A Nugget of Goodness

In this episode, Sun and Lavender talk about their disabilities and interests, how they became friends, and why they decided to start a podcast. They also ask each other some questions so listeners can get to know them a bit better.

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Episode Transcript

Sun (00:11):
Welcome to From the Sickbed, a podcast on all things
disability, queerness, and more.
I'm Sun.

and I'm Lavender. And from our sickbedsto yours, we welcome you to join
us and get comfy as you listen in.

(00:32):
I guess we should startby talking about ourselves
Do -

Lavender (00:39):
As we are the hosts.

Sun (00:40):
- you want to go first?

Lavender (00:42):
Yes, I can go first

Sun (00:45):
Okay,

Lavender (00:45):
All right so I'm Lavender, that is my name. you may know me as Becca,
for anyone who might be listening andknew me in any previous time in my life.
I'm Becca, now Lavender,that's the name I go by now.
Let's see, in addition to havingmultiple names, I have, I guess, multiple

(01:13):
creative pursuits that I engage in.
One of those is that I am an artist.
I also make music.
And you can look me up,Boundless Blue, on Spotify.
Shameless plug.
And I made our, our podcast theme song.

(01:36):
So,
That is

Sun (01:39):
You're very talented.

Lavender (01:41):
Thank you.
What else to say?
So I'm queer as well as sick and disabled.
And I also have multiple disabilities.
So, I think that's difficult.
Because yes, I am disabled, butdisability is so broad, it's so diverse.

Sun (02:05):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (02:07):
it looks really different depending on what disabilities you have.
So I guess I can name a few, some honorablementions. the first Is i'm autistic and
That was added into the fold In 2019,although i've been autistic since birth So

(02:32):
you know, there's that weird thing whereit's like No one knew enough to clock
me as autistic until I got to my late20s, and then I Noticed I was autistic.
I was like, hey, wait a sec, and then Iwas finally diagnosed So that's that's

(02:53):
one thing the other, I don't know howto call it, the heavy hitter, is ME.
This is probably like my, my mostdespised disability, like if I,
if I had to rank them, and I wassaying which ones were my favorite
or least favorite, ME, ME is trash.

(03:14):
ME CFS
sucks.

Sun (03:18):
I feel the same.

Lavender (03:21):
Yeah, so that is myalgic encephalomyelitis, if anyone
isn't aware, also known as ME CFS.
And that I've had since 2017,but similarly to the autism, it

(03:45):
took several years for anyoneto recognize that I had it.
It even took a few years forme to recognize that I had it.
And I wasn't diagnosed until 2021.
So while I've had it for sevenyears, and I kind of consider it
my sickiversary because even thoughI, after I was diagnosed with ME.

(04:11):
I discovered I had other chronicillnesses and/or disabilities that
I've also likely had if not lifelongfor a very long time Um, I forgot
my train of thought completely

Sun (04:30):
Uh, your sickiversary.

Lavender (04:32):
yeah, so my sickiversary is like seven years ago, even though yes, I
I've really been disabled my whole life,even though I haven't really known it.
That is when I had a veryprofound change in my health,
in my abilities, and my life.

(04:54):
So.

Sun (04:55):
Yeah.

Lavender (04:56):
Yeah, that's, some of the highlights.
And then, yeah, since that time,since 2021, I've also collected more
diagnoses, much to my dismay, but I alsohave POTS and endometriosis, arthritis

(05:20):
and hEDS, which is the most recent.
So yeah, those are my disabilities and interms of like, I guess the more practical
aspect of my disability, I have been awheelchair user since January of 2022.

(05:42):
I was What you might call a Part timewheelchair user I I only used it outside
of the house And I didn't use it insideof the house for like the first six
months more or less after that I movedto an accessible apartment and Really

(06:05):
in those six months I needed to be usingthe wheelchair more but wasn't able to
because my apartment was not accessible.

Sun (06:12):
Yeah.

Lavender (06:14):
So since then, I would say my wheelchair is my primary mode of mobility.
I'm not a 100 percent full timewheelchair user, but I do rely on it to
get around, and walking is only, like,reserved for the most minimal occasions.

(06:39):
Walking is a very, inferiormode of mobility for me.
It's not effective.
I'm very slow, I'm very prone to falling.
It's painful.
I really don't recommend it.
Um, if I could help it.

(06:59):
And, Neither does my PT.
Well, he does encourage me to walkwhat I can but only if I'm not
hurting myself So That's my situationAnd yeah, that's a little about me.
I really like to bake.
I Like being creative.
I like making things.
I Really like music What elsecould you say about me Sun?

Sun (07:25):
mean I would say you're an actual, artist..
I don't know why I said actual,like, you know what I mean?
Like, Not only did you go to artschool, right, but you've done
like, um, what was it called?
Like a fellowship or something?

(07:46):
Residency.

Lavender (07:47):
I know what you meant though.

Sun (07:49):
Yeah.
You do Fiber Arts.

Lavender (07:52):
Yeah, yeah.
So I am a fiber artist primarily.
So I work with fabric and textiles.
I do a lot of like, quilted works,fabric dyeing, um, It is hard to describe
a visual medium over audio purely,

(08:14):
so.
But my work is very colorful.
Some people who may have, followed mefor a while, they might be familiar.
But if you're not, just know that it'scolorful, involves fabric, and, yeah.
I don't know, maybe it's funto look at, I would hope.

Sun (08:36):
Yes.
I really enjoy it.
one day, I'm gonna save up my money soI can commission a piece or something.

Lavender (08:45):
you don't have to buy artwork from me, Sun.
I will just send you something.

Sun (08:53):
I I don't know.
I wouldn't feel right about it.

Lavender (08:57):
No,

Sun (08:58):
I'd want to pay you something

Lavender (09:00):
I will force you to take it.
If you get if you get money, ifyou become a wealthy person you
better be buying my artwork.
But until then, you get the

Sun (09:17):
In that situation, if I didn't, I'd be an asshole.

Lavender (09:20):
For real Yeah but until that point you know, we can just We can just

Sun (09:28):
We can talk about it.

Lavender (09:29):
Yeah, we can we can talk if we can talk about it

Sun (09:31):
We'll talk about it.
We'll negotiate.
I'll be like haggling, but like to giveyou money instead of to get a discount

Lavender (09:40):
you're like how can give you more can you will you take this?
Um, yeah, so that's me
and Now we have to talk about you.

Sun (09:55):
Okay.
So, As I've told you, I'vebeen, like, trying to think of
how I would introduce myself.
And other than, like, listing someof my disabilities and that kind of
stuff, like, I don't really know.
So, like I told you earlier,I'm just gonna wing it.

(10:17):
Well, actually, now I can kind of base itoff of what you've said as, like a prompt.
And I can't remember everything you said.

Lavender (10:24):
It's okay.

Sun (10:26):
Yeah, so I'm Sun, I am also queer and sick and disabled.
I already forgot what you've said.
I just, I guess I'll start with like,my quote unquote, main disabilities.
Um, I'm also autistic.
And I have ADHD.
And my ADHD was actually the firstdiagnosis, I guess, that I received.

(10:53):
well, besides like for my mental health,like depression and stuff like that.
Yeah, it was, um, my, a therapistof mine, my last therapist who
helped me realize that I had ADHD.
And then that led us torealizing that I'm also autistic.
And then shortly after that, Igot a COVID infection that, uh,

(11:18):
led to me being chronically ill.
So I use long COVID a lot.
as like the umbrella term.
But in that I've developedMECFS, arthritis, POTS.
Um,

(11:42):
I'm trying to think of the other ones.
There's like, there's a few.
I don't know.
I, one of the recent ones is anemia,but I might've had that before.
I don't know.
It's really hard to tell like what youhad before you actually started like
seeing doctors and stuff, you know?
And oh yeah, I also have scoliosis,which I didn't know until I

(12:02):
got sick and I started goingto doctors and I got an x ray

Lavender (12:06):
I don't know if I knew that yet.

