Are you struggling with a child diagnosed with ODD, DMDD, or other behavioral or mood disorder? In this episode, Bonnie and Thomas Liotta reveal why doing too much for your kids might be stealing their zest for life. Drawing from Napoleon Hill's "Law of Success" (1928), they explain how struggle develops essential qualities in children and why an "easy life" can become a greater handicap than most kids can survive. Learn the science behind creating win-win environments where both parent and child thrive, and discover why the formula of positive child goals plus proactive parent plans equals cooperation, happiness, and family harmony. Plus, hear a real-life example of how this works with their two-year-old granddaughter, Harlie-Faith. If you're ready for a new, empowering parenting journey with cooperative kids. Click Here
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(00:00):
Napoleon Hill,
Law of Success,
1928.
Parents want to give their kids an easy life.
Poor,
foolish creatures.
Why?
An easy life can often become a greater handicap than the human
being can even survive.
Get over here,
because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
(00:23):
Mom or dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
Record,
record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kid podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:47):
Welcome to the Learn to Speak Kid podcast.
We are Bonnie and Thomas Liotta.
Yes,
and we help parents transform the most defiant child behavior
without mind-altering medication,
years of therapy,
or harsh punishment because we don't control children.
We focus on teaching them life skills,
(01:08):
and today we're gonna be talking about creating a win-win environment,
one where you win and one where they win.
But let me give you an example first.
Have you ever seen a plant?
Leaves are turning yellow,
falling to the floor,
and you're like,
it's dying.
Do we blame and label the plant and go,
there must be something wrong with it and toss it out with the bath water?
(01:30):
Or do we look up a book,
find some information on how to protect this plant,
how to bring it back to life?
Oh,
maybe I over-watered it; maybe I gave it a little too much sunlight.
So let me water it less and move it to a different spot and lo and behold,
it becomes a beautiful,
(01:50):
green,
flourishing plant.
That is creating the right environment.
And when we do it with our children,
we go from defiance,
chaos,
lying,
sneaking,
cheating,
stealing,
to harmony,
cooperation,
a new zest for life,
happiness,
(02:11):
working together as a team,
like a fine-tuned Swiss watch.
And before I pass it over to Thomas,
who brought me the answers after working with thousands and
thousands of the most defiant kids in the state of Washington,
I was a way overcompensator for my kids.
They all had their own cell phones,
Nintendo DSs,
(02:31):
karaoke machines.
I worked really hard to become super successful so I could buy a
house where they could each have their own fully decorated bedrooms
with Toys R Us in each room.
So yes,
it backfired.
Yes,
I was handicapping them,
but I didn't know it.
So Tom,
what happens when we do too much for kids?
(02:54):
Well,
we rob them of their zest for life,
almost the main reason of why they're actually here.
You see,
when birds do this,
they never leave the nest.
We like to look at this as an overcompensating parent.
Now I'm gonna pre-frame Maybe you had a rough life; I get that,
so you don't want them to go through what you did,
(03:15):
completely validated.
But when you do too much,
then they never really have a chance to do on their own.
So let me ask you this question (03:24):
if I cease to exist,
which means you're no longer in their life,
how well would my little genius offspring be able to do all by themselves?
And if they're not able to do the three rights,
which are food,
clothing,
shelter,
to duplicate that,
well,
on their best day,
they're gonna be a snack in the real world.
(03:44):
So what happens when you do everything for them?
They never step up to the plate.
And without you,
they can never get something done all by themselves.
Yeah,
there's a story in this book,
actually,
The Law of Success,
about a prince who was born with a lot of money.
He was actually the richest kid on the planet,
(04:05):
and so he had maids and chauffeurs,
and he didn't dress himself,
he didn't cook for himself,
he didn't do anything for himself.
And then when he was about 10 years old,
I don't know,
the maids were busy doing something.
He saw a window,
he was in the backyard,
and he just saw he was all alone,
and he did the one thing he'd wanted to do his entire life.
He ran out the gate and onto the street,
(04:27):
and he was hit by a car and killed And I tell you this because we're
in a society of no child left behind.
We're in a society where parents are made to feel like you need to buy everything,
do everything,
be everything,
have everything.
