July 11, 2025 • 31 mins
In this episode of How I Ally, host Lucinda Koza sits down with Beth Giannobile, a peer support specialist with Mom2Mom, a New Jersey-based helpline for caregivers of individuals with disabilities. Beth shares her powerful journey from caller to counselor and explains how peer support can break the cycle of isolation so many parents feel after a diagnosis.
Together, they explore the emotional toll of caregiving, the unique magic of connecting with someone who’s “been there,” and the importance of centering caregiver wellness. With insights from Rutgers Behavioral Health’s Matthew Buragina, this conversation shines a light on a model of care that’s quietly transforming lives.
If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or alone in your parenting journey—this episode is for you.
In This Episode:
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How Mom2Mom matches callers with peers who truly understand
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What happens when the village shrinks—and how to rebuild it
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The power of lived experience in support services
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Why self-care is more than solo grocery runs
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The ripple effect of a single phone call
Resources Mentioned:
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Learn more: www.mom2mom.us.com
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Call the helpline: 1-877-914-MOM2 (6662)
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Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care: https://ubhc.rutgers.edu
Funded by:
New Jersey Department of Children and Families
Division of Developmental Disabilities
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
welcome to how I Ally.
I'm Lucinda koza and I'm joined today by a very special guest.
And if you don't mind, would you please introduce yourself and give a little bit of a bio or backstory, if you will.
(00:21):
Hi listeners.
My name is Beth giannobile.
I am a peer support specialist with Mom to Mom.
Mom to Mom is a helpline for all New Jersey residents who are caregivers to young and older disabled people, their children, their brother, their nephew.
(00:45):
I've been with mom to mom for nine years now.
I was a caller first, and now I'm a peer specialist.
That's amazing.
When did you make that transition? Did you, was there a break? I was like many moms out there raising a disabled child, feeling isolated, wanted connection and understanding that I was not getting with my.
(01:17):
Personal circle of friends and or family members, while they love me and my daughter, they couldn't understand the burden and the hardship that raising a child with special needs puts on a caregiver.
So mom to Mom, um, is exactly that place.
(01:38):
To find the support.
It breaks the isolation.
It's a confidential place to cool and unload your heart.
The heaviness that you carry around in your heart because you have a child with special needs.
It is many times wonderful, but many times very, very.
(01:59):
Harrowing and you need somebody who can understand and we peer support specialists are that person we are uniquely suited to offer the support.
That our moms get from us where if the mom or dad, because while our name is mom to mom, we have a handful of dads, which I'm so proud of and happy for.
(02:25):
We have grandparents, we have aunts and uncles taking care of their.
Nieces or nephews who are disabled and their parent can't do it any longer.
But the beauty of mom to Mom is that when the caregiver finds the courage to call us based on their child's need or disability, we try to pair one of us with that cooler based on our experience.
(02:56):
I'm with mom to mom nine years, but I have a couple of coworkers who have been from the inception of mom to Mom and currently, personally, I have a caseload of 60.
Callers, my peers, I'm not even sure what their numbers are, but that's currently, over the stretch and the, of the history of mom to mom.
(03:17):
I don't know.
Matt, do we have a number that we could share? So I, I know 'cause we just had, our fiscal year ended at the end of June and I think for this year we opened up roughly 600 new cases.
So that's not everyone that we spoke to this year.
That's just new callers into the line this fiscal year.
That's, that has to be way beyond anyone's expectations.
(03:46):
It's word of mouth.
We're, we're really becoming a better known even after all this time and finding new sources to share.
Our program with like school systems, um, Medicaid, HMO providers support coordinators, um, and just other moms who call us.
(04:14):
They tell friends.
So it's a beautiful thing.
And just like any other business, if you're doing a good job, you're gonna share it with somebody else.
You know, when our callers are, make the leap of faith and give us a call, they finally decided for themselves they need some help.
(04:35):
And what we as a counselor do is provide a soft landing for them.
We offer to the best of our ability, empathy, providing that empathy builds trust.
Uh, when they decide they want ongoing support, we will call them once a week.
Okay.
(04:56):
Once every two weeks, once a month every day.
It seems in the morning, not in the morning, in the beginning.
Um mm-hmm.
The callers are in more of need.
They want more support.
So you're calling a little bit more frequently when they're a new client.
As that client ages with us, we call a little less frequently, and it's not just us calling them.
(05:21):
If they have a need, they can call into the line.
I.
After a, after they've been established as a client if I, as their peer am not available, they have free range to speak with any other peer.
And it's a wonderful thing because they know that they're gonna get supported as if they were talking with me.
(05:46):
So, since the caller knows.
