The reason I went on 200 dates with different guys over the course of over 12 years, by the way, this is not all in one year. 106 00:07:59,929.56074283 --> 00:08:04,499.56074283 It was because I wanted to leave myself open to who God was asking me to be with. 107 00:08:04,989.56074283 --> 00:08:06,649.46074283 I had an idea in my head. 108 00:08:06,799.56074283 --> 00:08:10,519.56074283 That I needed to have X, Y, and Z in a boyfriend or a husband. 109 00:08:10,869.56074283 --> 00:08:13,209.56074283 And I was very tunnel visioned on those things. 110 00:08:13,239.56074283 --> 00:08:14,579.56074283 And God prompted me. 111 00:08:14,579.56074283 --> 00:08:21,509.56074283 He was like, maybe who I'm sending you isn't matching your 16 year old ideal of who the perfect person is. 112 00:08:21,889.56074283 --> 00:08:25,429.55974283 And so he said, I created everybody to be children of God. 113 00:08:25,439.56074283 --> 00:08:33,159.56074283 So how do you know who you're supposed to be with when you don't even know who you are? So He kind of like took it back a notch, which I love. 114 00:08:33,169.56074283 --> 00:08:35,159.56074283 So I have created this worksheet. 115 00:08:35,439.56074283 --> 00:08:42,879.56074283 That again, you can click on and get access to, but it helps you to come up with all of the ideas of who you think is the perfect person. 116 00:08:43,389.56074283 --> 00:08:48,789.56074283 And then it asks you to do this whole exercise where you're looking at actual people in your lives and putting the two together. 117 00:08:49,99.56074283 --> 00:08:56,974.56074283 So one of the things that I really started to recognize was that, I was looking at the physical, the external, which is so common in the Bible. 118 00:08:56,974.56074283 --> 00:09:00,64.56074283 David was the youngest, skinniest, scrawniest brother. 119 00:09:00,314.56074283 --> 00:09:06,724.56074283 And everybody thought one of the older, better looking, bigger, stronger brothers was going to be the one that God chose. 120 00:09:06,774.56074283 --> 00:09:09,774.56074283 But the problem is sometimes God chooses the people who we don't expect. 121 00:09:09,774.56074283 --> 00:09:10,604.56074283 And when I read that. 122 00:09:10,654.66074283 --> 00:09:30,554.56074283 That verse, that scripture, I was like, Whoa, what if, what if I'm one of those people? What if I'm one of the public people who thinks I need to have X, Y, and Z when reality is God's got somebody anointed for me, like who set aside for me that doesn't necessarily match what my socially programmed brain is looking for. 123 00:09:30,884.56074283 --> 00:09:35,774.56074283 And it's really interesting because, you know, I ended up marrying a very big muscular guy, and I was into that. 124 00:09:35,774.56074283 --> 00:09:38,134.56074283 I was into fitness, and I was working out. 125 00:09:38,144.56074283 --> 00:09:40,364.56074283 I was lifting, and he's a redhead. 126 00:09:40,384.56074283 --> 00:09:42,344.56074283 Never would have dated a redhead, no offense. 127 00:09:42,344.56074283 --> 00:09:45,104.56074283 But like, I just, it wasn't something on my radar. 128 00:09:45,124.56074283 --> 00:09:46,374.55974283 I just never thought of that. 129 00:09:46,544.56074283 --> 00:09:47,734.56074283 He was in a Christian school. 130 00:09:47,734.56074283 --> 00:09:48,834.56074283 I wouldn't have connected with him. 131 00:09:48,834.56074283 --> 00:10:06,869.56074283 There were so many things, and it was only until I had gone through all of the exploration of what mattered to me that I started to get down to the real nitty gritty of what I wanted, what I wanted, what I knew God was putting on my life was that I was supposed to raise children and be a mom first. 132 00:10:06,869.56074283 --> 00:10:13,29.56074283 And I had a second career that was going to emerge one day, but that kind of got revealed to me over the years. 133 00:10:13,29.56074283 --> 00:10:16,279.56074283 Like I had to kind of figure all that out that I had two careers. 134 00:10:16,279.56074283 --> 00:10:21,859.56074283 I was looking at two versions of me, Very hardwired versions of me that we're going to be coming. 135 00:10:22,209.56074283 --> 00:10:36,709.55974283 And I have to say because I did my homework, because I did my research, because I calmed down because I didn't get emotionally entangled with every single person that I met, I was able to choose very logically the kind of person that I wanted to be with. 136 00:10:36,739.56074283 --> 00:10:37,949.56074283 And that was my husband. 137 00:10:37,949.56074283 --> 00:10:41,19.56074283 And he did not match a lot of what I was looking for. 138 00:10:41,19.56074283 --> 00:10:42,654.56074283 Like some were like, Check. 139 00:10:42,784.56074283 --> 00:10:46,44.56074283 Other things it was like wild card wasn't in the cards for me. 140 00:10:46,404.56074283 --> 00:10:49,544.56074283 So I want you to encourage your kids to just have more fun. 141 00:10:49,964.56074283 --> 00:10:52,324.56074283 I think they take things a little bit too seriously these days. 142 00:10:52,334.56074283 --> 00:10:53,204.56074283 That's what I'm seeing. 143 00:10:53,374.55974283 --> 00:10:54,374.56074283 So there's rules. 144 00:10:54,374.56074283 --> 00:11:01,594.56074283 So rules for dating that you should be encouraging your kids is to not get romantically involved for three months. 145 00:11:01,964.56074283 --> 00:11:05,844.56074283 Go on a date, have a fun, have a fun date, hang out. 146 00:11:06,174.55974283 --> 00:11:08,104.56074283 Don't use friends as middlemen. 147 00:11:08,154.56074283 --> 00:11:09,884.56074283 Friends mess up the communication. 148 00:11:09,974.56074283 --> 00:11:10,864.56074283 Let's just be honest. 149 00:11:11,154.55974283 --> 00:11:12,614.56074283 Your friends don't know what's best for you. 150 00:11:12,624.56074283 --> 00:11:13,654.56074283 You know what's best for you. 151 00:11:13,664.56074283 --> 00:11:14,824.56074283 God knows what's best for you. 152 00:11:14,884.56074283 --> 00:11:17,34.56074283 Parents who know you know what's best for you. 153 00:11:17,314.56074283 --> 00:11:18,264.56074283 Your friends do not. 154 00:11:18,264.56074283 --> 00:11:20,244.46074283 So friends who meddle, just don't. 155 00:11:20,254.56074283 --> 00:11:23,804.56074283 Have a conversation with your kids about asking them to step back. 156 00:11:24,114.56074283 --> 00:11:28,424.56074283 Listen, I'm not trying to be overly crazy, but I have seen the drama. 157 00:11:28,804.56074283 --> 00:11:33,764.56074283 I've seen the drama in the classroom that happens when friends get involved in dating. 158 00:11:34,134.56074283 --> 00:11:41,474.56074283 Kids need to learn to have the confidence to go forward and be uncomfortable and put themselves out there and face rejection. 159 00:11:41,554.56074283 --> 00:11:52,184.56074283 So you can ask the kids before they get into this, what would it feel like if she said no? What would it feel like if he said no? What if you put yourself out there and they said, you know what? I'm just not ready. 160 00:11:52,574.56074283 --> 00:11:58,94.56074283 And one of the things that I've had to coach my kids in is, and honestly, it's a work in progress because it's interesting. 161 00:11:58,104.56074283 --> 00:12:03,464.56074283 Like it just happened the other day at the gym, two boys came up, one was a friend awkwardly asking for another friend. 162 00:12:03,464.56074283 --> 00:12:04,594.55974283 That's why I'm kind of bringing this up. 163 00:12:05,34.56074283 --> 00:12:07,954.56074283 My daughter had to nicely say no. 164 00:12:08,206.2274095 --> 00:12:10,466.2274095 It was just something that she felt that she needed to do. 165 00:12:10,486.2274095 --> 00:12:12,246.2274095 And she handled it really well. 166 00:12:12,536.2274095 --> 00:12:15,246.2274095 Other times though, I have heard that my kids have not handled it. 167 00:12:15,246.2274095 --> 00:12:18,906.2274095 Well, they've giggled made the person feel really uncomfortable and very small. 