We've been competing with the Joneses in our parenting world since about the mid-1950s.
(04:50):
So is that your fault?
No.
Is it anybody's fault?
Nobody's fault.
It's just the way of the world.
And today we are creating awareness that when you do things for your
kids that they should be doing and can do on their own,
you steal their zest for life; you steal their desire; you steal their confidence.
(05:11):
You steal the fluid that should be developing their brains of
strength and resilience and energy.
And what happens,
Tom,
when you help a chick out of an egg?
Well,
if you do that,
they won't be able to feed on their own; they'll die.
Yeah.
(05:31):
And so what happens when you remove all the struggle?
Well,
they won't be able to really fly.
And what I mean by this is,
let's look at a real true life example.
If you help a butterfly out of the cocoon,
they'll never be able to fly on their own because,
see,
the way the struggle is developing them,
(05:52):
it's the I can't to I can developmental stage.
And so,
it's that struggling,
the wiggling,
that the caterpillar gets to push all the fluids into those little
tiny capillaries of those beautiful,
amazing,
dynamically colorful wings that allow them to fly as independent.
So,
if you have a plan that your child never leaves the house,
(06:15):
by all means,
remove all the struggles and you'll win.
But if the goal is that they're going to leave,
I want to be able to do what I did because you left your house,
didn't you,
mom?
Yeah,
me too.
Then,
please put the struggles back in place at an age-appropriate life
skills box like zero to two,
(06:36):
two to four,
five to eight,
nine to twelve,
thirteen to seventeen.
And when you can take the disorder and put things in the correct order,
like the alphabet,
do you know anybody that talks the alphabet?
Or do they sing,
Bonnie?
Most people will sing the alphabet.
That's exactly what our kids are looking to do,
(06:58):
right?
Sing a song,
right?
Look what I can do.
Yes,
there's something going on in the world of parenting right now,
which is all about dysregulation and emotional regulation.
That if your child is having a meltdown,
that you should sit beside them,
(07:20):
hug them,
and validate their emotion.
Don't teach them any life skill,
don't validate the reason they're crying in the first place,
but we need to be their emotional regulator.
The problem with this is the minute you send your kid off to
kindergarten and they don't get their own way in the classroom and
they cry; the teacher doesn't have time to come over and coddle all
(07:42):
20 kids in the kindergarten class.
And so,
this is where we start seeing behavior disorders.
And we know because we talk to hundreds of parents all the time (07:49):
well,
when did the behavior start?
Well,
it started when my kid went to school,
like almost every single time without exception when the kid started school.
And if it's before then,
mom,
dad,
think,
did I learn to teach my toddler?
(08:10):
No,
we don't do that with some sort of authoritative control,
rather than let them live their life.
So here's an example (08:18):
we had our nephew come,
and I'm like,
wow,
Darian,
look how nicely your bag's packed.
Do you remember that,
Tom?
I sure do,
share his demeanor when he shared the truth of that.
Yeah,
slumped over,
no posture.
I didn't do it.
Mom packed it.
(08:38):
Yes.
So,
let me just share this out of the Napoleon Hill book,
word for word (08:44):
now,
if you don't know Napoleon Hill,
you should.
Napoleon Hill wrote Think and Grow Rich,
The Laws of Success,
Outwitting the Devil,
and his job was to go and interview all of the most wealthiest
people on the planet back at that time.
So he interviewed Edison and Henry Ford and on and on.
(09:05):
But he says this,
and this was after he admits that his job at the time was to deliver
a hundred dollar check to these college boys just because dad had money,
and he was all jealous that,
why couldn't I have somebody give me money?
Life would be so much easier.
But he realized this.
He says,
far from being a disadvantage,
(09:26):
struggle is a decided advantage because it develops those qualities
that would forever lie dormant without it.
Many a man has found his place in the world because of having been
forced to struggle for existence early in life.
Lack of knowledge of the advantages accruing from struggle has
prompted many a parent to say,
(09:46):
I had to work hard when I was young,
but I shall see to it that my children have an easy time.
Poor,
foolish creatures.
An easy time usually turns out to be a greater handicap than the
average young man or woman can survive.
