Reboot Your Young Family - Summer Break Plans 🌞

You have this gift of time slowing down in the summer. Savor it! But also consider how to use the time to help your family emotionally gain strength and train your kids in resilience. Grit and resilience are not often taught in the classroom as well as they can be taught at home. 

Tips and tricks from a seasoned mom, teacher and life coach. 

Head off problems I see in the high school now when your kids are in elementary and middle school. And have fun with less worry and anxiety!

www.selffoundry.com

 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is Dawn Heerema.
I'm with Self Foundry, and I am a certified life coach and a high school teacher.
And I'm also a mom.
Frankly, this is not the 90s.
This is not the early 2000s.
Things are different and we need to get with the program and I need you all to come together understanding that we are forging a new frontier in parenting. 7 00:00:19,244.999 --> 00:00:20,335 So let's do this together.

(00:20):
.999We're going to raise resilient kids, confident kids.
They're going to sail into adulthood together.
.999We know God has our children.
I am so blessed to be on this journey with you of parenting. 12 00:00:31,266.009070295 --> 00:00:34,496.009070295 I live for summer. 13 00:00:34,766.009070295 --> 00:00:39,121.009070295 For me, I'm just I'm just soaking up all the vitamin D, all the vitamin D I can get. 14 00:00:39,481.009070295 --> 00:00:41,591.009070295 But there's some really, really cool, fascinating stuff. 15 00:00:41,631.009070295 --> 00:00:44,971.008070295 For instance, in the summer, we often go barefoot. 16 00:00:45,411.009070295 --> 00:00:48,361.009070295 Your kids probably naturally want to be barefoot outside. 17 00:00:48,361.009070295 --> 00:01:00,21.108070295 It's a really cool phenomenon, and if you look at how kids are designed and biologically how we're designed, we really are optimized when we are outside in nature, in fresh air, walking around barefoot. 18 00:01:00,31.108070295 --> 00:01:02,511.107070295 And to be honest, there's a lot of studies coming out. 19 00:01:02,511.108070295 --> 00:01:04,911.108070295 If you don't believe me, go ahead and Google grounding. 20 00:01:04,921.108070295 --> 00:01:14,101.107070295 Look at all the beautiful benefits of just connecting with the earth and how it's really helping with anxiety and a lot of different things physiologically in our bodies. 21 00:01:14,471.107070295 --> 00:01:16,71.107070295 So very cool things. 22 00:01:16,311.108070295 --> 00:01:18,91.108070295 We also get a boost of vitamin D. 23 00:01:18,431.108070295 --> 00:01:21,361.108070295 It says 70 percent of Americans are short vitamin D. 24 00:01:21,381.108070295 --> 00:01:23,431.108070295 And I would say it's probably higher. 25 00:01:23,781.108070295 --> 00:01:29,311.108070295 So we do love getting outside, you know, minimum 10 minutes a day, but really they want more than that. 26 00:01:29,671.108070295 --> 00:01:31,471.108070295 Your kids are just dry. 27 00:01:31,511.108070295 --> 00:01:34,371.109070295 I mean, trust me, I'm sitting here with your kids in my classroom. 28 00:01:34,651.110070295 --> 00:01:36,831.108070295 Your kids totally want to be outside. 29 00:01:36,841.108070295 --> 00:01:38,531.109070295 They just, all they do is like, look outside. 30 00:01:38,531.109070295 --> 00:01:39,501.109070295 And I got big kids guys. 31 00:01:39,541.109070295 --> 00:01:41,311.10907029 I teach up to 18, 19 years old. 32 00:01:41,311.10907029 --> 00:01:44,496.10907029 And even they are drawn to being outside. 33 00:01:44,676.10907029 --> 00:01:50,306.10907029 They ask me all the time, can we just sit outside while we do our work? It's so cute, but this is a really fun time. 34 00:01:50,706.10907029 --> 00:01:54,956.10807029 So let's, let's get into like the schedule shift, just the schedule shift. 35 00:01:54,986.10907029 --> 00:02:01,826.10907029 Now, for a lot of you with little kids, you know, you're, you're dreading this, like kids popping up at five thirty, 6 o'clock in the morning. 36 00:02:01,826.10907029 --> 00:02:03,936.10907029 Like, what are we going to do today? And you're just like. 37 00:02:03,986.10907029 --> 00:02:04,436.10907029 sleep. 38 00:02:04,496.10907029 --> 00:02:05,556.10907029 Maybe, maybe. 39 00:02:05,976.10907029 --> 00:02:10,326.10907029 So I know it's going to be very different versus the conversation about teenagers. 40 00:02:10,326.10907029 --> 00:02:12,676.10907029 Like how do I get my kid out of bed? It's lunchtime. 41 00:02:13,546.10807029 --> 00:02:17,736.10907029 So I know the full spectrum that I'm dealing with if you're a parent on this call. 42 00:02:18,56.10907029 --> 00:02:22,456.10907029 But really what I want you to try to think about is the consistency. 43 00:02:22,456.10907029 --> 00:02:31,791.10907029 So studies are showing that teenagers brains are actually most optimized and active at 11 o'clock, 11 o'clock am and 11 o'clock PM. 44 00:02:32,171.10907029 --> 00:02:34,511.10907029 This is very, very different from adults. 45 00:02:34,551.10907029 --> 00:02:37,471.10907029 So our schedules and our structure is going to be super different. 46 00:02:37,811.10907029 --> 00:02:44,891.10807029 That's why it's really funny because my kids always, always, always their brain activity is higher, like from 11 to midnight. 47 00:02:45,231.10907029 --> 00:02:52,316.00907029 And that's usually when drama from the day kind of starts to surface in their mind kind of started around age 12, 13. 48 00:02:52,466.10907029 --> 00:02:57,296.10907029 But it's just that their bodies are really, really primed up at 11 o'clock during the day and at night. 49 00:02:57,756.10907029 --> 00:03:00,636.10907029 Yay, you gotta love that when you got to be up at five in the morning. 50 00:03:01,76.10907029 --> 00:03:03,646.10807029 But I just want you to kind of like remember like there's stages. 51 00:03:03,926.10707029 --> 00:03:05,116.10807029 It's okay. 52 00:03:05,336.10807029 --> 00:03:07,96.10807029 As long as your child is consistent. 53 00:03:07,346.10707029 --> 00:03:11,91.00807029 So in my mind as a parent, I was always more focused on the number of hours slept. 54 00:03:11,161.10807029 --> 00:03:14,31.10807029 Slept versus the time frame slept. 55 00:03:14,241.10807029 --> 00:03:18,501.10807029 So as we're parenting in the summer, I want your goal to be about health. 56 00:03:18,741.10807029 --> 00:03:21,521.10807029 Don't worry so much about like fitting in normal schedules. 57 00:03:21,551.10807029 --> 00:03:25,821.10807029 Possibly this is a good time for kids to figure out their natural circadian rhythm. 58 00:03:26,271.10807029 --> 00:03:29,881.10707029 A really good opportunity in the summer is to help them feel their body. 59 00:03:30,101.10807029 --> 00:03:44,106.10807029 When do they need to be outside? When do they need to rest? When do they need to take a nap? When do they need to go do physical activity? So if we can teach our kids to really tune into their bodies during the summer, it is awesome. 60 00:03:44,526.10807029 --> 00:03:49,566.10707029 This is also a really great time when you're working on the sleep schedule to work on an actual schedule. 61 00:03:49,956.10807029 --> 00:04:01,756.10807029 So one of my pet peeves with how millennials and Gen Z and now Gen Alpha are being raised is that their phones really don't let them feel bored. 62 00:04:02,166.10807029 --> 00:04:07,846.10807029 So when they're not bored, they're not curious about life and what they're doing is they're scrolling. 63 00:04:07,986.10707029 --> 00:04:14,16.10807029 So as I talk to students, as I talk to my clients, what I'm hearing is I'm so bored. 64 00:04:14,126.10807029 --> 00:04:19,116.10807029 So what I do is I go on the phone and I'm looking for something that makes me laugh. 65 00:04:19,166.10807029 --> 00:04:28,161.10807029 A lot of them want to laugh or they want to be like really like Focused, like they want to watch a sports game or something pretty intense where they get like riled up and fired up. 66 00:04:28,161.10807029 --> 00:04:31,21.10807029 So they're looking for like laughing or fired up. 67 00:04:31,281.10707029 --> 00:04:41,411.10707029 But when you have millions and millions of videos at your discretion and at your disposal, what's starting to happen is it takes a lot more to entertain them a lot more. 68 00:04:41,811.10707029 --> 00:04:44,791.10707029 Just, just what would you call it? I don't even know. 69 00:04:44,861.10707029 --> 00:04:46,1.10707029 I don't even know what they're looking at. 70 00:04:46,1.10707029 --> 00:04:50,421.10607029 I mean, half of it is ridiculous, but just a lot more attention seeking attention grabbing. 