Sun (12:09):
I didn't tell you that I have scoliosis.

Lavender (12:12):
I mean

Sun (12:13):
I'm pretty sure

Lavender (12:13):
I think I knew about the scoliosis, but I didn't know
You That it was newly discoveredin your like diagnostic journey

Sun (12:21):
Oh, yeah,
Yeah
it was, actually I don't think it wasan x ray, I think it was an MRI, and
the doctor didn't even tell me, I waslike reading the results, and it was
like, this is something about like,levoconvex scoliosis, which just like,
my spine kind of curves to the left, and
I was like, wait, what?

(12:43):
And it made so much sense, becauseI've always had back issues,
But yeah, so those are the mainones off the top of my head.
And, yeah, I use a power wheelchair, whichis my main, uh, what did you call it?

(13:03):
That's just how I move around.

Lavender (13:05):
Yeah form/mode of mobility

Sun (13:06):
My main form of
mobility.

Lavender (13:09):
Yeah.

Sun (13:10):
Cus yeah I can only walk a few steps, which I pretty much only save
for when I need to get to the bathroom.
And, um, If I could use mywheelchair in the bathroom, I
would, but it is not accessible.
So I kind of have to makemyself walk those few steps.
Um, and

(13:35):
yeah, now I'm losing my train of thought.
Like, what else should I say?
Um,
yeah, other than that, well, I mean, okay,so this is where I have trouble because I
can't, like, you have, like, your art and,like, your baking and stuff that you do.

(13:57):
Those are, like, your interests.
and stuff like that.
I'm like, I also have interests,but I can't really do them.
Or like, very rarely.
Um,

Lavender (14:08):
why can't you do them? this is another important part of
your story or like About, about you.

Sun (14:15):
yeah, I mean, well, cause I'm mostly bed bound
and my ME is pretty, I think I'mtechnically in the severe category.
I'm not like
at the complete end of like thespectrum of like really, like super

(14:38):
severe or extremely severe, but.
Yeah, like I'm pretty muchalways in bed, horizontal.
I can only sit up for likea short amount of time.

Lavender (14:47):
Mhm hmm.
, Sun: also because of my arthritis, like my hands are really limited as well.
So that, that doesn't leave a lotof options for me in terms of like
hobbies or like creative stuff.
But I do try.
Before I got sick, I still wouldn't sayI was an artist, but like, I did enjoy

(15:09):
painting every now and then, knitting.
I did really like cooking
Photography too.

Sun (15:18):
oh yeah, I was a
photographer

Lavender (15:20):
you were photographer.

Sun (15:23):
But that was like, I did yearbook pictures for schools.
Like, I wasn't like, you know,

Lavender (15:30):
That's
still, I'm not,

Sun (15:31):
here taking beautiful shots.

Lavender (15:32):
I'm not a professional baker.
I'm just a hobby baker.
I still mention baking.
You're a photographer.
You like to take photos.

Sun (15:41):
yeah, that's true.
I did really like photography,specifically film photography.
Which I really miss, and I still wantto get back into it someday, it's
just getting it, developed is like, youknow, it adds up, the costs, and also
like, it's not like I can go somewhereto get them developed like I used to,

(16:01):
like I can't drive, can't just like goplaces, so, yeah, that's another thing.
So I guess nowadays, I mostly watch TV.
I love binge watching shows,
Movies, I love horror movies, whichwe both like, and we'll probably

(16:23):
talk about in another episode.
And I try to play games whenI can on my Switch, animal
crossing, and stuff like that.
And I do sometimes write poetry.
That's like the most accessibleform of writing that I can do now.

(16:43):
Because before, like, I had gone toschool for journalism for a bit, and
if I had any sort of creative,identity, it would have been writer.
But with, like, the brain fogand the fatigue and, all that

(17:05):
stuff combined, like, it's just,I can't do it the way I used to.
So writing short things like poetry is howI can still connect to writing, I guess,
but yeah, it's not the way I usedto be able to, sucks, but yeah,

Lavender (17:25):
Mhm,
I would say this is maybe Related Andit's obviously a podcast is different
from writing but are like generatingthoughts and Kind of like giving form
to those thoughts in a way that's maybenot entirely dissimilar from writing.

(17:48):
You're just saying it out loudinstead of writing it down.

Sun (17:55):
yeah, exactly.
Which is one of the reasons why Iwas excited to start this because
I've been trying to write forever.
Like, my thoughts on, disability and,my own experiences and stuff, and I
just couldn't, like, I don't know how toexplain it, like, I'm sure there's other

(18:16):
people who can relate that's like, there'sjust, like, a wall just stopping me from,
putting my thoughts into written word.
So, yeah, saying it out loudis easier and more accessible.

Lavender (18:31):
Yeah.
Yeah, more accessible in some ways on bothends because I also struggle with writing.
Anything I've wanted to write relatedto like disability or otherwise,
It ends up being very short becausethat's the only, amount I can handle.

Sun (18:50):
Mhm.

Lavender (18:51):
and then, even on the receiving end, I can't read pieces
of writing that are very long, like,any longer than just an article.
And sometimes I have to break upthe article and read half of it, you
know, one day and half another day orsomething, depending on what it is.
And I can listen to audiomuch longer at the same time.

(19:16):
So, in both ends like, in generatingsomething and in receiving
something, I feel like audio justcan be more accessible, depending
on what your disabilities are.

Sun (19:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the same for me,except for, even with audio,
I think because of my ADHD, it's, and alsoI think just like, being chronically ill
and stuff, it's hard to focus, you know,like, the cognitive dysfunction and stuff.
But also ADHD, like, I'll trylistening to something, I've tried

(19:52):
audiobooks, and I don't know, afew minutes into it, I'm just like,
thinking of something completelydifferent, and like, distracted.
So, but yeah, still, it's, itis more, yeah, more accessible
than reading something.
Yeah, I don't know whatelse to say about myself.

Lavender (20:14):
You have lots of puppers Heheheh

Sun (20:21):
I have technically six dogs, but three of them feel like mine, and then
the other three are more like my nephews.

Lavender (20:32):
Mhm.

Sun (20:33):
Because I mostly, uh, stay with my partner's brother.
So yeah, those are like my little nephews.
And then the girls, mythree girls are my babies.
And one of them is sleepingnext to me right now.

Lavender (20:49):
Daw, love it.
So, you've been Your sickiversary is when?
Like, from COVID.

Sun (21:00):
It's April, I think like 14th or something.
So a week before mybirthday, my 24th birthday.
So it was in 2021.
Yeah.
So it's been three years.
Actually, the other day, like, Idon't know how this happened, but

(21:23):
in my brain, I still thought thatI hadn't reached three years yet.
I thought I'd been like twoand a half or something.
And then I actually did the math and Iwas like, wait, it's been three years.
I completely forgot it'sbeen that long, really weird.
I think I even told one of mydoctors that I had been sick
for like two and a half years or

(21:44):
something, that was wrong..

Lavender (21:46):
It's easy to forget especially as you get like a few years in, even.

Sun (21:52):
mm hmm.
Super weird.
but yeah.

Lavender (21:57):
And how long have you been a PowerChair user?
Just for a timeline that.
I can't remember.

