Trafficked in the Music Industry: One On One with Ilonka Deaton | Episode 6 - Going Rogue with Lara Logan

Episode Transcript
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Ilonka (00:00):
So entertainment is always a means to an
end.
It's used the entertainment industry is
always used to facilitate deals, and so P
Deddy is low.
He is like one of the what I like to call
them regional managers you know, of the
entertainment and he's already been
replaced probably.

Lara (00:16):
Wow.

Ilonka (00:17):
So the question is why did he lose his
protection?
He lost his protection for a reason right.

Lara (00:36):
Welcome back to Going Rogue with Laura
Logan.
Our guest today is somebody who is very
special to me.
Her name is Elanka Deaton and she is an
extraordinary woman who is from my native
South Africa and who is also an artist, a
singer and a speaker and a very vocal voice
in the counter-trafficking movement,

(00:57):
because Elanka herself was trafficked when
she was very young.
So, without any further ado, I would like
to introduce her.

Ilonka (01:07):
Thank you, laura, I'm so glad to be here.
Thank you, I'm very humbled.
Thank you for coming all this way.

Lara (01:13):
We didn't know each other back home in
South Africa.
No, if we did, we would have had a lot of
fun.
Yes, we would have.
Okay so, but, elanka, from the time I first
met you and heard your story, you know, I
was just.
I mean, I was blown away in lots of
different ways.
One because you are, as a survivor of sex

(01:36):
trafficking, you are a very powerful person
in your own right.

Ilonka (01:42):
Well, thank you.
I give God all the glory for that one and I
must say you were a very big, influential
part in me speaking up and speaking out.
If I can share the story, the very first
time I met you you were on my brother's
podcast on the Bottom Line.
Yes, your brother Jakob Boins, who is very

(02:02):
active in counter-trafficking, Very, very
active and I just finished and there was a
conference room and you saw me and motioned
to me and said are you Jakob's sister?
And I said yes, and you walked up to me and
you got right in my face and you said you
have to speak for yourself.

Lara (02:21):
You've got to speak for yourself and share
your story, Because I learned about your
story from Jaco and then I saw an interview
a little bit of you in the film that he did,
yes, and it was so powerful because the
story of what happened to you is one thing
and that's extraordinary on many levels.

(02:43):
But then it's just that you are so grounded
and that you know when I think.
Obviously I don't think of myself as a
survivor, even though I am really not of
trafficking but of gang rape, and I just
I've dealt with so many people over the
years who come to me and they take strength

(03:04):
from my strength and so you know, often
when we think about survivors, I feel for
survivors of sex trafficking, because very
often they're overlooked or dismissed or
disregarded or it's like you know, they're
treated as if well, you know she's.

Ilonka (03:21):
Or seen that they prostituted themselves,
or yeah, or people just don't believe them
Right, or they treat them as if they're
damaged somehow.

Lara (03:29):
But you, in spite of everything and I know
that and we'll get into that now in a
moment but in spite of everything that
you've been through and all the scars and
wounds that you have endured, you don't
have that sense about you of being damaged.

Ilonka (03:44):
Right, and that's my whole goal is for
other victims of not just sex trafficking
but any form of abuse, whether it was
deciding to have an abortion or having a
parent who abused you, that you, or even if
it's just making a decision to date the
wrong person and feeling like guilt and
shame, that there is life.
There's a life of hope, far beyond any bad

(04:07):
decision you could have made or anything
that could have happened to you, and that
you can have a completely redeemed, free,
holistic life, going forward, you know,
without PTSD and without anxiety and
without depression, and I praise God that I
am part of the 1% of survivors like you
that can walk this journey out.

(04:28):
But there are many, many other survivors
who don't have that confidence yet and I
think when we share our stories just like
when you came up to me that day and you
said that it gave me permission, right,
because you're a strong woman who speaks up
for herself, right.
If.
I stand up and speak up for myself.
Someone else who's a victim will do the
same thing, and that is how, in my opinion,
how, the Holy Spirit works is he entices

(04:52):
others to stand up and speak up and take
charge of their own lives and what has
happened to them and to say, even though I
don't have everything figured out right now,
there is a way forward, because look at
Lara, look at Ilonka, they've done it, so I
can do it, you know, so we give them
permission.
I think it's very, very, very important.

Lara (05:09):
Okay, so let's help people understand your
story.
Then I know.
Born and raised in South Africa.

Ilonka (05:15):
Yes, how old are you now?

Lara (05:17):
I am 43.
Oh, so I'm 53.
I've got 10 years on, you, and you had your
brother and your mom and dad.

Ilonka (05:28):
So my parents went through a divorce when I
was 13 months old.
My dad was a pilot in the South African Air
Force and became a first functioning
alcoholic and then a dysfunctional
alcoholic.
Yes, as often happens, Goodness, and my mom
just didn't want us to be raised in an
alcoholic home.
She was a language professor and just
raised us by herself.

(05:48):
So Yaku is six years older than me.
Then we have a brother that's 13 months
older than me and then me.
So I was the baby of the family and loving
mom.
My mom was absolutely my hero.
She was she's always the can-do voice in my
head that says don't, don't tell me,
there's something you can do, Can died when
he pushed a wheelbarrow.
You know the South African saying Don't

(06:09):
tell me, you can't do it.
Reach for the stars, go for your dreams,
you know, and pursue, pursue pursue.
But there was a hole in our family because
dad wasn't around and my dad wasn't.
He wasn't an abusive dad, he just wasn't
there, you know, know.
So it left a gaping hole of abandonment,
you know, for all three of us, and yaku
kind of had to step into a parenting role

(06:32):
when he was the oldest boy yes, and you
know south africa.
I mean, if you don't work, you don't eat,
you know.

Lara (06:38):
And if you don't pay your bills.

Ilonka (06:39):
They take, there's no safety net or social
services works or anything like that, or or
a food bank.
I mean you really have to work, so there's
no safety net, or social services works or
anything like that, or a food bank.
I mean you really have to work.
So mom at times had to have three jobs, you
know, to keep food on the table.

Lara (06:50):
But you were always very talented.

Ilonka (06:52):
Yes, all three of us have different talents,
but for me it was singing, and I just
wanted to sing.
I, just since I was born, I just wanted to
sing.
And singing was a place where I could
escape what I felt by not having a dad.
And I really love hearing people sing songs.
I would just sing any song that people
would like, just to hear them sing back at
me.
I mean, I have so much joy doing that.

(07:12):
So at 12, we moved into a new neighborhood
and I made a neighborhood friend, a girl
that was my age, and she had kind of a
stepdad in her life that was getting ready
to marry her mom right, which, fast forward,
ended up being my music manager and he was
in the music industry.
And she said well, why don't you come to my

(07:33):
house and come, you know, learn about some
more music?
And my soon-to-be stepdad is in music and
you should really talk to him and just come
to my house and we'll sing Def Leppard and
we'll write the lyrics down and record on
cassette tapes.
And I was so in love with music that I
wanted to know more.
And she was someone my age but I didn't
know at the time that she was actually

(07:55):
recruiting kids in the neighborhood for
this particular manager, who ended up
becoming-.

Lara (08:00):
And she was your age, Me she was my age,
yeah, yeah.

Ilonka (08:03):
Now I only found out later that she too was
in the same trafficking ring that I was, in,
that he had been abusing her for many years.

Lara (08:13):
Her stepfather.

Ilonka (08:14):
Prior to me meeting her and I met him.
Super nice guy, father figure, got his life
together music manager, well-respected
person in the industry, lots of connections
and loves to help young people reach their
dreams and he invited me to a singing

(08:36):
competition that was to the liking of
American Idol but way before American Idol
ever existed, and I went through all of the
rounds and I ended up winning this, winning
this competition, singing Whitney Houston's
the Greatest Love of All, and I was so
happy.
I won 50, 50 Rand, which was a lot of money
for me then.

Lara (08:55):
And I, which is about four or five dollars
and I signed my first record deal.

Ilonka (09:02):
Wow, and I was off to the races with.
What is it like being an artist making a
first album, finding songs that I can sing,
that are original, you know, getting new
hairstyles, everything of the industry.

Lara (09:13):
And this is I mean, this is a long time ago.
Yeah, I was 12.
You know this is not like the days of
social media today.
No, you can produce your own music.
You know what I mean.
We're talking 1994.
I mean, getting a record contract in those
days was absolutely huge.

Ilonka (09:27):
Yes, it was, it absolutely was.
And then in South Africa too, as you know,
when you sign a record contract, you also
sign performance agreements with
conglomerates like entertainment companies,
like here we have Live Nations, for
instance, who's going to promote all of
your works?
In South Africa you have entertainment
companies who own a lot of casinos.
You know big estate casinos.

Lara (09:49):
Kind of like getting a gig in Las Vegas.

Ilonka (09:51):
That's correct, right?
So you not only sign a contract with a
record company, but you also sign one with
a promoting company and with an
entertainment company, right?
Wow?
Who's going to make sure that you're
touring and you're making money and all
that?
So the first six months was amazing.
I learned so much and this guy, this
manager and to give you perspective, my mom

(10:12):
is in her 70s and he was a little bit older
than my mom to how old he is now and he was
a father figure to me and I learned so much
about the music industry and I loved every
bit of it.
But I did not know that he was grooming me,
but not only me.
He was grooming my mom and my family,
because they earn your trust.

(10:34):
I mean they earn your trust on a visceral
level to where you would trust your
children with them.
They are good people, they have a good
reputation, they have great references.

Lara (10:43):
You name it, Because this means that when
you're touring and performing, you're going
away with them.
Yes, so they're taking you know.
I mean, I couldn't imagine.
I'm not going to let my 12-year-old
daughter go off with some strange guy,
Right and my mom didn't either, and I'll
tell you how this happened.

Ilonka (10:59):
So mom would take me to rehearsals, she
would take me to rehearsals, she would take
me to photo shoots, she would take me to
the studio, to the writing sessions.
All of that and it was almost to date, a
year since I won the competition that my
mom could not.
She had three jobs at the time and she said
Yaku cannot take you, he's going to visit a
university, he can't take you, your

(11:21):
manager's going to pick you up.
And she felt comfortable with that.
Yeah, because it's been a year now For a
year.
yes, Now, mind you, his children were my
friends.
Yeah.
Like his biological kids, were my friends,
not the new wife that he married, that's
plus.
And he picked me up and drove me to
rehearsal space, to where we were going to
rehearse.

(11:41):
But, laura, I knew when I got in the car
that something was wrong.
How Intuition when someone decides to do
something evil towards you or against you,
you feel it.
There's an energy that you can just feel
Now in my young mind.
I couldn't tell you what he was going to do,
but I knew something was different and I

(12:02):
try to teach my daughter and young girls if
you feel uncomfortable and you feel that
intuition, you must trust it, even if you
don't know the answer of why you feel that
way.
Just trust it and walk away.
And I asked him to take me home.
I said I don't, I want to go home, I don't
want to do this today, I want to go home.

(12:27):
And he said, no, we have this very big New
Year's thing coming up and you have to
rehearse for this and everybody's waiting
for you and we have to go and do this.
And at the rehearsal space, when we got
there, we were the only people there and he
locked the door behind me.
That was the first time.
But no one else was there.
Else was there and I knew now this is a
kind of a warehouse space we would rehearse,
right, so think industrial, industrial

(12:48):
doors, industrial gates.
And I knew something bad, bad, bad, was
wrong.
And he looked at me and he started saying
to me you know how special you are, right
and creepy.
I thought this is yes, it makes your skin
crawl.
And then he turned into a extremely violent
person Are?

Lara (13:07):
you serious.

Ilonka (13:08):
Yes, what did he do?
Violent, brutally, brutally raped me Wow,
silenced my mouth.
I couldn't breathe.
At one point it was I'd never, ever want to
go through that.
But you know, what was even scarier than
that Is when he became silent While he was

(13:30):
raping me.
He became really silent, and that was the
first time that I was in the midst of when
evil became silent.
And when you are face to face with Satan,
when you are face to face with the evil of
the spirit that leads men to do that,
because it's not them.