That who they're speaking with, lived experience do, would you share your personal story with the caller or is that sort of at your discretion? It is at our discretion, but there is the beauty of becoming one with them.
(06:14):
By letting them know why my child's disability may not be exactly like your child.
The burden of, and the weight of doctor's appointments and not having friends or getting the stares and the looks by parents and other children.
Hmm.
They look a little different.
What's up? Yeah.
(06:35):
You share that if it's a way to relate and a way to bond.
Absolutely.
They wanna know, they wanna know that you are walking the walk too and talking the talk.
Not just, they could talk to their brother, sister, mother, aunt to get some kind of feedback.
When you talk with somebody who is, has experienced it, you wanna share that.
(06:57):
You wanna share it.
They wanna hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I imagine.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, what you said about.
Your family, although they love you and they love your child, there is an interesting, like distancing that kind of takes place.
(07:24):
Um, my 2-year-old daughter was diagnosed with autism in January.
Awesome.
And it's funny, I've been, uh, when I was first told about mom to mom, I, my like, initial reaction was like, oh, I have to call.
(07:45):
I can't do it.
Like it's too intimate.
But then it was like the second time I heard about it, and especially after.
Her diagnosis.
I was like, okay, this is incredible.
Especially because I really did feel that like shrinking of the village.
(08:13):
I, for whatever reason.
You are right.
It is intimate and the callers are not only talking about their child and the disability, the effect it has on the family, the effect it has on the marriage.
I.
Oh their depression, their anxiety, their loneliness, how they still need to go to family functions and are dreading it because every other two and 5-year-old at that party is, uh, has met the milestones and your child hasn't, and it hurts.
(08:47):
It's wrenching.
But you go because whatever.
Because you do.
Yeah.
And you suck it up and you, you come back and you love your child that much more because.
You have to celebrate them for what they can do and who they are not.
Not just my child's disabled.
If you let that drown you, that's exactly what it'll do.
(09:11):
But when you're in those wallowing moments, that's when you call your peer support counselor and share that intimate detail, um, it's a freeing moment for the caller and as the peer.
It's really fulfilling to know you've helped them.
(09:32):
It, it means.
Everything.
You could be saving someone's life, you know, you could be sa you that there's no ceiling to how much you could really be helping somebody.
Very true.
It's very true.
And.
We have had callers who were very distraught and should that happen, thankfully we have clinicians on staff who we can refer them to and have the clinician do a sort of, um, not a sort of an assessment to help them figure out just how bad it is and then to refer them to professional help.
(10:09):
Um, you know.
Yeah, that's.
I, I was just gonna say that's one of the biggest roles, or one of the biggest parts of the peer support role is kind of knowing where that role begins and ends.
And that's why the line is backed up by clinicians.
That way we know, okay, this is kind of going out of our lane.
We do need to look at some professional services here and make that recommendation.
(10:30):
And to be honest with you, a lot of times, um, it becomes a really good entry point to professional mental health services because you're kind of speaking with someone who understands what you're, what you may be struggling with.
And it, it's makes it a little bit more of a soft landing spot.
You've already kind of started opening up and it makes.
The, professional counseling a little bit less scary.
(10:52):
Yeah, that totally makes sense.
I was gonna say that once we establish a relationship with our caller, we work on other things.
It's not just a unloading, we help them understand.
That they're important, that they need care.
(11:14):
They need to care for themselves.
We focus on the caregiver.
We create goals together.
Sometimes they're met, sometimes they're abandoned, but to make sure that the caller knows them first, give, put some emphasis on them.
Praise them for their commitment and their effort they're putting into their child.
(11:36):
But.
Fill your own cup too.
They probably don't hear that enough or don't do it enough.
And so it's really absolutely wonderful.
Part of every conversation I have with every one of my clients is, what have you done for yourself lately? What do you want to do for yourself? What have you been thinking about doing? And whether it's with a partner or by themselves, it's fun to help.
(12:04):
Um, I.
Them figure out something they wanna do.
And you know, shopping without kids food, shopping without kids is not on that list.
While, well, you know, for some that might be all they get and if Right, that is what they choose.
Okay.
But I'm gonna hold your hand a little longer and help you.
(12:28):
Lift the shade and say, okay, let's find something else you can do too.
You know? Right.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, help, help them identify their own needs and guide them with whatever resources we can, uh, for their child.
(12:48):
That's a great fun part of the job.
We can do three-way calls with them to a resource they have been thinking about maybe not getting through.
Sometimes when you make that three-way call to an agency and they hear mom to mom, I think they sit up a little straighter and take notice.
And then I say, I have with me on the line, so and so, they chime in and it seem, we seem to get it done together.
