March 11, 2024 • 28 mins
Welcome to another riveting episode of "Inspired, your grown-up girl talk", hosted by Stacey Fleece and Samantha Tradelius. In this episode, we have an engrossing conversation with Reetha Nicole, the founder of Hill Ridge Consulting. She shares her captivating journey from various professions to establishing a leading consulting firm, deeming her a shining beacon of resilience and determination.
Retha Nichole stands as a mentor and coach for women who've faced significant life-transforming experiences. Through her own success story, she provides a unique perspective on transforming struggles into opportunities for growth. Gain valuable insights from her coaching style where discipline and accountability become the keys to progress.
This episode unfolds her resilient tale that began from her tumultuous 20s, taking you through the challenges she faced and ultimately embracing her journey. Her story is a powerful testimony that resilience forms an integral part of everyone's success story.
Learning from Retha's experiences will inspire entrepreneurs, real estate professionals, and C-suite executives alike. Discover how self-belief and fostering discipline can significantly reshape your life and lead you towards desired changes. The episode reveals how life's trials can be transformed into a mission to uplift others.
Retha openly discusses her battles with depression and divorce, imparting invaluable lessons from her journey to reclaim her life through introspection and organization. Discover her empowering Sunday routine, a meticulously planned weekly tool that includes budget management and self-care.
Our guest also sheds light on issues such as the challenges of womanhood, balancing parenting and career along with self-care. Further, she emphasizes making the most of life - embracing its challenges and celebrating its joys. Discover Retha Nichole's inspiring story as she encourages all of us to embrace our journey, notwithstanding the paths it may take.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to Inspired, your grown-up girl talk. I'm Stacey Fleece with
co-host Samantha Tredelius.
Samantha, it is not raining.
Thank you. It is not warm, but it is not raining.
We have had just an on-flow of rain here in the Northern California area.
So no, we are sunny today, but rain is coming, but that is not going to shadow
(00:23):
our delightful conversation with an amazing guest today. So let's jump in. in. Yeah.
You know, I woke up this morning, just today, today's all about magic.
And so it's actually perfect that Reetha is here today with us because today
is, I don't know, I just woke up and I was like, today's magic.
I don't know why. So Reetha Nicole, thank you for being here and joining with us today.
(00:45):
Reetha Nicole from Hill Ridge Consulting. I'm super excited to hear about your
journey to get where you are with your own consulting firm,
because like so many of us, I think there's a lot of twists and turns in our
journey to end up where we're supposed to be,
where the world wants us to be, and where the world wants us to impact.
(01:06):
And you're certainly having a lot of impact on a lot of businesswomen's lives
and others. So, first of all, thank you for being here.
Well, listen, thank you for having me. Okay, I'm scared to say a couple of things
because this, before we got on, they prepped me and said, this is not edited. it.
We just talk and we just go. And so...
(01:28):
And you started to talk about the web.
Look at her nails. That nail color is. I know it's, it's ridiculous.
Don't look at mine because.
We'll just go like that. So you can't see them.
And then I thought magic. Wow. I.
Am I magic? I don't know. You are magic. Cause there's a reason that you were
(01:50):
on recording with us today.
And I'm telling you this morning, I woke up and I was like, there's magic in the air today.
And that is not like Samantha knows. I'm not like, She's not a magical,
magical giver out or that is not a vibe.
I, I exhumed.
So I'm super excited because you're part of my magic day, but tell us,
(02:14):
you know, tell us a little bit, let's back it up. Let's back,
let's take it out of Gilridge consulting for a minute.
Let's go back to sort of your journey, your professional journey and how you
got to this point where you were like,
I'm going to help other businesswomen be the best version of themselves and
have this life that they didn't think they could have. We all need that.
(02:35):
Well, I'll say that. Go ahead and buckle up, right?
Because what you said in the intro as well is that no one's life goes straight.
I think people think that. People literally come to me and say, I can't find my purpose.
And I literally say back, just keep walking.
(02:56):
Because it just doesn't, it's just not like one day you wake up and you're like,
you know what I'm going to do?
I am going to do this. And then that's going to make me fulfilled.
It's going to make me money.
We would all be like uber rich and happy if that happened, but it doesn't.
You go through a lot of twists and turns to get there.
(03:17):
So I went to college.
To be a teacher. And then I heard while there that that's not as fun as I dreamed it would be.
On paper, it should be great. I mean, right.
(03:37):
Those kids should sit in that desk and listen to me and I should make good money doing it.
And so no, I heard that that's not what it was. I didn't hear that until it was too late.
So to my parents' disdain, initially, I came home and said, hey,
I'm going to be a flight attendant. That was a lot of fun.
And you paid a lot of money for that. And one day I'm going to pay you back.
(04:01):
But for now, I'm going to be a flight attendant.
But those people don't sit in their seats and listen either.
No. But... You went from one set of non-seaters to another set of non-seaters.
But I thought it would be fun. Hey, I'm 20.
You know what? That sounds glamorous. This is the thing you do when you're 20 for sure. Hell yeah.
(04:24):
I started college at 16. So I'm 20 years old and all I wanted to do was have
fun. I mean, I couldn't think of anything.
So after that was not fun because they are non-Cedars. They are not nice people.
I didn't know you then, Stacey. You could have hit me to that news.
It was not as glamorous as it seemed, you know, with your uniform on and your red lipstick.
(04:48):
It just wasn't what it was. And I'll say this, because this is unedited and
people should know this.
Back when I was a flight attendant, they used to weigh it every week. Oh, they did not. Whoa.