Sun (22:05):
Oh Yeah.
I got mine a couple monthsbefore you got your first one.
I think it was October 2021.
Yeah.
It was, um, so I'd alreadybeen sick since April.
Hadn't improved or recovered.
I was actually getting worse.
And then we moved to the house we'rein now, and that made me even worse.

(22:33):
And like, I had a horrible crash,and I had to go from using my
rollator to like, not being ableto like, really get out of bed.
And then, Yeah, I had to figureout a way to get my power chair,
which has saved me in a lot of ways.

(22:59):
yeah, so it's been three years, right?
This October, it'll be three years.
Yeah, I'm not good at math.
Yeah.

Lavender (23:10):
Mm hmm.

Sun (23:11):
Yeah.

Lavender (23:12):
Yeah.

Sun (23:13):
are kind of similar in that way.

Lavender (23:15):
Yeah, as far as when we became mobility aid users, uh, it was
around I think we also encouraged eachother to get the mobility aids and use

Sun (23:29):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (23:29):
The mobility aids.

Sun (23:32):
Yeah, I remember that for sure.
something you said earlier mademe think of, when we first became
friends, because it happened so closeto like me getting sick as well.
Which I think played a big part inlike, Our friendship, developing more

Lavender (23:53):
Mhm

Sun (23:54):
in the way, you know what I mean?

Lavender (23:56):
Yeah.

Sun (23:57):
Like, cause when we actually had met, I wasn't sick yet, but you were,
but we met through, um, like theautistic community on Tik TOK, right?
Yeah.
And then I think like the next monthI got sick and you were like the only

(24:19):
person I knew who was chronically ill.
And you helped me, figureout that I had developed ME.
I forget how long it was after I gotsick, but yeah, I remember, like, I
was talking and then you were like, Itsounds like you probably have ME now.

(24:42):
And,

Lavender (24:45):
Yeah, it was it it was weird because We had a lot in common
Already before you got sick, tooum because we were both autistic
we both Come from families where wehave brothers like a lot of brothers

Sun (25:05):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.

Lavender (25:09):
And both of our birthdays are on the

Sun (25:11):
Dysfunctional families.

Lavender (25:12):
Dysfunctional families *shared laughter* Um, we both were born, not
in the same month, but on the 22nd.
Like, on the same day.
Yeah.
Um, weird things like that.

Sun (25:25):
A lot of, yeah, weird coincidences.
I remember, I think it was thefirst time we video chatted, where
we talked for like a few hours,which was like so not common for me.
Like socially I've always been likevery awkward and like, it takes me
a bit to like connect to people.

(25:48):
But yeah, like once we startedtalking about our lives we had
so many similarities and yeah, itfelt like, I think I said like you
were like the older, like whiteversion of me in a way in many ways.

Lavender (26:04):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
And it really, it felt like wejust knew each other already.
To an extent like we didn't but it wasvery easy to just talk about things

Sun (26:19):
Yeah.
And then I got sick andthat just like cemented.

Lavender (26:25):
Yeah

Sun (26:26):
like yeah

Lavender (26:28):
yeah, and that I mean I don't Like I don't want to be super
wooey or existential about it, butI like to think that there may have
been like A little bit of And I usethis term loosely, like divine timing.

(26:51):
In that, I Even though I was sick, Ididn't have anybody in my life that
I talked to much about my illness,or that really understood what I
was going through, so I was largelydealing with a lot of that alone.
And then, you got sick, and it was,in one sense it was horrible, because

(27:18):
it was like a slow motion train crash.
It was like, Watching this personwho I just became good friends with
likely developing the same thingI had that I was, you know, was
like destroying my life And then itstarted destroying yours too, um,

Sun (27:38):
yeah,

Lavender (27:38):
motion And that was horrible And also, I was glad that I could, you know,
Kind of hold your hand through that eventhough we have literally never in person

Sun (27:54):
yeah,

Lavender (27:55):
We've never but I would have been holding your hand if I
had been there um but just It was Ithink A great honor to kind of have
Been there and to gently say like Ithink this is happening to you, too

Sun (28:18):
mm hmm, yeah.
I, I do also feel the same, like,I feel like, I don't know how it
happened, it could just be, like, onebig coincidence, but, the timing was
just so, I don't know what the wordis, but, like, everything just kind

(28:39):
of lined up, or, like, A few monthsbefore you and I met, I realized I was
autistic, started, learning about autismand the community and stuff on Tik TOK.
And then it's actually a,a family emergency that
kind of got us connected.
If you remember,

(29:00):
you like reached out to me andlike, gave me your number and
we started talking about that.
And then, yeah, we becamefriends and then I got sick and.
I think if I hadn't met you already,I would have been way worse off.
Like maybe we still would havemet or like became good friends

(29:21):
through TikTok, but like at that pointI was so sick I don't know if I would
have had the energy to like, you know,start a new friendship at that point.
So, so because we had already starteda friendship before it was easier.
And you also understood likekind of what was going on.
Like you could see it.

Lavender (29:38):
mhm

Sun (29:38):
and yeah, I think if we hadn't met, I probably would have done more
damage to myself, pushing myself tolike go back to normal or exercise.
It's like all those things thatlike, I definitely should not do.
Um, it.
I still kind of did it in some ways.

(29:59):
Like I did

Lavender (30:00):
Yeah.

Sun (30:01):
keep pushing myself a bit to like try to shower every day,
like I was before and like doingthat kind of stuff, like cooking,
but yeah, eventually it was justlike, okay, I can't do it anymore.
And it was easier to accept becauseyou were there to tell me like,
yeah, it's okay to like, not pushyourself to do those things and

(30:22):
like, you actually shouldn't.
And yeah.

Lavender (30:28):
Yeah.
And I think some of that for, I thinkfor anyone who's newly sick, especially
with ME, it's not even about, like,consciously trying to push yourself.
You just naturally at thebeginning, don't know your limits.
Because it's such an

Sun (30:44):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (30:44):
entirely different way of living, and it's such a different mindset
and way to live that you just try todo the things you would normally do
and then you realize after the fact,because that's what happens, right, with
PEM, with post exertional malaise.
It's like, it's the fact that youdon't know while you're doing it.

(31:07):
That you're doing the damageand you only know later

Sun (31:11):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's especially tricky because,yeah, I knew I shouldn't be doing
things like doing yoga like I was, andlike, you know, going out for a walk.
I already knew, like, okay, I'mnot feeling well, I got sick,
like, I should take it easy.

(31:32):
But, for people who have never beenchronically ill, it's like, oh, taking
a shower is like, you know, It's simple.
It's like a basic taskthat I do all the time.
It shouldn't take thatmuch of a toll on me.
And it's those kinds of things thatlike chip away at your baseline until
you're like, Oh fuck, like I can't walk.

(31:54):
I can't get out of bed.

Lavender (31:55):
Yeah

Sun (31:56):
Yeah.

Lavender (31:56):
Yeah, and I think it is easier If if you are lucky enough to have someone
in your life who can see that from theoutside and tell you like I notice like
You you're struggling when you do thesethings Um, that was kind of the role I
played when you were going through that
versus when I was going through that.

(32:19):
It was like a years long processwhere I had to slowly connect the
dots for myself and I didn't haveanyone there saying, Hey, I noticed
when you go on walks or play tennisthat you are in bed for a week.
Which, it might seem obvious, but,like, when you really don't know about

(32:43):
this illness, and don't know aboutthese symptoms and these experiences,
it's not an intuitive thing tojust connect the dots for yourself.

Sun (32:57):
I feel like that kind of intuition doesn't happen until years down the line.
Like you have to develop that

Lavender (33:06):
Mm hmm.