(13:50):
There's a spirit attached to that, laura,
and I knew that I was dealing with an
entity way more powerful than me, and I
knew that even though I fought as a
12-year-old now he was much larger than me

(14:11):
there was no way for me physically to
escape what he was doing when it was done.
I was just glad that it was done and begged
to go to the bathroom, because I
immediately felt like somebody had poured
mud over my skin.
You feel dirty.
You just feel so dirty and I was crying.
I went to the bathroom.
I started washing my hands, you know, and

(14:32):
wiping tears off of my face, and when I
tried to come out of the bathroom, he was
waiting at the bathroom door for me and he
said now we're going to talk.
And then he proceeded to threaten to kill
my mom in front of me and to kill Yaku and
to kill my brother, bjorn.
If I said one word, and if I wanted to have

(14:52):
a career in South Africa, if I wanted to
ever sing again, I would not utter a single
word about this.
I would go home.
He's going to take me home.
I would go home and I would be quiet about
it and then in a week we will talk again.
And he reminded me of that thread driving
me all the way home.

(15:12):
I cried the entire way.
When I got home, mom was there, her car was
there and I thought how am I gonna?
What am I gonna do?
I can't, I can't let him kill my mom.
I mean, I can't do that.
I don't have a kill my mom.
I mean, I can't do that.
I don't have a dad.
My mom was my only lifeline and I made an
instant decision right there and I want to
ask me to do this that I would not say one

(15:33):
word, I would be silent.

Lara (15:35):
Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty
particular about the information that I put
out there, which means I really only want
to bring you information about products
from people that I truly believe in.
You know.
So that means the best products put out by
the very best people, and for me, when it
comes to nutrition and health, I love what
Ascent Nutrition is doing, because I know

(15:58):
that they are not going to settle for
anything less than the best and that they
really are on a mission to make health
accessible to as many people as they can.
And how do they do that?
Well, for them, it's really important to
source organic and wild harvested products
that they put a lot of work into finding

(16:19):
from some of the cleanest places on earth.
Two of the products that I'm really
familiar with are the pine needle extract,
which actually tastes better than you think,
and humic and fulvic acid, which is what I
take every day, both incredibly important
for this moment, with everything we've been
through with COVID and as we learn more and

(16:40):
more about why healthy detoxing is
important for gut health and brain function.
I also love organic lion's mane and
agaricone mushroom powders.
The South African me likes the lion's mane
part.
These can also be good for your pets, your
cats and dogs and you know no shortage of

(17:01):
cats and dogs around this podcast and if
you're a coffee drinker, which I am, they
have an organic, mold and mycotoxin-free
coffee, which is pretty amazing.
I actually love the taste of it.
I do remember the first time I had their
coffee I was it was a freezing cold day and
was full of rain, you know and I was very

(17:23):
happy to get that hot, steaming cup of
coffee, which is where I had the pleasure
of meeting the founder of Ascent Nutrition,
who is a great guy, lance Shutler.
And what I appreciate about Lance is how
aware he is of the bigger picture that's
been going on in the world over the last
few years and how he has created these

(17:45):
products with that in mind, and how
important it is to him to try to protect us
from the many different toxins that we've
been exposed to.
If you want to find out more about what
Ascent Nutrition is doing, you can go to
goascentnutritioncom.
Forward slash Lara.
That's goassentnutritioncom.

(18:07):
Forward slash Lara.
I really do want to say a very genuine
thank you to Lance for supporting our
podcast, for being willing to go rogue with
Lara Logan and my team and for being a
supporter of our work.
The only question I have is Lance is
willing to go rogue, are you?

Ilonka (18:28):
Do you know that every single predator
knows that if they threaten a loved one
after the act of a violent rape or crime
like that, the child will be silent, really,
because they break your spirit.
They have to break your spirit first, and
then they've got to threaten you so that

(18:49):
you will be silent and then over a few
months or few weeks they can get control
over you, right?
So I went in the house, ran to the bathroom
and locked the door and my mom came to the
door and she said why is this door locked?
Because I had.
I was 12.
I had a very good relationship with my mom,

(19:13):
but I hid.
It reminds me of like Adam and Eve hiding
in the garden.
I hid from her because I couldn't explain
this.
I couldn't explain why I was bleeding
because I hadn't started my period.
I'm bleeding.
How am I going to explain that to her?
I don't want to explain this to her.
Who's going to kill her if I say weren't,
because she will definitely call the

(19:33):
authorities, and then I'm going to be in
trouble.
And then my family?
What am I going to do?
This can't happen.

Lara (19:40):
It's too much for a child.

Ilonka (19:42):
Oh, the weight of it.
The weight of it, yeah.

Lara (19:44):
It's too much to think about your family's
well-being, the enormity of it right, laura.

Ilonka (19:50):
I thought he'd puberty.
I had not really even understood at 12
years old what sex is.
Why would I know?
I didn't have a dad in the house, my mom,
they didn't be behind locked doors.
You know what I'm saying?
That wasn't something that was in my
purview.
I just that wasn't part of my daily life,

(20:11):
did you feel guilt and shame.
Not at first.
No Guilt came later for me and I'll explain
to you why, but at first it was just
tremendous.
It was just the tremendous weight and the
violence of that.
I could have been killed and feeling

(20:32):
extremely dirty.
I mean, I scrubbed my skin for weeks to the
point that I looked like I had carpet burns
on my arms because you're trying to wash,
like he, sweat off of you, like you don't
want that, and kind of smell I mean I
there's still smells that I will smell,

(20:52):
that will remind me of that moment, that
will make me want to throw up, because your
body remembers it right.
So after that moment happened, my mom um,
my mom that very, very next week called the
youth pastor and said you got to come talk
to your mom because something's wrong.
We need something that's really wrong with
her.
She's not talking, she's become very

(21:12):
isolated.
She's just not opening up.
And something happened.
She's not herself.
She called the music manager.
He said no, she was fine.
We rehearsed and everything was great.
We didn't sing one song, everything was
fine.
And she just let me talk to her.
Then my mom would go hi, he wants to talk
to you.
Then I would take the phone and he would
say to me are you ready to be a good girl?

(21:34):
Then I would go yes, sir, give the phone
back, because remember what we will do to
your mom right Now.
Then it was just a threat.
Later, because I was trafficked for almost
six years later I really saw what they do
to girls.
That threat that they make it's not an
empty threat and this is not to scare
anybody.
It's just to show how evil these people are

(21:55):
and that they don't play around.
I mean, they will do anything to protect
what they've built, you know, and the rings
that they've established and their power
and their authority.
They're not going to want anybody to be a
whistleblower in their operations or their
organization.

Lara (22:08):
They don't want anybody surviving it and
going to tell people.

Ilonka (22:11):
Absolutely not.
No, no.
They would rather you die in it, blame it
on drugs, right, and you be out of it.

Lara (22:18):
It'll keep you in that life forever and
then, in return, you becoming a recruiter
for them and a madam forever and then, in
return, you becoming a recruiter for them,
and a madam, of course, because that's how
you get out of being raped.

Ilonka (22:28):
Correct as you, you allow other girls to be
right yes, and you'll do anything to make
it stop, correct?
Yes, so three months, um, from the first
assault to the next one was about three
months when he, when he raped me again did
you?

Lara (22:42):
you keep rehearsing.
Were you around him again?
Oh yeah, and he didn't do anything.

Ilonka (22:48):
No, Just be good.
You're going to have a career.
You'll do great.

Lara (22:51):
We're going to have a great career for you.
So you almost think that it's done Right,
like you don't really think it's going to
happen again and again.

Ilonka (22:58):
Yes, Like you're going to have a great
career.
We have this.
You know, keep our little secret.
You know, yeah, we have got this new
contract for you and we got this clothing
endorsement for you.
And look at this diamond ring that got
sponsored for you that you're going to wear
at shows.
I mean, just keep our little secret, we're
going to be fine.
And then the second rape happened, which

(23:20):
that wasn't even at a warehouse space.
He just pulled the car over in an alley.

Lara (23:26):
So he was driving you to a rehearsal again?

Ilonka (23:29):
Yes, Because now my mom trusts him.
Right, yeah, because he took me.
Everything was fine, right, yeah, okay,
right.
And then that just turned into he was the
main, and then it became a weekly thing and
he was the main person who would first
assault me.
And when you go through that constant

(23:53):
series of being raped, you disconnect with
your body, you disassociate with your body
and you just survive the moment.
So there's no physical response from you,
you're just a body that's there and that's
the only way that you can survive.
That right, yes, yes.

Lara (24:14):
I remember when my mother died, it was like
that.
I had to disassociate from my body.
I couldn't be physically present in the
moment, because the moment, because the
agony, the pain was just unbearable.
And how does your brain make sense of this?
Yeah, I remember driving behind the hearse
to the graveyard where she was going to be

(24:36):
cremated.
I'm following my mother's body to go and
watch her burn.
Like it's just, you have to disassociate
because you just can't be.
It's too much to be present in that moment.

Ilonka (24:49):
You can't bear it.
Well, god didn't make us for that, laura.
There is no compartment in our brains that
God made for suffering like this, that he
made for death, that he made for rape.
It's not there.
But there is a mechanism for us to
disassociate, for us to go into a survival
mode.
You know, praise God, because I don't think
we would survive the things that we have
survived if that wasn't in there right.

Lara (25:11):
But the one thing I want to understand from
you is you know, for me it was so chaotic
because it was a mob, you know, and there
were so many men and I was being beaten and
you know everything at the same time it was
so violent.
It was so violent, but when I I'm sorry

(25:31):
that happened to you.
No, it's okay.
I just remember, though, that when there
was a moment when I knew that I had a
chance to live, that was the moment when
the fear really set in, and I couldn't bear
the thought of going back, because I was

(25:53):
just a hand away from being dragged back
into the mob.
For me, when I listen to you and I think
about the fact that you would go again and
again and again, you'd be away from him and
then you walk back into it, how did you do
that?
By disassociating, by not being who you are,

(26:17):
by losing your identity as a person,
because you knew right At a certain point,
when he was doing it all the time, oh, that
it was going.
I was expecting it.

Ilonka (26:26):
Yeah yeah, After about the third time, I
was expecting that this was going to happen,
but, make no mistake, the threads didn't
stop.
And then he would share stories with me
with.
Well, we know this.
I have this other artist that I'm managing
and she spoke up you know, and I paid a
visit to her mom in the middle of the night,
you know, with a nine millimeter weapon,

(26:47):
yeah, and so, like no mistake, and she's
back in line, she's.
She's a good girl, you know and you'll meet
her soon.
You'll meet her soon.
Yes, and it was almost about a year into
into this whole ordeal that when I got to
meet some of the other girls that were in
this trafficking ring with me and it was at

(27:08):
a very prestigious event place in South
Africa, and we were all invited to go to
the greenhouse as, like the, the green room
was the penthouse.
Sorry, the penthouse was the green room for
everybody, for all the artists, and these
were all artists.
Some of them were models, some of them were
groups, duo groups, band and then
individual artists, and I was not the

(27:29):
youngest one there.
You were 12 and you were not the youngest.
So I was 13 at this point.
Yeah, I was not the youngest.
Yeah, so there was a nine-year-old girl.
No, no.
And Laura, we're not talking about.
This is not the slums in the ghetto.
This is extremely wealthy penthouse suite
men who have established themselves as

(27:52):
financial moguls, as big corporate owners,
as CEOs of companies, of entertainment
companies.
You know, heads of record companies, a&r
folks, marketing, you name it.
Anything in the industry were there,
including up-and-coming artists or people
that they want to sign, you name it.
But every single one of those adult men had

(28:14):
been corrupted to partake in this
trafficking ring and then they would just
cherry pick or they would assign you a
number and draw it out of a hat.

Lara (28:22):
Are you serious?
Yes, so okay, wait, you have to take me
through that, so you would go to events.