Can you believe that? That's bullshit.
That's crazy. Did they weigh the pilots too? Oh, well, sweetie.
I know. That's a rhetorical question.
(05:09):
But I'm going to put it out there in the universe. anyway so I just so then
I came home and I became an assistant I've always had,
something in me that wanted to work for myself. I can say that now at 47, I didn't know that then.
I just, I was new, like there was more. So I came home and became an assistant for a doctor.
(05:33):
And, and I said to my mother, I said, you know, doctors and like actors and
actresses and people like that, they need assistants, but they don't work in an office.
And so I'm going to start a personal assistant company.
And so listen, there is no internet.
So there is no internet, there's no cell phone.
So this was like groundbreaking to a 20 year old.
(05:57):
I mean, I was really smart when I was 21. And my mother was like,
that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
She's still wondering how she's getting paid back for college.
Well, she was like, you are going to grow up forever. Like your dad and I don't with you.
And so I did, I started personal assistant company and I worked hard to find clients.
(06:18):
And my, one of my clients was like about as dumb as me. He was like,
I want to buy this house and I want to build it.
And so I think you should go to real estate school because you have to be a
realtor to do that. Right. And I was like, I guess, I don't know.
And so he sent me to real estate school and that when everything changed,
that changed the entire game. And I went to real real estate school.
(06:42):
And I sold my personal assistant company to my top PA at the time.
And I became a realtor full-time and loved it, loved every minute of it.
And then slowly started to train within the brokerage and mentor because I don't
know if y'all know it or not, but coaching is a new term.
(07:03):
It is not a term we used back in the day. We were mentors or trainers,
but we We weren't coaches.
And so I started a mentor and train.
And then I loved that. And I still loved business, had other businesses.
And then I just began to do it more and more and came out of real estate and
(07:25):
did it full time. And yeah.
And then this is where we take a huge nosedive, which is why I say book 11.
And then I, in the midst of that, got married really early.
Because remember, I'm so smart in my 20s. And so I got married in my 20s. So smart.
And got divorced in my 20s because, you know, I was so smart.
(07:48):
And so when I started dating again, I got married.
I was dating. I mean, we were dating. We got married.
I got pregnant and he went into a coma. Oh, my God. And we were young still.
I mean, early 30s. He was 33.
And and so out of that, when I came out, I felt like I could go back to work,
(08:15):
but in a different way. Like I then wanted to help women.
I'm never a person who believes that I go through everything on my own or I'm
the first person to ever deal with this. Right.
Like it's just like fashion, you know, bell-bottom jeans have come back how many times.
And so everything you go through, someone else has, you know, done that thing good.
(08:39):
And so I just knew that there were other women who had been through horrible
divorces, who had been through loss of job or loss of spouse.
And I wanted to share with them how I made it.
And so I just changed everything about how I did business in what we now call
(08:59):
coaching and decided that I would coach women who,
I will coach women, but I believe that I'm called to women who are entrepreneurs
or C-suite executives that have been through something life altering and want
to get back to the person that they felt that they were before life knocked them out.
(09:20):
Or they want to renew themselves from life, knocking them out. And I'm different.
Wow. I love a woman who has had the trials and tribulations and then turns the
story and says, okay, listen, I've been there. I've done that.
And now I can help others kind of navigate those waters.
Because to throw up and say, I'm
a coach or I'm a consultant or all these things, you see it all the time.
(09:43):
And a lot of times you're like, but are you really, have you really gone through
the river here, but you really have.
And to be able to take, you know, the fun 20s and the turbulent 30s to now be
this woman you are today.
I mean, the story is resilience and phenomenal.
I love the work that you do with the respect to real estate too,
(10:04):
and helping people understand different, you know, neighborhoods and, you know, up and coming.
And also, you know, Just the mentoring along that line is very interesting to me.
I'm in commercial insurance, so I see a lot of what you're doing from an insurance
perspective and, Stacey, I'm sure from a loan perspective as well.
So that part really excites me. Let's talk about that a little bit.
(10:27):
Yeah, I loved real estate. I mean, you know, I sold real estate when we still
drove people around in our cars.
When your broker sat you down with the phone book and said, have a good time.
When we didn't, we only had one office computer for you to use and look up the hot sheet.
(10:48):
And so real estate, that world, whether it's lending or insurance or whatever,
to me, it will always be around.
So how do you maintain it? How do you maintain your career in it? Get good at one thing.
Don't try to do it all, right?
(11:10):
That's what I say to realtors. Don't try to be every person's realtor.
Be who you're called to be. So maybe you're a first time here.
Be that person. Be proficient in it. Be good at it. Like really excel there.
Maybe you like the move up.
Be good at that. Maybe you're the empty nester. Because when you decide I'm
going to be this one type, then you get to really learn that person,
(11:35):
what they're looking for, what they like and who they are.
And you get more of them. Right. But if you want to be jack of all trades,
master of none, then go that route.
But to be successful in real estate helps for you to like niche yourself into
who do I like to serve the best and then really get to know them and.
(12:00):
Just think everybody gets into real estate for what? Freedom and flexibility.
I just love it. I love that they say that. I love it. I love that they want to look at you.
That's cute. That's it. I mean, I don't know that that's real life because all
of my friends in real estate are the ones that are like Sunday night at 930.
And I'm like, hey, that's why I'm in insurance because I couldn't handle the
(12:22):
emotional, you know, four alarm fire at, you 9.30 on a Sunday night.
But it definitely has its glamorous moments. And there's also the real life
moments that go. And it's hard.
I mean, being in the service industry and the financial industry is tough.