(13:11):
It's, it's a really good part of the job.
I mean, it really shows the, where the, the mo, the caller is emotionally, logistically, you know, she's serious, she's not.
Kidding around.
(13:32):
She really needs, um, help.
I, I, so I always, we always, not just me, my coworkers are fabulous.
We share resources.
We make sure we, uh, emphasize to the caller that everything they state with us is confidential.
(13:56):
We do create.
A case for them, make notes and so that when they should call us and I'm not available and they speak with another coworker, there's a little history that they can look at and no.
So that caller does not have to tell their story from scratch every single time they call.
That's another wonderful thing.
(14:16):
And my peers willingly speak to my callers and as I do theirs, if they're not available.
Because that could keep someone from, right? Yeah.
Like, like the idea that I'm gonna have to tell my, that nobody knows me and, you know, that feels overwhelming.
(14:43):
So the fee, so knowing that they can call and, and they will know.
The circumstances.
I mean, that's everything.
I think it helps them feel encouraged and want to call again.
Um, you know, when we call them on these regularly scheduled time periods, often they're not available.
(15:10):
But we will leave a message and.
And finally when we get through, after two or three or four attempts, they always say, thank you for not giving up on me.
I am just busy, or I don't, I am, don't feel like talking.
And that's fine.
And for us to understand that and relay to them that we get it and it's okay.
(15:33):
And good for you for saying, I don't wanna talk right now.
So just always uplifting them because they need it.
We need it, everybody needs it.
Raising, typically developing children is difficult, but you add that little extra dimension of disability and I won't just, I don't wanna minimize it because it's a heavy load.
(15:58):
My parents are really good at making it look easy, but it's heavy.
It is heavy.
That is in like almost every way.
It it affects your life.
(16:18):
Yeah, it sure does.
In like every, every area.
I'm like laughing instead of crying.
Now it's, I mean, it's hard being a mom.
There's this huge shift in identity and, society looks at you differently.
(16:42):
And has all these expectations for you that you don't meet.
And then add on that you have a child with disability and then you are just more criticized somehow.
Under the microscope.
Yeah.
(17:03):
You might internalize it that way.
I like to help parents, moms, caregivers, work on their resilience because I think that's how you bounce back and that's how you toughen your skin over those who are throwing the darts.
I think, my daughter's 32 now, and certainly we've had our share of.
(17:27):
Looks and stares on stronger days.
If there's a child I might say to the child, do you wanna say hi? You know, and I try to find the commonality.
Do you like chocolate ice cream? Dana loves chocolate ice cream.
So they know that while she looks different and acts different, she is different, but she likes some of the same things you do.
(17:53):
So it's a, it's a fun little exercise that the child can really hold onto.
The parent can learn a lesson too.
Yeah.
So that's wonderful and that's something that needs to be shared.
(18:16):
I.
I can't, I, I don't know.
I'm at a place where I cannot myself think of anything like that to do, any, I mean, that's just, that's, it's like a perfect way of dealing with something like that.
(18:39):
I've done it.
I don't always do it.
Again, with my daughter being as old as she is, maybe it's just my wishful and hopeful thinking, but it seems to me that I absolutely see more and more and more disabled people in the communities, and I love it.
I just love it.
(19:00):
I just say, go mom and dad.
You're taking him out.
He, he, she deserved to see and be exposed to.
So it just warms my heart.
I love seeing folks in the community and I think it says the parent is supported because they feel strong enough to do yes.
(19:22):
That makes sense.
Totally.
It seems that way to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's less anxiety and less fear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's wonderful.
(19:43):
I mean, because, I mean, what a crime to.
To lock your child away or feel like you have to keep them, under cover.
And you bummed mom to say, go out there.
(20:06):
Get yourself out there, get your child out there live because they, the, your loved one deserves it too.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I'm wondering, I, so this.
Peer to peer model is so interesting because what, when we find ourselves lacking sort of support from family, friends in the community, or even lacking structural support like in the healthcare system.
(20:54):
And not access to the best mental healthcare.
Um, it's just, it's so interesting this having this ability to turn to someone with lived experience is this a, is this a common model? Speak to that? Not, yeah, so, so the Mom to Mom program, we're housed out of Rutgers University Behavioral Healthcare.
(21:22):
We have our, our National Call Center for peer support is one of the branches under UBHC.
So we actually do peer support for a large number of populations.
We have peer support programs for veterans, which is a national line.
Peer support for police officers nurses caseworkers for, uh, DCF.
(21:43):
We also have a peer support line for individuals with lived experience with substance use disorders.
Fire EMS.