71 00:04:50,526.20807029 --> 00:04:53,486.20807029 They know that these kids attention spans are super short. 72 00:04:53,746.20707029 --> 00:05:05,586.20807029 So what they're doing is they're making clips, they're making shorts, they're making these videos shorter and shorter and shorter and trying to like pack a punch faster to get them to laugh, to get them to hook in, to get them engaged, to get them fired up. 73 00:05:05,806.20807029 --> 00:05:12,931.20807029 So when we're looking at how that's affecting their sense of time, they have a really, really Short attention span. 74 00:05:12,931.20807029 --> 00:05:20,961.20807029 So I want you, I'm going to, I'm going to beg of you to really focus on giving them more extended time activities. 75 00:05:21,181.20707029 --> 00:05:23,161.20807029 We need to retrain their brain. 76 00:05:23,161.20807029 --> 00:05:33,1.20807029 So one of the times when you're going to find kids are scrolling endlessly is often at night before bed and it's often in the morning when they're not quite up and moving. 77 00:05:33,381.20807029 --> 00:05:39,751.20807029 So one of the tips I gave to a client who I'm finding this is happening with is I said, please, please, please. 78 00:05:40,21.20807029 --> 00:05:41,61.20807029 When you go to bed. 79 00:05:41,236.20807029 --> 00:05:54,866.20757029 Take your child's phone and charge it in your room and then don't give it to your child until they have, whatever, gotten in the car to go to school or gotten in like X number of chores, like whatever it is. 80 00:05:54,866.20757029 --> 00:06:02,556.20807029 And you can apply this to summer or you can apply this to the school year, but you just want to take the phone and then give their brain a break. 81 00:06:02,936.20807029 --> 00:06:05,886.20807029 We want our kids to say, I'm bored. 82 00:06:06,196.20807029 --> 00:06:13,806.20807029 If you hear I'm bored, I'm going to give you like five gold stars because boredom is the beginning of creativity. 83 00:06:14,206.20807029 --> 00:06:17,256.20807029 Boredom is when their brain starts to kick into gear. 84 00:06:17,496.20807029 --> 00:06:22,106.20807029 Boredom is when you actually let your imagination come to life. 85 00:06:22,526.20807029 --> 00:06:28,456.20807029 So the more we can get our kids bored, the better their development of their brain is going to be. 86 00:06:28,696.20807029 --> 00:06:29,896.10807029 Can I just get an amen? Amen. 87 00:06:30,616.20807029 --> 00:06:33,276.20807029 We cannot keep spoon feeding them stuff to do. 88 00:06:33,736.20807029 --> 00:06:35,16.20807029 This is not your job. 89 00:06:35,226.20807029 --> 00:06:42,266.20707029 Your job as a parent is not to prevent your child from ever experiencing the horrible feeling of boredom. 90 00:06:42,456.20807029 --> 00:06:46,576.20707029 When I talk to kids, they literally tell me that boredom gives them anxiety. 91 00:06:47,576.20707029 --> 00:06:50,566.20707029 I mean, like, just, just process that for one minute. 92 00:06:50,906.20807029 --> 00:06:53,76.20807029 Boredom is equal to anxiety. 93 00:06:53,366.20807029 --> 00:06:55,266.20807029 Boredom is equal to depression. 94 00:06:55,526.20807029 --> 00:07:06,936.20807029 When we start to see this happening where they're unable to distinguish the difference between anxious and stressed out and bored and depressed, like we need to really, really intervene. 95 00:07:06,936.20807029 --> 00:07:14,16.10807029 So I'm going to beg of you, let your child be bored at every age, the younger, the better. 96 00:07:14,16.20807029 --> 00:07:16,986.20807029 We want them to begin to experience boredom. 97 00:07:17,476.20807029 --> 00:07:24,426.20807029 When we create space for boredom, however, we need to give them resources to pour into. 98 00:07:24,796.20807029 --> 00:07:27,176.20807029 So this is where hobbies come into play. 99 00:07:27,576.20707029 --> 00:07:34,646.20807029 I always say, especially by middle school, definitely by middle school, you want them to be experiencing a variety of things. 100 00:07:34,936.20807029 --> 00:07:42,486.20707029 Now I understand that if you're in a city versus in suburbia versus in like rural America or something, it's going to be a very different experience. 101 00:07:42,486.20707029 --> 00:07:42,756.20707029 So. 102 00:07:43,206.20807029 --> 00:07:45,486.20807029 Remember, I always like to go back to the Bible. 103 00:07:45,716.20807029 --> 00:07:50,986.20807029 How did God design us to be? God designed us to walk in community, not to be alone. 104 00:07:51,36.20707029 --> 00:07:56,856.20707029 So figuring out how to find people and bring them into your world, having time to walk and talk with God. 105 00:07:56,856.20807029 --> 00:08:03,946.20807029 So having that spiritual structuring of having a relationship with God, then also eating good food. 106 00:08:03,966.20807029 --> 00:08:08,826.20807029 So it's a great time to start to teach them to cook and learn how to snack well. 107 00:08:09,336.20807029 --> 00:08:17,886.20807029 And then it's also a really, really good time to think about what does God ask us to do? God put us in a garden and asked us to take care of the plants and animals. 108 00:08:18,36.20807029 --> 00:08:19,616.20807029 That is work guys. 109 00:08:19,626.20807029 --> 00:08:21,406.20807029 It's work, but it's working with nature. 110 00:08:22,156.20807029 --> 00:08:24,966.20807029 This is such a beautiful time to really be. 111 00:08:25,36.20807029 --> 00:08:26,136.20807029 Kind of teaching your kids. 112 00:08:26,456.20807029 --> 00:08:28,876.20807029 This is how our bodies were designed to exist. 113 00:08:29,166.20807029 --> 00:08:34,396.20807029 So if we can incorporate that back into our kids lives, the earlier, the better, it's going to feel normal. 114 00:08:34,396.20807029 --> 00:08:36,626.2075703 It's going to feel like they're actually drawn into it. 115 00:08:36,626.2075703 --> 00:08:38,496.20807029 And a lot of kids love this. 116 00:08:38,886.20807029 --> 00:08:42,136.20707029 I'm finding more and more students because now our school has a garden. 117 00:08:42,576.20807029 --> 00:08:45,676.20807029 A lot of kids absolutely adore gardening. 118 00:08:45,726.20807029 --> 00:08:46,606.20807029 They don't like weeding. 119 00:08:46,616.20807029 --> 00:08:47,976.20807029 I mean, you have to be real about it. 120 00:08:47,986.20807029 --> 00:08:48,846.20807029 Nobody likes weeding. 121 00:08:48,856.20807029 --> 00:08:49,446.20807029 I hate weeding. 122 00:08:49,446.20807029 --> 00:08:50,946.20807029 I mean, that's like a curse in the Bible. 123 00:08:51,566.20807029 --> 00:08:54,236.20807029 Something God like sent us to torture us. 124 00:08:54,591.20807029 --> 00:09:04,631.20807029 But the, the growing, the, the seeing how something can come from nothing and you can nurture it to be beautiful and to be productive and to add value like food. 125 00:09:04,931.20807029 --> 00:09:08,121.20807029 This is really, really, really monumental to these kids lives. 126 00:09:08,151.20707029 --> 00:09:20,121.20807029 And once they start to realize it, I mean, how many adults find their joy in taking care of the lawn? I don't know if you can hear all the lawnmowers outside my window right now, but like adults just, they do, they do like being outside. 127 00:09:20,121.20807029 --> 00:09:25,696.20807029 My friends and I, we just Love growing things and experimenting and we're not good at it at first. 128 00:09:25,706.20807029 --> 00:09:31,596.20807029 So it's really a cool time for them to start caring and nurturing for plants and animals. 129 00:09:31,606.20707029 --> 00:09:37,196.20807029 So walking the dog, taking care of other people's animals, like whatever it is that you need to incorporate into their life. 130 00:09:37,546.20707029 --> 00:09:38,366.20707029 That's really great. 131 00:09:38,436.20807029 --> 00:09:40,576.20807029 And then what's really cool once they're good at it. 132 00:09:40,931.20807029 --> 00:09:43,461.20807029 They can actually turn that into money as they get older. 133 00:09:43,461.20807029 --> 00:09:46,51.20807029 That can become part of a side hustle, a business. 134 00:09:46,391.20807029 --> 00:09:52,891.20807029 And that, my friends, is adulting, trying to figure out what hobbies we have that can actually transition us into earning money. 