I mean, real estate, I think, has been a little bit more dominated with women
from a sales perspective.
(12:43):
I mean, it's not... I think in certain areas, but it's still an industry that
women are growing and learning how to grow into.
Yeah, I love that part too, right? Because But it really, I think the reason
that I love it is because when women get in something, they really want it.
And so when they really want it, then there's an opportunity for you to show
(13:07):
them how they can have it and still have a good life too, right?
It's about balancing and making sure that you can still live life and still
do what you love. You talk about within your coaching practice,
you talk about really driving discipline and accountability.
And for those in that type of role where you're essentially self-employed or
(13:32):
you work within a company where you are charged with building your own book
of business, you may have a W-2, but you are essentially self-employed within the company.
Discipline and accountability are probably two of the hardest things that people
need to maintain in order to achieve that success.
So what kind of unique approach have you developed around that accountability piece? So...
(13:57):
So those two things, you're so right. They are the toughest to get people to
adjust because accountability feels like an attack if you don't want to address
what I'm trying to help you with.
It's got a lot of negative connotations to it. Yeah.
It feels like, you know, I'm attacking you. And so I tell all clients up front
(14:19):
in the consultation, my goal is to be your person.
And so that means that I'm going to tell you the good and the bad.
If you believe in me and believe that I am your person, then when I tell you
the bad, it won't feel like an attack. It's going to sting because we don't
like it, but it's not an attack.
With discipline, I really believe that discipline is all about mindset.
(14:44):
Most people believe that you can become disciplined in whatever you're trying
to do, fill in the blank, right? In 21 days.
And it's so unrealistic, right? Because they say it takes 21 days to form a habit.
And so that's what we've all been taught. And it's bullshit,
by the way. It's bullshit. bullshit.
(15:05):
That's what we've been accustomed to knowing. So we know, what did you just
say? Oh, that's bullshit. We know that.
But then when we want to lose the weight, when we want to stop eating,
when we want to quit drinking, when we want to do all of these things,
that is the target that we put on the thing is if I can stop this, if I can do that.
(15:25):
And so first I always say, you got to attach it to something.
It has to be a pattern before it can become a habit, it before you can be disciplined in it.
So what's the pattern that you're going to attach that thing to?
If you want to get up earlier, then you got to adjust only by just time in 10 minute increments.
(15:48):
Don't try to adjust it really hard, really high.
And then what's the first thing that you're going to do when you,
that first thing has got to be something that you want to do.
If that first thing The thing is, I'm going to trudge upstairs and wake my kids
up. It ain't going to work.
I'm going to tell you, you're going to be late for that because theoretically,
you really don't want to wake them up.
(16:08):
So just the words tell me you're not really interested in doing that.
That's not something that interests you. Now, if you had said the first thing
I want to do is walk to my coffee and turn it on and then go wake the kids up.
Oh, you're probably more likely to do that because that's what you want.
Or the first thing I want to do is make my smoothie.
(16:28):
Or the first thing I'm going to do is sit on the floor in my closet for five
minutes because it's quiet in my house.
It's got to be attached to something that you like. And what I often say that
people don't like is your kids, if you have any, your partner,
if you have one, they can't be your wife.
(16:49):
Because some days you just not going to like them people. It's just some days
you just not going to like them. Most days. Most.
I've got two little girls, 10 and 13 or 11 and 13. And it's it's a struggle
sometimes. But I love what you're saying.
Everybody hears these things and these changes and they think it has to be something
(17:09):
monumental and all drama and big time.
And it can just be a little, go sit in the closet for five minutes and take
a deep breath and get your shit together before you go and attack the day.
And that little adjustment can be huge.
I mean, I work out every day. That's my little thing that I do for me.
And it's a non-negotiable.
Stacy, she's got her routine as well. And I do think that a lot of us women,
(17:32):
because we're so busy doing everything for everybody else, a lot of times we
don't save that little space for us. And it could be 20 minutes.
That's it. It goes to immediately. Our mind goes to others.
Right. What's the first thing I can do is for others. And sometimes our mind
goes there is because we think if I just get that out of the way.
(17:53):
But that's the lie that we tell ourselves, getting them out of the way.
I would just say, let me get out of the way.
Let me have me before I have anybody else.
And when you talk about kids, I have three boys, 19, 17, and 11. Wow.
I don't like them most of the time. Teenagers, it's just like...
(18:18):
I, it's a whole nother episode about living.
I mean, Stacy's on the other side. She's, she's got them in college and out
of the house, but it's, I mean, it's a, it's a whole nother level of you that
you didn't even know existed or that you even knew that you signed up for going through.
Let me, let me be clear. They're not out of the house yet. And also I think
I've discovered my biggest problem is I don't have a closet big enough to sit in.
(18:41):
So in this house that I'm currently in, that's an issue for me.
And that's going to be a takeaway for me.
Perhaps I need to clean one out and make space for a mat. Yeah, maybe.
You know what I do want to talk about, though, too, is you...
Okay, let's say it for what it is.
(19:05):
Sunday evenings are awful because sometimes... I know for me,
I get very overwhelmed with It's like, shit, it's Monday.
It's Monday. It's starting over again. Like it never ends, right?
But you actually created this whole event around Sunday planning to really inspire
people to get them on track, to give them that discipline, accountability.
(19:30):
We're going to use that word again.
Where'd you come up with that? And how does that work for people?
Because I was like you thinking, here we go. Here it starts again. And another Monday.
So, it started years ago. I just told you. 1917 and 11.
So, when, and I call the 1917 era the big. So, when the big...