We really kind of have, utilize a peer support model for a very large number of populations.
We've been doing it for, uh, about 25 years now for the various populations.
That's just, that's wonderful.
(22:06):
I, because it's so effective, it seems, and I'm sure you have the data to back that up.
Yeah, we're a pretty well kept secret.
And the interesting thing is Beth's, Beth's story isn't totally uncommon where we have people who call into the lines and then later on end up working as peer support specialists because of how much they see the value.
(22:30):
We kind of see that time and time again wow.
So Beth, do you feel a certain.
Like a certain sort of, oh, like a circle, like a circular something.
(22:50):
Just knowing that I received the help I needed and can now pay it forward.
I continue to pay it forward because I got been at it nine years.
Is special.
It's special.
It means a lot to me and, the nature of a caller they're calling in, they're at a really bad time in their lives.
(23:11):
They may have just gotten a diagnosis.
They may have said, I need help, and nobody else is listening to me.
I'm not getting what I need.
And so in the very beginning, there seems to be more of a need for.
Ongoing communication calls back and forth, and as they be, stay with us a while and we develop goals and establish a relationship and a rapport.
(23:34):
It wanes a little bit.
The calling slows down, and if you're getting your client to a point where they no longer need you, that's pretty cool.
You know, they can always call back.
They can always call back.
Yeah.
We would love to hear them again.
But then there's others who just their urgency is not as intense and you know, you're, I think that speaks to the strength they've gained possibly, hopefully, from having spoken with a peer.
(24:11):
Specialist.
Wow.
I actually spoke to a woman a few weeks ago who runs a program, few Cities, and it's so she was working with.
Or reentering society from being incarcerated.
(24:33):
And she felt realized early on.
She felt like I'm not equipped to help these people.
You know, what do I.
I need people with lived experience.
(24:55):
I need people who have been there, who have been incarcerated, who have gone through this extremely difficult transition of, of reentering society.
So this, this whole, this whole idea of.
(25:18):
Lived experience is very, it's like you're, you're an expert by experience.
And of course I wanna talk to that person.
Person.
I don't know that I would call myself an expert.
(25:38):
I absolutely love finding.
Resources for callers.
Um, I think that mom to mom has an excellent reputation.
So much so that we get a lot of calls from individuals who don't have.
Child with special needs, but ha have a need for another service.
(26:02):
And because myself and my coworkers are very dedicated, we'll do a little research for them and provide them with that phone number for a food bank in their area.
Um, possible rental assistance that one of the key parameters to become a caller, of course, is you need to have a child with special needs.
(26:25):
Some of the callers, as I just stated, don't have a child with special needs.
They have other needs that we're willing to help them fulfill and find an answer to.
It's, that's another pretty good part of the job too.
You're helping more than just the disabled population or caregivers of them.
(26:46):
You're just helping humanity in general.
Yeah.
Well, I know how, um, how it can feel at those low moments, and I know you do too.
(27:11):
And this is just so needed and I'm acting like it's brand new, but we need to keep it in the conversation for all the new moms.
For the new moms and the older moms who.
(27:33):
Finally found the courage to call.
Finally have said, I need help.
Who were encouraged by others to call.
So while you making it a little reference to it being brand new, it's still brand new to the first caller for or to the first time caller, so that's what, that's true.
(27:56):
Yeah.
And it's, uh, with every new caller, we always thank them.
And ask them, what is it that brought you to call today? How can we help you? Can we get a history on what they're going through? What's the current situation? Try to assess their current need so that we can plan for a future of resource exploration with them.
(28:24):
Not only resource exploration, but I mentioned before about.
Emphasizing the wellness and the care for the mom herself, because she has to really pay attention to her needs as well.
So that's our focus.
(28:44):
I That's brilliant.
And it's so hard.
I don't know why it's so hard to accept that.
Admit that it's true.
It's very true.
One of my favorite questions to my callers when they say, oh, I haven't gotten, uh, I haven't done anything for myself lately.
(29:05):
I like to ask, well, what is getting in the way of that? And then you help them.
Shelve, some of that stuff, yeah, all right, you didn't get to it today.
Maybe you'll get to it tomorrow, but put it on the calendar for yourself.
And it's I think they feel.
That we're telling them they are important because they're not hearing it from, from somebody else.
(29:29):
Yep.
Yep.
Or they're hearing, but like, why don't you go grocery shopping by yourself.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, Thank you so much for speaking with me.
I'm from South Carolina.
(29:50):
My husband is from New Jersey, but I'm so.
Happy that I was sort of lucky enough to land here because the services are really incredible and Rutgers is such an incredible school and, um.