135 00:09:53,71.20807029 --> 00:09:56,291.20807029 So speaking that into our kids really early on is huge. 136 00:09:56,851.20807029 --> 00:10:00,81.20807029 Another thing that you can start to do is really develop hobbies. 137 00:10:00,411.20807029 --> 00:10:05,611.20807029 And you can kind of think outside the box where like you want your kids to see a lot and to experience a lot. 138 00:10:05,611.20807029 --> 00:10:12,561.20757029 So having like an art area of a house, like I know some, somebody I was dealing with was like, Oh, I can't do artwork. 139 00:10:12,561.20757029 --> 00:10:13,491.20707029 My desk is white. 140 00:10:14,491.20707029 --> 00:10:17,171.20707029 I was like, hold the phone, hold the phone. 141 00:10:17,551.20707029 --> 00:10:21,971.20707029 Ikea has plastic mats for desks that you just like lay out. 142 00:10:22,221.20707029 --> 00:10:23,551.20657029 You can put them under the desk. 143 00:10:23,551.20657029 --> 00:10:24,581.20707029 You can put them on the floor. 144 00:10:24,581.20707029 --> 00:10:25,841.20707029 You can put them on top of the desk. 145 00:10:25,871.20707029 --> 00:10:28,601.20707029 Like so many things you can do to protect your house. 146 00:10:28,601.20707029 --> 00:10:37,326.20707029 That is not a reason to not be creative with Art products and things like that, or beading kids really, really do like to create and to invent. 147 00:10:37,336.20707029 --> 00:10:39,646.20707029 So encouraging a jewelry hobby. 148 00:10:39,676.20707029 --> 00:10:48,916.20707029 My daughters graduated from like doing big beads to doing like braiding and stuff of embroidery to actually crafting real jewelry. 149 00:10:48,916.20707029 --> 00:10:53,896.20657029 I mean, I got to the point where I was buying tools with actual clog clasps and gold and stuff. 150 00:10:54,146.20657029 --> 00:10:59,736.20657029 And then as they got even older, cause now they're in high school, one of them has gotten into thrifting actual jewelry. 151 00:10:59,746.20657029 --> 00:11:03,716.20657029 And then she deconstructs it and reinvents it as something really cool. 152 00:11:04,26.20657029 --> 00:11:09,846.20607029 And one of my friends actually saw one of her pieces and was like, can you, can you make me something like that? I love that. 153 00:11:09,876.20607029 --> 00:11:11,366.20707029 I've never seen anything like it. 154 00:11:11,526.20707029 --> 00:11:12,16.20707029 Boom. 155 00:11:12,476.20707029 --> 00:11:14,916.20807029 This is entrepreneurial mindset at its best. 156 00:11:15,166.20707029 --> 00:11:16,646.20807029 So you can start it really, really young. 157 00:11:17,576.20807029 --> 00:11:20,86.20807029 I have a lot of kids who are really highly trained in sports. 158 00:11:20,286.20807029 --> 00:11:21,96.20807029 Okay, cool. 159 00:11:21,416.20807029 --> 00:11:24,936.20807029 Guess what I did when my kids were little? I had a group of moms. 160 00:11:24,976.20807029 --> 00:11:28,546.20707029 We all had similar age kids and we were like, I need mom time. 161 00:11:28,586.20707029 --> 00:11:29,886.20807029 You all need mom time. 162 00:11:29,896.20807029 --> 00:11:30,736.20807029 You need dad time. 163 00:11:30,736.20807029 --> 00:11:33,16.20807029 You need to have adult conversations. 164 00:11:33,426.20807029 --> 00:11:39,456.2080703 And when you've got kids on your, like, at your beck and call, like all around your feet all day, you feel like you're last in line. 165 00:11:39,466.2080703 --> 00:11:42,576.2080703 And I know that like teachers took your kids for eight hours a day. 166 00:11:42,896.20807029 --> 00:11:47,106.20807029 We're very happy to give them back to you for two months and then we'll take them back all refreshed and happy. 167 00:11:47,466.2080703 --> 00:11:50,46.20807029 But for two months you have like no break. 168 00:11:50,56.20707029 --> 00:11:50,576.2070703 I know. 169 00:11:50,856.20807029 --> 00:11:54,306.20807029 And you're possibly trying to work and juggle all this and figure out schedules and all. 170 00:11:54,316.2080703 --> 00:11:57,376.20807029 So you need to build in time just for you for decompressing. 171 00:11:58,376.2080703 --> 00:12:01,346.2080703 So what I did was I found a local dance instructor. 172 00:12:01,346.2080703 --> 00:12:02,416.2080703 Now, remember I had two girls. 173 00:12:02,706.2080703 --> 00:12:03,836.2080703 You could do this with soccer. 174 00:12:03,836.2080703 --> 00:12:11,56.2080703 You could do this with flag football, having a kid who knows football, whatever your kids are into, you can hire the teenager. 175 00:12:11,56.2080703 --> 00:12:11,836.2080703 And here's what I did. 176 00:12:12,246.20807029 --> 00:12:18,656.2080703 I said, all my friends who want to come to my house and we are going to stay inside and we're going to have coffee or. 177 00:12:19,36.2080703 --> 00:12:21,636.20807029 Snacky things and drinks, whatever it is that you want to do. 178 00:12:21,636.20807029 --> 00:12:23,336.2080703 Whatever time of day you can do your thing. 179 00:12:23,756.20807029 --> 00:12:26,606.20807029 And then you can even do a Bible study, like whatever makes you happy. 180 00:12:26,916.2080703 --> 00:12:30,686.2070703 And then every single person who came paid that teenager 10. 181 00:12:31,586.2080703 --> 00:12:35,376.20707029 My teenage little assistant was so excited. 182 00:12:35,646.2070703 --> 00:12:38,686.1080703 She was like, what? I just made a hundred dollars in two hours. 183 00:12:39,116.20807029 --> 00:12:43,196.2080703 What? I was like, yes, would you like to do it again? And they were like, yes. 184 00:12:43,226.2080703 --> 00:12:46,26.2080703 So what the rule was, was we only did it on a nice day. 185 00:12:46,116.20807029 --> 00:12:47,496.2075703 All the kids had to stay outside. 186 00:12:47,496.2075703 --> 00:12:49,96.2080703 She was very happy to keep them. 187 00:12:49,416.2080703 --> 00:12:52,386.2080703 And then I was very happy to sit and have adult conversation all by myself. 188 00:12:52,676.2080703 --> 00:12:55,416.2080703 And you know, we got really, we got really gritty as parents. 189 00:12:55,416.2080703 --> 00:12:59,86.2080703 You know, we would go to Ikea and check the kids into the ball pit and we would have coffee there. 190 00:12:59,96.2080703 --> 00:12:59,661.1080703 Like, oh, yeah. 191 00:12:59,701.2080703 --> 00:13:04,21.2080703 We just did whatever we had to do to get together, make you a priority. 192 00:13:04,311.2080703 --> 00:13:06,711.2080703 There's that saying about grabbing the oxygen mask. 193 00:13:06,711.2080703 --> 00:13:09,741.2070703 You got to put it on yourself on the plane before you put it on your children. 194 00:13:10,41.2080703 --> 00:13:12,381.2080703 This is so true in so many, so many ways. 195 00:13:12,391.2080703 --> 00:13:14,791.2080703 So try to find times that work for you. 196 00:13:14,931.2080703 --> 00:13:26,541.2080703 If you have littles, a really awesome thing to do is to try to find parents in the community and just kind of put it out there, put it on the town, Facebook page, put it on whatever we are gathering with. 197 00:13:26,751.20807029 --> 00:13:30,681.2080703 It's ages two to five every Tuesday at this park. 198 00:13:30,921.20807029 --> 00:13:34,71.20807029 Bring your coffee and show up or bring your sneakers and show up. 199 00:13:34,81.20807029 --> 00:13:41,191.2080703 We're going to walk laps while the kids play on the playground, whatever it is that you need to do, figure it out, make it happen. 200 00:13:41,201.2080703 --> 00:13:43,401.2080703 You don't have to put yourself last. 201 00:13:43,681.2070703 --> 00:13:45,411.2070703 Your kids need socialization. 202 00:13:45,411.2070703 --> 00:13:46,481.20807029 They really, really do. 203 00:13:46,731.20807029 --> 00:13:47,781.2080703 They need exercise. 204 00:13:47,781.2080703 --> 00:13:50,181.20807029 They need to be outside, but so do you. 205 00:13:50,191.20807029 --> 00:13:52,681.20807029 So try to blend it, get creative. 206 00:13:52,721.20807029 --> 00:13:53,831.20707029 Don't get overwhelmed. 207 00:13:53,881.20807029 --> 00:13:55,381.20807029 Remember, phone a friend. 208 00:13:56,371.20807029 --> 00:14:03,771.20807029 I had a really good friend that we knew, like, if you were calling, you pick up the phone, like, there was a problem, we needed to talk. 209 00:14:04,131.20807029 --> 00:14:06,691.20807029 That's really awesome, but sometimes you need to find your person. 