Ilonka (28:31):
Would it be?
an event yes so you'd be booked to sing.
I have a two-hour concert that I will be
doing.
That will be split up into 30-minute
segments.
Two of those will be mine.
It's shared with other artists.
You have this many songs that you've
rehearsed.
Here's the whole concert, but all of the
artists together make up like a three-hour
show, right, yeah, so everybody has their
parts that they're going to do.

(28:52):
So you're a group together that is
performing at this event.
Mom comes with you.
He says hey, listen, you guys go and enjoy.
We have this whole spread for all of the
parents that are here.
Enjoy.
We have this whole spread for all of the
parents that are here.
Go eat your food.
We're going to take all the artists for a
quick photo shoot upstairs.
We've got a green room for them.
Come upstairs, all the artists go up, all

(29:12):
the managers goes up you know A&R
photographers, you name it goes into this
room and then, very quickly, that room is
sucked dry and only left with the people
who are there to have sex with kids.
And the photographers leave, the makeup
artists leave, but they all know what's
going on.
I mean, I can't believe it.

(29:33):
It doesn't take three hours.
It doesn't take.
It takes 30 minutes.
Are you serious?
They will pick a child, they will have sex
and you'll be on stage in 45 minutes.

Lara (29:48):
Over and, over and over again.

Ilonka (29:49):
I can't believe it and then they'll assign
you a nickname which, to be honest with you
and this is going to sound really bad, but
when they gave me my nickname it kind of
helped me.
Oh no, I know why it helped you, because
now I wasn't Ilonka anymore.
No, no, you had a new identity yeah.
And she was doing this, yes, and then guilt

(30:12):
set in, because now it's oh, now I'm
allowing this.
And look at these young girls, and now I'm
allowing it.

Lara (30:22):
You know how incredible it is what you say
there because I've done a lot of work with
child soldiers and Islamic caliphate and
cubs of the caliphate and all the rest of
it, and when I was with Joseph Kony's some
of his child soldiers in Uganda and Central
African Republic, one of the things that

(30:43):
they told me about I spoke to some boys,
three boys who had escaped or been rescued,
and one of the things that they told me
about was how you know, first you would be
kidnapped from your villages, from your
parents, from your families, and of course,
they make you do these terrible things Like
if a child escapes if it's a brother or a
sister or whatever, then they make the kids.

(31:06):
If they catch that person, they make the
kids kill them.
Right, that other child.
And they'll make them like, bite them to
death with their teeth.
So they'll tear off the flesh with their
teeth.
This kind of thing, right.
But what they do is, once you've done a
number of, you've been involved in a number
of different things, and they know that
you're ready, then, coney Joseph Coney the
head of the army will hold a ceremony and

(31:28):
in that ceremony, what will he do?
You'll be given a new name.
So you're essentially given a new identity,
and what that does is for these kids.
They cannot reconcile what they've done and
who they've become with who they were.
So the purpose of giving you this new

(31:48):
identity, they all said once you have your
new identity, now you settle into the role,
because the more you hurt, the more you
kill, the more you rape and all the rest of
it, the higher you rise.
So you're being recognized and rewarded in
this system.
You become more powerful.
Of course, it's just like the girls who

(32:10):
become the recruiters.

Ilonka (32:12):
The more you participate, the bigger gigs
you get, the more money you make.
I mean, as a 14-year-old I would make you
know.
Back then there was a lot of money,
anywhere from 6,000 to 8,000 Rand for
singing three songs.
That's not because of my talent and I
didn't keep all that, by the way, because
they take the majority of it.

Lara (32:33):
And you know it's the same thing with
transgenderism it's the dead naming that
whole thing, that person you were, becomes
dead and you get this new identity.

Ilonka (32:43):
You're a new person.
What does that remind you of?
It reminds you of the Bible, when God says
you lay the old down.
You become a new person when you surrender
your life to Christ being reborn.
Yes, when he says nothing of your past, I
will recognize.
I do not look at anything that you have
done or any of your sin.
I'm going to look at you as a new creation
in Christ.
Right?
So it's the enemy taking a biblical

(33:05):
principle and he's inserting it into a very
evil trafficking, like the boys of Burma,
like these boys, and just twisting it a
little bit.
It's still truth, but they're twisting it a
little bit and making it their own new
truth instead of what it's supposed to be.
But it did.
It helped me survive.

(33:26):
You know all of that.

Lara (33:28):
Well, I mean.
So you were essentially raped constantly
for almost six years.

Ilonka (33:35):
Yeah.
So now in my mind when I think of being
raped, my mind goes to the first three,
four offenses of when it happened.
Then my mind would shift to what I allowed.
I made a decision to allow that to keep my
mom safe, to keep my brother safe and to go

(33:55):
along with it.
Now, was I participating in it in a
pleasurable way?
No, because these were adult men and I was
12 and 13 and 14 and 15.
The longer it went on, the more I saw of
what they would do to girls who would speak
out.
One girl's body was brutally mutilated.
Um, because she would sweat on a very

(34:18):
well-known she would sweat.
She would sweat when he would, yeah, have
sex with her, and so and he didn't like
that.
No, so he had her sweat glands removed,
which mutilated her body, convinced her
parents to do it, which mutilated her body.
Because you can't do that, your body
naturally wants to sweat right, and she

(34:39):
still struggles with that.
She survived.
Yes, you still talk to her.
I don't talk to her very often because
she's not where I am in my healing.
It's very difficult for her.
Ptsd is different for people.
Some people heal to a place where I am and
you are, to where we can openly talk about
it, and some people want to forget it and
never go back to any of that.

Lara (35:02):
I can't believe that.
Had her sweat glands removed.

Ilonka (35:05):
Yeah, some of them have committed suicide
since then.
At least three that I know of have
committed suicide because the weight of it
is too much.
And you know South Africa is a secret
society.
You know South Africa is not like America
where we celebrate hardship and if someone
goes through recovery, that we celebrate
their recovery.

(35:25):
And the underdog you know we like the
underdog in america.
That's not in south africa, it's it's
survival of the fittest.
You pull yourself up with your bootstraps,
you don't share your dirty laundry in
public and you move on.
Yeah, you know yeah don't let the grass
grow under your feet.
Go, make something of your life right and
so, but that mentality is something,

(35:45):
unfortunately, that a lot of girls cannot
carry the weight of that they can't carry,
and often suicide is an option.
And I understand that because at 25, I
attempted suicide because of the same
reason.

Lara (35:58):
I get that.
I want to talk about that, but I just need
your help in understanding this.
I'm still trying to imagine these events
You've got.
Would you be raped before you went out on
stage?
Oh yeah, sometimes minutes before, minutes
before.

Ilonka (36:12):
Yeah, depending on where the ratio was from
the green room to the stage, right?
So if you had a green room that was
literally adjacent to the stage, I could be
raped right there, and then they would
announce my name 10 minutes later and I
have to go on stage.

Lara (36:28):
And while your parents are at the event.

Ilonka (36:30):
Sitting in the audience Yaku, sitting not
even 30 feet from me around the corner.
Them thinking that I went this way to go
and get on stage and they would have
somebody waiting for me who they made a
deal with.
And it could be things like hey, this
person is giving us mineral rights to a
mine that the CEO who you signed the

(36:53):
agreement with this entertainment company,
has made a trade deal with, so you're his
gift tonight.

Lara (36:59):
You're his gift.

Ilonka (37:00):
Yeah, you never present it as a whore or a
slut or they will name you that if you go
against them, if you start bucking the
system, they will do name calling or like
the first offenses that are very brutal and
very violent.
But later on you are not.
You're a gift to them.
It's always you're a gift to them.

(37:20):
You're a present to them.
You're somebody very special to them
they're going to see tonight.
You're like a jewel to them.
You're going to be their jewel tonight.
Okay, don't ask names, don't ask questions.
Some you're not allowed to look them in the
eye.
Some want to talk to you.
Some you're allowed to talk to.
Some want to know what kind of bunnies and
stuffed animals you like.
I mean, it's weird, laura.
It's very strange Because these are sick

(37:44):
men that have fetishes to have sex with
kids and some of them want to know innocent
things and some want to have girls that
look like boys, because they're really
pedophiles and they want to have sex with
boys.
And some of them want to have girls that
are a little bit more chunky, you know, or
have more protruding facial expressions or
you have to say certain things to them

(38:05):
while they're raping you.

Lara (38:08):
Sick.
I am just absolutely stunned that this can
be so quick, that it can be going on over
three hours while there's a concert
happening, that this whole audience is out
there watching this concert and they have
absolutely no idea.

Ilonka (38:28):
But I want you to see how well orchestrated
it is.
Think about the logistics of this.
You have more than nine kids under 18
that's performing.
To see how well orchestrated it is.
Yes, think about the logistics of this,
okay.
Yes, you have more than nine kids under 18
that's performing.
You have all of their parents that have
chaperoned them.
Okay, all of them are dressed to the nines.
You know, in South Africa we're really
dressed to go on stage.
All of them are dressed to go on stage,
right?

(38:48):
So the optics of how calculated the
logistics of that is, do you know how many
people are involved to pull that off?
A lot, who are not going to say things,
whose silence have been bought?
It's rings of people.

Lara (39:04):
I just can't believe that they can keep it
so quiet.

Ilonka (39:08):
Well, they don't always keep it quiet, like
a maid spoke out once and said this is
wrong and I'm going to call the police, and
she was strangled.
I mean, they don't play, laura, they don't
care.
If they kill you, kill your family.
They will protect what they've built at any
cost.

(39:28):
Because this goes way back to a very old
mentality and thinking of.
There are individuals that believe that
there should not be an age of consent at
all.
Right, like Nambla, we should get rid of
the age of consent period and kids are
sexual from birth.
Like Kingsley believed and like Hugh Hefner

(39:48):
believed, kids should be able to have sex
with men, women, whoever they want to, and
it should just be a free-for-all.

Lara (39:56):
Yeah, the UN just came up with the sexual
rights of the child.
They have a charter for the sexual rights
of the child.
The United Nations which?

Ilonka (40:03):
was tabled.
I don't know if you've seen table 34 from
Alfred Kinsey in his book the Sexual
Revolution of a man.
That is him taking notes from a pedophile
raping a child and saying that that child
was sexual from birth.

Lara (40:17):
It's just.
I know you mentioned NAMLA, that's the
North American Man-Boy Love Association.
That's been around since the 70s.
It's just, on the one hand I mean, this is
not my first rodeo, it's not like I'm new
to the subject but on the other hand, it's
like you almost can't even process that

(40:37):
there.
I understand that evil people exist or that
there are damaged people, but to have
ordinary people that actually just believe
like a Kinsey, that actually just believe
that a child is sexual from birth, right.
Because, he was a pedophile himself.
This is just.

(40:58):
This is absolute on one level.
It's just absolute and utter sheer insanity.

Ilonka (41:03):
Yeah, and we think that it is always done
in secret.
But I mean, but it's not, because if you
have, if you and I feel the same on a moral
issue, we're two people.
If we can get someone else here to feel the
same as us, it's three, and that's how they
build their organizations and their groups
right.
It's a mentality, it's a mindset.

(41:24):
It's a very faulty, very sick mindset, but
it is a mindset and a lot of wives go along
with this.
It's not always that the wives don't know.
In some aspects, it is the wives that are
the ones that want this.
You know that either want to be swingers
and they themselves have a tendency to want

(41:44):
younger boys under 18.
It's sick, laura, it's very sick, but it's
a very damaging thing because it destroys
the human spirit.
Sick, but it's a very damaging thing
because it destroys the human spirit.
It makes you feel unvalued, that no one is
going to be able to love you in life,
because how is a girl like me supposed to
go on and get married and then explain that?

Lara (42:06):
But how is a girl like you supposed to want
to have sex with anyone Right Like I mean?
What did you do about that Ever again in
your life?
Have sex with anyone Right Like I mean?
What did you do about that Ever again in
your?