(30:15):
I am just really proud, we're proud too.
And I wanna thank you for your interest in Mom to Mom and now you've know that there's a lot of other peer programs that Rutgers University Behavioral Health offers and the, and your interest in the disability community they're so worthy and can offer.
(30:40):
Joy no matter what.
So thank you too.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Thank you, Matthew.
Thank you so much for having us.
And also just a, a quick thank you to our funders, to Department of Children and Families and Division of Developmental Disabilities, because they really make this possible.
(31:05):
They do a great job of collaborating with us and helping us spread the word.
Um, so we're really thankful to them for allowing us to provide the support.
welcome to how I Ally.
I'm Lucinda koza and I'm joined today by a very special guest.
And if you don't mind, would you please introduce yourself and give a little bit of a bio or backstory, if you will.
(00:21):
Hi listeners.
My name is Beth giannobile.
I am a peer support specialist with Mom to Mom.
Mom to Mom is a helpline for all New Jersey residents who are caregivers to young and older disabled people, their children, their brother, their nephew.
(00:45):
I've been with mom to mom for nine years now.
I was a caller first, and now I'm a peer specialist.
That's amazing.
When did you make that transition? Did you, was there a break? I was like many moms out there raising a disabled child, feeling isolated, wanted connection and understanding that I was not getting with my.
(01:17):
Personal circle of friends and or family members, while they love me and my daughter, they couldn't understand the burden and the hardship that raising a child with special needs puts on a caregiver.
So mom to Mom, um, is exactly that place.
(01:38):
To find the support.
It breaks the isolation.
It's a confidential place to cool and unload your heart.
The heaviness that you carry around in your heart because you have a child with special needs.
It is many times wonderful, but many times very, very.
(01:59):
Harrowing and you need somebody who can understand and we peer support specialists are that person we are uniquely suited to offer the support.
That our moms get from us where if the mom or dad, because while our name is mom to mom, we have a handful of dads, which I'm so proud of and happy for.
(02:25):
We have grandparents, we have aunts and uncles taking care of their.
Nieces or nephews who are disabled and their parent can't do it any longer.
But the beauty of mom to Mom is that when the caregiver finds the courage to call us based on their child's need or disability, we try to pair one of us with that cooler based on our experience.
(02:56):
I'm with mom to mom nine years, but I have a couple of coworkers who have been from the inception of mom to Mom and currently, personally, I have a caseload of 60.
Callers, my peers, I'm not even sure what their numbers are, but that's currently, over the stretch and the, of the history of mom to mom.
(03:17):
I don't know.
Matt, do we have a number that we could share? So I, I know 'cause we just had, our fiscal year ended at the end of June and I think for this year we opened up roughly 600 new cases.
So that's not everyone that we spoke to this year.
That's just new callers into the line this fiscal year.
That's, that has to be way beyond anyone's expectations.
(03:46):
It's word of mouth.
We're, we're really becoming a better known even after all this time and finding new sources to share.
Our program with like school systems, um, Medicaid, HMO providers support coordinators, um, and just other moms who call us.
(04:14):
They tell friends.
So it's a beautiful thing.
And just like any other business, if you're doing a good job, you're gonna share it with somebody else.
You know, when our callers are, make the leap of faith and give us a call, they finally decided for themselves they need some help.
(04:35):
And what we as a counselor do is provide a soft landing for them.
We offer to the best of our ability, empathy, providing that empathy builds trust.
Uh, when they decide they want ongoing support, we will call them once a week.
Okay.
(04:56):
Once every two weeks, once a month every day.
It seems in the morning, not in the morning, in the beginning.
Um mm-hmm.
The callers are in more of need.
They want more support.
So you're calling a little bit more frequently when they're a new client.
As that client ages with us, we call a little less frequently, and it's not just us calling them.
(05:21):
If they have a need, they can call into the line.
I.
After a, after they've been established as a client if I, as their peer am not available, they have free range to speak with any other peer.
And it's a wonderful thing because they know that they're gonna get supported as if they were talking with me.
(05:46):
So, since the caller knows.
That who they're speaking with, lived experience do, would you share your personal story with the caller or is that sort of at your discretion? It is at our discretion, but there is the beauty of becoming one with them.
(06:14):
By letting them know why my child's disability may not be exactly like your child.
The burden of, and the weight of doctor's appointments and not having friends or getting the stares and the looks by parents and other children.
Hmm.
They look a little different.
What's up? Yeah.
(06:35):
You share that if it's a way to relate and a way to bond.
Absolutely.
They wanna know, they wanna know that you are walking the walk too and talking the talk.
Not just, they could talk to their brother, sister, mother, aunt to get some kind of feedback.
