RESIST TEMPTATION TO OFFER ADVICE UNLESS ASKED…

 

This week I want to talk to you about why we should usually resist the temptation to offer someone our advice, unless it is specifically requested from us. Sometimes, our need to say something feels more important to us than another person's need to hear us. 

Listening is often more valuable than speaking. Usually, unsolicited advice feels intrusive, even if it is well-intentioned and informed. There are also moments where silence speaks louder than words, even if it feels like our hearts are just screaming out to be heard. 

It’s natural to want to help other people, but sharing advice without being asked can create tension. People may also feel judged or misunderstood if they receive unrequested advice. Offering advice without being asked may actually stand in the way of someone's growth and hinder, rather than help them. 

For example, people often learn through their experiences, including failures. By holding back your advice, you then let someone then explore their own solutions, which can be more empowering and rewarding for them in the end.

Here are some other examples:

- Imagine a teenager, or even an older friend, navigating a breakup, who is seeking your emotional support, rather than your advice or solutions.  It is always about balance and recognising that, in those moments, we may sometimes be speaking more for our own benefit than theirs.

- Or imagine a family member who shares their frustrations with you, who is really craving your empathy, not your thoughts or guidance. Practice listening and understanding, creating a more supportive environment for them to seek your help in the future if needed.

- Or imagine a work colleague who wants to discuss an idea with you, but who is not really seeking to brainstorm it with you, but rather to just hear themselves talk about it and to hear themselves say it out loud, before requesting any input.

However, sometimes, not offering advice to someone, even if they haven’t asked for it, can seem like neglect. People might interpret your silence as indifference, or a lack of support, for them. It’s therefore crucial to always strike a balance between being available for help when requested and respecting someone's autonomy.

So, this week, remember to resist the temptation to offer someone your advice and also that holding back and just listening sometimes may be more beneficial overall, rather than sharing your thoughts. Instead, practice patience and understand their perspective and let them know you're there if they ever need help!