There are worse things in the world than being forced to work in
early life; forced idleness is far worse than forced labor.
(10:11):
Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you
temperance and self-control and strength of will and content,
and a hundred other virtues that the idol will never know.
So when we,
the parents,
do everything for our kids and our kids are forced to live in idleness,
(10:35):
we are crippling them and then we're blaming them,
and then we're labeling them and medicating them,
and sometimes sending them off to some sort of therapeutic school or
treatment center or foster home because we parented them wrong.
(10:55):
And then wonder why they can't kick,
punch their way out of a wet paper bag to save their life.
Correct,
everything's working perfectly.
Right,
so what are they actually learning when the parents are correcting in the moment and getting angry and using punishment and discipline to raise their kids?
Nothing.
Well,
right,
they're not learning how to live life,
(11:17):
but they're learning by watching the parents.
They're learning how to handle stress.
They're learning whether the parent gets angry every time something
doesn't go their way.
They're learning that they don't have to do anything.
They're learning that their life doesn't mean anything.
They're learning that if they want anything,
(11:37):
they have to go through their parent.
That's true.
Don't put anybody in front of me,
comes to mind.
You see,
when you clean up a mess they make,
you clean it up; they're learning that you're their maid.
That's what they're learning.
So when we just had Thanksgiving here,
just a few weeks back,
(11:59):
and it was all hands on deck in the kitchen,
including little Harley Faith.
Yeah,
guess who made sure that she grabbed the dustpan when the broom was actually grabbed?
She would not give that sucker up.
I do,
I do,
yes.
Now what other two-year-old know that,
(12:21):
you know,
other than a Creating Champions for Life trained one,
that is like,
I want to play and look what I can do?
Well,
when the toddlers are going,
I do,
and this,
please don't be offended by this; this is just about awareness.
If you are willing to look in the mirror and accept responsibility,
you're going to love this because the awareness is how annoying it
(12:46):
is when a toddler wants to put on their own shoes,
because then it might take 10 to 15 minutes to get out of the door instead of two,
or when they want to buckle themselves in their seat or anything
that they want to do on their own.
Of course,
it's easier for you to just do it as mom,
but it's like,
are we more concerned about getting to our appointment on time,
(13:10):
or are we more concerned with the mental health of our child?
And this is a question that we must ask and answer for ourselves
moving forward after listening to this episode.
How do you create a win-win environment,
Tom?
When you create a win-win,
the child is running on what is called goal power.
This is something that they want.
(13:30):
You know that you need to transfer a life skill,
like where do your socks sleep or where should they go to be clean?
And when you can put these two together,
it's as simple as this (13:41):
when you come time for dinner,
I want to eat.
That's the goal.
What's the life skill?
Wash your,
and you guessed it,
hands.
And so,
when you take things back into the original sequence,
goal,
plan,
take action,
perseverance,
they have a goal,
(14:02):
you have a life skill to transfer.
And when you put those two together in the right order,
you wait for them to get hungry,
and you demonstrate.
I wash my hands,
that's why I'm sitting.
What do I do before I can sit?
And they played monkey see,
monkey do; they can follow the leader and they can also follow
(14:23):
directions when verbally told,
called Simon Says.
We take action on it.
We know that when you learn anything at first,
you're just doing something which is,
oh my gosh,
I got it done.
Repetitions,
that second law; they'll get quicker,
better,
and faster with time.
And if you can have that patience,
(14:43):
that's how you create a win-win.
And it's almost exactly like watching a zipper.
The two halves come together and it's like click,
click,
click,
click,
click,
where mother and daughter and father or son are working together as one.
I love that so much.
And so I want to close with this.
If there were only two emotions,
(15:05):
one was good,
one was bad,
one was positive,
one was negative,
we're going to put negative (15:10):
chaos,
arguing,
meltdowns,
sibling rivalry,
power struggles,
kicked out of school,
jail; all of that belongs on the negative side.
The positive side would be love,
joy,
peace,
prosperity,
happiness,
like all of the positive things.
And the formula that we're operating with right now in 2025
(15:33):
parenting is the child,
the ignorant child,
takes an action.