(19:55):
That is when me and their father divorced because we were so smart. And so we divorced.
And I, because I was young, I really thought that relationship lasts forever.
Like, you don't know me, but if you knew me, then you would be like, you did.
You could have asked us.
(20:17):
That's what you thought. So every, and I stopped, just recently,
I said it live speak. And after one of my girlfriends came up to me,
she said, you got to stop saying that because we all knew that that wasn't,
we all knew that wasn't going to work.
But I was devastated by that divorce.
I really, you know, I grew up in the South.
(20:39):
And so in the South, you get married and you have kids and you get the house
with the fence and the dog and that's what you do.
And so that's what I did. I followed the blueprint. And I don't know what happened.
And so I was devastated by that. So every Monday was a thing for me because
it was like, oh, am I doing this with little kids?
I never wanted to be a single mother. How am I here?
(21:02):
And so I started then on Sunday doing five things. I would look at the calendar
and see what I had because I may need help.
And so much better to ask for help on a Sunday than on a day when the kids are
at the school and somebody picked them up. It's so much better.
(21:25):
So that's why I would look at what I had for work.
And then I started writing down what we would eat because now I need a budget
a different way. And I should shop a strict list because I'm a one-person household.
And even though he's great, he is not paying me no money.
(21:48):
And so I needed to be strategic in that.
And then I had a hard time getting up because of the depression.
And so I would lay out our clothes for the week to help me to have to just go
here, get clothes. and then teach them, this is going to be here.
Pick it up and put it on and help me.
(22:11):
And so I started doing that every Sunday and I would just write it out because I'm a planner person.
And so I would just write it out and get it done. And I did it every Sunday and it helped me so much.
Out of the home that I was in, it helped me to not be coming home from work
going, I didn't take the chicken out. I guess y'all are going to eat McDonald's again.
(22:34):
Helped me to not stand in my closet and cry about, I must be fat because that's
why he cheated an abundance of times. And that's why we're here.
It just helped me to not go through all of those different cycles that we can
go through when we feel a way.
And fast forward to me talking about it once the internet became a thing and
(22:57):
doing it every Sunday on the internet all those years. And then I said, other people like this.
And I told you, I like business. So then I just started making stationery for
it, a calendar, a journal, and it became a thing. But that's how I started.
That's a unique tool because it is so overwhelming to manage life.
(23:21):
I've got a husband, but he's a husband. He's not super helpful in a lot of ways
all the time. And there is so many different things to manage just as like a
woman and a career woman and just a person in general.
And so, again, going back to these small little tweaks that we can do can really
make such a big difference in our day to day routine.
And I love here you go again. And I'm this is kind of your theme is taking a
(23:45):
place that you're at that's not great and shifting it around to be something
great and then sharing it with the world.
I mean, that is, I have on my phone, it says, taking your magic out of the bottle.
It's a little thing I wrote. And I don't know what that is for me,
maybe a book, maybe something else.
But what you're talking about is taking your magic out of the bottle and presenting
it to the world to help other people. I mean, it's truly inspiring. I'm into it.
(24:09):
There's that word again, magic. I just never even thought of it.
I mean, Stacey, thanks for starting us off right. It's a dramatic sort of day.
I didn't even think about that. But I will say this, I say this everywhere I
go, it just automatically will come up at a time.
And here it is, it's coming up at this time.
I do that because what I believe is this is the only life we get.
(24:35):
This isn't a dress rehearsal for you to become Rachel, you know,
in the next life and get to do over. We don't get that.
And so because we don't get that, we got to make the most of whatever hand we're
dealt. and we're not always going to be dealt the right hand.
Some of self-inflicted, I've said an abundance of times, I was not smart in
(24:58):
my 20s. I did not blame anyone else.
And so I did. And then some things just happened to me either way. Here's what I'm saying.
I got to try. I got to try again the next day. I got to try to be better. I got to write.
If I don't, then I'm wasting time and space doing what? Just living? What?
(25:24):
That's no fun. Well, I think too. When they say you can't control what happens
to you, but you can't control how you react to what happens to you.
But I don't think you were not smart in your 20s. I mean, you were doing what
everybody, we're supposed to do. We're supposed to figure out who the hell we are.
We're supposed to have these stupid experiences that we look back and go, God, I did that.
(25:45):
I had that job. I hung out with those people, you know?
I have moments that I'm surprised I am still living through my 20s.
Like there were times where I probably like I, it should, they should have just called it right there.
Like, but here I am still here.
I don't know how old y'all are, but listen, we lived in a time where we rode
(26:09):
on the back of trucks. We had parties in the woods.
I mean, we went to, we, our parents took us to places and dropped us off. No phones, no.
You weren't in the pickup spot at the time you were supposed to be picked up.
You may not get picked up.
We're all about the same age. I mean, it was streetlights on.
(26:29):
If you're going to get picked up.
Yeah. I mean, maybe not. I don't know. I was just having a discussion with a
girlfriend today about how when I was like nine or 10, I was babysitting infants
and in charge of another life.
And I'm barely able. I'm like, should I leave my youngest at home for an hour?
Like, these are the things. It's such a different time. But again, like...
(26:52):
We had the babysitter's club in fifth grade. Yes! Really keeping other people's
children in trust with them.
No, it's just it's incredible. But I do think going back to the story and the
journey of women and how we become the women that we are is really about,
you know, what the what our show is about is sharing the stories of women like
yourself that have gone through hills and valleys and really come out on the other side.
(27:16):
And, you know, you're not supposed to wake up and have it all figured out.