Ilonka (42:14):
life.
Yes because you were a child, I didn't want
to have sex with anybody, right?
So at almost 18 years old, there was a
moment, there was a very clear defining
moment in my trafficking story.
Manager wanted to have sex with me again.
Now, when I the same manager, same manager,
so when I started being introduced to all

(42:34):
these other men like CEOs and from record
companies and they would have sex with me.
My manager didn't have sex with me as much,
right, because I was now traded out too and
they would make deals money deals and
entertainment deals and touring deals and
then I would be the gift right To make the
trade.

(42:55):
So he didn't have sex with me as much.
But I hated him.
I couldn't stand him because he was the
only one that was that violent with me.
None of the other men were violent like
that.
They rape you, but they're not, at least
with me.
It wasn't violent, right, he was violent.

(43:16):
He was.
He put part of my hair out, I mean.
He was very, very, very violent and I hated
him Like to my core.
I hate him, but I also knew that he was my
protection within the trafficking ring.
So try to wrap your head around that
Stockholm syndrome.

Lara (43:33):
It's awful.

Ilonka (43:34):
Like I hate you, but you're also the person
that's going to make sure that, if any of
these men because there are rules, right
yeah, if they pimp you, there's rules
they're not allowed to do certain things
with you, and if they step out of line,
then there are security guards and bouncers
that take care of them.

Lara (43:51):
Unbelievable.

Ilonka (43:52):
Yeah, bouncers that take care of them
Unbelievable.

Lara (43:53):
Yeah, so they protect you, but they sell
you.

Ilonka (43:54):
Your brain can't.

Lara (43:56):
You protect me, but you sell me.

Ilonka (43:58):
You write me, but you sell me, but you
protect me, so you need them.

Lara (44:00):
Yes, you need them because all these other
men are unknowns, right.

Ilonka (44:04):
But you hate them too.

Lara (44:05):
But you hate them too because of what
they're doing to you, right and but okay.
So this is maybe a crazy question, but I'm
just trying to get my head around.
What do you do Like?
How do you react to them?

Ilonka (44:18):
To these men yeah, you do as you're told,
like if it is that they want you to repeat
a certain phrase you're so strong, for
instance, you're such a strong man, you're
such a strong man, you're such a strong man,
you've built a ego and then they will tell
you a position they want you to be in, and
then he'll rape you and then you'll repeat
the phrase and just close your eyes and you

(44:39):
can't scream, you can't do anything.
What's that going to do?
This is number 50, 60, 70.
What's that going to do if you scream?

Lara (44:50):
Is it harder to be silent or to have to
participate?

Ilonka (44:55):
The way that I did.
I just whatever they told me to do, I just
I did.
Or whatever they needed me to say, I would
say and then for the rest of it I would
just be quiet Because I didn't feel like I
could fight.
What am I going to fight?
I'm going to fight him and then he's going
to kill my mom Unbelievable.

(45:16):
I just I so wish that I never would have
believed that lie, because if I had spoken
up that very, very, very first, time.
Laura, that's my biggest regret.
If I had said something that very first
time, none of the rest would have happened.
You don't know that, you don't know, that

(45:40):
my mom would.

Lara (45:40):
She's a protector, laura they could have
killed your mom, but he could have been
arrested too.
But you don't know right.
I'm sorry, yeah Right, I'm sorry, yeah,
yeah.

(46:04):
You can't go back in time.

Ilonka (46:08):
And you were 12.

Lara (46:10):
Mm-hmm, I mean, you're just a child.
Yeah, you know.

Ilonka (46:21):
It's a very it's a heavy unfortunate
reality to carry.

Lara (46:28):
There's so many people carrying that
reality.
That's the incredible part, you know.
You look at the scale of trafficking today
and all of these industries and all of
those evil people that you said.
They find each other.
Now they find each other all over the world
through technology.

Ilonka (46:47):
Oh, it's not a localized.
Trafficking in South Africa touches America.
Yeah, america's trafficking touches South
Africa, touches Dubai yeah, I was almost
sold to Dubai twice In the scheme of these
entertainment companies.
These are global entertainment companies.
They're not just localized in South Africa.

Lara (47:08):
Did you girls?
Were there boys too, or was it all girls?
I was just with girls.

Ilonka (47:12):
I never had a no, mine was just with girls.

Lara (47:15):
But did you talk to each?

Ilonka (47:17):
other.
Yes, we knew each other very well, and so
did you share, because we all moved
together.
Yeah, I see.
So once they have a group together that
works well, they would book you together to
do shows.

Lara (47:29):
And so, and this child that was nine, did
you talk to.

Ilonka (47:33):
You know she was the shortest lived child
that I saw and I have no idea what happened
to her.
I don't know what happened to her.
I saw her, maybe for a span of, I don't
know, five, six months or something at
events, and then she just disappeared out
of the group Wow it could be from.
I can only imagine the trauma to her body.

(47:55):
You know, I don't know how you hide trauma
like that with a nine year old child, how
you can do that.
That's not because I know what I felt like
and what physically my body felt like.
I don't see how you.
That goes beyond my brain even trying to
understand.
And would they keep you after it?
The physical trauma?

(48:15):
So if it was, it's always mainly it was at
events, right, parties before events or
parties after events.
So, and then you would go sing and my mom
would be there and Yaku would be there.
Yaku was at most of all my performances
because my mom heavily relied on him
sometimes to drive me or bring me back, or
stay or know, depending on her work
schedule.

(48:36):
And um, then you would go home.
I was never trafficked.
I want people to understand this.
I was never trafficked across a border.
I was raped and sent home.
But they bought my silence through fear,
and that is the reality of trafficking in
America.
This is how you can have your next door

(48:58):
neighbor be in a trafficking ring, but
she's your next door neighbor every day and
you see her.
My friends at school had no idea.
They thought I was living the life You're
singing and you were just on the radio this
morning and we all heard you.

Lara (49:11):
You're famous.

Ilonka (49:12):
Yeah, this is so cool, you get in to do all
this stuff and you have this secret that is
bigger than a house, that is like, looming
over you and you're like I'm only Ilonka at
school, I'm not Ilonka with them.

Lara (49:27):
What was your nickname?
It was Cookie Shoes.
I was Cookie Shoes.

Ilonka (49:34):
That was my nickname, or they would just
call me cookie for short and your mother
and Yaku didn't notice mom knew that
something was wrong with me.
I mean, she took me to psychiatrists, to
therapists.
She had me put on sleep therapy for a week
to figure out, and I had multiple

(49:54):
psychiatrists sitting to me saying just
talk to us.
And I would just sit there in silence and
go.
There is no way that I am uttering a word
of this to you.
So then, what happened?
Because what could happen to my family?
So there was this moment where this manager,
who actually had gotten jealous of these

(50:15):
other men having sex with me and he wanted
to have sex with me, right, and it was
before my 18th birthday, and I fought.
I just thought, if I die today, so help me
God, if I die today, I die today, today,
you will not touch me, you will not touch
me.
I had a very, very expensive nightgown on.

(50:36):
Touch me, you will not touch me.
I had a very, very expensive nightgown on
with the straps were filled with jewels,
you know, and my hair and makeup was done
everything.
And he grabbed my dress when I said no, and
he ripped the dress right.
You can imagine jewels went everywhere.
And then he grabbed my hair and flung me to
the ground and started dragging me by my
hair.
And then he grabbed my hair and flung me to
the ground and started dragging me by my
hair and I just fought.
I fought, kicked, screamed, scratched, you

(50:58):
know, just fighting, just fighting back,
like really, really, really, really
fighting back.

Lara (51:04):
And now you're almost 18.
You're not 12 anymore, correct?

Ilonka (51:06):
I'm stronger, you know, I'm more to his
height and the door opened up and an
off-duty police officer who was
moonlighting as a security guard new person
there at this casino knocked on my door to
tell me that they were running a little bit
ahead on schedule and he needed me to go on

(51:26):
stage, that they were ready for me to start
the show.
Wow, and he walked into my nose bleeding
you know, my lip bleeding and me on the
floor and there's jewels everywhere and I
am, you know, half naked and this guy is
dragging me and beating me and he
intervened just what any cop would do if he

(51:48):
saw an event like that because I was still
a minor and he got him off of me.
Then the two of them got into a first fight
and the ex-manager broke free and ran out
of the green room, the dressing room, and
the police officer pursued him and he got
off the premises and I've never seen him

(52:10):
since that day.

Lara (52:11):
And look, this is like a movie.
Yeah, I mean, this is literally like a
movie.
Yeah, you can't believe it.
You can't make this stuff up, it's.
Yeah.
This is why they say life is stranger than
fiction.

Ilonka (52:26):
Yes, if people will tell the truth, if
people will tell the truth.
And so I got myself together and didn't
know what was.
You know, I didn't perform that night.
I wouldn't do it, I just wanted to go home,
you know.
And then I can remember being in the
parking lot with all of my gear, because I

(52:47):
had a ton of equipment always with me and I
thought I can't go home.
What am I going to tell my mom?
What am I going to say?
Look at me, I'm bleeding.
What am I going to?
How am I going to?
I can't say.
I fell, I've got scratch marks all over me,
you know, and I was heavily smoking at the

(53:09):
time.
I smell like smoke.
I just want to.
I don, I just wanted.
I don't want to be here, but I had a hotel
room the night at this hotel I thought,
well, I'm going to stay.
So I stayed.
And then the next morning I called a taxi
Now can you imagine this Like for my 18th
birthday and I had thousands of rand with
me because I got paid.

(53:32):
He was in there, so they gave me the money
and I thought I'm just not going to go home.
So I asked a taxi driver, left all my gear,
made an arrangement for them to keep my
gear and I took a taxi to a coffee shop.
I said just take me to the closest coffee
shop in this area.
Do you remember Secunda?

(53:52):
I was in Sec secunda that's a remote area.

Lara (53:54):
Yep, it's almost nothing there.

Ilonka (53:56):
It was 200 miles away from my home and I
said take me to a closed coffee shop please.
And they said well, there's no coffee shop,
you know, because coffee shops wasn't a
thing back then no but there's a, there's a
restaurant, and so I went to the restaurant
and remember they used to have like poster
boards and restaurants where you can like
put your business card or something, and
there was an ad for a couple who was

(54:18):
renting a room.
And so I called them and said that I was 18,
that I had recently gotten a job in this
town and that I needed a place to stay and
that I have money.
And I said, but I need somebody to pick me
up please.
And the wife came and she picked me up and
I went and lived in their house.

(54:38):
I can't believe it.

Lara (54:40):
Broke all contact with my mom.
Did you just disappear?

Ilonka (54:43):
Just disappeared, ran away Almost a year
for a long time.
How long?
Almost a year?

Lara (54:49):
it was a long time, almost a year.
They had no idea where you were, and that
was when your brother, jakub, was looking
for you.

Ilonka (54:58):
They knew my last location was in Secunda,
Wow.
And then mom started looking for me and
then calling places and somebody recognized
me and then she called Jakub because Jakub
was in college.
Jakub was.

Lara (55:14):
You know, yaku was an avid rugby player he
was on his way to play for transvaal yeah,
which is one of the biggest rugby states in
south africa.