When you talk with somebody who is, has experienced it, you wanna share that.
(06:57):
You wanna share it.
They wanna hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I imagine.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, what you said about.
Your family, although they love you and they love your child, there is an interesting, like distancing that kind of takes place.
(07:24):
Um, my 2-year-old daughter was diagnosed with autism in January.
Awesome.
And it's funny, I've been, uh, when I was first told about mom to mom, I, my like, initial reaction was like, oh, I have to call.
(07:45):
I can't do it.
Like it's too intimate.
But then it was like the second time I heard about it, and especially after.
Her diagnosis.
I was like, okay, this is incredible.
Especially because I really did feel that like shrinking of the village.
(08:13):
I, for whatever reason.
You are right.
It is intimate and the callers are not only talking about their child and the disability, the effect it has on the family, the effect it has on the marriage.
I.
Oh their depression, their anxiety, their loneliness, how they still need to go to family functions and are dreading it because every other two and 5-year-old at that party is, uh, has met the milestones and your child hasn't, and it hurts.
(08:47):
It's wrenching.
But you go because whatever.
Because you do.
Yeah.
And you suck it up and you, you come back and you love your child that much more because.
You have to celebrate them for what they can do and who they are not.
Not just my child's disabled.
If you let that drown you, that's exactly what it'll do.
(09:11):
But when you're in those wallowing moments, that's when you call your peer support counselor and share that intimate detail, um, it's a freeing moment for the caller and as the peer.
It's really fulfilling to know you've helped them.
(09:32):
It, it means.
Everything.
You could be saving someone's life, you know, you could be sa you that there's no ceiling to how much you could really be helping somebody.
Very true.
It's very true.
And.
We have had callers who were very distraught and should that happen, thankfully we have clinicians on staff who we can refer them to and have the clinician do a sort of, um, not a sort of an assessment to help them figure out just how bad it is and then to refer them to professional help.
(10:09):
Um, you know.
Yeah, that's.
I, I was just gonna say that's one of the biggest roles, or one of the biggest parts of the peer support role is kind of knowing where that role begins and ends.
And that's why the line is backed up by clinicians.
That way we know, okay, this is kind of going out of our lane.
We do need to look at some professional services here and make that recommendation.
(10:30):
And to be honest with you, a lot of times, um, it becomes a really good entry point to professional mental health services because you're kind of speaking with someone who understands what you're, what you may be struggling with.
And it, it's makes it a little bit more of a soft landing spot.
You've already kind of started opening up and it makes.
The, professional counseling a little bit less scary.
(10:52):
Yeah, that totally makes sense.
I was gonna say that once we establish a relationship with our caller, we work on other things.
It's not just a unloading, we help them understand.
That they're important, that they need care.
(11:14):
They need to care for themselves.
We focus on the caregiver.
We create goals together.
Sometimes they're met, sometimes they're abandoned, but to make sure that the caller knows them first, give, put some emphasis on them.
Praise them for their commitment and their effort they're putting into their child.
(11:36):
But.
Fill your own cup too.
They probably don't hear that enough or don't do it enough.
And so it's really absolutely wonderful.
Part of every conversation I have with every one of my clients is, what have you done for yourself lately? What do you want to do for yourself? What have you been thinking about doing? And whether it's with a partner or by themselves, it's fun to help.
(12:04):
Um, I.
Them figure out something they wanna do.
And you know, shopping without kids food, shopping without kids is not on that list.
While, well, you know, for some that might be all they get and if Right, that is what they choose.
Okay.
But I'm gonna hold your hand a little longer and help you.
(12:28):
Lift the shade and say, okay, let's find something else you can do too.
You know? Right.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, help, help them identify their own needs and guide them with whatever resources we can, uh, for their child.
(12:48):
That's a great fun part of the job.
We can do three-way calls with them to a resource they have been thinking about maybe not getting through.
Sometimes when you make that three-way call to an agency and they hear mom to mom, I think they sit up a little straighter and take notice.
And then I say, I have with me on the line, so and so, they chime in and it seem, we seem to get it done together.
(13:11):
It's, it's a really good part of the job.
I mean, it really shows the, where the, the mo, the caller is emotionally, logistically, you know, she's serious, she's not.
Kidding around.
(13:32):
She really needs, um, help.
I, I, so I always, we always, not just me, my coworkers are fabulous.
We share resources.
We make sure we, uh, emphasize to the caller that everything they state with us is confidential.
(13:56):
We do create.
A case for them, make notes and so that when they should call us and I'm not available and they speak with another coworker, there's a little history that they can look at and no.
So that caller does not have to tell their story from scratch every single time they call.