Sun (33:07):
That kind of voice in your head being like, okay, I know I shouldn't do that
activity or like, you know, like basedon how I'm feeling right now, I kind
of have an idea of what my limits are,but , it takes a long time to get there.
Especially if you don't havesomeone from the outside looking
in to notice those things for you.

Lavender (33:27):
Yeah, and if you don't have a diagnosis, and you have no
medical support, And, for the firstfour years, I was undiagnosed.
For the first two or three, I didn't evenknow, myself, what was happening, so.
Yeah.

Sun (33:44):
Yeah.
Which is like, it's so crazy tothink about because you had to go
through so much by yourself and likefigure things out by yourself, which
I'm sure it was horrible and like,

(34:06):
just really, reallydifficult to get through.
But that made you able to be there for me.
And I kind of got like, the fasttrack learning a little bit about
what to do, what not to do, likehow to take care of myself, because
you already went through it.
And,
Yeah, I was like, good timing forme, but it sucked for you, and I

(34:30):
wish you did have someone back then.
Yeah.

Lavender (34:34):
And, honestly, like, If of anything good, of any silver lining that
could have come out of that shitty timeWhich I don't i'm not someone who forces
myself to like Put a positive spin onthings, but I will take that like I will
say if that What came out of that isgetting to help you through it That is

(34:54):
maybe one tiny little nugget of goodness

Sun (35:00):
Yeah.
Among all the shit

Lavender (35:02):
Among all the shit.
Yes

Sun (35:06):
Yeah.

Lavender (35:10):
So that's how we became friends!
Shared illness.

Sun (35:15):
gonna fast forward.

Lavender (35:17):
Yes, fast forward to now.

Sun (35:20):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think we should talk aboutwhy we decided to start a podcast.
What we think about it,what our hopes are for it.
I think it was, well, we're in July now.
I think we started talkingabout it in March or April,

Lavender (35:41):
Around there, I can't re I think it was maybe April sometime.

Sun (35:46):
Basically, ok I can't remember if this is true or not, but Michael, my
partner has said that like, he'd beentelling me for a long time, at least
a couple of years now, like, oh, youand lavender should start a podcast.
Cause whenever we do hang outor talk, we always have so much
to talk about especially aboutour disabilities and stuff.

(36:10):
And.
I don't remember him saying thatto me that often, but in April
around that time, I guess it stuck.
And I was like, Hmm, like maybe I should.
It was also about the timing.
Like we're both in the process of losinglike big chunks of our monthly income.

(36:34):
And.
That also meant we're going tohave more time on our hands.
And the idea of doing something creativetogether that is kind of already what we
have been doing, you know, like talking toeach other about, about things like this.
Um, it just seemed like a good idea.

Lavender (36:57):
Yeah that tracks, that's pretty accurate I would say.
Yeah, I think mainly we just areboth very passionate about talking
about all things disability and ourexperiences and what we go through,

(37:17):
and also supporting other disabledpeople and Yeah, we have a lot to say.
So, I guess if you're good atsaying things, you make a podcast.

Sun (37:33):
I don't know if I would say I'm good at second things,
but I will say that, I think.
For a while, I had been trying to dothat in writing, like on Instagram,
you know, I, I used to write orlike post a lot more about the stuff

(37:57):
going on with my disabilities andjust how I felt about everything.
And I even tried to start, um,like a newsletter on Substack, but
it just became harder and harderto not only write, but also just.
be on social media and, I don'tknow how to put it into words.

(38:20):
Like, it just felt like I startedfeeling more like I didn't want
to be on social media as much.
And it was harder for me to saythings that I wanted to say.
And yeah, that's the attraction for likea podcast that like stood out to me.

(38:43):
It's like, okay, maybeI can do it this way.
Um, I don't know if it's kind of likea cliche at this point, like everyone
and their mom starts a podcast, butwhatever, you know, what's one more
podcast in the interwebs, you know,
and this, there's not a lot of podcastsby sick and disabled people anyways.

Lavender (39:05):
yeah.
That, that I would agree with.
There's, there are some maybemore niche podcasts out there.
around disability that I'vecome across, but there really
isn't a whole lot out there.
That's definitely something that we'reboth passionate about talking about.

(39:25):
So

Sun (39:28):
yeah, from our own experiences, we're not going to be like reporting
on like disability news or.
science stuff.
At least I'm not, probably.
You, you might, you might bring stuff

Lavender (39:44):
Yeah, there could be some things.
Yeah.

Sun (39:48):
yeah.
But like, that's not the,the theme, is what I meant.
It's more just about what we'vegone through and go through and,

Lavender (40:00):
Yeah, our observations, more so,

Sun (40:03):
mm hmm,

Lavender (40:05):
our commentary on, like, disabled culture, because there's
a disabled culture.
People probably wouldn't think ofit that way, or wouldn't think about
it like that, but we do have our ownculture as disabled people, and it
is also, like, very wide and varied.

Sun (40:24):
There's so many things that we'll probably end up talking about that.
Yeah, there's just a lot.
Okay, so yeah, we wanted toask each other some questions.
Not only for people listening tokind of get to know us more, like our

(40:46):
perSunalities, but also each other.
Like, I don't think we've, asked eachother these specific questions before.

Lavender (40:53):
Mm hmm.

Sun (40:54):
Yeah.
So I think it would befun and interesting.
So my first question is, which ofthese do you find more egregious?
Someone saying, you're too prettyto be in a wheelchair, or someone
asking, what's wrong with you?

Lavender (41:14):
This one's hard for me.
I mean, obviously they're both, like,not a great question to be asked

Sun (41:21):
Yeah, they're both bad.

Lavender (41:24):
the first one is such a backhanded compliment.
like,

Sun (41:29):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (41:31):
you're pretty, but you're in a wheelchair.
Like, it implies the second,like, what's wrong with you?
Like, even if they're not sayingit outright, at least to me, versus
the second, which is just, like,
Very bold and rude.

(41:51):
Bold in its rudeness, just beinglike, what's wrong with you?
I really had to choose whichone, I would say the first.
I would say the first.
Because I think someone thinking they'rebeing nice, they, because they probably

(42:12):
think they're being nice in saying that.
But it's actually pretty insulting,um, because, you know, just
assuming you can't, you can'tbe pretty if you're disabled.
You can't be, you

Sun (42:25):
Makes no fucking

Lavender (42:26):
sense
yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Um, but.
Like, that is how people think.

Sun (42:34):
Yeah.
Or it's like, you don't deserve to bein a wheelchair because you're pretty.

Lavender (42:37):
Right, but if someone's not pretty, then it's fine?

Sun (42:41):
Like, it's so
weird.
Such a weird thing to
say to

Lavender (42:45):
so messed up.
So, yeah, all of those kind ofconnotations that come from it, I would
probably in a way feel like put in aworse position if someone asked me that.
No one has asked methat yet, knock on wood.

(43:06):
But,

Sun (43:07):
with you?

Lavender (43:08):
no, the first one.
Like, I would feel more, like, moreawkward responding to just someone
saying out the blue, like, you'retoo pretty to be in a wheelchair.
Cause, what do you say?
Do, I can't say thank you.
I can't say,

Sun (43:26):
Yeah.

Lavender (43:26):
but then they're trying to be nice, and then it's just, Uncomfortable.
Oh.

Sun (43:32):
I actually have first hand experience with that.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if you remember, butit was a, a, medical appointment.
It was one of the most infuriatingappointments I've ever had.
And I left that place likejust crying and was so angry.
But yeah, that was one of thethings that someone said to me.
It was, um, someone doing,um, Oh, what's it called?

Lavender (43:58):
Was it the EMG?

Sun (43:59):
The nerve.