Ilonka (55:22):
Yeah, extremely talented rugby player it
would be like playing, you know, on your
way to play nfl football yeah, in this
country, but in the meantime I went back to
the entertainment buyers who I knew, called
them and said I don't know what happened to
my manager because they canceled every.
He canceled all of my touring.
My touring dates got canceled Like you talk

(55:43):
about, like in a day where you have a whole
year touring canceled, no income, no shows
coming up.
Album that I was supposed to record is not
going to happen.
They're not calling me back, I can't make
contact with anyone.
And I got in touch with one of the CEOs of
the entertainment companies who would book
me, Kind of like Alive Nations, and I just

(56:04):
said I want to make my own deal.
I'm almost 18.
I want to cut my own deal to continue
touring and to continue playing.
And he said to me well, you know that's
going to cost you.
And I said I know, I know how you guys play
this game.
I know, Okay, great, so do you want to meet?
And he said yes.
And he came in and he met me at that same

(56:25):
casino and we made a deal for me to keep
touring.
And that was the one and only time that I
ever sold myself to make that deal and to
continue touring.
And it was shortly after that, not even two

(56:45):
months after that they found me and my mom
called Yaku at college and said you're
going to take a friend of yours.
You guys, I can't go, You're going to have
to go.
You're going to take a friend of yours, you
guys, I can't go, You're going to have to
go.
You're going to have to go get her, You're
going to have to go get her.
And he did yes.
What did you do?
Yes, and when he showed up, he convinced my

(57:06):
mom to go.
My mom came and I knew they were coming
because the lady whose house I was renting
they called her.
And she said hey, I just want to give.
I don't know what's going on, but I just
want to give you a heads up that you know.
I think your mom knows where you are and I
don't know if they're.
You just need to know.

(57:26):
I don't want to be in your business, but
you just need to know.
So she came and I opened the door and she
looked at me.
And she came and I opened the door and she
looked at me and she said you don't have to
tell me anything.
I'm just glad that you're alive and I'm
glad to see you, and I'm just.
I want you to come home.
Please come home, that's it.
And I said I can't come home.

(57:48):
I have a gig in Zimbabwe that I am
contracted to play.
You all just need to go back.
Just leave me here.
And she said there's not a chance.
And.
Yaku said I will.
You know, yaku, I will drag you to the car
by your feet if I need to take you, you are
coming with us.
And I said no, I'm not.
I have to leave here in a couple of hours

(58:11):
and drive to Zimbabwe.

Lara (58:12):
It's just a neighboring country, yep.

Ilonka (58:20):
And he said well then, I'm taking you.
And they had no notice.
So the friend, they had to get him a ride
back to Joburg because he had to go back to
college.
Y'all couldn't even go back to campus.
He drove me to Zimbabwe over the border,
went to this event that I had to play at,
played this event and at this point,
because I was out of the trafficking ring,
my gigs after that weren't sex riddled, it

(58:43):
was.
I would go do a gig, I would get paid, and
that was it.
After that, one moment of cutting this deal.
I was out of the circle because the manager
went.
Am I?
He was just gone and even the CEO didn't
even know where he was.

Lara (58:58):
And the police didn't follow up, couldn't
find him.

Ilonka (59:02):
Yeah, I gave a police statement, could not
find him and so.
But here's a beautiful memory that I have
of Yaku, when he drove me to that gig.
I played the gig and I sang and I got paid
and it was a nice event.
There were tennis courts and I didn't know

(59:23):
really what to say to him and he didn't
know what to say to me.
What do you say to your sister who's been
gone for so long?
What do you say?
You know, my mom was just thankful that I'm
there and you know she's loving on me and
she's just glad I'm there.
And Jakub looked at me and he said hey, you
want to play some tennis, because we both
love and play tennis.
And I said, yeah, sure, and he walked me to

(59:46):
them.

(01:00:07):
He never asked me what happened, but he
played Tennis with me for three solid hours
till like four in the morning and he said I
just want to be here with you.
We're six years apart.
There's not much you have in common with a

(01:00:27):
sibling that you're six years apart.

Lara (01:00:30):
You're a 17 year old sister and you're like
23, 24 now what?

Ilonka (01:00:35):
I want to know why you ran.
I just that you're six years apart.
You're a 17-year-old sister and you're like
23, 24.
I don't want to know why you ran.
I just let's just play, let me just be here
with you.
He drove us back to my real house, to my
mom's home in Joburg, and then my mom said
to me you've always wanted to go to America.

(01:00:58):
There's a position in Nashville that's open.
I want to take you.
You want to pursue songwriting and music
and you're so talented, please let me take
you.
And it was mom's attempt to get us out of
South Africa, but it was also her Hail,
Mary.
I want to rescue you.

(01:01:19):
I want to get you away from this place.

Lara (01:01:21):
That's the only thing she knew how to do
was just to take you away from it.
Yeah, you know.

Ilonka (01:01:27):
And she never asked, she never.
She said I won't Because I couldn't, I
didn't want to go there.
We moved to Nashville in 2001 and I very
quickly married a guy who was a good friend
that I made an American boy he was.

(01:01:47):
I still feel the same way about him today
as I felt back then.
We were married for five years and five
years into our marriage I signed another
record deal in Nashville and I was busy
going with the record company through song
selections and all of this stuff and I
heard two individuals having a conversation

(01:02:10):
about the man Boy Love Association and I
thought they were talking about me because
I didn't understand what the NAMBLA was
right.
And so they were talking about men having
sex with kids and how evil that is and
everything and why don't kids just speak up?
And they were just talking and I was
listening to this conversation while I was
trying to pay attention to what was going

(01:02:30):
on with all these songs that we had to pick,
and something like a light switch just
flipped in me.
I can't explain it.
It was almost like everything had been
building up in my body and I couldn't hold
it anymore and I started crying standing
there and then the record company head said
well, are you okay?

(01:02:51):
And I said, no, I need to go, I need to go.
So I left the record company cried all the
way back home to who was now my ex-husband,
but went home and got home and I said you
have to call my mom, there's something that

(01:03:12):
I have to tell y'all.
And he said no, there's something that I
have to tell y'all.
And he said, no, you're going to tell me.
And I was standing in the kitchen and I
just kind of vomited In my mind what
happened to me in South Africa and
basically told him that I had lied about,
you know, being a virgin when we were

(01:03:34):
married, which I was not in the least, that
I wasn't the person that he married.
You know which I did?
I completely fabricated an entire story for
myself, because why would I not?
I was called by that name for so many years.
It's easier to do that than to be
transparent in who you are.
And he looked at me and he took his wedding

(01:03:55):
ring off and he handed it to me and he said
I will not be married to a liar.
You've lied our entire marriage and he
filed for divorce in weeks.
That was the first time that I shared what
happened.
So there's truth in that statement of oh,

(01:04:17):
they're not going to believe you or are you
going to be in trouble, because it takes a
very specific person to be able to hold
that kind of information and a story for
you to hold space for you.
And God bless him.
He just didn't have that and it was just
too much.
So then my mom came over and she was like

(01:04:39):
well, what's going on now?
And he's like well, why don't you let her
tell you?
And she's like you know what?
Why don't you call her brothers, because
they need to hear this, because you're not
going to believe.
What she did to me and I sat what she did
to me, what she did to me and I sat.
What she did to me, I sat.
So I'm very musical, you know always have a
lot of gear in studios and so a bunch of

(01:04:59):
Fender amps, you know guitar sitting, and
so I sat on a Fender amp and Yaku walked in
and he sat on the couch and he's like
what's going on?
You know, why are you guys coming from work?
What's going on?
And I just shared all of this stuff with me
and my mom literally, emotionally and
physically, crumbled into a ball in front
of me and I've never seen my brother cry.

(01:05:25):
Yaku sobbed and I was like why are they
crying?
Why Don't cry for me?
Why are you crying for me?
I don't want you to have sympathy for me,
because they were there.

Lara (01:05:38):
Right, because they were there.
I didn't understand it and they didn't stop
it.
They didn't protect you, but they would
have though.
I know, I know, but why did they cry?
Because they didn't protect you, right?
Because they couldn't bear it to know that
you went through so much pain.

Ilonka (01:05:58):
And it broke.
It broke my brother, yeah, it broke my mom,
my younger brother, who I was really close
with.
He just wanted to hug me.
He's like can I just sit next to you?
And I was like don't touch me, I don't want
any, I want gone, I want to leave.
I don't want the tears, I don't want the
sympathy, I just want to leave.

(01:06:21):
And that's when I attempted suicide,
because I couldn't sustain.
I couldn't sustain dealing with the weight
of their emotion yeah, when I couldn't even
deal with my own emotion, yeah and having
to relive it Right.

Lara (01:06:39):
I mean you were running from it.
You ran from it when you ran from your
family and then you ran from South Africa
and then it caught up with you.
Because you can't escape, you cannot run
from your past.
You have to turn and face.
You can't do it, it doesn't work.
No, it doesn't.
You cannot run from your past.
You have to turn and face.
You can't do it, it doesn't work?

Ilonka (01:06:57):
No, it doesn't.
So the divorce happened.
Praise God, I didn't die.
Went into a psychiatric hospital for two
weeks.

Lara (01:07:04):
What did you do?

Ilonka (01:07:07):
Drank pills, Drove in my beetle bug, Took
any pills that I could find.
That was prescription, my mom's
prescriptions, Ex-husband's prescriptions,
just prescription.
I had no prescriptions because I was sick.
But I just took prescriptions and dumped
them in my lap and ate them like candy and
started feeling very delusional.

(01:07:27):
And I called the record company who I was
signed to who's now my husband, Bill, by
the way.
He called me to check in on me because I'd
left and disappeared and never went back
and he thought I was drunk because I was
slurring my words.
And he said where are you?
And I was like I don't know.
I am, I don't know, driving to the hospital.

(01:07:49):
And he said well, do you think you could,
maybe if I send you somewhere, do you think
maybe you can get checked out, just so we
can make sure that you're okay?
And it was to the hospital and the closest
hospital was Centennial Hospital and just
close to Vanderbilt.

Lara (01:08:02):
And he convinced me and sat on the phone
with me and they involuntarily admitted me
on my stomach, and then I went into the
psychiatric hospital um, wasn't there a
time when you were running through the
traffic when Iaco?

Ilonka (01:08:18):
Yes, I'll tell you about that.
Yeah, that was my second suicide attempt.
What happened?
This was probably I'm making my time right,
this was a year and a half after the first
attempt, right?
Um, I started trauma therapy in Nashville.

(01:08:38):
If you signed in Nashville music cares the
Grammy organization, music cares will pay
for your therapy, and there was a trauma
therapist Porter's Call in Franklin that I
started doing therapy with and through
music cares.
That would pay for my therapy because it's
so expensive.
It's like 150 an hour or 200 an hour for
trauma therapy.
But when you first start walking through
trauma therapy, you it's very difficult to

(01:09:00):
self-identify as a victim, because you
don't want to be seen as a victim.
You want to be the strong individual and so
you had to be to survive it, right.
But when they start pulling on that thread,
that you are a victim.
It's undoing to your soul.
Yes, it's very undoing and it's very
exposing and you don't know how you should
feel and you're exhausted and you want to

(01:09:21):
sleep all the time.
You know.
After therapy and I started dating Bill and
Bill said to me because Bill's been a
believer since he was 17.
Me, because Bill's been a believer since he
was 17.
And I was raised in church but my mind
couldn't understand how can the God of the
universe be here?
And all of this stuff happened to me.
There's a disconnect.
This cannot be right.

(01:09:42):
Maybe God wasn't there for me, he was there
for other people.
I don't know.

Lara (01:09:45):
Of course, when you go through all of that
Right Now, I know it's different.

Ilonka (01:09:48):
Right.
And so he came to me and he said listen, a
very good friend of mine called he's a
pastor in Franklin and he invited us to
come to church.
And I laughed at him I'm like you're
kidding, right?
I'm not going to go to church.
Do I look like a church person?
I'm not a church person.
I don't go to church.

(01:10:09):
I know God's there, but I'm this guy, I
don't go to church.
You know, I wear mini skirts and push up
bras and I don't go to church.
You know, don't ask me to go to church with
you.
And he's like we're going to church and I'm
like I'm not going to church.
I've gone through a divorce.
You've gone through a divorce.
You know you're older than me.

(01:10:30):
I'm not going to church.

Lara (01:10:35):
He, you know you're older than me, I'm not
going to church.
It's like we're going to church.

Ilonka (01:10:38):
So I went to church in fishnet stockings
and a mini skirt, with my hair as big as to
a Presbyterian church, mind you, not even
to an Episcopal or an Adam Methodist Like
that, at least, would have been like yay,
celebrate you.
No, it was like a Presbyterian church.
And we walked in and the pastor met us and
he said hey, I'm Scott and I'm a
singer-songwriter too, but I'm the pastor
here.
I'm so glad you're here and listen.