210 00:14:06,981.20807029 --> 00:14:09,261.20807029 This is a lonely time to parent, I think. 211 00:14:09,301.20707029 --> 00:14:12,311.20807029 Post COVID, everybody got kind of, you I don't know. 212 00:14:12,621.20807029 --> 00:14:14,311.20807029 We locked in too long, I think. 213 00:14:14,331.2080703 --> 00:14:21,941.2080703 And I think it takes a lot of energy and a lot of confidence and a lot of time to put yourself back out in the world and reconnect with people. 214 00:14:22,191.2080703 --> 00:14:23,451.2080703 It doesn't mean it won't happen. 215 00:14:23,461.2080703 --> 00:14:31,111.20807029 It just means we need to retrain ourselves that it's something that if it gives you joy, you can incorporate it in whatever doses you need. 216 00:14:31,121.20807029 --> 00:14:32,671.20807029 So as much as you need to schedule. 217 00:14:33,671.20807029 --> 00:14:37,691.20807029 It's exhausting mentally to try to reinvent the wheel every week. 218 00:14:38,81.2080703 --> 00:14:41,201.2080703 So better is to set it up on a schedule. 219 00:14:41,231.20807029 --> 00:14:51,791.2080703 So every Tuesday, every Saturday, like whatever it is for my friends, we meet one Saturday a month and we go out for coffee and we know we're going to be there for four hours. 220 00:14:52,301.2090703 --> 00:14:56,311.2090703 Like we go for coffee and food and when they look, given us the schedule, The skank eye. 221 00:14:56,361.2090703 --> 00:14:57,431.2090703 We buy more food. 222 00:14:58,181.2090703 --> 00:14:59,41.2090703 So that's what we do. 223 00:14:59,381.2090703 --> 00:15:00,941.2090703 But you know, we just we needed that. 224 00:15:00,971.2090703 --> 00:15:04,591.2090703 We needed that as like women who just needed to be together. 225 00:15:04,601.2090703 --> 00:15:05,901.2090703 We're not bashing our husbands. 226 00:15:05,901.2090703 --> 00:15:07,481.2090703 This is not a negative time. 227 00:15:07,771.2090703 --> 00:15:17,521.2090703 I want you to understand because at first my husband was like, are you just like bashing us? Are you just talking about us? I'm like, no, I want to talk to people who like, Love me for different reasons than you love me. 228 00:15:17,521.2090703 --> 00:15:19,491.2090703 You know, like I just want to love on them. 229 00:15:19,881.2090703 --> 00:15:21,721.2090703 So try to find that time. 230 00:15:21,731.2090703 --> 00:15:22,931.2090703 It's really, really beautiful. 231 00:15:23,781.2090703 --> 00:15:31,71.2090703 Other things you can do is it's a beautiful time to on purpose begin to train your children to prep food with you. 232 00:15:31,591.2080703 --> 00:15:35,801.2080703 They need to understand how important being part of a family is. 233 00:15:36,211.2080703 --> 00:15:39,961.2090703 How do families come together? So many times it's food. 234 00:15:40,281.20907029 --> 00:15:45,931.2090703 We have lost a lot of matriarchs in our society who used to gather people. 235 00:15:45,941.2090703 --> 00:15:47,81.2090703 Gathering is huge. 236 00:15:47,91.2080703 --> 00:15:52,61.20907029 Families need those people, the patriarch, the matriarch of the family to gather us. 237 00:15:52,651.2090703 --> 00:15:59,241.20907029 Many of us are hesitant to step into those roles, I think, and a lot of the elderly are a little tired of always being the one to gather. 238 00:15:59,601.2090703 --> 00:16:01,901.2090703 So it's a really cool time to kind of think about the legacy. 239 00:16:02,146.20907029 --> 00:16:15,346.2090703 Who's taking that on? So you're possibly going to be taking that on as parents, like you're starting to step into the next role where the grandparents get to relax a bit and you start to take on the heavy load, but bring your kids with you. 240 00:16:15,816.20807029 --> 00:16:17,266.2090703 It starts at the table. 241 00:16:18,266.2090703 --> 00:16:25,356.20807029 So what I think you should do is really, and I'm just recommending this from what I did was think to yourself, what's your goal. 242 00:16:25,456.20807029 --> 00:16:29,506.20807029 My goal for my kids was I wanted to be able to. 243 00:16:30,211.20907029 --> 00:16:35,141.20907029 This sounds really morbid, die and they would be okay by age 14. 244 00:16:35,201.20907029 --> 00:16:38,61.20907029 I don't know why I got that in my head, but it really, really served me. 245 00:16:38,61.20907029 --> 00:16:44,751.2090703 I'm like, I want my kids to no longer need me by age 14, but to want to be with me by age 14. 246 00:16:44,801.2080703 --> 00:16:51,551.2090703 Like I wanted to love them and, and be there for them, but I wanted to give them every skill set that they needed by age 14. 247 00:16:51,561.2090703 --> 00:16:59,501.2080703 And I can say every single one of them, all three without a doubt would have been fine if I died when they were 14, they would have just been fine. 248 00:16:59,501.3080703 --> 00:16:59,561.1090703 And yeah. 249 00:16:59,941.2090703 --> 00:17:02,71.2090703 They wouldn't even have needed much of anything. 250 00:17:02,301.2090703 --> 00:17:04,941.2090703 I think they could have even started a business by the time I was done with them. 251 00:17:04,961.2090703 --> 00:17:08,421.2080703 So, I was super, super proud of them, but I worked on that really, really intentionally. 252 00:17:08,421.2090703 --> 00:17:09,511.2090703 One of them is food. 253 00:17:09,881.2090703 --> 00:17:17,941.2090703 Now, I have a daughter who has an autoimmune disease that is very difficult to control, and we use food as, as medicine, honestly. 254 00:17:18,221.2090703 --> 00:17:24,936.1090703 So, for her, she had to learn how to cook her food, what she was sensitive to, how to make it easy, how to fix it. 255 00:17:25,16.2090703 --> 00:17:25,806.2090703 Food prep. 256 00:17:26,66.2090703 --> 00:17:27,126.2090703 So we do this. 257 00:17:27,146.2090703 --> 00:17:28,86.2090703 We do this as a family. 258 00:17:28,86.2090703 --> 00:17:28,976.2090703 We food prep. 259 00:17:29,276.2090703 --> 00:17:31,906.2090703 It sounds really overwhelming and intimidating. 260 00:17:31,916.2090703 --> 00:17:36,216.2090703 And I think it kind of is, but it started with me going to the grocery with them. 261 00:17:36,236.2080703 --> 00:17:37,276.2090703 We started very slow. 262 00:17:38,276.2090703 --> 00:17:39,296.2090703 Let's go to the grocery. 263 00:17:39,626.2080703 --> 00:17:41,156.2090703 Let's see what you want for the week. 264 00:17:41,176.2090703 --> 00:17:48,6.2090703 We would sit down and every time I made a meal, I would be like, do you like this meal? Should it go in the book? And what we did was we built a book. 265 00:17:48,76.2090703 --> 00:17:52,316.2090703 We have a recipe book and it's like Heerema approved recipes. 266 00:17:52,996.2080703 --> 00:17:55,506.2090703 So if it was good enough, I would copy it in. 267 00:17:55,851.2090703 --> 00:18:02,851.2090703 And then what we started to do was when we were kind of like meal prepping, we would go, Oh, well, let's go to the book and see what ideas we should have. 268 00:18:02,851.2090703 --> 00:18:09,811.2085703 And that was great because sometimes you get stuck in a rut, like how many times can you eat the same food? So we would have this book of food. 269 00:18:09,811.2085703 --> 00:18:12,341.2095703 We tried that we liked, and then we would kind of reinvent it. 270 00:18:12,351.2095703 --> 00:18:16,961.2105703 Some of the recipes over time, I was like, Whoa, Whoa, we need to rewrite this and make it healthy. 271 00:18:17,341.2105703 --> 00:18:20,191.2105703 So we've done that too, which is, it's totally doable. 272 00:18:20,301.2105703 --> 00:18:23,731.2095703 So that's how it started shopping, creating a recipe book. 273 00:18:23,911.2105703 --> 00:18:37,357.877237 And then over time, I started to ask them to prep the food with me so they knew that they would come home from the grocery, we would put the food away, and then we would prep like vegetables and meat and things like that. 274 00:18:37,377.876237 --> 00:18:39,437.877237 So that kind of was the first transition. 275 00:18:39,887.877237 --> 00:18:46,777.877237 And then over time, especially Especially with my daughter with the autoimmune, she knew Sundays were food prep time. 276 00:18:46,787.877237 --> 00:18:49,17.877237 She had to, she had to get ready for the week. 277 00:18:49,17.877237 --> 00:18:56,747.876237 And so for her, my goal, because honestly, this, this girl's got big dreams, big ones, and I know she's going to want to travel. 