Lavender (44:00):
The nerve conduction study

Sun (44:00):
Yeah.
The EMG.

Lavender (44:01):
Yeah.

Sun (44:02):
Yeah.
On my legs.
Um, yeah.
And the tech, when I was like, we hadfinished and I was getting ready to
leave and stuff, and she said that to me.
And yeah, it was very like, I kindof froze cause I was just like, well,
one, I felt like shit because she
just like was shocking mylegs and like stabbing me,
you know?
So I was exhausted but yeah, whensomeone says that, it's just like,

(44:25):
what are you supposed to say to that?
And I remember in the moment I did knowthat it was fucked up that she said
that, but I didn't know how to respond.
So I just kind of like stared at her.
And like, I stared at herfor like a couple seconds.
I turned to Mike and I was justlike, okay, let's get out of here.
And then I left a review on, Googlelater and mentioned it and like

(44:47):
how bad an experience it was.
Um, yeah, yeah.
It like, what are you supposed to say

Lavender (44:55):
to that?
Right, cause what kind of responsecan you give in that moment?
It's It's just very uncomfortable.
Versus the second, which noone has asked me that either.
Not that people haven't said veryweird or even rude things to me
as a wheelchair user.

(45:15):
Just not these particular rude things.
But the second one, just sayinglike, what's wrong with you?
I think I would feel more comfortablejust being like, fuck off.
Or like, , that's not,you can't just ask that.
Like, I would feel more like, 'causethey're already coming from such a
rude place that I would just be like,

Sun (45:37):
What the fuck's wrong with you?

Lavender (45:38):
Yeah, . Yeah.
What's wrong with you?

Sun (45:41):
Why are you asking me that question?

Lavender (45:42):
Mm-Hmm?
. Yeah.

Sun (45:44):
Yeah.
I agree.
I feel like this is one of thequestions that I've also like mentally
prepared myself for like actually like
before leaving the house.
I'm like someone might say this

Lavender (45:58):
mm-Hmm.

Sun (45:59):
and I, I,
I don't know if in the moment,I'll remember any of the things
I like rehearse in my head, buthopefully, um, definitely good might
be easier to like actually answer.
Like you said, like Like, what'swrong with you, or fuck off, or none
of your business, or say somethinglike, just like, mess with them.

(46:24):
Be like, shark attack.

Lavender (46:26):
Right, yeah.
I got struck by lightning.

Sun (46:30):
yeah.
Or, yeah.
I don't know.
It's just also very rude andlike, just shitty to say that.
But like, also I know thatlike, in people's minds.
Well, at first, I don't know why peopledon't think before they speak, but in
their mind, they're probably, it soundsto them like, why are you in a wheelchair?

(46:53):
Or like, what's going on with you?
But then it comes out of theirmouth as what's wrong with you?

Lavender (46:58):
Yeah.

Sun (46:59):
just like, that's not, if you want to, like, if you're curious,
that's not the way to ask someone at
all.
Um, yeah,

Lavender (47:09):
I had

Sun (47:10):
I wanna think of a response for the first one.

Lavender (47:12):
Yeah, we should think of a response.
I have had the, maybe like, morepolite, mild version of that,
where An Uber driver was like So,why do you need the wheelchair?
And I could have just, you know,said, I don't feel like answering or
I'm not comfortable responding, butI gave him a very generic response.

(47:37):
I didn't give him my whole health history,but he, I, he asked it earnestly enough
and in a way that was, respectful.
I knew what he meant.
He, he was just curious.
Um, And I just told him, you know,I have chronic illnesses that make
it make it difficult for me towalk and he was like, Oh, I get it.

(47:57):
Like I have a family membersomeone like his aunt.
I forget who he said that like

Sun (48:03):
hmm.

Lavender (48:03):
is disabled and Um sometimes struggles to walk or something like
that so yeah, there there are betterways to ask it but I think the other
thing too is like people need tobe ready to just Not get an answer
because even if you ask it politely,not every disabled person's gonna be
comfortable responding to that , so,

Sun (48:25):
Yeah.
Like, even if someone asksit respectfully, that doesn't
mean you have to answer.
like, give your personal information.
Because even if you're vague,like, that's still a very personal.
thing to ask about.
Yeah, I feel like we need to come upwith a response for the first one.
you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair.

(48:47):
I, I don't know.
I want to think of somethingreally mean, but I don't know.

Lavender (48:51):
I thought of one really mean.
You wanna hear it?
. You're too ugly to be walkingaround, but here we are,

Sun (49:01):
god.
Yeah, that's really petty.

Lavender (49:04):
so petty, like the pettiest.
*petty laughter*

Sun (49:08):
I was thinking something similar, but more like, I don't know.
I was thinking more like, callingout like their ugly personality.
but I don't know the words for it,but along like similar, similar lines.
Yeah.
Ugh, people just need to not.

(49:31):
Don't, don't say that ever.
Keep it in your head and think it.

Lavender (49:35):
Mm hmm, mm hmm.
Or you could just like,you could just embrace it.
You'd be like, okay, well I'mpretty and I'm in a wheelchair.
Have you never seen like,a gorgeous disabled person?
Now you have.
Okay, bye.

Sun (49:52):
You're welcome.
Gracing you with my prescence

Lavender (49:55):
Roll away.

Sun (49:59):
Okay, let's go on to your question.

Lavender (50:02):
Okay, what were your favorite TV shows as a kid?

Sun (50:10):
As a kid, are we thinking a specific like age range or just until adulthood?

Lavender (50:16):
Um, any

Sun (50:18):
Or until teenagehood?

Lavender (50:19):
Yeah, until teens.
Like anything that just comes to mind.

Sun (50:24):
Okay, definitely first one comes to mind is Spongebob.

Lavender (50:28):
Elite.

Sun (50:29):
Um, I do, I'm embarrassed to say it, but I do remember thoroughly enjoying
Hannah Montana at one point as a kid.
Like a kid kid.
Um,
TV shows.
It's weird, like, I feel like Ican more, uh, I have more memories

(50:53):
of movies as a kid than TV shows.
Unless someone, like, bringsone up and it makes me remember
it, you know what I mean?

Lavender (51:00):
Yeah.

Sun (51:02):
I remember, oh, I really like Rugrats.

Lavender (51:06):
Oh yea

Sun (51:07):
Rugrats was, was a good one.
I liked a lot of cartoons.
, And also I had brothers, so we wouldwatch a lot of cartoons and more
like action ones, like Teen Titans
and, um, stuff like that.
I remember Johnny Bravoand Powerpuff Girls.

Lavender (51:29):
Yeah,
what about Dexter's Lab?
Did you ever watch that?

Sun (51:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, that was a good one.
Courage the Cowardly

Lavender (51:40):
Yes, that one traumatized me as it did, like,
probably our whole generation.

Sun (51:48):
I actually tried rewatching it recently.
And I couldn't do it.
It was just like, well, one,it's like really bad quality,
like compared to what we watch now.
But also, it's just like,it didn't feel the same.
I think it's better when you're a kid.

Lavender (52:03):
Yeah, it's very different as a kid.
I just remember it cameon kind of late at night.
And of course it would sometimesbe like the last thing I watch
before bed And then i'm having alltypes of just these wild unsettling
dreams from courage the cowardly dog

Sun (52:23):
Yeah.
I remember, I would watcha lot of Nickelodeon.
And, A lot of times it would, like, goto, like, Nick at Night, which I guess
was the more, like, adult or, like, matureshows, but I remember watching a lot of
George Lopez, because that was one ofthe shows that always came on at night,

(52:44):
and there was nothing else I could watch.
So,
yeah.