(01:10:58):
We want you to sit up front so you can pay
attention.
And I was like, okay.
And we walked to the front and a lady by
the name of Jane Haynes and I talk about
her in my book she came up to me and she
said you're not American, are you?
And I said no, I'm South African.
She said you know what you look like?
A lot of fun.
Why don't you come and sit next to me,
because I like to have fun?

(01:11:18):
And I was like, okay, okay, I'll sit next
to you, but sitting in that church that day
I heard Scotty Smith, who's a very
well-known pastor in Franklin, who has
served the music community for many, many,
many years.
Well-respected pastor.

(01:11:38):
He started talking about the man named
Jesus, who is the person of grace, who
presents you with grace, who says whatever
you've been through, I've got the salve and
the sap for your life.
No matter what you've gone through, I will
meet you as a friend.
That there is a million ways to come to
Jesus, but one way to the Father.
That there is a million ways to come to
Jesus but one way to the Father.
And I didn't understand that and I wanted
it.
I was like this man sounds amazing.

(01:12:00):
I would love to have a friend like that.
I want to have a friend that looks at me
and says I don't want anything from you, I
don't expect anything from you.
You don't have to have sex with me, you
don't even have to say anything if you
don't want to.
We can just sit here and I'm still going to
love you and like you.
You know, and I didn't like myself.
I didn't even know how I liked eggs up
until I was 28 years old, because I was so

(01:12:23):
removed from the person, from my own body,
and we left the church and I felt all the
guilt and the shame coming up in me and
that I'm never going to be able to get
where coming up in me and that I'm never
gonna be able to get where that pastor was
talking about.
I'm never gonna be able to meet that Jesus
and have that friend in my life.
We got to Bill's house.

(01:12:43):
I got into a massive argument with him
because when you go through high T trauma,
it's very difficult to cry and you have to
expel a lot of energy or create these
massive dramatic moments to be able to cry
right.
And I wanted to cry but I couldn't.
So if I fought with him then I could cry
right.

(01:13:04):
So I picked a fight with him and I started
fighting with him and I took a walking
stick that he had made when he was in high
school, that he crafted God bless him, it's
still broken and I smashed his windows in
of his sports car.
I smashed the whole thing, you know, like a
crazy girl, you know that has lost her mind.

(01:13:25):
And because that's really where I was and I
tore my church dress and I took off,
running, running into the streets.
He lived on a busy road, hoping that a car
would hit me because I didn't want to live.

Lara (01:13:39):
I really just didn't want to live.
You were running right into the traffic,
yep and.

Ilonka (01:13:43):
Bill tackled me, like tackled me, lifted me
up like you would lift up a child, and he
carried me in my Victoria Sec Secret back
into the house and he sat me in the foyer.
He told the neighbors to stop looking and
he closed the door and he knelt next to me

(01:14:03):
and he put his hand on my back and I was
sobbing and he said Lord, I don't know what
else to do for her.
Have you ever been in a situation like that,
laura, when you've had a person in your
life where you're like I don't know how to
help this person?
I pray, I give them resources, I send them
to therapy, I pay for it, I, I give and I
give, but nothing's changing.

(01:14:25):
And that's where I was.
And Bill got up to make sure that the
neighbors really were just not walking over,
calling the police.
And this is just how it happened for me,
laura.
It's different for everybody, but I heard
Bill walked away.
I audibly heard God call my name and he

(01:14:47):
just said Ilonka, why will you not cry to
me?
Why will you not ask me to help you?
You've tried to book the secret.
You've tried positive thinking, you've
tried all this therapy, all this stuff,
sleep therapy, all of it why will you not

(01:15:09):
turn to me?
And I said in arrogance but also in extreme
desperation if you are the Jesus that that
pastor was talking about today, then come
into this house, come to me and please come
and help me and don't send some mystical
angel thing, because that's just going to

(01:15:29):
scare me.
Why I said that.
I don't know why I said that, but come help
you.
Come.
I felt a peace, come over me.
Bill came back, got me up, he moved me to
the couch and then he put a blanket over me
because I was still just in underwear and

(01:15:50):
just trying to wrap his head around what
had just happened and I fell asleep and he
left me to sleep and I slept for 18 hours
and I'm not someone that sleeps for 18
hours, but he left me Because I think God
gave him understanding of how exhausted I
was from.

Lara (01:16:07):
You'd been fighting since you were 12 years
old, since that first rape.
Yes.
Fighting fighting, fighting, fighting,
fighting to stay alive, fighting to, to
stay sane, fighting to stay whole, fighting
everything and when I woke up from that I
had zero depression.

Ilonka (01:16:26):
now, laura, depression was like a second
person that lived with me for 12 years.
It was a thing with me, like it is really a
spirit that goes with you.
You feel the weight of it, it lives with
you, it talks to you it never leaves you.
It's right there.
It's like the invisible man behind the
curtain.
It's always there and I couldn't shake it,

(01:16:47):
no matter what I did.
But when I woke up after 18 hours I was
like, oh wow, I felt the way I felt when I
was 10.
When the sun was shiny, I could hear birds
outside, I'm like.
So then I walked outside to go and find
Bill and I found Bill.
He was working on his car in the driveway.
I found him and he kind of stared at me
like what are you?

Lara (01:17:10):
getting ready to do.
He's like there's nothing left in my sports
car.
What are you going to do now?

Ilonka (01:17:13):
What are you going to do?
And I'm like I'm so sorry about what
happened last night, but something happened.
I heard a voice.
So I think I'm bipolar, I think because I
had enough therapy to where you can
self-diagnose, of course.
He's like what do you mean a voice?
It's like do I need to like pray?
I'm like no, actually I think I heard God

(01:17:34):
call my name and then I asked him to help
me and Bill grew up Baptist.
He's like well, that sounds like a
salvation prayer to me.
And I'm like what you cannot be Dutch
Reformed, we're elect.
You know, god elects you.
Dutch Reformed Church is very different.
It's very different.
It's not the salvation prayer.
We don't do that.
And I'm like well, what is that?
And he goes well, that's when you surrender

(01:17:55):
your life to Jesus.
And I fell to my knees on the concrete
pavement and I said I pulled him down.
I said can you pray that prayer?
Because this is the first day in many years
that I actually want to live.
Well, I don't want to die.

(01:18:17):
Well, I don't wake up with thoughts of
dying.
Can you pray this?
He's like well, if you did that, you don't
have to do it again.
I'm like pray with me.
He's like you don't have to do that.
I'm like you don't understand.
I woke up for more than 12 years wanting to
die every day.
Today, I don't want to die.
Whatever happened in that room last night
needs to happen again.
Okay, you got to pray.
I don't want to let it go.
I made him pray with me every day for more
than six months because I was.

(01:18:38):
I was clinging like don't let go of me,
don't you dare let go of me, don't you dare
let go of me.
And then I noticed that I saw trees.
You know, laura, I did not see trees for 12
years.
Why?
Trees?
Creation, any creation.
I didn't hear birds sing.
For 12 years, anything that wasn't directly

(01:18:59):
tied to me surviving like tunnel vision.
I didn't see.
I didn't see God's creation, didn't notice
it, didn't recognize it, didn't hear birds
sing.
I heard two birds sing in rhythm and I knew
that I'd not heard birds because I'd missed
it.
Yes, I knew that I'd not seen trees because
I'd missed it.

(01:19:21):
I was in such disbelief that I walked to a
hundred year oak tree and hugged it because
I didn't think it was real.
I thought it was crazy and I told Bill I'm
like is that real, that tree?
And he said yes.
And I'm like, no, it's not.
He goes Lanka.
That's a tree.
I'm like I think I'm hallucinating and I
wasn't on drugs or anything Touched it.
And I'm like it's real.
And I'm like, oh, something really did

(01:19:43):
happen.
Something really did happen.
Now, I could not vocalize it to you then
you know when this happened, when I was in
my 20s.
Now I can tell you that God changed my mind.
He rewired the neurological pathway of my
brain to not have depression.
He took that away from me.
He removed that spirit from me.

(01:20:03):
He removed the majority of my anxiety from
me.

Lara (01:20:06):
It's like a demon.

Ilonka (01:20:07):
Oh, absolutely, it's like a demon that
lives with you, but, Laura, as a person who
was set free that day, there was many
things that still had to be changed.
That would only come as I started walking
out my faith with God like liking myself.
I still didn't like to look at myself in
the mirror, right?
I didn't want to know myself, right?

(01:20:30):
First time that I sat with like five
different ways that you make eggs to figure
out what kind of eggs I like, you know, and
I'm almost 30 and I'm figuring out what
kind of eggs I like.
It seems bizarre, right, but it's almost
like you go back to being the age that you
were when you were 12, and then you
emotionally grow Before everything changed

(01:20:50):
Because you stopped.
Your emotional growth stopped, yes, when
the rape happened.
So you have to go back and catch up.

Lara (01:20:56):
Everything stopped when the rape happened.
Everything stopped, right yeah.

Ilonka (01:20:59):
And this is why, when we talk about harsher
punishments for predators I'm a big
advocate for harsher punishments because
I'm like you have to understand that if a
child is raped at seven, their emotional
growth stops.
So if they start trauma therapy at 20, you
need to realize that part of that person,

(01:21:19):
even though they're a 20-year-old, you're
going to have to go back to when they were
seven because their body will go back to
when they were seven and you're going to
have to raise that person up to come
alongside the adult.
Now, right, and that's in trauma therapy.

(01:21:42):
What they do with you is they go back and
they raise up that child to walk along the
adult.
And it took me three years, from the time
that Jesus saved me to where I could share
my story the first time in a very
controlled environment done with questions.
That was better for me and therapists, and
it was Scotty Smith who interviewed me.
And the very first time I shared my story I
had multiple people line up who would come
and share their secrets and I had no idea
what to do with that, what to do with

(01:22:04):
people's hardship.
But I really realized that God sent me to
the United States to become a missionary.
That's why he allowed it for me to come
here so that I could be a missionary.
That's why he allowed it for me to come
here, so that I could be a missionary to
teach others that there's hope and that
there is freedom, and that there's freedom
in such a way to where you can have
ultimate forgiveness for the person who

(01:22:24):
raped you, for the person.
Lord, I have not an ounce, not one ounce of
hate for that man.
If he were to walk into this room today, I
could look at him and say what you did to
me was very wrong, because I was looking
for a father.
I wasn't looking for what you wanted to
give me, but I do hope that you can make

(01:22:45):
your life right with God, because even God
created you and I have complete forgiveness
for the monster that you are in my story.
And I don't hate him Really.
No, how does that happen, laura?
I don't know.
How can that happen?

Lara (01:23:01):
Right yeah.

Ilonka (01:23:02):
How can that happen?
Because we don't possess the gift of
forgiveness.
I can't give forgiveness to myself.
I can't make myself forgive anybody.
Forgiveness is between you and the creator
and it was always a misconception.
I can make myself forgive anybody.
Forgiveness is between you and the creator
and it was always a misconception.
I thought it was between me and my
ex-manager.
I'm like God showed me.

(01:23:26):
It's not.
It is a vertical, it's not horizontal.
It's a vertical transaction that happens
between you and God and he gives you the
portion of the forgiveness that you need
for that and that flows through you.
But it takes a long time to do it because I
wasn't ready.
I wanted to hate him, I wanted him to be
punished, and to every extent of the law,
and I still think that he should be
punished and all the others yes.
And that's why I filed charges against him.