168 00:12:19,126.2264095 --> 00:12:24,476.2264095 So we need to have conversations with our kids to figure out how to tactfully say, no. 169 00:12:24,876.2274095 --> 00:12:26,556.2274095 God says, no, it's a Holy word. 170 00:12:26,556.2274095 --> 00:12:30,246.2274095 We all need to learn to say no sometimes, but also when to say yes. 171 00:12:30,276.2274095 --> 00:12:35,856.2274095 And to say, I'm open to finding another companion, another friend, another person to connect with. 172 00:12:36,236.2274095 --> 00:12:38,716.2274095 Think of it as a giant psych study. 173 00:12:39,6.2274095 --> 00:12:40,366.2274095 I think that's how I thought about it. 174 00:12:40,996.2274095 --> 00:12:59,176.2274095 I was like, what is the personality type that I can be with forever? What is the personality type that makes me feel confident and feel good and feel comfortable and feel empowered and want to come alongside of forever? I don't wake up ever any day of my life and look at my husband and go, I made a mistake. 175 00:12:59,556.2274095 --> 00:13:00,356.2274095 I really didn't. 176 00:13:00,436.2274095 --> 00:13:01,496.2274095 I didn't make a mistake. 177 00:13:01,526.2274095 --> 00:13:03,626.2274095 I never have that feeling. 178 00:13:03,996.2274095 --> 00:13:05,676.2264095 Because I took my time. 179 00:13:05,996.2264095 --> 00:13:08,56.2274095 And I want everybody to take their time. 180 00:13:08,76.2274095 --> 00:13:20,626.2274095 I had a lot of pressures on me from my own brain because my grandparents, my grandparents, My parents, a lot of my aunts and uncles and my friends found their person in high school and stayed with them. 181 00:13:20,966.2274095 --> 00:13:24,696.2274095 And I really thought that was what I had to do because we had to grow up together. 182 00:13:24,976.2274095 --> 00:13:33,236.2274095 And the reality is, although I love some of my long term boyfriends from high school, college days I probably could have even married them. 183 00:13:33,856.2274095 --> 00:13:36,376.2274095 I wasn't my full self. 184 00:13:36,426.2274095 --> 00:13:39,596.2274095 I wasn't my full person yet and that's okay to say that. 185 00:13:39,596.2274095 --> 00:13:44,56.2269095 So I think we need to let our kids have permission to dial down the seriousness. 186 00:13:44,456.2269095 --> 00:13:46,716.2269095 One of the rules is don't kiss for three months. 187 00:13:46,766.2269095 --> 00:13:56,696.2269095 You give away a little bit of your soul when you give away sexually parts of yourself and you get very confused emotionally because let's be honest, kids hormones run really hot and high. 188 00:13:57,6.2269095 --> 00:13:58,186.2269095 Emotions are super high. 189 00:13:58,186.2269095 --> 00:13:59,296.2269095 Passions are super high. 190 00:13:59,296.2269095 --> 00:14:02,936.2269095 There's nothing more powerful probably than your first kiss. 191 00:14:03,36.2269095 --> 00:14:03,636.2269095 Love. 192 00:14:04,6.2269095 --> 00:14:10,196.2269095 And then the reciprocal of that is going to be, there's nothing more powerful than your first breakup. 193 00:14:10,416.2269095 --> 00:14:18,236.2269095 It can really transform a child forever and then get very stuck and start to have conversations with themselves about who they are because of what happened. 194 00:14:18,456.2259095 --> 00:14:27,716.2259095 Help our kids think forward, think through this ahead of time, and you're going to have to have some really interesting conversations, which is why I created that worksheet that you can do too. 195 00:14:27,726.2259095 --> 00:14:40,196.2259095 It's interesting to kind of think about what are the values you used to look at? What are the values that you appreciate in your spouse or that you're looking for right now if you're dating? But it's something that we need to encourage because God forbid our kids are lonely for life. 196 00:14:40,196.2259095 --> 00:14:41,56.2259095 We don't want them. 197 00:14:41,66.2259095 --> 00:14:42,116.2259095 This is good practice. 198 00:14:42,136.2259095 --> 00:14:47,546.2259095 It's a practice round for like later, good, strong, real relationships that are gonna last. 199 00:14:47,836.2249095 --> 00:14:49,866.1259095 Some relationships from high school will last. 200 00:14:50,636.2259095 --> 00:14:52,256.2259095 Many, many, many will not. 201 00:14:52,576.2259095 --> 00:15:02,216.2249095 Most of the kids that I talk to who graduated from high school,, they really do shake off old friendships, and they really stay strong with the college friends, with, uh, work friends, and things like that. 202 00:15:02,226.2249095 --> 00:15:10,956.2259095 Because you're doing life in that circumstance, especially small schools, where you might have 20 to 50 kids in your gender to pick from to be friends with. 203 00:15:10,956.2259095 --> 00:15:20,381.2259095 Like, how likely is it that 1 out of 30 is gonna be your bestie? So Give your kids that calm voice that like, it's okay if this isn't your person. 204 00:15:20,691.2259095 --> 00:15:22,211.2259095 It just means we're going to practice. 205 00:15:22,281.2259095 --> 00:15:28,971.2259095 Figure out what we're looking for so that when you have 3000, 10, 000 kids to pick from, then you know what to look for. 206 00:15:28,981.2249095 --> 00:15:33,31.2259095 Then you know how to get into a group, how to find people with values that align with you. 207 00:15:33,241.2259095 --> 00:15:45,21.2249095 Now, Another thing is we have to have good structure, good boundaries, because we know back in the nineties, if you were a nineties or an eighties kid, you might've seen that transition into, um, "sex can wait". 208 00:15:45,781.2259095 --> 00:15:45,921.2259095 Okay. 209 00:15:45,921.2259095 --> 00:15:47,751.2249095 I was part of this awful, awful group. 210 00:15:48,71.2259095 --> 00:15:51,611.2249095 It was health interested teens own program on sexuality HITOPS. 211 00:15:51,631.2259095 --> 00:15:52,561.2259095 It came out of Princeton. 212 00:15:52,571.2249095 --> 00:15:57,171.2264095 It was this trial psychology program and we got chosen and hot mess. 213 00:15:57,201.2264095 --> 00:15:58,321.2264095 Let's just say hot. 214 00:15:58,336.3264095 --> 00:16:08,686.2264095 But it really put a focus on sex and it was part of the government's work to, uh, stop kids from having teen pregnancies and slow down the sex. 215 00:16:08,686.2264095 --> 00:16:13,36.2264095 And the interesting thing is that program, that system that ran through the 90s worked. 216 00:16:13,386.2254095 --> 00:16:20,520.0514095 There has been a decline of teen pregnancies and teen sex and it's continued to decline, particularly post pandemic. 217 00:16:20,520.0514095 --> 00:16:24,426.2264095 However, this doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing. 218 00:16:24,976.2264095 --> 00:16:26,76.2264095 I'm just going to put that out there. 219 00:16:26,406.2264095 --> 00:16:30,556.2264095 It also is an indicator that kids are not getting out and they're feeling very isolated. 220 00:16:30,906.2264095 --> 00:16:33,106.2264095 Remember, loneliness is a thought. 221 00:16:33,136.2264095 --> 00:16:35,6.2264095 It's a feeling of loneliness. 222 00:16:35,286.2264095 --> 00:16:40,746.2264095 I could be surrounded by a lot of people and not feel connected and not feel like I belong. 223 00:16:41,116.2264095 --> 00:16:43,396.2254095 And so I can feel lonely even in a crowd. 224 00:16:43,776.2254095 --> 00:16:56,936.2264095 And then what starts to happen is that we see an uptick in loneliness, connecting to depression over 35 percent higher chance of becoming depressed if we, find ourselves feeling lonely, whether we are or not, it's a feeling. 