Lavender (52:49):
That's funny What about like I weirdly remember a lot of shows from when
I was a really little kid And I was gonnaask you if you Watched any of these or
if you remember them because I know i'm afew years older than you So, I don't know
if they were still like around at all orplaying but one of them Was of course, mr.

(53:10):
Rogers.
I actually watched Mr.
Rogers when I was a little little kid likedaycare preschool did you ever watch Mr.
Rogers as a kid?

Sun (53:22):
Yes, but I was so little, like, I don't really remember

Lavender (53:26):
Um,

Sun (53:27):
but, like, I know that I did, if that makes sense

Lavender (53:30):
yeah, yeah

Sun (53:31):
like, yeah, but I don't like, I don't remember specific
episodes or like things like that.

Lavender (53:37):
Yeah, I don't remember specifics.
I just remember his little,like, intro theme song.

Sun (53:44):
the song,

Lavender (53:45):
the scenes, like, the characters, like, the little village.
Yeah, the neighborhood.

Sun (53:51):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (53:52):
yeah.
Mr.
Rogers.
Uh,

Sun (53:55):
I remember more of Elmo than or Elmo.
What's it called?
SesameStreet than Mr.
Rogers.

Lavender (54:02):
Sesame Street.
Yeah.
Yeah, what about, um, The big comfy couch.

Sun (54:14):
I don't think so.
I, that name sounds familiar,but I don't think so.

Lavender (54:21):
Yeah, that was that

Sun (54:23):
was that a cartoon?

Lavender (54:24):
and no it was like It was like a fever dream It was like it was like a
real like Uh stage like set um with thisperson I guess one I forget her name the

(54:44):
host but she dressed like a clown Andthere were other characters too, like
these characters that were in a littletraveler caravan And then there was like
the like puppets actual puppets that wereDust bunnies that lived in the couch the
big comfy couch And then there was thislittle like my favorite part of the show

(55:07):
Is when the the clown character she woulddo Um, like motions on a giant clock and
you were supposed to follow along Andyou would like, move your arms and legs
to make different times on the clock.

Sun (55:20):
Oh, yeah.
I do not remember that.

Lavender (55:22):
And I would like, lay out on the floor and do it.
And I loved it.
I thought it was so fun.
It was one of my favorites.
And just like, it was very colorful.
The set is like, comical and funny,because the couch is like, massive.
Like, even for her, just aperson, like, the couch was huge.

Sun (55:45):
Yeah.
I have no memories of that.
It sounds interesting though.
Yeah.

Lavender (55:51):
That's why I said it's like a fever dream, because it feels like
something I made up, but it was real.

Sun (55:57):
Yea, I don't fuck with clowns.
I
know if I'd watch that.

- Lavender (56:03):
That There is another show I really loved that I watched when I was
really little, it's called Out of the Box.
Did you

Sun (56:11):
sounds familiar too.

Lavender (56:14):
Out of the Box, Out of the Box.

Sun (56:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sounds familiar, but Idon't remember what it was about.

Lavender (56:22):
It was a show where they would do different crafts and activities.
And again, it was on a set thatthey had made for the show.
And in the, the theme of the show, likein the intro, they're building this
space out of boxes in their backyard.
And then they go inside the boxes and itturns into like a massive, Like a whole

(56:48):
space like a whole massive set You knowhow when you're a kid and you like make
a fort and it feels So much bigger onthe inside than it is on the outside.
It was like that that was thewhole Set to the show, but that
was just the set inside the set.
They would do like little craftsand activities and tell stories and
you could like Follow along with thecrafts if you wanted to like if you

(57:11):
got the materials for it So it was verylike enriching a very wholesome show

Sun (57:21):
I wonder if they still make shows like that.

Lavender (57:23):
I don't know

Sun (57:24):
Probably not.
. If you had to live in a horror movieor show, what would you choose and why?

Lavender (57:39):
Um,

Sun (57:41):
I've already thought of my answer.

Lavender (57:43):
Okay I have to look up the show because I can't remember
What is it called?
Oh, it's Midnight Club.

Sun (57:57):
I, I figured you might say that.

Lavender (57:59):
Did you know I would say that?
How did you know?

Sun (58:02):
Yeah.
I thought, I thought you might

Lavender (58:04):
I mean, as a disabled person , that show is just so good.
Like, as myself right now, gettingto exist in that show and be
around other disabled people.
And, the whole concept behind it,I think it would be interesting

(58:25):
to exist in that world.
Yeah.
That, or, the haunting of Bly Manor.

Sun (58:36):
Really?

Lavender (58:37):
Mhmm.

Sun (58:40):
'cause it's gay

Lavender (58:41):
I mean, obviously, like, it's,
It's gay, not only because it'sgay, but also because of that.
It's just very, like, reminiscentof, I think, my childhood and
growing up, like, in a haunted house,isolated, in the middle of nowhere.

(59:03):
It feels like home.

Sun (59:06):
makes sense.

Lavender (59:07):
So, yeah,

Sun (59:08):
In a creepy way

Lavender (59:09):
In a creepy way, but I mean the house I grew up in was pretty
creepy So yeah, and was haunted.
So There's that.
Yeah.
What about you?
What were your answers?

Sun (59:23):
Okay.
I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
So I only, I picked, um, Midnight Mass
only because, well, two reasons.
I've seen a shit ton of vampirestuff, shows and movies, I feel
like I might have survived.
I might have been on the boat atthe end, but if I, even if I didn't

(59:47):
survive, oh sorry, that's very vague.

Lavender (59:52):
Yeah

Sun (59:53):
A boat?
But even if I didn't survive, it wouldhave been worth it if I got to slap
the shit out of that racist catholicbitch you know what I'm talking about.
Um.
That was like, one of the shows where,I've seen it twice now, and both times

(01:00:13):
I just have a very visceral reactionto that character, because she's so
horrible, and it's always like if thisperSun existed and was right in front of
me, like, I would for sure run her over.
Like, there's no question about it.
Um, and she doesn't getslapped in the movie!

(01:00:33):
That was an injustice.
She needed to get at least bitchslapped in that movie, or show.
Not a movie.

Lavender (01:00:39):
oh, okay.
I was like, there's a movie?
No, I need to re watch it toobecause it was really good.
And I

Sun (01:00:50):
so

Lavender (01:00:51):
don't remember all the details, but yeah, that's a really good one.

Sun (01:00:55):
Yeah, it's such a good, like, take on vampires and just like, the whole lead up.
Yeah, it's so good.

Lavender (01:01:05):
Mm hmm.
The setting,

Sun (01:01:07):
I didn't survive it.

Lavender (01:01:09):
the criticisms of religion, all of that.
Yeah.

Sun (01:01:15):
All of it.
Okay, your turn.

Lavender (01:01:20):
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
Which, I know this is hardbecause neither of us can travel.
But,

Sun (01:01:30):
is it like, how I am now?
Or if I was able bodied

Lavender (01:01:34):
you could take it either.
Like, either you have somemiraculous remission and you
can go wherever you want.
Or, somehow, like, you maybeare able to be accommodated.
And you could go, like, have a bucketlist trip anywhere in the world.
Mm

Sun (01:01:53):
Oh, that is hard.
Because I can only think ofplaces that I already know I
like, like I've been there before.
I feel like, It would be a gambleto pick somewhere I've never been
and I get there and like, whatif it's not as good in my head?
But yeah, I think I'd pickeither, um, Switzerland.

(01:02:19):
I forget the town, the name ofthe town that I went to, but
that was like one of the mostbeautiful places I've ever been to.
That, that would be like, if I wantto go somewhere just like surrounded
by like green and nature and stuff.
Or I think

(01:02:39):
either Amsterdam or somewhere in Italy.
Italy to stuff my facewith pizza and pasta.
And Amsterdam just for like theatmosphere and the people and stuff.