The parent then reacts annoyed or with anger,
with some sort of punishment or discipline.
So now you've got negative action plus negative reaction,
which is going to equal negative or positive every single time.
(15:55):
Absolutely,
so the formula Tom just shared is scientific in the law of cause and effect.
When you begin with the child having a goal,
so Harley Faith is two,
and the other on Sunday,
well,
she doesn't like leaving grandma and grandpa,
so she usually cries when she has to go to mom's car.
But on Sunday morning,
(16:16):
she was here and she said,
I want a necklace,
so that's a child's goal.
Our plan for her was that she get into mom's car happily and by
herself do her own seatbelt,
okay?
So we held on to the necklace until after church.
Then we showed her the necklace that she asked for in the morning and
(16:37):
she reached for the necklace,
and all we had to do was say,
once you're buckled in the car happily,
you can have this necklace.
So she had a goal.
Parent had a parent-approved plan.
Harley took action,
got into the car seat happily and let us put the necklace around her,
and we had a happy moment.
(16:58):
It was just absolutely beautiful,
all right?
So we turn the battery around; negative plus negative equals negative,
positive child's goal,
inner desire plus parents' proactive plan,
positive is going to have you get positive results,
happiness,
more love,
more respect,
more togetherness,
(17:20):
more fun,
more enjoyment out of life,
and yes,
positive parenting.
Well,
let me X that; proactive parenting creates positive every single time.
Was there something you wanted to say to wrap up the call,
Tom?
Yes,
I do,
Bonnie; and what a beautiful example of what you just shared.
(17:41):
We'll finish with this; I'm going to share principle number three,
which is creating the right environment.
Every child is a joy to be around when the correct environment is created; absolutely,
that is the truth.
Now,
the Bible says you will know the truth when you hear it,
and the truth will set you free.
(18:03):
If you liked this episode,
make sure to let us know by sharing it,
sharing a comment,
clicking like,
subscribing to our podcast,
and till we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers everyone.
Bye for now.
Bye for now.
Hey mom,
are you seeking help with your child's challenging behavior?
(18:24):
Are you ready for cooperation and fun?
Millions of families are living in chaos and overwhelm,
and I promise there is a better way I'm Bonnie Leota,
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life,
where we help families transform defiant behavior into healthy,
happy,
cooperative kids.
Let us help you begin a new,
(18:44):
empowering,
and joyful parenting journey at learntospeakkid.
com,
so you can enjoy your children and have more fun as a mom.
Napoleon Hill,
Law of Success,
1928.
Parents want to give their kids an easy life.
Poor,
foolish creatures.
Why?
An easy life can often become a greater handicap than the human
being can even survive.
Get over here,
because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
(00:23):
Mom or dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
Record,
record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kid podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:47):
Welcome to the Learn to Speak Kid podcast.
We are Bonnie and Thomas Liotta.
Yes,
and we help parents transform the most defiant child behavior
without mind-altering medication,
years of therapy,
or harsh punishment because we don't control children.
We focus on teaching them life skills,
(01:08):
and today we're gonna be talking about creating a win-win environment,
one where you win and one where they win.
But let me give you an example first.
Have you ever seen a plant?
Leaves are turning yellow,
falling to the floor,
and you're like,
it's dying.
Do we blame and label the plant and go,
there must be something wrong with it and toss it out with the bath water?
(01:30):
Or do we look up a book,
find some information on how to protect this plant,
how to bring it back to life?
Oh,
maybe I over-watered it; maybe I gave it a little too much sunlight.
So let me water it less and move it to a different spot and lo and behold,
it becomes a beautiful,
(01:50):
green,
flourishing plant.
That is creating the right environment.
And when we do it with our children,
we go from defiance,
chaos,
lying,
sneaking,
cheating,
stealing,
to harmony,
cooperation,
a new zest for life,
happiness,
(02:11):
working together as a team,
like a fine-tuned Swiss watch.
And before I pass it over to Thomas,
who brought me the answers after working with thousands and
thousands of the most defiant kids in the state of Washington,
I was a way overcompensator for my kids.
They all had their own cell phones,
Nintendo DSs,
(02:31):
karaoke machines.