225 00:16:57,426.2264095 --> 00:16:59,866.2264095 So we have to really check our kids checkpoints. 226 00:16:59,876.2264095 --> 00:17:03,966.2254095 How lonely do they feel? So the other day I posted, "make sure that you hug your kid". 227 00:17:04,396.2254095 --> 00:17:08,326.2264095 We want to make sure that we're touching and hugging our children naturally. 228 00:17:08,596.2264095 --> 00:17:09,896.2254095 You're not going to force it on them. 229 00:17:10,486.2264095 --> 00:17:14,866.2264095 Some parents they read my posts and they're like, I want a hug from their, their daughter or their son. 230 00:17:14,866.2264095 --> 00:17:17,276.2264095 And the kid's like, no, like a little, a little too shocking. 231 00:17:17,276.2264095 --> 00:17:18,806.2254095 Okay, we want to like slow down. 232 00:17:19,116.2264095 --> 00:17:22,966.2264095 We want to look for the right opportunities and make it habitual over time. 233 00:17:22,966.2264095 --> 00:17:24,356.2264095 Some families do not touch. 234 00:17:24,356.2264095 --> 00:17:25,886.2264095 Some families don't say, I love you. 235 00:17:25,886.2264095 --> 00:17:28,536.2254095 Some families culturally just are not warm and fuzzy. 236 00:17:28,906.2264095 --> 00:17:32,116.2264095 But what happens too, is that kids know that they need that. 237 00:17:32,126.2264095 --> 00:17:33,206.2264095 Think about all those little. 238 00:17:33,566.2264095 --> 00:17:49,651.2264095 The psychology studies where the monkeys, they needed the fuzzy little blanket touch to replace mommy versus the wire mommy with the bottle, like all that traumatizing psychology study, babies needed to feel soft, warm touch. 239 00:17:50,151.2264095 --> 00:17:54,21.2264095 This doesn't change when you're a teenager, and I believe it doesn't change as you're an adult. 240 00:17:54,321.2264095 --> 00:18:03,891.2264095 That's why when you have an elderly person who's going through dementia, giving them a baby doll to touch, to snuggle, to love on, there is something very, very powerful about touch. 241 00:18:04,131.2264095 --> 00:18:06,21.2264095 God created us to be in community. 242 00:18:06,21.2264095 --> 00:18:08,571.2264095 When God made Adam, he said. 243 00:18:08,791.2264095 --> 00:18:12,221.2264095 This isn't good, right? He made female and he said, this is good. 244 00:18:12,551.2264095 --> 00:18:16,361.2264095 Partnership, togetherness, lack of loneliness, that companionship. 245 00:18:16,671.2264095 --> 00:18:21,141.2264095 So we want to help our kids get ready to practice that, but they need to practice it appropriately. 246 00:18:21,511.2254095 --> 00:18:26,911.2264095 We know that the statistics of pornography going to our child's phones is terrifying. 247 00:18:27,381.2254095 --> 00:18:28,201.2259095 Back in our day. 248 00:18:28,201.2259095 --> 00:18:38,381.3244095 How did we get pornography? You had to have a friend or a parent who had pornography under their mattress, or you had to get behind the black curtain at blockbuster to be able to get access to pornography. 249 00:18:38,751.3254095 --> 00:18:40,721.3254095 First of all, this is an algorithm issue. 250 00:18:41,31.3254095 --> 00:18:52,178.0518246 The algorithm is tripped up when our child is shocked, When they stall on seeing something, when they linger, when they let it replay because they're like brain is processing what they just saw. 251 00:18:52,208.0518246 --> 00:18:55,28.0518246 And let's face it, the human body naked is quite shocking. 252 00:18:55,348.0518246 --> 00:18:59,988.0508246 When you have a child stumble over that and algorithm is like, "Oh, that was interesting to you. 253 00:19:00,28.0518246 --> 00:19:06,708.0518246 Let me throw you something similar and see if that was correct, if it was interesting to you", and then all of a sudden, the kids phones are getting bombarded with it. 254 00:19:06,718.0518246 --> 00:19:08,58.0518246 So we need to be super careful. 255 00:19:08,58.0518246 --> 00:19:09,498.0518246 This is boys and girls, by the way. 256 00:19:09,758.0518246 --> 00:19:13,958.0518246 Please do not think girls are not susceptible to pornography pulling them in. 257 00:19:14,258.0518246 --> 00:19:20,348.0528246 And we can tell that the downward negative effect of pornography on marriages is rapidly climbing. 258 00:19:20,348.0528246 --> 00:19:28,968.0528246 I mean, there's actually support groups in most Christian churches that are pretty large for this for people addicted to pornography because it is so detrimental to their relationships. 259 00:19:29,308.0528246 --> 00:19:36,978.0528246 So this is just stuff to kind of keep in mind is to have conversations with your kids, but also to provide that warm, loving contact whenever it's natural. 260 00:19:37,328.0528246 --> 00:19:46,968.0528246 Natural would be when kids are tired, when they're sleepy, when they're having a weak moment, it can start with like a gentle, like lingering touch on their shoulder while they're doing homework. 261 00:19:46,968.0528246 --> 00:19:49,108.0528246 And they're, getting very flustered or worn out. 262 00:19:49,408.0528246 --> 00:19:56,753.0528246 You can ask them, like, can I give you a little hug? Sometimes like I can start with a side hug, and eventually like become more and more immersed. 263 00:19:56,753.0528246 --> 00:20:01,253.0528246 I mean, I have times when my kids just give me like the little, like bye ma, like hug on the side. 264 00:20:01,253.0528246 --> 00:20:03,133.0528246 And I'm like, okay, that's what they wanted right now. 265 00:20:03,413.0528246 --> 00:20:06,903.0528246 And then I have times when my kids are like full on just like melting into me. 266 00:20:07,323.0528246 --> 00:20:12,568.0528246 It is definitely dependent on their rollercoaster of emotions and all of the All that stuff. 267 00:20:12,588.0528246 --> 00:20:16,888.0528246 But it is important to offer it to always be offering it because we don't offer it. 268 00:20:16,888.0528246 --> 00:20:20,958.0528246 They're going to seek it and we want to make sure that they're seeking it from appropriate sources. 269 00:20:21,338.0528246 --> 00:20:23,598.0518246 So hopefully that gives you some encouragement. 270 00:20:23,608.0528246 --> 00:20:31,338.0528246 And yes, if you haven't had it as a practice going forward, you can start to build it in slowly, but look for natural moments of connection and need. 271 00:20:31,348.0528246 --> 00:20:36,8.0528246 It would be really, really important to give them that kind of space. 272 00:20:36,458.0528246 --> 00:20:42,828.0528246 So One of the things that they're finding is that there are some reasons why kids are not actively dating. 273 00:20:44,58.0528246 --> 00:20:46,398.0528246 One of them you can imagine is social media. 274 00:20:46,458.0528246 --> 00:20:48,218.0518246 They're connecting from their bedrooms. 275 00:20:48,238.0528246 --> 00:20:50,188.0528246 They're on these gaming sites. 276 00:20:50,188.0528246 --> 00:20:52,188.0528246 They're, they're talking, they're socializing. 277 00:20:52,188.0528246 --> 00:20:55,518.0518246 It's the new form of socialization, but they're with people that they already know. 278 00:20:55,528.0518246 --> 00:21:00,998.0528246 First of all, often same sex, very uncommon for boys and girls to be gaming together. 279 00:21:00,998.0528246 --> 00:21:02,288.0528246 That's not as typical. 280 00:21:02,708.0528246 --> 00:21:05,998.0528246 And then also, We have hypervigilant parents. 281 00:21:06,398.0528246 --> 00:21:08,18.0528246 Here's where we can do something. 282 00:21:08,598.0528246 --> 00:21:11,808.0528246 We can encourage kids to have friends over to game. 283 00:21:11,818.0528246 --> 00:21:19,238.0528246 We can encourage that community and we need to get other parents involved too so that we can have reciprocated movement around houses. 