You're supposed to go through these journeys. And we're all still figuring shit
out. I mean, that's the beautiful part about life, but we do only have one life
and it's important to live it to the fullest extent that you possibly can.
And some days are better than others.
Yeah. You won't be able to live it to the fullest every day.
You're not going to be able to eat queso and drink margs every day. No, you're not.
(27:42):
It's not possible. Okay. That's that's takeaway number two.
But on the days that you can, you better. Right. You better do it well too,
like a champion that you were supposed to be.
Ritha, we can't say thank you enough. You have shared a lot of you and all of you.
(28:03):
And I'm so sure that so many other women out there can hear your story and connect
with you on so many different levels.
I mean, what an inspiration. We will post your website, how people can follow
you on all the socials on our show notes.
And we hope that everybody is out there this week being inspired.
Hello and welcome to Inspired, your grown-up girl talk. I'm Stacey Fleece with
co-host Samantha Tredelius.
Samantha, it is not raining.
Thank you. It is not warm, but it is not raining.
We have had just an on-flow of rain here in the Northern California area.
So no, we are sunny today, but rain is coming, but that is not going to shadow
(00:23):
our delightful conversation with an amazing guest today. So let's jump in. in. Yeah.
You know, I woke up this morning, just today, today's all about magic.
And so it's actually perfect that Reetha is here today with us because today
is, I don't know, I just woke up and I was like, today's magic.
I don't know why. So Reetha Nicole, thank you for being here and joining with us today.
(00:45):
Reetha Nicole from Hill Ridge Consulting. I'm super excited to hear about your
journey to get where you are with your own consulting firm,
because like so many of us, I think there's a lot of twists and turns in our
journey to end up where we're supposed to be,
where the world wants us to be, and where the world wants us to impact.
(01:06):
And you're certainly having a lot of impact on a lot of businesswomen's lives
and others. So, first of all, thank you for being here.
Well, listen, thank you for having me. Okay, I'm scared to say a couple of things
because this, before we got on, they prepped me and said, this is not edited. it.
We just talk and we just go. And so...
(01:28):
And you started to talk about the web.
Look at her nails. That nail color is. I know it's, it's ridiculous.
Don't look at mine because.
We'll just go like that. So you can't see them.
And then I thought magic. Wow. I.
Am I magic? I don't know. You are magic. Cause there's a reason that you were
(01:50):
on recording with us today.
And I'm telling you this morning, I woke up and I was like, there's magic in the air today.
And that is not like Samantha knows. I'm not like, She's not a magical,
magical giver out or that is not a vibe.
I, I exhumed.
So I'm super excited because you're part of my magic day, but tell us,
(02:14):
you know, tell us a little bit, let's back it up. Let's back,
let's take it out of Gilridge consulting for a minute.
Let's go back to sort of your journey, your professional journey and how you
got to this point where you were like,
I'm going to help other businesswomen be the best version of themselves and
have this life that they didn't think they could have. We all need that.
(02:35):
Well, I'll say that. Go ahead and buckle up, right?
Because what you said in the intro as well is that no one's life goes straight.
I think people think that. People literally come to me and say, I can't find my purpose.
And I literally say back, just keep walking.
(02:56):
Because it just doesn't, it's just not like one day you wake up and you're like,
you know what I'm going to do?
I am going to do this. And then that's going to make me fulfilled.
It's going to make me money.
We would all be like uber rich and happy if that happened, but it doesn't.
You go through a lot of twists and turns to get there.
(03:17):
So I went to college.
To be a teacher. And then I heard while there that that's not as fun as I dreamed it would be.
On paper, it should be great. I mean, right.
(03:37):
Those kids should sit in that desk and listen to me and I should make good money doing it.
And so no, I heard that that's not what it was. I didn't hear that until it was too late.
So to my parents' disdain, initially, I came home and said, hey,
I'm going to be a flight attendant. That was a lot of fun.
And you paid a lot of money for that. And one day I'm going to pay you back.
(04:01):
But for now, I'm going to be a flight attendant.
But those people don't sit in their seats and listen either.
No. But... You went from one set of non-seaters to another set of non-seaters.
But I thought it would be fun. Hey, I'm 20.
You know what? That sounds glamorous. This is the thing you do when you're 20 for sure. Hell yeah.
(04:24):
I started college at 16. So I'm 20 years old and all I wanted to do was have
fun. I mean, I couldn't think of anything.
So after that was not fun because they are non-Cedars. They are not nice people.
I didn't know you then, Stacey. You could have hit me to that news.
It was not as glamorous as it seemed, you know, with your uniform on and your red lipstick.
(04:48):
It just wasn't what it was. And I'll say this, because this is unedited and
people should know this.
Back when I was a flight attendant, they used to weigh it every week. Oh, they did not. Whoa.
Can you believe that? That's bullshit.
That's crazy. Did they weigh the pilots too? Oh, well, sweetie.
I know. That's a rhetorical question.
(05:09):
But I'm going to put it out there in the universe. anyway so I just so then
I came home and I became an assistant I've always had,
something in me that wanted to work for myself. I can say that now at 47, I didn't know that then.
I just, I was new, like there was more. So I came home and became an assistant for a doctor.
(05:33):
And, and I said to my mother, I said, you know, doctors and like actors and
actresses and people like that, they need assistants, but they don't work in an office.
And so I'm going to start a personal assistant company.
And so listen, there is no internet.
So there is no internet, there's no cell phone.
So this was like groundbreaking to a 20 year old.
(05:57):
I mean, I was really smart when I was 21. And my mother was like,
that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
She's still wondering how she's getting paid back for college.