I worked really hard to become super successful so I could buy a
house where they could each have their own fully decorated bedrooms
with Toys R Us in each room.
So yes,
it backfired.
Yes,
I was handicapping them,
but I didn't know it.
So Tom,
what happens when we do too much for kids?
(02:54):
Well,
we rob them of their zest for life,
almost the main reason of why they're actually here.
You see,
when birds do this,
they never leave the nest.
We like to look at this as an overcompensating parent.
Now I'm gonna pre-frame Maybe you had a rough life; I get that,
so you don't want them to go through what you did,
(03:15):
completely validated.
But when you do too much,
then they never really have a chance to do on their own.
So let me ask you this question (03:24):
if I cease to exist,
which means you're no longer in their life,
how well would my little genius offspring be able to do all by themselves?
And if they're not able to do the three rights,
which are food,
clothing,
shelter,
to duplicate that,
well,
on their best day,
they're gonna be a snack in the real world.
(03:44):
So what happens when you do everything for them?
They never step up to the plate.
And without you,
they can never get something done all by themselves.
Yeah,
there's a story in this book,
actually,
The Law of Success,
about a prince who was born with a lot of money.
He was actually the richest kid on the planet,
(04:05):
and so he had maids and chauffeurs,
and he didn't dress himself,
he didn't cook for himself,
he didn't do anything for himself.
And then when he was about 10 years old,
I don't know,
the maids were busy doing something.
He saw a window,
he was in the backyard,
and he just saw he was all alone,
and he did the one thing he'd wanted to do his entire life.
He ran out the gate and onto the street,
(04:27):
and he was hit by a car and killed And I tell you this because we're
in a society of no child left behind.
We're in a society where parents are made to feel like you need to buy everything,
do everything,
be everything,
have everything.
We've been competing with the Joneses in our parenting world since about the mid-1950s.
(04:50):
So is that your fault?
No.
Is it anybody's fault?
Nobody's fault.
It's just the way of the world.
And today we are creating awareness that when you do things for your
kids that they should be doing and can do on their own,
you steal their zest for life; you steal their desire; you steal their confidence.
(05:11):
You steal the fluid that should be developing their brains of
strength and resilience and energy.
And what happens,
Tom,
when you help a chick out of an egg?
Well,
if you do that,
they won't be able to feed on their own; they'll die.
Yeah.
(05:31):
And so what happens when you remove all the struggle?
Well,
they won't be able to really fly.
And what I mean by this is,
let's look at a real true life example.
If you help a butterfly out of the cocoon,
they'll never be able to fly on their own because,
see,
the way the struggle is developing them,
(05:52):
it's the I can't to I can developmental stage.
And so,
it's that struggling,
the wiggling,
that the caterpillar gets to push all the fluids into those little
tiny capillaries of those beautiful,
amazing,
dynamically colorful wings that allow them to fly as independent.
So,
if you have a plan that your child never leaves the house,
(06:15):
by all means,
remove all the struggles and you'll win.
But if the goal is that they're going to leave,
I want to be able to do what I did because you left your house,
didn't you,
mom?
Yeah,
me too.
Then,
please put the struggles back in place at an age-appropriate life
skills box like zero to two,
(06:36):
two to four,
five to eight,
nine to twelve,
thirteen to seventeen.
And when you can take the disorder and put things in the correct order,
like the alphabet,
do you know anybody that talks the alphabet?
Or do they sing,
Bonnie?
Most people will sing the alphabet.
That's exactly what our kids are looking to do,
(06:58):
right?
Sing a song,
right?
Look what I can do.
Yes,
there's something going on in the world of parenting right now,
which is all about dysregulation and emotional regulation.
That if your child is having a meltdown,
that you should sit beside them,
(07:20):
hug them,
and validate their emotion.
Don't teach them any life skill,
don't validate the reason they're crying in the first place,
but we need to be their emotional regulator.
The problem with this is the minute you send your kid off to
kindergarten and they don't get their own way in the classroom and
they cry; the teacher doesn't have time to come over and coddle all
(07:42):
20 kids in the kindergarten class.
And so,
this is where we start seeing behavior disorders.