284 00:21:19,568.0528246 --> 00:21:29,258.0528246 Encourage your kids to go to groups like youth groups and things like that and connect with gamers if that's their thing or other kids who do stuff and vary the groups of people who they play with. 285 00:21:29,268.0528246 --> 00:21:30,958.0528246 We want to like start to have outreaching. 286 00:21:30,968.1528246 --> 00:21:40,918.1528246 We also want to make sure because when you think about it, I would never have asked somebody to date if my parents were like hyper helicoptering over me. 287 00:21:41,258.1518246 --> 00:21:43,888.1518246 We want to make sure that we give our kids some privacy and some space. 288 00:21:43,898.1508246 --> 00:21:46,338.1513246 So you can't be checking their phone all the time. 289 00:21:46,338.1513246 --> 00:21:50,478.1518246 I mean, we do have to have some trust as they get older and we're starting to open up to that. 290 00:21:50,478.1518246 --> 00:21:55,778.1518246 But I want to encourage you to have conversations, but not be accusational. 291 00:21:55,788.1518246 --> 00:21:59,903.1518246 To be concerned, but not be worried, if that makes sense. 292 00:22:00,143.1518246 --> 00:22:10,923.1513246 Because parents are micromanaging every minute of every day for these kids, we don't let them have freedom, they go out and we have to have them back, at a certain time and you're tracking them on their phone. 293 00:22:10,943.1513246 --> 00:22:14,973.1503246 I, I am so anti tracking your child on the phone, by the way, it's terrible. 294 00:22:15,283.1513246 --> 00:22:19,223.1513246 We have a system in our house where I tell them I'm not looking. 295 00:22:19,353.1513246 --> 00:22:21,663.1513246 Unless they're not responding and it's after curfew. 296 00:22:22,23.1513246 --> 00:22:27,503.1513246 So I am able to see, but I do not actively track and they're okay with that. 297 00:22:27,513.1513246 --> 00:22:28,653.1513246 They, they trust me. 298 00:22:28,673.1513246 --> 00:22:29,803.1513246 I don't track them. 299 00:22:29,823.1513246 --> 00:22:34,703.1503246 I'm not always like, where are they? The other day they went to youth group, didn't come back for a while. 300 00:22:34,993.1493246 --> 00:22:37,333.1493246 I was trying to call, they weren't answering. 301 00:22:37,353.1493246 --> 00:22:44,113.1503246 I ended up looking on the tracker and I saw they were in the parking lot of the church, so it made me calm down. 302 00:22:44,133.1503246 --> 00:22:48,43.1503246 How bad can it be? They're in a church turned out, you know, there was a friend having a moment. 303 00:22:48,243.1503246 --> 00:22:49,553.1503246 And they were there supporting. 304 00:22:50,33.1503246 --> 00:22:54,253.1503246 And you know what? We have to, at some point, let our kids start to adult and make those decisions. 305 00:22:54,253.1503246 --> 00:22:58,33.1503246 Like I know I'm going to get in trouble, but my friend is more valuable right now. 306 00:22:58,33.1503246 --> 00:22:59,383.1503246 In this moment, she's in need. 307 00:22:59,813.1493246 --> 00:23:02,263.1503246 I love that that is adulting. 308 00:23:02,283.1503246 --> 00:23:03,733.1493246 That is starting to let them go. 309 00:23:04,43.1503246 --> 00:23:06,993.1503246 When we were kids, we needed to have that freedom. 310 00:23:07,3.1503246 --> 00:23:07,723.1503246 And let's be honest. 311 00:23:08,13.1503246 --> 00:23:09,723.1503246 We were hanging out in people's basements. 312 00:23:09,723.1503246 --> 00:23:10,913.1503246 Nobody was checking in on us. 313 00:23:10,913.1503246 --> 00:23:12,733.1503246 There was no baby monitor watching us. 314 00:23:12,733.1503246 --> 00:23:16,168.1503246 There was no person like looking at where I was driving to. 315 00:23:16,498.1503246 --> 00:23:20,338.1503246 And that gave us the freedom to practice the adulting in a safe setting. 316 00:23:20,348.1503246 --> 00:23:22,358.1493246 So I know it's hard. 317 00:23:22,498.1503246 --> 00:23:28,408.1503246 I know, I know, I know, I know, but don't forget, we have way too much information coming at us that is very scary. 318 00:23:28,408.1503246 --> 00:23:30,298.1503246 What sells is danger. 319 00:23:30,578.1503246 --> 00:23:39,88.1493246 So news sources know that if they can get us to be afraid, if they get us to worry, to be angry, that's the news that's going to make us click and open. 320 00:23:39,428.1493246 --> 00:23:41,998.1503246 The algorithm is driving our emotions. 321 00:23:42,273.1503246 --> 00:23:44,43.1503246 Most of our kids are okay. 322 00:23:44,53.1503246 --> 00:23:44,653.1503246 Most of them. 323 00:23:45,93.1503246 --> 00:23:49,163.1503246 It is not our job to get our kids through adulthood, through dating, without being hurt. 324 00:23:49,643.1503246 --> 00:23:57,813.1503246 It is our job to help them self regulate emotionally and help them recover from trauma from dating, if there is any. 325 00:23:58,203.1493246 --> 00:24:04,243.1503246 We also need to, and this is on that worksheet, have conversations about boundaries. 326 00:24:04,628.1503246 --> 00:24:14,708.1503246 What is the boundary that you want to set ahead of time? How do you know if the person you are dating is crossing that boundary? And what do you do if they do? Kids don't really know about boundaries. 327 00:24:14,718.1503246 --> 00:24:19,18.1503246 Like back in the nineties, there wasn't even anything called, um, date rape. 328 00:24:19,88.1503246 --> 00:24:20,508.1493246 Like that wasn't even a word. 329 00:24:20,508.1503246 --> 00:24:35,48.1503246 I don't think, and I didn't hear about that until the 2000s, but, but just talking about what leads to that, what, what could be some vulnerabilities? What are some indicators that you're setting yourself up for danger? Give them that framework, but also emotional boundaries. 330 00:24:35,88.1503246 --> 00:24:39,598.1493246 How about family boundaries, controllingness, jealousy, things like that. 331 00:24:39,878.1503246 --> 00:24:42,808.1503246 So just these boundaries can be a really great conversation. 332 00:24:42,808.1503246 --> 00:24:44,258.1503246 Again, that's on that worksheet. 333 00:24:44,268.1503246 --> 00:24:52,308.1503246 It's totally worth clicking and getting that because it's all the things I've been researching, what dating coaches, teach how they help you look at flags. 334 00:24:52,678.1503246 --> 00:24:55,528.1503246 Um, red flags, green flags, beige flags, all this stuff. 335 00:24:55,528.1503246 --> 00:25:02,788.1503246 So it's all on there to help you frame with research that conversation so that you feel really empowered and able to guide your child through it. 336 00:25:03,388.1493246 --> 00:25:11,748.1503246 What if your kid has a bad breakup? There's nothing harder than watching your kid get hurt. 337 00:25:12,528.1503246 --> 00:25:15,548.1503246 Um, some kids get dumped because they won't have sex. 338 00:25:16,328.1503246 --> 00:25:24,428.1493246 Um, and when you get that conversation out of your kids, it is such an intimate, beautiful conversation to have. 339 00:25:24,848.1503246 --> 00:25:25,983.5513246 sometimes they get pretty emotional. 340 00:25:26,343.1513246 --> 00:25:29,13.1513246 dumped because they're pushing too much for sex. 341 00:25:29,23.1513246 --> 00:25:37,303.1513246 So remember for every person who won't have sex and is being pushed, there's a person who's doing the pushing and you need to just be honest. 342 00:25:37,743.1513246 --> 00:25:40,893.1513246 It's not that your kid is necessarily a bad person. 343 00:25:40,903.1503246 --> 00:25:49,713.1513246 They're just being led by physical desires, physical needs, and they're trying to keep up with things that are probably in their world. 