(01:23:47):
I want him to be punished, but in my heart
I don't go to bed at night with
unforgiveness and carry that weight with me.
I don't want that weight because I have now
tasted and I've seen and I felt what true
freedom feels like.
There's nothing in your story, no event
that has happened to me, that I can't go to

(01:24:07):
my best friend, jesus, and talk to him like
he's a friend, sitting next to me, having a
cup of coffee with him and saying I've got
this thing in my life that is bugging me,
that is a thorn in my side that I can't get
rid of, and I know you can help me get rid
of this.
Because I refuse.
I refuse to be a victim.
I will not go through life being a victim

(01:24:29):
and teaching my kids to be victims.
No, I wanted to have a restored marriage.
I wanted to have a restored marriage.
I wanted to have normal sexual relations
with my husband, which I do, which I do not
cringe off.
I do not have to turn the light off.
I have a great marriage.
I have great intimacy with my husband.
We have three beautiful kids that God has
placed us with.
That's unbelievable, and that's only

(01:24:51):
because of the power of God, that's the
light that shines from you.

Lara (01:24:55):
Yeah.

Ilonka (01:24:56):
It's not me, Laura.
I was just willing to say I'm not going to
be a victim.
I'm not going to be so comfortable with
what I know and be too afraid of the
uncomfortable to step into the
uncomfortable Because people think that
counseling and trauma therapy is going to
kill you.
It's not.
If I can give you an image, it's like
walking through a house that is on fire,

(01:25:18):
Like every wall is on fire, Around you, the
floor, everything's on fire and you have to
walk through that fire, but it never burns
you and you make it there.
That's what trauma therapy is like you walk
through it and you make it and you are a
much better person, healthier, stronger.
Part of the one to 3% of people who are

(01:25:40):
like us that can sit here and say there's
hope, there's healing.
You don't have to be a victim.
You don't have to be a stripper in a strip
club.
You don't have to sell your body.
You can say, no, I have done it.
There's hope for you, there's freedom for
you.
See, it's just unbelievable.

Lara (01:25:56):
This is why we fight, I know, but it's just
breathtaking your story and your strength
and your beauty.
You're so beautiful, but you know, it's not
just that physical beauty, it's that beauty
that comes, that shines from within you,
that incredible person that you are.

Ilonka (01:26:16):
Well, thank you, laura, and you know, the
concept of God in healing is not new right
A-A-N-A higher power.

Lara (01:26:24):
No, but underrated Right, I would say
seriously underrated.

Ilonka (01:26:29):
But I can tell you this much, though it
wasn't until the man and the person that is
grace that is Jesus Christ came into my
story that everything worked, Every trauma
counseling, therapy session that I
everything just worked.

Lara (01:26:44):
Yes, all these things you tried before that
didn't work.
Yeah, they don't work on their own Right
like the secret, the book.

Ilonka (01:26:51):
Is it a bad book?
No, do I agree with the book?
Absolutely not.
But is it actually a biblical principle to
take your mind captive and to put your mind
on positive things?
In the Bible, yes, it is.
There's actual scriptural truth to that
right.
But God also says this.
He says 2 Corinthians 1.4,.
I've comforted you, ilonga, and you, laura,

(01:27:14):
with what you have gone through, because
you have a calling now to go forth and
comfort someone else with what I comforted
you from.
We've got to pay it forward.
My story is never for me just to hold on
and to hoard and to keep no.
By sharing it, I get to glorify God.
First of all, I get to inspire someone else
to speak up and let God glorify their story

(01:27:37):
so that they can do the same thing as what
I'm doing, because they matter to Him and
you are.

Lara (01:27:41):
Are you working with Yako in to combat
trafficking?

Ilonka (01:27:44):
absolutely fiercely.
Yes, I'm the director of advocacy for uh
JVM which is Yako Boyne's ministries.
Yako Boyne's ministries.
Yes and um, I am a staff writer for him, so
we we write.
I write op-eds editorials for different
things going on in the country, and
everything touches on child protective
rights and how to give parents their rights

(01:28:06):
back and protect kids and keep pornography
out of the reach of kids.

Lara (01:28:12):
I've written two, which is a big thing
today with technology and phones and all
that I've written two amicus briefs, both
of the Supreme Court.

Ilonka (01:28:21):
The first one was heard.
Arguments were heard in the Free Speech
Coalition case versus Pax and AG Pax of
Texas, where the state of Texas said we
have to have age verification.
We have to have age verification for
hardcore porn sites.
Yes, and Free Speech Coalition have filed
lawsuits all across the nation saying no,
we don't because minors should have the

(01:28:47):
right to view pornography.

Lara (01:28:48):
It's yeah.
These people are just evil.
They're evil, they really are unspeakable
and they have got to.
I can't believe they can get away with
saying they're free speech advocates.
No, they're not.

Ilonka (01:28:55):
They're not at all how is expressing
yourself sexually a freedom of speech?
That's nonsense.
It is nonsense.
You want to express yourself as an adult
man watching hardcore pornography of people
almost killing each other online.

Lara (01:29:11):
You think that 11-year-olds should have
access to that?
No.

Ilonka (01:29:15):
No, but in your fright to upload your ID,
well, you know what Then?
You shouldn't do stuff in secret like that.
So we're fighting this case.
We went to DC.
I was at the Supreme Court for the hearing.
We did it.
We filed another amicus in a different case.
It's not age verification, but it is to not
take parental rights away for kids who are

(01:29:36):
subject to LGBTQ curriculum in schools.
So we're fighting that case because the
state of Maryland did take the parental
rights away and so we're fighting that case
Supreme Court and that's being heard on
April 22nd.
So I'm writing, speaking just trying to
raise awareness, writing curriculum to
educate parents.
And still singing.

(01:29:56):
Yeah, I love to sing.
Yes, the project with Yaku, my brother made
him sing with me on a project, forced him
to, forced him to, to show what a victim
goes through you know just from a different
medium what a victim goes through.
And I still love to sing and so we did it
through a song.
It's called Angel and it is the perspective

(01:30:17):
of a victim who was just rescued and she's
having a conversation with her rescuer, who
was dying, and she's saying I see you as an
angel.
Can I pick your halo up off the ground?
And he's saying I'm not an angel, I'm just
someone who helped you.
And she asks questions about God and she
petitions him to go and talk to God on her
behalf.

(01:30:38):
And it's beautiful.
It's a beautiful song.
You look beautiful Well thank you, but it's
a very different.
Look for you, you've got all the writing
all over your arms as you know I don't have
any tattoos no tattoos.

Lara (01:30:50):
I know when I saw that, I was like Ilonka,
I didn't know, you had tattoos.
And then, of course, when you start in the
video to wash it off, I was like, oh yeah,
now I, of course, that makes sense.
Yes, which?

Ilonka (01:31:01):
is to symbolize what Jesus did in my life.
When he, when he washes us right Because he
really does all of those negative words
that we think about ourselves Like we are
torn, we're broken, we are, we are damaged
goods, we're unworthy, we're unloved he

(01:31:21):
changes all of that into saying you feel
unloved, but I've loved you before you were
born.
You feel dirty, but I say that I washed you
clean.
You feel that you don't have value, but I
sent my son to stand in your place.
You say that no one listens, but I have an
intercessor for you that prays for you
daily, even when you don't pray.
God has a counter, a positive counter, to
every negative thing that we can think
about ourselves, and God really does.
He restores your mind through that and it

(01:31:42):
is a process.
It doesn't happen overnight, but it's a
beautiful thing.

Lara (01:31:47):
So when you see all the news about P Diddy
and Epstein and all of that, what do you?

Ilonka (01:31:53):
think Well, I see corrupt, I see men who
made a choice at some point in their career
to be corrupt.
So I wouldn't be surprised if it comes out
that P Diddy was a victim first and then he
decided that he was going to, you know,
step into that recruiting role, which we
know he did, and he became, you know,
someone who has gained authority and power.
But make no mistake, Laura, he is pretty

(01:32:13):
low in this whole pyramid of trafficking.
Why?

Lara (01:32:16):
do you say that?

Ilonka (01:32:17):
Because it goes very far up.
Entertainment, the entertainment,
entertainment industry, it's a means to an
end.
The entertainment industry is only there to
satisfy a financial or a deal need, always.
So if they want to, let's say you have a
sitting official in a city, or a senator or

(01:32:39):
a representative of the house, you know, or
someone in a big financial organization who
is part of this corrupt trafficking system,
you know who has a need to have sex with
kids, a very sick need.
They will cut backdoor deals to say, okay,
I'm going to allow you this funding on this
lobbyist bill or this, whatever you want,

(01:33:02):
or I want mineral rights in this country,
but you need to send one of your prized
entertainers to come and do a private
concert for me.
Now, that entertainer might not be the one
having sex with whoever this person is, but
they cut deals.
So entertainment is always a means to an
end.
It's used.
The entertainment industry is always used
to facilitate end.
It's used.
The entertainment industry is always used

(01:33:22):
to facilitate deals.
And so P Diddy is low.
He is like one of the what I like to call
them regional managers of the entertainment
and he's already been replaced probably.

Lara (01:33:33):
Wow.

Ilonka (01:33:34):
So the question is why did he lose his
protection?
He lost his protection for a reason, right?
I don't know what the answer to that is.
Same as with Jeffrey Epstein he lost his
protection for a reason, right?
I don't know what the answer to that is.
Same as with Jeffrey Epstein he lost his
protection.

Lara (01:33:44):
right, that's a very good way to put it,
and we know that Epstein was an informant
right and we know there's allegations that
Sean Combs was also an informant right.

Ilonka (01:33:53):
So they lost their federal protection for
some kind of reason and they were oust.
And now that happened to Epstein.
And now P Diddy is in prison or he's
waiting for his hearing.

Lara (01:34:05):
So one of the things that really bothers
people about the whole Epstein-P Diddy
thing is that you have these people, you
also have Gisela and Maxwell, who you know
trafficked all of these people, but yet you
don't see the victims.
Why do you think that is?

Ilonka (01:34:24):
Multiple reasons.
They could have active threats on their
lives.
Some of them have come forward in lawsuits
anonymously to where their names are being
kept.
I mean there's hundreds of people on the
PDD list victims, hundreds of them that
will probably come out in the lawsuit.
But I mean you want to protect victims'
names.
Some have come out publicly.

(01:34:45):
But the scrutiny, laura, because you have
half of the people are going to say I'm so
sorry, this happened to you.
The other half of the people are going to
say, well, you deserve this or you wanted
this or so the scrutiny is unbelievable.

Lara (01:34:59):
Or you're lying.

Ilonka (01:35:05):
Or you're lying.
I mean, how could you?
Could you?
Yes, there's always two sides to the thing,
and you have very brave women like Miss
Carter that has come out and boldly
speaking up about her story.
And she, there's scrutiny for her, and and
so you're like, well, what's going to
happen?
Yes, there's threat to her life.
There's been threats to her life, you know.
Are they going to hurt her?
What's going to happen?
There's threats to her life.
There's been threats to her life.
Are they going to hurt her?
Is truth going to prevail?
Is she going to stand?
And so I think, for the majority of victims,

(01:35:27):
they don't want to be known, and I get that.
I wouldn't have wanted.
I never picked to be a speaker of this.
God picked me to be a missionary, to go
forth and speak about stuff like this.
I did file charges against a man, my
manager.
My husband pretended to be a talent buyer
to buy a girl and got the information.

(01:35:48):
I've spent a lot of time investigating it
and got it and we went back to South Africa
and we filed charges.
And I did that because I can't stand in
front of the youth kids in high school or
stand in front of women and say I need you
to speak up if something is happening in
your home.
If I wasn't willing to speak up, right.

(01:36:08):
So I wanted to portray courage, that if I
can do it, you can do it and even though
that's an open case, because I don't have
the resources to fight it, I still went and
filed charges.

Lara (01:36:22):
It's the principle that you did what you
could.
Yeah, yes, yep.

Ilonka (01:36:27):
So I try to raise as much awareness and our
beautiful scars and we're wearing the
beautiful shirts.

Lara (01:36:33):
Yes, the shirt that you gave me, which is
by the South African designer, right?
Yes, Carla Caballera.

Ilonka (01:36:39):
We collaborated on the silk scarf and JBM.

Lara (01:36:41):
that's your brother.