And we know because we talk to hundreds of parents all the time (07:49):
well,
when did the behavior start?
Well,
it started when my kid went to school,
like almost every single time without exception when the kid started school.
And if it's before then,
mom,
dad,
think,
did I learn to teach my toddler?
(08:10):
No,
we don't do that with some sort of authoritative control,
rather than let them live their life.
So here's an example (08:18):
we had our nephew come,
and I'm like,
wow,
Darian,
look how nicely your bag's packed.
Do you remember that,
Tom?
I sure do,
share his demeanor when he shared the truth of that.
Yeah,
slumped over,
no posture.
I didn't do it.
Mom packed it.
(08:38):
Yes.
So,
let me just share this out of the Napoleon Hill book,
word for word (08:44):
now,
if you don't know Napoleon Hill,
you should.
Napoleon Hill wrote Think and Grow Rich,
The Laws of Success,
Outwitting the Devil,
and his job was to go and interview all of the most wealthiest
people on the planet back at that time.
So he interviewed Edison and Henry Ford and on and on.
(09:05):
But he says this,
and this was after he admits that his job at the time was to deliver
a hundred dollar check to these college boys just because dad had money,
and he was all jealous that,
why couldn't I have somebody give me money?
Life would be so much easier.
But he realized this.
He says,
far from being a disadvantage,
(09:26):
struggle is a decided advantage because it develops those qualities
that would forever lie dormant without it.
Many a man has found his place in the world because of having been
forced to struggle for existence early in life.
Lack of knowledge of the advantages accruing from struggle has
prompted many a parent to say,
(09:46):
I had to work hard when I was young,
but I shall see to it that my children have an easy time.
Poor,
foolish creatures.
An easy time usually turns out to be a greater handicap than the
average young man or woman can survive.
There are worse things in the world than being forced to work in
early life; forced idleness is far worse than forced labor.
(10:11):
Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you
temperance and self-control and strength of will and content,
and a hundred other virtues that the idol will never know.
So when we,
the parents,
do everything for our kids and our kids are forced to live in idleness,
(10:35):
we are crippling them and then we're blaming them,
and then we're labeling them and medicating them,
and sometimes sending them off to some sort of therapeutic school or
treatment center or foster home because we parented them wrong.
(10:55):
And then wonder why they can't kick,
punch their way out of a wet paper bag to save their life.
Correct,
everything's working perfectly.
Right,
so what are they actually learning when the parents are correcting in the moment and getting angry and using punishment and discipline to raise their kids?
Nothing.
Well,
right,
they're not learning how to live life,
(11:17):
but they're learning by watching the parents.
They're learning how to handle stress.
They're learning whether the parent gets angry every time something
doesn't go their way.
They're learning that they don't have to do anything.
They're learning that their life doesn't mean anything.
They're learning that if they want anything,
(11:37):
they have to go through their parent.
That's true.
Don't put anybody in front of me,
comes to mind.
You see,
when you clean up a mess they make,
you clean it up; they're learning that you're their maid.
That's what they're learning.
So when we just had Thanksgiving here,
just a few weeks back,
(11:59):
and it was all hands on deck in the kitchen,
including little Harley Faith.
Yeah,
guess who made sure that she grabbed the dustpan when the broom was actually grabbed?
She would not give that sucker up.
I do,
I do,
yes.
Now what other two-year-old know that,
(12:21):
you know,
other than a Creating Champions for Life trained one,
that is like,
I want to play and look what I can do?
Well,
when the toddlers are going,
I do,
and this,
please don't be offended by this; this is just about awareness.
If you are willing to look in the mirror and accept responsibility,
you're going to love this because the awareness is how annoying it
(12:46):
is when a toddler wants to put on their own shoes,
because then it might take 10 to 15 minutes to get out of the door instead of two,
or when they want to buckle themselves in their seat or anything
that they want to do on their own.
Of course,
it's easier for you to just do it as mom,
but it's like,
are we more concerned about getting to our appointment on time,
(13:10):
or are we more concerned with the mental health of our child?
And this is a question that we must ask and answer for ourselves
moving forward after listening to this episode.
How do you create a win-win environment,
Tom?
When you create a win-win,
the child is running on what is called goal power.