344 00:25:49,713.1513246 --> 00:26:07,873.1513246 So it's a really good conversation to start to have with them about being safe and what is expected and you know, there's lots of things to talk about, but I do want to make sure that we are super clear right now that sexual sin is not going to keep you out of heaven. 345 00:26:08,453.1513246 --> 00:26:17,763.1503246 It is a forgivable sin, but we want to teach our kids to repent and then we can talk about how we can repent and be cleansed and be changed and be converted. 346 00:26:17,763.1503246 --> 00:26:26,663.1513246 But the thing is, when we turn away, we have to turn to, so we have to help them understand if you're turning away from sexual desire in dating. 347 00:26:26,798.1513246 --> 00:26:31,88.1513246 What are we turning to in dating? Because God guides us in that. 348 00:26:31,98.1513246 --> 00:26:34,28.1513246 God helps us to understand what is it that we're looking for. 349 00:26:34,38.1513246 --> 00:26:35,793.1513246 And again, Look at the worksheet. 350 00:26:36,353.1513246 --> 00:26:40,843.1513246 It's going to give you a lot of help to help them turn to things and look for things. 351 00:26:40,843.1513246 --> 00:26:44,663.1513246 Because let's be honest, guys and girls are really good looking these days. 352 00:26:44,843.1513246 --> 00:26:48,453.1513246 I don't know what's going on, but like, I looked like a hot mess when I was 12. 353 00:26:49,63.1503246 --> 00:26:50,763.1513246 I didn't look like these kids today. 354 00:26:51,493.1513246 --> 00:26:52,533.1503246 I don't think any of us did. 355 00:26:52,533.1503246 --> 00:26:56,483.1513246 I don't know if there was like some weird secret thing to like help kids look horrible. 356 00:26:56,483.1513246 --> 00:26:57,663.1513246 So it wasn't as. 357 00:26:58,433.1513246 --> 00:26:59,93.1513246 I don't know. 358 00:26:59,513.1513246 --> 00:27:01,963.1513246 Let me tell you blue eyeshadow, white lips. 359 00:27:01,963.1513246 --> 00:27:04,503.1513246 Like, I don't know what we were doing, but it was, it's almost comical. 360 00:27:04,503.1513246 --> 00:27:06,583.1513246 But these kids today, I mean, it's really confusing. 361 00:27:06,843.1513246 --> 00:27:10,493.1513246 I watched my daughter at the gym and like people don't know how old she is. 362 00:27:10,493.1513246 --> 00:27:13,93.1503246 And so the range of people talking to her, it's. 363 00:27:13,248.1513246 --> 00:27:18,668.1513246 It's just, we got to be super careful because kids just don't look little anymore. 364 00:27:18,668.1513246 --> 00:27:36,733.1513246 So having this conversation with your kids about what are you looking for and what are you actually looking for? Like what is your soul looking for and helping them to realign what their values are? Because again, They need to be strong and not feel like they're being lesser for saying no. 365 00:27:37,113.1513246 --> 00:27:57,123.1503246 And they also need to understand that if that's what they're looking for, is that what they really want long term? Is that the kind of person that they want long term? The sex thing, it's very confusing the kids because it's so glorified in all the shows and all the music videos and the music that they're listening to in the clothing styles. 366 00:27:57,153.1503246 --> 00:28:00,543.1513246 I mean, it is just a highly sexualized society right now. 367 00:28:00,923.1513246 --> 00:28:09,623.1508246 So we can't just assume that our child is some super powered person who's going to not fall victim to society's changing ideals. 368 00:28:09,643.1518246 --> 00:28:11,93.1518246 So we need to help them understand. 369 00:28:11,518.1518246 --> 00:28:26,128.1518246 If you're turning away from that as a goal, what are we turning to? What do we want to look for? What do we want to replace it with? And that is honestly building deep, deep relationship, but it starts with fun, right? The first three months should be fun. 370 00:28:26,518.1518246 --> 00:28:42,63.1518246 Can we have a good conversation? Is this person on my level? Is this person driven? Is this person headed somewhere? Is this person's lifestyle going to line up with mine? Just kind of starting to get to know each other on like a fun friend level so that we can level up appropriately. 371 00:28:42,343.1518246 --> 00:28:43,643.1518246 So talking to them about that. 372 00:28:43,643.1518246 --> 00:28:51,403.1518246 And especially if your kid is one of those that falls hard and fast, we all have family members with a kid, that you've watched fall hard and fast. 373 00:28:51,403.1518246 --> 00:28:55,613.1518246 So if you don't have a kid, like there's probably someone in your life with a kid who falls hard and fast. 374 00:28:56,83.1518246 --> 00:28:58,218.1518246 Why? That is the question. 375 00:28:58,228.1518246 --> 00:28:59,698.1518246 And I think you need to ask that. 376 00:28:59,808.1518246 --> 00:29:10,558.1518246 Why does your brain fall so hard and fast? What are you looking for? What's lacking in your life that you feel like you need to lock in and be besties? And this can be with best friends. 377 00:29:10,568.1508246 --> 00:29:17,748.1518246 Sometimes you get into friendships a little too fast and you think that they're your best friend and you drop all your guard and then all of a sudden they're wounded and hurting. 378 00:29:17,748.1518246 --> 00:29:22,358.1518246 And how did that happen? So learning to talk about that is super, super important. 379 00:29:22,738.1518246 --> 00:29:33,543.1518246 And then also when they break up, What is the story that their brain is telling them? So if we have a bad breakup, this is for every age, your brain is going to start to come up with a story. 380 00:29:34,483.1518246 --> 00:29:43,393.1518246 These are the stories, the lines that we tell ourselves that help us to frame who we are in regards to the circumstance that just happened. 381 00:29:43,743.1518246 --> 00:29:51,483.1508246 Maybe they got dumped and now their brain is telling them a story because we have what the person did, but we also have all this interpretive stuff. 382 00:29:51,833.1518246 --> 00:29:57,583.1518246 And these days, a lot of it is happening on social media where they're being dumped online, being dumped on text. 383 00:29:57,613.1518246 --> 00:30:07,23.1518246 And it really leaves a lot to be desired because our brains need to process this facial body, distance, like all this stuff is missing in these digital things. 384 00:30:07,23.1518246 --> 00:30:23,913.1518246 So what happens is our brain creates a story kind of as a protective mechanism, but also to remind you in the future so that you don't get hurt, but they can really start to hurt ourselves because if our brain tells us a lie, That is going to keep us from being comfortable in another relationship that could be good. 385 00:30:24,203.1518246 --> 00:30:27,973.1518246 We need to unearth that and make sure that it's a true story. 386 00:30:28,473.1518246 --> 00:30:30,323.1518246 So, here's some examples. 387 00:30:31,483.1518246 --> 00:30:37,473.1518246 I got dumped because I am, uh, fat, ugly, whatever. 388 00:30:37,483.1518246 --> 00:30:40,13.1508246 Like, a look's a physiological thing. 389 00:30:40,493.1518246 --> 00:30:45,633.1518246 So, if that is a story that the brain is telling them, that can really start to become self sabotage. 390 00:30:45,633.1518246 --> 00:30:53,748.1518246 Because if we believe that, if we say, I am whatever They're thinking, then what happens is it becomes like a self fulfilling prophecy. 391 00:30:54,68.1518246 --> 00:31:00,238.1518246 If, if I do believe I'm fat, it's very hard to change to not be. 392 00:31:00,598.1508246 --> 00:31:05,328.1518246 If I'm, if I'm on that trend, and many times you're going to start eating to calm yourself down. 393 00:31:05,708.1518246 --> 00:31:09,788.1518246 So we need to really be careful with that one because we want to make sure that body image is healthy. 