Well, she was like, you are going to grow up forever. Like your dad and I don't with you.
And so I did, I started personal assistant company and I worked hard to find clients.
(06:18):
And my, one of my clients was like about as dumb as me. He was like,
I want to buy this house and I want to build it.
And so I think you should go to real estate school because you have to be a
realtor to do that. Right. And I was like, I guess, I don't know.
And so he sent me to real estate school and that when everything changed,
that changed the entire game. And I went to real real estate school.
(06:42):
And I sold my personal assistant company to my top PA at the time.
And I became a realtor full-time and loved it, loved every minute of it.
And then slowly started to train within the brokerage and mentor because I don't
know if y'all know it or not, but coaching is a new term.
(07:03):
It is not a term we used back in the day. We were mentors or trainers,
but we We weren't coaches.
And so I started a mentor and train.
And then I loved that. And I still loved business, had other businesses.
And then I just began to do it more and more and came out of real estate and
(07:25):
did it full time. And yeah.
And then this is where we take a huge nosedive, which is why I say book 11.
And then I, in the midst of that, got married really early.
Because remember, I'm so smart in my 20s. And so I got married in my 20s. So smart.
And got divorced in my 20s because, you know, I was so smart.
(07:48):
And so when I started dating again, I got married.
I was dating. I mean, we were dating. We got married.
I got pregnant and he went into a coma. Oh, my God. And we were young still.
I mean, early 30s. He was 33.
And and so out of that, when I came out, I felt like I could go back to work,
(08:15):
but in a different way. Like I then wanted to help women.
I'm never a person who believes that I go through everything on my own or I'm
the first person to ever deal with this. Right.
Like it's just like fashion, you know, bell-bottom jeans have come back how many times.
And so everything you go through, someone else has, you know, done that thing good.
(08:39):
And so I just knew that there were other women who had been through horrible
divorces, who had been through loss of job or loss of spouse.
And I wanted to share with them how I made it.
And so I just changed everything about how I did business in what we now call
(08:59):
coaching and decided that I would coach women who,
I will coach women, but I believe that I'm called to women who are entrepreneurs
or C-suite executives that have been through something life altering and want
to get back to the person that they felt that they were before life knocked them out.
(09:20):
Or they want to renew themselves from life, knocking them out. And I'm different.
Wow. I love a woman who has had the trials and tribulations and then turns the
story and says, okay, listen, I've been there. I've done that.
And now I can help others kind of navigate those waters.
Because to throw up and say, I'm
a coach or I'm a consultant or all these things, you see it all the time.
(09:43):
And a lot of times you're like, but are you really, have you really gone through
the river here, but you really have.
And to be able to take, you know, the fun 20s and the turbulent 30s to now be
this woman you are today.
I mean, the story is resilience and phenomenal.
I love the work that you do with the respect to real estate too,
(10:04):
and helping people understand different, you know, neighborhoods and, you know, up and coming.
And also, you know, Just the mentoring along that line is very interesting to me.
I'm in commercial insurance, so I see a lot of what you're doing from an insurance
perspective and, Stacey, I'm sure from a loan perspective as well.
So that part really excites me. Let's talk about that a little bit.
(10:27):
Yeah, I loved real estate. I mean, you know, I sold real estate when we still
drove people around in our cars.
When your broker sat you down with the phone book and said, have a good time.
When we didn't, we only had one office computer for you to use and look up the hot sheet.
(10:48):
And so real estate, that world, whether it's lending or insurance or whatever,
to me, it will always be around.
So how do you maintain it? How do you maintain your career in it? Get good at one thing.
Don't try to do it all, right?
(11:10):
That's what I say to realtors. Don't try to be every person's realtor.
Be who you're called to be. So maybe you're a first time here.
Be that person. Be proficient in it. Be good at it. Like really excel there.
Maybe you like the move up.
Be good at that. Maybe you're the empty nester. Because when you decide I'm
going to be this one type, then you get to really learn that person,
(11:35):
what they're looking for, what they like and who they are.
And you get more of them. Right. But if you want to be jack of all trades,
master of none, then go that route.
But to be successful in real estate helps for you to like niche yourself into
who do I like to serve the best and then really get to know them and.
(12:00):
Just think everybody gets into real estate for what? Freedom and flexibility.
I just love it. I love that they say that. I love it. I love that they want to look at you.
That's cute. That's it. I mean, I don't know that that's real life because all
of my friends in real estate are the ones that are like Sunday night at 930.
And I'm like, hey, that's why I'm in insurance because I couldn't handle the
(12:22):
emotional, you know, four alarm fire at, you 9.30 on a Sunday night.
But it definitely has its glamorous moments. And there's also the real life
moments that go. And it's hard.
I mean, being in the service industry and the financial industry is tough.
I mean, real estate, I think, has been a little bit more dominated with women
from a sales perspective.
(12:43):
I mean, it's not... I think in certain areas, but it's still an industry that
women are growing and learning how to grow into.
Yeah, I love that part too, right? Because But it really, I think the reason
that I love it is because when women get in something, they really want it.
And so when they really want it, then there's an opportunity for you to show
(13:07):
them how they can have it and still have a good life too, right?
It's about balancing and making sure that you can still live life and still
do what you love. You talk about within your coaching practice,
you talk about really driving discipline and accountability.
And for those in that type of role where you're essentially self-employed or
(13:32):
you work within a company where you are charged with building your own book
of business, you may have a W-2, but you are essentially self-employed within the company.
Discipline and accountability are probably two of the hardest things that people
need to maintain in order to achieve that success.