This is something that they want.
(13:30):
You know that you need to transfer a life skill,
like where do your socks sleep or where should they go to be clean?
And when you can put these two together,
it's as simple as this (13:41):
when you come time for dinner,
I want to eat.
That's the goal.
What's the life skill?
Wash your,
and you guessed it,
hands.
And so,
when you take things back into the original sequence,
goal,
plan,
take action,
perseverance,
they have a goal,
(14:02):
you have a life skill to transfer.
And when you put those two together in the right order,
you wait for them to get hungry,
and you demonstrate.
I wash my hands,
that's why I'm sitting.
What do I do before I can sit?
And they played monkey see,
monkey do; they can follow the leader and they can also follow
(14:23):
directions when verbally told,
called Simon Says.
We take action on it.
We know that when you learn anything at first,
you're just doing something which is,
oh my gosh,
I got it done.
Repetitions,
that second law; they'll get quicker,
better,
and faster with time.
And if you can have that patience,
(14:43):
that's how you create a win-win.
And it's almost exactly like watching a zipper.
The two halves come together and it's like click,
click,
click,
click,
click,
where mother and daughter and father or son are working together as one.
I love that so much.
And so I want to close with this.
If there were only two emotions,
(15:05):
one was good,
one was bad,
one was positive,
one was negative,
we're going to put negative (15:10):
chaos,
arguing,
meltdowns,
sibling rivalry,
power struggles,
kicked out of school,
jail; all of that belongs on the negative side.
The positive side would be love,
joy,
peace,
prosperity,
happiness,
like all of the positive things.
And the formula that we're operating with right now in 2025
(15:33):
parenting is the child,
the ignorant child,
takes an action.
The parent then reacts annoyed or with anger,
with some sort of punishment or discipline.
So now you've got negative action plus negative reaction,
which is going to equal negative or positive every single time.
(15:55):
Absolutely,
so the formula Tom just shared is scientific in the law of cause and effect.
When you begin with the child having a goal,
so Harley Faith is two,
and the other on Sunday,
well,
she doesn't like leaving grandma and grandpa,
so she usually cries when she has to go to mom's car.
But on Sunday morning,
(16:16):
she was here and she said,
I want a necklace,
so that's a child's goal.
Our plan for her was that she get into mom's car happily and by
herself do her own seatbelt,
okay?
So we held on to the necklace until after church.
Then we showed her the necklace that she asked for in the morning and
(16:37):
she reached for the necklace,
and all we had to do was say,
once you're buckled in the car happily,
you can have this necklace.
So she had a goal.
Parent had a parent-approved plan.
Harley took action,
got into the car seat happily and let us put the necklace around her,
and we had a happy moment.
(16:58):
It was just absolutely beautiful,
all right?
So we turn the battery around; negative plus negative equals negative,
positive child's goal,
inner desire plus parents' proactive plan,
positive is going to have you get positive results,
happiness,
more love,
more respect,
more togetherness,
(17:20):
more fun,
more enjoyment out of life,
and yes,
positive parenting.
Well,
let me X that; proactive parenting creates positive every single time.
Was there something you wanted to say to wrap up the call,
Tom?
Yes,
I do,
Bonnie; and what a beautiful example of what you just shared.
(17:41):
We'll finish with this; I'm going to share principle number three,
which is creating the right environment.
Every child is a joy to be around when the correct environment is created; absolutely,
that is the truth.
Now,
the Bible says you will know the truth when you hear it,
and the truth will set you free.
(18:03):
If you liked this episode,
make sure to let us know by sharing it,
sharing a comment,
clicking like,
subscribing to our podcast,
and till we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers everyone.
Bye for now.
Bye for now.
Hey mom,
are you seeking help with your child's challenging behavior?
(18:24):
Are you ready for cooperation and fun?
Millions of families are living in chaos and overwhelm,
and I promise there is a better way I'm Bonnie Leota,
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life,
where we help families transform defiant behavior into healthy,
happy,
cooperative kids.
Let us help you begin a new,
(18:44):
empowering,
and joyful parenting journey at learntospeakkid.
com,
so you can enjoy your children and have more fun as a mom.
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