That's another wonderful thing.
(14:16):
And my peers willingly speak to my callers and as I do theirs, if they're not available.
Because that could keep someone from, right? Yeah.
Like, like the idea that I'm gonna have to tell my, that nobody knows me and, you know, that feels overwhelming.
(14:43):
So the fee, so knowing that they can call and, and they will know.
The circumstances.
I mean, that's everything.
I think it helps them feel encouraged and want to call again.
Um, you know, when we call them on these regularly scheduled time periods, often they're not available.
(15:10):
But we will leave a message and.
And finally when we get through, after two or three or four attempts, they always say, thank you for not giving up on me.
I am just busy, or I don't, I am, don't feel like talking.
And that's fine.
And for us to understand that and relay to them that we get it and it's okay.
(15:33):
And good for you for saying, I don't wanna talk right now.
So just always uplifting them because they need it.
We need it, everybody needs it.
Raising, typically developing children is difficult, but you add that little extra dimension of disability and I won't just, I don't wanna minimize it because it's a heavy load.
(15:58):
My parents are really good at making it look easy, but it's heavy.
It is heavy.
That is in like almost every way.
It it affects your life.
(16:18):
Yeah, it sure does.
In like every, every area.
I'm like laughing instead of crying.
Now it's, I mean, it's hard being a mom.
There's this huge shift in identity and, society looks at you differently.
(16:42):
And has all these expectations for you that you don't meet.
And then add on that you have a child with disability and then you are just more criticized somehow.
Under the microscope.
Yeah.
(17:03):
You might internalize it that way.
I like to help parents, moms, caregivers, work on their resilience because I think that's how you bounce back and that's how you toughen your skin over those who are throwing the darts.
I think, my daughter's 32 now, and certainly we've had our share of.
(17:27):
Looks and stares on stronger days.
If there's a child I might say to the child, do you wanna say hi? You know, and I try to find the commonality.
Do you like chocolate ice cream? Dana loves chocolate ice cream.
So they know that while she looks different and acts different, she is different, but she likes some of the same things you do.
(17:53):
So it's a, it's a fun little exercise that the child can really hold onto.
The parent can learn a lesson too.
Yeah.
So that's wonderful and that's something that needs to be shared.
(18:16):
I.
I can't, I, I don't know.
I'm at a place where I cannot myself think of anything like that to do, any, I mean, that's just, that's, it's like a perfect way of dealing with something like that.
(18:39):
I've done it.
I don't always do it.
Again, with my daughter being as old as she is, maybe it's just my wishful and hopeful thinking, but it seems to me that I absolutely see more and more and more disabled people in the communities, and I love it.
I just love it.
(19:00):
I just say, go mom and dad.
You're taking him out.
He, he, she deserved to see and be exposed to.
So it just warms my heart.
I love seeing folks in the community and I think it says the parent is supported because they feel strong enough to do yes.
(19:22):
That makes sense.
Totally.
It seems that way to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's less anxiety and less fear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's wonderful.
(19:43):
I mean, because, I mean, what a crime to.
To lock your child away or feel like you have to keep them, under cover.
And you bummed mom to say, go out there.
(20:06):
Get yourself out there, get your child out there live because they, the, your loved one deserves it too.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I'm wondering, I, so this.
Peer to peer model is so interesting because what, when we find ourselves lacking sort of support from family, friends in the community, or even lacking structural support like in the healthcare system.
(20:54):
And not access to the best mental healthcare.
Um, it's just, it's so interesting this having this ability to turn to someone with lived experience is this a, is this a common model? Speak to that? Not, yeah, so, so the Mom to Mom program, we're housed out of Rutgers University Behavioral Healthcare.
(21:22):
We have our, our National Call Center for peer support is one of the branches under UBHC.
So we actually do peer support for a large number of populations.
We have peer support programs for veterans, which is a national line.
Peer support for police officers nurses caseworkers for, uh, DCF.
(21:43):
We also have a peer support line for individuals with lived experience with substance use disorders.
Fire EMS.
We really kind of have, utilize a peer support model for a very large number of populations.
We've been doing it for, uh, about 25 years now for the various populations.
That's just, that's wonderful.
(22:06):
I, because it's so effective, it seems, and I'm sure you have the data to back that up.
Yeah, we're a pretty well kept secret.
And the interesting thing is Beth's, Beth's story isn't totally uncommon where we have people who call into the lines and then later on end up working as peer support specialists because of how much they see the value.
(22:30):
We kind of see that time and time again wow.
So Beth, do you feel a certain.
Like a certain sort of, oh, like a circle, like a circular something.