394 00:31:09,788.1518246 --> 00:31:17,718.1518246 So what is a new thought we can give our child? "I was broken up with because I'm not confident in who I am". 395 00:31:18,708.1518246 --> 00:31:19,68.1518246 Okay. 396 00:31:19,558.1518246 --> 00:31:24,58.1518246 How do we come, how do we become more confident? So maybe we can help them rephrase it. 397 00:31:24,308.1518246 --> 00:31:31,688.1518246 Maybe not feeling healthy is making you feel like you are not in control, you aren't confident that you have discipline. 398 00:31:32,118.1518246 --> 00:31:36,728.1518246 So maybe the new story is, I'm learning self discipline. 399 00:31:37,918.1518246 --> 00:31:45,938.1513246 It's not so tragic then because the reality is if we are unhealthy, that can be a problem down the road. 400 00:31:45,938.1513246 --> 00:31:51,368.1508246 So we do want to change the behavior because sometimes the brain is telling us something that's like a little bit mean. 401 00:31:51,768.1508246 --> 00:31:58,38.1518246 I think sometimes when it's a little bit true, it can kind of hurt and barb in to your heart and kind of anchor in there. 402 00:31:58,198.1518246 --> 00:32:02,418.1518246 So we don't want to let it anchor in, but we want to help them transform because we want something that's empowering to believe. 403 00:32:03,143.1518246 --> 00:32:05,533.1518246 Maybe you were broken up with because you won't have sex. 404 00:32:05,533.1518246 --> 00:32:07,493.1518246 And now you're a "prude" or whatever. 405 00:32:07,693.1518246 --> 00:32:09,603.1518246 So we need to reframe that. 406 00:32:09,663.1518246 --> 00:32:13,983.1518246 We need to figure out how to help your child come up with a good thought to hold on to. 407 00:32:14,403.1518246 --> 00:32:19,103.1508246 Maybe it's that "I have a lot of value that I'm not willing to give away". 408 00:32:19,563.1508246 --> 00:32:20,393.0518246 "I have a higher bar". 409 00:32:20,983.1518246 --> 00:32:30,473.1518246 That's a new thought, right? I just have a higher bar or maybe somebody was dumped and you're like, Oh my gosh, I wasted so much time and my life is horrible and blah, blah, blah. 410 00:32:30,763.1518246 --> 00:32:33,513.1518246 And you'd be like, no, I'm, "I'm elevating my bar". 411 00:32:33,593.1518246 --> 00:32:35,43.1518246 "I have a different standard now." 412 00:32:35,668.1518246 --> 00:32:36,168.1518246 That's all. 413 00:32:36,268.1518246 --> 00:32:38,198.1518246 I've just learned that I had my bar too low. 414 00:32:38,288.1518246 --> 00:32:39,258.1518246 I'm raising my bar. 415 00:32:39,828.1518246 --> 00:32:45,758.1518246 So helping the kids come up with thought that's super powerful post, post breakup and also to look at trends. 416 00:32:45,778.1518246 --> 00:33:20,648.1518246 Are you dating a trend, especially for the older kids who have dated a couple times? Is there a stereotype that you're kind of bringing yourself to? Is there a personality type, a need? Something that's lacking in a person that you keep kind of stumbling across? The question is why, why are you open or attracting that personality type? And do you want to continue? That's the thing because you can continue dating if it's working for you with that type of personality, But for many people they're like I need to change so you need to look at what is it that I'm putting out To the world that's attracting that deficit in a person. 417 00:33:21,8.1518246 --> 00:33:24,368.1528246 So you need to kind of think what it what is it? Maybe it's something that's a deficit for you. 418 00:33:24,368.1528246 --> 00:33:32,408.1528246 So you are attracting people with the equal deficit So now a breakup is an awesome time to recalculate like oh Recalculating. 419 00:33:33,398.1528246 --> 00:33:35,808.1528246 Who do I want to become? Think of it as a Google map. 420 00:33:35,908.1528246 --> 00:33:36,508.1528246 I am here. 421 00:33:36,538.1528246 --> 00:33:37,248.1528246 I want to be there. 422 00:33:37,268.1528246 --> 00:33:39,808.1528246 How do I get there? And they've got to figure out a plan. 423 00:33:39,808.1528246 --> 00:33:47,118.1528246 So maybe if their plan is, they want to have somebody who's going to make a lot of money, super driven, but has good work life balance. 424 00:33:47,328.1538246 --> 00:33:57,408.1538246 Do you? Are you super driven? So after all of those dates, all 200 plus dates with really amazing people, I learned a lot about myself. 425 00:33:57,458.1538246 --> 00:34:09,48.1538246 I learned that I was looking to level myself up, but I really was doing that because I wanted to have somebody who was going to complete my lifestyle. 426 00:34:09,398.1538246 --> 00:34:13,908.1538246 But I realized I was operating in my dating life from a place of deficit. 427 00:34:13,958.1538246 --> 00:34:15,538.1538246 Here's my actionable step for you. 428 00:34:15,808.1538246 --> 00:34:21,188.1538246 I want you, or you to sit down with your child, and think about this one thing. 429 00:34:21,868.1538246 --> 00:34:30,998.1528246 "What is the thought that is driving your dating?" It can also be, "what is your feeling that's driving the dating "?Because feelings come from a thought. 430 00:34:30,998.1538246 --> 00:34:37,373.1538246 So here's the thing for me: what was driving my dating through? Frenzy was, I don't know what I want. 431 00:34:37,523.1538246 --> 00:34:38,903.1538246 I don't know who I am. 432 00:34:39,193.1538246 --> 00:34:40,743.1538246 I don't want to be alone. 433 00:34:40,753.1538246 --> 00:34:44,163.1538246 I had a couple of thoughts running all simultaneously in my head. 434 00:34:44,453.1528246 --> 00:34:46,853.1528246 I don't trust myself to be alone. 435 00:34:46,863.1538246 --> 00:34:51,153.1528246 I don't know if I can do this adulting thing alone by myself. 436 00:34:51,153.1528246 --> 00:34:53,663.1528246 It was very much a negative space. 437 00:34:53,973.1528246 --> 00:34:57,853.0538246 And once I realized that, I was about 22, 23. 438 00:34:58,478.0877869 --> 00:35:02,708.0877869 I recognized this deep longing to be complete. 439 00:35:02,738.0877869 --> 00:35:07,188.0877869 And I realized I was trying to do it in my strength, in my ability. 440 00:35:07,248.0877869 --> 00:35:14,27.9877869 I recognized that, and all of a sudden this light bulb went off and I was like, I get it. 441 00:35:14,318.0877869 --> 00:35:14,928.0877869 I get it. 442 00:35:14,998.0877869 --> 00:35:21,78.0877869 Lord, you're asking me to step back and make sure that I'm coming from a place of abundance. 443 00:35:21,418.0877869 --> 00:35:23,568.0877869 God has given me everything I need. 444 00:35:23,688.0877869 --> 00:35:25,878.0877869 I am wholly complete in Him. 445 00:35:26,38.0867869 --> 00:35:27,568.0877869 He completes me. 446 00:35:27,798.0877869 --> 00:35:29,278.0877869 There is nothing I need. 447 00:35:29,498.0867869 --> 00:35:32,858.0877869 So when I'm dating, I'm actually dating from a place of abundance. 448 00:35:33,198.0877869 --> 00:35:35,118.0877869 I have love to share. 449 00:35:35,408.0877869 --> 00:35:37,108.0877869 I have love to give. 450 00:35:37,138.0877869 --> 00:35:39,658.0877869 I have energy to offer somebody. 451 00:35:39,958.0877869 --> 00:35:46,403.0877869 And so All I needed to do was stop and ask God to fill those places in my soul. 452 00:35:46,433.0877869 --> 00:35:49,223.0877869 And so what I literally did was I made a commitment to myself. 453 00:35:49,223.0877869 --> 00:35:50,63.0877869 I think I was 22. 454 00:35:50,113.0877869 --> 00:35:53,523.0877869 I said, Lord, I'm sorry, I've been sinning. 455 00:35:53,553.0877869 --> 00:36:03,983.0877869 I've been working through my fear to fill my life with people and I need to stop and I just want to surrender and repent of that because I felt like you were not enough. 