278 00:18:56,747.876237 --> 00:18:58,237.876237 And I know I'm not going to go with her. 279 00:18:58,287.876237 --> 00:19:00,867.877237 I can't, I'm not going to be able to get on the road with her. 280 00:19:00,877.877237 --> 00:19:03,577.877237 And that really is legit what she wants to do. 281 00:19:03,887.877237 --> 00:19:06,817.877237 If you ask her what she wants to be, she wants to be a rock star. 282 00:19:06,817.877237 --> 00:19:08,167.876737 She wants to be a producer. 283 00:19:08,167.876737 --> 00:19:09,507.877237 She wants to be a songwriter. 284 00:19:10,52.877237 --> 00:19:12,432.877237 All of that is getting on the road. 285 00:19:12,822.877237 --> 00:19:15,852.877237 So I knew I needed to free her from me. 286 00:19:16,482.877237 --> 00:19:18,372.877237 And when you think about that, that's really beautiful. 287 00:19:18,732.877237 --> 00:19:25,172.877237 All of us want, when they're 18, for our kids to just fly from the house and we want them to choose to visit. 288 00:19:25,522.877237 --> 00:19:28,72.877237 We don't want them to feel like they have to live with us. 289 00:19:28,262.877237 --> 00:19:33,152.877237 because we need them or because they don't have money or because they don't feel safe. 290 00:19:33,212.877237 --> 00:19:35,552.877237 We want our kids to fly the coop. 291 00:19:36,12.877237 --> 00:19:48,722.877237 So for me, that was a huge goal was to really, really make her confident healthy and able to make this manageable because it's really, really hard because frankly, we have cut out. 292 00:19:48,917.877237 --> 00:19:50,57.877237 all lectin for her. 293 00:19:50,57.877237 --> 00:19:52,817.877237 And if you know anything about food, that's a beast. 294 00:19:53,467.877237 --> 00:19:57,377.877237 Lectin is in everything, but she just doesn't, doesn't handle it well. 295 00:19:57,797.877237 --> 00:20:01,247.877237 So anyway, my kids have gotten very, very savvy with food. 296 00:20:01,537.877237 --> 00:20:05,87.877237 And it's something that's given me a lot of relief, even when they were very little. 297 00:20:05,87.878237 --> 00:20:09,697.878237 If you have really little kids, I recommend a snack drawer that's at their level. 298 00:20:09,807.878237 --> 00:20:19,87.878237 So we had a snack drawer for dry food, And then we had a snack drawer in the fridge and they knew that they could have from the snack drawer and that gave them a sense of independence. 299 00:20:19,87.878237 --> 00:20:20,107.878237 They knew what they liked. 300 00:20:20,137.878237 --> 00:20:24,177.878237 We knew it was healthy or not, and they knew they could only have one unhealthy thing a day. 301 00:20:24,587.878237 --> 00:20:29,497.877237 And we just kind of got used to that because it's kind of a life skill, isn't it? I think it is. 302 00:20:29,807.878237 --> 00:20:31,737.878237 So that was how I addressed it when they were little. 303 00:20:31,737.878237 --> 00:20:33,657.878237 And obviously we had to grow that up over time. 304 00:20:34,137.878237 --> 00:20:37,517.878237 If your child is not packing their lunch this year. 305 00:20:37,902.878237 --> 00:20:50,32.877237 I'm going to say, just so you know, teachers always, always have kids who are much higher in their maturity in general, compared to the average parent. 306 00:20:50,852.878237 --> 00:20:51,892.877237 I'm not putting you down. 307 00:20:51,902.877237 --> 00:20:57,612.877237 I'm just saying we have seen hundreds of kids through our classroom and we know exactly how capable kids are. 308 00:20:57,922.878237 --> 00:21:05,657.878237 So by the time they get to our house and they're living in our house, we're like, well, they're So I know you should be tying your shoe and packing your bag and I know what you're able to do. 309 00:21:05,967.878237 --> 00:21:13,227.878237 So I do find that teacher's kids are always a little bit more advanced, like even when I teach a teacher's kid, I know, I'm like, are you a teacher's kid? Yes, you are. 310 00:21:13,347.878237 --> 00:21:13,717.878237 I know. 311 00:21:14,197.878237 --> 00:21:19,937.877737 I know your mom, what district do your parents work in? I can always tell because they just think differently. 312 00:21:19,937.877737 --> 00:21:21,227.878237 It's really, really fascinating. 313 00:21:21,267.878237 --> 00:21:23,27.878237 A lot more responsibility on them. 314 00:21:23,847.878237 --> 00:21:24,907.878237 And it's not hard. 315 00:21:25,177.878237 --> 00:21:26,557.878237 They don't talk about it like it's hard. 316 00:21:26,557.878237 --> 00:21:28,547.878237 They expect, like, everybody should do this. 317 00:21:28,547.878237 --> 00:21:32,507.878237 And they're always shocked when other kids are like, Oh, my mom does my hair for me. 318 00:21:32,507.878237 --> 00:21:42,317.878237 And they're like, what? Why don't you do your hair? You know, so my kids, I was, I was teaching them how to blow dry their hair in the summer, just so that they knew by the time it was fall, how to blow dry their hair. 319 00:21:42,317.878237 --> 00:21:43,637.878237 So they were blow drying their hair. 320 00:21:43,767.878237 --> 00:21:45,677.878237 I want to say they were like 10. 321 00:21:45,947.877237 --> 00:21:50,887.877237 So if you're still blow drying your kid's hair, I mean, depends on how long it is, honestly, like one of my kids. 322 00:21:50,977.878237 --> 00:21:52,327.878237 It has really long hair. 323 00:21:52,337.878237 --> 00:21:54,317.878237 So her little arms were too short. 324 00:21:54,327.878237 --> 00:21:55,507.878237 I think I gave her another year. 325 00:21:55,957.878237 --> 00:21:59,107.878237 But it's something that like they need independence. 326 00:21:59,117.878237 --> 00:22:04,757.877237 You don't want them to rely on you for confidence, for doing, for things like that. 327 00:22:04,757.878237 --> 00:22:08,277.877237 We want them to trust themselves, not just you. 328 00:22:08,617.878237 --> 00:22:13,207.878237 So they need to trust themselves that they are capable and that they can do hard things. 329 00:22:13,217.878237 --> 00:22:15,417.878237 So Sometimes hard things is adulting. 330 00:22:15,427.878237 --> 00:22:30,22.878237 So if you think about all the things that are overwhelming to kids as adults, doing laundry, keeping track of money, doing their hair, um, socializing, whatever it is, schedules, that's a big one, calendaring, that is really, really adulting on steroids. 331 00:22:30,22.878237 --> 00:22:34,152.878237 So if we can start to prep them early on, you are going to be golden. 332 00:22:34,502.878237 --> 00:22:35,582.878237 So don't get overwhelmed. 333 00:22:35,612.877237 --> 00:22:42,862.877237 I'm talking like little things like doing their hair, doing the laundry, at least start with folding laundry and then putting it away. 334 00:22:43,42.877237 --> 00:22:43,962.877237 That's huge. 335 00:22:44,312.878237 --> 00:22:45,872.878237 So summertime. 336 00:22:46,697.878237 --> 00:22:51,227.878237 I would say week by week, what do you have? 10 weeks, right? I think that's the summer time for most people. 337 00:22:51,577.878237 --> 00:22:52,707.878237 10 ish weeks. 338 00:22:52,727.878237 --> 00:22:53,617.878237 So chunk it. 339 00:22:53,677.878237 --> 00:22:54,717.877237 Let's just chunk it. 340 00:22:54,727.878237 --> 00:22:55,687.878237 Don't go crazy. 341 00:22:55,687.878237 --> 00:22:57,957.878237 So week one, decompress. 342 00:22:58,197.878237 --> 00:23:05,7.880237 Everybody needs to just breathe, right? I mean, that's the time when the kids need a break. 343 00:23:05,57.879237 --> 00:23:06,57.879237 You need a break. 344 00:23:06,57.879237 --> 00:23:08,917.879237 We all need to just relax for one week. 345 00:23:09,372.879237 --> 00:23:10,772.879237 Give yourself that grace. 346 00:23:10,802.879237 --> 00:23:13,32.879237 Tell them, this is our break week. 347 00:23:13,32.879237 --> 00:23:13,842.879237 We're going to relax. 348 00:23:13,842.879237 --> 00:23:15,732.879237 Some of us like shoot off for vacation. 349 00:23:15,732.879237 --> 00:23:16,402.879237 I know I do. 350 00:23:16,402.879237 --> 00:23:18,512.879237 I do my vacation pretty quick. 351 00:23:18,532.879237 --> 00:23:21,762.878237 And then we do an end of summer, like something together also. 352 00:23:22,172.879237 --> 00:23:27,492.879237 But you know, for that first week, really be intentional about finding your joy and reconnecting with them. 353 00:23:27,582.879237 --> 00:23:32,832.879237 Kids really, really, really love just snuggling on the couch at every age for a movie. 