So what kind of unique approach have you developed around that accountability piece? So...
(13:57):
So those two things, you're so right. They are the toughest to get people to
adjust because accountability feels like an attack if you don't want to address
what I'm trying to help you with.
It's got a lot of negative connotations to it. Yeah.
It feels like, you know, I'm attacking you. And so I tell all clients up front
(14:19):
in the consultation, my goal is to be your person.
And so that means that I'm going to tell you the good and the bad.
If you believe in me and believe that I am your person, then when I tell you
the bad, it won't feel like an attack. It's going to sting because we don't
like it, but it's not an attack.
With discipline, I really believe that discipline is all about mindset.
(14:44):
Most people believe that you can become disciplined in whatever you're trying
to do, fill in the blank, right? In 21 days.
And it's so unrealistic, right? Because they say it takes 21 days to form a habit.
And so that's what we've all been taught. And it's bullshit,
by the way. It's bullshit. bullshit.
(15:05):
That's what we've been accustomed to knowing. So we know, what did you just
say? Oh, that's bullshit. We know that.
But then when we want to lose the weight, when we want to stop eating,
when we want to quit drinking, when we want to do all of these things,
that is the target that we put on the thing is if I can stop this, if I can do that.
(15:25):
And so first I always say, you got to attach it to something.
It has to be a pattern before it can become a habit, it before you can be disciplined in it.
So what's the pattern that you're going to attach that thing to?
If you want to get up earlier, then you got to adjust only by just time in 10 minute increments.
(15:48):
Don't try to adjust it really hard, really high.
And then what's the first thing that you're going to do when you,
that first thing has got to be something that you want to do.
If that first thing The thing is, I'm going to trudge upstairs and wake my kids
up. It ain't going to work.
I'm going to tell you, you're going to be late for that because theoretically,
you really don't want to wake them up.
(16:08):
So just the words tell me you're not really interested in doing that.
That's not something that interests you. Now, if you had said the first thing
I want to do is walk to my coffee and turn it on and then go wake the kids up.
Oh, you're probably more likely to do that because that's what you want.
Or the first thing I want to do is make my smoothie.
(16:28):
Or the first thing I'm going to do is sit on the floor in my closet for five
minutes because it's quiet in my house.
It's got to be attached to something that you like. And what I often say that
people don't like is your kids, if you have any, your partner,
if you have one, they can't be your wife.
(16:49):
Because some days you just not going to like them people. It's just some days
you just not going to like them. Most days. Most.
I've got two little girls, 10 and 13 or 11 and 13. And it's it's a struggle
sometimes. But I love what you're saying.
Everybody hears these things and these changes and they think it has to be something
(17:09):
monumental and all drama and big time.
And it can just be a little, go sit in the closet for five minutes and take
a deep breath and get your shit together before you go and attack the day.
And that little adjustment can be huge.
I mean, I work out every day. That's my little thing that I do for me.
And it's a non-negotiable.
Stacy, she's got her routine as well. And I do think that a lot of us women,
(17:32):
because we're so busy doing everything for everybody else, a lot of times we
don't save that little space for us. And it could be 20 minutes.
That's it. It goes to immediately. Our mind goes to others.
Right. What's the first thing I can do is for others. And sometimes our mind
goes there is because we think if I just get that out of the way.
(17:53):
But that's the lie that we tell ourselves, getting them out of the way.
I would just say, let me get out of the way.
Let me have me before I have anybody else.
And when you talk about kids, I have three boys, 19, 17, and 11. Wow.
I don't like them most of the time. Teenagers, it's just like...
(18:18):
I, it's a whole nother episode about living.
I mean, Stacy's on the other side. She's, she's got them in college and out
of the house, but it's, I mean, it's a, it's a whole nother level of you that
you didn't even know existed or that you even knew that you signed up for going through.
Let me, let me be clear. They're not out of the house yet. And also I think
I've discovered my biggest problem is I don't have a closet big enough to sit in.
(18:41):
So in this house that I'm currently in, that's an issue for me.
And that's going to be a takeaway for me.
Perhaps I need to clean one out and make space for a mat. Yeah, maybe.
You know what I do want to talk about, though, too, is you...
Okay, let's say it for what it is.
(19:05):
Sunday evenings are awful because sometimes... I know for me,
I get very overwhelmed with It's like, shit, it's Monday.
It's Monday. It's starting over again. Like it never ends, right?
But you actually created this whole event around Sunday planning to really inspire
people to get them on track, to give them that discipline, accountability.
(19:30):
We're going to use that word again.
Where'd you come up with that? And how does that work for people?
Because I was like you thinking, here we go. Here it starts again. And another Monday.
So, it started years ago. I just told you. 1917 and 11.
So, when, and I call the 1917 era the big. So, when the big...
(19:55):
That is when me and their father divorced because we were so smart. And so we divorced.
And I, because I was young, I really thought that relationship lasts forever.
Like, you don't know me, but if you knew me, then you would be like, you did.
You could have asked us.
(20:17):
That's what you thought. So every, and I stopped, just recently,
I said it live speak. And after one of my girlfriends came up to me,
she said, you got to stop saying that because we all knew that that wasn't,
we all knew that wasn't going to work.
But I was devastated by that divorce.
I really, you know, I grew up in the South.
(20:39):
And so in the South, you get married and you have kids and you get the house
with the fence and the dog and that's what you do.
And so that's what I did. I followed the blueprint. And I don't know what happened.
And so I was devastated by that. So every Monday was a thing for me because
it was like, oh, am I doing this with little kids?