Lavender (01:02:55):
Yeah.
Those are good choices, I would say.
Those were all in Europe.

Sun (01:03:03):
Yeah.

Lavender (01:03:04):
Mm

Sun (01:03:06):
one time I went to Europe, I went to multiple places.

Lavender (01:03:09):
Nice.
Um, I, I feel similarly in that, I canthink of places I've already been but then
there are some places I haven't been Iknow I would want to go to If I were to
go somewhere i've already been I wouldwant to go back to japan and specifically

(01:03:30):
kyoto Which I didn't get to spend a lotof time there so that I guess that's
maybe One reason I would want to go back.
I was only there for a fewdays and I really loved it,
especially the surrounding areasin like, the Japanese countryside.

(01:03:52):
And it, again, kind of like yousaid, it was one of the most
beautiful places I've ever been.

Sun (01:03:58):
Mm hmm.

Lavender (01:03:59):
going to the temples there, although I will say that would be probably
something I'd only be able to do if I weresomehow magically not disabled, not, or
at least not a wheelchair user anymore,because it is One of the most inaccessible
places I could probably imagine.
Um, talking like thousandsof steps, literally.

Sun (01:04:22):
My nightmare.

Lavender (01:04:24):
yeah.
Uh, I really also, for places Ihaven't been, I really would love
to go to Ireland someday and seesome of the The sites there and also
iceland the landlands ireland iceland

Sun (01:04:51):
Greenland?

Lavender (01:04:52):
Sure, why not a greenland
Um,
I guess had an interest in both countriesand the culture of both countries
Please Um, and also just seeing, uh, youknow, pictures or videos or just some
of the places that you can go there.

(01:05:13):
Some of the places that exist.
I think I would really enjoy it.
So,

Sun (01:05:18):
Yeah.
I'm sure it'd be really beautiful.

Lavender (01:05:23):
yeah.

Sun (01:05:24):
Cool.
Okay.
We're almost at the end!

Lavender (01:05:27):
Yes.

Sun (01:05:28):
Okay.
What is one quirk of yoursthat you genuinely like?

Lavender (01:05:41):
This is,

Sun (01:05:42):
Could be something like, simple, or, you know, whatever comes to mind.

Lavender (01:05:46):
uh, yeah, it's hard to think of a quirk.
Okay.

Sun (01:05:54):
Like, I could say mine, if that helps.

Lavender (01:05:56):
Okay, you go first, you

Sun (01:05:57):
The only one I could think of, the only one I could think of is
when I laugh really hard, I snort.
And, I know some people don't like that,like when they do it themselves, or like,
they find it embarrassing or whatever.
But I like it, I think it'sfunny, it makes me laugh even
harder when that happens.
So, hmm.
Hehehe.
Hehehe.

Lavender (01:06:17):
okay, I, I, I think I've got one, but I, I didn't
even know it was something I diduntil I met my partner, Yuto.
So, I will, I'm a clumsy,I'm a clumsy person okay?
I'm, I'm autistic, like the EDS, I, Idrop things, I, Bump into things and a

(01:06:40):
lot of times when I do that I say oops andEven when it's something that it was like
totally not Actually an accident I sayoops And Like I guess it is an accident
but like I say it so much that sometimeseven for things I do intentionally As

(01:07:06):
well, I will also just say oops, so itjust become like a running thing that we
say and that I just say in general nowlike if i'm eating An extra piece of pizza
i'll be like oops Or if i'm like playing ajoke on you or just like being sassy i'll

(01:07:31):
like do something and be like oops like

Sun (01:07:34):
Mmhmm.

Lavender (01:07:35):
Oops.
It's like, sorry, not

Sun (01:07:36):
Sarcastic oops.

Lavender (01:07:37):
Yeah, like a socrastic oops.
And I still also just say it whenanything I do, like, I'll just be
like, oops, and it just comes out.
And yeah, I guess he found it endearing.
And so I think it's kind of funny

Sun (01:07:54):
I think it's endearing, too.
Hehehe.

Lavender (01:07:58):
So yeah.
Uh, is it my turn

Sun (01:08:02):
Okay.
Yeah.

Lavender (01:08:04):
Alright, uh, oh, this is a good one.
Can you recall a time youfelt really embarrassed?
What happened, and howdid you deal with it?

Sun (01:08:16):
I don't know and I don't want to answer.
Almost every day of myexistence is embarrassing.
Um, a time I felt really embarrassed?
I
don't know.
Do you have an answer?
Because I might need to think.

Lavender (01:08:35):
I do have an answer.
So, this happened in middle school.
And I was sitting behind someonethat I had had a long term crush on.
And I can't remember if I like activelyliked this person at the time, but you
know, it was like that sort of scenario.

(01:08:59):
So I'm sitting behind this person inclass and I think it was history, not
that that's really relevant, but Isneezed suddenly and when I sneezed
This is kind of gross, so just like,trigger warning for like, body stuff.

(01:09:22):
But,

Sun (01:09:23):
Okay.

Lavender (01:09:23):
when I sneezed, blood came out.
Like,
like, a massive, and it was like a veryviolent sneeze, like sudden and violent.
So I, I didn't sneeze into my arm becauseI didn't even know I was about to sneeze.
It was just out of nowhere.
And then, Blood justcame it splattered out.

(01:09:45):
It was just only blood.
I don't know what is wrong with meObviously, there's a lot wrong with me,
but there's But whatever in that momenthappened to just make blood come out.
I have no idea
And he was wearing this perSun waswearing a white t shirt So my nose

(01:10:07):
blood splattered all over His backon his white t shirt and I was
mort obviously I was mortified.
It was one of the most embarrassingthings, especially as a middle schooler.
are you kidding me?

Sun (01:10:24):
Yeah, that's brutal.
That's really brutal.
.Lavender: And he had to so what ha what happened and what did I do about it?
He ran out of the room to Take care of it.
He didn't actually know what had happened.
I had to tell him This is make this iseven worse Like he knew I sneezed but

(01:10:48):
he didn't know he got blood all overhis shirt from my sneeze because it
was on his back and I had to be likeI'm so sorry, but I just sneezed blood.
I can't remember how I said it, but Isneezed blood on you and And you should
probably go clean up and he had to askto be excused and leave the room And

(01:11:11):
I I think I remember at the time Justtrying to like sink into myself and
dissociate and just pretend like itdidn't happen and everyone felt really
bad for him they felt really bad forhim because he got blood on him, but
I was like No one's gonna feel bad forme Like that was like a terrible thing.

(01:11:32):
Yeah.
He has nothing to be embarrassed about

Lavender (01:11:35):
Yeah, obviously I felt bad for having done that but yeah, that's what
happened that's an embarrassing story

Sun (01:11:42):
Okay.
That did make me think of
something actually.
Because of the blood.

Lavender (01:11:48):
Oh no Oh

Sun (01:11:53):
I was at the beach with my family and my boyfriend at the time.
This was like my high schoolboyfriend and I was on my period.
So I was wearing, I think, a pad.
Yeah, I think a pad.
And that was part of the problem.
I should have worn a tampon.
Um, but basically I had like, I knewI wasn't going to go in the water,

(01:12:15):
but I wanted to like, at least get mylegs wet, you know, and just feel it.
But out of nowhere, a wave came in,knocked me down, and tried to drown me.

Lavender (01:12:27):
Rude

Sun (01:12:28):
I didn't drown, but I got up and I already knew, like, my pad was soaked.
And, uh, I think I was wearing shorts.
So

Lavender (01:12:37):
no.