354 00:23:33,167.879237 --> 00:23:39,567.879237 They love having friends sleep over just things that like got pushed on the back burner from May and June, which we know are chaotic. 355 00:23:39,907.879237 --> 00:23:45,187.879237 Let that back into your life maybe for a week and tell them next week, we're going to start structuring. 356 00:23:45,197.879237 --> 00:23:48,587.878237 So just be ready, like give them a little bit of transition time. 357 00:23:49,507.879237 --> 00:23:51,477.878237 Then you can start to work on calendaring. 358 00:23:51,917.879237 --> 00:23:58,597.879237 So what you can do is on the weekend, especially if you're a working parent, you know, you, you are kind of limited in your time. 359 00:23:58,597.879237 --> 00:24:02,917.879237 So I would say Sundays you would sit down with the calendar and you would kind of talk. 360 00:24:03,132.879237 --> 00:24:08,302.879237 To the kids, and you're going to actually put on the calendar big things that are going on for the week ahead. 361 00:24:08,942.879237 --> 00:24:18,832.879237 That's where you're going to sit down, you're going to talk to them, and you're going to be like, Are you, are you planning on going anywhere? How are you going to make time for friends? Tell me what day you want to talk to so and so about doing something. 362 00:24:19,262.879237 --> 00:24:22,442.878237 Get them to think about connecting with friends for sure. 363 00:24:23,392.879237 --> 00:24:25,312.879237 So we're going to kind of go outside to inside. 364 00:24:25,562.879237 --> 00:24:29,942.879237 So who do you need to connect with? What do you need to do? So it's going to be one thing. 365 00:24:30,462.879237 --> 00:24:33,822.879237 Then you're going to kind of start to go into developing the inner self. 366 00:24:33,832.879237 --> 00:24:44,932.879237 You know, what time do you need to work on your your hobby? So any hobbies that they want to do? Summer is a great time to learn instruments and to practice that kind of thing. 367 00:24:44,932.879237 --> 00:24:47,922.879237 So I would highly recommend building an intentional time. 368 00:24:48,212.879237 --> 00:25:04,672.879237 When do you want to practice kicking soccer? Do you want me to hire somebody for a couple, like maybe once a week? For the summer, who's going to work on you with your skills and stuff like that, getting ready for fall sports, we have a guy who's amazing, who works with our kids on shooting and stuff like that for soccer, and the kids love it. 369 00:25:05,52.879237 --> 00:25:06,992.879237 So he gives them things to work on for the week. 370 00:25:07,322.878237 --> 00:25:09,382.878237 I have some kids who have a trainer. 371 00:25:10,267.878237 --> 00:25:18,667.878237 And so the parents don't pay every day, but they might pay for a training session once a week, and then the kids kind of like set up with that trainer what they're going to do for the week. 372 00:25:19,47.878237 --> 00:25:21,357.878237 A lot of kids follow people online. 373 00:25:22,227.878237 --> 00:25:35,17.878237 I will tell you, I mean, I'm not trying to be like hurtful, but kids who are healthy and feel good about their bodies feel good about themselves walking into a room. 374 00:25:35,482.878237 --> 00:25:41,742.878237 Two months for a kid is an amazing opportunity to really get healthy and to really feel good about themselves. 375 00:25:42,22.878237 --> 00:25:49,772.878237 Have you ever noticed that when you're doing active things, even if your body hasn't changed, your mindset starts to change, it's going to be the same for students, for kids. 376 00:25:49,782.878237 --> 00:25:55,12.878237 So your kids will definitely thrive if they start to just, feel their body come alive. 377 00:25:55,372.878237 --> 00:26:03,822.878237 So for my son, I noticed he has a really hard time focusing, like doing homework after being in school all day was too much. 378 00:26:03,832.878237 --> 00:26:07,567.878237 And if you notice that that was too much for your child, Here's the moment. 379 00:26:07,907.878237 --> 00:26:09,827.878237 I used to have, ask him, ask him. 380 00:26:09,827.878237 --> 00:26:10,527.878237 I didn't tell him. 381 00:26:10,557.878237 --> 00:26:18,87.877237 I didn't force him, but I used to say, why don't you go run around the block today? And then we like built it up and built it up and he would run a little bit more each day. 382 00:26:18,447.878237 --> 00:26:20,437.877237 And what he was finding was that he was much calmer. 383 00:26:20,437.878237 --> 00:26:21,747.878237 He was able to sleep better. 384 00:26:21,867.878237 --> 00:26:22,977.877237 He felt better. 385 00:26:23,287.878237 --> 00:26:27,202.878237 And wouldn't you know it? I mean, the kid's 27 and he's running marathons. 386 00:26:27,202.878237 --> 00:26:30,382.878237 So it's incredible, but he needed that movement. 387 00:26:30,392.878237 --> 00:26:32,802.878237 And my other daughter ended up being the same way. 388 00:26:32,812.878237 --> 00:26:36,772.878237 She doesn't like it if she doesn't run at least two or three miles a day. 389 00:26:37,152.878237 --> 00:26:41,442.878237 And that was something we had to figure out kind of early on was that that helps them focus. 390 00:26:41,442.878237 --> 00:26:50,372.878237 It gives them better calm for the rest of the day, better self concept, better ability to relax when they were supposed to relax. 391 00:26:50,712.878237 --> 00:26:56,412.878237 My other daughter who's more like me, she finds running increases her stress. 392 00:26:56,422.878237 --> 00:27:00,382.878237 So she really was learning that her body I know what it is cause I deal with it. 393 00:27:00,382.878237 --> 00:27:01,852.877237 It's like a cortisol reaction. 394 00:27:01,862.878237 --> 00:27:04,412.878237 So we tend to have a higher cortisol reaction when we run. 395 00:27:04,762.878237 --> 00:27:12,377.878237 So what we're learning because that's what I'm, I'm actually in a training program myself, is that walking is all our body's needs. 396 00:27:12,377.878237 --> 00:27:14,687.878237 So we're focusing on 10, 000 steps a day. 397 00:27:14,687.878237 --> 00:27:19,707.878237 So we have this fun goal between my daughter and I is we're going to get to 10, 000 steps every day. 398 00:27:19,997.878237 --> 00:27:23,97.878237 And so she'll come back and she's like, I did three miles today. 399 00:27:23,117.877237 --> 00:27:24,407.878237 And I'm like, I only got two. 400 00:27:25,147.877237 --> 00:27:25,907.878237 And then it's a game. 401 00:27:26,287.878237 --> 00:27:27,567.878237 And then we go for a walk at night. 402 00:27:27,807.878237 --> 00:27:29,347.878237 We love walking at night. 403 00:27:29,357.878237 --> 00:27:32,932.878237 Remember when are your kids most peaked? It's at 11 o'clock at night. 404 00:27:33,232.878237 --> 00:27:36,672.878237 So if you, we like going for a night walk, it's super fun as your kids get older. 405 00:27:36,672.878237 --> 00:27:38,92.878237 It's a great time to connect. 406 00:27:38,102.878237 --> 00:27:42,62.877737 It's not so hot and you can take the dog, you can go as a family. 407 00:27:42,62.877737 --> 00:27:44,232.877737 I see a lot of families by me walking together. 408 00:27:44,232.877737 --> 00:27:45,222.878237 It's really beautiful. 409 00:27:45,232.877237 --> 00:27:52,912.878237 So maybe consider that having these healthy habits just established at an earlier age is going to benefit them so much down the road. 410 00:27:53,462.878237 --> 00:28:15,2.877237 So I wanted to talk about rules because we're kind of talking about nighttime And if you're raising teens, tweens, you might understand that rules is going to be a thing that's going to like kind of be butting heads, right? So rules, you want to make sure when you're building rules for the summer, that they make sense for the values you have for your family. 411 00:28:15,352.879237 --> 00:28:21,22.878237 What I mean by that is not every rule actually really matters. 412 00:28:21,432.878237 --> 00:28:25,42.878237 I always use the example, we tell toddlers that they have to share. 413 00:28:25,312.878237 --> 00:28:26,912.878237 Share your toy, Tommy. 414 00:28:26,952.878237 --> 00:28:28,432.878237 That's, that's how you're nice. 415 00:28:28,702.878237 --> 00:28:29,742.878237 Friends share. 416 00:28:29,932.878237 --> 00:28:30,832.878237 Let me be honest. 417 00:28:30,852.878237 --> 00:28:34,392.878237 As an adult, I so rarely share. 