I never wanted to be a single mother. How am I here?
(21:02):
And so I started then on Sunday doing five things. I would look at the calendar
and see what I had because I may need help.
And so much better to ask for help on a Sunday than on a day when the kids are
at the school and somebody picked them up. It's so much better.
(21:25):
So that's why I would look at what I had for work.
And then I started writing down what we would eat because now I need a budget
a different way. And I should shop a strict list because I'm a one-person household.
And even though he's great, he is not paying me no money.
(21:48):
And so I needed to be strategic in that.
And then I had a hard time getting up because of the depression.
And so I would lay out our clothes for the week to help me to have to just go
here, get clothes. and then teach them, this is going to be here.
Pick it up and put it on and help me.
(22:11):
And so I started doing that every Sunday and I would just write it out because I'm a planner person.
And so I would just write it out and get it done. And I did it every Sunday and it helped me so much.
Out of the home that I was in, it helped me to not be coming home from work
going, I didn't take the chicken out. I guess y'all are going to eat McDonald's again.
(22:34):
Helped me to not stand in my closet and cry about, I must be fat because that's
why he cheated an abundance of times. And that's why we're here.
It just helped me to not go through all of those different cycles that we can
go through when we feel a way.
And fast forward to me talking about it once the internet became a thing and
(22:57):
doing it every Sunday on the internet all those years. And then I said, other people like this.
And I told you, I like business. So then I just started making stationery for
it, a calendar, a journal, and it became a thing. But that's how I started.
That's a unique tool because it is so overwhelming to manage life.
(23:21):
I've got a husband, but he's a husband. He's not super helpful in a lot of ways
all the time. And there is so many different things to manage just as like a
woman and a career woman and just a person in general.
And so, again, going back to these small little tweaks that we can do can really
make such a big difference in our day to day routine.
And I love here you go again. And I'm this is kind of your theme is taking a
(23:45):
place that you're at that's not great and shifting it around to be something
great and then sharing it with the world.
I mean, that is, I have on my phone, it says, taking your magic out of the bottle.
It's a little thing I wrote. And I don't know what that is for me,
maybe a book, maybe something else.
But what you're talking about is taking your magic out of the bottle and presenting
it to the world to help other people. I mean, it's truly inspiring. I'm into it.
(24:09):
There's that word again, magic. I just never even thought of it.
I mean, Stacey, thanks for starting us off right. It's a dramatic sort of day.
I didn't even think about that. But I will say this, I say this everywhere I
go, it just automatically will come up at a time.
And here it is, it's coming up at this time.
I do that because what I believe is this is the only life we get.
(24:35):
This isn't a dress rehearsal for you to become Rachel, you know,
in the next life and get to do over. We don't get that.
And so because we don't get that, we got to make the most of whatever hand we're
dealt. and we're not always going to be dealt the right hand.
Some of self-inflicted, I've said an abundance of times, I was not smart in
(24:58):
my 20s. I did not blame anyone else.
And so I did. And then some things just happened to me either way. Here's what I'm saying.
I got to try. I got to try again the next day. I got to try to be better. I got to write.
If I don't, then I'm wasting time and space doing what? Just living? What?
(25:24):
That's no fun. Well, I think too. When they say you can't control what happens
to you, but you can't control how you react to what happens to you.
But I don't think you were not smart in your 20s. I mean, you were doing what
everybody, we're supposed to do. We're supposed to figure out who the hell we are.
We're supposed to have these stupid experiences that we look back and go, God, I did that.
(25:45):
I had that job. I hung out with those people, you know?
I have moments that I'm surprised I am still living through my 20s.
Like there were times where I probably like I, it should, they should have just called it right there.
Like, but here I am still here.
I don't know how old y'all are, but listen, we lived in a time where we rode
(26:09):
on the back of trucks. We had parties in the woods.
I mean, we went to, we, our parents took us to places and dropped us off. No phones, no.
You weren't in the pickup spot at the time you were supposed to be picked up.
You may not get picked up.
We're all about the same age. I mean, it was streetlights on.
(26:29):
If you're going to get picked up.
Yeah. I mean, maybe not. I don't know. I was just having a discussion with a
girlfriend today about how when I was like nine or 10, I was babysitting infants
and in charge of another life.
And I'm barely able. I'm like, should I leave my youngest at home for an hour?
Like, these are the things. It's such a different time. But again, like...
(26:52):
We had the babysitter's club in fifth grade. Yes! Really keeping other people's
children in trust with them.
No, it's just it's incredible. But I do think going back to the story and the
journey of women and how we become the women that we are is really about,
you know, what the what our show is about is sharing the stories of women like
yourself that have gone through hills and valleys and really come out on the other side.
(27:16):
And, you know, you're not supposed to wake up and have it all figured out.
You're supposed to go through these journeys. And we're all still figuring shit
out. I mean, that's the beautiful part about life, but we do only have one life
and it's important to live it to the fullest extent that you possibly can.
And some days are better than others.
Yeah. You won't be able to live it to the fullest every day.
You're not going to be able to eat queso and drink margs every day. No, you're not.
(27:42):
It's not possible. Okay. That's that's takeaway number two.
But on the days that you can, you better. Right. You better do it well too,
like a champion that you were supposed to be.
Ritha, we can't say thank you enough. You have shared a lot of you and all of you.
(28:03):
And I'm so sure that so many other women out there can hear your story and connect
with you on so many different levels.
I mean, what an inspiration. We will post your website, how people can follow
you on all the socials on our show notes.
And we hope that everybody is out there this week being inspired.
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