Ilonka (01:36:42):
Yes, we collaborated on the silk scarf to
give moms and women a visceral textile
fabric that they could either wear or tie
to their hand back to say I fight
trafficking and I am fighting trafficking
for my kids or I'm fighting it for my
nieces or for my grandkids, and this is
going to be a symbol that we have four

(01:37:05):
designs that we roll out each year and that
you can wear to say as a reminder like I'm
always going to keep my kids safe, I'm
going to be informed, I'm going to stay on
top of the technology battle that we're
having with our kids' iPads and iPhones and
with how kids are being trafficked and
reached through that and how they're being
manipulated through that and emotionally

(01:37:26):
abused through it.
This is going to be a reminder for me to
never stop fighting for my kids and for the
kids of the world and the kids of America
to fight.
And so Carla is a very good friend of mine
and she's also South African.
She's also South African from Cape Town.
I can't wait to meet her you will.
Her sister-in-law was murdered in the drug

(01:37:51):
trafficking trade in Australia and her name
is Renee, beautiful soul, and this is why
this is called the Renee Freedom Scarf.
This is amazing.
It's not just about my story.
It's about your story, her story and so
many people who have endured the abuse that
we have gone through and have experienced
high T trauma and we don't want our kids to

(01:38:13):
have this.
You want to protect your kids.

Lara (01:38:16):
I want to protect my kids and we didn't
talk about this before.
But in case people want to buy these or
find these, how?

Ilonka (01:38:24):
can they?
Yes, we have the link for them and it's
available on helpjbmorg.

Lara (01:38:30):
So we can put that on there, we can put
that at the end of the show and on the
website, so people if they want to find
them.

Ilonka (01:38:35):
And also on Carla Caballero's the Caballero
collection as well.
But we do have a link for it.

Lara (01:38:43):
You know, there was so much I wanted to
talk to you about, but I honestly feel like
I just feel like you have to come back
because it's so, it's so big.
Yeah, you know, I feel like I just

(01:39:08):
everything.
I mean, I feel like I've been hit by a
truck.

Ilonka (01:39:15):
I'm sorry, it's a lot.

Lara (01:39:16):
No, no, no, don't be sorry.
I'm sure people listening to this will feel
the same way.
You know that all of this happens.
You read all the headlines about Diddy and
all of that, but it's all true, though,
laura.

Ilonka (01:39:31):
Like what people are coming out with about
the Diddy parties, it's not a lie.
It really happens like that, and the more
fame there is to it, the more elite it is,
and the wider it goes, and the more
reckless they get with this kind of stuff
that they're doing.

Lara (01:39:47):
Yes, and I just.
It's incredible how you have, what you have
overcome and what you're doing now to reach
so many people, and your brother is one of
the most impressive people I know.
I love him like a brother too.
He's an amazing person From the moment I

(01:40:08):
met him and he does so much in the world of
counter-trafficking, and this is something
that I also feel called to by God, who's
led me all my life and when I was too
stupid to know it.
I understand that.

(01:40:31):
I know you saw the episode we did with
Pastor Leon Benjamin and he was sitting
there in that chair and he was talking
about seeing a portal open up and he said
God wants to know, wants a request from you,
he wants to grant this request from you.
And when he said it, I thought what am I
going to ask for?
Because my life hasn't been easy, but I've

(01:40:52):
been given so much in my life, so much love
and so many things beautiful children, all
those things and I thought what am I going
to ask for?
What am I going to ask for?
And then, when he looked at me for the
answer, I just said no more children, no

(01:41:15):
more.
This has to stop.
What happened to you has to stop.
Can't have the Man-Boy Love Association of
America.
It can't exist.
You can't allow that under the guise of
freedom of speech.
You have to stand for something in your
life and I very much grew up of this

(01:41:37):
mindset that my children are part of Be
tolerant towards people, don't judge people,
accept everybody, live and let live.
And you're seduced into this because if you
have a kind heart and if you believe in
respecting people and treating and, like I

(01:41:58):
do, born to see all people as equal, all
people are equal for me.
And then you realize you've been seduced
because you are supposed to stand for
something.
It's a ruse.
I know you are and it's not okay.

Ilonka (01:42:15):
You've got to stand for something, laura,
you have to.

Lara (01:42:17):
And all people sure are equal, but some
things are not okay, no, and you have to
stand against them.
And we people sure are equal, but some
things are not okay.

Ilonka (01:42:21):
No.
And you have to stand against them, and we
all have a decision to make and,
unfortunately, some of us make horrible
decisions.
Does that mean that God doesn't love that
person?
No, god hates the decision you're making.
He loves you because he created you.
But the decision that you're making is
wrong and we who have a good moral compass
to this fight cannot just say, oh, you're a

(01:42:44):
broken person and we're just going to allow
this.
No, we're not.
You need help.
You need help and healing.
We want that for you and, by the way, we
provide all of these resources at JVM.

Lara (01:42:53):
If you go to our website.

Ilonka (01:42:54):
yes, we provide all of the resources for
you.
If you are someone who's addicted to
pornography, I'm very sorry that you're
addicted to pornography.
I'm not going to judge you for that, but
you need help.
It needs to stop and you need help.
If you're someone actively abusing a child,
I'm not going to judge you for that, but
it's going to stop.
You have to stop.
You got to get help.
You have to.
That child deserves a different life.
You cannot continue doing that.

Lara (01:43:16):
No, no and no and we can't continue this
cycle of the abused becomes the abuser.
We can't, yeah, we can't make it normal.
No, we can't make that normal and be like
oh well, you know, like you said, he's dead,
he is probably abused.
Okay, he's probably abused, but what are we
doing to break that cycle?

Ilonka (01:43:35):
Yes, we can't just say, because you've been
abused, now you can do this.
No, okay, I have compassion, for if you
went through something, but at some point
you made a decision to corrupt yourself and
when you made that decision, you became
part of the problem.
And now, because you're part of the problem,
we're going to have to fight against you.
That is what Senator Ted Cruz is doing in
Texas.
The whole Take it Down Act.
Right, take this junk down, take it down.
We don't want our kids to see pornography.

(01:43:56):
Right.
Which is the same thing that we do at the
Supreme Court Freedom of speech coalition
fighting against HBACs and saying we don't
want HBACification, we want free porn for
everybody.
In Texas, senator Cruz says take it down,
we want it down across the nation.

Lara (01:44:10):
And there's no such thing as free.
No, Someone's paying for that and you're
paying for it.

Ilonka (01:44:15):
And money actually the currency of money
doesn't even compare to the emotional
damage it does to an individual.
The cost of what you go through emotionally
far outweighs any monetary value.

Lara (01:44:27):
Or the currency of sex, or the currency of
sex, especially when it comes to children.

Ilonka (01:44:31):
Yes, we just cannot stand for this, and I
will not.

Lara (01:44:37):
No, we can't stand for it and we've become
a society that says, oh well, you know?
I mean, kids are trafficked, isn't it
terrible?
And then we move on Right and we don't feel
any responsibility and sometimes people
don't know what to do, and that's fine.

Ilonka (01:44:54):
But it begins with knowing who you are
Right and standing for something Right and
with your own story, like Right and
standing for something Right, and with your
own story Like what have you gone through
in your life?
Everybody has things in their life.
Everyone has a story.
Even if you can't relate to trafficking,
you've gone through something in your life
where you've needed help.

Lara (01:45:12):
Yes, everybody needs help.

Ilonka (01:45:13):
Everybody needs help and even just on that
simple principle, you can relate that
someone else might need help in a different
situation than you, but they need help.
Right and make no mistake the enemy is
coming after our children.
Oh, without a doubt, satan is coming after
our children, very, very fierce and fast
From every direction, and we have no choice,

(01:45:34):
as parents, to say we are going to protect
our kids.
You cannot sit on the sidelines anymore
Because, remember, lucifer was jealous of
God.
He was jealous of God and he wanted to be
God.
And God said you cannot be that, you are
condemned to earth.
He hates God with a passion.
He hates anything that God ever created
that is beautiful, and he knows that the

(01:45:56):
only sin that evokes shame in the human
body is sex Through rape, incest,
molestation, gang rape, all of that.
It invokes shame, and if you have shame in
your life, you cast your eyes down.
You cannot lift them up to God.
And that is what we have to break and give
people hope and healing and freedom for and
protect our children from, because we don't

(01:46:19):
want them to feel this.
No, we don't want them to feel this no we
don't want them to feel this.

Lara (01:46:23):
And you are truly such a powerful symbol of
what it means to walk in the light of God
and to overcome and to have joy.
You know, that's one of the things I love
about you.
Well, thank you.
You do have such joy still.

Ilonka (01:46:45):
Oh, yes, I mean you're happy?

Lara (01:46:46):
Yeah, very happy, goofy happy.
Which is amazing.
You see these terrible things and you think
that there can never be light after that
amount of darkness.

Ilonka (01:46:57):
But it's not true, oh, but Jesus, you know
God's amazing, and Laura you, how strong
you are.
The fact that you can sit here and have a
conversation this long with me about this
topic shows me that God has anointed you
with a heart.
You know to hold stories, and we know what
an amazing journalist you are and how you
investigate stories.
But for you to hold such devastation, even

(01:47:20):
going through your own story, many people
are going to run from that, you know.

Lara (01:47:24):
So thank you for listening and for giving
me the chance to hear I want to come back.
We're definitely going to have you back,
and we need to have your brother too.
Yes, absolutely.

Ilonka (01:47:32):
We'll do it.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much for having me.
I love you.
I love you too.

Lara (01:47:38):
Thank you so much for watching and, as
always, for being willing to go rogue with
Lara Logan and Alanka Deaton.
We'll leave details on the website because
I'm sure that there will be a lot of people
curious to know more and, as always, you
can go to laralogancom, like subscribe, do

(01:47:59):
whatever all that stuff is, and thank you
so much.

Luke (01:48:08):
Alonka, would you bless us with a prayer?
I mean, this is incredible testimony.

Ilonka (01:48:13):
Yeah, sure, jesus' freedom.

Luke (01:48:15):
just a prayer over what you shared and just
because you're a story of redemption and
finding freedom and also you're exposing it
says Luke 8, 17, that God is revealing all
the hidden things and he's using you to do
that.
And, Laura, so would you lead us in prayer?

Ilonka (01:48:39):
Father, god, lord, first of all, thank you
that you're so faithful, lord, to redeem
stories, to heal the broken, to always be a
light in the darkness and a voice in the
chaos and the noise.
Lord, I first of all just wanna pray for
Laura's heart, lord.
This is heavy stuff, lord, but you are in
the tough stuff, god and Father.

(01:49:00):
I pray that you would make her heart calm,
that you would give her stuff, lord, but
you are in the tough stuff, god and Father.
I pray that you would make her heart calm,
that you would give her peace, lord, that
you would give her wisdom and knowledge,
lord, and how to protect her own children,
lord, how to walk the story of trafficking
out.
Lord, and show her where you want her to
speak and how you want her to speak and
when you want her to speak.
Father, about this, father, I also just

(01:49:20):
want to pray a blessing, lord, over this
podcast.
Lord and Father, I just call forth, lord, a
favor to remain this favor for this podcast,
lord, father, that you would bring the
masses to hear, to be restored and to be
redeemed.
Lord, father, I pray that you would bless
Laura's marriage, lord, that you would
bless her crew, lord, that you would allow
her to go forth.

(01:49:41):
Lord, be a voice.
Lord for the voiceless, to be a protector.
Lord to expose what you want her to expose.
Lord, give her fresh eyes and fresh ears as
she's doing her investigative work.
Lord to see things that no man can see.
Father, holy Spirit work through her and we
thank you for our time and thank you for
this blessed time Honestly, jesus.

(01:50:02):
Bless them.
Bless them with everything you've got, amen.

Lara (01:50:05):
In Jesus' name, amen, thank you.

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Trafficked in the Music Industry: One On One with Ilonka Deaton | Episode 6

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Trafficked in the Music Industry: One On One with Ilonka Deaton | Episode 6