Sun (01:12:38):
uh, it felt like I couldn't see anything, but it felt like it was
going to like, come out the side ofmy, my shorts, you know what I mean?

Lavender (01:12:44):
Oh no

Sun (01:12:45):
Um, so this was at the beach.
I had to like, just figureout really quickly what to do.
I had to find a bathroom.
And so I remember, I don't knowwhy I brought him along, but
I brought my boyfriend along.
I guess I didn't want my parents to comewith me because that would be worse.

(01:13:05):
to me in my mind for some reasonbut yeah, I made him come with me
so we could find a bathroom forme to, to go and like, change my
pad.
It was so embarrassing.
Yeah.

Lavender (01:13:18):
That does really suck.

Sun (01:13:19):
again.
Right.
Yeah.

Lavender (01:13:22):
I guess the lesser of two evils, like do you ask your boyfriend
or your parents to come with you?

Sun (01:13:29):
And like, they had to watch my brothers.
So like, I'd rather them stay andnot have my mom and dad come with me.

Lavender (01:13:36):
Yeah.

Sun (01:13:38):
But still, I wish he didn't have to live through that either.

Lavender (01:13:41):
Yeah.

Sun (01:13:41):
Okay, last question,
which is our surprise questionsthat we did not tell each
other about.
I have to pull mine up, oractually I already know.

Lavender (01:13:51):
Okay, go for it.

Sun (01:13:54):
If you could, what kind of fantastical modification would
you like for your wheelchair?
For example, you know, the ability tofly, have super speed, uh, force fields,
like weapons, that kind of stuff.

Lavender (01:14:10):
Oh, that is such a good question I'm really torn between two
things You actually said both of thembecause when you said those things I
was like, oh, that would be so good.
So Flying first of all, i've alwaysjust wanted to be able to fly like i'm

(01:14:30):
One of those people that flies inmy dreams and stuff and You To have
a wheelchair that could convert.
I'm imagining that I can convert fromjust rolling and then I like switch
modes and the wheels like Switch out andstart like having jets that like hover
and it like turns into just like

Sun (01:14:51):
Like wings pop
out the sides.

Lavender (01:14:53):
like a drone, but i'm just like flying my wheelchair and I could just
I could because imagine you could getover so many obstacles like cracked
sidewalks stairs Um, like anything andyou can just like zip and fly above it
and then you could just like convertback to wheeling either that or the force

(01:15:17):
field like I'm imagining a force fieldlike it's invisible, but I'm in kind of
like a ball like in my wheelchair and it

Sun (01:15:25):
A bubble.

Lavender (01:15:26):
A bubble.
and it.
It pushes people out of the way, because,

Sun (01:15:32):
Move,

Lavender (01:15:34):
being in crowds as a wheelchair user is so difficult.
Like, people step in front of me, I haveto stop suddenly to the point where I
almost hit them, because they don't payattention and they don't see you, or
they ignore you, or they think you'regoing slower than you are, and they
just like Step out in front of you.

(01:15:55):
Even when I'm using a power assist,and it's hard to stop On the dot,
like it's hard to stop suddenly.
So the force field couldjust plow through the people

Sun (01:16:06):
move bitch.
Get out the way.

Lavender (01:16:08):
what about you?

Sun (01:16:09):
Yeah.
I really like those two as well.
Another one.
I don't think that, like.
I really doubt I would need this, butthere's an appeal to thinking I could just
like press a button and like robot armscome out with like, like, knives and shit
or just like, you know, to protect me,

Lavender (01:16:30):
damn Sun Yeah,

Sun (01:16:32):
you
know, just in case I have my own likebuilt in bodyguard, maybe like some like.
less lethal like a taser or nunchucks or
something like that.

Lavender (01:16:48):
self defense,
yeah.

Sun (01:16:51):
But yeah, I think that has an appeal.
Flying for sure, you know, Iwould be scared of landing.
I think that you'd have to learnhow to do that, that would be really
cool and I would love to just likego just high enough to like be
amongst the clouds and just likehave all that free space to myself.

Lavender (01:17:12):
Imagine someone's flying in a plane, they just see a wheelchair
user flying out the window next to them

Sun (01:17:19):
flying with birds!
You could just fly alongside some birds.
That'd be

Lavender (01:17:26):
could also fly away in an emergency.
So
to get away from someone,you could just fly.

Sun (01:17:34):
Yeah.

Lavender (01:17:35):
uh,
maybe

Sun (01:17:35):
my wheelchair wouldn't have to kill someone then.
It would
just
fly

Lavender (01:17:38):
right, yeah, exactly.
I also thought of going invisible, likeif it had an invisible mode, because

Sun (01:17:46):
Yeah.

Lavender (01:17:47):
Maybe the force field can make you invisible too.
I just,
people stare a lot, so

Sun (01:17:54):
true.
That'd be cool.

Lavender (01:17:56):
Just be invisible.

Sun (01:18:01):
Okay, last question.
Mmhmm.

Lavender (01:18:05):
my question.
What's one thing that youconsider a guilty pleasure?
Or if you don't want to call ita guilty pleasure, like, what
is an indulgence you partake in?

Sun (01:18:16):
Yeah an indulgence?
The only thing that comes to mind islike, reality tv shows that have no
other value except just like makingyou laugh at people who are just
doing things so wrong Yeah, I thinkthat I would say that love island.

(01:18:39):
I love vanderpump rules, uh I can'tremember any other ones, but I do
enjoy a good trashy reality tv show

Lavender (01:18:52):
I would, I would count that.
I would say that counts.
I don't know if I even have one.
I,
I really don't, I feel likeI indulge myself very much.
Maybe popcorn, pop, popcornis something I love to eat.

Sun (01:19:15):
That's an indulgence for you

Lavender (01:19:18):
But I like to eat a lot of popcorn.
Like when you go to the movie theaterand you get like a whole Thing of
popcorn that like a bucket and Iwould eat the whole bucket and I still
like to recreate that Like when i'mwatching a movie or something or even
just like chilling or like working onartwork and eating a snack I will pop
the whole bag And I will eat the wholebag and I don't even feel messed up.

(01:19:43):
It's like no sweat just

Sun (01:19:47):
damn.

Lavender (01:19:47):
Easy and now it's for pots Like it's salty and it's a lot of salt.
So that's probably why itstarted in the first place

Sun (01:19:58):
yeah.
I should probably eat more popcorn.
So that made me think of a food thatI indulge in that I really shouldn't.
And it's also related topots, but in the opposite way.
It's bad for pots.
Um, I stay away from all caffeineexcept for this, uh, cold brew coffee.

(01:20:21):
ice cream that I eat

Lavender (01:20:23):
Oh,

Sun (01:20:23):
It's so good.
Afterwards, my heart is racing.
Like, I feel bad.
I'm sweating.
But it tastes so good.
That's just like, sometimes it's worth it.
I have to.

Lavender (01:20:35):
sometimes you have to Sounds amazing
All right, that's it That'sall All the questions

Sun (01:20:47):
That's all for episode one.

Lavender (01:20:50):
one and done.

Sun (01:20:51):
mhm

Lavender (01:20:51):
Just kidding, we're gonna do more
hmm.

Sun (01:20:56):
Yeah.
It was fun.
I had fun.

Lavender (01:20:59):
Yeah.
Hopefully, the people know.

Sun (01:21:05):
People know know what?
Know us?

Lavender (01:21:09):
They'll know about us, and know that the podcast exists now.

Sun (01:21:14):
Mhm.
They know a little bit about who we are.
Embarrassing stories we have.
Yeah.