(22:50):
Just knowing that I received the help I needed and can now pay it forward.
I continue to pay it forward because I got been at it nine years.
Is special.
It's special.
It means a lot to me and, the nature of a caller they're calling in, they're at a really bad time in their lives.
(23:11):
They may have just gotten a diagnosis.
They may have said, I need help, and nobody else is listening to me.
I'm not getting what I need.
And so in the very beginning, there seems to be more of a need for.
Ongoing communication calls back and forth, and as they be, stay with us a while and we develop goals and establish a relationship and a rapport.
(23:34):
It wanes a little bit.
The calling slows down, and if you're getting your client to a point where they no longer need you, that's pretty cool.
You know, they can always call back.
They can always call back.
Yeah.
We would love to hear them again.
But then there's others who just their urgency is not as intense and you know, you're, I think that speaks to the strength they've gained possibly, hopefully, from having spoken with a peer.
(24:11):
Specialist.
Wow.
I actually spoke to a woman a few weeks ago who runs a program, few Cities, and it's so she was working with.
Or reentering society from being incarcerated.
(24:33):
And she felt realized early on.
She felt like I'm not equipped to help these people.
You know, what do I.
I need people with lived experience.
(24:55):
I need people who have been there, who have been incarcerated, who have gone through this extremely difficult transition of, of reentering society.
So this, this whole, this whole idea of.
(25:18):
Lived experience is very, it's like you're, you're an expert by experience.
And of course I wanna talk to that person.
Person.
I don't know that I would call myself an expert.
(25:38):
I absolutely love finding.
Resources for callers.
Um, I think that mom to mom has an excellent reputation.
So much so that we get a lot of calls from individuals who don't have.
Child with special needs, but ha have a need for another service.
(26:02):
And because myself and my coworkers are very dedicated, we'll do a little research for them and provide them with that phone number for a food bank in their area.
Um, possible rental assistance that one of the key parameters to become a caller, of course, is you need to have a child with special needs.
(26:25):
Some of the callers, as I just stated, don't have a child with special needs.
They have other needs that we're willing to help them fulfill and find an answer to.
It's, that's another pretty good part of the job too.
You're helping more than just the disabled population or caregivers of them.
(26:46):
You're just helping humanity in general.
Yeah.
Well, I know how, um, how it can feel at those low moments, and I know you do too.
(27:11):
And this is just so needed and I'm acting like it's brand new, but we need to keep it in the conversation for all the new moms.
For the new moms and the older moms who.
(27:33):
Finally found the courage to call.
Finally have said, I need help.
Who were encouraged by others to call.
So while you making it a little reference to it being brand new, it's still brand new to the first caller for or to the first time caller, so that's what, that's true.
(27:56):
Yeah.
And it's, uh, with every new caller, we always thank them.
And ask them, what is it that brought you to call today? How can we help you? Can we get a history on what they're going through? What's the current situation? Try to assess their current need so that we can plan for a future of resource exploration with them.
(28:24):
Not only resource exploration, but I mentioned before about.
Emphasizing the wellness and the care for the mom herself, because she has to really pay attention to her needs as well.
So that's our focus.
(28:44):
I That's brilliant.
And it's so hard.
I don't know why it's so hard to accept that.
Admit that it's true.
It's very true.
One of my favorite questions to my callers when they say, oh, I haven't gotten, uh, I haven't done anything for myself lately.
(29:05):
I like to ask, well, what is getting in the way of that? And then you help them.
Shelve, some of that stuff, yeah, all right, you didn't get to it today.
Maybe you'll get to it tomorrow, but put it on the calendar for yourself.
And it's I think they feel.
That we're telling them they are important because they're not hearing it from, from somebody else.
(29:29):
Yep.
Yep.
Or they're hearing, but like, why don't you go grocery shopping by yourself.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, Thank you so much for speaking with me.
I'm from South Carolina.
(29:50):
My husband is from New Jersey, but I'm so.
Happy that I was sort of lucky enough to land here because the services are really incredible and Rutgers is such an incredible school and, um.
(30:15):
I am just really proud, we're proud too.
And I wanna thank you for your interest in Mom to Mom and now you've know that there's a lot of other peer programs that Rutgers University Behavioral Health offers and the, and your interest in the disability community they're so worthy and can offer.
(30:40):
Joy no matter what.
So thank you too.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Thank you, Matthew.
Thank you so much for having us.
And also just a, a quick thank you to our funders, to Department of Children and Families and Division of Developmental Disabilities, because they really make this possible.
(31:05):
They do a great job of collaborating with us and helping us spread the word.
Um, so we're really thankful to them for allowing us to provide the support.
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