456 00:36:04,73.0877869 --> 00:36:10,63.0877869 And anytime we know that we recognize God doesn't feel like enough to us, that's when we're operating in our sin. 457 00:36:10,403.0867869 --> 00:36:12,413.0877869 And so I stopped and I said, okay, God, I'm going to just. 458 00:36:12,763.0877869 --> 00:36:24,833.0867869 Redevote myself to you that period of time, my friends, that time when I swore off dating, I swore off trying to fill my life with like unnecessary stuff and busyness. 459 00:36:25,283.0877869 --> 00:36:26,933.0877869 That's when God started to speak to me. 460 00:36:26,933.0877869 --> 00:36:29,523.0872869 That's actually when I started to hear God's audible voice. 461 00:36:29,523.0872869 --> 00:36:33,843.0877869 That's when I started to feel his presence in a way I had never felt before. 462 00:36:34,173.0877869 --> 00:36:37,583.0877869 It was my final surrender and commitment to him. 463 00:36:37,943.0877869 --> 00:36:41,503.0867869 And I said, less of me, more of you, less of what I want, more of what you want. 464 00:36:42,388.0877869 --> 00:36:43,528.0877869 This was huge for me. 465 00:36:43,528.0877869 --> 00:36:44,508.0877869 This was a turning point. 466 00:36:44,848.0877869 --> 00:36:53,998.0867869 And about three months after I did this, I had two calls from two different gentlemen, one of whom's my husband. 467 00:36:54,558.0867869 --> 00:37:01,748.0877869 Uh, he called first and he asked me on a date and I had already met him and I knew that he was not my, my typical go to. 468 00:37:01,928.0877869 --> 00:37:02,838.0877869 He was divorced. 469 00:37:02,838.0877869 --> 00:37:15,763.0877869 He had a child and I was only 23 and my parents were kind of like, Oh, what are you doing, Dawn? I mean, they were like, what's going on? And I said, yes, And I said that because I knew God was going to be in control. 470 00:37:16,3.0877869 --> 00:37:20,103.0877869 And so I was like, how bad can this be? God being in control? I totally trust. 471 00:37:20,103.0877869 --> 00:37:21,433.0877869 So I said, yes. 472 00:37:21,463.0877869 --> 00:37:34,593.0877869 And then right after that, because this is how I get in my head sometimes another amazing, amazing former friend of mine who I'd known for years and years and years, decades actually, had called me and also asked me out. 473 00:37:35,204.7544535 --> 00:37:41,974.7544535 So I told that gentleman, I said, listen, I just said yes to somebody and I am going to honor that. 474 00:37:41,984.7544535 --> 00:37:44,924.7534535 But if it doesn't work out, can I call you? And he said yes. 475 00:37:44,924.7544535 --> 00:37:47,164.7544535 And I could tell you I would have married him too probably. 476 00:37:47,164.7544535 --> 00:37:51,514.7534535 He would have been equally a wonderful, wonderful life partner. 477 00:37:51,894.7544535 --> 00:37:56,439.7544535 But, I trusted God and I trusted that he was going to open doors. 478 00:37:56,439.7544535 --> 00:38:05,529.7544535 And so because of that trust, I was learning to operate from a place of peace, a place where I knew I wasn't alone, where I wasn't afraid anymore. 479 00:38:05,809.7544535 --> 00:38:08,259.7534535 I don't know how many more years I have with my husband. 480 00:38:08,259.7544535 --> 00:38:09,419.7534535 We never know that. 481 00:38:09,449.7534535 --> 00:38:11,819.7544535 We don't know when life is going to get lonely. 482 00:38:12,179.7544535 --> 00:38:22,454.7544535 So if your child is grappling with a fear, many times with dating, it is a fear of being alone, of everybody else having things that you can't have. 483 00:38:22,454.7544535 --> 00:38:27,854.7544535 And so I want to see if maybe we can lock into that because that's going to be a driving force going forward. 484 00:38:28,154.7544535 --> 00:38:33,964.7544535 If we can switch it to an abundance, to a peace, to an enoughness. 485 00:38:34,859.7544535 --> 00:38:38,39.7544535 I feel completely complete without somebody else. 486 00:38:38,59.7544535 --> 00:38:41,669.7544535 And that means you're not going to need somebody else to give you joy. 487 00:38:41,919.7544535 --> 00:38:44,989.7534535 You're not going to need somebody else to fill your cup. 488 00:38:45,279.7544535 --> 00:38:48,99.7544535 You're not going to need somebody else to love you harder. 489 00:38:48,99.7544535 --> 00:38:52,989.7544535 You're going to love God and love yourself and love the life you have. 490 00:38:52,999.7544535 --> 00:38:56,139.7544535 And everything that you do in life is going to be a hundred percent. 491 00:38:56,159.7544535 --> 00:39:00,619.7544535 If I lose my husband tomorrow, my life is still going to go on a hundred percent forward. 492 00:39:01,64.7544535 --> 00:39:01,804.7544535 Think about that. 493 00:39:01,814.7544535 --> 00:39:12,254.7544535 I think a lot of people are letting their spouse pull them and they are waiting and I see this all the time and I grappled with this, especially when I had little kids. 494 00:39:12,594.7534535 --> 00:39:13,484.7544535 I was always frustrated. 495 00:39:13,484.7544535 --> 00:39:14,704.7544535 He's not pulling his weight. 496 00:39:14,704.7544535 --> 00:39:15,366.8136535 He's not doing this. 497 00:39:15,366.8136535 --> 00:39:15,974.6544535 He's not doing that. 498 00:39:15,974.7544535 --> 00:39:20,334.7544535 No, it doesn't matter because anything he does releases some of the burden for me. 499 00:39:20,364.7544535 --> 00:39:21,54.7544535 Anything. 500 00:39:21,788.0877869 --> 00:39:23,28.0877869 And trust me, my husband does a lot. 501 00:39:23,38.0877869 --> 00:39:26,88.0877869 I just sometimes we get a little tired and grumpy. 502 00:39:26,88.0877869 --> 00:39:30,548.0877869 But the reality is we're both pulling forward all the time. 503 00:39:30,848.0877869 --> 00:39:34,868.0877869 That is what I wanted in a partner, but I had to recognize that I wasn't pulling my own weight. 504 00:39:35,188.0877869 --> 00:39:40,398.0877869 I was letting other people and how they made me feel drive me forward. 505 00:39:40,578.0867869 --> 00:39:52,128.0877869 If I felt worthy, if I felt beautiful, if I felt powerful in a relationship, if I felt I was desirable that's what was fueling my, my dating and I was like, Whoa, wait a minute. 506 00:39:52,738.0877869 --> 00:39:54,18.0877869 I don't need anybody for that. 507 00:39:54,18.0877869 --> 00:39:56,398.0877869 I got God telling me I am valuable. 508 00:39:56,628.0877869 --> 00:39:58,28.0877869 I am powerful. 509 00:39:58,28.0877869 --> 00:40:01,78.0877869 I am a kingdom bringer in this world. 510 00:40:01,328.0877869 --> 00:40:03,888.0867869 And I was actually getting really distracted with the dating. 511 00:40:03,888.0877869 --> 00:40:09,218.0877869 And so once I recognized that, I gotta tell you, all the pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. 512 00:40:09,548.0877869 --> 00:40:13,798.0867869 I've appreciated knowing that I don't need other people to make me better. 513 00:40:14,128.0877869 --> 00:40:16,188.0867869 I need God and that's all. 514 00:40:16,488.0867869 --> 00:40:24,368.0877869 And now with God, I am fully 100 percent equipped to go forward, whether I'm alone tomorrow or not, I'm going to be okay. 515 00:40:24,788.0877869 --> 00:40:29,73.0877869 And that is where I really would love the conversations to go. 516 00:40:29,83.0877869 --> 00:40:53,613.0877869 So question for yourself, if you're dating or for your child, "what is the thought that's driving your dating right now?" What are you thinking? What is the feeling that's driving your dating? Is it coming from a negative? Or are you enough and you just have so much to offer that you're just excited to give it to someone, excited to be with them, excited to spill out your energy and see where that carries your relationship. 