418 00:28:34,782.878237 --> 00:28:38,232.878237 There's only one person that I really share with and that's my spouse. 419 00:28:38,572.878237 --> 00:28:41,672.877237 And I deeply love him, but I also expect him to share. 420 00:28:41,922.878237 --> 00:28:49,412.878237 We also have a covenantal contract to share, share our finances, share our home, share our child, share everything. 421 00:28:49,662.878237 --> 00:28:50,102.878237 So. 422 00:28:50,337.878237 --> 00:28:56,267.878237 That is an exception, the average friend who is not necessarily a hundred percent reliable. 423 00:28:56,277.878237 --> 00:29:03,197.878237 Like why are we asking them to share? I don't share my coffee, I don't share my cell phone, I don't share my car, I don't share my laptop. 424 00:29:03,207.877237 --> 00:29:08,337.877237 I don't share when we focus on these things that don't really match our values for life. 425 00:29:08,357.878237 --> 00:29:09,867.877237 It's very confusing to kids. 426 00:29:10,207.877237 --> 00:29:19,197.878237 So one of the things that I think you could kind of do, sit down with your spouse, try to come up with a list of rules that will match your values. 427 00:29:19,262.978237 --> 00:29:31,932.978237 Make sure that they're like something you will die on the hill for what I mean by that is that you are willing to punish and follow through with discipline if your child breaks that rule. 428 00:29:32,412.978237 --> 00:29:38,682.978237 If you do not want your child having opposite sex friends in their bedroom and you're going to die on that hill. 429 00:29:38,917.978237 --> 00:29:46,627.978237 Make it a rule, but express it not in a mean way, not when they've already broken a rule, set it up ahead of time. 430 00:29:46,627.978237 --> 00:29:50,197.977237 So early summer is a great time to create a little bit of structure. 431 00:29:50,547.978237 --> 00:29:52,757.977237 Think about what it is that you want them doing. 432 00:29:53,77.978237 --> 00:29:54,7.977237 I'm in New Jersey. 433 00:29:54,27.978237 --> 00:30:06,802.978237 And so when you're on your, your early driver's license for the first year, they can't drive after 11 o'clock and they can only have one friend who is not related to them in the car. 434 00:30:06,982.978237 --> 00:30:07,702.978237 I love it. 435 00:30:07,702.978237 --> 00:30:08,542.978237 I think that's great. 436 00:30:08,932.978237 --> 00:30:13,202.978237 Cause I used to see, you know, five, six kids in an accident all the time. 437 00:30:13,202.978237 --> 00:30:15,962.978237 And it was really hard as a teacher to see that sometimes. 438 00:30:15,972.977237 --> 00:30:21,522.978237 So we're seeing fewer casualties, fewer accidents involving multiple victims who are young. 439 00:30:22,12.978237 --> 00:30:24,472.978237 So that's better, but at the same time. 440 00:30:24,472.978237 --> 00:30:27,392.978237 I also see a lot of parents choosing not to die on that hill. 441 00:30:27,402.978237 --> 00:30:29,882.978237 So they're, they're like a little wishy washy with it. 442 00:30:30,222.978237 --> 00:30:33,572.978237 And that's hard because they're going to be like, well, Susie gets to do bop, bop, bop. 443 00:30:33,702.978237 --> 00:30:38,952.978237 So you need to know, is that a hill you're going to die on? So I would say some things you can do curfew. 444 00:30:39,432.977237 --> 00:30:41,582.977237 Now I have friends who need to be in bed by nine o'clock. 445 00:30:41,582.977237 --> 00:30:51,362.978737 I understand you get up super early, especially if you have a spread of kids or if you're working, here's a little secret sauce tip I learned that was so cool buy an alarm clock. 446 00:30:51,672.978737 --> 00:30:53,682.978737 Put it outside of your bedroom and shut the door. 447 00:30:54,142.978737 --> 00:30:59,282.978737 What the alarm clock is set for is their curfew plus five minutes. 448 00:30:59,332.978737 --> 00:31:02,322.978737 Say you need them home at 11, so you're going to set it for 11:05 p. 449 00:31:02,322.978737 --> 00:31:02,602.978737 m. 450 00:31:03,142.978737 --> 00:31:07,472.978737 If they get home on time, they're going to turn off your alarm clock. 451 00:31:07,962.978737 --> 00:31:10,742.978737 Then you just get to sleep through the night and you know your child was safe. 452 00:31:10,752.978737 --> 00:31:14,712.978737 However, if the alarm clock goes off, it's going to wake you up. 453 00:31:15,262.978737 --> 00:31:21,892.978737 Then you know to be worried or angry or whatever, but at least you got a little bit of sleep. 454 00:31:21,902.978737 --> 00:31:26,332.978737 You know, you got your two hours of sleep that you really do treasure and possibly need. 455 00:31:26,332.978737 --> 00:31:35,522.978737 So that's one way to counter when your kids are starting to like live this nightlife that you really just can't keep up with because you have a morning lifestyle and they're in summer mode. 456 00:31:35,522.978737 --> 00:31:37,392.978737 So that can be really tricky. 457 00:31:37,672.978737 --> 00:31:38,652.978737 So think about that. 458 00:31:39,382.978737 --> 00:31:44,422.978737 I went to an amazing conference or I think I listened to it online and I got these three rules. 459 00:31:45,2.978737 --> 00:31:48,642.978737 These three rules work for every single age and I loved them. 460 00:31:48,642.978737 --> 00:31:52,562.978737 So if you want to think about adopting three rules, I'm going to give you my suggestion. 461 00:31:53,222.978737 --> 00:31:59,672.977737 One, "IS IT KIND?" So what you do when you discipline is you don't tell them what they did wrong. 462 00:31:59,752.978737 --> 00:32:00,942.978737 You ask them. 463 00:32:01,552.977737 --> 00:32:12,722.978737 So if you're hearing something, like maybe a parent calls and says your child's posted something and instead of just Yelling at your child and like disciplining and trusting what somebody else said. 464 00:32:12,732.978737 --> 00:32:14,2.978737 You can ask questions. 465 00:32:14,12.978737 --> 00:32:22,492.978737 You can say, was it kind what you said? Like, tell me what you wrote and tell me, do you think it was kind? If they broke that, that would be like a rule. 466 00:32:22,512.978737 --> 00:32:24,982.977737 And that's where you're teaching morals and things like that. 467 00:32:24,982.978737 --> 00:32:26,292.978737 Values that matter to you. 468 00:32:26,612.977737 --> 00:32:28,582.978737 So one good question, that's actually a rule. 469 00:32:28,602.978737 --> 00:32:31,162.978737 Is it kind? So be kind, but you're going to use it as a question. 470 00:32:31,182.978737 --> 00:32:42,367.978737 Is it kind? "IS IT RESPECTFUL?" That's number two, because you have to respect property, respect animals, respect life, respect, I don't know, boundaries, time, like respecting a lot of things. 471 00:32:42,377.978737 --> 00:32:46,167.978737 So that's a great one that covers so many things. 472 00:32:46,417.978737 --> 00:32:52,47.978737 So is it respectful? When you break curfew, is that respectful of us? So you're, you're kind of getting into a lot of things. 473 00:32:52,47.978737 --> 00:33:01,767.978737 Is it respectful to show up late to work over and over again? And then the last one is, "IS IT SAFE?" Is it safe? Is a great one for every age. 474 00:33:01,767.978737 --> 00:33:08,847.977737 So, you know, Tommy, who's climbing 50 feet up in a tree, you know, is that safe, Tommy? We need to come down. 475 00:33:09,257.978737 --> 00:33:13,757.978737 And then Joey, who was driving at like 75 miles an hour. 476 00:33:13,997.978737 --> 00:33:16,677.978737 And you heard about it from somebody who happened to see them. 477 00:33:16,677.978737 --> 00:33:19,932.978737 You know, you can go, is that safe? See if you know, it kind of goes to every age. 478 00:33:19,932.978737 --> 00:33:23,412.978737 It's a great one to kind of cover all whole host of sins. 479 00:33:23,782.978737 --> 00:33:26,282.978737 So hopefully those three rules will really, really help you. 480 00:33:26,532.978737 --> 00:33:30,72.978737 So is it kind? Is it respectful? Is it safe? Okay. 481 00:33:30,292.978737 --> 00:33:32,732.978737 I'm going to just cut it off because I could talk nonstop about summer.. 482 00:33:32,732.978737 --> 00:33:37,342.979737 I don't think I really covered academics because that is a lot to cover. 483 00:33:37,642.979737 --> 00:33:39,122.979737 I'll have to do that in another video. 484 00:33:39,322.979737 --> 00:33:42,952.979737 But my little food for thought with academics is more than anything. 485 00:33:43,202.979737 --> 00:33:44,852.979737 Please, please, please have them read. 486 00:33:45,132.979737 --> 00:33:46,362.979737 Every age should be reading. 487 00:33:46,362.979737 --> 00:33:49,552.979737 You should be reading to the littles and then they should be reading on their own. 488 00:33:49,572.978737 --> 00:33:50,942.979737 I don't care how old they are. 489 00:33:50,982.979737 --> 00:33:56,372.979737 As a teacher, we are seeing a huge decline in language and thinking and processing. 490 00:33:56,622.980737 --> 00:34:11,52.979737 And when they don't read, they think that the problem they're experiencing is so Only something they've experienced, like that doesn't make any sense because when you read, you read that there's a human condition, human suffering that we have shared experiences. 491 00:34:11,572.979737 --> 00:34:17,542.979737 When your child doesn't read, they don't know that suffering is part of being human. 492 00:34:17,742.979737 --> 00:34:22,222.979737 And then they don't know that there is an end because stories take us through a process. 493 00:34:22,532.979737 --> 00:34:26,762.979737 So please try to incorporate reading into your children's lives. 494 00:34:27,152.979737 --> 00:34:37,552.979737 So if you wanted to hold off on giving them the phone in the morning, tell them you cannot have the phone until you do this chore and read for 45 minutes or an hour. 495 00:34:37,932.979737 --> 00:34:40,822.979737 Really? It's about 55 minutes of focus is your goal. 496 00:34:40,852.979737 --> 00:34:44,72.979737 You want to get your kids to focus for 55 minutes over time. 497 00:34:44,452.979737 --> 00:34:46,522.979737 So that is my quick tip. 498 00:34:46,632.979737 --> 00:34:48,292.979737 Summing up academics in a nutshell. 499 00:34:48,522.979737 --> 00:34:50,42.979737 I hope this was beneficial. 500 00:34:50,342.979737 --> 00:35:17,922.979237 I hope you kind of thought about like, not just the overwhelmed, but the opportunity that summer presents to us as parents, because I hope that your kids will become really confident, really changed over summer, Ready to tackle the fall, ready to really be more confident in who they are, how they're designed, their identity, knowing what they're good at, knowing that they are becoming independent and being honestly really, really willing to take some risks. 501 00:35:17,932.978237 --> 00:35:19,482.978237 So I think that's cool too. 502 00:35:19,762.979237 --> 00:35:22,522.979237 Lots of things that we can talk about, but food for thought. 503 00:35:22,532.979237 --> 00:35:27,152.978237 So if you are interested I do have a tech contract that you can sign up for. 504 00:35:27,152.979237 --> 00:35:37,22.979237 The tech contract is just a way to basically first have a conversation with your spouse and anybody else who's taking care of your child in the summer, just to get the language shared. 505 00:35:37,467.979237 --> 00:35:40,987.979237 Before you're talking in front of your child to talk about discipline practices. 506 00:35:40,987.979237 --> 00:35:50,987.979237 What would happen if something went bad and then to give the tech contract to your child and then everybody signs off on it and you keep it in a public place like on the refrigerator. 507 00:35:51,247.978237 --> 00:35:53,717.978737 So I highly, highly recommend it. 508 00:35:53,717.978737 --> 00:35:55,37.978237 Then you would take a picture of it. 509 00:35:55,447.978237 --> 00:36:13,327.979237 And then when your child breaks a rule, you would literally like zoom in on that part, snap a picture, text it to them and say, What do you think about this part of the contract that you signed? do we have a problem? Do we have a conflict between us and the contract? Like what, what exactly went bad here? So it's really a conversational platform. 510 00:36:13,337.978237 --> 00:36:17,787.979237 This helps us to not yell and attack, but to have good fruitful conversation. 511 00:36:18,77.979237 --> 00:36:21,157.979737 So if you're interested in that, I really recommend you click in there. 512 00:36:21,157.979737 --> 00:36:22,687.979237 You get that contract. 513 00:36:22,857.979237 --> 00:36:24,97.979237 Edit it if you want to. 514 00:36:24,97.979237 --> 00:36:25,417.979237 You can use it as is. 515 00:36:25,737.979237 --> 00:36:33,287.979237 But I really, really hope that's a little bit of a blessing, especially as you go into this big open 10 weeks of unstructured time with your kids. 516 00:36:33,297.979237 --> 00:36:34,87.979237 So good luck. 517 00:36:34,397.979237 --> 00:36:37,327.978737 Happy to help you call me if you need to talk about it. 518 00:36:37,327.978737 --> 00:36:39,867.978737 If you have any questions and I also do one on ones. 519 00:36:39,887.979237 --> 00:36:46,687.979237 So if you ever wanted to have a consult, my consults are free and coming soon is my digital course. 520 00:36:47,647.979237 --> 00:36:53,617.979237 So the digital course is rebooting the family and it's really for teenagers, but it's also for parents. 521 00:36:53,617.979237 --> 00:36:59,277.978237 So you could watch it on your own and then become your child's coach, or you can watch it in tandem with your child. 522 00:36:59,627.978237 --> 00:37:01,877.978237 You can even send your child off to do it on their own. 523 00:37:01,877.978237 --> 00:37:08,877.979237 And so I handle it in all different ways, but it's adaptable and it comes with calls and consults with me and coaching, live coaching. 524 00:37:09,57.979237 --> 00:37:16,32.979237 So I want your child confident and resilient and able to navigate all of the things that life throws at us. 525 00:37:16,42.979237 --> 00:37:17,242.979237 So let me pray for you. 526 00:37:18,242.979237 --> 00:37:20,422.979237 Heavenly father, we thank you for seasons. 527 00:37:20,422.979237 --> 00:37:23,102.979237 We thank you for the ebb and flow of time. 528 00:37:23,102.979237 --> 00:37:25,82.979237 We thank you for time for pausing. 529 00:37:25,402.979237 --> 00:37:27,142.979237 I thank you for time to reconnect. 530 00:37:27,152.979237 --> 00:37:31,662.979237 I pray for parents who are trying to do it all, who are balancing very busy schedules. 531 00:37:32,12.978237 --> 00:37:32,857.879237 I know that. 532 00:37:32,857.979237 --> 00:37:36,137.979237 Finances can be very tense in the summertime also. 533 00:37:36,137.979237 --> 00:37:37,537.979237 So I pray for wisdom. 534 00:37:37,877.979237 --> 00:37:47,807.978237 I pray for connection with couples who are trying to really draw closer to a child who's been so busy through the school year and they're feeling a little distant. 535 00:37:47,807.979237 --> 00:37:49,527.978237 I pray that you close that gap. 536 00:37:49,527.979237 --> 00:37:52,587.979237 I pray Lord for friends to be bountiful. 537 00:37:52,597.979237 --> 00:37:58,957.979237 I pray that the kids will find friends to connect with, that they will heal relationships that might've been stressed. 538 00:37:59,257.978237 --> 00:38:04,747.979237 I pray for positivity and self worth to be increased over summer. 539 00:38:05,47.979237 --> 00:38:06,717.979237 I pray that they get out in nature. 540 00:38:06,857.979237 --> 00:38:11,277.979237 I pray that everybody will reconnect with you and with your beautiful, beautiful creation. 541 00:38:11,277.979237 --> 00:38:15,157.979237 I pray for restoration of the body, mind, soul, and spirit. 542 00:38:15,157.979237 --> 00:38:21,567.979237 And I pray for parents that they will be encouraged and empowered to live lives that are pleasing to you. 543 00:38:21,897.979237 --> 00:38:24,507.979237 So Jesus, thank you for our gift of our children. 544 00:38:24,507.979237 --> 00:38:31,257.978237 I even thank you for the challenge that they add to us because frankly, that's when we grow and we stretch and we lean in deeper to you. 545 00:38:31,257.979237 --> 00:38:44,317.979237 So I pray for parents to deeply surrender their children to you freely understanding that they are creations that you have blessed with futures and purpose and that you love them deeply. 546 00:38:44,637.979237 --> 00:38:52,447.979237 So help us to do this well, help us to challenge our children to rise up and become really Amazing men and women. 547 00:38:52,857.979237 --> 00:38:53,757.979237 We love you, Lord. 548 00:38:53,757.979237 --> 00:38:55,647.979237 And we thank you for this beautiful blessing. 549 00:38:55,967.979237 --> 00:38:56,487.979237 Amen. 550 00:38:57,487.979237 --> 00:39:00,167.979237 Have a great, great week, my friends.