517 00:40:53,663.0877869 --> 00:40:58,663.0867869 Are you in that space? Because that's going to also attract somebody in abundance who's also ready to give to you. 518 00:40:58,663.0867869 --> 00:41:04,453.0877869 It's going to come back because nobody who's needy is going to attract somebody who's always going to give. 519 00:41:04,453.0877869 --> 00:41:09,463.0877869 It's exhausting, right? And this is why I think so many people fall into relationships with people with mental unhealth. 520 00:41:09,763.0877869 --> 00:41:12,633.0867869 They're not on guard for that abundance mindset. 521 00:41:12,643.0877869 --> 00:41:15,263.0867869 Do they need you? They shouldn't need you. 522 00:41:15,273.0877869 --> 00:41:16,253.0877869 They should want you. 523 00:41:16,628.0877869 --> 00:41:17,968.0877869 It's a very big difference. 524 00:41:18,318.0877869 --> 00:41:32,538.0877869 And then I would love it if you could just kind of create a motto, you know, find a thought, a thing that is going to drive you into choosing a person on purpose, who is going to help you fulfill your godly purpose. 525 00:41:33,38.0877869 --> 00:41:43,998.0867869 I don't know if I would be as deep of a Christian, as connected to God, as strong of a mother as a Christian mother, I wouldn't have left the public school teaching realm to go into private. 526 00:41:44,288.0877869 --> 00:41:48,228.0877869 I wouldn't have taken these risks for God if I didn't have my husband. 527 00:41:48,378.0877869 --> 00:41:49,418.0877869 I don't know why. 528 00:41:50,158.0877869 --> 00:41:53,758.0877869 I, I just, it's like he took something that was already there. 529 00:41:53,768.0877869 --> 00:41:54,448.0877869 I was saved. 530 00:41:54,578.0877869 --> 00:42:01,598.0877869 I loved God, but he made it available to me that there was more, and I would say the same of him. 531 00:42:01,808.0877869 --> 00:42:03,888.0877869 So I hope that for you. 532 00:42:03,918.0877869 --> 00:42:04,858.0877869 I wish that for you. 533 00:42:04,858.0877869 --> 00:42:05,928.0867869 I pray that for you. 534 00:42:05,938.0877869 --> 00:42:07,388.0877869 So let me just pray over you and your kids. 535 00:42:08,248.9972208 --> 00:42:12,8.9972208 Lord, I thank you that you put amazing people in our lives. 536 00:42:12,8.9972208 --> 00:42:16,628.9972208 I thank you that we can date and we can make friendships and we can make deep connection. 537 00:42:16,628.9972208 --> 00:42:24,828.9962208 And Lord, that community that you built us to be in is such a cool element and it helps us to really sharpen our iron. 538 00:42:24,848.9972208 --> 00:42:27,108.9972208 Iron sharpening iron is a gift. 539 00:42:27,128.9962208 --> 00:42:31,968.9972208 It is something that I pray that everybody here listening can understand. 540 00:42:31,968.9972208 --> 00:42:33,708.9972208 And it's kind of painful. 541 00:42:33,888.9972208 --> 00:42:40,258.9972208 Because it makes us really hone off or sharpen off or razor off the things that are rough, our rough edges. 542 00:42:40,558.9972208 --> 00:42:43,148.9972208 And it helps us to smooth out and come to a point. 543 00:42:43,158.9972208 --> 00:42:46,88.9962208 We want to understand what exactly is driving us. 544 00:42:46,88.9972208 --> 00:42:56,468.9972208 And Jesus, if what is driving us in our dating, in our relationships, with our best friends, with our career searching, if it is not being driven by you, Lord, sharpen us. 545 00:42:56,958.9972208 --> 00:43:03,548.9972208 Take away those rough edges, smooth us out, where there is hurt and where there is injury, Lord, I pray healing. 546 00:43:03,558.9972208 --> 00:43:09,898.9972208 I pray for an understanding, I pray that we can recognize that when we fail, we fail forward. 547 00:43:10,178.9962208 --> 00:43:20,248.9972208 When something in our life is not going well, there's always an opportunity to stop as I did, to reflect, to go deeper into connection with you, Lord, so that you can teach us. 548 00:43:20,248.9972208 --> 00:43:23,258.9972208 My prayer is not make this loneliness go away. 549 00:43:23,588.9972208 --> 00:43:40,888.9972208 My prayer is make us full, make us full of abundance, make us full of love, make us full of peace that passes understanding so that when people meet us, we can pour into them and they can pour back into us because we have such a surplus. 550 00:43:41,253.9972208 --> 00:43:44,163.9972208 I pray for that beauty and that joy in every relationship. 551 00:43:44,423.9972208 --> 00:43:53,833.9972208 I pray that parents will know what to speak over their child, that they will surrender their kids to you, that the kids will recognize that you are doing good things. 552 00:43:54,123.9972208 --> 00:43:56,853.9972208 You have good people for them in their future. 553 00:43:57,223.9972208 --> 00:44:00,753.9972208 If they are alone, may they use that time wisely. 554 00:44:01,973.9972208 --> 00:44:08,443.9972208 Loneliness with you is a gift, Lord, because in our space of need, that's when you come in. 555 00:44:08,453.9972208 --> 00:44:23,708.9977208 So if anyone is in that lonely space, Lord, I pray that you consume them, that you fill them with an abundance, that you put their heart on fire, that they feel so incredible being in that space in connection with you, deep connection. 556 00:44:23,708.9977208 --> 00:44:24,958.9977208 So Lord, I thank you for that. 557 00:44:24,968.9977208 --> 00:44:34,908.9977208 I thank you for that time that we have to really get to know you because when we're super busy, when our cup is overflowing, that's when we sometimes lose sight of you. 558 00:44:34,908.9977208 --> 00:44:46,168.9977208 So Lord, I thank you for those moments in life where we have to step back and in our quiet, in our separateness, in our loneliness, in our sadness, that's when we have to lean into you, Lord. 559 00:44:46,168.9977208 --> 00:44:48,78.9977208 So when we lean in, Lord, be strong. 560 00:44:48,398.9977208 --> 00:44:53,458.9977208 And I pray for that strength to fill and empower each person here. 561 00:44:55,428.9967208 --> 00:44:55,828.9967208 Amen. 562 00:44:56,468.9977208 --> 00:45:01,68.9967208 I hope y'all have a wonderful blessed week and that you will embrace this time. 563 00:45:01,68.9977208 --> 00:45:08,68.9977208 If you're in one of those times, I, I just, I know it's hard, but mama's, dada's, If you want, you can reach out to me. 564 00:45:08,88.9977208 --> 00:45:09,968.9977208 I have free consult calls for you. 565 00:45:09,978.9977208 --> 00:45:11,78.9977208 They are 15 minutes. 566 00:45:11,78.9977208 --> 00:45:15,338.9977208 You just have to go on my website, www.selffoundry.com. 567 00:45:15,718.9977208 --> 00:45:17,178.9967208 Sign up for a free appointment. 568 00:45:17,178.9977208 --> 00:45:18,618.9977208 I'm really happy to do that. 569 00:45:18,838.9977208 --> 00:45:24,778.9977208 I also have available a brand new digital course, which is going to talk all about relationships, but it's even more than that. 570 00:45:24,788.9977208 --> 00:45:34,248.9967208 It's how to set yourself up for strong finances, for strong relationships, for strong communication and for strong self motivation and that power of controlling your thoughts. 571 00:45:34,763.9977208 --> 00:45:36,673.9977208 All of that can be done in three months. 572 00:45:36,683.9977208 --> 00:45:42,873.9977208 So I have boiled down everything that I teach to a three month program that can come to you in your house, in your privacy. 573 00:45:43,213.9977208 --> 00:45:44,323.9977208 And there's an upgrade. 574 00:45:44,323.9977208 --> 00:45:50,33.9977208 If you want to have it come with me, private calls, coaching calls, one on one with you and with your kids. 575 00:45:50,43.9967208 --> 00:45:54,183.9967208 Give me a call, sign up, get on that newsletter, and I am looking forward to connecting with you. 576 00:45:54,423.9967208 --> 00:45:54,663.9967208 Much love.